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Your Rights if You Win Custody of Your Children

By: Chris Nickson - Updated: 27 Apr 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Separated Dads Custody Residence Order

The important fact to remember is that, in the majority of cases, the father will not be granted custody of the child by the courts. Individuals and groups have complained about this bias of the courts for several years, but it’s simply a fact that unless the circumstances are exceptional, the child or children will stay with their mother under a residence order, and you will be able to see them with a Contact Order.

Conditions For Father’s Custody

However, there are times when a judge will look very favourably on a father’s application for custody. Where the mother has a history of addiction to drink or drugs or an extensive history of binge drinking, which you can prove, there’s a good chance you’ll be given custody. There are solid reasons for this, since addicts often turn to crime to feed their habits, which can put the child in situations that aren’t good as he or she grows.

The courts take a similar attitude where the mother has a criminal record, at least if it’s a reasonably extensive one showing her to be a repeat offender. That applies whether she’s in jail or not (there are instances where mothers in jail can keep very young children with them, but those are few and far between).

The mother might be considered physically or emotionally incapable of raising a child. That might be due to a physical handicap, or it could be emotional instability. In those cases, the father would be given custody.

Similarly, where there’s been emotional or physical abuse of the child by the mother, and it can be proven, then the father will definitely receive custody. Sadly, abuse rates by mothers have been on the increase.

Finally, if the mother is deemed to have abandoned her children, the father will receive custody. Abandoned is classed as not being in communication with a child for a set period, whether by mail, phone, physical contact or email. Also, if she leaves with a new partner and has no contact with the children, or if she neglects the children when they’re in her care, then custody will devolve to the father.

Your Rights

When you have custody, you have the same rights as a mother with custody, and the mother would have Visitation Rights with the children (of course, there might be circumstances when she might be denied access). Be sure you obey the contact order fully.

Something to be aware of is that the mother can later petition the court to have the residence order changed, if she’s cleaned up her act and can prove herself to be upstanding and likely to be a good parent. Sadly, there’s a fair chance she might win, although the courts will take the wishes of the children into account.

You’d do right to feel that everything is more fragile than if you were female, since it probably is. She can always come back with her lawyer.

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[Add a Comment]
My son's ex partner has been told by social services that she can only have 1 hour a week supervised visits, and my and they have told him she isn't allowed any other contact . He has them living with him at the min. They have told him they have had concerns since last summer but they won't tell him the reason why. Do they have to tell him by law or can they keep it from him
nic nic - 27-Apr-17 @ 7:09 PM
Baby - Your Question:
Please am living in the same house with my husband and 2 daughters but we're having misunderstanding and he want me to leave the house and leave the kids with him, I want to leave with my kids because can't leave without them but don't have anywhere to go to because can't afford to rent a house and the house was given to us by the housing associations. Please what should I do because am emotionally stressed.

Our Response:
If you live with your partner and you rent your home jointly, you will have certain rights if your relationship breaks down. Please see CAB link here and here. You may also wish to consider mediation if neither of you can agree on who should become the primary carer of your children, please see link here.
SeparatedDads - 26-Apr-17 @ 2:09 PM
Please am living in the same house with my husband and 2 daughters but we're having misunderstanding and he want me to leave the house and leave the kids with him, i want to leave with my kids because can't leave without them but don't have anywhere to go to because can't afford to rent a house and the house was given to us by the housing associations. Please what should i do because am emotionally stressed.
Baby - 25-Apr-17 @ 8:20 PM
Myself and my wife have been divorced for 2 years but had a agreement between us that we do a 2 weekly rota where I have 2 nights per week changing the days. Our daughter is 7 years old. I work full time but I am able to work round my daughter so I have been asking to increase my days to half. She has 2 siblings at my ex wife's house - children she had after our divorce. So are my daughters half brother/sister. She keeps refusing 50/50 custody or any increase in days. What are my chances in court? My daughter is happy, settled and doing very well.
Eddieballs - 25-Apr-17 @ 11:02 AM
My ex-girlfriend trow me our baby (son) when he was 8months old. And now he's turning 6years old, and he graduate 2016 @ shalom chreche, he's now doing grade 1. His mother ask me for him to come and visit her while school is closed. She take him now she don't want with him, my son grew up now and he,s like a brother to me. So what can I do to get him back because he supposed be at school?
Bongza - 21-Apr-17 @ 1:58 PM
Adamsnith - Your Question:
Hi my name is Adam I won full custody of my daughter but her mum gets her at weekends but in the court order she has her at her boyfriends who how boyfriend has been hitting my daughter that's why I taken her to court but can I stop her taking my daughter there if I think her boy friend is still hitting my daughter or my daughter's muttaia

Our Response:
In this case, I would seek professional family law legal advice in order to explore your options. If you stop access you will be in breach of the court order, therefore you will be advised to find out what the repercussions may be and what your best recourse to address the matter is.
SeparatedDads - 21-Apr-17 @ 11:24 AM
Hi my name is Adam I won full custody of my daughter but her mum gets her at weekends but in the court order she has her at her boyfriends who how boyfriend has been hitting my daughter that's why I taken her to court but can I stop her taking my daughter there if I think her boy friend is still hitting my daughter or my daughter's muttaia
Adamsnith - 20-Apr-17 @ 5:53 PM
Mikeymy - Your Question:
I got custody of my 2 daughters back in 2012 after I raised concerns of neglect and abuse by their mother and of them witnessing physical violence by mums then boyfriend. After mum sent the police to remove the children from my care they refused as they weren't at risk and I then informed social services of my concerns. So after nearly 6 months back an forth to court for who got full custody her child tax credits/child benefit for the girls got stopped as they were no longer in mum's custody, shortly after this she stopped coming to court and after cafcass contacted her to see why she wasn't at court she told them they would be better off living with me and wouldn't even agree to any kind of written contact order. The judge awarded me with full parental responsibility and said because she didn't agree to any sort of visits it was down to me to be reasonable in terms of letting her see them. So for the past 5 years mum has seen them on and off when it has suited her and I don't think I've been unreasonable in terms of letting her see them. Now a few weeks ago when she gave me a text asking if she could keep them on the sunday evening and she would take them to school the next morning, I agreed and went to work that morning only to get a call from the school that morning asking why the girls weren't in school. After speaking with mum she tried telling me the girls were sick an that's why she kept them off school. I later found out she had been out drinking all weekend and didn't get up to take them school and was refusing to return them on the monday night telling me she would take them to school the next day. I rang the police just because this has become a regular thing with her and I wanted it on record that she isn't sticking to agreed arrangements for visits. I have been told off her that she now wants full custody of the girls and my eldest who is 10 this year wants to go and live with her one day an stay with me the next depending on her mood (my youngest doesn't want to live with mum). Because of this I have now stopped her seeing them because I just don't know if she is going to refuse to return them or not. I am really worried that with one of the girls saying she wants to go live with mum a judge will grant her full or shared custody if she does take me to court and all my hard work trying to keep them away from a toxic environment will be for nothing. So I guess my question is what I should do next risk letting her see them and keep them or wait for her to take me court and possibly make things worse for myself when the judge sees I have stopped her seeing them?

Our Response:
You may wish to seek legal advice as you have a few options regarding this matter and a solicitor will advise on what they are. If your ex has parental responsibility and there is no residence order in place, then please see link here. Therefore, it may be beneficial if you seek a child arrangement/residence order, please see link here. A court will always decide what it thinks is in the best interests of your children, so if you have evidence of your ex keeping the children off school this will help your case. Regardless of whether your 10 year old wishes to live with her mother, the court will still decide upon what it thinks is best for her and consistency and stability are considered most important. Cafcass will also get involved and the court will generally adhere to its report. We obviously cannot speculate how this will go, but as you know from previous experience it is rare that children are taken from one parent and handed to another without very good reason.
SeparatedDads - 31-Mar-17 @ 12:35 PM
I got custody of my 2 daughters back in 2012 after I raised concerns of neglect and abuse by their mother and of them witnessing physical violence by mums then boyfriend. After mum sent the police to remove the children from my care they refused as they weren't at risk and I then informed social services of my concerns. So after nearly 6 months back an forth to court for who got full custody her child tax credits/child benefit for the girls got stopped as they were no longer in mum's custody, shortly after this she stopped coming to court and after cafcass contacted her to see why she wasn't at court she told them they would be better off living with me and wouldn't even agree to any kind of written contact order. The judge awarded me with full parental responsibility and said because she didn't agree to any sort of visits it was down to me to be reasonable in terms of letting her see them. So for the past 5 years mum has seen them on and off when it has suited her and I don't think I've been unreasonable in terms of letting her see them. Now a few weeks ago when she gave me a text asking if she could keep them on the sunday evening and she would take them to school the next morning, I agreed and went to work that morning only to get a call from the school that morning asking why the girls weren't in school. After speaking with mum she tried telling me the girls were sick an that's why she kept them off school. I later found out she had been out drinking all weekend and didn't get up to take them school and was refusing to return them on the monday night telling me she would take them to school the next day. I rang the police just because this has become a regular thing with her and I wanted it on record that she isn't sticking to agreed arrangements for visits. I have been told off her that she now wants full custody of the girls and my eldest who is 10 this year wants to go and live with her one day an stay with me the next depending on her mood (my youngest doesn't want to live with mum). Because of this I have now stopped her seeing them because I just don't know if she is going to refuse to return them or not. I am really worried that with one of the girls saying she wants to go live with mum a judge will grant her full or shared custody if she does take me to court and all my hard work trying to keep them away from a toxic environment will be for nothing. So I guess my question is what I should do next risk letting her see them and keep them or wait for her to take me court and possibly make things worse for myself when the judge sees I have stopped her seeing them?
Mikeymy - 30-Mar-17 @ 11:59 AM
Sanj - Your Question:
Hi I'm a British citizen married to an iranian citizen here in Philippines. My daughter born here and is a British citizen also she will be 3 on march. My wife is living with another man and took my daughter away. We got married here in the Philippines. How can I get full custody of my daughter?

Our Response:
I'm afraid we cannot advise on this as we have knowledge only of UK family law. In the UK, it is unlikely also a court would take a child away from her mother unless absolutely necessary. You would have to seek legal advice in your country of residence to explore the family laws there.
SeparatedDads - 20-Feb-17 @ 1:48 PM
Hi I'm a British citizen married to an iranian citizen here in Philippines . My daughter born here and is a British citizen also she will be 3 on march . My wife is living with another man and took my daughter away. We got married here in the Philippines . How can I get full custody of my daughter?
Sanj - 19-Feb-17 @ 8:00 PM
Cas - Your Question:
Hi my wife has ended our marriage because she is seeing someone else, we have two children together and we are still living in the same property together as we cannot afford to go separate ways, I have tried everything in regards to agreeing set times with our children, but when it comes to my nights or weekends away from the kids she is always changing the days saying she's got some thing to do so I constantly have my kids which I love but is there anyway I can keep my kids with me as I feel that she will sort a place out and take the kids from me my kids are only 5 & 8 and constantly say they want to stay with me I have looked for advice everywhere and it seems as though I don't stand a chance as she has even said that if I take her to court she will just say I've been violent even though I havent, feel really trapped all me and the kids wanted was a family unit we didn't ask for it to be split up it was her choice but I feel as though me and my kids are going to suffer because she choose to go with someone else, any help on this would be great thanks

Our Response:
In the first instance, I suggest you seek legal advice regarding this matter as there are so many variants to your situation. Yes, you can fight for the kids and to become the primary carer (you stand a better chance if you remain in the marital home). However, if your ex is making threats regarding DV, then there is no easy way around this and much depends upon both yours and her actions and of course what Cafcass and the courts conclude (should you wish to take this route). But, please be aware it wont be a quick process and it can be very stressful. Trying to keep arguments to a minimum and the separation amicable, so that you both benefit as do the kids will help you both, please see link here. Our Separated Dads forum may be of help also, please see link here. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads - 16-Feb-17 @ 10:10 AM
Hi my wife has ended our marriage because she is seeing someone else, we have two children together and we are still living in the same property together as we cannot afford to go separate ways, I have tried everything in regards to agreeing set times with our children, but when it comes to my nights or weekends away from the kids she is always changing the days saying she's got some thing to do so I constantly have my kids which I love but is there anyway I can keep my kids with me as I feel that she will sort a place out and take the kids from me my kids are only 5 & 8 and constantly say they want to stay with me I have looked for advice everywhere and it seems as though I don't stand a chance as she has even said that if I take her to court she will just say I've been violent even though I havent, feel really trapped all me and the kids wanted was a family unit we didn't ask for it to be split up it was her choice but I feel as though me and my kids are going to suffer because she choose to go with someone else, any help on this would be great thanks
Cas - 15-Feb-17 @ 2:11 AM
Nanna - Your Question:
My son and partner have a 4yr old son, recently she has been unfaithful and my son moved out. My son has been sharing care and that seems to work very well. Unfortunately the ex partners new bf is a coke dealer and she has been partaking on the nights she doesn't have her son. This has caused arguments and concerns. She has not informed me that school has been closed on the days I drop my Grandson to school. She is forgetting that the school has a dressing up day. She is shouting at my son in front of their son saying she never wanted children. It's all so sad. The little boy is such a lovely little guy. Her behaviour has changed since she has been taking drugs, almost like she has 2 personalitys now. She works away a lot and has a career that is about to take off, my son has offered to be the main carer and I would help, her and I have always had a lovely mother/ daughter relationship and loved each other. She comes from a completely different background to us and slipped very nicely into our lifestyle, rarely visiting her family during the last 4 years. She has a big family, all on social benefits. She now wants to take the boy to live there as she has lots of people who can look after her son, even though he barely knows them. Her brother is on a suspended sentace for drug dealing and he also lives with her parents, which is where she intends to stay. Would my son be able to stop this move?

Our Response:
I can only suggest your son takes legal advice regarding this matter, especially if he is currently caring for his child 50/50. However, please be aware that issues can backfire and taking the matter to court can result in a fraught battle. By the fact your son has moved out of the family home, means that essentially his ex has become the main carer and it is unsual for a court to change a child's home i.e transfer the child from his family home to another (i.e your son's home or yours). The court will always decide upon what it thinks is in the best interests of the child. However, if your son has safeguarding issues, and thinks his ex may move without consent, then he can apply for a Prohibited Steps Order through the courts. A PSO is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. But again, this is a process fraught with obstacles and legal guidance would be advised here. I am also going to put an edited version of your question on our Separated Dads Facebook page where our dads (who may have been through similar experiences will be able to help with some alternative advice). Therefore, please refer to the page for more answers. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads - 13-Feb-17 @ 11:02 AM
My son and partner have a 4yr old son, recently she has been unfaithful and my son moved out. My sonhas been sharing care and that seems to work very well. Unfortunately the ex partners new bf is a coke dealer and she has been partaking on the nights she doesn't have her son. This has caused arguments and concerns. She has not informed me that school has been closed on the days I drop my Grandson to school. She is forgetting that the school has a dressing up day. She is shouting at my son in front of their son saying she never wanted children. It's all so sad. The little boy is such a lovely little guy. Her behaviour has changed since she has been taking drugs, almost like she has 2 personalitys now. She works away a lot and has a career that is about to take off, my son has offered to be the main carer and I would help, her and I have always had a lovely mother/ daughter relationship and loved each other. She comes from a completely different background to us and slipped very nicely into our lifestyle, rarely visiting her family during the last 4 years. She has a big family, all on social benefits. She now wants to take the boy to live there as she has lots of people who can look after her son, even though he barely knows them. Her brother is on a suspended sentace for drug dealing and he also lives with her parents, which is where she intends to stay. Would my son be able to stop this move?
Nanna - 12-Feb-17 @ 8:11 AM
My son was told in October he is possibly a father to a little girl ,DNA test done by social services it's his child ...........social services told him she was placed with her grandparents as mum not able to due to neglect ....now Jan and still no contact so went to solicitors...just been told child now placed with grandparents on a guardianship order ............what does my son now do .........he wants to be part of her life
Sharks - 20-Jan-17 @ 5:06 PM
Focus - Your Question:
I have been awarded full residency (court order) to our 9 year old daughter with very stressful court cases !! However, it's now been 3 years since she left the family home. The mother has not paid anything towards the house ie mortgage etc or any child maintenance. The house is in both names but she has chosen to walk away and wash her hands with everything. Contact in the past has been very irregular with mother and daughter, previously left for 10 months and now back in contact again. My question is what can I do in regards to the property, does the mother has a responsibility for both child and house, does mother lose her rights as walked away 3 years ago and contributed nothing. I need to establish the best way forward and what's in the best interest for my daughter regarding stability etc. Many thanks

Our Response:
Firstly, if you can keep up the mortage payments then as the primary carer of your child it is highly likely (should it ever go to court) you would be allowed to stay in the house until your daughter is 18 and beyond. By then, dependent upon the amount of money your ex has contributed, she would be entitled to little or non of the equity in the property. If the mother of your child is working, then she will be eligible to pay child maintenance ( you can see how much via the link here. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads - 18-Jan-17 @ 2:30 PM
I have been awarded full residency (court order) to our 9 year old daughter with very stressful court cases !! However, it's now been 3 years since she left the family home. The mother has not paid anything towards the house ie mortgage etc or any child maintenance. The house is in both names but she has chosen to walk away and wash her hands with everything. Contact in the past has been very irregular with mother and daughter, previously left for 10 months and now back in contact again. My question is what can I do in regards to the property, does the mother has a responsibility for both child and house, does mother lose her rights as walked away 3 years ago and contributed nothing. I need to establish the best way forward and what's in the best interest for my daughter regarding stability etc. Many thanks
Focus - 18-Jan-17 @ 10:03 AM
seed198 - Your Question:
Hi so iv had a court order in place where I jave the parental rights over my two boys we did seperate at the time amd today she has done a runner with them.i spoke to the school and she said mra and lods were in social services care so on 4 seperate calls through the night social services said that my kods are npt on there system as I got back woth my partner would that void the court order that was in place?The school also said police was contacted but when I rang them they said had no calls from that school in over a year so stick on what to do as iv no copy of the order at hand the police wont do anything any help would be mich appreciated ty

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. The police can do nothing to help in this situation. However, if you were given parental responsibility of your sons (which will not be affected if you returned to your partner), then you can apply to court for access to your children and if your partner has not asked for your permission to leave the area with your children (which she is legally obliged to do if you have PR), then you can apply to bring your children back to their school and area etc. Although, there is no guarantee a court will opt for this as it will always decide what it thinks is in the best interests of your children. Firstly, you would need to apply for a child arrangement order through the courts, please see link here. In addition, you would have to apply for a C4 form, which is an application for an order for disclosure of a child's whereabouts. Our Separated Dads forum will also be able to help you further to as there are many dads who have been through the same or similar situations.
SeparatedDads - 13-Jan-17 @ 2:18 PM
Dan - Your Question:
I'm looking for what my next step should be, I've raised my daughter since she was born, her mother walked out when she was 4 days old due to mental health issues, she was later referred to a mother and baby unit wich I allowed my daughter to go into as I thought it would help her mom get better sadly this was not the case and she was asked to leave after 5/6weeks, my daughter was then returned to my care, her mom has suffered with depression now for most part of her adult life causing her to self harm on occasions aswell as threading to kill her self numerous times more recently after our child was born, our daughter has lived with me for all 8months of her life so far (except the time she was in the unit for 6weeks), I've had social services round to visit me and they were happy with how I was hassling everything, now more recently her mom has started to want to see her again wich I was happy with but she didn't like the fact I was only allowing her 2 days a week access, she is currently on medication and although I don't believe she is a direct threat to my daughter myself and all doctors involved with her during her time at the units believe there's a chance she would abandon her if it became to much, I need to have some security for me and my daughter that states she is under my care/guardianship full time, what should I do next or who should I contact

Our Response:
If you want the security of your daughter living with you and you have the back up of social services, then you would have to apply for a residency order, please see gov.uk link here.
SeparatedDads - 13-Jan-17 @ 12:20 PM
Hi so iv had a court order in place where i jave the parental rights over my two boys we did seperate at the time amd today she has done a runner with them.i spoke to the school and she said mra and lods were in social services care so on 4 seperate calls through the night social services said that my kods are npt on there system as i got back woth my partner would that void the court order that was in place? The school also said police was contacted but when i rang them they said had no calls from that school in over a year so stick on what to do as iv no copy of the order at hand the police wont do anything any help would be mich appreciated ty
seed198 - 12-Jan-17 @ 10:29 PM
I'm looking for what my next step should be, I've raised my daughter since she was born, her mother walked out when she was 4 days old due to mental health issues, she was later referred to a mother and baby unit wich I allowed my daughter to go into as I thought it would help her mom get better sadly this was not the case and she was asked to leave after 5/6weeks, my daughter was then returned to my care, her mom has suffered with depression now for most part of her adult life causing her to self harm on occasions aswell as threading to kill her self numerous times more recently after our child was born, our daughter has lived with me for all 8months of her life so far (except the time she was in the unit for 6weeks), I've had social services round to visit me and they were happy with how I was hassling everything, now more recently her mom has started to want to see her again wich I was happy with but she didn't like the fact I was only allowing her 2 days a week access, she is currently on medication and although I don't believe she is a direct threat to my daughter myself and all doctors involved with her during her time at the units believe there's a chance she would abandon her if it became to much, I need to have some security for me and my daughter that states she is under my care/guardianship full time, what should I do next or who should I contact
Dan - 12-Jan-17 @ 3:39 PM
Lucky - Your Question:
I have a 11months old baby boy, there's been a situation where he was snatched out of my arms from father and he took him out the house to his mums, now he's not bringing him back and he advised me to get a solicitor if I want him back, I phoned the police as soon as he took him in the pouring rain without covering him up properly, and I told the police he snatched him off me and the police said they can't do anything about it and I was advised who ever has him physically they have custody at the time and I think that is terrible. Now I'm the one who has to pay fees to get my son back when he was in my arms in the first place, what should I do?

Our Response:
I am very sorry to hear this. Please see link: What Happens If My Ex Keeps the Children Without My Consent? here which will answer your question in full. I hope your situation manages to resolve itself quickly.
SeparatedDads - 11-Jan-17 @ 12:49 PM
I have a 11months old baby boy, there's been a situation where he was snatched out of my arms from father and he took him out the house to his mums, now he's not bringing him back and he advised me to get a solicitor if I want him back, I phoned the police as soon as he took him in the pouring rain without covering him up properly, and I told the police he snatched him off me and the police said they can't do anything about it and I was advised who ever has himphysically they have custody at the time and I think that is terrible. Now I'm the one who has to pay fees to get my son back when he was in my arms in the first place, what should I do?
Lucky - 11-Jan-17 @ 5:41 AM
I have a 2year old and on new years day I was having a drink with her father so we ended up arguing his mother and step father got in to it.I ended up taking my child and leaving I ws drunk and did some things I wouldn't have done if I were sober it was a once off thing if they take me 2 court will I lose my child
anne - 6-Jan-17 @ 7:31 PM
TopFella - Your Question:
I have applied for full residency of my two boys, one lives with me as I have PR, the ex has been under a social care order for neglect for 6months and is now in prison for sex with under ages boys (14 & 15) I'm not a saint I have a bit of a colourful past but it is in fact history over a decade ago. the social worker that has been on the case for a year has written her report out for the courts recommending both children live with me but her parents are applying for residency too. my other lad lives with them as he hasn't got my surname. what chance do I stand to get both boys under the same roof and settled with me?? TIA

Our Response:
I'm afraid it is a difficult question to answer as there are so many variants to consider. However, if a report has been presented to the court stating you as the preferred choice as primary carer, then you wil stand a good chance as the court will usually make its decision based upon the findings and evidence of the report.
SeparatedDads - 6-Jan-17 @ 2:24 PM
I have applied for full residency of my two boys, one lives with me as I have PR, the ex has been under a social care order for neglect for 6months and is now in prison for sex with under ages boys (14 & 15) I'm not a saint I have a bit of a colourful past but it is in fact history over a decade ago... the social worker that has been on the case for a year has written her report out for the courts recommending both children live with me but her parents are applying for residency too.. my other lad lives with them as he hasn't got my surname.. what chance do I stand to get both boys under the same roof and settled with me?? TIA
TopFella - 5-Jan-17 @ 5:25 PM
Jo - Your Question:
I have been with my ex for 5 years. Have a four year old son. We divorced and I too her to court as she denied access this was when my son was 18 months old. I have regular contact with him and his mother. We have been on and off for some time. My ex overdosed over 18 months ago but got help. I have to admit I do throw my weight around and can be intimidating. we are back and forth and have tried living to get her longest was two months. She went back home with my son to see her I'll mum and arguents started as to when she would return. She has given me extra access. I have to also admit I put my hands on her throat and denied it when social services contacted me. I feel she spoils everything even though she does share out son on bday and special occasions. She has panicked about returning and says she can't do it. She tried to incriminate me with text messages when we were going to court. I have taken my son for Christmas but not said when I'm returning him. I have played my mouth in front of my son and said she doesn't care or love him.and the instability is hurting our son. She comes and goes with our son. AS I do when I go to her place.She has her own place and he goes to nursery. Can I get full residency as she had depression stressed.

Our Response:
I'm afraid to say the fact your ex has given you extra access and is still willing to accommodate you as a person is admirable give your admissions here. Looking after and caring for a child (so that your child grows up to be a well balanced adult) means doing what you feel is always in the best interests of your child. Telling your son that his mother doesn't love him is a low trick and will invariably affect him as a child. Who can blame your ex for wanting to not return to you if she lives in fear of you. I can only suggest you take a good long look at yourself in the mirror before contemplating whether to apply for residency of your son - is living with your really in his best interests? Parenting is about 'giving' not trying to bully, intimidate, threaten or lie to . Caring for a child and/or any other human being ( i.e your ex)is about offering them; safety, warmth, comfort and love and most of all 'trust' and if you cannot offer these to either your ex or your son, then you're in the wrong role as father and/or partner. The fact your admissions are honest, as least gives you some room to feel a sense of remorse and change. But if you don't, then you will always be living a life where people (including your son in later life) may wish to run from you. Remember kids grow up and the way you act and demonstrate your love not wont be forgotten later on.
SeparatedDads - 21-Dec-16 @ 11:27 AM
I have been with my ex for 5 years. Have a four year old son. We divorced and I too her to court as she denied access this was when my son was 18 months old. I have regular contact with him and his mother.We have been on and off for some time. My ex overdosed over 18 months ago but got help. I have to admit I do throw my weight around and can be intimidating.. we are back and forth and have tried living to get her longest was two months. She went back home with my son to see her I'll mum and arguents started as to when she would return. She has given me extra access. I have to also admit I put my hands on her throat and denied it when social services contacted me. I feel she spoils everything even though she does share out son on bday and special occasions.She has panicked about returning and says she can't do it. She tried to incriminate me with text messages when we were going to court. I have taken my son for Christmas but not said when I'm returning him. I have played my mouth in front of my son and said she doesn't care or love him .and the instability is hurting our son. She comes and goes with our son. AS I do when i go to her place.She has her own place and he goes to nursery. Can I get full residency as she had depression stressed.
Jo - 20-Dec-16 @ 4:53 PM
My ex has emotional instability personality disorder, also some physical disabilities which mean she needs a mobility scooter, we split 6months ago and she took an overdose so our 2children live with me, my new partner and her 2 kids. My ex sees them regularly but wants residency back, she's trying every trick in the book to make us look bad and it's going to court. My kids are safer with me. I want them to see and have a relationship with their mother but I don't want them living with her. How would the courts view this?Also, there are police records of her being violent to me in the past, would this come into account?Thanks
Speedy - 16-Dec-16 @ 9:33 PM
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