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Dealing With Your Ex Partner and Child Moving Away

By: Chris Nickson - Updated: 20 Jul 2021 | comments*Discuss
 
Separated Dads Ex-partner Child Moving

We all know that lives change. In a society that’s become more and more mobile, moving homes, moving cities and even countries, has become fairly commonplace. But if your kids live with your former partner and she has to move away, how do you deal with that?

The move could be work related, or perhaps because her new partner has a job somewhere else, at the other end of the country. What are the ramifications?

Within The UK

An awful lot is going to depend on the type of relationship you have with your ex. If it’s good, then when she moves you’ll be able to re-negotiate contact with your children. It might be that you don’t see them as often, but when you do it’s for a longer period.

If they’ve been spending a few nights a week with you, it can be especially bad, since you won’t have their presence regularly, which you’re used to. But your ex isn’t legally obliged to live near you.

If the relationship is bad, you might need to apply for a change in your Contact Order. This can be a gruelling procedure, not to mention expensive, since you’ll want to have a solicitor to represent you, although you may be able to come to an Agreement Through Mediation. You will still be expected to Pay Child Support as before.

Emotional Impact

Perhaps the biggest factor to deal with is the emotional impact. You should arrange plenty of phone contact with your children, daily if at all possible, so they still feel that you’re involved in their lives (and so you feel that way, too) and try to see them as often as possible. If you can arrange a trip to see them once a month, that’s good, but not economically viable for many people.

School holidays would be the best time to see them, when you might be able to have them for a week – or even several weeks in the summer, if you can negotiate this. Of course, wonderful as it sounds, the practicalities can be real obstacles; after all, you still have to work, and there’s only so much holiday time you can take each year. You need to try to find a balance that works for you.

Going Abroad

But what happens if your ex wants to Move Abroad with your kids? She might be a foreign national, for example, and want to move home, or she might have married someone from another country and be moving. What can you do in the situation where your kids are taken even farther away from you?

Essentially, you have two choices. You can either accept the fact and come to some agreement about when the children can spend time with you or you can fight the move in the courts. If you follow the first route and come to an agreement, have it in writing and legally validated. It should include the number of visits per year and their length. Also, make sure to include who is responsible for airfares, which can avoid tumultuous arguments later. If you’re paying child support, you should try to have a provision saying you don’t have to pay for the period the kids are living with you.

Should you choose to fight the move in court, you will be battling for custody of your kids. This is only going to work if you have parental responsibility for the children (that is, if you’re named as the father on the birth certificate or have a parental responsibility agreement). If not, it’s not worth the effort, because you won’t win.

Rather than the distress this will cause you, what you’ll need to show is how it will adversely affect the kids. If the proposed move is to a non English-speaking country, for example, and your children are in school and have grown up speaking English, you’ll want to cite that – especially if they are in their early teens. You’ll need to develop a valid argument, preferably several, and be well represented in court.

If your ex does move the kids overseas, you’ll feel the loss even more than if they’re just elsewhere in the UK. Use as many different methods of contact as you can to keep in touch with them, daily if possible. It’s not an ideal substitute, but it really is better than nothing at all.

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

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@BILLY.i dont care where the mother moves to .(just as long as she stays away from me because I hate this women )she was lucky years ago .(I will be totally honest I was going to have her killed gods truth) .I still might they really don't want to push me because I will be honest I have never been( stable in the mind )and dont care what people say about me.( I'm driving bye revenge like to Obsession) .so it was a smart move on her behalf to move to a different state .you see in my mind( i haven't got revenge yet and it really does bother me )might be 13 years in my book its like yesterday. (In reality I have no interest in hurtingher daughter or her sonbecause well theyhaven't wronged me). I only want to hurt the mother i would love to dowse her in petrol and light her up watch her run around screaming. Or throw acid in her face .so in reality she best keep her distance from me if she dont want to be hurt .because in reality if she did ever come near me I would do it gods truth .(for the record im not scared off going jail ).
C laurie - 20-Jul-21 @ 11:02 PM
Hi all, I wrote a post on here a couple of years ago now and it’s heartbreaking to read some of the situations a lot of people are in. Unfortunately as a father, help from any services you are reluctant and empathy is a rarity! Nobody should have to put up with any form of abuse whatsoever - especially when children are in the mix (or sometimes used to hurt the other party). I had to take to mediation to sort issues out, fortunately things have calmed down and my ex and I get on together, however sometimes I do get patronised or borderline insulted if she doesn’t agree with my parenting! I do feel dads have to put up and bear the brunt of bad press, abuse and are frequently demonised as I myself have been for doing the best for my kids. I have been very polite and kept things cordial even through the abuse my ex has directed at me. Always always keep calm, don’t let your emotions get the better of you, chin up and be the most upstanding person you can-set a good example! You can only do your best for your kids. Never give up on them!
Billy - 19-Jul-21 @ 8:54 AM
Here on behalf of my brother. His ex has always been a depressed and Avis I’ve partner whilst they were together. He stayed for the benefit of the children (now 8&3) until they were old enough to know who their dad was. That was 2 years ago now, since then she had been on and off with allowing contact, sometime not being home after he has driven to collect them. Over lockdown he did not see them all year and their mother blocked all communication to their dad. He ended up going to their school once they reopened to try and catch a glimpse of them their and speak to their mother. After a few times of not seeing them leave school he went to the office and was told that school was also concerned and that they’d do checks. In the meantime, my brother accessed an old social media account of his to find a tirade of abusive and worrying message from her threatening to move away and take the kids if he didn’t break up with his new girlfriend, calling him names, saying she was pregnant to another man whom she is scared of it anted my brother to collect her from his house and that she wasn’t supposed to be on the phone and had locked herself in his bathroom to send the message and saying that she has been telling the kids their dad has a new girlfriend and doesn’t care about them. ?? Her family and friends said they didn’t know where they were either and so we reported them missing. Since then they have been shown to the police safe and well and know that her parents are in full contact all along. My brother on the off chance went by the house days after getting nowhere with school or her parents and being blocked and saw her car outside, he tried to speak to the kids through the letter box which came off its hinges. Her mother called to say she’d rang the police so he left. All the while not knowing why she is withholding the children. He was arrested on suspicion of harassment (he had to visit the house because she had blocked his number and no one would tell him where the kids were)and criminal damage for breaking the letter box (even though the police said they saw in cctv he tried to fix it!) He explained her messages,abuse andeverything to the police who have said they will investigate. This is where it gets nasty - she has made FALSE allegations of domestic assault and had herself and the children moved to a refuge to get a house move and relocate with the children. We believe she is has mental health issues (which she admits herself in one of the messages and is on medication) and that she is bitter that my brother has moved on! One of her vicious messages saying “you can see your kids when you get a new girlfriend” - We have had no contact or support from any services ie social care or cafcas, school had said they won’t comment and the police are saying the same. His parental rights are being infringed and it seem none is the slight bit phased. He had parental responsibility for the kids and is being treated li
Rhubarb & Custard - 22-Jun-21 @ 8:52 PM
Here on behalf of my brother. His ex has always been a depressed and Avis I’ve partner whilst they were together. He stayed for the benefit of the children (now 8&3) until they were old enough to know who their dad was. That was 2 years ago now, since then she had been on and off with allowing contact, sometime not being home after he has driven to collect them. Over lockdown he did not see them all year and their mother blocked all communication to their dad. He ended up going to their school once they reopened to try and catch a glimpse of them their and speak to their mother. After a few times of not seeing them leave school he went to the office and was told that school was also concerned and that they’d do checks. In the meantime, my brother accessed an old social media account of his to find a tirade of abusive and worrying message from her threatening to move away and take the kids if he didn’t break up with his new girlfriend, calling him names, saying she was pregnant to another man whom she is scared of it anted my brother to collect her from his house and that she wasn’t supposed to be on the phone and had locked herself in his bathroom to send the message and saying that she has been telling the kids their dad has a new girlfriend and doesn’t care about them. ?? Her family and friends said they didn’t know where they were either and so we reported them missing. Since then they have been shown to the police safe and well and know that her parents are in full contact all along. My brother on the off chance went by the house days after getting nowhere with school or her parents and being blocked and saw her car outside, he tried to speak to the kids through the letter box which came off its hinges. Her mother called to say she’d rang the police so he left. All the while not knowing why she is withholding the children. He was arrested on suspicion of harassment (he had to visit the house because she had blocked his number and no one would tell him where the kids were)and criminal damage for breaking the letter box (even though the police said they saw in cctv he tried to fix it!) He explained her messages,abuse andeverything to the police who have said they will investigate. This is where it gets nasty - she has made FALSE allegations of domestic assault and had herself and the children moved to a refuge to get a house move and relocate with the children. We believe she is has mental health issues (which she admits herself in one of the messages and is on medication) and that she is bitter that my brother has moved on! One of her vicious messages saying “you can see your kids when you get a new girlfriend” - We have had no contact or support from any services ie social care or cafcas, school had said they won’t comment and the police are saying the same. His parental rights are being infringed and it seem none is the slight bit phased. He had parental responsibility for the kids and is being treated li
Rhubarb & Custard - 22-Jun-21 @ 8:46 PM
@dancaw,can you be my dad ? I can sing white Christmas in the back seat why you chop down the Christmas tree and go home and sit bye log fire and have a eggnog why I watch kiss Mum under the under the mistletoe .
Chtiso - 2-Jun-21 @ 9:58 PM
@dancaw.wow you are (involved )father having court orders in place all official having kids every weekend dropping kids off at school worrying about miles on your car waking the kids up early .it’s like a Disney movie .your like the perfect dad .I can visualise you driving family car kids in back singing Christmas carols going to pick out Christmas tree .
Chriso - 2-Jun-21 @ 9:29 PM
Just wondering if travelling 160 miles every Friday and Sunday /Monday is acceptablewhich is like 18000 miles a year? With current custody order in place were have my kids every weekend andi do every other Monday school drop off at current moment but with ex wife impending relocation 2 hours away my kids cant be expected to be up at 5am for 2 hour drive to school.. She doesn’t want to change arrangements as it would mean giving up weekends and social life up
Dancaw - 2-Jun-21 @ 8:13 PM
I've not seen my daughter in 12 years because of her poisonous mother how can I get in touch with her to let her know I'm her real dad who loves her .without killing her mother
Mintoe - 25-Mar-21 @ 11:56 PM
My ex is not an approachable person, I have a son with her. Unfortunatly i had to take her to court and got a minute off agreement made up and signed by the court , i recently found out she is moving,so i have approached her and asked were and when will she be moving , but as off normal my request has been ignoredmy minute off agreement state pick place time location as I requested , my question is dose she have to inform me were my son is and were he will be living
Jay - 18-Feb-21 @ 8:53 AM
Hi, I seriously need some input on this as I don’t know where to turn to. Basically in a nutshell my only daughter who was 20 worked in a prison got bullied by her work colleges & then got suckered in with a 45 year old murderer. He hit is 21 year old ex girlfriend over the head 7 times & served his full 25 years. He got released in March then my daughter moved 400 miles away to live with him after quitting her job and has started UNi. She says she’s alright but I’ve only seen her once since then and despite pleading with her she’s staying put with him as her partner. I cannot bring myself to talk to her as I get angry at her and she won’t tell where they living. Could anyone give me some pointers as there is nothingbut help for ex cons & with covid etc I only have my partner to talk to as I have to lie about it. Her mother has said to me that she didn’t want this either but she has accepted it as she doesn’t want to lose her....!!! What to do????
Distraught - 20-Jan-21 @ 5:52 PM
Suzi get your( mental health )checked seriously .your grip on reality hassipped you back on the drugs ??or lonely .i hope your well for the sake off your children .i am glad they are (adults) now .they will have to (look after you) .take care off yourself .i will not be posting anymore it was only a (game to me this internet stuff because its was new to me)but its gone to far now .
C laurie - 7-Jan-21 @ 11:37 PM
Advice required please.My estranged husband is Forces and I moved to be with him when we first married and then to difference areas depending upon his draft location.My husband had a fling and I found out.I told him to go stay in the Mess.His reluctance to come home disturbed me.I then found out a couple of months later his fling was pregnant. I was beyond devastated as my husband said he wanted to be with her and the baby.I told him I would move home to be nearer my family with our children.My home was 400 miles away.He wasnt happy but agreed with it.3 months after we moved away, his fling moved in with him.We went to mediation.I didnt want him to ever see our children again but he negotiated seeing them every 3rd weekend, half of easter, 3 weeks summer holidays and alternate festive periods.I agreed to this.After a year of travelling and booking into hotels he asked me if I would start travelling half way for when he has them longer periods.I told him No as this would affect my shifts at work (I work two jobs).I told him he could reduce his child maintenance payments to take his travelling, hotel and toll expenses into account.He did this and this reduced my maintenance by £100 per month which I was fine with.This week, he has advised that he is taking me to court to ask them for me to do half of all the travelling.I have since found out that his other child commenced nursery this week and their nursery bill is £800 per month.They have an annual joint income of £80,000 between them and 2 cars and have just purchased their own home.I earn £20,000 and rent.Any advice would be appreciated.
MyGirls - 7-Jan-21 @ 9:19 PM
Advice required please.My estranged husband is Forces and I moved to be with him when we first married and then to difference areas depending upon his draft location.My husband had a fling and I found out.I told him to go stay in the Mess.His reluctance to come home disturbed me.I then found out a couple of months later his fling was pregnant. I was beyond devastated as my husband said he wanted to be with her and the baby.I told him I would move home to be nearer my family with our children.My home was 400 miles away.He wasnt happy but agreed with it.3 months after we moved away, his fling moved in with him.We went to mediation.I didnt want him to ever see our children again but he negotiated seeing them every 3rd weekend, half of easter, 3 weeks summer holidays and alternate festive periods.I agreed to this.After a year of travelling and booking into hotels he asked me if I would start travelling half way for when he has them longer periods.I told him No as this would affect my shifts at work (I work two jobs).I told him he could reduce his child maintenance payments to take his travelling, hotel and toll expenses into account.He did this and this reduced my maintenance by £100 per month which I was fine with.This week, he has advised that he is taking me to court to ask them for me to do half of all the travelling.I have since found out that his other child commenced nursery this week and their nursery bill is £800 per month.They have an annual joint income of £80,000 between them and 2 cars and have just purchased their own home.I earn £20,000 and rent.Any advice would be appreciated.
MyGirls - 7-Jan-21 @ 9:17 PM
I'm going through a hard time too. My daughters dad currently got living rights of my daughter and I have her every other weekend over night he's been having arguments with his ex lately and she had kicked him and my daughter out of their home. He's currently hours away and is planning on staying up there is there anything I can do. I'm at a loss here.
Cb - 28-Nov-20 @ 2:39 PM
I have the exact same issue as a previous father. Geeps 25 May 20. What did you advise best in this situation?
Bowser - 12-Oct-20 @ 1:53 PM
My son now lives with me following a child protection order. The Judge has ruled that I must drive him to see his mother every weekend and take him home again the same day. It is a very long and costly journey yet despite objecting, all the effort and costs are on me as she doesn’t have a car. In the past I have given her money for driving lessons which she squandered on other things. Can a county court judge really impose this much authority over my free will and if so what rights do I have to appeal?
ST - 21-Sep-20 @ 10:25 PM
So I live in Gloucester, England and my partner is from Cardiff, Wales and I wish to relocate to Cardiff with my six year old son. I do not have a good relationship with my ex and I know when I tell him I’m moving he’ll get nasty and threaten all sorts. I just want to know where I stand and if my ex can stop the move? My ex lives in Forest of Dean which is practically right next to wales anyway so I’m not moving far at all. I wish to move to Cardiff for a fresh start, my partner has a career over there which he could not Pursue here in England and myself and my son would just have a better life over there than we would here in England.
Shan - 15-Sep-20 @ 9:10 AM
Hello can anyone give me some advice. I’ve been given access to my kids 1 day away by a court order from the judge. My ex as stopped me seeing them for no reason and I’ve gotta wright a letter to the judge by next week also gotta give my ex a copy buts she’s moved and left no contact number. I’m due back in court soon Kind regards
Mac - 4-Sep-20 @ 11:11 PM
My boy is 10 and has not seen his dad since he was 18 months old. Not my fault at all - he was taken off both of us and placed in care of my parents. With the order he was not allowed contact, just letterbox. Mum wrote letters but he wasn’t picking them up from social. So social told him to stop. I discharged the order and he is now in my care. During court proceedings the court had to send him the documents too (his address was available to court/police as he was on probation) I didn’t have his address and still don’t. He didn’t show up to the court dates. I’m now married and we are moving to Northern Ireland this December. My mum is now worried I’d have to tell him I’m moving, but we’ve had 0 contact since 2011 and I have no clue how to let him know anyway. Do I still need to try somehow??
Unsure - 13-Aug-20 @ 5:15 PM
Can my ex lift my children from me if I live in Scotland and she lives in Wales. ? The child lives with me the child is 12 and the other parent doesn’t drive what’s my legal stance on ex partner lifting child.
Mash75 - 17-Jun-20 @ 7:37 PM
I'm needing some advice really quickly. My ex is moving my kids away from our current home town, she is moving away to another town which is 1.5 hours away. I have no issue with her moving away as I think its the best thing for her to be honest. However if she goes she takes my 2 kids with her? currently for last 6 months I have been seeing my kids 1-2 nights a week. As this was what we agreed when we separated as it works around my work hours. I work weekends so me getting my kids during the week and every 2nd weekend is perfect for me. I have asked my ex what will contact look like for me if she was to move away? her reply is fri/sat/sun every second weekend. I have asked my work for every second Sat off to try and accommodate this but they have refused me. I have told my ex this but she has basically told me thats your choice. She has no care to how i see my kids?and no thoughts to the detriment of mine and my kids relationship. How can she be so selfish? Is court my only option?
geeps - 25-May-20 @ 5:30 PM
My ex and I separated after a drunken domestic dispute where I assaulted her. She moved back to parents about 40 minutes away and I was seeing our kids every other weekend. I since made the decision to move closer to my new partner, which puts me around 1.5hr away from where they now live. My issue is, she has now decided that it's too late for the children to be travelling on a Friday night and has instead say contact can take place from Saturday am instead. I usually pick the kids up on my way home from work and having to come back out on a Saturday is a real inconvenience. Can a contact order allow me to pick them up on a Friday night instead of a Saturday morning?
Carroll693 - 10-Mar-20 @ 6:47 AM
Re my partnershe went to oz for a holiday after we seperated this was 2005 she came back to scotland with s new partner,she got married to him esrly 2008 then emigrated to brisbane without my knowledge and my 3 children two of whom she refused to let me access the old est knows me but she has told them i am their uncle.but now this year 2020 she raised a court order in ozto be hesrd here in scotlandfor back maintenence she never told me where she was or address or contact number all these years one of the children is birth register is her maiden name not mine i really dont know who to speak to has anyone got any suggestions
Jk - 20-Feb-20 @ 12:23 AM
Morning all my ex wife has being cheating on me with a younger lad from work she works in a special needs school and they work together is there anything I can do about that.they started the affair in September I found out 1st of December and moved out now she is trying to move him in with my kids and is planning a holiday next month I dont want him near my kids she barely knows him her self is there anything I can do ???
Scotty - 20-Jan-20 @ 7:56 AM
This law sucks!!! I’m fed up and don’t know what to do. Ex was having an affair when I found out she left with my kids, he left his family. Then Ex accused me me of all the allegations under the sun! I got convicted of Dv and still not seen my kids!!! And she’s allowed to contact me we’re I’m not and she threatens me not to contact her family and friends or else she will do what she will! Big joke !!!
Nc - 16-Jan-20 @ 1:32 AM
hi I don't no if this is page I should be writing this on but I just don't no what to do my ex partner is moving near her boyfriend she not allowed to be with because he is a risk to my daughter. I'm just lost because the social worker allowed her to move even though this person lives 15min away what do I do can someone please advice me. the reason he not allowed near my ex and my daughter because he taken class A drugs with my ex while my daughter was in bed doing it on live on facebook. (if this is not allowed on here im sorry)
J - 26-Nov-19 @ 10:20 PM
@helpless.(DO NOT BUT ON THAT BAT MAN SUIT AND CLIMB THAT BUILDING ).because brother you can’t fly trust me .and if you think it’s going to help it won’t.
C.laurie - 9-Nov-19 @ 1:29 AM
@helpless.why don’t you drive ?.If you haven’t got a medical condition?.maybe get a license then you be able to drive to see your child to cut down the cost off travel.
C.laurie - 9-Nov-19 @ 1:02 AM
@helpless.(suck it up boy) do not( kill yourself) over some women or child .bro there are millions off us dads out there that don’t see our kids I am one off them I haven’t seen my daughter sence she was 5 .stuff your ex let her live with rich boyfriend .you got to look at like well he’s paying for your scrapes leftovers .and you get to see your child sat and Sunday so maybe get a solicitor to make visitation more concrete.
C.laurie - 9-Nov-19 @ 12:29 AM
Hi my ex wife bankrupted,accused me of beat her when we separated out of the blue after 8 years of marriage and now she is planning to move over 100 miles away with my daughter.I don't drive. I will only get to see her on Saturday and Sunday for half day before I have to go back to London and it will cost me a fortune a year on travel and lodging.How can it be possible that father have no rights!? Why can my ex blackmail me with my child and do with her what she wants ? But I'm barely allowed to see her every second weekend? And that's only when she feels like it? Why can't I as a parent be apart of my childs life. I have to so many times had to let her go screaming and crying to her mother.Its like ripping a limp off every time for 4 years now... How can I stop my 5 year old being taken away from me. My daughter hates skype. She doesn't like to Skype with anyone. What am I sup to do.... I'm begging please! I feel like killing myself some days.While she lives off her new boyfriend a rich life and I have to sit with her debt....
Helpless - 8-Nov-19 @ 10:51 PM
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