Separation is brutal. There is no getting around it. And for men, it often hits in ways that are hard to talk about. You lose daily contact with your kids. You might lose your home. Your social life, which was probably built around being part of a couple, falls apart overnight. Your identity as a husband and a full-time father, the things you built your adult life around, suddenly do not exist any more.
If you're feeling overwhelmed and unsure what you're entitled to as a separated dad, start by understanding your legal position with our free Rights Checker.
The statistics are grim. Men are significantly more likely than women to develop depression after a relationship breakdown, and separated fathers are in one of the highest risk groups for suicide in the UK. That is not said to frighten you. It is said because if you are struggling, you need to know that you are not unusual, and that help exists.
Signs You Might Need Help
Bad days are normal. Weeks of bad days, less so. If you cannot sleep, or are sleeping all day. If you are drinking to get through the evenings. If you have stopped caring about things that used to matter to you. If you are angry all the time, or feel nothing at all. If you have had thoughts, even fleeting ones, about not being here any more. Those are signs that something more than ordinary sadness is going on.
Your GP
Easiest starting point. You do not need to be in crisis. You can literally say "I am going through a separation and I am not coping well" and they will take it from there. They can refer you for therapy, prescribe medication if it is appropriate, or sign you off work if you need breathing space. Many areas now let you self-refer for NHS Talking Therapies without going through your GP at all, which can be quicker.
Check what legal rights you have as a separated father. Takes 2 minutes.
Try our Father's Rights Checker free, here on this site →Crisis Support
If things are bad right now:
Samaritans - 116 123, free, 24 hours, every day. You do not have to be suicidal. They are there for anyone who is struggling.
CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) - 0800 58 58 58, 5pm to midnight daily. Specifically for men. They have webchat too.
Andy's Man Club - free peer support groups for men, Monday evenings across the UK. No referral, just turn up. It is not therapy. It is a room full of blokes who get it.
Both Dads Unlimited - 0800 783 0768, free helpline specifically for fathers.
Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.
Other Support
Families Need Fathers runs a helpline and local groups where you can talk to dads who have been where you are. Private therapy, if you can afford £40-80 a session, gets you seen within a week rather than months. Look for someone BACP or UKCP registered.Things That Actually Help Day to Day
Exercise. Not because anyone wants to hear that, but because it genuinely works on depression, even twenty minutes of walking. Keeping a routine when everything else feels chaotic. Not isolating yourself, even when you want to. Eating properly instead of living on takeaways. Cutting back on the booze, because alcohol is a depressant and it makes everything worse even though it feels like it helps in the moment.
None of this is weakness. Separation is one of the most stressful things a human being can go through, right up there with bereavement. Getting help is what sensible people do.
I am writing to ask for advice on behalf of my cousin, who lives in Harrogate. He is aware that I am seeking information to help him access the right support.
He has been involved in a long-running dispute with his ex-wife following the breakdown of their relationship. They have two children together, and there are ongoing issues relating to the children.
Over the past several weeks, he has been arrested on multiple occasions following allegations of coercive or controlling behaviour. On each occasion, he has been released without charge. The repeated investigations have had a profound impact on his mental health.
As a result of the stress and uncertainty, he previously attempted to take his own life. Thankfully, he is currently safe and in a much better place. He is now ready to engage with support and wants to take positive steps to protect himself and deal with the situation appropriately.
Unfortunately, his financial circumstances mean that he has not yet been able to obtain ongoing legal representation, and he is unsure what help may be available.
I would be very grateful if you could advise:
* Whether your organisation is able to assist him directly.
* Whether he may be eligible for legal aid or any other free or low-cost legal support.
* Whether you can refer him to a solicitor or other organisation with expertise in criminal allegations arising alongside family proceedings.
* Whether there are any support services available for someone whose mental health has been significantly affected by these ongoing circumstances.
He wants to approach this constructively and ensure that he is responding appropriately to any future allegations while maintaining a focus on the wellbeing of his children.
If it would be more appropriate for him to contact you directly, or if you require any further information before advising, I would be grateful if you could let me know the best next steps.
Thank you very much for your time and any guidance you are able to provide.
Kind regards,
Alice
Ask Separated Dads a question
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