Can I Stop My Ex Moving Our Children Abroad?

Q.

My ex wife and I have enjoyed a 6 year period of shared responsbility for our two 9 year old twins (a boy and a girl). This is now threatened by my ex wife and latest husband wanting to live in France for a year from next July with my kids who will then be 10 years old, nearly 11.

I do not feel the experience of being uprooted to a foreign country, albeit one they have visited many times on hoilday, will be a positve one for them and I feel they will loose out significantly from loss of contact with myself. I have expressed many of these feelings to her to no avail. Our current arrangement is Sunday -Tuesday at their mums, Wednesday - Saturday at mine.

I was unmarried to their mother at birth- but was named on the certificate, I then married the mother and before we divorced returned to the registrar to amend the entry etc. Do I have parental rights and is court the only likely way of resolving this form of dispute?

A.

You obviously have what’s called parental responsibility for your children since the divorce. That gives you a position of some strength, although it’s not as good as you might wish under the circumstances.

If your ex had sole responsibility, then she’d have no problem moving to France with the children, barring a court order preventing it.

As it stands, then, that doesn’t apply, and she would need your oral or written permission in order to move with the children. If the residence order means the kids spend part of the week with you, then she will need your written consent.

Of course, you have the option to withhold your consent, and it certainly sounds as if you’re not too happy about the situation. But you’d be better served if the two of you can come to a mutual agreement on the situation.

Why is that a good idea?

The simple fact is that your ex can apply to the court to be allowed to take the children abroad, and there’s a fair chance that she’ll be granted permission by the court. You’d be well advised to talk to your solicitor first to assess your full legal options. If it does come to court, you’ll need to mount good objections to your ex taking the kids abroad to live. Much of that strategy would be on how it affects the kids themselves, since that should be the focus for the court. It’s one that might serve you well, since the court could be encouraged to take testimony from the children themselves.

That’s not good news overall, and certainly not reassuring news, unfortunately. That also makes it a good idea to try and work something out with your ex if that’s at all possible. Otherwise there’s going to be even more animosity than there is now, which makes things worse for the children, too.

Keep your tempers in control where you talk to your ex, and keep the focus on the children and what’s best for them. Divorce can be traumatic enough for them, although you’ve all apparently coped with it quite well to date. Keep them at the centre of things, always.

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