Building a Routine After Separation

When you are going through a separation you are obviously going to be concerned about the effect that it has on your children. Their lives have suddenly been turned upside down and everything that they are used to is changing. It can be a very unsettling time for them, as well as you and it is important that they keep a sense of security and familiarity. Creating and maintaining routines can help to do this and also help you and your ex to find a new way of looking after your children.

Why Routines Are Good

Routines give children a sense of safety and security. When they are experiencing a separation children can feel like their whole lives are falling apart and the more that you can keep the same, the better. Establishing routine visitation will help them deal with the separation as they can know when they will see you again. Maintaining the same daily routine whether they are with their mother, or you, will help ease the transition.

Daily Routine

From the moment that children are babies, establishing a daily routine is a good thing to do. Children react well to boundaries and knowing what to expect. It can also help with their mental and physical health and sleep patterns. When your child comes to visit it can be tempting to score points by letting them stay up late or eat lunch in the afternoon, but it is important to maintain their normal routine.

Routine Visitation

Hopefully you have been able to come to an agreement about visitation. This is not only a good thing for you but also for your children. They will be filled with uncertainty when you no longer live with them and it is important to make then feel as secure as possible. By establishing a regular visitation pattern they will know that you are still a constant part of their lives.

Discussing Routines With Your Ex

In an ideal world you would be able to have a mature, constructive conversation with your ex whenever necessary. Unfortunately this is not always the case but you both need to work hard to communicate amicably. Building and breaking routines should not be about control or points scoring – it is about the best interests of your children. There may be legitimate reasons why a routine needs to be changed and you should be able to openly discuss this. If you are having trouble then consider some mediation help to get you on the right track.

Routines are good for children as they build a senses of safety and security. This is particularly necessary when they are experiencing their parents separating. By creating a regular visitation routine you will help your children get used to the new situation and stop fearing that they will never see you. When your children do visit try to maintain their regular daily routine. It can be tempting to treat them or score points but this is not in their best interests. If there is need to break these routines then try and talk openly about it with your ex and come to a new agreement.

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