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Forum Rules and Code of Conduct

By: Clare Birtles - Updated: 28 Apr 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Forum Code Of Conduct Forum Rules

We hope that members will find support, advice, humour and friendly conversation here. To ensure that happens smoothly, we have created a brief code of conduct for members. It's not long and rambling, so please take time to read it, before posting.

Separated Dads Forum Code of Conduct

Language/Defamatory Remarks:

Do not post anything that could be construed as racist, homophobic, sexist, harassment, pornographic or abuse.

Anybody can read this forum, so please do not use sexually explicit language or swear words. Avoid using names in your posts (eg. those of spouses, professionals, ex partners, children etc); you may be putting them (and yourself) at risk by doing so.

Personal Attacks:

Do not make personal attacks on other forum members.

If another discussion member makes a personal/abusive remark directed at you, do not respond with a similar attack of your own. Contact the administrator or a moderator.

Links/Self Advertising:

Posts will be removed if we feel a link or comment has been posted as a means of self advertising, self promotion, or which we consider to be spam.

Only post links/urls which are on topic and of use to other forum members.

Discussion Topics:

Only post a thread once, under the appropriate forum topic. Duplicate threads will be removed. Please keep discussions on topic. If you want to talk about something that is not relevant to the current thread, create a new one.

Separated Dads Chat Room & Forum

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

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I have recently separated from my girlfriend and we have a 6 month old baby boy. She had moved out of the house 15 miles down the road. Because I work full time I obviously don t see him as often as I would like. I have him for 3 nights a week. On Wednesday night until Thursday morning and then Friday to Sunday one week and then Saturday to Monday the next week. Throughout the relationship she was very erratic and aggressive towards me to a point where it ended our relationship after an altercation. This happened on the 5th March and we have been separated since. I am currently paying her 70 in running costs for the car because I don't drive. This is towards petrol etc for her to bring the baby to me. I also pay her 50 towards the baby for food etc. She is still on mat leave and receives child benefits and God k ow's what's else but now behind my back she has contacted the child maintenance service to get more money out of me. I want to apply for joint custody but I really don't know where to start. They are saying I need to pay £41 a week because of my earnings. Can anyone offer any help and advice on where I stand or what I can do. I am completely New and lost.
Toe - 28-Apr-17 @ 9:52 PM
LittleJD - Your Question:
Hi everyone,Currently still living with my partner and we have not been getting on for several Months. We have a 4 month old daughter that I feel is the main reason I am staying.I have wrote her a letter that I plan on handing to her tomorrow as I am the worlds worst talker in person, Even though I know I will sit down with Her after reading the letter. I Fell terrible for doing this behind her back and going there knowing I want to leave. I have spoke with many friends but would just like to know the most common things she is going to say to me in regards to access or finances.I currently live in her property and we don't really have any finances together so it is basically access to my daughter that I am really concerned about.Many Thanks in Advance

Our Response:
It is very difficult to anticipate how a person may react. In the best situations, both parents can agree access arrangements, please see link here. In the worst situation, access to your child may be refused by your ex and you may be forced to have to take the matter to court. Only you may know how your partner may deal with these issues and whether she is a rational or irrational sort of person. Once you separate, legally, you are responsible for supporting your child based upon your income, please see link here which will tell you how much you will have to pay. However, access is generally agreed through mutual negotiation so if you can work this out between you, then all other negotiations should fall into place. Reading all the pages in the 'emotional' and practical series of Separated Dads should also help you further.
SeparatedDads - 20-Apr-17 @ 2:31 PM
Hi everyone, Currently still living with my partner and we have not been getting on for several Months. We have a 4 month old daughter that I feel is the main reason I am staying. I have wrote her a letter that I plan on handing to her tomorrow as I am the worlds worst talker in person, Even though I know I will sit down with Her after reading the letter. I Fell terrible for doing this behind her back and going there knowing I want to leave. I have spoke with many friends but would just like to know the most common things she is going to say to me in regards to access or finances. I currently live in her property and we don't really have any finances together so it is basically access to my daughter that I am really concerned about. Many Thanks in Advance
LittleJD - 20-Apr-17 @ 11:43 AM
Luke1991 - Your Question:
Hi me and my ex split up a number of years ago my ex took my child away from me for over a year and refused contact for no given reason I fought for him the wholeTime ,she then asked me to care for our son as she couldn't cope I have now had him for a year and she is wanting him back but still wanting me to have him everyday I wrote a letter when I agreed to have him that I wouldLet her have him back not knowing that when he did come live in my care he confided in me to tell me her now partner had been violent towards him , I am needing advice as to where I stand and what my legal rights are I am currently applying to the courts but any advice would be grateful thank you

Our Response:
If you have parental responsibility and have looked after your child for over a year as the primary carer, you do not have to return your child. You have as much right as the mother to care for your son. You are doing the correct thing by applying to the courts for a residence order, please see linkhere.However, there is no guarantee whether this will rule in your favour, but the court does favour consistency and stability and if you have offered your son this, there is no reason why the courts should remove this. The court will always decide what it thinks is in the best interests of your child and stability and consistency is of upmost importance.
SeparatedDads - 18-Apr-17 @ 2:58 PM
Hi me and my ex split up a number of years ago my ex took my child away from me for over a year and refused contact for no given reason I fought for him the whole Time ,she then asked me to care for our son as she couldn't cope I have now had him for a year and she is wanting him back but still wanting me to have him everyday I wrote a letter when I agreed to have him that I would Let her have him back not knowing that when he did come live in my care he confided in me to tell me her now partner had been violent towards him , I am needing advice as to where I stand and what my legal rights are I am currently applying to the courts but any advice would be grateful thank you
Luke1991 - 16-Apr-17 @ 7:32 PM
Hello, I have two children from two different ex partners. I have an 8 year old daughter I have shared custody of 50/50 since 2015. The Child maintenance service state that no payments need paying to my ex partner of that child as I have shared care. I also have a 1 year old son. I do not see this child currently and therefore have to make payments to his mother. However, the child maintenance service do not take into account my daughter I have shared care for when calculating maintenance payments to my sons mother. I must pay her fully as if I do not have another child living with me. This is because I do not pay my daughters mother maintenance although it is them saying I do not need to pay her? Does this sound right?
Meikle - 12-Apr-17 @ 3:54 PM
dave75 - Your Question:
HI all I have recently split with my partner of ten yrs. She is demanding money from me to pay for the children. I am more than happy to pay for my 2 kids but as she smokes cannabis and spends her child benefit and her working tax credit to fund this I am not happy to give any money into her bank account as I will not know where that money is been spent, I have requested there birth certificates so I can set up a savings account for them if they need anything. She has refused me to have them. so my question is can I get copies of each one without her been there when I get them. Would love some advive thanks

Our Response:
As the father of your children, by law you are responsible for paying towards their financial upkeep, regardless of your ex's lifestyle or what she chooses to spend her money on. This means if you refuse to pay via a family-based child maintenance arrangement, then she will be eligible to apply via the CMS ( you can see how much you should be paying via the CMS calculator linkhere). You can order birth certificates via the gov.uk link here if you wish to set up a building society account. However, please also be aware that this would have to be in addition to any child maintenance you would have to pay (should your ex wish to take the CMS route), as the CMS will not accept this method as an alternative.
SeparatedDads - 5-Apr-17 @ 10:15 AM
HI all i have recently split with my partner of ten yrs. She is demanding money from me to pay for the children. I am more than happy to pay for my 2 kids but as she smokes cannabis and spends her child benefit and her working tax credit to fund this i am not happy to give any money into her bank account as i will not know where that money is been spent, I have requested there birth certificates so i can set up a savings account for them if they need anything. She has refused me to have them. so my question is can i get copies of each one without her been there when i get them. Would love some advive thanks
dave75 - 4-Apr-17 @ 11:11 AM
I have joint custordy of my boys , do i need to register tyem as living with me ?
gavboy - 1-Apr-17 @ 10:08 AM
Dilemma!- Your Question:
The situation:I have two children, 6yo boy and a 9yo girl who live with mum. We were never married. My name is on the birth certificate for both children.There is a contact order already in place and I pay regular child maintenanceThe problem:I am unsure if one (or both) of the children is mine and I am unsure of the consequences to the contact order and to the child maintenance payments. The dilemma:To test or not to test DNA?

Our Response:
I'm afraid we cannot advise you on this as this is a decision only you can make. You can see more about what it involves via the gov.uk link here.
SeparatedDads - 29-Mar-17 @ 2:42 PM
The situation: I have two children, 6yo boy and a 9yo girl who live with mum. We were never married. My name is on the birth certificate for both children. There is a contact order already in place and I pay regular child maintenance The problem: I am unsure if one (or both) of the children is mine and I am unsure of the consequences to the contact order and to the child maintenance payments. The dilemma: To test or not to test DNA?
Dilemma! - 29-Mar-17 @ 12:20 AM
I'm seperated since 2014. I'm 90 percent sure my ex wife has taken three children 7,4&3 to Pakistan without my conscent. I don't know she is going to stay with her mother in Pakistan for forever or is she bringing back children? What does law says to me? Like, What can I do? What should I do?
Kami - 28-Mar-17 @ 11:03 PM
alan - Your Question:
My wife and I have recently seperated. She plans to move over 400 miles away and take our 10 year old boy with her. Any adcive on how I can stop this happening please.

Our Response:
If you feel your ex may move without your consent (which she requires if you have parental responsibility), then you can apply for a Prohibited Steps Order through the courts. A PSO is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
SeparatedDads - 27-Mar-17 @ 2:47 PM
My wife and I have recently seperated.She plans to move over 400 miles away and take our 10 year old boy with her.Any adcive on how I can stop this happening please.
alan - 25-Mar-17 @ 7:32 PM
Hello I had a one night stand and recently found out I was a father though doing a dna test. The women I slept with has registered our child without informing me, she knew I was keen to be there so I could have PR and for our child to have my surname. Am now being told that the surname cant be changed without her consent and I will have to go court to get PR, is this true due to me paying CMS? and what can I do about the change of name as this is important to me. I f anyone can help I would be grateful
Just want to be a da - 25-Mar-17 @ 10:48 AM
Paul - Your Question:
I have 2 daughter's aged 12 and 17 and my ex is making it near impossible to see my children. My eldest I feel has been turned against me and I hardly see anymore, I only get the random message usually asking for stuff. My youngest wants to stay with me as much as possible and due to me being with a woman my ex does not like she makes it impossible for me to so. I live with my new partner and also live 60 miles away so I have no other option but have her stay with me. My ex keeps making excuses after excuse and I have to bend over backwards to accommodate but this is now no longer an option. My ex has a new bloke and she has introduced him to my daughter's without asking my opinion so it seems all one way.I have looked at the options available and it seems like unless you have loads of money to constantly take the mum to court to get an order (which keeps being broken)What can I do??????

Our Response:
If your ex is denying you access and you cannot afford legal fees, you can self litigate, please see link here. However, mediation should be attempted in the first instance in order to try to resolve any issues, please see link here. Mediation has to be explored before the courts will allow you to apply.
SeparatedDads - 21-Mar-17 @ 1:46 PM
I have 2 daughter's aged 12 and 17 and my ex is making it near impossible to see my children. My eldest i feel has been turned against me and i hardly see anymore, i only get the random message usually asking for stuff. My youngest wants to stay with me as much as possible and due to me being with a woman my ex does not like she makes it impossible for me to so. I live with my new partner and also live 60 miles away so i have no other option but have her stay with me. My ex keeps making excuses after excuse and i have to bend over backwards to accommodate but this is now no longer an option. My ex has a new bloke and she has introduced him to my daughter's without asking my opinion so it seems all one way. I have looked at the options available and it seems like unless you have loads of moneyto constantly take the mum to court to get an order (which keeps being broken) What can i do??????
Paul - 20-Mar-17 @ 8:32 PM
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