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Growing Up Without My Dad: A Case Study

By: Emma Jones - Updated: 28 Jun 2021 | comments*Discuss
 
Dad Father Mum Relationship Growing Up

Kara, 24, had not seen her dad for 14 years when she decided to get back in touch with him. She says although it is great to have a relationship with him now, she wishes she hadn’t missed out on so many years.

“I was a real daddy’s girl when I was little. He was a fireman and I remember him taking me down to the station and letting me try on the hat and sit in the fire engine – I looked up to him so much. Then, when I was 6, my parents split up. It was a huge shock not to have my dad around every day and I couldn’t really understand why it was happening. He only moved across town though, so I would still see a lot of him and we stayed close.

“About a year later, my grandma got sick and my mum moved me and my brother up to Scotland so she could care for her. Being torn away from my dad was heartbreaking but I know my mum was in a difficult situation. Dad would still write and call us and I even went down to stay with him a few times. Slowly that all fizzled out though. He got a new partner and family and I guess it was hard to fit us into his new life.”

Missing Dad

“After a while, we got used to not seeing my dad but there were still moments when I really wanted him there. Although mum did a great job of giving us everything we needed and being there for us, I still felt like I was missing out.”

Kara says that it was always particularly difficult on father's day, at school events, or on birthdays when everyone else had their dads around.

“I can’t say that I had a bad childhood – I didn’t, and kids learn to adapt very quickly – but my mum never re-married and I always felt the lack of a male figure in my life, especially when I started dating.”

Getting Back in Touch

“I met my husband, Mark, at school and we got engaged when I was 20. I was so excited about planning our wedding but I couldn’t stop thinking about not having my dad to walk me down the aisle. I spoke to mum about it and she said that if I wanted to contact him, she would support me but didn’t want me to get my hopes up too much.

“It wasn’t difficult to find him and we spoke on the phone. I was so nervous but it was really easy to chat and we decided to meet up. There were so many things I wanted to say but it took me a while to raise the subject of why he stopped seeing me. It was painful but very cathartic to talk about it and realise that no situation is ever black and white and he had missed me too.

“Walking down the aisle with my dad on my arm was as emotional as getting married. We can’t get back all those years, and we haven’t totally rebuilt our relationship but I am very happy to have him back in my life.”

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

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After reading this article.(maybe )one day this girl will contact me one day .in reality I don’t really know how I feel about it now .I see my divorced family memberson Facebook posting photos off there beautiful daughters taking them on adventures on the weekends.but they went straight to court for rights when there relationships with there wife’s broke down so it’s (different they still had the bond relationship off father and daughter).for people like me there is (no bondthere is no relationship).nah I don’t have to worry about her contacting me that will never happen i’m a (realist and don’t have my head in the clouds) .I take my hat off two my family members they are better fathers and better men then myself .in reality I just couldn’t find the room in my life for her not now .I hope she doesn’t contact me when she is 24 to walking down the isle .it be just weird and I wouldn’t want to be rude .but it’s hard to get in contact with me I’m old school and been taught to stay under the radar .
Chris - 27-Jun-21 @ 4:54 PM
After reading this article.(maybe )one day this girl will contact me one day .in reality I don’t really know how I feel about it now .I see my divorced family memberson Facebook posting photos off there beautiful daughters taking them on adventures on the weekends.but they went straight to court for rights when there relationships with there wife’s broke down so it’s (different they still had the bond relationship off father and daughter).for people like me there is (no bondthere is no relationship).nah I don’t have to worry about her contacting me that will never happen i’m a (realist and don’t have my head in the clouds) .I take my hat off two my family members they are better fathers and better men then myself .in reality I just couldn’t find the room in my life for her not now .I hope she doesn’t contact me when she is 24 to walking down the isle .it be just weird and I wouldn’t want to be rude .but it’s hard to get in contact with me I’m old school and been taught to stay under the radar .
Chris - 27-Jun-21 @ 4:47 PM
If you are looking for something to entertain in your spare time during the current covid-19 outbreak. The Impossible Game will probably be a great choice for you! They are completely free!
impossible game - 23-Jun-21 @ 4:37 PM
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