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Forum Rules and Code of Conduct

By: Clare Birtles - Updated: 24 Aug 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Forum Code Of Conduct Forum Rules

We hope that members will find support, advice, humour and friendly conversation here. To ensure that happens smoothly, we have created a brief code of conduct for members. It's not long and rambling, so please take time to read it, before posting.

Separated Dads Forum Code of Conduct

(1) Language/Defamatory Remarks

Do not post anything that could be construed as racist, homophobic, sexist, harassment, pornographic or abusive.

Anybody can read this forum, so please do not use sexually explicit language or swear words

(2) Personal Information

Please do not use names in your posts (e.g. those of spouses, professionals, ex partners, children etc); you may be putting other people and yourself at risk by doing so. If you have an ongoing court case or dispute, anything you say that identifies you or other the parties may also be prejudicial to the process and might influence your desired outcome. Our moderators will remove or edit posts deemed to identify a person or their children.

(3) Personal Attacks

Do not make personal attacks on other forum members.

If another discussion member makes a personal/abusive remark directed at you, do not respond with a similar attack of your own. Contact the administrator or a moderator.

(4) Links/Self Advertising

Posts will be removed if we feel a link or comment has been posted as a means of self advertising, self promotion, or which we consider to be spam.

Only post links/urls which are on topic and of use to other forum members.

(5) Discussion Topics

Only post a thread once, under the appropriate forum topic. Duplicate threads will be removed. Please keep discussions on topic. If you want to talk about something that is not relevant to the current thread, create a new one.

Separated Dads Chat Room & Forum

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

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Hi all. I'm really struggling with hearing about the fun times my son is having with my ex wife and her fiancé. She started seeing him 2 weeks after she asked for a separation, introduced my son to him 3 weeks after I was forced out of my home and announced they were getting married a week after divorce was finalised. I really want my son to be happy but it feels like bit by bit this other man is taking over my son. My ex has gone all out to get my son playing the same sports that the other man likes and has stopped the activities my son used to do stating she can't afford them anymore. The new sports he does costs far more!!!!I pay my fair share for my son each month and am a co-parent (3 nights per week)
really had enough - 24-Aug-17 @ 10:46 AM
Wayne - Your Question:
Hi.i will start with the background to my story.my wife left me in March, with my then 13 month old son. She does disappeared to Ireland from London, without saying anything. after 10 days she returned to England, but not home. she set up home somewhere else, claiming she didn't want to be with me anymore. She told me she was in Essex, but no address, and she would bring my son to me weekly/fortnightly to have him for a few days.At a later date it would appear she possibly wasn't in Essex.After a 6 month tenancy that was too pricey for her, she requested to come back to our housing association flat, which I accepted and moved out.Its been 2 weeks, and after asking me to be a guarantor for her to move, (as our old flat is in a not so nice place for a child to grow up), she has now said she is moving away, and has also requested I give more child care to help with the cost of nusery etc.I will not be told her new address, and I suspect I may not see my son again.What are my rights?

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. Have you thought of suggesting mediation to your wife in order to come to a mutual arrangement? Talking this through is the best course of action and specifying that you will do all you can to keep in contact with your son and be a good dad to him and she can either work with you, or against you. If she decides she wishes to work against you and refuses mediation and leaves the area without your consent (by law she has to request your consent to move, as you have joint parental responsibility for your child), then court is your next option. If she refuses to attend mediation and you fear she may move away without your consent, you can apply for a Prohibited Steps Order. A PSO, is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. If your wife moves without your consent and you cannot locate her, then you can still apply for a C100 contact order through the courts. In addition, you can fill in a C4 form. This is an application for an order for disclosure of a child’s whereabouts. This means the courts can put a trace on your child and can force your ex to move back into the area, if they think it is in the child's best interests. However, again, the courts will foremost decide upon what it thinks is most important for the welfare of your son. Remember, in theory you do have equal rights to your son. Therefore, you may wish to seek legal advice and/or ask a solicitor to outline your rights to your ex and what she is legally obliged to with regards to you also having PR. Please also see links here, here and here. Just because your wife says she has fallen out with you, unless she has good reason (i.e domestic violence etc) then there is no reason to stop you having a relationship with your son.
SeparatedDads - 21-Aug-17 @ 10:03 AM
Hi. i will start with the background to my story. my wife left me in March, with my then 13 month old son. She does disappeared to Ireland from London, without saying anything. after 10 days she returned to England, but not home. she set up home somewhere else, claiming she didn't want to be with me anymore. She told me she was in Essex, but no address, and she would bring my son to me weekly/fortnightly to have him for a few days.At a later date it would appear she possibly wasn't in Essex. After a 6 month tenancy that was too pricey for her, she requested to come back to our housing association flat, which i accepted and moved out. Its been 2 weeks, and after asking me to be a guarantor for her to move, (as our old flat is in a not so nice place for a child to grow up), she has now said she is moving away, and has also requested i give more child care to help with the cost of nusery etc. I will not be told her new address, and i suspect i may not see my son again. What are my rights?
Wayne - 19-Aug-17 @ 1:40 AM
Hi my son has just started a paid apprenticeship at Halfords. He has a contract for a minimum of 16 hours a week. Pay rate is £5.80 a hour but goes up over the coming months. He was just about to start his 2nd year of final educating. Do I still have to pay the ex wife maintenance ???
Allan - 16-Aug-17 @ 9:28 AM
Hi my son has just started a paid apprenticeship at Halfords. He has a contract for a minimum of 16 hours. Pay rate is £5.80 a hour but goes up over the coming months. He was just about to start his 2nd year of final educating. Do I still have to pay the ex wife maintenance ???
Allan - 16-Aug-17 @ 9:24 AM
Ian - Your Question:
Hello allAfter quite some time I've finally managed to get online to the forum. I've not been able to see my kids for two years because of the system and would welcome any advice.

Our Response:
Much depends upon your circumstances and the reasons why you have not seen your children. As a rule, the system is geared towards trying to help non-resident parents maintain a good relationship with their children. However, there can be many reasons why a relationship cannot not maintained. Therefore, more information on the 'whys' would be needed in order to give any advice. Alternatively, the dads on our forum are great at giving helpful advice as they generally know how the 'system' works having been through its trials and tribulations previously.
SeparatedDads - 10-Aug-17 @ 10:43 AM
Hello all After quite some time I've finally managed to get online to the forum. I've not been able to see my kids for two years because of the system and would welcome any advice.
Ian - 8-Aug-17 @ 6:14 PM
@S7eve - not really, I don't think the doctors will divulge confidential information about another patient. You will just have to take her word for it. You're going to know soon enough whether she is lying or not as it will be pretty visible.
BenT - 17-Jul-17 @ 10:43 AM
Hi I'm looking for some advise, I have recently separated from my wife but she is now telling me she is pregnant, I have asked for confirmation but she is telling me I have no legal rights to confirmation from the doctors, is this true? Can anybody help?
S7eve - 14-Jul-17 @ 7:39 PM
@Mr 50s - you are in one of the best places in the country to explore. There is so much to do on your doorstep. Why don't you ask each of your offsprings to suggest something new they would like to do in turn. If you want to chill out take a picnic somewhere by the river or in a park. It costs much less outdoors and no one is moving you on!
Gill - 10-Jul-17 @ 12:18 PM
Practical question. I live in north London N8 area. I have four kids, two boys aged 20 and 18 and two girls aged 22 and 24. I'm nearly 2 years into my separation and am finally divorced. Having sold the flat near my family home + moved in with my girlfriend and her kids I need to find some places I can take kids where we can chill out rather than feeling the clock-ticking of restaurants. Any ideas? My 14 year old is into sport.
Mr 50s - 9-Jul-17 @ 4:04 PM
Could somebody help please. I'm looking to move in with my partner who claims tax credits. What I am trying to work out is it pay £400 a month child mainenance will this be deducted when working out new tax credit joint award
Phr - 6-Jul-17 @ 9:15 PM
Zpbaluk - Your Question:
Hi,I would really like to join this forum as not only has it very usual posts that have helped me but I have an issue I would like to discuss and get advice.Thanks

Our Response:
You can contact/email admin via the forum and they will help you to register.
SeparatedDads - 27-Jun-17 @ 3:02 PM
Gammaman - Your Question:
Hi I just tried to join. I am not a spammer just wanted some advice.

Our Response:
If you contact admin via the forum, you will be helped to register.
SeparatedDads - 27-Jun-17 @ 11:47 AM
Hi, I would really like to join this forum as not only has it very usual posts that have helped me but I have an issue I would like to discuss and get advice. Thanks
Zpbaluk - 26-Jun-17 @ 10:06 PM
Hi I just tried to join. I am not a spammer just wanted some advice.
Gammaman - 26-Jun-17 @ 4:10 PM
Symo - Your Question:
Hi, I'm a divorced dad & I'd like to join the forum as am in need of some advice. I have two children with my ex wife, 9 and 4. I came home from working at sea to find my wife (now ex) was having an affair while pregnant with my boy, now 4 years old. The following divorce was awful and the lawyers made it ten times worse than it needed be. I have access, 2 night one week 3 the next. However I want to push for a court order giving me 3 nights per week and a week in the summer for holiday. I have my own 3 bed house and a decent job and recently won a case against the CMS for mismanagement. I'm just a genuine guy who wants more access to his kids and not have my access controlled to what she thinks is acceptable. Any advice gratefully received, many thanks

Our Response:
You can join the forum via this page. You don't say whether access was granted through the courts, or via mediation. If you have a mutual agreement, then you need to suggest mediation to your ex if she will not agree to your suggestions. However, court is always seen as the last resort as it can be a fraught and stressful experience. You may wish to seek professional legal advice in order to explore your options.
SeparatedDads - 19-Jun-17 @ 2:51 PM
Hi, I'm a divorced dad & I'd like to join the forum as am in need of some advice. I have two children with my ex wife, 9 and 4. I came home from working at sea to find my wife (now ex) was having an affair while pregnant with my boy, now 4 years old. The following divorce was awful and the lawyers made it ten times worse than it needed be. I have access, 2 night one week 3 the next. However I want to push for a court order giving me 3 nights per week and a week in the summer for holiday. I have my own 3 bed house and a decent job and recently won a case against the CMS for mismanagement. I'm just a genuine guy who wants more access to his kids and not have my access controlled to what she thinks is acceptable. Any advice gratefully received, many thanks
Symo - 18-Jun-17 @ 11:11 AM
Sipro4 - Your Question:
I would really like to join the forum as I am now officially a separated dad. It would help me I'm sure if I can chat to other people who have been in a similar situation as my own. Unfortunately I can't seem to register on the grounds that 'i may be a spammer. Can any admin help with this?

Our Response:
Yes, please contact admin via the forum and you will be helped to register.
SeparatedDads - 16-Jun-17 @ 3:14 PM
Paula - Your Question:
Can a mother refuse to let the father see his child even if he has been to court and the case went to Cathcase was granted assess saw his daughter twice now mother blatantly refusing more access my grandson has paid out over £2000 to see his daughter when he saw her she was asking to see her nannys grandad and baby brother who she has never seen I think this is emotional abuse as this little girl loves her dad please advise

Our Response:
Please see link: Breach of Contact or Residence Order: What to Do here which should help answer your question.
SeparatedDads - 12-Jun-17 @ 4:11 PM
Can a mother refuse to let the father see his child even if he has been to court and the case went to Cathcase was granted assess saw his daughter twice now mother blatantly refusing more access my grandson has paid out over £2000 to see his daughter when he saw her she was asking to see her nannys grandad and baby brother who she has never seen I think this is emotional abuse as this little girl loves her dad please advise
Paula - 9-Jun-17 @ 12:41 PM
I would really like to join the forum as I am now officially a separated dad. It would help me I'm sure if I can chat to other people who have been in a similar situation as my own. Unfortunately I can't seem to register on the grounds that 'i may be a spammer. Can any admin help with this?
Sipro4 - 2-Jun-17 @ 4:32 PM
ManInABlueSuit - Your Question:
Hi, im looking for some advice if anyone can offer any.Me and my ex partner have been separated for over 4 years, we have a 4 year old daughter and a 5 year old son who are not aloud to see my father or sister or meet my new partner who is pregnant with their half sibling. I tried mediation but after the MIAM it came to light that my ex had no intention of coming to any sort of compromise, it was her way and that was it, now I have submitted c100 paperwork in the hope a court can do something to help us. Has anyone got any advice who has been through a similar situation?

Our Response:
I will put your question to our Separated Dads Facebook page to see if any of our dads who have been through a similar situation can give you some good advice. Please refer here for your answers.
SeparatedDads - 30-May-17 @ 2:46 PM
Hi, im looking for some advice if anyone can offer any. Me and my ex partner have been separated for over 4 years, we have a 4 year old daughter and a 5 year old son who are not aloud to see my father or sister or meet my new partner who is pregnant with their half sibling. I tried mediation but after the MIAM it came to light that my ex had no intention of coming to any sort of compromise, it was her way and that was it, now I have submitted c100 paperwork in the hope a court can do something to help us. Has anyone got any advice who has been through a similar situation?
ManInABlueSuit - 28-May-17 @ 6:02 PM
Alex- Your Question:
Hi everyone, never realised how my ex wife could suddenly change after our divorce. We separated four months again we have two children 5 and 2, after we divorced she told me she had a work contract for 3 months in hong kong and she would take the children I stupidly accepted and now it looks like she might not even return. Any advise or suggestions, I have tried to be amicable to resolve this issue but she is not compromising, shes giving me access to the children but no mention of when she will return.

Our Response:
It's a tough situation if you have given your consent for her to move out of the country (even if it is for a short period of time). It makes it more difficult for you to try to get your children back, if your ex claims they are now settled. If you have an agreement in writing that she planned to return after three months this will help. However, you would really need to seek legal advice to explore what options you have.
SeparatedDads - 23-May-17 @ 12:38 PM
Hi everyone, never realised how my ex wife could suddenly change after our divorce. We separated four months again we have two children 5 and 2, after we divorced she told me she had a work contract for 3 months in hong kong and she would take the children I stupidly accepted and now it looks like she might not even return. Any advise or suggestions, I have tried to be amicable to resolve this issue but she is not compromising, shes giving me access to the children but no mention of when she will return..
Alex - 22-May-17 @ 5:06 PM
fergie - Your Question:
Hi please can somebody help me ? I cant afford legal help and I am hitting brick walls. Since meeting my current partner my ex partner has made it so difficult for me to see my children. She has dragged me to court on several different charges which where lies. On the last court appearance she told the judge that my ex was intimidating her on pick up (again more lies) to which the court ordered my partner not to join me on pick up, but since then I have had to answer to police and she accused me of hitting my son (age 3) in the back of the car ! I lost my contact until social services had investigated me and the police. Nothing was proven as it didn't happen so contact resumed. Problem is I have been taking my partner as a witness for the car journey home as I am afraid she will make more lies up and it is really hard to prove yourself without proof! She is in the opposite car park and does not entre the building with me but she has now stopped contact again ?? This is so frustrating. I feel this is a form of harassment through her jealously of my partner. Please can somebody tell me there is something I can do to stop her ending my time with my children, I really need help

Our Response:
If the court has ordered your partner not to accompany you on hand over, then you are in breach of the order and which has seemingly given your ex the ammunition she needs to stop contact. I can only advise you suggest mediation in order to try to resolve the issue out of court (it will be overseen by the court). If your ex refuses, then you will have to apply back to court and state the reason why you have breached the order.
SeparatedDads - 22-May-17 @ 3:03 PM
Hi please can somebody help me ? I cant afford legal help and I am hitting brick walls. Since meeting my current partner my ex partner has made it so difficult for me to see my children. She has dragged me to court on several different charges which where lies. On the last court appearance she told the judge that my ex was intimidating her on pick up (again more lies) to which the court ordered my partner not to join me on pick up, but since then I have had to answer to police and she accused me of hitting my son (age 3) in the back of the car ! I lost my contact until social services had investigated me and the police. Nothing was proven as it didn't happen so contact resumed. Problem is I have been taking my partner as a witness for the car journey home as I am afraid she will make more lies up and it is really hard to prove yourself without proof! She is in the opposite car park and does not entre the building with me but she has now stopped contact again ?? This is so frustrating. I feel this is a form of harassment through her jealously of my partner. Please can somebody tell me there is something I can do to stop her ending my time with my children, I really need help
fergie - 22-May-17 @ 12:53 PM
Shel - Your Question:
HI there folks,My son is in 6th form.At what age can I stop paying child maintenance please?Thank you.

Our Response:
Once his child benefit stops and when he has finished his studies up to A-Level equivalent.
SeparatedDads - 16-May-17 @ 2:28 PM
I am still married but spreated we have been for year and half. Ok here goes im wife/ex is an alcoholic my child doesn't like staying with mom can stays with me most days now she has starting beonging random men to the house for drinking sessions my child refuses to stay there but she will come and drag him back. The child wants to live with me i want full custody how do i go about doing this? No outside service have ever been involved ie social services or the police please i need help
Stressedout - 15-May-17 @ 3:06 PM
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