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Shared Custody of Your Children

By: Chris Nickson - Updated: 29 Mar 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Contact Residency Visitation Custody

There are numerous questions surrounding shared custody. What is it? How does it work? And how is it different to contact (as visitation is called these days)?

In many instances, residence (custody) is granted to the mother, and you, as the father have your contact rights set out. With shared custody, your children split their time between their mother and you. The amount varies – it can be as much as 70% with the mother, for instance – but it means you have much greater contact with them. It presumes, of course, that both the mother and father are fit parents.

UK Lagging Behind

It’s an idea that has widespread popularity in Europe, and in the U.S. it’s becoming more common, although the UK has lagged behind in adopting it.

Shared custody demands a high level of commitment from both parents. If you’re going to have your children for three days a week, then during that time you have you need to make sure your schedule revolves around them.

The Advantages of Shared Custody

Shared custody, shared residency or shared parenting as it's also known, can offer several distinct advantages, both for parents and children. For separated fathers, it means they can be far more involved with their children, seeing them on a regular, extended basis every week. Moreover, it also means that neither parent is carrying the entire burden of parenting while the other is considered absent.

With standard Contact Orders, one parent has the majority of responsibility for the day-to-day routine, while the other – usually the separated father – sees the children at the weekend or selected weekdays.

Shared custody means your Children Have Two Homes, two stable bases where they can feel secure. Above all, it means they continue to have a real family life with both parents, which makes them feel more loved.

Research has determined that when children have experience of shared custody they have better relationships with both parents and are more satisfied with their lives. It’s also shown that even when there’s strong animosity between the parents, shared custody works well for the children.

The Disadvantages of Shared Custody

For shared custody to work, you have to live fairly close to you ex, for your children to continue to attend the same schools, see their friends, and so on. This can create social problems for the parents, since proximity means an increased chance of contact with your Ex Partner.

Also, if your job or circumstances change and you have to move elsewhere, then the change from shared custody to contact can create emotional problems for your children (the same can apply if your ex has to move for any reason). In other words, by its nature there has to be a certain amount of flexibility in the plan.

Shared Custody in the UK

At present, shared custody/residency is not the norm in Britain, although several organisations are trying to increase its visibility and prominence. The Shared Parenting Information Net and the Equal Parenting Council are both working to make it a very acceptable option here.

Just because it's not necessarily the norm, does not mean you can’t bring up the idea in Mediation or through your solicitor as a viable means of custody. In most instances, children are also given a say in where they spend their time, and where they have excellent relationships with both parents, it means they’re not in a position where they have to “choose” between Mum and Dad.

What Next?

Why not have a read through our article on Making Joint Decisions About Your Child's Future for some advice and guidance on how you and your ex partner can make parenting decisions together.

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Hi, I am lucky enough to have a really good relationship with both my children (15 & 18) and they both come and stay with me whenever they feel like it. This can be anything from once a week to all week. Their mum and I allow them to choose and it works really well. My question then is when deciding child maintenace on the .gov calculator how should i determine how many nights they stay with me because it varies all the time and is always their choice? The difference financially is huge between 1 night and 4 nights a week? I only want what is fair to both me and my Ex. Any advice welcome
Kawasaki Man - 29-Mar-17 @ 9:47 PM
Fil - Your Question:
Hi. I've applied to the court for a child arrangements order without a solicitor.My ex has heavy involvement with social services due to mental health issues and several incidents involving the police and drink.She uses the children as a weapon against me and will make a issue out of nothing.She has told me that she has got a barrister for the court hearing and that after the barrister has finished with me she and the children won't have to deal with me at all.I have nothing to hide and have nothing derogatory against my name.I only want contact to see my children.Do you think it will be wise to arrange for a barrister myself.Ive read also that the court can also award something you don't expect.I'm happy for contact or full custody but am worried about about joint custody because the children would be stuck in a battle field she's totally unreasonable likes making false allegations and I would end up paying for everything.She lives with the children in my home I live 50 miles away and am staying with my mum and can't afford to buy or rent a place nearer to her.Is it possible the court could consider this and tell me that I have to move nearer

Our Response:
The court are unlikely to consider joint residency and would not make you relocate. We cannot advise whether you should employ a barrister or not however, litigants in person MUST be treated equally before the law and have equal access to justice. Judges have a duty to ensure a fair trial by giving them due assistance to achieve this. But that duty does not extend to giving legal advice. Nor can a judge be seen to favour one party over another, even if that party is a litigant in person, please see link here . I will ask our Separated Dads Facebook members what their opinion is, as many will have been through this sort of scenario before and will be able to advise. Please see your answers via the link here.
SeparatedDads - 27-Mar-17 @ 11:53 AM
Hi. I've applied to the court for a child arrangements order without a solicitor. My ex has heavy involvement with social services due to mental health issues and several incidents involving the police and drink. She uses the children as a weapon against me and will make a issue out of nothing. She has told me that she has got a barrister for the court hearing and that after the barrister has finished with me she and the children won't have to deal with me at all. I have nothing to hide and have nothing derogatory against my name. I only want contact to see my children. Do you think it will be wise to arrange for a barrister myself. Ive read also that the court can also award something you don't expect. I'm happy for contact or full custody but am worried aboutabout joint custody because the children would be stuck in a battle field she's totally unreasonable likes making false allegations and I would end up paying for everything. She lives with the children in my home I live 50 miles away and am staying with my mum and can't afford to buy or rent a place nearer to her. Is it possible the court could consider this and tell me that I have to move nearer
Fil - 26-Mar-17 @ 6:30 PM
Don draper - Your Question:
HiI'm separated with the mom of my child since the beginning of 2017 (not married). I found a house for me and my daughter since three weeks.I have her 3 nights a week and two full days. I want to be able to provide for everything when she is with me and be sure that she understand that she's got two houses.I pay child maintenance, but the minimum because my incomes are not high. I wanted to ask for a child tax credit but my ex did it already.She's got around £500 or £600/ month plus her salary and my child maintenance.She earn double of my incomes.Is there anyway that she has to share the child tax credit with me ? And the fact that I have her 3 nights a week, is it a shared custody or considered as a weekly contact ?There is no mediation or court involved for the moment it is an agreement between her mom and me. Thank you

Our Response:
I'm afraid if your ex is considered the primary carer of your child, then she is entitled to claim child tax credits. Unfortunately, there is no law that says this must be shared and it is up to the discretion of the mother. I have to say, while there are a small amount of primary carers who will share this money to ensure their children are cared for across both houses, there are fewer who will concede to this arrangement.
SeparatedDads - 21-Mar-17 @ 11:14 AM
Hi I'm separated with the mom of my child since the beginning of 2017 (not married). I found a house for me and my daughter since three weeks. I have her 3 nights a week and two full days. I want to be able to provide for everything when she is with me and be sure that she understand that she's got two houses. I pay child maintenance, but the minimum because my incomes are not high. I wanted to ask for a child tax credit but my ex did it already. She's got around £500 or £600/ month plus her salary and my child maintenance. She earn double of my incomes. Is there anyway that she has to share the child tax credit with me ? And the fact that I have her 3 nights a week, is it a shared custody or considered as a weekly contact ? There is no mediation or court involved for the moment it is an agreement between her mom and me. Thank you
Don draper - 20-Mar-17 @ 12:01 PM
Carl johnson - Your Question:
I split with my partner 16 months ago but she wont agree to shared care. I have my son 3 nights per week and my mother 1-2 nights per week. I work part time and am a full time student. Do I need to pay child maintainance

Our Response:
If you are earning money and paying tax via HMRC, you may be eligible to pay child maintenance. However, if you are on low wages, you may not be eligible. You can see how much you may be eligible to pay, please see link here. If your ex will not agree to shared care, you would have to suggest mediation, please see link here. If your ex refuses to attend mediation to discuss this and you still wish to pursue the matter, your only recourse is to take it to court. The court will then make a decision based upon what it thinks is in the best interests of your child. However, you stand a better chance of gaining shared-care if you already have a level of shared care. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads - 20-Mar-17 @ 10:44 AM
I split with my partner 16 months ago but she wont agree to shared care. I have my son 3 nights per week and my mother 1-2 nights per week. I work part time and am a full time student. Do I need to pay child maintainance
Carl - 19-Mar-17 @ 1:24 AM
I have joint custody however my ex wife never qants to pay for anything. She will organise chids trips and then not pay and i end up getting the bill. When i refuse to pay for items she goes around telling people i dont pay for anything. This causes huge friction and now i at the stage of having to say to the children that all these tings they do or want to do are going to have to stop. She claims every benefit going inc housings even though we share equal time. Can i get this in forced in court that she has to pay half insted of drinking the money away in the pub
Jamesbond - 9-Mar-17 @ 7:26 AM
Paddy - Your Question:
Hello, I am a divorced dad for the last 4-5 yrs, am living with a new partner for the last 4 who has properly taken on the role of stepmum and is great. We've gone from initially seeing my kids every other weekend and every tuesday night, to extending the long weekend, to now, since the middle of last year, to having them one week on and one week off. I have always paid CSA payments plus plentry of top (half of school clubs, uniform, footie boots, clothes, etc) plus we take them on holiday several times a year. The last few months of CSA payments have been based on 156 to 174 nights per yr. The new CMS system has just come in and she is claiming less than 156 nights because we are going away for 3.5 weeks in April. It means we hit 155 nights per year just fopr this year and even though I'd happily have them extra she won't budge. My divorce settlement was a clean break, no spousal maintenance, just splitting of assets. It feels like I am paying spousal maintenance rather than kids maintenance.I'm wondering now if it is worth me seeking Joint / Shared custody of my boys (aged 10 and 12) as for the weeks we have them we do the shcool run, we fill out school club forms, consent letters, etc. Plus if I did apply for it, would it mean I pay less CMS payments, and is there anything she can do to stop me getting it. Bearing in mind the kids have a very happy dual home lifestyle and have been living it for almost a year. Many thanks for any assistance on this,

Our Response:
The fact you have the children on an essentially shared-care basis means if you took the matter to court, then the courts would take this into consideration. However, if you can't agree between yourselves regarding the financial and access arrangements, then mediation would have to be the next port of call (before the courts will let you apply). Please see link here. If you are officially awarded shared care through the courts, then the court would also consider the level (if any) of child maintenance payments you would pay. However, just because you have shared care, it does not mean you may not have to pay child maintenance, this would depend on several other variables.
SeparatedDads - 7-Mar-17 @ 1:00 PM
Hello, i am a divorced dad for the last 4-5 yrs, am living with a new partner for the last 4 who has properly taken on the role of stepmum and is great.We've gone from initially seeing my kids every other weekend and every tuesday night, to extending the long weekend, to now, since the middle of last year, to having them one week on and one week off.I have always paid CSA payments plus plentry of top (half of school clubs, uniform, footie boots, clothes, etc) plus we take them on holiday several times a year.The last few months of CSA payments have been based on 156 to 174 nights per yr.The new CMS system has just come in and she is claiming less than 156 nights because we are going away for 3.5 weeks in April.It means we hit 155 nights per year just fopr this year and even though i'd happily have them extra she won't budge.My divorce settlement was a clean break, no spousal maintenance, just splitting of assets.It feels like i am paying spousal maintenance rather than kids maintenance. I'm wondering now if it is worth me seeking Joint / Shared custody of my boys (aged 10 and 12) as for the weeks we have them we do the shcool run, we fill out school club forms, consent letters, etc.Plus if i did apply for it, would it mean i pay less CMS payments, and is there anything she can do to stop me getting it.Bearing in mind the kids have a very happy dual home lifestyle and have been living it for almost a year...Many thanks for any assistance on this,
Paddy - 6-Mar-17 @ 5:58 PM
The CMS is something you cannot get out of whether you see your kids or not. The amount you pay can be adjusted accordingly depending on how often you child spends nights with you over a year. I believe that money payed via Cms should be vetted or proof should be shown that it is going on the child. It's a pity on some occasions mothers think they can control a child or a situation in my eyes that is a form of abuse, and it's a pity that some dad's can't be a man and provide for the kids. For fathers if you pursue a contact order you will get more quality time with your child depending that there are no safeguarding issues. So don't delay
Dan - 26-Feb-17 @ 10:41 AM
Thank you. We have children every weekend Friday to Sunday and all school holidays summer holidays usually have them for the ,6 weeks and same over Christmas have them the duration and all holidays in between. We live about 20 minutes drive from the children and would have them throughout the week if their school was closer to drop them off each day I think we will go down the route of court proceedings as we want the children with us as financially and all round they would be better off thank you for your help.
M71 - 23-Feb-17 @ 4:27 PM
M71 - Your Question:
Thank you for your response. However she has not named me as the father and only by chance did I find out two years ago I was not on birth certificate as wanted to open accounts for my children. When I asked her about this she said that I knew in which if I did know I would have done something long ago. I printed all the forms out and produced them to her to have my name on their birth certificates but she said no as I would take the kids off her. The woman is unstable and social services are already involved. If I went through correct channels I would only have to pay her 32.00 a week both children have asked to live with me and my partner as they are well looked after. But cause I don't have any parental rights over my children I can't do this at present. She will not let my son even though she don't want him there as she gets DLA for him and will gladly let my son come to stay but not give up the money. We have wrote everything down and going to phone social services for them to come to see us as things can no longer go on. Also when the children are with us for weeks at a time do we still have to pay the mother child maintenance?

Our Response:
Some of the details you have given are a little confusing, but I will try to answer them as best I can. Firstly, if you take the matter to court for Parental Responsibility, you will be able to have more of a say in the regarding the welfare of your children and on the back of this you can apply to the court for official contact/access of your children, if you choose. It would then depend upon how often you were allowed to have the children overnight, as to how much child maintenance you would have to pay (a court order would make this official). However, child maintenance is based upon an average across the year, so even if you have the children for a holiday etc, you would still have to pay the same amount. I hope this makes sense.
SeparatedDads - 23-Feb-17 @ 12:22 PM
Thank you for your response. However she has not named me as the father and only by chance did I find out two years ago I was not on birth certificate as wanted to open accounts for my children. When I asked her about this she said that I knew in which if I did know I would have done something long ago. I printed all the forms out and produced them to her to have my name on their birth certificates but she said no as I would take the kids off her. The woman is unstable and social services are already involved. If I went through correct channels I would only have to pay her 32.00 a week both children have asked to live with me and my partner as they are well looked after. But cause I don't have any parental rights over my children I can't do this at present. She will not let my son even though she don't want him there as she gets DLA for him and will gladly let my son come to stay but not give up the money. We have wrote everything down and going to phone social services for them to come to see us as things can no longer go on. Also when the children are with us for weeks at a time do we still have to pay the mother child maintenance?
M71 - 22-Feb-17 @ 7:28 PM
M71 - Your Question:
Me and my ex split up 9 years ago. I have a 10 & 13 year old. I have my children every weekend Fri to Sunday every school holiday for the duration I take them away abroad 3 times a year. I pay their mother everyweek £50 but also buy everything for my children. We worked it out last year we had my children for 165 days which if I had it my way would be full time. The money I give to her does not go on the children it is used for gambling and other things which are totally not kid related. Also two years ago I found out I was not on the both children's birth certificate I should have stopped the payments then. Since then I have had DNA tests done and she still won't put me on birth certificate so I don't get any legal parental rights. I buy the children clothing and made sure they are clean and well fed. Can I stop paying her direct and put money into their accounts??

Our Response:
Regardless of whether you are named on the birth certificate, if your ex named you as the father of her children, then you are responsible for paying child maintenance for your children. If your DNA test had proved you were not the father, then child maintenance would have stopped. Your ex does not have to justify what she spends the money on - it can go towards unseen items such as utility bills etc. If you want further parental rights over your children, you can apply to court for parental responsibility, please see link here.
SeparatedDads - 22-Feb-17 @ 12:53 PM
paul - Your Question:
Hi, me and my wife are just starting the split up process. My little boy spends all his time with me, always has done. if his mom is not at work she spends very little time with him. she has been suffering from depression for some time and this is the major cause of the split. I plan on going for joint custody as I am self employed and already do all the child care. If we are awarded joint custody50/50% or possibly 60/40 to me, is there any way that I could end up paying her anything ongoing.Thanks

Our Response:
If you become the non-resident parent and not the primary carer of your child, then you may have to pay some child maintenance dependent upon the amount of times you have your child overnight. If you have joint-residency officially then you will not have to pay child maintenance. However, generally the person who is in receipt of child benefit is considered the primary carer. Ideally, the care of your child should be negotiated amicably between you. If not, mediation is the next port of call and if neither of you can still agree, then court is seen as the last resort.
SeparatedDads - 22-Feb-17 @ 11:18 AM
Me and my ex split up 9 years ago. I have a 10 & 13 year old. I have my children every weekend Fri to Sunday every school holiday for the durationI take them away abroad 3 times a year. I pay their mother everyweek £50 but also buy everything for my children. We worked it out last year we had my children for 165 days which if I had it my way would be full time. The money I give to her does not go on the children it is used for gambling and other things which are totally not kid related. Also two years ago I found out I was not on the both children's birth certificate I should have stopped the payments then. Since then I have had DNA tests done and she still won't put me on birth certificate so I don't get any legal parental rights. I buy the children clothing and made sure they are clean and well fed. Can I stop paying her direct and put money into their accounts??
M71 - 21-Feb-17 @ 8:30 PM
Hi, me and my wife are just starting the split up process. My little boy spends all his time with me, always has done. if his mom is not at work she spends very little time with him. she has been suffering from depression for some time and this is the major cause of the split.I plan on going for joint custody as i am self employed and already do all the child care. If we are awarded joint custody50/50% or possibly 60/40 to me, is there any way that i could end up paying her anything ongoing.Thanks
paul - 21-Feb-17 @ 4:23 PM
LM86 - Your Question:
My daughters dad and I split up when my daughter was a year and 3 months old, he then moved away from our home on one side of the country in Scotland to the south of England. He now has a one year old daughter with someone else but since this has happened the money I get from him is never on time and always a bit short and there is no communication on when it will be late. He keeps blaming his work saying that he doesn't get paid on time etc. We just have a family based arrangement just now. If I ever bring up the late payments etc he always says he is going to apply for custody of my daughter. I have never said he couldn't have her when he wanted her for holidays and I even suggest to him when he can have her and we take turn about for Christmass and birthdays. I am just really wondering where I would stand with getting a more regular maintenance from him, should I just go through csa? What are the actual chances that if he applied for custody that he could get her? I understand every case is different but I am at my wits end getting threatened for custody when I bring up getting no money so just curious where I stand or who I can talk too about it

Our Response:
You can apply via the CMS for child maintenance, please see link here. Your ex would not be granted 'custody' of your child through the courts. It is very rare that a court will take a child from one parent and hand the child over to another for no good reason. The main aim of the courts is to decide what it thinks is in the best interests of your child and it will opt for stability and consistency every time.
SeparatedDads - 21-Feb-17 @ 12:18 PM
My daughters dad and i split up when my daughter was a year and 3 months old, he then moved away from our home on one side of the country in Scotland to the south of England. He now has a one year old daughter with someone else but since this has happened the money I get from him is never on time and always a bit short and there is no communication on when it will be late. He keeps blaming his work saying that he doesn't get paid on time etc. We just have a family based arrangement just now. If I ever bring up the late payments etc he always says he is going to apply for custody of my daughter.I have never said he couldn't have her when he wanted her for holidays and I even suggest to him when he can have her and we take turn about for Christmass and birthdays. I am just really wondering where I would stand with getting a more regular maintenance from him, should I just go through csa? What are the actual chances that if he applied for custody that he could get her? I understand every case is different but I am at my wits end getting threatened for custody when I bring up getting no money so just curious where I stand or who I can talk too about it
LM86 - 20-Feb-17 @ 3:07 PM
How can a mother think it's acceptable to tell a dad that a couple nights a week is "sufficient" when she has the child every day. I'm so fed up with hearing mothers think that kids are better off with them and dads have to fit in. It takes two people to have a child, there fore why should a dad had to go one week to the next without seeing their child. This message is for kmkm.
Cas123 - 14-Feb-17 @ 9:29 PM
Hi I left my ex almost a year ago now I had regular access to my daughter every weekend. Had a brilliant relationship with her and she absolutely loved spending time with me. Now my ex has decided to stop my daughter from seeing me, for reasons that are not my fault.Now she claims universal credit and understand she will get legal aid for the mediation but there is a good chance we could be going to court because she won't agree with the times I want my daughter.My question is if it goes as far as court will she have to pay any legal fees or will it all be down to me??. There was no domestic violence involved and she was the one that stopped me seeing my daughter it wasn't my choice.
John - 10-Feb-17 @ 6:59 PM
Confused - Your Question:
I really dont no where to start I split up with my ex 4 years ago I have a 6 year old child with him he sees his child once a week for a hour because I got advised off a solicitor that I had to safeguard my child because on a weekend he wouldnt show up or he would turn up hours late or turn up off his head on drugs or drink so in the end put a stop to it completley on a weekend so I wouldnt have to pick the pieces up from my devastated child. my agreement was that he could see child anytime in the week after work. my child has never stopped at dads house because I dont no where he lives and how do I no he dosent take drugs when he gets home. I got advice from a solicitor to safe guard my child as much as possible anyway I recently took him to csa he refuses to answer phone calls to them letters writen by them and is now saying he dosent see the child often enough to pay maintenance. hes now saying hes going to take me to court to see child but wont pay maintenance if he took me to court where would I stand with this am quite happy for him to see child but concerns overnight stay and with him workin in week would he get my child everyweekend yes he is on birth certificate I dont understand what games hes playing because he has never been bothered in his child never bought his child anything not once put a penny towards his child and now his mother has decided to poke her nose in and defend her son by saying he dosent need to pay for his child if he dosent see him. and also bullying me and harrassing me constantly to the point my childs getting upset my child sees nan twice a week after school and now shes saying she will turn up at school and take my child when she wants I really dont no what to do if I phoned the police for harrassment because shes threatening to take my child and harrasing me would a restraining order go against me and my child or what am in such a sticky situation luckly my oldest one is grown up now and left home never had a problem with her dad

Our Response:
Child maintenance and child access have no bearing upon each other. Regardless of whether your ex sees your child or not, he is still by law required to financially support your child until your child leaves full-time education. Access is a different matter. Your ex is allowed to either suggest mediation in order to resolve the issue betwen you, or apply through the courts to see your child if he is not satisfied with the level of contact or access he currently has. The court will then decide what it thinks is in the best interests of your child and any court order will have to be adhered to. On another note, your ex's mother has no right to make threats that she will come to the school and take your child and a word with the headteacher will help here, or a letter from a solicitor outlining her lack of rights may also help to put the issue into perspective. Please also see Mediation link here. Mediation is always a better solution than dragging the matter through court. However, you would have open to negotiation.
SeparatedDads - 7-Feb-17 @ 10:38 AM
Gaz - Your Question:
Hi, my fiance and I have split only recently, I am already reluctant 2 pay her anything towards child maintenance because has taken a lot of money with her she wasn't allowed 2. I have our 5 year old son on Tuesday nights, Thursday nights and Friday evening up until Sunday evenings every other weekend, I have said I will provide him with everything, clothes, uniform, toiletries food and drink, do I still have 2 pay the full 58 pound a month 4 child maintenance?

Our Response:
If you have a family-based arrangement, then you can pay whatever you agree mutually between you and are not liable for arrears. If you have an arrangement via the CMS, then regardless of what you provide for your child, you still first and foremost have to pay child maintenance. Anything you pay beyond the assessed CMS payment is seen as discretionary and will not be taken into account. This means if you continue to pay outside the CMS agreement, you will be liable for CMS arears.
SeparatedDads - 6-Feb-17 @ 1:59 PM
I really dont no where to start i split up with my ex 4 years ago i have a 6 year old child with him he sees his child once a week for a hour because i got advised off a solicitor that i had to safeguard my child because on a weekend he wouldnt show up or he would turn up hours late or turn up off his head on drugs or drink so in the end put a stop to it completley on a weekend so i wouldnt have to pick the pieces up from my devastated child.. my agreement was that he could see child anytime in the week after work... my child has never stopped at dads house because i dont no where he lives and how do i no he dosent take drugs when he gets home... i got advice from a solicitor to safe guard my child as much as possible anyway i recently took him to csa he refuses to answer phone calls to them letters writen by them and is now saying he dosent see the child often enough to pay maintenance... hes now saying hes going to take me to court to see child but wont pay maintenance if he took me to court where would i stand with this am quite happy for him to see child but concerns overnight stay and with him workin in week would he get my child everyweekend yes he is on birth certificate i dont understand what games hes playing because he has never been bothered in his child never bought his child anything not once put a penny towards his child and now his mother has decided to poke her nose in and defend her son by saying he dosent need to pay for his child if he dosent see him.. and also bullying me and harrassing me constantly to the point my childs getting upset my child seesnan twice a week after school and now shes saying she will turn up at school and take my child when she wants i really dont no what to do if i phoned the police for harrassment because shes threatening to take my child and harrasing me would a restraining order go against me and my child or what am in such a sticky situation luckly my oldest one is grown up now and left home never had a problem with her dad
Confused - 6-Feb-17 @ 2:45 AM
Hi, my fiance and I have split only recently, i am already reluctant 2 pay her anything towards child maintenance because has taken a lot of money with her she wasn't allowed 2. I have our 5 year old son on Tuesday nights, Thursday nights and Friday evening up until Sunday evenings every other weekend, I have said I will provide him with everything, clothes,uniform, toiletries food and drink, do I still have 2 pay the full 58 pound a month 4 child maintenance?
Gaz - 4-Feb-17 @ 9:52 PM
Kmkm - Your Question:
Hi. My partner and I split up 1.5 years ago and have a 4 year old son.Although the split was his decision, we remained amicable and made our own arrangements regarding his access to our son.His father picks him up from school on a Monday and Wednesday and puts him to bed in my home. He also has him Friday evening to Sunday evening every other weekend when he takes him to stay at his parents or girlfriends.My ex now wishes to keep my soon over night at his place on a Monday and Wednesday - which means I'll not have my son a further two mornings a week. I feel that our current arrangement is sufficient and reasonable - where do I stand with this matter? I really do not want to lose any further time with my son! Ex does not appreciate my view and is adamant he will have 50:50 access. Advise much appreciated.

Our Response:
If you cannot agree between yourselves (you have a right to your own opinion - as your ex does with his), then you may wish to consider mediation, please see link Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. If you do not wish to discuss the matter or make any compromise, then your ex would have the option to take the matter to court. However, this does not mean the court would opt for giving him the access he has asked for. It will decide upon what it thinks is in the best interests of your son.
SeparatedDads - 31-Jan-17 @ 12:57 PM
Hi. My partner and I split up 1.5 years ago and have a 4 year old son. Although the split was his decision, we remained amicable and made our own arrangements regarding his access to our son. His father picks him up from school on a Monday and Wednesday and puts him to bed in my home. He also has him Friday evening to Sunday evening every other weekend when he takes him to stay at his parents or girlfriends. My ex now wishes to keep my soon over night at his place on a Monday and Wednesday -which means I'll not have my son a further two mornings a week. I feel that our current arrangement is sufficient and reasonable - where do I stand with this matter? I really do not want to lose any further time with my son! Ex does not appreciate my view and is adamant he will have 50:50 access. Advise much appreciated.
Kmkm - 30-Jan-17 @ 10:53 PM
Pclay - Your Question:
Me and my wife divorced last year we have an 8 yr old boy whom I have every weds, from school and alternate sat pm to mon am, she has threatened to stop sat nights as he has football on a Sunday. She is forever messing arranged times around to suit her self which creates a lot of unnessary stress. Is there a simple process with out the full cost of applying for joint custody (which I would be prepared to do if needed)Where abouts a court can set time and days in stone? Thank you.

Our Response:
If you wish to try to arrange specific times to see your child, then in the first instance you would need to suggest mediation, please see link here. A court will not accept an application until mediation has been considered by both parents. If your ex refuses to attend mediation, then you should apply for a child arrangement order, please see link here. Unless you already have shared care of your son, then an application for joint custody will not be considered unless necessary. A court will always decide upon what it thinks is in your child's best interests and continuity and stability is considered most important. However, the chances are it would issue and order along the same lines as your established access and this would have to then be adhered to by both parents.
SeparatedDads - 30-Jan-17 @ 10:28 AM
Me and my wife divorced last year we have an 8 yr old boy whom I have every weds, from school and alternate sat pm to mon am, she has threatened to stop sat nights as he has football on a Sunday. She is forever messing arranged times around to suit her self which creates a lot of unnessary stress. Is there a simple process with out the full cost of applying for joint custody (which I would be prepared to do if needed) Where abouts a court can set time and days in stone? Thank you.
Pclay - 29-Jan-17 @ 12:17 PM
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