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Introducing a New Partner to Your Children

By: Chris Nickson - Updated: 23 Jul 2020 | comments*Discuss
 
Separated Dads Children Partner

One of the most stressful things you can do as a separated father is to introduce your children to your new partner. You want everyone to like and accept everyone else – and you’re really not sure what you’ll do if that doesn’t happen. There are no guarantees, of course, but there are a number of things you can do to try to ensure everything goes smoothly. That’s especially important for your children, who won’t understand a lot of the dynamics, and who after all, are the most important things to you.

What Type Of Partner Should You Introduce?

The chances are you’ll date a number of people before finding a serious relationship. Don’t introduce your kids to every passing girlfriend. It will only confuse and frustrate them, and when you want them to meet someone with whom you’re developing a Serious Relationship, it’ll take them longer to trust her.

It’s best to wait until you have a committed relationship with someone before introducing your children into the equation. Give things time to reach stability, where you’re comfortable with each other. Talk to her about your children beforehand, by all means, but try to avoid discussing your former partner.

One thing you have to do, as the relationship develops, is make sure you still give plenty of time to your children, all the time you can. It’s easy to become distracted in a new, major relationship, but don’t do it at the expense of your kids.

The First Meeting

The first meeting between your children and new partner should be a casual, social occasion – say a trip to the park or the cinema. It certainly shouldn’t be anything that involves stress. Introduce your partner as a friend. Don’t kiss her and hold her and include everyone in the conversation. After a while, slip away for a few minutes so your partner can briefly interact with the children. However, keep time for yourself alone with the kids during the visit, too, just as you normally would.

Moving On

You don’t need to have your partner with you every time you have your children. But do have her join you regularly. In time, sit down with your children and explain about your relationship – obviously in terms they’ll understand, depending on their age. Remember, their reaction is important. Hopefully, by the time you do tell them, they’ll have developed their own relationship with your new partner and accept her readily.

If you and your new partner decide to move in together, make your children a part of the process. If you’re renting or buying a new place, let them make the decisions about Decorating Rooms that will be theirs – it gives them a stake in both the place and the relationship.

If the relationship allows, discuss the move with your ex. She’ll hear about it anyway from the children, but it would probably be best if you told her first, if only as a courtesy to prepare her.

Encountering Problems

You can’t force your children to get along with your new partner, so what happens if they don’t? Well, there’s no easy resolution. It’s quite possible you’ll have to make a choice between your partner and your children (and the same applies if your partner doesn’t like your children). Remember, however, that your children are with you for life. Your responsibility to them will never end. The best thing to do is try everything in your power to make sure things go well. Don’t rush anything – there’s plenty of time.

If You Leave For Someone Else

The situation is a little different if you’ve left to be with another woman. Your ex will have told the children, and you should have sat down with them to explain it, too. However, that doesn’t mean you need to introduce her immediately. Take time alone with your kids when you’re with them, and introduce her gradually, as you might with any relationship. Avoid introducing her immediately as their new stepmother; between fairytales and stories, step-parents have bad reputations. Give your children a chance to become used to her – and vice versa.

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

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@claurie.. you seem to be a very inconsiderate person for putting this person who may have some serious mental health issues down!! What happened to her as a child has affected her throughout her life. How is it her fault that she is having repetitive behavior that was displayed to her as a child?? This is coming from a professional! You really should look at your own issues and why you have the need to put somebody down like that!!
Rob - 22-Jul-20 @ 4:05 AM
Can everyone on here take a breath and remember we are discussing little children and not livestock. Half the people on here do not deserve to have children. Many mothers should be ashamed of themselves for using their own jealousy and bitterness over a breakup as the driving force for why they stop the children seeing their dad.- do you not understand you are hurting them? Whilst he may have fallen out of love with you, he still loves his child(ren) very much. Children do not understand what is going on in relationships, but they feel very deeply when they are deprived of contact with a parent. You have no idea yet, of the long term psychological damage that could be done to children, when you act out of a selfish determination to make an ex partner pay for leaving you - get over yourself, no wonder he left you, if this is what your behavior was like. And Dads, whatever the reasons for the split whether you left or was no longer wanted. - That does not give you any right whatsoever to still try and control whatever decisions your ex subsequently makes. Men are far too quick to contact social services thinking this will display mothers in a bad or neglectful way. Social workers do know what is going on with the fathers who do this. It does not help and merely makes you look vindictive. Also, it causes further bad feeling and creates even more strain on any child arrangements. Both mothers and fathers need to grow up - children are not your possessions - you could not create a child on your own, remember that. - So therefore what do you think gives you the right to try to control them or deprive the other parent contact, when it is not reasonable to do so.? What type of parent does that make you if you are using them to merely hurt an ex. - This makes your behavior bad parenting also. These actions have a nasty way of coming back to haunt you as the child grows up. Fathersneed to remember when the child is old enough to make decisions, the court can ask them directly what they want to do, if you have an ex that is being unreasonable. Children need both their mother and their father when ever this is possible. Far too many children have grown up damaged with emotional issues when one parent has acted out of spite against the ex, and deprived the child their right to spend time with them. It really is a cruel and disgusting thing to do when you act out of malice and not with genuine grounds for concern. - that of course, is completely different when there are valid reasons.
andg - 20-May-20 @ 11:24 AM
Hi, I have recently got into a relationship with a guy who has 2 kids with two different mums. The kids mums both cheated on my boyfriend. The boy aged 5 has said I’m really nice and that he feels safer with his dad than his mum. And the little one is 8 months. How should we best introduce me to the little boy I’ve talked on FaceTime to him.
Katie - 22-Apr-20 @ 3:26 PM
@saco.as I read your post .as you said your father had a lack off love for you so you dig holes in your skin and have eating disorder.if her child said that to me I would laugh in her face and say I haven’t seen you sense you where 5 how is it my fault ?for your digging holes in skin and having eating disorder maybe you have a mental disorder maybe go see a doctor.and say sorry but I don’t want you in my life I’m not available for you deal with it and pull yourself together and blame yourself for your issues.
C.laurie - 1-Apr-20 @ 4:02 AM
@saco.i have never been to court for visitation to get the every second weekend and half holidays and (never will) .i do have (different priorities )and the child who is 16 this year and who I haven’t seen sense she was (5 )doesn’t rank real high on my (priority list) .i don’t class myself as a (good father) in fact when friends ask if I have children I say no I never had (children that’s gods truth ).put I wish the child well in life wherever she is I’m sure she is fine and turned out good .if she didn’t I don’t really care and I’m not( available for the child because there is no room for a teenage child in my life as I do have different priorities in my life and been a parent is not one off them ).
C.laurie - 1-Apr-20 @ 3:05 AM
Hi Chris. I'm the daughter of the Separated Dad. I am now 30 years old and questioning a lot certain patterns I have developed since childhood as well as being in the process of understanding a lot regarding my relationship with my father. I don't remember all the details, neither the exact chronology of this long episode, but my parents got separated (shortly after, got divorced) when I was 6yo, same time my sister was born. My father cheated on my mother while she was pregnant with my sister and then left my mother for the new partner at that time (who he then lived with for 17 years (had another child), and who he eventually cheated on. Repeating pattern, you may say?). We then lived every other week with him. Between homes, school, homework, sports and other activities, I actually never felt at home, always in between homes, living in my duffle bag... Eventually, at the age of 16 (also coincides with when I started going out with my first boyfriend), I got tired of that and went living with my mother full time. He has always been available and a good father to his children... "Available", but not quite present, no initiative. "A good father", but not quite convening, not bringing us together. Was it that he had different priorities? Perhaps so. I try to have a healthy-ish lifestyle (thanks to physical activity/yoga and meditation which are keeping me somewhat sane) and consider myself a strong woman, but still feel very insecure, anxious and demanding, particularly when it comes to any kind of performance as well as with my general relationship with men (I have had a few partners but have been in only two serious relationships, both 6 years, and eventually in both I got bored and cheated (which I don't ever talk about as I am horribly ashamed of myself)). As for my anxiety, it manifests itself by scratching my body (mostly shoulders, arms, chest, face) and binge eating. Why am I behaving like my father is? Am I trying to fill this gap, this lack of love, by keeping my hands busy at digging holes into my skin, or with food, or by seeking being with other men (hence, falling in love rapidly, meeting someone new and already seeing the potential or not with this person)? How can I stop being needy and just feel good as I naturally am? I have been on this quest of being ok and happy with my alone-and-unique-self, doing what makes me feel good. At the same time, I have been working hard on figuring out what am I doing as I feel that I have always been just roaming/floating around, as I never quite figured out yet where to place myself, what is my mission in life. That alone can be it's own topic of discussion. To be honest with you, I am not sure of what I am asking here or even what to expect or if there is anything to respond... I have been analyzing this a lot as you may see, but this is the first time ever that I am putting down in writing this event that, as I re-read myself, shaped my whole life up to now. I guess t
SaCo - 30-Mar-20 @ 5:55 PM
Hi Chris. I'm the daughter of the Separated Dad. I am now 30 years old and questioning a lot certain patterns I have developed since childhood as well as being in the process of understanding a lot regarding my relationship with my father. I don't remember all the details, neither the exact chronology of this long episode, but my parents got separated (shortly after, got divorced) when I was 6yo, same time my sister was born. My father cheated on my mother while she was pregnant with my sister and then left my mother for the new partner at that time (who he then lived with for 17 years (had another child), and who he eventually cheated on. Repeating pattern, you may say?). We then lived every other week with him. Between homes, school, homework, sports and other activities, I actually never felt at home, always in between homes, living in my duffle bag... Eventually, at the age of 16 (also coincides with when I started going out with my first boyfriend), I got tired of that and went living with my mother full time. He has always been available and a good father to his children... "Available", but not quite present, no initiative. "A good father", but not quite convening, not bringing us together. Was it that he had different priorities? Perhaps so. I try to have a healthy-ish lifestyle (thanks to physical activity/yoga and meditation which are keeping me somewhat sane) and consider myself a strong woman, but still feel very insecure, anxious and demanding, particularly when it comes to any kind of performance as well as with my general relationship with men (I have had a few partners but have been in only two serious relationships, both 6 years, and eventually in both I got bored and cheated (which I don't ever talk about as I am horribly ashamed of myself)). As for my anxiety, it manifests itself by scratching my body (mostly shoulders, arms, chest, face) and binge eating. Why am I behaving like my father is? Am I trying to fill this gap, this lack of love, by keeping my hands busy at digging holes into my skin, or with food, or by seeking being with other men (hence, falling in love rapidly, meeting someone new and already seeing the potential or not with this person)? How can I stop being needy and just feel good as I naturally am? I have been on this quest of being ok and happy with my alone-and-unique-self, doing what makes me feel good. At the same time, I have been working hard on figuring out what am I doing as I feel that I have always been just roaming/floating around, as I never quite figured out yet where to place myself, what is my mission in life. That alone can be it's own topic of discussion. To be honest with you, I am not sure of what I am asking here or even what to expect or if there is anything to respond... I have been analyzing this a lot as you may see, but this is the first time ever that I am putting down in writing this event that, as I re-read myself, shaped my whole life up to now. I guess t
SaCo - 30-Mar-20 @ 5:45 PM
I am in a realtionship with guy whos in USA , but is English i am still here he is coming over soon to join me, he has twp girls 34, and 36, he was in a long term realtionship with a girl b4 me but they never married i was being nosey and went on to x partners fb site, and see she has putor his daughter has putthe name of step daughter aand under friends shes put name is my step daughter when i said this to my partner he didnt think anything of it, i feel hurt, ano its silly thing but why write that its no even true
Nosey - 13-May-19 @ 11:10 PM
My ex moved out in January (together 23 years and married), we'd lived separate lives for 15 months after she cheated on me but stayed for children and for her to finish Uni. I met someone else, discussed it with her & she was fine, was! But now I'm engaged & everything has changed. We'd agreed weekends & child maintenance but she's gone back on all of it. I get my son one Saturday {9-4) every 2 weeks & now paying £263 child maintenance even though she stuffed me for £7500 of uni debt. She's now booked to take him away for the first 2 weeks of the Summer holidays knowing full well (last 7 years in this job) that, that is my only two weeks off at that time. The issue I have is my step daughter was allowed to see her Dad every other weekend from Friday to Sunday & she never once took him to the CSA. Do I have grounds to demand more time and/or claim discrimination, or sue. Also she is dictating when he can meet my Fiancé and my Fiancé is cool about it but it's meaning that I have to split time between them as I only see her on weekends. Any advice would be much appreciated.
Lguard123 - 19-Mar-19 @ 11:10 AM
My ex moved out in January (together 23 years and married), we'd lived separate lives for 15 months after she cheated on me but stayed for children and for her to finish Uni. I met someone else, discussed it with her & she was fine, was! But now I'm engaged & everything has changed. We'd agreed weekends & child maintenance but she's gone back on all of it. I get my son one Saturday {9-4) every 2 weeks & now paying £263 child maintenance even though she stuffed me for £7500 of uni debt. She's now booked to take him away for the first 2 weeks of the Summer holidays knowing full well (last 7 years in this job) that, that is my only two weeks off at that time. The issue I have is my step daughter was allowed to see her Dad every other weekend from Friday to Sunday & she never once took him to the CSA. Do I have grounds to demand more time and/or claim discrimination, or sue. Also she is dictating when he can meet my Fiancé and my Fiancé is cool about it but it's meaning that I have to split time between them as I only see her on weekends. Any advice would be much appreciated.
Lguard123 - 19-Mar-19 @ 9:19 AM
My ex moved out in January (together 23 years and married), we'd lived separate lives for 15 months after she cheated on me but stayed for children and for her to finish Uni. I met someone else, discussed it with her & she was fine, was! But now I'm engaged & everything has changed. We'd agreed weekends & child maintenance but she's gone back on all of it. I get my son one Saturday {9-4) every 2 weeks & now paying £263 child maintenance even though she stuffed me for £7500 of uni debt. She's now booked to take him away for the first 2 weeks of the Summer holidays knowing full well (last 7 years in this job) that, that is my only two weeks off at that time. The issue I have is my step daughter was allowed to see her Dad every other weekend from Friday to Sunday & she never once took him to the CSA. Do I have grounds to demand more time and/or claim discrimination, or sue. Also she is dictating when he can meet my Fiancé and my Fiancé is cool about it but it's meaning that I have to split time between them as I only see her on weekends. Any advice would be much appreciated.
Lguard123 - 19-Mar-19 @ 8:36 AM
Correction : I do take care of my kids financially, And get them every other weekend when she allows me to. I buy them clothes and take them places. They visit their other grandparents my parents all the time. I spend quality time with them.
Kev’o - 18-Mar-19 @ 1:12 PM
I broke up with my girlfriend over a year ago she was very abusive in front of the kids. I am in a new relationship and I want to introduce my children to my new girlfriend and her children. But my ex do not want me to introduce my children to my new girlfriend until she meet her in person. They met on the phone and it was very abusive conversation because I left her . I don’t take care of my children financially and I didn’t get them every other weekend when she about it when she’s in her mood she won’t let me get them .My new girlfriend would love to meet my children she had told her children about my children. So when is a good time and should I let my ex meet my girlfriend.My ex and my girlfriend from not get along because of the break up.
Kev’o - 18-Mar-19 @ 1:07 PM
@hays.well need to go to (court )only way it’s common for women to do this .if your partner is a (stand up character )a man he (rasieabove is petty ex )and take it to the courts .only way you take it the (old way) and you will be jailed .
Chris - 8-Jan-19 @ 4:32 PM
Me and my partner have been together for over three years now. He has moved in with me and has a great relationship with my kids. However, I have never met his ( aged 14 and 18) His ex wife has made it completely impossible to have any normal relationship with them. They refuse to be any where near me. This makes our life hell. He still trys to take responsibility of providing lifts and meeting with them but can only see them at her house or take out to have food etc. This has a huge negative impact on our relationship and i have tried to contact her to arrange a meeting to talk about her reasons why (as they aren't any) But she just say's there is no reason for them to meet you. I am at my wits end to find a solution to this but just hitting a blank wall.
hays - 8-Jan-19 @ 1:17 PM
Hi, my ex has been stopping me see my son with my girlfriend that I have been with for two years. I am having to separate my time with my partner and her kids to spend time with my son on our own, and not as a family. This is causing problems between me and my girlfriend and as I work 6 days a week and on the 7th I’m with my son, I don’t get to spend any time with my girlfriend and her children as well as my son together. What can I do? I have suggested mediation on which she has booked a date in over 3 months and has mentioned that she will need to delay it further. This is causing great amount of stress on myself as well as not being able to have my son over. Any advice?
Tappy - 30-Oct-18 @ 8:01 PM
@clarke.that is my biggest fear with my x she has many boyfriend and girlfriends coming and going and( full access to my daughter and her halfbrother) there is so many freaks out there it would worry me and when drinking I get angry and think bad thoughts and picture my daughter been subjected to abuse and work myself up .so today I have renewed my gym membership been over 14 months sense I last trained getting sloppy and old and cut back on the drink and stay focussed on what I want that is my daughter and I to have a stable relationship and for her to be able to come to me with anything and no she has a safe home with me .
C.laurie - 23-Aug-18 @ 2:21 AM
Hi.. I'm currently trying to get my ex to allow me to introduce my kids to my new partner but she's having none of it.. this is having major impact on y,mew relationship as we are planning on moving in together.. worse part about this is she has already introduced my kids to a fling she had a left them over night with him for it to end a few weeks later.. what do I do
Clarke - 23-Aug-18 @ 12:59 AM
Rocky Bilboa - Your Question:
Hi,My ex forced me out of the family home a week before Christmas when she was pregnant on our 3rd child. She gave birth in April 18. 3 days after she gave birth I called to the house to collect some of my remaining stuff and in the kitchen were 2 empty wine bottles she had drank the night before. I called child services and reported my concerns to them. Her reaction was to stop me from seeing or speaking to my children for 3 months and I had to bring her to court for access and guardianship of the 3 children which was granted. It was sorted out in the corridors of the court house between our solicitors and never made it in front of a judge. A week later I found out that 1 month into the 3 months she blocked all access and contact between me and the children, she moved a guy she met on a dating website into the house with my newborn son, 2 year old daughter and 6 year old son. I understand relationships break down and people move on and I can live with that. But moving a complete stranger in with a new born baby after a few weeks? She will not give me any details of who he is and has not introduced himself to me to explain his interest in my children. Is this legal from a moral welfare point of view? Its definitely not normal. I get to see my newborn son for a few hours on a Sunday and this complete stranger has full access and is nursing and living with him and my other children. I think it may be the first time in the history of life on earth that any sort of life form has done this. Where is the maternal instinct? For the record I'm going to get paternity testing done. I'm going out of my mind with worry. Anyone else experience anything like this?

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear you are having a tricky time. However, what your ex does whilst she is not in a relationship with you is entirely up to her. As painful as it is, there are no rules that states she can't move someone else in across such a short space of time. Obviously, you are concerned about your children but not everyone is out to harm or abuse children. In this case, you may wish to join the Separated Dads forum, as there will be dads who have been through similar issues and it may help you put some perspective on things and/or help you through this emotional situation. If your ex will not allow you access, then your only recourse is mediation and/or take the matter to court, please see the link here.
SeparatedDads - 9-Aug-18 @ 11:57 AM
All I want is one weekend a month and one week at Christmas .and keep the deal of not paying child support and we signed parenting plan that I draw up and my child mother signed.she must bring all there own cloths and shoes when they stay with me and her mother never call when I have them .i call her if something goes wrong .and her mother gives my daughter 100 pounds for the weekend I have them .?
Lionel rose - 7-Aug-18 @ 11:42 PM
Hi, My ex forced me out of the family home a week before Christmas when she was pregnant on our 3rd child. She gave birth in April 18. 3 days after she gave birth I called to the house to collect some of my remaining stuff and in the kitchen were 2 empty wine bottles she had drank the night before. I called child services and reported my concerns to them. Her reaction was to stop me from seeing or speaking to my children for 3 months and I had to bring her to court for access and guardianship of the 3 children which was granted. It was sorted out in the corridors of the court house between our solicitors and never made it in front of a judge. A week later I found out that 1 month into the 3 months she blocked all access and contact between me and the children, she moved a guy she met on a dating website into the house with my newborn son, 2 year old daughter and 6 year old son. I understand relationships break down and people move on and I can live with that. But moving a complete stranger in with a new born baby after a few weeks? She will not give me any details of who he is and has not introduced himself to me to explain his interest in my children. Is this legal from a moral welfare point of view? Its definitely not normal. I get to see my newborn son for a few hours on a Sunday and this complete stranger has full access and is nursing and living with him and my other children. I think it may be the first time in the history of life on earth that any sort of life form has done this. Where is the maternal instinct? For the record I'm going to get paternity testing done. I'm going out of my mind with worry. Anyone else experience anything like this?
Rocky Bilboa - 7-Aug-18 @ 7:59 PM
Stuck - Your Question:
Hi I'm looking for some advice. Me and my husband was together 8 years 2 kids 3 and 4 years. He left just over a year ago since then his dated 2 people. 1st one he turned in to a nasty person. And made me ill Intruduce are kids a few weeks into it,even though she was engaged when they met. Didn't last long at all. We then got back together for 2 weeks untill he left again. His now been seeing someone for 8 months. So we spoke about him intruducing the kids but little at a time. I've since found out she's been round house alot when kids are there. I've asked him as they've only met her 3 times can he please just keep it low key outside visits as daughter is getting upset. His refusing. Where do I stand? Thanks

Our Response:
There's little you can do to stop your ex getting on with his own life and making his own decisions as a parent. If he doesn't agree with your personal viewpoint, you could ask him to attend mediation in order to try to resolve these issues. However, your only other option is court, but it is highly unlikely a court would opt in your favour unless you could prove your ex's partner should not be part of your children's lives. The benchmark is to ask yourself whether you would ask permission from him when introducing another man to your children?
SeparatedDads - 10-Jul-18 @ 12:13 PM
Hi I'm looking for some advice. Me and my husband was together 8 years 2 kids 3 and 4 years. He left just over a year ago since then his dated 2 people. 1st one he turned in to a nasty person. And made me ill Intruduce are kids a few weeks into it,even though she was engaged when they met. Didn't last long at all. We then got back together for 2 weeks untill he left again. His now been seeing someone for 8 months. So we spoke about him intruducing the kids but little at a time. I've since found out she's been round house alot when kids are there. I've asked him as they've only met her 3 times can he please just keep it low key outside visits as daughter is getting upset. His refusing. Where do I stand? Thanks
Stuck - 9-Jul-18 @ 9:14 PM
Hi there it came to my attention on Saturday evening ( 28/4/18 ) that my ex partner has let my daughter stay with a man who she had recently just started a relationship with which they both met on Plenty Of Fish which is an online dating site and have only been seeing each other for approximately 3 months and was also told there was a picture taking of my daughter sleeping in this mans house and then placed over Facebook which then I looked into and seen and have a copy of it myself then I message my ex partner to enquire about this which at first she denied and said they where false to then I replied and told her that I had evidence of it as it was placed over Facebook which then she openly admitted over a text message that’s it’s none of my business what she does and who she leaves my girls with and she will leave them both with this new partner and she does not care what I say which to me is that her not acting in the best interest of our daughter due to this only being a recent relationship and she obviously doesn’t know this man well enough to allow any of her children stay over for a night so after that I took it upon myself to look further into this as this person in question is a friend of my mums freinds son so I looked further through his Facebook to seek further information and by my absolute utter shock I came across a post he placed on his Facebook stating “ good thing about a caravan site you can drink and drive haha ???? “ with his picture sat behind the wheel of his car holding a bottle of Budweiser and to shock me even more he was at this caravan site with both his children and my greatest fear is if he can brag on facebook about drink and driving with his own children then he’s more than capable of doing such a dangerous crime with both my children so I screenshot the picture for more evidence so then I contacted emergency social work on Sunday ( 29/04/2018 ) which to my absolute utter shock was told I had to contact the police which then I did do I went to my local police station to report what had been happening to then be told due to the circumstances I had to contact the social services office which I did do and to be told I had to contact social care direct to state my concerns which I find absolute shocking mainly due to the fact how serious this is and they will contact the social work service with my concerns which I’m totally shocked at how I have been passed around the way I have since Sunday when I strongly feel that the emergency social services should have stated to me to do that when I spoke to them and my other main concern is social work have a personal vendetta against me and feel that even though I have raised concerns at such a serious nature will not be treated in such away to the best interest off both my girls so then today I receive a call from social work to then be told there’s nothing they can do about it and had the utter cheek to then ask me what did I want them to do is there anyway I could possibly
Phil - 1-May-18 @ 6:02 PM
Hi there it came to my attention on Saturday evening ( 28/4/18 ) that my ex partner has let my daughter stay with a man who she had recently just started a relationship with which they both met on Plenty Of Fish which is an online dating site and have only been seeing each other for approximately 3 months and was also told there was a picture taking of my daughter sleeping in this mans house and then placed over Facebook which then I looked into and seen and have a copy of it myself then I message my ex partner to enquire about this which at first she denied and said they where false to then I replied and told her that I had evidence of it as it was placed over Facebook which then she openly admitted over a text message that’s it’s none of my business what she does and who she leaves my girls with and she will leave them both with this new partner and she does not care what I say which to me is that her not acting in the best interest of our daughter due to this only being a recent relationship and she obviously doesn’t know this man well enough to allow any of her children stay over for a night so after that I took it upon myself to look further into this as this person in question is a friend of my mums freinds son so I looked further through his Facebook to seek further information and by my absolute utter shock I came across a post he placed on his Facebook stating “ good thing about a caravan site you can drink and drive haha ???? “ with his picture sat behind the wheel of his car holding a bottle of Budweiser and to shock me even more he was at this caravan site with both his children and my greatest fear is if he can brag on facebook about drink and driving with his own children then he’s more than capable of doing such a dangerous crime with both my children so I screenshot the picture for more evidence so then I contacted emergency social work on Sunday ( 29/04/2018 ) which to my absolute utter shock was told I had to contact the police which then I did do I went to my local police station to report what had been happening to then be told due to the circumstances I had to contact the social services office which I did do and to be told I had to contact social care direct to state my concerns which I find absolute shocking mainly due to the fact how serious this is and they will contact the social work service with my concerns which I’m totally shocked at how I have been passed around the way I have since Sunday when I strongly feel that the emergency social services should have stated to me to do that when I spoke to them and my other main concern is social work have a personal vendetta against me and feel that even though I have raised concerns at such a serious nature will not be treated in such away to the best interest off both my girls so then today I receive a call from social work to then be told there’s nothing they can do about it and had the utter cheek to then ask me what did I want them to do is there anyway I could possibly
Phil - 1-May-18 @ 6:00 PM
Mick2008 - Your Question:
My ex and I split 5 years ago, and we have an eight year old son together. She has had a partner for the last 3 years (who I get on well with), however I remained single up until a year ago. I have been in a relationship for a year now and taking things slowly. My son knows about my girlfriend, but has not yet met her. My ex has demanded that she meets my girlfriend before I introduce him to my son. (We were never married). Does she have any right to do this? I am worried she will take my on away? Why should she meet my girlfriend first?

Our Response:
The question to ask is, whether you asked the same when she met her boyfriend? Did you ask to meet him prior to her introducing your son to him? Your ex does not have any right to ask this. She has moved on with her life and made her own decisions and therefore who you meet and who you wish to introduce your son to, should be up to you, if you have parental responsibility. However, this is in an ideal world and people don't always fit into such neat pigeonholes. The thing is to speak to your ex first and say that you have held off for a year and given you have PR, and if she knows you, that you will have the rationality not to introduce your son to someone who you thought wouldn't be in your son's best interests to be introduced to. But, you are an adult with a mind of your own and a life of your own and need to be treated as such. However, if this causes a problem, then you should suggest mediation as a way of trying to resolve this issue. I'm sure it's not that you mind introducing your ex to your child when you feel the time is right, but I'm sure both you and she don't want to be on parade and judged. If your ex persists, or refuses to attend mediation, your only recourse would be to apply to court for a contact order, which shouldn't be a problem if you have had access to date. It is highly unlikely a court would not allow you to have your current partner in your child's life (unless there was a very valid reason). However, court is always seen as a last resort and therefore negotiation is always considered best.
SeparatedDads - 23-Jan-18 @ 1:50 PM
My ex and I split 5 years ago, and we have an eight year old son together. She has had a partner for the last 3 years (who I get on well with), however I remained single up until a year ago. I have been in a relationship for a year now and taking things slowly. My son knows about my girlfriend, but has not yet met her. My ex has demanded that she meets my girlfriend before I introduce him to my son. (We were never married). Does she have any right to do this? I am worried she will take my on away? Why should she meet my girlfriend first?
Mick2008 - 22-Jan-18 @ 8:15 PM
My ex and I have a 16 month old little girl who is my world, I see her just as much as her mother does. Today she tells me she wants our little girl to meet her partner of 2 months. I said no please wait a bit but she insists it’s gonna happen like it or not.... My little girl and I have a great relationship but the thought of another man playing happy families with her is killing me. How do I get my head around this?
Chiefy - 15-Jan-18 @ 11:51 PM
I’ve been seeing my partner for two months now, we have been getting along really well so I introduced him to my four children the youngest is 13 and the eldest is 24. But now I regret him meeting them so soon cause although we are still together at the moment there’s a slight distance between us as in our relationship. Do I keep him away from the kids and go back to just seeing him on my own to see which direction the relationship is going to take?
Loveable rose - 4-Jan-18 @ 11:41 PM
JD- Your Question:
Hi Ive recently come out of a 6 year relationship we’ve been separated 3months. We have one child together, in that time I’ve met someone else and we’ve been together for six weeks my ex partner since finding out about my new partner has become difficult in regards to my son. We had an arrangement I have him for dinner Tuesday and Thursday and have him every other weekend but has now cut my time down to just a Wednesday for dinner and every other weekend, this has been for around 2-3 weeks and the first Wednesday she didn’t let me pick him up but has since! But every time I pick him up she hurls abuse at me in regards to my new partner and uses my son as a weapon in most disputes! My new relationship is getting serious despite being new and in time would like to introduce my new partner and son to each other but my ex is adamant this will never happen and has said if I do I won’t be able to see my son! I’ve reiterated many times I wouldn’t just bring another women into my sons life without making sure that our relationship becomes serious and would speak to my ex partner about it first when I do feel the time is right as I think as his mother she should know and we should have an adult conversation about it but there’s no reasoning with her! So I just want to know my rights in regards to this matter?

Our Response:
If the separation is recent, it is understandable that emotions can run high when either or both parties attempt to move on. If you cannot agree between yourselves, then mediation should be considered here. If your ex refuses access and/or to discuss the matter, then your only option would be to apply to court. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. Unless your ex can provide a good reason why your new partner shouldn't be introduced to your child, or be part of his life, then it is likely the court will continue the access arrangement you have previously had. However, in situations such as this, mutual negotiation is always the preferred approach. Court should only ever be considered as a last resort.
SeparatedDads - 30-Nov-17 @ 2:12 PM
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