I currently have my son 3 nights a week and this has been the arrangement that my ex told me I was allowed. I work a 4 on, 4 off shift system so my weeks are 8 days. Ideally, I want to share our son 50/50 but was told by her that I should think myself lucky as most dads don't have their children anywhere near as much. Is it right that I have no hope of 50/50 custody?
I can entirely sympathise with your predicament. This may not be what you want to hear, but you do have a lot more contact with your son than most separated dads. There is no legal minimum or maximum where Custody Is Shared, as each case depends on its particular facts. In all cases, however, the court will be primarily focused on the child’s best interests. You haven’t said whether you and your ex were married or not, so all I can advise you on is if you were to make a freestanding application to the Family Court to try to enforce your right to an extra half a day a week.
Before taking any formal steps through the Family Court, it's important to understand your legal position as a separated father by using our free Rights Checker.
If You Go To Court
Of course, you will be able to judge your ex’s potential reaction to a family court case better than I can. What would she do if you told her you were taking her to court over the extra half day? This is a judgment call for you. At the moment, your custody is shared 43/57 – and while every moment with your son is extremely precious, would there be a possibility that your ex could make things a lot more difficult than they are now? I don’t know how old your son is, but what effect could his parents going to court have on him? Forgive me if I’m way off the mark here, but it seems to me as though you’re very angry that your ex has control of the situation – i.e. that she has dictated how much time you spend with your son, rather than it being a joint decision between two parents (and I can understand why you would feel this way).
Check what legal rights you have as a separated father. Takes 2 minutes.
Try our Father's Rights Checker free, here on this site →Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.
The Court’s Decision
If you were to make an application to the family court, the judge or magistrate would look at what was best for your son. This doesn’t necessarily accord with what either you or your ex wants. The court would look at both you and your ex as equals, and decide what to do about custody based on the evidence put before it. Although it used to be quite rare, courts are increasingly prepared to grant shared custody. What they are looking for is whether you and your ex can get along for the benefit of your child, and, in terms of practicality, if you live close enough to one another and the distance to your child’s school.
Another option would be to look at Mediation, which would mean that the decision would remain you and your ex’s to make rather than at the discretion of a third party. If you went to court, there is always the chance that the court could direct that you had less of a share of the custody of your son, rather than more. I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide.
Unfortunately my ex will not agree to anything which isn't on the court order. I wanted to take him to football practice on a Friday and she refuses as its not my weekend. I also don't see him for around 12 days at a time. Its just too long.
I appreciate that I probably get more than others on here but I wanted to know if anyone has been in a similar situation and what the outcome was ?
This is the second time in court as my ex just refuses anything I ask for... Take him to his swimming lessons in the week.
The solicitor costs are now upwards of 5k so some guidance would be appreciated.
I hope to hear back soon
I live 10 mins from their mother and 7 minutes from their school . She’s refused mediation and keeps going on that it’s all because I will not have to pay child maintenance, not realising I will be financially worse off . She’s refused to listen to both boys who have both stated to her face they want equal time .
I’m just a normal dad who loves his time with his children I don’t drink don’t smoke don’t get drunk .. What are my chances at court and any advice during my hearing would be much appreciated. Thank you .
My ex wife left me 2 years ago for a woman..and I had to move out of our the family home which we don’t own..and had to pretty had to find accommodation etc as I have no family support here in the uk..now I’ve met someone who has been so supportive that she allows me have the kids every 2nd weekend..in a 1 bed flat..now the ex wants 50/50 custody but I can’t provide that what grounds do I stand as she trying to move them to America or that’s the only way she can save her relationship if we do 50/50 thanks Jason
Your comment fills me with rage you're lucky we are not in the same room.
You're an absolute disgrace to your children. Their father is a weak pathetic cuck.
A true father and real man NEVER gives up on his children and No other man can nor will replace him.
You're disgusting.
Hiya I know it’s been a few months but my best advice is to keep all your messages this will be valuable evidence when going to court . ask for your children as much as possible and keep a log of how often you have your children as evidence for going to court keep all of your text conversations civil and only about the children/separation and don’t give in you don’t deserve to be a bit part player in your children’s lives . In going to court know everything about the children do something routinely special with them like walks where you can talk and spend actual quality time . Also waiting is the enemy the longer you leave it to get sorted the harder it will be to sort and prove your side of the argument . Good luck and I hope everything works out well for you .
What if when a bias is shown by a court to the mother the father then identifies with being a mother which mother then gets the bias
Hence equality is the only answer
Wish to leave there mum and live with me there 16 id love for this to happen but the place I. In wouldn't accommodate more people so would I get housed through council if this was to happen
As I need a 3 bedroom house in London and to private rent would cost a ton of cash that I dont have
I stumbled upon this site accidentally and it's been a lifesaver sofar.
My story; my wife and I have been married for 13years and have 2 girls; 7 and 3.
Unfortunately and like many others in the country, I lost my job due to covid in May and whilst I was trying to deal with this, my wife told me just over a month ago that she wanted to split up which was even made harder by my emotional state from not being in work.
Regardless, I did not fight her or disagree with her and she had decided to leave the house with the kids but we agreed that as the house was all the kids knew, it would be better at least initially if they stayed in the house along with her whilst I left temporarily. (Call me an idiot I know)
I came back to the house a week and a half later at which point she tried to insist I leave again and I refused. She ended up calling the police even though I can say categorically that there was NO verbal or physical threat, just an exchange of heated words about not wanting to leave!
I was advised by family by family to please leave again as the kids were in the house and if anything such as tempers flaring happened with police being there, the image of me being taken away/detained is something I didn't want the kids to have plus how that could affect my case if we ever ended up in court.
I now temporarily stay with a mate until I can get back on my feet but I have this burning sense of injustice plus the realisation that the person I was married to for 13yrs tried to get me arrested especially as she's the one who wanted to separate.
Need some steer as to how to be done with this quick and get 50/50 custody as soon as I can get my own place but she's hinted at child maintenance costs which is useless to talk about until I get back on my feet work-wise.
How is best to navigate my scenario to get shared custody etc
Any good advise is welcome.
Thank You!
I recently split with my partner we have two babies one is 19months one is 2months old.
He has said he is going to take me to court for custody but he was arrested for domestic violence towards me. He says I am mentally unwell (obviously a tactic he will use in court) I’m not but he is going to try everything to win custody.
The fact that he has been violent towards me and was arrested for it and gave a statement admitting it will that mean he won’t receive custody or could he possibly gain custody?
I want to keep the house as can afford mortgage but I can’t afford to buy out his share. What are my chances of that?
My ex is going for 50/50 access in court and I have never stopped him from seeing his children even though there have been 100 reasons why I should. I believe that the children should have a relationship with myself and their Father its important, however my sons behaviour since the split has been awful and because his Dad's a very angry person every-time Jack goes there he comes back and his behaviour is awful and I have to start discipline all over again and it takes me a few days to get him back to the loveable Jack that I know is in there.
Chris says horrible things about me to the children and Molli has phoned me up crying saying come and get me Dad is being horrible again.
I do not mention him in front of the children as I love them and don't want them hurt anymore than they already are.
I have tried time and time again to be amicable with him but its either his way or no way there is no compromising with this man, so much so that I have had to cut all contact with him and he now abuses my partner, mother, father or anyone that can get to me.
All I want is for my children to be happy and not have to live with this constant arguing any more its the reason we split up and should have some years beforehand.
My daughter does not even want to go there half the time as he treats her the same as he treated me all those years ago.
His parents have lots of money so have hired a top solicitor and I just don't know how to fight this as he stops maintenance all the time and I don't have the money to pay for a solicitor as all my money goes on my children.
Its not in our children's best interests to live with him as it wont even be him looking after them as he gets his mum or girlfriend to look after them all the time and my daughter whom is 13 and son whom is 10 have to share a room as the house is to small and he lives at home with his parents.
He's so manipulative that I think he will convince everyone to listen to him, I cant loose my loveable son and that's what will happen if this happens.
Some advice on what I need to do will be much appreciated :(
Is it reasonable to go back to court to see them more and have more structure as our lives have changed drastically since the last court order and we know that with his children being the age they are the amount of time will end up decreasing due to their age and with their independence in a few year anyhow! (10&8)
I read these articles and it frustrates me that women seem to be the number 1 in the relationship and the child also should be with the mother. Articles stating dads should think very hard before committing to joint or wanting full custody. I’ve gone from a full time dad down to less than part time. I cannot cope without my child. I committed to my child as soon as I knew we was having her so don’t tell me that I need to think what I want before I commit. The mother is equal to the father in every way so don’t go stating otherwise.
There should be no debate on this. It’s like a black man and a white man don’t get treat any different and neither should a gay or straight person. Everyone is equal in this world and a child should be brought up with both there mother and father in it equally.
So I suggested that we go to a child contact centre so I could have regular access ( once a fortnight was all I was allowed because of the way the contact center worked) after the contact center, a parenting plan was made in front of the organisers of the contact center which my ex and I bother wrote and agreed too. I had consistent access to my daughter as per the parenting plan including 1 over night stay a week, my new partner and I was expecting our first child together. Ever since then, things broke down massively. 9 months later the birth of my new born was here and it just got worse and worse. The ex finally got a new partner, the only problem was that he was the one that used to abuse her mentally and physically. I showed my concerns and this was neglected by the ex, to which I took my own course of action by applying for a Claire law form to be done on the ex's new partner. All clear thankfully. I explained to the ex why I took the steps I did and put it behind us, 2 months later they split up. A month later she got a new partner and introduced our daughter to him straight away, days later I found he was a suspected drug addict, again I made my concerns heard, to which was ignored and she took it as a way of controlling. At this point she then said she contact social services and advised her to stop contact with me because of safe guarding reasons. I phoned social services, spoke to four different representatives and they said there is no record of my daughter, or my ex or my self being on record. I tried and tried and tried to get a resolution for my daughter so she didn't lose routine of what she had at my partners and I house. But no luck, with in 2 weeks I had applied for mediation where the meditator said that it wouldn't benefit us going to mediation ( I showed all conversation between me and my ex) a further week later I have applied for court. I now have court it 3 weeks time for access to my daughter. Based on the fact that I had so much contact with my daughter including over night stays, what would be my chances of 50/50 residency. I want my daughter to know her sister, be apart of her life. I'm extremely close to my ex's house and extremely close to the school. I'm talking with in 5 minutes away.
e with headlice and stinking of weed and Tobacco.
Hi i am wondering if somebody can give me advice or even better somebody who has been in the same position as me to tell me how their outcome was.
I have a 3 year old daughter that i have had a contact order for, i see her 4 nights per week for the last 12 months and every christmas, birthday, fathers day and a full week in summer.
Up until now the situation had been great but her mother got involved with a man who is very abusive and is on drugs, he has hit my daughters mother on a number of occasions infront of my daughter and her other two children but 4 weeks ago it got so bad that the police were called and social services were involved. My daughters mother was told by ss not to habe anything to do with this man which she agreed to but recently my daughter had told me that the man is back so i called ss to which they said they wasnt getting involved because her mother was denying it. I have refused to take my daughter back to the house and have applyed for an emergency court hearing for full residency of my daughter and for her mom to see her in a contact centre until i can be sure that my daughter isnt going to be around this man and witness the things that she has been and is safe.
I am awaiting the court date and im wondering if anyone thinks i have a chance at the full residency. I have a phone call recording where her mother is admitting this man has been hitting her infront of the children and a police record of this, also on the recording she states that he is on cocaune a lot infront of the children.
My main worry is that the courts will favour her because my daughter is already in a nursery by her mothers house but also right next to this mans house, hence im not taking her back to that nursery and once i have the residency will put her into a new one. My other worry is that ss have said they are not concerned and bieleve the mother but i feel they are fire fighting and only going to do something when something bad happens whereas i want to prevent it from happening.
Also the mother has been lying about where she lives to me and has been asking me to drop my daughter off at a carpark miles from her house but next to where this man lives which at first made me very suspicious but once my daughter said this man was back that was it for me i couldnt take her back there.
I am genuinly worried for the welfare of my daughter, not saying this man would hurt her but who knows, mainly because i dont want her growing up seeing a man hitting her mother and smashing the house up with an iron bar and also doing cocaune in her presence.
This is the most stressfull time of my life and all i want is whats best for my daughter and for her to be safe.
Does anyone think i have a chance at residency? Any replies will be greatly appreciated.
My daughter is 11 months old and I see her, with my ex's mother, for an hour in a Coffee shop once every two weeks! I won't go into too much detail of the hell my ex has put me through, but I literally pandered to them (ex and her mother) from the word go. I am scared to bring up anything about more access currently as I know my ex will kick off and do her best to be spiteful.
I have paid for her since the birth and I am now in the clutches of the CSA, who literally do nothing for the paying parent! My ex has lied to me countless times, such as saying my name is on the certificate and alleged underpayments to her.
The whole process lead me to depression and knocked my confidence to nothing.
I am in a very good place now and I am in the process of buying a house, once I am all set up in the new property I am asking for more visitation which will inevitably lead to court.
I am not a bad person in any sense, I work full time, pay my taxes, don't do drugs, go to college and I am completely honest.
My ex is also with one of my now 'ex friends', I have a suspicion they live together but they won't tell me anything!
Could you give me any advice on how I should press on with this? 1 hour every two weeks is not nearly enough! (Never thought I'd be doing this at the age of 22! ??)
I'm actually trying for joint custody of my daughter.
I would give people this advice.
When you approach this matter look at it this way.
Initial break up:
Go for the maximum, go for full parental responsibility and care of your children.
Why?
Because you may not get it anyway. And simply asking for more time with your kids down the line isn't good. It upsets routine, kids need routine the court likes routine. Do not change routine.
My argument to the court is my wife is a great mum!! She's fantastic. But she works full time, makes dangerous decisions and my daughter gets passed to heavy drinkers (grandparents) and is falling behind in key stages of speech etc. My ex wife's home is a mess, she's tired from work etc.
This is an argument to help my wife take better care of my daughter.
Nowhere, do I mention myself my needs my own wants or how much it's costing me.
You have to mitigate properly. You have to sell the grand idea to the judge properly. What you can offer that's better, why it's beneficial for your child etc.
Simply going in asking for more time because it hurts you not seeing them is a rubbish argument. It makes no difference to the children. They are still seeing you in a format that is stable.
WHAT IS BEST FOR THAT CHILD gents. It's all the judge or court are bothered about.
"I have recently invested in after-school groups to further the ability of my daughter's education"
And so on. The guy sat judging you is educated he's impartial and he certainly doesn't care about you, or your ex. It's what is best for child.
Make the best case in a third person view, look on your requests subjectively and do what you can to better care provide and stimulate the children and the judge will lean towards that.
"We have extra curricular evenings judge"
Because sitting in front of the telly for another day with dad is no real argument to change or give anyone hope of getting access more time or more of what we all want......with our kids.
The pen is mightier than the sword. Think like the judge does educate yourself in what they want to see or consider in your case and play the game.
I will win joint custody of my daughter because it simply states great things about my ex, yet faults in my daughter's up bringing that myself and my family will fill.
Dead easy
im going to court for a child arrangements order without a solicitor.
My ex up until the day the court papers landed on her doorstep makes up any excuse to stop me seeing the children.
My ex has a very poor background with drink police involvement and mental health problems. regular meetings take place with herself social services and the school.
Her social worker is very defensive with my ex and answeres a lot of my questions with she has mental health problems, and that's what people with mental health problems do.
I've received today the safeguarding letter from Cafcass and it says that they were unable to get any response from my ex and that the social worker has been called on several occasions and also has not returned the calls.
I spoke today to the social worker about not responding to caffcass and she was very hesitant as to Wether she had spoken to them or not.
I know my wife has got a barrister, do you think it is possible that social services are being avasive on my ex's behalf to deny the courts access to important information which would be very derogatory to my ex.
And if you do think this is possible how would I ensure the court gets this information so I can get a fair hearing.
Regards fil
Unfortunately the position I'm currently in is that the ex wife refuses to let me have my children for 3 nights every week. Plus once my rent, loans and bills are paid I'm lucky if I have £200 to pay for food and diesel for the month. So if pay the requested £114 I'm left with £76 to live on. That's my diesel to get me to work.
So basically she has forced my hand to make myself homeless and in a position unable to see my children.
She gets all the benefits and his income. They're able to go off for weekends away, matching tattoos (£400) a piece, drink and smoke - and I, the innocent party, lose everything :-(
Children's well being and interests priority, I think not.
Financially, I'm broke. I am employed full time. But all of my money goes on the house/bills and supporting my children when I have them.
My ex, moved into a housing association property due to being a single mother with 3 children. After being at said property for 2 months she has declared her boyfriend to be living there full time so hence demanding maintenance. I cannot afford to pay her what is asked. If I did look will not be able to support my children when I do have them, and most possibly lose my home. She refuses shared care, still giving no reason.
I'm at a loss - if I pay maintenance I will lose my home and children - any advice?
The mother or my daughter left with my daughter several years ago and while I see my daugher every 6 out of 14 nights on a fortnightly pattern, I have repeatedly asked for an equal 50/50 split as I see no reason not to and also wonder why i still have to pay CSA fees which are quite high even though I care for my daughter so much etc?
I recently heard that if parents have a 50/50 split, then payments are no longer required to be made? Is that correct? I've seen no evidence of this, but it would im sure help a lot of dads out there who not only make regular payments to the CSA, but also spend large amounts of money on their child when with them as well as stump up for wrap around care fees at school?
Any thoughts and advise greatly appreciated and I hope all the good dads out there are winning.
All the best.
Need as many dads and their family and friends to sign this. You want equal rights to your kids then let's see if the petition can help. All you have to do is click sign and share
Because of my erratic behaviour and anger outbursts .and the reason she moved out of the house was because I threatened to kill her.now I'm only allowed access to our daughter for 6 hours a week.what chances do I have if I go to court requesting for 3 nights a week for our daughter with me.as I've been her primary carer since she was 3 month's old.
I have a 2 year old son who up until 10 days ago I lived with along with my wife. I have split with my wife and am now living with my mum in her 3 bedroom house (owner).
My wife with our son is currently living in our house which we joint own for almost 4yrs. I have made all the mortgage and bills payment since we bought the property.
Since I have left my wife has given me very limited contact with my son eg 30 mins under her supervision every 3 days.
On my last visit she has said that I can no longer see my son.
I have contacted mediation and am awaiting her response to mediation. Im prepared to go to court for a joint residency order as I feel my wife wont agree to me having sufficient contact.
From the day my son was born I have been a very big part of his life. I have done everything for him. I change his nappy, feed him dinner, do his bath, give him milk, put him to sleep, even sleep with him. I have been doing this almost daily whilst I was in the family home. I even got him ready in the mornings and took him nursery 3 days a week. We have such a strong bond. I now do not see him and im sure he is confused on what is going on. His mother will not see the affect she is having on him and will not give me access. Im hoping on going to court to get joint residency. Where I am staying with my mum 3 miles away from the family home. I still can take him the same nursery if I get joint custody and as im living in a 3 bedroom house theres enough room for him to live me. How realistic is it for me except joint residency? And can I represent myself given my situation or would it be better to get help from solicitor?
Thank you for any responses.
He is not particularly active in their lives. Does not attend teacher conferences, school functions, sporting activities and most recently did not call our son on his birthday.
About 2 years ago he moved in with a new partner. There are orders in place that she is not to be alone with the kids. She has proven to make bad decisions.
The king da like their dad but have expressed they don't want more time with him.
Recently he has asked for 50/50 custody. I'm not comfortable with this as there is no routine or stability with him.
His partner and him are physically violent with each other and drink excessively. The kids have witnessed this.
We do not communicate at all except for the odd time when he gets very angry over nothing and yells at me during pick up or drop off.
A wishes of the child report was done and the kids have expressed a desire to stay with me. They want nothing to change.
He continues to fight me. We have a court trial date set in a few months. What are the chances he may gain more access?
Thank you.
She works 3 our of 4 weekends. I work Mon-Fri and I do not get back into the house until 7pm mostly. The children who are 6 and 4 go to bed usually at 7.30. Another issue is my mother wants to see the children but works every other weekend. So she can only see the boys 2 weekends out of 4. And surprise surprise, the weekends she wants lands on my mothers free time. I'm very worried about how the court may react to all f this. I would like to maintain my weekends. She has a lot of free time in school holidays with them which I don't. Although I would like to get some holiday time with them sorted. Any suggestions what may happen at court?
I am just really worried that my ex isn't looking at what is best for the girls and is just fighting for more access because he doesn't like the fact that I am assuming the most contact... this is only because I am able to and have been giving all the girls the care he can't even show me what increased time would look like
There has been a lot of very horrible things happen and I feel very vulnerable to him because I feel I buckle because he is so much more stronger than I am he has very high involvement with his family members because he has his other commitments and although I understand the importance of extended family it is destroying me that he wants to eliminate me from his time with the girls and increase the time he has and then his mom will have increased time (she is there when he has them almost all the time and even when we were together I know my ex partner and I know he will take a step bk when she is there and she will act as if it was me when we were together) I feel the woman has no respect for my wishes and place as the girls mother. It's heartbreaking to be replaced not as a partner but as a parent and even more so when I feel this woman has wronged me so much
He has a lot of money and at the moment I have nothing he kept everything in the relationship and he has gone to a very expensive lawyer that I simply cannot afford
I asked him to go to mediation as it was cheaper and I could afford it big he doesn't compromise and just wants all his terms
I really don't want to go to court please help me
As hard as separation is I understand the girls need a relationship with their father but I just feel with them being so little and my ability to priorities them and their needs this is adequate and any more would be excessive.
I always include him if he wants when I have the girls but he exclude me from his and I just feel with a 3/4 day split when he moves on he will remove me completely when he has the girls as he already is doing now
I love my girls and I really do want what's best for them (I feel sometimes he just wants them for the control and it's not about that for me)
I'm due to go into court with my ex partner, a few years ago he got given residency (it wasn't because of me as a mother & I won't go into detail) anyway, after this and a court order (which was broken ages ago) because I've been having a lot more contact than I started off with. Going back to march I was having the most contact for 8 months, til recently we changed it to me having 5 days a week and dad weekends. I applied for a removal of residency because I seriously didn't see the point in him having it if she is residing with me. What we are having now is 50/50. Anyway since the court papers have been delivered he has been trying to change our agreement so he gets an extra day a week even though he works alot. He has asked me to go into court and agree with him, but I feel as if he's doing this for all the wrong reasons. I have other children to consider in this too and I believe children need consistency and routine. I want to go into court and say I am happy with how things are, me having Monday - Friday and him having Friday after school to Monday morning. Am I being unreasonable?
I have moved closer to home in the last year and have had greater access to kids which my ex was quite happy with, and it has worked well for all, especially the kids who get to see more of their Dad.
However I have a new partner and am planning a future with her which includes buying a house together. This has made my ex wife insecure and quite irrational and she is reducing my access back to what the original consent order prescribed. So legally correct but makes the children unhappy as they now see me less again. So my question is....can I go back to court and ask for shared custody and what are my chances of success. I am financially sound and can offer full support for my kids? My 18 year old daughter has already chosen to spend at least half her time with me, so the question relates to my 2 boys (15 and 10). I really don't want the children to get involved but if I do nothing they suffer by not seeing me in the frequency they have been used to. Can anyone share their similar experience or help me?
Im in process of housing to get my own property. I attend a freedom project which is for 6weeks & runs by WOMANSAID I have no longer got any contact whats so ever with the ex partner. Iv got funding in place for a Non-Molestation order & it is still in process, but solicitor needs to hand served papers for Non-Mole to be put in place.Problem is we dont know where his location is.Bail conditions still remain for him not to contact me direct or indirectly.
Ask Separated Dads a question
Ask our editorial team a question and we will reply with our advice. Tell us as much about your situation as you can: the more detail you give, the more useful our answer can be.
You do not need to use your real name. Please do not include your full address, phone number, email address, or the names of other people. We may edit or remove identifying details for privacy and legal reasons.
Comments are moderated before publication.