Home > Lies in Separation > Being Falsely Accused of Domestic Violence

Being Falsely Accused of Domestic Violence

By: Lorna Elliott LLB (hons), Barrister - Updated: 22 Aug 2017 |
 
False Accusation Rape Sexual Offence

Every year, many people in the UK are falsely accused of domestic violence. The reasons for this are wide-ranging. Some partners or ex-partners make up allegations of domestic violence to get out of a relationship that they are otherwise unhappy with, others do it to spite their partners, while some still want to ensure that they stop (usually) the father from seeing the children.

In other circumstances, a stranger, someone you know, or perhaps your child’s teacher could become concerned about an injury to your child or something your child says – and refers Social Services to you. The tragic fact is that this does happen to people who are totally innocent of any crime. Sadly, although in this country you are ‘innocent until proven guilty’, the truth is that sometimes people can get charged and found guilty for domestic violence on very little evidence.

What Can Happen

You can be arrested while in your own home, in front of your partner and children, and in full view of the neighbours. Then you can be taken to the police station, your DNA taken and held on file, and interviewed while under caution. You could find yourself in court, charged with an offence for which you have done nothing wrong. Worst of all, you could end up with a criminal conviction and sent to prison. The problem is, when emotions are running high after a break up or divorce, one call to the police can have far-reaching consequences. If word gets around your local community, you could suffer verbal abuse, harassment or worse for being a ‘monster’.

Your Rights

If this happens to you, you need to be aware of your rights. You are entitled to legal advice at the police station. If you waive your right, you may end up saying something that could be misconstrued, especially if you are tired or are lulled into a false sense of security by the interviewing officers. There have been many cases that have been successfully brought by the Crown Prosecution Service purely on the basis of an admission in interview at the police station.

If you do speak to a lawyer, tell them the truth because if you are coy, or uncooperative, they are not going to be able to advise you properly. The police may bail you to return to the police station on another date. If they do this, you MUST ensure you go back on the day and at the time specified, or you will be charged with an offence of ‘failure to surrender’ and a warrant may be issued for your arrest. If you are innocent of any crime, be persistent, stick to the truth and try your best not to get angry at any stage. If you find yourself in court, it is vital that you come across as genuine and sincere about your innocence.

Implications For Your Accuser

If your partner or ex-partner accuses you of domestic violence, when you have in fact done nothing wrong, by the time the police are involved your ex has already committed a criminal offence for which they could receive a prison sentence of up to six months. If they then go on to falsify evidence to the authorities – the police, social services etc – they are then perverting the course of justice. If the case actually gets to court, and you find yourself in the dock on trial for something you haven’t done, your accuser would in most circumstances have to give evidence in court. If they are still lying at this stage, they are committing perjury. These are all serious criminal offences for which your ex-partner could serve a long prison sentence.

See our articles on Being Falsely Accused Of Child Abuse and Being Falsely Accused Of Rape on this site.

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OPP - Your Question:
My wife left home with our three kids (8, 4, 1) with the help and influence of her brother to his house while I was at work. That was on 7 May. Since then I have seen my children. she filed divorce on the ground of domestic verbal abuse and control. My position is that is not true and allegation. I didn't contest petition and we are waiting for decree.We started negotiations on children through solicitors. First, she said she is only agreeable that I see them at a supervised contact centre as she has worries that I take kids abroad although all kids’ passports are with her. she said I have birth certificates and I may use them to have new passports from the consulate of our original country. I submitted those certificates to my solicitor but she is still refusing contact at my house. I only started talking to them via Skype an hour every week. I spent £1500 on that to my solicitor to get that “small achievement”, and I am worried I may get nothing if I take the case further to court.I am very nice dad, and even nice husband. I never committed and violence against my wife and police never intervened. but she is now alleging that I was abusing her verbally. that is only allegations without any proof.I started paying a £874 pm child maintenance, and still waiting to start exchanging form E for financial settlement.I want contact with my children whom I haven't seen since more than 4 months. what can do and are the chances? Thank you for replying.

Our Response:
Mediation may be the next option for you to consider and if you both cannot come to an agreement via mediation (please see link here) then court would be your only option. However, the courts do want fathers to have a consistent and stable relationship with their children and it is better that you approach trying to rectify this matter sooner rather than later. If you cannot afford legal fees, you can represent yourself in court. Many non-resident parents are doing this with success, please see link here .
SeparatedDads - 22-Aug-17 @ 1:59 PM
My wife left home with our three kids (8, 4, 1) with the help and influence of her brother to his house while I was at work. That was on 7 May. Since then I have seen my children. she filed divorce on the ground of domestic verbal abuse and control. My position is that is not true and allegation. I didn't contest petition and we are waiting for decree. We started negotiations on children through solicitors. First, she said she is only agreeable that I see them at a supervised contact centre as she has worries that I take kids abroad although all kids’ passports are with her. she said I have birth certificates and I may use them to have new passports from the consulate of our original country. I submitted those certificates to my solicitor but she is still refusing contact at my house. I only started talking to them via Skype an hour every week. I spent £1500 on that to my solicitor to get that “small achievement”, and I am worried I may get nothing if I take the case further to court. I am very nice dad, and even nice husband. I never committed and violence against my wife and police never intervened. but she is now alleging that I was abusing her verbally. that is only allegations without any proof. I started paying a £874 pm child maintenance, and still waiting to start exchanging form E for financial settlement. I want contact with my children whom I haven't seen since more than 4 months. what can do and are the chances?. Thank you for replying.
OPP - 22-Aug-17 @ 3:21 AM
Our son has gone to hell and back, a sytem that absolutely is gender biased. I myself a woman now understands why men walk away from their children. At 70 I have many family and friends there is not one weak woman. We all say the men put their heads down and let us get on with it. The men stand no chance against spitful, manipulate and downright liying women, and the system allows it. No wonder we are a fractured society. We are in the middle of the most stressful time of our life's because of how our sons wife decided to end the marrage and move aother man in, plus her mother permanently here from poland. Not seeing the children has crushed him knowing an 19 is in in house seeing the little girls and he can not because of her lies and plan. Caffcas arranged finally for him to see the children stating we could see them too, we had not been able to see them or our son hardly through out their 8 year marriage. She had agreed with the caffcas advisor to the court then deined it all. The judge finally sees the stupid lies his wife made up saying the 8 year old had said it. What terrible person to blatantly lie to the court blaming her child's reporting. We are not there yet but our son has fought everyone, our MP has been great. Wrote to chief constable, head of CPC and constantly spoke to our local police about false allegations to them and family court. We are sure they all see what has happened but won't look at the evidence to show contradictions and the plan to get him out of their house. Winner takes all. Its time right now to give men the chance to be heard properly and not to be sidelined any more. Not all women, I don't class myself as one, but they are not nice and see now so much unhappiness caused by these women, always its the mens fault. We have come along way from our grandmother's day and have a lot of support, but none for the men, why. Sandy
sandy - 17-Aug-17 @ 1:16 PM
I read that some people are wondering why SOME women can get away with false allegations, ONE of the reasons behind this is that the legal system has to make money, to keep all the judges, the cops, the solicitors in their well paid jobs. The best person to pay for this lucrative 'business' is the dad, as they have the role of provider. In other words the law is a business, and the TRUTH doesnt matter, what matters is the (false) perception. They look for the possibility that the false concepts in the minds of the people involved in the legal system would be likely to exercise that false belief, to get the dad. We all know quite a lot of WOMEN are likely to exagerate, and have been lashing the dads with abuse for years. The truth is the rich elite abuse women by planting their false ideas of 'controlling' etc. They do this with media TV which acts this out, so these women can be groomed into these false concepts. ( some dads maybe abusive, but whats wrong is the systematic abuse of dads, by the system pretending to be just)
Adamy - 16-Aug-17 @ 6:53 PM
My ex wife has kept me from seeing my children even thought I have been paying the mortgage and the kid's school fees. She does not work and I am taking care of everything and she has gone to court to prevent me from living anywhere on my estate. She is doing this out of spite becuase I am no longer with her and have a new partner.
The G Man - 15-Aug-17 @ 1:24 PM
I left my family home 3months ago so me and my ex could have a break from eachother, we both have equal rights as its a joint tenancy! My ex then contacted the council and community law for advice and they told her the same thing as they told me and that was, I can go back when ever I want as its a joint tenancy. Because of this my ex partner has contacted the police and said I've hat her?? What can I do please help me
Helpme - 12-Aug-17 @ 7:48 PM
Dear dads I was in court for the 2nd hearing. I represented my self given I have a insight working with in children services. My ex too me to court applying for child custody. My son who is 3 lives with me. I asked her to leave following repeat incidentsof Domestic abuse and violence . She assaulted mewhile my child was sat on my lap.... well I presented police logs including on of common assault and historical chronology of events dating bk to 2013 of significant harm on our son witnessing the impact of Dv. The magistrates dismissedand did not mention any Dv nor did the cafcass report? They both had all the factual info...They granted mum unsupervised contact when I suggested supervised given her abusive nature and for her to attended a dv perpetrator programme and parenting assessment which theydismissed.Is this normal? Any help or views would be welcomed. Im bk in court on the 5th Sept
Ash1972 - 31-Jul-17 @ 7:02 PM
Dear All, I am looking for advice from folk. In December my wife attacked me with a carving fork. I think it was the straw that broke the camels back, we had gone through an eviction and made homeless, I had a heart problem which caused me to be on long term sick, the financial struggle, even her going through menopause. eventually she erupted like a volcano but alleged to the police I hit her on the back of the head. I was arrested at home on allegations of DV (assault on my wife) which later during the questioning at the police station also became an allegation that 'he hit the kids with a belt' . Anyway after an interview I was released without charge on bail until end of March. Then bail was extended and now extended again for another 28days until mid-June. (I was assured by the police it was because the file they passed to the CPS was sent back asking for more details, enquiries and then the investigating team did that and sent it off again). Anyway my bail conditions meant I could not return home or see/contact my wife and children since December.When my wife alleged I assaulted the kids, (all these allegations I strictly and most thoroughly deny in the strongest terms),anyway the Social got involved. Since Dec I have not spoken one single word to a police man and only had a five minute chat with the social worker who runs a child protection involvent and plan for my family. she told me 'we expect the police to say no further action in your case but even if they do we the social will take an injunction to stop you going home. How can this be when I did not in all honesty assault my wife or children, how can other people assume a guilt when I am found innocent?
andyt - 24-May-17 @ 1:03 PM
lee - Your Question:
I got evicted from my home 4 weeks ago by the police my partner accused me of domestic abuse. I was put in a police cell for 24 hours and then released without charge.I am currently on police bail and I have got to go back to the police station on 29th May the police said they needed to do furhter investegations. I have not been allowed to contact my children or my partner for the last 4 weeks and I am finding it hard to cope with. I have been having alot of arguments with my partner over the past 2 years but I did not expect this. I have now been served with a non-molestation order and occupation order. Is there anyway back from this?

Our Response:
All advice is not to breach the non-molestation order and seek legal advice to see if you have any options regarding taking the matter to court for access to your children. I'm afraid you are going to have to be patient andany contact may be minimal at first. You may wish to join our Separated Dads forum to see if other dads have experienced the same or similar and how they have managed to rectify the situation.
SeparatedDads - 22-May-17 @ 12:06 PM
I got evicted from my home 4 weeks ago by the police my partner accused me of domestic abuse . I was put in a police cell for 24 hours and then released without charge.I am currently on police bail and I have got to go back to the police station on 29th May the police said they needed to do furhter investegations . I have not been allowed to contact my children or my partner for the last 4 weeks and I am finding it hard to cope with . I have been having alot of arguments with my partner over the past 2 years but I did not expect this. I have now been served with a non-molestation order and occupation order . Is there anyway back from this?
lee - 21-May-17 @ 6:27 PM
I need some advice. In 2015, I told my wife that I no longer wanted to be in a relationship with her as I could not stand her abusive, narcissistic behaviour any longer. However, I remained living in the family house as I was fearful of her negligence towards the children continuing. The next 6 months were an absolute hell as she was basically refusing to respect my parental responsibility and involve me any decision concerning the children. She continually kept squaring up to me in order to provoke me into a reaction but I'm a calm person and always walked away from her. After she tried to stage an incident to provoke a reaction, I contacted a men's help group who told me that I should get evidence through recordings. I asked for a divorce and a formal agreement about the division of the marital assets and shared custody of the children. She chose to not engage in any dialogue about this and did not want to split the assets. On one of the recordings, I discovered that she was conspiring with her family to get me out of the house by alleging domestic violence. After this I purposely ensured that I was never alone with her and continued to try to negotiate by amicable means. She continued to refuse to discuss any of this. After a week away with my children at their grandparents she acted out her plan by falsely alleging that I was abusing her. She drove off and them came back to the house to drag the kids into her car whilst I was putting them to sleep. I refused to let her take them as she was in a totally irrational and erratic state and she called the police. I waited outside the house until the police arrived to ensure I was in a public place. However, the police arrested me as she alleged assault and I spent almost 24 hours in a police cell before being released as there was no evidence of this. On return to the house, she had left the house with the children and refused to tell me where they were. The following day I was served with an ex parte non molestation order and occupation order as she tried to have me removed from the house. At the same time she refused to let me see the child children so I filed a C100 for a child arrangement order. At the hearing for the NMO/OO the court gave me an opportunity to rebut her claims and a final hearing was listed for almost 3 months later. As she knew I was going on holiday she moved back into the house contradicting her story that she was in fear for her life and in grave danger. After I returned she continued to have people in house moving me from my bedroom to having to sleep in my sons room. After a few days I told her that if she was to have friends in the house then they would have to sleep with her and allow me access to the spare room. A few days later she moved her and the children to alternative accommodation where she had to pay rent. She refused to pay for the mortgage as she claimed she now had to pay for the new accommodation. I consulted a solicitor and divulged all the details of th
Roles - 6-May-17 @ 7:28 PM
I need some advice. In 2015, I told my wife that I no longer wanted to be in a relationship with her as I could not stand her abusive, narcissistic behaviour any longer. However, I remained living in the family house as I was fearful of her negligence towards the children continuing. The next 6 months were an absolute hell as she was basically refusing to respect my parental responsibility and involve me any decision concerning the children. She continually kept squaring up to me in order to provoke me into a reaction but I'm a calm person and always walked away from her. After she tried to stage an incident to provoke a reaction, I contacted a men's help group who told me that I should get evidence through recordings. I asked for a divorce and a formal agreement about the division of the marital assets and shared custody of the children. She chose to not engage in any dialogue about this and did not want to split the assets. On one of the recordings, I discovered that she was conspiring with her family to get me out of the house by alleging domestic violence. After this I purposely ensured that I was never alone with her and continued to try to negotiate by amicable means. She continued to refuse to discuss any of this. After a week away with my children at their grandparents she acted out her plan by falsely alleging that I was abusing her. She drove off and them came back to the house to drag the kids into her car whilst I was putting them to sleep. I refused to let her take them as she was in a totally irrational and erratic state and she called the police. I waited outside the house until the police arrived to ensure I was in a public place. However, the police arrested me as she alleged assault and I spent almost 24 hours in a police cell before being released as there was no evidence of this. On return to the house, she had left the house with the children and refused to tell me where they were. The following day I was served with an ex parte non molestation order and occupation order as she tried to have me removed from the house. At the same time she refused to let me see the child children so I filed a C100 for a child arrangement order. At the hearing for the NMO/OO the court gave me an opportunity to rebut her claims and a final hearing was listed for almost 3 months later. As she knew I was going on holiday she moved back into the house contradicting her story that she was in fear for her life and in grave danger. After I returned she continued to have people in house moving me from my bedroom to having to sleep in my sons room. After a few days I told her that if she was to have friends in the house then they would have to sleep with her and allow me access to the spare room. A few days later she moved her and the children to alternative accommodation where she had to pay rent. She refused to pay for the mortgage as she claimed she now had to pay for the new accommodation. I consulted a solicitor and divulged all the details of th
Roles - 6-May-17 @ 7:27 PM
Hi all, I was involved in a very heated argument with my wife a couple of weeks ago at home. On the day in question my wife said some really hurtful things in front of my daughter that I took exception too. Long story short, my wife left with our daughter after the argument to go to a friends and the next day she replied to my texts of demanding to know where my child was by asking if I was going to leave the family home, when I refused to leave she went to her dads (who is a very highranking retired police officer) and a few hours later the police arrived at my house and detained me for questioning of domestic assault! I was taken to the police station where I was arrested and questioned! I gave my truthful account of the argument and admitted to arguing and shouting etc, however, I denied pushing her and striking her on the face! The police then charged me with domestic assault and a domestic breach of the peace. I was remanded to appear in court the next day where I was bailed with special conditions which included not going home and not approaching or contacting my wife and more hurtfully my child who the PF said was a witness! The PF claimed to the court that standard bail conditions were not acceptable as this wasn't the first time!!! However, I'm convinced that my father-in-law has coerced her into making this statement to ensure I was removed from the house. He certainly knows the drill! I have since recovered a message that my wife sent me a couple of months ago that categoricaly states that she knows she always physically attacks me first and that she is wrong to do so and apologieses for doing it! Will this message be of any use to me when I plead not guilty? I am yet to see her exact statement but from knowing her father and how he likes to control things I'm sure it will be along the lines of he assaulted me and I'm scared of my husband etc! I have a very responsible job that will now mean a suspension untilthis case is concluded, however not being able to go home and be with my child is the worst part. Any thoughts or advice would be very much appreciated. Thanks in advance.
Broken guy - 2-May-17 @ 9:54 PM
I was falsely accused of domestic violence by my now ex wife. My then wife often drank heavily and got physical with me and accused me of having affairs. She previously accused her ex partner of domestic violence. After one episode of arguments over me changing my car and beingaccused of having a newer car to attract women she cut up the computer leads. Stole my phone and ipad and threw my keys in the fish pond. She disappeared for four days. Many months later I found out she went to her ex partner and stayed with him. When she came back I told her I would divorce her unless she got professional help. 6 months later at a Christmas party she got drunk and in trying to hit me she hit her friend who was at the party. She then said she had proof upstairs I was having an affair with my sister in law. She told me to come upstairs and she would prove it. I was so embarrassed and wanted to take this away from the other guests. I went upstairs and she had no proof obviously as it was untrue. I told her I was divorcing her. As I came down the stairs she came out the room and started hitting me over the head with a clenched fist. This was not the first time she had hit me. I pushed out and caught her on the face. I told her to never lay a hand on me again. She phoned the police. On the phone she told them she hit her friend. They asked if her friendwanted to press charges against her. Her friend refused. I went to leave with my son. She rushed down stairs and tried to grab my phone to stop me calling my mother to pick us up.I got my son and just walked out. Next day I returned and the police were there. They asked me what happened and I said she hit me I hit her and they arrested me. I didnt want police involvement. I found out they had come the night before but she was too drunk to give a statement. At the police station they offered me a caution as I had never been in trouble before. This was an admission of guilt and I refused. I was locked up for 12 hours then informed I was being bailed and could not go home. A joke as if I accepted the caution I could have gone back straight away. This went to court where the lawyers got together and the case was dropped. Two days after this incident I started divorce proceedings but had two years of false allegations against me over several things. Eventually I got a divorce and back in my house. She went back with her ex who she had previously accused of domestic violence
Ant - 1-May-17 @ 7:04 PM
sorry that last 1 is b23 not b1
b23 - 29-Apr-17 @ 1:34 AM
in my house.police up done what they needed to do and was happy and they left,my son was living with me ss said she could only see him 1-6 on a sunday which my son was happy with as he didnt really to go some times and i have to try very had to get him to go i wouldnt like that 1 bit if he felt like that towards me but there must be a reason for it.she has well and truely over stepped the mark now.she has accused a friend of mine of sexually abusing my son.6 weeks now since she made the accuation and my son has been with his mum i cant have no contact what so ever.when ive spoke to ss there reason was police had said i was under investagation aswell.when ive phoned the police they couldnt understand why they saying that because i was under investagation.my son has phoned me when his mum is asleep and he whispered if he hadnt said what his mum had told him to say he would b with me.what do i do as cant say anything to any1 because they will just go and get him from his mums and put him into care because they said i cant have contact.untill my sons been interviewed
b1 - 29-Apr-17 @ 1:29 AM
hello all, this is my 1st time one the site and hope there is some1 out there that can advise me on this situation i find myself in.will try to get all details in as quick as poss. 2010- sentenced to 4yrsfor conspricey to supply 2012- released on licence 2014- sentence+licence finished 2015- to present day I have had to call the police to get my 6 year old sons mum removed from my house 25 times, this is because she is very inscure and EVERY TIMEi go the shop or talk to ANYBODYthe amount of affairs i am having is unreal,its so pathetic its sad.i understand it cant be nice for her the way she thinks but i have done everything to try help.as soon as the shouting starts and i can tell it isnt goin to stop (can read her like a book) i allways tell her i am phoning her a taxi and if she dosent get in it i am going to have to phone the police.sometimes she gets the taxi somtimes she dont so i then have to phoned the police like i told he would.about 18 months ago she got issued with a dvo as a result of her accusing me of assault on her. when police asked me for my account.she hit me over head with a yard brush when shes gone to do it the 2nd ive grabbed her wrists and and removed her from the property and shut front door to wait on the step till the police arrived i still spent 23hrs 50 min at the police station.NFA for me and she got DVO.as a result of me saying enough is enough nothing is going to change and i stopped giving into my son when he puts me on the spot and asks if his mum can come back and started saying no.she has phoned the police a few times saying that theres large amounts of the same stuff that i had been away for in2010-2012
b23 - 29-Apr-17 @ 1:06 AM
On the 24th of February my wife and I had a misunderstanding, she was screaming and shouting. Since I was about to go to work, I thought it will be good to give my neighbors assurance that we are ok. I called the police to come round as soon as the police came, we were separated for questioning. The officer who was questioning me was very patronising and seemed to be prejudice because I'm of black ethnicity ( incident happened in Scotland). Because of the way he was treating me and accusing me of hitting my wife as well as forcing my wife to press charges, I did ask him why he was being racist. Before me and my wife knew what was happening, the 2 police officers wished something to each other and then turned to me and said I had to come with them to the police. At the police I was informed there was strong evidence of physical abuse and I was formally arrested and remanded in custody. On Sunday afternoon the officer who arrested me came to see me and he came to see me to tell me he was not a racist. On a Monday 27th I was released without going to court and no explanation only to receive a letter from the fiscal procurator informing that I was on a prosecution diversion. My life has been put in a limbo, because the police in Scotland have the right to charge you on domestic violence whether you committed crime or not. How fair is that, 3 days in police for no crime, the only crime committed was to ask police why they were being racist on us. Any advice please
GeeCee - 15-Apr-17 @ 5:00 PM
Hi my brother met a girl and they got pregnant quite early into there relationship she abused him physically and emotionally Through out her pregnancy putting it down to hormones she even hospitalised him he told the drhe was attacked in the street as didntwant to get her in trouble he has now left her due to the extent of abude she's now claiming domestic violence and has phoned social services and is denying him any access he's findingit difficult after every thing she has put him through and now to be accused of being the perpetrator Instead of the victim do youhave any advice Gg Cumbria uk
Gg - 9-Apr-17 @ 11:25 PM
A member of my family is currently going through the courts with his ex partner in regards to child contact. He and my family have been the main care givers for the children since they were born, their mother has suffered with her mental health and has been in previous relationships where domestic violence has taken place. My family member on the other hand has never experienced either of these. Whilst in a relationship with my family member, mum of the children did not see them Monday- Friday night, by choice. Now the relationship has ended the children's mum is fighting for sole custody of the children. Their father is devastated and worried as his ex has now claimed he was physically abusive to her on various occasions- which he has not been. How do we dispute this and prove her wrong? The court has given the children's mum set contacts per week. It has been noted the children become upset i.e. Crying and repetitive question askin, such as who is pickin them up today.
Famsupport - 6-Apr-17 @ 8:13 PM
Dandare - Your Question:
My ex is generally very good at sticking to the court order, we both are and we don't really speak but have a good communication via text and email if changes in our contact order are needed. This weekend, my ex was late home and told me a few hours before I should return my daughter that someone else was going to collect her. I stated, because I didn't really know this person that well, that I would be happier to keep hold of my daughter until she returned, then I would drive over. The order is to return my daughter home for 5pm, but doesn't specify anything further than that. I said I was not happy to do that because she wasn't there and my daughter is only 3. It seemed safer and more sensible for her to stay with me until her mother returned. My ex then called the police, telling them she thought I was going to breach the order. I didn't want their involvement and so was forced to hand my child over to this person without my ex present. I need some clarity on this issue because I had my child's best interests and safety in mind. Anyone else encountered anything similar or have any advice?

Our Response:
If the resident parent uses her parental responsibility to make a decision that her child is safe in someone else's care, then usually there is no issue (as we can assume, as a parent she has made a rational judgement and woudn't do otherwise). Obviously, if you felt there was an issue and the person was genuinely thought not capable of taking good care of your child, then this is where a disagreement will come into play.Your ex was keeping to the terms of the order and you breached the order by not handing your child back. Any changes to a contact order must be agreed by both parties. One party cannot unilaterally decide to change the order or apply additional terms. If they wish to do so, they will need to refer the matter back to the courts - please see link here.
SeparatedDads - 28-Mar-17 @ 11:28 AM
My ex is generally very good at sticking to the court order, we both are and we don't really speak but have a good communication via text and email if changes in our contact order are needed. This weekend, my ex was late home and told me a few hours before I should return my daughter that someone else was going to collect her. I stated, because I didn't really know this person that well, that I would be happier to keep hold of my daughter until she returned, then I would drive over. The order is to return my daughter home for 5pm, but doesn't specify anything further than that. I said I was not happy to do that because she wasn't there and my daughter is only 3. It seemed safer and more sensible for her to stay with me until her mother returned. My ex then called the police, telling them she thought I was going to breach the order. I didn't want their involvement and so was forced to hand my child over to this person without my ex present. I need some clarity on this issue because I had my child's best interests and safety in mind. Anyone else encountered anything similar or have any advice?
Dandare - 27-Mar-17 @ 2:00 PM
Hi Been separated from my partner and my son for a month and half;but the issue is the false accusations of DV which she told the SS,because she wanted out of our relationship and now am being labelled a bad partner and told I can't see my son: What I don't understand is Why do women get away with all this and using Children for their own benefit: WHERE IS THE JUSTICE FOR FATHERS My partner got charged for assaulting me this month: So CONFUSED don't even know what to do:::
Manezah - 26-Mar-17 @ 1:31 PM
Worried dad - Your Question:
Hi my ex wife has had me done with a domestic breach , her and her mum said a was shouting at them and the played it up in court I was charged with it and have been fined £200. I haven't see my kid in 11 weeks and I have a court date to start to try get acces with her. How will this effect me

Our Response:
We cannot say how it may affect you as much depends upon the circumstances, if a Cafcass report will be conducted and what that report states. You may find our forum useful, as you will be able to speak to other dads who have been through similar situations before and who may be able to offer some helpful advice on your best approach to the situation. Please see link here.
SeparatedDads - 23-Mar-17 @ 9:51 AM
Hi my ex wife has had me done with a domestic breach , her and her mum said a was shouting at them and the played it up in court I was charged with it and have been fined £200. I haven't see my kid in 11 weeks and I have a court date to start to try get acces with her . How will this effect me
Worried dad - 22-Mar-17 @ 8:09 AM
baddad- Your Question:
My kids voted their mum out almost ten years ago so I came back to look after a 13 year old an 11 year old and a 3 year old ,i never received c,s,a, I put in for it when my youngest was 8 my ex then took me to court for shared access to get away with c,s,a.whilst in court I got told off 3 times for being a bad dad ,so now every time the ex and youngest have a confrontation the ex keeps threatening me with court has on the 2nd time in court I was ordered to pay her 30 a month c,s,a,which I havent but she thinks because the way the judge treated me and I never payed she thinks she has ammunition, I have been told that now my son is 13 years of age he can say where and who he chooses to see is upto him,is this true

Our Response:
Yes, it is true regarding your 13-year-old son having a say regarding where he wishes to live. However, and there is a big 'however' here, while a court will listen to your child's opinion it will regardless always make a decision based upon what it thinks is in the best interests of your son. This means it will take your previous responsibilities as a parent as general guidance. If you have been in contempt of court for not paying child maintenance - you may find this will go against you. Therefore, you may wish to seek legal advice regarding this.
SeparatedDads - 13-Mar-17 @ 12:45 PM
my kids voted their mum out almost ten years ago so i came back to look after a 13 year old an 11 year old and a 3 year old ,i never received c,s,a,i put in for it when my youngest was 8 my ex then took me to court for shared access to get away with c,s,a.whilst in court i got told off 3 times for being a bad dad ,so now every time the ex and youngesthave a confrontation the ex keeps threatening me with court has on the 2nd time in court i was ordered to pay her 30 a month c,s,a,which i havent but she thinks because the way the judge treated me and i never payed she thinks she has ammunition, i have been told that now my son is 13 years of age he can say where and who he chooses to see is upto him,is this true
baddad - 12-Mar-17 @ 4:36 PM
@Stressworry - sometimes you just have to let things go. If you sign up with Freecycle you might be able to furnish your new home for free. Charity shops old furniture shops and the goodwill of people will help. Ask people where you work if they have any spare pieces of furniture or know anyone else who has. It's awful that you have been thrown out of your house and cruel that she is keeping you away from the items you value - but at least the possessions you have now will be your own and no one can take them away from you. Start your new life a fresh and make sure she is out of it. You deserve better than that kind of treatment. Stuff is just stuff at the end of the day. Good luck. Mari.
MM - 3-Mar-17 @ 12:17 PM
My wife and I have separated recently because of her bullying and abusive behaviour she started to let step children do the same I left but have no where to go it's only that I'm working away I have a roof over my head I have just about enuff money saved to get a place but not furnish it. She will not let me have anything from the home , if I go there she calls police but lucky I knew what she was up to and recorded everything , she calls police every time I try to go to my home police come say they can't get involved but they see every time I message tell her I need to get my mail or clothes before hand (she will not let any one have my post or things) but I have found out she trying to get me of tenency on house saying I was removed from house by police which is not true, I left the home because of fear of her making false claims of abuse towards me, police are not interested I called them to come with me to pick up my things I waited 5 hours they never came I went to get the mail myself police were there in 2 minutes after she rang them I explained again showed recording and police again said sorry Notting we can do ! What can I do I just want to have things I worked paid for Notting much but she is holding it all to ransom to use as a tool to keep the abuse going from a distance still, I can't afford emotionally and financially to just write all the things let there off , be gratefully if any one could help Orr give me advice on what I should do, Regards Brian
Stressworry - 2-Mar-17 @ 11:35 AM
Im currently awaiting trail. I have 16 charges for rape and domestic. It started with my last partner and the police did a petition my last partner had my son and with in 3 months of him being born he was taken off her after a sw assessment, which she failed. This all started when she attacked me and vandalised my car to the extent i had to call the police she then got bail and shipped to her fathers and 6 months later im in serious trouble. She has ruined my life and that of all my children 4 in total i havent seen any of them for a lengthy time. My solicitor wont tell me anything i havent even got a court date, i know no details of the charges. I dont know what to do? I havent seen my family or for half a year i cant get a job, and everytime i find somewhere to live i get made to leave. Im just about done as i cant handle the stress of loosing everything. Forgot to mention my previous partner before her and my ex wife have sided with my last partner "police petition" what can i do? I have nothing to go on also i was told this could go on for another 6 months yet.
Wizard - 1-Mar-17 @ 8:36 PM
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