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When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access

By: Chris Nickson - Updated: 19 Apr 2019 | comments*Discuss
 
Contact Court Final Hearing Directions

If your ex-partner says she’s not going to let you have any contact with your children, it can be one of the most distressing things that can happen to you. There may be a number of reasons behind her decision but somehow they’re irrelevant; you simply want to be able to spend time with your kids. So what can you do to change the situation?

Why It Happens

There are several reasons why your ex might deny you access to your children.
  • It could be a bargaining chip for Divorce or legal proceedings yet to come
  • It might be revenge for the break-up of the relationship
  • In some instances, it’s even been used as a way to conceal a new relationship

Denial of contact, as it’s called legally, doesn’t necessarily happen immediately after your relationship ends. It can occur at any time until the child is of age.

What to Do About It

Your first step should be to send a registered letter to your ex-partner in which you ask her to reinstate contact between you and your children. Don't forget to take a copy of the letter for your records and keep your proof of sending. However, remember court is always seen as a last resort and you will usually have to show that you have both attended a Mediation Information & Assessment Meeting (MIAM) before you can apply.

If this produces no action, and/or your ex refuses to attend mediation, then you have no alternative but to go to court and ask for an Interim Contact Order. In order to obtain a contact order you will need to submit the correct form to the court, find out which form you need Here.

What Does the Interim Contact Order Do?

The interim contact order allows you to have contact with your children until a full court hearing resolves the matter one way or another. If your ex shows no opposition to interim contact, it can be resolved without a court appearance. However, at this stage that’s not likely to be the case.

What Kind of Contact Can you Expect in the Interim?

What you and your solicitor will have to do is remind the court at a “directions hearing” of the length of time before the full hearing will occur. This can often be six months or longer, which can be detrimental to your relationship with your child. In most instances, the court will allow some limited contact between you and your children in the interim, although it’s unlikely to be “staying contact” (allowing the children to stay overnight with you) if the mother objects. She might also demand supervised contact, and the court will generally accede. This all seems heavily weighted towards the mother, even though you might have done nothing wrong. However, it’s a case of the court opting to be cautious.

The Directions Hearing

Prior to the hearing you should inform both the opposing solicitor and the court itself that your side will ask for interim contact and be asking for oral evidence. This will avoid any adjournment. If you’ve had previous contact with your child before you were denied access, especially “staying contact”, you should provide evidence of this to the court, as it will bolster your argument.

The Final Hearing

One of the most important factors preceding the final hearing is the report by the Cafcass (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) officer. He or she will interview you and your former partner, your children, if they’re old enough, as well as carers and teachers etc. Generally, the court will accept the report’s recommendations regarding custody and contact. If you disagree with the report, either in part or completely, you can ask for more information, or for another report by a different officer.

If You’re Still Denied Access

If your former partner denies you contact in defiance of an order laid down by the court, you can take her to court to demand access. However, before taking this step, think carefully, as it will not only make relations between the two of you worse, but could possibly end up with her fined or in jail, which will have an adverse affect on the children. If at all possible, you should Attempt Mediation first.

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

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My partner has not let me see my daughter for 8 weeks and says she is never going to let me see her again
Brett - 19-Apr-19 @ 11:38 AM
@bubbles.yeah you pretty much got it right except I only have one daughter and she is a teenager now .
Chris - 14-Apr-19 @ 10:54 PM
My ex partner won't let me see my 2 daughters they are age 2&1 it's been nearly 2 months all because I became homeless don't have a job yet so I can't go to court I am looking for a job and all I want is to see my 2 daughters but no one will help so what can I do next because I can't afford to go to court just yet and my ex partner is planning on moving to Leeds soon and she will not tell me were my girls will be I have been to social security but they will not help so I don't know what to do so please can some one help
Bubbles - 14-Apr-19 @ 10:14 PM
I believe everything should be done( legally)when it comes to access to the child .
Chris - 14-Apr-19 @ 9:03 PM
Hi I’m Chris 30 years old and have a four year old boy I have been split from my ex gf for three years. We just had our boy and after birth she started going out with her freinds which I thought she’s been pregnant for ages she’s deserves a break. I was working shifts as a power station mechanical operator and then when I was off I was with both my son and ex when she went out I had our son to which she didn’t return when she said and I had to take days off work. She was seeing this younger lad taking drugs and drinking. One day she admitted she was seeing him and I kicked her out her excuse was the drugs I have been a previous party drug user when I was 18 and understand what they do to you. I had our son wile she found suitable accommodation and she tried getting back with me but one day I was driving to meet her and she’s taking bf back with our son I stopped loving her and wanted to get separated I have tried to be amicable and positive toward her and ask to see our son more I used to have him every weekend but now she has taken me to court on false allegations emergency court hearing and now I only get to see little dude every Wednesday for 3 hours and one weekend on and off as payed down by the court. I have had sevear depression and on high anti depressants which are now working but this is all because of negative effects caused by the other party pulling on heart strings using child to get attention seeing if I’m at work. She is using child maintenece as a weapon and constantly says you don’t pay for your son you don’t see him no authority’s seem to be bothered and she is now pregnant again. All I want is to see my son equally and be there for him yet he is with new bf and goes to their dads a lot to see her best friend who guess what is going out with her brother Have been to first hearing and everything is against me no legal aid help yet I’m in debt and on benifits has anyone else experienced a toxic narcissistic needy ex as any help would be amazing
Waddz - 12-Apr-19 @ 8:31 AM
Hi there baisicly I've been separated from my ex wife for over 2 years now and she got me arrested for assault and threatening words and behaviour which I was only arguing with her to try and c my children we both was arguing and I pleaded not guilty in court and then the judge believed all the lies and found me guilty for domestic violence and I had to do a anger management program and probation but I finished everything and then I got in contact with my ex about trying to see my kids again and she let me have them both every weekend which I was really happy with and I met another partner who I'm currently still with now my ex found out about me being in another relationship so she stopped the contact with my kids and it's been a year now I still haven't seen them both I've been taking her to court and I can't afford a solicitor as the csa are taking all my money but it's got to a stage now in court where my ex is saying I'm violent and the kids hate me she has completely brainwashed my babies and they are both saying they love me but they don't want to see me and cafcass are on her side she is also going for no contact at all and cafcass have recommended that I have a no contact order Its making me so depressed and sick I just want to c my children but it looks like I've lost I did say to the court and cafcass I would like to see my children in a contact centre but they are saying that no contact is better me and my children are so close but they have both been told to hate me now if someone on here can help me or if they know anything I can do please reply
Colin.d - 27-Mar-19 @ 9:57 AM
Hi there baisicly I've been separated from my ex wife for over 2 years now and she got me arrested for assault and threatening words and behaviour which I was only arguing with her to try and c my children we both was arguing and I pleaded not guilty in court and then the judge believed all the lies and found me guilty for domestic violence and I had to do a anger management program and probation but I finished everything and then I got in contact with my ex about trying to see my kids again and she let me have them both every weekend which I was really happy with and I met another partner who I'm currently still with now my ex found out about me being in another relationship so she stopped the contact with my kids and it's been a year now I still haven't seen them both I've been taking her to court and I can't afford a solicitor as the csa are taking all my money but it's got to a stage now in court where my ex is saying I'm violent and the kids hate me she has completely brainwashed my babies and they are both saying they love me but they don't want to see me and cafcass are on her side she is also going for no contact at all and cafcass have recommended that I have a no contact order Its making me so depressed and sick I just want to c my children but it looks like I've lost I did say to the court and cafcass I would like to see my children in a contact centre but they are saying that no contact is better me and my children are so close but they have both been told to hate me now if someone on here can help me or if they know anything I can do please reply.
Col - 27-Mar-19 @ 9:49 AM
It’s true I did go off the path possible( mental health issues) . I need to find a factory or labouring job to save my money and buy a business and prove I am not as dumb as people think .
CHris - 26-Mar-19 @ 8:25 PM
Now I am over been (sensitive )I have become (recluse) I have let people walk on me I won’t stand up for myself anymore the mother off my child was sleeping with my step brother and for years he would have little goes at me about him and he’s mates sleeping with her I would say nothing and when my family found out I made contact with the mother to see my daughter you know what the worse thing was my uncle strategically invited me around when all( I wanted was to meet my daughter)it’s but me in a difficult situation like my family don’t realise what the mother off my child is like and think I am just making it upwhen I was with her she just blatantly cheat I mean in my mothers house with my step brothers mates in the lounge room for god sake plus be having long affairs with my uncle and Jacob.i Need to see a psychiatrist and find out why I let her walk on me like that and let my family have little digs at me about her and again I say nothing .
Chris - 26-Mar-19 @ 8:06 PM
(Last post forever I promise).if my ex ever reads this I (apologise for the harassment with the messages) I had a (mental break down) .i promise you will never hear from me again .i will make up for lost time with my daughter when she is a adult.
Chris - 24-Mar-19 @ 10:13 PM
I made a promise to myself to stop thinking off the( past) and what if’s about not going to court for visitation it will cause me a( mental break down) make my anxiety worse .(i didn’t go to court back then I have to deal with it I made that choice I put myself in this position).i will see her when she is a (adult )and I will make up for lost time then .thanks for your blog it’s been (therapeutic) but no more looking back .
Chris - 24-Mar-19 @ 9:42 PM
@lol.if I had my time again that’s exactly what I would have done I think that would have stopped my (anxiety) I have now over not doing it and went down the path I went because when with the mother( i was completely over her) I even stopped paying the rent back then I was like you are on your( own) .but my (daughter thats a big regret) I wish I throw was ex out keeped my daughter full time .but in reality that would have (spiraled out off control).i should have just went to court for visitation and holidays. I was (young and dumb) back then now I am just (old and dumb with regrets )back I can step back anymore I must think off the future .
Chris - 24-Mar-19 @ 8:54 PM
@lol.when I was (young )I had child to a women .now as I look back I made a big mistake I should have went to court for visitation where it was (stated officially bye court order )I have my daughter on weekends and holidays and I picked her up from (school) on the Friday so I don’t have to interact deal with the mother .(thats what I should have done ).and only communication with the mother would be bye email if necessary.
Chris - 24-Mar-19 @ 5:23 PM
I was arrested for harrasment to my ex wife it still under investigation some 11 months later ( no charges) bail conditions have been taken off and I agreed in court that I dont want to go near her, she now tells mewhen I was arrested I was told by the police I would have to apply to the court for access to my children, I was never informed of this and the children was never part of my arrest, it was about her and her new boyfriend. When I was arrested I refused a solicitor because I had done nothing wrong, is she right because I have nothing in writing about the children, no court letters and nothing in writing from the police saying I cant see them as far as I see it she made the decision and is telling my daughter and anyone else that I wont apply. Why should I when there is nothing in place just a spitefull ex as I see it making this decision.Can somebody advise me
Lol - 24-Mar-19 @ 8:19 AM
i havent been in a relationship with the mother in 7 years. she was amicable until she moved across the country with my child without my knowledge or my consent. now she refuses to let me make contact with my 9yo unless i pay her whenever she asks for money for everything even though shes with a well of man. Recently i refused the extra money as i assumed child support was enough as i also pay school fees and trips and now she refuses to allow me to speak to my child. what can i do.
Gbm - 22-Mar-19 @ 10:37 PM
The mother off my child is (bad difficult )I (shouldn’tcomplain )she is a women from talking to my mates they all been though the same with regards to seeingthere children .(without court action) .i tried with messages a different approach a calm collected daughter focus like business approach.put all my hurt and I’ll feelings I have for the mother to one side and try and find common ground where I could see my child alone .it was very hard for me to do I thought if I show kindness and respect she would allow me to see her without court .but no ha ha it was worth the effort my daughter was older enough to no I tried that makes me feel better .with the time frame now I am walking away .
Chris - 19-Mar-19 @ 6:25 PM
I am a separated dad of 3 , and living and working away from my children , and am offering as child support to my ex to pay for anything any of them need in regards to school , such as trips , dinner money , uniforms etc , I’ve been told it’s not enough by my ex , is this right or wrong , ...... neeed advice
Scrolly - 17-Mar-19 @ 9:52 AM
I lost contact with my son after my ex wife and her family decided to ask me to leave our farm. My ex wife has always been controlled by her father who at the time was a freemason for this reason I could not get help from any solicitor I contacted. I lost my son my farm and my business through that family. At the time of the separation they even had my son's school deny me access which they had no right to do. My son is 11 now and i have not seen him since he was around 3.
Lenny - 16-Mar-19 @ 5:10 PM
I think my son has been adopted without my consent..I haven't seen him for 3 years due to his mum stopping me for no real reason.. I have been depressed and very down about this,I am suffering mentally. A letter came from his school with his mums partners surname in place of his birth surname that is on his birth certificate. I was then told my son has told a family member he has been adopted. How can this happen without my consent. Pleasehelp
Mancjack30 - 16-Mar-19 @ 8:28 AM
To ‘Undefined’, please don’t do that for anyone’s sake. I can only imagine how devastating this is for you. Could you suggest a hard ‘reset’ with your ex and say you both care for your daughter and it’s not in your child’s interests for things to be the way they are? Then suggest mediation or counselling or a coffee to try to explain its your daughter’s right to have you in her life? I don’t understand why the courts are not enforcing the order or punishing her. Blocking contact with a child for no reason is punishable in extreme cases by imprisonment. We are not in a good place with my partner’s ex regarding seeing their son so you have my utmost sympathy.
Fifi - 16-Mar-19 @ 12:23 AM
Hi I haven't seen my kids for nearly 3years now as my ex has blocked me on everything. I have been so close to ending it all as I just don't know what to do anymore, as I hate asking for help.but if I don't then I will never see my kids again
Pip - 13-Mar-19 @ 1:11 PM
My ex has withheld my daughter from me for 20 months now. My daughter is now 8. I ask my ex everday to see my kid through fb messenger and she simply says to me that she has a new dad in her life and she doesn't need you anymore. I have gone to court with her about 25 times and she never follows the court order. We have had a police enforced court order and the police didn't do anything. Honestly the most frustrating thing a guy can go through is to be kept from his child just out of spite. All I want is to see my kid but I can't because she will not let me. I have gone through multiple court battles only for her to not follow them. The courts don't do anything. I have hit the point where I feel like I need to out justice in my own hands. I'm going to buy a gun and shoot her in the head and take her from her kid just as she did to me . That will prove a point. The law doesn't do anything . At this point the only justice I can get is putting a bullet in her head and taking her away from my daughter just as what she has done to me.
Undefined - 9-Mar-19 @ 8:37 PM
Hi, is there anyone on here that can help me with my situation. I have an 8 year old daughter and a 1 nearly 2 year old son. I am no longer with the motherhood hole 10 year relationship has beeterrible, but any how, I get to see my children only when I do everything she asks like for an example, I can not go out the night before I see my children on Sat and Sunday I work all week so I must stay in on the Friday aswell, also I canot speak to a girl without been threatened I can't see the kids, just basically I can't move on with my life it seems even though she is in a new relationship and is convinced she can't stand me. I was never a good boyfriend I admit that and through our many brake ups I have let the kids down by going out drinking just to get away fro all the arguing.But the last year I have tried to do best I can but she always makes it impossible sometimes to see them and I have made the mistake in doing what she says I do. I do struggle with drink especially when she doesn't let me see them. She knows how to wind me up. I just want to no do i stand a chance in court?? I'm afraid if I go to court and loose I'll never see them again by law. What do i do??
Mattwesty - 6-Mar-19 @ 6:27 PM
@mommyside.yeah I been sectioned for mental health I have schizophrenia ,bipolar ,narcissistic ,.psychopath all those disorders rolled into men my doctor said I am bad men and one word from my lips should be taking serously because I am a sick man .i told him I feel proud to have these disorders he ask why I said that means I beat (Allen the most feared member off my family )so I am the (men ).he said take pills son we don’t want any trouble or blood splatter and you don’t want to be locked with the criminally insane .my family think I am good men and turn blind eye even when kid I tried to kill my cousin and my nan said no he didn’t he is a good boy .it was a accident and just a game.
Sam watson - 11-Feb-19 @ 11:15 PM
@mommyside.from my point off view (I am ashamed off her daughter )and have ask countless times for her daughter to stop using my (surname )I don’t no if they have mental health issues or what or (don’t understand me ).but the gods truth is I want nothing to do with (them )and for the last time get off social media with my surname this is no game .and if you want to make something off my threats you have my address
Sam watson - 11-Feb-19 @ 10:08 PM
@mommyside.i said the same thing to the mother off my maybe child I said I hate you more then anyone in the whole world (I swear on the bible I mean it ).i don’t care one bit if she thinks her daughter has a right to no both parents .if I wanted to see her daughter I would have went to court for visitation 10 years ago .if she thinks I have mental health issues well good for her like I said to everyone know the truth about her .she is a ugly yellow tooth grub that thinks she is one step ahead of me ha ha what a dead set loser .
Sam Watson - 11-Feb-19 @ 8:25 PM
Hi, just from a mothers point of view. I split from my husband 3 years ago, he’s not paid child maintenance even though there is a court order in place. He hasn’t seen our children since June last. The relationship was fine until he got another woman pregnant and is lying to everyone as to why our marriage failed. He keeps threatening me with a *access* order in hope I will stop trying to get maintenance from him, but he doesn’t seem to understand that I believe children have the right to have a relationship with both parents. I only stopped him seeing his children because he told me he got sectioned under the mental health act, and he even said he hated me more then he loved his children. Men can be just as bad as women.
Mommaside - 11-Feb-19 @ 4:03 PM
Hi, just from a mothers point of view. I split from my husband 3 years ago, he’s not paid child maintenance even though there is a court order in place. He hasn’t seen our children since June last. The relationship was fine until he got another woman pregnant and is lying to everyone as to why our marriage failed. He keeps threatening me with a maintenance order in hope I will stop trying to get maintenance from him, but he doesn’t seem to understand that I believe children have the right to have a relationship with both parents. I only stopped him seeing his children because he told me he got sectioned under the mental health act, and he even said he hated me more then he loved his children. Men can be just as bad as women.
Mommaside - 11-Feb-19 @ 4:02 PM
I have a child arrangements order in place and yet my Ex won’t let me see my daughter. Aug was the last time I saw her. I’ve made evryway possible to speak to my Ex but she refuses me to see her. Before everyone says take her back to court. It’s not as black and white as that. In order to go back to court you have to pay for the privilege I simpley can’t affors it. Not only that The last time this went to court I was a litigating person and the court wasn’t interested in anything I had to say and took all my ex’s lies and believed her because she had a Solicitor I’m literally banging my head of a brick wall. Any ideas and I don’t mean well the law says this etc as in the Big Wide World it actually doesn’t work like that
Solja - 1-Feb-19 @ 7:33 PM
@dom.i don’t want to go to (mediation or court) .i am not (paralysed mate).i don’t care about her daughter because it’s been 10 years .i write in (blogs for fun) and to learn how to read and write better .truth is brother burn me you are (dead to me )that goes for anyone family or friend.
Sam - 30-Jan-19 @ 1:04 AM
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