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When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access

By: Chris Nickson - Updated: 29 Mar 2020 | comments*Discuss
Contact Court Final Hearing Directions

If your ex-partner says she’s not going to let you have any contact with your children, it can be one of the most distressing things that can happen to you. There may be a number of reasons behind her decision but somehow they’re irrelevant; you simply want to be able to spend time with your kids. So what can you do to change the situation?

Why It Happens

There are several reasons why your ex might deny you access to your children.
  • It could be a bargaining chip for Divorce or legal proceedings yet to come
  • It might be revenge for the break-up of the relationship
  • In some instances, it’s even been used as a way to conceal a new relationship

Denial of contact, as it’s called legally, doesn’t necessarily happen immediately after your relationship ends. It can occur at any time until the child is of age.

What to Do About It

Your first step should be to send a registered letter to your ex-partner in which you ask her to reinstate contact between you and your children. Don't forget to take a copy of the letter for your records and keep your proof of sending. However, remember court is always seen as a last resort and you will usually have to show that you have both attended a Mediation Information & Assessment Meeting (MIAM) before you can apply.

If this produces no action, and/or your ex refuses to attend mediation, then you have no alternative but to go to court and ask for an Interim Contact Order. In order to obtain a contact order you will need to submit the correct form to the court, find out which form you need Here.

What Does the Interim Contact Order Do?

The interim contact order allows you to have contact with your children until a full court hearing resolves the matter one way or another. If your ex shows no opposition to interim contact, it can be resolved without a court appearance. However, at this stage that’s not likely to be the case.

What Kind of Contact Can you Expect in the Interim?

What you and your solicitor will have to do is remind the court at a “directions hearing” of the length of time before the full hearing will occur. This can often be six months or longer, which can be detrimental to your relationship with your child. In most instances, the court will allow some limited contact between you and your children in the interim, although it’s unlikely to be “staying contact” (allowing the children to stay overnight with you) if the mother objects. She might also demand supervised contact, and the court will generally accede. This all seems heavily weighted towards the mother, even though you might have done nothing wrong. However, it’s a case of the court opting to be cautious.

The Directions Hearing

Prior to the hearing you should inform both the opposing solicitor and the court itself that your side will ask for interim contact and be asking for oral evidence. This will avoid any adjournment. If you’ve had previous contact with your child before you were denied access, especially “staying contact”, you should provide evidence of this to the court, as it will bolster your argument.

The Final Hearing

One of the most important factors preceding the final hearing is the report by the Cafcass (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) officer. He or she will interview you and your former partner, your children, if they’re old enough, as well as carers and teachers etc. Generally, the court will accept the report’s recommendations regarding custody and contact. If you disagree with the report, either in part or completely, you can ask for more information, or for another report by a different officer.

If You’re Still Denied Access

If your former partner denies you contact in defiance of an order laid down by the court, you can take her to court to demand access. However, before taking this step, think carefully, as it will not only make relations between the two of you worse, but could possibly end up with her fined or in jail, which will have an adverse affect on the children. If at all possible, you should Attempt Mediation first.

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

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I would like to see my daughter regularly At this moment my partner is not let me see her as much as I would like to see her she just want to take money off me But not let me see her
Ziggy - 29-Mar-20 @ 9:45 PM
I have had to take the mother of my child to court twice with a order put in place both times I was meant to have my daughter this weekend but the day after court she emailed me saying her family have to self isolate as off the Corona virus I have been informed that they are not self isolating and that they have gone to a party today and that is the reason I was not aloud to have my daughter even though the court order has stated it was my day should I take her back to court for breach of the order
Andy m - 21-Mar-20 @ 10:34 AM
Hi, I'm helping my partner take steps towards seeing hes kids as he has been denied access. Has anyone sent a letter to their ex about contact? As a mother of 3 I truly believe that each parent has the same amout of rights. It takes 2 people to produce a child. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated as he is just starting out on this process. Thank you
Linz83 - 2-Mar-20 @ 7:35 PM
I take it that women's points of views are irrelevant? Deleted my comment . Pathetic
Anon - 24-Feb-20 @ 10:01 AM
So I am just going wait for the day to when (she makes up own her mind) that she wants to meet me alone just her )like said before she will always be (welcome)as long as (breathing anyway).(for me no more blogs or living in the past) .that stuff gives me (Stress headaches and puts to much strain on my heart ).i haven’t got much to show for (bloke my age) but do hold the (trophy) for (biggest disappointment in family and have made sum really (retarded) choices in my life ).but I am grateful for what I do have now .mates have said before when visiting if only I was as (tough as the laurie boys ).and I like say in joking manner well we think we are (flash) now we have new furniture and expensive tvs and computers and a house you should have seen us few years ago we living in (charth bag )in back off Ute all our (worldly belongings )fitted in the Ute .(they laughed )but it is honest truth .
Honest truth - 13-Feb-20 @ 12:30 AM
It’s up to the (teenage child )now she is off (age now she can (legally) make up her own mind now I have done the research)so it’s up to her she willalways to (welcome even if she is 30 )before she makes the decision she wants to meet me I will always (welcome her) .(its only way this is going to play out I am a realist).
Honesttruth - 12-Feb-20 @ 11:51 PM
I am just a (simple men that got in a lot off trouble years ago) .i am to concerned now about getting in (trouble again) that was (wake up call to me back then) .(even years later I got in trouble again had face court) I had police on my door and I didn’t even know what they (wanted )I said I haven’t seen this (women years and said I only called once )and told all my (family members) to (PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT THIS WOMEN JUST LEAVE HER ALONE )because it’s (me )who pays the price no (one else )it’s me in front off (magistrate or facing jail time again I am two old for that stuff now I like my safe boring lifeI am happy )last thing I want is trouble from a ex from 11 years ago .
HonestTruth - 12-Feb-20 @ 10:25 PM
So yeah I have to( take care off myself) because the (funny feelings) I have been getting lately are weird .i am not (scared off death but don’t want to die) .but with my family the men they all seem to die around mid to late 40s .and I remember them telling me about these (funny feelings) .and they lived a lot (heather then me ).so working myself up over some (imaginary child )is not the best idea .
Chris - 1-Feb-20 @ 12:05 AM
So yeah I can (officially say now 100 percent without a doubtthat I never had a child) and have never been a (father) with all the information I have about the mother and the (medical information I have on myself) .there is no need for me to worry and (work myself up )to the point off a (heart attack or heart failure which at my age and with my family genes is (very likely )to happen ) over achild that is not even mine that would be silly and foolish to myself .
Chris - 31-Jan-20 @ 11:37 PM
I have officially (given up )I went and spoke to a (solicitor) with the( time frame and dv offences against me and the fact the mother refuses to talk to me has blocked me from even trying to talk with child)there is not much I can do .(so I am done for good now ).but hey I tried my slate is clear .the child be that brain washed about me anyway that is what the solicitor told me and said just let it go.and just hope and pray maybe one day she will want to meet me when she is a adult .but I (highly doubt it ).so I am just going to get on with my life now .
Tom - 31-Jan-20 @ 8:31 PM
N/A.i know she has looked into my (finances for child support)and she will get nothing gods truth .i chose a (different life when we spit up gods truth )..and if she wants to mess with me buy having her and her men walk past my house you are going to (upset me )and I will take (violent action gods truth ) because they are trying to (intimidate and threatening me )in my (own house ).i take that stuff (very serous gods truth) .i don’t do it to (them) .so I see that as they want to (fight me or planning on attacking me ).which would be (very foolish) on there behalf .
C w laurie - 16-Jan-20 @ 7:07 PM
N/A.this is to the mother off my uncles child .if you want your men (permanently hurt) walk past my (house one more time and I catch you ) and I will turn him into a (vegetable) in front off you and possibly her.take this as a (serous warning).please leave this (post up )because this (silly old delusional women thinks it’s a game) .she doesn’t realise I am no (child anymore and differently not the same little boy I was 11 years ago who put up with all her behaviour.
C w laurie - 16-Jan-20 @ 6:40 PM
@N/A.i really hope the mother off my (uncles child) reads this (gods truth) .firstly I would like to say sorry for all the messages years ago I was processing all the information I had.i have changed all my numbers now and you will never hear from me again (gods truth ).i will never take you to (court) because I have found out I am not the (bio father i was born sterile)i would like my surname (removed permanently from you and Gordon’s child )you can say all you want that I am disabled hiding something suffering from sever mental health issues or think I am intellectually handicapped .truth is I am none off whose things .i want my surname removed .i will never sign anything again for the child again I only sighed passport papers and called frequentlybecause I was at a (low point in my life gods truth )and if you or her ever showed up at my house there will be serous trouble (gods truth) .so please don’t ever show up I have seen you a few times now and the next time I see you I confront you and it will get( messy just like years ago) so take this advice and stay clear .
Cw laurie - 15-Jan-20 @ 7:57 PM
@N/A.i really hope the mother off my (uncles child) reads this (gods truth) .firstly I would like to say sorry for all the messages years ago I was processing all the information I had.i have changed all my numbers now and you will never hear from me again (gods truth ).i will never take you to (court) because I have found out I am not the (bio father i was born sterile)i would like my surname (removed permanently from you and Gordon’s child )you can say all you want that I am disabled hiding something suffering from sever mental health issues or think I am intellectually handicapped .truth is I am none off whose things .i want my surname removed .i will never sign anything again for the child again I only sighed passport papers and called frequentlybecause I was at a (low point in my life gods truth )and if you or her ever showed up at my house there will be serous trouble (gods truth) .so please don’t ever show up I have seen you a few times now and the next time I see you I confront you and it will get( messy just like years ago) so take this advice and stay clear .
Cw laurie - 15-Jan-20 @ 7:41 PM
@N/A.so now I understand why she never let me see the child because I am not the bio father and (understand why she laughed at me on the phone) when I ask to see my (daughter ).truth is I all ready (new anyway ).but if my uncle is the bio father or Jacob I really think she should let the child meet them and have a relationship.my uncle is a good men he has raised plenty off girls and they all turned out good .but in reality it has nothing to do with me .thanks for your blog letting me say what I wanted to get off my chest.
C.w.laurie - 13-Jan-20 @ 10:26 PM
@N/A.i am glad I know the truth now the truth is a ((hard pill to swallow )but it’s better then having your( head in the sand) .now I can officially move on I don’t need to worry about the child because with the (medical proof) I have about been born sterile gives me all the (answers) I need in reality .i wonder if my uncle is the (bio father) ?it does make sence and explain he’s (behaviour) he is really (protective) off this (child gods truth which is odd).and absolutely loves the (mother) sold he’s house and chased after her that’s (massive in my book) .yeah I guess I will never know .i am leaving town in a (few months )with my brothers we are getting away from this town we need a change this town and house are (bringing us down) I think it’s time to officially let go off the past and just focus on the future .
C.w laurie - 13-Jan-20 @ 7:41 PM
@N/A.i am the same I tried different approach to try and see my daughter it didn’t work I just got in (trouble again) and had to face (court) .i have had (enough) myself .plusI have no (respect) for her mother and even if I went to court I really can’t see how it could( work gods truth )she would (aggravate me )with her (pathetic games )and I would just end up in (trouble ).i just want to move on .plus like I said before I broke up with this women when I was 28 and for 8 years I (thought I had a daughter )but at the age off 30 I found out I was (born) sterile and said to the doctor are you sure because I have daughter and he said I am 99.9 percent sure you where born sterile.and I said to the doc that’s why she never wanted child support. he just looked away and nodded .i have had time to reflect and maybe my (uncle )is the bio father that’s why he is so protective off the (mother and child) .i just want to be left alone now and get on with my life .
C.laurie - 13-Jan-20 @ 7:10 PM
Good morning, Dear All I would like to take my ex wife to the court because she has blocked me to see my daughter. I have been paid CSA AND CHILD MAINTENANCE since she was born to now. I have been tried different solutions but it didn’t work out. I had enough now for this situation. I want to move on
N/A - 13-Jan-20 @ 8:59 AM
Advice needed please.My partner has an 11 month old son with his ex.We live in northern Ireland.His ex has moved to London and blocked him so he cant contact her.My partner is desperate to see his son.His ex is a heavy drinker and she will regularly phone him from a withheld number calling him names and saying he needs to stop ringing her.He cant ring her hes blocked!How do we go about finding out first where she is?Once we find out that we plan to go to a solicitor so he can get access.
Kells Bells - 10-Jan-20 @ 11:19 AM
I'm in a painful loveless relationship. I'm to scared to leave my girlfriend and our children as she threatens me with so much stuff if I leave. She has a daughter from a previous relationship and he has no contact through the courts giving her full custody. I'm scared if I leave I would neither get to see my children again. She threatens to move away and make up so many lies about me if it went to court. Told me I would never see my children again . So the pain continues I continue to be in this painful relationship for the sake of my children
Louis monk willenhal - 3-Jan-20 @ 9:21 AM
I'm 3 years with out contact with my 2 kids... Ex moved on re married and just decided to close all routes to seeing the kids...now have a job commitment heading overseas... And can see this taking even longer... Still put money away for the kids each month and write to them (doubt they get given it) I did mediation (alone) , Supervised access and then access was stopped when ex decided it was enough.. Have had so many games played... That it just hurts now... The little blighters deserve a fathers input...
Dugdugdug - 26-Dec-19 @ 12:02 PM
@trev.with the( age )off the child if she wants to meet me she can come find me if she wants to meet me.she might not won’t to meet me been forever that is up to her to make the decision later in life .because I will never talk to her mother again I (sincerely mean that from the bottom off my heart) .so it’s up to the child now so time will tell I guess .
C.laurie - 13-Dec-19 @ 2:23 AM
@trev.in my experience there is not much you can do when your ex denies you access back to (court) is all you can do . I never went to court for (visitation )so I don’t really no the (process).but I have couple off mates that when though the courts (years ago )and it didn’t go so well for them and they are the same as me now don’t see there children I think it’s just the( normal to be honest) it’s just the way it is .plus with my situation it’s been two long and yeah with the (circumstances) it wouldn’t work out I would just end up fighting and when I say fighting I mean (physically )and I have already face so many court cases over that kind off stuff in the past.i like (not )been on speaking terms with childs mother no fights then.and the child is 16 now so who (cares) really now .when I was 16 I moved out off home and didn’t answer to any off my parents .
C.laurie - 13-Dec-19 @ 1:18 AM
I have been brought to family court by my wife in revenge. I was paying child maintenance from the first month she moved out. A few months after she bought me to court to get more money. When she didn't get more money she got angry as usual. After a year of court, the judge realized she perjured herself and threaten to charge her for disobeying the court order. She used tactics to move the case to another courtroom and then withdrew the case when it wasn't going her way. Now she has me in divorce court continuing to presenting me as evil. She does speak much now so she can't get to lie as she did previously. Despite court orders she denies me access and all the legal advice so far is useless. My lawyer says to just wait until the next court date. I haven't seen my daughter in over 1 year and before the last 2 dates I got access I didn't see her for almost 1 year. Mothers can do whatever they want and yet they complain that they want equality.
Trev - 12-Dec-19 @ 4:04 PM
@nevergivein67.after reading your story .yes well there are no similarities to my story are far as I no there is (no autism )with my daughter or myself and her mother is differently not a professional unless people class been a (bar maid )a profession .and only medical advice her mother could give is how to inject heroine sad but true .
C.laurie - 11-Dec-19 @ 3:12 PM
I have an 8 year old son who is just on the autism spectrum. Me and his mother split up 7 years ago , although I do have a high percentage of access to my son it’s almost 50/50 but however my ex has recently been diagnosed with autism and since her diagnosis she has become so ingrained that everything that I say or do is wrong and the way I bring up my son is totally wrong . When my son is with me he is happy calm and absolutely loves being with me and his older siblings His older brother is in the Royal Navy and my 8 year old lives and breathes him also he has a sister 24 anda brother 10 . And I’m also remarried 6 years now and in safe solid loving relationship in which my son loves being apart of and he revels in this So going from a constant figure in my sons life to now with the threat of not seeing my son concerns me and she should not being doing this as it would put a massive strain on my sons wellbeing and his anxiety at a such young age . She is now threatening me of not seeing my son But I have concerns of her mental state and you cannot have an opinion and if you do she closes everything . It’s her way or no way I have an massive insight and knowledge of autism and because of my calm nature I am able to calm my son when there is a meltdown and I’m the only one who can do this with him . The school always phones me in regards of my sons good performance when he is staying with me but then when he is with his mother it’s another story . I have tried to speak to his mother on how to manage and she cuts me dead and saysit’s my fault . There is more and I will end up writing a book What can I do .. ? I want to go for full custody but because she is a professional in her job ( mental health )she comes up with all these medical terms and the reasons why and try’s to discredit me , it’s going to be very hard to go up against her . Any advice out there
Nevergivein67 - 11-Dec-19 @ 10:02 AM
My ex husband and I got divorced 5 month ago. Everytime when he have his trun to have kids he makes excuses that he can't look after kids. What do I do in that case. Kids stay with me and usally we agreed kids can go to there dad every weekend .
Amazing - 4-Dec-19 @ 7:55 PM
My son found out 2 years ago that he had a son, through us investigating.But she had already put the new boyfriends name on the birth certificate as the father, she said she was 100% it was his (lies). She did let my son see him a couple of times but that was well over a year ago, she has blocked us from all social media but we have sent a few letters with no joy,legally can anything be done? Or would he be wasting his money he does not know where to turn help
Suzie - 2-Dec-19 @ 2:38 PM
@roch82.so all the (games in world that women wants to play with me won’t work gods truth ).because I know the (truth the gods truth) .and if they want to think I am suffering( mental health issues or committing fraud or autistic or suicidal) go for it they can think what they want .there is a (reason )I did nothing when I heard the child was raped because I know I am not the( bio father ).its not (my fight or child ).and if they think I am violent dangerous and should be sanctioned with the rest off my family well they have a (right to think what they want) .but the truth is I am as free as bird and live a fantastic life just the way I want to live my life .so the way I see things get step daddy to defend the child if she was raped or find the bio father he might do something .because it has nothing to with me gods truth .
C.laurie - 1-Dec-19 @ 1:06 AM
Hi. A family member has split for his girlfriend when she was pregnant. She had the baby and wont even let him see a pic( taunting him with pics of her and an emoji over her face) sick woman. Hes only 18 and shes 20something. Hes been abit of a problem teenager (as most are) social services as involved. They have been to court today and the cafcas as refused them to see the child. Not even in a contact centre. No DNA has even been done to confirm he is actually the father.(so maybe all this stress maybe for nothing. Why wouldn't they get that in place before any of this happened? Cant afford a solicitor either . Hes onv not on the north certificate. Just trying to find out if there is any other road to go down even just to get a DNA test for starters ?? TIA x They are so heart broken they are a loving family but hes just been penalised for having some issues mentally (like most of the other citizens of the world)
Roch82 - 28-Nov-19 @ 11:04 AM
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