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When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access

By: Chris Nickson - Updated: 25 Apr 2018 | comments*Discuss
 
Contact Court Final Hearing Directions

If your ex-partner says she’s not going to let you have any contact with your children, it can be one of the most distressing things that can happen to you. There may be a number of reasons behind her decision but somehow they’re irrelevant; you simply want to be able to spend time with your kids. So what can you do to change the situation?

Why It Happens

There are several reasons why your ex might deny you access to your children.
  • It could be a bargaining chip for Divorce or legal proceedings yet to come
  • It might be revenge for the break-up of the relationship
  • In some instances, it’s even been used as a way to conceal a new relationship

Denial of contact, as it’s called legally, doesn’t necessarily happen immediately after your relationship ends. It can occur at any time until the child is of age.

What to Do About It

Your first step should be to send a registered letter to your ex-partner in which you ask her to reinstate contact between you and your children. Don't forget to take a copy of the letter for your records and keep your proof of sending. However, remember court is always seen as a last resort and you will usually have to show that you have both attended a Mediation Information & Assessment Meeting (MIAM) before you can apply.

If this produces no action, and/or your ex refuses to attend mediation, then you have no alternative but to go to court and ask for an Interim Contact Order. In order to obtain a contact order you will need to submit the correct form to the court, find out which form you need Here.

What Does the Interim Contact Order Do?

The interim contact order allows you to have contact with your children until a full court hearing resolves the matter one way or another. If your ex shows no opposition to interim contact, it can be resolved without a court appearance. However, at this stage that’s not likely to be the case.

What Kind of Contact Can you Expect in the Interim?

What you and your solicitor will have to do is remind the court at a “directions hearing” of the length of time before the full hearing will occur. This can often be six months or longer, which can be detrimental to your relationship with your child. In most instances, the court will allow some limited contact between you and your children in the interim, although it’s unlikely to be “staying contact” (allowing the children to stay overnight with you) if the mother objects. She might also demand supervised contact, and the court will generally accede. This all seems heavily weighted towards the mother, even though you might have done nothing wrong. However, it’s a case of the court opting to be cautious.

The Directions Hearing

Prior to the hearing you should inform both the opposing solicitor and the court itself that your side will ask for interim contact and be asking for oral evidence. This will avoid any adjournment. If you’ve had previous contact with your child before you were denied access, especially “staying contact”, you should provide evidence of this to the court, as it will bolster your argument.

The Final Hearing

One of the most important factors preceding the final hearing is the report by the Cafcass (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) officer. He or she will interview you and your former partner, your children, if they’re old enough, as well as carers and teachers etc. Generally, the court will accept the report’s recommendations regarding custody and contact. If you disagree with the report, either in part or completely, you can ask for more information, or for another report by a different officer.

If You’re Still Denied Access

If your former partner denies you contact in defiance of an order laid down by the court, you can take her to court to demand access. However, before taking this step, think carefully, as it will not only make relations between the two of you worse, but could possibly end up with her fined or in jail, which will have an adverse affect on the children. If at all possible, you should Attempt Mediation first.

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

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my x is a serial cheater .but won't admit it ?????.but everyone knows .she wants me to admit i am in the wrong wtf talk about a power ego struggle .i have[ proof ]but it doesn't matter i don't care about that now .she thinks if i see my daughter i will [expose her secrets ].but that is the last think on my mind all i want is to meet my child .i don't want to go though the courts its been a long time.all i want is for my x is to bring her to me ?.apparently she doesn't want to give me her address because she doesn't want trouble on her door step ???.i think thats a load of bs .i personaly think its one of two reasons .the first one she could be hiding something or feels very uneasy because i know to much and shefeels inferior standing in front of me ??.2,its because i rejected her and shattered her ego and hates the fact its not about her but our daughter ??
laurie - 25-Apr-18 @ 10:42 PM
Hi I recently caught my wife cheating, my children are 9 and 10.. I’ve been a huge part of their lives and seen to them every day, my wife has denied the cheating and will not let me have access to my children unless I say I wrong. She’s offered me supervised visits with her mother there but I’m not happy about this as I’m no threat to them. She’s just concerned I say something to my children, since I’ve left I’ve begged her to sort a solid plan before I apply for a divorce which she has refused. I’m currently living with family in another part of the country and I’m concerned if I go through solicitors I won’t be able to see them for months. I would like to go down meditation but again I’m worried she won’t go and she’ll let it go to court just in a hope I’ll back down
Alan - 25-Apr-18 @ 9:05 PM
I finally got contract with my daughter after 9 years took on vacation underdown to Australia.everything was going great we where in the outback having a cup of tea when my daughter was attacked by a kangaroo vicious creatures .when we got back home my daughter told her mother .and she stop all contact again changed numbers address how it’s gone back to the way it was damn that kangaroo.she said I will charged for the assault on her daughter .i said to her the only one who should be charged is that damn kangaroo.she said she is pushing charges I’m concerned.
Jack - 25-Apr-18 @ 3:42 AM
I been seperated for 5 years, my son of 7 years old has had a relationship with me since birth, 2 years ago I met someone and started to see each other, I kept it quiet as I didn’t want to mess up my relationship with son and didn’t tell his mother, 9 months ago she found out and since then I’ve not seen my son, she attacked me in front of my son and I reported it the the police, she’s blocked me on calls and any contact, however let’s my parents see him maybe once or twice a month when they are able to contact her and arrange. She has brainwashed him telling him I left him and make a new family and new son, I’ve heard from friends he is struggling at school and also he throws toys around and gets upset, she has fed the hate into him, I’ve tried via friends to make her see sense and allow father son relation as before, but she refuses, I’m now going to contact mediation and also court if she doesn’t play ball... I want to know the hate he has for me, will this be taken into count? She is constantly brainwashing him... I fear that she will tell the medication or courts it’s my son who Don’t want to see him, where do I stand then?
Peshey - 25-Apr-18 @ 1:31 AM
Mandy- Your Question:
What happens when a father applies for a Court Order when the mother is being difficult about access to their child, but she ignores the order? How is any order enforceable & what is the possible penalty for a mother if she doesn't meet the requirements of the order? I've read she can be fined or even jailed but fail to see how that's enforceable for a mother of a child aged under 1 (in this instance) and when she cannot afford any fine? Also either of these options ultimately penalise the child!

Our Response:
The link here will tell you all you need to know. A court will only send a parent to prison as a last resort (i.e if they have blatantly ignored all the court warnings and continue to breach the order). However, the court will punish the offending parent if it sees fit. This is why the court order comes with a warning notice. The court takes'contempt of court' seriously.
SeparatedDads - 24-Apr-18 @ 2:08 PM
What happens when a father applies for a Court Order when the mother is being difficult about access to their child, but she ignores the order? How is any order enforceable & what is the possible penalty for a mother if she doesn't meet the requirements of the order? I've read she can be fined or even jailed but fail to see how that's enforceable for a mother of a child aged under 1 (in this instance) and when she cannot afford any fine? Also either of these options ultimately penalise the child!
Mandy - 23-Apr-18 @ 11:07 PM
Daddy01 - Your Question:
How much does it cost to go through court proceedings ect? Because the mother of my child is being controlled by her mother and threatened with social services if she lets me see my child, so I was going to try with court or something to gain access to my son but I’m don’t have a huge income and I’m worried I can’t afford help and therefore will miss my child :(

Our Response:
It costs £215 to apply for a court order. However, you would need to have suggested/attended mediation first. Pease see link here , which should tell you all you need to know. If you cannot afford legal representation you can self-litigate, please see link here. If you are on a low income, you may be able to apply to have your court fees reduced or waived.
SeparatedDads - 23-Apr-18 @ 12:57 PM
How much does it cost to go through court proceedings ect? Because the mother of my child is being controlled by her mother and threatened with social services if she lets me see my child, so I was going to try with court or something to gain access to my son but I’m don’t have a huge income and I’m worried I can’t afford help and therefore will miss my child :(
Daddy01 - 21-Apr-18 @ 2:52 PM
Big un - Your Question:
My ex and I had a very messy split 3 years ago when she walked out with my 3 children she stated I was abusive physically and mentally but I have always denied that it was one way abuse as I recieved numerous injuries during our relationship it was 2 way fighting and abuse. I was a drug addict at the time ans I went into total meltdown when she walked out and took my three children. The older two adore me and they stay with me in school holidays. We went to court over the children and I was given visitation rights to all 3 but at the time I was a mess I hit the drugs after my brother was murdered and my mum commited suicide and never came off them. Shortly after the final hearing I had a domestic with my father and ended up in prison for a week. My final sentence was probation and I have since sorted my life out I have a nice home and partner whose children consider me a dad. My partners kids are 16 and 18 so are old enough to make there own minds up with me. My life is stable now 100% and I would love to be able to prove that. Since we split I have not seen my 3 yr old son but she let's me see the older two as they know me and love me to bits. She refuses to let me see him because he doesn't know me but that's because she will not give me a chance to get to know him. She now wants me to sign over father status to her partner and change his surname. Is it possible to go back to court and prove I have turned my life around since I messed up my rights first time. I am absolutely desperate to see him but I'm worried she will stop me seeing the older two if I refuse to sign her papers regarding her partner adopting my youngest. Your help would be greatly appreciated. Many thanks

Our Response:
Yes, there is no time limit on you being able to take the matter back to court to apply for access to your youngest child. If you have access to your other two children also, then this will give you a better case to be granted access to your youngest child. You can see more regarding child arrangement orders via the link here .
SeparatedDads - 20-Apr-18 @ 2:07 PM
@SwanseaDadGr - can't read all your posts as they are too long. But if your ex refuses to go to mediation, then you can apply to court. If she is messing you about and keeping your son away fom you, then it might be better for you to try and get a court order then she'll have to stick to it.
HaNM - 17-Apr-18 @ 2:46 PM
Sorry for repeat posts, Continued.... house. My ex partner, however, has now kept my son from me for the last two weeks as she believes I cannot offer my son a 'stable' home and she would like for me to drop one of my sleeps with my son as it interferes with his and hers lives. I've messaged and rung during this time and shes yet to reply. I'm on the birth certificate and have kept every evidence of texts back and forth between us both and have electronically sent money to her.This is the second time she has kept him from me, as in the last 9 weeks I have only seen my son for two of those. I miss my son and I am beginning to become depressed and anxious about the situation. My mediation appt is Thursday and my ex partner has told me she wont be going as she cannot afford the fees. I hope all separated dads out there are keeping strong, and I wish them the best of luck. I have left information from this post, but posted the most important aspects. best of luck to you all x
SwanseaDadGr - 17-Apr-18 @ 12:27 PM
My ex partner has refused me contact with my son for the two time. We broke up 5 months ago and when this first happened I was having my son four nights a week to help her work more as she works weekends and I work five days a week (Monday - Friday). Whilst, our conversations with regards to our son were fractured I remained in contact and always showed up on time and never gave her reason to stop contact or be concerned. Originally, our agreement was three nights a week (Wednesday, Friday and either Saturday or Sunday) and I was to pay her £150 a month for the care of our son. I had my son four nights a week for five weeks, before asking if I could stop doing this favor as it was affecting my performance in work, my general life and my university life; her reply was to abuse me, suggest that I did not want to spend any further time with my son and that I was a bad father. However, she agreed to go back to the original agreement of three nights a week. This continued on with continued bickering back and forth should I have requested anything (to swap a day for an evening out, or to pay less money, CSA suggested £85 a month.) As time moved on, I began dating other people and began a relationship. The relationship was something I kept private from my ex partner for reasons I believe were valid that she would become abusive and use my son to her advantage. After Christmas 2018, she found out about the relationship through a friend of hers after I posted something on social media. She began a tirade of abuse, posting images of my new girlfriend on Facebook and abusing her appearance and insisting that if my son were to ever have a relationship with my girlfriend that I 'wouldn't see him for a few months' and that I should 'take her to court'. I was currently living with a relative and was looking to move into a rented accommodation for me and my son. I asked my ex partner if I could pay £50 less to help with the cost of living and pointed out it was still above what the CSA would suggest is 'fair'. She refused, and insisted that if I were to drop money that I wouldn't see my son ever again and that 'everyone would find out' that I wasn't prepared to pay for my son. During this time, my relationship with my new partner has still continued to the point where I felt ready for my son to meet her. They met. I'm no angel in this situation as I felt it was in my best interests to keep this from my ex partner as I believe it would have caused her to become abusive and refuse me contact with my son. I've since told my ex partner the truth about them meeting. My new girlfriend thinks a lot of my son and has been kind/generous to him buying him gifts and playing with him and even wanting to arrange day trips for us all to enjoy. She has no children of her own, but has worked with children in the past. I even use her for advice sometimes on my son. I now live with my new partner and when I've been 'allowed' to have my son I've had him at the new
SwanseaDadGr - 17-Apr-18 @ 12:16 PM
anita - Your Question:
My son hasnt seen his daughter for 6 months he has tried through social services to get contact to no avail, he is on benefits and can barely afford a solicitor, he misses his little girl desparately and has to look at snap chats his ex keeps sending which are photos of herself, her new boyfriend and my sons daughter all in bed together. we just dont know where to turn anymore please has anyone got any advice??

Our Response:
Your son would have to go through the process laid out in the article. If your son's ex refuses to attend mediation, then your son can apply to court and self-litigate, please see link here . This will save on legal fees. If your son is on benefits, then he will also get a reduction in court fees, please see link here . The quicker he gets this process in motion, the better. Social Services cannot help your son with the contact process. He needs to put this in motion himself. Our Separated Dads forum can help him with any questions he has.
SeparatedDads - 17-Apr-18 @ 11:22 AM
My son hasnt seen his daughter for 6 months he has tried through social services to get contact to no avail, he is on benefits and can barely afford a solicitor, he misses his little girl desparately and has to look at snap chats his ex keeps sending which are photos of herself, her new boyfriend and my sons daughter all in bed together. we just dont know where to turn anymore please has anyone got any advice??
anita - 16-Apr-18 @ 4:09 PM
Drew - Your Question:
Ok so this is a tough one. My friend and I both gah decided to have a child. She was in a relationship at the time and I was single. We did at home insemination. At first she had just asked me to be a sperm donare but we were living together so we decided we would raise the child together including her gf. After my child my born her and her gf were rocky. But we(myself and her biological mother) stayed strong on focusing on our child. I hadn’t been out sense my child was born and decided to stay at my “new” bfs house for the night. I got a text saying our child wasn’t feeling well. I told her to just do as the dr said and I’d be home in the morning. He’s began to tell me I didn’t have my priorities in order and we got into an argument. Needless to say we stopped taking and I took another two days to cool down before returning home. During that time I had found out she had taken a restraining order out on me saying she had feared for her safety and the safety of our child. I went to court got it taken care of. All was well we continued to talk here and there. But I was no longer living there. She agreed to bring my child to visit me. It was an amazing day. But then stopped talking to me because I wouldn’t move back in because I didn’t want to be controlled or support her and her gf. I agreed to buy our child what was needed but I wouldn’t send money because I didn’t trust them. No more visits or talking. I took her to court and did all the classes and programs even a paturnity test because she tried to say our child was not mine. She got out of doing the programs and classes because of her self diagnoses of agoraphobia. But then the judge told me that biology does not make a parent and dismissed the case as she asked for. Side note she wouldn’t allow me on our child’s birth cert said if I said anything you guessed it trouble. I never signed anything handing over my rights and there was nothing ever signed saying I was a sperm donare. I don’t know what to do. Our child is now almost 6 and I haven’t seen her sense she was 6 month old. I die more and more each passing day. I just don’t know what to do because the courts sided with her. Please if anyone has advise I’m listening.

Our Response:
The courts will look at whether the insemination took place through artificial insemination or sexual intercourse and whether you are named on the birth certificate etc. We cannot advise against what a court has decided regarding whether you are considered you should have access or not. Your only recourse would be to seek legal advice to see whether you have any option of redress. Or unfortunately, wait until your child is 18 and no longer under parental responsibility, in which case you can approach your biological daughter directly.
SeparatedDads - 16-Apr-18 @ 2:19 PM
Ok so this is a tough one. My friend and I both gah decided to have a child. She was in a relationship at the time and I was single. We did at home insemination. At first she had just asked me to be a sperm donare but we were living together so we decided we would raise the child together including her gf. After my child my born her and her gf were rocky. But we(myself and her biological mother) stayed strong on focusing on our child. I hadn’t been out sense my child was born and decided to stay at my “new” bfs house for the night. I got a text saying our child wasn’t feeling well. I told her to just do as the dr said and I’d be home in the morning. He’s began to tell me I didn’t have my priorities in order and we got into an argument. Needless to say we stopped taking and I took another two days to cool down before returning home. During that time I had found out she had taken a restraining order out on me saying she had feared for her safety and the safety of our child. I went to court got it taken care of. All was well we continued to talk here and there. But I was no longer living there. She agreed to bring my child to visit me. It was an amazing day. But then stopped talking to me because I wouldn’t move back in because I didn’t want to be controlled or support her and her gf. I agreed to buy our child what was needed but I wouldn’t send money because I didn’t trust them. No more visits or talking. I took her to court and did all the classes and programs even a paturnity test because she tried to say our child was not mine. She got out of doing the programs and classes because of her self diagnoses of agoraphobia. But then the judge told me that biology does not make a parent and dismissed the case as she asked for. Side note she wouldn’t allow me on our child’s birth cert said if I said anything you guessed it trouble. I never signed anything handing over my rights and there was nothing ever signed saying I was a sperm donare. I don’t know what to do. Our child is now almost 6 and I haven’t seen her sense she was 6 month old. I die more and more each passing day. I just don’t know what to do because the courts sided with her. Please if anyone has advise I’m listening.
Drew - 16-Apr-18 @ 5:43 AM
Ruthie - Your Question:
My partners ex has moved away with their daughter and not informed him of where she has moved to. We have contacted her previous school but they have said they can’t help. We have tried getting in contact with his ex’s family but they aren’t giving any information. He is on the birth certificate and we have a copy of this. I wondered if anyone has had a similar situation, or if you would know where to start with this? As we can’t send registered letters/arrange mediation without knowing where they both are. Thank you.

Our Response:
In this case, if your partner cannot find his ex, he can apply directly to court for a child arrangement order, please see link here . Alongside this form, he would have to apply for a C4 form which is an application for an order for disclosure of a child’s whereabouts. This means the courts can put a trace on your partner's child which will allow him to bring the matter to court.
SeparatedDads - 13-Apr-18 @ 3:49 PM
My partners ex has moved away with their daughter and not informed him of where she has moved to. We have contacted her previous school but they have said they can’t help. We have tried getting in contact with his ex’s family but they aren’t giving any information. He is on the birth certificate and we have a copy of this. I wondered if anyone has had a similar situation, or if you would know where to start with this? As we can’t send registered letters/arrange mediation without knowing where they both are. Thank you.
Ruthie - 13-Apr-18 @ 1:44 PM
Actually a mom - Your Question:
I have read many of the comments & I wish my husband wanted more of our children. We decided to seperate Sept 17 We were together 22 years and he had been verbally & physically abusive. In January he was hurt badly at work & I agreed to try and help as best as I could. He was very frustrated at his change in position at work (understandable). One night he threatened to knock my mentally ills daughter's teeth out & throw our dogs in traffic. That weekend I had to take my children & dogs to my parents. That was Feb-4-18. A few days later my parents suggest that he come to stay as it would be an easier commute to school. On February 14th my son was in critical care & diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. 3 days later he was diagnosed with Celiac disease. I did try to get him involved, but he wanted to go home and play his play station. He's since been writing several awful text messages to me. He's seen my son 3 times. He's been asking me about money, more than my children. His therapist had suggested him to see a psychiatrist, he refuses. After continuous threats I had to change my locks & add dead bolts to the doors. In earlier years my husband was taking care of our daughter and he left her several times with a man who raped her for about 3 years. I don't feel safe and neither does my daughter. My son is too young to understand. How do I make this work out for all of us. Happiness and safely??

Our Response:
I'm a little confused regarding your question. On one hand you say you wish your ex wanted more of your children. On the other hand, you are saying your ex put your daughter in a position where she was raped and you don't feel safe, plus your ex is verbally and physically abusive to both you and your children. In such a case most parents would want their ex to see much less of their children and certainly not want them in his unsupervised care or around them at all. In all cases, the most important objective is to consider what you feel is best for your children. Having a father who is abusive and potentially dangerous around his children is not in their best interests. Understandably, it's difficult to bring two children up alone and especially if one has mental health issues, we all need a hand to take the pressure off ourselves. But, from what you say, your ex could do more harm than good when he has the children in his care. If he is not bothered about getting involved, then it sounds as though he may be better completely out of the picture. Mediation may work if you need to put a supervised plan in place, please see link here. However, it sounds as though a plan is something he would not keep to. Therefore, getting on with your own life with your kids, while difficult, sounds as though it is your only way forward here. I don't know whether this answers your question, as your question is contradictory and therefore difficult to answer. I hope it at least helps.
SeparatedDads - 13-Apr-18 @ 10:32 AM
I have read many of the comments & I wish my husband wanted more of our children. We decided to seperate Sept 17 We were together 22 years and he had been verbally & physically abusive. In January he was hurt badly at work & I agreed to try and help as best as I could. He was very frustrated at his change in position at work (understandable). One night he threatened to knock my mentally ills daughter's teeth out & throw our dogs in traffic. That weekend I had to take my children & dogs to my parents. That was Feb-4-18. A few days later my parents suggest that he come to stay as it would be an easier commute to school. On February 14th my son was in critical care & diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. 3 days later he was diagnosed with Celiac disease. I did try to get him involved, but he wanted to go home and play his play station. He's since been writing several awful text messages to me. He's seen my son 3 times. He's been asking me about money, more than my children. His therapist had suggested him to see a psychiatrist, he refuses. After continuous threats I had to change my locks & add dead bolts to the doors. In earlier years my husband was taking care of our daughter and he left her several times with a man who raped her for about 3 years. I don't feel safe and neither does my daughter. My son is too young to understand. How do I make this work out for all of us. Happiness and safely??
Actually a mom - 12-Apr-18 @ 4:38 AM
ijp - Your Question:
She is moving 40 miles away. My jib requires me to work weekends so I only have one off in 3 weeks. She is saying either I pay more an only see them 1 weekend in 3. Or I quit my job. She also insists I spend the 60 odd pound in train fare to make a journey to collect them when I do have them. What can I do? I feel as the paying working parent I shouldnt have to quit my job to see my children? She has now stopped me seeing them to our original agreement. Advice appreciated

Our Response:
As specified in the article, if you cannot agree between yourselves you would have to suggest mediation as a way of trying to resolve your issues. There are no right or wrongs in this situation. Your job is obviously restrictive to you having your children at weekends, not necessarily your ex. You can't really expect your ex to halt getting on with her own life because of your job. This means you have reached an impasse that needs to be discussed either between you, via mediation, or as a last resort the court will decide on what it thinks is in the best interests of your children, not you or your ex. With regards to paying for train fairs to see your children, if you’re the parent paying maintenance under the 2012 Child Maintenance Scheme and you have certain expenses, you may be able to ask the Child Maintenance Service (CMS) to adjust the amount of maintenance you should pay, please see link here . Likewise,if your weekends are impinging on your time to see your children, then an application for flexible working may be an option, please see link here . At the end of the day, it's about trying to work together to figure out a way around that mutually suits you both and more importantly benefits your kids.
SeparatedDads - 10-Apr-18 @ 10:32 AM
Hayden19922 - Your Question:
Plz help me my son is nearly 6 month old and I only seen the my baby son 1 month out off that she as lied to everyone about are relationship she will not let me see my son she also got a milartashion order out on me so I can not contact her or she will ring the police and I will go to jail plz some one help me I want to be a dad tof my son

Our Response:
Your only option is to take the advice laid out in the article and/or seek some legal advice. You can also see more via the link here. If you cannot afford legal representation or court fees, please see link here and here . These links should tell you all you need to know.
SeparatedDads - 9-Apr-18 @ 3:18 PM
She is moving 40 miles away. My jib requires me to work weekends so i only have one off in 3 weeks. She is saying either I pay more an only see them 1 weekend in 3. Or i quit my job. She also insists i spend the 60 odd pound in train fare to make a journey to collect them when i do have them. What can I do? I feel as the paying working parent I shouldnt have to quit my job to see my children? She has now stopped me seeing them to our original agreement. Advice appreciated
ijp - 9-Apr-18 @ 2:20 PM
Plz help me my son is nearly 6 month old and I only seen the my baby son 1 month out off that she as lied to everyone about are relationship she will not let me see my son she also got a milartashion order out on me so I can not contact her or she will ring the police and I will go to jail plz some one help me I want to be a dad tof my son
Hayden19922 - 8-Apr-18 @ 8:52 PM
My ex and I had a very messy split 3 years ago when she walked out with my 3 children she stated I was abusive physically and mentally but I have always denied that it was one way abuse as I recieved numerous injuries during our relationship it was 2 way fighting and abuse. I was a drug addict at the time ans I went into total meltdown when she walked out and took my three children. The older two adore me and they stay with me in school holidays. We went to court over the children and I was given visitation rights to all 3 but at the time I was a mess I hit the drugs after my brother was murdered and my mum commited suicide and never came off them. Shortly after the final hearing I had a domestic with my father and ended up in prison for a week. My final sentence was probation and I have since sorted my life out I have a nice home and partner whose children consider me a dad. My partners kids are 16 and 18 so are old enough to make there own minds up with me. My life is stable now 100% and I would love to be able to prove that. Since we split I have not seen my 3 yr old son but she let's me see the older two as they know me and love me to bits. She refuses to let me see him because he doesn't know me but that's because she will not give me a chance to get to know him. She now wants me to sign over father status to her partner and change his surname. Is it possible to go back to court and prove I have turned my life around since I messed up my rights first time. I am absolutely desperate to see him but I'm worried she will stop me seeing the older two if I refuse to sign her papers regarding her partner adopting my youngest. Your help would be greatly appreciated. Many thanks
Big un - 6-Apr-18 @ 4:37 PM
Teddy - Your Question:
Hi, I’d really appreciate some advice as I’m struggling with making contact arrangements with my ex. My ex was domestically abusive, I left after he physically assaulted me with our son present and distressed. My ex used our child as a way to still elicit control and distress and I had a number of concerns regarding concerns since separation but I had these when we were together also. Mediation broke down as my ex only wanted contact on his terms, in the week and refused weekends. This year I decided to stop mid week contact because it was impacting on my career and finances, My ex would say he couldn’t have contact in the week or tell me he was too busy to have him but would “arrange cover” and would not be forthcoming with who this was with etc. My ex is always very Secretive and goes out of his way to not share information regarding our son. I should also state that my ex has not provided any finiacial support since September 2017, prior to that he would give me half of nursery fees but that was the extent of it and it was something I would always have to request. Things broke down between us around Christmas time and once I’d informed my ex I would be ceasing mid week contact, clearly outlining my reasoning and informed him alternate weekends would be more appropriate moving forward, especially as my ex is moving away for at least a year this coming September and mid week contact isn’t possible and our son will be starting school January 2019 so routine and structure is important, for all of us. My ex has rejected weekend contact, this has also been done via solicitors, stating weekend contact wasn’t in our son’s “best interest.” My ex hasn’t seen our son for over 2 months has filed for a child arrangement order stating that I have not allowed contact and been obstructive, also sighting I am inflicting emotional abuse on our son by refusing my ex contact. I verhenltly disagree with this because I have never stopped contact and have actively advocated for them to have a relationship, despite his domestic abuse and behaviour, my ex has always had an opportunity to see our son but what’s changed is that it’s no longer on my ex’s terms and results in them losing every other weekend to have our son. I work full time to support our son and feel I really need some down time and would appreciate the opportunity to have this on weekends but my ex has rejected this. I suppose I am writing for some feedback in relation to this situation and to see if anyone has had any experience of this

Our Response:
It is a very difficult question to answer, as there are two sides to every story. You haven't said why your ex deems it isn't in your son's best's interests to spend time with him at weekends. The standard child maintenance issued by courts is every other weekend and one night in the week. So, the reason why your ex cannot have your son of a weekend would figure here. However, keeping your son away from your ex for 'financial' reasons is not a good enough reason to restrict access. The bottom line you have to remember is that in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. Fundamentally, if as parents you cannot decide together in mediation, then the court will decide on your behalf. Just because your ex is taking you to court, it doesn't mean the order will go in your ex's favour, especially if you are not obstructing access. If your ex does not support you financially, then CMS can help with this matter.
SeparatedDads - 26-Mar-18 @ 11:49 AM
Hi, I’d really appreciate some advice as I’m struggling with making contact arrangements with my ex. My ex was domestically abusive, I left after he physically assaulted me with our son present and distressed. My ex used our child as a way to still elicit control and distress and I had a number of concerns regarding concerns since separation but I had these when we were together also. Mediation broke down as my ex only wanted contact on his terms, in the week and refused weekends. This year I decided to stop mid week contact because it was impacting on my career and finances, My ex would say he couldn’t have contact in the week or tell me he was too busy to have him but would “arrange cover” and would not be forthcoming with who this was with etc. My ex is always very Secretive and goes out of his way to not share information regarding our son. I should also state that my ex has not provided any finiacial support since September 2017, prior to that he would give me half of nursery fees but that was the extent of it and it was something I would always have to request. Things broke down between us around Christmas time and once I’d informed my ex I would be ceasing mid week contact, clearly outlining my reasoning and informed him alternate weekends would be more appropriate moving forward, especially as my ex is moving away for at least a year this coming September and mid week contact isn’t possible and our son will be starting school January 2019 so routine and structure is important, for all of us. My ex has rejected weekend contact, this has also been done via solicitors, stating weekend contact wasn’t in our son’s “best interest.” My ex hasn’t seen our son for over 2 months has filed for a child arrangement order stating that I have not allowed contact and been obstructive, also sighting I am inflicting emotional abuse on our son by refusing my ex contact. I verhenltly disagree with this because I have never stopped contact and have actively advocated for them to have a relationship, despite his domestic abuse and behaviour, my ex has always had an opportunity to see our son but what’s changed is that it’s no longer on my ex’s terms and results in them losing every other weekend to have our son. I work full time to support our son and feel I really need some down time and would appreciate the opportunity to have this on weekends but my ex has rejected this. I suppose I am writing for some feedback in relation to this situation and to see if anyone has had any experience of this
Teddy - 24-Mar-18 @ 9:07 AM
Dmc- Your Question:
Hi my ex has stopped me from seeing my children, and has stated that she will not go to court which she has done, how can I speed it up, I know I will appear vengeful but it is in their best interest. Iv Had one adjournment, and 3 in a previous case which fell apart due to me attending on the wrong day, thanks.

Our Response:
Unfortunately, there is no option to speed the process up.
SeparatedDads - 16-Mar-18 @ 1:52 PM
Hi my ex has stopped me from seeing my children, and has stated that she will not go to court which she has done, how can I speed it up, I know I will appear vengeful but it is in their best interest. Iv Had one adjournment, and 3 in a previous case which fell apart due to me attending on the wrong day, thanks.
Dmc - 15-Mar-18 @ 7:44 PM
London - Your Question:
Hi There,thank you for sharing this info,I have no address and no contact numbers of course blocked in all social media,what is the best think to start as I haven't seen my kid for 14 months and chances are to get worse as we have no communication at all,please advise where to start. Thanks

Our Response:
When you apply for a child arrangement order (see link here), you can also fill in a C4 form. This is an application for an order for disclosure of a child’s whereabouts. This means the court can put a trace on your children. It allows you to being the matter to court in order to apply for access.
SeparatedDads - 13-Mar-18 @ 9:51 AM
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