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Your Separated Father's Rights

By: Chris Nickson - Updated: 15 Aug 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Rights Parental Responsibility Civil

When you've split up with your ex it's important to know what your rights and responsibilities are regarding your children. The most important thing is to determine whether or not you have parental responsibility for your children. In the case of married couples, you're responsible for any children born in wedlock.

Unmarried Couples

In general terms, an unmarried mother is deemed to have "parental responsibility" for her children. For births registered in England or Wales; as a father you have parental responsibility if:
  • The child's birth was registered after December 1st, 2003 and your name is on the certificate as the father.
  • If the child was born before that time with no father listed on the birth certificate, but the birth was later re-registered with you named as the father.
  • If you and the child's mother sign a Parental Responsibility Agreement.
  • If you're given a parental responsibility order by the court, or a Residence Order for the child to live with you.
  • If you marry the child's mother.

If the parents are not married, parental responsibility does not automatically pass to the natural father if the mother dies.

Same Sex Couples

With same sex couples, after a civil partnership, you have parental responsibility if you have a parental responsibility agreement or a parental responsibility order from the court.

What Parental Responsibility Means for your Rights as a Dad

If you have parental responsibility, you have a say in the upbringing of your children, even if they don't live with you any more.

However, this doesn't apply to the general, day-to-day life of your children; that will lie with the mother if they live with her. But in other questions, such as religion, upbringing, medical treatment and so on, you have the same rights in making decisions as the mother.

So what rights does parental responsibility give you?

Important Decisions - we've already mentioned that decisions on everyday matters lie with the parent who has residency. But if you have parental responsibility, even as the non-resident parent - you have the right to be consulted over important issues such as:
  • Changing schools
  • Going on holidays with others/other organisations etc
  • Serious medical issues
  • Changing surname
  • Emigration
  • Their marriage
  • Adoption

Once your child gets older, he or she may express their opinions and you may feel that your parental responsibility rights are reduced. At this stage, it is therefore important to consider the wishes of the child in major decisions too.

For more details on parental responsibility, take a look at our guide and letter templates.

If you feel your rights are being ignored and you have parental responsibility, you can apply for a specific steps order or a specific issue order. More information about those can be found here:
Specific Issue Orders.

Applying to the Courts

As a father you can apply to the court for parental responsibility. The court will consider:
  • How committed you are as a father
  • The attachment between you and your child
  • Your reasons for applying for the order

Based on what the judge believes to be in the child's best interests they will either accept or grant your application for parental responsibility.

If you've been part of a couple where the children are yours and you don't have parental responsibility, you can still apply to court for certain types of orders, mostly Contact Orders to see the children, but even for a Residence Order to have the children live with you (if granted, you'll then have parental responsibility).

Note that if your former partner has a Residence Order, she can take your children abroad for up to a month without your consent. However, if the trip is longer, or she plans on moving abroad with the children, she will need the consent of both you and anyone else who has parental responsibility for the children. However, if you wish to take your children abroad for a holiday, it's a tougher issue, and legally you're advised to have her agreement first. (Taking a child abroad without the mother's consent can be deemed as abduction in the eyes of the law. Read our article What is Abduction? for more information).

Child Maintenance

Parental responsibility also means you have the duty to support your children financially. If you already have a case ongoing this will probably be done either through the Child Support Agency (CSA) or by an arranged agreement between you and the child's mother. In general terms, you'll pay 15% of your net income for one child, 20% for two and 25% for three children. However, there are adjustments, depending on how much time the children spend with you. If you move abroad, support will be done through the court rather than the CSA. Note that from 25 November 2013, the Child Support Agency (CSA) no longer takes on new cases but will continue to deal with existing cases. The new body handling maintenance issues is the Child Maintenance Service.

When Does Parental Responsibility End?

Your parental responsibility to your children ends when they turn 18 and become legal adults. However, if they're over 16 and marry, it ends with the marriage. If you've obtained parental responsibility through a Residence Order, though, and that Residence Order changes, you don't lose parental responsibility.

You should be aware that if you weren't married to the mother of your children, you're on slightly trickier ground, even if you have your name on the birth certificate or a parental responsibility agreement or order. In that case, any other person with parental responsibility can apply to court to have your parental responsibility ended. Even your children can do that, if they acquire permission from the court.

Court

To help prepare you for going to court for residency or contact, we have a free, comprehensive guide to the whole process here.

Separated Dads Chat Room & Forum

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

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Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice..
[Add a Comment]
My ex is a non British citizen.... And am currently pregnant with his first child. He dumped me 2 months ago for an older woman. He hasn't been to any of the hospital appointments and scans... But he demands I give the baby his name. He does not call to see how things are going and if I call he makes sure to remind me he's with someone else and says if I don't give the baby his surname I should not get him involved... My question is, is there anyway I can make him pay for child support and does he have any responsibility towards the baby when he's born..?
Chinwe Ezeigwe - 15-Aug-17 @ 8:49 AM
Hi My daughter was born here in the uk. My girlfruend is Hungarian and we are not on solid ground. She wants to get my daughter a Hungarian passport, can she do this without my involvement? My name is on the birth certificate. Does she need my permission to take my daughter on holiday too? Basically, i am worried that she will take my daughter away.
Bob - 14-Aug-17 @ 2:01 PM
I'm with my baby's dad but we don't live together should he still pay some sort of maintenance or not?
Zoleen - 14-Aug-17 @ 9:30 AM
FuBaRwales - Your Question:
We'll its a complicated case of having a child with a EU national, the relationship was volatile and she drank alot, I found out she was pregnant while separate and I committed myself from the start even relocating to be there for my son, I see him near enough everyday, I pay his nursery I contribute paying for there shopping and even help her, however shea starting now to take the piss, she recently left the country on holiday for 3 weeks on return I found out she had my son christened without my consent or without a discussion, she has also stated that she wants to move back home and she's threatened to take my son aswell as telling me she will be getting him a EU passport and she would move on again, she seems to think that she can do what she wants and im literally at the end of what I can take, I have been a twice a week dad and I can not / will not go back to that. Morally I have done the right thing as a man and I won't have my son used as a weapon against me. What are my options what can I do.

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this and can feel your frustration. This is a growing issue through globalisation, as increasing people marry or have children with overseas partners. You can apply for a Specific Issue Order, please see link here , if you or your ex will not consider mediation as a way to try resolve these issues. However, a court will not wish to stop a resident parent from getting on with their own lives and this is where the dilemma comes in. The link: Can I Stop My Ex Moving Our Children Abroad? here may also give you more information.
SeparatedDads - 11-Aug-17 @ 2:09 PM
We'll its a complicated case of having a child with a EU national, the relationship was volatile and she drank alot, I found out she was pregnant while separate and I committed myself from the start even relocating to be there for my son, I see him near enough everyday, I pay his nursery I contribute paying for there shopping and even help her, however shea starting now to take the piss, she recently left the country on holiday for 3 weeks on return i found out she had my son christened without my consent or without a discussion, she has also stated that she wants to move back home and she's threatened to take my son aswell as telling me she will be getting him a EU passport and she would move on again, she seems to think that she can do what she wants and im literally at the end of what I can take, I have been a twice a week dad and I can not / will not go back to that. Morally I have done the right thing as a man and I won't have my son used as a weapon against me. What are my options what can I do.
FuBaRwales - 11-Aug-17 @ 10:58 AM
Bubs - Your Question:
My partner is looking to move to Cornwall and take my daughter , This is 4 hrs away ,my daughter stays with me every other week ,so week with week with out,She is 7 , I have her at least 2 thirds of any year , she does not want to go , and wants to be with me and my new partner , who she adores , she says mum drinks and is always fighting with her new partner , I have always paid maintenance never missed one, Can some please advise me

Our Response:
Your only option is to challenge the move via the courts via a Specific Issue or Prohibited Steps Order (if you think your ex may move without your consent). A PSO is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent (if you have parental responsibility). This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. We have all heard the stories of a parent taking their child for the weekend and not returning them and it becoming extremely difficult for the other parent to get their child back. Thankfully, this is one of the scenarios that a PSO seeks to prevent. Likewise, Specific Issue Orders are orders sought from the family court to determine a particular matter in connection with the exercise of parental responsibility. These orders can cover a wide range of issues that you and your ex-partner cannot agree on, such as the other parent wanting to take a child to live out of the area on a permanent basis. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. Schooling, family and the child's ties to the area and family will be weighed up against the other parent's reasons for wanting to move away. Mediation should be considered in the first instance, as a way trying to reach a compromise. However, if there is no compromise to be made, then court is the only option.
SeparatedDads - 10-Aug-17 @ 11:11 AM
Jono - Your Question:
Hi, I'm looking for some advice. 2 years ago I split with my ex wife, we have two children together, My son being 5 and daughter being almost 2. Unfortunately my ex wife took the break up very badly. Because of me leaving our marriage she won't allow me to see my children and I haven't been able to form a bond with my daughter. My ex wife has told me that she tells my children that 'daddy no longer loves them because daddy left'. I constantly get disturbing messages from my ex wife and she constantly moves house so that I can't find her. I've tried as much as I can before I have to get the courts involved but I'm worried that I don't have any rights. I just want to see my children.

Our Response:
Regardless of whether you left the relationship or not, a court will not make judgements on you regarding this. If you wish to see your children and your wife is preventing this, then mediation should be the first option and if your ex refuses, you would have the option to apply to court. If you cannot locate your wife or your children, then you can apply to court for a contact order and also fill in a C4 form. This is an application an order for disclosure of a child’s whereabouts. This will allow the courts to put a trace on your children in order to allow you to bring the matter to court. You should not worry that you do not have any rights, you do. The court does want non-resident parents to have a relationship with their children and will do all it can to make this happen, where it can. If your ex has only recently stopped access, then you would need to take the matter further asap.
SeparatedDads - 10-Aug-17 @ 10:23 AM
My partner is looking to move to Cornwall and take my daughter , This is 4 hrs away ,my daughter stays with me every other week ,so week with week with out, She is 7 , I have her at least 2 thirds of any year , she does not want to go , and wants to be with me and my new partner , who she adores , she says mum drinks and is always fighting with her new partner , I have always paid maintenance never missed one, Can some please advise me
Bubs - 8-Aug-17 @ 9:33 PM
Hi, I'm looking for some advice. 2 years ago I split with my ex wife, we have two children together, My son being 5 and daughter being almost 2. Unfortunately my ex wife took the break up very badly. Because of me leaving our marriage she won't allow me to see my children and i haven't been able to form a bond with my daughter. My ex wife has told me that she tells my children that 'daddy no longer loves them because daddy left'. I constantly get disturbing messages from my ex wife and she constantly moves house so that I can't find her. I've tried as much as I can before I have to get the courts involved but I'm worried that I don't have any rights. I just want to see my children.
Jono - 8-Aug-17 @ 4:51 PM
Dan B- Your Question:
Hi. Me and my girlfriend recently split just over a month ago. We have a 1yr old son together whom I love and miss very much. She's quite well off where as I'm more working class so we have different upbringings and view things differently. She says I have alcohol and aggression problems and until I "get that sorted" I can only see him for 2hrs at the weekend supervised bee her and her parents. I've never hurt my son or anything like that but as it's gone on, she moves the goal posts and changes her mind. She has a lot of family problems and when it flairs up with that, I can't say a word right and she turns into a completely different person. I miss my son, I've requested mediation but she refuses. I want to see him more. What can I do? I'm no harm to him, don't have a history of violence or a criminal record or anything but cause of her different backgrounds, she feels scared. In my family we tell people straight, in hers they have family meetings and talk it out. I just want to have my son

Our Response:
Regardless of whether you come from a different family background, it doesn't mean you should be penalised or stopped from seeing your son, a court will not do this either. If your ex has refused mediation, you have the option to apply to court. Keeping things amicable is always the best way forward if you can, please see link here . However, insisting that you want to see your son and be a part of his life can be done without animosity. As can being fair but firm that you will take the matter further if your ex does not agree to access can also help too.
SeparatedDads - 3-Aug-17 @ 11:16 AM
Hi. Me and my girlfriend recently split just over a month ago. We have a 1yr old son together whom I love and miss very much. She's quite well off where as I'm more working class so we have different upbringings and view things differently. She says I have alcohol and aggression problems and until I "get that sorted" I can only see him for 2hrs at the weekend supervised bee her and her parents. I've never hurt my son or anything like that but as it's gone on, she moves the goal posts and changes her mind. She has a lot of family problems and when it flairs up with that, I can't say a word right and she turns into a completely different person. I miss my son, I've requested mediation but she refuses. I want to see him more. What can I do? I'm no harm to him, don't have a history of violence or a criminal record or anything but cause of her different backgrounds, she feels scared. In my family we tell people straight, in hers they have family meetings and talk it out. I just want to have my son
Dan B - 1-Aug-17 @ 6:47 PM
Abdullah - Your Question:
Hello my name is Abdullah and I have one son. me and my partner split up just over two years ago and I have been trying to get access to my son and she will not allow me access. We have gone through 5 dispute resolution hearings including what was meant to be a final hearing, Now it has been escalated to a district judge and my child has been assigned a Cafcass officer as his legal guardian and has his own solicitor paid for by the public fund, during this I have only had one session of supervised contact I was meant to have more regular interim access however the mother has objected to this all the way through. The judge has asked all three of us to have psychological assessments to see how our son interacts with both parents and why the mother is reluctant to allow me to have access and she keeps insisting for me to have a psychiatrist assessment although I have already had one and the expert cleared me of any mental health. And the mother keeps trying to adjourn the case I have a wife and we have a child on the way, I am financially exhausted and at my wits end and don't know what to do has anyone else been in a similar situation please advise on what I can do as I cannot get legal representation as I am still paying off my last solicitors off. I would be extremely grateful of any input from anyone. Many Thanks.

Our Response:
Did you know you can self-litigate? Please see link here. You would have to agree to all the court's recommendations if you wish to take the matter further.
SeparatedDads - 31-Jul-17 @ 2:28 PM
Naz - Your Question:
Hi,I want to ask a question.I have divorced and 2 children living with me and me and my ex are following the court order which is relating to our children.My children's school closed permanently it was a private school and dad is paying fee.But now problem is that he wants to enroll the children in a private school and it is far away from my home it takes 1hr drive to go there abs report of that school is also not good that's why I want to enroll them in other private and religious school but dad is not agree.He wants to go to the court. As a mother can you please tell me my rights?Thanks

Our Response:
If you cannot agree between yourself and your children's father, then the matter can be referred to court for the court to decide. The court will always make its decision based upon what it determines to be in their best interests. However, it will also take into account the logistics of getting the children too and from school.
SeparatedDads - 31-Jul-17 @ 12:39 PM
Monkey_Girl - Your Question:
Hello. My partner's ex-wife is demanding he tell her what annual leave he has booked from work and what and when he plans to do with their 2 daughters over the school holidays. does he have to tell her what days he has annual leave and does he have to tell her what he plans to do with them?Also, he has them every weekend and has asked for every other weekend and a couple of days in the week.My partner started mediation to discuss this arrangement but his ex wife has said if he does not make an appointment next week, in a different county (at east an hours drive from home) she will escalate it to court. He is unable to get annual leave at such short notice (and has a letter from his employer stating this has been refused) so has had no option but to decline this appointment.She has said that if he wants to see them every other weekend then he will only see them every other weekend. He wants to go to court and get a contact order for every other weekend and a couple of days in the week but he's not sure if this makes him look bad.His reason is he works every other weekend and is in a band so quite often the children will stay with grandparents and he misses out. His ex is insisting on a 3 and 4 night share. She has them 4 nights, he has them 3 nights. He wants the childcare arrangements more fair but she is refusing.Does he have any rights?

Our Response:
If your partner and his ex cannot agree to arrangements via mediation, or if your husband refuses to attend, his ex will have the option to take the matter to court. The court is not there to judge the parent's actions in situations such as this, it's main objective to make a decision based upon what it thinks is in the best interests of your partner's children. If your partner can justify his reasons why he cannot jump to his ex'd demands, then the court will take this on board. If he has written confirmation from his employer this will help. Once a court order is in place both parents will have to keep to it, unless they agree otherwise.
SeparatedDads - 31-Jul-17 @ 11:26 AM
Hello my name is Abdullah and I have one son. me and my partner split up just over two years ago and I have been trying to get access to my son and she will not allow me access. We have gone through 5 dispute resolution hearings including what was meant to be a final hearing, Now it has been escalated to a district judge and my child has been assigned a Cafcass officer as his legal guardian and has his own solicitor paid for by the public fund, during this I have only had one session of supervised contact I was meant to have more regular interim access however the mother has objected to this all the way through. The judge has asked all three of us to have psychological assessments to see how our son interacts with both parents and why the mother is reluctant to allow me to have access and she keeps insisting for me to have a psychiatrist assessment although I have already had one and the expert cleared me of any mental health. And the mother keeps trying to adjourn the case I have a wife and we have a child on the way, I am financially exhausted and at my wits end and don't know what to do has anyone else been in a similar situation please advise on what I can do as I cannot get legal representation as I am still paying off my last solicitors off. I would be extremely grateful of any input from anyone. Many Thanks.
Abdullah - 30-Jul-17 @ 7:19 PM
Hi, I want to ask a question.I have divorced and 2 children living with me and me and my ex are following the court order which is relating to our children.My children's school closed permanently it was a private school and dad is paying fee.But now problem is that he wants to enroll the children in a private school and it is far away from my home it takes 1hr drive to go there abs report of that school is also not good that's why I want to enroll them in other private and religious school but dad is not agree.He wants to go to thecourt. As a mother can you please tell me my rights? Thanks
Naz - 28-Jul-17 @ 9:07 PM
Hello. My partner's ex-wife is demanding he tell her what annual leave he has booked from work and what and when he plans to do with their 2 daughters over the school holidays. does he have to tell her what days he has annual leave and does he have to tell her what he plans to do with them? Also, he has them every weekend and has asked for every other weekend and a couple of days in the week. My partner started mediation to discuss this arrangement but his ex wife has said if he does not make an appointment next week, in a different county (at east an hours drive from home) she will escalate it to court. He is unable to get annual leave at such short notice (and has a letter from his employer stating this has been refused) so has had no option but to decline this appointment. She has said that if he wants to see them every other weekend then he will only see them every other weekend. He wants to go to court and get a contact order for every other weekend and a couple of days in the week but he's not sure if this makes him look bad. His reason is he works every other weekend and is in a band so quite often the children will stay with grandparents and he misses out. His ex is insisting on a 3 and 4 night share. She has them 4 nights, he has them 3 nights. He wants the childcare arrangements more fair but she is refusing. Does he have any rights?
Monkey_Girl - 28-Jul-17 @ 2:49 PM
Brett - Your Question:
Hello my question is my rights as a father being that me an the mother are still married but separated for 4yrs now and have 2 children. An there is no custody agreement w courts, just between me and the mother. I live in Florida she lives in Tennessee and kids live with her but I get them every summer and christmas. and this summer the mom has numerous cps cases and is under investigation as we speak and I dont feel comfortable taking them back home. What are my rights as to keeping them here with me. Even the cps officer told me to find out the rights before I take them because she was concerned herself. so my question is if there is no custody through the courts an she is under investigation w child safety can I keep them with me or can I get in trouble with the law an courts. I need to know for there safety before I take them home. Thanks

Our Response:
As we are a UK-based website, we have knowledge of only UK-based law. Therefore, you would have to seek professional legal advice in the US. However, please be aware that if you keep your children without mutual consent of the other parent it can lead to a deep distrust and/or your ex withdrawing access if the police return your children. You should always consider any action such as this long term and what the repercussions could be. Mutual discussion and agreement is always best over issues such as this.
SeparatedDads - 27-Jul-17 @ 4:17 PM
Si - Your Question:
Hi, my partner has decided to split up with me and we have 2 children, 3 & 1 yo. We are not married. She is blaming this on emotional abuse, however I feel as though this is not as clear cut. Since both our chrildren were born I have worked and worked and within 3 years have managed to obtain 60% equity within our home. I made a conscious decision to work this hard so that later on life would be easier. During this period also I have been carrying out a degree that I have been doing 1 day a week and also in evenings. I have worked most saturdays and after we have dealt with the kids making tea, dishes, tidying, bath, bed etc then I have carried on with my coursework. I accept that times have been incredibly difficult and strains put on the relationship but I do not feel as though I was emotionally abusive. Anyhow since our split the course has ended and work slowed. I have been able to drop a day on Friday to have the kids and would really like to drop another day for Thursday. This is doable as I am a self employed electrician. I also have the ability to produce 50k to buy out my partner from the house. So from my perspective I have the means to provide on all levels. My ex is happy for me to be with my children whereby she has them mon/tues/wed, myself to have them on Thur/fri then we alternate wknds. This seems fair. I would like then for a complete 50/50 split, but I understand they need stability.The problem we are having is that she is suggesting that is morally wrong of me not to move out of home to leave her the house for her and the kids to live in, suggesting that I pay half the mortgage and pay no maintenance and look at it as an investment. Morally wrong as the kids should have a stable and secure furure in a home they recognise. My answer to this is that I too when I have them will also want to ensure they are safe and swcure within a home they recognise. I have the ability to remove her name and secure the house for just me and the children, if I were to move out I would have to pay rent, half a mortgage, half the childcare costs, before I could look after myself. I would no longer be a rock for the children. Morally for me I do not fancy the thought of her living in this house with another man when the time comes, and playing happy family in a home I would not only be paying for but worked so hard to create, while I struggle to make ends meat. I would like some suggeations as to how I should approach this situation. Thank you for reading this.

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. It becomes tricky where parents cannot agree on what happens over the house. If we jump ahead a little and the matter was to go to court, a court will always decide first and foremost what it thinks is in the children's best interests. A stable roof over the children's heads is considered most important. This means if your partner becomes the primary carer of your children, then it is likely a court would decide to allow her to remain in the house with your children until your children left full-time education. If your partner is considered a joint owner of the house, then she does have rights, please see CAB link here . Therefore, it is best if you can come to a mutual arrangement regarding what works well for you both and what is in the best interests of your kids. Where you cannot agree, mediation may work, please see link here . In mediation a written agreement can be formed and overseen by the court. However, this is not a court order and can be subject to change, as circumstances change. Therefore, if you agree your partner does not move in another man and she moves in another man, there is little you would be able to do apart from to refer the matter to court. In your position, I would seek as much advice as you possibly can to ensure you are making the correct decision for you and your family, as there is no right or wrong answer here.
SeparatedDads - 27-Jul-17 @ 2:19 PM
TrueColours - Your Question:
Hi don't know were to start.Got married for the 2nd time.Been married for a year and separated for two years result of the incident that frethened my older daughter (from 1st marriage)safety,i got a police incident number.Its not point for us to stay married and want to apply to divorce but I do not know what grounds to use as I have a 1 year old child with him and he wants access to take her out a country,and am dead worried to leave her alone with him under any circumstances.

Our Response:
Your ex has to ask for your consent if he wishes to take your/his child out of the country, please see link here . If you are fearful of your ex taking your child out of the country without your consent, you can apply to court for a Prohibited Steps Order. A PSO is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. We have all heard the stories of a parent taking their child for the weekend and not returning them or going abroad with them and it becoming extremely difficult for the other parent to get their child back. Thankfully, this is one of the scenarios that a PSO seeks to prevent. I hope this helps answer your question.
SeparatedDads - 27-Jul-17 @ 1:58 PM
Hello my question is my rights as a father being that me an the mother are still married but separated for 4yrs now and have 2 children . An there is no custody agreement w courts, just between me and the mother.. I live in Florida she lives in Tennessee and kids live with her but I get them every summer and christmas.. and this summer the mom has numerous cps cases and is under investigation as we speak and I dont feel comfortable taking them back home. What are my rights as to keeping them here with me . Even the cps officer told me to find out the rights before I take them because she was concerned herself... so my question is if there is no custody through the courts an she is under investigation w child safety can I keep them with meor can I get in trouble with the law an courts.. I need to know for there safety before I take them home. Thanks
Brett - 26-Jul-17 @ 5:21 PM
Hi, my partner has decided to split up with me and we have 2 children, 3 & 1 yo. We are not married. She is blaming this on emotional abuse, however I feel as though this is not as clear cut. Since both our chrildren were born I have worked and worked and within 3 years have managed to obtain 60% equity within our home. I made a conscious decision to work this hard so that later on life would be easier. During this period also I have been carrying out a degree that I have been doing 1 day a week and also in evenings. I have worked most saturdays and after we have dealt with the kids making tea, dishes, tidying, bath, bed etc then I have carried on with my coursework. I accept that times have been incredibly difficult and strains put on the relationship but I do not feel as though I was emotionally abusive. Anyhow since our split the course has ended and work slowed. I have been able to drop a day on Friday to have the kids and would really like to drop another day for Thursday. This is doable as I am a self employed electrician. I also have the ability to produce 50k to buy out my partner from the house. So from my perspective I have the means to provide on all levels. My ex is happy for me to be with my children whereby she has them mon/tues/wed, myself to have them on Thur/fri then we alternate wknds. This seems fair. I would like then for a complete 50/50 split, but I understand they need stability. The problem we are having is that she is suggesting that is morally wrong of me not to move out of home to leave her the house for her and the kids to live in, suggesting that I pay half the mortgage and pay no maintenance and look at it as an investment. Morally wrong as the kids should have a stable and secure furure in a home they recognise. My answer to this is that I too when I have them will also want to ensure they are safe and swcure within a home they recognise. I have the ability to remove her name and secure the house for just me and the children, if I were to move out I would have to pay rent, half a mortgage, half the childcare costs, before I could look after myself. I would no longer be a rock for the children. Morally for me I do not fancy the thought of her living in this house with another man when the time comes, and playing happy family in a home I would not only be paying for but worked so hard to create, while I struggle to make ends meat. I would like some suggeations as to how I should approach this situation. Thank you for reading this.
Si - 26-Jul-17 @ 6:32 AM
Hi don't know were to start.Got married for the 2nd time.Been married for a year andseparated for two years result of the incident that frethened my older daughter (from 1st marriage)safety,i got a police incident number.Its not point for us to stay married and want to apply to divorce but i do not know what grounds to use as i have a 1 year old child with him and he wants access to take her out a country,and am dead worried to leave her alone with him under any circumstances.
TrueColours - 26-Jul-17 @ 1:19 AM
Sam - Your Question:
Hi. Is it possible to change a court order without having to go back to court. My days off at work have change due to a promotion and my ex partner is beem stubborn.

Our Response:
Any changes to a contact order must be agreed by both parties. One party cannot unilaterally decide to change the order or apply additional terms. Unfortunately, if you wish to change the terms of the order you would have to refer it back to court.
SeparatedDads - 20-Jul-17 @ 1:50 PM
Hi. Is it possible to change a court order without having to go back to court. My days off at work have change due to a promotion and my ex partner is beem stubborn.
Sam - 19-Jul-17 @ 7:23 PM
@Rdavies - you would certainly be considered the primary carer of your son. Yes, your ex would have to request your permission as both parents with parental responsibility would need to give permission. You may be entitled to claim child maintenance from your ex, if she is eligible to pay.
Thomas - 13-Jul-17 @ 4:02 PM
dazza - Your Question:
Hi well I've been separated for 1 year my son is 3year old what's happened is I have met my new partner and now I'm being denied acsses to my son but she keeps texting me saying she cant cope I'm allways there for my son and we are close and she is still trying to control me and I'm confused I just need pointing in the right direction to get accsess to my son my dad wasn't there for me I wont do the same to my son please any help will be appreciated thanks in advance

Our Response:
If you and your ex cannot agree, then you would have to suggest mediation in order to try to come to a resolution, please see link here . If your ex will not agree to mediation, then you would have to apply to court. Your ex would have to have a good reason why she will not allow you access to your son. The fact you have a new partner is not a good enough reason.
SeparatedDads - 13-Jul-17 @ 2:38 PM
Hi well I've been separated for 1 year my son is 3year old what's happened is I have met my new partner and now I'm being denied acsses to my son but she keeps texting me saying she cant cope I'm allways there for my son and we are close and she is still trying to control me and I'm confused I just need pointing in the right direction to get accsess to my son my dad wasn't there for me I wont do the same to my son please any help will be appreciatedthanks in advance
dazza - 12-Jul-17 @ 7:00 PM
Hi me and my ex spit up 4 years ago after having 2 kids and we are both in new relationships we both have an agreement between us both that we both have the kids 7 on and 7 off each so it's equal share she claims benifits for both and I pay csa and buy school shoes ect this year she is saying I can claim the c/b and ctc for our eldest I was wondering g if I claim these will that mean that I'll have the mainparental responsibilities of my eldest as we are both on the birth certificate by that I mean will that mean she has to ask my permission to take my eldest on holiday and I could claim csa from her
Rdavies - 11-Jul-17 @ 11:13 PM
Paul- Your Question:
Hi, I split up with my girlfriend after the birth of our little girl I have financially supported my daughter and had her every weekend, not once have I ever missed her. My daughter stayed over every weekend with her older brother who her mum had to a previous relationship. My ex then got a new new boyfriend when my daughter was 2 years old and I stopped seeing her son. She moved this man in very quick, got married and had a baby all in the space of 2 years! My daughter is now 5 years old and is at primary school in her first year. I recently went to parents evening and her name was changed to her mums new husbands surname. How do I get the school to use the name on her birth certificate? Can I ring the passport office or town house to find out if her mum has changed her name legally without my consent?

Our Response:
You can see more via the link here which should help answer your question. If you have parental reponsibility, by law your ex cannot change your daughter's name by Deed Poll without your consent. However, she can change it unofficially. Your only recourse here would be to apply to court and there is no guarantee the court would rule in your favour, as it would decide upon what it thinks is in your daughter's best interests. If her other two siblings have your ex's husband's name, it is likely the court would opt for family uniformity.
SeparatedDads - 10-Jul-17 @ 3:01 PM
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