When Daddy Got a New Girlfriend: A Case Study

Author: Emma Jones

Alesha, 7, was scared that her Dad only wanted to spend time with his new girlfriend, but now says they have become friends.

“I was very sad when Daddy moved out as I couldn’t see him every day. I missed him reading me a story when I went to bed and playing with me in the garden. Mummy was sad, too, and used to cry in her bed. When I did get to see him it was a lot of fun and he would take me to the zoo or to go swimming and play in the park.

“My friend’s Dad moved out but then he came back again and I was hoping that my Daddy would, too. I would pray and ask God to make him come back but it didn’t work. Mummy told me that he still loved me but that they were not very happy living together.”

A New Girlfriend

“One day when I went to visit Daddy he said that there was somebody that he wanted me to meet. Her name was Alison and she had long black hair and was very pretty. He said that she was his friend and was going to come out with us for the day. I didn’t really want her to as I wanted to just be with Daddy but she was lots of fun.

“When I went home and told Mummy about Alison, she was very angry. I could hear her on the phone shouting at Daddy but I don’t know what she was saying. After that, I didn’t really want to see Alison because I didn’t want to make Mummy angry.”

Child Maintenance Calculator

Find out how much child maintenance you should pay or receive. Takes less than a minute.

Try our Child Maintenance Calculator free, here on this site →

Daddy’s Girl

“I didn’t see Daddy as much for the next few months and Mummy would say it was because of Alison. I didn’t really know what she meant but I was worried that Daddy was going to replace her with me and loved her more. I was sad that I didn’t get to see him and was scared that he would stop visiting."

A few months later, Alesha went to stay with her Dad and he told her all about Alison. He explained that she was his new girlfriend and that he loved her but Alesha would always be his favourite girl.

Making Friends

“I didn’t want Daddy to love Alison but I was happy that he loved me, too. At first, I wouldn’t talk to Alison and would ignore her when she came round. She kept coming over though so eventually I decided that it was boring to keep ignoring her.

“Once I started talking to her I thought she was quite nice and she asked if we could be friends. I said that we could be and that made her and Daddy smile. Now I don’t mind seeing her and she is good at making brownies. She is not always there when I go to see Daddy which is good, because sometimes I just want to see him. Mummy doesn’t seem as angry at her now but I don’t really talk about her when I’m not with Daddy.”

For more information, see our articles Introducing A New Partner To Your Children and When Your Ex Gets A New Partner on this site.

The Next Step

Now that you have read through the advice above, you might want to put it into practice. Our Child Maintenance Calculator lets you find out how much child maintenance you should pay or receive. Takes less than a minute. Try it now →

20 Comments (of 40)

Ask a Question or Comment

SeparatedDads Editor 26 Mar 2026

@JRQ You've really hit the nail on the head about patience being key. It's encouraging that you recognise your children's feelings are normal and valid - that awareness alone will help them feel more secure during this transition. You're absolutely right that forcing relationships rarely works with children. They need to process change at their own pace. Every child responds differently, and there's no set timeline for adjustment. Keep those lines of communication open and let them know their feelings matter. If things feel particularly challenging or if behavioural changes persist, don't hesitate to reach out to a family counsellor who specialises in blended family dynamics. They can offer strategies tailored to your specific situation. Wishing you and your family all the best as you navigate this together.

JRQ 15 Nov 2025

Sort of helpful to read this. Going through something similar with my kids right now. The key seems to be giving them time to adjust and not forcing the relationship. Good reminder that it's normal for them to feel confused or worried at first. Patience is everything I suppose with kids.

Tj 23 Oct 2020

Wow, matt. After years of trying to find help with a situation just like yours, trawling thousands of threads and articles for help and advice, this is the only one I've seen that hits home with our situation. Being in the middle of the person you want to spend your life with, wanting to be there for your kids, but knowing trying to do both damages both parties and yourself, with no one really happy whichever way it goes. It feels like an impossible battle... i am scared to know what happened for you...

Cece 19 Aug 2020

I am a 35 year old woman who is coming out of a 10-year marriage this is the third time he has left me and ghosted me he completely cut me off and there was a lot of mental abuse through the relationship that we both had done to each other and I was very abusive to him because I didn't understand what love was because I had been abused my whole life then I finally started to understand that when you love someone you don't hurt them you just try to love them and bite your tongue and pick your battles and I went back for almost 3 months everything was going great I mean we had a few arguments but nothing major like it used to be and then on my birthday weekend I left on a Wednesday to go spend it with my children was supposed to go back home Sunday I got a message on Friday telling me that he's done he didn't love me no more he couldn't be with me and then he just throws me my clothes and he keeps all my other property and he has me sitting here and I'm so concern I'm wondering why did you even bring me back for 3 months cuz it took me almost 6 months to get over you and I wasn't even all the way over you yet but I was learning to get over you and then bring me back 3 months and then break my heart all over again. Overall my pretty strong person I can take a lot but I'm starting to learn how to control my emotions more than I usually ever have been able to. One day at a Time one foot in front of each other and a lot of prayer.

sea-gal 18 Aug 2020

hi i am a teenager and my dad is a relationship but i am actually very upseat that his gf is a tomboy and so am i iand i have some sort of feeling that she doest understand that i am a tomboy because she is always expecting me to act like a girly girl and the fact is my dad is now quetioning my gender and asking am i straight or am i lesbian and the fact is i am straight but he just doesnt understand that i currently dont have a mother since she past away but in the end i have good friends and i have 3 half siblings that i have to look after and then on top of that my dads gf has 3 boys and i am the oldest family in my house and the second oldest is in year 4 and so i am the only teenager in my family and i have no one i can talk to and since i dont have a mother i have to take on the mother role my dad rarely talks to me all he says is make dinner, morning, goodnight and yes and no i am so lost on what to do could someone plz help me

C laurie 2 Jul 2020

Tas.i just been on the forum and read sum off the fathers stories( holy hell ).sum fathers have been accused of touching there children shouting and hitting them having social services involved.(bye all means if they did it they should go to jail and never be allowed around children again) .but imagine if you didn’t do it good lord that’s soul shattering.i don’t class myself as good dad but I never hit my daughter or touched her I love her and could never hurt her I want to her to better then me and want her to go to uni and get a degree and marry a good professional men .and hope she doesn’t turn out like her mother that’s my biggest fear .her mother missed out my brains when born she is the (classic blonde bimbo complete with giggle 100 percent) I think instead off brains she got a sleeping hamster up there instead .

Tas 2 Jul 2020

I have a partner who has two children, 6 & 4. Their mother has many times dropped them into my care hours before she knows their father will return from work. She has also asked me to care for them out of agreed access times because she is stressed and can't cope. The first time was for a week, the second 3 days. She has now recieved a divorce petition so is very bitter and the 6yr old told me that mummy said daddy is not allowed a girlfriend because he is her husband and should be living with them. Last Sunday she called my partner drunk an hour before he was supposed to return them. She was so drunk she was calling him darling and slurring her words. He refused to take them home whilst she was in that state and suggested she collect them Monday morning. This caused her father (who was also drunk as they had been at a family party) to call and verbally abuse my partner. Today partner got a call from the family hub in our area saying the mother had made an allegation that I shout at the children and therefore I was no longer allowed to be with the children alone. I am understandably upset and there is nothing I can do about this allegation. I called the family hub myself to explain but it fell on deaf ears. I really feel that I shouldn't be around the children at all now but this will adversely affect the relationship with my partner. Does anyone have any advice?

Pink 26 Aug 2019

Hi, I’ve been separated for 3 yrs due to partner cheating. He is now upto gf number 2 & it’s been 6 mths as I know through kids. Well recently my kids have mentioned that they were left with her while their dad went to watch a boxing fight at pub & didn’t come home till late as they were put to sleep. Is there anything I can say about this? I feel coz he hasn’t told me about her that I should know who my kids are around expecially if left alone while in his care. Help!!

zaina 6 Jun 2019

I was very much sad and shocked when i came to see that my superhero papa had a girlfriend and he is stilling keeping the relationship with her.What can i do to stop this?I dont want my superhero papa to be others.Now i dont like his presence.I hate talking to my papa.What shall i do ?

Kazzy 15 Apr 2019

Need some advice. Since my ex has been with his new girlfriend (they have been together 2 months) all he has been doing is drinking and doing drugs, she got a lump sum of money and that's what it's being spent on. Nearly every night they have been partying for the last 5 weeks straight. My ex has missed contact with his daughter due to him and his gf having plans and "forgetting" (his words) what day it is. Because of this behaviour, last week the day before his contact I went round to check the condition of the house was safe for my daughter. I was shocked to see that it looked like a crack den and stunk of stale alcohol and cannabis. While I was in the house I witnessed his gf buy 2 different types of illegal drugs and got them delivered to his house, she told me that her father had stayed the night before and had been using heroin in the house, She was also on tranquilizers when I was speaking to her, she literally has no shame and thinks that this behaviour is normal, she didn't even try to hide it. My ex looked embarrassed by her but then admitted himself that he was on amphetamines. Fair to say i am never letting my daughter step foot in that house or near his gf. What I want advice on is whether I should stop all contact or just allow him supervised contact, without the gf of course.

MikeH Editor 13 Sep 2018

@Matt - it is possible only through love and mutual support. But it's not easy. Many people constantly feel torn and stuck somehwere in the middle between their current partners and their kids and there is no one-fits-all solution. Communication and conversation is always the best way around this. She chose you too and she knew the deal.

Matt 11 Sep 2018

I’ve been separated for two years now and been with a new partner for a year and a half. She never wanted kids and still doesn’t but I have two from my previous marriage. She is good to them don’t get me wrong but I know she resents them sometimes and the fact I give them attention. I don’t know how I can be a single dad and also be there for my girlfriend. She feels like she has missed out on settling down, travelling, marriage.. all the things I have already done. If she can’t accept them is there any future? We have both given up so much to be together and love each other a lot. Is that enough? I’ve struggled so much over the last two years, secretly depressed with little support from friends. I can’t be depressed I have children. I’ve self harmed suicidal thoughts.. even written my note to everyone saying sorry.. I’ve got through some really dark times and now I should be happy enjoying life but instead I’m stuck worried and trying to protect my children from my girlfriend and girlfriend from my children. And it not as easy as to walk away from her. I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her. How can I find a balance? Is it possible?

Ces 28 Aug 2018

Hi I am 12 years old, my mum and dad separated in February 2017. My dad told me in July 2017 that he had a new girlfriend, her name is Emma and she has 2 girls, Shannon and Sophie- Mae. I don't like Emma and when I told my dad that I don't like her I told her it's either me or her. Emma hates me and she tells my nan how I use my dad. She is controlling my dad has forced him to have a tattoo. My dad doesn't seem to care about me I feel like I've been replaced by the 2 girls. I feel like my dad doesn't love me and doesn't want me anymore. He is making me depressed. After 6 months of him telling me about her he moved in with her. What can I do?

SeparatedDads Editor 31 Jul 2018

I am sorry to hear you are having a tricky time. However, regardless of your opinion your son's father is his father with parental responsibility and when your son is in his care he takes responsibility regarding making decisions. If you met someone, would you consider asking his permission to introduce your son to that person? Also, you are not your ex's keeper. Unless you think is girlfriend may be harmful to your child, then if you keep your son from his father he would have the option to take the matter to court (if you can't resolve these issues through mediation). If the matter goes to court, unless you find a provable reason why your ex's girlfriend shouldn't be involved in your son's life then it's likely the court would allow your ex to make his own decisions regarding who he introduces his son to. It's understandable that you feel resentment and anger for this person, but in reality if she treats your son well and is kind etc, then this is in the best interests of your child. Whether your ex and her break up in the future and whether this impacts on your son is something you cannot control.

A 30 Jul 2018

I am so stuck and need advice on what to do and have no one to turn to. Me and my ex were together for 10 years, we have a 5 year old son. We split due to him cheating multiple times after our son was born. This last January he cheated for the last time and I finally decided I was done. We split for good. He got in a relationship with and moved in with the woman within a week of us splitting. We decided to split time (half weeks), or so I thought. Until I found out he had took our son for an overnight at the woman's home within the first month of moving out of my house. I was upset and said no more overnights until they are together some time and then we can discuss. I then found out that they did an overnight within the first two weeks and my son kept it a secret from me. It's been 5 months now and him and his gf have broke up multiple times. So I told him that he can see his son whenever, but not when his gf is around. I do not receive help financially at all. I have done every bit of this on my own. When I said no more overnights, it was almost 2 months that he went without seeing his son. He is now calling and saying that him and his gf are doing fine the last 2 months and I just need to let him bring our son around her. I said no, and he finally got him for a day to spend with him but wants him again for a day next week and said his gf will be there. I don't know to just give up and let it all happen or to say no and it needs to be only him or not at all. I don't want to seem like I'm keeping his son away from him, I just want to protect my son from getting attached if they break up again! What do I do? Also, new gf is insanely controlling. Won't even let us communicate when it comes to our son. I am just lost and want to do the right thing for my son!

Ke51sea 19 Jun 2018

My husband has 2 sons with an ex and the youngest is almost 18 he does not live with his mum he lives with his girlfriend and her parents so why am I paying child support when his mum my ex is going abroad 3 and 4 times. A year and not taking my son?

SeparatedDads Editor 10 May 2018

Unfortunately, if parents cannot agree between themselves, then you can see more whichwhich will tell you all you need to know.

Flo 9 May 2018

Hi, I’ve been with my partner for over a year now and left it over 6mths until I introduced my children (I’m a mum who separated due to my husband having an affair) my new partner went through a similar separation his partner cheated and he left the family home following the separation but as the father he doesn’t see his children as much and has to go to their home each time. They separated 3years ago and he has only been out and away from their home with his daughter on one occasion to go to a pottery session in that time and his son won’t and they prefer for their mum to be there all the time. I suggested perhaps a trip to Legoland as that’s something all kids love and both sets of kids having been before have commented on going again, so we thought this would be a good opportunity to meet but his children don’t want to go! I feel his children seem to have too much of a say in what they can or can’t do and I’m now not sure how to progress going forward as my children are keen to meet my Partner’s children and mine don’t understand why they can’t! I’m feeling disheartened by it all and so is my partner but when I say to my partner that he needs to take them out of their comfort zone and they will soon adjust he gets defensive and suggestions. I was thinking I/We May have to go to their house but I’m not sure how comfortable we’d all feel about that ?! Feel very stuck!

Dan76* Editor 13 Apr 2017

@Spock - I'd always put my kids first, you owe them more in terms of loyalty. I know your new g/f wants to spend time with you but surely she must understand why it is necessary to see and support your son. If she had her daughter over at weekends, I'm sure she wouldn't feel the same and expect you to fit in with her. It's a tough decision - but you have to weigh up your priorities and only you can do that. DF

Spock 8 Apr 2017

I have an adult son with very slight autism and have separated from his mum. I work a demanding job that includes a lot of weekends. My problems are my new partner thinks that I shouldn't see him when I have a weekend off if we haven't had a weekend free. I try and see him every other weekend from Friday 4pm to Sunday 4pm but it is hard if I have worked the previous weekend because my new girlfriend wants time with me. Her daughter stays with her dad mon wed and Fri nights. Feeling torn between my girlfriend who I love and my son who I love and I feel really misses me

Show All 40 Comments

Ask a Question or Comment

Your email won't be published. Comments are moderated before appearing.