Home > Ask Our Experts > Can I Get a Background Check On Ex's New Partner?

Can I Get a Background Check On Ex's New Partner?

By: Emma Jones - Updated: 3 Sep 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Partner Ex Background Check Sarah's Law

Q.

My ex-wife is moving in with her new boyfriend with our 2 daughters, aged 15 and 9. I don't know anything about this man and I was wondering if I can do any background checks to ensure he is not a threat to my girls?

(M.G, 23 April 2009)

A.

It can be difficult when your partner starts dating again introduces a stranger into the lives of your children. It is a role that you do not want to be taken lightly and it is natural to be suspicious. While you have to accept that she is moving on by Getting A New Partner and is free to make her own judgements about her boyfriend’s suitability, it is fair to be concerned about your daughters’ safety.

'Sarah’s law’ allows parents to get information about anyone who has unsupervised access to their children. Parents can find out if the person has any previous convictions for child abuse as long as they use this information responsibly.

This is something that you could look into in order to find out background information about your ex’s new partner. However, you need to be careful in the way that you approach this. You do not want to alienate your ex or cause any bad feeling between the two of you.

Ideally, you should talk to your ex about your concerns, explaining that you are not judging her choice of partner but purely protecting your children. Try to discuss the possibility of doing a background check together so that she does not feel that you have gone behind her back.

If Sarah’s law is not available in your area yet, then you could also consider using a private investigator to find out more. However, again, you want to keep a good relationship with your ex and her new partner – who may become a permanent part of you children’s lives – so tread carefully.

You may feel more at ease if you were able to spend some time with the man and get to know him a bit better. It will be good for all of you if you can have a relaxed relationship. Although it may be awkward, suggest that you all get together so that you can feel better about him being a part of your daughters’ lives.

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

You might also like...
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice..
[Add a Comment]
Hi all I was with my ex partner for 10years got 5kids with her and she took my kids out one night and stopped at her new fellas house while we was still together now we have split the day I moved out she as moved him in around my kids he smokes drugs and he got kids himself and he can't see them cuz he batterd his ex missus up and I want full custody of my kids I will quit my job to have them I see them every Sunday for 3hours that's all and my oldest son told me his mom grabbed him around his neck and dragged him down the stairs
Marky - 28-Aug-17 @ 7:09 PM
I went to see my daughter at her mother's house the other day, she called her new partner and the police saying i was aggressive. Her new partner came home from work whilst i was outside talking to the police and he started threatening me saying he was going to smash my f'in head in. Police could see I wasn't being aggressive and reported his behaviour. Now, i have obvious concerns now for my daughter as he is living there with her and I've found out that he may be in the drugs as well as dealing. Ive read the article on Sarah's and Clare's Law,, but How do i find out if he has criminal convictions, not just for child abuse? Also, i am currently waiting for a court date for Child Arrangement Order, so the ball is rolling but this changes things.
Concerned Dad - 26-Apr-17 @ 12:37 PM
Claire's and Sarah's law are all very good but I'm afraid they serve very little purpose. Although you will be able to told about the new partners criminal record if the police feel you should do, you are unable to do anything with it, as you get nothing in writing and you are not allowed to discuss it with anyone all you can do is inform the police if you believe others should know about the disclosure you receive they will then decide whether to inform that person. When I recieved my disclosure the police had already visited my ex to try informing her about her new partners history before they had told me, their where also unable to confirm or deny if they had visited them due to data protection. This caused me so much hassle as I then recieved threats from her new partner and I was stopped seeing my children. This has now lead to my ex and her new controlling partner to disappearing with my children, the police will do nothing as it's a civil matter and I'm left with the court costs for them to trace and serve her so I can find out where my children are and how they are living. The laws need to be changed to enable fathers to do more with the information that is recieved otherwise there is no benefit from any of it.
Simber - 17-Apr-17 @ 2:15 PM
My ex was with somone for 10 months and they were living with my son she broke up with him in December because of domestic violence he was hitting her around my son and it has realy effected him she has now got a new partner who has drug issues and also has a criminal offence for domestic violence is there anything i can do to stop him from being around my son
Phelpsy - 16-Apr-17 @ 10:05 AM
My ex has split up wth her partner 3 months ago because of domestic abuse reasons my son went through it all with herand see things he should never av seen she has recently got with a new partner who as drug problems and has also hit women in the past is ther anything i can do to stop him from being around my son
Phelpsy - 16-Apr-17 @ 10:00 AM
I've just started dating someone new and really like him but I also have kids and want to be careful. How can I check his background out. It's just my mate was daring someone and he he seeemd so nice and then we found out he has a sexual conviction and other stuff. I want to be mega careful
Dd - 11-Mar-17 @ 7:19 AM
Is it true if we go to court and fight for my husbands unborn child everyone in my household including tenants in apartment below will have to have a background check and be finger printed?
D - 8-Mar-17 @ 1:04 AM
Danny, With reference to your message: Danny - 23-Nov-16 @ 5:55 PM I think this man is now seeing my ex partner and has tried to cause harm my way. He is an ex officer himself and have a daughter. If this chap lives in Wales please get in touch.
Mike - 20-Feb-17 @ 10:53 AM
Hi. Here's a tricky one. Been to court 7 times with my ex over 5 years. All is settled now, she's had baby with new partner and I've one on way. After much time, money and emotion through courts we are at the stage now where she spent a few hours at my house with her new toddler and our kids with my new pregnant partner. However, she has since split with her partner and my children have said a few things that make me strongly suspect him as been drug dealing from their house whilst together. Speaking with the ex leaves me thinking it even more although not conformed. Obviously I'm happy he's not there now, however I want ensure new toddler isn't reason for him to ever be near my kids again. Same time I don't want to rock a historically turbulent relationship, but am left concerned that she and my children may still get at risk.
Ryan - 14-Jan-17 @ 1:44 AM
Hello. My ex and myself had and still have major issues with each other and she is using our child to harm me with it, like in an argument she will just say " you can't see him anymore". This is going on like this all the time. I have no right avout anything, that's what she is telling me. I have to listen to her. The only question I get is "when do I get the children maintenance money". They don't involve me in my sons life or any decisions. Now my ex has a new boyfriend and she does care more for him than for my son. She lives at home and gets all the benefits and stuff. I have hardly any money to live for myself. She doesn't has the same expenses as I have and I am a foreigner. I have the feeling that the new boyfriend has some serious stuff going on in his past and want to find out if I am able to receive a criminal record of him? I do not feel comfortable that he is looking after my child and I am afraid of the safety for him. Can I do anything?
Dave - 1-Jan-17 @ 9:20 AM
Andy1 - Your Question:
Sorry about previous comments phone went a bit mad. Could anybody possibly help me, I have recently split with the mother of my 2 boys and she has a new partner. I have done a bit of digging purely for the safety of the boys and found out that the new partner has not long come out of prison for ABH and quite obviously keeps bad company as he himself has been shot. Is there anything I can do to protect my children. Thanks Andy

Our Response:
Please see Clare's Law link here which may help if you are concerned about your child.
SeparatedDads - 30-Nov-16 @ 12:32 PM
Sorry about previous comments phone went a bit mad. Could anybody possibly help me, i have recently split with the mother of my 2 boys and she has a new partner. I have done a bit of digging purely for the safety of the boys and found out that the new partner has not long come out of prison for ABH and quite obviously keeps bad company as he himself has been shot. Is there anything I can do to protect my children. Thanks Andy
Andy1 - 29-Nov-16 @ 8:28 PM
Hi, I'm writing this in the hope someone can offer me an honest and trustworthy answer. I am in a relationship with a woman whom I am very much in love with. She has a wonderful daughter of about 5-years old, whom I also care for very much. About 18-months ago she split from her partner (whom is a very controlling ex police officer). Her ex is also married and did not tell her until after the child was born. She moved to the UK from France after he told her he was going to finally leave his wife and they could be a proper family. After moving to the UK and living with him for 3-months it became apparent he had no intention of divorcing his wife "whom he regularly visited". When she told him she would not accept this he kicked her and her daughter out and she had to move in with friends. That's the initial background before I met her. Anyway, as soon as I came on the scene, he become aggressive towards her and started making up stories that his daughter told him she slept in the same bed as mummies boyfriend. When she told him to stop making up such stories he had solicitors send her letters repeating this allegation. Obviously we simply had our solicitor reply stating this has never happened and would never happen. However he kept making the same allegation over and over via solicitors and on email. Two months later I had the police knock at my door and ask me to accompany them to the police station. To my horror they told me that a witness had come forward with claims that I had been seen taking indecent photos of children at a nearby playground. This horrified, disgusted and sickend me to my stomach. All my electronics, computers etc. where ceased. They never told me whom this person was and refused when I asked. Anyway after 3-months waiting I was finally asked back to the police station where all charges where obviously dropped. (this was the worst 3-months of my life!!). However, as soon as I was cleared my partner was issued with child custody and specific issues papers making the same accusations that my partners daughter slept in the same bed as me and that my dog had bitten his daughter. It was as if he could just make up anything and the court would take his word! It is so obvious that it was him whom had someone make up the allegation which I was taken to the police station for and that he did this to strengthen his court case. My partner is now so worried that she will lose her child to him, even though he is not interested in having custody, only in punishing his ex for refusing to accept the lifestyle he wanted to enforce on her. I have been advised by solicitors not to approach him as he will use this against us, which extremely difficult as my blood boils every-time I hear his name. I honestly am loosing the will to live;this guy is evil to the core and has no interest in what is right only in controlling everything and everyone around him. What the hell should I do? I don't want to leave my partner as I am totall
Danny - 23-Nov-16 @ 5:55 PM
Keith - Your Question:
How do I get the ball rolling on a back round check. Who do I contact?

Our Response:
Please see the gov.uk link here which will give you more information on who to contact.
SeparatedDads - 11-Nov-16 @ 11:57 AM
How do I get the ball rolling on a back round check. Who do I contact?
Keith - 10-Nov-16 @ 1:13 PM
My. Partner is currently going to. Court to get access to his son , and his ex wife wants a background check done on me , he git the call from casscaff the other day amd they asked for my. Name and date of birth clearly to do a check on me surly they should of asked my. Permission first ive got nothing to hide but feel hard done by . can they do that without asking me first.
Nikki - 3-Nov-16 @ 9:16 AM
My daughter as got a new partner I don't trust him one bit she as 6kids pluse 1to new parter can I do a back ground check on him for the sake of my grandkids
Dolly - 1-Nov-16 @ 1:21 PM
Mario1 - Your Question:
I am allowed to at least get my ex's new partner full name? He was introduced with a nick name and I want to make sure that my chins is protected (I mean, he doesn't have a negative info on his records). Will I only know that if my ex is willing to provide me that information or do I have the legal right to know it? Thank you

Our Response:
You don't have any legal right to find out your ex's partner's full name. If you wish to take it further you would have to seek legal advice.
SeparatedDads - 27-Sep-16 @ 12:16 PM
I am allowed to at least get my ex's new partner full name? He was introduced with a nick name and I want to make sure that my chins is protected (I mean, he doesn't have a negative info on his records). Will I only know that if my ex is willing to provide me that information or do I have the legal right to know it? Thank you
Mario1 - 26-Sep-16 @ 3:50 PM
Coz - Your Question:
Hi I separated from my wife now for a year she has now gone back to her x parnter who has been jail twice for drug dealing and assult and I dont want my daughter near him what can I do

Our Response:
If your ex's partner has a history of offences and you think he may be of harm to your child, you may be able to apply for a Specific Issue Order through the courts, please see link here. You may also wish to seek legal advice first to explore what your options are.
SeparatedDads - 6-Sep-16 @ 12:19 PM
Hi i separated from my wife now for a yearshe has now gone back to her x parnter who has been jail twice for drug dealing and assult and i dont want my daughter near him what can i do
Coz - 5-Sep-16 @ 5:45 PM
Spud - Your Question:
Hi I was a bad relationship about 7 yrs ago with my ex partner, she had a restraining order against me. I have now moved on and the left the past behind me. I am in a new relationship now & she has a child with her ex & I love this person very much & very happy. I don't want my past to crop up but can this persons ex do a background check on me? & do I have my rights for privacy?

Our Response:
Yes, with today's technology anyone can carry out a background check. As specified in the article Sarah's Law is one method. Also, Clare's Law, is The Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme that gives members of the public a ‘right to ask’ police where they have a concern that their partner may pose a risk to them or where they are concerned that the partner of a member of their family or a friend may pose a risk to that individual.
SeparatedDads - 6-Jul-16 @ 2:07 PM
Hi I was a bad relationship about 7 yrs ago with my ex partner, she had a restraining order against me. I have now moved on and the left the past behind me. I am in a new relationship now & she has a child with her ex & I love this person very much & very happy. I don't want my past to crop up but can this persons ex do a background check on me? & do I have my rights for privacy?
Spud - 5-Jul-16 @ 8:51 PM
To the gentleman whose child saw the penis photo- forget the 'sexual beings' comment and contact Children's (Social) Services. This is in the area of Child Sexual Abuse. Go through the child's school also as the CP officer will ask the child and report their disclosure. and To the gentleman whose former partner may have brought/will bring a convicted child abuser into the home. Go to Children's Services and consider getting a good (costly) solicitor and get your child(ren) out of there. Can you get her to commit her admission to paper, text or recording?
Commenteer - 3-Jul-16 @ 1:36 PM
I just got information on my ex. She has a new boyfriend and just introduced him to my children. My question is do I have any right to know who this person is. All she would tell me is the first name and said that is all I need to know. I feel like I need to know what or who this person is.
Zman - 26-Apr-16 @ 1:56 PM
Hi am with a new girlfriendand I am not a violent person and the social are going to background check me and I agree to it what things will stop me from Being around her kids am really worried I love her and like her kids and what to have a life with them I got done for having canabis on me about a year a go. What things will stop me from geting on with my life with her and her kid.
B - 5-Mar-16 @ 1:10 AM
Protectmychild - Your Question:
Hi all opinions and advise please. I have been separated with my partner and we havea 8 year old daughter. I also havea new relationship and so does my ex. We agreed that I havea 6 mth curfew before introducing my daughter to my new partner. However my ex has introduced my daughter to her new boyfriend of just 4 weeks. My daughter was very upset and told me she needs to explain something to me. Mydaughter told me thatshe had seen her mums body parts and rude messages to her new boyfriend on her mobile and I pad, including her boyfriends penis sent to the mother. What do I do

Our Response:
I think this is something you need to discuss with the mother directly while keeping as rational as possible. We are all sexual beings and while we try to keep these things as separate from our children as much as possible, sometimes prying child eyes can accidentally see things that are not meant for them. Whether this warrants a background check on your ex may be taking things out of context. It is understandable you feel angry and frustrated that your child has been subjected to this, but it is better to try and sort this out rationally with your ex first to ensure that in future her sex life is kept as private as possible from your child. If you still feel a background check is needed you would have to take the advice in the article. As specified, ideally, you should talk to your ex about your concerns, explaining that you are not judging her choice of partner but purely protecting your child. Try to discuss the possibility of doing a background check together so that she does not feel that you have gone behind her back.
SeparatedDads - 23-Feb-16 @ 12:44 PM
Hi all opinions and advise please.... I have been separated with my partner and we havea 8 year old daughter. I also havea new relationship and so does my ex. We agreed that I havea 6 mth curfew before introducing my daughter to my new partner. However my ex has introduced my daughter to her new boyfriend of just 4 weeks. My daughter was very upset and told me she needs to explain something to me. Mydaughter told me thatshe had seen her mums body parts and rude messages to her new boyfriend on her mobile and i pad, including her boyfriends penis sent to the mother. What do I do
Protectmychild - 22-Feb-16 @ 7:16 PM
Hi there. My ex partner has been together with her current partner now for over 2 years. I have my son with her and i pay an agreed amount to her monthly. Recently she asked me for money only to have breast implants and a new dog a week later. They broke up a few months ago and she enlightened me that he had been convicted for child sex offences aswell as previous violent activities and current steroid abuse. I couldnt see them getting back togethet but now they have. My son is in bits when he has to leave me to return to his mother because of the hate he feels for his mums partner. Obviously im very concerned and im constantly stressed about an outcome. Please help.
concernedfather - 20-Feb-16 @ 11:37 PM
My ex is trying to take our son to Florida to be with her old new boyfriend. This is fact when I say this. He's a heroin addict alcoholic neo nazi in and out of jail but she says he's changed. I dunno maybe. I've never bin arrested.No jail I don't drink or anything.So my question is.I should have no trouble keeping him I see him literally everyday but have4 to 5 overnights but get everyday from daycare for about 5 hours.She says none of that matters.
Billyjgb - 19-Feb-16 @ 12:50 AM
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice...
Title:
(never shown)
Firstname:
(never shown)
Surname:
(never shown)
Email:
(never shown)
Nickname:
(shown)
Comment:
Validate:
Enter word:
Latest Comments
Further Reading...
Our Most Popular...
Add to my Yahoo!
Add to Google
Stumble this
Add to Twitter
Add To Facebook
RSS feed
You should seek independent professional advice before acting upon any information on the SeparatedDads website. Please read our Disclaimer.