Home > Legal > Shared Custody of Your Children

Shared Custody of Your Children

By: Chris Nickson - Updated: 19 Sep 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Contact Residency Visitation Custody

There are numerous questions surrounding shared custody. What is it? How does it work? And how is it different to contact (as visitation is called these days)?

In many instances, residence (custody) is granted to the mother, and you, as the father have your contact rights set out. With shared custody, your children split their time between their mother and you. The amount varies – it can be as much as 70% with the mother, for instance – but it means you have much greater contact with them. It presumes, of course, that both the mother and father are fit parents.

UK Lagging Behind

It’s an idea that has widespread popularity in Europe, and in the U.S. it’s becoming more common, although the UK has lagged behind in adopting it.

Shared custody demands a high level of commitment from both parents. If you’re going to have your children for three days a week, then during that time you have you need to make sure your schedule revolves around them.

The Advantages of Shared Custody

Shared custody, shared residency or shared parenting as it's also known, can offer several distinct advantages, both for parents and children. For separated fathers, it means they can be far more involved with their children, seeing them on a regular, extended basis every week. Moreover, it also means that neither parent is carrying the entire burden of parenting while the other is considered absent.

With standard Contact Orders, one parent has the majority of responsibility for the day-to-day routine, while the other – usually the separated father – sees the children at the weekend or selected weekdays.

Shared custody means your Children Have Two Homes, two stable bases where they can feel secure. Above all, it means they continue to have a real family life with both parents, which makes them feel more loved.

Research has determined that when children have experience of shared custody they have better relationships with both parents and are more satisfied with their lives. It’s also shown that even when there’s strong animosity between the parents, shared custody works well for the children.

The Disadvantages of Shared Custody

For shared custody to work, you have to live fairly close to you ex, for your children to continue to attend the same schools, see their friends, and so on. This can create social problems for the parents, since proximity means an increased chance of contact with your Ex Partner.

Also, if your job or circumstances change and you have to move elsewhere, then the change from shared custody to contact can create emotional problems for your children (the same can apply if your ex has to move for any reason). In other words, by its nature there has to be a certain amount of flexibility in the plan.

Shared Custody in the UK

At present, shared custody/residency is not the norm in Britain, although several organisations are trying to increase its visibility and prominence. The Shared Parenting Information Net and the Equal Parenting Council are both working to make it a very acceptable option here.

Just because it's not necessarily the norm, does not mean you can’t bring up the idea in Mediation or through your solicitor as a viable means of custody. In most instances, children are also given a say in where they spend their time, and where they have excellent relationships with both parents, it means they’re not in a position where they have to “choose” between Mum and Dad.

What Next?

Why not have a read through our article on Making Joint Decisions About Your Child's Future for some advice and guidance on how you and your ex partner can make parenting decisions together.

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

You might also like...
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice..
[Add a Comment]
Mark - Your Question:
Hi.I've been split up seven years from my ex and have paid monthly towards my 2 girls , 8-and 12 , I also help pay dinner money , and dance and drama and school uniforms , I also pick my kids up from school when I'm on 6-2 and night shift , and I'll take my kids to school if I I'm on 2-10 , I also have my kids 2-3 nights a week ,everything was going fine until last week when she started demanding more money or she would go csa , I'm really confused , I do as much as I can and pay as much as I can , I drive every we're to collect them or take them home , my new partner says I need to stand up to my self with her , but I fear I'll lose all the contact I have with my girls , any ideas ?

Our Response:
There are two kinds of child maintenance arrangements; a family-based arrangement where you agree between you what you should pay, or the resident parent can apply via CMS. You can see how much you should be paying via the link here. If you pay child maintenance via CMS, then you do not (unless voluntarily) have to pay anything more. Some non-resident parents find they have been paying more via the family-based arrangement. Anyhow, it acts as a good benchmark regarding what you should be paying as a percentage of your wages. Paying child maintenance via CMS doesn't mean contact will be restricted as a result, it just means you pay the money directly to your ex instead of through negotiation.
SeparatedDads - 19-Sep-17 @ 12:27 PM
Roman - Your Question:
I split with my ex ten months ago I had a few things to sort out after we split so I was in a position to fight for access I'm now ready. My son was born in 2014 after the law changed so that if the dad was on b.c. both perants have the same rights is this true as iv still got to go through this grilling prosses and want to no wot to expect

Our Response:
The forum may be of use to you (you can access this at the bottom of the page). Reading all the Separated Dads pages will also help (better than I could sum up in a few sentences). However, if you are fighting for shared care of your son and you haven't seen him for 10 months, then it is unlikely you will be awarded shared care. Shared care is usually awarded to dads who have previously equally shared the upbringing of their children on a day-to-day basis and where no one parent is essentially the primary carer. So, you may need some extra professional advice if you are thinking of fighting for shared care where you have had little involvement in your child's life for a while. However, before the matter goes to court, the court will have expected you to have suggested and/or attended mediation in order to try to resolve your issues out of court, before it will allow you to apply. Court is seen only as the last resort where the mediation process has failed.
SeparatedDads - 19-Sep-17 @ 12:19 PM
I split with my ex ten months ago I had a few things to sort out after we split so I was in a position to fight for access I'm now ready. My son was born in 2014 after the law changed so that if the dad was on b.c. both perants have the same rights is this true as iv still got to go through this grilling prosses and want to no wot to expect
Roman - 19-Sep-17 @ 3:17 AM
Hi ...I've been split up seven years from my ex and have paid monthly towards my 2 girls , 8-and 12, I also help pay dinner money , and dance and drama and school uniforms , I also pick my kids up from school when I'm on 6-2 and night shift , and I'll take my kids to school if I I'm on 2-10 , I also have my kids 2-3 nights a week ,everything was going fine until last week when she started demanding more money or she would go csa , I'm really confused , I do as much as I can and pay as much as I can , I drive every we're to collect them or take them home , my new partner says I need to stand up to my self with her , but I fear I'll lose all the contact I have with my girls , any ideas ?
Mark - 19-Sep-17 @ 1:59 AM
20160o - Your Question:
Just wondering if I could have some help. I know someone who has a court order in place as ex wouldn't allow them to see their child. The ex gets CMS off this man, however looking at his court order I noticed it stated that their child lives with both parents and didn't say that the mother was resident parent and father was not. Just wondering if this has any effect on cms. It states that the child lives with both parents. Father has child two nights because the mother told the court she didn't want 50/50 split as the child was young. Court agreed. Would go back to get 50/50 now child is older however just don't have the money at the moment. My question is if the court order states that the child lives with both parents. It even says child 'lives with the father Monday 9am until Wednesday 7pm' child 'lives with mother Wednesday 7pm until Monday 9am '

Our Response:
Even if the court says the child lives with both parents, by the fact the mother has the child five nights per week opposed to the father having the child two nights means one parent has the child more. If your friend wished to apply for official shared care and the mother refused, he would have to refer the matter back to court. If your friend is on a low income, he may get help with his court fees, please see link here .
SeparatedDads - 15-Sep-17 @ 2:14 PM
sam - Your Question:
I have two daughters 15 and 12. I would like to know the law regarding full joint custody and maintaintainance.sam

Our Response:
There are no rules regarding joint custody, or residency. Much depends upon whether you and your ex can come to an agreement between you. If you cannot, then you would have to explore mediation as a way of trying to resolve living/access arrangements. You can see how much maintenance you may be paying (if you are the non-resident parent), via the CMS link here.
SeparatedDads - 15-Sep-17 @ 12:59 PM
Hsidi - Your Question:
I have joint custody of my daughter with my wife who is moving up north approx 4 hours away from me. My child has chosen not to move with her as her school friends and family are here however my ex is determined to take her. Where do I stand in terms of her mother taking her without my consent and against the will of the child? Initially the mother was happy to allow our daughter to make up her own mind however after hearing the decisions she is kicking up a fuss. Many thanks

Our Response:
You don't say how old your daughter is.If she is over the age of 11, then her opinion will be taken into consideration should the matter have to go to court. In the first instance, you should suggest mediation to your ex in order to try to come to a resolution outside of court. If you ex will not consent to mediation, then court would have to be your next option i.e you would have to apply for a Specific Issue Order (you can find the page referring to this in the Separated Dads articles - our computers are currently down so unfortunately, I can't provide a link). As you have parental responsibility, your wife would have to request your consent to move away from the area and if you refuse, she will be able to apply to court. If you fear your wife may attempt to move without your consent, you can apply to the courts for a Prohibited Steps Order. As in all court orders, when making a decision the court will always make it based upon what it thinks is in the best interests of your child. You may wish to seek legal advice in order to fully explore your options.
SeparatedDads - 15-Sep-17 @ 11:12 AM
Livie0208 - Your Question:
Hi, I've got two children who see their dad regularly, he picks them up on a Tuesday and Thursday night then will drop them off at 8am the following day so o can take them to school, he will also have them on Friday, Saturday maybe Sunday nights if I work. I usually get one weekend off a month and I'll have the kids then. The father doesn't pay maintenance as he has them just at much as I do so we thought it would be unfair. This was the fathers arrangement when he was single, we've done this since we split 18 months ago. Now the father has a girlfriend he is wanting to change the weekends so he has them two weekends a month - where do I stand on this? His argument is that he wants to spend alone time with his girlfriend which I totally understand - don't we all but with me working three weekends a month this will obviously cause an issue with the children, I can't do two weekends. Am I being unreasonable? Is he being unreasonable? This was his arrangement and now it's all blowing up because his new relationship. Where do I stand and where does he stand? Thanks in advance.

Our Response:
If you cannot agree this between yourselves, you would have to suggest mediation as the next stage in the process. Mediation is when two or more parties meet to resolve problems before the matter reaches court. It is most often used in family proceedings and is a formal negotiation. Courts can accept the agreement of the mediation instead of having to go through the court process, although it is subject to final court approval. Mediation takes place in front of a neutral third party. The mediator has no pre-conceptions and will not force you to make an agreement. They will assist the two parties in taking turns in the conversation, and helping you reach a decision that you are ready to agree with. Mediators do not pass judgment or offer guidance; they are there, in effect, to facilitate conversation between the two sides. Mediation is seen as a legal requirement before a court application can be submitted. The primary reason is that mediation is an opportunity to come to a mutually agreed decision, one that both parents can take ownership of and want to ensure works. It might make your ex sit up and think if you decide to take a semi official route in order to try to resolve this situation.
SeparatedDads - 14-Sep-17 @ 3:46 PM
I have joint custodyof my daughter with my wife who is moving up north approx 4 hours away from me. My child has chosen not to move with her as her school friends and family are here however my ex is determined to take her. Where do i stand in terms of her mother taking her without my consent and against the will of the child?. Initially the mother was happy to allow our daughter to make up her own mind however after hearing the decisions she is kicking up a fuss. Many thanks
Hsidi - 14-Sep-17 @ 2:13 PM
i have two daughters 15 and 12 .. i would like to know the law regarding full joint custody and maintaintainance ...sam
sam - 14-Sep-17 @ 1:47 PM
Jo - Your Question:
Hello my ex is applying for joint custody my son is 12 and has lived with me for 12 years with his step sister aged9. My son has told me he doesn't want to live with him just see him at weekends what will happen

Our Response:
It is more than likely the court will listen to your son and not upset the current equilibrium. The court will always decide what it thinks is in the best interests of your child and unless disruption is necessary, then the court is likely to leave things as they are. However, we cannot predict what a court may decide as it is very much dependent upon personal and family circumstances.
SeparatedDads - 12-Sep-17 @ 2:07 PM
Hi, I've got two children who see their dad regularly, he picks them up on a Tuesday and Thursday night then will drop them off at 8am the following day so o can take them to school, he will also have them on Friday, Saturday maybe Sunday nights if I work. I usually get one weekend off a month and I'll have the kids then. The father doesn't pay maintenance as he has them just at much as I do so we thought it would be unfair. This was the fathers arrangement when he was single, we've done this since we split 18 months ago. Now the father has a girlfriend he is wanting to change the weekends so he has them two weekends a month - where do I stand on this? His argument is that he wants to spend alone time with his girlfriend which I totally understand - don't we all but with me working three weekends a month this will obviously cause an issue with the children, I can't do two weekends. Am I being unreasonable? Is he being unreasonable? This was his arrangement and now it's all blowing up because his new relationship. Where do I stand and where does he stand? Thanks in advance.
Livie0208 - 12-Sep-17 @ 10:32 AM
Hello my ex is applying for joint custody my son is 12 and has lived with me for 12 years with his step sister aged9. My son has told me he doesn't want to live with him just see him at weekends what will happen
Jo - 11-Sep-17 @ 2:59 PM
Rick - Your Question:
Hi, I wanted to ask you guys for some advice. I have a 7 year old daughter who is my World. I currently have her every other weekend and her mother has her the rest of the time.However my daughter begs me every time she is with me to live with me. It breaks my heart to see her going through this and I feel completely powerless to change it for her and I feel like I'm failing her because of it. What can I do? I want her to live with me too but where do I go with this and have I got a good chance of making this happen for her? Is she of the age to decide in a legal case where she wants to live? I have a great relationship with my daughter. I have NO criminal convictions, NO court orders against me. I'm just a regular loving father who cares for his child. Its emotionally heart breaking even for a Dad not just the mother to be separated from there child when the child's wishes are to live with there father.Could someone please help me with any advice. I don't want to keep failing my daughter on this, I have to do something. Thank you everyone for reading this. All the best Rick

Our Response:
In the first instance, you would have to have an informal chat with the mother (if you are on amicable terms) requesting you have your daughter more. If your ex refuses and you wish to pursue the matter, you would have to request she attends mediation. If your ex refuses mediation, then your only option would be to apply to court as a last resort. However, it is unlikely you would be awarded shared care as a court will always opt for what is in your daughter's best interests and any disruption to her living routine, isn't, especially as you only have her currently bi-weekly. Your daughter is still too young to be allowed an opinion though the courts of where she would like to live. It is understandable that as she sees you infrequently, she misses you all the more. I can only suggest you try to negotiate more access and build it up to where you almost have shared care. Step-by-step and informally is the best way to negotiate more access. The courts are seen only as a last resort.
SeparatedDads - 11-Sep-17 @ 2:19 PM
Hi, I wanted to ask you guys for some advice. I have a 7 year old daughter who is my World. I currently have her every other weekend and her mother has her the rest of the time.However my daughter begs me every time she is with me to live with me. It breaks my heart to see her going through this and I feel completely powerless to change it for her and I feel like I'm failing her because of it. What can I do? I want her to live with me too but where do I go with this and have I got a good chance of making this happen for her? Is she of the age to decide in a legal case where she wants to live? I have a great relationship with my daughter. I have NO criminal convictions, NO court orders against me. I'm just a regular loving father who cares for his child. Its emotionally heart breaking even for a Dad not just the mother to be separated from there child when the child's wishes are to live with there father.Could someone please help me with any advice. I don't want to keep failing my daughter on this, I have to do something. Thank you everyone for reading this. All the best Rick
Rick - 10-Sep-17 @ 6:36 PM
Just wondering if I could have some help. I know someone who has a court order in place as ex wouldn't allow them to see their child. The ex gets CMS off this man, however looking at his court order I noticed it stated that their child lives with both parents and didn't say that the mother was resident parent and father was not. Just wondering if this has any effect on cms. It states that the child lives with both parents. Father has child two nights because the mother told the court she didn't want 50/50 split as the child was young. Court agreed. Would go back to get 50/50 now child is older however just don't have the money at the moment. My question is if the court order states that the child lives with both parents. It even says child 'lives with the father Monday 9am until Wednesday 7pm' child 'lives with mother Wednesday 7pm until Monday 9am '
20160o - 8-Sep-17 @ 12:33 PM
SAL - Your Question:
Hi I have separated from my ex and get to see my daughter 3 days a week. Originally it was Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday now it's Sunday and two random days in the week where I have no say and if I can't have on the days selected I don't get to see my daughter. Maintenance was agreed at £100 but has gradually risen to £190. Granted my wages have increased.My concern is I get no financial support even though I have my daughter nearly half of the week including one full day at the weekend. My daughter has her own bedroom including a wardrobe at mine and I am expected to contribute to other aspects of my daughters life-most birthday parties are on a Sunday, school uniform etc. My ex also changed my daughters school without consultation which I thought was wrong. Should applying for custody be an option for me?

Our Response:
Applying for custody and residency should always be with regards is what is important for the welfare of your child, not yourself or as a benefit to you financially. By law, every non-resident parent has to pay towards the financial upkeep of their child. If you are paying child maintenance this is assessed via the CMS on the amount of days you have your child overnight i.e your payments are reduced for the more overnight stays you have your child. Your ex cannot be expected to pay towards the furnishing of your child's room at your house. On the other hand, while you are obliged to supply your child with clothing and supplies at your home, you are not obliged to pay out more than child maintenance requests, where your ex asks for more money. If you do, this is at your discretion. Taking into account all the sundries a child needs, bringing up a child is expensive. According to the latest figures(pdf) from Liverpool Victoria (LV=) it costs around £218,000 to raise a child in the UK. This equates to around £10,400 a year and £865 a month. It may help to put things into a financial perspective. With regards to your ex changing your daughter's school without your permission and/or having no set days of access, then where you cannot agree mediation may be an option to suggest to your ex- or as a last resort (where mediation fails or is refused), the courts.
SeparatedDads - 1-Sep-17 @ 11:43 AM
Hi I have separated from my ex and get to see my daughter 3 days a week. Originally it was Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday now it's Sunday and two random days in the week where I have no say and if I can't have on the days selected I don't get to see my daughter. Maintenance was agreed at £100 but has gradually risen to £190. Granted my wages have increased. My concern is I get no financial support even though I have my daughter nearly half of the week including one full day at the weekend. My daughter has her own bedroomincluding a wardrobe at mine and I am expected to contribute to other aspects of my daughters life-most birthday parties are on a Sunday, school uniform etc. My ex also changed my daughters school without consultation which I thought was wrong. Should applying for custody be an option for me?
SAL - 31-Aug-17 @ 1:06 PM
Prin - Your Question:
I have recently become involved with a single dad who is having a nightmare of a situation with his ex wife. As a single mother my child has a great relationship with his dad we are pretty much 50/50 were co fact is concerned and I don't really understand how any woman can use a child as a weapon. My partner has told me he has been to court in the past but because she technically isn't stopping him from seeing his child there isn't much they can do for him in that sense? I think he is scared to push for more contact as she pretty mich rules him and I think he is scared to lose the little co fact he has with him. 1 night over the weekend an a few hours on a Wednesday evening. As he was married and he is on the child's birth certificate does anyone have any advice o can look into? We are not in the UK unfortunately we reside in the isle of man And am not sure what difference that makes. I think he would just be happy with abit more contact and a set schedule in place bit she seems to make it as difficult as possible especially now o am on the scene. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. It is the place where many non-resident parents are caught between; not being actually denied access, yet not having what is considered fair access between two parents. At the same time the NRP is scared of rocking the boat and possibly being denied access altogether. I'm not sure if there is any difference in the Isle of Man, but generally if there is a court order in place this stands until either the other parent stops access and your partner could take the matter back to court to have the order enforced. Or he applies for a variation to the order i.e if the order has been in place and has worked successfully for a period of years, there may be a valid reason why he would want access increased i.e to continue building upon the relationship with his child. However, mediation would have to be explored first before a court would allow him to apply. I can only really suggest your partner seeks more professional legal advice to see if there is an alternative way around the problem. Unfortunately, it's not really and answer to your question, but it seems unless his ex relents and eases up a bit and/or he makes a significant stand, he remains between a rock and a hard place here.
SeparatedDads - 25-Aug-17 @ 9:55 AM
Garri33- Your Question:
Hi,My Son & His exgirlfriend split up recently and they came to a verbal agreement that he would have his Daughter (who is 18 months old) from Sunday morning until Tuesday night.Recently she has rescinded on this arrangement and demanded that he only has her on a Saturday & Sunday from 9.30am until 5.30pm.He declined this demand and when he went to collect his Daughter as normal of the Sunday morning she refused to open the door or answer any of his calls or text messages.He has had no contact with his daughter in over two weeks.Please can someone advise what course of action he should take.ThanksGarry

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. Please see link: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, here which should help your son further regarding the process he can choose to take if the situation is not resolved.
SeparatedDads - 24-Aug-17 @ 12:17 PM
I have recently become involved with a single dad who is having a nightmare of a situation with his ex wife. As a single mother my child has a great relationship with his dad we are pretty much 50/50 were co fact is concerned and I don't really understand how any woman can use a child as a weapon. My partner has told me he has been to court in the past but because she technically isn't stopping him from seeing his child there isn't much they can do for him in that sense? I think he is scared to push for more contact as she pretty mich rules him and I think he is scared to lose the little co fact he has with him. 1 night over the weekend an a few hours on a Wednesday evening. As he was married and he is on the child's birth certificate does anyone have any advice o can look into? We are not in the UK unfortunately we reside in the isle of man And am not sure what difference that makes. I think he would just be happy with abit more contact and a set schedule in place bit she seems to make it as difficult as possible especially now o am on the scene. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
Prin - 24-Aug-17 @ 12:40 AM
Hi, My Son & His exgirlfriend split up recently and they came to a verbal agreement that he would have his Daughter (who is 18 months old) from Sunday morning until Tuesday night.Recently she has rescinded on this arrangement and demanded that he only has her on a Saturday & Sunday from 9.30am until 5.30pm.He declined this demand and when he went to collect his Daughter as normal of the Sunday morning she refused to open the door or answer any of his calls or text messages.He has had no contact with his daughter in over two weeks.Please can someone advise what course of action he should take. Thanks Garry
Garri33 - 23-Aug-17 @ 3:29 PM
Deb - Your Question:
My husbands ex has stopped us seeing the children as he won't agree to what she wants. He can't see the kids weekends as he works and she'll only allow him 1 night during the week but has told us now to go to a lawyer. We did this 2 years ago and the letters didn't make much difference. We're going back to see a lawyer. Do we have to go to mediation before court? I can't see it ever working!

Our Response:
Yes, your husband would have to suggest mediation before any application to court can be made. If his ex refuses mediation, he will then be allowed to apply.
SeparatedDads - 21-Aug-17 @ 11:44 AM
My husbands ex has stopped us seeing the children as he won't agree to what she wants. He can't see the kids weekends as he works and she'll only allow him 1 night during the week but has told us now to go to a lawyer. We did this 2 years ago and the letters didn't make much difference. We're going back to see a lawyer. Do we have to go to mediation before court? I can't see it ever working!
Deb - 19-Aug-17 @ 9:32 PM
I was married to my ex for 10 years before she decided that my company was no longer required. I have three daughters who I see on average three nights a week due to shift patterns. I had a consent order drafted and ratified by a judge to agree a maintainance deal where I would pay a certain amount each month. The amount was agreed by us both along with the house being transferred to my ex so she could have all the equity. My ex has now decided that she is not happy with this and the consent order is now over 12 months old. Is anybody aware whether the consent order can be changed without my agreement when it was all agreed to by both parties and witnessed by a magistrate?
Bag1 - 10-Aug-17 @ 6:11 AM
Ellie - Your Question:
I have a daughter age just 1 year I split from my ex in march 2016 she was 7 months. He wanted other child I didn't anyway I went ahead and had one for him now he's left me I want him to have my daughter 3 days a week I feel he wanted other baby he should step up and be a dad he said he's not having her and I don't tell him when he has her I feel it very unfair we should share the bringing up of her. He's told me he taking me to court because I want him to have her 3 days lol I would like some advise on what the court will do thanks

Our Response:
Ther court will always decide what 'it' thinks is in the best interests of the child and it is unlikely to force a reluctant non-resident parent to take a child where the child is not wanted. However, it is likely mediation will be suggested first so you can try and work this out between you both.
SeparatedDads - 7-Aug-17 @ 3:21 PM
I have a daughter age just 1 year I split from my ex in march 2016 she was 7 months . He wanted other child I didn't anyway I went ahead and had one for him now he's left meI want him to have my daughter 3 days a week I feel he wanted other baby he should step up and be a dad he said he's not having her and I don't tell him when he has her I feel it very unfair we should share the bringing up of her . He's told me he taking me to court because I want him to have her 3 days lol I would like some advise on what the court will do thanks
Ellie - 6-Aug-17 @ 7:39 PM
We are currently going through a divorce after 5 yrs of separation. During this we have established a 50/50 share of childcare. Now i am being threatened with a CMS application. How can i show/apply for joint residency?The rules appear weighted against the person who is classed as the non-parent even if they are fully contributing.
MM6 - 2-Aug-17 @ 4:55 PM
I have 2 children 14 and 6 who stay with me when there mum is on shifts so can vary quite a bit from week to week but works out at 60% of the time they live with me. I want to apply foe joint custody to protect my legal rights and my future contact with them. She has said no in case she wants to move in future. She claims the child benefit and tax credits and does not help me out although she does buy clothes and pay the childcare fees, after this she has 400 left over a month. even though I am starting from scratch as I left her everything when I moved out. Would applying for joint custody be worthwhile? Would a judge decide if I would be considered primary carer? I have spoken to amediator but I just want to get the MIAM and go to court as she would not be willing and it is also not legally binding and she could change her mind at any rime
Mr bean - 2-Aug-17 @ 3:50 PM
Step mum- Your Question:
My partner regularly encounters problems with the mother of his son. A few years ago before we had a contact order in place, my partner would have to go without seeing his son for weeks because his ex would continuously use their son as a weapon to blackmail him. This was all due to the fact that we had started a relationship and she did not want him to move on. Before out relationship had started he had his son more than her most weeks. But because she didn't like that he was trying to move on in his life she would stop him from seeing their son. Eventually I convinced him to proceed with a contact order. The court heard that his ex was not spending enough time with their son so it was agreed that my partner would have his son every Tuesday and Thursday for overnight stay and every other weekend from Saturday morning until Sunday evening. Although this seemed like a good result it ended in my partner loosing out on a lot of quality time with his son. The contact order was put in place to ensure that the above days listed is the minimum time he must spend with his son. But when we ask for any extra time, one more overnight stay or for him to come for dinner one evening she almost always says no. We never have him 2 nights in a row because she also won't allow this. And now that his son is older and we have our own house only 2 minuets drive down the road from his sons mother he asks to stay more. There's a lot more going on than this on a daily basis but for to much to explain. I have said to my partner that it may be best to go for joint custody so they both have the same amount of time with there son. Do you think that this would be the best move? Many thanks

Our Response:
Your partner would have to try to resolve this via mediation initially, if his ex will not agree. If his ex refuses, then your partner can refer the matter back to court. If the court order specifies that this is the minimum amount of time your partner should spend with his child and his ex refuses to extend this, then he may have a case. He may wish to seek legal advice. Alternatively, sometimes a solicitor's letter referring to the terms of the order may do the trick.
SeparatedDads - 1-Aug-17 @ 3:21 PM
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice...
Title:
(never shown)
Firstname:
(never shown)
Surname:
(never shown)
Email:
(never shown)
Nickname:
(shown)
Comment:
Validate:
Enter word:
Latest Comments
  • SeparatedDads
    Re: Applying for Custody: Court Procedure
    loguey1976 - Your Question:I have been split from my ex now for the last 8 years and have had regular access to our…
    19 September 2017
  • SeparatedDads
    Re: After the Initial Court Order
    Adpc - Your Question:Hi I have a court order to have regular access to my daughter witch has worked but mg daughters mother is…
    19 September 2017
  • SeparatedDads
    Re: Breach of Contact or Residence Order: What to Do
    Pauly - Your Question:I have a court order and every other weekend when I don't have him I can FaceTime…
    19 September 2017
  • SeparatedDads
    Re: Child Support Payments: An Overview
    Donut - Your Question:Hi I'm paying child maintenance to my ex but I'm struggling to afford my general day to day bills…
    19 September 2017
  • SeparatedDads
    Re: A Guide to Child Support Payments
    Andreia - Your Question:HelloMy boyfriend and me we are thinking to go live toghther but a friend of mine told me because he…
    19 September 2017
  • SeparatedDads
    Re: A Guide to Child Support Payments
    Kath - Your Question:Hello I wondered if anyone can help me, my current parters ex is claiming that her son is his, his name…
    19 September 2017
  • SeparatedDads
    Re: Coping With Life as a Separated Dad
    bobby - Your Question:Hi,, I split from my wife about 15yrs ago very amicably and my ex wife and I were good close…
    19 September 2017
  • SeparatedDads
    Re: Child Support Payments: An Overview
    TJ - Your Question:HiMy 18 year old daughter has decided that she wants to go to Uni, afterall. She has a place and has…
    19 September 2017
  • SeparatedDads
    Re: Shared Custody of Your Children
    Mark - Your Question:Hi.I've been split up seven years from my ex and have paid monthly towards my 2 girls , 8-and 12 , I also…
    19 September 2017
  • SeparatedDads
    Re: Shared Custody of Your Children
    Roman - Your Question:I split with my ex ten months ago I had a few things to sort out after we split so I was in a position…
    19 September 2017
Further Reading...
Our Most Popular...
Add to my Yahoo!
Add to Google
Stumble this
Add to Twitter
Add To Facebook
RSS feed
You should seek independent professional advice before acting upon any information on the SeparatedDads website. Please read our Disclaimer.