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Relationship Breakdown: 'Lies' About Behaviour

By: Lorna Elliott LLB (hons), Barrister - Updated: 6 Apr 2017 |
 
Lies Divorce False Allegation Partner

When a divorce or separation gets ugly, either party or both parties can begin to fling mud at each other. They do this to undermine each other’s position, or simply because they are angry and hurt. Once two people who once felt extreme passion for one another are no longer together, the emotions can quickly turn to hate. The messiest divorces can become very destructive indeed, as both parties decide that it is all about who ‘wins’ and who ‘loses’. In fact, there are no winners in a divorce. Both parties are losing something that they thought was permanent, a relationship that they at some point thought was going to last forever.

The Truth About Lies

Statistically, more than 75% of the accusations that are made during a divorce are untrue. They arise for several reasons:
  • To cause trouble for the other person or an act of pure revenge
  • To discredit the other person, so that they are closer to ‘winning’
  • A combination of the two, to show how much they are ‘in charge’

Types of Lies

Lies about drug abuse are common when relationships break down. This doesn’t necessarily mean illegal drugs, but also alcohol abuse “she always drank too much, she was embarrassing in public” to “he was addicted to painkillers, without them he became a nightmare”. Another common type of lie is about illegal behaviour. Whether it’s tax fraud, animal cruelty, benefits fraud, or flouting planning permission requirements – you might find yourself faced with a whole load of awful allegations that are completely untrue.

A less common allegation is of satanic worship. It may sound far-fetched but in messy divorces it can happen. All of these allegations are usually a ploy to get you investigated by one or more public or legal authorities. It may be a real nuisance to have to deal with, but in the event that this does happen lies told by an ex-partner are usually very quickly exposed.

Perhaps the most common allegation is of promiscuous behaviour during the relationship. This could range from alleging internet pornography use, a string of affairs with unknown others, or an affair with someone you both knew. A high-profile example of this was when Katie Price accused Peter Andre of having an affair with his agent, and had to pay a substantial sum in damages after he brought a claim for libel in the High Court. Sometimes these allegations can be extreme, such as accusations that you took part in commercially available pornographic films or internet clips. With developments in technology, it’s very easy to see how cropped photographs and forged documents can end up being used to back up these types of lies.

If You Are Accused of a Crime

If you find yourself Falsely Accused Of A Criminal Offence, it’s very important that you know your rights. It is always illegal to falsely accuse someone of a crime, and you should not rest until you have cleared your name. Your accuser may be wasting police time, Perverting The Course Of Justice or Committing Perjury – if your case ends up in court. Hopefully, none of this will ever happen to you but if it does, tell your lawyer the truth and be calm but persistent about what you know to be the correct version of evens.

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My son and his wife have separated now for 10 months, and she has done nothing but accuse him of abuse and now saying he raped her. He has been arrested and been trying to do everything right for her, she went off with someone else and through him out of the home, he has a number of children and she is doing everything to make his life hell. She has said she will ruin him and brake him. She is now doing it. Please help Worried mum
Worried mum - 6-Apr-17 @ 7:44 AM
My sons ex girlfriend accused my son of asalt he went to court and found not guilty she still has a molestation order in place and makes any excuse to get him arrested falsely accessing him of contacting her when he hasn't every time the police just keep arresting him it all so one sided and unfair
Nellsta - 22-Mar-17 @ 11:01 AM
@H - thanks for this positive advice - this has come just when I need it and when can't currently see a way through this hell that is not allowing me to see my kids. Jake.
JK - 14-Mar-17 @ 2:37 PM
re the comment about being fausly accused of DV i went through the same i had a non molestation order against me, i fought it in court and the judge dimmised it. i know exactly how you feel as a father you are 2 steps behind the mother from the start., i now have full custody of my son and he sees his mum 16 hours a week. you can prove the truth it takes time and a lot of frustration but it can be done. the first thing i advise is to go to court to get a contact order, the rest will follow and good luck to all fathers in the same boat. Always remember Judges are honest and see thru lies, they will never stop a dad from seeing his child unless there is a very serious reason.
H - 14-Mar-17 @ 9:21 AM
My step daughter has went to social services saying that i man handle her and am abusive to her my partners ex was violent i am bot what do i do
Pady - 1-Mar-17 @ 4:57 PM
Camv - Your Question:
Please can someone who has been through this offer me help of what to do. My boyfriend had some kind of breakdown in the night. His ex accused him of several sexually offenses against her to get him out of her life and to stop him being able to see his daughter. He went to prison for several weeks. Was given bail and has been waiting over a year for the trial. He is a broken man now. I woke in the night to find him sobbing like a child. He is not sleeping and blames me that I keep waking him up, but I know it's all the mess in his head. He won't take the anti depressants the doctor gave him and he drinks and thinks it helps him but I feel that makes him worse. What can I do to help him? I am scared of doing the wrong thing and making him worse ??

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. I can direct you to three links: Being Falsely Accused of Domestic Violence, here, and here. If you also want to find out more about how you can help the person you are supporting, you can contact FASO, please see link here . High anxiety levels, severe depression, ill health, and associated symptoms of trauma are the effects of false allegations and these can overlap into other members of the family who are trying to support the person accused. I can only suggest you and your partner see your GPs to see whether there is any counselling he/you could be referred to. Anti-depressants aren't really the answer to someone who is actually traumatised and needs see a way through these issues with something other than medication.
SeparatedDads - 7-Feb-17 @ 11:11 AM
Please can someone who has been through this offer me help of what to do. My boyfriend had some kind of breakdown in the night. His ex accused him of several sexually offenses against her to get him out of her life and to stop him being able to see his daughter. He went to prison for several weeks. Was given bail and has been waiting over a year for the trial. He is a broken man now. I woke in the night to find him sobbing like a child. He is not sleeping and blames me that I keep waking him up, but I know it's all the mess in his head. He won't take the anti depressants the doctor gave him and he drinks and thinks it helps him but I feel that makes him worse. What can I do to help him? I am scared of doing the wrong thing and making him worse ??
Camv - 6-Feb-17 @ 7:17 AM
LostAndLonelyDad - Your Question:
Just as a post script...last time she did a similar thing and she told them I didnt want to see them. Can I do ANYTHING so I can tell them that it is NOT ME STOPPING THEM..because they will believe her..they did once before. Also they are going to a school disco..am I allowed to turn up at an event like this or will that cause trouble? She has no official order saying I cannot see them but it seems to me she is just allowed to say anything and do anything she likes and I cannot do A SINGLE THING about this?Is this actually true? Can she just make up stories and DECIDE they are FACTS and stop me seeing my kids on the strength of these lies ?Is it really THAT easy for her to do this? Can the school help me?

Our Response:
Turning up at a school disco is probably not the best idea, unless you and your ex have arranged this between you. You always have to think about what is in the best interests of the kids and if you are caught up in slanging matches and arguments, then this will not help your case should it have to go to court. I know this is a very tough time for you, but the courts are not interested in you, your ex, or who has lied etc, the court is only interested in the welfare of the kids and it puts this first and foremost. Any attempt for a parent to cause disruption and distress will not be looked upon sympathetically in court. You may find our Separated Dads forum useful as there are dads who have been through simlar that can advise your best course of action. In answer to your last question, the school cannot intervene. If your ex feels it is in the best interests of your kids not to see you, you have to prove to the courts that it is otherwise.
SeparatedDads - 31-Jan-17 @ 12:40 PM
LostAndLonelyDad - Your Question:
My ex has decided out of the blue...I have mental health issues..and I am not in admittance of this. Because of this...and after yesterday having the time of my life with them becoming secret agents at a place we visited...she has told me that I cannot be trusted with the kids and that I am not seeing them or speaking to them EVER again. She says I will have to go to court..I know this is after screaming at me in the street yesterday and me saying "I know what you did to them".She hurts them..including "throwing the oldest off the sofa while the youngest watched. They BOTH swear this is true.the youngest (aged 6) saying "I was sat there daddy I watched mummy do it. I said I may tell the police..so now she has said "I will not see the kids again"PLEASE HELP ME SOMEONE!! I have no money but will do anything for help on this matter. Should I phone the police or social services...I KNOW MY KIDS WONT LIE WHEN I SAY TO THEM HOW SERIOUS THIS IS...I believe them..what do I need to do..she has hurt them many times now yet IT IS ME who is being punished as well AS THEM..she is punished us all mentally.but the boys PHYSICALLY..Please ANYONE.what can I do?

Our Response:
First of all, you need to keep the situation in context and not do anything rash or get into any slanging matches. If your ex is refusing access, please see: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access here. If you cannot afford legal advice, then you can obtain free advice from the Citizens Advice Bureau, please see link here . You can also self litigate if the matter needs to go to court, please see link here. You may also be able to get a reduction in court fees if you are on a low income. However, the first step is to try to negotiate calmly and rationally with your ex about reinstating access. If you feel your ex has hurt your children, you may wish to speak with the NSPCC first, please see link here who can advise you further. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads - 31-Jan-17 @ 12:08 PM
Just as a post script...................last time she did a similar thing and she told them I didnt want to see them. Can I do ANYTHING so I can tell them that it is NOT ME STOPPING THEM...........because they will believe her...........they did once before. Also they are going to a school disco..........am I allowed to turn up at an event like this or will that cause trouble? She has no official order saying I cannot see them but it seems to me she is just allowed to say anything and do anything she likes and i cannot do A SINGLE THING about this? Is this actually true? Can she just make up stories and DECIDE they are FACTS and stop me seeing my kids on the strength of these lies ? Is it really THAT easy for her to do this? Can the school help me?
LostAndLonelyDad - 30-Jan-17 @ 6:07 PM
My ex has decided out of the blue..................I have mental health issues............and I am not in admittance of this. Because of this..................and after yesterday having the time of my life with them becoming secret agents at a place we visited......................she has told me that I cannot be trusted with the kids and that I am not seeing them or speaking to them EVER again. She says I will have to go to court..........I know this is after screaming at me in the street yesterday and me saying "I know what you did to them". She hurts them................including "throwing the oldest off the sofa while the youngest watched. They BOTH swear this is true........the youngest (aged 6) saying "I was sat there daddy i watched mummy do it. I said I may tell the police...............so now she has said "I will not see the kids again" PLEASE HELP ME SOMEONE!! I have no money but will do anything for help on this matter. Should I phone the police or social services........................I KNOW MY KIDS WONT LIE WHEN I SAY TO THEM HOW SERIOUS THIS IS....................I believe them..........what do i need to do...........she has hurt them many times now yet IT IS ME who is being punished as well AS THEM..........she is punished us all mentally........but the boys PHYSICALLY..........Please ANYONE........what can I do?
LostAndLonelyDad - 30-Jan-17 @ 5:55 PM
Hi My ex wife have spilt up 6 months and she is filling for divorce even though she committed adultery but as the marriage is over I have no reason to contest One thing that bothers me it I have evidence she stole items from her last employer 2 laptops, 3 mobile phones, lcd projector transfered business air miles to her account and gift vouchers worth over £300 along with 2 pairs of shoes from a colleague she worked with do I inform police or the employer as she left some of these items at my house and I do not want to be held reasonable for these items
Pav - 30-Jan-17 @ 12:56 PM
Hi guys I need some help on my issues with my ex partner. We jointly applied CTC which got delayed about an year. When we got paid, it was £6000 altogether in my account. Which we spent together (of which i have no proof). My partner is accusing me that I never spent that money and now she want me to pay her that money. (As she was working and I wasnt). Can this case be brought into court against me? Or can this be case even. Do I have to prove where that money spent etc?
Afi - 24-Jan-17 @ 1:06 AM
Social Services are involved with my partner's children owing to difficult access issues and false allegations by his ex (proved to be false). Social Services told me in an interview that they were extremely concerned for my safety as my partner was a very violent man but there is absolutely no evidence for this apart from another false allegation from his ex.They said they had spoken to lots of people as part of a report but none are listed. He has no police record and I have never seen a scrap on indication that he would be violent in nearly three years we have been together. Can they do this?
Mariland - 18-Jan-17 @ 1:58 PM
My son complained to me on several occasions that my ex girlfriend son who has ADHD is attacking him verbally and physically and he doesn't like being with him in one house. I spoke to my ex about it but he dismissed me and said my son is sugar coating this and he is the one picking the fights. Which I found to be lie as my son doesn't like me arguing. I fear my ex selfishness will put my son in harm ways and I am considering involving social services. My son has respect for my ex and I think he trained him not tell me everything. He goes there every weekend but I am beginning to think we should limit the time with my ex because of his lack of judgment about this issue.He is protecting the boy with ADHD more than my son.I wonder what would be the best thing to do. Any ideas?
evic - 19-Nov-16 @ 8:07 PM
dani - Your Question:
My sister has been split up with her baby's dad and he has stopped her from seeing her daughter because she moved on from him, he is now accusing her of not bothering with her daughter and trying to cause problems and issues so that my sister isn't allowed access. I wanted to know the best possible way to get access for her and to see what action she can take so she can get joint custody?

Our Response:
It would be helpful if your sister could seek legal advice regarding applying for shared care as much depends with how much input she has had into her child's life to date. Please also see link: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, here and go through the motions laid out in the article.
SeparatedDads - 11-Nov-16 @ 11:35 AM
my sister has been split up with her baby's dad and he has stopped her from seeing her daughter because she moved on from him, he is now accusing her of not bothering with her daughter and trying to cause problems and issues so that my sister isn't allowed access. I wanted to know the best possible way to get access for her and to see what action she can take so she can get joint custody?
dani - 10-Nov-16 @ 11:46 AM
my son was in a relationship for over 4yrs now he hasmoved out because of the arguments she has accused me of abusingmy grandson but i was prove that was all lies she has told his son who is 3 that daddys in heaven and now he has a new girlfried he is not allowed any contact its breaking his heart because he took her son on for 5yrs and now he has a son of his own she lies so much and she has people there all the time who stop us from seeing them its his birthday and non of us can give presents or cards so thats upsetting my son he has his name on birth certificate she has said i can see boys but i have to promise i wont let my son see or talk to him it killing me i love mty son and to hear him cry its horrible please he needs to no if she can really stop him seeing his son where can he get help i beg you please help me she was married before and had a son which my son was called daddy for 5 yrs now nothingits not fair how she can tell lies about me and my son she very good at it even her mother belives every word she say i need help for my son before he does something seriouse to himself it must be terrible for his boy aswell he needs to grow up noing he has a daddy not being told his daddy is in heaven
tubs - 21-Oct-16 @ 5:56 PM
Iv had my son every weekend since me and his mum broke up without a order and consistantly and this year the mother wanted to try fix our relationship begged me back and she cheated in the first week and i was un aware for 4months while in her house every day sorting my kid out. Anyway i found out n we broke up again two months ago and shes brought my son in waht i can call trampy shoes that didnt fit hes 3yrs old. So i told her there unacceptable and bought him new ones and she hated them said i had no right no and has stopped me zeeing him since bc i said there trampy infrontv my son n she has classed that as abusive behaviour n is using that to stop me seeing him. Iv never been court or been arrested for any crime at all. What can i do shes said she doesnt have to go mediation bc she said im abusive so im unsure ??? Also she has by her actions ruined the last 6 months of my sons life n routine with me to see if me n her would work n now shes cutting contact with my son n i cant do anything? I have never went to her house or verbally abused her and i am a good dad iv had my property 7 years and am my mothers carer and i know shes worked illegally for the past 3 years commiting benefit fraud and other stuff and i feal im more stable and consistant with my life n behaviour she has depression witch she misses taking medz also has weekly checks for her mental well being and my son is on amber at nursary she snaps at him iv vitnessed dye to her issues and shes using this abusive sentence to stop me seein my son what can i do???? I dpoke to mediation today to sort a plan n she has rejected the offer im on carers benefits so have no clue if il have to pay but i know im a good dad and shes preventing my son from seein me witch is surely putting my son in emotional distress just because she doesnt want me in her life because shes said as soon as i take her court i can see him but not until she gets told she has to what shall i do next because every weekend without my boy isnt good for anyone accept her i need help. ?? Also the last time i was supose to have him she planned to take him to a birthday party and travel at 6pm on public transport from the next town over and drop him back on a sunday at 8 pm with was not right for him or time between him and me so because i didnt do as she said she has stopped me seeing him and also on that day my days i have puctures of discussions between her and friends about getting drunk with my son in the house on the days she has stopped me i think this is totally wrong and need to disprove her and get contact with my boy help me what to do.???
K - 19-Aug-16 @ 4:08 PM
My testimony suddenly just happened last weekend. My husband called me late one night and told me he and the other woman had gotten into an accident while arguing and fighting in the car. He then explained he didn’t want to be with her anymore. He is still in another state right now because of his job but it will be ending soon and he’ll be back home. This is the same man who told me to move on and stop praying because we would never be together and that he didn’t love me anymore. ‘But Prophet Abuvia turn everything around for my good. Now we talk, text, and Facetime every day. I am so grateful to my Father in Heaven for using prophet abuvia restoring my marriage and saving my family. I know we still have a long way to go but I thank Prophet abuvia for what he has done for me and my marraige. I just want to encourage all the standers to keep standing, fight for what belongs to you and you will have it.thank you so much for reading” Ann Teresa (Florida) here is prophet contact if you are in need of his help EMAIL prophet.abuvia at g m a i l. com website is prophetabuviasolutiontemple. webs. com
Annt - 30-Jul-16 @ 9:47 PM
1991 - Your Question:
I have been with my partner for around 6months, we have recently found out we are expecting. when we first got together she told him she was pregnant (but has since admitted she isnt). since finding out we are expecting, my partners ex has made allegations against my partner around domestic abuse when they were together, she has reported this to the police, social services and the school which my older children attend along with her child (who is not my partners). She has verbally abused me in the school playground. My partner has pictures of the marks she left on him after attacking him, and other partners of her's have been through the same. we have now been told that due to me only being 7weeks pregnant he will not aloud to be around my other children and no assessment will be done until towards the end of my pregnancy. the police arrested my partner the other day for harassment against his ex claiming he verbally abused her and over an electronic device so they have also taken his phone. We are unsure of how to deal with this as it is ruining our lives!

Our Response:
There is little we can recommend if this is already in the hands of the police, except to seek legal advice.
SeparatedDads - 28-Jul-16 @ 12:36 PM
I have been with my partner for around 6months, we have recently found out we are expecting... when we first got together she told him she was pregnant (but has since admitted she isnt) .. since finding out we are expecting, my partners ex has made allegations against my partner around domestic abuse when they were together,she has reported this to the police, social services and the school which my older children attend along with her child (who is not my partners). She has verbally abused me in the school playground. My partner has pictures of the marks she left on him after attacking him, and other partners of her's have been through the same.. we have now been told that due to me only being 7weeks pregnant he will not aloud to be around my other children and no assessment will be done until towards the end of my pregnancy.. the police arrested my partner the other day for harassment against his ex claiming he verbally abused her and over an electronic device so they have also taken his phone. We are unsure of how to deal with this as it is ruining our lives!
1991 - 27-Jul-16 @ 6:50 PM
Niff - Your Question:
Hi guys. I'm desperately seeking someone who has been in the same position. Looking for advice or a little bit of light. I have been with my partner for 2 years. I have a little boy from a previous partner and my boyfriend is amazing with him. Would do anything for me and my son.he would do anything for anyone's kids. Has all the time in the world for us both. Together we are stronger than ever. However my partner also has a little boy the same age 4. But unfortunately his soon to be ex wife will not allow it. She has thrown all these nasty accusations against him. Drink abuse you name it. We received nasty solictors letters from her and the worst thing is, she has been taking their son to the doctors claiming his dad has had a dramatic impact on his behavior. Emotional etc. We have asked for his medical records which she has been unable to provide. They have been through mediation and agreed every Saturday my partner can pick up and drop off his little one. And would gradually build up to overnight stays. 2 days after the mediation she then told my partner that she was not going to increase the 4 hours he spent with his son. He still picked him up and had him even though feeling disheartened. The following week she then told my partner that his son does not want to see him and she has to convince him to go and reassure him that he will be going home to see mommy again. At this point my partner said he thought best that the courts should decide. She then stated that he wouldn't be seeing his son at all then. We now have a court date however yesterday another disgusting letter had been posted where she has stated that my partner had beat her over and over. We have had the telephone interview with cafcass. Police records are clean etc as these allegations are not true. I'm dreading that the courts will believe her wicked lies. My partner feels guilt every time we take my son out somewhere nice as his little boy should be enjoying then too. The best of it is she works every Saturday so the little one is left at home with his disabled nan. Me and my son have never met his child because she wouldn't allow it. She is very controlling. Has anyone else had these nasty lies said about them just to try and prevent access?? What was the outcome ?? Please help?

Our Response:
These are very common accusations from mothers who wish to control the situation and the courts are aware of the lies some resident parents will fabricate in order to get their way. If your partner's police records are clean and there was no record of domestic abuse from his ex at the time, then this will go in his favour. As long as his evidence is honest, consistent and clear, then his ex's lies should become clear when parties are cross-examined. Remember, it's a different thing when lying to a Cafcass officer than lying to a judge who are trained to see through such pretence. Likewise, if his ex has no valid reason or evidence that she can back up regarding stopping the child seeing either your partner's parents or you, then this will be exposed in court too. As emotionally difficult as it is for your partner, sometimes it really is worth taking the matter to court in order to get the resolution the non-resident parent needs. Best of luck.
SeparatedDads - 5-Jul-16 @ 2:56 PM
Hi guys. I'm desperately seeking someone who has been in the same position. Looking for advice or a little bit of light. I have been with my partner for 2 years. I have a little boy from a previous partner and my boyfriend is amazing with him. Would do anything for me and my son.he would do anything for anyone's kids. Has all the time in the world for us both. Together we are stronger than ever. However my partner also has a little boy the same age 4. But unfortunately his soon to be ex wife will not allow it. She has thrown all these nasty accusations against him. Drink abuse you name it. We received nasty solictors letters from her and the worst thing is, she has been taking their son to the doctors claiming his dad has had a dramatic impact on his behavior. Emotional etc. We have asked for his medical records which she has been unable to provide. They have been through mediation and agreed every Saturday my partner can pick up and drop off his little one. And would gradually build up to overnight stays. 2 days after the mediation she then told my partner that she was not going to increase the 4 hours he spent with his son. He still picked him up and had him even though feeling disheartened . The following week she then told my partner that his son does not want to see him and she has to convince him to go and reassure him that he will be going home to see mommy again.At this point my partner said he thought best that the courts should decide. She then stated that he wouldn't be seeing his son at all then. We now have a court date however yesterday another disgusting letter had been posted where she has stated that my partner had beat her over and over. We have had the telephone interview with cafcass. Police records are clean etc as these allegations are not true. I'm dreading that the courts will believe her wicked lies. My partner feels guilt every time we take my son out somewhere nice as his little boy should be enjoying then too. The best of it is she works every Saturday so the little one is left at home with his disabled nan. Me and my son have never met his child because she wouldn't allow it. She is very controlling. Has anyone else had these nasty lies said about them just to try and prevent access?? What was the outcome ?? Please help?
Niff - 5-Jul-16 @ 10:15 AM
Hi, Last year my eldest daughter accused my Brother of historical sexual abuse.. At the time I was living near her and I said things that I later very much regretted. I apologised a number of times to her but she would not accept my apologies and began to throw in my face things I said to her as a child and teenager which we had previously talked through and laid to rest. I told I accepted that she has done the right thing reporting my brother to the Police and I made a statement about the two occasions she pointed out in support of her. I told her I am standing by her 100%. However, she has told my son lies about me and even lied to my face about things I said to her, she insisted last year I needed to be supervised with her children when I met them which I took offence at because since September 6th 2014 when I moved near her I had been looking after them unsupervised when she needed me to. I moved away from her because I have health problems and needed physical support which she and her husband withdrew from me very shortly after our argument. I am living near my younger daughter who like myself cannot fathom out why she has treated me so badly. A few months ago after having a rude text from my Grandson I got in touch with her to ask her if she could speak to him for me as she had recently said that she doesn't want me disciplining him and ruining his life like I apparently ruined hers. She was very abusive on the phone to me so I thought maybe her husband would see reason but he told me never to call or get in touch again or he would report me for harassment. I answered his email as politely as I could to respond to his threat as politely as I could but he or my daughter phoned the DS who is dealing with her case and told her I was harassing her. The DS just said to give her a wide berth for the time being and asked me how I was. I had a lovely talk to her but my younger daughter then received a text from my son saying that I had been "formerly warned by the Police to never again get in touch with my daughter or face the consequences of my actions". This is so far from the truth and I could not put my son right as my younger daughter (who they have now also cut off) was frightened of their recriminations. I have sent a large parcel to my Granddaughter this morning for her birthday and with some expensive items inside and decided to to text my daughter to ask her if she would look out for the parcel and let me know when it arrived as the items would be costly to replace. Also this morning she invited me to be her friend on Facebook which I felt must have been a mistake so I messaged her saying, "you have asked me to join you on Facebook, Is this a mistake?" She answered me yes so I said I would unfriend her which I did. I have just had a threatening email from her husband and indeed it was abusive. I am now expecting because of his words another phone call from the DS even though I answered politely and gave my reasons and apologise
Poppy - 11-Jun-16 @ 11:03 PM
Hi, Last year my eldest daughter accused my Brother of historical sexual abuse.. At the time I was living near her and I said things that I later very much regretted. I apologised a number of times to her but she would not accept my apologies and began to throw in my face things I said to her as a child and teenager which we had previously talked through and laid to rest. I told I accepted that she has done the right thing reporting my brother to the Police and I made a statement about the two occasions she pointed out in support of her. I told her I am standing by her 100%. However, she has told my son lies about me and even lied to my face about things I said to her, she insisted last year I needed to be supervised with her children when I met them which I took offence at because since September 6th 2014 when I moved near her I had been looking after them unsupervised when she needed me to. I moved away from her because I have health problems and needed physical support which she and her husband withdrew from me very shortly after our argument. I am living near my younger daughter who like myself cannot fathom out why she has treated me so badly. A few months ago after having a rude text from my Grandson I got in touch with her to ask her if she could speak to him for me as she had recently said that she doesn't want me disciplining him and ruining his life like I apparently ruined hers. She was very abusive on the phone to me so I thought maybe her husband would see reason but he told me never to call or get in touch again or he would report me for harassment. I answered his email as politely as I could to respond to his threat as politely as I could but he or my daughter phoned the DS who is dealing with her case and told her I was harassing her. The DS just said to give her a wide berth for the time being and asked me how I was. I had a lovely talk to her but my younger daughter then received a text from my son saying that I had been "formerly warned by the Police to never again get in touch with my daughter or face the consequences of my actions". This is so far from the truth and I could not put my son right as my younger daughter (who they have now also cut off) was frightened of their recriminations. I have sent a large parcel to my Granddaughter this morning for her birthday and with some expensive items inside and decided to to text my daughter to ask her if she would look out for the parcel and let me know when it arrived as the items would be costly to replace. Also this morning she invited me to be her friend on Facebook which I felt must have been a mistake so I messaged her saying, "you have asked me to join you on Facebook, Is this a mistake?" She answered me yes so I said I would unfriend her which I did. I have just had a threatening email from her husband and indeed it was abusive. I am now expecting because of his words another phone call from the DS even though I answered politely and gave my reasons and apologise
Poppy - 11-Jun-16 @ 2:06 PM
Hi, Last year my eldest daughter accused my Brother of historical sexual abuse.. At the time I was living near her and I said things that I later very much regretted. I apologised a number of times to her but she would not accept my apologies and began to throw in my face things I said to her as a child and teenager which we had previously talked through and laid to rest. I told I accepted that she has done the right thing reporting my brother to the Police and I made a statement about the two occasions she pointed out in support of her. I told her I am standing by her 100%. However, she has told my son lies about me and even lied to my face about things I said to her, she insisted last year I needed to be supervised with her children when I met them which I took offence at because since September 6th 2014 when I moved near her I had been looking after them unsupervised when she needed me to. I moved away from her because I have health problems and needed physical support which she and her husband withdrew from me very shortly after our argument. I am living near my younger daughter who like myself cannot fathom out why she has treated me so badly. A few months ago after having a rude text from my Grandson I got in touch with her to ask her if she could speak to him for me as she had recently said that she doesn't want me disciplining him and ruining his life like I apparently ruined hers. She was very abusive on the phone to me so I thought maybe her husband would see reason but he told me never to call or get in touch again or he would report me for harassment. I answered his email as politely as I could to respond to his threat as politely as I could but he or my daughter phoned the DS who is dealing with her case and told her I was harassing her. The DS just said to give her a wide berth for the time being and asked me how I was. I had a lovely talk to her but my younger daughter then received a text from my son saying that I had been "formerly warned by the Police to never again get in touch with my daughter or face the consequences of my actions". This is so far from the truth and I could not put my son right as my younger daughter (who they have now also cut off) was frightened of their recriminations. I have sent a large parcel to my Granddaughter this morning for her birthday and with some expensive items inside and decided to to text my daughter to ask her if she would look out for the parcel and let me know when it arrived as the items would be costly to replace. Also this morning she invited me to be her friend on Facebook which I felt must have been a mistake so I messaged her saying, "you have asked me to join you on Facebook, Is this a mistake?" She answered me yes so I said I would unfriend her which I did. I have just had a threatening email from her husband and indeed it was abusive. I am now expecting because of his words another phone call from the DS even though I answered politely and gave my reasons and apologise
Poppy - 9-Jun-16 @ 3:51 PM
Hi, Last year my eldest daughter accused my Brother of historical sexual abuse.. At the time I was living near her and I said things that I later very much regretted. I apologised a number of times to her but she would not accept my apologies and began to throw in my face things I said to her as a child and teenager which we had previously talked through and laid to rest. I told I accepted that she has done the right thing reporting my brother to the Police and I made a statement about the two occasions she pointed out in support of her. I told her I am standing by her 100%. However, she has told my son lies about me and even lied to my face about things I said to her, she insisted last year I needed to be supervised with her children when I met them which I took offence at because since September 6th 2014 when I moved near her I had been looking after them unsupervised when she needed me to. I moved away from her because I have health problems and needed physical support which she and her husband withdrew from me very shortly after our argument. I am living near my younger daughter who like myself cannot fathom out why she has treated me so badly. A few months ago after having a rude text from my Grandson I got in touch with her to ask her if she could speak to him for me as she had recently said that she doesn't want me disciplining him and ruining his life like I apparently ruined hers. She was very abusive on the phone to me so I thought maybe her husband would see reason but he told me never to call or get in touch again or he would report me for harassment. I answered his email as politely as I could to respond to his threat as politely as I could but he or my daughter phoned the DS who is dealing with her case and told her I was harassing her. The DS just said to give her a wide berth for the time being and asked me how I was. I had a lovely talk to her but my younger daughter then received a text from my son saying that I had been "formerly warned by the Police to never again get in touch with my daughter or face the consequences of my actions". This is so far from the truth and I could not put my son right as my younger daughter (who they have now also cut off) was frightened of their recriminations. I have sent a large parcel to my Granddaughter this morning for her birthday and with some expensive items inside and decided to to text my daughter to ask her if she would look out for the parcel and let me know when it arrived as the items would be costly to replace. Also this morning she invited me to be her friend on Facebook which I felt must have been a mistake so I messaged her saying, "you have asked me to join you on Facebook, Is this a mistake?" She answered me yes so I said I would unfriend her which I did. I have just had a threatening email from her husband and indeed it was abusive. I am now expecting because of his words another phone call from the DS even though I answered politely and gave my reasons and apologise
Poppy - 6-Jun-16 @ 5:04 PM
MissMySon - Your Question:
Hi all,I've got a 10 year-old child. He's autistic. Myself & his mum got divorced years ago. There were hardly any issues with my ex.It hasn't been easy seeing him as he's not keen on moving houses but overall things haven't been too bad.I used to see him nearly every week.For 10 years I phoned him regularly.Lately he became more determined he didn't want to see me. This really upset me. I'm not perfect but I love him & try to do my best for him.I kept having discussions with his mum regarding this through emails & texts. His mum said our son didn't want to see me & that's the end of it.I tried to persuade her that our son needs our help and that'll be good for him to maintain a good relationship with me.She said he talked to autism lady at school and expressed his feelings. She asked me to leave them alone and to come back in 6 months.I tried to convince her that it would be better if we can do something about it now by involving the professionals.She threatened to call the police & blocked my number. I decided not to contact her for the time being.It looks that she reported me to the police as I got a voice message from them. I will find out the details later.I have never had an issue with the police and I'd like to keep it that way as don't want anything hampering me seeing my son.I haven't heard anything about my son lately & I miss him.Is asking my ex how my son was, a harassment ?Is there an Autism organisation which can help ?Thanks

Our Response:
I am very sorry to hear this, it must be very upsetting for you. As you know an autistic child can have very definite ideas when they get a specific thought in their head and it becomes impossible to move them from that thought pattern. It is difficult to speculate, but this could be one of the reasons behind your ex asking you to leave the matter for six months. That said, it is easier said than done when the parent is in the receiving end of such a decision and where that parent's emotions are concerned. The NAS can offer direct support and advice, see link here. I also suggest you seek some legal advice regarding your options. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads - 24-May-16 @ 12:49 PM
Hi all, I've got a 10 year-old child. He's autistic.Myself & his mum got divorced years ago. There were hardly any issues with my ex. It hasn't been easy seeing him as he's not keen on moving houses but overall things haven't been too bad. I used to see him nearly every week. For 10 years I phoned him regularly. Lately he became more determined he didn't want to see me. This really upset me. I'm not perfect but I love him & try to do my best for him. I kept having discussions with his mum regarding this through emails & texts.His mum said our son didn't want to see me & that's the end of it. I tried to persuade her that our son needs our help and that'll be good for him to maintain a good relationship with me. She said he talked to autism lady at school and expressed his feelings.She asked me to leave them alone and to come back in 6 months. I tried to convince her that it would be better if we can do something about it now by involving the professionals. She threatened to call the police & blocked my number.I decided not to contact her for the time being. It looks that she reported me to the police as I got a voice message from them. I will find out the details later. I have never had an issue with the police and I'd like to keep it that way as don't want anything hampering me seeing my son. I haven't heard anything about my son lately & I miss him. Is asking my ex how my son was, a harassment ? Is there an Autism organisation which can help ? Thanks
MissMySon - 23-May-16 @ 6:28 PM
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