Community Forum

Originally written by Clare Birtles, updated by the editorial team on 6th April 2026

For many years, Separated Dads ran a traditional forum where fathers could post questions, share experiences and support each other. Over time it became unwieldy and difficult to manage, so on the 6th April 2026 we relaunched with a brand new community forum built right into the website.

If you're new to separation and unsure about your legal position as a father, a good starting point is our free Rights Checker.

The new SeparatedDads Community Forum is simpler, faster and completely anonymous. There is no complicated registration. Just verify your email and start talking.

What Is the Community Forum?

It is a safe, private space on this website where separated fathers can post messages, reply to others and build conversations. Whether you want to ask a question about your rights, share something that worked for you, or just vent after a tough day, you are welcome here.

How to Join

Visit the Community Forum
Enter a display name (this is what other people see) and your email address
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Start posting, replying and talking

Your login lasts for 7 days. After that, just request another link. It takes seconds.

Father's Rights Checker

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Community Guidelines

We want this to be a supportive place for everyone. Please follow these simple guidelines:

Be respectful and supportive of other members
Share your experiences and ask questions freely
Do not post identifying information about other people, including ex-partners, children, solicitors or social workers
No abusive or threatening language
No advertising, spam or sales posts
Users who breach these guidelines will be blocked

Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.

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Your email address is never displayed to other users. Only your chosen display name appears alongside your messages. All messages are moderated to keep the forum safe. Your data is not shared with anyone.

Need Help Right Now?

If you are in crisis or struggling with your mental health, please reach out to one of these services:

Samaritans — call 116 123 (free, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week)
CALM — call 0800 58 58 58 (5pm to midnight daily)
Families Need Fathers — support and advice for separated parents

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The Next Step

Now that you have read through the advice above, you might want to put it into practice. Our Father's Rights Checker lets you check what legal rights you have as a separated father. Takes 2 minutes. Try it now →

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11 questions

Ask Separated Dads a Question

SeparatedDads Editor 03/10/2026 at 2:02 pm

@Joe My daughter lives in Spain and I'm in the UK, so I know the feeling. What's worked for us is short, regular video calls rather than long occasional ones, bedtime stories over WhatsApp video, playing the same games (Roblox, Minecraft) so we've got shared ground, and posting little parcels or drawings so there's something physical between visits. Agree a proper schedule with your ex if you can, consistency matters more than length at a young age. Also start a shared photo album so you're part of the everyday stuff, not just the "special" calls. If contact ever gets blocked, the Access Denied Action Plan is worth a look: https://www.separateddads.co.uk/tools/access-denied-action-plan

Joe 03/10/2026 at 2:02 pm

Are there any fathers here whose young child lives in another country? How have you maintained the father/child relationship?

SeparatedDads Editor 23/09/2026 at 8:20 pm

@Si Since it's a court order, you'll need to go back to the court that made it to have it formally discharged, especially as your ex isn't engaging. Gather your evidence first: proof of their 18th birthdays, evidence one has been working since 16, and that the other isn't in tertiary education. A C79 or a general application (N244) is usually the route, depending on how the original order was framed, so worth a quick chat with a family solicitor to confirm. In the meantime, if you want to sanity check where you'd actually stand under CMS rules now, this is handy: https://www.separateddads.co.uk/tools/child-maintenance-calculator. Don't just stop paying without the order being varied or discharged.

Si 23/09/2026 at 8:20 pm

So I have paid child maintenance for 17 years. My kids turned 18 in June this year. The maintenance is set up through a court order and ends when they turn 18 or if at the end of the first degree of tertiary education. One has worked since he was 16 the other is not in education. My ex is not engaging. I am looking to get the order disolved but any advice from people with experience is appreciated

SeparatedDads Editor 22/09/2026 at 8:57 am

@HF99 Been through something similar. What shifted things for me was a properly drafted C2 application specifically asking for interim supervised contact at a contact centre, with a short witness statement attaching the new nursery records and NFA letters, and framing it around the child's welfare and delay under s.1(2) Children Act. Judges are far more willing to consider a contact centre than unsupervised, so make that the ask. The False Allegations Response Planner is free and helped me structure the evidence bundle logically: https://www.separateddads.co.uk/tools/false-allegations-planner. Keep pushing, two years pre fact-find is a serious delay argument in itself.

HF99 08/09/2026 at 10:19 am

Contact with my 3-year-old daughter stopped following safeguarding allegations. Police/social services took no further action.

Cafcass recommended no contact pending further assessment. That recommendation was made before either side had submitted their evidence to the court and before the nursery and other independent records I now have were available.

A fact-finding hearing has now been listed nearly two years after contact stopped. Since the original Cafcass recommendation, evidence has been obtained which I believe directly challenges or puts important allegations into context, but it won't be properly considered until fact-finding.

I have asked Cafcass and the court to reconsider recommendation alongside evidence and allegations rather than allegations alone but this has been rejected.

I've applied for the position/interim contact to be reconsidered, but this was refused and I've been told there is no court capacity to bring the hearing forward. I've offered supervised contact, mediation, assessments/testing and basically any safe route back to having a relationship with my daughter.

Has anyone genuinely been in this position and managed to get interim or supervised contact restored before fact-finding? If so, what actually made the difference?

Meme 08/03/2016 at 7:06 pm

I seperated from my ex 7 years ago, recently what relationship we had for the sake of the children has broken down. This was due to her dropping my children to MY parent and grandparents house.

I have asked her a number of times to not drop them there as my grandparents are 75 and 80 both disabled and struggle with looking after a 7 and 8 year old. unfortunately she never tells my grand parents that she will be dropping them lets them out of the car and drives off so that they can't say no. Without me knowing she left them therefore a week and my grandparents didn't want to tell me as they felt they were putting me out- due to my work commitments.

She doesn't work and it's just her excuse to not have them. I would gladly have them full time but she wants her benefits and therefore causes issues between me and the boys when this happens.

She gets a lot of money through CSA due to my job and yet does not have the boys at all. Am i able to make sure that she cannot drop them there or her CSA money is cut when she leaves them there?

Separated Dads 08/03/2016 at 2:25 pm

Do not post a comment here if you wish to use the forum, please click the forum link in the article above.

SeparatedDads Editor 07/03/2016 at 2:24 pm

We are just launching the forum, and you may have had a bit of a problem registering (we are working to put this right). Until you can accessm it, we will attempt to answer your question directly. Regardless of the situation, I would not put anything in writing until you explore what the future implications of this may be. You obviously cannot continue to give your ex all your earnings and an agreement will need to be made for the family's future provision. You will be liable to support your children, but the other issues will need to be agreed. Mediation may be a good way forward, please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here which I hope will help. Also, I suggest seeking some legal advice regarding what both of your rights are in the situation - it's worth paying a solicitor to advise you what is a fair agreement.

jgho 05/03/2016 at 8:43 am

Hi, myself and my wife are just going through the first steps of seperation and had agreed this week to start looking into organising a MIAM session to try and resolve our differences and progress onto the courts for a child arrangements order if that failed. Yesterday I left for work and after I had gone my wife pulled the children out of school and went to her mums house 150 miles away, messaging me at 4pm to advise. I feel betrayed that she would make such a drastic decison when things had been pretty amicable till now. We have no current court orders in place, there is no violence in the home and none of the children are known to social services. I am aware that if she chooses to go, I or the police cannot stop her but I am very worried about her frame of mind and the safety of the children. I expect her to remain at her mums but the children all have school on Monday and if she does not return for them to attend I think she will be deliberatley halting their education and perhaps illegally keeping them out of school. Is there any advice for situations like this? If they fail to attend school on Monday would I be within my rights to contact the police regarding their welfare and safety?

SeparatedDads Editor 04/03/2016 at 2:20 pm

I am very sorry to hear this and you are definitely not alone. But you do have options - one is to self-litigate if you cannot afford the legal fees, The courts will do its best to help fathers gain contact with their children and many fathers are having success taking this route. I suggest you also look at our Separated Dads Facebook page, many of the comments on there are from dads having the same issues and there is a lot of great advice on the site. It seems like it would also be useful for you to get some support, so you don't feel so alone. So forums and social groups are a great way to build up confidence in yourself, especially when you see dads getting contact where there where there may have previously seemed like there was no hope. We are just launching the forum, and you may have had a bit of a problem registering (we are working to put this right). Once we have, we will post your question and hopefully others will respond. So, please don't give up, you do have options, you just need to find the confidence and strength again to be able to fight for the right to see your son.

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