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Your Rights if You Win Custody of Your Children

By: Chris Nickson - Updated: 22 Nov 2016 | comments*Discuss
 
Separated Dads Custody Residence Order

The important fact to remember is that, in the majority of cases, the father will not be granted custody of the child by the courts. Individuals and groups have complained about this bias of the courts for several years, but it’s simply a fact that unless the circumstances are exceptional, the child or children will stay with their mother under a residence order, and you will be able to see them with a Contact Order.

Conditions For Father’s Custody

However, there are times when a judge will look very favourably on a father’s application for custody. Where the mother has a history of addiction to drink or drugs or an extensive history of binge drinking, which you can prove, there’s a good chance you’ll be given custody. There are solid reasons for this, since addicts often turn to crime to feed their habits, which can put the child in situations that aren’t good as he or she grows.

The courts take a similar attitude where the mother has a criminal record, at least if it’s a reasonably extensive one showing her to be a repeat offender. That applies whether she’s in jail or not (there are instances where mothers in jail can keep very young children with them, but those are few and far between).

The mother might be considered physically or emotionally incapable of raising a child. That might be due to a physical handicap, or it could be emotional instability. In those cases, the father would be given custody.

Similarly, where there’s been emotional or physical abuse of the child by the mother, and it can be proven, then the father will definitely receive custody. Sadly, abuse rates by mothers have been on the increase.

Finally, if the mother is deemed to have abandoned her children, the father will receive custody. Abandoned is classed as not being in communication with a child for a set period, whether by mail, phone, physical contact or email. Also, if she leaves with a new partner and has no contact with the children, or if she neglects the children when they’re in her care, then custody will devolve to the father.

Your Rights

When you have custody, you have the same rights as a mother with custody, and the mother would have Visitation Rights with the children (of course, there might be circumstances when she might be denied access). Be sure you obey the contact order fully.

Something to be aware of is that the mother can later petition the court to have the residence order changed, if she’s cleaned up her act and can prove herself to be upstanding and likely to be a good parent. Sadly, there’s a fair chance she might win, although the courts will take the wishes of the children into account.

You’d do right to feel that everything is more fragile than if you were female, since it probably is. She can always come back with her lawyer.

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Hi I've filed to court for a child arrangements order. I kept my daughter after a contact weekend because she said she was scared of her mothers drinking and didn't want to go home. She is under a child protection plan as mum was arrested for neglect and has a drink problem and my daughter was found in the street. And mum drunk at home. She waa taken into care under a police order protection. Several Incidents this year alone. We can't afford solicitors fees. What are our chances? We had to change schools because she previously lived 2 hours away. She's very happy now. Although it's only been a few days. We applied as urgent
kdimmock - 22-Nov-16 @ 11:08 PM
I'm the grandmother of my 2 yr old grandchild.I've practically had her from day 1.The mother (my daughter)of the child is 18..My daughter was young 16 when she had her. She went off the rails and gave my granddaughter to me to look after. She is on child protection..I've cared loved and gave her stability for 2 yrs. Now the father wants her. .Hes hardly seen her in 2 Years and my granddaughter doesn't even know him. When he does an see her my granddaughter cowers away from him.He smokes weed and puts his friends firstand my daughter alsodoes the same plus she's been arrestedwith no further action for drugs. She doesn't take themshe was caught with them in a car which wasn't hers.. The father has no Profile or name on birth certificate does he have ashame of getting my granddaughter .
Baseball - 22-Nov-16 @ 6:24 PM
The mother of my child stopped me from seeing my daughter for no apparent reason so i went through all the legal steps to get access to seeing my daughter when it went to court cafcass contacted me and made me aware that she had had two children taken from her i believe that she is emotionally unstable and a compulsive liar, she keeps making allegations that i was domestically violent though there are no police or hospital records to back what she is saying, but the courts seem to be listening to her. What rights do i have as a father i am representing myself
Incogneat - 20-Nov-16 @ 11:54 PM
Fred253 - Your Question:
I split from my ex wife 3 and a half years ago, with her moving out a few months later. We have a son who is 8 years now and he lives with me and my new partner 50% of the time. He always comes home (on several occasions he's been upset and cried) and says that her and her boyfriend have been arguing in front of him, which includes shouting and bickering between the two of them. We have had reports from friends, that they've been out drinking on several occasions and ended up physically fighting with one another too. She has a problem when she binge drinks on alcohol as this was one of the causes of our breakup. On one occasion when an argument broke out in the car, with my son in the back, the boyfriend ended up pulling up the handbreak of the car while travelling and they skidded. He comes home with dirty clothes, school shoes are never cleaned and until he started cutter his own nails, they were always long. I always take him to have a hair cut, buy all of his school uniform including shoes and PE kit and pay for the clubs that he wants to attend, along with giving my ex £50 each month. We found out a few weeks ago that her and her partner smoke e-cigarettes while my son is in the room and also while he's in the car. He has told us that he has asked for them to stop and I've also confronted her about this but this has had no effect. He comes home with coughs and colds most months too and I believe, since a change in where he goes after school on her evenings, his behaviour has got worse. His homework is always left to do when he's at home with us. I understand that he needs to have a relationship with his mum but at the same time, I truely believe his upbringing is being hindered due to where he is living for 50% of the time. As a father, have I got a case to have custody of him?

Our Response:
If you have your son 50% of the time in a shared-care arrangement, it is certainly worth seeking legal advice over. It is rare the courts will move a child from the resident-parent's 'established' home. But it is more likely to consider it in a shared-care arrangement. You don't say what your ex's opinion is regarding your son living with you full-time, if you are both civil to one another, it may be also worth voicing your concern. However, you always have to be mindful that taking action could backfire by her trying to withdraw access. Unfortunately, this is the conundrum many NRP's experience when considering whether to take the matter further.
SeparatedDads - 16-Nov-16 @ 11:22 AM
I split from my ex wife 3 and a half years ago, with her moving out a few months later. We have a son who is 8 years now and he lives with me and my new partner 50% of the time. He always comes home (on several occasions he's been upset and cried) and says that her and her boyfriend have been arguing in front of him, which includes shouting and bickering between the two of them. We have had reports from friends, that they've been out drinking on several occasions and ended up physically fighting with one another too. She has a problem when she binge drinks on alcohol as this was one of the causes of our breakup. On one occasion when an argument broke out in the car, with my son in the back, the boyfriend ended up pulling up the handbreak of the car while travelling and they skidded. He comes home with dirty clothes, school shoes are never cleaned and until he started cutter his own nails, they were always long. I always take him to have a hair cut, buy all of his school uniform including shoes and PE kit and pay for the clubs that he wants to attend, along with giving my ex £50 each month. We found out a few weeks ago that her and her partner smoke e-cigarettes while my son is in the room and also while he's in the car. He has told us that he has asked for them to stop and I've also confronted her about this but this has had no effect. He comes home with coughs and colds most months too and I believe, since a change in where he goes after school on her evenings, his behaviour has got worse. His homework is always left to do when he's at home with us. I understand that he needs to have a relationship with his mum but at the same time, I truely believe his upbringing is being hindered due to where he is living for 50% of the time. As a father, have I got a case to have custody of him?
Fred253 - 15-Nov-16 @ 1:43 PM
I split from my ex wife 3 and a half years ago, with her moving out a few months later. We have a son who is 8 years now and he lives with me and my new partner 50% of the time. He always comes home (on several occasions he's been upset and cried) and says that her and her boyfriend have been arguing in front of him, which includes shouting and bickering between the two of them. We have had reports from friends, that they've been out drinking on several occasions and ended up physically fighting with one another too. She has a problem when she binge drinks on alcohol as this was one of the causes of our breakup. On one occasion when an argument broke out in the car, with my son in the back, the boyfriend ended up pulling up the handbreak of the car while travelling and they skidded. He comes home with dirty clothes, school shoes are never cleaned and until he started cutter his own nails, they were always long. I always take him to have a hair cut, buy all of his school uniform including shoes and PE kit and pay for the clubs that he wants to attend, along with giving my ex £50 each month. We found out a few weeks ago that her and her partner smoke e-cigarettes while my son is in the room and also while he's in the car. He has told us that he has asked for them to stop and I've also confronted her about this but this has had no effect. He comes home with coughs and colds most months too and I believe, since a change in where he goes after school on her evenings, his behaviour has got worse. His homework is always left to do when he's at home with us. I understand that he needs to have a relationship with his mum but at the same time, I truely believe his upbringing is being hindered due to where he is living for 50% of the time. As a father, have I got a case to have custody of him?
Fred253 - 15-Nov-16 @ 1:16 PM
While I accept that the courts shouldn't discriminate against those with mental health issues. It's equally as wrong they discriminate against fathers, it's ridiculous that we still live in an age with this kind of sex discrimination. The onus should not be on the father to prove the mother is not capable of looking after the children 7 days a week to prevent her moving with the children a great distance away.It should be taken for granted that it is always in the best interest of the children to have both parents in their daily lives. If the mother wishes to move the onus should be on her to prove it's in the best interest of the children to cut the father out of their lives. I
BN84 - 5-Nov-16 @ 8:46 AM
BN84 - Your Question:
Hi I was with my children's mum for 7 years married for 2 we have 2 children together 5 and 1. She informed me not long after we started dating that she had been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and she was later advised on 2 occasions by medical staff that she suffers with cyclothymia. Over our time together she relied on me heavily for support during battles with depression since our first son was born I've had to work from home 2 to 3 times a week on average to look after both her and our children. Earlier this year without warning, she asked for a separation I later found out she had meet another man on a bipolar support group forum. Since our separation she has continued to date him. losing my wife was hard enough but going days without seeing my children is devastating. Our separation agreement says they should be with me every other weekend and half of the holidays and I pay a large amount in child support. In reality though since the separation my children have been with me on average 3 days a week as she still struggles with her depression. I'm extremely worried that she has now introduced our children to the man she had an affair with and maybe planning to move to live with him over 7 hours drive away from me. if this happens I will have no choice but to battle her for full custody, she has no family down their so our children would have no support network and would be in a home with two individuals with mental health issues. I'm just worried that if she lies about her mental health and his there may not be much I can do about it until it's to late and my children suffer from being in a potential very unstable home. Any advise would be appreiated

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. As a positive if your children have been with you three days per week because of your ex's personality disorder, then this may help your case, should the matter have to go to court. If you fear your ex may move without consulting you, you can apply for a Prohibited Steps Order through the court. A Prohibited Steps Order (PSO) is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. There is no guarantee the court would decide in your favour. However, the court will make a decision based upon what it thinks is in your children's best interests and if you can prove your ex is unable to fully support or care for your children in their best interests, the court will take this into account. The court is not discriminatory of a person having a mental health disorder, as many parents suffer from mental-health issues and it does not mean they cannot take care of their children. But if your ex has issues known to her GP and it has affected her ability as a parent, then this will be acknowledged. On another note, a mutual resolution may be the best way forward, if you could come to an agreement about your children's care. Seeking some legal advice would be advisable too.
SeparatedDads - 31-Oct-16 @ 2:38 PM
BN84 - Your Question:
I've described my situation below, as well as leaving the comment I've tried to join the forum however after entering my details and the verification letters/number combo I get a message telling me your system suspect I maybe be trying to spam. How do I get registered?

Our Response:
You can email admin directly from the forum and the forum team will help set you up.
SeparatedDads - 31-Oct-16 @ 2:26 PM
I've described my situation below, as well as leaving the comment I've tried to join the forum however after entering my details and the verification letters/number combo I get a message telling me your system suspect I maybe be trying to spam. How do I get registered?
BN84 - 29-Oct-16 @ 12:32 PM
Hi I was with my children's mum for 7 years married for 2 we have 2 children together 5 and 1. She informed me not long after we started dating that she had been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and she was later advised on 2 occasions by medical staff that she suffers with cyclothymia. Over our time together she relied on me heavily for support during battles with depression since our first son was born I've had to work from home 2 to 3 times a week on average to look after both her and our children. Earlier this year without warning, she asked for a separation I later found out she had meet another man on a bipolar support group forum. Since our separation she has continued to date him. losing my wife was hard enough but going days without seeing my children is devastating. Our separation agreement says they should be with me every other weekend and half of the holidays and I pay a large amount in child support. In reality though since the separation my children have been with me on average 3 days a week as she still struggles with her depression. I'm extremely worried that she has now introduced our children to the man she had an affair with and maybe planning to move to live with him over 7 hours drive away from me. if this happens I will have no choice but to battle her for full custody, she has no family down their so our children would have no support network and would be in a home with two individuals with mental health issues. I'm just worried that if she lies about her mental health and his there may not be much I can do about it until it's to late and my children suffer from being in a potential very unstable home. Any advise would be appreiated
BN84 - 29-Oct-16 @ 1:49 AM
Btw11 - Your Question:
Hi there, I have a 8year old little girl who is the apple to my eye. Her mother and her live about a 40min drive away so unfortunately I only have her every other weekend and for school holiday's. Her mother has a job tue-sat until around 8pm and has currently informed me that she is now got another job and will be working 7 days a week. Which I find really hard because where is the time for my daughter? She calls her horrible names and also has hit her on one or more occasions which I can't prove as its what my daughter told me. My girlfriend whom I have been with for 5 years and myself would like to apply for full custody of my daughter but her mum uses the fact that my ex grow up in care due to her mother negleting her? Would this affect us and would they look into my gfs care background? Also has my daughters Mother got more rights then me? I dont want to have to put my little girl through all of this but she deserves time and love and attention and encouragement in life. Thank you for reading

Our Response:
It is certainly worth seeking legal advice if the mother is working seven days per week and has little time for your child. However, much will depend on what sort of care your child has when the mother is not around. The problem is that it is very rare the courts will take a child from a resident parent and hand the child over to the other parent unless there is a very good reason, such as neglect, abuse etc. Regardless of whether your child's mother is working all week, if your child is being properly cared for and established at school, then the court would see no reason to upset your child's routine. The court will always make a decision based upon what is in your child's best interests, so it may mean if the mother is working seven days a week, then the court may offer you more access or overnight stays. However, as you specified this would be logistically difficult for you. Unless there had been issues resulting from the fact your current partner has been in care that may create problems of her caring for your child, then this would not be an issue. Legal advice may be helpful here, or just simple communication with your ex to see if there is any way you can be of support to your child while she is at work.
SeparatedDads - 28-Oct-16 @ 1:49 PM
Hi there, I have a 8year old little girl who is the apple to my eye. Her mother and her live about a 40min drive away so unfortunately I only have her every other weekend and for school holiday's. Her mother has a job tue-sat until around 8pm and has currently informed me that she is now got another job and will be working 7 days a week. Which I find really hard because where is the time for my daughter? She calls her horrible names and also has hit her on one or more occasions which I can't prove as its what my daughter told me. My girlfriend whom I have been with for 5 years and myself would like to apply for full custody of my daughter but her mum uses the fact that my ex grow up in care due to her mother negleting her? Would this affect us and would they look into my gfs care background? Also has my daughters Mother got more rights then me? I dont want to have to put my little girl through all of this but she deserves time and love and attention and encouragement in life. Thank you for reading
Btw11 - 27-Oct-16 @ 6:30 PM
I have been dating my bf for over 4 years, he has a 5yo boy with his ex. He looks after his boy at the weekends. His ex has been violent and abusive throughout THEIR relationship and OURS. She has held a knife to his throat (while in their relationship), physically hit him (during OUR relationship, while she was having a psychotic episode from mixing alcohol while on antidepressants), she has sent us death threats and had social services called on her several times (which my bf lied to to get them to go away, because he's scared he's gonna lose access to his son). For those 4 years, she has BANNED me from being in the same room as their son, when I have done nothing wrong. She has used their child as a weapon and is regularly aggressive and bullies my bf into doing whatever she says, threatening to not let my bf see their son if he disobeys/disagrees. The boy is at an age where he will tell the ex if he has seen me, so we can't spend time together discreetly, without it causing an argument. My bf suffers from depression because of the abuse he receives from her (his hair has turned grey from the stress of it all). He feels like he can't stand up to her, coz he'll lose access to his son. To make matters worse, she has since had a new baby, with her abusive bf (he has smashed her head through a mirror). They split up a week after the baby was born, but have since reconciled. My bf and I both have stable jobs and are saving money for a house. I am concerned about the 2 children living in a household with 2 physically and mentally abusive adults. What can my bf do so that he can guarantee access to his son and allow me to see him too, without his ex taking him away?
Violet - 7-Oct-16 @ 3:35 PM
I have been dating my bf for over 4 years, he has a 5yo boy with his ex. He looks after his boy at the weekends. His ex has been violent and abusive throughout THEIR relationship and OURS. She has held a knife to his throat (while in their relationship), physically hit him (during OUR relationship, while she was having a psychotic episode from mixing alcohol while on antidepressants), she has sent us death threats and had social services called on her several times (which my bf lied to to get them to go away, because he's scared he's gonna lose access to his son). For those 4 years, she has BANNED me from being in the same room as their son, when I have done nothing wrong. She has used their child as a weapon and is regularly aggressive and bullies my bf into doing whatever she says, threatening to not let my bf see their son if he disobeys/disagrees. The boy is at an age where he will tell the ex if he has seen me, so we can't spend time together discreetly, without it causing an argument. My bf suffers from depression because of the abuse he receives from her (his hair has turned grey from the stress of it all). He feels like he can't stand up to her, coz he'll lose access to his son. To make matters worse, she has since had a new baby, with her abusive bf (he has smashed her head through a mirror). They split up a week after the baby was born, but have since reconciled. My bf and I both have stable jobs and are saving money for a house. I am concerned about the 2 children living in a household with 2 physically and mentally abusive adults. What can my bf do so that he can guarantee access to his son and allow me to see him too, without his ex taking him away?
Violet - 7-Oct-16 @ 3:01 PM
jj - Your Question:
Hi, me and my partner have a little boy together he is 2 years old in 1 week. She used to live in the same town as me but met another man and moved to a town about 1 hour away, and refused to let me have him on the same weekend I have my other child. And made my life very difficult, I feel her partner had a lot of involvement in when I got to see him, she involved the courts and wouldn't liaise with my offer of when I had him, she then has gone back to her own country. And didn't tell me, she has been there 19 weeks now. I don't know what to do, she claims she is over there for treatment for her bad depression, but doesn't know when she is coming back. But it has now been discovered she is planning to stay over there for good, I will be having my son for 2 months in December whilst she stays over there, but due to it coming to light that she wont be coming back to live in the UK, I will be risking not seeing my son regularly if I hand him back to her after the 2 months. What can I do about this? I love him and just want him with me. She isn't being fair, she has no home no job suffering with depression- I feel she is not in a fit state. Please advise me with this?

Our Response:
It is never a good idea to keep a child against the other parent's consent, as this can backfire, should the matter go to court. I can only suggest you seek legal advice, as much also depends on what the original court order specifies. Please also see link here for more information.
SeparatedDads - 6-Oct-16 @ 12:35 PM
Hi, me and my partner have a little boy together he is 2 years old in 1 week. She used to live in the same town as me but met another man and moved to a town about 1 hour away, and refused to let me have him on the same weekend I have my other child. And made my life very difficult, I feel her partner had a lot of involvement in when I got to see him, she involved the courts and wouldn't liaise with my offer of when I had him, she then has gone back to her own country. And didn't tell me, she has been there 19 weeks now. I don't know what to do, she claims she is over there for treatment for her bad depression, but doesn't know when she is coming back. But it has now been discovered she is planning to stay over there for good, I will be having my son for 2 months in December whilst she stays over there, but due to it coming to light that she wont be coming back to live in the UK, I will be risking not seeing my son regularly if I hand him back to her after the 2 months. What can I do about this? I love him and just want him with me. She isn't being fair, she has no home no job suffering with depression- I feel she is not in a fit state. Please advise me with this?
jj - 5-Oct-16 @ 4:55 PM
Hi, I need help regarding my situation. I am American citizen supposedly visiting my ex partner here in U.K. With our 2 year old. He wanted us to try if we can work and I agreed on that cos it's good for our son as well. After just a day of arriving here my ex started abusing me emotionally and saying I need to leave and I can't take my son with me cos he is British and my son is British I tried to be good to him even though he is hardly home and hardly see his son cos he said he is so busy at work and he just comes home to eat and sleep. He continued doing those things like coming home late and telling me that I need to leave and need to start my career and he can't have me staying in the house doing nothing and be miserable cos he isn't home. 2 weeks later he took my sons passport and told me to leave that day. I left without my son and stayed in hotel nearby, later that day I went back to get the rest of my stuff and he was rude to me I ask him if I could see my son and he said I can't and close the door on me and he opened it again ang I grabbed him and beg to see my son and he pushed me away until I fell on the boulder outside his house I got scratches and bruises on me reported it to police but they didn't help me cos they said I was in his property and told me I can't go back there and can't see my son not until I get a lawyer. I was the one who actually brought him up and his dad only supported him cos he doesn't want me to apply for child support and he didn't even take any steps to see his son. Now I can't see my son and since I'm not from U.K. And not a citizen here police are saying I don't have the right to see him? Help me I don't want to lose my son
Star - 1-Oct-16 @ 11:52 PM
I have 2 children. One will be 4 years old in octoberand another 13 months. Since my daughter birth 13 months ago, my ex went for recovery for 2 weeks to her parents, she never returned back ever since due to in laws interference. Reason given was my house condition. Even they were aware of my financial situation. I tried numerous time to resolve the situation by using family and social member to bring family together for 8 months but my ex partner family never let it happen. I tried my up most at least I could see my children but my ex and her family never let me see my children. My ex has history of health condition such as high blood pressure, heavy migraine, kidney diseases as only one kidney is functioning due to that she has to be on high dose of anti biotic and other related medicine. I have been in court for a child arrangement order since May and got interim order from the court to see my children every weekend during this she breached the court order twice but court refused to act against her. Reason for breached .1 my daughter was sleeping 2. My daughter is not well. There was final hearing couple of weeks ago but the court could not decide anything due to my ex refused to give my children over night stay and 50% share in holiday and travelling. So the court has referred this matter to the judge and order to prepare the guardian report from cafcass. The court continued the previous interim order every weekend for 7 hours but last weekend again my ex did not make my children available, the reason given was it is her weekend which is not mentioned in the court order. My ex also suffers from depression which she informed me few months back when she received the first court summons. she doesn't take doctors advice and prescribed medicine but I believe she buys back hand medicine to avoid doctor record which could go against her. Prior to final hearing we had another hearing for cafcass section 7 report, during the hearing she also mentioned about her anxiety issue too. I believe she has serious mental health issue on top of her health condition as mentioned above. But she avoids going to the doctor. I have great concern about my ex health condition which seems to me deteriorating which will directly affect my children. As I have very limited information how she treats my childrenin side the four wall and I only see them once a week. I dont know what to do as my children future are at risk and court seems to care and support women instead of children. Would any one guide me what to do in this circumtances, will there be a way to secure my children custody to me to secure my children future? Any advice will be appreciated.
True Father - 28-Sep-16 @ 2:02 PM
I have 2 children. One will be 4 years old in octoberand another 13 months. Since my daughter birth 13 months ago, my ex went for recovery for 2 weeks to her parents, she never returned back ever since due to in laws interference. Reason given was my house condition. Even they were aware of my financial situation. I tried numerous time to resolve the situation by using family and social member to bring family together for 8 months but my ex partner family never let it happen. I tried my up most at least I could see my children but my ex and her family never let me see my children. My ex has history of health condition such as high blood pressure, heavy migraine, kidney diseases as only one kidney is functioning due to that she has to be on high dose of anti biotic and other related medicine. I have been in court for a child arrangement order since May and got interim order from the court to see my children every weekend during this she breached the court order twice but court refused to act against her. Reason for breached .1 my daughter was sleeping 2. My daughter is not well. There was final hearing couple of weeks ago but the court could not decide anything due to my ex refused to give my children over night stay and 50% share in holiday and travelling. So the court has referred this matter to the judge and order to prepare the guardian report from cafcass. The court continued the previous interim order every weekend for 7 hours but last weekend again my ex did not make my children available, the reason given was it is her weekend which is not mentioned in the court order. My ex also suffers from depression which she informed me few months back when she received the first court summons. she doesn't take doctors advice and prescribed medicine but I believe she buys back hand medicine to avoid doctor record which could go against her. Prior to final hearing we had another hearing for cafcass section 7 report, during the hearing she also mentioned about her anxiety issue too. I believe she has serious mental health issue on top of her health condition as mentioned above. But she avoids going to the doctor. I have great concern about my ex health condition which seems to me deteriorating which will directly affect my children. As I have very limited information how she treats my childrenin side the four wall and I only see them once a week. I dont know what to do as my children future are at risk and court seems to care and support women instead of children. Would any one guide me what to do in this circumtances, will there be a way to secure my children custody to me to secure my children future? Any advice will be appreciated.
True Father - 28-Sep-16 @ 1:20 PM
Isaacsdad - Your Question:
Hello,I am a single dad that really wants to get parental responsibility taken away from my ex, and for my 3 yr old son to come and live with me.My ex is an alcoholic and drinks every day, and even as I write this, she is stumbling about in the kitchen after just coming home from the pub.She lives in a nice house that is paid for by benefits, she also gets maintenence money from me every month without fail! Meanwhile I work part time as a school caretaker, and am technically homeless. I am in debt up to my eyeballs and have to use a food bank as I cant afford to eat.I see my son twice a day, between shifts and again after work.My son is a very bright and happy boy, but I feel he would have a much better upbringing in my care. His mother is constantly swearing and it really upsets me to hear him copying her disgusting language. My ex's mother and 2 sisters are extremely helpful, and love him very much. They take him out on trips, provide dinners and drinks, and treat him like a little prince, while his mum uses her free time to either go out drinking with her other alcoholic friends or she will drink at home.I have recently gone back to work after taking many months off, battling with depression.Please can you help me?

Our Response:
We have answered this question further down the page. There is no change to our previous advice.
SeparatedDads - 23-Sep-16 @ 2:17 PM
Princess1 - Your Question:
I left my Husband a few months back, we have a 22 month old. I left due to all the arguing and fights I don't want my daughter to be bought up in that. So made the decision to leave with my daughter. Since then he's missed 2 cma payments and also trying to file for full residence saying I drink to excess.!! Which is not true. I work full time and daughter goes to nursery and loves it, she is very advanced for her age, happy and healthy. He has not really had any input in her life as to me he's not that interested. Since we spilt up he never asked how she was or for any contact. I had a non molestation order put on him, but even before that there was no asking for contact or how she was. Even now he hasn't even bothered to contact any of my family to see how she is. Nothing.! I have filed for full residence aswell. Is there a chance he will get it??I feel he is doing it because I left him and he knows that's the one thing that will hurt me.

Our Response:
It is highly unlikely the courts would hand your child over to the other parent unless considered absolutely necessary. The court will always rule for what is in your child's best interests and stability and consistency are of upmost importance.
SeparatedDads - 23-Sep-16 @ 11:20 AM
Hello, I am a single dad thatreally wants to get parental responsibility taken away from my ex, and for my 3 yr old son to come and live with me. My ex is an alcoholic and drinks every day, and even as i write this, she is stumbling about in the kitchen after just coming home from the pub. She lives in a nice house that is paid for by benefits, she also gets maintenence money from me every month without fail! Meanwhile I work part time as a school caretaker, and am technically homeless. I am in debt up to my eyeballs and have to use a food bank as i cant afford to eat. I see my son twice a day, between shifts and again after work. My son is a very bright and happy boy, but i feel he would have a much better upbringing in my care. His mother is constantly swearing and it really upsets me to hear him copying her disgusting language. My ex's mother and 2 sisters are extremely helpful, and love him very much. They take him out on trips, provide dinners and drinks, and treat him like a little prince, while his mum uses her free time to either go out drinking with her other alcoholic friends or she will drink at home. I have recently gone back to work after taking many months off, battling with depression. Please can you help me?
Isaacsdad - 23-Sep-16 @ 9:55 AM
I left my Husband a few months back, we have a 22 month old. I left due to all the arguing and fights i don't want my daughter to be bought up in that. So made the decision to leave with my daughter. Since then he's missed 2 cma payments and also trying to file for full residence saying I drink to excess.!! Which is not true. I work full time and daughter goes to nursery and loves it, she is very advanced for her age, happy and healthy. He has not really had any input in her life as to me he's not that interested. Since we spilt up he never asked how she was or for any contact. I had a non molestation order put on him, but even before that there was no asking for contact or how she was. Even now he hasn't even bothered to contact any of my family to see how she is... Nothing.! I have filed for full residence aswell. Is there a chance he will get it?? I feel he is doing it because I left him and he knows that's the one thing that will hurt me.
Princess1 - 22-Sep-16 @ 11:09 AM
I separated from my daughters dad 3 years ago the reason why we separated was because of continuous domestic violence towards me which still continued Even after we had our daughter. I have called the police on him many times before last case being January 2015 which went to court but I closed the case because I was mentally not ready to face court for charge against him attacking me. Now there is many police records of this abuse. He is now telling me he will apply for joint custody of our daughter baring in mind he barely provides any Maintenace for our daughter since we split. He's visits are not regular and he blames me saying I am bitter and stop his visitation. I stop them because he will not compromise on collection of our daughter and I feel like I constantly have to go out of my way to make it easy for him. He has he's own address which is not suitable for my child to stay at. So does visit at his mums house. He is now agreeing to a fixed visitation schedule and regular maintenance so kn 6 montb he will apply with this evidence. My question is now how likely is it they will grant him joint custody on this basis. What is it that would be likely to happen.
Unsuremummy - 21-Sep-16 @ 11:44 PM
PP - Your Question:
My partner would one day like to have his children from his previous relationship living with us full time, something I completely agree with him on. the children stay with us every weekend from Friday after school to Sunday night, during school holidays they stay with us from Wednesday afternoon to Sunday night. Mainly so we can spend more time with them and also so we cant be blasted by the mother for not helping. The mother survives on benefits and cash in hand jobs along with the maintenance we pay her. She has never stayed in the same property for more than 18 months constantly falling out with landlords and getting debts to that address. This was part of the reason for their relationship ending. The kids have stayed with us for months before whilst she was homeless and we managed perfectly well. We both work full time in stable jobs, and have a full support network around us of family and friends. The mother currently has partner on his way out of prison for drugs, known to be a heavy drinker and drug user. He will be living with the children on his release. one of the kids has already expressed his desire to live with us although being young we haven't taken it as gospel. We are making plans for him to spend more time with us though. Based on this what are my partners chances of getting custody so the children will live with us in what we consider a safer more stable environment?

Our Response:
This is a very tricky question to answer as it is dependent upon many factors. First of all, you don't say how old the children are as if they are teenagers, they would have more of a say if the matter went to court (I imagine it is unlikely the mother would willingly hand the children over to you). However, despite all you say regarding the children's upbringing it is unlikely a court would make a decision to change the residency of the children unless there was a very good reason for doing so and a reason that you can prove. Drinking, drug taking, moving frequently aren't actually reasons unless the children are suffering some sort of abuse as a result i.e neglect, violence etc. While the mother may be far from perfect, it does not mean the children are not loved and cared for. The court will always decides on what it thinks is in the best interests of the children. Therefore, legal advice may be useful here to see whether you have a case.
SeparatedDads - 15-Sep-16 @ 11:05 AM
Isaacsdad - Your Question:
Hello,I am a single dad that really wants to get parental responsibility taken away from my ex, and for my 3 yr old son to come and live with me.My ex is an alcoholic and drinks every day, and even as I write this, she is stumbling about in the kitchen after just coming home from the pub.She lives in a nice house that is paid for by benefits, she also gets maintenence money from me every month without fail! Meanwhile I work part time as a school caretaker, and am technically homeless. I am in debt up to my eyeballs and have to use a food bank as I cant afford to eat.I see my son twice a day, between shifts and again after work.My son is a very bright and happy boy, but I feel he would have a much better upbringing in my care. His mother is constantly swearing and it really upsets me to hear him copying her disgusting language. My ex's mother and 2 sisters are extremely helpful, and love him very much. They take him out on trips, provide dinners and drinks, and treat him like a little prince, while his mum uses her free time to either go out drinking with her other alcoholic friends or she will drink at home.I have recently gone back to work after taking many months off, battling with depression.Please can you help me?

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. However, it is highly unlikely a court would take away parental responsibility from one parent, and/or take away custody for no good reason. In order for this to happen, you would have to prove your ex was seriously neglecting your child. While your ex may be an alcoholic, and not perfect, she may still be a caring and loving parent to your child and provide your son with a close-knit home life in association with her mother and sisters. The definition of neglect is very different to what you may imagine is neglect, please see NSPCC link here. It is also highly unlikely you would get a residence order if you are 'technically homeless' in debt, using a foodbank and can't afford to eat. The court will always decide what it thinks is in the best interests of your child, and living in this environment is also far from ideal. You have a good amount of access to your son, which many fathers don't have, therefore I can only suggest you do all you can to continue and build upon this relationship and work to get your own life back under control. This is by far the best course of action you can try to take which will benefit the relationship of both you and your son. Seeking advice for your depression may also help you be able to look more positively towards the future and in turn closely help and be supportive of your son as much as possible.
SeparatedDads - 14-Sep-16 @ 2:00 PM
My partner would one day like to have his children from his previous relationship living with us full time, something I completely agree with him on. the children stay with us every weekend from Friday after school to Sunday night, during school holidays they stay with us from Wednesday afternoon to Sunday night. Mainly so we can spend more time with them and also so we cant be blasted by the mother for not helping. The mother survives on benefits and cash in hand jobs along with the maintenance we pay her. She has never stayed in the same property for more than 18 months constantly falling out with landlords and getting debts to that address. This was part of the reason for their relationship ending. The kids have stayed with us for months before whilst she was homeless and we managed perfectly well. We both work full time in stable jobs, and have a full support network around us of family and friends. The mother currently has partner on his way out of prison for drugs, known to be a heavy drinker and drug user. He will be living with the children on his release. one of the kids has already expressed his desire to live with us although being young we haven't taken it as gospel. We are making plans for him to spend more time with us though. Based on this what are my partners chances of getting custody so the children will live with us in what we consider a safer more stable environment?
PP - 14-Sep-16 @ 1:32 PM
Dad16 - Your Question:
I'm having thoughts of leaving my partner due to her still being in love with her ex (who she would rather be with instead of myself and has said this but I worry for the safety of our daughter because of the bias of courts). I'm curious onto how I would gain custody of our 8 week old daughter.she is on formula so there is no attachment to breast milk.the mother is mentally unstable and has self harmed on over 20 occasions before, before she became pregnant she was an alcoholic and drug addict. she was in care under a child protection act and was in constant run ins with the police.I couldn't bare to see my daughter being unsafe with her but do not want social services involved again, due to my partners past social services were involved for the first 7 months of the pregnancy.my first question - how would I be able to get the proof of these actions?my second question - how would this fair in court ?

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. Once you leave your family home and your child you will lose a lot of your parenting rights by immediately becoming the non-resident parent. This will make it more difficult for you to gain custody. By becoming the NRP, your access to your child will then depend upon how your now partner approaches the situation, if she grants it, then fine, but if she refuses then you may have a fight to regain even contact to your child. As it stands now you have equal parenting rights to your child, so, you may not wish to make and hasty decisions and stop to think what is in the best interests of your daughter. Before you leave I would certainly suggest taking legal advice in order to explore your options and which will help answer your questions. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads - 14-Sep-16 @ 9:51 AM
Hello, I am a single dad thatreally wants to get parental responsibility taken away from my ex, and for my 3 yr old son to come and live with me. My ex is an alcoholic and drinks every day, and even as i write this, she is stumbling about in the kitchen after just coming home from the pub. She lives in a nice house that is paid for by benefits, she also gets maintenence money from me every month without fail! Meanwhile I work part time as a school caretaker, and am technically homeless. I am in debt up to my eyeballs and have to use a food bank as i cant afford to eat. I see my son twice a day, between shifts and again after work. My son is a very bright and happy boy, but i feel he would have a much better upbringing in my care. His mother is constantly swearing and it really upsets me to hear him copying her disgusting language. My ex's mother and 2 sisters are extremely helpful, and love him very much. They take him out on trips, provide dinners and drinks, and treat him like a little prince, while his mum uses her free time to either go out drinking with her other alcoholic friends or she will drink at home. I have recently gone back to work after taking many months off, battling with depression. Please can you help me?
Isaacsdad - 13-Sep-16 @ 10:26 PM
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