Home > Lies in Separation > Being Falsely Accused of Domestic Violence

Being Falsely Accused of Domestic Violence

By: Lorna Elliott LLB (hons), Barrister - Updated: 8 Sep 2018 |
 
False Accusation Rape Sexual Offence

Every year, many people in the UK are falsely accused of domestic violence. The reasons for this are wide-ranging. Some partners or ex-partners make up allegations of domestic violence to get out of a relationship that they are otherwise unhappy with, others do it to spite their partners, while some still want to ensure that they stop (usually) the father from seeing the children.

In other circumstances, a stranger, someone you know, or perhaps your child’s teacher could become concerned about an injury to your child or something your child says – and refers Social Services to you. The tragic fact is that this does happen to people who are totally innocent of any crime. Sadly, although in this country you are ‘innocent until proven guilty’, the truth is that sometimes people can get charged and found guilty for domestic violence on very little evidence.

What Can Happen

You can be arrested while in your own home, in front of your partner and children, and in full view of the neighbours. Then you can be taken to the police station, your DNA taken and held on file, and interviewed while under caution. You could find yourself in court, charged with an offence for which you have done nothing wrong. Worst of all, you could end up with a criminal conviction and sent to prison. The problem is, when emotions are running high after a break up or divorce, one call to the police can have far-reaching consequences. If word gets around your local community, you could suffer verbal abuse, harassment or worse for being a ‘monster’.

Your Rights

If this happens to you, you need to be aware of your rights. You are entitled to legal advice at the police station. If you waive your right, you may end up saying something that could be misconstrued, especially if you are tired or are lulled into a false sense of security by the interviewing officers. There have been many cases that have been successfully brought by the Crown Prosecution Service purely on the basis of an admission in interview at the police station.

If you do speak to a lawyer, tell them the truth because if you are coy, or uncooperative, they are not going to be able to advise you properly. The police may bail you to return to the police station on another date. If they do this, you MUST ensure you go back on the day and at the time specified, or you will be charged with an offence of ‘failure to surrender’ and a warrant may be issued for your arrest. If you are innocent of any crime, be persistent, stick to the truth and try your best not to get angry at any stage. If you find yourself in court, it is vital that you come across as genuine and sincere about your innocence.

Implications For Your Accuser

If your partner or ex-partner accuses you of domestic violence, when you have in fact done nothing wrong, by the time the police are involved your ex has already committed a criminal offence for which they could receive a prison sentence of up to six months. If they then go on to falsify evidence to the authorities – the police, social services etc – they are then perverting the course of justice. If the case actually gets to court, and you find yourself in the dock on trial for something you haven’t done, your accuser would in most circumstances have to give evidence in court. If they are still lying at this stage, they are committing perjury. These are all serious criminal offences for which your ex-partner could serve a long prison sentence.

See our articles on Being Falsely Accused Of Child Abuse and Being Falsely Accused Of Rape on this site.

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

You might also like...
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice..
[Add a Comment]
Tim - Your Question:
What should I do if my ex wife accused me with falsely domestic violence and when I arrested they asked me to not contact with her directly or indirectly also not allow to see my kids until I arrange it through my solicitor also dont go her street at all so what should I do to see my kids until the case is over my solicitor asked me to go for family solicitor to help me and I am suffering from that case from paying so any advice on any way I can access my kids fast and less cost I Feeling too bad from the time I stop seeing my kids and really don’t know what should I do Thanks

Our Response:
If you have a court order against you not to see your ex, then you should not go anywhere your ex or kids, as if you do it could make things worse with regards to your application for access. Your only recourse would be to apply through court, please see the link here . If you cannot afford legal representation, you can self-litigate, please see the link here.
SeparatedDads - 10-Sep-18 @ 11:17 AM
What should i do if my ex wife accused me with falsely domestic violence and when I arrested they asked me to not contact with her directly or indirectly also not allow to see my kids until I arrange it through my solicitor also dont go her street at all so what should i do to see my kids until the case is over my solicitor asked me to go for family solicitor to help me and i am suffering from that case from paying so any advice on any way i can access my kids fast and less cost I Feeling too bad from the time i stop seeing my kids and really don’t know what should I do Thanks
Tim - 8-Sep-18 @ 5:01 PM
Over separation My Ex falsely accused me domestic violence and i found myself one day in morning time arrested and take me to the police station in front of my neighbors stayed there whole the day in the end I found myself charged to attend court and not allow to see or contact my kids and feel too bad fully stressed and I don’t know what will happen tomorrow....
Tim - 8-Sep-18 @ 3:54 AM
@Dan - man - that is not a nice thing to be saying about your son. It depends on what extent the heated arguments were and whether you consider yourself to be a bully. It sounds like your ex has concerns and that's why she is stopping overnight contact. It's time to look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself the honest question of whether she is right and you are wrong? If my ex called my kid a little s**t or similar I'd be worried.
DaveT - 9-Aug-18 @ 10:45 AM
So I guess this it I am like Timmy I can’t help who I am .i (crave beg) for peace in my mind over my daughter like I did 10 years ago care free drinking in the pubs fighting getting locked up Laughing about it not giving a second thought about my daughter .i want that back I don’t no what happened to me my best mate said I turned soft a shadow of my former self .i think I don’t no any more what I think gods truth I just want to go back to the way I was .i don’t understand why this happened to me .i was a hard men fearless nothing could break me prided myself on it .now I write in blogs like women .i see there must be something wrong with me broken or something bastards must off giving me a hot shot turn me into mash mellow.craving for a child after 10 years .what the f is wrong with me .nip this in butt .i am a real man I don’t have emotions exspeacially for child I haven’t seen in a decade I going pull myself together and never think about my daughter ever again .may god help me though this trouble time I am going though and give my hardness back I beg of you god .
Chris - 9-Aug-18 @ 2:46 AM
Hi guys. Like you all I have been falsely accused. Ex took the kids to live abroad and on the basis of a heated argument phoned the US police accusing me of domestic violence, has now cut off all contact and got a US protection order issued against me. I'm 6 weeks now since I last saw the kids and the legal stuff has started but the progress is agonisingly slow. Today I hit an emotional brick wall and had to leave work to get some headspace. Just want to say to you all.. stay strong... your kids will thank you for fighting to be their dads. It just hurts in the meantime.
Sammy - 8-Aug-18 @ 5:30 PM
My partner recently left me and is now in a hostel claiming domestic abuse over 3 arguments in three years. Albeit heated and verbals were exchanged at both sides, and I’ve made the odd comment about my son being a little s**t (which of course is just comment, nothing intended obviously as other parents I know have said they’ve said worse), she is still claiming domestic abuse and I’m not longer able to see my son overnight even though she talks to me and regularly let’s me see my son. In your opinion, is this right? Or is this something I should pursue with the court for a false claim because I want my son on weekends and feel this is damaging my reputation
Dan - 8-Aug-18 @ 1:12 AM
I'm currently going through an issue with my ex partner she was living with her mother in private housing and was made homeless due to unpaid rent arrears. My ex at the time was pregnant with my daughter and came to live with me and my dad. I decided to move out of my dads to get our own place together and was put in temporary accommodation from the council. I was unaware of her status in the UK after the council asked for proof of her documents which she didn't have that made me become suspicious. After being in temporary accommodation for 6 months my daughter was born and things began to change. The council wouldn't offer any housing options until my ex proved that she had her leave to remain, passport, birth certificate, bank statements etc, My ex couldn't provide the documents and every time i asked about her legal status she would scream and shout and hit me pretending to have been beaten up to alert the hotel staff and other guests. She told the staff that i tried to rape my 6 week old daughter and after beat her up (my ex) the police was called which resulted in me getting arrested for domestic violence which i was found not guilty in court for. My ex's mother was living uncomfortable in a shared house at the time and wanted to be back with her daughter and 1st grand child. I am concerned about my daughters health and safety my ex has been put in a 'safe place' by the police with her mom because she didn't have a house to live in and now im suffering with depression and the system has failed me as a british citizen. A man of my size cannot be a victim to domestic violence because of my ethnic background and I am on the edge of taking my life. I now suffer with depression and PTSD i need help please
Thomas - 17-Jul-18 @ 2:25 PM
@K - glad to hear mate. The courts know a false accusation when they see one. Well done. I hope it continues to go the right way for you.
MatR - 13-Jul-18 @ 12:26 PM
An update just to let anyone know that gets in this position the family judge did not go for it at all I didn't even have to show evidence they just listened to me i even agreed with my ex's solicitor to a interim occupation order and the judge said no if my bail conditions are dropped I can go home her solicitor did contest it immediately so they set another court date but today was 100% in my favour so anyone that has false accusations put on them please be strong the courts see straight through it I represented myself and just told them how I feel at what's the truth
K - 12-Jul-18 @ 7:34 PM
And yes I have asked for my phone back but they wanted the solicitor to apply for it and like I said all of them just said it's ridiculous and not to worry as soon as the charges are dropped I will be putting charges on her as she's made my life hell
K - 10-Jul-18 @ 11:48 PM
I've spoke to 3 solicitors today they just said it's ridiculous and there quite shocked my bail was extended they all said it's not worth me wasting my money just get to the court explain my side and it will be fine and not to worry or get a solicitor involved unless I'm charged with a crime which they all said will be highly unlikely. So good news but still worrying
K - 10-Jul-18 @ 11:43 PM
@CJB - same as @K for you. If you've not done the crime, it difficult for your ex to prove and the court should be able to see through it. Sometimes women do it in order to be able to claim legal aid and stop the dad from seeing the kids.
AlN - 10-Jul-18 @ 12:49 PM
@K I wouldn't try to change the date of the court hearing as it could go against you. The court is pretty clued up in finding out if someone isn't telling the truth. Lots of parents lie in family law courts, so the courts are well versed in dealing with such stuff. Can't you ask for your phone back for the court hearing?
AlN - 10-Jul-18 @ 12:31 PM
I am due in court August for sexual Assault, Harassment and controlling and coercive behaviour. All of which I have strongly denied under arrest. My ex decided to make these accusations 9-10 months after our relationship ended. During the months between our separation and her making this False report, our relationship ranged from sleeping together on occasion to her denying me access to my children in various forms. It was a roller-coaster of emotions but I decided after 1 weekend in September 2017 we needed to stop seeing each other on a social basis, our children were becoming increasingly confused as to why I wasn't coming home but spending lots of time at the house with them and my ex. After September 2017 my ex really turned the screw in denying me access to my children to a point where I took legal advice and brought in a mediator. My ex ignored all contact from the mediator, so they sent me a signed form from the C100 Family courts application, then I could now apply through family courts for Access. During this time I was trying to make reasonable contact with my wife to see my children so going to court was a very last option. I was arrested on 30/12/17 for harassment only, the police confiscated my phone to retrieve messages between my wife and me being put on bail conditions to have no contact with her whatsoever. Then to my surprise and utter disgust I was further arrested in March 2018 for sexual assault on my wife during the last 2 years of our marriage! Again I was bailed, all charges sent to CPS for review. May 2018 I was charged with sexual assault and harassment plus controlling and coercive as a final kicker!! The police have swallowed every word of my ex and have been truly awful to deal with and absolutely biased. I have been charged on my ex's 2 statements, the 1st statement made in November 2017 has no mention of sexual assault at all! Her 2nd does made 2 months later.... I strongly and firmly believe that she has made up this "domestic abuse" nonsense to prevent me and make it difficult for me to see my children! Im estranged from my children and feel suicidal sometimes, I just know she will get a conviction in some form or other! Thus putting her in total control of my childrens lives. The system is bent and heavily biased toward women who can at the click of a finger accuse somebody of a crime and then play the victim.
CJB - 10-Jul-18 @ 6:22 AM
Help please on occupation order my ex hashad me arrested for coercive control and rape (she's stating I said I would leave her if she didn't have sex with me 17 years ago) we had been together 18 years we have 3 children. I was arrested interviewed and bailed it is all lies. The day my bail was meant to end the police had to extend it as 2 witnesses come forward this is just her sisters who will lie for her just to keep it going as it keeps me out of the house. The same day my bail was meant to end she put it for a occupation order which I've been given and I only had 7 days before the court date so I can't find a solicitor to help me also I gave the police my phone as evidence that she is the one that's controlling and I've tried my hardest to do everything in the best interests of me her and the children but she just wanted me to leave with nothing I have to pay all debts and she has kept the car my motorcycle and all the contents of the house and refuses to give me anything. My question is could she be doing this as sort of a practice run to see how much evidence I have on her before criminal court if it were to get that far? Her story is diffrent for family court to what she has said to the police so I'm going to use that as evidence. Also can I get the occupation court date changed as I don't have my phone to show a lot of the evidence which I have videos of her screaming and shouting at me for offering her 6 months rent to leave the house she just wants everything her way and so far she's getting it due to the legal system
K - 9-Jul-18 @ 7:24 PM
Alfie - Your Question:
I have been devorced for only a few months but have been separated for over a year. I have been redeculed on social media and also had my children taken from me and can only see them via contact center. She has done me for harrasment and this has now been discontinued due to lack of evadence. My mental state has been brought up as I tried to commit suicide twice when it all happened yet none of her threats has worked. Also she had a domestic violence worker and now this has seaced. How can I as I don't have money for a solicitor get help and get my time in court so they can see what she is doing. I also reasontly found out from my son there is another man involved and staying over in my house. What options are available and what can I do as a father. Plus when she had the affair the man in question was a known drug user whitch no one seems that bothered about. Please I need help as it's been six months since I last had my children with all of the accusations thrown at me with no success. I have been mentaly and emotionally abused by her and her family and have no real help to find a way to move foward. Please help.

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. There are many questions in your comment. Firstly, you don't say why your access to your children takes place in a contact centre. If domestic violence has been the court has decided this, then there is little you can do regarding this until the court is satisfied that no DV has taken place or you have changed. If you cannot afford a solicitor, then you can self-litigate, please see link here . If your ex has a man staying over at her/your house, then this is her choice, as she is a single woman. With regards to drug use. Drug use is only an issue if the drug use is harmful to your children in any way. In cases such as yours, it's not about you or your ex in the eyes of the court, but about what the court considers is deemed to be in the best interests of your children. You may wish to sign up to our Separated Dads forum for more information, as you will be able to get advice from parents who have been through such issues before and who can advise you on your best course of action through their own experiences.
SeparatedDads - 12-Jun-18 @ 9:55 AM
I have been devorced for only a few months but have been separated for over a year.I have been redeculed on social media and also had my children taken from me and can only see them via contact center. She has done me for harrasment and this has now been discontinued due to lack of evadence. My mental state has been brought up as i tried to commit suicide twice when it all happened yet none of her threats has worked. Also she had a domestic violence worker and now this has seaced. How can I as i don't have money for a solicitor get help and get my time in court so they can see what she is doing. I also reasontly found out from my son there is another man involved and staying over in my house. What options are available and what can I do as a father. Plus when she had the affair the man in question was a known drug user whitch no one seems that bothered about. Please i need help as it's been six months since I last had my children with all of the accusations thrown at me with no success. I have been mentaly and emotionally abused by her and her family and have no real help to find a way to move foward. Please help.
Alfie - 11-Jun-18 @ 4:19 PM
Yorksdad1989 - Your Question:
I've been separated from the mother of my 3 children for 2.5yrs now. And will my current partner just over 2yrs. We seperated after she assualted me and asked my then 6yr old to attack me with a kitchen knife. When we separated I was allowed contact by ex and she demanded days out as a family and that I see the kids to bed 7 nights a week. When I pulled back due her erratic and often aggressive behaviour she made it impossible to see them and 18 months passed by with no contact due to her threats and lies. It left me broken and on the edge of suicide. I reached out and have finally been seeing them regularly since September last yr with them staying with me and my partner 2-6 nights a month too. There have been arguments with my ex during that time with me being accused of kidnapping my own kids and now assaulting them. I have reported my ex to the police twice for this sort behaviour but it isn't working. I'm broken again and terrified people will believe her lies. What do I do?

Our Response:
Unfortunately, your only options are to suggest your ex attends mediation and if she refuses apply to court. The courts are pretty good at assessing whether someone is lying or not as they deal with this sort of situation every day. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
SeparatedDads - 5-Jun-18 @ 2:36 PM
I've been separated from the mother of my 3 children for 2.5yrs now. And will my current partner just over 2yrs. We seperated after she assualted me and asked my then 6yr old to attack me with a kitchen knife. When we separated I was allowed contact by ex and she demanded days out as a family and that I see the kids to bed 7 nights a week. When I pulled back due her erratic and often aggressive behaviour she made it impossible to see them and 18 months passed by with no contact due to her threats and lies. It left me broken and on the edge of suicide. I reached out and have finally been seeing them regularly since September last yr with them staying with me and my partner 2-6 nights a month too. There have been arguments with my ex during that time with me being accused of kidnapping my own kids and now assaulting them. I have reported my ex to the police twice for this sort behaviour but it isn't working. I'm broken again and terrified people will believe her lies. What do I do?
Yorksdad1989 - 5-Jun-18 @ 11:26 AM
@Nad - if you are innocent, then you will be let go again, especially if you can prove you were somewhere else. I think the thing is in your situation is to stay well away from your ex. If you don't go anywhere near her, then you can't be accused.
Han - 21-May-18 @ 9:48 AM
My ex has falsely accused me of domestic violence on many many occasions, it has never resulted in charges being brought against me yet everytime i am accused, it is i that is arrested and on occasions spent 36 hours locked in a police cell. The latest episode only 4 days ago resulted inmy arrest, release and no charges. But as soon as i was released my ex made another accusation, but this time more sereious of threatening her with a knife. There is currently a warrant for ny arrestbut ive had enough, it has left me suicidal, i cant face another minute being falsely locked away simply on one persons word, especially given that she has been known to make these malicious accusations.
Nad - 20-May-18 @ 10:36 AM
@mate .i know how you feel i feel like i let down my daughter .but i am not the same person i was back then i was naive little kid .i know its know excuse but my ex put me through hell and i went on different path it was what i needed at the time .and now i am older yeah walking away was the right choice .
cobber - 14-May-18 @ 9:54 AM
@cobber ......im going t have to walk away from my teenagers t a dagrey as thay are lying about me n my partner.but at same time that is a form of abuse aswel as social twist eveything n will say im abusing them if i dnt carry on contact but same time scared thay will lie more if i try t dissapline them......its more about the 2 lil babies as thay come b4 any1 im trying t be a good dad,parntner n man yet im being made out as a monster
Mate - 14-May-18 @ 8:31 AM
@cobber yes this is true i do get to see kids atm but becuse there has been a report of violunce.the social are coming today 14th to take my 2younger children away becuse there has been a report even tho its folse my children are being taken away.....so yes i get t see them but now iv got t fight t keep them.....how do i go about seeing my teenage children when thay have been lying about me my world is being turn apart for no reason socail have no prof but thay have enougth jst by a report a folse one at that
Mate - 14-May-18 @ 7:19 AM
Thanks, Jem. I’m back in court on 15th May, so will know more then. My children have met with CAFCASS but only 1 of my 3 children even want contact. It’s frustrating as the judge was previously not interested at all in the allegations of domestic abuse, stating “we should keep the current court in Involvement focused on contact with the children”. Whilst I agree with this it’s not nice to be sat alongside a top solicitor based on false allegations that could ruin my career. Fingers crossed eh?!
DJ - 2-May-18 @ 9:35 AM
@DJ - I think the court will see through her motives. Your ex would need proof that you did all the things she says you have and if she has never mentioned this before, then the court are going to know she is trying to pull a fast one. Your kids are older now, they can bear witness too. I think her past record will out her too. It doesn't sound like you have too much to worry about.
Jem - 1-May-18 @ 11:54 AM
My ex-wife and I separated almost 8 years ago and have been divorced for most of that time. She has dragged me through the Family Proceedings Court system over my 3 children, before throwing in the towel when she was outed by Social Care for disguised compliance. This was 2012/2013. Since then all three children have come to live with me: my eldest son voted with his feet in 2014 and my other two were (voluntarily) sent to live with me by my ex-wife in 2105 following a disclosure of harm by my (then) 6 year old daughter at the hands of her step-father. I have done my best to promote safe and appropriate contact between my 3 children and their mother. I have a Residency Order but I also applied to the court for a contact arrangements order in December 2015 (out of my own pocket) so that there would be some form of contact, but my ex-wife did not attend court and subsequently severed all contact with me. She maintained some contact with our children through letters but these stopped coming over a year ago, probably because she had a third child with her husband. Almost 3 years have passed since my children had face to face contact with their mother and my ex-wife has now reappeared, wanting a relationship with our children. Great you say? Yes, except she has gone about it in the worst way and has obtained Legal Aid by claiming that I was a perpetrator or all forms of abuse. I believe that she has done this to gain favour of the court and paint me in a negative light. She has competed numerous C100 forms in the past when she has dragged me through court and there has been no mention of abuse, because it simply did not happen. I even have a report from CAFCASS from 2012/13 where she states “there was never any form of abuse during or relationship”. We weee together for 10 years and married for 8. I myself work for the Local Authority, mainly with adolescents, but part of my role is working in partnership with an organisation that supports female survivors of abusive relationships through a 12 week recovery course. I am the only man to have delivered this programme in Cornwall and have been involved with this organisation for over 3 years. Now my good name is on the line, as well as my career and the future of my 3 children (as well as my 2 step children that I also provide for). My ex-wife has obtained the highter rate of Legal Aid and I am representing myself, having only just recently finished paying off credit card fees from the thousands that I had to spend when my ex (who has never worked a day in her life or contributed to my children’s upbringing) took me to court and tried to end my relationship with my children under false pretences in 2012/13, before being found out by services involved at that time. There were no consequences for her before and she seems to be free to do and say as she pleases, irrespective if the consequences for me. At the initial hearing in February I contested the allegations but the District Judge
DJ - 30-Apr-18 @ 2:27 PM
I'm on the receiving end of domestic abuse allegations when I was the receiving victim. I just want to see the evidence against me. Going through a familiar hell where ex funded her lawyer and swish barrister with legal aid. I asked to prove their allegations but they obstructed finding of facts first. Didn't even bother presenting any of the evidence required at all to justify the privileges granted to abuse victims Then justified restrictions on contact on grounds of abuse. It bothers me a lot that a referral was made to refer me as a perpetrator but no idea of who or why. Its just on file in the legal aid agency. Is thee any way of doing this?
Sk - 26-Apr-18 @ 7:44 PM
SadDad - Your Question:
After 27 years of what I thought was happy marriage, my wife told me at Christmas she was leaving me, promptly borrowed money from her wealthy parents, bought a house and moved out.She still wants to come and go in the family home (where I am now living) as she sees fit, arguing that she has her furniture and her property in the house. I have asked her to let me know when she is coming, and am happy to negotiate times.Do I have the right to refuse her entry as she sees fit? I leave the house empty all day long, and feel vulnerable to her coming whenever she wants to. She has introduced me to a very unpleasant side of her character, is angry at me all the time, and every conversation leaves me emotionally upset, and physically churning. I have asked her to respect my wishes until we resolve whatever financial arrangements we need to make. Initially she agreed, but now she tells me she will come and go as she sees fit. I have threatened to change the locks, and she informs me that she would call the police if I did.Where do I stand, please?

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. You can read more via the link here, which should tell you all you need to know.
SeparatedDads - 24-Apr-18 @ 2:51 PM
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice...
Title:
(never shown)
Firstname:
(never shown)
Surname:
(never shown)
Email:
(never shown)
Nickname:
(shown)
Comment:
Validate:
Enter word:
Latest Comments