It is not uncommon for separated dads to be concerned at what their ex is doing with the money that is supposed to benefit their child or children. Of course, as responsible and caring dads you want to make sure that the money you pay towards your child's everyday needs is actually being spent on your child. It can be very frustrating and cause considerable anger if you perceive your ex to be splashing out on luxuries, such as holidays and home improvements, with money that you consider to be for your child.
If you're uncertain whether the amount being paid is correct in the first place, you can check the figures using our free Child Maintenance Calculator.
For the Benefit of the Family
Unfortunately, there is very little that can be done about this. The Child Maintenance Service (CMS) has no control over what happens to the money once payments have been made to the resident parent. It is generally accepted that Child Support Payments can be made to benefit the household, such as on heating bills or other family needs, but often separated dads can suspect that the money is benefiting one person alone: your ex.
Of course, the vast majority of mothers think the world of their children and wouldn't put their own needs before that of their dependants. Your ex may say that she has sources of income that you don't know about, or may say that she is trying to do things that benefit the whole family. Arguably, home improvements or a holiday for all the family may, albeit only on a partial basis, benefit the child, but expensive handbags and shoes won't!
Find out how much child maintenance you should pay or receive. Takes less than a minute.
Try our Child Maintenance Calculator free, here on this site →Proving Misuse
On a practical level, it would be very hard to prove that your maintenance payments are being misused. Your ex, as the resident parent, is the decision maker as to household financial expenditure and it is her sole responsibility to ensure that the money is spent appropriately. When confronted, she may simply say that she is using other money to pay for things for herself and using your money for your child's benefit. If there has been a period of time when child support has not been paid, she may 'justify' her expenditure on having to meet the sole financial responsibility during that period.
Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.
When You Can Intervene
It is a wholly different scenario if your child's needs are not being met and you are worried about their welfare. For example, it is totally unacceptable for your child to be neglected, abused or poorly treated. If you are seriously worried about the way in which your child is being treated, you need to seek legal advice without delay. Any decision to do so should not be taken lightly and is bound to be met with considerable hostility by your ex. In extreme cases, you could apply for a child arrangements order but bear in mind that the court would always look at the welfare and best interests of the child first.
CMS Reassessment
Of course, there are other options. You could Enter Into Mediation with your ex to try to air your concerns and to reach a mutually satisfactory agreement. If you are paying money through the CMS, you could also ask for a reassessment if the money you are paying is causing Financial Difficulties in comparison to your ex's life of luxury.
When making agreements about maintenance payments (and this is where mediation can help), you could offer to be responsible specifics, such as school dinner money, school trips, nursery/holiday club fees, sports clubs, subscriptions etc. This might help you in knowing just where your money is going.
Men if your kids are getting fed, clothed, doing nice activities and getting to school and all school expenses covered...... guess what?! Cm is covering it.
The only irresponsible parent is the one who thinks the parent and child should suffer, and tries to find loopholes not to pay.
£80 transport pm school
£40 extra curricular activities pm
£190 pm before and after school care so I can get to work
£12 pw school dinners
£250 for the year school uniform
Excluding normal clothes. Food. Additional school costs. Additional costs of gas electric etc etc.
£157 pm child maintenance.
£250
Pay for your kids.
I am incredibly thankful for that, because it is bias….
It is bias towards fathers who pay for their children, as they should, yet their former partners are able to suggest otherwise….
The CMS is 100% bias towards men….
Not all men are bad fathers.
Some women are bad mothers.
The CMS does not take into account any issue pertaining to fathers because it is absolutely focussed on mothers….
I stand with fathers.
I am greatfull for this extra support coz our daughter has more and she doesnt struggle
Her father is now saying he want to spend it
How is that even right we are not in the same house hold and our money is different
I show evidence of everything she has bought
And thats out my choice to show him not at his request
Why dont he trust that i spend more than that on her, i dont understand.
Instead of thinking im money grabbing i mean i brought him up for years with out him paying a penny im not a gold digger
Now she’s misleading the CMS and lying that I don’t have my daughter as much so she can gain extra finances via DEO from my wages.
CMS don’t care. They wouldn’t even acknowledge my son born 2yrs ago. Instead telling me to claim child benefit (which would be benefit fraud on me as I earn too much). I have equal care for my 16yr old especially during Schools Lockdown where the CMS have no right to take money as it’s equal share care however they believe the mother who is constantly lying telling CMS she has my daughter so she can get money.
I’m at a point where I will have to sell our family home just so this abusive person keeps abusing me and the police won’t do anything! What’s the point of existence....14yrs of suffering mental and emotional abuse by this woman.
The Child maintenance Services should be scrapped and one of the many reasons for this is that they can't ensure the payments that they are enforcing are being used to maintain children.
All the payments are doing in reality is financially rewarding one parent for stopping/limiting the access of the other to their own children.
It is a barbaric outdated system and is harming children and parents.
Children deserve parental equality. 50:50 custody should be the norm, no good parent should suffer the heartbreaking pain of having their child removed from their day to day life and then be forced to make payments to the person who has inflicted that pain. No child should be torn away from a good parent.
We need to stand up for parental equality. Both parents should be treated equally. Studies show 50:50 custody is best for the children in the vast majority of cases. CMS should only be involved in abandonment cases. Current system is barbaric.
I moved out and am living with my brother, but ultimately want to get my own place, when I can afford to.
We are still both paying the mortgage jointly and both names are still on the mortgage. However, I have been paying my half to her to pay the mortgage every month, but have recently found out that she has not been paying the mortgage since January, so we are in arrears. With this in mind, I have told her we cannot carry on this way, so we need to sell the house, pay of the mortgage, then we can go an live seperately in out own aboads.
When the house is sold and the mortgage paid off and we both look to buy/rent new places, do I have to continue to pay towards her rent/mortgage for her new place?
PS - I have no problem about continuing to pay the Child Maintenance, I have been paying since I left.
Thanks in advance.
Jump forward to present day. In December 2019, I was again made aware that she had retracted her statement and the payments I was making are incorrect payments and I was not being assessed correctly. Especially in light that we had (by text) further agreed an extra night at the weekends as it was "hard" on the youngest and we both felt that it was more "natural" a break/goodbye to drop her at School the Monday mornings after a weekend of her being with me.
It turns out that if my EX had been, what honest? Fair? Human? I would have been paying less. Meaning I was over paying by some £9500. I have asked her to do this and obviously she refused. The CMS have told me that they take what she says is correct (visits).
I registered a complaint and uploaded all my records, (Spreadsheets records of when I saw the kids. I was told to keep a record by CMS as they would “calculate the following year based on the visits.) Offered text messages and email where the agreements were sorted. This was all ignored and I was told that I had to obtain a court order for the visitation and they would recalculate on that. This is going to cost me in excess of £3000.
Lessons learnt. Go straight for the Court order. I am desperate to find the money to get a court order that agrees the original visitation agreement from mediation. Presently, She`s cut the visitation down to 4 times a month to be spiteful and to get more allocation from CMS.
This changed. I started paying child support as soon as I found a suitable job. And have never missed a payment since. It the separation agreement it says t4’s can be submitted yearly adjustments can be made. He has not requested them the last few years and now he wants the last 4 years. I told him I have no issue with that and need to gather the paper work. He’s wants them “NOW” even though I have till May first. I agree that adjustments need to be made because I do make more now then I did when the amount was first made. My fear is he is going to try to get back pay and the difference based on the last 4 years , even though I make less then , then I do now. Can he do that??
Is this fair? Am I not paying enough? And is there any advise anyone can give me?
The sender has the child 3-4 days a week and pays for everything from their own pocket during that time (food, activities, shoes, clothes, haircuts, travel, etc).
Examples of extra requests for money:
A couple of weeks ago the child needed wellies for a nursery outing and the receiver demanded the sender bought them or sent the extra money for them. Currently the receiver has demanded the sender take the child for a haircut because its their turn (which is an agreement that was never made) and slammed the door shut when the sender pointed that out and said they liked the child's hair currently.
The sender does take the child for hair cuts but when he feels it is necessary.
spoke to csa regarding this and they say that he only by word of her mouth that he his going can believe that I am having to pay when she lying through her teeth why is there not anything in place when she is breaking the law and committing fraud so wrong so angry ..
Can I get any advice from anyone
Can my husband expect to be creditied with the thousands of pounds he has paid his ex wife for his daughter. Also what is the most likely outcome for his ex-wife? If it was the other way round and the dad had been fraudulent in his information I am sure the story would be very different, it really isn't a very fair process.....??
I was summoned by her and we had a heated discussion and assumes im stupid and in all fairness i was clueless until my partner pointed out that what she's doing isnt correct as id contacted csa once before and the money was much lower thatbim giving her now. ( she often asks for more on top the £150.....
I have no issues paying child maintenance for my daughter but i feel this woman is unreasonable and cant get her head round im in a new family.
She questions why i take my partners children to school on Mondays instead of doing overtime. (My partner now works fri sat sunday nights). And why have i got two cars and my new partner should be payning for second car! My partner pays all our rent and other household bills. We most def just get bye each month and don't lead a life of luxury. Whilst she holds her hand out for more money than i can afford and she thinks i dont put our daughter 1st...... apparently shes written down a list of things my daughter needs each month with some csa paperwork. Shes hell bent on her dealing with it and me not contacting csa myselfsa
Anybody experienced something similar ??
Many thanks
Chris
Look into the figure difference as stating I just had to pay what was on the letter! This doesn’t seem fair or right I pay for my child every month without fail I’m not allowed to see them yet cms won’t even explain there working! What do I do next!
I pay my ex £75 a week for our child through a family arrangement. She is now threatening to go through CMS as she thinks I don't give her enough even though she gets paid weekly.
If I'm already paying her £75 a week through a family arrangement can she still go through CMS?
My ex Girlfriend has recently confirmed that I am no longer to see my son ( He is my 3rd ) or which I have 2 more. I appreciate what it looks like but actually I pay CMS to all 3 and see them all frequently.
I now have a new girlfriend which my ex has got upset over and has decided that I can no longer see my 3rd.
She quotes about me using my passed solicitor etc but the truth is that I can not afford to go down the route of instructing solicitors, child maintenance payments mortgage, etc etc - Is there anyway I can look to complete the process and represent myself if required at Court?
In terms of parenting rights, my name is on the birth certificate, I have proof of continued CMS payments and visits etc - Any advice please help....
He told me that his mother has now had her benefits reassessed and he now gets a bursary. The reassessment included her two older children, one 24yrs on sickness benefit (his mother also his carer) and the other 25yrs full time working. My sons mother also gets housing benefit.
If my son gets a bursary now, does that mean his child benefit has stopped?
His mother is not approacable to ask and she will certainly keep taking, I also dont want to put my son in a awkward position to ask him if CB has stopped.
hence, direct cash maintenance payment should stop., thanks
Thanks
Why does the money he pays now get deducted from benefits- 3 different dad's paying her mainrainance for 3 children all on top of benefits.....she will never work
Meanwhile my son and partner work very hard but have to pay an irrational amount of money for his child how us thus fair?
She still let's his ex girlfriend see his kids and uses this to get a reaction from him.
He was going to go to court but she manipulated him into backing down after saying it would upset his kids.
We recently found out and have on video her giving his children alcohol there are 11 and 12. And she is now telling him she is spending his child support payments on shoes for herself, we also have evidence of this. He pays £430 a month and never sees his children even tho he would like to.
We tried mediation and she didn't show up.
He is scared if we go to court it wont go in his favor and he will lose Kids forever even tho he doesn't get to see them now he lives in hope one day he will.
What is the best thing he can do?
He is in arrears with CSA but hasn't missed a payment now for two years.
The last time he saw his children there was no problem and they were happy to see him, it is since the breakdown of his last relationship and him starting a new one his ex wife has stopped him seeing his kids
We now have a child together the children's half brother and would like them to be part of his life.
My partner needs advice
My ex wife has suffered mental health problems for many years. My son who is now 19 years old failed to return to college in September last year and took a job in September/ October 2018. I was not aware of this and like a jackass kept paying her the CMS assessment until December 2018. My ex wife was sectioned in November 2018 and she currently remains in a mental hospital. On finding out my son is working I informed the CMS in December 2017 they told me there was nothing they could do as she was still receiving child benefit and it was for me to report to their fraud team in the mean time I needed to continue paying her. Child benefit were contacted as well in December 2017. Again the seem to have little interest and I was told to speak to the benefits agency fraud team which I did. It is now 6 months on and the CMS have sent me another assessment for another year of payments. My son will be 20 in November. He also claimed sickness benefit in December 2017. I have had several heated arguments with CMS recently over this matter as it is completely unfair and nobody seems interested. What should I do? My son earns nearly as much as I do!
Quick question asked loads no doubt. I like most have the dd 4 nights a week pay 50% of everything else plus CSA requirements. I was until recently in a job that gave inc bank holidays 33 days a year. I used these to cover half the school holidays plus 1 week paid school club. I have a new job that states I can’t work bank holidays and use them for school cover. Told this to the ex and was given the response of “well you’ll have to find a club” for the days I can no longer cover. My question is does the CSA payment cover all my 50% costs for school holidays or am I required to pay to cover 6.5 weeks of school holidays.
I know these are the rules so not much I can do about them.
What I am worried about though is that I have had a salary increase and my net take home per month is now £30,000. Upon going on to the CS Calculator it still seems to max out at £252pw / £1095pm
I have done some investigating and it seems if my ex partner wants more than that amount then she would need to take me to court and apply for a top up, is this true or when I am reassessed will the CMS automatically start taking even more money from me?
Will the CMS tell my ex what I am earning and that she can now apply to a Court to get more from me?
Does anyone have clarification on this?
Many thanks
Because his mother isn't there until 8-9pm most days. We help him with his homework, (he doesn't have a computer or printer at home which is essential for homework nowadays) we also pay for his once a week guitar lesson and drive him there and back. We also have him in school holidays overnight for each day of the holiday, Easter, Christmas and a week in the summer. Do we still have to pay so much??
In the 6 weeks holiday, we have the girls for a week. We can never afford to take them away, due to the fact my husband pays so much in maintenance payments and my wage isn't great either. What I would like to know, is; does my husband still have to pay maintenance, even if they are with us for that week? we have an extra food bill and the costs of taking them out on day trips. Is there no payment holiday for him, during that period?
Is my mother in law, able to claim for money spent on her grand kids? I thought that the law had changed, whereby, grandparents could receive money for providing childcare. How does the law stand on those circumstances?
I have recently rented this property & my ex has her sights on the income !
Is this taken into account by CSA and how is it calculated
It appears for the past two years my ex has been making my daughter use her own savings to buy her clothes, shoes and other essentials. Her savings are all gone now and her mother has refused to buy her shoes, clothes and even underwear.
I share care 50/50 and pay through child maintenance, I did originally have a consent order which after 12 months my ex in her infinite wisdom decide to tell the CMA to apply to the court to dissolve.
My question; Is there any redress so that my daughter can receive the essentials she needs?
I would quote the CM options site which defines what maintenance is for but I am sure the more enlightened here already know.
Thanks
I was wondering if somebody could advise me.
I have a son with my ex wife.
I currently pay £ 613.00 per month in child maintenance as calculated by the CMS.
She is now refusing to let me see him until we have an agreement for contact in place. The sticking point for her is that she believes that I should be buying him clothes for the time I spend with him.
I have tried to reason with her saying that the maintenace is for clothing for him at all times not just when he is with her.
Any thoughts, comments or previous experience would be greatly appreciated.
Rick
I have always paid CSA in accordance with their calculations, this has since changed to CSM, I phoned the CSA and asked them how to go about payments etc and they stated I should carry on paying the same amount just directly to the ex. I started an account solely for this and have started making payments on amonthly basis but was wondering, my daughter regularly turns up with clothes that are too small and worn, school uniform that is incorrect and again too small and never gets her haircut, obviously as a young girl she loves having long hair but most of the time it is almost impossible to get a brush through due to the split ends etc. My maintanace surely should cover these things? I am not too worried about casual clothing but haircuts and school uniform must come into it? Unfortunately I have tried buying new uniform however on her return to me I just again get worn and unusable clothing.
Am I within my rights to deduct the money I need to spend providing my daughter with what she requires from my payments, I would always keep receipts, otherwise it would seem htat I am going to have to continually have my hand in my pocket to avoid embarrassment for our child.
She is a stay at home mum and on benefits whilst my boyfriend and I work 50plus hours a a week For us to live and for him to pay his child maintence. The mother allows him to see his son every other weekend and one day a week. She then changes her mind and says that the child needs to see you more so have him an extra 2 nights a week which we are more than happy to do but then she changes her mind and says no you can't have him now. And now she's demanding more than double his agreed CSA payment and says that we only have him 2 nights a month. We have agreed to have him more but if she doesn't allow it and she says we don't have him enough where do we stand? It's mentally exausting!
Can anyone help. Recently split from my wife, I have two properties arranged as one house, she has an occupation order for both. The Mortgage is 2000 a month, my salary is 3000 and I recieve 1400 a month from lodgers at the house. I currently rent somewhere for 750 a month and have increased travel costs in the region of 200 per month but am technically homeless from April as I have to move out.
All the disruption and stress (my kids are under a CPP for emotional abuse and has meant I am having to close my business and I am
Hoping to pick up some freelance work. My wife does two half days of work a month, my three kids are at school - I have suggested she gets a job.
Questions are am I paying enough, should I pay more?
Currently including bills I give about 2400 a month my question is am I obliged to give more???
My wife is hassling me for maintenance and my take is she needs to find
My new fiance' has her own money, she works 30 hours a week and doesnt ask her ex for a damn thing - she doesnt need anyones money, and shes the best mum i know (apart from my own!) Whereas my lazy Ex is sat at home in a dirty house, watching tv all day while her kids run riot and when she has financial issues (bad management) just asks others for more - the kids dont even get clothes unless I or the grandparents buy them (after seeing they're in shoes too small, ripped toe ends, old dirty clothes etc.) So where is my £300pm going?? Nights out and hotel rooms. Sickening. If you dip into that money for yourself its as good as putting your hand in a charity box!
Time for a change- My TAX returns dictate i need to PROVE my earnings with receipts, maybe its time Women had to prove what its being spent on to justify the amount.
My ex partner has moved 25 miles away and over 30 miles fom where I work. I have my son overnight one night a week and alternate weekends. Due to the distance away from me my son goes to school breakfast club once a week during school time and after school club 3 times a fortnight. Should I be paying for this since it was not of my doing for her to mave away and since I'm already paying child maintenance?
She is on benefits etc. Are her benfits reduced by the amount I pay CSA?
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