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Building a Routine After Separation

By: Emma Jones - Updated: 21 Mar 2016 | comments*Discuss
Routine Children Separation Mediation

When you are going through a separation you are obviously going to be concerned about the effect that it has on your children. Their lives have suddenly been turned upside down and everything that they are used to is changing. It can be a very unsettling time for them, as well as you, and it is important that they keep a sense of security and familiarity. Creating and maintaining routines can help to do this and also help you and your ex to find a new way of looking after your children.

Why Routines Are Good

Routines give children a sense of safety and security. Children experiencing a separation can feel like their whole lives are falling apart so the routine they have, the better. Establishing routine visitation will help them deal with the separation as will know when to expect to see you again. Maintaining the same daily routine, whether they are with their mother or you, will help ease the transition.

Daily Routine

From the moment that children are babies, establishing a daily routine is a highly beneficial. Children react well to boundaries and knowing what to expect. It can also help with their mental and physical health and sleep patterns. When your child comes to visit it can be tempting to score points by letting them stay up late or eat lunch in the afternoon, but it is important to maintain their normal routine.

Routine Visitation

Hopefully, you have been able to come to an agreement about visitation. This is not only a good thing for you but also for your children. They will be filled with uncertainty when you no longer live with them and it is important to make then feel as secure as possible. By establishing a regular visitation pattern they will know that you are still a constant part of their lives.

Discussing Routines With Your Ex

In an ideal world you would be able to have a mature, constructive conversation with your ex whenever necessary. Unfortunately, this is not always the case but you both need to work hard to Maintain A Good Relationship for the sake of the children. Building and breaking routines should not be about control or points scoring, it is about the best interests of your children. There may be legitimate reasons why a routine needs to be changed and you should be able to openly discuss this. If you are having trouble, consider some Mediation help to get you on the right track.

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

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I have my kids after school 2 days a week and one day/night each weekend. Because the days change, I find it hard to get into a routine with them.one week they might have football and the other week not. I feel I have to do something special each time I see them just to make up for not being there all the time like I used to. I am hoping this feeling will wear off and we can just chill and get used to having each other around in a strange place.
DadtheMad - 21-May-12 @ 7:08 PM
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