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Dealing With Your Ex Partner and Child Moving Away

By: Chris Nickson - Updated: 17 Oct 2020 | comments*Discuss
 
Separated Dads Ex-partner Child Moving

We all know that lives change. In a society that’s become more and more mobile, moving homes, moving cities and even countries, has become fairly commonplace. But if your kids live with your former partner and she has to move away, how do you deal with that?

The move could be work related, or perhaps because her new partner has a job somewhere else, at the other end of the country. What are the ramifications?

Within The UK

An awful lot is going to depend on the type of relationship you have with your ex. If it’s good, then when she moves you’ll be able to re-negotiate contact with your children. It might be that you don’t see them as often, but when you do it’s for a longer period.

If they’ve been spending a few nights a week with you, it can be especially bad, since you won’t have their presence regularly, which you’re used to. But your ex isn’t legally obliged to live near you.

If the relationship is bad, you might need to apply for a change in your Contact Order. This can be a gruelling procedure, not to mention expensive, since you’ll want to have a solicitor to represent you, although you may be able to come to an Agreement Through Mediation. You will still be expected to Pay Child Support as before.

Emotional Impact

Perhaps the biggest factor to deal with is the emotional impact. You should arrange plenty of phone contact with your children, daily if at all possible, so they still feel that you’re involved in their lives (and so you feel that way, too) and try to see them as often as possible. If you can arrange a trip to see them once a month, that’s good, but not economically viable for many people.

School holidays would be the best time to see them, when you might be able to have them for a week – or even several weeks in the summer, if you can negotiate this. Of course, wonderful as it sounds, the practicalities can be real obstacles; after all, you still have to work, and there’s only so much holiday time you can take each year. You need to try to find a balance that works for you.

Going Abroad

But what happens if your ex wants to Move Abroad with your kids? She might be a foreign national, for example, and want to move home, or she might have married someone from another country and be moving. What can you do in the situation where your kids are taken even farther away from you?

Essentially, you have two choices. You can either accept the fact and come to some agreement about when the children can spend time with you or you can fight the move in the courts. If you follow the first route and come to an agreement, have it in writing and legally validated. It should include the number of visits per year and their length. Also, make sure to include who is responsible for airfares, which can avoid tumultuous arguments later. If you’re paying child support, you should try to have a provision saying you don’t have to pay for the period the kids are living with you.

Should you choose to fight the move in court, you will be battling for custody of your kids. This is only going to work if you have parental responsibility for the children (that is, if you’re named as the father on the birth certificate or have a parental responsibility agreement). If not, it’s not worth the effort, because you won’t win.

Rather than the distress this will cause you, what you’ll need to show is how it will adversely affect the kids. If the proposed move is to a non English-speaking country, for example, and your children are in school and have grown up speaking English, you’ll want to cite that – especially if they are in their early teens. You’ll need to develop a valid argument, preferably several, and be well represented in court.

If your ex does move the kids overseas, you’ll feel the loss even more than if they’re just elsewhere in the UK. Use as many different methods of contact as you can to keep in touch with them, daily if possible. It’s not an ideal substitute, but it really is better than nothing at all.

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

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I have the exact same issue as a previous father. Geeps 25 May 20. What did you advise best in this situation?
Bowser - 12-Oct-20 @ 1:53 PM
My son now lives with me following a child protection order. The Judge has ruled that I must drive him to see his mother every weekend and take him home again the same day. It is a very long and costly journey yet despite objecting, all the effort and costs are on me as she doesn’t have a car. In the past I have given her money for driving lessons which she squandered on other things. Can a county court judge really impose this much authority over my free will and if so what rights do I have to appeal?
ST - 21-Sep-20 @ 10:25 PM
So I live in Gloucester, England and my partner is from Cardiff, Wales and I wish to relocate to Cardiff with my six year old son. I do not have a good relationship with my ex and I know when I tell him I’m moving he’ll get nasty and threaten all sorts. I just want to know where I stand and if my ex can stop the move? My ex lives in Forest of Dean which is practically right next to wales anyway so I’m not moving far at all. I wish to move to Cardiff for a fresh start, my partner has a career over there which he could not Pursue here in England and myself and my son would just have a better life over there than we would here in England.
Shan - 15-Sep-20 @ 9:10 AM
Hello can anyone give me some advice. I’ve been given access to my kids 1 day away by a court order from the judge. My ex as stopped me seeing them for no reason and I’ve gotta wright a letter to the judge by next week also gotta give my ex a copy buts she’s moved and left no contact number. I’m due back in court soon Kind regards
Mac - 4-Sep-20 @ 11:11 PM
My boy is 10 and has not seen his dad since he was 18 months old. Not my fault at all - he was taken off both of us and placed in care of my parents. With the order he was not allowed contact, just letterbox. Mum wrote letters but he wasn’t picking them up from social. So social told him to stop. I discharged the order and he is now in my care. During court proceedings the court had to send him the documents too (his address was available to court/police as he was on probation) I didn’t have his address and still don’t. He didn’t show up to the court dates. I’m now married and we are moving to Northern Ireland this December. My mum is now worried I’d have to tell him I’m moving, but we’ve had 0 contact since 2011 and I have no clue how to let him know anyway. Do I still need to try somehow??
Unsure - 13-Aug-20 @ 5:15 PM
Can my ex lift my children from me if I live in Scotland and she lives in Wales. ? The child lives with me the child is 12 and the other parent doesn’t drive what’s my legal stance on ex partner lifting child.
Mash75 - 17-Jun-20 @ 7:37 PM
I'm needing some advice really quickly. My ex is moving my kids away from our current home town, she is moving away to another town which is 1.5 hours away. I have no issue with her moving away as I think its the best thing for her to be honest. However if she goes she takes my 2 kids with her? currently for last 6 months I have been seeing my kids 1-2 nights a week. As this was what we agreed when we separated as it works around my work hours. I work weekends so me getting my kids during the week and every 2nd weekend is perfect for me. I have asked my ex what will contact look like for me if she was to move away? her reply is fri/sat/sun every second weekend. I have asked my work for every second Sat off to try and accommodate this but they have refused me. I have told my ex this but she has basically told me thats your choice. She has no care to how i see my kids?and no thoughts to the detriment of mine and my kids relationship. How can she be so selfish? Is court my only option?
geeps - 25-May-20 @ 5:30 PM
My ex and I separated after a drunken domestic dispute where I assaulted her. She moved back to parents about 40 minutes away and I was seeing our kids every other weekend. I since made the decision to move closer to my new partner, which puts me around 1.5hr away from where they now live. My issue is, she has now decided that it's too late for the children to be travelling on a Friday night and has instead say contact can take place from Saturday am instead. I usually pick the kids up on my way home from work and having to come back out on a Saturday is a real inconvenience. Can a contact order allow me to pick them up on a Friday night instead of a Saturday morning?
Carroll693 - 10-Mar-20 @ 6:47 AM
Re my partnershe went to oz for a holiday after we seperated this was 2005 she came back to scotland with s new partner,she got married to him esrly 2008 then emigrated to brisbane without my knowledge and my 3 children two of whom she refused to let me access the old est knows me but she has told them i am their uncle.but now this year 2020 she raised a court order in ozto be hesrd here in scotlandfor back maintenence she never told me where she was or address or contact number all these years one of the children is birth register is her maiden name not mine i really dont know who to speak to has anyone got any suggestions
Jk - 20-Feb-20 @ 12:23 AM
Morning all my ex wife has being cheating on me with a younger lad from work she works in a special needs school and they work together is there anything I can do about that.they started the affair in September I found out 1st of December and moved out now she is trying to move him in with my kids and is planning a holiday next month I dont want him near my kids she barely knows him her self is there anything I can do ???
Scotty - 20-Jan-20 @ 7:56 AM
This law sucks!!! I’m fed up and don’t know what to do. Ex was having an affair when I found out she left with my kids, he left his family. Then Ex accused me me of all the allegations under the sun! I got convicted of Dv and still not seen my kids!!! And she’s allowed to contact me we’re I’m not and she threatens me not to contact her family and friends or else she will do what she will! Big joke !!!
Nc - 16-Jan-20 @ 1:32 AM
hi I don't no if this is page I should be writing this on but I just don't no what to do my ex partner is moving near her boyfriend she not allowed to be with because he is a risk to my daughter. I'm just lost because the social worker allowed her to move even though this person lives 15min away what do I do can someone please advice me. the reason he not allowed near my ex and my daughter because he taken class A drugs with my ex while my daughter was in bed doing it on live on facebook. (if this is not allowed on here im sorry)
J - 26-Nov-19 @ 10:20 PM
@helpless.(DO NOT BUT ON THAT BAT MAN SUIT AND CLIMB THAT BUILDING ).because brother you can’t fly trust me .and if you think it’s going to help it won’t.
C.laurie - 9-Nov-19 @ 1:29 AM
@helpless.why don’t you drive ?.If you haven’t got a medical condition?.maybe get a license then you be able to drive to see your child to cut down the cost off travel.
C.laurie - 9-Nov-19 @ 1:02 AM
@helpless.(suck it up boy) do not( kill yourself) over some women or child .bro there are millions off us dads out there that don’t see our kids I am one off them I haven’t seen my daughter sence she was 5 .stuff your ex let her live with rich boyfriend .you got to look at like well he’s paying for your scrapes leftovers .and you get to see your child sat and Sunday so maybe get a solicitor to make visitation more concrete.
C.laurie - 9-Nov-19 @ 12:29 AM
Hi my ex wife bankrupted,accused me of beat her when we separated out of the blue after 8 years of marriage and now she is planning to move over 100 miles away with my daughter.I don't drive. I will only get to see her on Saturday and Sunday for half day before I have to go back to London and it will cost me a fortune a year on travel and lodging.How can it be possible that father have no rights!? Why can my ex blackmail me with my child and do with her what she wants ? But I'm barely allowed to see her every second weekend? And that's only when she feels like it? Why can't I as a parent be apart of my childs life. I have to so many times had to let her go screaming and crying to her mother.Its like ripping a limp off every time for 4 years now... How can I stop my 5 year old being taken away from me. My daughter hates skype. She doesn't like to Skype with anyone. What am I sup to do.... I'm begging please! I feel like killing myself some days.While she lives off her new boyfriend a rich life and I have to sit with her debt....
Helpless - 8-Nov-19 @ 10:51 PM
Hi my ex wife bankrupted,accused me of beat her when we separated out of the blue after 8 years of marriage and now she is planning to move over 100 miles away with my daughter.I don't drive. I will only get to see her on Saturday and Sunday for half day before I have to go back to London and it will cost me a fortune a year on travel and lodging.How can it be possible that father have no rights!? Why can my ex blackmail me with my child and do with her what she wants ? But I'm barely allowed to see her every second weekend? And that's only when she feels like it? Why can't I as a parent be apart of my childs life. I have to so many times had to let her go screaming and crying to her mother.Its like ripping a limp off every time for 4 years now... How can I stop my 5 year old being taken away from me. My daughter hates skype. She doesn't like to Skype with anyone. What am I sup to do.... I'm begging please! I feel like killing myself some days.While she lives off her new boyfriend a rich life and I have to sit with her debt....
Helpless - 8-Nov-19 @ 10:50 PM
The Law is an ass, and when it stop allowing women to take the piss the way they do, our world will be a better place. I haven’t seen my children for over 4 weeks and went round to see them, only to find they have moved. That’s great now what do I do now...
Omes law - 14-Aug-19 @ 12:50 PM
Can anyone help me? My ex wife is trying to move my daughter to another school, only a few miles apart, but my daughter is in her last year or so of primary school and is working towards her Sats next year. It has majorly upset my daughter and I have concerns over the effect it is having on her and her schooling, as at present she is excelling! I know mediation won’t work and I’m not shore what legally I can do?? Can anyone please help?? Thanks.
Shaun - 9-Jul-19 @ 2:57 PM
Can my x move away even if I have a court order saying I have my child every Wednesday and every weekend, plus my daughter wants to live with me and not hermother
Dean - 8-Jul-19 @ 7:56 PM
This is one of the worst articles I've ever read on this subject. You can do plenty if your ex-partner is wanting to move away. If your child is ised to regular weekday contact with you this is viewed as a high priority to maintain. Currently in the courts relocations within the UK are treated very similarly to international cases. SPEAK TO A LAWYER. And once you've done so representing yourself is definitely an option. This article should be removed!
Lyeates - 3-Jun-19 @ 6:50 AM
Husbands ex wife has moved my stepson (8) a 4.5 hour drive away, with the agreement of him coming down every other Saturday until Sunday evening (we used to have him every Friday & every other Saturday) and in the half terms. The agreement over phone/text was that she will bring him down every other weekend and in the half terms. She has been gone 6 weeks and he has only been down for 4 nights (during Easter half term) she has already gone back on the agreement, stating ‘I haven’t got any plans as of yet’, and throwing other arguments/money problems at him, even though they have nothing to do with him. We have 2 children, soon to be 3 living with us, so money is tight for a solicitor and hefty court fees, and I am unsure of where to go next?
El - 23-Apr-19 @ 6:00 PM
TE speak to supportgroup families need fathers.. They will be able to offer you decent advice.
Aw - 8-Apr-19 @ 10:21 PM
Hi there, I have a 7 year old daughter who lives with my ex wife. My ex has a partner with whom she has 2 other children under 3 years old. She has just informed me they wish to move to a new area 200 miles away to be close to her extended family, citing improved quality of life for my daughter, and support from her parents. After we separated nearly 5 years ago my ex moved from our shared home to a new town 70 miles away, without seeking my permission or telling me until the last minute. I bought a house the following year in the next town to where she lived specifically to be close to my daughter and to provide us with a stable home life on her visits and have had access in the form of one overnight stay with my daughter every second weekend since, and wereached a good equilibrium. My work does not allow me to move away from where I live, it is not portable, and buying a house in the new area does not seem feasible. This new proposed move will therefore severely impact the time my daughter can spend with me- either I will have to travel there and find lodging in a hotel or air bnb (financially prohibitive), or my daughter will have to perform a 200 mile round trip every other weekend to maintain current levels of contact. I have parental responsibility, please could you tell me what my rights are, and can I prevent the proposed move, and can she push it through via courts? Also, in anticipating that she will likely be allowed to move, can you give me any advice as to my rights about travel expenses and hotel/air bnb costs or my ability to demand my ex share travel time/cost with me? Can I deduct costs from child maintenance, or claim costs back? Pleased to hear, thank you!
TE - 4-Mar-19 @ 3:40 PM
Hi there, I have a 7 year old daughter who lives with my ex wife. My ex has a partner with whom she has 2 other children under 3 years old. She has just informed me they wish to move to a new area 200 miles away to be close to her extended family, citing improved quality of life for my daughter, and support from her parents. After we separated nearly 5 years ago my ex moved from our shared home to a new town 70 miles away, without seeking my permission or telling me until the last minute. I bought a house the following year in the next town to where she lived specifically to be close to my daughter and to provide us with a stable home life on her visits and have had access in the form of one overnight stay with my daughter every second weekend since, and wereached a good equilibrium. My work does not allow me to move away from where I live, it is not portable, and buying a house in the new area does not seem feasible. This new proposed move will therefore severely impact the time my daughter can spend with me- either I will have to travel there and find lodging in a hotel or air bnb (financially prohibitive), or my daughter will have to perform a 200 mile round trip every other weekend to maintain current levels of contact. I have parental responsibility, please could you tell me what my rights are, and can I prevent the proposed move, and can she push it through via courts? Also, in anticipating that she will likely be allowed to move, can you give me any advice as to my rights about travel expenses and hotel/air bnb costs or my ability to demand my ex share travel time/cost with me? Can I deduct costs from child maintenance, or claim costs back? Pleased to hear, thank you!
TE - 4-Mar-19 @ 3:18 PM
Hi there, I have a 7 year old daughter who lives with my ex wife. My ex has a partner with whom she has 2 other children under 3 years old. She has just informed me they wish to move to a new area 200 miles away to be close to her extended family, citing improved quality of life for my daughter, and support from her parents. After we separated nearly 5 years ago my ex moved from our shared home to a new town 70 miles away, without seeking my permission or telling me until the last minute. I bought a house the following year in the next town to where she lived specifically to be close to my daughter and to provide us with a stable home life on her visits and have had access in the form of one overnight stay with my daughter every second weekend since, and wereached a good equilibrium. My work does not allow me to move away from where I live, it is not portable, and buying a house in the new area does not seem feasible. This new proposed move will therefore severely impact the time my daughter can spend with me- either I will have to travel there and find lodging in a hotel or air bnb (financially prohibitive), or my daughter will have to perform a 200 mile round trip every other weekend to maintain current levels of contact. I have parental responsibility, please could you tell me what my rights are, and can I prevent the proposed move, and can she push it through via courts? Also, in anticipating that she will likely be allowed to move, can you give me any advice as to my rights about travel expenses and hotel/air bnb costs or my ability to demand my ex share travel time/cost with me? Can I deduct costs from child maintenance, or claim costs back? Pleased to hear, thank you!
TE - 4-Mar-19 @ 3:15 PM
Hi there, I have a 7 year old daughter who lives with my ex wife. My ex has a partner with whom she has 2 other children under 3 years old. She has just informed me they wish to move to a new area 200 miles away to be close to her extended family, citing improved quality of life for my daughter, and support from her parents. After we separated nearly 5 years ago my ex moved from our shared home to a new town 70 miles away, without seeking my permission or telling me until the last minute. I bought a house the following year in the next town to where she lived specifically to be close to my daughter and to provide us with a stable home life on her visits and have had access in the form of one overnight stay with my daughter every second weekend since, and wereached a good equilibrium. My work does not allow me to move away from where I live, it is not portable, and buying a house in the new area does not seem feasible. This new proposed move will therefore severely impact the time my daughter can spend with me- either I will have to travel there and find lodging in a hotel or air bnb (financially prohibitive), or my daughter will have to perform a 200 mile round trip every other weekend to maintain current levels of contact. I have parental responsibility, please could you tell me what my rights are, and can I prevent the proposed move, and can she push it through via courts? Also, in anticipating that she will likely be allowed to move, can you give me any advice as to my rights about travel expenses and hotel/air bnb costs or my ability to demand my ex share travel time/cost with me? Can I deduct costs from child maintenance, or claim costs back? Pleased to hear, thank you!
TE - 4-Mar-19 @ 11:58 AM
Hi there, I have a 7 year old daughter who lives with my ex wife. My ex has a partner with whom she has 2 other children under 3 years old. She has just informed me they wish to move to a new area 200 miles away to be close to her extended family, citing improved quality of life for my daughter, and support from her parents. After we separated nearly 5 years ago my ex moved from our shared home to a new town 70 miles away, without seeking my permission or telling me until the last minute. I bought a house the following year in the next town to where she lived specifically to be close to my daughter and to provide us with a stable home life on her visits and have had access in the form of one overnight stay with my daughter every second weekend since, and wereached a good equilibrium. My work does not allow me to move away from where I live, it is not portable, and buying a house in the new area does not seem feasible. This new proposed move will therefore severely impact the time my daughter can spend with me- either I will have to travel there and find lodging in a hotel or air bnb (financially prohibitive), or my daughter will have to perform a 200 mile round trip every other weekend to maintain current levels of contact. I have parental responsibility, please could you tell me what my rights are, and can I prevent the proposed move, and can she push it through via courts? Also, in anticipating that she will likely be allowed to move, can you give me any advice as to my rights about travel expenses and hotel/air bnb costs or my ability to demand my ex share travel time/cost with me? Can I deduct costs from child maintenance, or claim costs back? Pleased to hear, thank you!
TE - 4-Mar-19 @ 10:39 AM
Hi there, I have a 7 year old daughter who lives with my ex wife. My ex has a partner with whom she has 2 other children under 3 years old. She has just informed me they wish to move to a new area 200 miles away to be close to her extended family, citing improved quality of life for my daughter, and support from her parents. After we separated nearly 5 years ago my ex moved from our shared home to a new town 70 miles away, without seeking my permission or telling me until the last minute. I bought a house the following year in the next town to where she lived specifically to be close to my daughter and to provide us with a stable home life on her visits and have had access in the form of one overnight stay with my daughter every second weekend since, and wereached a good equilibrium. My work does not allow me to move away from where I live, it is not portable, and buying a house in the new area does not seem feasible. This new proposed move will therefore severely impact the time my daughter can spend with me- either I will have to travel there and find lodging in a hotel or air bnb (financially prohibitive), or my daughter will have to perform a 200 mile round trip every other weekend to maintain current levels of contact. I have parental responsibility, please could you tell me what my rights are, and can I prevent the proposed move, and can she push it through via courts? Also, in anticipating that she will likely be allowed to move, can you give me any advice as to my rights about travel expenses and hotel/air bnb costs or my ability to demand my ex share travel time/cost with me? Can I deduct costs from child maintenance, or claim costs back? Pleased to hear, thank you!
TE - 4-Mar-19 @ 10:06 AM
Hi my ex ran off with my 3 sons to Manchester from London. No contact for 2 years then out of blue we hve contact reconcile then because she can't be bothered to work behind my back moves a man into her house cutting all contact. Any advise pls
50 - 28-Feb-19 @ 3:56 PM
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