What Are My Chances of 50/50 Residence?

What Are My Chances of 50/50 Residence?

I can entirely sympathise with your predicament. This may not be what you want to hear, but you do have a lot more contact with your son than most separated dads. There is no legal minimum or maximum where Custody Is Shared, as each case depends on its particular facts. In all cases, however, the court will be primarily focused on the child’s best interests. You haven’t said whether you and your ex were married or not, so all I can advise you on is if you were to make a freestanding application to the Family Court to try to enforce your right to an extra half a day a week.

If You Go To Court

Of course, you will be able to judge your ex’s potential reaction to a family court case better than I can. What would she do if you told her you were taking her to court over the extra half day? This is a judgment call for you. At the moment, your custody is shared 43/57 – and while every moment with your son is extremely precious, would there be a possibility that your ex could make things a lot more difficult than they are now? I don’t know how old your son is, but what effect could his parents going to court have on him? Forgive me if I’m way off the mark here, but it seems to me as though you’re very angry that your ex has control of the situation – i.e. that she has dictated how much time you spend with your son, rather than it being a joint decision between two parents (and I can understand why you would feel this way).

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The Court’s Decision

If you were to make an application to the family court, the judge or magistrate would look at what was best for your son. This doesn’t necessarily accord with what either you or your ex wants. The court would look at both you and your ex as equals, and decide what to do about custody based on the evidence put before it. Although it used to be quite rare, courts are increasingly prepared to grant shared custody. What they are looking for is whether you and your ex can get along for the benefit of your child, and, in terms of practicality, if you live close enough to one another and the distance to your child’s school.

Another option would be to look at Mediation, which would mean that the decision would remain you and your ex’s to make rather than at the discretion of a third party. If you went to court, there is always the chance that the court could direct that you had less of a share of the custody of your son, rather than more. I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide.

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Ask a Question or Comment
Big lips 16 Jan 2024
(you guys are so different to myself .)the way I was raised or environment facts when I was a child (I don’t know .)but I made fun off weak guys who acted like women and you know those guys that have there kids stay with them .(it’s so foreign to me ) because I’m a men and it’s a woman job to raise kids and I f ing hate my daughters mother and it’s been 16 years sence the fat old ass hag left best day off my life .the halfwit didn’t even calm child support ha ha ha because she thought I didn’t no about Gordon and Jacob and others ha ha ha but in reality all women are dumb there games don’t work on a guy like me I see though everyone and I mean everybody.
Pete 15 Jan 2024
Thi relates to my son and his 4 nearly 5 yr old daughter. They have a 50/50 shared custody agreementb and have had since the split over 3 years ago. Originally shared care (so paid maintenance) since September shared custody. No maintenance. collection from school 2 days one week 3 days the next. The mother is currently INSISTING that my son MUST do the school collections (rather than us as grandparents) and presumably drop-offs (although that hasn't come up yet) otherwise she will and im guessing the claim will be that that will affect the 50/50 custody/care arrangements and subsequently maintenance. (Although apparently it's not about the money.) It's impossible for my son to do all the collections due to work so we step in to support but he is ALWAYS home by 5:30 on the days he has his daughter...... thoughts?
Zizu 15 Apr 2023
Hi I'm a father of a 2 year old boy I've not seen him since July I've been to 2 court hearings but the court have still not located him what can I do any help plz
Chris 11 Oct 2022
@nick ,you sound like a angry lemon, before you go accusing me off things .take look at your own life in reality your a misfit outcast .
Dave 11 Oct 2022
I am a 55 year old dad or 2 kids 3 and 6 . My partner ( not married) is refusing me 50:50 care . She has family and friends nearby whilst i have no family but friends. I am working at present but considering a career change and going back to uni. At the very least going part time due to issue with work and stress. This would easily allow 50:50. I will live local and easily take them to school etc. Currently we are still in the same house hoping it will sell in next few months. childcare is difficult and certainly when we were a couple it was 60:40 in her favour but i was paying all the bills being the higher earner. I’m tryin to think why a court wouldn’t let me have 50% care?? As a couple we are dont get on at all. We are starting mediation but i don’t think she will change her stance. All things being equal why wouldn’t i be allowed 50:50 care ? Am i missing something ?
Sav78 21 Apr 2022
I have 3 Children witb my Ex 11.,8 and 5 I want to go for 50-50. i never used to be in a position to do this due to work I have now changed Jobs to enable this how do i go about this.
MR GB 25 Jul 2021
I am currently going for 50/50 custody of my 6 year old son. I currently have him on a Friday from school - Monday drop off to school every other weekends, 50/50 holidays and alternate christmas and birthdays. Unfortunately my ex will not agree to anything which isn't on the court order. I wanted to take him to football practice on a Friday and she refuses as its not my weekend. I also don't see him for around 12 days at a time. Its just too long. I appreciate that I probably get more than others on here but I wanted to know if anyone has been in a similar situation and what the outcome was ? This is the second time in court as my ex just refuses anything I ask for... Take him to his swimming lessons in the week. The solicitor costs are now upwards of 5k so some guidance would be appreciated. I hope to hear back soon
N/A 2 Jun 2021
I have two boys 13 and 12 the eldest one will be 14 in November. I currently have 5 nights she has 9 nights . The boys want equal time with both parents as you can imagine she’s refusing . I live 10 mins from their mother and 7 minutes from their school . She’s refused mediation and keeps going on that it’s all because I will not have to pay child maintenance, not realising I will be financially worse off . She’s refused to listen to both boys who have both stated to her face they want equal time . I’m just a normal dad who loves his time with his children I don’t drink don’t smoke don’t get drunk .. What are my chances at court and any advice during my hearing would be much appreciated. Thank you .
Jd 16 Apr 2021
Hi there. My ex wife left me 2 years ago for a woman..and I had to move out of our the family home which we don’t own..and had to pretty had to find accommodation etc as I have no family support here in the uk..now I’ve met someone who has been so supportive that she allows me have the kids every 2nd weekend..in a 1 bed flat..now the ex wants 50/50 custody but I can’t provide that what grounds do I stand as she trying to move them to America or that’s the only way she can save her relationship if we do 50/50 thanks Jason
DanR 14 Apr 2021
I have never lived with my ex, we broke up 2 years ago. I have a 10 year old with her. I spend most weekends with my kid. Will I be able to get 50/50 shared care?
Nick 26 Feb 2021
@chris are you a troll or just a cuckold? Your comment fills me with rage you're lucky we are not in the same room. You're an absolute disgrace to your children. Their father is a weak pathetic cuck. A true father and real man NEVER gives up on his children and No other man can nor will replace him. You're disgusting.
GonZo 24 Dec 2020
@MANNY I Hiya I know it’s been a few months but my best advice is to keep all your messages this will be valuable evidence when going to court . ask for your children as much as possible and keep a log of how often you have your children as evidence for going to court keep all of your text conversations civil and only about the children/separation and don’t give in you don’t deserve to be a bit part player in your children’s lives . In going to court know everything about the children do something routinely special with them like walks where you can talk and spend actual quality time . Also waiting is the enemy the longer you leave it to get sorted the harder it will be to sort and prove your side of the argument . Good luck and I hope everything works out well for you .
GonZo 24 Dec 2020
Some of the responses to this thread are appalling if a mother wishes to continue a relationship with another person the rights and responsibilities of the actual father should not be diminished ignored or disrespected and I for one would be disappointed in myself for not fighting for my right to equal opportunity in regards to time with my children I’m currently going through a divorce where my ex is constantly dictating to me when where and how long I have my children there needs to be some consistency I have missed out on birthdays Christmases and holidays with them due to her controlling and conniving nature I understand if there are issues where people are unwell or unwilling but for all the good dads out there keep doing the right thing and fight to be in your children’s lives I will fight for my children as I am an equal parent under current U.K. law .
Johnboy 17 Dec 2020
In the modern world where couples could be non gender specific the only justice is equality how can a court give or show any bias as each parents time, input and presence is as valuable as the other What if when a bias is shown by a court to the mother the father then identifies with being a mother which mother then gets the bias Hence equality is the only answer
Soppy dad 23 Nov 2020
Hi I need some advise my kids have been having problems with there mum social services have been involved on many accassions well my kids Wish to leave there mum and live with me there 16 id love for this to happen but the place I. In wouldn't accommodate more people so would I get housed through council if this was to happen As I need a 3 bedroom house in London and to private rent would cost a ton of cash that I dont have
Cindy 15 Nov 2020
My personal suggestion is: Once couple separated,the best way avoid suffering emotionally is to move on to new relationship and new kids better income job,love yourself and believe yourself you only live better by moving on.No point to fight for custody as it’s wasted of time and energy.everyone should think about how to foucus on better career,and live better life.past must let it go.The more money you earn means the more can support kids. Money is very important once kids start go school...etc
Amelia 14 Oct 2020
Hi, my partner has a 14 month old daughter. His ex fell pregnant while having an affair. Refused for ages to do a dna test and threatened to put whoever she wanted on the birth certificate if he didn't comply with her ridiculous request, she has constantly breaks mediation and mico manages everything including him. He has recorded every vist he has ever had with his daughter and every encounter with his ex as she is always saying she doesn't do something when she has or is verbally abusive in front of the daughter. She is playing the breast feeding card as to why he can't spend more than 4-7 hours with his daughter. She took the baby 2.5 HR drive away from him to make it almost impossible to maintain work/life balance and travel all that way every weekend to see his daughter for a few hours, refuses to meet half way or drive anywhere to help with the extended travel from her taking his daughter away from him. He can buy human breast milk so he can respect the fact she only wants the daughter to have breast milk but she refused as an attempt to get longer period of time with his daughter. Basically if he just took her to court to get 1-2 nights custody every second week if it would be possible to achieve this given the situation. As his mental health is very bad because of the constant abuse and injust with no hope of it getting better. It's almost at the point where he doesn't know how much longer he can keep going before he walks away from his daughter because the mother is pure evil. Cheers
Manny1 25 Aug 2020
Hi, I stumbled upon this site accidentally and it's been a lifesaver sofar. My story; my wife and I have been married for 13years and have 2 girls; 7 and 3. Unfortunately and like many others in the country, I lost my job due to covid in May and whilst I was trying to deal with this, my wife told me just over a month ago that she wanted to split up which was even made harder by my emotional state from not being in work. Regardless, I did not fight her or disagree with her and she had decided to leave the house with the kids but we agreed that as the house was all the kids knew, it would be better at least initially if they stayed in the house along with her whilst I left temporarily. (Call me an idiot I know) I came back to the house a week and a half later at which point she tried to insist I leave again and I refused. She ended up calling the police even though I can say categorically that there was NO verbal or physical threat, just an exchange of heated words about not wanting to leave! I was advised by family by family to please leave again as the kids were in the house and if anything such as tempers flaring happened with police being there, the image of me being taken away/detained is something I didn't want the kids to have plus how that could affect my case if we ever ended up in court. I now temporarily stay with a mate until I can get back on my feet but I have this burning sense of injustice plus the realisation that the person I was married to for 13yrs tried to get me arrested especially as she's the one who wanted to separate. Need some steer as to how to be done with this quick and get 50/50 custody as soon as I can get my own place but she's hinted at child maintenance costs which is useless to talk about until I get back on my feet work-wise. How is best to navigate my scenario to get shared custody etc Any good advise is welcome. Thank You!
Jenna 24 Aug 2020
Hi my ex partner has 50/50 with my 3 children we have been split nearly 2 years and since then there has been none stop games he get the kids 3nights 4 days Friday to Monday he was only having them Saturday till Sunday and asked for extra days I agreed with that as I do believe kids should see both parents especially when there young anyway games have been none stopped played 1st it was I'm not bringing kids home they don't need there mum now he saying hes taking me to court for full custody y would anyone want to take 3 happy children of there mother and today my kids come home and there dad has asked if they want to live with him my 5 year old and 4 year old said they want to live with there mum my kids shouldn't ever be asked that or made to feel like they have to answer that what do I do iv been ringing for advice today and the fees are massive I currently don't work due to the ex no longer wanting to have them while I worked witch was fine but now he was full custody will he will even tho my kids are happy healthy and all there needs are being met
Mum 15 Jul 2020
Hi, I recently split with my partner we have two babies one is 19months one is 2months old. He has said he is going to take me to court for custody but he was arrested for domestic violence towards me. He says I am mentally unwell (obviously a tactic he will use in court) I’m not but he is going to try everything to win custody. The fact that he has been violent towards me and was arrested for it and gave a statement admitting it will that mean he won’t receive custody or could he possibly gain custody?
Lou Saynuss 18 Jun 2020
I have been a single parent since early pregnancy when my daughter's dad chose not to want a family with me, although I have ensured that he has played an active role in her life. She spends time with him 5 nights a fortnight as well as special requests - birthday's, family occasions, one week of his annual leave (his choice) as well as sharing Xmas, Easter and bank holidays. Yet this is not enough for him and wants to take me to court for more. What are his chances of 50/50 residency? I feel I am doing all that is reasonable in the circumstances.
Rob 21 Feb 2020
My ex and I separated a little over 2 years ago. She moved 233 miles away (average 4-5 hour drive). For the last 2 years we have had a fair and reasonable arrangement where we would meet halfway for pick up and drop off whenever I have the kids. I only see them for one weekend a month and during the school holidays (half terms, Easter, etc...). Since the turn of the new year she has decided she is no longer going to bring them halfway and if I want to have them stay with me I have to go and pick them up after work, getting there for like 8pm then back home for around midnight at least, and then do the same when I take them back on the Sunday. I am taking her to court for this and I want to know if a court can order her to continue to bring them halfway? Does anyone know of any cases I can look at and use?
Dan 10 Jan 2020
I've recently told my ex her maintenece is going down as i pay what the calculator has told me shes due and I have them 3 nights a week and 4 weeks a year for holiday. My ex isnt happy with this and now wants to reduce the time i have with them so the money I currently pay stays the same, where do i stand
Jo 2 Jan 2020
Hi i am.a young dad split with my ex im.only allowed my son of a saturday night he goes home sunday n then have him of a monday till7 on nite im.on birth certificate but yet im not allowed no input on my sons life im on his birth certicate i would like to no wat rites i have and how often i shoukd have him by law.
Kenny 14 Aug 2019
Hey im a sepatated father of two children boy aged 6 and girl aged 4. I have full parental guardianship of my son, has his mother gave him upto me just after his second birthday but kept my younger daughter who still lives with her mum full time. We attended family courts and it was agreed that my son would stay living with me and my daughter would live with her mum but i would get her 2 days a week and my son would go stay with mum twice a week too that way both children would spend 4 days a week together. This arrangment worked for a couple of years but then started to faulter and become a bit deteriorated has days were changing, split days were surfacing and now it's really took a turn for the worse cos my ex is only seeing our son for 5 hours a week on a saturday due to issues with my ex's partener who my son has said that he has been smacked by him. Now my son isnt allowed at his mums and partners home due to these lies that my 6 year old boy is coming out with although i believe there is truth within what he has said. this is why she is saying that he can go to her for 5 hours. My son really gets upset a lot over this cos he loves his mum but also misses he little sister too has now he dosent see her has much, im now having a lot of behaviour problems with him and i really do feel this whole siruation isnt helping him. I have always had my daughter twice a week from the start sometimes more, I've taken her on holidays with me and her brother, been very much invovled with her nursery/schooling attended all her events, activity, parents evenings even attended stay and play week after week religiously, where has my ex has hardly attended anything with her sons school apart from 1 patents evening and 1 sports day.and l know that we have a great father and daughter bond. I have a 2 bedroom house and both children share a room with there own beds. Im able to fully provide for them both. Im am looking to pursue shared costudy of my daughter so 50/50 cos im worried my children are guna grow apart from hardly seeing each other cos i dont see this situation with my son and his mum getting any better or changing much too even more so now she due to give birth to a baby boy in november and with another three children in her and her parteners household already, i can see my son getting further pushed away and im worried not seeing his sibling has much will damaged my children's relationship. Just wondering if there anyone who could enlighten me, mybe someone has been or going through similar problems, what chance have i got of winning shared custody????? Please any response id be much gratful thank you
Nicola 26 May 2019
Hi my husband has recently told me he is going to leave and we cannot agree on custody arrangements. He wants 50/50 but I don’t see why the kids have to live between two homes, moving every three days and not having a stable base. I wouldn’t want to live like that. I offered sun 10 til tues morning school run but he is wanting sun 9am til wed morning school run, half of all holidays and extra time at special times too. It seems so cruel, we have 4 kids and the littlest one is just 3 and very close to me. I have been off on mat leave for 14 months with her and have had 54 months off work over all 4 pregnancies. My husband works 4 days a week whilst I work three days. He does 3 out of 10 school runs and I do almost everything around the house, 95% of washing, cleaning, buying and shopping, I sort out all finances, I arrange any workman to come to the house. My husband does half of the cooking, he tidies up, walks the dog and puts the bins out. In the 12 years we have been together, he has only started fixing the things in the last few years. He is very aggressive with me and I am scared of him at times. What are his chances in court of 50/50? I want to keep the house as can afford mortgage but I can’t afford to buy out his share. What are my chances of that?
Toby 11 Jan 2019
My ex wife and I have a residence order and full parental rights with responsibilities for my niece ( I am the blood link ). We have separated and my ex wife won’t let me see my niece. My stepson made a false allegation against me however it has been investigated and there is no charges as the allegation was a complete lie. My ex wife and stepson broke into my house and had a knife at my throat and threatened me. As the allegation is a complete lie how can I get to see my niece, can anyone help me with advice please
Precious Scott- Phil 26 Nov 2018
Hi I have recently had a baby, throughout my pregnancy I had little or no support grpm my daughters father or his family because he insisted on a dna year. One where the baby was born o done the dna and still very little support and he hardly comes to see her. Today he said he will be taking me to court for joint custody. What are his chances of getting full custody even though my daughter is only 7 months and she hardly knows him.
LTT 16 Nov 2018
Hi All, My ex is going for 50/50 access in court and I have never stopped him from seeing his children even though there have been 100 reasons why I should. I believe that the children should have a relationship with myself and their Father its important, however my sons behaviour since the split has been awful and because his Dad's a very angry person every-time Jack goes there he comes back and his behaviour is awful and I have to start discipline all over again and it takes me a few days to get him back to the loveable Jack that I know is in there. Chris says horrible things about me to the children and Molli has phoned me up crying saying come and get me Dad is being horrible again. I do not mention him in front of the children as I love them and don't want them hurt anymore than they already are. I have tried time and time again to be amicable with him but its either his way or no way there is no compromising with this man, so much so that I have had to cut all contact with him and he now abuses my partner, mother, father or anyone that can get to me. All I want is for my children to be happy and not have to live with this constant arguing any more its the reason we split up and should have some years beforehand. My daughter does not even want to go there half the time as he treats her the same as he treated me all those years ago. His parents have lots of money so have hired a top solicitor and I just don't know how to fight this as he stops maintenance all the time and I don't have the money to pay for a solicitor as all my money goes on my children. Its not in our children's best interests to live with him as it wont even be him looking after them as he gets his mum or girlfriend to look after them all the time and my daughter whom is 13 and son whom is 10 have to share a room as the house is to small and he lives at home with his parents. He's so manipulative that I think he will convince everyone to listen to him, I cant loose my loveable son and that's what will happen if this happens. Some advice on what I need to do will be much appreciated :(
Rolomix 9 Nov 2018
My husband has nearly 50/50 custody of his 2 children from a previous relationship. We also have 2 children together. He has them different days, alternating every 2 weeks, through a court order. He has maintained contact for years. We need childcare for these days (just breakfast club for 10 minutes) we are finding it hard to find a childcare that will accept them due to the changing days. He has seen a solicitor and they have said he should not go back to court to have them 50/50 with set days every week and that the courts believe children should only have one home and that their home is not with us, which is ridiculous. And it has also been said that due to him working he shouldn't be having them. Is this right? It seems awful to me that as a separated parent if you want to see your children you shouldn't be working and it will be used against you in court. Is it reasonable to go back to court to see them more and have more structure as our lives have changed drastically since the last court order and we know that with his children being the age they are the amount of time will end up decreasing due to their age and with their independence in a few year anyhow! (10&8)
SeparatedDads Editor 30 Jul 2018
You are absolutely right. Unfortunately, some resident parents for whatever reason do not wish to see the equality of parents (especially if the parent has been hands-on and integral to the bringing up of the child). However, you do have recourse, Our Separated Dads forum may help.
Dan 28 Jul 2018
I am currently going through a break up and have a little girl. This is the most toughest time of my life and most of all has a big effect on my child. I read these articles and it frustrates me that women seem to be the number 1 in the relationship and the child also should be with the mother. Articles stating dads should think very hard before committing to joint or wanting full custody. I’ve gone from a full time dad down to less than part time. I cannot cope without my child. I committed to my child as soon as I knew we was having her so don’t tell me that I need to think what I want before I commit. The mother is equal to the father in every way so don’t go stating otherwise. There should be no debate on this. It’s like a black man and a white man don’t get treat any different and neither should a gay or straight person. Everyone is equal in this world and a child should be brought up with both there mother and father in it equally.
Samysam 18 Jul 2018
I have a four year old daughter, sadly my ex and I broke up a few years ago, contact was good for a while, always seen her when I could. Which was quite frequently, I then get a new partner then my ex stopped me from seeing my child. I tried and tried and tried to communicate with her to see what the issue was, but she was reluctant to communicate with me to fix the issue. So I suggested that we go to a child contact centre so I could have regular access ( once a fortnight was all I was allowed because of the way the contact center worked) after the contact center, a parenting plan was made in front of the organisers of the contact center which my ex and I bother wrote and agreed too. I had consistent access to my daughter as per the parenting plan including 1 over night stay a week, my new partner and I was expecting our first child together. Ever since then, things broke down massively. 9 months later the birth of my new born was here and it just got worse and worse. The ex finally got a new partner, the only problem was that he was the one that used to abuse her mentally and physically. I showed my concerns and this was neglected by the ex, to which I took my own course of action by applying for a Claire law form to be done on the ex's new partner. All clear thankfully. I explained to the ex why I took the steps I did and put it behind us, 2 months later they split up. A month later she got a new partner and introduced our daughter to him straight away, days later I found he was a suspected drug addict, again I made my concerns heard, to which was ignored and she took it as a way of controlling. At this point she then said she contact social services and advised her to stop contact with me because of safe guarding reasons. I phoned social services, spoke to four different representatives and they said there is no record of my daughter, or my ex or my self being on record. I tried and tried and tried to get a resolution for my daughter so she didn't lose routine of what she had at my partners and I house. But no luck, with in 2 weeks I had applied for mediation where the meditator said that it wouldn't benefit us going to mediation ( I showed all conversation between me and my ex) a further week later I have applied for court. I now have court it 3 weeks time for access to my daughter. Based on the fact that I had so much contact with my daughter including over night stays, what would be my chances of 50/50 residency. I want my daughter to know her sister, be apart of her life. I'm extremely close to my ex's house and extremely close to the school. I'm talking with in 5 minutes away.
MrT 13 Jun 2018
I'm considering going to court to get more access to my son. Prior to meeting my new partner and starting a family I used to see him all the time but since this my ex has denied me access completely resulting in me having to apply to the court for access every other weekend. This is not enough for me, or my son. Both he and I regularly ask my ex to spend more time together but she usually either ignores me or states that if I want to see my son more then I need to leave my partner. I have always adhered to the court order and have even been flexible occasionally sacrificing my time with my son in order for him to go on holiday on the promise that I would get the time back, which obviously she never honours. I arrive at least 10 minutes early every other weekend to collect him and he is consistently dropped off late. There has even been a time when she has just not turned up as apparently she forgot! There only appears to be flexibility on my behalf and I am unsure of what steps to take as the relationship between his mother and has completely broken down. My primary concern is that my son has a happy and stable life. I believe I can provide this more consistently than his mother as she works long hours and he is often left to attend after school clubs or is in the care of wider family members. I also find it upsets the children that live with me having to wait so long to see their brother. I only live 7 miles from his school and my partner would be able to get him to school. Often when I ask my son where he is staying when I drop him home he doesn't know, he is passed from pilar to post and I feel I could offer him more stability.
SeparatedDads Editor 23 Apr 2018
Your partner's only recourse is to apply to court, if mediation has not worked. You can see more regarding child arrangement orders via whichAs in all applications for a court order, the court will decide first and foremost upon what it thinks is in the best interests of the child.
Sjfdjc 23 Apr 2018
In response to your comment on my question, my other half has regular access to his child. They split 18 months ago. His ex has been obstructive in allowing access and it has been a fight to get what he does. One full weekend and two 24 hour stays every 4 weeks plus 3 hours an evening a week. She cancels at will and tells the child (6) What to tell daddy. For example I don't want to go on holiday with you
SeparatedDads Editor 19 Apr 2018
Firstly, if your partner does not have regular access to his child, it is unlikely the court would agree to 50/50 access. Shared-care is usually only awarded in cases where shared-care already exists or previously did (if the parents have recently separated).
Sjfdjc 17 Apr 2018
I am writing this on behalf of my partner. He would like 50 50 care of his son. He has had to fight to get any access to his child. The ex refuses to pay half of mediation costs. After 18 months they agreed a 4 week rota for weekends only. This has been in place for 2 months and his ex has canceled two access times already. We have just returned from a weeks holiday with his son who had a lovely time yet his ex is saying the child doesn't want to go away with us again. Child is 6. My partner believes we can offer the child a more settled and stable home life than she does. In a year the child has been introduced to three boyfriends. One of this was leading a double life, the next living in rehab, the current one is too new to know anything about. We live an hour away from the child's home and school but my partner works down the road from the child's home. He is self employed and therefore able to take his son to school and I am able to collect from school. The child is currently in a different care environment after school every day, most of these are his mother's friends or his mother's work place. In school holidays he is placed in play schemes. Again if with us he would be in my care. Due to the distance is a court likely to look unfavourably on equal care. Also the ex has 3 other children who she has successfully prevented having relationships with their fathers, one is oblivious to who his father is as she has told him it's the same man as the other two.
Jubby 12 Jan 2018
My ex has admitted she wont let me continue my 50% access to my daughter so i cant ask for half of the money she gets for our child. Can she do this and what can i do. I have parental rights and up to now i have my daughter fri till Monday every week. I asked for half of the tax credit she gets for our daughter and she went on one big time. There are issues as shes a high Cannabis used and my child returns to m e with headlice and stinking of weed and Tobacco.
SeparatedDads Editor 15 Dec 2017
If you have had your daughter every other weekend since you have separated and you have a good consistent relationship with her, there is nothing to stop you pushing a little to take the matter to mediation. If your ex refuses, there is nothing to stop you applying to court either. You don't have to go on the offensive with your ex, you can simply explain that if she refuses to be open to the idea, then you are prepared to discuss the matter via mediation and/or if she refuses mediation you are also open to taking the matter to court in order to let the court decide what it thinks is in your child's best interests. Unless there is a good reason why your ex won't allow you more time, then the court will attempt to take a balanced view. However, I do suggest you take legal advice first as court is always considered a last resort.
Hurnsey 14 Dec 2017
Hi all, I've been trying to get shared custody of my daughter for some time now but my ex won't have it, my daughter is 8 years old, me and my current partner are expecting a child together anytime now and my daughter is desperate to be part of her brother or sisters life, I've had my daughter every other weekend since we split up and my daughter has now asked if she can stay at my house more but her mum is reluctant because her £70 a week child maintenance is more important than her daughters happiness, we live about 4 miles apart, my daughters life will have no change, I can take her to school and pick her up or my partner can ( my daughter loves her to bits) none of her life would really change just the fact that she can be a big sister because that's what she wants, my ex will allow 50/50 in the holidays because she can't find child care but she won't allow it in the week, I'd like us to both sit down with a mediator but part of me thinks she won't do it, mainly because of money, but it's hard when I want to see my daughter more she wants to see me more, yet my ex seems to think she can call all the shots, and I don't know what to do about it
James1988 14 Nov 2017
After Separation Hi i am wondering if somebody can give me advice or even better somebody who has been in the same position as me to tell me how their outcome was. I have a 3 year old daughter that i have had a contact order for, i see her 4 nights per week for the last 12 months and every christmas, birthday, fathers day and a full week in summer. Up until now the situation had been great but her mother got involved with a man who is very abusive and is on drugs, he has hit my daughters mother on a number of occasions infront of my daughter and her other two children but 4 weeks ago it got so bad that the police were called and social services were involved. My daughters mother was told by ss not to habe anything to do with this man which she agreed to but recently my daughter had told me that the man is back so i called ss to which they said they wasnt getting involved because her mother was denying it. I have refused to take my daughter back to the house and have applyed for an emergency court hearing for full residency of my daughter and for her mom to see her in a contact centre until i can be sure that my daughter isnt going to be around this man and witness the things that she has been and is safe. I am awaiting the court date and im wondering if anyone thinks i have a chance at the full residency. I have a phone call recording where her mother is admitting this man has been hitting her infront of the children and a police record of this, also on the recording she states that he is on cocaune a lot infront of the children. My main worry is that the courts will favour her because my daughter is already in a nursery by her mothers house but also right next to this mans house, hence im not taking her back to that nursery and once i have the residency will put her into a new one. My other worry is that ss have said they are not concerned and bieleve the mother but i feel they are fire fighting and only going to do something when something bad happens whereas i want to prevent it from happening. Also the mother has been lying about where she lives to me and has been asking me to drop my daughter off at a carpark miles from her house but next to where this man lives which at first made me very suspicious but once my daughter said this man was back that was it for me i couldnt take her back there. I am genuinly worried for the welfare of my daughter, not saying this man would hurt her but who knows, mainly because i dont want her growing up seeing a man hitting her mother and smashing the house up with an iron bar and also doing cocaune in her presence. This is the most stressfull time of my life and all i want is whats best for my daughter and for her to be safe. Does anyone think i have a chance at residency? Any replies will be greatly appreciated.
Jay1988 14 Nov 2017
After Separation Hi i am wondering if somebody can give me advice or even better somebody who has been in the same position as me to tell me how their outcome was. I have a 3 year old daughter that i have had a contact order for, i see her 4 nights per week for the last 12 months and every christmas, birthday, fathers day and a full week in summer. Up until now the situation had been great but her mother got involved with a man who is very abusive and is on drugs, he has hit my daughters mother on a number of occasions infront of my daughter and her other two children but 4 weeks ago it got so bad that the police were called and social services were involved. My daughters mother was told by ss not to habe anything to do with this man which she agreed to but recently my daughter had told me that the man is back so i called ss to which they said they wasnt getting involved because her mother was denying it. I have refused to take my daughter back to the house and have applyed for an emergency court hearing for full residency of my daughter and for her mom to see her in a contact centre until i can be sure that my daughter isnt going to be around this man and witness the things that she has been and is safe. I am awaiting the court date and im wondering if anyone thinks i have a chance at the full residency. I have a phone call recording where her mother is admitting this man has been hitting her infront of the children and a police record of this, also on the recording she states that he is on cocaune a lot infront of the children. My main worry is that the courts will favour her because my daughter is already in a nursery by her mothers house but also right next to this mans house, hence im not taking her back to that nursery and once i have the residency will put her into a new one. My other worry is that ss have said they are not concerned and bieleve the mother but i feel they are fire fighting and only going to do something when something bad happens whereas i want to prevent it from happening. Also the mother has been lying about where she lives to me and has been asking me to drop my daughter off at a carpark miles from her house but next to where this man lives which at first made me very suspicious but once my daughter said this man was back that was it for me i couldnt take her back there. I am genuinly worried for the welfare of my daughter, not saying this man would hurt her but who knows, mainly because i dont want her growing up seeing a man hitting her mother and smashing the house up with an iron bar and also doing cocaune in her presence. This is the most stressfull time of my life and all i want is whats best for my daughter and for her to be safe. Does anyone think i have a chance at residency? Any replies will be greatly appreciated.
New dad 19 years old 29 Oct 2017
Hi me and my partner have just had a baby who is now 3 months old she constantly stop me and family from seeing the baby and here mother is adviseing her ways to stop me.from having my my son for an hour. He is a Brest fed baby and my partner is refusing to express. I wont to go for 50-50 custosdy i have a full time job and i have 3:5 days of week what my best option to go for if i take it to court. Also she has welathy family abroad and is planing of taking him there for holiday but im worried she wont come back
Scoresonthedoors 25 Oct 2017
My husband wants 50/50 custardy which I am more than happy with but he works a 4 on 4 off shift with alternating earlies and lates. Which means I end up never having a consistent pattern of when I have the kids. I have explained that the kids need stability and although I can work flexibly theres a limit to how much flexibility I have and its causing stress at work and home - I am already on reduced hours and struggling on the days I do pick up and drop off at school to get my hours in. I have hinted that for this to work he may need to find a different kind of job that's more regular hours. I really want him to have them 50% of the time but where do I stand if I cant make it work and theres no willingness from his side to change? I know its a random question really as most dads would bend over backwards to have there kids more but he wants his cake and eat it :(
SeparatedDads Editor 6 Oct 2017
I am really sorry to hear this. Unfortunately, there are some people out there that are really selfish and do not consider the needs of their children or can empathise how the other parent may feel. Your only route is the mediation or court route. When you feel ready, you may wish to suggest mediation as a way of coming to an access agreement (as a rule, you cannot apply to court, unless mediation has been considered/attended). If your ex refuses mediation, then your option would be to apply to court. The court does want non-resident parents to have access to their children, so you are doing the right thing by keeping contact constant and developing a relationship with your child as this will serve you better if you have to go through the court process. In the meantime, I advise you join our Separated Dads forum, which can offer helpful advice and also perhaps a group such as Families Need Fathers. Many fathers have been through similar issues and can give very helpful advice. Being armed with knowledge is your best course of action, in order to get a contact order in place when the time comes. Best of luck.
Seamus 5 Oct 2017
Hello, My daughter is 11 months old and I see her, with my ex's mother, for an hour in a Coffee shop once every two weeks! I won't go into too much detail of the hell my ex has put me through, but I literally pandered to them (ex and her mother) from the word go. I am scared to bring up anything about more access currently as I know my ex will kick off and do her best to be spiteful. I have paid for her since the birth and I am now in the clutches of the CSA, who literally do nothing for the paying parent! My ex has lied to me countless times, such as saying my name is on the certificate and alleged underpayments to her. The whole process lead me to depression and knocked my confidence to nothing. I am in a very good place now and I am in the process of buying a house, once I am all set up in the new property I am asking for more visitation which will inevitably lead to court. I am not a bad person in any sense, I work full time, pay my taxes, don't do drugs, go to college and I am completely honest. My ex is also with one of my now 'ex friends', I have a suspicion they live together but they won't tell me anything! Could you give me any advice on how I should press on with this? 1 hour every two weeks is not nearly enough! (Never thought I'd be doing this at the age of 22! ??)
Matty1982 23 Jun 2017
I am currently still married to my wife. We separated in January due to domestic violence, I was the victim. I'm actually trying for joint custody of my daughter. I would give people this advice. When you approach this matter look at it this way. Initial break up: Go for the maximum, go for full parental responsibility and care of your children. Why? Because you may not get it anyway. And simply asking for more time with your kids down the line isn't good. It upsets routine, kids need routine the court likes routine. Do not change routine. My argument to the court is my wife is a great mum!! She's fantastic. But she works full time, makes dangerous decisions and my daughter gets passed to heavy drinkers (grandparents) and is falling behind in key stages of speech etc. My ex wife's home is a mess, she's tired from work etc. This is an argument to help my wife take better care of my daughter. Nowhere, do I mention myself my needs my own wants or how much it's costing me. You have to mitigate properly. You have to sell the grand idea to the judge properly. What you can offer that's better, why it's beneficial for your child etc. Simply going in asking for more time because it hurts you not seeing them is a rubbish argument. It makes no difference to the children. They are still seeing you in a format that is stable. WHAT IS BEST FOR THAT CHILD gents. It's all the judge or court are bothered about. "I have recently invested in after-school groups to further the ability of my daughter's education" And so on. The guy sat judging you is educated he's impartial and he certainly doesn't care about you, or your ex. It's what is best for child. Make the best case in a third person view, look on your requests subjectively and do what you can to better care provide and stimulate the children and the judge will lean towards that. "We have extra curricular evenings judge" Because sitting in front of the telly for another day with dad is no real argument to change or give anyone hope of getting access more time or more of what we all want......with our kids. The pen is mightier than the sword. Think like the judge does educate yourself in what they want to see or consider in your case and play the game. I will win joint custody of my daughter because it simply states great things about my ex, yet faults in my daughter's up bringing that myself and my family will fill. Dead easy
Anom 26 May 2017
@Dadr .. Thanks!! Just hope courts don't go with the 'mother should see them more spiel'. We shall see!!
DadR Editor 26 May 2017
@Anom - this really is a 50/50 possibility. If the kids were already in school you'd stand a good chance - but as they haven't started yet it makes it more difficult. Good luck mate - hope it works out for you.
Fil 10 Apr 2017
Hello im going to court for a child arrangements order without a solicitor. My ex up until the day the court papers landed on her doorstep makes up any excuse to stop me seeing the children. My ex has a very poor background with drink police involvement and mental health problems. regular meetings take place with herself social services and the school. Her social worker is very defensive with my ex and answeres a lot of my questions with she has mental health problems, and that's what people with mental health problems do. I've received today the safeguarding letter from Cafcass and it says that they were unable to get any response from my ex and that the social worker has been called on several occasions and also has not returned the calls. I spoke today to the social worker about not responding to caffcass and she was very hesitant as to Wether she had spoken to them or not. I know my wife has got a barrister, do you think it is possible that social services are being avasive on my ex's behalf to deny the courts access to important information which would be very derogatory to my ex. And if you do think this is possible how would I ensure the court gets this information so I can get a fair hearing. Regards fil
Red Guth 19 Mar 2017
Hi. My son's mother split up with me when he was a few weeks old. I've not seen him for 3yrs now but was thinking of trying the courts again. Tried mediation a few times over the years but she declined the interview. Do I have a chance of seeing him? I have a job but I live alone and don't drive and I have bipolar and they probably think I'm a lower but I wanted to be a Dad. She and her partner have another child and probably have a great life. I did ask to see him but they put an order in place to say I couldn't ask to see him and I was told I'd get in trouble if I asked to see him directly or through my Dad or sister. My sister sees him a couple of times a yeah, she won't pass messages or anything but I give her books to see him. Can a judge say you can't see your child if you have depression? I don't know what to do anymore.
SeparatedDads Editor 15 Feb 2017
I'm afraid it is impossible to predict what a court may decide. The court would see the access/contact you have with your son currently, as standard access terms. This means there is no guarantee you would be awarded more time. Much depends upon your son, his age, the general circumstances around your additional request and what Cafcass and the court deems to be in your son's best interests.
Bas 14 Feb 2017
I split with my ex a few years ago and I currently have a court order for my son every other weekend Friday to Monday and also every Wednesday after school. I've tried to get him more but the mother says no so we are going back to court. What are my chances? I would prefer 50/50 as I live close to his school and don't see why I can't have the same time as her.
Jon 6 Feb 2017
I have been separated from my wife for nearly two years I'm having regular contact with my 4 year old daughter from day one. We both agreed on 50-50 I get my daughter 3 nights a week and most of the school holidays. But my ex wants me to sign for a Polish passport for my daughter, when I refuse to do so. She now saying that I can only see my daughter for a few hours on Saturday. I will sign for the passport as my daughter as an English passport and I do not trust my ex. What can i do ?
SeparatedDads Editor 6 Dec 2016
You're welcome. Do you have parents and friends you can live with until you get yourself on your feet? Or could you begin with a house share, where bills are incorporated into the rent? Rather than making yourself homeless, which will defeat the object of ever being awarded shared-care, you may just have to think of other solutions. As it is said; 'where there's a will - there's a way'. It may take time, but hopefully you'll get there. Good luck.
Creechcanary 3 Dec 2016
Thank you for posting on Facebook as it was good to hear different situations for advice and support. Unfortunately the position I'm currently in is that the ex wife refuses to let me have my children for 3 nights every week. Plus once my rent, loans and bills are paid I'm lucky if I have £200 to pay for food and diesel for the month. So if pay the requested £114 I'm left with £76 to live on. That's my diesel to get me to work. So basically she has forced my hand to make myself homeless and in a position unable to see my children. She gets all the benefits and his income. They're able to go off for weekends away, matching tattoos (£400) a piece, drink and smoke - and I, the innocent party, lose everything :-( Children's well being and interests priority, I think not.
SeparatedDads Editor 2 Dec 2016
I am very sorry to hear this. By law every father has to pay maintenance, it depends on how you do it, either via a family-based arrangement which is agreed between you and your ex, or via the CMS, you can see how much you should be paying via whichThe fact you are seeing your kids and having regular access is a plus. If you took the matter to court to request shared-care, it is highly unlikely the court would agree as shared-care is usually agreed mutually via parents. However, you may wish to seek legal advice regarding this. Your main priority currently is to make sure you can fund child maintenance, continue to see your kids regularly and be able to support yourself and not lose your home. Assuming shared-care is not a voluntary option (the resident-parent is often reluctant to agree to shared-care because it reduces your maintenance payments), I am going to put this question to our Separated Dads Facebook page and see whether our dads (who may have been through a similar situation) can come up with any ideas to help. Can you please refer to the Separated Dads Facebook page for your answers.
Creechcanary 2 Dec 2016
Last new years eve my wife and best friend got found out for having an affair for the previous 10 months. For the sake of our children I was willing to forgive and move on. But I was forced out of my family. Basically I've had to start from scratch. I had nothing. I had to take out a loan to get a deposit on a rental property and furnished it from top to bottom. Initially my wife would only let me have my two children for 2 nights a week. At tat time they were aged 3 months and 18 months. I requested to have them for 3 nights a week shared care. But rudely refused with no reason given. When I threatened with court action she allowed access of 3 nights one week and two nights the next. Financially, I'm broke. I am employed full time. But all of my money goes on the house/bills and supporting my children when I have them. My ex, moved into a housing association property due to being a single mother with 3 children. After being at said property for 2 months she has declared her boyfriend to be living there full time so hence demanding maintenance. I cannot afford to pay her what is asked. If I did look will not be able to support my children when I do have them, and most possibly lose my home. She refuses shared care, still giving no reason. I'm at a loss - if I pay maintenance I will lose my home and children - any advice?
MT 27 Oct 2016
Hi, The mother or my daughter left with my daughter several years ago and while I see my daugher every 6 out of 14 nights on a fortnightly pattern, I have repeatedly asked for an equal 50/50 split as I see no reason not to and also wonder why i still have to pay CSA fees which are quite high even though I care for my daughter so much etc? I recently heard that if parents have a 50/50 split, then payments are no longer required to be made? Is that correct? I've seen no evidence of this, but it would im sure help a lot of dads out there who not only make regular payments to the CSA, but also spend large amounts of money on their child when with them as well as stump up for wrap around care fees at school? Any thoughts and advise greatly appreciated and I hope all the good dads out there are winning. All the best.
Marcus 16 Oct 2016
My ex took me to court under false statements and lies, I had mckenzie friend who advised me to accept a non mol which I did, 2 hearings later I kinda realised why she was dragging me to court her legal aid had made a good shadow of the fact she was filing for residency of my daughter, but iv been so focused on proving I havnt done any of the stuff she said that iv come to the realisation that she has no evidence of anything. So basically my daughter is 15 months old, I have a non mol and I'm going for a final hearing I do have 2 days of supervised pick up contact via my sister. I have no money for legal aid and I'm representing myself in court I do not have the education to back myself , but the mckenzie friend made a decision about the resisdency nit being challenged without my consent which is wrong as iv read this online, but it could be to late, I will bring it up to the judge on the final hearing but I am going to ask for shared resisdency because it's beneficial to my little girls development and mental state. She is spending more time with the mothers family than her own parents and it's killing me looking at her face because she is so confused moving back and forward, I know that shared resistency is a rare thing but I like 10 minute drive from the ex and it's in my daughters best interests that she has the same amount of time with her dad than she does with her side of the family. I dunno how I'm going to do this maybe with a bit of luck but anybody have any advice for me to try force the shared residency please.
Shaz 15 Jul 2016
https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/156760 Need as many dads and their family and friends to sign this. You want equal rights to your kids then let's see if the petition can help. All you have to do is click sign and share
Josh 13 Jul 2016
My ex wife and I are going to mediation soon. We have a 4 year old daughter together and were married for 6 years. When my daughter was 2 my ex had an affair on me and now lives with the man. When she moved out in November 2014 we immediately setup a 2-2-3 schedule. We also had a app that showed when we both had her. I have printed that out and gave it to my lawyer. Also I have paid half of day care, insurance and any other bills even down to a simple haircut. She does not have to ask for it as we have a joint bank account and I transfer the money instantly. I also have printed out the bank statements since 2014 to show I have paid for everything. We had a apt together and her verbal agreement was that she would pay half of everything so I can find another place to live and she could move back in. Which she did and my parents bought a house which I rent from them. I moved out in May 2015 and she expects me to pay the remander half rent for 6 months until the lease is up. I thought this was bogus as I had to move out and gave her everything and started over. The lease is now up and no money is owed. Can she get me for the 6 months of half rent? Also our daughter starts VPK in August this year and I feel as it is time for 50/50. My ex put down that I should bring her to her house every night by 7pm. I live 45min away and that would be impossible as I work 8-5. I would like 1 week on and 1 week off with 1 month of vacation due to my family living out of state. My ex also makes $15,000 more a year then me and has had her job for 8 years with 401k. Also when we lived together my day went like this for years, Wake up get my daughter dressed, take her to day care, pick her up, make dinner, give her a bath, put her to bed so my ex does not yell at me about how she needs her own time to wind down and go outside and smoke cigarettes and drink a whole to a half a bottle of wine every night. With all of my documentation do I have a good chance at getting 50/50 with 1 month of vacation a year no roll over time?
Richie 10 Jul 2016
I came close to getting 50/50 but got 49/51 I have my son 6 nights every other week and 50% of school holidays social would not agree to 50/50 because the mother said no to it what I thing is petty really all because the mother wanted to get child maintenance when I get work and to make it harder for me till I do get work as I can't get any help with supporting my son I went to cab and they said that 1% is stopping me getting any help most times if the mother says no social services will stand by her and the courts stand by social services
SeparatedDads Editor 6 Jun 2016
I'm afraid we cannot predict what will happen if it goes to court. Much depends on the Cafcass report which will be carried out before the court case and which is generally adhered to by the courts, please see link: What Goes into the Cafcass Family Report? here. It means both parents will be able to put their reasoning before the reporter and the judge will come to a decision based upon the final report.
Jap 5 Jun 2016
Hi,I've been married for 7 yrs my wife and I bought a house together last year. We've lived in the same house with our 6 years old daughter for 3 years as we were renting the same property before. We have recently seperated and my wife have moved out of the house with our daughter to her parent's. We had initially come to an agreement wherein I would have our daughter Monday night to Thursday morning and every alternate Saturday. Before this I looked after our daughter full time as I only worked part time mostly weekends. My wife was the bread earner .for the we practiced what was agreed and the second week I get a letter from my wife's solicitors saying my daughter is not safe with me Because of my erratic behaviour and anger outbursts .and the reason she moved out of the house was because I threatened to kill her.now I'm only allowed access to our daughter for 6 hours a week.what chances do I have if I go to court requesting for 3 nights a week for our daughter with me.as I've been her primary carer since she was 3 month's old.
SeparatedDads Editor 26 Apr 2016
I can't say whether the court will offer more access to your ex. But it is unlikely the court will grant full custody unless absolutely necessary. It is rare that a court will hand a child over to another parent unless there are circumstances where the primary carer is unable to cope, or has serious issues with drugs or alcohol for example. If there are no issues with the stability of your child's upbringing, then you have little to worry about your ex being awarded custody here.
Sr15 25 Apr 2016
Me and my ex are going to court over custody of our 1 year old daughter. He has her from monday morning untill tuesday late afternoon and she stays with me the rest of the week. He wants to have her more days what are the chances of the court agreeing to this? Their has been problems in the past with canabis being around his house which i contacted health visitor about , given his life style i think 2days with her is more than enough. Any advice
SeparatedDads Editor 7 Apr 2016
I am sorry to hear this. You can represent yourself yes, see link: Legal Aid Withdrawal: How to Represent Yourself, here. The more quickly you get the ball rolling here, the better. You can apply straight to the courts if your ex is denying you access - please see link: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Accesshere and go through the procedure laid out in the article. Unfortunately, we can't say whether you will be awarded joint residency as it is up to the court to decide. Joint recidency is usually only agreed when the parents agree to this arrangement between them. Usually, the court will nominate one parent (generally the mother) as the primary carer and the other non-resident parent with access arrangements. However, this is not set in stone and the more day-to-day input you have had with your son the better chance you have of gaining this.
jag 6 Apr 2016
Hi. I have a 2 year old son who up until 10 days ago I lived with along with my wife. I have split with my wife and am now living with my mum in her 3 bedroom house (owner). My wife with our son is currently living in our house which we joint own for almost 4yrs. I have made all the mortgage and bills payment since we bought the property. Since I have left my wife has given me very limited contact with my son eg 30 mins under her supervision every 3 days. On my last visit she has said that I can no longer see my son. I have contacted mediation and am awaiting her response to mediation. Im prepared to go to court for a joint residency order as I feel my wife wont agree to me having sufficient contact. From the day my son was born I have been a very big part of his life. I have done everything for him. I change his nappy, feed him dinner, do his bath, give him milk, put him to sleep, even sleep with him. I have been doing this almost daily whilst I was in the family home. I even got him ready in the mornings and took him nursery 3 days a week. We have such a strong bond. I now do not see him and im sure he is confused on what is going on. His mother will not see the affect she is having on him and will not give me access. Im hoping on going to court to get joint residency. Where I am staying with my mum 3 miles away from the family home. I still can take him the same nursery if I get joint custody and as im living in a 3 bedroom house theres enough room for him to live me. How realistic is it for me except joint residency? And can I represent myself given my situation or would it be better to get help from solicitor? Thank you for any responses.
SeparatedDads Editor 6 Apr 2016
You would have to take the matter to court if your ex does not agree to give you any further time. In many instances, residence (custody) is granted to the mother, and you, as the father have your contact rights set out. With shared custody, your children split their time between their mother and you. The amount varies – it can be as much as 70% with the mother, for instance – but it means you have much greater contact with them. However, at present, shared custody/residency is not the norm in Britain, although several organisations are trying to increase its visibility and prominence - It is impossible to predict how this may play out in your case - as it is very much up to the court to decide. I hope this helps.
Timmy 5 Apr 2016
I want my children 3 and 6 on a 50/50 basis however I know my ex wife won't agree I have sent her a solicitors letter outlining this and other days ie holidays which she has ignored I see them every other weekend friday7pm till Sunday 6pm and tues and wed every week after school till 7pm what are my chances? I current live at my mom and dads with 3 bedrooms? Thanks
SeparatedDads Editor 16 Mar 2016
I'm confused about why you wish to apply for residency when you have not so far supported your child in any way. You are not on the birth certificate and have paid no child maintenance, so why would you also imagine the court would want to remove your child from the mother and hand over your son to you? Therefore, I'm afraid, the answer is it is highly unlikely. However, as a word of warning, if you have not paid child maintenance through the CSA you will be liable for arrears which is something which may give you a bit of a shock if you continue to ignore the demands.
SeparatedDads Editor 15 Mar 2016
I'm afraid we cannot predict what a court may decide. But if a report has been done and the children have expressed their wishes, then it is likely this will be upheld in court. Please see link: What Goes into the Cafcass Family Report? here which should help go some way to answering your question.
fatherof5 15 Mar 2016
Hi, I became involved with a 19 year old girl last year, I was 34 and she fell pregnant. I wasn't there through most of the pregnancy, didn't provide anything, wasn't there when she registered my son and since he's been born (4 months ago) I haven't seen him or asked about him. She's taken me to CSA and I'm being ordered to pay but I haven't. I'm just wondering what grounds I would have should I ever go for residency. I have a partner who is the mother of my 3, soon to be 4, children. She fell pregnant whilst the other girl was pregnant. We are on/off. I've moved out twice in the last year and we've had many breaks in the past. I know it seems messy. I'm just trying to get a feel of where I stand. She's messaged multiple times trying t arrange contact but I don't want to see her or have her involved but she's breastfeeding so she has to be. Can I just wait then apply for residency?
Stuck 14 Mar 2016
My ex and I have 3 kids. 9,7,5. I have been their primary care giver since birth. Dad left us almost 4 years ago. We agreed to visitation every Wednesday, his day off, 9am to 6 pm and every other Saturday at 6 till Sunday at 6. This is his only free time. Lately his only day off is Sunday and will remain that way. He is not particularly active in their lives. Does not attend teacher conferences, school functions, sporting activities and most recently did not call our son on his birthday. About 2 years ago he moved in with a new partner. There are orders in place that she is not to be alone with the kids. She has proven to make bad decisions. The king da like their dad but have expressed they don't want more time with him. Recently he has asked for 50/50 custody. I'm not comfortable with this as there is no routine or stability with him. His partner and him are physically violent with each other and drink excessively. The kids have witnessed this. We do not communicate at all except for the odd time when he gets very angry over nothing and yells at me during pick up or drop off. A wishes of the child report was done and the kids have expressed a desire to stay with me. They want nothing to change. He continues to fight me. We have a court trial date set in a few months. What are the chances he may gain more access? Thank you.
SeparatedDads Editor 9 Mar 2016
You are on the right track at least. If your ex refuses to attend mediation, then you will need to pursue it through the courts. If you have been having access and your ex cannot come up with a good reason for witholding it, then it is likely the courts will give you the access you need and that fits in with both of your lifestyles. Please see link: Contact Orders: the Process
newocram 8 Mar 2016
I have had my children every weekend Friday 6pm to Sunday 4pm for over a year. No official agreement has been in place. Recently however my ex has been trying to gain weekends back, although rather than discuss this with me she is dictating this to me. Last weekend she decided to keep them for the weekend and not let me see them at all. I have been to mediation. She cancelled this and currently my Solicitor has instructed her to either go back to mediation or I would have to go to court. She works 3 our of 4 weekends. I work Mon-Fri and I do not get back into the house until 7pm mostly. The children who are 6 and 4 go to bed usually at 7.30. Another issue is my mother wants to see the children but works every other weekend. So she can only see the boys 2 weekends out of 4. And surprise surprise, the weekends she wants lands on my mothers free time. I'm very worried about how the court may react to all f this. I would like to maintain my weekends. She has a lot of free time in school holidays with them which I don't. Although I would like to get some holiday time with them sorted. Any suggestions what may happen at court?
Suz 23 Jan 2016
Sorry I know my previous comment was long enough but I really do want the right advice. I am just really worried that my ex isn't looking at what is best for the girls and is just fighting for more access because he doesn't like the fact that I am assuming the most contact... this is only because I am able to and have been giving all the girls the care he can't even show me what increased time would look like There has been a lot of very horrible things happen and I feel very vulnerable to him because I feel I buckle because he is so much more stronger than I am he has very high involvement with his family members because he has his other commitments and although I understand the importance of extended family it is destroying me that he wants to eliminate me from his time with the girls and increase the time he has and then his mom will have increased time (she is there when he has them almost all the time and even when we were together I know my ex partner and I know he will take a step bk when she is there and she will act as if it was me when we were together) I feel the woman has no respect for my wishes and place as the girls mother. It's heartbreaking to be replaced not as a partner but as a parent and even more so when I feel this woman has wronged me so much He has a lot of money and at the moment I have nothing he kept everything in the relationship and he has gone to a very expensive lawyer that I simply cannot afford I asked him to go to mediation as it was cheaper and I could afford it big he doesn't compromise and just wants all his terms I really don't want to go to court please help me
Suz 23 Jan 2016
I have two little girls with my ex partner. One is 3 and the other is 1 my ex and I separated 6 months ago. The girls were both breast fed and he has his own business which requires a lot of his time and commitment. He also values going to the gym at least 4 times a week and likes campaigning politically. Long story short I was the girls soul carer almost and he had never taken them over night or even had them longer than a few hours. He did change nappies and I have no doubt that he loves our girls but parenting dos not come naturally to him as a result he is slower to understand priority with the girls ie when our oldest was ready to potty train he thought I was wrong to start potty training her when he was not ready... I never decided our little girl did etc long story short our current situation is a Thursday from 11.30 (he can't take them earlier because he has to do things for work) until 8pm (they go to bed at 8.30) and a week end night from 5pm until 8pm the next day (27 hours if that makes sense) As hard as separation is I understand the girls need a relationship with their father but I just feel with them being so little and my ability to priorities them and their needs this is adequate and any more would be excessive. I always include him if he wants when I have the girls but he exclude me from his and I just feel with a 3/4 day split when he moves on he will remove me completely when he has the girls as he already is doing now I love my girls and I really do want what's best for them (I feel sometimes he just wants them for the control and it's not about that for me)
fiz 7 Dec 2015
it has a lot and thank you and thanks again for this site it is really helpful.
SeparatedDads Editor 1 Dec 2015
I can only suggest you either ask your ex personally for an extension, or take this back to court and ask for the order to be reviewed. I can't predict what the court may decide. But if this access has been successful, and your time is limited by your daughter's attendence at these clubs, then this means the circumstances of your order have changed, therefore the courts may consent for it to be reviewed. I hope this helps.
fiz 30 Nov 2015
Our court order has been set for roughly 2 to 3 years now and I feel every fortnight is too far away and my daughter attends dance and tae Kwando whilst with me where she is not getting full advantage as she is only there two times a month. I would like every weekend what chances are they of me getting this now and what is best way to go about it. thanks for reading.
Sam120 28 Nov 2015
Hi, I'm due to go into court with my ex partner, a few years ago he got given residency (it wasn't because of me as a mother & I won't go into detail) anyway, after this and a court order (which was broken ages ago) because I've been having a lot more contact than I started off with. Going back to march I was having the most contact for 8 months, til recently we changed it to me having 5 days a week and dad weekends. I applied for a removal of residency because I seriously didn't see the point in him having it if she is residing with me. What we are having now is 50/50. Anyway since the court papers have been delivered he has been trying to change our agreement so he gets an extra day a week even though he works alot. He has asked me to go into court and agree with him, but I feel as if he's doing this for all the wrong reasons. I have other children to consider in this too and I believe children need consistency and routine. I want to go into court and say I am happy with how things are, me having Monday - Friday and him having Friday after school to Monday morning. Am I being unreasonable?
fiz 21 Nov 2015
sorry I did write more but I think it was too much to fit in, thank you for your response its really nice fathers have this site. our court order has been set for roughly 2 to 3 years now and I feel every fortnight is too far away and my daughter attends dance and tae Kwando whilst with me where she is not getting full advantage as she is only there two times a month. I would like every weekend what chances are they of me getting this now and what is best way to go about it. thanks for reading.
SeparatedDads Editor 18 Nov 2015
We're really glad this worked out for you.
fiz 18 Nov 2015
Hello, my daughter is 8 years old, me and her mum was never married and I am on my daughters birth certificate. 6 years ago I was in a custody battle with my ex partner this lasted 4 years as she had taken me back to court 4 times. The first time she made my life hell all the allegations of domestic violence lots of lies never any proof for however I could show some of her story's didn't make sense but that never mattered in court. she would never agree to mediation saying she wouldn't sit in a room with me. the second time I don't know to be honest we got on for a few week through court hearings without the courts seeing this for themselves and my ex had actually agreed to shared custody in court and it was granted. then we had fallen out about the fact my daughter was calling her new partner dad at the age of 3 so she took me back to court gave them more lies and my custody got cut to Friday evening till Sunday evening every fortnight supervised by my parents. then came the 4th time she prolonged it as much as possible with more lies saying she could back them up. she took in a single statement from a young girl, this was a made up statement which the girl that had supposed to have wrote it messaged me through a social site telling me it was a load of rubbish and the girl didn't come to court to back up the statement on this time I flipped in court after more and more allegations about my daughter being dirty on handovers and stating she had not enjoyed her time with me. this was the opposite way. I had 50 photos printed every one of them had my daughters beautiful smile and clean happy healthy in good cloths and surrounding's I started shouting and crying that I had enough its been 4 years and nothing but constant allegations with no proof and said well here's mine and threw the photos in front of one of judges I sat back crying saying I couldn't do it no more an to give my ex what ever she wanted, please note I always vowed to never give up but it was a rough ride and at times I felt like it was to hard I had just had a tumour removed and was still in healing process with a open wound in court and hospital equipment attached to my wound. so the judges asked us all to have a breather. my barrister at the time was asking me to sit down an be calm, when we went out of the room my barrister had told me I shouldn't have gone off like that because it would go very badly against me. I wouldn't advise anyone to go off like this it was my last stand and I was very lucky but the judges seem to have listened for once it was amazing I never thought anyone would but I am guessing they had taken all the cases in to consideration over the years and seen my ex for what she really was. I had been granted what I wanted which was to pick up my daughter from school on a Friday and take her back on the Monday also sharing half the school holidays but they said it had to still remain every other weekend I was happy this was major for me especially with t
kmr 16 Oct 2015
I am a mum if three split with my husband November last year I have given him continus access to all 3 children even know the eldest isn't his and sees his own father he only pays 30 a week csa which I don't mind but now he is taking me to court on a child arrangement order although he sees them quite generously 2 nights a week and then an extra 2 hours in the week too he and I have a new partner however his partner has had her child taken away from her and her child lives with her grandparents I am quite concerned about this as I don't know why this has happened and if she is a risk to my children I give him all the access he wants but yet her is taking me too court for the children to live with him and me have them for four days I'm a reasonable ex considering he has been abusive and violent towards me since we split I'm very uncertain of my legal right but affording a solicitor when I only work part time and have 3 children to care for is very difficult any advice on what my chances are in court because I don't really want the access to change at all
SeparatedDads Editor 3 Sep 2015
Many thanks for your comments they will be very useful for our readers.
foo 2 Sep 2015
I know it's out of date, but I managed to get CAFCASS to take my son (4) and daughter's (6) opinions in to concideration. But it took *one hell* of a lot of effort (and I got through a couple of CAFCASS officers before one would, even thought the Court had told CAFCASS to). It was a god-send in my case. My ex was claiming to have been the sole provider of day-to-day care (amongst other, more abominable fabrications as well). We used to look after our kids 50/50 before I left her. After I left her, she tried to blackmail me for our house and, when I refused, she suddenly stopped me seeing my children. She then tried to extort money from me, using access to them as leverage. The kids were saying all the way through, loud and very clearly, that they wanted to see me and that they wanted it to go back to 50/50. Getting CAFCASS to listen to them was absolutely pivotal for us.
Helen 10 Jun 2015
Hi I see most comments on here are fathers getting a raw deal and I wanted to include my side to say I have bent over backwards to give my ex good contact with our children but he has made things so impossible I'm at my wits end with it and I am now paying a huge amount of money to take him to court!! Firstly my ex pays no maintenance and never has I would never use this as a reason to stop contact! He also smokes canabis on a daily basis which I find horrifying that no courts seem to view this as an issue even when he walks to thier school doing this as parents tell me, he then says so many lies and negative things about me to them on nearly every visit to him they come back distressed and upset for days!!! He refuses to bring them home after contact and due to his abuse I have to get someone else to collect them and bring them home to avoid upset for the kids, I have attempted to stop contact due to all these ongoing concerns and many many more but the school unfortunately can't stop him collecting the children and as I work to provide for my children I can't always be there to get them!! I have had four years of this now has cost thousands so it's not all about dads getting a raw deal some give the nice guys a bad name!!
oakley111 29 Apr 2015
Hello, my ex fell pregnant just 2 months of being together, it wasn't the best of relationship could never find a middle so we split 3 months before she was due i was there the whole way through the pregnancy including the birth. My daughter was born 4th of this month but since shes arrive home she changed her number without telling me i find out of her mate that she isn't putting me on the birth papers won't applie for csa cus it involves a dna, shes shut all my family away blocked on facebook i went round the other afternoon to say hello as i hadn't seen my daughter for 2weeks she opened the door handed a box with baby clothes and said we wont be needing these then rang the police, what should i do as my next step people
SeparatedDads Editor 20 Mar 2015
@Enoughisenough - if you apply through the courts for shared residency and you think you have a good chance and it is in the best interests of your child, then there is nothing stopping you requesting this. However, you will need to back up your application with solid reasons why this would benefit your child.
Enoughisenough 18 Mar 2015
Hi please help .. Since birth ive hsd contact with my daughter i have her everyother weekend and 2 nights each week . Now im being told i can have her everyother weeked .tried mediation didnt work so now to court ... What are my chances of shared custody or even keeping what i have ? No domestic abuse no viiolence in fsct been having a well working relationship for the past 2 years . Please advice
Hassie 28 Feb 2015
I have been divorced for 8 years but still have close relationship with my 3 kids. They live with their Mum and I get to see them every other weekend and selected holidays. I have moved closer to home in the last year and have had greater access to kids which my ex was quite happy with, and it has worked well for all, especially the kids who get to see more of their Dad. However I have a new partner and am planning a future with her which includes buying a house together. This has made my ex wife insecure and quite irrational and she is reducing my access back to what the original consent order prescribed. So legally correct but makes the children unhappy as they now see me less again. So my question is....can I go back to court and ask for shared custody and what are my chances of success. I am financially sound and can offer full support for my kids? My 18 year old daughter has already chosen to spend at least half her time with me, so the question relates to my 2 boys (15 and 10). I really don't want the children to get involved but if I do nothing they suffer by not seeing me in the frequency they have been used to. Can anyone share their similar experience or help me?
stuck 4 Feb 2015
Hello !! I am separate from 2 years my ex don't pay me anything also I don't want to but I need he's response to his on son even he's not buy anything just one time a year shoe all it's !! Annoying thinks he's never take him night or full day only weekend 4 hours a day it's mean last year I am goigoing out only 2 times a year also I don't have my on time go to gym or anything !!! I am still waiting for court gettin divorce and how can I legally make him take responsibility and stop effect my life been using my son .
Jem Editor 3 Feb 2015
@hoppoweller - I am sorry to hear of this story. Some mothers would never imagine doing this, stopping the access just to get money, but unfortunately there are always those out there who will. Take it to court and fight it on the basis that she has only stopped access because of the money. You can also become a self-litigant if that helps with costs.
hoppoweller 1 Feb 2015
I have been separated from my former wife for 6 years divorced for 4 years, during all that time I have had both my girls for 3 nights a week and have paid the correct amount of maintenance all they way through and also done what I can for them based on the fact I only have the one income coming into the house. The girls are now 20 and 14 1/2. My eldest daughter has lived with me for 3 years moving in with me when she was 17 when my former wife met someone and quickly decided to have him move into our former home which made my daughter very uncomfortable so she moved in with me. My younger daughter still wanted the contact to remain on a 3 night a week basis actually 50/50 really as she stays with me 2 nights through the week and also on a Saturday right through until Sunday until about 5 pm. All of this has been working fine until my former wife has got pregnant to her now husband { so now because of Finance} she has stopped my daughter from seeing me sending vile letters to my house basically saying that she will now struggle for money cause she will be on maternity pay so stopping me seeing my daughter will put me in the category of one night a week therefore the CSA have doubled my payments [ I like most men have no say in the matter] and basically have to bend over and take it. [the system is a disgrace] I love both my girls and they love me and both of them want to see their mum and dad EQUILY surely the system needs to CHANGE. I now have to pay double the amount of maintenance to my former wife who is not particularly struggling by any shape or form and also have to involve lawyers and go to court which is obviously going to come at great expense, which I am going get into financial hock for. Why cant the system be fair don't get me wrong I know there are some blokes out there that are useless Dads but for the ones who are genuine and want their kids in their lives the system is made impossible for them. How can it be that a mother can just phone the SCA and say the father is not going to see the children any more [when both the father and the child dont want that] and come out of it with more money !!!!! The SCA set up is a disgrace and the family court system need to be easier all round There are going to be a lot of messed up children in the future baffled to why they couldn't see their other parent all because of the system that has failed them its a disgraceful game and its ALL DOWN TO MONEY,MONEY,MONEY Play the game and use the child as a pawn in it and come out the other side with a big bag of cash and the SCA will help all this happen as they dont even listen to the DAD or Non Residential Parent as my now title has now become, It is also funny when the SCA change the set up and ex wife walks away with bag full of cash that the contact arrangements go back to the original , I guess I am lucky in some ways as I do get to see my daughter even though I am going to be hammered for maintenance, I know their
SeparatedDads Editor 8 Jan 2015
@cjs - if you have parental responsibility your partner can't change your children's names without your written consent. With regards to applying for joint residence you would have to apply through the courts. You may find our Separated Dads Facebook page useful as there is a lot of advice from dads who are going through the same or a similar situation. I hope this helps.
cjs 8 Jan 2015
im currently having problems with my childs mother as she is trying to change my childrens names on their birth certificates without my concent im concerened that she may be trying to phase me out i want them to live with me as a joint custody how do i go about doing this ?
somebody 5 Nov 2014
Although it is unlikely that you will get 50/50, it is possible. I just got 50/50 with my ex wife of my two girls - however it cost about 10 grand and I had to have both of my daughters (who are both 14) had to tell a organisation called cafecass exactly what THEY wanted. However I was told by my lawyers themselves that it was highly unlikely that I got it.
wish 15 Jan 2014
my long term partners ex wife is trying to take 2 sons to live in france full time. We are going through the courts to stop this. We live together in our house with my 3 children and his sons stays every other weekend and a day in the week. We planned to marry next year, will it help our case if we marry now as it will mean that we have an even more secure family which i hope the courts will take into account. We have been together for four years.
Rajeevtanna 21 Mar 2013
Hi I have weekend contact fri 5pm - Sunday 2pm. Ex wanted to reduce to every other weekend because he goes school in september. Now she is going to have less quality time , as he is not around as much. Can age legally reduce established routine ?RegardsRaj
Luke 20 Feb 2013
I have a 1 and a half year old son and would like him to stay three nights a week. I'd have to go through court to get it to happen. What would stop this from happening and what are the chances of me winning? Thanks for help in advance
Manny 20 Feb 2013
My girlfriend was in jail when she had a baby girl and two days after she was born she was released to me. I raised her from two days old tell she was four months old. thats when her mother got out. she live with me three weeks and then took the baby and left. the babys social security card has my last name and all the doctors records also have my name. But now she says its not my child and I do beleive she not mine but I still love her but the mother does not want me to have anything to do with her anymore. So how do I get her to remove my last name so I dont get charged with child support later
Chels 14 Dec 2012
On the 7th of March, due to a ex partner who was controlling & posed risks to me & my daughter, Social services asked me to sign a voluntary temporary agreement for my child to reside with her father. I no longer have any contact whats so ever with the ex partner & he has conditions not to contact me by the police, i also have applied for a Non-Molestation order so that a order could be put in place, all the funds are in place to proceed with the Non-Molestation order but there is no way my solicitor can serve him with the papers because we don't know his location. I believe my ex is still wanted by the police for breaking his bail conditions months back, the trouble is the police also dont no where his location is, Once its confirmed where he lives the Non-Molestation will be put in place, & he will get served the papers. I am in process of housing, & bidding 3days a week, i live with my paternal grandmother in a stable home that is imaculate until i get any news from housing / getting a property for myself & my daughter. I have contact with my daughter every single day just for 1hr. I applied for a residence order and a court hearing took place on the 1st of November, & the conditions are set by contact remaining the same as it is untill i do a assessment with a social worker which will take 12weeks, & then the judge will get sent a copy of this report at the next hearing which is near the end of January, there isn't a specific date for this yet. What is my chances of getting my daughter back? & what are the positive steps to take for a more of a positive chance is succeeding a residence order? Im in process of housing to get my own property. I attend a freedom project which is for 6weeks & runs by WOMANSAID I have no longer got any contact whats so ever with the ex partner. Iv got funding in place for a Non-Molestation order & it is still in process, but solicitor needs to hand served papers for Non-Mole to be put in place.Problem is we dont know where his location is.Bail conditions still remain for him not to contact me direct or indirectly.
Claus44 3 Oct 2012
I have a simiar question. Wife and I split on her request, in June. She immediately 'found' a new bloke and has been putting up barriers to me seeing our two children aged 10 and 7 beyond minimal access in my view. I get what seems standard Wednesday nights and every other weekend, which I really have a problem with. I have flexibility and could do more, but I am being told its disruptive to the routine and I am not allowed any more access. I particluarly dislike the long 6 days (Thursday am through no the following Wednesday post school pick up) without spending any time with my children. In my view it is too long and not in their best interest. Having been a hands on father throughout, I think its a raw deal. Mediation session again tomorrow, but I can not see that helping my cause. Would I get a better deal via the court? Should I play the nice game and hope it improves?
Jenjen 20 Jul 2012
Hi my daughter got married 8 years ago and at the time her partner went in for a mortgage in only his name he didnt want her on the mortgage ,but now there marriage has broke down and they are seperating what right as she got staying in her home with her 4 children(2 from previous relationship) his children are aged 2 & 4 ,as she got rights to stay there till they are older if so at the end of the time what profit would he be entitled to from the sale of the house if he still keeps up with the mortgage repayments? Or what would he be entitled to if he doesnt pay the mortgage
jimbob 17 Jul 2012
I have seperated from my daughthers mother about 18 months ago and have had no problem with access (currently three nights a week and every other weekend), the problem I have is when I dont have her my ex will leave my daughther with whoever will have her so she can go out, this includes ex prostitetus and several people who use methadone, they are all freinds of my ex.My ex does not care what so ever about my daughther and pays no attention to her school work or any after school activities.I take my daughther to brownies, swimming, tennis lessons. I finally decided that enough was enough when she again left her with this ex prostitute and went to to see my solicitor to apply for custody. What do you think realisticly my chances are of succedding in court?
Kev25 3 Oct 2011
My wife has told me she wishes us to separate and has rented and fully furnished a flat nearby using savings. She has told me that she wishes me to have access to my children 50/50 albeit that her suggestion is 2 days each then 5 days which I am opposed to. She works 3 days a week from 8-30 until 5.30, whilst I also work my job is flexible enough to allow me to be home at both ends of the day. My question is that it is my wife who is choosing to leave our marriage and wishes to do other things and has already given me dates when she will be at various social events. Am I being unreasonable in pushing for greater access given that she physically will not be able to provide my children with the daily stability they need to get over the break up of their parents. On a secondary note does my daughter who is nearly 15 have a right to tell us what she wants?
fisky 23 Aug 2011
Hi, I have been apart from my sons mother for 2 years now and have swallowed an informal agreement to now have weekly overnight (1) stays but also gratefully receive 'crumbs from the table' when his mother requests I have him. This contact is generally always based in my view on her needs i.e. socialising, work childcare etc and immediately reverts to the all important structure which she is reluctant to be flexible unless it suits her. I am totally unable to utilise legal representation having taken all debts with me and resorting to a debt management plan (DMP). My son who is 6 has begun voicing his wish to live with both parents, at what age would CAFCASS consider my sons views?
Frustrated 24 May 2011
Hi,I have a question pertaining to my two step children. For about the last 12 months they have been asking their father for a 50/50 arrangement and can he please talk to their Mum. He arranged mediation and was granted (by her) an extra day. We currently have the children 5 nights a fortnight. The kids who are 8 and 11 have been continually asking us to please get there Mum to change to the shared arrangement-she flatly refuses. My husband again spoke to the Relationship Centre and tried to organise another Mediation session. His ex-wife told the Centre that she will see him in Court. We are reluctant to go to court as we would prefer not to put the kids through the experience and also from a financial perspective we would struggle. However, the children are adamant and we are sick of the emotional blackmail she uses when they ask to spend more time with their Father. I am at my wits end, any advice would be great. Sincerely Frustrated

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