When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access

My sons ex has withdrawn contact to his daughter, although he has a court order for access including overnight stays. She has used the reason "change of circumstances may unsettle the child" My son and his new partner and baby have moved in with us to save for deposit for a house. She lied through out the hearings to try to stop access but it was granted after social workers reports in our favour. Our granddaughter has had contact with my son and all the family on a regular basis without incident. It is obvious she has a problem with myself but is this grounds for her to deny the child access to her father and his family.

Both parents were born in New Zealand and decided to go to Australia my daughter had a baby that is now 13 months old., Her partner had been violent to her and had thrown things at her, as she did not want her child to brought up in that situation she left him when baby was 7 months old and went into a woman's refuge as she did'nt have any where to go. She then left Australia and returned home to New Zealand with out his consent so she has been sent back to Australia under the Haigh convention to fight for custody for him is there any one out there that has been able to bring there child back home with them or can anyone give us some advise PLEASE

I have already been through court once and have gained access for every weekend over night stays through till school for my son. After establishing the contact it was a steady amicable understanding such as birthdays and family gathers were shared and dates rearranged to suite either party, I have always felt to be more lenient to these occasions as I don't want him to miss out and after 4 years from going through court it had been some what ok apart from the usual arguments involving clothes or differences in upbringing. Most recently his mother has stopped my access again and I have spoke to police and logged my issue as i have a standing court order for access(despite what they may say they will not assist unless there is a domestic at the address) not advised as this will go against you. After logging the call i contacted my solicitor and we will go own the same route again. I also went to his school to inform them of what will happen they offered there own type of mediation but nothing good can come of this as it is just a mutual understanding and is not set in stone. First a letter to his mother to reinstate access then wait for her response Mediation letter sent to both parties if no response from mother still attend the appointment then court proceedings. this will take a hell of a long time and my son lives close. WHAT DO I DO IN THE MEANTIME?? the time lost will never be made up.

HiI returned home from working away to find my daughter missing and a letter from a solicitor asking me to vacate the property and accusing me of domestic abuse. I vacated the house so that my daughter could carry on a normal life and instructed a solicitor. We have since written to her solicitor denying the abuse and stating that in fact it was her that was commiting the abuse. Since the relationship began there have been arguments and nasty words said on both side, however after our little girl was born and we had a period of adjustment to parenthood (for both of us) things settled down. However over the last 2 years she has constantly accussed me of various things - having affairs/taking drugs/abuse etc - whilst sometimes I reacted I learned after a time to just accept that was how she was, this made things worse - she threw a glass at our little girl and I, smashed a tv when I refused to argue and finally threw a large glass pot at me and punched me as I tried to leave. I must admit to having had her arrested for this as it was too far (she had me arrested over two years ago for abusive words).Now since the split I have had very little contact with my daughter - a few hours on xmas day (supervised by her freinds after I surrendered my passport and signed a disclaimer saying that I wouldn't leave the country - she holds our daughters passport) and then two visits to date (since xmas). I have now filed a letter with my solicitor asking for a shared care arrangement - since then phone calls (every evening) have been cut short and she refuses my solicitors requests for access details. Sadly my ex-partner has claimed that she was abused by her parents and this makes her very scared - whilst (if true) this is sad it scares me that someone can make allegations and basically deny me access to my beautiful little girl. Looks like I'm going to court on this one and want some advice on how to proceed - should I go for full custody or stick with the shared access?Thanks

I have a ten week old baby.me and the baby father has spilt up.I have offerd my ex to have the baby.for 6 hours every sat for a few weeks then he can have him over night.but he don't want that.he what's the baby over night right away but I said no.has he aint seen the baby for a few weeks. So he rather go without seeing the baby and telling me he will be takeing me to court.

I have to agree with lindsayartist on this one. I have a situation at the moment whereby the father is asking for more access. He has a daughter from a previous relationship that he has no contact with, his own choice.What makes this particular child so special that he is asking for more access.he is only doing this to see what buttons he can press with the mother. During his weekly 6 hour visit he takes the child back to his mothers house. On these weekly visits the child often comes home hungry and reaking of cigarettes. At her tender age she can hardly come out and tell us what is happening. He has been violent in the past throwing things around the kitchen when the child was around 9 months old and even attacking the mother when pregnant. So before anyone says he has rights.she has rights too!

Dont have a clue what to do! My daughter wasn't born under the best circumstances for a start... both me and her mom didn't have a relationship to speak of... just nick am pregnant .. if your not there for her you wont know her simples! well after a year and half of being together , my daughter being 3 months at the time.. I couldn't take it any more... I had to get out cause the relationship .NOT my daughter .. was killing me! I didn't love her unfortunately but tried to make it work because I wanted to know my daughter... contact has with my daughter has been intermittent ... both of us have made mistakes but mainly at the start of the break up.. for over a year now.. I try and make contact with my daughter and I get told she is busy.. she is on holiday.. her family(partner mom and dad) have her today! tried doing everything she wants.. gave her more money when she requested it! so I stopped paying for her.. cause she said she wanted to go through the CSA ... so she felt safer... cause I admit I did used to say I wouldn't pay her any more until she let me see my daughter...so I said OK lets go through the CSA... because she said she would sort out proper visitation .. so we do down that route.. she receives one payment and finds out that she isn't getting as much as she thinks she is going to get ... and believe it or not my daughter has a full schedule again and no time for her dad! Not bad for a woman that said she was on the pill ..and decided to have a child with someone she I didn't know! How do I get any type of access ... cause am sick of being blackmailed!

I want to arrange mediated contact or access to my son how can I do this please?

I Split up with my ex partner in june, he was a very violent,controlling person. I ended the relationship as he smashed my house up and covered my daughter in glass! (with No remorse) me bee the type of person I am, agreed for him to come and still see her but he came here to see her, (he came but not all the time) he would make excuses that he had too many bags to carry when picing up his other daughter from a previous relationship up from school. he would then complain that she didnt know who he was??? and make sly comments to her when she looked for me when I left the room(he didnt like it) he was then violent again and pushed my mother over due to him demanding my daughters birth certificate. since finding out I was pregnant,he has not done a thing for her,bought her anything (think he's bought 6 baby grows) since she was born and she is now nearly 9 months old!!! I refuse to let him come to see her anymore as I gave him the chance but he was violent everytime,around my daughter would wake her up from calling me a C**T,a prick,a divi, a slag anything really to put me down so now he has an harrassment warning against him were he cannot come to my house and if he wants to see her he has to go to court, his family have not bothered to see her or ask about her since may because they dont like me??? now I dont believe people like that are are good influence on my daughter.they wouldnt even come to her christening because I was going?? (her mother!!!) as if im not going to go. since october my ex partner does not text about her,ask about her,provide for her, pay anything, but yet is going out every other weekend,taking girls out,snorting cocaine,and basically been a wreck?? and then im struggling to make ends meet while he pays to snort that crap up his nose! I havnt gone to csa because I worry if he's paying maintence he would have more of a chance to access at court? does anyone know if this would be the case? my little girl is the happiest baby ever,she is in a quiet calm enviroment and is surrounded by alot of people who love and care for her and have helped me to raise her. I have had nothing from the ex or his family. my ex partner actually rode past me on his bike the other day while I was with my daughter? just rode past like we didnt even exist so no I dont think he deserves to be in my daughters life but then again he hasnt even tried and I do feel for the fathers out there who are stopped just because their ex's feel like it? I have stopped my ex for several reasons but anyone can be a dad, but it takes a real man to be a father and care for their child.does anybody know how it would stand at court? thankyou

Hi, I have a 4 year old daughter. In 2008, when she was 1, myself and her father seperated after a 5 year relationship, due to his abusive nature amongst other things. He had another child from a previous relationship, who I adored and fortunately myself and my daughter still have regular contact with. We agreed contact between him and our daughter every Saturday to begin with, but he failed to show up most weeks. He refused to make any financial contributions, and then we didn't see him for several months, only to find out he had gotten a third woman pregnant when I eventually found out where he had moved to (they are no longer together either!). After a year he had made no effort to see her or contribute to her upbringing so I gave him one last chance to have regular contact with no avail. I contacted CSA, who have failed to receive maintenance from him. This is now going to court for a committal order after a very long process of bailiffs etc. His family still have contact with her, and I never prevented him from seeing her, but he has now suddenly requested I 'cancel' CSA, and he will see her and pay regular maintenance. He has not seen her for 3 and half years now. For this reason, I won't agree to any contact between him and my daughter now. She is a happy little girl, and his reasons for changing his mind are not about her, but more about him only seeing her if he is forced to pay. A parent should see their child because they want to, not because they are forced to. She knows what her father looks like as I have shown her pictures, and I tell her he loves her, but it is highly likely he will not be consistent in her life. There are many dad's out there who love their children and make fantastic fathers, and it's sad that these men don't all have contact... but my daughters father is not a nice man, and his relationship breakdown with our daughter was his own doing.

I am totally shocked by the "Why it happens" section! Sometimes access is denied not to conceal anything or as an act of revenge but because the father has shown acts of immaturity and concerning behaviour or not seen their child in so long that a normal visit would be distressing to the child. My daughter is not even two yet and her dad wanted to take her to where he lives (a 4hours drive at the very least!) and have her over night. During our relationship he barely even bathed her and spent most of his time playing on the XBox as he decided that "She doesn't like me" and got stressed when she cried with him rather than being patient and trying to form a father daughter bond! I have never denied access to my little girl's dad, however as he has not seen her in over 4month (something he blames on me despite me never once saying he couldn't see her) I have told him that the first couple of visits at least will have to be only a few hours and be in an environment that is recognisable to her with at least one other person there that she is used to seeing on a daily/weekly basis.I am not saying that all non-residential fathers are bad, I know a lot of extremely fantastic dad's for whom I have great respect for. But when my little girl's dad puts the feelings of himself and his family before his not even two year old daughter that's when I start to get very upset.I do not feel that I am being unreasonable as the whole thing would actually put me at an inconvenience too, but as far as I am concerned I would travel to the other side of the world to see my daughter for 5 minutes and can therefore not understand why a few hours drive to see his daughter for a few hours is so unreasonable.

hi there,i have a daughter who is turning 7 this week,and since she has been 1 i have been having trouble seeing her!me and her mum split when she was 1 and since then her mum my ex has been deciding wether or not i can see her!i have only seen my daughter once on xmas when she was 1.my ex just decides whenever it suites her to stop me seeing her!i went to a lawyer when my daughter was 3-4 but was advised to sort things ammicably with my ex as it can cause great heart ache!!so i withdrew and things got better and i got to see my daughter but only on my ex,s terms!but in may this year i saw my ex,s partner had a tattoo with my childs name and i commented on it,which i wish i never now!after that i got a call from my ex saying her partner has every right to get tattoo as he is a better dad than i could ever be,and she ended by saying if you want to see or talk to your daughter get a good lawyer!!this was the final straw for me,so i did get a lawyer,who got me legal aid,and am glad to say i just got granted a court order last week with everything i asked for because my ex did not contest it!but she broke the court order last week as i was meant to pick my daughter up from school last fri,but my ex didnt allow it,my lawyer says we can give her another chance this week,and if she denies again she will file for minute to contempt!could anyone help and tell me if the court order is final and what happens if my ex keeps breaking the order??thanks

My daughter is 11 years old in two weeks, she does not know her biological father as he has never shown any intrest in her (of his own choice) I live close to him and through the years have seen him out and about and he never even looks at her, I recently contacted the csa to which he denied paternity and requested a dna which proved what I already knew. He now has to pay for his daughter, two weeks after the first payment he was unexpectedly banging at my door with court papers for access. This is just tit for tat and my daughter is upset by this. On account that she does not know him and he is a complete stranger to her does she have the right to say if she does not want to see him. advice greatly appreciated.

Hi wow this is a great website, shoes on the other foot with me. My ex has a new relationship and there is domestic violence in the house. I have just recently found out that all the rentals they have lived in have had holes in the walls, knife marks in the doors. I heard this from the girlfriends mother via facebook. She also informed me that the girlfriends children and my son have seen his father hit joanne and given her black eyes. Child safety nz were involved etc. There are nz court orders giving him full time care when they lived in nz and I aussie, I signed papers because I thought a boy needs his father, but he has never followed them. now they are all in Australia and he keeps making up excuses for me NOT to see our son. How going threw court and its going really well so far. I now for the first time have my son in 4 months of not knowing where he was living have him tomorrow 25th November and all weekend. Now hes trying to tell me who can come in the car with me to get him tomorrow. Hes going to try to refuse me to take him. I only hope he does, as there are interium orders stating I have access. :) I dont think he will. What my question is I would like to use the infomation from the grandmother in court. how do I go about doing this as I am self representing. might be different in uk but thought I would make my comments too. thanks nic

Been trying to get an absolute for 30 months, finally got an initial court appearance to gain contact with the children. I only want 2 days a week and every other weekend. She had a bad past abandoning her daughter from her previous marriage twice when she was 2 and 13, she been arrested for domestic violence, kids on radar watch , im hoping that cafcass will only see what she is like , the kids have asked me to go to court.

i am dealing with a ex as no rites to my baby boy who is now 1.ok when i moved in with my ex this year i had my two sons with me and everything was going great til he didnt want me anymore. so when the next day came i made a VERBALE agreement with him about my youngest son that until proven i think hes the fatherof him that when i got to my new place that i would leave my baby with him cuz i had no way of keeping him in diapers so that way he could have that til i got stable. well the second day that i got where im at now i got a job and house and now have car. so i called him up and said ok i fullfilled what i said i would do so im coming to get him. well he aint letting me have him and he aint even on the birth certifacate as fatther or wasnt even at hospital when he was born butg he still wont give him to me. he as went agasnt the verbale agreement and its been 4 months now and ive called everyone i was told to contact to get my baby back and even went there in august this year to get him like bthe cops told me i could and i never came back widnt have enough with my son cuz my ex found out i was coming and ran so now amber alert is trying to help but is telling me i have to go there agin and i tried this weekend now but couldnt get a way there and not enough money. please help me ive tried everything still no luck

Earlier this year my wife told me she wanted a permanent separation after 15-years of marriage. I tried to convince her to stay with me but to no avail. We told our ten-year old son and then I left the family home to live with my parents. I asked my wife if she wanted a trial separation or a permanent separation and she told me she wanted a permanent separation.After a few weeks I started to realise that she was right. We had grown apart over the years and we kept together just because we loved each other. So the split was very sad. We talked about divorce and both agreed that there was no need to pay for a divorce until we needed to.Four months later I was working in Las Vegas for six-weeks when I met someone else. When I returned from Las Vegas my wife asked me if I had met another woman in Vegas and I said I had. She went crazy and told me never to set foot in the house again or see my son. She made it very difficult for me to see him but I still managed minimal contact. This behavour continued for a few months until she sent me a text message apologising and reinstating regular contact. My current job involves me working in Europe for 80% of the year. I am home very infrequently and this makes it all the more important that I get to spend as much time with my son as possible when I am home.I have just come out to Cannes to work for a fortnight. My new girlfriend also works in the same industry and is in Cannes. I work 12-14hr shifts for 14-days straight while I am out here. My wife found out I was with my girlfriend and sent me a text message saying I was an unfit father, that I was swanning around in a fancy country with my girlfriend instead of being at home. I have tried ringing my son but my wife just keeps putting the phone down. She refuses all text messages and calls. I spoke to my son briefly the other day (via his babysitter) and he told me that his Mum had not passed any messages onto her but had told him I could not come to the house again.I am not sure what to do next? I really do not want to make trouble for her but she just keeps putting me in incredibly difficult spots. I am going to be reduced to hanging around the school gate to see him! I don't want to tell him what his Mum is doing because I don't want to upset him. If I can't talk to her to resolve this how can I move forward. I have just written her a letter asking to be sensible.I am a fantastic father. I do not drink, smoke or take drugs. I have showered him with love all of my life and he loves me too.I would appreciate any advice

Yes to lindsayartist comment this is true in my experience. As for the grandmother who writes about single parent payments; so what your son has a child, he must support regardless.

I am having problem with my ex partner with access to my child. I feel that I will struggle to gain access through the courts due to the fact I had depression through gambling and ended up cutting my self with my child in the house but wasn't in front of her. My ex as told me she as been put on child protection list because of this but I have not seen any proof of a letter stating this. What are my chances of gaining access to my child?

Given her any benefit of doubt at all, either through my actions or nor have I said that. I told her she is the mother I would never dream of doing that all I would like since we dont get on is quality time 1 to 1 time with my baby and she wont let me. I will have to go to court now. I cant believe this.

Hi there. I have an issue thats really bothering me. Me and my Ex finally split up last week due to the fact that we kept having heated arguments and squibbles.The other thing is that we both share a 9 month old baby daughter. Baby wasn't planned and was conceived 1 month after knowing my Ex. It was hard work adjusting but one thing is I stuck through. Through her pregnancy we kept having arguments and she became stressed. I was in uni and had to concentrate on that which wasn't easy, however, I came this far. The baby was born which wasn't easy for my Ex but I was always there for her despite our heated arguments. I went to all the scans, antenetal appointments, the labour and the birth. With the baby herewe still argued. She couldnt't forget the way we argued in the past and kept using that against me. I found her highly irritating and annoying which would lead to arguments again. So... to cut the long story short. We decided to go our separate ways but unite together and be amicable to bring up our daughter happy.The problem is that because we are no longer together, she says I can come down and see my daughter when I want and spend time with her i.e go to the park etc. I explained to her that I dont mind coming down to see my baby daughter, however, I would also like to spend some quality 1 to 1 time with my daughter at my house where I live with my mother who is her paternal grandmother and has looked after her whenever my ex and the baby would come visit my house sometimes staying for a week at a time. During pregancy she also had a tiff with her mum and came over to stay at mine as support. The problem is, she now has no problem in me seeing my daughter, but she has an issue with me bringing my daughter back to mine as she feels she has to be there and doesn't trust me. I have never given her any doubts despite our arguments. So she feels like she has to control me and I have to have supervised contact. I thought since me and her dont get on I can come down and see my daughter most days in the week, but alteast if I could have 1 or 2 days a week alone time with her, where she can come to mine and spend time with my mum and my sis(her only aunt). She wont have any of it.I havent spoken to her for a week now but have arranged to go see my daughter on Sunday through her mum who she currently lives for now. I feel that her mother is maybe advising her in some way and she has all of a sudden become insecure and stubborn following our split. previously she had no issue with my daughter being at my house I even looked after the baby for a few days and some weekends when she would go out with her friends. I went to the solicitor to ask for overnight stays and she my ex should receive the letter stating negotiation or family mediation prior to courts. Its really hard. I havent even seen my daughter for a week but will be there on Sunday. She thinks I will take the baby away as we are not together, she doesnt trust me motives but I havent

My fiancee recently split up with me and she is know refusing to let me have any contact with my daughter my little girl is only 6 months old and it is really hurting me that she is doing this she seems to want to know me when she wants to go out on the piss but as soon as she has her back she changed and now is not letting me have her

My ex refused me access to my son on the grounds that he didn't want to come and that i didn't pay maintanance. Strange that when i pay directly from my wages to the CSA and he always cried at the fact he had to go back to his Mum.

I spilt with my ex before she knew she was pregnant when she found out she told me she wanted to abort I convinced her not to I said I would buy anything she needed an pay her £200 a month all I asked for wa regular visits an to be up dated when I wa away with the army she agreed during her pregnancy I meet some one my ex stopped talking to me then I got a letter from her saying the baby want mine an I should leave them alone so me an my girlfriend did 4 years later we got married an had twins last year my ex left me a message on my facebook with her number I did she told me she had a little girl an she wa mine an she needed cash as she wa struggling sins her boyfriend left I asked for a DNA test my ex said no an gave me abuse I took legal action an to her protest I got It dun it was positive I wa the father I asked for visits my ex said yes but wanted £300 a month I have a family I can't afford that she agreed at £180 a month me an my wife took my child into are family with open arms i traveled 295 miles for a 3-6 hour visit once every too week after a wile I wa turning up for visits to find no one home when I asked her why she did this my ex replied I thourght you wa going to abduct my daughter I tryed not to get angry I asked her what did I do or say for her to think this she replied coz my daughter want to come stay with you that wa the last time I herd from my ex it's bin 8 mouths an I still haven seen my little girl I stopped her payments to get a reaction it worked my ex said I wa I bad father for stopping her money an that my daughter didn't need me or my family an that I would never be part of her life I what can I do i have no parental rights no visits the csa are demanding payment an I go to afghan in September I'm braking up in side I don't understand how a person could be so nasty not just to me but my daughter to

I split from my ex approx 4 years ago, and have always had access to my son. I get to see him almost everyday and have him alternate weekends. The issue is I have just moved in with my new partner and now my ex is saying I am no longer allowed to have him overnight!!!! Is she allowed to do this? I'm tempted to stop payment and take her straight to court but I would rather not start a fight in case she tries to turn my son against me.

I have two children from a previous relationship that I have seen twice in ten years. My ex has always done everything in her power to keep them from me. She had the kids removed from her custody in 2006.I was never contacted because she told family and children services I was dead... How does this happen? I have always paid my support payments and now after ten years she is taking me back to court for more money?I don't know what I can do, I have a family to feed and the courts seem very one sided. Apparently the fact that I never get to see them doesn't matter... so stressed, any advice will help. Rick

I have just had to sell my house to pay my ex. I am unemployed and staying at a friends house my wife refuses to let me see the kids till i get a job and my own place. She left me with massive debt after having an affair. I have two kids a girl aged 14 and a boy aged 11. My boy really wants to see me and even come stay with me ( not practical at the moment ). I really don't know what to do i have no money and no place of my own. It really feels like its not worth living at the moment

I cannot see my grandson who I adore till my son gives his ex money. She gets single parent payments but wants the money in her hand every fortnight. When we have said to pay though the csa or court she has said we won't see him at all.

And some are denied access, though supervised is a safer bet, because all valid reasons if the Father was never willingly in their life from the start (childs) and wanted them aborted, wanting nothing to do with them, then did when it suited but still never gave a penny toward maintenance of their child willingly, so rightly supervised access for those irresponsible fathers, they are not all good either.There are good mothers and bad ones out there, same as there are bad fathers and some good ones too, but every circumstance is different and you can't biasedly assume all men are great and will make good Fathers either.

Hi, My son is in the army and is based in Germany so is not home very often.He has a nine month old son with someone he was in a relationship with for two years.All he ever was to her was a sperm donor as the relationship was not really a good one with it being totally controlled by her.He will be going off to Afgan in September for six months and the only thing they seem concerned about is the money - she finished it on the Sunday and he gave her 200.00 on the monday and each month after that until she got the CSA involved (which only actually gained her another 30.00 a month) - but since they have been involved, they have NOT done their jobs properly and each month since November he has been paying her cash directly!!It now looks like they have eventually sorted out the accounts and we are hoping that next month's payment will be done at the correct time!!My son is not able to contact his ex directly - he has to go through her mother!!this causes problems and I would not have a problem with any of these issues if my son had actually done something wrong!! ( I know that sounds a bit odd and you will probably think I am biased but believe me, he has not done anything wrong and has only conformed to what she wants etc)Due to the time constrictions and with him not living in this country I think he should take it straight to court to sort out the access to his son but he is concerned it could and would cause issues with him doing his job and they may stop him from going off to Afgan (which is something he really wants to do and is looking forward to getting out there to do the job he has trained for!Any advise would be really helpful

My brothers ex has just had his baby about 5 weeks ago and she is being extremely difficult and using the child against him. Yesterday she told him he can only have 3 hours a week with him and basically dared him to take her to court.

I think it is acknowledged that everyone loses but unfortunately the majority of the time it is 'mothers' who deny access and cause parental alienation to hurt fathers and that is what this site is about - helping the good fathers out there to see their children and protecting children's rights to see their fathers. It is about raising awareness. Unfortunately not all mothers are good mothers and unfortunately have children for all the wrong reasons.

Just so you know some ex wives and girlfriends deny access because their partners (the fathers) have been emotionally and physically abusive, and might be trying to use the child as a punishment tool also. Its not always the dads that loose you know; its everyone.