The Importance of My Ex in My Child's Life: A Case Study

Libby, 42, says that although the split form her ex was acrimonious she would never stop him from seeing her two children because she knows how important he is in their lives.

“Maintaining a healthy relationship with my ex hasn’t been easy. We split up because I found him in bed with our next door neighbour so as you can imagine, he is not my favourite person in the world. However, whatever I may think about him as a husband he has always been a good father and my children adore him.

“When we first split up I tried really hard but it was difficult to hide my pain from the kids. I didn’t want them to think badly of their Dad, even though I was furious at him, so I made a huge effort never to say bad things about him in front of them. As hard as it was, I am really glad that I managed that because they still look up to him which I think is important.”

Why Their Dad is Important

“To my son, who is eight, his Dad is his hero. He takes him fishing, plays football with him and wrestles in the garden – all things that aren’t really in my repertoire! As for my daughter, well she is just heading into her teens and dealing with all the self-esteem issues that come with that age. Her Dad showers her with confidence and I think it is important for a girl’s self confidence to have a positive male relationship in their life.

“So, as much as I would have love to tell him to go to hell, those are the reasons why I couldn’t – my beautiful children. I couldn’t take their Dad away from them just because he had let me down because otherwise I would be letting them down”

Libby and her ex have worked hard to stay civil to each other but she says it has been difficult because he has moved on and started a new relationship.

The New Girlfriend

“When my daughter came home and said they had met Dad’s new girlfriend I was in shock. I guess I knew he would move on but to hear it was happening so soon made all those emotions come flooding back. I was so mad and upset, especially at the thought of my children spending time with her. I guess, if I’m honest, I was afraid that they would have this happy new family that would seem more appealing to the kids than just little old me.

“I made the decision to meet her and when I did I realised that I she wasn’t some child stealing ogre and was actually good for my ex. He seemed much calmer and she encouraged him to talk to the children and try and understand them better. Although I never wanted our lives to turn out like this I think my children have a lot of positive influences in their lives and hopefully, by keeping relationships civil, they will grow up to be happy and well-adjusted.”

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