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Misuse of Maintenance Payments

By: Lorna Elliott LLB (hons), Barrister - Updated: 18 Sep 2020 |
 
Child Support Maintenance Dad Misuse Csa

It is not uncommon for separated dads to be concerned at what their ex is doing with the money that is supposed to benefit their child or children. Of course, as responsible and caring dads you want to make sure that the money you pay towards your child's everyday needs is actually being spent on your child. It can be very frustrating and cause considerable anger if you perceive your ex to be splashing out on luxuries, such as holidays and home improvements, with money that you consider to be for your child.

For the Benefit of the Family

Unfortunately, there is very little that can be done about this. The Child Support Agency (CSA) has no control over what happens to the money once payments have been made to the resident parent. It is generally accepted that Child Support Payments can be made to benefit the household, such as on heating bills or other family needs, but often separated dads can suspect that the money is benefiting one person alone: your ex.

Of course, the vast majority of mothers think the world of their children and wouldn't put their own needs before that of their dependants. Your ex may say that she has sources of income that you don't know about, or may say that she is trying to do things that benefit the whole family. Arguably, home improvements or a holiday for all the family may, albeit only on a partial basis, benefit the child – but expensive handbags and shoes won't!

Proving Misuse

On a practical level, it would be very hard to prove that your maintenance payments are being misused. Your ex, as the resident parent, is the decision maker as to household financial expenditure and it is her sole responsibility to ensure that the money is spent appropriately. When confronted, she may simply say that she is using other money to pay for things for herself and using your money for your child's benefit. If there has been a period of time when child support has not been paid, she may 'justify' her expenditure on having to meet the sole financial responsibility during that period.

When You Can Intervene

It is a wholly different scenario if your child's needs are not being met and you are worried about their welfare. For example, it is totally unacceptable for your child to be neglected, abused or poorly treated. If you are seriously worried about the way in which your child is being treated, you need to seek legal advice without delay. Any decision to do so should not be taken lightly and is bound to be met with considerable hostility by your ex. In extreme cases, you could apply for a residence order but bear in mind that the court would always look at the welfare and best interests of the child first.

CSA Reassessment

Of course, there are other options. You could Enter Into Mediation with your ex to try to air your concerns and to reach a mutually satisfactory agreement. If you are paying money through the CSA, you could also ask for a reassessment if the money you are paying is causing Financial Difficulties in comparison to your ex's life of luxury.

When making agreements about maintenance payments (and this is where mediation can help), you could offer to be responsible specifics, such as school dinner money, school trips, nursery/holiday club fees, sports clubs, subscriptions etc. This might help you in knowing just where your money is going.

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

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If you can afford it, take a CMS holiday. Career break. Sit at home and do nothing, and you don't pay maintenance :)
Steve - 18-Sep-20 @ 11:24 PM
My husband left after 27 years, (two or 3 nights a week, then he never came back one night), 12 of those married. We have a 12 year old daughter. He won't tell me where he is. Ignores my messages/phone calls. He hasn't seen our daughter since April. Hasn't taken her out, since March.He used to lollypop around the corner, but now he doesn't do that anymore. He still has his mail delivered here. He's living with someone else. In another town. I don't know where. Her son has now started to go to my daughter's school. She's even seen him drop the kid of. He's called my daughter his step sister and has told her that her Dad now lives with them.This is heartbreaking for my daughter and she wants to move schools, so she doesn't bump in to her Dad. I've always encouraged contact. Told my daughter he's left me, not her. He used to message her. Now he doesn't. When he did message her, he would say he would come and see her, but he never has. I just don't get it. She's done nothing wrong.He doesn't have to see me. He's not paid maintenance. I don't know where he is to get the CMs to approach/contact him. I know his national insurance number, bank account number and his pension details, (he used to be in the military so has a decent pension from them). I don't know why won't he pay maintenance. It wouldn't be much. More to the point, it's his daughter. I've petitioned for divorce. Couldn't proove adultry, because I don't know where he is. It's all so hard. Instead of just setting up a standing order, I've now got to go through all this.How can the CMS even contact him, do a deduction order if he won't tell me where he is.How can they even contact him??? I don't know where to start.
Melody - 18-Sep-20 @ 9:51 PM
Just because a NRP doesn't see all that money spent on their kids doesn't mean RP is spending it on themselves..I saved half of every payment my kids dad paid which will now be helping my daughter in university
Teri - 16-Sep-20 @ 12:31 AM
The UK government is deliberately misleading the public to call the payments child maintenance if there is not a single shred of evidence that any of the money is being spent on maintaining children. The Child maintenance Services should be scrapped and one of the many reasons for this is that they can't ensure the payments that they are enforcing are being used to maintain children. All the payments are doing in reality is financially rewarding one parent for stopping/limiting the access of the other to their own children. It is a barbaric outdated system and is harming children and parents. Children deserve parental equality. 50:50 custody should be the norm, no good parent should suffer the heartbreaking pain of having their child removed from their day to day life and then be forced to make payments to the person who has inflicted that pain. No child should be torn away from a good parent. We need to stand up for parental equality. Both parents should be treated equally. Studies show 50:50 custody is best for the children in the vast majority of cases. CMS should only be involved in abandonment cases. Current system is barbaric.
Childmaintenanceisba - 15-Sep-20 @ 5:41 AM
Hi,where do I start,I have two sons,aged 32_and_29.after a split back in 1994,I met the agreed amount to my ex who left for another man,when after a while they was utilising the money on a weekend binge when I had my boys,I soon stopped giving hand outs for their drunken behaviour,as we wasn't married I persuade full custody, only to get visit days,due to working long hours, they both was in receipt of benefits,!, she contacted the CSA and took me to court,I provided for my children regards food,clothes,shoes,school,etc,but never handed money over,the CSA outcome was a deduction of earnings,which they said by law all I need to live on was £73.00 Pound a week,they took the rest,after 2 years of that I lost my home,car,job,and discovered they was both working cash in hand and still claiming benefit,someone reported them,!!!,they was both found guilty of benefit fraudulent deception,but I was told to pay maintenance even though they had been cheating the system,from then I re married and 5/years ago divorced,and seem to have left a outstanding amount of child support arrears, since my divorce I have accumulated a large sum of money,but after 26 years,my first partner as crawled out of an hole expecting money,my question is,should I persue her for fraudulently defrauding me for CSA In the first place.its a complete joke.I have been at times in a very dark place due to the threat and stress they caused me,but I will stand by father's have rights, bring it on,to all the women that cheat,live with it.
Jonah - 29-Aug-20 @ 1:59 AM
Hi,where do I start,I have two sons,aged 32_and_29.after a split back in 1994,I met the agreed amount to my ex who left for another man,when after a while they was utilising the money on a weekend binge when I had my boys,I soon stopped giving hand outs for their drunken behaviour,as we wasn't married I persuade full custody, only to get visit days,due to working long hours, they both was in receipt of benefits,!, she contacted the CSA and took me to court,I provided for my children regards food,clothes,shoes,school,etc,but never handed money over,the CSA outcome was a deduction of earnings,which they said by law all I need to live on was £73.00 Pound a week,they took the rest,after 2 years of that I lost my home,car,job,and discovered they was both working cash in hand and still claiming benefit,someone reported them,!!!,they was both found guilty of benefit fraudulent deception,but I was told to pay maintenance even though they had been cheating the system,from then I re married and 5/years ago divorced,and seem to have left a outstanding amount of child support arrears, since my divorce I have accumulated a large sum of money,but after 26 years,my first partner as crawled out of an hole expecting money,my question is,should I persue her for fraudulently defrauding me for CSA In the first place.its a complete joke.I have been at times in a very dark place due to the threat and stress they caused me,but I will stand by father's have rights, bring it on,to all the women that cheat,live with it.
Jonah - 29-Aug-20 @ 1:53 AM
Why do we as humans feel we can judge another person without knowing full facts. I find people disgusting, parents work hard full stop we all love our children full stop. Stop jealousy, hate and the mental bullying(they get away with this one a lot more). All our children care about is to see their parents happy and they get to spend time with them... So he ran off and had another family? Your hurting forget your feelings for a mo how does your child feel? How will you you feel if you moved on and your ex said you cannot see your child? Life and people can be very shady howeverif there is no violence, mental abuse or child alienation then there should be no reason to stop a parent from seeing them. If you know you have been toxic or vile and you just don't seem to be getting anywhere with seeing your child take time out, don't threaten, hit or do anything that could be used against you, then seek legal action. If you cannot afford legal action try sort another family to get in touch and see if they will be willing to help with contact for your children. No child should see their parents arguing, it's healthy to stick to boundaries at these times try and have agreement written so there is no confusion. Peace
Kleo - 24-Jul-20 @ 3:20 PM
I have been separated from my wife for 10 months, after 18 years married and have a 13 year old daughter who I have half the week. I moved out and am living with my brother, but ultimately want to get my own place, when I can afford to. We are still both paying the mortgage jointly and both names are still on the mortgage. However, I have been paying my half to her to pay the mortgage every month, but have recently found out that she has not been paying the mortgage since January, so we are in arrears. With this in mind, I have told her we cannot carry on this way, so we need to sell the house, pay of the mortgage, then we can go an live seperately in out own aboads. When the house is sold and the mortgage paid off and we both look to buy/rent new places, do I have to continue to pay towards her rent/mortgage for her new place? PS - I have no problem about continuing to pay the Child Maintenance, I have been paying since I left. Thanks in advance.
Ian - 12-Jul-20 @ 12:38 AM
My Ex-Wife and I have been Separated/Divorced over two years now. Originally we agreed (through mediation) a visitation plan for the three girls. I was devastated at the time and on top of all this I had to fold my company. I was determined to be there for the kids and made seeing them my priority. It also gave me some cheer considering the collapse of the business. i took them the agreed times (8 nights per month, as well as half all the school holiday periods (stipulated in the mediation report). I also took them whenever my Ex wanted to go away with their new partner. (5 holidays in the first year alone). I dutifully paid what the CMS were saying i was meant to pay. Now after the first 3 months I was made aware that the actual visitation the CMS had was not. They had me down as one night per week. It appears that my EX had called the CMS and had told them that the plan wasn't being stuck to. After much text arguing (when I withheld her payment) she agreed to instruct them of the correct visits that were happening. Jump forward to present day. In December 2019, I was again made aware that she had retracted her statement and the payments I was making are incorrect payments and I was not being assessed correctly. Especially in light that we had (by text) further agreed an extra night at the weekends as it was "hard" on the youngest and we both felt that it was more "natural" a break/goodbye to drop her at School the Monday mornings after a weekend of her being with me. It turns out that if my EX had been, what honest? Fair? Human? I would have been paying less. Meaning I was over paying by some £9500.I have asked her to do this and obviously she refused. The CMS have told me that they take what she says is correct (visits). I registered a complaint and uploaded all my records, (Spreadsheets records of when I saw the kids.I was told to keep a record by CMS as they would “calculate the following year based on the visits.) Offered text messages and email where the agreements were sorted. This was all ignored and I was told that I had to obtain a court order for the visitation and they would recalculate on that. This is going to cost me in excess of £3000. Lessons learnt. Go straight for the Court order. I am desperate to find the money to get a court order that agrees the original visitation agreement from mediation. Presently, She`s cut the visitation down to 4 times a month to be spiteful and to get more allocation from CMS.
STMPUnix - 3-Mar-20 @ 4:31 PM
My wife left me and took my youngest son as she was having an affair.When she left she said she didn't want any money off me for my son so long as i agreed to giving her 50% of the equity on the house when it sold (she contributed £0 towards the property throughout the time we lived there. I paid ALL of the mortgage and ALL of the household bills. 7 months down the line she is now demanding i pay child maintenance and has got the CSA involved.She is preventing my son from seeing me at all also. Is there anything i can do to prevent her getting money that she said she never wanted but has now changed her mind?
Muggedoffdad - 3-Mar-20 @ 3:02 PM
When my ex and I separated we agreed that’s my child would spend majority of time with him ( due to religion *biggest mistake* I left the religion) he begged me not to go after him for spousal support if front of the family mediation office and he wouldn’t go after me for child support, until I got on me feet after moving provinces. He also promised both my daughter and I she would be able to visit me ( verbally) As soon as I moved all This changed. I started paying child support as soon as I found a suitable job. And have never missed a payment since. It the separation agreement it says t4’s can be submitted yearly adjustments can be made. He has not requested them the last few years and now he wants the last 4 years. I told him I have no issue with that and need to gather the paper work. He’s wants them “NOW” even though I have till May first. I agree that adjustments need to be made because I do make more now then I did when the amount was first made. My fear is he is going to try to get back pay and the difference based on the last 4 years , even though I make less then , then I do now. Can he do that??
Jules - 2-Mar-20 @ 7:23 PM
I have my son every other weekend from Friday night to Sunday evening, half of Easter holidays, 2 weeks in summer and half of Christmas. I pay her 200 a month for 1 child and I also pay half of everything else (after school club, clothes etc) yet my ex has gone to cms saying I don't give her enough and now cms are harassing me to give her more money 162 pound a week to be exact. Is this fair? Am I not paying enough? And is there any advise anyone can give me?
Yo - 22-Feb-20 @ 7:56 PM
If child maintenance is being paid, can the recipient request more money for things such as wellies. The sender has the child 3-4 days a week and pays for everything from their own pocket during that time (food, activities, shoes, clothes, haircuts, travel, etc). Examples of extra requests for money: A couple of weeks ago the child needed wellies for a nursery outing and the receiver demanded the sender bought them or sent the extra money for them. Currently the receiver has demanded the sender take the child for a haircut because its their turn (which is an agreement that was never made) and slammed the door shut when the sender pointed that out and said they liked the child's hair currently. The sender does take the child for hair cuts but when he feels it is necessary.
Maintenance question - 28-Jan-20 @ 9:25 AM
Why does a mother have the right to refuse access but still apply for maintenance on the basis of how few days the father has the kids ??? Surely if it’s her choice not to allow access she can’t then ask for money for those days it’s just unfair, I share 50/50 access with my kids dad because it’s what is best for my kids the women who refuse access just to milk the dad of more money in my eyes is disgusting
Redcookie - 10-Jan-20 @ 4:22 PM
Just found out my son is no longer going to college and my ex wife as blatantly lied to csa that he is going. spoke to csa regarding this and they say that he only by word of her mouth that he his going can believe that I am having to pay when she lying through her teeth why is there not anything in place when she is breaking the law and committing fraud so wrong so angry ..
D - 28-Nov-19 @ 11:48 PM
Hi, I’m expecting twins with my now ex partner. I want my children to know who their father is so I’m going to put him on birth certificate, however this is the only thing I really wanna do. I don’t want anything from him. My question is do I need to ask him for child maintenance or this is my choice? I just don’t want anything incomone with him, just wanna move with my life when children are born.
Rita - 23-Nov-19 @ 8:45 PM
@dinotruz77.after learning about my (rights) .and with the solicitors and case workers and cms you talk about is to much (drama )for me .(i like things the way they are for me ).in reality there is no room for a (teenage girl in my life gods truth )when you been (absent for 10 years the gods truth is I mean this on bible )you really don’t think you have a (child) I mean emotionally ,mentally there is know connection what so ever there is no feelings is like when you bury a (parent) it hurts at the start but after a few years you really don’t think or talk about them anymore .thats how I feel with my situation.
C.laurie - 15-Nov-19 @ 11:13 PM
Hi I have recently split from my partner and have regular overnight stays, 10 nights a month consistently and she has told the CMS that the shared care is 1 night per week. The 10 nights per month are excluding any half term time etc. I have spoken to the CMS and they have told me that the case worker will go back to my ex with this detail to clarify it however if she continues to lie and stick to the 1 night per week lie, because she is the one that has filed the application it will default to what she says and I will therefore have to pay £100 per month more than required according to the CMS calculator. The lady that I spoke to at the CMS has said the only way that I can contest this is with a court order or to instruct a solicitor???? has anyone had any experience of this and was the outcome the right outcome and what would you advise in order for me to get the outcome that is fair for all parties?
dinotrux77 - 15-Nov-19 @ 9:37 PM
@speckup.all I ever wanted was a (relationship) with my daughter .in (reality) it’s never going to happen .you really don’t no what I am up against with ( mother ).but I am (strong ) and have dealt with the loss .
C.laurie - 1-Nov-19 @ 11:23 PM
CMS is letting down children in by having very poor processes in place. Such poor processes are fully taken advantage of by parents if it advantageous for them. This mal-practice is then spread to other by formal and informal advice. The laws on this must be changed to protect children. I say based on real experiences.
speakup - 1-Nov-19 @ 4:36 PM
I'm a Indian lady who lost custody of my children when they where 3 and 4 because my dad didn't like the fact I left my husband. The child support agency then took me to court and put a charge on my property because I didn't give my ex husband money. Instead of giving him money I paid for my children's clothes dinner money school trips milk etc. I did everything and kept the receipt s only for the child support to day I was volunteering to do that. The charge was put on there in 2006 and I didn't hear from them until now. They are asking me to pay my ex £100 aweek. I can't afford to do that. My son came to live with me when he was 7 and my daughter when she was 11. Can I get any advice from anyone
Tina - 8-Oct-19 @ 2:41 PM
What if I see my child regularly every week but my ex partner doesnt declare this to get the full amount of csa. I appealed against the claim but didnt have evidence to prove I see my child regularly, that I could show. Is this classed as fraud and would I be due money back it have the ammounts I have to pay decreased?
Jm - 8-Oct-19 @ 12:13 PM
My husband has just found from CMS that his ex wife has been fraudulently claiming for Child benefit and subsequently Child maintenance for last year? CMS have been a bit reluctant and very lapse with any information regarding this? Can my husband expect to be creditied with the thousands of pounds he has paid his ex wife for his daughter.Also what is the most likely outcome for his ex-wife? If it was the other way round and the dad had been fraudulent in his information I am sure the story would be very different, it really isn't a very fair process.....??
JTO - 23-Sep-19 @ 11:08 AM
I already pay my ex 40 pound a month extra ontop of the csa payment I'm due plus go halves on school trips , clothes etc and my ex wanted me to up the money even though she gets extra I said no , so now she is refusing to give me either of my kids until I take her to court which I cant afford and will recieve no legal help , How is this fair ? So her payment will probably be upped and I dont see my kids and not hy choice , something needs to be put in place So the recieveing parent cant just play god and decide oh I'll stop time eith your children so csa will grant me more money because I'm reducing the nights and days to 0 it isnt in the childs best intrest , things like this should really be looked into and sanctions etc for when it happens and there is proof , not to mention she had the children an extra week and a half so I gave her more so all in all of august she had 300 pound
Anon - 3-Sep-19 @ 1:49 PM
My son stays with me regularly. As of today he has spent 107 nights with me since 1st January 2019. That equals 15.29 nights per month. On balance that's 1 day over shared care over the course of the year. For the last 4 months I have phoned the Child Maintenance Service to update them as it's one of the 6 key changes they want to hear about. Each phone callI request a new assessment as, by rights, i should either be paying far less or nothing at all. Only once have they followed through with my request. The answer. They wont be changing anything. Why? Because my ex-wife has lied and claimed he is there more than he is. The CMS state i have to prove, via court action, that my son, who is 18 1/2 now stays with me. I requested they ask him, no. They seem that unfair but it's fair to ignore my requests. How can it be fair that I have to prove everything yet SHE doesn't. How can it be that a young person can be asked in court where they want to live regarding custody but not to verify where they live etc. I suggested I would withhold my payments until it is sorted. No. They threatened me with legal action. So I'm stuck. Any feedback/ ideas would be greatly recieved.
Hamster - 31-Jul-19 @ 10:32 PM
I have always for 4 years paid my ex £150 a month for our daughter ..... i was previously living with my family having split from my child mother and she's always insisted i pay in cash ??...... I'm now in a new relationship and i havebeen living with new partner for over 2 years and in total there are 5 children living with us. In that time she has twice tried to get me to up this money to over £200 a month this time shes demanding £245 stating her benefits are being capped she doesnt work and has two children in full time school ...... what she does is goes to library with her friend uses the online calculators to drum up the desired money shed like. I was summoned by her and we had a heated discussion and assumes im stupid and in all fairness i was clueless until my partner pointed out that what she's doing isnt correctas id contacted csa once before and the money was much lower thatbim giving her now. ( she often asks for more on top the £150..... I have no issues paying child maintenance for my daughter but i feel this woman is unreasonable and cant get her head round im in a new family. She questions why i take my partners children to school on Mondays instead of doing overtime. (My partner now works fri sat sunday nights). And why have i got two cars and my new partner should be payning for second car! My partner pays all our rent and other household bills. We most def just get bye each month and don't lead a life of luxury. Whilst she holds her hand out for more money than i can afford and she thinks i dont put our daughter 1st...... apparently shes written down a list of things my daughter needs each month with some csa paperwork. Shes hell bent on her dealing with it and me not contacting csa myselfsa Anybody experienced something similar ?? Many thanks Chris
Chrism - 5-Jul-19 @ 10:16 AM
Why should a dad pay maintenance if they see their kids regularly as much time with me as at their mums. Surly a dad don't have to pay maintenance if they then struggle to support their kids when they come over to stay etc. It's like paying for kids twice in DECENT dads eyes
Steve Thomas - 22-Apr-19 @ 1:34 AM
If I pay child maintenance but not on my daughters birth certificate do I automatically gain parental responsibility?
Richie - 15-Mar-19 @ 8:12 PM
CMS sent me an annual Review. State I need to pay 50.66 per week but then says I need to pay 282 per month. When I work out 50.66 x 52 divided by 12 = 220 roughly. I tried calling them and asking what was going on they were literally not willing to Look into the figure difference as stating I just had to pay what was on the letter! This doesn’t seem fair or right I pay for my child every month without fail I’m not allowed to see them yet cms won’t even explain there working! What do I do next!
David - 22-Feb-19 @ 4:37 AM
I was paying child maint for my two children it then turned out my eldest wasn't mine cms have sent a letter confirming this , I have had numerous disputes with them over the years regarding the amount of the payments etc , what I want to know is they claim I owe £1900 in arrears , this dates back to the very beginning so includes arrears for a child that isn't mine is there any way to write this off , also all payments I made in relation to the child that isn't mine can this be claimed back or used to off set money followed for my actual one remaining child ?
Cunny77 - 12-Jan-19 @ 12:56 PM
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