Home > Legal > Contact Orders: the Process

Contact Orders: the Process

By: Elizabeth Mugan BA/BSc, PGDipLaw, BVC, CIArb - Updated: 19 Feb 2017 |
 
Contact Order Contact Parents Child

As a devoted father, you will want to maintain a close relationship with your children. Hopefully, your relationship will remain amicable with the mother of your children. Unfortunately, this is not always the case and you may find that you have to fight to see your children or alternatively, if the children live with you, then their mother may wish for contact.

There are a number of types of arrangements which can work for different families. The courts can make several orders under the Children Act 1989 in order to facilitate those arrangements where necessary.

The Courts are primarily concerned with the welfare of the child or children above everything else. Under section 8 of the Children Act, the Court can make a contact order.

A contact order specifies how often the parent who does not live with the child should see the child or children and the terms of that contact.

The Process

If you wish to apply for a contact order, the actual process differs according to your locality. You will need to make an application to either the County Court, the High Court or the Family Proceedings Court. A copy of the application is then served on the Respondent, who is commonly the other parent.

CAFCASS Officer

You will then be required to attend a hearing. At that hearing or shortly before, both parents are usually invited to attend a relatively brief meeting with a Children and Families Court Advisory Service officer (also known as a CAFCASS Officer). A CAFCASS Officer is someone who is experienced in dealing with conflicts regarding children. At this meeting, the Officer listens to both parties and sees if there are any areas of agreement.

First Hearing

During the first hearing, the Judge (usually a District Judge) will ask the CAFCASS Officer for advice (if they are present) and will identify the areas of agreement and also any areas in dispute such as visitation rights etc. This hearing is usually short in length and in most instances the parents may not even speak with the Judge.

Where no agreement is reached, the Judge may ask for a detailed report to be drafted by the CAFCASS Officer. This can take anything from three to four months and therefore, you may wish to request that the Court grants some contact in the interim period.

What Will the Report Detail?

The CAFCASS Officer will interview and possibly observe a number of things before reporting back to the Court. They will want to speak with both parents, possibly the school and may want to speak with family members. They may also wish to observe contact between parent and child in some cases. Depending on the age of the child, an Officer will speak to them alone to understand their wishes and feelings. The report is not “secret” and both parents get to see a copy before it goes in front of the Judge.

After this stage, there will be a further short hearing. A court will not always make an order. Most cases end at this point once both parents have reviewed the recommendations of the CAFCASS Officer and they decide to try the recommended contact arrangements.

What Are the Considerations?

When reviewing applications, the Court, Judge and CAFCASS Officer will take a number of factors into consideration with regards to the child or children’s welfare. These are:

  • What is deemed to be best for the child and the feelings and wishes of the child. This is considered according to the child's age and understanding;
  • How capable the parents (and any other relevant people) are of meeting the needs of the child or children;
  • Any harm that the child is at risk of suffering or has suffered;
  • The likely affect of a change of circumstances on the child;
  • The age, background, personality, sex and any other characteristics that the Court believes to be relevant; and
  • The child's emotional, physical and educational needs.

Final Hearing

Only if a parent does not agree to the recommendations, will a final hearing take place. In these circumstances, the Court hears evidence from the parents and any witnesses as necessary, before finally making a Contact Order.

It is important to remember that although this process may seem rather arduous and lengthy, the end result will be worth it. The most important consideration for the Court is what is best for the child. If you are a good father and want the best for your child or children, then you will be able to have contact with them in the end. Good luck and if you are fortunate enough to get the contact you need, check out our feature on coping between contact periods.

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Currently in the court process with my daughters dad. I've never stopped contact despite his ability to lie about daughters wherabouts and who she's been introduced to. He now wants our 5 year old to sleep every other weekend fri to sun at his partners 3 bed house she shares with her parents and her daughter. Our daughter doesn't know who any of these people are and never met them, including the partner!!! This would mean massive upheaval to her routine as she would have to miss her dance lessons which she loves and I've always payed for. She also has sleep problems, slept in my bed and has night terrors which I'm trying to work through. No doubt it's financial motivation behind this as he could legally deduct her maintenance down if he gets overnights as has done 3 times previously (he's in the army and lives rent free) worried sick about what could happen to her. Any help is appreciated!!
Amy84 - 19-Feb-17 @ 4:12 PM
SadDad - Your Question:
ADVICE PLEASE? I have been through the courts, have done courses, passed drugs tests and spent a lot of money on solicitors fees. I got a court order last September for a minimum of 2 hours contact every 2 weeks whilst we wait for a Cafcass report to advise on how contact can progress. My sons mum did not get back to my solicitors until a final warning letter was sent months later. Contact finally started in December. I have had 3 contact sessions and because of Christmas there was a 3 week period before our next session. That was meant to be today until I got a phone call from the contact centre saying that my son has a bug and that because my ex has gone back to work she can't make up the contact session and I can't see him for another 2 weeks! That will make it 5 weeks between contact sessions when the court order was for my ex to make my son available for contact every 2 weeks. 5 weeks is a long time between contact sessions, especially when my son is so young, I couldn't see him for 2 years and I'm trying to build a relationship back up with him. Is this acceptable because my son isn't well?

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. I'm afraid you will have to wait a while and see whether she begins to make frequent excuses which would allow you to take the matter back to court to have the order enforced, please see link: Breach of Contact or Residence Order: What to Do here. However, if you want to keep on-the-ball, so to speak, I advise you keep a diary of every contact arrangement missed, so that if you have to apply back to court, then you can prove your ex is deliberately breaching the order. A court will try to ascertain whether your ex is purposefully breaching the order, or whether the breach can be justified. Currently, it would be too early for the court to make this assumption. On another note, you could ask your solicitor to write to your ex reminding her of her obligations to the order, which may do the trick to prevent future breaches.
SeparatedDads - 16-Jan-17 @ 11:49 AM
ADVICE PLEASE? I have been through the courts, have done courses, passed drugs tests and spent a lot of money on solicitors fees. I got a court order last September for a minimum of 2 hours contact every 2 weeks whilst we wait for a Cafcass report to advise on how contact can progress. My sons mum did not get back to my solicitors until a final warning letter was sent months later. Contact finally started in December. I have had 3 contact sessions and because of Christmas there was a 3 week period before our next session. That was meant to be today until I got a phone call from the contact centre saying that my son has a bug and that because my ex has gone back to work she can't make up the contact session and I can't see him for another 2 weeks! That will make it 5 weeks between contact sessions when the court order was for my ex to make my son available for contact every 2 weeks. 5 weeks is a long time between contact sessions, especially when my son is so young, I couldn't see him for 2 years and I'm trying to build a relationship back up with him. Is this acceptable because my son isn't well?
SadDad - 15-Jan-17 @ 2:13 PM
Hello, I'm a mum looking for advice! Your probably not expecting me posting on here but we aren't all bad! My story... I divorced my ex husband, he was very controlling and I didn't want my daughter who was nearly three at the time to use our relationship as a blue print to her future ones. I took the decision and it has been the toughest road I've trod. My ex actually made my daughter and I homeless through his bitterness at the divorce, this happened as I unfortunately legally exposed myself as I still thought we could do the right thing by our daughter and reduce the cost of our divorce, which in turn would give us both a better home for our daughter. Our financial split became court ordered including child maintenance, this was driven by him. At mediation we discussed access to our daughter. He wanted our daughter to live with me in the week but he would have her on a Wednesday night, I agreed to this. I wanted to split the weekends. My motive for this was she would have more regular contact with us both, we could both get involved with her hobbies. He didn't want this and insisted that we alternate weekends. As I was homeless I felt backed into a corner to agree and I believe this arrangement has been documented in the mediators notes but it's not listed as part of the court order. The reason he wanted alternate weekends is that his new partner lives three hours away. So he picks her up at 5pm on a Friday and hits rush hour traffic to drive there (the original agreement was he get her from school as we both work and there is less of an emotional pull for our daughter he changed his mind so I now have to juggle work) Our daughter is nearly 7 now, she wants to spend her time with her dad locally at his house rather than drive for hours, she even asks when we go on day trips are we going on the "big roads" she means motorways. His new partner is also telling my daughter that I hate her and her dad! My ex will not see any issue with this and just denies it and seems to be isolating himself from his own dad and family.I have actually arranged to meet my ex father in law so he can see his grand daughter. I have pleaded with my ex to stay locally more or get his partner to visit him to share the driving but he won't. My daughter can't do hobbies she wants to do as she misses half the courses, I've offered to pay for them if he takes her but he won't. He would rather waste 6 hours of his weekend driving her to a house she mainly sits in and plays on an iPad. I feel desperate as I can see things getting worse as our daughter gets older. She will want a life with her friends and I'll be accused of being obstructive. It feels like his last bit of control comes at my daughters expense. If my ex doesn't get his own way over all details he throws the 'obstruction ' card in. He will happily not have his daughter if it doesn't suit him. Any advice would be welcome as I do believe a child needs a mum and dad but how do I manage my daughter
Betty - 14-Jan-17 @ 3:56 PM
I have been in a relationship of domestic abuse and told no one, I finally left my wife/abuser but we have a daughter together she is 6. I have tried to arrange to see my daughter but her mother will only let me have her 1 or 2 days in the week, but often changes her mind and is very aggressive and abusive on the phone. I now don't live nearby and often she arranges and cancels visits with my daughter at the last minute leaves me out of pocket. I am still trying to work through what she did to me through the mental /physical abuse, I don't think I could manage mediation as I don't think I am strong enough to confront her and demand that I see my daughter regularly. but I do pay her maintenance every week. What options do I have? How much could this cost?What help is there?
Will Jones - 6-Jan-17 @ 3:54 PM
My ex boyfriend won't sign the application to change the child's surname though he made an affidavit is there anyway I can force him to sign?
Rosalia - 3-Jan-17 @ 10:18 PM
Hi My friend has a 8 month old son that he's been trying to have contact with. He broke up with the child's mother 6 months ago and it was not amiable at all. There has been lots of abusive messages and calls on her part and she has basically said that he cannot see his son ever again. My friend has only seen his son a handful of times as it is. I've tried to talk to my friend about seeking legal help but he doesn't have the finances or know where to start and is becoming more and more depressed.
DAISYCHAIN123 - 24-Dec-16 @ 6:00 PM
I need some advice really , my son and his girlfriend split up and a couple of months later she found out she was pregnant. My son went to every doctors,hospital midwife appointment and all scans, he was there when his daughter was born and is named on her birth certificate, the baby is 12 weeks old now and she is not allowing my son much time with his daughter. She says he can have her for 6hours 2 days a week and swaps and changes all the time. He is constantly being told what he can and can't do and where he can take her. He pays her money weekly by bank transfers and has bought lots of stuff for the baby all the way through the pregnancy . she says he can have her overnight soon but keeps saying she's not ready . does anyone know what is considered reasonable access ?? She is constantly out leaving the baby with people she lives with and won't let my son look after her. Any advice would be helpfull
Gem47 - 12-Dec-16 @ 5:23 PM
Hi my boyfriend has a date for a first hearing in December to apply for a child's arrangement order. Any idea what questions he will get asked as he has no sicitor and wants to be organised Thank you
Ems - 21-Nov-16 @ 8:23 AM
Frustrated Father - Your Question:
Mine is a relatively simple case.I was married to my now ex-wife for 7 years. We seperated 2.5 years ago (my decision) and divorced 1.5 years ago.We have a 7 year old daughter together.Factoring in what I left her with (in terms of joint assets) and what I have paid up until now in maintenance payments, I have paid more than 4x CSA guidelines in the 2.5 years that we've been seperated. I have always paid to support my child and have never missed any payments. I now pay through CSA (her choice to have control).In terms of visiting. I live with my partner of almost 2 years, a 1 hour drive away from my daughter. I have always made the journey myself to pick her up and drop her off every other weekend and I have her for almost half the school holidays throughout the year.The point I'm making is I've always been there physically and financially.There have been many issues through the past few years where my ex has been unreasonable where the description of "implacable hostility" fits really well.The issue I need some advice on is a fairly simple one. I have recently changed jobs and finish at 17:30 each day. I've managed to arrange to finish at 16:30 every other friday (the day I pick my daughter up), which means I should be able to pick her up at 17:45 and get her to my house around 18:45.My ex feels this is too late for her to travel, won't give her wind down time before bed (even though she goes to bed around 9:30 here as my partner has 2 similar aged children and we let them all watch a film together with snacks).She is really digging her heels in and now says that I will have to pick my daughter up on Saturday morning. This will have an impact on my time with her and will reduce the options of what I can do with her on that day and I think my ex's issue is very unreasonable. She is very unsupportive of my time with my daughter and seems to make my time with her as difficult as possible and create a lot of unnecessary obstacles. We have tried mediation but to no avail.I dont really want to drag this through the courts as it seems a ridiculously simple issue.Is there no service/agency who can give an impartial, common sense opinion on these matters to open the eyes of (sorry, but usually) mothers who are either intentionally or unintentionally using the child to hurt or control their ex partner?Advice would be greatly received.

Our Response:
I completely sympathise with your dilemma and it seems you're caught between a rock and a hard place here. But, you only have two options, mediation, please see link here and if your ex refuses mediation, court. It may seem like your taking a sledgehammer to the problem by proposing court, but if you say to your ex she is leaving you no option, she may see reason. A court will expect you to have considered/attempted mediation first in order to try and resolve the issue, before you apply. It may be that your ex may back down if she knows you are willing to take it to the extreme. However, dependent upon the type of person she is, it may fuel the animosity and she may retaliate by trying to deny access altogether. Unfortunately, this is where you have to decide what you think is in the best interests of your daughter. In answer to your last question, unfortunately, these sort of mind games occur frequently between separated parents and the courts 'are' wise to this. However, it is also often very difficult to prove, especially if the other parent can convincingly justify their reasons.
SeparatedDads - 15-Nov-16 @ 1:01 PM
Mine is a relatively simple case. I was married to my now ex-wife for 7 years . We seperated 2.5 years ago (my decision) and divorced 1.5 years ago. We have a 7 year old daughter together. Factoring in what I left her with (in terms of joint assets) and what i have paid up until now in maintenance payments, i have paid more than 4x CSA guidelines in the 2.5 years that we've been seperated. I have always paid to support my child and have never missed any payments. I now pay through CSA (her choice to have control). In terms of visiting. I live with my partner of almost 2 years, a 1 hour drive away from my daughter. I have always made the journey myself to pick her up and drop her off every other weekend and i have her for almost half the school holidays throughout the year. The point I'm making is I've always been there physically and financially. There have been many issues through the past few years where my ex has been unreasonable where the description of "implacable hostility" fits really well. The issue i need some advice on is a fairly simple one. I have recently changed jobs and finish at 17:30 each day. I've managed to arrange to finish at 16:30 every other friday (the day i pick my daughter up), which means i should be able to pick her up at 17:45 and get her to my house around 18:45. My ex feels this is too late for her to travel, won't give her wind down time before bed (even though she goes to bed around 9:30 here as my partner has 2 similar aged children and we let them all watch a film together with snacks). She is really digging her heels in and now says that i will have to pick my daughter up on Saturday morning. This will have an impact on my time with her and will reduce the options of what i can do with her on that day and i think my ex's issue is very unreasonable. She is very unsupportive of my time with my daughter and seems to make my time with her as difficult as possible and create a lot of unnecessary obstacles. We have tried mediation but to no avail. I dont really want to drag this through the courts as it seems a ridiculously simple issue. Is there no service/agency who can give an impartial, common sense opinion on these matters to open the eyes of (sorry, but usually) mothers who are either intentionally or unintentionally using the child to hurt or control their ex partner? Advice would be greatly received.
Frustrated Father - 14-Nov-16 @ 9:00 PM
Anton - Your Question:
Ok, I have a 3 year old daughter me and her mother split this time last year as a result of me finding out she cheated (wasn't going well for a while, and I wasn't perfect either.) which resulted in me then asking to see my daughter thought other arrangements, I wasn't getting any replies as I questioned her about it, so I carried on messaging, 2 days later had the police at my door and got arrested, I got 8 weeks and 18 month suspended sentence. anyway the courts said I had to use a local contact centre to see my daughter, so I looked into it, found one payed all the fees it took 7 months after I made the request for her to send the letter back, now she agreed on 1 hour every fortnight which at the time was fine as I was in a bad place with what had gone off, after awhile SHE got them to ask me if I would like 2 hours a fortnight I said yes, now. this year I have seen her 15 hours! she keeps ringing the contact centre THE DAY BEFORE saying shes going on holiday, now this has happned a good 10 times now on my time of 4 hours a month. now theres more to it, she was controlling, I have logs of miss calls of over 100+ when av been unable to answer abusive messages to (all logged) my questions are.1) can I take this back to court regarding my sentence?2) what can I do next? (i don't current work)this just seems really unfair, I lost everyone because we had mutual friend. any advise would be greatly appreciated. thanks Anton

Our Response:
It sounds as though your ex is in breach of the court order. If she is cancelling frequently and the day before, then you may have a case to take the matter back to court to have the order enforced, please see link: Breach of Contact or Residence Order: What to Do, here which should answer your question. The contact centre should have a list of missed appointments which you can use for evidence. I hope you have also kept a list yourself of the amount of times there has been a cancellation etc. Before you apply to take the matter to court, you could perhaps ask a solicitor to send a letter outlining the terms of the order and that if she does not adhere to them, you will then apply to court.
SeparatedDads - 27-Oct-16 @ 12:29 PM
Ok, i have a 3 year old daughter me and her mother split this time last year as a result of me finding out she cheated (wasn't going well for a while, and i wasn't perfect either.) which resulted in me then asking to see my daughter thought other arrangements, i wasn't getting any replies as i questioned her about it, so i carried on messaging, 2 days later had the police at my door and got arrested, i got 8 weeks and 18 month suspended sentence. anyway the courts said i had to use a local contact centre to see my daughter, so i looked into it, found one payed all the fees it took 7 months after i made the request for her to send the letter back, now she agreed on 1 hour every fortnight which at the time was fine as i was in a bad place with what had gone off, after awhile SHE got them to ask me if i would like 2 hours a fortnight i said yes, now... this year i have seen her 15 hours! she keeps ringing the contact centre THE DAY BEFORE saying shes going on holiday, now this has happned a good 10 times now on my time of 4 hours a month. now theres more to it, she was controlling, i have logs of miss calls of over 100+ when av been unable to answer abusive messages to (all logged) my questions are. 1) can i take this back to court regarding my sentence? 2) what can i do next? (i don't current work) this just seems really unfair, i lost everyone because we had mutual friend. any advise would be greatly appreciated. thanks Anton
Anton - 26-Oct-16 @ 6:26 PM
Men need equal right new laws for good dads
Ace - 20-Oct-16 @ 10:06 PM
fee - Your Question:
My partner has a four year old son who he has access too every second weekend and half of school holidays.his ex is now denying access as stated in a court order and is refusing contact for the holidays. my partner is a good father and pays maintenance and has a very positive relationship with his son.the case is going back to court at my partners request. he has suggexted mediation which his ex refusues too atted. will he loose contact with his son. james has also been on the children protection register 4 times due too his mothers actions

Our Response:
If there is a court order in place to see his son, then your partner can take the matter back to court in order to get the order enforced, please see link here . In the first instance he may wish to ask a solicitor to compose a letter to his ex reminding her of the strict obligations of the court order and the repercussions if she continues to deny access. If his ex ignores this, then he should take the matter back to court to have access reinstated.
SeparatedDads - 30-Sep-16 @ 10:46 AM
my partner hasa four year old son who he has access too every second weekend and half of school holidays...his ex is now denying access as stated in a court order and is refusing contact for the holidays. my partner is a good father and pays maintenance and has a very positive relationship with his son...the case is going back to court at my partners request. he has suggexted mediation which his ex refusues too atted. will he loose contact with his son. james has also been on the children protection register 4 times due too his mothers actions
fee - 29-Sep-16 @ 11:08 AM
@Skippy - it's not really the done thing, it's putting your kids under pressure if he does. I'd tell him to butt out and also speak to Cafcass and tell them that he's doing this.
DaaveG - 26-Sep-16 @ 1:57 PM
Can the non resident parent ring children up to ask them what they said in a cafcas meeting held prior to court residency hearing? Ex is trying to gain info from kids on what they said (i dont know and not asked them) as they want answers to help with their case for residency
Skippy - 25-Sep-16 @ 8:55 PM
@Jaselle - As the mother she has natural custody. Your sis doesn't have to put the father's name on the birth certificate. If she doesn't then he will not have any rights. But he will be able to apply through court. Just because he cheated on her though, doesn't mean he won't be a good father or doesn't deserve to be in his kid's life. Every person deserves to be a parent.
Rich7410 - 2-Sep-16 @ 9:43 AM
Hey, my sister is currently five months pregnant and her boyfriend has been cheating on her for about three months. My sister wants the father to have no contact with the child. However, the only things she has against him is the fact that he's cheated on her and that he lives in a small one-bedroom apartment, which isn't really the kind of environment my sister wants her baby growing up in. Can she still get full custody with no contact order?
Jaselle - 2-Sep-16 @ 12:07 AM
I want to know where I stand as my sort of a wife keep walking out with my child and she won't let me see him or have him for the night
Michael - 25-Aug-16 @ 8:09 PM
My 19 yr old son has been stopped from seeing his 2 year old son by the child's mother!.. Up until approx 4 wks ago he had contact with him as and when the mother felt she would allow contact to happen!. they had been in a relationship for approx 3 years and when they split about 6 mths ago they had a mutual agreement that my son and the rest of his family could have enjoyable access to the child.. All of this was fine whilst my sons ex was having contact and enjoying socializing with myself and my daughters!.. When this stopped due to my sons ex moving on with a new relationship the contact with my grandson become almost none existent, she changed her number and made it difficult for us to get in contact!.. 4 weeks ago it all came to a head and my son lost his temper and threatened to kick her door in to gain access to see his son!... Yes we all know this wasn't the right thing to do and not one of us condone this!.. He now has a harassment order against him and today myself and my daughters have all been told by her mother that none of us are allowed contact until it goes through solicitors!.. I am desperate for some advice as to how we can regain contact with this little lad as I don't see how these people can play God with a little lads life and deprive him of the other part of his family!
Frustrated nanna! - 18-Aug-16 @ 8:24 PM
Hi my ex will not let me see my kids but every time I had them they would play really happy and when I said it was time to go back to their mums they would say no and kick off and cry all the time
Ash - 1-Aug-16 @ 1:56 PM
I have had my case in court dismissed for a child contact order. I failed to submit two lots of alcohol testing due to lack of money. The court dismissed my case and said it wasn't a good enough reason. Can I re-apply for another one? Thank you
Johnny - 13-Jul-16 @ 11:24 PM
Princess - Your Question:
Hi, I like to know if you have been refused contact order at a family court, can you reapply again for a contact order at another family court.My friend was denied a contact order at their hearing because the judge said he and his ex were in good terms and the contact he currently has with his children seems too be working well.But they really did need the contact order, as things are not really working well nut they both but up a front in court to make things look like all was well. But its not.So they want to reapply again.Is this possible if they go to another famuly court?

Our Response:
Unfortunately, unless there is a variation in circumstances or relations have broken down, or there is a breach in the court order from the other party (which the order can then be enforced), then the court will not let your friend re-apply. Also, once decided, there has to be a significant time lapse over when the court will consider a further application.
SeparatedDads - 7-Jul-16 @ 2:50 PM
Hi, I like to know if you have been refused contact order at a family court, can you reapply again for a contact order at another family court. My friend was denied a contact order at their hearing because the judge said he and his ex were in good terms and the contact he currently has with his children seems too be working well. But they really did need the contact order, as things are not really working well nut they both but up a front in court to make things look like all was well.But its not. So they want to reapply again. Is this possible if they go to another famuly court?
Princess - 7-Jul-16 @ 12:54 AM
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amna - 3-Jul-16 @ 11:16 PM
Previous post continued... Anxious and upset as he just wants to be able to spend some quality time with the children and do the normal things such as Cook for them and put them to bed etc which he doesn't get to do when he visits them on the weekends as he stays in a B and B. Also he wants the children to stay so his family gets to see them too. His ex is saying he can visit them for a day or two in the holidays but that she won't let them stay. based on this will my partner have a case to get a contact order? Beating in mind that she's not stopping him see them but won't let them visit us? Ive heard mediation is compulsory and he has asked her if she would attend with him and he found a mediation centre near her so she wouldn't have to travel but she will not answer. What is the next step? Should he get a solicitor or complete the forms himself? What kind of price would a solicitor cost to take the case to court? Any help much appreciated.
Anxious - 1-Jul-16 @ 11:22 AM
My partner has 3 children with his ex wife. They are aged 18,14 and 9. My partner and his ex wife have been divorced for about 5 years. my partner and his ex wife live about an 8 hour drive from one another and my partner works shifts so that he gets one weekend off in 5. On this weekend off my partner always drives down to visit the children for thr weekend and every summer my partner has the children stay with him for up to about a week. I have been with my partner for 3 years and was slowly introduced to the children and met the ex wife to try and ensure the children were not affected and I get on well with the children and am polite whenever I see the ex wife. My partner has lived with me for a couple of years now and so when the children stay they stay with us at mine and this has never been an issue.(My parents seperate when I was a child so I am very conscious to ensure that the children get to spend time alone with their dad as well as spending time with me and their dad together. So I ususally try to go down to visit the children every other time my ex visits so that they get a weekend wih him alone and then a weekend with all of us). My partner has always paid maintenance for the children on time and never mucked the children about he always sees them when he says he will. However since the maintenance payments that my partner pays went down (when the eldest turned 18) his ex has made things very difficult for him to see the children. She will suddenly say that the children have plans at the last minute on the weekends that my partner should see the children so that rather than seeing them all weekend she will only let him see them for a couple of hours meaning that my partner drives the 8 hour journey to take the children for dinner for a couple of hours then has to drive back. So that we get to see the children at christmas we have previously stayed in a hotel near to them but we only got to see the children for a couple of hours on Christmas Eve, the ex wouldn't let us see the youngest one on Christmas day only the other two and for an hour on boxing day. This wasn't ideal as we had to sit with the choldren in the hotel room, there were no places to eat so we had to take a fridge and some food with us and we didn't get to see family and my oartners family didn't get to see the children. So last year we asked if we could have the children stay with us for either a few days before or after christmas so that we could do a big Cjristmas with them and family and the ex agreed however at the last minute she wouldn't let the children come and stay she said that the choldren thought it would be too cold (this was clearly her putting that into their head as I just don't think its something they would say). The ex is now saying that the children have plans in the summer holidays and won't be able to stay with us as usual this summer and that they won't be staying before or after christmas this year either. My partner is obviousl
Anxious - 1-Jul-16 @ 11:16 AM
My partner has 3 children with his ex wife. They are aged 18,14 and 9. My partner and his ex wife have been divorced for about 5 years. my partner and his ex wife live about an 8 hour drive from one another and my partner works shifts so that he gets one weekend off in 5. On this weekend off my partner always drives down to visit the children for thr weekend and every summer my partner has the children stay with him for up to about a week. I have been with my partner for 3 years and was slowly introduced to the children and met the ex wife to try and ensure the children were not affected and I get on well with the children and am polite whenever I see the ex wife. My partner has lived with me for a couple of years now and so when the children stay they stay with us at mine and this has never been an issue.(My parents seperate when I was a child so I am very conscious to ensure that the children get to spend time alone with their dad as well as spending time with me and their dad together. So I ususally try to go down to visit the children every other time my ex visits so that they get a weekend wih him alone and then a weekend with all of us). My partner has always paid maintenance for the children on time and never mucked the children about he always sees them when he says he will. However since the maintenance payments that my partner pays went down (when the eldest turned 18) his ex has made things very difficult for him to see the children. She will suddenly say that the children have plans at the last minute on the weekends that my partner should see the children so that rather than seeing them all weekend she will only let him see them for a couple of hours meaning that my partner drives the 8 hour journey to take the children for dinner for a couple of hours then has to drive back. So that we get to see the children at christmas we have previously stayed in a hotel near to them but we only got to see the children for a couple of hours on Christmas Eve, the ex wouldn't let us see the youngest one on Christmas day only the other two and for an hour on boxing day. This wasn't ideal as we had to sit with the choldren in the hotel room, there were no places to eat so we had to take a fridge and some food with us and we didn't get to see family and my oartners family didn't get to see the children. So last year we asked if we could have the children stay with us for either a few days before or after christmas so that we could do a big Cjristmas with them and family and the ex agreed however at the last minute she wouldn't let the children come and stay she said that the choldren thought it would be too cold (this was clearly her putting that into their head as I just don't think its something they would say). The ex is now saying that the children have plans in the summer holidays and won't be able to stay with us as usual this summer and that they won't be staying before or after christmas this year either. My partner is obviousl
Anxious - 1-Jul-16 @ 11:03 AM
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