When a divorce or separation gets ugly, either party or both parties can begin to fling mud at each other. They do this to undermine each other’s position, or simply because they are angry and hurt. Once two people who once felt extreme passion for one another are no longer together, the emotions can quickly turn to hate. The messiest divorces can become very destructive indeed, as both parties decide that it is all about who ‘wins’ and who ‘loses’. In fact, there are no winners in a divorce. Both parties are losing something that they thought was permanent, a relationship that they at some point thought was going to last forever.
The Truth About Lies
Statistically, more than 75% of the accusations that are made during a divorce are untrue. They arise for several reasons:
To cause trouble for the other person or an act of pure revenge
To discredit the other person, so that they are closer to ‘winning’
A combination of the two, to show how much they are ‘in charge’
Types of Lies
Lies about drug abuse are common when relationships break down. This doesn’t necessarily mean illegal drugs, but also alcohol abuse “she always drank too much, she was embarrassing in public” to “he was addicted to painkillers, without them he became a nightmare”. Another common type of lie is about illegal behaviour. Whether it’s tax fraud, animal cruelty, benefits fraud, or flouting planning permission requirements – you might find yourself faced with a whole load of awful allegations that are completely untrue.
A less common allegation is of satanic worship. It may sound far-fetched but in messy divorces it can happen. All of these allegations are usually a ploy to get you investigated by one or more public or legal authorities. It may be a real nuisance to have to deal with, but in the event that this does happen lies told by an ex-partner are usually very quickly exposed.
Perhaps the most common allegation is of promiscuous behaviour during the relationship. This could range from alleging internet pornography use, a string of affairs with unknown others, or an affair with someone you both knew. A high-profile example of this was when Katie Price accused Peter Andre of having an affair with his agent, and had to pay a substantial sum in damages after he brought a claim for libel in the High Court. Sometimes these allegations can be extreme, such as accusations that you took part in commercially available pornographic films or internet clips. With developments in technology, it’s very easy to see how cropped photographs and forged documents can end up being used to back up these types of lies.
If You Are Accused of a Crime
If you find yourself Falsely Accused Of A Criminal Offence, it’s very important that you know your rights. It is always illegal to falsely accuse someone of a crime, and you should not rest until you have cleared your name. Your accuser may be wasting police time, Perverting The Course Of Justice or Committing Perjury – if your case ends up in court. Hopefully, none of this will ever happen to you but if it does, tell your lawyer the truth and be calm but persistent about what you know to be the correct version of evens.
I agree with the above comments. Articles like these are of limited value when they do not spell out the courses of action that should be taken in countering false allegations - of whatever hue. I am a strong believer that false accusers should be brought to book for their misdeeds. In this regard, I believe that the competent authorities - police and social services in particular - should have a legal duty to not only exonerate the falsely accused by proper investigation, but also go after the false accuser. A false accuser is by definition not a fit parent. The degree of unfitness should be a matter for the competent authorities to ascertain and then reflect in appropriate action whether increased contact time for the non-abusive parent or even a criminal prosecution. A panoply of measures should be used to confront false accusations as this problem is now of scourge proportions.
Paul - 3 September 2011 @ 12:23 PM
Well I think that there aren't many places for men to turn in these situations, even when you go to court for help, the mother still has the benefit of the doubt, so if writing a comment about his ordeal helped him get it off his chest then good for him, and it also helps to know someone else is going through the same thing, ever heard the expression if you've got nothing nice to say don't say anything! Anyway my partner is applying for a contact order as his ex is refusing contact unless she supervises it, which is antagonistic at the best of times, now we are progressing in our claim she is writing letters every other week with lies like we intimidated her and forced her to let us in to her house, and that my partner upset his 12yr old coz he told him it was all her doing, when actually he was trying explain how the court proceedings worked, and because the 12 yr old realised she was lying and was caught out, she now records and puts all calls on speakerphone, the kids don't want to talk to their dad like that its awful, we're worried that her lies are going to be listened to it's all heresay no evidence! And we live 70 miles away so staying contact is essential, there obviously alot more to it but if anyone can advise we'd very much appriciate it!
redhead - 27 July 2011 @ 7:16 PM
I have just been to my first directions hearing where my ex partner began by accusing me of domestic violence she also used this to remove my two children from school, she has since disapeared with them and refused any form of contact. At the hearing it was shown that no violence took place so my ex started on mental abuse and now I have to have a psycological assessment before I can do anything else, problem is it is going to take three months aleast for it all to come through and in the mean time she still has my children. I can disprove every single allegation she has made with evidence she only did this because I found out about the affair she was having so when it gets back to court she will be the one who has been abusing the children by removing them from their home, schools, friends and there father for no valid reason but I have to wait for the courts while she carries on doing this to my girls.
onionmojo - 6 June 2011 @ 4:53 PM
Thank you for your comment. We're sorry that you didn't find it useful however we've had lots of positive comments about this on our facebook page.
SeparatedDads - 27 May 2011 @ 2:12 PM
Sorry, but this article is just not helpful - it acknowledges that these things happen, but doesnt really give any advice as to what to do about it. My husband has been accused by his ex of domestic violence 8 years ago - how is he supposed to prove innocence of that? And I'm afraid its guilty until proven innocent with the current system of family law. An article with some practical advice, please.
