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Forum Rules and Code of Conduct

By: Clare Birtles - Updated: 18 Jun 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Forum Code Of Conduct Forum Rules

We hope that members will find support, advice, humour and friendly conversation here. To ensure that happens smoothly, we have created a brief code of conduct for members. It's not long and rambling, so please take time to read it, before posting.

Separated Dads Forum Code of Conduct

(1) Language/Defamatory Remarks

Do not post anything that could be construed as racist, homophobic, sexist, harassment, pornographic or abusive.

Anybody can read this forum, so please do not use sexually explicit language or swear words

(2) Personal Information

Please do not use names in your posts (e.g. those of spouses, professionals, ex partners, children etc); you may be putting other people and yourself at risk by doing so. If you have an ongoing court case or dispute, anything you say that identifies you or other the parties may also be prejudicial to the process and might influence your desired outcome. Our moderators will remove or edit posts deemed to identify a person or their children.

(3) Personal Attacks

Do not make personal attacks on other forum members.

If another discussion member makes a personal/abusive remark directed at you, do not respond with a similar attack of your own. Contact the administrator or a moderator.

(4) Links/Self Advertising

Posts will be removed if we feel a link or comment has been posted as a means of self advertising, self promotion, or which we consider to be spam.

Only post links/urls which are on topic and of use to other forum members.

(5) Discussion Topics

Only post a thread once, under the appropriate forum topic. Duplicate threads will be removed. Please keep discussions on topic. If you want to talk about something that is not relevant to the current thread, create a new one.

Separated Dads Chat Room & Forum

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

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Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice..
[Add a Comment]
Symo - Your Question:
Hi, I'm a divorced dad & I'd like to join the forum as am in need of some advice. I have two children with my ex wife, 9 and 4. I came home from working at sea to find my wife (now ex) was having an affair while pregnant with my boy, now 4 years old. The following divorce was awful and the lawyers made it ten times worse than it needed be. I have access, 2 night one week 3 the next. However I want to push for a court order giving me 3 nights per week and a week in the summer for holiday. I have my own 3 bed house and a decent job and recently won a case against the CMS for mismanagement. I'm just a genuine guy who wants more access to his kids and not have my access controlled to what she thinks is acceptable. Any advice gratefully received, many thanks

Our Response:
You can join the forum via this page. You don't say whether access was granted through the courts, or via mediation. If you have a mutual agreement, then you need to suggest mediation to your ex if she will not agree to your suggestions. However, court is always seen as the last resort as it can be a fraught and stressful experience. You may wish to seek professional legal advice in order to explore your options.
SeparatedDads - 19-Jun-17 @ 2:51 PM
Hi, I'm a divorced dad & I'd like to join the forum as am in need of some advice. I have two children with my ex wife, 9 and 4. I came home from working at sea to find my wife (now ex) was having an affair while pregnant with my boy, now 4 years old. The following divorce was awful and the lawyers made it ten times worse than it needed be. I have access, 2 night one week 3 the next. However I want to push for a court order giving me 3 nights per week and a week in the summer for holiday. I have my own 3 bed house and a decent job and recently won a case against the CMS for mismanagement. I'm just a genuine guy who wants more access to his kids and not have my access controlled to what she thinks is acceptable. Any advice gratefully received, many thanks
Symo - 18-Jun-17 @ 11:11 AM
Sipro4 - Your Question:
I would really like to join the forum as I am now officially a separated dad. It would help me I'm sure if I can chat to other people who have been in a similar situation as my own. Unfortunately I can't seem to register on the grounds that 'i may be a spammer. Can any admin help with this?

Our Response:
Yes, please contact admin via the forum and you will be helped to register.
SeparatedDads - 16-Jun-17 @ 3:14 PM
Paula - Your Question:
Can a mother refuse to let the father see his child even if he has been to court and the case went to Cathcase was granted assess saw his daughter twice now mother blatantly refusing more access my grandson has paid out over £2000 to see his daughter when he saw her she was asking to see her nannys grandad and baby brother who she has never seen I think this is emotional abuse as this little girl loves her dad please advise

Our Response:
Please see link: Breach of Contact or Residence Order: What to Do here which should help answer your question.
SeparatedDads - 12-Jun-17 @ 4:11 PM
Can a mother refuse to let the father see his child even if he has been to court and the case went to Cathcase was granted assess saw his daughter twice now mother blatantly refusing more access my grandson has paid out over £2000 to see his daughter when he saw her she was asking to see her nannys grandad and baby brother who she has never seen I think this is emotional abuse as this little girl loves her dad please advise
Paula - 9-Jun-17 @ 12:41 PM
I would really like to join the forum as I am now officially a separated dad. It would help me I'm sure if I can chat to other people who have been in a similar situation as my own. Unfortunately I can't seem to register on the grounds that 'i may be a spammer. Can any admin help with this?
Sipro4 - 2-Jun-17 @ 4:32 PM
ManInABlueSuit - Your Question:
Hi, im looking for some advice if anyone can offer any.Me and my ex partner have been separated for over 4 years, we have a 4 year old daughter and a 5 year old son who are not aloud to see my father or sister or meet my new partner who is pregnant with their half sibling. I tried mediation but after the MIAM it came to light that my ex had no intention of coming to any sort of compromise, it was her way and that was it, now I have submitted c100 paperwork in the hope a court can do something to help us. Has anyone got any advice who has been through a similar situation?

Our Response:
I will put your question to our Separated Dads Facebook page to see if any of our dads who have been through a similar situation can give you some good advice. Please refer here for your answers.
SeparatedDads - 30-May-17 @ 2:46 PM
Hi, im looking for some advice if anyone can offer any. Me and my ex partner have been separated for over 4 years, we have a 4 year old daughter and a 5 year old son who are not aloud to see my father or sister or meet my new partner who is pregnant with their half sibling. I tried mediation but after the MIAM it came to light that my ex had no intention of coming to any sort of compromise, it was her way and that was it, now I have submitted c100 paperwork in the hope a court can do something to help us. Has anyone got any advice who has been through a similar situation?
ManInABlueSuit - 28-May-17 @ 6:02 PM
Alex- Your Question:
Hi everyone, never realised how my ex wife could suddenly change after our divorce. We separated four months again we have two children 5 and 2, after we divorced she told me she had a work contract for 3 months in hong kong and she would take the children I stupidly accepted and now it looks like she might not even return. Any advise or suggestions, I have tried to be amicable to resolve this issue but she is not compromising, shes giving me access to the children but no mention of when she will return.

Our Response:
It's a tough situation if you have given your consent for her to move out of the country (even if it is for a short period of time). It makes it more difficult for you to try to get your children back, if your ex claims they are now settled. If you have an agreement in writing that she planned to return after three months this will help. However, you would really need to seek legal advice to explore what options you have.
SeparatedDads - 23-May-17 @ 12:38 PM
Hi everyone, never realised how my ex wife could suddenly change after our divorce. We separated four months again we have two children 5 and 2, after we divorced she told me she had a work contract for 3 months in hong kong and she would take the children I stupidly accepted and now it looks like she might not even return. Any advise or suggestions, I have tried to be amicable to resolve this issue but she is not compromising, shes giving me access to the children but no mention of when she will return..
Alex - 22-May-17 @ 5:06 PM
fergie - Your Question:
Hi please can somebody help me ? I cant afford legal help and I am hitting brick walls. Since meeting my current partner my ex partner has made it so difficult for me to see my children. She has dragged me to court on several different charges which where lies. On the last court appearance she told the judge that my ex was intimidating her on pick up (again more lies) to which the court ordered my partner not to join me on pick up, but since then I have had to answer to police and she accused me of hitting my son (age 3) in the back of the car ! I lost my contact until social services had investigated me and the police. Nothing was proven as it didn't happen so contact resumed. Problem is I have been taking my partner as a witness for the car journey home as I am afraid she will make more lies up and it is really hard to prove yourself without proof! She is in the opposite car park and does not entre the building with me but she has now stopped contact again ?? This is so frustrating. I feel this is a form of harassment through her jealously of my partner. Please can somebody tell me there is something I can do to stop her ending my time with my children, I really need help

Our Response:
If the court has ordered your partner not to accompany you on hand over, then you are in breach of the order and which has seemingly given your ex the ammunition she needs to stop contact. I can only advise you suggest mediation in order to try to resolve the issue out of court (it will be overseen by the court). If your ex refuses, then you will have to apply back to court and state the reason why you have breached the order.
SeparatedDads - 22-May-17 @ 3:03 PM
Hi please can somebody help me ? I cant afford legal help and I am hitting brick walls. Since meeting my current partner my ex partner has made it so difficult for me to see my children. She has dragged me to court on several different charges which where lies. On the last court appearance she told the judge that my ex was intimidating her on pick up (again more lies) to which the court ordered my partner not to join me on pick up, but since then I have had to answer to police and she accused me of hitting my son (age 3) in the back of the car ! I lost my contact until social services had investigated me and the police. Nothing was proven as it didn't happen so contact resumed. Problem is I have been taking my partner as a witness for the car journey home as I am afraid she will make more lies up and it is really hard to prove yourself without proof! She is in the opposite car park and does not entre the building with me but she has now stopped contact again ?? This is so frustrating. I feel this is a form of harassment through her jealously of my partner. Please can somebody tell me there is something I can do to stop her ending my time with my children, I really need help
fergie - 22-May-17 @ 12:53 PM
Shel - Your Question:
HI there folks,My son is in 6th form.At what age can I stop paying child maintenance please?Thank you.

Our Response:
Once his child benefit stops and when he has finished his studies up to A-Level equivalent.
SeparatedDads - 16-May-17 @ 2:28 PM
I am still married but spreated we have been for year and half. Ok here goes im wife/ex is an alcoholic my child doesn't like staying with mom can stays with me most days now she has starting beonging random men to the house for drinking sessions my child refuses to stay there but she will come and drag him back. The child wants to live with me i want full custody how do i go about doing this? No outside service have ever been involved ie social services or the police please i need help
Stressedout - 15-May-17 @ 3:06 PM
HI there folks, My son is in 6th form. At what age can i stop paying child maintenance please? Thank you.
Shel - 13-May-17 @ 12:40 PM
Clancy12 - Your Question:
Hi, not sure if anyone can give me some advice? I have a 3 week old little boy he's my first child, it's also my ex partners first. She will only let me see my son for one hour on a sunday evening,that's also the only time any of my family can see him. I don't think that's acceptable her whole family sit watching me for that hour which is very uncomfortable. I pay her money every Sunday without fail far more than she's entitled to.she also kept my name of the birth certificate. Don't get me wrong prior to my son arriving I did send her some horrible text messages as she would just totally ignore me leading up to his birth and I lost it a bit. It's never gone any further than that. I just don't know what I can do. Any advice would be much appreciated.

Our Response:
If your ex is refusing you access to your child, in the first instance you would have to suggest mediation to her in order to try to resolve these issues, please see link here. If your ex refuses to attend mediation, then court would be the next option. The court does want fathers to have relationships with their children and once/if a court order is put into place, your ex would have to keep to it.
SeparatedDads - 9-May-17 @ 12:17 PM
Hi, not sure if anyone can give me some advice? I have a 3 week old little boy he's my first child, it's also my ex partners first. She will only let me see my son for one hour on a sunday evening,that's also the only time any of my family can see him. I don't think that's acceptable her whole family sit watching me for that hour which is very uncomfortable. I pay her money every Sunday without fail far more than she's entitled to..she also kept my name of the birth certificate. Don't get me wrong prior to my son arriving i did send her some horrible text messages as she would just totally ignore me leading up to his birth and I lost it a bit. It's never gone any further than that.. I just don't know what i can do. Any advice would be much appreciated.
Clancy12 - 8-May-17 @ 5:59 PM
Hi, wondering if you can help, my partners daughter has moved 2 and half hours away, we had access twice A week whilst they were in our area and since they have left we have asked for an address or the school she is at and have been refused details we have asked when we are seeing her and they're not responding, we were promised access everyother weekend to stay over and they would bring her half way and now we are now being told she doesn't want to stay! (The child has told us previously her mom won't let her stay with us) we haven't been able to speak to her and ask if we can Skype on a daily basis and no response,just keep getting informed she doesn't like to speak on phone and Skype.we have a meeting with a family sols (cab) Wednesday but are being advised by friends as it's so far away we won't get access as it's not fair on her in a car for that amount of time she is 6, the mother stopped contact previously for 3 months and has promissed us time with her and then not answered her phone, when we get married we would like her to be bridesmaid but I know she will stop that too, any ideas from anyone would be great???
Manoman - 3-May-17 @ 9:29 PM
I have recently separated from my girlfriend and we have a 6 month old baby boy. She had moved out of the house 15 miles down the road. Because I work full time I obviously don t see him as often as I would like. I have him for 3 nights a week. On Wednesday night until Thursday morning and then Friday to Sunday one week and then Saturday to Monday the next week. Throughout the relationship she was very erratic and aggressive towards me to a point where it ended our relationship after an altercation. This happened on the 5th March and we have been separated since. I am currently paying her 70 in running costs for the car because I don't drive. This is towards petrol etc for her to bring the baby to me. I also pay her 50 towards the baby for food etc. She is still on mat leave and receives child benefits and God k ow's what's else but now behind my back she has contacted the child maintenance service to get more money out of me. I want to apply for joint custody but I really don't know where to start. They are saying I need to pay £41 a week because of my earnings. Can anyone offer any help and advice on where I stand or what I can do. I am completely New and lost.
Toe - 28-Apr-17 @ 9:52 PM
LittleJD - Your Question:
Hi everyone,Currently still living with my partner and we have not been getting on for several Months. We have a 4 month old daughter that I feel is the main reason I am staying.I have wrote her a letter that I plan on handing to her tomorrow as I am the worlds worst talker in person, Even though I know I will sit down with Her after reading the letter. I Fell terrible for doing this behind her back and going there knowing I want to leave. I have spoke with many friends but would just like to know the most common things she is going to say to me in regards to access or finances.I currently live in her property and we don't really have any finances together so it is basically access to my daughter that I am really concerned about.Many Thanks in Advance

Our Response:
It is very difficult to anticipate how a person may react. In the best situations, both parents can agree access arrangements, please see link here. In the worst situation, access to your child may be refused by your ex and you may be forced to have to take the matter to court. Only you may know how your partner may deal with these issues and whether she is a rational or irrational sort of person. Once you separate, legally, you are responsible for supporting your child based upon your income, please see link here which will tell you how much you will have to pay. However, access is generally agreed through mutual negotiation so if you can work this out between you, then all other negotiations should fall into place. Reading all the pages in the 'emotional' and practical series of Separated Dads should also help you further.
SeparatedDads - 20-Apr-17 @ 2:31 PM
Hi everyone, Currently still living with my partner and we have not been getting on for several Months. We have a 4 month old daughter that I feel is the main reason I am staying. I have wrote her a letter that I plan on handing to her tomorrow as I am the worlds worst talker in person, Even though I know I will sit down with Her after reading the letter. I Fell terrible for doing this behind her back and going there knowing I want to leave. I have spoke with many friends but would just like to know the most common things she is going to say to me in regards to access or finances. I currently live in her property and we don't really have any finances together so it is basically access to my daughter that I am really concerned about. Many Thanks in Advance
LittleJD - 20-Apr-17 @ 11:43 AM
Luke1991 - Your Question:
Hi me and my ex split up a number of years ago my ex took my child away from me for over a year and refused contact for no given reason I fought for him the wholeTime ,she then asked me to care for our son as she couldn't cope I have now had him for a year and she is wanting him back but still wanting me to have him everyday I wrote a letter when I agreed to have him that I wouldLet her have him back not knowing that when he did come live in my care he confided in me to tell me her now partner had been violent towards him , I am needing advice as to where I stand and what my legal rights are I am currently applying to the courts but any advice would be grateful thank you

Our Response:
If you have parental responsibility and have looked after your child for over a year as the primary carer, you do not have to return your child. You have as much right as the mother to care for your son. You are doing the correct thing by applying to the courts for a residence order, please see linkhere.However, there is no guarantee whether this will rule in your favour, but the court does favour consistency and stability and if you have offered your son this, there is no reason why the courts should remove this. The court will always decide what it thinks is in the best interests of your child and stability and consistency is of upmost importance.
SeparatedDads - 18-Apr-17 @ 2:58 PM
Hi me and my ex split up a number of years ago my ex took my child away from me for over a year and refused contact for no given reason I fought for him the whole Time ,she then asked me to care for our son as she couldn't cope I have now had him for a year and she is wanting him back but still wanting me to have him everyday I wrote a letter when I agreed to have him that I would Let her have him back not knowing that when he did come live in my care he confided in me to tell me her now partner had been violent towards him , I am needing advice as to where I stand and what my legal rights are I am currently applying to the courts but any advice would be grateful thank you
Luke1991 - 16-Apr-17 @ 7:32 PM
Hello, I have two children from two different ex partners. I have an 8 year old daughter I have shared custody of 50/50 since 2015. The Child maintenance service state that no payments need paying to my ex partner of that child as I have shared care. I also have a 1 year old son. I do not see this child currently and therefore have to make payments to his mother. However, the child maintenance service do not take into account my daughter I have shared care for when calculating maintenance payments to my sons mother. I must pay her fully as if I do not have another child living with me. This is because I do not pay my daughters mother maintenance although it is them saying I do not need to pay her? Does this sound right?
Meikle - 12-Apr-17 @ 3:54 PM
dave75 - Your Question:
HI all I have recently split with my partner of ten yrs. She is demanding money from me to pay for the children. I am more than happy to pay for my 2 kids but as she smokes cannabis and spends her child benefit and her working tax credit to fund this I am not happy to give any money into her bank account as I will not know where that money is been spent, I have requested there birth certificates so I can set up a savings account for them if they need anything. She has refused me to have them. so my question is can I get copies of each one without her been there when I get them. Would love some advive thanks

Our Response:
As the father of your children, by law you are responsible for paying towards their financial upkeep, regardless of your ex's lifestyle or what she chooses to spend her money on. This means if you refuse to pay via a family-based child maintenance arrangement, then she will be eligible to apply via the CMS ( you can see how much you should be paying via the CMS calculator linkhere). You can order birth certificates via the gov.uk link here if you wish to set up a building society account. However, please also be aware that this would have to be in addition to any child maintenance you would have to pay (should your ex wish to take the CMS route), as the CMS will not accept this method as an alternative.
SeparatedDads - 5-Apr-17 @ 10:15 AM
HI all i have recently split with my partner of ten yrs. She is demanding money from me to pay for the children. I am more than happy to pay for my 2 kids but as she smokes cannabis and spends her child benefit and her working tax credit to fund this i am not happy to give any money into her bank account as i will not know where that money is been spent, I have requested there birth certificates so i can set up a savings account for them if they need anything. She has refused me to have them. so my question is can i get copies of each one without her been there when i get them. Would love some advive thanks
dave75 - 4-Apr-17 @ 11:11 AM
I have joint custordy of my boys , do i need to register tyem as living with me ?
gavboy - 1-Apr-17 @ 10:08 AM
Dilemma!- Your Question:
The situation:I have two children, 6yo boy and a 9yo girl who live with mum. We were never married. My name is on the birth certificate for both children.There is a contact order already in place and I pay regular child maintenanceThe problem:I am unsure if one (or both) of the children is mine and I am unsure of the consequences to the contact order and to the child maintenance payments. The dilemma:To test or not to test DNA?

Our Response:
I'm afraid we cannot advise you on this as this is a decision only you can make. You can see more about what it involves via the gov.uk link here.
SeparatedDads - 29-Mar-17 @ 2:42 PM
The situation: I have two children, 6yo boy and a 9yo girl who live with mum. We were never married. My name is on the birth certificate for both children. There is a contact order already in place and I pay regular child maintenance The problem: I am unsure if one (or both) of the children is mine and I am unsure of the consequences to the contact order and to the child maintenance payments. The dilemma: To test or not to test DNA?
Dilemma! - 29-Mar-17 @ 12:20 AM
I'm seperated since 2014. I'm 90 percent sure my ex wife has taken three children 7,4&3 to Pakistan without my conscent. I don't know she is going to stay with her mother in Pakistan for forever or is she bringing back children? What does law says to me? Like, What can I do? What should I do?
Kami - 28-Mar-17 @ 11:03 PM
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