Home > Ask Our Experts > What Are My Chances of 50/50 Residence?

What Are My Chances of 50/50 Residence?

By: Lorna Elliott LLB (hons), Barrister - Updated: 25 Aug 2020 |
 
Court Contact Shared Child Ex Family

Q.

I currently have my son 3 nights a week and this has been the arrangement that my ex told me I was allowed. I work a 4 on, 4 off shift system so my weeks are 8 days. Ideally, I want to share our son 50/50 but was told by her that I should think myself lucky as most dads don't have their children anywhere near as much. Is it right that I have no hope of 50/50 custody?

(PA, 20 April 2010)

A.

I can entirely sympathise with your predicament. This may not be what you want to hear, but you do have a lot more contact with your son than most separated dads. There is no legal minimum or maximum where Custody Is Shared, as each case depends on its particular facts. In all cases, however, the court will be primarily focused on the child’s best interests. You haven’t said whether you and your ex were married or not, so all I can advise you on is if you were to make a freestanding application to the Family Court to try to enforce your right to an extra half a day a week.

If You Go To Court

Of course, you will be able to judge your ex’s potential reaction to a family court case better than I can. What would she do if you told her you were taking her to court over the extra half day? This is a judgment call for you. At the moment, your custody is shared 43/57 – and while every moment with your son is extremely precious, would there be a possibility that your ex could make things a lot more difficult than they are now? I don’t know how old your son is, but what effect could his parents going to court have on him? Forgive me if I’m way off the mark here, but it seems to me as though you’re very angry that your ex has control of the situation – i.e. that she has dictated how much time you spend with your son, rather than it being a joint decision between two parents (and I can understand why you would feel this way).

The Court’s Decision

If you were to make an application to the family court, the judge or magistrate would look at what was best for your son. This doesn’t necessarily accord with what either you or your ex wants. The court would look at both you and your ex as equals, and decide what to do about custody based on the evidence put before it. Although it used to be quite rare, courts are increasingly prepared to grant shared custody. What they are looking for is whether you and your ex can get along for the benefit of your child, and, in terms of practicality, if you live close enough to one another and the distance to your child’s school.

Another option would be to look at Mediation, which would mean that the decision would remain you and your ex’s to make rather than at the discretion of a third party. If you went to court, there is always the chance that the court could direct that you had less of a share of the custody of your son, rather than more. I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide.

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

You might also like...
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice..
[Add a Comment]
Hi, I stumbled upon this site accidentally and it's been a lifesaver sofar. My story; my wife and I have been married for 13years and have 2 girls; 7 and 3. Unfortunately and like many others in the country, I lost my job due to covid in May and whilst I was trying to deal with this, my wife told me just over a month ago that she wanted to split up which was even made harder by my emotional state from not being in work. Regardless, I did not fight her or disagree with her and she had decided to leave the house with the kids but we agreed that as the house was all the kids knew, it would be better at least initially if they stayed in the house along with her whilst I left temporarily. (Call me an idiot I know) I came back to the house a week and a half later at which point she tried to insist I leave again and I refused. She ended up calling the police even though I can say categorically that there was NO verbal or physical threat, just an exchange of heated words about not wanting to leave! I was advised by family by family to please leave again as the kids were in the house and if anything such as tempers flaring happened with police being there, the image of me being taken away/detained is something I didn't want the kids to have plus how that could affect my case if we ever ended up in court. I now temporarily stay with a mate until I can get back on my feet but I have this burning sense of injustice plus the realisation that the person I was married to for 13yrs tried to get me arrested especially as she's the one who wanted to separate. Need some steer as to how to be done with this quick and get 50/50 custody as soon as I can get my own place but she's hinted at child maintenance costs which is useless to talk about until I get back on my feet work-wise. How is best to navigate my scenario to get shared custody etc Any good advise is welcome. Thank You!
Manny1 - 25-Aug-20 @ 7:52 PM
Hi, I stumbled upon this site accidentally and it's been a lifesaver sofar. My story; my wife and I have been married for 13years and have 2 girls; 7 and 3. Unfortunately and like many others in the country, I lost my job due to covid in May and whilst I was trying to deal with this, my wife told me just over a month ago that she wanted to split up which was even made harder by my emotional state from not being in work. Regardless, I did not fight her or disagree with her and she had decided to leave the house with the kids but we agreed that as the house was all the kids knew, it would be better at least initially if they stayed in the house along with her whilst I left temporarily. (Call me an idiot I know) I came back to the house a week and a half later at which point she tried to insist I leave again and I refused. She ended up calling the police even though I can say categorically that there was NO verbal or physical threat, just an exchange of heated words about not wanting to leave! I was advised by family by family to please leave again as the kids were in the house and if anything such as tempers flaring happened with police being there, the image of me being taken away/detained is something I didn't want the kids to have plus how that could affect my case if we ever ended up in court. I now temporarily stay with a mate until I can get back on my feet but I have this burning sense of injustice plus the realisation that the person I was married to for 13yrs tried to get me arrested especially as she's the one who wanted to separate. Need some steer as to how to be done with this quick and get 50/50 custody as soon as I can get my own place but she's hinted at child maintenance costs which is useless to talk about until I get back on my feet work-wise. How is best to navigate my scenario to get shared custody etc Any good advise is welcome. Thank You!
Manny1 - 25-Aug-20 @ 7:30 PM
Hi, I stumbled upon this site accidentally and it's been a lifesaver sofar. My story; my wife and I have been married for 13years and have 2 girls; 7 and 3. Unfortunately and like many others in the country, I lost my job due to covid in May and whilst I was trying to deal with this, my wife told me just over a month ago that she wanted to split up which was even made harder by my emotional state from not being in work. Regardless, I did not fight her or disagree with her and she had decided to leave the house with the kids but we agreed that as the house was all the kids knew, it would be better at least initially if they stayed in the house along with her whilst I left temporarily. (Call me an idiot I know) I came back to the house a week and a half later at which point she tried to insist I leave again and I refused. She ended up calling the police even though I can say categorically that there was NO verbal or physical threat, just an exchange of heated words about not wanting to leave! I was advised by family by family to please leave again as the kids were in the house and if anything such as tempers flaring happened with police being there, the image of me being taken away/detained is something I didn't want the kids to have plus how that could affect my case if we ever ended up in court. I now temporarily stay with a mate until I can get back on my feet but I have this burning sense of injustice plus the realisation that the person I was married to for 13yrs tried to get me arrested especially as she's the one who wanted to separate. Need some steer as to how to be done with this quick and get 50/50 custody as soon as I can get my own place but she's hinted at child maintenance costs which is useless to talk about until I get back on my feet work-wise. How is best to navigate my scenario to get shared custody etc Any good advise is welcome. Thank You!
Manny1 - 25-Aug-20 @ 7:26 PM
Hi, I stumbled upon this site accidentally and it's been a lifesaver sofar. My story; my wife and I have been married for 13years and have 2 girls; 7 and 3. Unfortunately and like many others in the country, I lost my job due to covid in May and whilst I was trying to deal with this, my wife told me just over a month ago that she wanted to split up which was even made harder by my emotional state from not being in work. Regardless, I did not fight her or disagree with her and she had decided to leave the house with the kids but we agreed that as the house was all the kids knew, it would be better at least initially if they stayed in the house along with her whilst I left temporarily. (Call me an idiot I know) I came back to the house a week and a half later at which point she tried to insist I leave again and I refused. She ended up calling the police even though I can say categorically that there was NO verbal or physical threat, just an exchange of heated words about not wanting to leave! I was advised by family by family to please leave again as the kids were in the house and if anything such as tempers flaring happened with police being there, the image of me being taken away/detained is something I didn't want the kids to have plus how that could affect my case if we ever ended up in court. I now temporarily stay with a mate until I can get back on my feet but I have this burning sense of injustice plus the realisation that the person I was married to for 13yrs tried to get me arrested especially as she's the one who wanted to separate. Need some steer as to how to be done with this quick and get 50/50 custody as soon as I can get my own place but she's hinted at child maintenance costs which is useless to talk about until I get back on my feet work-wise. How is best to navigate my scenario to get shared custody etc Any good advise is welcome. Thank You!
Manny1 - 25-Aug-20 @ 5:22 PM
Hi, I stumbled upon this site accidentally and it's been a lifesaver sofar. My story; my wife and I have been married for 13years and have 2 girls; 7 and 3. Unfortunately and like many others in the country, I lost my job due to covid in May and whilst I was trying to deal with this, my wife told me just over a month ago that she wanted to split up which was even made harder by my emotional state from not being in work. Regardless, I did not fight her or disagree with her and she had decided to leave the house with the kids but we agreed that as the house was all the kids knew, it would be better at least initially if they stayed in the house along with her whilst I left temporarily. (Call me an idiot I know) I came back to the house a week and a half later at which point she tried to insist I leave again and I refused. She ended up calling the police even though I can say categorically that there was NO verbal or physical threat, just an exchange of heated words about not wanting to leave! I was advised by family by family to please leave again as the kids were in the house and if anything such as tempers flaring happened with police being there, the image of me being taken away/detained is something I didn't want the kids to have plus how that could affect my case if we ever ended up in court. I now temporarily stay with a mate until I can get back on my feet but I have this burning sense of injustice plus the realisation that the person I was married to for 13yrs tried to get me arrested especially as she's the one who wanted to separate. Need some steer as to how to be done with this quick and get 50/50 custody as soon as I can get my own place but she's hinted at child maintenance costs which is useless to talk about until I get back on my feet work-wise. How is best to navigate my scenario to get shared custody etc Any good advise is welcome. Thank You!
Manny1 - 25-Aug-20 @ 4:55 PM
Hi, I stumbled upon this site accidentally and it's been a lifesaver sofar. My story; my wife and I have been married for 13years and have 2 girls; 7 and 3. Unfortunately and like many others in the country, I lost my job due to covid in May and whilst I was trying to deal with this, my wife told me just over a month ago that she wanted to split up which was even made harder by my emotional state from not being in work. Regardless, I did not fight her or disagree with her and she had decided to leave the house with the kids but we agreed that as the house was all the kids knew, it would be better at least initially if they stayed in the house along with her whilst I left temporarily. (Call me an idiot I know) I came back to the house a week and a half later at which point she tried to insist I leave again and I refused. She ended up calling the police even though I can say categorically that there was NO verbal or physical threat, just an exchange of heated words about not wanting to leave! I was advised by family by family to please leave again as the kids were in the house and if anything such as tempers flaring happened with police being there, the image of me being taken away/detained is something I didn't want the kids to have plus how that could affect my case if we ever ended up in court. I now temporarily stay with a mate until I can get back on my feet but I have this burning sense of injustice plus the realisation that the person I was married to for 13yrs tried to get me arrested especially as she's the one who wanted to separate. Need some steer as to how to be done with this quick and get 50/50 custody as soon as I can get my own place but she's hinted at child maintenance costs which is useless to talk about until I get back on my feet work-wise. How is best to navigate my scenario to get shared custody etc Any good advise is welcome. Thank You!
Manny1 - 25-Aug-20 @ 4:50 PM
Hi my ex partner has 50/50 with my 3 children we have been split nearly 2 years and since then there has been none stop games he get the kids 3nights 4 days Friday to Monday he was only having them Saturday till Sunday and asked for extra days I agreed with that as I do believe kids should see both parents especially when there young anyway games have been none stopped played 1st it was I'm not bringing kids home they don't need there mum now he saying hes taking me to court for full custody y would anyone want to take 3 happy children of there motherand today my kids come home and there dad has asked if they want to live with him my 5 year old and 4 year old said they want to live with there mum my kids shouldn't ever be asked that or made to feel like they have to answer that what do I do iv been ringing for advice today and the fees are massive I currently don't work due to the ex no longer wanting to have them while I worked witch was fine but now he was full custody will he will even tho my kids are happy healthy and all there needs are being met
Jenna - 24-Aug-20 @ 7:54 PM
Hi, I recently split with my partner we have two babies one is 19months one is 2months old. He has said he is going to take me to court for custody but he was arrested for domestic violence towards me. He says I am mentally unwell (obviously a tactic he will use in court) I’m not but he is going to try everything to win custody. The fact that he has been violent towards me and was arrested for it and gave a statement admitting it will that mean he won’t receive custody or could he possibly gain custody?
Mum - 15-Jul-20 @ 9:46 PM
I have been a single parent since early pregnancy when my daughter's dad chose not to want a family with me, although I have ensured that he has played an active role in her life. She spends time with him 5 nights a fortnight as well as special requests - birthday's, family occasions, one week of his annual leave (his choice) as well as sharing Xmas, Easter and bank holidays. Yet this is not enough for him and wants to take me to court for more. What are his chances of 50/50 residency? I feel I am doing all that is reasonable in the circumstances.
Lou Saynuss - 18-Jun-20 @ 12:18 AM
My ex and I separated a little over 2 years ago. She moved 233 miles away (average 4-5 hour drive). For the last 2 years we have had a fair and reasonable arrangement where we would meet halfway for pick up and drop off whenever I have the kids. I only see them for one weekend a month and during the school holidays (half terms, Easter, etc...). Since the turn of the new year she has decided she is no longer going to bring them halfway and if I want to have them stay with me I have to go and pick them up after work, getting there for like 8pm then back home for around midnight at least, and then do the same when I take them back on the Sunday. I am taking her to court for this and I want to know if a court can order her to continue to bring them halfway? Does anyone know of any cases I can look at and use?
Rob - 21-Feb-20 @ 3:35 PM
I've recently told my ex her maintenece is going down as i pay what the calculator has told me shes due and I have them 3 nights a week and 4 weeks a year for holiday.My ex isnt happy with this and now wants to reduce the time i have with them so the money I currently pay stays the same, where do i stand
Dan - 10-Jan-20 @ 9:26 AM
Hi i am.a young dad split with my ex im.only allowed my son of a saturday night he goes home sunday n then have him of a monday till7 on nite im.on birth certificate but yet im not allowed no input on my sons life im on his birth certicate i would like to no wat rites i have and how often i shoukd have him by law.
Jo - 2-Jan-20 @ 2:29 AM
Hey im a sepatated father of two children boy aged 6 and girl aged 4. I have full parental guardianship of my son, has his mother gave him upto me just after his second birthday but kept my younger daughter who still lives with her mum full time. We attended family courts and it was agreed that my son would stay living with me and my daughter would live with her mum but i would get her 2 days a week and my son would go stay with mum twice a week too that way both children would spend 4 days a week together. This arrangment worked for a couple of years but then started to faulter and become a bit deteriorated has days were changing, split days were surfacing and now it's really took a turn for the worse cos my ex is only seeing our son for 5 hours a week on a saturday due to issues with my ex's partener who my son has said that he has been smacked by him. Now my son isnt allowed at his mums and partners home due to these lies that my 6 year old boy is coming out with although i believe there is truth within what he has said. this is why she is saying that he can go to her for 5 hours. My son really gets upset a lot over this cos he loves his mum but also misses he little sister too has now he dosent see her has much, im now having a lot of behaviour problems with him and i really do feel this whole siruation isnt helping him. Ihave always had my daughter twice a week from the start sometimes more, I've taken her on holidays with me and her brother, been very much invovled with her nursery/schooling attended all her events, activity, parents evenings even attended stay and play week after week religiously, where has my ex has hardly attended anything with her sons school apart from 1 patents evening and 1 sports day.and l know that we have a great father and daughter bond. I have a 2 bedroom house and both children share a room with there own beds. Im able to fully provide for them both. Im am looking to pursue shared costudy of my daughter so 50/50 cos im worried my children are guna grow apart from hardly seeing each other cos i dont see this situation with my son and his mum getting any better or changing much too even more so now she due to give birth to a baby boy in november and with another three children in her and her parteners household already, i can see my son getting further pushed away and im worried not seeing his sibling has much will damaged my children's relationship. Just wondering if there anyone who could enlighten me, mybe someone has been or going through similar problems, what chance have i got of winning shared custody????? Please any response id be much gratful thank you
Kenny - 14-Aug-19 @ 11:27 PM
Hi my husband has recently told me he is going to leave and we cannot agree on custody arrangements.He wants 50/50 but I don’t see why the kids have to live between two homes, moving every three days and not having a stable base.I wouldn’t want to live like that.I offered sun 10 til tues morning school run but he is wanting sun 9am til wed morning school run, half of all holidays and extra time at special times too.It seems so cruel, we have 4 kids and the littlest one is just 3 and very close to me. I have been off on mat leave for 14 months with her and have had 54 months off work over all 4 pregnancies. My husband works 4 days a week whilst I work three days.He does 3 out of 10 school runs and I do almost everything around the house, 95% of washing, cleaning, buying and shopping, I sort out all finances, I arrange any workman to come to the house.My husband does half of the cooking, he tidies up, walks the dog and puts the bins out. In the 12 years we have been together, he has only started fixing the things in the last few years. He is very aggressive with me and I am scared of him at times. What are his chances in court of 50/50? I want to keep the house as can afford mortgage but I can’t afford to buy out his share. What are my chances of that?
Nicola - 26-May-19 @ 5:35 PM
My ex wife and I have a residence order and full parental rights with responsibilities for my niece ( I am the blood link ). We have separated and my ex wife won’t let me see my niece. My stepson made a false allegation against me however it has been investigated and there is no charges as the allegation was a complete lie. My ex wife and stepson broke into my house and had a knife at my throat and threatened me. As the allegation is a complete lie how can I get to see my niece, can anyone help me with advice please
Toby - 11-Jan-19 @ 11:08 PM
Hi I have recently had a baby, throughout my pregnancy I had little or no support grpm my daughters father or his family because he insisted on a dna year. One where the baby was born o done the dna and still very little support and he hardly comes to see her. Today he said he will be taking me to court for joint custody. What are his chances of getting full custody even though my daughter is only 7 months and she hardly knows him.
Precious Scott- Phil - 26-Nov-18 @ 8:16 PM
Hi All, My ex is going for 50/50 access in court and I have never stopped him from seeing his children even though there have been 100 reasons why I should. I believe that the children should have a relationship with myself and their Father its important, however my sons behaviour since the split has been awful and because his Dad's a very angry person every-time Jack goes there he comes back and his behaviour is awful and I have to start discipline all over again and it takes me a few days to get him back to the loveable Jack that I know is in there. Chris says horrible things about me to the children and Molli has phoned me up crying saying come and get me Dad is being horrible again. I do not mention him in front of the children as I love them and don't want them hurt anymore than they already are. I have tried time and time again to be amicable with him but its either his way or no way there is no compromising with this man, so much so that I have had to cut all contact with him and he now abuses my partner, mother, father or anyone that can get to me. All I want is for my children to be happy and not have to live with this constant arguing any more its the reason we split up and should have some years beforehand. My daughter does not even want to go there half the time as he treats her the same as he treated me all those years ago. His parents have lots of money so have hired a top solicitor and I just don't know how to fight this as he stops maintenance all the time and I don't have the money to pay for a solicitor as all my money goes on my children. Its not in our children's best interests to live with him as it wont even be him looking after them as he gets his mum or girlfriend to look after them all the time and my daughter whom is 13 and son whom is 10 have to share a room as the house is to small and he lives at home with his parents. He's so manipulative that I think he will convince everyone to listen to him, I cant loose my loveable son and that's what will happen if this happens. Some advice on what I need to do will be much appreciated :(
LTT - 16-Nov-18 @ 3:20 PM
My husband has nearly 50/50 custody of his 2 children from a previous relationship. We also have 2 children together. He has them different days, alternating every 2 weeks, through a court order. He has maintained contact for years. We need childcare for these days(just breakfast club for 10 minutes) we are finding it hard to find a childcare that will accept them due to the changing days. He has seen a solicitor and they have said he should not go back to court to have them 50/50 with set days every week and that the courts believe children should only have one home and that their home is not with us, which is ridiculous. And it has also been said that due to him working he shouldn't be having them. Is this right? It seems awful to me that as a separated parent if you want to see your children you shouldn't be working and it will be used against you in court. Is it reasonable to go back to court to see them more and have more structure as our lives have changed drastically since the last court order and we know that with his children being the age they are the amount of time will end up decreasing due to their age and with their independence in a few year anyhow! (10&8)
Rolomix - 10-Nov-18 @ 9:29 AM
My husband has nearly 50/50 custody of his 2 children from a previous relationship. We also have 2 children together. He has them different days, alternating every 2 weeks, through a court order. He has maintained contact for years. We need childcare for these days(just breakfast club for 10 minutes) we are finding it hard to find a childcare that will accept them due to the changing days. He has seen a solicitor and they have said he should not go back to court to have them 50/50 with set days every week and that the courts believe children should only have one home and that their home is not with us, which is ridiculous. And it has also been said that due to him working he shouldn't be having them. Is this right? It seems awful to me that as a separated parent if you want to see your children you shouldn't be working and it will be used against you in court. Is it reasonable to go back to court to see them more and have more structure as our lives have changed drastically since the last court order and we know that with his children being the age they are the amount of time will end up decreasing due to their age and with their independence in a few year anyhow! (10&8)
Rolomix - 9-Nov-18 @ 11:57 PM
Dan - Your Question:
I am currently going through a break up and have a little girl. This is the most toughest time of my life and most of all has a big effect on my child. I read these articles and it frustrates me that women seem to be the number 1 in the relationship and the child also should be with the mother. Articles stating dads should think very hard before committing to joint or wanting full custody. I’ve gone from a full time dad down to less than part time. I cannot cope without my child. I committed to my child as soon as I knew we was having her so don’t tell me that I need to think what I want before I commit. The mother is equal to the father in every way so don’t go stating otherwise. There should be no debate on this. It’s like a black man and a white man don’t get treat any different and neither should a gay or straight person. Everyone is equal in this world and a child should be brought up with both there mother and father in it equally.

Our Response:
You are absolutely right. Unfortunately, some resident parents for whatever reason do not wish to see the equality of parents (especially if the parent has been hands-on and integral to the bringing up of the child). However, you do have recourse, please see link here . Our Separated Dads forum may help.
SeparatedDads - 30-Jul-18 @ 9:37 AM
I am currently going through a break up and have a little girl. This is the most toughest time of my life and most of all has a big effect on my child. I read these articles and it frustrates me that women seem to be the number 1 in the relationship and the child also should be with the mother. Articles stating dads should think very hard before committing to joint or wanting full custody. I’ve gone from a full time dad down to less than part time. I cannot cope without my child. I committed to my child as soon as I knew we was having her so don’t tell me that I need to think what I want before I commit. The mother is equal to the father in every way so don’t go stating otherwise. There should be no debate on this. It’s like a black man and a white man don’t get treat any different and neither should a gay or straight person. Everyone is equal in this world and a child should be brought up with both there mother and father in it equally.
Dan - 28-Jul-18 @ 9:57 PM
I have a four year old daughter, sadly my ex and I broke up a few years ago, contact was good for a while, always seen her when I could. Which was quite frequently, I then get a new partner then my ex stopped me from seeing my child. I tried and tried and tried to communicate with her to see what the issue was, but she was reluctant to communicate with me to fix the issue. So I suggested that we go to a child contact centre so I could have regular access ( once a fortnight was all I was allowed because of the way the contact center worked) after the contact center, a parenting plan was made in front of the organisers of the contact center which my ex and I bother wrote and agreed too. I had consistent access to my daughter as per the parenting plan including 1 over night stay a week, my new partner and I was expecting our first child together. Ever since then, things broke down massively. 9 months later the birth of my new born was here and it just got worse and worse. The ex finally got a new partner, the only problem was that he was the one that used to abuse her mentally and physically. I showed my concerns and this was neglected by the ex, to which I took my own course of action by applying for a Claire law form to be done on the ex's new partner. All clear thankfully. I explained to the ex why I took the steps I did and put it behind us, 2 months later they split up. A month later she got a new partner and introduced our daughter to him straight away, days later I found he was a suspecteddrug addict, again I made my concerns heard, to which was ignored and she took it as a way of controlling. At this point she then said she contact social services and advised her to stop contact with me because of safe guarding reasons. I phoned social services, spoke to four different representatives and they said there is no record of my daughter, or my ex or my self being on record. I tried and tried and tried to get a resolution for my daughter so she didn't lose routine of what she had at my partners and I house. But no luck, with in 2 weeks I had applied for mediation where the meditator said that it wouldn't benefit us going to mediation ( I showed all conversation between me and my ex) a further week later I have applied for court. I now have court it 3 weeks time for access to my daughter. Based on the fact that I had so much contact with my daughter including over night stays, what would be my chances of 50/50 residency. I want my daughter to know her sister, be apart of her life. I'm extremely close to my ex's house and extremely close to the school. I'm talking with in 5 minutes away.
Samysam - 18-Jul-18 @ 6:50 PM
I'm considering going to court to get more access to my son. Prior to meeting my new partner and starting a family I used to see him all the time but since this my ex has denied me access completely resulting in me having to apply to the court for access every other weekend. This is not enough for me, or my son. Both he and I regularly ask my ex to spend more time together but she usually either ignores me or states that if I want to see my son more then I need to leave my partner. I have always adhered to the court order and have even been flexible occasionally sacrificing my time with my son in order for him to go on holiday on the promise that I would get the time back, which obviously she never honours. I arrive at least 10 minutes early every other weekend to collect him and he is consistently dropped off late. There has even been a time when she has just not turned up as apparently she forgot! There only appears to be flexibility on my behalf and I am unsure of what steps to take as the relationship between his mother and has completely broken down. My primary concern is that my son has a happy and stable life. I believe I can provide this more consistently than his mother as she works long hours and he is often left to attend after school clubs or is in the care of wider family members. I also find it upsets the children that live with me having to wait so long to see their brother. I only live 7 miles from his school and my partner would be able to get him to school. Often when I ask my son where he is staying when I drop him home he doesn't know, he is passed from pilar to post and I feel I could offer him more stability.
MrT - 13-Jun-18 @ 9:22 PM
Sjfdjc - Your Question:
In response to your comment on my question, my other half has regular access to his child. They split 18 months ago. His ex has been obstructive in allowing access and it has been a fight to get what he does. One full weekend and two 24 hour stays every 4 weeks plus 3 hours an evening a week. She cancels at will and tells the child (6) What to tell daddy. For example I don't want to go on holiday with you

Our Response:
Your partner's only recourse is to apply to court, if mediation has not worked. You can see more regarding child arrangement orders via the link here . As in all applications for a court order, the court will decide first and foremost upon what it thinks is in the best interests of the child.
SeparatedDads - 23-Apr-18 @ 12:38 PM
In response to your comment on my question, my other half has regular access to his child. They split 18 months ago. His ex has been obstructive in allowing access and it has been a fight to get what he does. One full weekend and two 24 hour stays every 4 weeks plus 3 hours an evening a week. She cancels at will and tells the child (6) What to tell daddy. For example I don't want to go on holiday with you
Sjfdjc - 23-Apr-18 @ 8:15 AM
Sjfdjc - Your Question:
I am writing this on behalf of my partner. He would like 50 50 care of his son. He has had to fight to get any access to his child. The ex refuses to pay half of mediation costs. After 18 months they agreed a 4 week rota for weekends only. This has been in place for 2 months and his ex has canceled two access times already. We have just returned from a weeks holiday with his son who had a lovely time yet his ex is saying the child doesn't want to go away with us again. Child is 6. My partner believes we can offer the child a more settled and stable home life than she does. In a year the child has been introduced to three boyfriends. One of this was leading a double life, the next living in rehab, the current one is too new to know anything about. We live an hour away from the child's home and school but my partner works down the road from the child's home. He is self employed and therefore able to take his son to school and I am able to collect from school. The child is currently in a different care environment after school every day, most of these are his mother's friends or his mother's work place. In school holidays he is placed in play schemes. Again if with us he would be in my care. Due to the distance is a court likely to look unfavourably on equal care. Also the ex has 3 other children who she has successfully prevented having relationships with their fathers, one is oblivious to who his father is as she has told him it's the same man as the other two.

Our Response:
Firstly, if your partner does not have regular access to his child, it is unlikely the court would agree to 50/50 access. Shared-care is usually only awarded in cases where shared-care already exists or previously did (if the parents have recently separated).
SeparatedDads - 19-Apr-18 @ 3:04 PM
I am writing this on behalf of my partner. He would like 50 50 care of his son. He has had to fight to get any access to his child. The ex refuses to pay half of mediation costs. After 18 months they agreed a 4 week rota for weekends only. This has been in place for 2 months and his ex has canceled two access times already. We have just returned from a weeks holiday with his son who had a lovely time yet his ex is saying the child doesn't want to go away with us again. Child is 6. My partner believes we can offer the child a more settled and stable home life than she does. In a year the child has been introduced to three boyfriends. One of this was leading a double life, the next living in rehab, the current one is too new to know anything about. We live an hour away from the child's home and school but my partner works down the road from the child's home. He is self employed and therefore able to take his son to school and I am able to collect from school. The child is currently in a different care environment after school every day, most of these are his mother's friends or his mother's work place. In school holidays he is placed in play schemes. Again if with us he would be in my care. Due to the distance is a court likely to look unfavourably on equal care. Also the ex has 3 other children who she has successfully prevented having relationships with their fathers, one is oblivious to who his father is as she has told him it's the same man as the other two.
Sjfdjc - 17-Apr-18 @ 2:41 PM
I am writing this on behalf of my partner. He would like 50 50 care of his son. He has had to fight to get any access to his child. The ex refuses to pay half of mediation costs. After 18 months they agreed a 4 week rota for weekends only. This has been in place for 2 months and his ex has canceled two access times already. We have just returned from a weeks holiday with his son who had a lovely time yet his ex is saying the child doesn't want to go away with us again. Child is 6. My partner believes we can offer the child a more settled and stable home life than she does. In a year the child has been introduced to three boyfriends. One of this was leading a double life, the next living in rehab, the current one is too new to know anything about. We live an hour away from the child's home and school but my partner works down the road from the child's home. He is self employed and therefore able to take his son to school and I am able to collect from school. The child is currently in a different care environment after school every day, most of these are his mother's friends or his mother's work place. In school holidays he is placed in play schemes. Again if with us he would be in my care. Due to the distance is a court likely to look unfavourably on equal care. Also the ex has 3 other children who she has successfully prevented having relationships with their fathers, one is oblivious to who his father is as she has told him it's the same man as the other two.
Sjfdjc - 17-Apr-18 @ 10:33 AM
My ex has admitted she wont let me continue my 50% access to my daughter so i cant ask for half of the money she gets for our child. Can she do this and what can i do. I have parental rights and up to now i have my daughter fri till Monday every week. I asked for half of the tax credit she gets for our daughter and she went on one big time. There are issues as shes a high Cannabis used and my child returns to m e with headlice and stinking of weed and Tobacco.
Jubby - 12-Jan-18 @ 9:50 AM
Hurnsey - Your Question:
Hi all, I've been trying to get shared custody of my daughter for some time now but my ex won't have it, my daughter is 8 years old, me and my current partner are expecting a child together anytime now and my daughter is desperate to be part of her brother or sisters life, I've had my daughter every other weekend since we split up and my daughter has now asked if she can stay at my house more but her mum is reluctant because her £70 a week child maintenance is more important than her daughters happiness, we live about 4 miles apart, my daughters life will have no change, I can take her to school and pick her up or my partner can ( my daughter loves her to bits) none of her life would really change just the fact that she can be a big sister because that's what she wants, my ex will allow 50/50 in the holidays because she can't find child care but she won't allow it in the week, I'd like us to both sit down with a mediator but part of me thinks she won't do it, mainly because of money, but it's hard when I want to see my daughter more she wants to see me more, yet my ex seems to think she can call all the shots, and I don't know what to do about it

Our Response:
If you have had your daughter every other weekend since you have separated and you have a good consistent relationship with her, there is nothing to stop you pushing a little to take the matter to mediation. If your ex refuses, there is nothing to stop you applying to court either. You don't have to go on the offensive with your ex, you can simply explain that if she refuses to be open to the idea, then you are prepared to discuss the matter via mediation and/or if she refuses mediation you are also open to taking the matter to court in order to let the court decide what it thinks is in your child's best interests. Unless there is a good reason why your ex won't allow you more time, then the court will attempt to take a balanced view. However, I do suggest you take legal advice first as court is always considered a last resort.
SeparatedDads - 15-Dec-17 @ 12:15 PM
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice...
Title:
(never shown)
Firstname:
(never shown)
Surname:
(never shown)
Email:
(never shown)
Nickname:
(shown)
Comment:
Validate:
Enter word:
Latest Comments