Home > Lies in Separation > Being Falsely Accused of Domestic Violence

Being Falsely Accused of Domestic Violence

By: Lorna Elliott LLB (hons), Barrister - Updated: 10 Feb 2017 |
 
False Accusation Rape Sexual Offence

Every year, many people in the UK are falsely accused of domestic violence. The reasons for this are wide-ranging. Some partners or ex-partners make up allegations of domestic violence to get out of a relationship that they are otherwise unhappy with, others do it to spite their partners, while some still want to ensure that they stop (usually) the father from seeing the children.

In other circumstances, a stranger, someone you know, or perhaps your child’s teacher could become concerned about an injury to your child or something your child says – and refers Social Services to you. The tragic fact is that this does happen to people who are totally innocent of any crime. Sadly, although in this country you are ‘innocent until proven guilty’, the truth is that sometimes people can get charged and found guilty for domestic violence on very little evidence.

What Can Happen

You can be arrested while in your own home, in front of your partner and children, and in full view of the neighbours. Then you can be taken to the police station, your DNA taken and held on file, and interviewed while under caution. You could find yourself in court, charged with an offence for which you have done nothing wrong. Worst of all, you could end up with a criminal conviction and sent to prison. The problem is, when emotions are running high after a break up or divorce, one call to the police can have far-reaching consequences. If word gets around your local community, you could suffer verbal abuse, harassment or worse for being a ‘monster’.

Your Rights

If this happens to you, you need to be aware of your rights. You are entitled to legal advice at the police station. If you waive your right, you may end up saying something that could be misconstrued, especially if you are tired or are lulled into a false sense of security by the interviewing officers. There have been many cases that have been successfully brought by the Crown Prosecution Service purely on the basis of an admission in interview at the police station.

If you do speak to a lawyer, tell them the truth because if you are coy, or uncooperative, they are not going to be able to advise you properly. The police may bail you to return to the police station on another date. If they do this, you MUST ensure you go back on the day and at the time specified, or you will be charged with an offence of ‘failure to surrender’ and a warrant may be issued for your arrest. If you are innocent of any crime, be persistent, stick to the truth and try your best not to get angry at any stage. If you find yourself in court, it is vital that you come across as genuine and sincere about your innocence.

Implications For Your Accuser

If your partner or ex-partner accuses you of domestic violence, when you have in fact done nothing wrong, by the time the police are involved your ex has already committed a criminal offence for which they could receive a prison sentence of up to six months. If they then go on to falsify evidence to the authorities – the police, social services etc – they are then perverting the course of justice. If the case actually gets to court, and you find yourself in the dock on trial for something you haven’t done, your accuser would in most circumstances have to give evidence in court. If they are still lying at this stage, they are committing perjury. These are all serious criminal offences for which your ex-partner could serve a long prison sentence.

See our articles on Being Falsely Accused Of Child Abuse and Being Falsely Accused Of Rape on this site.

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[Add a Comment]
m - Your Question:
HiI am looking for advice on behalf of my partner. He currently has an informal agreement for shared residence/care of his daughter. This has been in place since he separated with his ex nearly 5 years ago. His ex has not been happy with the arrangement for a number of years and has been trying to reduce his time to something more like a contact arrangement, with him seeing his daughter every other weekend, one weekend in three etc. My partner has rejected these proposals as he is keen to continue with the shared residence/ care arrangement that is already in place. His ex has tried various ways of getting her way. She has withheld their daughter at agreed handover times, attempted to pick her up from school on his days, tried to dictate how he spends his time with his daughter (threatening not to honour handover arrangements if he does not comply). She has also tried to erode his relationship with his daughter (saying unpleasant things about him to his daughter and undermining and criticising him in front of her). She has also attempted to control or undermine their daughter's relationship with other friends or relations connected to him. Recently she got a solicitor to contact him about the childcare arrangements, again requesting that he reduces his time with his daughter. Through negotiations with the solicitor it came to light that his ex partner is receiving legal aid for this matter. We have looked this up and can only find that you can get this if there has been domestic violence or if there is a threat to the child. There has be no domestic violence, and no accusations to our knowledge. To receive legal aid she must have got someone to write a statement. It says police or health professional. She has problems so has had contact with social services about her own issues. Is it possible that she could have got a health professional to write a statement without my partners knowledge? Is there any way that my partner can get information about this and challenge what is documented if necessary? Is there any other reason why someone might be able to get legal aid for a family dispute?

Our Response:
You can see the full details of how your partner's ex has been able to obtain Legal Aid, via the link here . I'm afraid I cannot predict how his ex may have obtained Legal Aid as it would be pure supposition. However, if your partner feels his ex is claiming legal Aid fraudulently, please see link here which tell you how he can report this.
SeparatedDads - 10-Feb-17 @ 12:59 PM
In July 2016, I was falsely accused of ABH by a now ex partner who I was with from 2002 until 2016. On the third day of February 2017 at Bristol Crown court I was found unanimously not guilty. My ex Joanna FEATHERY made two statements that both contradicted herself, also her court room evidence given at Bath court on the 11th November 2013 and then again at Bristol crown on the 3rd feb 2017 ALSO contradicted her story. Even her two witness’s contracted her story. Basically she lied on all four accounts. I have copies of both her statements, the court transcript from Bath courts and am awaiting the transcript from Bristol Crown. I used Sansbury Douglas solicitors for my defence and they empowered a very fine and upstanding barrister David Maunder. I am wanting to pursue her for the surgery and false allegations she made against me for 218 days. How do I claim against her for this? Can you help?
Lord Giles - 10-Feb-17 @ 11:20 AM
Hi I am looking for advice on behalf of my partner. He currently has an informal agreement for shared residence/care of his daughter. This has been in place since he separated with his ex nearly 5 years ago. His ex has not been happy with the arrangement for a number of years and has been trying to reduce his time to something more like a contact arrangement, with him seeing his daughter every other weekend, one weekend in three etc. My partner has rejected these proposals as he is keen to continue with the shared residence/ care arrangement that is already in place. His ex has tried various ways of getting her way. She has withheld their daughter at agreed handover times, attempted to pick her up from school on his days, tried to dictate how he spends his time with his daughter (threatening not to honour handover arrangements if he does not comply). She has also tried to erode his relationship with his daughter (saying unpleasant things about him to his daughter and undermining and criticising him in front of her). She has also attempted to control or undermine their daughter's relationship with other friends or relations connected to him. Recently she got a solicitor to contact him about the childcare arrangements, again requesting that he reduces his time with his daughter. Through negotiations with the solicitor it came to light that his ex partner is receiving legal aid for this matter. We have looked this up and can only find that you can get this if there has been domestic violence or if there is a threat to the child. There has be no domestic violence, and no accusations to our knowledge. To receive legal aid she must have got someone to write a statement. It says police or health professional. She has problems so has had contact with social services about her own issues. Is it possible that she could have got a health professional to write a statement without my partners knowledge? Is there any way that my partner can get information about this and challenge what is documented if necessary? Is there any other reason why someone might be able to get legal aid for a family dispute?
m - 9-Feb-17 @ 12:25 PM
Stevie - Your Question:
Hi just asking if anyone knows if I could get sentenced as to my ex girlfriend has had me arrested for domestic violence she said I had grabbed her wrist and pulled her I did do that and I have made a mark on her wrist. Is this evidence that I could get sentenced? The police have taken pictures of her wrist aswell, what's the outcome of this??

Our Response:
I'm afraid we cannot answer this as much depends upon whether you have had any previous DV convictions, the extent of the harm. However, if the DV was a mark and no more injuries, and you have not had any previous convictions it is highly unlikely you would be given a prison sentence.
SeparatedDads - 6-Feb-17 @ 2:13 PM
Hi just asking if anyone knows if I could get sentenced as to my ex girlfriend has had me arrested for domestic violence she said I had grabbed her wrist and pulled her i did do that and I have made a mark on her wrist. Is this evidence that I could get sentenced? The police have taken pictures of her wrist aswell, what's the outcome of this??
Stevie - 4-Feb-17 @ 8:56 PM
daz - Your Question:
Please someone help.my partner of 13 years living with for past 7. rang police on me on Sunday night because I wouldn't give her MY phone. police arrived and because had few drinks they drove me car and took me to hotel to prevent anything that might happen but no charges or allegations.On Monday had an incline as her mother always gets involved as we rent from her. I turned up which I found she was trying to change locks with my 2 young children there my partner was at work. I got in house and rang police.they came and asked her to leave. my partner then turned up furious along with her mother.they phoned police saying was disgrace I was allowed to stay with my past. (8 years ago there was domestic violence).police again said id done nothing wrong and if she wanted to leave to her mums she should. My partner then wouldn't return calls for 2 days or let me see kids she disappeared. Then out of blue last night a court official turned up issuing me with a non molestation order and a housing order for me to leave in 24 hours!!! im not allowed to go within 100 yards of her house work kids.anything!! I was staggered that a judge took her and her mums words that my past 8 years ago was enough to sanction this by them saying they were scared of me. A hearing has been set for next Wednesday but I am currently homeless with no money as I gave her the the majority of money for rent and bills at start of month. To make things even more weird.i was last year involved in stopping my ex wife adopt my child from a previous marriage.with my current partner and mother giving me a glowing review in court to how I have changed and what a great dad I am. How can they say one thing six months ago in writing to a court then all of a sudden get this order bringing up my past!!! please someone help.i haven't seen my kids for 4 days now and cant even speak to them.im devastated

Our Response:
I'm afraid in this instance you would have to seek legal advice (Citizens Advice Bureau will be able to help if you cannot afford legal fees). I'm afraid we cannot predict what may happen in court - but if you need external help please see link Using a McKenzie Friend in Court here. Please also see link here which may help.
SeparatedDads - 13-Jan-17 @ 12:10 PM
Please someone help....my partner of 13 years living with for past 7. rang police on me on Sunday night because I wouldn't give her MY phone.police arrived and because had few drinks they drove me car and took me to hotel to prevent anything that might happen but no charges or allegations..On Monday had an incline as her mother always gets involved as we rent from her. I turned up which I found she was trying to change locks with my 2 young children there my partner was at work.I got in house and rang police..they came and asked her to leave. my partner then turned up furious along with her mother..they phoned police saying was disgrace I was allowed to stay with my past.(8 years ago there was domestic violence)..police again said id done nothing wrong and if she wanted to leave to her mums she should.My partner then wouldn't return calls for 2 days or let me see kids she disappeared. Then out of blue last night a court official turned up issuing me with a non molestation order and a housing order for me to leave in 24 hours!!! im not allowed to go within 100 yards of her house work kids..anything!! i was staggered that a judge took her and her mums words that my past 8 years ago was enough to sanction this by them saying they were scared of me. A hearing has been set fornext Wednesday but I am currently homeless with no money as I gave her the the majority of money for rent and bills at start of month.To make things even more weird..i was last year involved in stopping my ex wife adopt my child from a previous marriage..with my current partner and mother giving me a glowing review in court to how I have changed and what a great dad I am.How can they say one thing six months ago in writing to a court then all of a sudden get this order bringing up my past!!! please someone help..i haven't seen my kids for 4 days now and cant even speak to them..im devastated
daz - 12-Jan-17 @ 3:19 PM
Please someone help....my partner of 13 years living with for past 7. rang police on me on Sunday night because I wouldn't give her MY phone.police arrived and because had few drinks they drove me car and took me to hotel to prevent anything that might happen but no charges or allegations..On Monday had an incline as her mother always gets involved as we rent from her. I turned up which I found she was trying to change locks with my 2 young children there my partner was at work.I got in house and rang police..they came and asked her to leave. my partner then turned up furious along with her mother..they phoned police saying was disgrace I was allowed to stay with my past.(8 years ago there was domestic violence)..police again said id done nothing wrong and if she wanted to leave to her mums she should.My partner then wouldn't return calls for 2 days or let me see kids she disappeared. Then out of blue last night a court official turned up issuing me with a non molestation order and a housing order for me to leave in 24 hours!!! im not allowed to go within 100 yards of her house work kids..anything!! i was staggered that a judge took her and her mums words that my past 8 years ago was enough to sanction this by them saying they were scared of me. A hearing has been set fornext Wednesday but I am currently homeless with no money as I gave her the the majority of money for rent and bills at start of month.To make things even more weird..i was last year involved in stopping my ex wife adopt my child from a previous marriage..with my current partner and mother giving me a glowing review in court to how I have changed and what a great dad I am.How can they say one thing six months ago in writing to a court then all of a sudden get this order bringing up my past!!! please someone help..i haven't seen my kids for 4 days now and cant even speak to them..im devastated
daz - 12-Jan-17 @ 3:10 PM
@Distraught dad - the first thing I'd do is make her your ex partner asap! The CPS will make up its own mind about whether it wants to prosecute you, so if your ex threw the bottle at you, you have to tell the truth. It won't pay you to protect her. Next time you may not be so fortunate to escape her allegations, so I'd get out of the relationship as fast as you can! KC.
KCSunshine - 9-Jan-17 @ 11:10 AM
Please can someone help me out. My ex partner rang the police to say i attacked her, social services is now invloved and told her im not allowed near my daughter. She went to the poilce told them she over reacted and dropped charges an now i dont have to go to court or nothing. Once the soical workers be informed that she made it up what can happend? Will they close the case or what??
Bobo - 8-Jan-17 @ 2:28 PM
Hi My current partner has called the police on me twice before and had me arrested for assualt where in fact it was her that has assaulted me and then freaked out and called police.Both times the charges were dropped; the first time there was simply nothing to back up her nonsense and the second time she had claimed being attacked and having her phone smashed in a hotel and luckily cctv showed that I had not assaulted her as she claimed although I had picked up her phone and thrown it for which I got a caution for criminal damage. Now we have had a third time on a night out where she has called the police after throwing things at me in a hotel room and attaching me.She assaulted me but then called the police on me.I am now on bail and she has withdrawn the charges but I'm concerned that this time things will go further when I go in for interview. When the police met her she claims that she had a swollen lip (I'm not sure how she would have this and I have not seen evidence of it myself) and that the policeman noted this but did not take pictures.Apparently the police also took pictures of a smashed bottle in the hotel room which she alleged I threw at her (but in fact she threw at me!).I am now totally lost at what to do as do not want to start getting her in trouble and starting a battle that will make things worse by telling police about her assaulting me but at the same time I'm concerned that this will be seen as enough "evidence" to take me to court which I desperately want to avoid.Any advice?
Distraught dad - 8-Jan-17 @ 12:02 PM
Hi My current partner has called the police on me twice before and had me arrested for assualt where in fact it was her that has assaulted me and then freaked out and called police.Both times the charges were dropped; the first time there was simply nothing to back up her nonsense and the second time she had claimed being attacked and having her phone smashed in a hotel and luckily cctv showed that I had not assaulted her as she claimed although I had picked up her phone and thrown it for which I got a caution for criminal damage. Now we have had a third time on a night out where she has called the police after throwing things at me in a hotel room and attaching me.She assaulted me but then called the police on me.I am now on bail and she has withdrawn the charges but I'm concerned that this time things will go further when I go in for interview. When the police met her she claims that she had a swollen lip (I'm not sure how she would have this and I have not seen evidence of it myself) and that the policeman noted this but did not take pictures.Apparently the police also took pictures of a smashed bottle in the hotel room which she alleged I threw at her (but in fact she threw at me!).I am now totally lost at what to do as do not want to start getting her in trouble and starting a battle that will make things worse by telling police about her assaulting me but at the same time I'm concerned that this will be seen as enough "evidence" to take me to court which I desperately want to avoid.Any advice?
Distraught dad - 7-Jan-17 @ 11:20 PM
Hi My current partner has called the police on me twice before and had me arrested for assualt where in fact it was her that has assaulted me and then freaked out and called police.Both times the charges were dropped; the first time there was simply nothing to back up her nonsense and the second time she had claimed being attacked and having her phone smashed in a hotel and luckily cctv showed that I had not assaulted her as she claimed although I had picked up her phone and thrown it for which I got a caution for criminal damage. Now we have had a third time on a night out where she has called the police after throwing things at me in a hotel room and attaching me.She assaulted me but then called the police on me.I am now on bail and she has withdrawn the charges but I'm concerned that this time things will go further when I go in for interview. When the police met her she claims that she had a swollen lip (I'm not sure how she would have this and I have not seen evidence of it myself) and that the policeman noted this but did not take pictures.Apparently the police also took pictures of a smashed bottle in the hotel room which she alleged I threw at her (but in fact she threw at me!).I am now totally lost at what to do as do not want to start getting her in trouble and starting a battle that will make things worse by telling police about her assaulting me but at the same time I'm concerned that this will be seen as enough "evidence" to take me to court which I desperately want to avoid.Any advice?
Distraught dad - 7-Jan-17 @ 5:27 PM
ihave read through some of these stories and i do feel for those people wrongly convicted,the courts are so frightened of getting it wrong they are making the decision to do what they thinks best, not justice, my daughter attacked me clawed my face, i pushed my wife to one side to protect her from getting injured, my daughter was standing behind her at the time, i manage to restraintmy daughter and took her to the floor were i held her for no longer than10 seconds, to prevent her continuing the attack,once she had stopped trying to get away from me to continue the attack i let her go,my daughter and my wife made allegations against me that i attacked them two,my daughter produced pictures of her injuries that was taken by her mobile phone, no medical evidence to support this, the pictures show no marks of any kind, she also has pictures of her head showing a small bald patch half the size of your small fingernail she states this his were i pulled her hair out , my daughter has had hair extensions andhad them removed two months prior to this incident, my wife said i grabbed her by the throat and pushed her to one side , no injuries or marks on wife reported, i went to magistrate court and even though it was shown in court my daughter was the aggressor i was found guilty on both charges of assault by beatings, and used excess force when restraining my daughter, and assault on my wife by pushing her andhow they can determine excess force when i held my daughter for 10 seconds beggars belief. what deeply concerns me my daughter was allowed to photograph her own injuries and not in presence of a police officer and hand them into to the police station some 10 days after the incident, is this normal police practice now ?should at the time of the allegations were made the police should of taken her to the police station to seek medical verification and photographed at the police station ?? the pictures are of such bad quality and show a knee,and a leg and her head, the pictures does not show any injuryand cantbe verified they are in fact pictures of my daughter!!.. so what did the magistrates find me guilty of.???? i had the only picture of my facial injury that was clear to see , when this was shown to the magistrates they gasped and commented my god, And ladies and gentleman is what convicted me, by the photographs that was seen in court the magistrates knew there had been a conflict between myself and my daughter who is 22yrs oldthey took less than 5 minutes to deliberate the evidence to find me guilty . i have no history of violence what so ever the police have never attended my house for any previous incident, i had been with my wife for 36yrs , i have now lost everything they put injunctions on me and could not go to my house or even in the road, this has been over a year now the house has been sold and is now going back to crown court.
frustrated john - 6-Jan-17 @ 6:39 PM
RoJo - Your Question:
Thanks so much - reading them now feeling more positive than before!

Our Response:
You're welcome - it is always much better to get an overall view, then you can make an informed decision on how to approach the matter objectively. Our Separated Dads forum may also help you, if you have any specific questions. The dads who help out on the forum also know how the system works and can advise further. Feeling supported so you know you are not the only person going through this can help massively. Best of luck.
SeparatedDads - 6-Jan-17 @ 11:29 AM
Thanks so much - reading them now feeling more positive than before!
RoJo - 5-Jan-17 @ 1:40 PM
RoJo - Your Question:
Please can someone assist? I have just been accused of domestic abuse by my ex partner, this happened at a court hearing for which I applied for an enforcement of a contact order to see my children. I was the one who made the application and I believe I was following the correct procedures as I have not had my regular ordered contact for quite some time. I provided chronological diary of events spanning the years of none-contact, then this allegation just come out of the blue in the Cafcass paperwork. When I attended court I discovered that my ex has made allegations of historical domestic abuse (this is the first time this allegation has ever been made and we have been to court on several occasions) and the court seemed to believe her claims despite the fact that she produced no evidence what-so-ever. I provided reams of aggressive and malicious communications from her, but it seems his evidence has not even been considered and the fact that she has blatantly abused a court order has been completely over-looked.I have come away from this feeling extremely upset, confused and frustrated that I am being portrayed in this way and all I want is to see my kids. Is this just a procedure the court have to follow or will they just believe her without no evidence against me? Another hearing will take place next month, will I get a chance to have my say eventually? This seems incredibly unfair. Thank you!

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. I am going to put your question on our Separated Dads Facebook page where our dads who have been through similar situations may be able to help out. Please refer to the page for your answers. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads - 5-Jan-17 @ 12:12 PM
Please can someone assist?I have just been accused of domestic abuse by my ex partner, this happened at a court hearing for which I applied for an enforcement of a contact order to see my children.I was the one who made the application and I believe I was following the correct procedures as I have not had my regular ordered contact for quite some time.I provided chronological diary of events spanning the years of none-contact, then this allegation just come out of the blue in the Cafcass paperwork.When I attended court I discovered that my ex has made allegations of historical domestic abuse (this is the first time this allegation has ever been made and we have been to court on several occasions) and the court seemed to believe her claims despite the fact that she produced no evidence what-so-ever.I provided reams of aggressive and malicious communications from her, but it seems his evidence has not even been considered and the fact that she has blatantly abused a court order has been completely over-looked. I have come away from this feeling extremely upset, confused and frustrated that I am being portrayed in this way and all I want is to see my kids.Is this just a procedure the court have to follow or will they just believe her without no evidence against me?Another hearing will take place next month, will I get a chance to have my say eventually?This seems incredibly unfair.Thank you!
RoJo - 4-Jan-17 @ 3:28 PM
Mke - Your Question:
Hi everyone I need Some advice in what to Do any would be very apprieciated I have ex partner who im having great difficulty to reason with I have two beautiful children a son and step daughter who I bought up since she was 4 weeks old now turning 6 and my little boy is turning 3 I dont know what to Do its nearly been a year since ive seen them I wasn't married so I wont have rights to see my little girl only my lad but I still haven't been able to see him but anyways cut story short I have had social Services involved over all this as she was being abusive towards my self and stupid me didn't report at the time of incedents so shes turned it all round on me saying I was violent and even to the point she told social I was harming my little girl when it was all false allogations and havent heard no news of the social Services for at least 5months maybe more.Then recently I got told of a friends that shes living in a womens refuge when tbh it baffled me in shock that she would go to that level but all this started as I had no family and I wanted to leave my ex because of the abusive behavier physically and verbalaly I was getting off her I just had enough and didn't go to the police as it felt wrong because they might of taken the children away from her and once I cared about this ex a lot so stupidly now I wish I did go to the police as im the one being punished but at the time I recently reunited with my mum after 14years of being in foster care I made up for lost time with my mum and I came to live with my mum and brother because my ex was getting worse at times she was even getting jelouse over me spending time with my mum and even to the point she was saying to my friends I was sleeping with my mum as in even her thinking that was disgusting behavier and that was the straw line for me but main thing of this what Do I Do in this sitution as shes played me very clever made out im the monster not her dont get me wrong im not perfect no one is but to the level shes made me out to be sickens and upsets me any advice I would be so grateful thank you p.s sorry about spelling mistakes

Our Response:
In situations such as this, then your best option would be to seek legal advice initially, especially as there have been accusations thrown around. A solicitor will inform you of the best course of action. If you can't afford legal represenatation after this, then you can self-litigate, please see link here. It may be that you have to take the case to court and if your ex is 'good' at throwing accusations around, you would have to be prepared for more. However, if Cafcass and the courts prove them unfounded, then you may be awarded supervised contact at first (if you haven't seen your child for a while) which may develop into unsupervised contact after a period of time. The courts are adept at dealing with resident parents attempting to stop the non-resident parent having access and can generally see through false accusations. The court does want non-resident parents to have a relationship with their children and will do the upmost where it can to make this happen.
SeparatedDads - 22-Dec-16 @ 12:58 PM
Hi everyone i need Some advice in what to Do any would be very apprieciated i have ex partner who im having great difficulty to reason with i have two beautiful children a son and step daughter who i bought up since she was 4 weeks old now turning 6 and my little boy is turning 3 i dont know what to Do its nearly been a year since ive seen them i wasn't married so i wont have rights to see my little girl only my lad but i still haven't been able to see him but anyways cut story short i have had social Services involved over all this as she was being abusive towards my self and stupid me didn't report at the time of incedents so shes turned it all round on me saying i was violent and even to the point she told social i was harming my little girl when it was all false allogations and havent heard no news of the social Services for at least 5months maybe more.Then recently i got told of a friends that shes living in a womens refuge when tbh it baffled me in shock that she would go to that level but all this started as i had no family and i wanted to leave my ex because of the abusive behavier physically and verbalaly i was getting off her i just had enough and didn't go to the police as it felt wrong because they might of taken the children away from her and once i cared about this ex a lot so stupidly now i wish i did go to the police as im the one being punished but at the time i recently reunited with my mum after 14years of being in foster care i made up for lost time with my mum and i came to live with my mum and brother because my ex was getting worse at times she was even getting jelouse over me spending time with my mum and even to the point she was saying to my friends i was sleeping with my mum as in even her thinking that was disgusting behavier and that was the straw line for me but main thing of this what Do i Do in this sitution as shes played me very clever made out im the monster not her dont get me wrong im not perfect no one is but to the level shes made me out to be sickens and upsets me any advice i would be so grateful thank you p.s sorry about spelling mistakes
Mke - 22-Dec-16 @ 2:08 AM
samantha321 - Your Question:
Hi there my husband I are really looking for some advice. My husband has 3kids with his ex partner, his ex made it hard for him to see the kids up until a yr ago when she got in touch. We learnt husbands kids were taken in care due to his ex physically and mentally abusing them, my husband applied for parental rights to be involved in the hearing. His ex put a false non molestation charge against him. My husband had to attend a 5dsy parentsl course in his exs and kids home town. We were worried his ex may make further false allegations which will result in him being arrested as the crntre he was doing his assessment in was a 5minutes walk from her house as we were told by his kids. She did exactly that. a week later as my husband attented court on a 3day fact finding case on his ex and kids, he was arrested and charged with braking the molestation order as he admitted to walking on the main road to get to the family centre where his ex saw him as she drove past. He was distraught, the judge in the court was the one who pushed for his release and was angry at him being arrested whilst needed in court. His ex changed her statement 3times, the family judge does not believe her as she has lied all through the case. First She stated he had walked past her whilst she was in a car and made a gesture as to slit her throat , then she said it was outside her home and now she claims she has a witness with her as they drove past him. I am really worried as she has a witness who hasnt signed her statement or turn up to court but now he has a new court date which the witness has said will attend. Sll he wanted was the best for his kids his ex will do anything for him to not get his kids. Im so worried what will happne to my husband she has put him through hell, now he will be going to court to prove his innocence, what I dont understand is if there is a false wittness could he go to jail? He will lose his job we have a morgage, I cant sleep at night thinking of what will happen. The social workers were told when he saw her as he walked past and was scared she might make a false statement. He was asured everything willBe ok. what do we do from here? Please help us

Our Response:
Non-molestation orders aim to protect the victims of domestic violence from being abused, and are implemented in order to stop the abuser from being violent towards the victims, in either a physical, threatening and intimidating way. It is a criminal offence to breach non-molestation order and jail sentences can be imposed in court (short sentences in a family court, longer in criminal). However, the court is there to try to seek the truth and if your husband's ex has been lying, and has contradicted her statements this hopefully will be exposed. However, it is impossible to predict what a court may decide.
SeparatedDads - 7-Dec-16 @ 11:33 AM
Hi there my husband I are really looking for some advice. My husband has 3kids with his ex partner, his ex made it hard for him to see the kids up until a yr ago when she got in touch. We learnt husbands kids were taken in care due to his ex physically and mentally abusing them, my husband applied for parental rights to be involved in the hearing.His ex put a false non molestation charge against him. My husband had to attend a 5dsy parentsl course in his exs and kids home town. We were worried his ex may make further false allegations which will result in him being arrested as the crntre he was doing his assessment in was a 5minutes walk from her house as we were told by his kids.. She did exactly that.a week later as my husband attented court on a 3day fact finding case on his ex and kids, he was arrested and charged with braking the molestation order as he admitted to walking on the main road to get to the family centre where his ex saw him as she drove past. He was distraught, the judge in the court was the one who pushed for his release and was angry at him being arrested whilst needed in court. His ex changed her statement 3times, the family judge does not believe her as she has lied all through the case.. First She stated he had walked past her whilst she was in a car and made a gesture as to slit her throat , then she said it was outside her home and now she claims she has a witness with her as they drove past him. I am really worried as she has a witness who hasntsigned her statement or turn up to court but now he has a new court date which the witness has said will attend. Sll he wanted was the best for his kids his ex will do anything for him to not get his kids. Im so worried what will happne to my husband she has put him through hell, now he will be going to court to prove his innocence, what i dont understand is if there is a false wittness could he go to jail? He will lose his job we have a morgage, i cant sleep at night thinking of what will happen. The social workers were told when he saw her as he walked past and was scared she might make a false statement. He was asured everything will Be ok. what do we do from here? Please help us
samantha321 - 6-Dec-16 @ 5:13 PM
jon - Your Question:
Hi I dont know if anyone can actually help I split about a month ago from my ex that was getting treated for depression anxiety and having councilling by minds matter. I did everything I could to make sure things was looked after and she didnt have to stress I even left the jobs I had because she wanted me too left my dauvhter my family and looked after her two kids full time and try to help her get better. I started to get really cranky and frustrated and shouting alot and I felt awful because they stopped listening or caring about how I felt. Anyway comes a day she pins me in the corner and batters me because I had her phone and found out she had been cheating. I managed to stop her and get out the room. things never got better. we split up a months ago and I still cared about her and the boys I had brougt them up for over a year and they started calling me dad so few day after we had split I was on the phone and she said she was struggling me being me goes ip to help sorts kids cleans house does the man of the house thing all weekend really but tells her to sort herself out if not for herself for the boys. Anyway I come home back to my mums and that night I find she had been cheating for the last few weeks we was together so I wanted it done I was hurt more emotionally than ever ide given up my little girl for her and her kids and this is what I got. so I told her I wanted my tele ect. I drove up went in the backdoor and told her that was it I never wanted to see her again I was having everything that I had paid for that was mine with me not left for her to benefit from I start packing whats mine taking presents ide bought that I could now use for my own daughter instead and she started hitting me over and around the head I think she may caused damage because I can hardly hear now anyway I pushed her off me so I could just go she gets the kids up and then takes them out by this time its 2am I smashed a mirror by throwi fb something upstairs I know I shouldnt of but I was hurt and the kids was downstairs getting dragged outside and their heads filled with all sorts about me anyway I got most of what was mine minus tele and left the next day I went up to give her her things out the car next minute ime being arrested charged with crimi al damage theft breaking an entry and assault and domestic abuce. I am on bail but what am I supposed to do I'm so scared because the cid investigating didnt listen to one word I said its asif he was dead set on trying to charge me with anything he could. from the momemt I got arrested I was in tears ive never been violent and hit out and never had a record I had just lost everything for the second time and was getting put in a cell I was absolutely scared for my life. I still am is their anything I can do to show im not like that and that she is lying or to stop been punished for something ive never done. if I need a solicitor can anyone help pointing where I go ect. in Merseyside.

Our Response:
We cannot recommend a specific solicitor, neither can we recommend what you can do in this situation because of the police investigation. A family law solicitor will be able to advise you further and help you to explore your best options.
SeparatedDads - 29-Nov-16 @ 10:46 AM
Hi I dont know if anyone can actually help I split about a month ago from my ex that was getting treated for depression anxiety and having councilling by minds matter. I did everything I could to make sure things was looked after and she didnt have to stress I even left the jobs I had because she wanted me too left my dauvhter my family and looked after her two kids full time and try to help her get better. I started to get really cranky and frustrated and shouting alot and I felt awful because they stopped listening or caring about how I felt. Anyway comes a day she pins me in the corner and batters me because I had her phone and found out she had been cheating. I managed to stop her and get out the room. things never got better. we split up a months ago and I still cared about her and the boys I had brougt them up for over a year and they started calling me dad so few day after we had split I was on the phone and she said she was struggling me being me goes ip to help sorts kids cleans house does the man of the house thing all weekend really but tells her to sort herself out if not for herself for the boys. Anyway I come home back to my mums and that night I find she had been cheating for the last few weeks we was together so I wanted it done I was hurt more emotionally than ever ide given up my little girl for her and her kids and this is what I got. so I told her I wanted my tele ect. I drove up went in the backdoor and told her that was it I never wanted to see her again I was having everything that I had paid for that was mine with me not left for her to benefit from I start packing whats mine taking presents ide bought that I could now use for my own daughter instead and she started hitting me over and around the head I think she may caused damage because I can hardly hear now anyway I pushed her off me so I could just go she gets the kids up and then takes them out by this time its 2am I smashed a mirror by throwi fb something upstairs I know I shouldnt of but I was hurt and the kids was downstairs getting dragged outside and their heads filled with all sorts about me anyway I got most of what was mine minus tele and left the next day I went up to give her her things out the car next minute ime being arrested charged with crimi al damage theft breaking an entry and assault and domestic abuce. I am on bail but what am I supposed to do I'm so scared because the cid investigating didnt listen to one word I said its asif he was dead set on trying to charge me with anything he could. from the momemt I got arrested I was in tears ive never been violent and hit out and never had a record I had just lost everything for the second time and was getting put in a cell I was absolutely scared for my life. I still am is their anything I can do to show im not like that and that she is lying or to stop been punished for something ive never done. if I need a solicitor can anyone help pointing where I go ect. in Merseyside.
jon - 28-Nov-16 @ 11:19 AM
Hi I've recently split from my ex partner of 3 years. We have a son together who is 6 months soon to be 7 months old. During our relationship she would often lash out during one of her rages and would often attack me causing damage to my clothing aswell as other personal items. I called the police on her 3 times when I'd had enough of the mental,emotional & physical abuse she would often direct at me. She was arrested and realeased without charge when she attacked her daughters dad causing bruising to his face. I was actually present in the front room occupying her daughter when this incident occurred. Since we have split she has become nasty and abusive at times and has falsely accused me of physical abuse which isn't true. Since my son has been born she has attacked me twice both times being in front of him. The most recent being only last week where she slammed the front door into my shoulder catching my chin then when I asked her to stop so I could kiss my son goodbye she grabbed me by my shirt and tried to drag me towards her. All of this occurred in front of my baby son. Never in the 3 years have I ever laid a hand on her. The only time I would touch her would be to protect myself and all I did was keep her at arms length to avoid her bruising or cutting my face. She is obviously known to the police for her attack on her daughters dad aswell as the attacks on me. They have visited her home on a few occasions because of her outrageous behaviour. I'm not for once minute trying to make out like I am innocent in all of this. I probably irritated her with some bad habits I.e leaving a cup on the side or not putting my dirty washing in the basket but never have I ever been physical towards her in any way. I'm concerned that she is slandering me and my name and I'm worried that as the system tends to favour mothers/women that I will be unfairly treated. All I've tried to do is see my son who is my absolute world and my entire reason I wake up every morning but she's now telling me I'm not to make contact until she's been to see family justice centre. On researching what the family justice centre is it appears is a place for people to go who suffer from domestic violence. So I'm concerned she's going to accuse me of abusing her which is completely fabricated and false. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!.
Lukeb - 22-Nov-16 @ 4:44 AM
Hi I got a non molestation order on my ex husband which I deeply regret. Do you know if there is anyway it can be removed and would I have to pay back the legal aid. Many thanks
jj - 20-Nov-16 @ 8:28 PM
Hello all, Please can you help me or advice me. I was falsely accused of domestic violence and then the police were called thank god I actually called them on the day of the so called offence and begged them to attend my home...the investigating officer believed me not because I was male but due to the evidence and his experience..i only wish they investigated her mobile use which would have shown she called me numerous times from hospital demanding money...any way caffcass and social services are racists and biasist to men...especially if you are coloured and married to foreigner coming from nepal into this country. As they have learnt the words domestic violence..and we grant them everything...what about me Bign and bread British citizen who has worked all My life and cannot get legal aid even though I have suffered domestic violence....this is never investigated nor is the father allowed any help or legal aid...this where a lot British tax payers money is wasted...I can even prove she illegally came her and attentions were fake but who will listen to me...my son is now 2 & half years old...I still I do not know what he looks like...thank god I had money to get prohibited steps order and that was it..I went to court but had to leave proceedings due to Lack of funds & the Mackenzie friends solicitors rob me too and we're useless and did nothing. When I asked the magistrate for a picture of my son her exact words were you might me mass muder!!! Wtf they even they get rights...all I want is justice and to see what my son looks like...what I am supposed to do???comit a crime to do this???can anyone help me!!!i am begging now...
Help me - 14-Nov-16 @ 5:45 AM
Sunny - Your Question:
This message is in relation to the comment Lisa s made about her ex husband from Jamaica, who is here in UK, and she refused to extend the spouse visa for him. I am in a similar citations, I have a child with a Nigerian man, never married to him, never lived with him , he was coming to help during the pregnancy,visiting me, help shopping, we were together then. Since baby born he insisted to get British passport for the baby. Which I have got for the baby. He has got that though me as I am an eea national living and working here 16years. He got his child access visa January 2016.things changed rapidly from there. He became nusty to me and my daughter from my previous marriage , he left me deal with child related issues eg child care, he was only giving less to contribute to that, told me he will stay with baby if I pay him the amount per hour what he would be earning at work. He told me to do what I want when tried discussingetting child care issues with him.He kept coming as he pleased when he already told me after receiving his visa, that he doesn't want to have sexual relationship with me anymore. I told him that he won't be able to come as it pleases him if we're not together, I sent letter out of the solicitor how when to see the baby. He became very nusty recently,called me names, he wants to have baby 5 hours every weekend , then 2 days a week, threatening to go court and use my past life history( there was a time I left the town we live in with my daughter when me and my husband separated, I went in to a safe house )he is threatening with my ex husband to use that history when I left against me, he said I run away and that's why he wants the baby's passport (clearly not! he needs it to extend hischild access visa).he threatening to get 4 or more days with the baby if he uses my past history. I gave all my documents to him to sponsor the application of child access visa. Now I would like to call home office and speak to them about this and calncel my sponsorship for him. What can be the consequences of this? I would like to cancel my baby's passport at the home office passport office. I know Nigeria isn't in the high committee.therefore when he talks about him holding the baby's passport and travelling with the baby to Nigeria, I may never see my baby again. This is why I want to cancel it.there is a form for this on the home office website. What consequences will be of that? Will I be at fault legally? Or any other way? I know he in fact only wants to get hold of the baby's passport so he can use it when ever he needs to apply for the next visa. Please help me to conclude legally where I stand and what can I do?To be honest I don't want him to get hisvisa extended. Thank You please advice.

Our Response:
If your ex does not yet have ILR, then you have to inform the Home Office, please see link here. You do not have to hand him your child's passport. I also suggest you seek legal advice in order to explore your options and speak with someone directly. If you cannot afford to pay to see a legal professional, please see Coram Legal Centre link here which has a free legal advice helpline and or you can go into your local Citizens Advice Bureau which will also help.
SeparatedDads - 7-Nov-16 @ 3:02 PM
This message is in relation to the comment Lisa s made about her ex husband from Jamaica, who is here in UK, and she refused to extend the spouse visa for him. I am in a similar citations, I have a child with a Nigerian man, never married to him, never lived with him , he was coming to help during the pregnancy,visiting me, help shopping, we were together then. Since baby born he insisted to get British passport for the baby. Which I have got for the baby. He has got that though me as I am an eea national living and working here 16years. He got his child access visa January 2016.things changed rapidly from there. He became nusty to me and my daughter from my previous marriage , he left me deal with child related issues eg child care, he was only giving less to contribute to that, told me he will stay with baby if I pay him the amount per hour what he would be earning at work. He told me to do what I want when tried discussingetting child care issues with him.He kept coming as he pleased when he already told me after receiving his visa, that he doesn't want to have sexual relationship with me anymore. I told him that he won't be able to come as it pleases him if we're not together, I sent letter out of the solicitor how when to see the baby. He became very nusty recently,called me names, he wants to have baby 5 hours every weekend , then 2 days a week, threatening to go court and use my past life history( there was a time I left the town we live in with my daughter when me and my husband separated, I went in to a safe house )he is threatening with my ex husband to use that history when I left against me, he said I run away and that's why he wants the baby's passport (clearly not! he needs it to extend hischild access visa).he threatening to get 4 or more days with the baby if he uses my past history. I gave all my documents to him to sponsor the application of child access visa. Now I would like to call home office and speak to them about this and calncel my sponsorship for him. What can be the consequences of this? I would like to cancel my baby's passport at the home office passport office. I know Nigeria isn't in the high committee.therefore when he talks about him holding the baby's passport and travelling with the baby to Nigeria, I may never see my baby again. This is why I want to cancel it.there is a form for this on the home office website. What consequences will be of that? Will I be at fault legally? Or any other way? I know he in fact only wants to get hold of the baby's passport so he can use it when ever he needs to apply for the next visa. Please help me to conclude legally where I stand and what can I do?To be honest I don't want him to get hisvisa extended. Thank You please advice.
Sunny - 7-Nov-16 @ 3:53 AM
I am a house husband and on verge of seperating from my wife i asked for money to pay rent for us and kids she refused so got it from bank myself she asked for it back as she didnt want to pay it i refused she kept trying to get it as i was been backed into bathroom corner i tried to get out window but she grabbed me as im trying to get round her to get through to back door she struck me in the head but i kept trying to get to door she pushed herself up against it as i had handle but i managed to get by her she grabbed the neck of my jacket as im pulling away and ripped it as it was over my head i pulled away outside got across fence and called police then she decided to call and make a counter claim as i was standing across the road she started screaming get off me help as she was on the phone she did this twice when i was nowhere near her the police came and said it would be better if they stayed with her im at my wits end can anyone give me advice
Ged - 5-Nov-16 @ 1:13 AM
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