Do I Have to Pay My Wife a Certain Amount?

Author: Chris Nickson

J.M asks

My wife and I have been separated for approximately 1 year. She and our 5-year-old daughter have been living in our house and I have been renting a flat. I have been paying around 50% of my net salary to my wife and am finding it increasingly difficult to keep my overdraft under control.

Due to the rising cost of living, my wife has asked me if I can contribute more money and I cannot. My wife is unable to work due to incapacity/disability and I would be obliged if you could advise me on what legal obligations I have.

It sounds as, if part, you’ve become a victim of the credit crunch. You’ve tried to be very fair to your wife and daughter, but maybe the time has come to hammer out a proper separation agreement and a divorce.

To work out exactly how much you should be contributing towards your daughter's upkeep, you can use our free Child Maintenance Calculator.

You don’t mention any formal separation agreement, so it may well have been done informally. Even in this instance, you should have informed the benefits office, if you or your wife were receiving benefits, as well as HMRC (applicable only if there are tax credits involved), and the local council (for council tax purposes, council tax benefit or housing benefit).

At this point, a formal separation agreement would be useful for you. It lays out what your financial obligations are in terms of child support for your daughter and maintenance for your wife. You’ve been very generous, but obviously you can’t sustain that. If you can work out the details between you beforehand, then it will reduce your solicitor costs when you have it all set out legally.

Child Maintenance Calculator

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However, the two of you might also consider going directly for a divorce if there’s no chance of reconciliation. The more you can agree between you in advance, the smoother the process and the lower the cost of the lawyers (see our article Divorce: Your Action Plan for more information). You will obviously need to provide Child Support Payments, but this will be far less than you’re paying out now.

Will you have to pay maintenance to your wife? There’s a very good chance that you will, but with good negotiation it should be that you’ll end up paying out quite a bit less than the current 50% of your net salary. Your wife is obviously eligible for a disability allowance, and after divorce might well qualify for housing benefit.

The amounts, though, are something yet to be worked out, preferably amicably between the two of you, or possibly between the lawyers or mandated by the court at the time of divorce. How long you might have to pay maintenance depends on the circumstances, although if your wife re-married it would definitely end. There’s also the possibility of negotiation that gives your wife a greater share in your house in return for lower maintenance payments.

If you have a pension through work, you also need to be aware of pension sharing, which will be affected by all this.

Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.

The Next Step

Now that you have read through the advice above, you might want to put it into practice. Our Child Maintenance Calculator lets you find out how much child maintenance you should pay or receive. Takes less than a minute. Try it now →

62 questions

Ask Separated Dads a Question

JT 17/07/2023 at 12:01 pm

I have been married to my wife for 10 years and have a 5 year old boy. She has asked me to move out and says there is no way back - she is not interested in trying counselling or anything else similar. I live in Dubai but want to understand what i need to be pay to her and to look after my son? I dont know if it is best to divorce or just try to agree terms between oursleves as we move on?

Jay 29/09/2020 at 8:20 pm

Myself and my wife have been married for 23yrs, we have had our ups and downs and we are at the point where I feel she is controlling and I can never do anything right, I admit I shout and scream because she makes me feel worthless, we have now realised that the marriage is over.
I have always paid the mortgage and the bills and my wife contributes by way of £350 each month for food. I have an 18yr old son and a 11yr old daughter, my wife thinks I should carry on paying all the bills and she still contributes £350, buy the way I give over £1,800 every month sometimes more sometimes less but I refuse to pay for everything still because I feel that why should I pay for my wife who doesn’t love me anymore the same amount. We started a family years back and she went part time at work to bring up our children while I was working full time to provide for my family. I refuse to give over all of my money to a person who doesn’t love me anymore, and said we need to go 50/50 on the bills. Because our children are older she can go back to work full time or get another full time job but she refuses to do that because she says I’m responsible for all of the mortgage and the bills. I’ve worked hard for what I’ve got and will not walk away from it. Please help with where I stand.

Gazza 03/02/2020 at 2:44 pm

I am really unhappy in my marriage ans I am looking to separate , we have 2 children (20 working, and 18 due to go to Uni this year), she she works full time and due to my higher salary we recently stopped child benefit.

we have a bout 3 years left on a small mortgage and her father lent us money for building work that I pay into

i pay £1200 into a joint account to cover all bills, food , mortgage and any money we pay to her dad. I have no idea how much there is still to pay, she deals with that directly with her dad.

If i was to leave and tell her I want the house to be hers for the family do i have to pay her anything else.

DJM1983 22/05/2019 at 10:55 am

I have parental responsibility of my 9 year old child, for many years I was in and out of court seeking court orders for access to my child, this was all resolved a few years back and my ex wife calmed down, I have taken my child on several holidays abroad since with her permission, and signed permission letter. things have been calm for around a year now but i'm always on eggs shells that I may say the wrong thing and things will go back to how they were. I have a big holiday abroad coming up in August which has been planned for over a year with my child, I asked permission first which she gave. I have noticed her old behaviours of jealousy and causing issues have started to creep back as the holiday is fast approaching. My main worry is that she will cancel my childs passport without me knowing is she able to do this. I paid and applied for the passport and currently have possession of it ?

Crabbie 23/01/2019 at 7:33 pm

Hi, My wife and I separated and were divorced on 2014. I have you t parental responsibility and the children live with me every Wednesday after school. Every other weekend and half the holidays.... it's great.
My x however refuses to coparent with me in any way whatsoever. She will not receive phone email or any communication from me. This makes routine matters impossible.

My current are 12 and 9 just and they are forced to make arrangements for themselves which is wro bg in my opinion and damaging.

It's not separation that damages children's continued parental conflict.

Is there any way I can enforce dialogue through the courts?

It's that bad that she even fails to give my details to my sobs secondary school during enrolment.

Any ideas ?

Carlos 23/01/2019 at 6:18 pm

I’m just about to go through a divorce after 14 years married my wife has got a solicitor and says she wants 5000 pound my car as settlement we have no children and we rent a council house I have taken all my belongings from the house that she now lives in and she still wants me to pay rent and bills do I have to pay her anything as I’m going to pay for the divorce

Fahd 18/01/2019 at 10:32 am

Hi, i have been married for 3 year a since Jan 2018 the marriage broken down and my ex wife left that time the house. she has not been living with me since Jan2018. we have 1 daughter of 6 years old.
My ex wife works part time to look after my daughter and so on... in the process of the divorce should i pay my ex wife anything? as her maintenance? by law should i be giving her anything?

many thanks

Anthony 03/09/2018 at 4:26 pm

Hi I have been separated for 6 years from my wife and am now expecting a child. My ex has found out and is sending outstsnadibg debts my way to deal with. I already still pay the mortgage on the house she lives in. Is she entitled to send me these bills and do I actually have to pay them?

SeparatedDads Editor 06/07/2018 at 3:39 pm

If you wish to maintain the mortgage on your house and stop it falling into repossession, then you are legally bound to continue to pay your mortgage lender. With regards to child maintenance payments, you can either have a family-based arrangement where you agree between you both. There are no set rules here and the calculator is a benchmark figure, if needed. If you are in a family-based child maintenance arrangement, then your ex cannot claim back pay for child maintenance. The only way she can claim back pay is if she has previously registered with CMS and you have not paid.

Cal1 05/07/2018 at 11:05 pm

Hi
I left my wife 18 months ago after having an affair and being caught, the marriage had broken down due to her trying to take her own life several times and attacking me both verbally and physically.
I am still with the woman in question, I have a mortgage with my wife, and her and my youngest son live in it along with 2 of my grown up children, my wife is a constant liar .. And I can't trust anything she says, she lost me my job and I am now working for my new girlfriend as she has her own business, I earn £150 per week and am currently paying £215 towards the mortgage And child maintainence, my girlfriend pays everything in our house, my wife is saying that she will go for half my new partners business which of course she isn't entitled to, she is also saying she will try to get payments back dated for child maintainence.. but I have Been paying more than the recommended maintainence already, I'm confused... what should I be paying.. Is it just the child maintainence calculater payments or more? According to the childmaintainence calculator i should be paying only £22 per week ...

SeparatedDads Editor 04/06/2018 at 12:35 pm

Your husband is under no obligation to provide a place to live for you and your daughter. However, you can claim child maintenance from him towards the day-to-day care of your child

Kellie 03/06/2018 at 11:10 pm

My husband and I have been married for 12years and just now have 3 month old baby girl.We all live at my Father's house and I had to make him leave bcuz of his drug use and he has made our baby go without for and diapers at times. My dad always gets it when my husband doesn't.Also he makes good money at his job,but has a gambling problem. I want a divorce.Does he have to pay for me and our daughter for a place to live. He's been the soul provider for 15years.

John 26/05/2018 at 8:28 pm

Hi. I married in 2014 abroad and my wife came over the following on a spouse visa. I am British and lived in the UK all my life. We have a toddler who is less than 2 years old. My w8fe now says she wants a divorce because I don't show her enough attention. I am low earner who earns just 22k per annum but have q house I bought a le of years ago with q mortgage and am just meeting my needs at the moment. If we had a divorce would she get half the house? I can't afford to support myself as well as her and my kid since I am just managing at the moment while all 3 of us live together in the same house.

SeparatedDads Editor 10/11/2017 at 3:02 pm

Unless the money is taxable through HMRC, then it is not considered as 'income/earnings'. I'm afraid CMS can only calculate child maintenance based upon taxable earnings of the non-resident parent.

Hodges 10/11/2017 at 12:57 pm

Sorry I need to amend this my ex isn’t working and doesn’t have any benefits coming in, child maintenance won’t consider any payments due to him living off the £82,000

Stuart 30/10/2017 at 9:11 am

Hi , am a father to a one year old son the mother never put me on the birth certificate even tho I was at the birth and stayed together when the child was born , she left in January 2017 without telling me , av had access up intill August and now av missed his 1st birthday and the mother has blocked me and my family from contact , av sent lawyers letter for access without a reply now I have a child maintenance letter asking for money , I phoned them and contested and asked for a DNA now she’s deciding what to do. What’s next ?

SeparatedDads Editor 18/09/2017 at 3:57 pm

Are you talking about child maintenance or spousal maintenance? If so, you can see more here which will advise further.

Gab 17/09/2017 at 8:13 pm

My husband of 46years left for a younger woman I am on disability doese he need to pay maintenance

Kellich 27/07/2017 at 8:20 am

Well I'm not divorced yet there's been talk of it we did separate a boats 4 years ago we've been married since 2010 together I mean she did cheat on me back in 2013 and we did separate due to that she also left the province to gather her thoughts you slept with 5 different guys in a matter of six months started relationship with one for about 3 weeks cheated on him and now we kind of worked it out got back together and nothing's really been the same we moved to another small town and things started getting good and she ended up starting meet new friends saying that she doesn't have a life saying that I don't love her I'm not sure what to do we have for kids she deleted me from Facebook she's deleted some of my family members from Facebook all the red flags are there I just don't know where I stand and what I should do from here I'd like to get somebody to talk to you so I can not mess my life up anymore just really don't know what to do

SeparatedDads Editor 14/07/2017 at 12:34 pm

Possibly the best way to arrange child maintenance is to use the CMS calculator via whichThis gives you a good benchmark. As the non-resident father, child maintenance is based upon the amount of nights you have your child staying over. I hope this helps.

Will 13/07/2017 at 9:04 pm

Hi, I've been split from my wife for over two years. We have a 5 year old daughter, who spends the same number of nights with me as her mother. I'm still currently paying half the mortgage and contributing to clothes and child care each month. My ex is trying to sell the house and then both of them move in with her boyfriend. Access will not change, but she wants to arrange child maintenance before they move in, why would she need to do this first? I'm not trying to get out of any payments, but if we both have her the same amount of nights, but my ex thinks that because she has her extra hours after school two days a week, I should pay more.

R 08/06/2017 at 12:22 am

I separate from one year ago she have boyfriend I have two kids i paying my80% income gas,electricity bill,rent shopping etc I have no much wages
But should I do

Bridge 28/04/2017 at 2:06 pm

Hello there. I'm going through a very messy divorce at the minute. My wife asked for a divorce back in 2010 and still managed to live in the same house with me for 6 years. I Still paid for things like her caravan, eyes lasered, cars and such even when I did not need to.

When we went to mediation in 2010 she said and wrote down that she would not go for spousal maintenance and any pensions from before we were even together, she has now claimed she wants to go for these.

She is now saying I need to pay for her bills and if I do not cooperate she will take me to court and I will need to foot the expenses of that too. Is this right?! I pay her £800 a month already for child maintenance. She's asking for a further £400 a month for herself and now she's expecting me to pay her bills. Her son is 15 and she is claiming to the solicitors she cannot work because of him.

Can I have adivce on how the courts will see this? Am I right in thinking I do not need to pay her bills for her?

Thank you in advance

SeparatedDads Editor 04/04/2017 at 10:23 am

You don't say how the letter was signed (whether you agreed between you or whether is was through a solicitor etc). Yes you have a right to challenge this if there has been a variation in circumstances and/or you can prove you have spent money on refurbishments etc as this will be taken into consideration if the matter goes to financial arbitration or court. However, you would need to seek legal advice on this as it is also unlikely a court would force your ex to sell the property due to the fact you have a two-year-old child (a court will always consider the child's best interests first and keeping a roof over her head is of paramount importance). Please note, you will not be judged on having an affair (should the matter go to court), this is a non-contributory issue.

brokenman 03/04/2017 at 11:55 am

hi
I have recently split form my wife due to my affair, we should have split. I have admitted to my misgivings. I still live at home as my wife..ex..and 2 yar old daughter...is studying finance for the rest of the year and will be on a salary of 40 to 80 k after next year whn she returns to work. I have singed a letter a long time ago saying I have no interest in the house( obviously I didn't see an affair coming) there is a back story with her but we will keep it simple for now. I recently sold my flat and paid 80k in to paying of ours loans and house improvement. I am currently paying for everything like bills and mortgage even though it is her name and I will not be getting anything form it when I do move out.
questions.
>am I entitled to anything. I know I signed something but still......to put 80 k in to it and get nothing when we split as she wants to keep house.
>do I have to pay for all this still. I want to support her to qualify and be financially secure for her and my daughter but .........im loosing patience with her and it all
>she will get legal advise soon so what am I expecting her to say. She has already told me I HAVE to pay for it all.....but really?

HELP

Tez 28/02/2017 at 11:14 pm

Hi I'm seperated from my wife because I. Having an affair .. I own my own business which my wife helps out in by answering the phone ... do I have to pay her maintenance and wages while we're seperated .
Also my wife was paying phone bill for my business and I borrowed money off her .do I have to pay her back

sunil 22/02/2017 at 6:56 am

Sir, by reading the above discussion while separating, husband has to pay some percent of salary amount regularly or every month as per the law. My point is why can't this percentage of salary could not be considered tax free without being divorced?
generally, a salaried person has to pay double-triple taxes for the amount earned by him.
consider my salary is Rs. 100/- after (TDS by the employer @ 30.90%) the net salary in hand will be 100-30.90=69.10. When the same net amount goes for purchasing any thing he has to pay VAT, and other taxes. The ultimate net salary comes to Rs. 50/- only. Please suggest Is there any law exist for this?

sunil

Becane16 07/01/2017 at 5:24 pm

Hello

My wife and I have been separated for over a year but living under same roof. She has taken my daughter (7yrs old) away, she now lives at her grandparent's place, I have very little contact - once in 4-6 weeks. I give her 10% of my income as I have huge debt from a collapsed business. I am paying all the debts.

She is not paying her half share of the bills and at time her 50% share of the mortgage. She earns more money than me but everytime she says she has spend extra on my daughter and I have not contributed therefore she is cutting her bills/mortgage contributions. She is also refusing to pay an her half of an unsecured loan (under my name) which we took out to buy the share property together. Money paid towards deposit. What can I do to make her pay her half?

SeparatedDads Editor 11/11/2016 at 12:13 pm

You may wish to seek legal advice, as dependent upon your circumstances and whether you have children, it may not figure in the settlement.

DT 10/11/2016 at 3:07 pm

My wife and I have separated after 9 years of marriage, I'm still paying the mortgage 10 months on, I also moved out 10 months ago. Will this factor into the settlement should it go to court?

Thanks

SeparatedDads Editor 10/11/2016 at 11:07 am

You will be required to pay child maintenance to your children by law, if you are earning which means you are under an obligation to continue to support your children until they leave full-time education. You have no obligations to financially support your wife once you separate. Whatever you pay above and beyond child maintenance will be discretionary, meaning if your wish to continue to support your wife with rent and bills etc, it is up to you. Please see CMS Options calculator to see how much you will be required to pay, if your ex makes a claim here. Once you and your wife separate, you can either come to a family-based child maintenance arrangement based upon what you both agree you should pay. Alternatively, your wife can approach the CMS. I hope this helps.

NW 09/11/2016 at 2:52 pm

My wife and I look set to separate as we are not getting on, we have 2 children (ages 5 and 7), she doesn't work but said she will look for a part time work
She is in contact with the local council to see if they will help with the rent we currently pay, she keeps saying that is my responsibility to pay the rent and provide a roof over thire heads (of course would not want to see them homeless) os the correct?

Bill. 03/11/2016 at 1:34 pm

My wife and I are freshly divorced, no solicitor was involved, now I recently cashed in an insurance, & my ex wife got half in a cheque, I needed her to sign a form.
Am I entitled to have it back?

Paul 20/08/2016 at 7:50 am

I am leaving my wife and 9 year old son, House is on both name. I am planning to get saperated after 11 years of bullying relationship. There is still £34,000 left on morgage.

I am 45 years old while my wife is 47 years old

Wife parents paid around £20,000 as deposit for the house and wife paid around 1 year mortgage installments befire we got married. I am paying all bills, Council tax and morgage for last 11 years.

I earn £47.000pa and also pay around £6,000 as travel cost to london where l work

My wife left her part time job and doesn't want to work anymore

All bills and council rax on joint names

My questions are

1. Do l still have to pay council tax as l will not be leaving in the house but house is still on my name

2. Do l have to pay all other bills, electric, gas, water, internet etc

3. How much money l have to pay for my son per month

4. How much l have to pay to my wife per month.

5. Can govt force my wife to work as she just doesn't want to work and also not have enough pension years contribution

6. Will my travel cost to work be considered when deciding child or spouse maintaince pay out.

Many Thanks

Regards

Paul

John 05/08/2016 at 11:41 pm

After finding out that my wife was having an affair, I have recently agreed to a divorce. We have two children. I make $3550 (after tax) a month. My wife makes about an average of $500 per week, but she is a server at a restaurant and only claims bare minimum of her cash tips. Will this hurt me in the long run? We have agreed to both have 50/50 custody of the children with me moving out. If I sign a lease at another home, will that cost be taken into consideration if she takes me to court for more money in the future?

dee 11/06/2016 at 11:22 pm

I have been separated from my wife for almost 2 yrs I pay her to make up her rent and pay her gas and electricity I've given her additional money over this period but I am struggling myself I can't afford to divorce her do I have to give her money and if so why I've supported her for almost ,30yrs why should I still have to give her money . Does a divorce come into effect softer 5yrs and she will get half my pension that I've worked and paied into not her getting annoyed about shuck have to give her my money I give it her for 30yrs so why still have to give it to her ??

Rich 28/03/2016 at 1:34 pm

Recently divorced. Have 2 children with ex wife. 9 year old daughter lives with mom and 16 year old daughter lives with me. Ex wife doesn't work, claims benefits, I work full time. I applied for tax credits but not received any yet. I have 9 year old 2 sleeps a week and more in holidays. I am giving ex wife £100 p/m for 9 year old. Dont receive anything for 16 year old off her. Should I be giving her money still?

SeparatedDads Editor 02/02/2016 at 11:11 am

You don't say who has issued this 'settlement'. If you are going on suggestions from her solicitor, then obviously your ex's solicitor will be acting in her favour. If the award has been issued through the courts, then we cannot comment on any court decision, as the decision will have been made on the information gathered and collated. Therefore, I'm afraid it makes it difficult to comment on your question.

jd220215 01/02/2016 at 5:26 pm

If my wife and i of 2 years have separated and we have no children and i paid all the mortgage on my house that i owned before we met that we lived in (she has her own flat) due to the fact that she was setting up a business. Why do i have to pay her a settlement as she will be better off than me in the future and she paid nothing to the mortgage while she lived in the house, this seems completely unfair as we are on approximately the same salary (30K)
We separated as we stopped having intimate relations and there was no other party involved and it was brought up by her that we should split and i agreed with her, better for both of us in the long term.
Many Thanks for your response in advance

SeparatedDads Editor 25/01/2016 at 10:06 am

If she is your ex wife and you are not living together as man and wife, then your wife should in fairness contribute to the finances. However, this is something you would need to agree between you, as with any person you are sharing accommodation with.

D 24/01/2016 at 2:30 am

My ex wife lives with me and she doesnt thank she has to pay rent. I believe she does she makes 1000 a month and i have been paying her rent. Im tired of it and want to stop paying for her rent.

Matt Editor 21/01/2016 at 11:06 am

@itsveryover - I would expect your solicitor to have objected to putting you under this financial strain. You are not legally bound to pay for your ex's rent or utility bills (unless the money is coming from a joint or marital account). You are only legally bound to pay child support. I should seek some legal advice asap.

itsveryover 20/01/2016 at 6:15 pm

My wife moved out of our rented house with our children after she started divorce proceedings against me and I had to pay 6 months rent upfront for her to be able to get a flat temporarily while we agreed the settlement. I also moved out and got a cheaper flat instead. She then refused a very good offer for a settlement, which would have allowed her to buy a suitable property for her and the children. As my income is considerably lower than she thought it was, she is not happy that I could not afford to pay her any spousal maintenance on top of child maintenance. She could work as she was before (earning more than me!), but has not worked at all for 7 months and I am having to pay for all her utilities and council tax as well as my own and a generous weekly amount on top. We had an FDA hearing a couple of months ago and her solicitors asked me so many trivial questions about my income and expenses it took me a month to answer them all. We are heading towards a FDH hearing soon, as her solicitors have not made a counter offer yet. Her solicitors have now demanded that I find and pay for another 6 months rent in advance, as apparently the landlords will evict her if I don't. I have already borrowed to the limit of my overdraft, credit cards, family etc. and I don't know what I am expected to do now. What do you advise I do?

SeparatedDads Editor 26/11/2015 at 10:45 am

I'm afraid as we are a UK-based website, we can't advise on US-based law. You would have to speak with your lawyer. However, if your circumstances have changed and you can no longer pay, then you may be able to have this re-assessed through the courts.

mavrickman 25/11/2015 at 3:25 pm

I been separted for 8 yrs she took me to court 5yrs ago and the judge order to pay $500.00 a month I ask my lawyer how long I have pay her this for life.this true

badal 05/11/2015 at 9:37 am

I am a Private employee,

My wife filed case under DVC, and she send mail request for my salary details under right of information ACT, private company need to provide employee details?

please let me know

SeparatedDads Editor 04/11/2015 at 12:36 pm

If the court decided your partner did not have to pay maintenance, then your partner can legally continue to say no to his ex's demands. However, his ex may be able to take this back to court and apply to have the order changed (this also depends on if there was a time limit on the order). It does not mean the court will rule in her favour, but if your partner's circumstances have changed i.e he is earning more, then the court may take this into account.

pumpkin 03/11/2015 at 1:32 pm

partner's ex of over 7 years ago has now started asking for money for the two children (even demanding more than what she actually paid for stuff). They divorced years ago and the court decided she got the house (900k) and he got almost nothing - luckily the court decided - as she got a lot of equity - that he did not have to pay maintenance (this all happened after a terrible bereavement on his behalf which she wasn't prepared to help with, gathering information on him, telling lies etc - just to take him to the cleaners). His way of thinking is that she should sell the house and get something smaller if she is struggling (which he is doing - paying rent etc). He's not allowed to talk to her (took an injunction on him - again lies) which personally I think is a blessing (though not for the kids who do not know what is going on and want them to talk - believe me, he has tried). So can she just suddenly ask for money is my question.

Kate Editor 21/09/2015 at 2:26 pm

For Housing Benefit and Council Tax Support if you have capital of up to £10,000 it is ignored. The upper capital limit is £16,000 and if you have more than this, you will not be entitled to any Housing Benefit or Council Tax Support, unless you qualify for Pension Credit Guarantee Credit. There are no capital (savings) limits with respect to non means-tested benefits. But, I'd speak with your Citizens Advice Bureau just to make sure.

Mcgraw1963 20/09/2015 at 7:44 pm

I've been married 30 yrs and have now split and going for divorce. I'm on incopacity,houseing bennifits and low price council tax. My husband want to give me a 75,000cash settlement. If I recieve this cas will my benifits be cut?

SeparatedDads Editor 24/08/2015 at 12:28 pm

Are you paying through an agency such as the CSA or CMS, or is this a family-based arrangement? If it is a family-based one then it really is an arrangement between you and her, therefore you would need to broach this directly with her. Child support is fundamentally for the day-to-day upkeep and welfare of your child, not your ex wife. I certainly do not think you should be paying her credit card debts, unless you feel that you want to. Other payments such as mortgage ones come from a practical sense, for instance if the house is in joint names it is in your best interests to help out in order that you do not fall behind with the mortgage payments. However, it certainly seems that in this family-based arrangement you are paying above and beyond what the CMS/CSA would expect from you, unless of course your earnings reflected this amount.

Richard 21/08/2015 at 1:06 pm

Hi, I'm separated from my wife due to my adultery (to be honest, we should have split years ago, the affair was a symptom not the problem). I'm living on my own in a rented flat. We have two boys, 12 and 14. I'm currently paying my wife £400 per week which covers my two sons and includes 50% of:
car fuel,
car insurance,
car tax,
insurances for dishwasher, washing machine, central heating breakdown etc,
Council tax,
Building/contents insurance,
Gas,
Credit cards (all in her name),
Electric,
Sewerage,
TV licence,
her mobile,
Life Insurance,
Other Ins. , boiler,d/washer etc) ,
House keeping (food etc),
Sky television/broadband/telephone,
RAC,
Private dental insurance
bank account fee.
According to the CSA website I should be paying around £100 per week toward my sons upkeep (I'm self employed so my earnings fluctuate). Whilst I agree that I should assist toward paying for the running of the house and the mortgage, I feel that some of the things I am paying toward are quite frankly, taking the micky! Also, she refuses to hand over credit card details so that I can ensure that I'm not paying toward an ever increasing debt (£31,000 when we split, all on her name, I have no cards and never have had). Can you offer your advise/opinion?

SeparatedDads Editor 11/08/2015 at 2:49 pm

Once you are legally separated you do not have to support her. You only have to help support your dependent children, if you have any. Once the divorce is finalised, and you are financially separated, then you will be considered a single person with no commitment to her at all.

Pego 09/08/2015 at 4:48 pm

Wife & I are legally married but living apart! She cheated (adultery,infidelity), I gave her a choice to stay with me & work things out in counseling & stay married! She chose to move out. I pay for everything she has now & her medical bills too! Do I have to support her while we go thru divorce & after we get divorce??

bb 26/07/2015 at 10:13 am

Been divorced over 3 years. Ex husband wants to claim support from me. We have no kids no possession in common.Am I obliged?

Mitch Editor 14/07/2015 at 11:32 am

@gryt1973 - you don't have to contribute if you are not on the tenancy agreement any longer. The only reason why you might have to is if you were tied in and you certainly don't need to pay for the internet or phone, she should take that over if she is living there. Your ex sounds like she's on a good deal!

gryt1973 11/07/2015 at 10:36 am

Me and my wife are separated we have 2 boys 12 and 10 I give her £200 a week ,for them. We lived in a rented property she is still there with the kids and her new bloke , should I have to pay any rent, as I am still paying half on top of the £200 aweek I pay for the kids as well as the internet and home phone.

SeparatedDads Editor 05/06/2015 at 10:48 am

@mrnosey - it depends whether your ex wife requests maintenance, if so, then dependent upon your circumstances you will be expected to contribute. As suggested in the article, this could either come about as either part of the divorce settlement, if requested, or your ex may approach Child Maintenance Services, or it could be done organised as a family-based arrangement between yourselves post-divorce. Your ex will not have a claim on any car you buy after separation, if you use your own money and it is money that is not part of your joint estate. I hope this helps.

mrnosey 04/06/2015 at 11:58 pm

I have no contact with my ex, and we are going through a self divorce right now. The thing is I cant do a financial order as there is NO contact whatsoever. My question is ... I am a carer for the community and do not earn a lot and am living back at home. Would I have to pay maintenance to my soon to be ex wife?
Also I need to purchase a second hand car soon as mine is old, would she be able to claim against that if I purchase it after the decree absolute. ?
many thanks

Robby 13/04/2015 at 5:35 pm

Can you advise me on the following please. I have been separated for 2 years by this August 2015. I left leaving my wife and now 16 year old son at our joint owned home to which I pay the mortgage for. The question is do my payments of the mortgage count as part of what support I pay as 10% of your income or is it seperate?
Thanks in advance

SeparatedDads Editor 04/11/2014 at 9:52 am

@Ronnie - this is difficult to calculate I'm afraid, as we are a UK-based site and not a US one.

Ronnie 03/11/2014 at 1:11 pm

I have just separated from my wife of 20 years. we own a home with approximately $130,000 equity in it. My salary is $150,000 and my wife's is $85,000. We have outgoings of $4000 per month of which I pay $3000 at the moment and 1 child of 13 and 1 of 19. I have moved into a flat which costs $1600 per month. I was wondering if you could estimate how much I will have to pay her per week. Thanks

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