Home > Lies in Separation > Being Falsely Accused of Domestic Violence

Being Falsely Accused of Domestic Violence

By: Lorna Elliott LLB (hons), Barrister - Updated: 25 May 2017 |
 
False Accusation Rape Sexual Offence

Every year, many people in the UK are falsely accused of domestic violence. The reasons for this are wide-ranging. Some partners or ex-partners make up allegations of domestic violence to get out of a relationship that they are otherwise unhappy with, others do it to spite their partners, while some still want to ensure that they stop (usually) the father from seeing the children.

In other circumstances, a stranger, someone you know, or perhaps your child’s teacher could become concerned about an injury to your child or something your child says – and refers Social Services to you. The tragic fact is that this does happen to people who are totally innocent of any crime. Sadly, although in this country you are ‘innocent until proven guilty’, the truth is that sometimes people can get charged and found guilty for domestic violence on very little evidence.

What Can Happen

You can be arrested while in your own home, in front of your partner and children, and in full view of the neighbours. Then you can be taken to the police station, your DNA taken and held on file, and interviewed while under caution. You could find yourself in court, charged with an offence for which you have done nothing wrong. Worst of all, you could end up with a criminal conviction and sent to prison. The problem is, when emotions are running high after a break up or divorce, one call to the police can have far-reaching consequences. If word gets around your local community, you could suffer verbal abuse, harassment or worse for being a ‘monster’.

Your Rights

If this happens to you, you need to be aware of your rights. You are entitled to legal advice at the police station. If you waive your right, you may end up saying something that could be misconstrued, especially if you are tired or are lulled into a false sense of security by the interviewing officers. There have been many cases that have been successfully brought by the Crown Prosecution Service purely on the basis of an admission in interview at the police station.

If you do speak to a lawyer, tell them the truth because if you are coy, or uncooperative, they are not going to be able to advise you properly. The police may bail you to return to the police station on another date. If they do this, you MUST ensure you go back on the day and at the time specified, or you will be charged with an offence of ‘failure to surrender’ and a warrant may be issued for your arrest. If you are innocent of any crime, be persistent, stick to the truth and try your best not to get angry at any stage. If you find yourself in court, it is vital that you come across as genuine and sincere about your innocence.

Implications For Your Accuser

If your partner or ex-partner accuses you of domestic violence, when you have in fact done nothing wrong, by the time the police are involved your ex has already committed a criminal offence for which they could receive a prison sentence of up to six months. If they then go on to falsify evidence to the authorities – the police, social services etc – they are then perverting the course of justice. If the case actually gets to court, and you find yourself in the dock on trial for something you haven’t done, your accuser would in most circumstances have to give evidence in court. If they are still lying at this stage, they are committing perjury. These are all serious criminal offences for which your ex-partner could serve a long prison sentence.

See our articles on Being Falsely Accused Of Child Abuse and Being Falsely Accused Of Rape on this site.

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Dear All, I am looking for advice from folk. In December my wife attacked me with a carving fork. I think it was the straw that broke the camels back, we had gone through an eviction and made homeless, I had a heart problem which caused me to be on long term sick, the financial struggle, even her going through menopause. eventually she erupted like a volcano but alleged to the police I hit her on the back of the head. I was arrested at home on allegations of DV (assault on my wife) which later during the questioning at the police station also became an allegation that 'he hit the kids with a belt' . Anyway after an interview I was released without charge on bail until end of March. Then bail was extended and now extended again for another 28days until mid-June. (I was assured by the police it was because the file they passed to the CPS was sent back asking for more details, enquiries and then the investigating team did that and sent it off again). Anyway my bail conditions meant I could not return home or see/contact my wife and children since December.When my wife alleged I assaulted the kids, (all these allegations I strictly and most thoroughly deny in the strongest terms),anyway the Social got involved. Since Dec I have not spoken one single word to a police man and only had a five minute chat with the social worker who runs a child protection involvent and plan for my family. she told me 'we expect the police to say no further action in your case but even if they do we the social will take an injunction to stop you going home. How can this be when I did not in all honesty assault my wife or children, how can other people assume a guilt when I am found innocent?
andyt - 24-May-17 @ 1:03 PM
lee - Your Question:
I got evicted from my home 4 weeks ago by the police my partner accused me of domestic abuse. I was put in a police cell for 24 hours and then released without charge.I am currently on police bail and I have got to go back to the police station on 29th May the police said they needed to do furhter investegations. I have not been allowed to contact my children or my partner for the last 4 weeks and I am finding it hard to cope with. I have been having alot of arguments with my partner over the past 2 years but I did not expect this. I have now been served with a non-molestation order and occupation order. Is there anyway back from this?

Our Response:
All advice is not to breach the non-molestation order and seek legal advice to see if you have any options regarding taking the matter to court for access to your children. I'm afraid you are going to have to be patient andany contact may be minimal at first. You may wish to join our Separated Dads forum to see if other dads have experienced the same or similar and how they have managed to rectify the situation.
SeparatedDads - 22-May-17 @ 12:06 PM
I got evicted from my home 4 weeks ago by the police my partner accused me of domestic abuse . I was put in a police cell for 24 hours and then released without charge.I am currently on police bail and I have got to go back to the police station on 29th May the police said they needed to do furhter investegations . I have not been allowed to contact my children or my partner for the last 4 weeks and I am finding it hard to cope with . I have been having alot of arguments with my partner over the past 2 years but I did not expect this. I have now been served with a non-molestation order and occupation order . Is there anyway back from this?
lee - 21-May-17 @ 6:27 PM
I need some advice. In 2015, I told my wife that I no longer wanted to be in a relationship with her as I could not stand her abusive, narcissistic behaviour any longer. However, I remained living in the family house as I was fearful of her negligence towards the children continuing. The next 6 months were an absolute hell as she was basically refusing to respect my parental responsibility and involve me any decision concerning the children. She continually kept squaring up to me in order to provoke me into a reaction but I'm a calm person and always walked away from her. After she tried to stage an incident to provoke a reaction, I contacted a men's help group who told me that I should get evidence through recordings. I asked for a divorce and a formal agreement about the division of the marital assets and shared custody of the children. She chose to not engage in any dialogue about this and did not want to split the assets. On one of the recordings, I discovered that she was conspiring with her family to get me out of the house by alleging domestic violence. After this I purposely ensured that I was never alone with her and continued to try to negotiate by amicable means. She continued to refuse to discuss any of this. After a week away with my children at their grandparents she acted out her plan by falsely alleging that I was abusing her. She drove off and them came back to the house to drag the kids into her car whilst I was putting them to sleep. I refused to let her take them as she was in a totally irrational and erratic state and she called the police. I waited outside the house until the police arrived to ensure I was in a public place. However, the police arrested me as she alleged assault and I spent almost 24 hours in a police cell before being released as there was no evidence of this. On return to the house, she had left the house with the children and refused to tell me where they were. The following day I was served with an ex parte non molestation order and occupation order as she tried to have me removed from the house. At the same time she refused to let me see the child children so I filed a C100 for a child arrangement order. At the hearing for the NMO/OO the court gave me an opportunity to rebut her claims and a final hearing was listed for almost 3 months later. As she knew I was going on holiday she moved back into the house contradicting her story that she was in fear for her life and in grave danger. After I returned she continued to have people in house moving me from my bedroom to having to sleep in my sons room. After a few days I told her that if she was to have friends in the house then they would have to sleep with her and allow me access to the spare room. A few days later she moved her and the children to alternative accommodation where she had to pay rent. She refused to pay for the mortgage as she claimed she now had to pay for the new accommodation. I consulted a solicitor and divulged all the details of th
Roles - 6-May-17 @ 7:28 PM
I need some advice. In 2015, I told my wife that I no longer wanted to be in a relationship with her as I could not stand her abusive, narcissistic behaviour any longer. However, I remained living in the family house as I was fearful of her negligence towards the children continuing. The next 6 months were an absolute hell as she was basically refusing to respect my parental responsibility and involve me any decision concerning the children. She continually kept squaring up to me in order to provoke me into a reaction but I'm a calm person and always walked away from her. After she tried to stage an incident to provoke a reaction, I contacted a men's help group who told me that I should get evidence through recordings. I asked for a divorce and a formal agreement about the division of the marital assets and shared custody of the children. She chose to not engage in any dialogue about this and did not want to split the assets. On one of the recordings, I discovered that she was conspiring with her family to get me out of the house by alleging domestic violence. After this I purposely ensured that I was never alone with her and continued to try to negotiate by amicable means. She continued to refuse to discuss any of this. After a week away with my children at their grandparents she acted out her plan by falsely alleging that I was abusing her. She drove off and them came back to the house to drag the kids into her car whilst I was putting them to sleep. I refused to let her take them as she was in a totally irrational and erratic state and she called the police. I waited outside the house until the police arrived to ensure I was in a public place. However, the police arrested me as she alleged assault and I spent almost 24 hours in a police cell before being released as there was no evidence of this. On return to the house, she had left the house with the children and refused to tell me where they were. The following day I was served with an ex parte non molestation order and occupation order as she tried to have me removed from the house. At the same time she refused to let me see the child children so I filed a C100 for a child arrangement order. At the hearing for the NMO/OO the court gave me an opportunity to rebut her claims and a final hearing was listed for almost 3 months later. As she knew I was going on holiday she moved back into the house contradicting her story that she was in fear for her life and in grave danger. After I returned she continued to have people in house moving me from my bedroom to having to sleep in my sons room. After a few days I told her that if she was to have friends in the house then they would have to sleep with her and allow me access to the spare room. A few days later she moved her and the children to alternative accommodation where she had to pay rent. She refused to pay for the mortgage as she claimed she now had to pay for the new accommodation. I consulted a solicitor and divulged all the details of th
Roles - 6-May-17 @ 7:27 PM
Hi all, I was involved in a very heated argument with my wife a couple of weeks ago at home. On the day in question my wife said some really hurtful things in front of my daughter that I took exception too. Long story short, my wife left with our daughter after the argument to go to a friends and the next day she replied to my texts of demanding to know where my child was by asking if I was going to leave the family home, when I refused to leave she went to her dads (who is a very highranking retired police officer) and a few hours later the police arrived at my house and detained me for questioning of domestic assault! I was taken to the police station where I was arrested and questioned! I gave my truthful account of the argument and admitted to arguing and shouting etc, however, I denied pushing her and striking her on the face! The police then charged me with domestic assault and a domestic breach of the peace. I was remanded to appear in court the next day where I was bailed with special conditions which included not going home and not approaching or contacting my wife and more hurtfully my child who the PF said was a witness! The PF claimed to the court that standard bail conditions were not acceptable as this wasn't the first time!!! However, I'm convinced that my father-in-law has coerced her into making this statement to ensure I was removed from the house. He certainly knows the drill! I have since recovered a message that my wife sent me a couple of months ago that categoricaly states that she knows she always physically attacks me first and that she is wrong to do so and apologieses for doing it! Will this message be of any use to me when I plead not guilty? I am yet to see her exact statement but from knowing her father and how he likes to control things I'm sure it will be along the lines of he assaulted me and I'm scared of my husband etc! I have a very responsible job that will now mean a suspension untilthis case is concluded, however not being able to go home and be with my child is the worst part. Any thoughts or advice would be very much appreciated. Thanks in advance.
Broken guy - 2-May-17 @ 9:54 PM
I was falsely accused of domestic violence by my now ex wife. My then wife often drank heavily and got physical with me and accused me of having affairs. She previously accused her ex partner of domestic violence. After one episode of arguments over me changing my car and beingaccused of having a newer car to attract women she cut up the computer leads. Stole my phone and ipad and threw my keys in the fish pond. She disappeared for four days. Many months later I found out she went to her ex partner and stayed with him. When she came back I told her I would divorce her unless she got professional help. 6 months later at a Christmas party she got drunk and in trying to hit me she hit her friend who was at the party. She then said she had proof upstairs I was having an affair with my sister in law. She told me to come upstairs and she would prove it. I was so embarrassed and wanted to take this away from the other guests. I went upstairs and she had no proof obviously as it was untrue. I told her I was divorcing her. As I came down the stairs she came out the room and started hitting me over the head with a clenched fist. This was not the first time she had hit me. I pushed out and caught her on the face. I told her to never lay a hand on me again. She phoned the police. On the phone she told them she hit her friend. They asked if her friendwanted to press charges against her. Her friend refused. I went to leave with my son. She rushed down stairs and tried to grab my phone to stop me calling my mother to pick us up.I got my son and just walked out. Next day I returned and the police were there. They asked me what happened and I said she hit me I hit her and they arrested me. I didnt want police involvement. I found out they had come the night before but she was too drunk to give a statement. At the police station they offered me a caution as I had never been in trouble before. This was an admission of guilt and I refused. I was locked up for 12 hours then informed I was being bailed and could not go home. A joke as if I accepted the caution I could have gone back straight away. This went to court where the lawyers got together and the case was dropped. Two days after this incident I started divorce proceedings but had two years of false allegations against me over several things. Eventually I got a divorce and back in my house. She went back with her ex who she had previously accused of domestic violence
Ant - 1-May-17 @ 7:04 PM
sorry that last 1 is b23 not b1
b23 - 29-Apr-17 @ 1:34 AM
in my house.police up done what they needed to do and was happy and they left,my son was living with me ss said she could only see him 1-6 on a sunday which my son was happy with as he didnt really to go some times and i have to try very had to get him to go i wouldnt like that 1 bit if he felt like that towards me but there must be a reason for it.she has well and truely over stepped the mark now.she has accused a friend of mine of sexually abusing my son.6 weeks now since she made the accuation and my son has been with his mum i cant have no contact what so ever.when ive spoke to ss there reason was police had said i was under investagation aswell.when ive phoned the police they couldnt understand why they saying that because i was under investagation.my son has phoned me when his mum is asleep and he whispered if he hadnt said what his mum had told him to say he would b with me.what do i do as cant say anything to any1 because they will just go and get him from his mums and put him into care because they said i cant have contact.untill my sons been interviewed
b1 - 29-Apr-17 @ 1:29 AM
hello all, this is my 1st time one the site and hope there is some1 out there that can advise me on this situation i find myself in.will try to get all details in as quick as poss. 2010- sentenced to 4yrsfor conspricey to supply 2012- released on licence 2014- sentence+licence finished 2015- to present day I have had to call the police to get my 6 year old sons mum removed from my house 25 times, this is because she is very inscure and EVERY TIMEi go the shop or talk to ANYBODYthe amount of affairs i am having is unreal,its so pathetic its sad.i understand it cant be nice for her the way she thinks but i have done everything to try help.as soon as the shouting starts and i can tell it isnt goin to stop (can read her like a book) i allways tell her i am phoning her a taxi and if she dosent get in it i am going to have to phone the police.sometimes she gets the taxi somtimes she dont so i then have to phoned the police like i told he would.about 18 months ago she got issued with a dvo as a result of her accusing me of assault on her. when police asked me for my account.she hit me over head with a yard brush when shes gone to do it the 2nd ive grabbed her wrists and and removed her from the property and shut front door to wait on the step till the police arrived i still spent 23hrs 50 min at the police station.NFA for me and she got DVO.as a result of me saying enough is enough nothing is going to change and i stopped giving into my son when he puts me on the spot and asks if his mum can come back and started saying no.she has phoned the police a few times saying that theres large amounts of the same stuff that i had been away for in2010-2012
b23 - 29-Apr-17 @ 1:06 AM
On the 24th of February my wife and I had a misunderstanding, she was screaming and shouting. Since I was about to go to work, I thought it will be good to give my neighbors assurance that we are ok. I called the police to come round as soon as the police came, we were separated for questioning. The officer who was questioning me was very patronising and seemed to be prejudice because I'm of black ethnicity ( incident happened in Scotland). Because of the way he was treating me and accusing me of hitting my wife as well as forcing my wife to press charges, I did ask him why he was being racist. Before me and my wife knew what was happening, the 2 police officers wished something to each other and then turned to me and said I had to come with them to the police. At the police I was informed there was strong evidence of physical abuse and I was formally arrested and remanded in custody. On Sunday afternoon the officer who arrested me came to see me and he came to see me to tell me he was not a racist. On a Monday 27th I was released without going to court and no explanation only to receive a letter from the fiscal procurator informing that I was on a prosecution diversion. My life has been put in a limbo, because the police in Scotland have the right to charge you on domestic violence whether you committed crime or not. How fair is that, 3 days in police for no crime, the only crime committed was to ask police why they were being racist on us. Any advice please
GeeCee - 15-Apr-17 @ 5:00 PM
Hi my brother met a girl and they got pregnant quite early into there relationship she abused him physically and emotionally Through out her pregnancy putting it down to hormones she even hospitalised him he told the drhe was attacked in the street as didntwant to get her in trouble he has now left her due to the extent of abude she's now claiming domestic violence and has phoned social services and is denying him any access he's findingit difficult after every thing she has put him through and now to be accused of being the perpetrator Instead of the victim do youhave any advice Gg Cumbria uk
Gg - 9-Apr-17 @ 11:25 PM
A member of my family is currently going through the courts with his ex partner in regards to child contact. He and my family have been the main care givers for the children since they were born, their mother has suffered with her mental health and has been in previous relationships where domestic violence has taken place. My family member on the other hand has never experienced either of these. Whilst in a relationship with my family member, mum of the children did not see them Monday- Friday night, by choice. Now the relationship has ended the children's mum is fighting for sole custody of the children. Their father is devastated and worried as his ex has now claimed he was physically abusive to her on various occasions- which he has not been. How do we dispute this and prove her wrong? The court has given the children's mum set contacts per week. It has been noted the children become upset i.e. Crying and repetitive question askin, such as who is pickin them up today.
Famsupport - 6-Apr-17 @ 8:13 PM
Dandare - Your Question:
My ex is generally very good at sticking to the court order, we both are and we don't really speak but have a good communication via text and email if changes in our contact order are needed. This weekend, my ex was late home and told me a few hours before I should return my daughter that someone else was going to collect her. I stated, because I didn't really know this person that well, that I would be happier to keep hold of my daughter until she returned, then I would drive over. The order is to return my daughter home for 5pm, but doesn't specify anything further than that. I said I was not happy to do that because she wasn't there and my daughter is only 3. It seemed safer and more sensible for her to stay with me until her mother returned. My ex then called the police, telling them she thought I was going to breach the order. I didn't want their involvement and so was forced to hand my child over to this person without my ex present. I need some clarity on this issue because I had my child's best interests and safety in mind. Anyone else encountered anything similar or have any advice?

Our Response:
If the resident parent uses her parental responsibility to make a decision that her child is safe in someone else's care, then usually there is no issue (as we can assume, as a parent she has made a rational judgement and woudn't do otherwise). Obviously, if you felt there was an issue and the person was genuinely thought not capable of taking good care of your child, then this is where a disagreement will come into play.Your ex was keeping to the terms of the order and you breached the order by not handing your child back. Any changes to a contact order must be agreed by both parties. One party cannot unilaterally decide to change the order or apply additional terms. If they wish to do so, they will need to refer the matter back to the courts - please see link here.
SeparatedDads - 28-Mar-17 @ 11:28 AM
My ex is generally very good at sticking to the court order, we both are and we don't really speak but have a good communication via text and email if changes in our contact order are needed. This weekend, my ex was late home and told me a few hours before I should return my daughter that someone else was going to collect her. I stated, because I didn't really know this person that well, that I would be happier to keep hold of my daughter until she returned, then I would drive over. The order is to return my daughter home for 5pm, but doesn't specify anything further than that. I said I was not happy to do that because she wasn't there and my daughter is only 3. It seemed safer and more sensible for her to stay with me until her mother returned. My ex then called the police, telling them she thought I was going to breach the order. I didn't want their involvement and so was forced to hand my child over to this person without my ex present. I need some clarity on this issue because I had my child's best interests and safety in mind. Anyone else encountered anything similar or have any advice?
Dandare - 27-Mar-17 @ 2:00 PM
Hi Been separated from my partner and my son for a month and half;but the issue is the false accusations of DV which she told the SS,because she wanted out of our relationship and now am being labelled a bad partner and told I can't see my son: What I don't understand is Why do women get away with all this and using Children for their own benefit: WHERE IS THE JUSTICE FOR FATHERS My partner got charged for assaulting me this month: So CONFUSED don't even know what to do:::
Manezah - 26-Mar-17 @ 1:31 PM
Worried dad - Your Question:
Hi my ex wife has had me done with a domestic breach , her and her mum said a was shouting at them and the played it up in court I was charged with it and have been fined £200. I haven't see my kid in 11 weeks and I have a court date to start to try get acces with her. How will this effect me

Our Response:
We cannot say how it may affect you as much depends upon the circumstances, if a Cafcass report will be conducted and what that report states. You may find our forum useful, as you will be able to speak to other dads who have been through similar situations before and who may be able to offer some helpful advice on your best approach to the situation. Please see link here.
SeparatedDads - 23-Mar-17 @ 9:51 AM
Hi my ex wife has had me done with a domestic breach , her and her mum said a was shouting at them and the played it up in court I was charged with it and have been fined £200. I haven't see my kid in 11 weeks and I have a court date to start to try get acces with her . How will this effect me
Worried dad - 22-Mar-17 @ 8:09 AM
baddad- Your Question:
My kids voted their mum out almost ten years ago so I came back to look after a 13 year old an 11 year old and a 3 year old ,i never received c,s,a, I put in for it when my youngest was 8 my ex then took me to court for shared access to get away with c,s,a.whilst in court I got told off 3 times for being a bad dad ,so now every time the ex and youngest have a confrontation the ex keeps threatening me with court has on the 2nd time in court I was ordered to pay her 30 a month c,s,a,which I havent but she thinks because the way the judge treated me and I never payed she thinks she has ammunition, I have been told that now my son is 13 years of age he can say where and who he chooses to see is upto him,is this true

Our Response:
Yes, it is true regarding your 13-year-old son having a say regarding where he wishes to live. However, and there is a big 'however' here, while a court will listen to your child's opinion it will regardless always make a decision based upon what it thinks is in the best interests of your son. This means it will take your previous responsibilities as a parent as general guidance. If you have been in contempt of court for not paying child maintenance - you may find this will go against you. Therefore, you may wish to seek legal advice regarding this.
SeparatedDads - 13-Mar-17 @ 12:45 PM
my kids voted their mum out almost ten years ago so i came back to look after a 13 year old an 11 year old and a 3 year old ,i never received c,s,a,i put in for it when my youngest was 8 my ex then took me to court for shared access to get away with c,s,a.whilst in court i got told off 3 times for being a bad dad ,so now every time the ex and youngesthave a confrontation the ex keeps threatening me with court has on the 2nd time in court i was ordered to pay her 30 a month c,s,a,which i havent but she thinks because the way the judge treated me and i never payed she thinks she has ammunition, i have been told that now my son is 13 years of age he can say where and who he chooses to see is upto him,is this true
baddad - 12-Mar-17 @ 4:36 PM
@Stressworry - sometimes you just have to let things go. If you sign up with Freecycle you might be able to furnish your new home for free. Charity shops old furniture shops and the goodwill of people will help. Ask people where you work if they have any spare pieces of furniture or know anyone else who has. It's awful that you have been thrown out of your house and cruel that she is keeping you away from the items you value - but at least the possessions you have now will be your own and no one can take them away from you. Start your new life a fresh and make sure she is out of it. You deserve better than that kind of treatment. Stuff is just stuff at the end of the day. Good luck. Mari.
MM - 3-Mar-17 @ 12:17 PM
My wife and I have separated recently because of her bullying and abusive behaviour she started to let step children do the same I left but have no where to go it's only that I'm working away I have a roof over my head I have just about enuff money saved to get a place but not furnish it. She will not let me have anything from the home , if I go there she calls police but lucky I knew what she was up to and recorded everything , she calls police every time I try to go to my home police come say they can't get involved but they see every time I message tell her I need to get my mail or clothes before hand (she will not let any one have my post or things) but I have found out she trying to get me of tenency on house saying I was removed from house by police which is not true, I left the home because of fear of her making false claims of abuse towards me, police are not interested I called them to come with me to pick up my things I waited 5 hours they never came I went to get the mail myself police were there in 2 minutes after she rang them I explained again showed recording and police again said sorry Notting we can do ! What can I do I just want to have things I worked paid for Notting much but she is holding it all to ransom to use as a tool to keep the abuse going from a distance still, I can't afford emotionally and financially to just write all the things let there off , be gratefully if any one could help Orr give me advice on what I should do, Regards Brian
Stressworry - 2-Mar-17 @ 11:35 AM
Im currently awaiting trail. I have 16 charges for rape and domestic. It started with my last partner and the police did a petition my last partner had my son and with in 3 months of him being born he was taken off her after a sw assessment, which she failed. This all started when she attacked me and vandalised my car to the extent i had to call the police she then got bail and shipped to her fathers and 6 months later im in serious trouble. She has ruined my life and that of all my children 4 in total i havent seen any of them for a lengthy time. My solicitor wont tell me anything i havent even got a court date, i know no details of the charges. I dont know what to do? I havent seen my family or for half a year i cant get a job, and everytime i find somewhere to live i get made to leave. Im just about done as i cant handle the stress of loosing everything. Forgot to mention my previous partner before her and my ex wife have sided with my last partner "police petition" what can i do? I have nothing to go on also i was told this could go on for another 6 months yet.
Wizard - 1-Mar-17 @ 8:36 PM
Im currently awaiting trail. I have 16 charges for rape and domestic. It started with my last partner and the police did a petition my last partner had my son and with in 3 months of him being born he was taken off her after a sw assessment, which she failed. This all started when she attacked me and vandalised my car to the extent i had to call the police she then got bail and shipped to her fathers and 6 months later im in serious trouble. She has ruined my life and that of all my children 4 in total i havent seen any of them for a lengthy time. My solicitor wont tell me anything i havent even got a court date, i know no details of the charges. I dont know what to do? I havent seen my family or for half a year i cant get a job, and everytime i find somewhere to live i get made to leave. Im just about done as i cant handle the stress of loosing everything.
Wizard - 1-Mar-17 @ 8:23 PM
Richard - Your Question:
Not seeing my children everyday is so painful knowing that they will not get looked after properly, everyday since my little boy started school I have washed his face, brushed his hair made sure he brushed his teeth, polished his shoes and cleaned his little classes before school. Having to deal with selling the house, moving and finding new business premises, dealing with everything by myself is too much to cope with by my self.I have thought of suicide, its my birthday tomorrow. all by my self

Our Response:
I am very sorry to hear this. You may find our Separated Dads emotional pages useful to you, please see link here. The Separated Dads Forum herecan put you in touch with other dads going through similar situations, plus those that may have been been through what you are going through and have come out the other side. I know the situation feels bleak currently, but it will get better and if you have been falsely accused of domestic abuse the courts will pick up on this when/if you apply for access/contact of your children. At this stage it is important to speak with others who can help. If you feel desperate and suicidal, please also consider the Samaritans, link here. We wish you all the best on your birthday at Separated Dads and hope that you come through this, you will. I know it is a cliche, but it does take 'time'. On a practical level, mediation is the first port of call you should consider in order to try to get contact to your children, if your ex refuses please seek legal advice about taking the matter to court.
SeparatedDads - 28-Feb-17 @ 10:46 AM
I was arrested Feb 14 2016 for assualt on my wife I spent 16 hours in custody and was not charged because my wife didn'twant to press charges I didn't lay a finger or hand on her later to find out she didn't want me a part of her and kids life anymore !!! Had to move home to my parents house and sell my home I had a shotgun licence had my guns removed from home still fighting to keep my licence something I enjoyed doing but on a happier note I found love and see my daughter now.gents there will better for us now look onward not behind the truth allways prevails but never forget there is a lot true domestic violence out there on both sides which sickens me deep but for innocent people it's horrific to be labled
Sparky - 27-Feb-17 @ 11:33 PM
Not seeing my children everyday is so painful knowing that they will not get looked after properly, everyday since my little boy started school I have washed his face, brushed his hair made sure he brushed his teeth, polished his shoes and cleaned his little classes before school. Having to deal with selling the house, moving and finding new business premises, dealing with everything by myself is too much to cope with by my self. I have thought of suicide, its my birthday tomorrow.. all by my self
Richard - 27-Feb-17 @ 11:52 AM
Hi I totally feel for you, the same is happening to me... accused of mental abuse, also her family have stepped in. Spreading lies on facebook. This is very saddening for me, I feel very low and worthless ...
Richard - 27-Feb-17 @ 11:31 AM
It's been 7 months my wife has been separated from me. She falsely accused me of assaulting her, got me arrested, I was not found guilty or convicted. She kept on saying she wants her own council home because we shared our home with my old parents who are pensioners. 4 bedroom house, 2 receptions kitchen. It just was me, wife and two kids. I made application for social housing but was rejected immediately because we did not qualify as we all ready had a home. I have forgiven her for what she did... but what she did is not nice. She walked out the house, while I was arrested spent 24 hours in custody, she went to her sisters house in a complete different borough and applied for social housing, was happy to go homeless with my 1 year old daughter and 5 year old son and would not tell me anything. I never got to spend my daughters 1st birthday or my sons 5th birthday. Now she has a house, my understanding is that she cheated the system and lied to get social housing, jumped the waiting list which is not good as there are people out there who really do need a home. She won't let my kids come over, I said fair enough put my name in the tenancy she won't do that either, she wants me to live with her illegally, take full responsibility of the house, pay gas, water, electric, pay her mobile, sky TV, food shopping literally everything, school and education , Health, and on the other not to take my name out of the current home I'm living in, what is she waiting for? Old people to die or what then move back in? She has full control of child benefit, child tax credits and she is claiming income support so she gets her council tax and rent paid, that's also not right falsely claiming benefits. As a result I use to get some working tax credits which use to help me run the house and that has stopped. My children hardly come over she don't let them, in 7 months my son has only visited 3 times and my daughter none. She is about to enrol at college get her fees paid and get childcare maintenance, that's also cheating. She is perverting the course of justice. How can I stop all this criminal activity that she is doing? Who could be giving her these ideas? Her family is also involved, her sisters husband had the cheek to step into my house take her and my kids away, her brother is also involved even he wants me to go and stay with her and look after and yet do all this illegally. I'm not prepared to do this but for the sake of my kids I have to go and sometimes stay there as I can see a change in my sons attitude, he seems lost and psychologically mentally disturbed and all he wants is to come back home, to me, his grandparents and back to his bedroom. So what do I do?
MHW - 23-Feb-17 @ 11:04 PM
Danny - Your Question:
HiI'm currently on trial for smashing up property and threatening behaviour at my home recently.I was having problems with my wife and decided to move out temporarily until we sorted things out!A week later I came home to find another man there! He had been there over night and as a result I kicked off in a rage.I somehow managed not to attack him or my wife but did a lot of damage to his car and the home.My wife is currently seeking advice from women's aid and claiming that I'm abusive??She is stopping me from spending time with our daughter and I fear she will go further and make false accusations!As I'm guilty of a number of crimes on that occasion and may be in a bit of trouble I can't fight my own corner and she can over elaborate on everything?I really need some good advice as she has all the cards.She also denies me access to see my daughter if I don't pay her an obscene amount of money,(Over £1000 per month) as she doesn't work and I work 6 days a week!Any help would be much appreciated!

Our Response:
Given your situation, you would really need to seek legal advice. Smashing up your ex's property can definitely be classed as being abusive. Therefore, a solicitor will be needed here in order to be able to explore if you have any options.
SeparatedDads - 22-Feb-17 @ 12:32 PM
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