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How Can I Obtain a Contact Order?

By: Chris Nickson - Updated: 7 Dec 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Contact Order Court Lawyer Ex Family

Q.

How can I obtain a Contact Order when I don't have an address for my wife and children? I only know the town they live in which is 100 miles plus away.

(D.T, 28 September 2008)

A.

First of all, in order to be eligible for a Contact Order, you must have what’s known as Parental Responsibility, which means either that you’re listed on the birth certificates of the children as the father, or you’ve obtained a Parental Responsibility Order (see our article on Your Separated Father's Rights).

Part of Parental Responsibility is the responsibility part, which means you’re almost certainly Paying Child Support of some kind. If you don’t have your ex’s address, it will likely be via the CSA (Child Support Agency).

However, don’t despair if you don’t have an address for your ex. You can go through the courts to obtain a contact order that will allow you time with your children.

You can apply to the court yourself, you will have to pay to submit your form but it is cheaper than the cost of a solicitor. You can use our article Which Court Form Do I Need? to find out which form to use and how to apply. From then on in you can represent yourself in court and with a little research you will be able to present to the court your expectations for contact and why you should be granted it. Read our article Representing Yourself in Court to get yourself started.

Of course, you can use family law solicitor to handle your case for you although you should be aware that the cost will be high.

Courts tend to work on a principle called “presumption of contact”, under which they do everything possible for a father to have contact with his children.

They will want a report on whether you can meet the needs of the child during a contact period, whether there’s any chance of harm coming to the child during contact, what the child desires, as well as their emotional and educational needs.

Although that sounds like a lot, it’s reassuring to know that some 90% of all Contact Orders are granted. If there’s a hearing then there will need to be a report from the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service officer, and interview with you, your ex, and others.

It sounds involved, and it does take some time, but bear in mind that it’s really all in the interests of the children.

So the first real step is for you or your solicitor, if you choose to hire one, to petition the court to grant you a Contact Order for your children. It’s helpful if you can supply their address, but it’s not mandatory, and you’re not the only one who’s not in possession of his ex’s address.

From there the court will contact your ex, and in the best of all possible worlds, they’ll work out an amicable arrangement.

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

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[Add a Comment]
Me and my ex fiance were together 13 years, we split in 2012 and my daughter continued to live with me, at the time we agreed with mediation that my ex would have her weekends and half term/holidays etc. This continued as normal until this year when I sent my daughter to my ex in March he kept her told me he wasn't bringing her back, changed her school and deleted me from all social media and phones.. It is now November he has not allowed me to see or speak to her since he took her. The police cannot help, neither can social services. I miss my daughter every second of every day and just want to see her again..
Charlie - 21-Nov-17 @ 11:26 PM
Sue - Your Question:
I'm a mum of a 9yr old girl. 8 and a half years ago I ended up with postnatal depression and really bad anxiety, my partner of then told me he couldn't be with me until I got myself sorted so I moved in with my parents and he kept my daughter while I got better, when my medication started to work I went back to him. Although he had changed his mind completely so devastated me broke down and stayed with my parents. I had to look after my other daughter from a relationship 3years before hand.anyway long story short I saw her regularly but he met someone else and has now moved away I saw her less and less, then my nasty anxiety appeared again,I have phoned him messaged him but nothing. I haven't seen her in nearly a year it hurts so much. HOW CAN I SEE HER AGAIN? before she starts thinking I don't care or love her. If only I wasn't ill years ago my baby's would be together with me.

Our Response:
If your ex is denying you access, then you would have to apply to court (if he will not agree to attending mediation), please see link here . This will tell you what you should do in the circumstances. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. However, the court does want both parents to have a relationship with their child, so unless there is a justifiable reason why you shouldn't be given access then access should be reinstated. If you cannot afford legal representation, you can self litigate, please see link here .
SeparatedDads - 24-Oct-17 @ 10:06 AM
I'm a mum of a 9yr old girl. 8 and a half years ago I ended up with postnatal depression and really bad anxiety, my partner of then told me he couldn't be with me until I got myself sorted so I moved in with my parents and he kept my daughter while I got better, when my medication started to work I went back to him. Although he had changed his mind completely so devastated me broke down and stayed with my parents. I had to look after my other daughter from a relationship 3years before hand.anyway long story short I saw her regularly but he met someone else and has now moved away I saw her less and less, then my nasty anxiety appeared again,I have phoned him messaged him but nothing. I haven't seen her in nearly a year it hurts so much. HOW CAN I SEE HER AGAIN? before she starts thinking I don't care or love her. If only I wasn't ill years ago my baby's would be together with me.
Sue - 23-Oct-17 @ 3:34 PM
Hi I splitt up with my youngest daughters father a year ago.... he used to hAve my daughter every Saturday night.... until i got with my new partner he started demanding that he has her all weekend everyweekend which I don't think is fair as she's at school now and my family work and want to see her on a weekend too.... I've told him he can have her every other weekend pick her up on a Friday and drop her off sunday dinner timeso i have time to get her settled and ready for school mon but this is not good enough for him.... when he has her it's always on his terms when I get her back.... and this isn't fair.... he hasnt seen my daughter for 2 weeks now as i want legal advice on what i can do... he also sends me and my new partnet threats and abuse via text he qont attend meditation can I represent myself in court to get him access that is good for us both
Kleigh46 - 5-Oct-17 @ 3:58 PM
Gra1974 - Your Question:
Hi. I have a 5yr old daughter who I see on a very regular basis. The trouble is my ex. She loves her social life which means I have my daughter more than her which to me is a great thing. She has recently found a new partner and now she is starting to take my daughter off me for the days that I have her. As soon as I raise my concern she tells me I can’t see my daughter anymore. Seems she uses my daughter as her weapon towards me as she knows I love my daughter being with me. Recently I booked to go away and when I told my ex I couldn’t have my daughter on that particular weekend she once again said I can’t see her anymore. I cancelled my weekend (again) and within 30 mins of doing it she told me that I can see my daughter again. I can’t go on with all this and wondered what I can do? Thanks.

Our Response:
Your only recourse in situations such as this is to either agree between yourselves, consider mediation and if your ex refuses mediation you would have (as a last resort) the option to apply to court, please see link here.
SeparatedDads - 2-Oct-17 @ 10:59 AM
Hi. I have a 5yr old daughter who I see on a very regular basis. The trouble is my ex. She loves her social life which means I have my daughter more than her which to me is a great thing. She has recently found a new partner and now she is starting to take my daughter off me for the days that I have her. As soon as I raise my concern she tells me I can’t see my daughter anymore. Seems she uses my daughter as her weapon towards me as she knows I love my daughter being with me. Recently I booked to go away and when I told my ex I couldn’t have my daughter on that particular weekend she once again said I can’t see her anymore. I cancelled my weekend (again) and within 30 mins of doing it she told me that I can see my daughter again. I can’t go on with all this and wondered what I can do? Thanks.
Gra1974 - 1-Oct-17 @ 10:12 AM
My wife filed for divorce 4 weeks after returning to the UK with our children in April 2016 , after living in Asia for 12 years. We have two children (Daughter 9 years of age born in Hong Kong and Son 4 years of age born in Singapore) I’ve had to remain in Singapore in my to meet my financial responsibilities as set out in the FDR. We have an informal contact agreement which means I see the children in every school holiday total of 5 weeks a year with every alternate Christmas, I’m currently flying back to the UK. My ex-wife is becoming increasingly more difficult to deal with, demanding I take my children to specific locations within the UK and undertake specific activities with them. They reside in Leeds and I’ve informed her I want to spend a week in Surrey , and she claims it’s too far away and she will not allow it. I was in the UK for summer holidays (August), and we spent that time in the Cotswold’s approx. the same distance away from Leeds. I want to be able to spend time with my children where and how I please, they have immediate family (grandmother , Aunty & Uncle) in Australia that they’ve not seen in over 18mth do to her refusal to allow the kids to travel, which she claims is in the children’s best interest. I’ve gone through the C100 document and it appears under Section13e – Other exemptions – As the prospective applicant or all of the prospective respondents are not habitually resident in England and Wales . I do not have to go through MIAM Can I get a contact order that states I can take the children wherever I choose and do things that we enjoy as a family? No I need to be physically present in court at the direction hearing and subsequent hearings? As I reside in Singapore in a highly demanding job. I also need the children to fly unaccompanied to Singapore when they both reach the legal age to do so as its not practical from a financial standpoint for me to travel to Leeds to pick them up and take them to Australia.
O - 27-Sep-17 @ 9:24 AM
Tez93 - Your Question:
Hello, my partner has a 3 year old son, his ex is now denying him contact because she doesn't like my partners mum and doesn't want her son to see her, my partner collects his ex and son from nursery everyday to take them home which is out of his way just so he can see his son for 5 minutes before he falls asleep in the car. She is still happy for him to do this because she gets a lift home. But will not let my partner see his son or have him overnight when he had him once /twice a night in the week and then every Saturday, Saturday night and Sunday morning. He buys his son anything he needs and pays off a loan in his name that she needed him to get out to pay her debts so he pays £200 a month towards that aswell as anything for his son. Where does he stand he is so scared. What can he do. His ex has also lied to authorities for the past 3 years claiming he has nothing to do with his son when he was living with her on and off and always everyday there for his son. I've honestly never known such an amazing dad.

Our Response:
The fact your partner financially supports his son does not have any bearing on whether he can or cannot have access, so this is an area not be confused. Unfortunately, your partner has two options if him and his ex disagree and that is to either suggest mediation as a way of sorting access out and if his ex refuses, take the matter to court, please see link here. I'm afraid it is a difficult decision for your partner to make as going to court can mean his ex may deny access until the court date. However, unless his ex can provide good reason why your partner's son shouldn't have contact with his son, then the court has no reason to prevent it. Likewise, if your partner has had consistent access to his son, then the court will put in place access arrangements which means his ex will have to keep to the order. I can only recommend your partner seeks legal advice in order to explore his options and to see whether he wishes to push ahead with taking the matter further. If he doesn't his ex will be allowed by default to consistently call the shots.
SeparatedDads - 22-Sep-17 @ 9:55 AM
Hello, my partner has a 3 year old son, his ex is now denying him contact because she doesn't like my partners mum and doesn't want her son to see her, my partner collects his ex and son from nursery everyday to take them home which is out of his way just so he can see his son for 5 minutes before he falls asleep in the car. She is still happy for him to do this because she gets a lift home. But will not let my partner see his son or have him overnight when he had him once /twice a night in the week and then every Saturday, Saturday night and Sunday morning... He buys his son anything he needs and pays off a loan in his name that she needed him to get out to pay her debts so he pays £200 a month towards that aswell as anything for his son. Where does he stand he is so scared.. What can he do. His ex has also lied to authorities for the past 3 years claiming he has nothing to do with his son when he was living with her on and off and always everyday there for his son. I've honestly never known such an amazing dad.
Tez93 - 21-Sep-17 @ 12:57 AM
vic - Your Question:
My son has a 1 year old who he has parental responsibility for and has him every other weekend, his ex has done everything she possibly can to stop the little boy from seeing his dad, she tried to get a non molistation order against him, it was thrown out of court, they are in court in two weeks for access and now today ive been told she's considering moving south and we live in the midlands, is there anything my son can do to stop her, hes paid maintenance since day one and even that isn't good enough , we're at out wits end.

Our Response:
Yes, your son can apply for a Prohibited Steps Order if he thinks his ex is doing this deliberately and may take the child without his consent. A Prohibited Steps Order (PSO) is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children and not request permission from the other parent with parental responsibility. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. If your son has PR, his ex has to request his permission to move away, if he refuses, then she has to apply to court for the court to grant permission. However, not all resident parents do this and of course, once the move has been made, it is very difficult to get the resident parent to move back.
SeparatedDads - 7-Sep-17 @ 11:14 AM
My son has a 1 year old who he has parental responsibility for and has him every other weekend, his ex has done everything she possibly can to stop the little boy from seeing his dad, she tried to get a non molistation order against him, it was thrown out of court, they are in court in two weeks for access and now today ive been told she's considering moving south and we live in the midlands, is there anything my son can do to stop her, hes paid maintenance since day one and even that isn't good enough , we're at out wits end.
vic - 6-Sep-17 @ 10:03 AM
Mattyb - Your Question:
Hi, I'm trying to arrange alternate Christmas with my sons mom and she's point blank said no as she has two children and dont like that fact that our son won't be there Christmas Day but I also have 2 sons and a daughter on the way, for the past 8 years she's had him every Christmas and birthday Iv asked about Christmas a few times and it always no! I don't want it to get heated or nasty but it should be 50/50! What's my next step?

Our Response:
If your ex does not agree, then mediation is the next step, please see link here . If your ex refuses, or the mediation process breaks down, then you can take the matter to court via a Specific Issue Order, please see link here . As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
SeparatedDads - 31-Aug-17 @ 10:19 AM
Chachi - Your Question:
Hello, I Will like to get in touch with my son, We have'nt seen each Other in 11 years. After a ver y dificult divorcie, I'd made several mistakes, and went throught health issues; as a result I mover Backup to Lima Perú (from San Francisco ), 2 years ago.I miss him tremendously, He just turned 14 2 days ago.How can I hey in touch with him?

Our Response:
Unfortunately, as we are a UK-based site I cannot advise, not knowing the US protocol. You would have to seek guidance from a local family-law adviser. Best of luck.
SeparatedDads - 31-Aug-17 @ 9:40 AM
Hello, I Will like to get in touch with my son, We have'nt seen each Other in 11 years. After a ver y dificult divorcie, I'd made several mistakes, and went throught health issues; as a result I mover Backup to Lima Perú (from San Francisco ), 2 years ago. I miss him tremendously, He just turned 14 2 days ago. How can I hey in touch with him?
Chachi - 30-Aug-17 @ 1:10 AM
Hi, I'm trying to arrange alternate Christmas with my sons mom and she's point blank said no as she has two children and dont like that fact that our son won't be there Christmas Day but I also have 2 sons and a daughter on the way, for the past 8 years she's had him every Christmas and birthday Iv asked about Christmas a few times and it always no! I don't want it to get heated or nasty but it should be 50/50! What's my next step?
Mattyb - 29-Aug-17 @ 7:56 AM
Gparke5 - Your Question:
Hi ,I broke up with my EX a year ago now. It didn't end on the best of terms. I started seeing a new women around the same time of the break up and my ex demanded she was not allowed around my children while I had them. I have agreed to this for a year. I pay for my children every month. Me and my partner have now moved into my new property together and I am not kicking her out of our home just because my ex says so. Because of this she is now going to stop me seeing them unless my partner doesn't see them which I am not willing to do anymore as I do not want her dictating what she can and cant do with my life with our children. She has told me to take her to court as she feels that the children wouldn't be safe with me. EVEN though I have them every weekend !! I don't know where to go or what to do because of this. I don't want it to drag out as I just want a normal life with my children. Where do I start and what procedure do I have to follow ???

Our Response:
Please see link: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, here which will explain further. If you have written evidence such as emails and texts that show why your ex is restricting access, these will help your case 'if' she decides to put forward false accusations.
SeparatedDads - 1-Aug-17 @ 3:38 PM
Hi , I broke up with my EX a year ago now. It didn't end on the best of terms. I started seeing a new women around the same time of the break up and my ex demanded she was not allowed around my children while I had them. I have agreed to this for a year. I pay for my children every month. Me and my partner have now moved into my new property together and I am not kicking her out of our home just because my ex says so. Because of this she is now going to stop me seeing them unless my partner doesn't see them which I am not willing to do anymore as I do not want her dictating what she can and cant do with my life with our children. She has told me to take her to court as she feels that the children wouldn't be safe with me. EVEN though I have them every weekend !! I don't know where to go or what to do because of this. I don't want it to drag out as I just want a normal life with my children. Where do I start and what procedure do I have to follow ???
Gparke5 - 1-Aug-17 @ 3:13 PM
Hi I live in Australia and have not seen my son since 2011 when I moved there from the uk. We are both British but I am becoming an Australian citizen soon. I didn't tell me ex and she's gotten in contact with me. I now what contact but I am a stranger. I want me son to write me letters, Skype and send pictures. I don't know how to go about getting access so it's legal and I don't have to rely on my ex and so I get something in contact terms. I need to know if I have to pay back dated maintenance.I agreed to my son attending a private school but I hear that court orders include fees and my ex gets a big discount because she's military. I have said I don't want to to go now so I don't have to pay extra if she gets a court order, as the fees are classed as reasonable. I want him to go to a state school instead now. Can I force her to put him in one?
Joe - 27-Jul-17 @ 2:35 AM
lmg110 - Your Question:
Hi I split with my wife in March we have 2 young children a boy of 3 and a girl of 7 months. I'd like access to my children without her having to be present. Now I appreciate that due to feeding I cannot take my daughter away but she is refusing to give me access to my boy. I want to be able to take him to the park for a couple of hours but she flatly refused to let me take him. Im under the impression that legally she has no right to do that but what are my options ?Thanks

Our Response:
If your ex is refusing you access to your son, then you should seek mediation as a way to resolve the matter. If your ex refuses to attend mediation, then you can apply to court. The court wants fathers to have a relationship with their children, so unless there are circumstances that should prevent this, then access will be awarded. One other option is to ask a solicitor to write a letter to request access is reinstated, or you will take the matter further, please see link here. Sometimes this can work without having to resort to mediation and/or court.
SeparatedDads - 25-Jul-17 @ 12:02 PM
Hi I split with my wife in March we have 2 young children a boy of 3 and a girl of 7 months. I'd like access to my children without her having to be present. Now I appreciate that due to feeding I cannot take my daughter away but she is refusing to give me access to my boy. I want to be able to take him to the park for a couple of hours but she flatly refused to let me take him. Im under the impression that legally she has no right to do that but what are my options ? Thanks
lmg110 - 24-Jul-17 @ 2:58 PM
Bobby - Your Question:
Hi Me and my ex partner have been separated for several years now. He has always had fortnightly access of our two boys. A couple of months ago my eldest son did not want to see his dad and both me and my current partner did all we could to persuade him to resume contact and he did after missing two lots of contact. During that time his father had already chose to go down the legal route of getting a solicitor. I had a letter about mediation which I booked an appointment for but then seen as my son had resumed contact and everything was fine I no longer felt the need for it so rang up and cancelled. Recently I've even allowed more access time for their father allowing him to both pick them up from school and drop them back on his access weekends. Today I received court papers saying he's taking me to court for a contact order!? I'm confused as to where I stand with this as he has access and in the last 7 years it's only been affected once as explained above. Where do I go from here Many thanks

Our Response:
If you cancelled mediation, regardless of whether you thought the decision had been resolved, then this will have given your ex the option to apply to court. Your only option is to try to reason with your ex or go through the court procedure. If your ex is awarded a contact order, you would have to stick to this or risk being in contempt of court.
SeparatedDads - 14-Jul-17 @ 2:17 PM
Hi Me and my ex partner have been separated for several years now. He has always had fortnightly access of our two boys. A couple of months ago my eldest son did not want to see his dad and both me and my current partner did all we could to persuade him to resume contact and he did after missing two lots of contact. During that time his father had already chose to go down the legal route of getting a solicitor. I had a letter about mediation which I booked an appointment for but then seen as my son had resumed contact and everything was fine I no longer felt the need for it so rang up and cancelled. Recently I've even allowed more access time for their father allowing him to both pick them up from school and drop them back on his access weekends. Today I received court papers saying he's taking me to court for a contact order!? I'm confused as to where I stand with this as he has access and in the last 7 years it's only been affected once as explained above. Where do I go from here Many thanks
Bobby - 14-Jul-17 @ 12:54 AM
thereallady - Your Question:
My partner and I have been together for several months, and his ex-wife and him have been divorced since December 2016. She has unofficial residency of their two daughters. He pays monthly maintenance for the girls using the CSA calculator, and has never missed a payment. His ex-wife has a new boyfriend ,who has an aggressive temperament, and they both live together in the home with the children. After father's day and us telling her that me and my partner (her ex-husband) are getting married, she has cut off access until we can see mediation. All sorts of lies have been spinning around like my partners behavior is causing the girls to be upset, so she is using this as a leverage against us. The reality is that we have done nothing wrong and her and her new boyfriend are really hostile and offensive to us. We now have to go down the mediation route as this is her request but we just feel like we are pandering to everything she wants. My partner has rights, but aside from mediation costing £800 for one hour for all of us. is there nothing else we can do??

Our Response:
Unfortunately, mediation is the only option when parents cannot agree. The positive note is that your partners ex at least does want to try to make some kind of arrangement. It may not be a bad approach, as then at least an agreement will be put in place and if your ex does not agree then it will be open for him to apply to court.
SeparatedDads - 4-Jul-17 @ 2:56 PM
My partner and I have been together for several months, and his ex-wife and him have been divorced since December 2016. She has unofficial residency of their two daughters. He pays monthly maintenance for the girls using the CSA calculator, and has never misseda payment. His ex-wife has a new boyfriend ,who has an aggressive temperament, and they both live together in the home with the children. After father's day and us telling her that me and my partner (her ex-husband) are getting married, she has cut off access until we can see mediation. All sorts of lies have been spinning around like my partners behavior is causing the girls to be upset, so she is using this as a leverage against us. The reality is that we have done nothing wrong and her and her new boyfriend are really hostile and offensive to us. We now have to go down the mediation route as this is her request but we just feel like we are pandering to everything she wants. My partner has rights, but aside from mediation costing £800 for one hour for all of us..... is there nothing else we can do??
thereallady - 20-Jun-17 @ 2:37 PM
Thanks for your reply. I never mentioned that I am in Scotland. If the children point blank refuse to see their mother can the courts actually force them to do so? That would be contravening their rights surely?
SoloDad - 27-May-17 @ 12:21 PM
SoloDad - Your Question:
My wife left me and our three kids for another man. We are separated but not yet divorced. She lives in another town but her boyfriend lives directly across the street from us! As a result my kids (two of whom are under 16) do not want any contact at all with their mother.My wife seems to believe that courts can force our kids to see her but I believe that they have the right to refuse. Who is correct? Surely they have a right not to be forced to see her if they don't want to?

Our Response:
Much depends upon how old they are. Their mother has a right to apply for access to the children regardless of the situation and the reasons why she left - a court will not judge her on this. The children will be allowed to voice their preference regarding seeing their mother if they are over age-11. However, this does not mean the court will agree. It will always make a decision based upon what it thinks is in the children's best interests.
SeparatedDads - 23-May-17 @ 12:50 PM
My wife left me and our three kids for another man. We are separated but not yet divorced. She lives in another town but her boyfriend lives directly across the street from us! As a result my kids (two of whom are under 16) do not want any contact at all with their mother. My wife seems to believe that courts can force our kids to see her but I believe that they have the right to refuse. Who is correct? Surely they have a right not to be forced to see her if they don't want to?
SoloDad - 22-May-17 @ 5:28 PM
aid- Your Question:
Hello I have a little boy who now is 2 and he mum cheat on me with all my friends and now she stop me for see my little boy she only let me see him with one of my family member there and it kill me I can not take no more I want father time with my little boy I have never done anything wrong and all I want to do is be a dad to my son and I want to be able to take away and give a life I didn't have there alot of things that not let me go to court over this ever morning and night I am broke down and feel like I am no good because all I want to do is see my little boy ever day and it hurt me when I do see him and he go home because I never no when he is come back to see me

Our Response:
You do have rights to see your son, but you have to go through the correct channels in order to gain this if your ex is refusing you. This means initially suggesting mediation to your ex and then if mediation fails, you can apply to court, please see link here. If you are on a low income, you may be able to gain free mediation, a reduction in court fees and if you cannot afford legal representation in court, you can represent yourself. I also suggest you join a local support group such as Families Need Fathers, please see link here. It sounds as though you would benefit from speaking directly to fathers who are in the same situation and this will help to build your confidence to take the matter further.
SeparatedDads - 26-Apr-17 @ 12:34 PM
Hello I have a little boy who now is 2 and he mum cheat on me with all my friends and now she stop me for see my little boy she only let me see him with one of my family member there and it kill me I can not take no more I want father time with my little boy I have never done anything wrong and all I want to do is be a dad to my son and I want to be able to take away and give a life I didn't have there alot of things that not let me go to court over this ever morning and night I am broke down and feel like I am no good because all I want to do is see my little boy ever day and it hurt me when I do see him and he go home because i never no when he is come back to see me
aid - 25-Apr-17 @ 2:01 PM
My daughter (14) has lived with her mum since we broke up when she was 2. The mother has always made it hard for me to spend anything but small amounts of time with her, and has told me she does not have to tell me about their plans because she is the primary carer. This drives me crazy because I have to work sooo hard just to arrange a short holiday. Lately she says our daughter has mental health issues she attributes to 'trauma' (!?) and is taking her to see a counsellor who agrees (!) but won't tell me who or when. She did not want to take her to see a doctor, which I suggested at the outset. She is now using the mental health issue as a reason for me to spend less time with her 'because she needs to be at home'. I have NEVER seen my daughter behave in the ways she describes. She appears happy, bright, confident, stable, secure, present...my friends say the same things of her. My relationship with her has been great in the short times we have - until, at the end of my tether one day (being told what I was allowed to say to my daughter) I told her mother I would be contacting a solicitor to see that I get to spend meaningful time with my daughter and can be involved in her 'assessment/treatment'. My daughter is now cold towards me, recites things her mother has told her, and sees me as a threat who she does not want to see because I upset her mum. I have been trying to get her mother to agree to mediation but she says I need to get mediation to communicate with my daughter and understand 'her' needs and not be selfish. From experience it is pointless trying to discuss things with her mother myself- it is clear to me she would rather I did not exist. I have so much to offer my daughter- with school work, fun times, holidays, we have had some terrific (though usually short) times, although her mother won't leave her alone and keeps texting/calling which is very annoying. Even in my current 3 hrs per week! It feels like I am losing my daughter and it makes me really sad to see her look at me how she does now. I know the mother is making out that I am doing something bad by persisting with the mediation route, and I think she is scared of losing absolute control. I suspect she is emotionally dependent on our daughter and I fear that the harder I try the worse she will make it for me.
What2do - 21-Apr-17 @ 11:51 AM
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