Home > Letter Templates > Child Support Issues: Letter Templates

Child Support Issues: Letter Templates

By: Abigail Taylor - Updated: 26 Apr 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Letter Template Child Support

The Child Maintenance and Enforcement Commission is the governing organisation for all matter relating to child support (known until recently as the CSA). The rules are set to change slightly but child support itself is around to stay and there will always be a need for an organisation to regulate and administer payment collections. With that in mind we have produced a series of letter templates to accompany our guide to child support. The letters are self explanatory, just fill in your own details. The letter templates are as follows:

  1. Denying or questioning paternity of a child
  2. Disputing calculations made by the child support agency or your ex
  3. Requesting an end date for payments
  4. Asking for a breakdown of calculations
  5. Explaining about extenuating circumstances (rendering you unable to pay as much)
  6. Explaining a change in your circumstances

1. Letter denying or questioning paternity

30 Apr 2017

Dear Sirs,

RE: Case reference number [enter case number on top of letters]

I am writing in relation to the letter you sent me stating that I owe child maintenance in relation to [child's name and date of birth].

I deny / am unsure that I am the father of this child and so do not owe any child support.

The courts have not adjudicated on this matter and I was not married to the child's mother at any point between the child's conception and birth. I am willing to take a DNA test to settle the issue.

Please contact me within 7 working days to acknowledge receipt of this letter and detailing how the matter will proceed.

Yours faithfully,

[your signature]

[your name]

2. Letter disputing calculations

30 Apr 2017

Dear Sirs,

RE: Case reference number [enter case number on top of letters]

I am writing to dispute the amount of child maintenance you stated I owe in your letter dated [enter date of letter stating amount you owe which you dispute]. In this letter you calculated my child maintenance at [amount].

I dispute this amount and calculate that my child maintenance amount should be [amount].

My calculation is based upon my net income at [amount] and paying for [number] children:

[child A name and date of birth]
[child B name and date of birth]

I am entitled to the following exemptions / discounts:

  • I am a student at [name of college / university].
  • I am a serving prisoner at [name of prison].
  • I am aged 16 or under
  • I have shared care of the above named children for [number] days / month.
  • I have [number] other children living with me - [name and date of birth of other children].

Please contact me within 7 working days if you dispute my calculated amount of child support.

Yours faithfully,

[your signature]

[your name]

3. Letter about payment end date

30 Apr 2017

Dear Sirs,

RE: Case reference number [enter case number on top of letters]

I am writing to enquire when my child maintenance payments will stop.

I currently pay for [child A and date of birth]
and
[child B and date of birth].

I calculate that they will turn 16 years old on [date] and [date].

I am not aware that they will continue to study full-time after this date / I anticipate that they will continue to study full-time until [date] and [date].

Please contact me within 7 working days to let me know when my payments in relation to each child will stop.

Yours faithfully,

[your signature]

[your name]

4. Letter asking for calculation details

30 Apr 2017

Dear Sirs,

RE: Case reference number [enter case number on top of letters]

I am writing to request a breakdown of your calculation which results in me owing [amount] in child maintenance in relation to [child A and date of birth] and [child B and date of birth].

Please outline what you consider to be my net income, any exemptions or discounts I have been awarded, the number of days you consider me to have joint care of my children and any other children living with me included in the calculation.

Please provide the above information within 7 working days so that I can review your calculations to see why you consider that I owe [amount] in child maintenance.

Yours faithfully,

[your signature]

[your name]

5. Letter indicating extenuating circumstances

30 Apr 2017

Dear Sirs,

RE: Case reference number [enter case number on top of letters]

I am writing to tell you about a change in my circumstances. I now have extenuating circumstances which will affect my child maintenance payments.

My new circumstances are [enter brief details of extenuating circumstances - e.g. illness]. This means that I have less / no income available to pay child maintenance and my current net income is [amount].

I anticipate that my extenuating circumstances will last [amount of time / for the foreseeable future]. I will be able to continue payment of child maintenance on [date] / I am unsure when I will be able to continue paying child maintenance.

Please contact me within 7 working to discuss my new circumstances and how they will affect my child maintenance payments.

Yours faithfully,

[your signature]

[your name]

6. Letter about a change of circumstances

30 Apr 2017

Dear Sirs,

RE: Case reference number [enter case number on top of letters]

I am writing to tell you about a change in my circumstances which will affect the amount of child maintenance I pay.

My net income is now [amount] as I have changed job / my pay has changed. I am now entitled to the following exemptions / discounts:

  • I am a student at [name of college / university].
  • I am a serving prisoner at [name of prison].
  • I am aged 16 / 17 and receive income support / job seekers allowance.
  • I have shared care of the above named children for [number] days / month.
  • I have [number] other children living with me - [name and date of birth of other children].

Please contact me within 7 working days if you dispute / require any further information on my new circumstances.

Yours faithfully,

[your signature]

[your name]

If there you'd like to know more about child support take a look at: Child Support Payments: A Downloadable Detailed Guide.

Separated Dads Chat Room & Forum

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

You might also like...
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice..
[Add a Comment]
ARAN - Your Question:
Partner ended relationship 2 weeks ago during a holiday she went on with our child, booked on a return ticket, I know now this was planned with her mother. They are in England I am in Scotland so I have began court proceddings. Received child maintenance service letter asking for collect & pay dont want this because of charges but thinking do I fill it in at all as I am hoping to get her home

Our Response:
I can only suggest you take legal advice here as the split is very fresh and presumably you wish to determine who your child should live with permanently. If you are the usual primary carer of your child i.e you are the main day-to-day carer of your child, then a court may opt for a shared -care arrangement, or for you to continue your role as primary carer. However, if your are usually the parent who goes out to work and your ex stays at home with your child, then it is more likely she will remain the primary carer and you will become the non-resident/paying parent, in which case you will be assessed on your earnings as to the amount of child maintenance you will pay. Therefore, you need to explore your options fully and take legal advice regarding whether you should fill in the CMS assessment for and/or if you don't whether you may be subjected to arrears. As it stands, your ex has taken the stance of primary carer and if you object you will have to let the courts decide with whom your child should live.
SeparatedDads - 27-Apr-17 @ 12:18 PM
partner ended relationship 2 weeks ago during a holiday she went on with our child, booked on a return ticket, i know now this was planned with her mother.They are in England i am in Scotland so i have began court proceddings.Received child maintenance service letter asking for collect & pay dont want this because of charges but thinking do i fill it in at all as i am hoping to get her home
ARAN - 26-Apr-17 @ 7:14 PM
A concerned friend - Your Question:
Hello. My friend is at his wits end. His ex wife refuses to confirm to the CSA that there has been a change in the number of nights his youngest daughter stays with him. The CSA has been informed but say they cannot do anything until she (the claimant) confirms this to them. She expects to receive the full CSA amount and refuses to do any of the college runs (there is no direct bus to the college and the train station is a 20 minute walk down a busy A road with no pathway) and so my friend is having to cover this all week which us putting some 150 miles + every week on top of his normal journey to work. She refuses to discuss the matter with him either face to face or verbally and will only send hostile messages back via one of her daughters. Is there no other way of validating a change in circumstances as it is obvious that she will not cooperate in this matter.

Our Response:
I'm afraid this is an all too common problem between the paying and receiving parent. I can only suggest your friend seeks legal advice - a solicitor's letter outlining your friend's rights in this matter might do the trick. He may also be eligible for a 'special expenses variation', please see link here. However, this is usually more applicable for pick-ups and drop-offs over a long distance.
SeparatedDads - 24-Apr-17 @ 9:58 AM
Hello. My friend is at his wits end. His ex wife refuses to confirm to the CSA that there has been a change in the number of nights his youngest daughter stays with him.The CSA has been informed but say they cannot do anything until she (the claimant) confirms this to them. She expects to receive the full CSA amount and refuses to do any of the college runs (there is no direct bus to the college and the train station is a 20 minute walk down a busy A road with no pathway) and so my friend is having to cover this all week which us putting some 150 miles + every week on top of his normal journey to work. She refuses to discuss the matter with him either face to face or verbally and will only send hostile messages back via one of her daughters.Is there no other way of validating a change in circumstances as it is obvious that she will not cooperate in this matter.
A concerned friend - 23-Apr-17 @ 9:14 AM
Mr Jon - Your Question:
HI - I am writing on behalf of my son - he is paying maintenance to CSA via his wages - the child is finishing school this June/July and is 20 in December 2017. I notice that the age has recently changed from 19 to 20.question 1 - should the payments have stopped on the 19th birthdayquestion 2 - will they automaticly stop when they are 20 or do we have to tell the CSA.question 3 - we have just noticed that the wife has had a partner staying with her since 2016, should the CSA be told about this and would it help reduce the payments.thanks for your site

Our Response:
Please see link: At What Age Do Child Maintenance Payments Stop? here which should tell you all you need to know. That the mother of your son has someone staying with her will not affect payments from you, the father. Child maintenance payments are based solely upon the earnings of the non-resident father and are not affected by others living under the same roof.
SeparatedDads - 18-Apr-17 @ 2:24 PM
HI - I am writing on behalf of my son - he is paying maintenance to CSA via his wages - the child is finishing school this June/July and is 20 in December 2017. I notice that the age has recently changed from 19 to 20. question 1 - should the payments have stopped on the 19th birthday question 2 - will they automaticly stop when they are 20 or do we have to tell the CSA. question 3 - we have just noticed that the wife has had a partner staying with her since 2016, should the CSA be told about this and would it help reduce the payments. thanks for your site
Mr Jon - 18-Apr-17 @ 10:04 AM
Hi there i need some advice please,i have just found out that if my son has left school last year but i still have to pay child support until he finds a job,his father no longer gets child benefit and my son claims for himself,he is now 17 and my payments stopped last year when he was 16,now all of a sudden 237 pound has been deducted from my wage,my son isnt happy either as i have given him 100 pound a month since he was 16 anyway and he is happy with this,so is it true i have to pay his father until my son finds a job?
Kaz - 12-Apr-17 @ 4:42 PM
Paul - Your Question:
Hi there, I am wondering if you would be able to offer some advise please. I am separated from my wife and we have 4 children, eldest 11 and youngest 5. We both still get on well for the benefit of the children and both consented to a divorce. However, when I left the family home 3 years ago, I agreed to pay £800 per month towards the upkeep of the children which I have done every month. My wife now has a job and through benefits and my maintainance, she runs the house herself. Looking on the maintainance calculator, I should be paying around £630 per month. I'm not trying to be selfish, but with my own living costs , the amount I pay is tough and I want to reduce the amount I pay, but use the money saved in giving the children better weekends when they stay with me. I hope I'm not sounding unreasonable, but my wife will definitely say I am. I feel it may jeopardise the divorce and open a can of worms to what she has declared for housing benefit. Any thoughts , ideas or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

Our Response:
Mutual rational discussion is always the best way to air such views by putting forward your points fairly and logically putting your own case forward and what you intend to do as an alternative. However, as we are all aware this doesn't always work in principle. If your proposals don't go down well, then you can always suggest that you would prefer to be assessed through Child Maintenance Services in order to pay the correct amount. It's a tricky question to advise on as there is no correct answer, only the one that works for you. However, I do not advise you pay anything via cash and that all payments are recorded as if your ex is trying to falsify a claim for housing benefit purposes, this could inadvertently backfire on you.
SeparatedDads - 6-Apr-17 @ 11:36 AM
Hi there, I am wondering if you would be able to offer some advise please. I am separated from my wife and we have 4 children, eldest 11 and youngest 5. We both still get on well for the benefit of the children and both consented to a divorce. However, when I left the family home 3 years ago, I agreed to pay £800 per month towards the upkeep of the children which I have done every month . My wife now has a job and through benefits and my maintainance, she runs the house herself. Looking on the maintainance calculator, I should be paying around £630 per month. I'm not trying to be selfish, but with my own living costs , the amount I pay is tough and I want to reduce the amount I pay, but use the money saved in giving the children better weekends when they stay with me. I hope I'm not sounding unreasonable, but my wife will definitely say I am. I feel it may jeopardise the divorce and open a can of worms to what she has declared for housing benefit. Any thoughts , ideas or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
Paul - 5-Apr-17 @ 6:19 PM
Charlie- Your Question:
I need advice, my daughters farther has only seen her 11 times since she was born (she is now 2 and half) the CSA finally got him with a court date and he has now called me asking to provide a letter saying he has paid me the amount they are demanding which he hasn't, he is refusing to give me any help unless I ask him for it and tell him what it's all for. I don't want my daughter to loose out in her farther as I believe every child should know their dad but this would be me lying to the courts and I am not comfortable doing that.Can someone advise me on what's best as I don't want to be the bad person and I definitely don't want to go to court and lye as will get charged for contempt

Our Response:
You certainly should not attempt to lie in court. This can heavily backfire and you too could be charged if you are found out not to be telling the truth. Your ex is deemed responsible for paying child maintenance for his child whether he sees her or not. If he has not paid, then he should be made accountable.
SeparatedDads - 22-Mar-17 @ 11:38 AM
I need advice, my daughters farther has only seen her 11 times since she was born (she is now 2 and half) the CSA finally got him with a court date and he has now called me asking to provide a letter saying he has paid me the amount they are demanding which he hasn't, he is refusing to give me any help unless I ask him for it and tell him what it's all for. I don't want my daughter to loose out in her farther as I believe every child should know their dad but this would be me lying to the courts and I am not comfortable doing that. Can someone advise me on what's best as I don't want to be the bad person and I definitely don't want to go to court and lye as will get charged for contempt
Charlie - 21-Mar-17 @ 3:35 PM
Hi everyone, could someone please be kind enough to give me some advice. I have been contacted by the new Child Maintenance Service to say my old CSA agreement has expired and i need to arrange a new one with them. I have my son fortnighly and only pay the rate applicable to over 52 nights. My ex-wife has told them i only have him once a month and now they are saying i am not entitled to any reduction. I offered to supply an excel spreadsheet with a rota that i have and supply my ex-wife with annually, but they won't take that into consideration. They are just believing what she is telling them. Any advice would be greatly appreciated please.
Justin - 17-Feb-17 @ 8:48 PM
msmousesmom - Your Question:
Hi Everyone,So here's my dilemma. My children are ages 32,29 and 26. Full grown adults with their own families. Back in 1994 when times were tough I signed an administrative order from the state of Washington stating 155.00 per month per child for a total of 555.00 month. I was working union job in construction and we both resided in WA. I paid my support in full every month until I no longer worked a Union job and went back to OSE ( Office of Support Enforcement) and got a modification to my order stating that when I was unemployed the amount would be 25.00 per month per child and 25.00 on any back support owed totaling 100.00 per month. I made those payments as well. We both moved from Washington to Idaho (not together of course!) So somewhere in 2002 I received a notice from WA state OSE stating the balance due was 781.00 which I paid in full! They then gave me a paper stating that my case was closed with no balance owing.Great.right? Nope.At several times between 2002 or 2010 One or 2 of my children actually lived with me and 1 was actually property of the state of Idaho juvenile corrections. 2004 I got a statement from Idaho CSS. (Child Support Services) saying I had a balance of 7000.00 owed to them and 20,000.00 owed to the dad. I disputed the balance because I did not enter into any agreement with DAD or State of Idaho. They had added 555.00 per month for years !!! When 1 child turned 18 they reduced it to 370.00 and kept adding that up! During that time my 2nd child lived with me.Fast forward to 2005 and my 2nd turned 18 and was released from state custody who ( The State of Idaho) actually billed me for his care while CSS added it to DADS account. So 2010 Idaho says I owe 40,000.00 with 32,000.00 owed to DAD and the same 7000.00 owed them. I was only working part of the time those years and for minimum wage of 8.00 hour. I did not work 2010, 2011 then in 2012 The state took my drivers license for failure to pay. Because I would not agree to the amount they said I owed ( which now was 43,000.00. Sooooo I went back to work at $3.45 per hour plus tips and they took half of that every payday. Cant live off of that so I got a job for 8.00 and hour (minimum wage is 7.65 in Idaho) but only 3 days for 24 hours a week. Then they started taking 350.00 a month! Cant live off that! Took on a second job 8.00 hour 30 hours 4 days a week. The first job was taking 175.0 every 2 weeks and therefore didnt bother 2nd job. finally livable! NOPE.Driving on a suspended license I ended up losing car, going to jail and with no place to live I lost 1st job. Go figure! Now they take 50% of those wages and my paycheck last payday for 2 weeks was 120.00 times that by 2 and he is getting 250.00 per month and that is all I get too! Now I have my Drivers license back ( 3 months ago) So the DAD lives in a very nice 3 bedroom 2 bath home on property with plenty of food stamps and a disability check of 700.00 a month + my 350.00 a month ! I l

Our Response:
I am afraid we cannot answer your comment as we are a UK-based site with knowledge of only UK-based child maintenance laws, which will differ in the US.
SeparatedDads - 28-Nov-16 @ 10:40 AM
Me (msmousesmom)continued.... I live in an 23 ft RV in a mudholemaking 8.50 an hour 24 hours a week minus 50% with no gas, no food and cant even pay my space rent. Im going crazy. He says I owe him! Well I told him its called "child support" not spousal support! I obviously can not afford an attorney; nor can I afford to quit my job and lose my drivers license! Idaho does not have a court order signed by a judge or myself. I have never denied that I owed the 7000.00 to the state for the welfare checks they paid to him but that balance is still owed .They haven't been taking their monies but have been paying any support received to DAD! I asked Idaho to do a modification but they said they cant because it is arrears and not an Idaho order. I asked WA to modify the order and they said what order ? Your case is closed with a -0- balance. !!! I dont know what to do... I cant get anyone to help me and I keep getting further behind. Any suggestions?????
msmousesmom - 27-Nov-16 @ 3:40 AM
Hi Everyone, So here's my dilemma... My children are ages 32,29 and 26... Full grown adults with their own families. Back in 1994 when times were tough I signed an administrative order from the state of Washington stating 155.00 per month per child for a total of 555.00 month. I was working union job in construction and we both resided in WA. I paid my support in full every month until I no longer worked a Union job and went back to OSE ( Office of Support Enforcement) and got a modification to my order stating that when I was unemployed the amount would be 25.00 per month per child and 25.00 on any back support owed totaling 100.00 per month. I made those payments as well. We both moved from Washington to Idaho (not together of course!) So somewhere in 2002 I received a notice from WA state OSE stating the balance due was 781.00 which I paid in full! They then gave me a paper stating that my case was closed with no balance owing. ..Great ...right? Nope...At several times between 2002 or 2010 One or 2 of my children actually lived with me and 1 was actually property of the state of Idaho juvenile corrections . 2004 I got a statement from Idaho CSS. (Child Support Services) saying I had a balance of 7000.00 owed to them and 20,000.00 owed to the dad. I disputed the balance because I did not enter into any agreement with DAD or State of Idaho . They had added 555.00 per monthfor years !!! When 1 child turned 18 they reduced it to 370.00 and kept adding that up! During that time my 2nd child lived with me ...Fast forward to 2005 and my 2nd turned 18 and was released from state custody who ( The State of Idaho) actually billed me for his care while CSS added it to DADS account. So 2010 Idaho says I owe 40,000.00 with 32,000.00 owed to DAD and the same 7000.00 owed them. I was only working part of the time those years and for minimum wage of 8.00 hour. I did not work2010, 2011 then in 2012 The state took my drivers license for failure to pay. Because I would not agree to the amount they said I owed ( which now was 43,000.00. Sooooo I went back to work at $3.45 per hour plus tips and they took half of that every payday. Cant live off of that so I got a job for 8.00 and hour (minimum wage is 7.65 in Idaho) but only 3 days for 24 hours a week. Then they started taking 350.00 a month! Cant live off that! Took on a second job 8.00 hour 30 hours 4 days a week.The first job was taking 175.0 every 2 weeks and therefore didnt bother 2nd job. finally livable! NOPE...Driving on a suspended license I ended up losing car, going to jail and with no place to live I lost 1st job... Go figure! Now they take 50% of those wages and my paycheck last payday for 2 weeks was 120.00 times that by 2 and he is getting 250.00 per month and that is all I get too! Now I have my Drivers license back ( 3 months ago) So the DAD lives in a very nice 3 bedroom 2 bath home on propertywith plenty of food stamps and a disability check of 700.00 a month + my 350.00 a month ! I l
msmousesmom - 27-Nov-16 @ 2:39 AM
Hi, I would like to tell you about my situation with child support agency, I have 2 beautiful daughters with m ex, we had a lot personal problems due to her addictions, we got divorce long time ago, but for some years I couldn't pay the child support, even do, I paid the full principal balance but I have pending the interest, it is a big amount, my concern now is.. I would like to make payments to the interest but child supp. is asking for the full amount 31700.00 and they are found a small bank account that I have, and now they are getting my money, I was asking if the Child supp. Ag. could give the money to my daughters but they told me that my ex-wife is requesting her money.
Art's - 14-Nov-16 @ 7:07 PM
Hello I wish we lived in a fairer society that took into account all aspects of being a biological parent I'm a father of three beautiful children by two exs that life didn't work out The equal contact with my children only worked because I made that effort for them My ex wife thinks that I'm a **** because I could not forgive her for being a cheat My other ex was so dirty and neglectful that I could not be near her and I went to family court to get some kind if access to our children The child support is another weapon for ex partners to attack If the pwc is in another relationship getting money from them aswel as me then it's fraud no matter how much statutory law says It's fraud in housing benefit working tax credit and to give my child to her grand parent for two nights a week without paying her a wage But she needs a weeks wage from me every month Is not a fair and balanced system But proving it the domestic abuse the denied access Just a scam and all children are being used And decent people who want their children in their lives are being punished for being employed having a home and wanting children The law is a long way from decent and honest
Dave - 14-Oct-16 @ 7:59 PM
Hello When does this abuse end ? My ex is a cruel devil doesn't care about nothing besides money and being greedy Housing benefit part time wages child support payments working family tax credits and has adopted her eldest daughter Me a wage I'm not a bank thank you child support but I guess I must be Hardship tough get on with it If you are in extreme poverty oh well get another job so we can take even more if your earnings in a child tax We should pay but not because it's law but as a moral standing that we the biological parents what the best for our children So how can family courts be in favour of domestic violence and lack if dignity over access to our biological children Me I've been to family court 9 times over access the law has to work both ways It's just a scam another Tory meal ticket to attack working people to be put in the bread line So how is this getting rid of child poverty if your putting the biological parent in hardship over a bs And garnish of wages they say they never received Then we get told oh the computer system that's got f all to do with my case it just means you are stealing my living wage Abuse if a company leaves you with nothing to live on to buy food clothing or contact with your children it's financial abuse The children's act 1989 it's detrimental to put either parent into hardship because it's also detrimental to the child The Bristol report of 2005 It's easier to TARGET the parents who has a living a home and regular contact with their children than chasing a dead beatdad Oh and dead beat mums don't exist ? Just a massive scam Scare tactics shambolic organisation the left arm does not know what the right one is doing Time fir a change of thinking If you work want access contact have a home don't sponge of the state then why are me we being punished for it The most stupid of it all is Fathers are not working to provide fir their kids So the 1950's mentality is defunked The man being the bread winner Is a myth because of a law that is discriminative abusive and unlawful Thank you x
Dave - 14-Oct-16 @ 6:00 PM
Any advice on writing a letter to my ex husband for maintenance for two boys aged 17 and 14 he's never paid any amount for the last 9 years part from pocket money to them when he sees them every weekend he sees them both for an hour on a Tuesday and Thursday where he takes them to McDonalds then on a Saturday he has my 14 year old from 5pm until 5pm on the Sunday my 17 year old goes on the Sunday from 12 until 5
Billiard - 22-Sep-16 @ 6:30 PM
Hi, my daughter's father is a seaman. We have agreed that he will be giving 5k every month for child support ( that's with the help of a PAO attorney) last May of 2014. When he went to embark again in 2014 he's been giving 3k every month only, and everytime he disembark he will only give 1k every month. Can I pursue a case against him or a petition perhaps since the amount that we have agreed was not followed? Hoping for a response. Thanks a lot.
ceevee - 4-Aug-16 @ 7:04 AM
My husband and I split up years ago but We have become friends again he looks after the children make sure they have everything they need and has been paying for the children for a while now . I would like to cancel child maintenance and have the debt cleared ,could you please let me know how to do so .
Zed - 7-Jul-16 @ 4:19 PM
i have a 2yr old son and the father of my child has been paying child maintenance but now we have come into good terms and resolved issues among us and we want to raise the child together. please provide me with a sample letter that i will present to the Magistrate. he is taking care of my son and we have a good relationship now. how to write the letter to cancel it? URGENT
NTOTO - 1-Jul-16 @ 8:33 AM
SAM123 - Your Question:
I have been separated from my husband nearly a year now, it has been a very difficult time with regards to our 2 year old son,the reason I left was because my husband was drinking and taking drugs, he was having our son on a Saturday on his own providing he was sober, I have also invited him to come up and spend time with his son, for dinner putting him to bed ,reading stories and bath time ect. he has declined these offers. i have recently found out that he is dating and the girlfriend has bipolar and he has told me she is very unstable and not taking her medication. he has also said she is a nutter and keeps banging on his front door screaming in the night until he lets her into the house, she has contacted me via the phone with threats and screaming. she girlfriend has 2 children that were taken away from her and is now pregnant again. i do not want my son to be involved with all this mess, and I cant trust that my ex will keep my son away from the situation. so what do I do ??? let him see his son on his own still and hope he does the right thing or only allow him access if I supervise. this is something he doesn't want to do , he feels he is entitled to do what he wants with his son. he tells me im playing god , all I want is safety for my son

Our Response:
Have you thought of suggesting mediation to your ex in an attempt to resolve the issue? Please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. If you have concerns then you have every right to halt access if you think your child may be at risk.
SeparatedDads - 23-Jun-16 @ 11:12 AM
I have been separated from my husband nearly a year now, it has been a very difficult time with regards to our 2 year old son, the reason i left was because my husband was drinking and taking drugs, he was having our son on a Saturday on his own providing he was sober, i have also invited him to come up and spend time with his son, for dinner putting him to bed ,reading stories and bath time ect ... he has declined these offers . i have recently found out that he is dating and the girlfriend has bipolar and he has told me she is very unstable and not taking her medication.. he has also said she is a nutter and keeps banging on his front door screaming in the night until he lets her into the house, she has contacted me via the phone with threats and screaming. she girlfriend has 2 children that were taken away from her and is now pregnant again. i do not want my son to be involved with all this mess, and i cant trust that my ex will keep my son away from the situation. so what do i do ??? let him see his son on his own still and hope he does the right thingor only allow him access if i supervise. this is something he doesn't want to do , he feels he is entitled to do what he wants with his son. he tells me im playing god , all i want is safety for my son
SAM123 - 22-Jun-16 @ 1:45 PM
My ex and I split up 8 years ago we have a 9 year old daughter together and she just loves to play God with my daughter. Up until 2 years ago I had my daughter several times a week and also every other weekend this was whilst my ex was out partying every night. Now she has settled down and found a new partner my ex only communicates through my mum and dad and I can only see my daughter every Tuesday for a couple of hours after school. I have sent letters to her I have rang her but she is just blanking me out. What help can I get I am really frustrated in this and my daughter is too she keeps asking can she stay with me for the weekend and there is just nothing I can do. Please help me
Jackrowe - 13-May-16 @ 5:13 PM
Kate - Your Question:
My fiance has had custody of his daughter since August 2015 due to mother losing house and getting into trouble with the law. Nothing has been sent through the courts for legally changing custiody. He is STILL paying child support on his daughter whom is living with us and going to school since August 2015. Friend of the court mentioned a letter could be written to have the child support stop???

Our Response:
Your fiance does not have to pay child support to the mother for a child that lives with him. Does the money go through the CSA/CMS? If so he would need to give either agency a call in order to sort this out. If the payment is through a court order, then before he begins proceedings he may want to consider Mediation with his ex. In Mediation, an impartial, trained mediator, not connected with the case, will help him and his ex come to an agreement regarding residency and the maintenance payments.
SeparatedDads - 4-Mar-16 @ 12:03 PM
My fiance has had custody of his daughter since August 2015 due to mother losing house and getting into trouble with the law. Nothing has been sent through the courts for legally changing custi ody. He is STILL paying child support on his daughter whom is living with us and going to school since August 2015. Friend of the court mentioned a letter could be written to have the child support stop???
Kate - 3-Mar-16 @ 3:54 PM
I need help with template letter to get my ex to acknowledge that he needs to have set days with his child a month as she is constantly messed about by him and he has stated he should see her as and when without set days a month!! I cannot afford court etc so want to try and lead him to think I'm now taking things seriously to get it delt,in the hoping he may see I'm no longer messing about.
Lou 1234 - 1-Mar-16 @ 4:32 PM
charlie - Your Question:
My husband and I have been paying child maintenance to his other half every month, without fail for the last 11 years and have paid for any extras that he has needed (clothes, driving lessons, passports etc). My husbands relationship with his ex is amicable but strained at times and from our perspective the whole relationship jn its entirety is based on 'they take and we continue to give without question'. My husbands son is nearly 18, he left full time education (without any qualifications) last year and isn't doing much to find a job. How is it best to go about reducing/ending the payments?esp now he is soon to be an adult, now he is no longer in education, and to encourage him to take responsibility to find paid employment. Is there a standard letter we can use to help?We are concerned and would like to minimise the negative response as we have, inbthe past had our tyres slashed and abusive phone calls when things haven't gone their way, and we want to follow this process through the right way to prevent any backlash.Thank you in advance for your much needed advice.

Our Response:
Every parent has the basic responsibility to provide for their child up until the age of 16, when they are legally allowed to leave school and get a job. After this age, it depends what your child chooses to do. If they continue in full-time non-advanced education, not higher than A-level equivalent, for at least 12 hours a week, then maintenance payments will continue until the child finishes the course or until they turn 20.A solicitor's letter may be more effective, as it will put an official slant on the subject and ensure the facts are correct in order to prevent any repercussions. It's definitely worth the cost sometimes.
SeparatedDads - 22-Feb-16 @ 2:55 PM
My husband and I have been paying child maintenance to his other half every month,without fail for the last 11 years and have paid for any extras that he has needed (clothes, driving lessons, passports etc). My husbands relationship with his ex is amicable but strained at times and from our perspective the whole relationship jn its entirety is based on 'they take and we continue to give without question'. My husbands son is nearly 18, he left full time education (without any qualifications) last year and isn't doing much to find a job.How is it best to go about reducing/ending the payments?..esp now he is soon to be an adult, now he is no longer in education, and to encourage him to take responsibility to find paid employment.Is there a standard letter we can use to help? We are concerned and would like to minimise the negative response as we have, inbthe past had our tyres slashed and abusive phone calls when things haven't gone their way, and we want to follow this process through the right way to prevent any backlash. Thank you in advance for your much needed advice.
charlie - 22-Feb-16 @ 6:17 AM
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice...
Title:
(never shown)
Firstname:
(never shown)
Surname:
(never shown)
Email:
(never shown)
Nickname:
(shown)
Comment:
Validate:
Enter word:
Latest Comments
Further Reading...
Our Most Popular...
Add to my Yahoo!
Add to Google
Stumble this
Add to Twitter
Add To Facebook
RSS feed
You should seek independent professional advice before acting upon any information on the SeparatedDads website. Please read our Disclaimer.