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@The dogg Your proposal seems reasonable and shows you're thinking about your son's long term needs. At 16 months, children can certainly adapt to overnights with both parents, especially when there's been a gradual buildup as you've described. The fact that you've already had successful overnights since January is a positive sign.

It's concerning that the mother's claims about struggles and crying don't match your experience. Courts typically favour arrangements that allow meaningful relationships with both parents, and your proposal provides regular, consistent contact. Given the disagreement between you both, documenting everything carefully is wise.

Consider getting a family law solicitor's view on your proposal before the final hearing. They can advise whether your suggested schedule aligns with what courts typically order for toddlers and help present your case effectively. Stay focused on what's best for your son, which you're clearly doing.

Hi all,

I have attached my proposal for a final order on arrangements regarding my 16 month old son below. Is this suitable and reasonable for him?

1.      Week 1

(i)              Wednesday from 3pm overnight to Thursday 8.30am return to Mother or childcare/nursery/school.

(ii)             Friday from 3pm to Sunday 5pm collect from Mother or childcare/nursery/school and return to Mother.

2.      Week 2

(i)              Wednesday from 3pm overnight to Thursday 8.30am return to Mother or childcare/nursery/school.

(ii)             Every other Friday 3pm – 7pm collect from Mother or childcare/nursery/school and return to Mother.

Every other Saturday 10am – 4pm collect from the Mother.

I currently see him every Wednesday 4hrs
Every other Friday 4 hrs, Saturday 5pm - Sunday 5pm
Every other Friday 3pm - Saturday 5pm

So, we are close to finalising the order. Only the mother and I are in disagreement about our views on arrangements. My proposal has a long term view as I think it is best not to have to return to court, if I agreed with the mother's current proposal to keep arrangements as is I feel down the line I would have to go back to court to change arrangements. I simply do not want to return to court.

Since April 23 I have had slowly but progressively built up consistent time with my 16 month old so. From early January (6 nights so far) the mother agreed that he could stay once weekly overnight rotating Fridays and Saturdays. This has been really great for the heart. There has been absolutely no issues, he is more than happy and routine is absolutely spot on every week. I don't see any signs of separation anxiety either which is great.

In the mother's position she states that our son is 'struggling' with over nights, he is 'unstable' when returning from an overnight and he cries regularly at handovers. I have proof that he does not cry at handovers and I believe the other points are untrue. An attempt to build her argument that he should not stay full weekends 'yet'. The mother had not once notified me about any of the above after handovers or the following days. The position was set through legal representative. The mother also worries that he may be overwhelmed by spending 48hours away from her at one time, I do consider this could be possible but we won't know until we try and it is upto us to manage this.

Of course I want more time and to be involved as much as possible the care of my son (I also work over 40 hours per week). More importantly, i want what is best for my son. I'm writing this post because I want honest opinions on my proposal from fellow fathers that may have experienced something similar or even if you haven't. Is the proposal suitable for a 16month old boy? Will it have a positive or negative impact on him? Would a judge consider it if the decision had to be made by them? Hope to get some feedback and hopefully this post can help some of you other fellas on here. Ch

I have a court order but I'm looking to buy a house and move my job to an hour away from the children meaning I won't be able to have the children for the midweek Wednesday night care. I've asked the mother for extra time in holidays but she's unwilling. The court declared that the children 'spend time with me' not that they 'live with me'. With mother as the primary carer, can I move house and drop the Wednesday regardless or does this need to be agreed by mother/court?

I’m looking for advice Iv got my first court date about my son. Iv already tryed Mediation And had a four hour zoom call about separated parents. Done by cafcass.
Now I’m wanting to know what information I need for court ??
Thank you

My involvement with the UK family court system was many years ago though having read comments on this website recently matters do not seem to have improved. I have a different view to most as to thee changes necessary though cant kid you my views have found many supporters to date, (here in the UK or across the western world)

Hi I am unable to log in the the forum so I am posting this here instead!

I am looking to interview separated fathers about their lockdown experience

Hi, I am a final year Social Sciences student at UCL studying the lockdown experiences of separated fathers as part of my dissertation. This research aims to explore the effects of the COVID-19 lockdown measures on fathers who have been separated and living apart from their children. Separated fathers come in all shapes and sizes. Many are non-resident, living either part-time or full-time in a different home to their children, whereas others have more flexible arrangements which may have been impacted by lockdown and social distancing measures.

This study focuses on fathers who were separated and living apart from their children before the first UK lockdown (March 23rd) so as to compare your experiences from before and during lockdown. Participants should be living in the UK and have at least one child aged 16 or under who does not permanently reside with them.

I am looking to speak to separated fathers specifically as most family research in the Social Science discipline focuses on mothers and I wish to fill this gap in knowledge, especially in relation to separated father wellbeing. Due to this its super important to expand the global understanding of fatherhood in all its forms and hear your experiences and opinions, specifically in the context of the unprecedented COVID-19 pandemic.

The study will involve a one hour interview using phone or zoom depending on your preference. The interview can be arranged for whatever time suits you best over the next few weeks. All your data will be kept confidential and anonymous throughout the study in accordance with UCL Data Protection Policy. If you would be interested in participating or would like more information about the study please email me at: stnvhmh@ucl.ac.uk.

If you fit this description and would be willing to participate or know someone who does please let me know.

I looking forward to hearing from you!
Hannah Hasler

Hi, obviously now lockdown is happening from Thursday,
I see my kids on a Saturday for a few hours with a friend present as I There are a few awkward circumstances Where I don’t want to be around the mother on my own.
Now that I can’t have anyone there I’m unsure
1- if I can still go round to see my kids.
2- I’d rather be able to take them out.
3- she’s stating she doesn’t want me taking them to mine (no reason given) it’s in her house or not at all..... I don’t know what I’m to do as I’m not sure if I’m allowed to go in her house and personally I don’t want to on my own.

i left the order in place to run its 12 months course
unfortunetly due to the order i had to issue my own proceedings for refular access to my kids with was being obstructed and often changed
how ever on the day of our court hearing my lovely ex wife who resembled noone i knew for 10 yrs went to the police station stating i had breached the injunction by.........phone contact which wasnt the breach to my 4 yr old daughter but infact when she asked me "daddy when can i see you next " my reply i dont know sweet heart its upto your mum
after we ended the call in tears the allegation was my 4 year old daughter
missing her dad and suffering from a very difficult divorce asked her mum when can i see daddy
but this was 3 months prior to the court hearing for specified child access .
to my amazement the police attended and informed me i was under arrest for a breach of the injunction
another wasted court hearing and money as again the system was manipulated again
i didnt get charged and no offences were found to have been committed .
however what it started was my ex wifes belief she could maniuplate the system , she was supported by the legal aid system and that my postion was that of a rock and a hard place.
ill skip forward 12 years....
she has constantly tried to restrict access refuse access on father day every year .2 hours on xmas day and a day before for their birthday
needless to say the kids have gobe through so much its been horrendous watching us loose more and more contact whilst she attempted and to a certain extent acheived parental alienation
there was no reason why their mum who did very financially well from the divorce and after that time would had resolved the bitterness and the only goal should have been to do everything we could ensuring our kids happiness.
last year i discovered every time i bought my daughter and son clothes etc she would make it clear to them she wasn't happy
resulting in a sudden stop of contact
i had to find 2500 pound to go to court to get access .this took 5 months to which i had 1000s of mesaages all loving and showed the best relationship which i was told i couldnt use in court
my daughter at 14 was now saying she only wanted contact in a letter which had to be delivered at the request of their mum by the post man
disgusted let down and we were failed as it was too hard to do by asking indepth question as to why suddenly from a excellent relationship which would have been a complaint by the mum
do you think i got a reply from the letters .
nothing in 12 months whereupon my daughters birthday card was delivered late by a friend not a postman
this was reported as harrasment by my kids mum regarding the civil order previously granted (to be posted by a post man) as the school couldnt give my daughter the card and money inside
i delivered it to school as their mum had not given them the xmas presents i had dropped off the xmas before
i was warned for harrassment despit

ill try and make this brief and if my situation helps one parent then it was worth the time writing.
i divorced my kids mum 12 yrs ago whilst married for 10 yrs she was a good mother and partner however after 10 yrs i wanted a divorce
we discussed it and whilst my wife didnt choose this path her upset soon turned to bitterness
i left the family home just taking 3 suitcases .the heart ache leaving your kids making that decision still hurts today .
i continued to pay the morgage and bills and told the solicitor to sign the house over to my wife as i couldnt bare the kids loosing the house .
despite his best efforts to talk me out of my request i told the solicitor it was what i wanted .
at his suprise she refused stating she wanted martial maintance along with csa payments my pension and the house .
since meeting and the 10 marriage she didnt work and i fully accept her job was a full time mother which she loved and the money wasnt a issue but a 6 figure equity amount large csa payments a low morgage fully renovated house and a second hand car and a dad that wanted equal access and met all her controlling demands would have been enough
how wrong could i have been
several months later i need a break from work ....i informed my soon to be ex wife i was going on holiday in a few months, i didnt expect a problem as she had been away and occasionally answered the door with a smile
but on the daybefore flying i reminded her to which the smile turned into rage and a door in my face
despite speaking to my kids and my ex wife whilst abroad arranging to collect the kids on my first day back i was stunned upon turning up at nursery my daughter had been. removed early
it goes down alot from here whilst abroad she obtained a injunction with a power of arrest with no police incidents and just a one sided statement
i was fuming and contacted my solicitor
£1500 later a barrister and a half day at court the judge who issued the injunction stated he was lead to believe it was a one sided case
i have lots of respect for the courts as will become clear later
but for the love of god surely evidence would be necessary considering the impact causin my childrens lack of contact with their dad due to the order and my ex wifes manipulation of that order
to control and manipulate the system irrespective of the pain it caused our children spanning from my son running away several times and my daughter in floods of tears...
the judge stated if my wife declined to drop the injunction it would need a full days hearing and anotjer 2500 pound i didnt have to return .
i left the order in place to run its 12 months course
unfortunetly due to the order i had to issue my own proceedings for refular access to my kids with was being obstructed and often changed
how ever on the day of our court hearing my lovely ex wife who resembled noone i knew for 10 yrs went to the police station stating i had breached the injunction by.........phone contact which wasnt

@dadabear.my daughter is grown up now haven’t had any contact in 11 years .(so I have given up now )it’s to late for me in reality.

@dadabear.your daughter is only( 3 so take her court it will be worth it ).her mother might (think )she owns the child the (courts will sort her out).

Hi team, firstly I wish all the other dads on here well, ultimately we are all here for the same reason and don't give up. Don't lose faith and keep fighting for what you believe in! Some of your stories are a lot tougher than mine - good luck!

I'm in a situation where I'm seeking information, my ex is massively overprotective and has a continued over inflated opinion of her need to be with my 3 year old daughter, saying is she is not capable of spending two days away from her. I have her every Wednesday and Saturday overnight and have done since our split 18 months ago. I live near Leeds and have family in Scotland and South of England so in order for my daughter to have a relationship with my extended family I would like to travel for two consecutive 2 nights with her. Something that is being refused on the basis 'she cannot be away from her mum' no practical reasons given and she admits i am capable of looking after her.

Does anyone have any information that may help me? I feel she is unfairly denying me time with my daughter and preventing her having a relationship with my family. The ex thinks she owns our daughter and has said lets review it 12 months but think the same thing will happen again. She is now refusing to go to mediation so may need to take her to court but would like to gauge if its worth going.

Any information would be appreciated, or any examples of case law may help but cant find anything.

Thanks.

@edwin.i am in the same boat I been posting here for years and I am from oz didn’t realise it was (English law )myself and i only have a primary school education .might find a different blog with my country’s law on fathers rights .they never respond here anyway just take down my posts and offer no help what so ever so they are not that advanced in my opinion .

@melv.yeah well I am dad in distress and just( worked out) this a (English law) web site (damn) I am from (Venezuela )and don’t have must( education )but if I find myself a nice English bird one day have our self a baby and she run off with another men with my baby .i will know what to do .so it wasn’t all a waste off time .the English are why more advanced then us (Venezuelans ).

Looking for some advice me and my ex split up two years ago she’s a recovering alcoholic but she relapsed two weeks ago and last week my son was took in to care for 3 days cause emergency social worker went out and found her steaming with my son in her care the social work never let me know there treating me like my opinion doesn’t matter but now she’s got my son back I’m stuck on what to do thanks Sean

Hi all I'm new to this as I'm a first time of a nearly 3yr old I recently split up with my partner just after 5yrs as we was recently moved in with her family member and partner in a 2 bed house with 7 of us in there things got a bit heated between myself and the other guy then I was kicked out and making me homeless but thanks to a charity for helping me with a place I'm now being told by my ex I'm not allowed to see my son until a contact centre is sorted I'm really missing my little man which I was there at the birth and my name is on the birth certificate and I had to save he's life after he stopped breathing after he was born what can I do

We have had a mutual agreement in place for over 18 weeks now completely 50/50. Pick ups from school and drop offs, all had been going well without a hitch. Now entering the summer break, I took my child on holiday and thought the best course would be to take week about as it is quite an acrimonious separation. I have been threatened with police presence when I didn’t return my child on my day so the only course was to seek legal advice. I have tried to get a minutes of agreement in place with my child’s interest at heart as he sees both parents equally, but I have been hit that his mother feels it is appropriate to let me see my child for one more week block, which would begin in 6 weeks and that I only get my child every alternate weekend. The letter has also stated that she did not agree to the last 18 week routine and that the child is far better with her at this traumatic time. I’m struggling to see how this brings any boundaries or routine into my child’s life and am really at a loss about what to do or what action to take moving forward to ensure I get to be a stable part of my child’s life

Can I cease making further child maintenance (formerly CSA) payments as soon as my daughter completes her A Level exams?

Recently broke up from my partner, we have social services involved in our case and between them and my ex partner even though there are no court orders or anything in place epo's etc they are making it increasingly difficult to get access to my children even though I have equal parental responsibilities, I tried to sign up and received the same message a lot of people get about spamming.
I really need help and advice as my situation is worsening by the day and I'm worried they are going to try stop me completely with no real evidence against me to say I am going to harm my children.

Gday guys, going through the early stages at the moment and lm finding myself in no mans land. Have two kids one 3.6 and another just gone one. Still love my wife so much. The reason she has wanted to seperate was because l was choosing the beer over her and the kids. She said she asked, warned me but l was to oblivious to what she was saying. Cut a long story short we are amicable and not nasty to one and other. I am about to move out. I just think lm good then l just break dwn and my little fella goes it will be ok daddy, l love you. She asked me to change things and l did and have. I’m just lost