Home > Financial > Misuse of Maintenance Payments

Misuse of Maintenance Payments

By: Lorna Elliott LLB (hons), Barrister - Updated: 11 Sep 2021 |
 
Child Support Maintenance Dad Misuse Csa

It is not uncommon for separated dads to be concerned at what their ex is doing with the money that is supposed to benefit their child or children. Of course, as responsible and caring dads you want to make sure that the money you pay towards your child's everyday needs is actually being spent on your child. It can be very frustrating and cause considerable anger if you perceive your ex to be splashing out on luxuries, such as holidays and home improvements, with money that you consider to be for your child.

For the Benefit of the Family

Unfortunately, there is very little that can be done about this. The Child Support Agency (CSA) has no control over what happens to the money once payments have been made to the resident parent. It is generally accepted that Child Support Payments can be made to benefit the household, such as on heating bills or other family needs, but often separated dads can suspect that the money is benefiting one person alone: your ex.

Of course, the vast majority of mothers think the world of their children and wouldn't put their own needs before that of their dependants. Your ex may say that she has sources of income that you don't know about, or may say that she is trying to do things that benefit the whole family. Arguably, home improvements or a holiday for all the family may, albeit only on a partial basis, benefit the child – but expensive handbags and shoes won't!

Proving Misuse

On a practical level, it would be very hard to prove that your maintenance payments are being misused. Your ex, as the resident parent, is the decision maker as to household financial expenditure and it is her sole responsibility to ensure that the money is spent appropriately. When confronted, she may simply say that she is using other money to pay for things for herself and using your money for your child's benefit. If there has been a period of time when child support has not been paid, she may 'justify' her expenditure on having to meet the sole financial responsibility during that period.

When You Can Intervene

It is a wholly different scenario if your child's needs are not being met and you are worried about their welfare. For example, it is totally unacceptable for your child to be neglected, abused or poorly treated. If you are seriously worried about the way in which your child is being treated, you need to seek legal advice without delay. Any decision to do so should not be taken lightly and is bound to be met with considerable hostility by your ex. In extreme cases, you could apply for a residence order but bear in mind that the court would always look at the welfare and best interests of the child first.

CSA Reassessment

Of course, there are other options. You could Enter Into Mediation with your ex to try to air your concerns and to reach a mutually satisfactory agreement. If you are paying money through the CSA, you could also ask for a reassessment if the money you are paying is causing Financial Difficulties in comparison to your ex's life of luxury.

When making agreements about maintenance payments (and this is where mediation can help), you could offer to be responsible specifics, such as school dinner money, school trips, nursery/holiday club fees, sports clubs, subscriptions etc. This might help you in knowing just where your money is going.

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

You might also like...
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice..
[Add a Comment]
I should send sum t bones in post for graduation gift .her mother would love that .
C laurie - 11-Sep-21 @ 1:45 AM
I tried to be like a dan dad or Jason dad but it didn't turn out that way for myself .the mother wanted rid off me forever so she can rasie her children in a vegan lesbian environment with no men no meat house rules plus home-schooling the mother is so excited to be going to home prom as her daughters teacher principal and partner her daughter has graduated from home-schooling.
C laurie - 11-Sep-21 @ 1:31 AM
And now im addicted to the internet ,I got rid off Facebook but like these people who where my friends in reality were not my friends and I didnt really understand the whole facebook friends set up I still find it weird because I never see this people in real life so I found it pointless to talk via keyboard. And people taking photos eating at KFC or something why do that ?.so I still have old way in me. but for like work or finding better paying jobs thats where internet is great .
C laurie - 11-Sep-21 @ 12:10 AM
@dad,I didnt have internet to I was in my mid 30s gods truth .to one off my work mates come over to my house for bbq and said bro what's your internet password I said I dont have internet he laughed and said so you don't have a computer I said no and then he said do you watch internet on your phone I said no he laughed again and said show me your phone once he seen it he laughed again .then I think it was few weeks later he come over again and said bro im going to hook you up to the internet and I went computer and phone shopping with him true story .so if it wasn't for him I never would off seen my beautiful daughter picture because it was on the internet.
C laurie - 10-Sep-21 @ 11:14 PM
@dad.when I was younger I use to think my reputation was everything I would get into bar fights with heavy dudes in my town call out people and (I seriously could back it up) I have hands and missing teeth to prove it .they one day a few years ago when (I first got internet) I seen a picture off the most beautiful little girl I ever seen i was looking at it for ages I was drawn toI was captivated i said tomy brothers thats my daughter .and there was a number so I called it I didnt know what say but I new I had to call .never got meet her but I talked to her told miss her and love her .so yeah its was good .
C laurie - 10-Sep-21 @ 10:44 PM
@dad,(even though I I dont like the mother) she is a good mother and wouldn't hit her children and if they where sick she take them to the doctors and put them in school .and I dont think this 50 year old women would be on bail for assaulting her children because they are grown up they probably assault her old battle axe .and she didn't want child support because she is a proud vegan lesbian and you know how they are they think they can do everything better then men and dont like meat or men meat wink wink .
C laurie - 10-Sep-21 @ 9:45 PM
I'm just getting back in contact with my son my ex is on bail for assaulting him and my son has been put in care she is still claiming csa what can I do about this?
Dad - 10-Sep-21 @ 8:27 PM
Hey Lucy it’s dad,look your mother is a gold digging prostitute that’s got bye in life on other peoples money .and your step father must be a weak inferior men to be with her .I still care for you but (you picked your side )so have fun living on struggle street .get a job your are a adult now and make something off your life .
Daddy - 30-May-21 @ 11:10 PM
Hey Lucy it’s dad ,I don’t owe you a cent and you have been removed from my will .thanks for letting me know you (don’t care about me ). I will have with (my money )and spend every last cent before I go to glory .you can earn it like I had to you won’t be able to make a quarter off what I have made in my lifetime.get your ugly mother and fat step father to give you money .
Daddy - 30-May-21 @ 10:16 PM
Me and my dad are no longer talking and i was wondering if this means that he owes us more money? just so people know we’re really not on good terms and we don’t care about each other anymore so i’m just checking about this. thank you!
Lucy - 30-May-21 @ 8:30 PM
Well... where to start, me and my ex partner split up around 6 years ago and it’s been nothing but a rollercoaster ride when it comes to me seeing my daughter... when I say we split up I really mean that she left me along with my kid on a weekend when I was working away, came home to an empty house with my ex partner gone and my beautiful daughter... struck in awe I didn’t know what was happening.. she had moved back to her parents leaving me in ex amounts of debt with council tax and bills.. none of that bothered me at that point in time as long as I could still have contact with my daughter of 9 months of age.. everything was fine for the best part of 9-12 months seeing my daughter on a regular basis 2-3 times per week but not being allowed to have her over night which seemed very unusual to me as I felt like the mother didn’t trust me enough with my own flesh and blood... frustratingly enough my ex had come to terms with that she wasn’t going to let me see my daughter anymore only for her own selfish needs and wants.. fast forward 4 months after my last time spent with my daughter and my ex is in another relationship playing happy family’s with another guy... sure enough a year later they had a childand round about the same time they both went to child services and put a form in for him to adopt my daughter... sure enough I got sent going to let this happen to my daughter or myself so I fought that case and won with flying colours as social services were fighting my corner for once!sure enough a year later after that she had done the same thing to this exact guy par from stopping him seeing his child along with MY daughter still even though he has no parental rights to her... a couple weeks after splitting up from her recent partner she finally got back in touch with me via Facebook message after countless of messages I sent her regarding my daughter. (withhaving the police ring me up on every single one of them messages even though its a civil incident and I have no criminal record or any injunctions towards my ex) I started to see my daughter for about a year and a half we grew a bond that was inseparable she knew who I was and she couldn’t get enough of the time we spent with each other... countless times she asked to stop at my place as I had a bed ready for her and just started to kit out her room, sure enough the mother wasn’t happy with this and told me “I’m not ready to let you do that”... think about it what she said right there “IM not ready to let YOU do that” a cause of control is the only thing that pops to mind.. anyway I brushed it off trying to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t stop and she couldn’t understand and to think of it neither did I understand. One night I was dropping my daughter off to her mothers after countless of calls from my ex telling me to return our daughter and hour before hand of what we agreed, so I Did this to just keep the peace, wish I didn’t now as that was the last time I saw my daughter,
Kieranspreston - 19-Apr-21 @ 12:07 AM
2nd part of comment.... I dropped her off and placed her inside my ex house by opening the door as it was lighting and hailing outside and it was scaring my daughter, so I placed her inside and I stood outside, next think I’ve got my ex shouting at me “why are you opening my door” from there she completely flips her lid and from that point I didn’t feel safe leaving my daughter with her because I was scared for my daughters welfare as my ex was acting irrationally. I went to give my daughter a hug and my ex literally ripped her out of my arms to the point of hurting and and my daughter stood crying screaming for her dad and my ex told me she’s ringing the police ( at this point I couldn’t care less as that’s all she seems to do and thinks it effect me but little does she know I know my rights and it’s a civil matter) so I did one better and rang them myself told them the situation and surprise surprise they did absolutely nothing as I had something between my legs and told me it’s a civil matter... where are the cops when she’s doing it to me?? where are these cops to help me ?? So it’s been 2 years since I last seen my daughter due to courts being pushed back due to Covid 19.. I’ve just had csa ring me up and tell me I need to give £415 a month to my ex or they will be taking me to court... I can’t afford to pay my rent, my bills, food, fuel , car insurance and ALSO give £415 in one whole month and I can’t see why the CSA don’t see it this way either.... it’s like my ex wants to bake her cake and eat it... no no Kieran your time isn’t good enough but your money is!! Yeah brilliant Thankyou very much... I suffer with mental health due to the pain and frustration my ex has put me through and I’m on the brink of just ending it all and killing myself... what’s the point in living when viscous jealous manipulating women have all the power and the system doesn’t help the man ..
Kieranspreston - 18-Apr-21 @ 10:39 PM
2nd part of comment.... I dropped her off and placed her inside my ex house by opening the door as it was lighting and hailing outside and it was scaring my daughter, so I placed her inside and I stood outside, next think I’ve got my ex shouting at me “why are you opening my door” from there she completely flips her lid and from that point I didn’t feel safe leaving my daughter with her because I was scared for my daughters welfare as my ex was acting irrationally. I went to give my daughter a hug and my ex literally ripped her out of my arms to the point of hurting and and my daughter stood crying screaming for her dad and my ex told me she’s ringing the police ( at this point I couldn’t care less as that’s all she seems to do and thinks it effect me but little does she know I know my rights and it’s a civil matter) so I did one better and rang them myself told them the situation and surprise surprise they did absolutely nothing as I had something between my legs and told me it’s a civil matter... where are the cops when she’s doing it to me?? where are these cops to help me ?? So it’s been 2 years since I last seen my daughter due to courts being pushed back due to Covid 19.. I’ve just had csa ring me up and tell me I need to give £415 a month to my ex or they will be taking me to court... I can’t afford to pay my rent, my bills, food, fuel , car insurance and ALSO give £415 in one whole month and I can’t see why the CSA don’t see it this way either.... it’s like my ex wants to bake her cake and eat it... no no Kieran your time isn’t good enough but your money is!! Yeah brilliant Thankyou very much... I suffer with mental health due to the pain and frustration my ex has put me through and I’m on the brink of just ending it all and killing myself... what’s the point in living when viscous jealous manipulating women have all the power and the system doesn’t help the man ..
Kieranspreston - 18-Apr-21 @ 2:38 PM
Well... where to start, me and my ex partner split up around 6 years ago and it’s been nothing but a rollercoaster ride when it comes to me seeing my daughter... when I say we split up I really mean that she left me along with my kid on a weekend when I was working away, came home to an empty house with my ex partner gone and my beautiful daughter... struck in awe I didn’t know what was happening.. she had moved back to her parents leaving me in ex amounts of debt with council tax and bills.. none of that bothered me at that point in time as long as I could still have contact with my daughter of 9 months of age.. everything was fine for the best part of 9-12 months seeing my daughter on a regular basis 2-3 times per week but not being allowed to have her over night which seemed very unusual to me as I felt like the mother didn’t trust me enough with my own flesh and blood... frustratingly enough my ex had come to terms with that she wasn’t going to let me see my daughter anymore only for her own selfish needs and wants.. fast forward 4 months after my last time spent with my daughter and my ex is in another relationship playing happy family’s with another guy... sure enough a year later they had a childand round about the same time they both went to child services and put a form in for him to adopt my daughter... sure enough I got sent going to let this happen to my daughter or myself so I fought that case and won with flying colours as social services were fighting my corner for once!sure enough a year later after that she had done the same thing to this exact guy par from stopping him seeing his child along with MY daughter still even though he has no parental rights to her... a couple weeks after splitting up from her recent partner she finally got back in touch with me via Facebook message after countless of messages I sent her regarding my daughter. (withhaving the police ring me up on every single one of them messages even though its a civil incident and I have no criminal record or any injunctions towards my ex) I started to see my daughter for about a year and a half we grew a bond that was inseparable she knew who I was and she couldn’t get enough of the time we spent with each other... countless times she asked to stop at my place as I had a bed ready for her and just started to kit out her room, sure enough the mother wasn’t happy with this and told me “I’m not ready to let you do that”... think about it what she said right there “IM not ready to let YOU do that” a cause of control is the only thing that pops to mind.. anyway I brushed it off trying to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t stop and she couldn’t understand and to think of it neither did I understand. One night I was dropping my daughter off to her mothers after countless of calls from my ex telling me to return our daughter and hour before hand of what we agreed, so I Did this to just keep the peace, wish I didn’t now as that was the last time I saw my daughter,
Kieranspreston - 18-Apr-21 @ 2:32 PM
Well... where to start, me and my ex partner split up around 6 years ago and it’s been nothing but a rollercoaster ride when it comes to me seeing my daughter... when I say we split up I really mean that she left me along with my kid on a weekend when I was working away, came home to an empty house with my ex partner gone and my beautiful daughter... struck in awe I didn’t know what was happening.. she had moved back to her parents leaving me in ex amounts of debt with council tax and bills.. none of that bothered me at that point in time as long as I could still have contact with my daughter of 9 months of age.. everything was fine for the best part of 9-12 months seeing my daughter on a regular basis 2-3 times per week but not being allowed to have her over night which seemed very unusual to me as I felt like the mother didn’t trust me enough with my own flesh and blood... frustratingly enough my ex had come to terms with that she wasn’t going to let me see my daughter anymore only for her own selfish needs and wants.. fast forward 4 months after my last time spent with my daughter and my ex is in another relationship playing happy family’s with another guy... sure enough a year later they had a childand round about the same time they both went to child services and put a form in for him to adopt my daughter... sure enough I got sent going to let this happen to my daughter or myself so I fought that case and won with flying colours as social services were fighting my corner for once!sure enough a year later after that she had done the same thing to this exact guy par from stopping him seeing his child along with MY daughter still even though he has no parental rights to her... a couple weeks after splitting up from her recent partner she finally got back in touch with me via Facebook message after countless of messages I sent her regarding my daughter. (withhaving the police ring me up on every single one of them messages even though its a civil incident and I have no criminal record or any injunctions towards my ex) I started to see my daughter for about a year and a half we grew a bond that was inseparable she knew who I was and she couldn’t get enough of the time we spent with each other... countless times she asked to stop at my place as I had a bed ready for her and just started to kit out her room, sure enough the mother wasn’t happy with this and told me “I’m not ready to let you do that”... think about it what she said right there “IM not ready to let YOU do that” a cause of control is the only thing that pops to mind.. anyway I brushed it off trying to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t stop and she couldn’t understand and to think of it neither did I understand. One night I was dropping my daughter off to her mothers after countless of calls from my ex telling me to return our daughter and hour before hand of what we agreed, so I Did this to just keep the peace, wish I didn’t now as that was the last time I saw my daughter,
Kieranspreston - 18-Apr-21 @ 2:31 PM
I was a full time farther to my little boy and girl from them being babies till my son was 5 and daughter 4. I had been with kids mum for 10 years. We separated over two years ago. I have the children 3 nights a week, sometimes this can be 4. After the relationship breakdown I left the family home very suddenly with nothing. And had to start again. I had to stay with a friend who luckily had a spare room, so me and the kids was sleeping on a mattress in en empty room. I had struggles to stay in work due to all the drama the kids mum would cause, job number 1 leaving my son in the car park where I work and driving off, I was in my 6 month probation and the owner let me go. Job 2, she would phone my employer over and over, forcing me to take days off by leaving the house 1st with no one to watch the children other than me. So I lost this job to. I got a job when we broke up and have been there ever since and since got a promotion and enjoy what I do. I make sure when my kids are with me they want for nothing and they have everything a kid there age could want and more, its been hard work but I've got there, my own place, beautifully furnished. Kids room is awesome. I have great routines for my kids and they are both doing well, great kids, I'm very blessed! I pay maintenance at £200 a month sone months more if I could afford it, in addition to this I buy everything the kids need when they are with me so there is no cost to mum. Recently mum has contacted child maintenance and told them I have zero nights with the children!! She told me she was going to do this and she was going to make my life hell.. if she gets away with this I will have to come out of my job and go on the dole because I won't have enough left to pay my rent and bills and care for the kids when I have them. If I'm unemployed the rent will at least be covered by benefits. I do not want her to do this to me again! I have no idea how to resolve this because she's the worst lier and minipulator I've ever had the discomfort of meeting.
Andy - 3-Apr-21 @ 12:32 AM
I get 25 pound a week from my daughters father i get this monthly as he only gets paid monthly I am greatfull for this extra support coz our daughter has more and she doesnt struggle Her father is now saying he want to spend it How is that even right we are not in the same house hold and our money is different I show evidence of everything she has bought And thats out my choice to show him not at his request Why dont he trust that i spend more than that on her, i dont understand. Instead of thinking im money grabbing i mean i brought him up for years with out him paying a penny im not a gold digger
Mandz - 22-Feb-21 @ 5:13 PM
My ex partner and I split up 14yrs ago. She has always been an emotionally abusive person. Threatening to take my daughter away with whicheverboyfriend she’s seeing. Children’s Services have been involved and have proved that she’s Emotionally abusing my daughter and concerned that her drinking is scarring my daughter. Now she’s misleading the CMS and lying that I don’t have my daughter as much so she can gain extra finances via DEO from my wages. CMS don’t care. They wouldn’t even acknowledge my son born 2yrs ago. Instead telling me to claim child benefit (which would be benefit fraud on me as I earn too much). I have equal care for my 16yr old especially during Schools Lockdown where the CMS have no right to take money as it’s equal share care however they believe the mother who is constantly lying telling CMS she has my daughter so she can get money. I’m at a point where I will have to sell our family home just so this abusive person keeps abusing me and the police won’t do anything! What’s the point of existence....14yrs of suffering mental and emotional abuse by this woman.
J - 19-Feb-21 @ 4:09 AM
Reading some of the messages below makes me so frustrated. I can only speak for myself but my kids dad cut what he knows to be the correct entitlement for his child when contact was stopped due to ongoing abuse on his part (proven by long criminal record and unwillingness to cooperate with authorities even when faced with evidence. He stated he would not pay what his son was due if he didmt get access. I decided continuing to allow contact was detrimental to my kids and my own mental health. The justice system is not fit for purpose. CMS dont investigate fraud, carcass dont do thorough enough checks and give benefit of the doubt. Opportunityafter opportunity given to the perpetrator. Even with a background of 15 years similar violent criminal charges base decisions on saying the right sort of thing.
Tired of it - 1-Dec-20 @ 1:55 PM
If you can afford it, take a CMS holiday. Career break. Sit at home and do nothing, and you don't pay maintenance :)
Steve - 18-Sep-20 @ 11:24 PM
My husband left after 27 years, (two or 3 nights a week, then he never came back one night), 12 of those married. We have a 12 year old daughter. He won't tell me where he is. Ignores my messages/phone calls. He hasn't seen our daughter since April. Hasn't taken her out, since March.He used to lollypop around the corner, but now he doesn't do that anymore. He still has his mail delivered here. He's living with someone else. In another town. I don't know where. Her son has now started to go to my daughter's school. She's even seen him drop the kid of. He's called my daughter his step sister and has told her that her Dad now lives with them.This is heartbreaking for my daughter and she wants to move schools, so she doesn't bump in to her Dad. I've always encouraged contact. Told my daughter he's left me, not her. He used to message her. Now he doesn't. When he did message her, he would say he would come and see her, but he never has. I just don't get it. She's done nothing wrong.He doesn't have to see me. He's not paid maintenance. I don't know where he is to get the CMs to approach/contact him. I know his national insurance number, bank account number and his pension details, (he used to be in the military so has a decent pension from them). I don't know why won't he pay maintenance. It wouldn't be much. More to the point, it's his daughter. I've petitioned for divorce. Couldn't proove adultry, because I don't know where he is. It's all so hard. Instead of just setting up a standing order, I've now got to go through all this.How can the CMS even contact him, do a deduction order if he won't tell me where he is.How can they even contact him??? I don't know where to start.
Melody - 18-Sep-20 @ 9:51 PM
Just because a NRP doesn't see all that money spent on their kids doesn't mean RP is spending it on themselves..I saved half of every payment my kids dad paid which will now be helping my daughter in university
Teri - 16-Sep-20 @ 12:31 AM
The UK government is deliberately misleading the public to call the payments child maintenance if there is not a single shred of evidence that any of the money is being spent on maintaining children. The Child maintenance Services should be scrapped and one of the many reasons for this is that they can't ensure the payments that they are enforcing are being used to maintain children. All the payments are doing in reality is financially rewarding one parent for stopping/limiting the access of the other to their own children. It is a barbaric outdated system and is harming children and parents. Children deserve parental equality. 50:50 custody should be the norm, no good parent should suffer the heartbreaking pain of having their child removed from their day to day life and then be forced to make payments to the person who has inflicted that pain. No child should be torn away from a good parent. We need to stand up for parental equality. Both parents should be treated equally. Studies show 50:50 custody is best for the children in the vast majority of cases. CMS should only be involved in abandonment cases. Current system is barbaric.
Childmaintenanceisba - 15-Sep-20 @ 5:41 AM
Hi,where do I start,I have two sons,aged 32_and_29.after a split back in 1994,I met the agreed amount to my ex who left for another man,when after a while they was utilising the money on a weekend binge when I had my boys,I soon stopped giving hand outs for their drunken behaviour,as we wasn't married I persuade full custody, only to get visit days,due to working long hours, they both was in receipt of benefits,!, she contacted the CSA and took me to court,I provided for my children regards food,clothes,shoes,school,etc,but never handed money over,the CSA outcome was a deduction of earnings,which they said by law all I need to live on was £73.00 Pound a week,they took the rest,after 2 years of that I lost my home,car,job,and discovered they was both working cash in hand and still claiming benefit,someone reported them,!!!,they was both found guilty of benefit fraudulent deception,but I was told to pay maintenance even though they had been cheating the system,from then I re married and 5/years ago divorced,and seem to have left a outstanding amount of child support arrears, since my divorce I have accumulated a large sum of money,but after 26 years,my first partner as crawled out of an hole expecting money,my question is,should I persue her for fraudulently defrauding me for CSA In the first place.its a complete joke.I have been at times in a very dark place due to the threat and stress they caused me,but I will stand by father's have rights, bring it on,to all the women that cheat,live with it.
Jonah - 29-Aug-20 @ 1:59 AM
Hi,where do I start,I have two sons,aged 32_and_29.after a split back in 1994,I met the agreed amount to my ex who left for another man,when after a while they was utilising the money on a weekend binge when I had my boys,I soon stopped giving hand outs for their drunken behaviour,as we wasn't married I persuade full custody, only to get visit days,due to working long hours, they both was in receipt of benefits,!, she contacted the CSA and took me to court,I provided for my children regards food,clothes,shoes,school,etc,but never handed money over,the CSA outcome was a deduction of earnings,which they said by law all I need to live on was £73.00 Pound a week,they took the rest,after 2 years of that I lost my home,car,job,and discovered they was both working cash in hand and still claiming benefit,someone reported them,!!!,they was both found guilty of benefit fraudulent deception,but I was told to pay maintenance even though they had been cheating the system,from then I re married and 5/years ago divorced,and seem to have left a outstanding amount of child support arrears, since my divorce I have accumulated a large sum of money,but after 26 years,my first partner as crawled out of an hole expecting money,my question is,should I persue her for fraudulently defrauding me for CSA In the first place.its a complete joke.I have been at times in a very dark place due to the threat and stress they caused me,but I will stand by father's have rights, bring it on,to all the women that cheat,live with it.
Jonah - 29-Aug-20 @ 1:53 AM
Why do we as humans feel we can judge another person without knowing full facts. I find people disgusting, parents work hard full stop we all love our children full stop. Stop jealousy, hate and the mental bullying(they get away with this one a lot more). All our children care about is to see their parents happy and they get to spend time with them... So he ran off and had another family? Your hurting forget your feelings for a mo how does your child feel? How will you you feel if you moved on and your ex said you cannot see your child? Life and people can be very shady howeverif there is no violence, mental abuse or child alienation then there should be no reason to stop a parent from seeing them. If you know you have been toxic or vile and you just don't seem to be getting anywhere with seeing your child take time out, don't threaten, hit or do anything that could be used against you, then seek legal action. If you cannot afford legal action try sort another family to get in touch and see if they will be willing to help with contact for your children. No child should see their parents arguing, it's healthy to stick to boundaries at these times try and have agreement written so there is no confusion. Peace
Kleo - 24-Jul-20 @ 3:20 PM
I have been separated from my wife for 10 months, after 18 years married and have a 13 year old daughter who I have half the week. I moved out and am living with my brother, but ultimately want to get my own place, when I can afford to. We are still both paying the mortgage jointly and both names are still on the mortgage. However, I have been paying my half to her to pay the mortgage every month, but have recently found out that she has not been paying the mortgage since January, so we are in arrears. With this in mind, I have told her we cannot carry on this way, so we need to sell the house, pay of the mortgage, then we can go an live seperately in out own aboads. When the house is sold and the mortgage paid off and we both look to buy/rent new places, do I have to continue to pay towards her rent/mortgage for her new place? PS - I have no problem about continuing to pay the Child Maintenance, I have been paying since I left. Thanks in advance.
Ian - 12-Jul-20 @ 12:38 AM
My Ex-Wife and I have been Separated/Divorced over two years now. Originally we agreed (through mediation) a visitation plan for the three girls. I was devastated at the time and on top of all this I had to fold my company. I was determined to be there for the kids and made seeing them my priority. It also gave me some cheer considering the collapse of the business. i took them the agreed times (8 nights per month, as well as half all the school holiday periods (stipulated in the mediation report). I also took them whenever my Ex wanted to go away with their new partner. (5 holidays in the first year alone). I dutifully paid what the CMS were saying i was meant to pay. Now after the first 3 months I was made aware that the actual visitation the CMS had was not. They had me down as one night per week. It appears that my EX had called the CMS and had told them that the plan wasn't being stuck to. After much text arguing (when I withheld her payment) she agreed to instruct them of the correct visits that were happening. Jump forward to present day. In December 2019, I was again made aware that she had retracted her statement and the payments I was making are incorrect payments and I was not being assessed correctly. Especially in light that we had (by text) further agreed an extra night at the weekends as it was "hard" on the youngest and we both felt that it was more "natural" a break/goodbye to drop her at School the Monday mornings after a weekend of her being with me. It turns out that if my EX had been, what honest? Fair? Human? I would have been paying less. Meaning I was over paying by some £9500.I have asked her to do this and obviously she refused. The CMS have told me that they take what she says is correct (visits). I registered a complaint and uploaded all my records, (Spreadsheets records of when I saw the kids.I was told to keep a record by CMS as they would “calculate the following year based on the visits.) Offered text messages and email where the agreements were sorted. This was all ignored and I was told that I had to obtain a court order for the visitation and they would recalculate on that. This is going to cost me in excess of £3000. Lessons learnt. Go straight for the Court order. I am desperate to find the money to get a court order that agrees the original visitation agreement from mediation. Presently, She`s cut the visitation down to 4 times a month to be spiteful and to get more allocation from CMS.
STMPUnix - 3-Mar-20 @ 4:31 PM
My wife left me and took my youngest son as she was having an affair.When she left she said she didn't want any money off me for my son so long as i agreed to giving her 50% of the equity on the house when it sold (she contributed £0 towards the property throughout the time we lived there. I paid ALL of the mortgage and ALL of the household bills. 7 months down the line she is now demanding i pay child maintenance and has got the CSA involved.She is preventing my son from seeing me at all also. Is there anything i can do to prevent her getting money that she said she never wanted but has now changed her mind?
Muggedoffdad - 3-Mar-20 @ 3:02 PM
When my ex and I separated we agreed that’s my child would spend majority of time with him ( due to religion *biggest mistake* I left the religion) he begged me not to go after him for spousal support if front of the family mediation office and he wouldn’t go after me for child support, until I got on me feet after moving provinces. He also promised both my daughter and I she would be able to visit me ( verbally) As soon as I moved all This changed. I started paying child support as soon as I found a suitable job. And have never missed a payment since. It the separation agreement it says t4’s can be submitted yearly adjustments can be made. He has not requested them the last few years and now he wants the last 4 years. I told him I have no issue with that and need to gather the paper work. He’s wants them “NOW” even though I have till May first. I agree that adjustments need to be made because I do make more now then I did when the amount was first made. My fear is he is going to try to get back pay and the difference based on the last 4 years , even though I make less then , then I do now. Can he do that??
Jules - 2-Mar-20 @ 7:23 PM
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice...
Title:
(never shown)
Firstname:
(never shown)
Surname:
(never shown)
Email:
(never shown)
Nickname:
(shown)
Comment:
Validate:
Enter word:
Latest Comments