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Dealing With Your Ex Partner and Child Moving Away

By: Chris Nickson - Updated: 24 Aug 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Separated Dads Ex-partner Child Moving

We all know that lives change. In a society that’s become more and more mobile, moving homes, moving cities and even countries, has become fairly commonplace. But if your kids live with your former partner and she has to move away, how do you deal with that?

The move could be work related, or perhaps because her new partner has a job somewhere else, at the other end of the country. What are the ramifications?

Within The UK

An awful lot is going to depend on the type of relationship you have with your ex. If it’s good, then when she moves you’ll be able to re-negotiate contact with your children. It might be that you don’t see them as often, but when you do it’s for a longer period.

If they’ve been spending a few nights a week with you, it can be especially bad, since you won’t have their presence regularly, which you’re used to. But your ex isn’t legally obliged to live near you.

If the relationship is bad, you might need to apply for a change in your Contact Order. This can be a gruelling procedure, not to mention expensive, since you’ll want to have a solicitor to represent you, although you may be able to come to an Agreement Through Mediation. You will still be expected to Pay Child Support as before.

Emotional Impact

Perhaps the biggest factor to deal with is the emotional impact. You should arrange plenty of phone contact with your children, daily if at all possible, so they still feel that you’re involved in their lives (and so you feel that way, too) and try to see them as often as possible. If you can arrange a trip to see them once a month, that’s good, but not economically viable for many people.

School holidays would be the best time to see them, when you might be able to have them for a week – or even several weeks in the summer, if you can negotiate this. Of course, wonderful as it sounds, the practicalities can be real obstacles; after all, you still have to work, and there’s only so much holiday time you can take each year. You need to try to find a balance that works for you.

Going Abroad

But what happens if your ex wants to Move Abroad with your kids? She might be a foreign national, for example, and want to move home, or she might have married someone from another country and be moving. What can you do in the situation where your kids are taken even farther away from you?

Essentially, you have two choices. You can either accept the fact and come to some agreement about when the children can spend time with you or you can fight the move in the courts. If you follow the first route and come to an agreement, have it in writing and legally validated. It should include the number of visits per year and their length. Also, make sure to include who is responsible for airfares, which can avoid tumultuous arguments later. If you’re paying child support, you should try to have a provision saying you don’t have to pay for the period the kids are living with you.

Should you choose to fight the move in court, you will be battling for custody of your kids. This is only going to work if you have parental responsibility for the children (that is, if you’re named as the father on the birth certificate or have a parental responsibility agreement). If not, it’s not worth the effort, because you won’t win.

Rather than the distress this will cause you, what you’ll need to show is how it will adversely affect the kids. If the proposed move is to a non English-speaking country, for example, and your children are in school and have grown up speaking English, you’ll want to cite that – especially if they are in their early teens. You’ll need to develop a valid argument, preferably several, and be well represented in court.

If your ex does move the kids overseas, you’ll feel the loss even more than if they’re just elsewhere in the UK. Use as many different methods of contact as you can to keep in touch with them, daily if possible. It’s not an ideal substitute, but it really is better than nothing at all.

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[Add a Comment]
Hi we are from ukmy son split up from his girlfriend about 3 1/2 years ago he is settled with someone else now his ex went on holiday to turkey 2 weeks ago and met her new fella who lives there now she has come back and told my son she is taking there son and moving there , my son is devasted as he has him more than half the time what are his rights he is on the birth certificate thanks
Legz1973 - 24-Aug-17 @ 10:52 AM
Muzza - Your Question:
My now x and I have had a server relationship break down. We have a 2 year old son together who always asks for me when he wakes up or to do well anything. Rather than favouritism I think it's because I'm always here looking after him as well as working 50+ hours.She has decided she wishes to move from London to Newcastle to be near her grandparents! (6-8 drive). That would make contact ridiculous. Maybe once every 2 weeks maximun probably once every month realistically due to cost time etc.Is there anything I can do? Surely that's got to be unfair or unjust in some or most aspects?

Our Response:
As specified in the article, mutual discussion with your ex is the best way forward and if you cannot agree between you, mediation is the next step, please see link here. I understand that it may be difficult for you as a father, but the last resort in a situation such as this is applying to court for a Prohibited Steps Order. If you think your ex may leave without your consent (if you have parental responsibility), then the PSO is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. However, there is no guarantee a court will rule in your favour. The court will always decide upon what it feels is in the best interests of your child. However, it will also take in the personal circumstances of your ex and much depends upon whether she can justify the reasons of moving out of the area, help from family, financial reasons etc. Likewise, it will take into consideration the ties your child has to you and family etc. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s welfare first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
SeparatedDads - 28-Jul-17 @ 11:06 AM
My now x and I have had a server relationship break down. We have a 2 year old son together who always asks for me when he wakes up or to do well anything. Rather than favouritism I think it's because I'm always here looking after him as well as working 50+ hours. She has decided she wishes to move from London to Newcastle to be near her grandparents! (6-8 drive). That would make contact ridiculous. Maybe once every 2 weeks maximun probably once every month realistically due to cost time etc. Is there anything I can do? Surely that's got to be unfair or unjust in some or most aspects?
Muzza - 26-Jul-17 @ 8:24 PM
Im after some advice if possible please... my wife and i are currently separating. Everything is amicable at the moment. We have agreed its in the best interest of the children to stay in the matrimonial home with their mum. We have also agreed that i see them 6 out of 14 days. Is it worth anything if i get this in writing, or does it need to go through solicitors.? I do not want her to change her mind later down the line and find out that our agreement is worthless. Thanks
Nj - 5-Jun-17 @ 11:29 PM
I splitup with my girlfiriend of 5 years quite a while ago and just recently found out shes seeing someone andits left me heartbroken! (We have a little boy together)Just want to know how people get through this. i just cant stand to think she and my little boy will settle down with someone else when i really hoped and thoughtthings would work out ?? I feel like ive hit rock bottom And it hurts so much! I thinkf i may been suffering with depressiom now as all sorts of scary things are running through my head. Really need some help amd advise of people who have beem through this. Thanks x
Ash - 5-Jun-17 @ 7:20 PM
My partner has a 4 yr old child with her ex husband. Currently he sees the child fortnightly over the weekend, and sometimes longer with pre arrangement. We live roughly 30 mins from him. We have decided to move 1.5hrs away due to a job opportunity for my partner that will allow us a better quality of life. We informed her ex by email that this was a possibility 3 weeks ago (when it became a option we were seriously considering) and have now informed him that we are going ahead with the plan. We have offered to bring the child to him every fortnight so that their time together does not change, and said we will obviously look at longer periods and how they will be facilitated on a time by time basis. We want to move before the child starts school in September. As was expected, the ex isn't happy that we are moving. What is the law in this situation?
Scotty - 5-Jun-17 @ 9:20 AM
Mummyof3 - Your Question:
My husband I have had a very rocky relationship for just over three years. He leaves me all the time as a way of controlling me and sometimes he's abusive.I can't keep going back to this, I can't keep dragging my children through it.I have decided I want to move away to Cornwall to be with my family as I have no family support network where I live now (we live in the east midlands).I just wondered if I have to have my ex husbands permission to take the children or if he could stop me from doing this?

Our Response:
By law you would have to ask for your ex's consent. If he will not give it, you can suggest mediation as a way of trying to resolve the issue out of court, if he refuses you would have to apply to court. If you move without your ex's consent, if he chooses to take the matter to court, a court will always decide upon what it thinks is in the best interests of your child with regards to forcing you by law move back to the area.
SeparatedDads - 1-Jun-17 @ 12:25 PM
My husband I have had a very rocky relationship for just over three years. He leaves me all the time as a way of controlling me and sometimes he's abusive. I can't keep going back to this, I can't keep dragging my children through it. I have decided I want to move away to Cornwall to be with my family as I have no family support network where I live now (we live in the east midlands). I just wondered if I have to have my ex husbands permission to take the children or if he could stop me from doing this?
Mummyof3 - 31-May-17 @ 8:24 PM
@Libby21 - if your ex refuses you would have to apply to court if you want to make this happen. It's not an unreasonable request and the courts don't want to stop you trying to get on with your life. If you're willing to put a good access plan in place - the court won't stop you moving. Tell your ex you would much rather do it with his consent and maybe offer a signed agreement through mediation. Tell him to get some legal advice as it's likely a solicitor would tell him he can't really object. Your son will be able to give his opinion now because of his age. T.
TomGood78 - 25-May-17 @ 2:27 PM
LondonDad - Your Question:
My partner and I separated over 2 years ago. we have three children (3, 6, 8) and I have been travelling from London to Wales every other weekend to have the kids. I am lucky enough to have a house in Wales where I can have the kids over.Now my ex has informed me that it is her intent to move back to her native New Zealand at some time in near future taking the children with her. We are not yet divorced and are still working through finacial arrangements with a mediator. Obviously I am keen to continue having a relationship with my children but this is possibly the worst move I can think of given time zone and geographical distance.While I am trying to keep the separation as amicable as possible this suggestion from my ex has really made life uncomfortable and I am not sure how to proceed in discussions with her both from a financial perspective and from a legal stand point. What are my options for maintaining contact with the children and what are my future financial options given that I will be spending a lot of money each year just to keep in touch.

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. Much depends upon whether you wish to agree a solution or attempt to stop the move via a Prohibited Steps Order. Mediation is the better alternative if you feel you don't want to stop your ex, but need some kind of re-assurance that access to your children will be continued. It is obviously a massive emotional jolt to you and you may wish to seek legal advice about whether a PSO is something you might consider applying for. A Prohibited Steps Order (PSO) is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the children in question. The court will always put the children’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
SeparatedDads - 22-May-17 @ 2:42 PM
My partner and i separated over 2 years ago. we have three children (3, 6, 8) and i have been travelling from London to Wales every other weekend to have the kids. I am lucky enough to have a house in Wales where i can have the kids over. Now my ex has informed me that it is her intent to move back to her native New Zealand at some time in near future taking the children with her. We are not yet divorced and are still working through finacial arrangements with a mediator. Obviously i am keen to continue having a relationship with my children but this is possibly the worst move i can think of given time zone and geographical distance. While i am trying to keep the separation as amicable as possible this suggestion from my ex has really made life uncomfortable and i am not sure how to proceed in discussions with her both from a financial perspective and from a legal stand point. What are my options for maintaining contact with the children and what are my future financial options given that i will be spending a lot of money each year just to keep in touch.
LondonDad - 22-May-17 @ 12:05 PM
I've been separated from my ex for 8 years and have a son who is ten years old. My ex lives 2.5 hour drive away and sees him every other weekend plus holidays. I meet him half way most times to help ease the journey for him. We live in Northern Ireland and my partner of 5 years is from England but moved here to be with me and is a great stepdad. We now have a daughter together and would like to move to England together as my partner has found it difficult settling in NI and would like to be near his mum who lives on her own and has nobody. We would wait till my son is 12 and moving to secondary school before we move. I have a good relationship with my ex and have always helped him to see his son but I know he will say no when I ask for his permission as he would think England is too far away. I don't want to go to court with this it would just be nice for us to come to an arrangement to make it work. Am I being unreasonable to ask my ex to see his 12year old son every 3-4 weeks plus any holidays? Does my son have a say in what he wants to do?
Libby21 - 20-May-17 @ 10:47 PM
Kymlee - Your Question:
Me explain partner has used our son as toy for the past 2 years. She is violent and aggressive and I have report3d her to ssd and the police each time she has assaulted me. Often in front of our son. She plays on contact. Allowed me to have him for a fee weekends here and there and now has moved to England. I don't are that she has moved but I am concerned about his welfare and want to see him as he wants to see me too. My ex has played head games with our son who is 10 and is worse since I have a new partner. It infuriates me that I am not being heard by agencies and feel it's discrimination as I am a man.i have no idea where he is. She has refused to engage with solicitor or mediation. Where do I go next.

Our Response:
Your next option is to take the matter to court. If you cannot find your child, along with the C100 contact form, you should fill in a C4 form which is an application for an order for disclosure of a child's whereabouts. This means the court can put a trace on your child to allow you to apply to the courts for access.
SeparatedDads - 17-May-17 @ 12:01 PM
Me explain partner has used our son as toy for the past 2 years. She is violent and aggressive and I have report3d her to ssd and the police each time she has assaulted me. Often in front of our son. She plays on contact.Allowed me to have him for a fee weekends here and there and now has moved to England.I don'tare that she has moved but I am concerned about his welfare and want to see him as he wants to see me too. My ex has played head games with our son who is 10 and is worse since I have a new partner. It infuriates me that I am not being heard by agencies and feel it's discrimination as I am a man.i have no idea where he is. She has refused to engage with solicitor or mediation. Where do I go next.
Kymlee - 16-May-17 @ 9:50 PM
Daddy Broggo - Your Question:
My ex lives with my 7 year old daughter, 2mins away from me and her school. I see my daughter every week, overnight Thursday and Friday (with school runs etc). Now they are moving 3hrs away to Ipswich. Now I don't have any issue with the move as that's just life but I don't know what requests I can make to ensure I still see my daughter.I'll lose all contact time with her in the week as I'll never be able to do a 6hrs trip just to see her after school. Can I ask her to meet me half way for pickups and drop offs because that'll be 12hrs out of my 48hr window of cantact time, just in travelling. Not to mention fuel costs and wear and tear on the car. I have a pretty good relationship with my ex but I was wondering if there are any reasonable guidelines that I could ask her for?

Our Response:
If you have PR, your ex has to ask for your consent to move from the area. Therefore, you may wish to request you attend mediation in order to draw up an access agreement between yourselves. Please see link here.
SeparatedDads - 16-May-17 @ 11:55 AM
My ex lives with my 7 year old daughter, 2mins away from me and her school. I see my daughter every week, overnight Thursday and Friday (with school runs etc). Now they are moving 3hrs away to Ipswich. Now I don't have any issue with the move as that's just life but I don't know what requests I can make to ensure I still see my daughter. I'll lose all contact time with her in the week as I'll never be able to do a 6hrs trip just to see her after school. Can I ask her to meet me half way for pickups and drop offs because that'll be 12hrs out of my 48hr window of cantact time, just in travelling. Not to mention fuel costs and wear and tear on the car. I have a pretty good relationship with my ex but I was wondering if there are any reasonable guidelines that I could ask her for?
Daddy Broggo - 15-May-17 @ 4:56 PM
Hi, My partner and I need to move as we can no longer afford the area we live in. We have been going into debt and our son having to share a bedroom with us.I have a daughter with another man he lives some distance from us at the moment but works near so has been ok with the picking up and dropping off. I also need to apply for her secondary school in oct so need to move within catchment and for my son who I need to apply for reception place in Jan. We looked at areas within a localish radius but couldn't find affordable housing and good schools. We have had to look further away. It has been a very long process with alot to consider and manage. We recently found an area which is 126 miles from his house. Our current house is 47 miles from his. We have suggested that we meet half way and the timings of the journey for him would be 15 mins less. Also have asked how the Sunday sleepover can be made up. He does work away and regularly misses contact with his daughter as he travels overseas. He has had reg contact with her since she was 4 but has never lived with her. She is now 10 does that give her any say?He was aware of the planning and seeemed fine but the last few days has said he refuses to consent to any school or any move. What do we do Re her education? We have to move as cannot pay the rent where we are and I need to arrange school and nursery for my son. Is doesn't seem right that he can refuse her an education and will need resolving. Can someone stop a family moving so he can keep an arrangement that is for his convenience as the change would still maintain the contact? . Please can you let me know what the law says, time frames Re PSO and costs likely should it go to court as well as how long the process would take. Many thanks
Lol - 12-May-17 @ 6:13 PM
T22 - Your Question:
My ex has been living nearby with my two children for the past year since we divorced. My work situation has changed and I am now earning half the amount I used to. I told her I was going to have to reduce child maintenance and now she is threatening me saying that if I reduce child maintenance she can't afford to live here and wants to take the children a 2 hour drive away. Even thought she clearly lives well having made a lot expensive purchases since the divorce. I see them every other weekend. They are happy and settled in school and where she wants to move is no cheaper than where she lives currently. What can I do? Mediation hasn't worked in the past, would the courts be able to do anything?

Our Response:
If you fear your ex may take your children away without your consent, then you may be able to apply for a Prohibited Steps Order. A PSO, is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. We have all heard the stories of a parent taking their child for the weekend and not returning them or going abroad with them and it becoming extremely difficult for the other parent to get their child back. Thankfully, this is one of the scenarios that a PSO seeks to prevent. However, as in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the children in question. The court will always put the children’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. If your ex has family connections in the area and can prove why it is in your children's best interests to move into this new area, then the court will listen. Likewise, if you can prove why it isn't, then you too will be able to put your reasoning across. Family connections, stability and consistency are valued by the court. But neither will the court try to prevent parents from getting on with their lives if and where needed.
SeparatedDads - 9-May-17 @ 10:04 AM
Scared - Your Question:
My wife has taken my kids overseas, I expect she is having an affair and I want her to bring them home. I signed a release form so they could go. If she doesn't want to bring them back what can I do?

Our Response:
Has she taken them for a holiday, or did you giver her permission to leave for good? If you gave permission for your wife to take your children on holiday, and she refused to bring them home, then you should seek legal advice as this could be classed as abduction, please see link here. If you have given permission for her to leave the country for good, there is little you can do.
SeparatedDads - 8-May-17 @ 10:41 AM
My ex has been living nearby with my two children for the past year since we divorced. My work situation has changed and I am now earning half the amount I used to. I told her I was going to have to reduce child maintenance and now she is threatening me saying that if I reduce child maintenance she can't afford to live here and wants to take the children a 2 hour drive away. Even thought she clearly lives well having made a lot expensive purchases since the divorce. I see them every other weekend. They are happy and settled in school and where she wants to move is no cheaper than where she lives currently. What can I do? Mediation hasn't worked in the past, would the courts be able to do anything?
T22 - 8-May-17 @ 8:42 AM
My wife has taken my kids overseas, I expect she is having an affair and I want her to bring them home. I signed a release form so they could go. If she doesn't want to bring them back what can I do?
Scared - 7-May-17 @ 1:38 AM
Stick - Your Question:
Hi I live in mt druitt wanting to move 3.5 hours away just want to know if I can do that ir if my ex can order me back

Our Response:
I'm afraid as we are a UK-based site we only have knowledge of UK-based family law which may differ in Australia.
SeparatedDads - 4-May-17 @ 2:55 PM
Hi i live in mt druitt wanting to move 3.5 hours away just want to know if i can do that ir if my ex can order me back
Stick - 4-May-17 @ 2:52 AM
Marky - Your Question:
Hi all. My wife left me in 2012. We were in Tiverton at the time. We had been there for 6 months. She had a stable job but I had no such luck. I was proudly house husband for that period but my self esteem was getting eroded and fast. When she left me I had to move home to Dorset to be with family and friends. She moved to Somerset and has subsequently moved to Nelson South Wales and now Caerphilly. In the divorce agreement we agreed on my access every other weekend.two weeks in the summer.one week easter and alternate Christmas's. Despite that fact that she has moved from England to Wales we have always ensured that we would meet half way to facilitate contact.so meeting Friday evening and Sunday evening at an agreed location and time. For five years this has gone on.no issues.on March 10th my ex said to me that she could no longer do the trip.which is less than 3 hrs in total saying that if I wanted to see the boys aged 8 and 6 I would now have to make a 7 hr round trip to get them. What?? After a full working week this is impossible for me. I am exceptionally close to my babies. My eldest in particular will be destroyed. Neither of them want to go home on the Sunday anyway citing boredom.no fun.no family.etc. Please help.

Our Response:
You don't say whether your ex gave any genuine reason why she could no longer make the trip. If her reason is not genuine, your only recourse would be to suggest mediation in order to resolve the issue through mutual negotiation. If she refuses, you would have the option to apply for a Specific Issue Order via court - please see link here.
SeparatedDads - 2-May-17 @ 2:30 PM
Hi all.My wife left me in 2012. We were in Tiverton at the time. We had been there for 6 months. She had a stable job but i had no such luck. I was proudly house husband for that period but my self esteem was getting eroded and fast. When she left me i had to move home to Dorset to be with family and friends. She moved to Somerset and has subsequently moved to Nelson South Wales and now Caerphilly. In the divorce agreement we agreed on my access every other weekend...two weeks in the summer...one week easter and alternate Christmas's. Despite that fact that she has moved from England to Wales we have always ensured that we would meet half way to facilitate contact..so meeting Friday evening and Sunday evening at an agreed location and time. For five years this has gone on....no issues...on March 10th my ex said to me that she could no longer do the trip...which is less than 3 hrs in total saying that if i wanted to see the boys aged 8 and 6 i would now have to make a 7 hr round trip to get them.What?? After a full working week this is impossible for me. I am exceptionally close to my babies. My eldest in particular will be destroyed. Neither of them want to go home on the Sunday anyway citing boredom..no fun..no family...etc.Please help.
Marky - 2-May-17 @ 8:19 AM
Saz - Your Question:
Hi. I live in Scotland but want to move 60miles away to live with my new partner in England but the ex of my 6year old says no. We have never been a couple but he's always had regular contact with his daughter. Can he take me to court and stop me from going?

Our Response:
If your ex has parental responsibility of your child, he can apply for a Prohibited Steps Order through the courts (if he thinks you may leave the area without his consent). A Prohibited Steps Order (PSO) is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their child. However, it does not mean the court will grant the order. If your ex refuses his consent, then you too can apply to the courts to ask the court's permission to move from the area with your child. The court is not against people trying to get on with their lives. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application. If your ex has had regular contact with your child, the court will want to assure this will not be irretrievably fractured should you leave the area. You may wish to suggest mediation to your ex first as a way of trying to resolve the issue without having to resort to court. This way you can attempt to come up with an access plan between you. Sixty miles is unlikely to be turned down by the court (if your ex still refuses and you are forced to apply) as a good father/daughter relationship can still be maintained over such a distance.
SeparatedDads - 19-Apr-17 @ 11:58 AM
Hi. I live in Scotland but want to move 60miles away to live with my new partner in England but the ex of my 6year old says no. We have never been a couple but he's always had regular contact with his daughter. Can he take me to court and stop me from going?
Saz - 18-Apr-17 @ 7:44 PM
maddy93 - Your Question:
Hi,Me and my ex partner separate last year in October. He left me because he didn't want the second child ( still pregnant. 36 weeks ). Now I would like to move back to Germany, as I'm from there. Our first kid is 18 month now, and my question would be. Am I aloud to move abroad with my kids? Like, do I need his permission to take the kids with me? As soon as our second kid is born, I was gonna move back. ( reason because I would have more help over in Germany and would be around my family. ) not strong arguments I know, but over here im not entitled to anything and back I Germany I would be.Since he left me back in October he hasn't bothered with our daughter much ( got it written down I a diary ) and I think it would be best for our kids to life in Germany with me. I can just give them a better life over there then here.Help please?

Our Response:
Regardless of whether your ex has contact to your children, you would have to request written permission from your ex if he has parental responsibility. If he refuses, then you would have to request permission from the courts. Otherwise, if you take the children out of the country without permission, you could be charged with abduction, please see link here.
SeparatedDads - 18-Apr-17 @ 11:43 AM
Hi, Me and my ex partner separate last year in October. He left me because he didn't want the second child ( still pregnant. 36 weeks ). Now I would like to move back to Germany, as I'm from there. Our first kid is 18 month now, and my question would be. Am I aloud to move abroad with my kids? Like, do I need his permission to take the kids with me? As soon as our second kid is born, I was gonna move back. ( reason because I would have more help over in Germany and would be around my family. ) not strong arguments I know, but over here im not entitled to anything and back I Germany I would be. Since he left me back in October he hasn't bothered with our daughter much ( got it written down I a diary ) and I think it would be best for our kids to life in Germany with me. I can just give them a better life over there then here. Help please?
maddy93 - 17-Apr-17 @ 3:08 PM
N77 - Your Question:
Hi, I split from my ex 5 years ago, divorce came thro last Nov, he moved from the family home 150miles away a year later we moved 150miles in the other direction, he gave consent to this, I have the emails, since then we travel halfway for him to pick up, lately the children do not want to go, (11,13) and he doesn't give me much notice about when he wants them, last oct he didn't want them and I convinced him to, xmas he couldn't do the dates I gave him, this year I arranged Easter, which he now tells me he will have to work part of it, and summer hols he gave me no dates apart from 17th as he is re marrying, which I arranged with my partner so they could be there, no other dates were discussed, he now wants them 2 weeks over that, one being our holiday.I have said yes to one week but the children don't want to do two, my youngest tried to talk to him but he blamed me for not helping him, saying he hadn't seen them for 6 months, I said I had never stopped him from seeing them if he had a few weekend etc he could come up and have them. He said that he couldn't afford that, and that it was me being selfish, he then said he wasn't going to pay child maintance any more and was taking legal advice. I've tried to keep lines open, but I think I must take what my children want, they were very upset coming back from his, and don't want to go I have to tell them they are going. Have I been unreasonable? Thanks

Our Response:
I think in this case mediation may be the solution, please see link here. Your kids are 13 and 11 and through any court of law will now be allowed to voice their opinions and a court will listen (although a court will always ultimately decide what 'it' thinks is in your children's best interests). Mediation will allow you to be objective in your outlook and attempt to come to a mutual arrangement that hopefully suits your ex, your kids and yourself with each being able to air their views via a third party. On another note, child maintenance and child access have no bearing on each other, meaning your ex is still responsible by law to pay to help support his children whether he sees them or not. So, if he pays via CMS, then he will be subjected to arrears. However, if he pays via a family-based arrangement, he won't and it will be up to you to decide whether to take the matter to CMS or try to resolve it between yourselves.
SeparatedDads - 4-Apr-17 @ 11:41 AM
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