Home > Lies in Separation > Being Falsely Accused of Child Abuse

Being Falsely Accused of Child Abuse

By: Lorna Elliott LLB (hons), Barrister - Updated: 24 Nov 2017 |
 
Accused Child Abuse Social Services

If you are accused of child abuse, whether sexual or violent in nature, or abuse that is supposed to have occurred in front of your children, you may find yourself on the receiving end of a ‘visit’ from Social Services, which may seem casual and friendly but is actually recorded on a computer and remains on a social services file indefinitely.

If Social Services decide not to do anything about it, there will be ‘no action taken’. It is well worth checking what is on the file in these circumstances to make sure that what has been recorded is accurate. You are unlikely to get an apology or thanks for your cooperation.

Further Action

If Social Services decide that they need to take further action, they can hold a ‘core assessment’ meeting where they can direct you to do certain things as a parent. Your child could be put on the ‘at risk’ register. If this happens, it could be that your authority over your child’s welfare may be shared with Social Services, or your child could be taken into care, or adopted into another family.

Your Child’s File

Whatever information is on file about your child, it can be seen by medical professionals, health visitors, teachers and school staff, housing authorities, police, public and some voluntary workers who have contact with children, and youth workers. That is why it is important to ensure that whatever is recorded is correct.

The Meeting With Social Services

Although this is often sold to people as ‘a little chat’, you should NOT treat it as such. Make sure you bring someone with you who you know and trust as a witness, and make sure you tape record the meeting. Ask everyone there whether they have any objection to you recording the meeting – they should not. Use a ‘conference microphone’ so that you get a clear definition of what everyone says. If you know what the meeting is going to be about, bring any documentation that you think will help. No matter how nice they are to you, remember they are there to do a job – which is to see whether you are an unfit parent or not. They are not paid to be kind to you.

The Good News

As public bodies are terrified of being lambasted in the media, they can have a tendency to over-react to any kind of concern expressed over a child’s welfare. There does not have to be strong evidence in order to trigger a referral to Social Services. Sometimes it is simply an opinion, a suspicion, or an impression that a public employee has, although there are rules and concerns must be ‘evidence based.’

Although this might seem shocking, a considerable number of referrals to Social Services are not investigated at all because they are deemed to be without merit. Although figures vary between local authorities, those that are not investigated at all amount to around 55% of all referrals. If there is genuinely nothing wrong, and the referral has been made mistakenly, or maliciously, just make sure you take the precautions described above. Act professionally, tell the truth and make sure that you do not say anything even in jest that could be misinterpreted.

False accusations are not uncommon where one partner is looking for ways to 'punish' the other. It's not always accusations of child abuse either...often an ex will falsely accuse you of domestic violence or even rape. Our articles:
Being Falsely Accused of Domestic Abuse
and
Being Falsely Accused of Rape
offer some advice about what to do in those situations.

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

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Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice..
[Add a Comment]
Some one accused me of beating my son I never touch my son I do everything for them I love them so much please I need help this issue will effect my job as taxi driver?
Deen. - 24-Nov-17 @ 10:22 PM
My 12 year old son has touch my 8 year old girl they are both saying it has stop and stop for awhile now my son has gone to stay with my sister and social services are involved my question is would social services allow my son to come if safety measures where put in place my son knows he has done wrong and swears it will never happened again and my little girl has said she is not scared of him and is happy for him to come home if it never happens again
Whattodo - 10-Nov-17 @ 1:15 PM
loulou - Your Question:
I have an eight week old baby I phoned 111 due to having every sign of meningitis except the rash or marks and then they phone ambulance they came out said she was fine I wanted second opinion so went in ambulance to hospital in hospital I noticed a purple mark on her little finger I asked what it was he said it’s fone don’t worry about it, after I had seen a few people in a and e I got put to paediatric day unit with her they checked her over said she was fine I could go home then the boss/ higher than everyone consultant came checked her over said we will have to do some bloods I will get youse moved onto a ward then they took bloods took pictures of mark then told me I had to leave my baby at hospital due to the mark being forced and now she is in care and I have been cautioned with Common assault what do I do I need my baby back

Our Response:
If your child is in care and you’re unhappy about their treatment, you can make a complaint. Talk to your child’s carer or social worker first and if you’re not happy, you can complain to your council. The Family Rights Group Advice Service helpline provides confidential support for parents, please see link here.
SeparatedDads - 10-Nov-17 @ 11:20 AM
I have an eight week old baby I phoned 111 due to having every sign of meningitis except the rash or marks and then they phone ambulance they came out said she was fine I wanted second opinion so went in ambulance to hospital in hospital I noticed a purple mark on her little finger I asked what it was he said it’s fone don’t worry about it, after I had seen a few people in a and e I got put to paediatric day unit with her they checked her over said she was fine I could go home then the boss/ higher than everyone consultant came checked her over said we will have to do some bloods I will get youse moved onto a ward then they took bloods took pictures of mark then told me I had to leave my baby at hospital due to the mark being forced and now she is in care and I have been cautioned with Common assault what do I do I need my baby back
loulou - 7-Nov-17 @ 5:58 PM
@Pod - if there is no evidence against you and no further action taken, then hopefully the court will see your side. The courts are pretty wise to some mothers pulling dirty tricks such as this. Have faith and don't give up. You have not been proven guilty, therefore you are innocent. Best of luck.
JamesD - 7-Nov-17 @ 3:49 PM
I was accused of sexual abuse from my 3 year old daughter I have been investigated by police and no further action to be taken against me as no evidence. I have been seeing my daughter since our divorce with no problem until my ex wife new partner came on scene. Ever since then I've had problems I'm actually fighting in court to see my daughter in 20 days time my 4th appearance in which my ex has never appeared to go . I'm now fearful that with all that has happened I will never be able to see my daughter even though it's been proven I'm innocent. Please help anyone
Pod - 3-Nov-17 @ 4:26 PM
mrsdannyjones - Your Question:
Please help me! My best friend Sarah has a contact order with her childrens father Daniel (biological father of Leo aged 5 and Harry aged 6, but raised my cousins daughter Emily aged 7 from birth, although he's not her biological father.) In court Sarah did not contest to Daniel still seeing Emily as Emily believes Daniel is her father. The contact order states that the children see their dad every fortnight from Friday to Sunday. Sarah has received nothing but verbal, mental and emotional abuse from this man since they separated last year and he uses the children as weapons to hurt her. She received a message from him today stating that he isn't bringing the children home as he's spoken to social services and they've advised him to keep them as he has concerns for their safety at home. Sarah has been told she must contact social services in the morning to see what happens now. She is a wonderful mother and the children are NOT in danger with her in anyway shape or form. I am qualified in childcare and safeguarding, I would 100% say so if I thought they were being abused or neglected, but they're not. They could not be more loved by their mother. In fact, Sarab has concerns they are being emotionally and verbally abused at their fathers house. She has made reports of this to social services, the police and children's safeguarding team who all say there's nothing they can do as there's no evidence. She is now out of her mind with worry, thinking she'll have to go to court to get her children back, she is even frightened of the thought of never seeing her beloved babies again. Is there anything she can do to prove he is making false allegations to social services to take her children away? Someone please help I'm desperate to help her, her kids are her world and I'm afraid she won't cope if this carries on.(All names have been changed.)

Our Response:
If the father has parental responsibility of your friend's children, there is little your friend can do apart from to apply directly to court, please see link here.
SeparatedDads - 30-Oct-17 @ 11:01 AM
Please help me! My best friend Sarah has a contact order with her childrens father Daniel (biological father of Leo aged 5 and Harry aged 6, but raised my cousins daughter Emily aged 7 from birth, although he's not her biological father.) In court Sarah did not contest to Daniel still seeing Emily as Emily believes Daniel is her father. The contact order states that the children see their dad every fortnight from Friday to Sunday. Sarah has received nothing but verbal, mental and emotional abuse from this man since they separated last year and he uses the children as weapons to hurt her. She received a message from him today stating that he isn't bringing the children home as he's spoken to social services and they've advised him to keep them as he has concerns for their safety at home. Sarah has been told she must contact social services in the morning to see what happens now. She is a wonderful mother and the children are NOT in danger with her in anyway shape or form. I am qualified in childcare and safeguarding, I would 100% say so if I thought they were being abused or neglected, but they're not. They could not be more loved by their mother. In fact, Sarab has concerns they are being emotionally and verbally abused at their fathers house. She has made reports of this to social services, the police and children's safeguarding team who all say there's nothing they can do as there's no evidence. She is now out of her mind with worry, thinking she'll have to go to court to get her children back, she is even frightened of the thought of never seeing her beloved babies again. Is there anything she can do to prove he is making false allegations to social services to take her children away? Someone please help I'm desperate to help her, her kids are her world and I'm afraid she won't cope if this carries on. (All names have been changed.)
mrsdannyjones - 29-Oct-17 @ 7:12 PM
Hello I'm not sure if this is the right place but here goes. So in a nutshell. I have four kids with three different dads with two older kids sharing the same dad. In 1998 the aunt and uncle of my two older kids took my children and drug me through an ugly 2 1/2 year custody battle that I was almost finished with in 2000, and I was expecting to gain back full custody in may of 2000. That was cancelled never to be rescheduled because the father of my youngest child teamed up with the aunt and got a restraining order against me six weeks after the birth of our child. He told lies to everyone including my GAL. Subsequently my trial was discontinued and that would be the last time I ever saw my oldest daughter again. She was 8 at that time and now she is 25. My ex went on to lie to the courts and have me charged with domestic violence in 2000. I plead guilty under extreme circumstances to get out of jail. I was so scared and traumatized at this point I went on the run trying to change my identity and ended up with a whole lot more trouble, I have spent years trying to get past that stuff. In 2003 I learned of an open CPS case involving my son. This had to do with a broken leg Nicky suffered in his dads care. When I called to inquire about this case I was told that my baby had suffered other injuries which included red marks and bruises around his neck, I was then told that I need to get a lawyer and they could not tell me anymore. I insisted that they remove my child and even place him in foster care and investigate this man his father. I knew that Robert caused these injuries to our child and I was being told to get a lawyer. This made no sense to me as I had no idea what was happening. I decided to write a letter as internet was not quite available at that time yet. So I wrote a letter to the Ombudsman of child safety and explained my situation. Soon after I received a letter informing me that they investigated and was satisfied with the status of CPS. Still didn't know what was happening or where to turn next. Finally in 2004 while I was serving a sentence at Roberts house, I asked him for the truth and explanation as to what the situation was and why CPS was telling me to get a lawyer and finally I asked how did Nicky get red marks and bruises around his neck. Robert proceeded to tell me that he had lost his temper with Nicholas one morning and caused these injuries. He said because he was already being watched by CPS and didn't want to get in any trouble so he told CPS that I caused these injuries. So in 2015 I finally saw the actual court documents in which Robert actually in his writing acusing me of these atrocities. I decided to write a letter to CPS explaining all of this and they still denied being able to help me or even to look into this. Well I can't let this go first and foremost because my child who is now 17 years old is still being abused by this man. In fact my son said his dad kicked him in the ribs just a week ago. I had a ph
Pixi - 13-Sep-17 @ 10:57 PM
My now ex got 46 yrs cause of his 21 yr old daughter didn't get her way, she said he sexually abused her at age 3,5,12, supposedly, not sure cause story keep changing, his child support was done paid up ect.. So she wasn't getting no more money, her 21st b day came up she wanted $300, down payment for her house n a bottle of something well we didn't have it of course so she started these accusations, and while we were living the life cause he worked made good money we had allot but we couldn't afford that , some time went by n then her desperate preggo with twins friend of hers started saying something , supposedly he only met a handful of times , note some of these accusations could not have possibly happened due to so many people around at an event n just not possible cause I'm sure someone would have said something then..ex wife got involved ect it was a mess. Attorney said if you gave me more money I woulda helped cause I knew you were innocent .. He's been in prison for 5 yrs now and I'm hearing nothing can be done any more..... Cause of what attorney did and supposedly he had another attorney on it but he did nothing either, was lots of polical stuff going on to and they made sure it was every where to make them look good
Rose - 15-Aug-17 @ 9:21 PM
b23 - Your Question:
Has anyone got any advise for me please? my 6 year olds mother accused my friend of sexual abuse on my son,and said that I was aware of it going on(total rubbish).ss told me no contact till my son had been interviewed by police(3 months now).hes been interviewed and nfa.hes told his nanna"if I hadnt said what mum told me to say I would be with dad now".2 weeks ago started seeing him at contact centre for 1 hour 3 min a week.this cant be right can it when she has made false aligations and my son lived with me and didnt even want to speak to his mum after school or before bed time.what can I do regarding this as she has caused so much sadness due to her making false aligations?

Our Response:
I can only suggest you seek legal advice regarding this matter. Until the allegations have been properly investigated there is little you can do. As you can imagine SS's hands are tied, as any allegation needs to be taken seriously and looked into regardless. With regards to your ex's allegations, trying to prove they are false isn't easy. A solicitor will advise you whether you have a case to answer.
SeparatedDads - 30-May-17 @ 10:02 AM
has anyone got any advise for me please? my 6 year olds mother accused my friend of sexual abuse on my son,and said that i was aware of it going on(total rubbish).ss told me no contact till my son had been interviewed by police(3 months now).hes been interviewed and nfa.hes told his nanna"if i hadnt said what mum told me to say i would be with dad now".2 weeks ago started seeing him at contact centre for 1 hour 3 min a week.this cant be right can it when she has made false aligations and my son lived with me and didnt even want to speak to his mum after school or before bed time.what can i do regarding this as she has caused so much sadness due to her making false aligations?
b23 - 29-May-17 @ 6:21 AM
My wife moved away into a home for domestically abused women . She only did this ,as she was just fed up and wanted to move away . Because she had to be a victim of abuse to stay in this charity home, she had to have adomestic abuse story .So she made up a story that I have been inappropriately touching my children. The staff from the home referred her to social services where she repeated her lies . Many months later she realised her mistake andtold social services her allegations were false and she had lied . I have read on the Internet that these allegations stay on file. Will I be able to see my children normally again without intervention fromsocial services.
J - 12-May-17 @ 6:12 PM
Hi Dear Please help I am in bad situation my ex took my three children and complain to the police and social services that I been hit her 5 times and threatenedher too the women refugee people took her somewhere. She changed her phone number only I had her email to access her but she never replied for 2 weeks she wenthe in relationship after 7 days she left the house it shows on her facebook page the date she start relationship. After 2 week I email her about kids she replied the children are ok after keep begging her to bring the kids she brought the children in train station for 1 hour she said she arrange to see them again next week I agreed with her but she didn't reply when I asked her which day I can see the kids I was so worry and sad because didn't know her address and telephone number two weeks after last meeting she text from a new number says I missue you I didn't know that was her I replied who is this she saI'd it's me it was 4 am then she stopped contact again after two day she arrange meeting again at KFC to see the kids and again she said I can arrange to see the kids every Thursday I agreed with her when she left I emailed her thanks for bringing the kids she didn't replied after 2 days she said don't email me don't text even she was revealed her number then she said you can't see your kids because there was domestic violence. I never been involved with police or social services at all but I dont have enough money to pay for solicitors I can sell my car to pay but I need advice am I still get access in court or just waste my money please advice anyone been in this situation all my friends says court not allow you access because of domestic violence allegations they blieve her by only report it is it through. She got money from me for her new house deposit and again £400 she said I can see them when she got the money she stopped and said you can't see them because there was domestic violence in our relationship how come she went with someone else within a week and accussed me of all allegations of I been attacked her in front of kids five times? Please what is my chance of acces to see the kids if I apply to court never been arrest it by police? Please share your experience thanks
Samimm - 17-Apr-17 @ 10:02 PM
Trace - Your Question:
Hi my daughter has been fighting for almost two years to get her son back from out of foster care he was 9 weeks old when he was taken to hospital very ill doctors said it was a brain bleed and had a rib fracture ( shaken baby) prior to this she took him numerous occasions because of projectile vomiting for them to say she's over feeding him. the farther after 18 months and after judgment he came forward to say he fell with him( nothing was done about this) my daughter has had a polygraph test done that said she didn't hurt him yet they are still trying to get him adopted out. Even though farther has changed story over and over again my daughter's has remained the same. How can the social services justify this ???? They treated farther better than my daughter and it kills me knowing what she's going through its so hard I Love my grandson dearly I don't want him to be adopted.

Our Response:
I'm afraid we cannot comment on a question such as this because of the complex issues involved. Your daughter's only recourse would be to seek legal advice about whether her case can be heard through the courts.
SeparatedDads - 24-Mar-17 @ 12:50 PM
Hi my daughter has been fighting for almost two years to get her son back from out of foster care he was 9 weeks old when he was taken to hospital very ill doctors said it was a brain bleed and had a rib fracture ( shaken baby) prior to this she took him numerous occasions because of projectile vomiting for them to say she's over feeding him.. the farther after 18 months and after judgment he came forward to say he fell with him( nothing was done about this) my daughter has had a polygraph test done that said she didn't hurt him yet they are still trying to get him adopted out . Even though farther has changed story over and over again my daughter's has remained the same. How can the social services justify this ???? They treated farther better than my daughter and it kills me knowing what she's going through its so hard I Love my grandson dearly I don't want him to be adopted.
Trace - 24-Mar-17 @ 1:33 AM
Parwani - Your Question:
Please help me my partner accused me I was threatened her and shout and smack the kids and I was beating her always but the women refugees people tooke her away from me so I don't know there place however she said. But now I spoke to the solicitor to have child contact arrangements with the kids but the social said to my solicitor they should write to them. please any help or advice may I see my kids or what will be the next step we have not history of abuse just she made I abused her and threatened her but I wonder if I can see my kids or not?

Our Response:
I cannot give you any more advice than your solicitor already has. You have no legal right to see your kids if your ex has refused access over a domestic incident - as advised by your solicitor, you would have to apply to court. We cannot predict what a court will decide, it will always decide on what it thinks is in the best interests of your children.
SeparatedDads - 2-Mar-17 @ 12:16 PM
Please help me my partner accused me I was threatened her and shout and smack the kids and I was beating her always but the women refugees people tooke her away from me so I don't know there place however she said . But now I spoke to the solicitor to have child contact arrangements with the kids but the social said to my solicitor they should write to them. please any help or advice may I see my kids or what will be the next step we have not history of abuse just she made I abused her and threatened her but I wonder if I can see my kids or not?
Parwani - 1-Mar-17 @ 1:36 PM
I'm separated from my wife I have 3 children my 5 year old has accused me of hurting her social have given the kids to their mother and I got arrested for child cruelty last night she has some bruises but I have not done these I wouldn't hurt any of my kids I've not been charged yet I'm petrified as they trying to through book at me and I know I've done nothing wrong
Berto - 26-Nov-16 @ 2:19 PM
Please help. I've been with hubby 14 yrs (married 13) I had 4 year old daughter when we got together.We've had 5 children together since and are still very much in love. Our eldest (his step) recently falsely accused Hubby of historical abuse and rape incl right up until May this year, daughter is 19 next month. Hubby was arrested, questioned, on bail till January. He was not allowed home for 35 days on social services request.Social have now completed their risk assessments and he came home yesterday but is still under investigation.No evidence found and our daughter has always been a massive attention seeker and liar constantly making up stories.She had accused a young lad in the army at the beginning of the year which ended in court martial, the boy was found not guilty.Our daughter is texting we further stories and all the time changing and contacting the other children which is scaring them and myself.We have got stronger as a family but I'm so scared incase she creates a story that she can carry off to be more believed, do we have any protection against this either during or after the investigation, and also can I get a restraining order against her? Please advise, I'm desperate to protect our other children from her, and of course my husband.I am completely behind him even though social have said I have to be the supervisor with children while he's at home during investigation as it could be possible he's guilty. It's like it's never going to end. I'm pretending to be brave and strong and were getting counselling to deal with what she's done to us and the children, this has also affected hubby's side of the family, my daughter has been raised as though she's his own and by his family, her biological wanted nothing to do with her since she was 3 months.I hope someone can help. Thanks x
Lou - 25-Nov-16 @ 4:03 PM
Please help. I've been with hubby 14 yrs (married 13) I had 4 year old daughter when we got together.We've had 5 children together since and are still very much in love. Our eldest (his step) recently falsely accused Hubby of historical abuse and rape incl right up until May this year, daughter is 19 next month. Hubby was arrested, questioned, on bail till January. He was not allowed home for 35 days on social services request.Social have now completed their risk assessments and he came home yesterday but is still under investigation.No evidence found and our daughter has always been a massive attention seeker and liar constantly making up stories.She had accused a young lad in the army at the beginning of the year which ended in court martial, the boy was found not guilty.Our daughter is texting we further stories and all the time changing and contacting the other children which is scaring them and myself.We have got stronger as a family but I'm so scared incase she creates a story that she can carry off to be more believed, do we have any protection against this either during or after the investigation, and also can I get a restraining order against her? Please advise, I'm desperate to protect our other children from her, and of course my husband.I am completely behind him even though social have said I have to be the supervisor with children while he's at home during investigation as it could be possible he's guilty. It's like it's never going to end. I'm pretending to be brave and strong and were getting counselling to deal with what she's done to us and the children, this has also affected hubby's side of the family, my daughter has been raised as though she's his own and by his family, her biological wanted nothing to do with her since she was 3 months.I hope someone can help. Thanks x
Lou - 25-Nov-16 @ 3:40 PM
... Although I always tried to help him see things more objectively, I should have been ready for this - that he may one day accuse me too. It is just a matter of time. I will continue to contact him from time to time, especially on important dates. I will continue to love him deeply. But if he chooses to hate me or hate me more due to his dad's words about me, I don't think there is much I can do about it. At the end of the day, I need some peace in my soul. I need to take care of myself and my younger son. And he, though autistic, still needs to learn about responsibilities and integrity. I love life. I feel that finally I can walk with my head up. I have been through a lot and have thought that life had been so unfair to me until today. Compared to what some of you experienced, I made an earlier exit to avoid incoming legal mess that could drag me into impossible mental abyss. But through you I convinced myself I had done the right thing. My son is finally enjoying his dad's attention after so many years of absence. Though they had two big physical fights, they have more common interests (even obsessions) and do get along easier. His dad also gives him tons of time to stay alone, even eat dinner in his bedroom. I wish him good luck. I am working on myself and hoping that I can continue to do well in my career and raise my little one to be a productive person with good personality.
Susan - 25-Nov-16 @ 8:49 AM
.......... This totally broke my heart. I have been depressed even suicidal. I felt like a failure. All my friends asked me why I did it. They just couldn't get it. And I have lost the strength to explain, after realizing the more I explain, the worse I would feel. It is funny how I can turn from a perfect mom of two healthy, gifted boys in all kinds of sports, music, cultural and religious activities as well as entertainment to a loser mom overnight. Life is so ironic. I reread the email from my son last year where he congratulated me on my birthday and used many words to describe how awesome I was as his mom. Did he really say that? I can't believe it myself. But he did. So I guess on some days he knew I was a great mom. I guess even he did not know why he could be so frustrated and mean to me. I guess he didn't understand the consequence of his words or behaviors - how they could jeopardize our loving relationship which has survived a lot of hardships and is supposed to get stronger. I guess he didn't really mean what he said or wrote or drew. I guess he never meant to hurt me physically. I guess it was autism. I guess puberty made it worse. I guess I did nothing wrong. But I have got to stop explaining myself. I have got to stop regretting the past and thinking about what I could have done. I have got to stop sending him emails, messages, postcards, clothes, gifts, giftcards, etc. I have only been rejected or cursed so far. I have got to focus on my job and my younger son who is not autistic. He needs his mom, too. Reading your stories convinced me that my fears when he accused me were not unfounded. What happened to you could have happened to me. Even though I have not changed the divorce judgment only allowed reduction in child support in hope that he may come back to me, I am not sure that he wouldn't assault me again or wrongly accuse me again. When my son was 7, he had a close friend with ADHD. One day they played at his friend's house for a while and then they came back. My son told me that his friend's dad spit to his face. I could not believe it as his friend's dad has been very nice to him. But for some odd reason, his friend (who has low self esteem and believes he is stupid) said yes yes my dad did that when I asked him what happened. So I felt that I had to ask his friend's dad what happened. Although I tried to not sound accusational at all, they were still very offended and totally cut off contact with us. My son lost his best friend and I lost a family that used to be very kind and welcoming and helpful to us. I think part of the reason is that autistic children are very sensitive and egocentric. Once they formed a misconception, no one can convince them otherwise. I remember how my son accused his coach a racist and his swim team members of kicking him intentionally in the pool in order to slow him down. I mean, he has told me so many stories about others offending him over the years. Although I al
Susan - 25-Nov-16 @ 8:42 AM
Thanks everyone for sharing your stories. I am not sure that I can be of much help but I chose to let go when my high functioning autistic son said I abused him to the social worker that I got to help us deal with his aggression mainly towards me. I have worked so hard to raise him and train him all sorts of skills throughout the years and spent all my money and energy on him, with little to spare on his little brother. And this was what I got?! To be accused of child abuse by my own son who I have loved more than anyone in this world?! When the social worker probed him to talk more, he got emotional and clenched his fists and said I abused him by following him around in the house. The truth was he had meltdowns and damaged things in the house and I felt that I had to get him to stop. Of course he would run away from me and of course I felt that I had to tell him it was wrong and he shouldn't do it again. Since my son didn't argue about the facts. The social worker was able to not believe it was any child abuse. But it scared the hell out of me. I was already on the edge of a mental breakdown due to his constant aggression, both verbal and physical. He drew pictures of killing me and posted them on the wall, too. He wished me to get a car accident before he got on school bus. He told other parents I was the worse mom ever. Though the social worker believed me this time, what if he keeps saying it over and over? I was sure an investigation would follow and totally ruin our always very fragile life. I have raised him alone most of his life. Yet now his one word may make me lose the custody of both him and his very innocent little brother any day. This totally destroyed my faith in any good future for us. Though his therapists and the social workers kept saying that I should call the police next time he assaults me, I figured (after doingmy own research) that it would not stop him as he would be sent home within 24 hours unless I was seriously hurt and had to be hospitalized. It seems to be a result no less miserable that what it was already. I chose to send him to his dad who lived more than a thousand miles away. It was the hardest decision I have ever made. And I regretted it the same day he was gone. And I have tried all kinds of means to get him back. But he said I abandoned him and he would kill me if I dare to show up again in front of him (I flew there to see him and possibly get him back). He violently attacked me with a wooden sword and then a baseball bat right after his dad left the house with his girlfriend. This totally broke my heart. I have been depressed even suicidal. I felt like a failure. All my friends asked me why I did it. They just couldn't get it. And I have lost the strength to explain, after realizing the more I explain, the worse I would feel. It is funny how I can turn from a perfect mom of two healthy, gifted boys in all kinds of sports, music, cultural and religious activities as well as entertainment to a
Susan - 25-Nov-16 @ 8:34 AM
Please I've gone threw every possible step and my only step now is to contact you regarding my sons safety .. I attended a meeting yesterday regarding my son Rhys blankson Blake who's mother is under a investigation on section act 47 the meeting took place and it was adviced for Rhys to stay with his fatherdue to great concerns of Rhys being with his mum as she has kicked him out the house at the age of 8 at 11pm in 4 years old bottoms no top on and a little coat also in shoes that was 2 sizes to small for him during that meeting it was also noted that he had not been attended school since 8th November and been at home left by him self the school also had great concern when Rhys came into school telling them that his mother kicked and pushed him down. In the meeting we had yesterday the mother was adviced not to pick him up from school and if she did social services would take legal action .. however this did happen today and we was told that the police are out looking for her and when they find her Rhys will be brought back to the care of me however this didn't happen and Rhys had ended up in the care of his grandmother (on the mother side) we have seen on the new some many of these cases where Social services have made the wrong decision and this is the case Rhys is in danger at his nans house as the mother is always there Rhys has told us before he went to school he was scared to go back to school because he didn't want his mum to come and take him so she could hurt him please social services have been no help and we are asking what my rights as a father are what can we do regarding Rhys I'mvery worried and we need to take action asapwe have videos regarding the mother we have a lot of evidence and the school is strongly on our side
Gary - 22-Nov-16 @ 6:39 PM
I am a dad to 2 kids. I am separated from their mother. we have a good relationship and get on well. today I found out that my daughter (9) went to school and told the teacher that I hit her. this is a lie but now I am concerned for a few reasons. 1. why is she acting out now? she can't even remember me and her mother being together. we always have fun and laugh a lot and she says she explained joys our time together. 2. school called their mother and told her what she said and now their mother doesn't know what to believe and there is a possibility that the school will raise this issue to social services. I have ever nothing to be guilty of but I am worriedto the point of feelingsick. I just don't understand why she would say something like this. I couldn't imagine my life without her in it. I don't think she understands the serious implications lies like this could have on people. any one in a similar situation please reach outility and give .evidence some advice.
Luke - 18-Nov-16 @ 8:01 PM
@Rob - It sounds like an awful situation. At least there is evidence your ex has been lying and you have not been charged. CJ
Cat - 17-Nov-16 @ 1:44 PM
I'm going through a horrible divorce and custody battle. My ex called cps on me over a year ago saying I choke my son and nothing substanciated. Then in July she had my 7 year old daughter go into her counsoler and tell them I fondled her 3 times over a year ago. She lost custody in april and her mother has temporary custody. Then had my daughter tell her counsoler and the psycologist that cps sent her to and lie. The state police investigated me and chose not to charge me with anything but cps is waiting for the psychological report to come back. And my ex was diagnosed mentally retarded and his that from me the whole time I was married. She is also currently on trial for armed robbery. I'm at my witts end.
Rob - 15-Nov-16 @ 10:19 PM
Hello, I was accused of different things and had to fight my way through. I am a mum but feel I should be with the Dads fighting as I agree with the points dad make more often. I pay CSA. Get yourself a Barrister they are far better than solicitor. Find a Barrister that also sits as a Judge. They are expensive but they usually know the Judge in your court room at a different level to a normal solicitor. Stay strong! I find it incredibly difficult as the father of my childrens aim in life was to destroy my life when I left him. I wish you the best of luck. Why should these parents get Child Tax Credits and CSA it is crazy is this country! The children would benefit so much more having both parents in a stable and good emotional place. One parent getting so much money is wasted and not put to good use. By the other parent being able to support themselves and pay a mortgage it shows the children a good role model. Yet CSA take from one and give more to the other. Don't give up! I can witter on too as it gets to me. I left my ex years ago and at times I don't feel mentally strong and seem to wish the next few years away. I then think my ex has taken everything. A social worker once told me to go and get a degree apparently CSA can't get you then, your children will be proud and at the end on a larger wage. You will really show her then. Good Luck!!
Y - 4-Nov-16 @ 7:37 PM
Hi I'm being accused of being abusive to my ten year old son is behavior since my x girlfreind left another relationship for a new one has been unacceptable .he's nipped punched and kicked me she has taught him to get is own way how she use to treat me when I was with her by kicking off at me it has already been to courtI've registered my son at cahms to try and get to the bottom of this I feel that I'm walking on egg shells that I can't discipline my son is this cohesive abuse against me .one of the reasons it went to court was my son pulled my partners dogs tail and it nipped him he has never been good with pets this has caused a lot of grief and upset has we have to board the dog in kennels and accuses me of putting the dog first before our son when in the matter of fact all I want his my son with me this what the court order told me to do when 3 week after this incident happened her dog bit him and the court didn't do anything about it and had evidence of this .I've been on medication for depression for the past 3 years due to my dad dieing I had to leave my job on medical grounds and all of this about my son i have my fair share of seeing my son but yet she still accuses me of abusing my son when I love him to bits I'm at my wits end she has even got my partner involved in it all and accusing her thanks for readingany advice would be grateful
Brownie - 4-Nov-16 @ 10:42 AM
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