Can I Get a Background Check On Ex's New Partner?
Q.
My ex-wife is moving in with her new boyfriend with our 2 daughters, aged 15 and 9. I don't know anything about this man and I was wondering if I can do any background checks to ensure he is not a threat to my girls?
A.
It can be difficult when your partner starts dating again introduces a stranger into the lives of your children. It is a role that you do not want to be taken lightly and it is natural to be suspicious. While you have to accept that she is moving on by Getting A New Partner and is free to make her own judgements about her boyfriend’s suitability, it is fair to be concerned about your daughters’ safety.
At the end of 2008 a new initiative called ‘Sarah’s law’ was trialled which allows parents to get information about anyone who has unsupervised access to their children. Parents can find out if the person has any previous convictions for child abuse as long as they use this information responsibly. The trial was a success and should be extended nationwide by Spring 2011.
This is something that you could look into in order to find out background information about your ex’s new partner. However, you need to be careful in the way that you approach this. You do not want to alienate your ex or cause any bad feeling between the two of you.
Ideally, you should talk to your ex about your concerns, explaining that you are not judging her choice of partner but purely protecting your children. Try to discuss the possibility of doing a background check together so that she does not feel that you have gone behind her back.
If Sarah’s law is not available in your area yet, then you could also consider using a private investigator to find out more. However, again, you want to keep a good relationship with your ex and her new partner – who may become a permanent part of you children’s lives – so tread carefully.
You may feel more at ease if you were able to spend some time with the man and get to know him a bit better. It will be good for all of you if you can have a relaxed relationship. Although it may be awkward, suggest that you all get together so that you can feel better about him being a part of your daughters’ lives.
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