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Can I Get a Background Check On Ex's New Partner?

By: Emma Jones - Updated: 4 May 2018 | comments*Discuss
 
Partner Ex Background Check Sarah's Law

Q.

My ex-wife is moving in with her new boyfriend with our 2 daughters, aged 15 and 9. I don't know anything about this man and I was wondering if I can do any background checks to ensure he is not a threat to my girls?

(M.G, 23 April 2009)

A.

It can be difficult when your partner starts dating again introduces a stranger into the lives of your children. It is a role that you do not want to be taken lightly and it is natural to be suspicious. While you have to accept that she is moving on by Getting A New Partner and is free to make her own judgements about her boyfriend’s suitability, it is fair to be concerned about your daughters’ safety.

'Sarah’s law’ allows parents to get information about anyone who has unsupervised access to their children. Parents can find out if the person has any previous convictions for child abuse as long as they use this information responsibly.

This is something that you could look into in order to find out background information about your ex’s new partner. However, you need to be careful in the way that you approach this. You do not want to alienate your ex or cause any bad feeling between the two of you.

Ideally, you should talk to your ex about your concerns, explaining that you are not judging her choice of partner but purely protecting your children. Try to discuss the possibility of doing a background check together so that she does not feel that you have gone behind her back.

If Sarah’s law is not available in your area yet, then you could also consider using a private investigator to find out more. However, again, you want to keep a good relationship with your ex and her new partner – who may become a permanent part of you children’s lives – so tread carefully.

You may feel more at ease if you were able to spend some time with the man and get to know him a bit better. It will be good for all of you if you can have a relaxed relationship. Although it may be awkward, suggest that you all get together so that you can feel better about him being a part of your daughters’ lives.

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

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My current partner has a child with his ex and sees his child on a regular basis, my son was taken away and adopted because of an ex partner and I have failure to protect, his ex has said that if they decide to go to court and have background checks that social services will take his child into care whilst doing the background checks. Is this true? How will my failure to protect affect him and contact with his child also will it affect our relationship? I'm really stressed over this, any help will be good.
Smush89 - 4-May-18 @ 10:35 AM
Cam - Your Question:
Please help. I have been split up from my ex since June last year and have been in a new relationship since September. We have now moved in together but my ex has told me that while I live with my new girlfriend my 2 kids will not be staying with me in my house. Currently I am to have contact in my parents house as I had no fixed abode but now she won’t let me change that until I go to a solicitor. Me and my ex had a toxic relationship , where we both done wrong but for some reason I’ve been made to feel like I have to beg and explain every single move I make. But what else can I do ?????? I’m worried that in the time it takes to get to court and get it changed she will have turned my own kids against me. or worse. that she tells lies and I don’t get my children at all.

Our Response:
Your only recourse ahead of any application to court, is to suggest mediation to your ex as a way of trying to resolve these issues, please see link here. Only if your ex refuses mediation, or does not attend would you be able to apply to court. However, your ex would have to give the court a good and provable reason why your current partner should not be allowed to spend time with your children i.e, the fact she doesn't like your partner would be dismissed in court. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the children in question. The court will always put the children’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. If you have has access to date, then unless your ex can prove a reason why access shouldn't be allowed it is likely that access will be reinstated and your current partner will also be allowed to see your kids.
SeparatedDads - 15-Mar-18 @ 10:47 AM
Please help . I have been split up from my ex since June last year and have been in a new relationship since September. We have now moved in together but my ex has told me that while I live with my new girlfriend my 2 kids will not be staying with me in my house. Currently I am to have contact in my parents house as I had no fixed abode but now she won’t let me change that until i go to a solicitor. Me and my ex had a toxic relationship , where we both done wrong but for some reason I’ve been made to feel like I have to beg and explain every single move I make. But what else can I do ?????? I’m worried that in the time it takes to get to court and get it changed she will have turned my own kids against me ... or worse ... that she tells lies and I don’t get my children at all ....
Cam - 14-Mar-18 @ 1:15 PM
brucie- Your Question:
Hi any fathers who are concerned about their childrens welfare at the hands of the other parent must seek advice from a solicitor but you Will have to be prepared to go through a court case that could go on for up to five years and every aspect of your private life Will be looked into and brought up in front of others in court however if you are serious about taking care of your children you must persever and turn up to every court date or appointment to show that you are serious and no matter how personal or embarrassing some questions may be you must be completely honest because the people you are dealing with are trained professionals and Will have a dim view and may think you are unsuitable or have something to hide anyway I hope this might help anyone.

Our Response:
@brucie - many thanks for your comments, which I'm sure will help our readers.
SeparatedDads - 1-Mar-18 @ 10:58 AM
Hi any fathers who are concerned about their childrens welfare at the hands of the other parent must seek advice from a solicitor but you Will have to be prepared to go through a courtcase that could go on for up to five years and every aspect of your private life Will be looked into and brought up in front of others in court however if you are serious about taking care of your children you must persever and turn up to every court date or appointment to show that you are serious and no matter how personal or embarrassing some questions may be you must be completely honest because the people you are dealing with are trained professionals and Will have a dim view and may think you are unsuitable or have something to hide anyway I hope this might help anyone.
brucie - 28-Feb-18 @ 5:25 AM
Hi folks ifmay i like to share my story and ask advice. About a year ago i took in a so called freind who was going thru devorce me and my now ex partner lookd after him fed him and helped him out and listned to him go thru hell (my ex slateing thus woman for just a kiss) sadly owing to my work i was away most of the time and arrived back home on many an occasion to find them both pissed up on my sofa. Time went on and he managed to get a new lass and moved out near december so i thought i could rebuild the strain it put in us,sadly my ex lost her grandma early on in jan so not to be a d**k i thought her blowing off steam and haveing a night out would be ok so she went out near her birthday, long story short she went full rainmack with a man she had been speaking to for 3 weeks (cheers dateing site and my so called m8 for putting her in it to spy on his ex's fella may karma find you fast) before she told me what she had done she spent 2 days laughing in my face when all i asked was why she didnt say she was safe! She finally told me causing eruptions in the house, i stayed in fir 3 weeks told her id forgive the affair if was a 1 off howver was lied to when she said she had ended it Was made homeless becouse in my line of work i cant make a fuss or id risk my jib so left for sake of kids. So to current i have a mortgage with her debts i was lied to about to the tune of 16 grand and her playing funny buggers over my kids any advice would be greatly appreciated. Either that or a lottery win probably have more chance of that than finding a good woman
Patientzero - 26-Dec-17 @ 8:24 PM
Hi folks ifmay i like to share my story and ask advice. About a year ago i took in a so called freind who was going thru devorce me and my now ex partner lookd after him fed him and helped him out and listned to him go thru hell (my ex slateing thus woman for just a kiss) sadly owing to my work i was away most of the time and arrived back home on many an occasion to find them both pissed up on my sofa. Time went on and he managed to get a new lass and moved out near december so i thought i could rebuild the strain it put in us,sadly my ex lost her grandma early on in jan so not to be a d**k i thought her blowing off steam and haveing a night out would be ok so she went out near her birthday, long story short she went full rainmack with a man she had been speaking to for 3 weeks (cheers dateing site and my so called m8 for putting her in it to spy on his ex's fella may karma find you fast) before she told me what she had done she spent 2 days laughing in my face when all i asked was why she didnt say she was safe! She finally told me causing eruptions in the house, i stayed in fir 3 weeks told her id forgive the affair if was a 1 off howver was lied to when she said she had ended it Was made homeless becouse in my line of work i cant make a fuss or id risk my jib so left for sake of kids. So to current i have a mortgage with her debts i was lied to about to the tune of 16 grand and her playing funny buggers over my kids any advice would be greatly appreciated. Either that or a lottery win probably have more chance of that than finding a good woman
Patientzero - 26-Dec-17 @ 8:23 PM
Hi folks ifmay i like to share my story and ask advice. About a year ago i took in a so called freind who was going thru devorce me and my now ex partner lookd after him fed him and helped him out and listned to him go thru hell (my ex slateing thus woman for just a kiss) sadly owing to my work i was away most of the time and arrived back home on many an occasion to find them both pissed up on my sofa. Time went on and he managed to get a new lass and moved out near december so i thought i could rebuild the strain it put in us,sadly my ex lost her grandma early on in jan so not to be a d**k i thought her blowing off steam and haveing a night out would be ok so she went out near her birthday, long story short she went full rainmack with a man she had been speaking to for 3 weeks (cheers dateing site and my so called m8 for putting her in it to spy on his ex's fella may karma find you fast) before she told me what she had done she spent 2 days laughing in my face when all i asked was why she didnt say she was safe! She finally told me causing eruptions in the house, i stayed in fir 3 weeks told her id forgive the affair if was a 1 off howver was lied to when she said she had ended it Was made homeless becouse in my line of work i cant make a fuss or id risk my jib so left for sake of kids. So to current i have a mortgage with her debts i was lied to about to the tune of 16 grand and her playing funny buggers over my kids any advice would be greatly appreciated. Either that or a lottery win probably have more chance of that than finding a good woman
Patientzero - 26-Dec-17 @ 6:00 PM
@Chris - you would have to apply to court for this, or get a private detective agency to find out. There is no law to say your ex has to give you her boyfriend's name.
JonoN - 21-Dec-17 @ 10:17 AM
My ex will not give me her boyfriends name or address in which she is living with him I know he has a criminal background and she will not give me his name so I can look up to see whether or not my children are safe in his presence he also does not have custody of his own kids so that is a big concern of mine! Legally should she give me his name?
Chris - 20-Dec-17 @ 3:24 AM
worriedgrandad - Your Question:
My son split up with partner and have 2 kids together! She is heavily drinking and social services are involved. The Police had to attend recently and confirmed she was too drunk to be responsible for the kids. Social services decided she has to have afamily member present from now on. They have agreed her mother can that person. The problem is she is an alcoholic and tried to commit suicide Jan 17. I'm trying to get social services to check out the grandmother but they have said they are happy with her! its family solution services dealing with it, is their a complaints proceedure?

Our Response:
Your son may wish to take legal advice. Much depends upon what he wishes to do, if he wishes to apply for residency of his kids, then he may have to take the matter to court. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the children in question. The court will always put the children’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
SeparatedDads - 18-Dec-17 @ 3:29 PM
My son split up with partner and have 2 kids together! She is heavily drinking and social services are involved. The Police had to attend recently and confirmed she was too drunk to be responsible for the kids. Social services decided she has to have afamily member present from now on. They have agreed her mother can that person. The problem is she is an alcoholic and tried to commit suicide Jan 17. I'm trying to get social services to check out the grandmother but they have said they are happy with her! its family solution services dealing with it, is their a complaints proceedure?
worriedgrandad - 18-Dec-17 @ 9:10 AM
Hi As a woman I am sickened by your stories - My other half has spent over 14,000 pounds on getting divorced and keeping in contact withhis children withbroken court orders and having to have a solicitor at every turn. Why are women allowed to get away with breaking the law just by saying theyhave suffered Domestic Violence ! my partner was never charged but it got her all she needs for FREE. She now spends her free time in 5* hotels in London and A list restaurants living the high life but lives in a council House and the children have free school meals. Now spending yet another 1,500 pounds on going to court for yet more broken access! I dont know how much more we can stand but if you complain no one will listen. The children are the true victims by loosing out on their DADS. I hope that you dads out there never give up as I no some of you will be alone in your battle as its hard to involve anyone trust me I no but I will stand by my MAN
twinkle - 27-Oct-17 @ 6:11 PM
Aaron - Your Question:
I'm going through similar my ex has a new partner who she has moved in my daughter calls me in tears because he's been acting aggressive towards her and smoking cannabis in a bong in front of her.I've had her at mine now for a few days as she begged I took her away. Now her mum is demanding she goes back to her probly afraid of losing her benefit.Anyone got any advice I've been in touch with school as my daughter's not been going because of this and I believe they may of called social services.

Our Response:
If you fear for your daughter's safety, please see link here . However, it's never a good idea to keep a child away from the other parent without their consent as it can be upsetting all round. However, I suggest you seek legal advice if you feel that this is the action you need to take.
SeparatedDads - 23-Oct-17 @ 3:49 PM
I'm going through similar my ex has a new partner who she has moved in my daughter calls me in tears because he's been acting aggressive towards her and smoking cannabis in a bong in front of her. I've had her at mine now for a few days as she begged I took her away. Now her mum is demanding she goes back to her probly afraid of losing her benefit. Anyone got any advice I've been in touch with school as my daughter's not been going because of this and I believe they may of called social services.
Aaron - 21-Oct-17 @ 1:48 AM
Hi all I was with my ex partner for 10years got 5kids with her and she took my kids out one night and stopped at her new fellas house while we was still together now we have split the day I moved out she as moved him in around my kids he smokes drugs and he got kids himself and he can't see them cuz he batterd his ex missus up and I want full custody of my kids I will quit my job to have them I see them every Sunday for 3hours that's all and my oldest son told me his mom grabbed him around his neck and dragged him down the stairs
Marky - 28-Aug-17 @ 7:09 PM
I went to see my daughter at her mother's house the other day, she called her new partner and the police saying i was aggressive. Her new partner came home from work whilst i was outside talking to the police and he started threatening me saying he was going to smash my f'in head in. Police could see I wasn't being aggressive and reported his behaviour. Now, i have obvious concerns now for my daughter as he is living there with her and I've found out that he may be in the drugs as well as dealing. Ive read the article on Sarah's and Clare's Law,, but How do i find out if he has criminal convictions, not just for child abuse? Also, i am currently waiting for a court date for Child Arrangement Order, so the ball is rolling but this changes things.
Concerned Dad - 26-Apr-17 @ 12:37 PM
Claire's and Sarah's law are all very good but I'm afraid they serve very little purpose. Although you will be able to told about the new partners criminal record if the police feel you should do, you are unable to do anything with it, as you get nothing in writing and you are not allowed to discuss it with anyone all you can do is inform the police if you believe others should know about the disclosure you receive they will then decide whether to inform that person. When I recieved my disclosure the police had already visited my ex to try informing her about her new partners history before they had told me, their where also unable to confirm or deny if they had visited them due to data protection. This caused me so much hassle as I then recieved threats from her new partner and I was stopped seeing my children. This has now lead to my ex and her new controlling partner to disappearing with my children, the police will do nothing as it's a civil matter and I'm left with the court costs for them to trace and serve her so I can find out where my children are and how they are living. The laws need to be changed to enable fathers to do more with the information that is recieved otherwise there is no benefit from any of it.
Simber - 17-Apr-17 @ 2:15 PM
My ex was with somone for 10 months and they were living with my son she broke up with him in December because of domestic violence he was hitting her around my son and it has realy effected him she has now got a new partner who has drug issues and also has a criminal offence for domestic violence is there anything i can do to stop him from being around my son
Phelpsy - 16-Apr-17 @ 10:05 AM
My ex has split up wth her partner 3 months ago because of domestic abuse reasons my son went through it all with herand see things he should never av seen she has recently got with a new partner who as drug problems and has also hit women in the past is ther anything i can do to stop him from being around my son
Phelpsy - 16-Apr-17 @ 10:00 AM
I've just started dating someone new and really like him but I also have kids and want to be careful. How can I check his background out. It's just my mate was daring someone and he he seeemd so nice and then we found out he has a sexual conviction and other stuff. I want to be mega careful
Dd - 11-Mar-17 @ 7:19 AM
Is it true if we go to court and fight for my husbands unborn child everyone in my household including tenants in apartment below will have to have a background check and be finger printed?
D - 8-Mar-17 @ 1:04 AM
Danny, With reference to your message: Danny - 23-Nov-16 @ 5:55 PM I think this man is now seeing my ex partner and has tried to cause harm my way. He is an ex officer himself and have a daughter. If this chap lives in Wales please get in touch.
Mike - 20-Feb-17 @ 10:53 AM
Hi. Here's a tricky one. Been to court 7 times with my ex over 5 years. All is settled now, she's had baby with new partner and I've one on way. After much time, money and emotion through courts we are at the stage now where she spent a few hours at my house with her new toddler and our kids with my new pregnant partner. However, she has since split with her partner and my children have said a few things that make me strongly suspect him as been drug dealing from their house whilst together. Speaking with the ex leaves me thinking it even more although not conformed. Obviously I'm happy he's not there now, however I want ensure new toddler isn't reason for him to ever be near my kids again. Same time I don't want to rock a historically turbulent relationship, but am left concerned that she and my children may still get at risk.
Ryan - 14-Jan-17 @ 1:44 AM
Hello. My ex and myself had and still have major issues with each other and she is using our child to harm me with it, like in an argument she will just say " you can't see him anymore". This is going on like this all the time. I have no right avout anything, that's what she is telling me. I have to listen to her. The only question I get is "when do I get the children maintenance money". They don't involve me in my sons life or any decisions. Now my ex has a new boyfriend and she does care more for him than for my son. She lives at home and gets all the benefits and stuff. I have hardly any money to live for myself. She doesn't has the same expenses as I have and I am a foreigner. I have the feeling that the new boyfriend has some serious stuff going on in his past and want to find out if I am able to receive a criminal record of him? I do not feel comfortable that he is looking after my child and I am afraid of the safety for him. Can I do anything?
Dave - 1-Jan-17 @ 9:20 AM
Andy1 - Your Question:
Sorry about previous comments phone went a bit mad. Could anybody possibly help me, I have recently split with the mother of my 2 boys and she has a new partner. I have done a bit of digging purely for the safety of the boys and found out that the new partner has not long come out of prison for ABH and quite obviously keeps bad company as he himself has been shot. Is there anything I can do to protect my children. Thanks Andy

Our Response:
Please see Clare's Law link here which may help if you are concerned about your child.
SeparatedDads - 30-Nov-16 @ 12:32 PM
Sorry about previous comments phone went a bit mad. Could anybody possibly help me, i have recently split with the mother of my 2 boys and she has a new partner. I have done a bit of digging purely for the safety of the boys and found out that the new partner has not long come out of prison for ABH and quite obviously keeps bad company as he himself has been shot. Is there anything I can do to protect my children. Thanks Andy
Andy1 - 29-Nov-16 @ 8:28 PM
Hi, I'm writing this in the hope someone can offer me an honest and trustworthy answer. I am in a relationship with a woman whom I am very much in love with. She has a wonderful daughter of about 5-years old, whom I also care for very much. About 18-months ago she split from her partner (whom is a very controlling ex police officer). Her ex is also married and did not tell her until after the child was born. She moved to the UK from France after he told her he was going to finally leave his wife and they could be a proper family. After moving to the UK and living with him for 3-months it became apparent he had no intention of divorcing his wife "whom he regularly visited". When she told him she would not accept this he kicked her and her daughter out and she had to move in with friends. That's the initial background before I met her. Anyway, as soon as I came on the scene, he become aggressive towards her and started making up stories that his daughter told him she slept in the same bed as mummies boyfriend. When she told him to stop making up such stories he had solicitors send her letters repeating this allegation. Obviously we simply had our solicitor reply stating this has never happened and would never happen. However he kept making the same allegation over and over via solicitors and on email. Two months later I had the police knock at my door and ask me to accompany them to the police station. To my horror they told me that a witness had come forward with claims that I had been seen taking indecent photos of children at a nearby playground. This horrified, disgusted and sickend me to my stomach. All my electronics, computers etc. where ceased. They never told me whom this person was and refused when I asked. Anyway after 3-months waiting I was finally asked back to the police station where all charges where obviously dropped. (this was the worst 3-months of my life!!). However, as soon as I was cleared my partner was issued with child custody and specific issues papers making the same accusations that my partners daughter slept in the same bed as me and that my dog had bitten his daughter. It was as if he could just make up anything and the court would take his word! It is so obvious that it was him whom had someone make up the allegation which I was taken to the police station for and that he did this to strengthen his court case. My partner is now so worried that she will lose her child to him, even though he is not interested in having custody, only in punishing his ex for refusing to accept the lifestyle he wanted to enforce on her. I have been advised by solicitors not to approach him as he will use this against us, which extremely difficult as my blood boils every-time I hear his name. I honestly am loosing the will to live;this guy is evil to the core and has no interest in what is right only in controlling everything and everyone around him. What the hell should I do? I don't want to leave my partner as I am totall
Danny - 23-Nov-16 @ 5:55 PM
Keith - Your Question:
How do I get the ball rolling on a back round check. Who do I contact?

Our Response:
Please see the gov.uk link here which will give you more information on who to contact.
SeparatedDads - 11-Nov-16 @ 11:57 AM
How do I get the ball rolling on a back round check. Who do I contact?
Keith - 10-Nov-16 @ 1:13 PM
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