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Checklist: the Emotional Stages After Separation

By: Emma Jones - Updated: 3 Mar 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Separation Emotions Relationship Guilt

Whether you or your partner initiated the separation, breaking up is never an easy thing to do, especially when there are children involved. Even if it was your decision, and you know it is the right thing to do, you will still feel a range of emotions that can be difficult to deal with.

Take a look at our checklist which outlines the most common emotional stages you will experience. Remember that you are not crazy or weak to be feeling this way. It is important to work through your emotions and come to terms with them so that you are able to move on.

1. Denial

The first stage of separation is denial. This can begin even before the break-up, when you are denying to yourself that the relationship is in trouble. You may try to convince yourself that everything will work out or that you will eventually get back together again with your ex. This is a way to protect yourself from hurt.

2. Anger

It is natural to feel angry – both at your ex-partner and yourself. It doesn’t seem fair that this is happening to you and you want to blame someone. Anger can be a very destructive emotion, though, so it is important that you channel it constructively and don’t let it tear you apart.

3. Guilt

You feel guilty that you let your relationship fail and are breaking up the family – couldn’t you have done more? There is no point racking yourself with guilt. Things happen and it is important to learn from them and make the best of your new reality.

4. Fear

Once you have stopped denying the situation or blaming it on someone else, the truth begins to set in. You are on your own again. Out in the big wide world. Away from your child. This can be a scary prospect and you will probably be filled with fear. This is a healthy emotion that will help you decide how to move forward.

5. Grief

Even if you wanted the relationship to end, you will still feel a great sense of loss. You will be grieving for the future that you had hoped for and all those dreams that never quite came true. You need to acknowledge your grief and deal with it before you will be able to take the next step.

6. Re-invention

When you have been through a break-up many people will face a stage of re-invention. This is the point when you look at yourself and think 'what can I do differently?' or 'how can I make sure this doesn’t happen again?' Considering these things means that you are already on the road to recovery

7. Acceptance

Once you have dealt with your emotions – which can take some time – then you will move to a state of acceptance. No, it’s not the way you wanted it to turn out and yes, you probably could have done things differently, but this is where you are now, and you can start focusing on your future.

After a separation, you can find yourself on an emotional roller coaster, swinging between anger, guilt, denial and grief. This is natural but it is important to acknowledge and deal with your emotions so that you can reach a place of acceptance and be ready to put the past behind you and look towards the future.

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I'am a dad of 2 children under 2. Me and and my partner had been together for 4 years. In the past 6 months my partner has become nasty with me not wanting anything to do with me . I would be left to look after the children while she went out Friday night and wouldn't come back till Sunday night. She would not text once about the children when she went out.I told her how I felt so we agreed to give it another go (Denial) if we both changed. A week after this talk the going out happened again. I said that was it as I was trying so hard on my half but wasn't getting anything back. However now I feel so lonely and sit thinking what if she had changed. All I wanted it to be a happy family and spend all our free time doing family things. Now I'm in the middle of moving out but have to move back in with my grandmother and have the kids at week ends because I can't afford a place at the minute. Besides all my heartbreak I feel like just staying in the same house and not going for the sake of the kids but know it isn't right.
Oggy - 3-Mar-17 @ 4:38 PM
I'm a dad of a 12 month old baby who has just split up with the babies mother. I caused the split and regret it (drink issues) and would do anything to turn back time. The pain is raw as only been 3 days but devastated isn't the word. We've already agreed moving out and financial things. How do you move on? How do you part time fatherhood?
leev - 7-Jan-17 @ 4:24 PM
mold - Your Question:
Separated from my ex- to be wife about a year ago. We were together for more than 12 years, married for 11 years (both 35 years old). We had two great children that I love and adore so much. Our relationship was built with no foundation from the beginning hence the reason it collapsed. We both tried but didn't workout at the end. It was my decision to end it but her decision for a brief separation 5 years ago. I missed my family so much. After our separation, I have been an emotional roller coaster for 8 months out of 12, swinging between anger, guilt, denial and grief. I have managed to deal with my emotions so that you can reach a place of acceptance and be ready to put the past behind me and look towards the future. I thoughts I have moved on but I still misses them. My ex was so mean after I moved out but I tried to play this down and not involve the children. She involved children telling them Dad didn't care. We have agreed to start our divorce process now. I have to do everything that pleases her so that my children doesn't get involve with the mess we created. I have accepted my own part of the mess we both created, but she wouldn't admit her own part which I am not really bothered about.

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. What many people don't realise is, the opposite to love is not hate, but indifference, and once you reach this stage (which it sounds as though you have) you can then move on and your ex's actions will begin to get under your skin less and less. Despite your ex telling your kids you don't care, your kids will know that you love them through your own actions and reassurances. There are a few pages that might make the process easier to cope with your divorce, i.e Using Reverse Psychology Effectively, here and Developing an Amicable Relationship With Your Ex, here . The most important people in this are your kids, and your relationship with them and if you can get through your divorce as painlessly as possible, then this will help towards you and your kids future all round. It's about thinking of the long term gains, not the short term ones. Good luck.
SeparatedDads - 1-Dec-16 @ 11:45 AM
Separated from my ex- to be wife about a year ago. We were together for more than 12 years, married for 11 years (both 35 years old). We had two great children that I love and adore so much. Our relationship was built with no foundation from the beginning hence the reason it collapsed. We both tried but didn't workout at the end. It was my decision to end it but her decision for a brief separation 5 years ago. I missed my family so much. After our separation, I have been an emotional roller coaster for 8 months out of 12, swinging between anger, guilt, denial and grief. I have managed to deal with my emotions so that you can reach a place of acceptance and be ready to put the past behind me and look towards the future. I thoughts i have moved on but I still misses them. My ex was so mean after I moved out but I tried to play this down and not involve the children. She involved children telling them Dad didn't care. We have agreed to start our divorce process now. I have to do everything that pleases her so that my children doesn't get involve with the mess we created. I have accepted my own part of the mess we both created, but she wouldn't admit her own part which I am not really bothered about.
mold - 1-Dec-16 @ 5:15 AM
evenflow - Your Question:
Is there ever a time that anyone says hey. maybe all this guilt and unsettled feelings is worth looking into instead of shoving it down like a pill? Maybe in some of these circumstances the resolution of a marriage or a family should be explored. Don't kid yourselves. Sometimes the pain does NOT go away and for good reason. Marriages and families were meant to be together, struggle and grow together and stay together through good and bad sickness and health rich and poor death do you part. ARE the kids just fine? How will they view marriage and relationships with spouses and relationships with their kids when they get older? For some of the more petty and ridiculous selfish and weak reasons people are breaking up families now a days. yes maybe you COULD have done more and should have. It's not always too late. If you can fix your marriage or put your family back together and you know you could with some honest humility, forgiveness and effort then no that guilt will not ever completely go away no matter how you "move on".

Our Response:
Many thanks for your interesting comments and thoughts.
SeparatedDads - 21-Jun-16 @ 1:01 PM
Is there ever a time that anyone says hey... maybe all this guilt and unsettled feelings is worth looking into instead of shoving it down like a pill?Maybe in some of these circumstances the resolution of a marriage or a family should be explored. Don't kid yourselves.Sometimes the pain does NOT go away and for good reason.Marriages and families were meant to be together, struggle and grow together and stay together through good and bad sickness and health rich and poor death do you part.ARE the kids just fine?How will they view marriage and relationships with spouses and relationships with their kids when they get older?For some of the more petty and ridiculous selfish and weak reasons people are breaking up families now a days... yes maybe you COULD have done more and should have.It's not always too late.If you can fix your marriage or put your family back together and you know you could with some honest humility, forgiveness and effort then no that guilt will not ever completely go away no matter how you "move on".
evenflow - 20-Jun-16 @ 8:53 PM
I have been a father for just under a year now. My baby's mum and i where together not even 12 weeks when we found out she was pregnant. We soon split up. When my son was born we tried again and lasted just three weeks. I work and have a good job, I now live alone. But l find myself on here as I'm struggling. I used to have him every weekend, I had support from my family and friends. When I'm alone and he's upset/crying I get angry,I get angry with her too. I never used to be angry but I can't control this i just snap. Iv asked the doctor for some Counciling,I'm still waiting for this. I seem to blame her for changing my life when I wasn't ready. She already has another child. I see my son because it's the right thing to do but I can't get my head around being a father people say the moment you hold your child it changes you. I'm not sure I felt that. I find myself pushing myself away from him which I don't want to do because I love him. But I can't live my life like this I'm up and down all the time.
K.T - 29-May-16 @ 11:35 AM
I have been a father for just under a year now. My baby's mum and i where together not even 12 weeks when we found out she was pregnant. We soon split up. When my son was born we tried again and lasted just three weeks. I work and have a good job, I now live alone. But l find myself on here as I'm struggling. I used to have him every weekend, I had support from my family and friends. When I'm alone and he's upset/crying I get angry,I get angry with her too. I never used to be angry but I can't control this i just snap. Iv asked the doctor for some Counciling,I'm still waiting for this. I seem to blame her for changing my life when I wasn't ready. She already has another child. I see my son because it's the right thing to do but I can't get my head around being a father people say the moment you hold your child it changes you. I'm not sure I felt that. I find myself pushing myself away from him which I don't want to do because I love him. But I can't live my life like this I'm up and down all the time.
K.T - 29-May-16 @ 11:34 AM
I have been a father for just under a year now. My baby's mum and i where together not even 12 weeks when we found out she was pregnant. We soon split up. When my son was born we tried again and lasted just three weeks. I work and have a good job, I now live alone. But l find myself on here as I'm struggling. I used to have him every weekend, I had support from my family and friends. When I'm alone and he's upset/crying I get angry,I get angry with her too. I never used to be angry but I can't control this i just snap. Iv asked the doctor for some Counciling,I'm still waiting for this. I seem to blame her for changing my life when I wasn't ready. She already has another child. I see my son because it's the right thing to do but I can't get my head around being a father people say the moment you hold your child it changes you. I'm not sure I felt that. I find myself pushing myself away from him which I don't want to do because I love him. But I can't live my life like this I'm up and down all the time.
K.T - 29-May-16 @ 11:25 AM
Feroz- Your Question:
I'm the father,I leave in Malawi in Africa. My son is 37 years old and he leaves in Leicester,married for 15 years with 3 children and now over 3 months is been separated by his wife reason is "simple argument" We are very far from my son and he is full of stress, depression and guilty, he beg her forgiveness and we too tired to clam her but she is refusing, my heart goes out to my grandchildren,my son is very hard working man and does all his duties as husband and father. My son is very desperate to go back to his family and his wife is refusing and now my grandchildren. What will happen? Who can save my son home?

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. However, I'm afraid we cannot anticipate what will happen on a financial level, but the CAB link heremay be of help regarding the process and options your son and wife have if they do not decide to re-unite. Hopefully, your son and his ex will be able to have an amicable separation and the financial and childcare side of the matter can be decided between them.
SeparatedDads - 26-May-16 @ 10:41 AM
I'm the father,I leave in Malawi in Africa. My son is 37 years old and he leaves in Leicester,married for 15 years with 3 children and now over 3 months is been separated by his wife reason is "simple argument"We are very far from my son and he is full of stress, depression and guilty, he beg her forgiveness and we too tired to clam her but she is refusing, my heart goes out to my grandchildren,my son is very hard working man and does all his duties as husband and father. My son is very desperate to go back to his family and his wife is refusing and now my grandchildren. What will happen? Who can save my son home?
Feroz - 25-May-16 @ 11:05 AM
brett - Your Question:
My wife told about 7 weeks ago she wants a divorce that is tired of me an unloving husband I love her than life itself we have been married for 17 years, she hasn't had work for the last her only job to take of or son, now she wants to be a roommate not a wife and date other people I'am not really open to her dating any one while she lives here,I am afraid I could go off the deep and hurt her ,my feelings are running wild one minute I am ok the next I want to hurt her please help me

Our Response:
You really need to speak to someone about this as while in the heat of the moment you may feel anger, there will be consequences if you carry that anger out. Also, any amount of domestic violence could also have repercussions regarding access to your son later on should your wife go through with the separation. Therefore, you need to take stock and view the situation rationally. Family Lives offers a confidential and free helpline service. There is also some anger management advice via the link here and other lines and avenues that can offer advice. Keeping control of your anger by speaking to someone and seeking help and possibly counselling is the best thing you can do in this situation. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads - 20-Jan-16 @ 10:47 AM
My wife told about 7 weeks ago she wants a divorce that is tired of me an unloving husband I love her than life itself we have been married for 17 years, she hasn't had work for the last her only job to take of or son, now she wants to be a roommate not a wife and date other people I'am not really open to her dating any one while she lives here,I am afraid I could go off the deep and hurt her ,my feelings are running wild one minute I am ok the next I want to hurt her please help me
brett - 19-Jan-16 @ 10:28 AM
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james2267 - 24-Dec-15 @ 12:51 AM
Alexis - Your Question:
My wife and I split 9 months ago after she said she was unhappy in the relationship. As it happened it ultimately turned out she'd met someone at work, whilst disappointed and confused at the time, I have let go of the anger I have at her. We have a four year old boy who is perfect, and we share his time 50:50. He's shown very little impact from the divorce, albeit seems to enjoy a bit more physical attention and cuddles now. He's still very happy and my ex and I have maintained a good relationship - we can all sit round a table for dinner etc. All our friends are appalled at my ex, my family and hers keep telling me I am doing an outstanding job with my boy, but I can't rid of the guilt. I continually feel I should have done better in my marriage and that I have let my son down, I can't give him the perfect life I promised him the first time I held him in my arms. I know it's irrational, but it won't go, am I the only person this makes sense to? I'm trying really hard, I feel like I don't deserve this, but the guilt won't go.

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this, especially when you have the type of relationship with your ex and son that most people would envy. Unfortunately, as you know life is never perfect and rarely goes the way we want it to. Plus, feeling guilty about our children goes with the territory, not just with those who are separated or divorced, but also those who are in secure and loving relationships. There is always something we blame ourselves for, or think we could have done better. It sounds like your son is having the best of both worlds which is two loving families and if he continues to receive such love and affection then you are giving him the start in life that we all wish for our children. If you still feel guilt, then you may wish to look into having some counselling. However, the fact you say he has shown little impact from the divorce means between you and your ex, you are definitely doing something, if not everything right.
SeparatedDads - 7-Dec-15 @ 11:58 AM
My wife and I split 9 months ago after she said she was unhappy in the relationship. As it happened it ultimately turned out she'd met someone at work, whilst disappointed and confused at the time, I have let go of the anger I have at her. We have a four year old boy who is perfect, and we share his time 50:50. He's shown very little impact from the divorce, albeit seems to enjoy a bit more physical attention and cuddles now. He's still very happy and my ex and I have maintained a good relationship - we can all sit round a table for dinner etc. All our friends are appalled at my ex, my family and hers keep telling me I am doing an outstanding job with my boy, but I can't rid of the guilt. I continually feel I should have done better in my marriage and that I have let my son down, I can't give him the perfect life I promised him the first time I held him in my arms. I know it's irrational, but it won't go, am I the only person this makes sense to? I'm trying really hard, I feel like I don't deserve this, but the guilt won't go.
Alexis - 4-Dec-15 @ 9:21 PM
Joe - Your Question:
We been married for 11 yrs. and separated from my wife for 3 months. We have 4 children. My wife is Bipolar, diagnosed after 4yrs of marriage. I was the one who decided to leave the marriage. When she is on her medication, she is a beautiful person, almost the person I fell in love with.When she stops taking her medication she becomes a complete different person. During her depressive episode I take care of her, the kids, cooking, cleaning, and arranging our home. All this while working! I forgave my wife for cheating 2 times in the pass, both time same person. For the pass 6 months it's been a living hell for me. My wife stop her medication, stopped intimacy, and started disrespecting me in front of family. I spoke to her in private and told her she needed to change the way she treated me. After 3 months and no changes on her behavior, I told her I had enough. I told her I was leaving and that if she wanted me to come back she needed to get help, see her therapist, and take her medication. I decided to go to marriage counseling by myself for me. I am going through all these symptoms and I'm up to fear. I am second guessing myself if I did the right thing. I still see my children and I'm still involved with the children. She is still the same, actually worse. Now she gives me attitude and it seems she is always mad.I found out 2 weeks ago that she is seeing the same guy she cheated a year ago. I did not comfronted her with it and decided to speak to my counselor about it. He asked me how I felt and I told him "Dishonored", "Dying Inside". He said to not confront her with it because we were separated and that we were not Romantically involved. Now the counselor wants me to re-invent myself to find an identity because he feels that I am being clingy to my wife. I told him I am not being clingy, I do not call her, I do not invade her privacy and I respect her space. That the reason I know about the guy is because her friend told me about it. I love my wife, she wasn't this way before and now she is. I just want to be close to my kids. She is a great mother and I give her credit for being so supportive of them while suffering with bipolar. She is not a bad person she is a good wife doing a bad thing while not being on medication. Maybe she will decide to start taking her medication. For the meantime I will stay my ground. I can help her while on medication. She will need to help herself!Is anyone going through the thing? What are you doing to better yourself? Tell me what you think?

Our Response:
I am very sorry to hear this. From what you say, it seems you are doing all the right things and taking the right action. However, as you know when in the midst of a bipolar episode, sufferers may often say or do things that are hurtful, aggressive, critical and cruel, especially when going through a manic episode. Obviously, on the other side of the coin and when depressed, they can turn away and become hostile and moody. You know your wife well and therefore know not to take her behaviour personally (being symptoms of her mental illness). I assume the new man in her life is yet to discover this. I can only advise that you stay in the background, but be supportive where needed, especially where the children are concerned. This is not easy, I know. But with an illness such as this you are always navigating unpredictable territory. However, at the same time, your counsellor is right, you also need to move on and find yourself again. You too deserve kindness and love and you should be open to this - it is very easy to neglect your own needs when you're supporting someone else. Please see link here which may help. I wish you all the best.
SeparatedDads - 3-Dec-15 @ 10:40 AM
We been married for 11 yrs. and separated from my wife for 3 months. We have 4 children. My wife is Bipolar, diagnosed after 4yrs of marriage. I was the one who decided to leave the marriage. When she is on her medication, she is a beautiful person, almost the person I fell in love with. When she stops taking her medication she becomesa complete different person. During her depressive episode I take care of her, the kids, cooking, cleaning, and arranging our home. All this while working! I forgave my wife for cheating 2 times in the pass, both time same person. For the pass 6 months it's been a living hell for me. My wife stop her medication, stopped intimacy, and started disrespecting me in front of family. I spoke to her in private and told her she needed to change the way she treated me. After 3 months and no changes on her behavior, I told her I had enough. I told her I was leaving and that if she wanted me to come back she needed to get help, see her therapist, and take her medication. I decided to go to marriage counseling by myself for me. I am going through all these symptoms and I'm up to fear. I am second guessing myself if I did the right thing. I still see my children and I'm still involved with the children. She is still the same, actually worse. Now she gives me attitude and it seems she is always mad. I found out 2 weeks ago that she is seeing the same guy she cheated a year ago. I did not comfronted her with it and decided to speak to my counselor about it. He asked me how I felt and I told him "Dishonored", "Dying Inside". He said to not confront her with it because we were separated and that we were not Romantically involved. Now the counselor wants me to re-invent myself to find an identity because he feels that I am being clingy to my wife. I told him I am not being clingy, I do not call her, I do not invade her privacy and I respect her space. That the reason I know about the guy is because her friend told me about it. I love my wife, she wasn't this way before and now she is. I just want to be close to my kids. She is a great mother and I give her credit for being so supportive of them while suffering with bipolar. She is not a bad person she is a good wife doing a bad thing while not being on medication. Maybe she will decide to start taking her medication. For the meantime I will stay my ground. I can help her while on medication. She will need to help herself! Is anyone going through the thing? What are you doing to better yourself? Tell me what you think?
Joe - 2-Dec-15 @ 3:06 PM
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Tracy - 11-Nov-15 @ 11:11 PM
Dan111 - Your Question:
Please help I've been with my wife since we were 20. Lived together 6 years, married 3 and a half. She came home 6 weeks ago told me she doesn't love me anymore and left. I'm so lost can't eat or sleep I can't describe the pain I feel or the deep depression. She told me she loved me every day even told me one hour before she came home and left. She's since explained why she left I had not been taken her opinions seriously and she felt she couldn't talk to me. I wish she had said these things months ago. I have been having counciling and sworn to her that I have changed. We meet up once a week and are friendly but I can't bear how cold and distant she is. She swears blind no one else is involved and just wants to be alone. I belive her but am struggling to get through the days. I try very hard to be normal around her but know I look very desperate. I hate myself for hurting her I just want to give her the marriage I should of given her from day 1.

Our Response:
I am very sorry to hear this. I assume you have read the other articles under the 'emotional' header on Separated Dads, if not I suggest you do. The positive thing through this is you are meeting once a week and therefore are keeping the lines of communication open. It means she obviously still wants a connection with you. You are obviously aware too of where you think you may have gone wrong. However, words are easy, it is actions that your ex will want to see. Somehwere in there is the man she first fell in love with and it is up to you to try and re-engage with that person. The best advice I can give is try to take control of the situation, and that means taking control of YOU. Work on the issues she has pinpointed, if then she still wishes to remain separated, at least then you will know you have done everything in your power to rectify the situation. At the same time, she needs to see that you are able to get on with your life. Some counselling may also help re-inforce the confidence you obviously need.
SeparatedDads - 30-Oct-15 @ 11:09 AM
Please help I've been with my wife since we were 20. Lived together 6 years, married 3 and a half. She came home 6 weeks ago told me she doesn't love me anymore and left. I'm so lost can't eat or sleep I can't describe the pain I feel or the deep depression. She told me she loved me every day even told me one hour before she came home and left. She's since explained why she left I had not been taken her opinions seriously and she felt she couldn't talk to me. I wish she had said these things months ago. I have been having counciling and sworn to her that I have changed. We meet up once a week and are friendly but I can't bear how cold and distant she is. She swears blind no one else is involved and just wants to be alone. I belive her but am struggling to get through the days. I try very hard to be normal around her but know I look very desperate. I hate myself for hurting her I just want to give her the marriage I should of given her from day 1.
Dan111 - 29-Oct-15 @ 11:13 AM
My wife and I have been together for 22 years since we were 19married and have two children we have been up and down over the years but she told me two weeks ago we are over and want to split up that was bad enough inhave now found out she has been in contact with a mutual friend texted each other for months and wants to get together and as soon as move out of the house they are going to get together and meet up with my kids as well anyone else been through this or have any advice thankyou
Spooky - 23-Oct-15 @ 11:37 AM
Dan - Your Question:
It's been 4 years since my ex took my kids away and I am struggling to find any help with how to stop grieving for my kids.Missing my kids is not about anger, denial, acceptance. it's more raw than that.How do you ever "accept" that your kids don't live with you. I feel in a constant state of mourning.Please help.

Our Response:
I am very sorry to hear this. I shall put your question on to our Separated Dads Facebook page. Our readers are great at giving both emotional and constructive help and advice and you may also find the page a comfort, knowing that you are not alone and there are others who feel the same. Please check the page for replies. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads - 18-Sep-15 @ 10:31 AM
It's been 4 years since my ex took my kids away and I am struggling to find any help with how to stop grieving for my kids. Missing my kids is not about anger, denial, acceptance...it's more raw than that. How do you ever "accept" that your kids don't live with you.I feel in a constant state of mourning. Please help.
Dan - 17-Sep-15 @ 1:06 AM
Richy - Your Question:
I've now been split 3 years from my ex and my 8 year son. I walked away from an unhealthy relationship.This was the hardest thing to do :( I see my son twice a week. In the time I have been away I have had two relationships both of which I have ended due to me feeling mass amounts of guilt. Its feels like I can't be happy or move on as I know I've changed the course of my sons life and I should be punished for it. Has anyone else had any of these feelings any advice would be appreciated.

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear you are feeling this way. However, you should not be so hard on yourself when leaving an unhealthy relationship, which may have had a more detrimental affect on your son if you had have stayed. I'm sure you give your son the love he needs when you see him and can make up for your absence by spending quality time with him. I shall post your question on our Separated Dads Facebook page and ask if any of our members can help give some helpful advice as many have been through the same situation and have come out the other side. Keep checking back to see your answers. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads - 14-Sep-15 @ 2:27 PM
I've now been split 3 years from my ex and my 8 year son. I walked away from an unhealthy relationship.This was the hardest thing to do :( I see my son twice a week. In the time I have been away I have had two relationships both of which I have ended due to me feeling mass amounts of guilt. Its feels like I can't be happy or move on as I know I've changed the course of my sons life and I should be punished for it. Has anyone else had any of these feelings any advice would be appreciated.
Richy - 13-Sep-15 @ 5:06 PM
@acid_angel it's a very difficult situation to be in, but I agree it's not nice feeling like the other women when you should be their only women, there number one (besides the kids of course but they are on a different level). It's hard when you love them so much though and want to help them, I need to cut off contact really but I'm finding it difficult, because I do believe we can make it work, but it's been a few weeks and still he can't decide if he can have a full relationship with me, I know it's not easy on him, but you know if he loved me as much as he has said then the choice shouldn't be that hard! As hard as it is I know I have made the right choice for all as it was getting so difficult. It's now a case of trying to rebuild myself as I feel beaten down and worthless :-( @lynnec I couldn't possibly think about finding another man when this one holds my heart it wouldn't be fair on anyone and if I'm in a relationship I'm in it for the long haul and because I feel nothing for anyone else because I know how much it hurts having half of a person.
Broken - 29-Aug-15 @ 1:13 AM
@acid_angel it's a very difficult situation to be in, but I agree it's not nice feeling like the other women when you should be their only women, there number one (besides the kids of course but they are on a different level). It's hard when you love them so much though and want to help them, I need to cut off contact really but I'm finding it difficult, because I do believe we can make it work, but it's been a few weeks and still he can't decide if he can have a full relationship with me, I know it's not easy on him, but you know if he loved me as much as he has said then the choice shouldn't be that hard! As hard as it is I know I have made the right choice for all as it was getting so difficult. It's now a case of trying to rebuild myself as I feel beaten down and worthless :-( @lynnec I couldn't possibly think about finding another man when this one holds my heart it wouldn't be fair on anyone and if I'm in a relationship I'm in it for the long haul and because I feel nothing for anyone else because I know how much it hurts having half of a person.
Broken - 29-Aug-15 @ 12:44 AM
Baron - Your Question:
I'm utterly broken.I’m broken. I've been with a woman who is the love of my life for 12 years. We’ve been married for 8 years, and have a beautiful 4 year old daughter. I have never been so happy as I was for the last twelve years. My wife is perfect – she is kind, compassionate, caring, and so, so beautiful. She is my one true love. My angel. We’d never had a single argument or cross word. 5 weeks ago however, all that changed and I felt like a rug had been pulled out from under me. I’d noticed my wife had not been herself for a couple of weeks, I was concerned, but knowing she had a tendency to bottle things up let her be. One day though she left her phone on the worktop – and I’m ashamed to admit this as I feel I betrayed her trust – but I checked her texts, hoping she might have said something to a friend about what was bothering her so that I could help. What I discovered was that for the past month she’d been involved in an emotional affair with a male friend she’d met at her regular swimming session that I’d encouraged her to take up. I confronted her, and she admitted everything. I told her I forgave her, and would do anything to rebuild the wonderful happy marriage we had.

Our Response:
I am very sorry to hear this and it must be a massive shock to you. However, it sounds as though you are taking the right approach which as painful as it is, will be better for you and your family in the long run. I know it doesn't seem like it currently, but with such big changes things could go any way, she may find out this new love is not all that she wishes for, or in the future you find someone equally as lovely as your wife. The fact that you are keeping the lines of communication fully open means that hopefully you will get the best from the situation both with your wife and child. It is very early days yet and as with any big change there will be challenges, but I wish you all the best. You may find our partner article: How a Separated Father Can Move on, link here. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads - 25-Aug-15 @ 12:03 PM
cont..,. alone for the rest of my life while my wife plays happy families with another man and my daughter. I don’t know where to start rebuilding my life, or how to get past losing the person I love more than anything.
Baron - 24-Aug-15 @ 5:16 PM
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