At its heart, Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is where one parents attempts to turn the children against the other parent. Where divorces are less than amicable, it’s sadly not uncommon, and generally used by mothers in an attempt to ensure little or no contact between their exes and children.
If you're experiencing these manipulative behaviours and want to understand whether what you're facing constitutes parental alienation, you can use our free Parental Alienation Checker.
Done subtly, it can be hard to prove, and at its worst it can produce Allegations Of Child Abuse Against The Fathers. Even when not pressed to those extremes, it causes anguish for thousands of men (which isn’t to say fathers haven’t used it against mothers, but in general it’s mothers who are the perpetrators). In court the result can be devastating, resulting in minimal or no contact for fathers.
How it Works
PAS is a kind of brainwashing. If the parent with custody can convince the child that he or she doesn’t want anything to do with the father, that carries weight in court, since one of the factors taken into account regarding contact is the wishes of the child. For obvious reasons, it works better with younger children, who are more easily swayed and subject to emotional pressures. In difficult situations, they naturally want to please the parent they’re with.
It can happen for any number of reasons, from fear of losing the children to the other parent to revenge. Sometimes trying to establish the root cause can be impossible.
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If it could be proven that a parent had used PAS, there could be legal repercussions. In practice, however, establishing that can very difficult. Using it on a child is a form of abuse in medical terms, and legally it becomes a type of coaching, both of which are illegal.
What would tend to happen, though, is that the custodial parent’s assertions of the child’s wishes would end up being ignored when it came to contact. A few courts might order family therapy, but would be unlikely to prosecute beyond that. That said, authorities do recognise it happens.
Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.
What Can the Victim do?
For the victim, generally the father, to prove PAS is very difficult. You’ll need a good solicitor, a Child Welfare Officer who’s willing to go beyond the surface to investigate your side of the story, and the willingness to pursue this, probably at County Court level, which means expense.
You’ll need extensive notes on conversations with the other parent, a diary of time spent with the children, and their excuses for not spending time with you. Note instances where the other parent has gone to schools or clubs to say you should have no contact with your children there (if that has happened), or if the other parent has stopped the child communicating with other members of your family.
The stronger the body of evidence you can build, the greater your chances of proving PAS and re-establishing contact. The problem, though, is that eventually the children can believe it really is their wish not to see you.
Where there is a contact order, try to make sure you see your kids. It keeps a line open, and acts as assurance that they don’t really hate you. It also opens the door for more contact. If it’s possible to Keep Communication With The Mother – which in many cases it won’t be – then do so; minds can change, and it all becomes more ammunition if you have to go to court.
Divorce Resource
This article is taken from our sister site: www.DivorceResource.co.uk. For more information on access rights, child support and looking after your dependants following a split, take a look at this section on divorce resource.
How long has people been waiting to first hear from social services recently?
I went to hospital and they referred to child protection because of my mental health.
It's been 10 days and not heard a word.. Not has my ex.
I don't live with my daughter as she lives with my ex (mother of our daughter)
Last time I seen her was 23rd December
And ment to be seeing her on the 29 march.
Supivised with her parents.
I cannot afford anymore legal fees. I have paid divorce, child maintenance monthly, new home, was left with marriage debts in my name and I tried caftcas and they advised against legal as my boys are 11 and 13 now but my oldest has special needs and he is most vulnerable. I was seeing my youngest son regularly until the virus outbreak as he stands up to his mom despite how guilty she makes him feel for seeing me. I have lots of evidence, video footage, emails and dates witnesses etc but my kids are to scared to stand against their mom. I don't know what else to do as I am heartbroken with all this and especially not being able to see or speak to my oldest son who is brain washed into hating me for untrue reasons.
Andy Steele
The mother did not let me take them to the hospital. She said she would go to st George's hospital, so I drove to the hospital.
One hour later she did not arrive. I try calling several times, but her phone was switched off.
She told the child that I did not care about her. When i finally managed to ask the child how she was, she said: "you don't care about me. Mum told she removed the trash from home 2 years ago and she just realised that i am the trash. I hate you dad and mum hates you to"
Ahhhh. Haven't seen her since then. I am applying for variation so i can pick up the kids straight from school. However the solicitor said it will be very difficult to prove parental alienation and if my daughter refuses to see me..... I probably won't be able to see her. Damn the queens courts
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