Representing Yourself in Court

Author: Lorna Elliott

The family court is a particularly informal kind of courtroom and the judges and magistrates who hear the cases are used to people representing themselves. Often, if the party on the other side is represented, this lawyer is told by the court to advise an unrepresented party about law and procedure. Barristers in particular have duties to assist people who are ‘litigants in person’, and must help you as much as possible, despite the fact that they are acting for the other side. You should also feel free to ask the judge, or the magistrates, for assistance if you get stuck at any point.

If you need help preparing what to say to the judge, you can use our free Court Statement Writer.

Do You Need to Resort to Court Action?

It is possible, and indeed commonplace, for people to apply to court to undertake their own representation at the family court. The family court is generally interested in one thing only – the best interests of the children involved. It is worth remembering that not all cases need to go to court, and a lot of issues can be settled outside the courtroom. You should only resort to litigation if you have tried all other options.

Using a Lawyer For Some Parts of Your Case

Some people use lawyers at certain stages of the legal process, but do most of the case preparation themselves: either seeking advice from solicitors at an early stage of the process and conducting the hearings themselves, or doing the solicitor’s job up until the final hearing stage, at which point they instruct an advocate (either barrister or solicitor) on their behalf.

Court Statement Writer

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Being a Litigant in Person

It is possible, however, to conduct the proceedings from start to finish yourself. The good news is that each case is decided on its particular facts and, as all family circumstances are different, you are the best person with the most in-depth knowledge of your own family circumstances. While lawyers can speak on your behalf, it is often the case that judges and magistrates appreciate litigants in person who are able to express their wishes first hand and without the assistance of a lawyer.

It is, however, important to remember that if your ex is represented by a lawyer, they will simply be putting the case as your ex sees it. What this means is that you shouldn’t get angry with your ex’s legal representative – he or she is just acting in the best interests of their client.

Particular Orders

To apply for a residence order you need to download the Children Act Form C1. This form is also the correct form you should use for a Contact Order, Specific Issue Order, a Parental Responsibility Order or a Prohibited Steps Order. This is available on the HM Courts website.

You should fill out the details of your child or children, your own details and that of your partner, and explain the order that you want to apply for, giving your reasons. There may be a fee to pay when you lodge this at court, but this depends on your financial circumstances. If in doubt, seek advice from the court office.

Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.

Contact Orders

If there is an existing Contact Order in place and, for example, one of the following occurs:

The order is not being complied with
You want to revoke an existing enforcement order
You want to amend an existing enforcement order because of a chance of address
You have lost money as a result of the contact order not being complied with

You should use form C79 which is available on the HM Courts and Tribunal Service website.

If you want to find out where your child is and want to ask the court for disclosure of their whereabouts, you will need Children Act Form C4.

Court Fees For Lodging Applications

If any of the following apply to you, you may not need to pay a court fee:

You receive Income Support
You are on Job Seeker's Allowance
You are on Guaranteed State Pension Credit
You are assisted by a solicitor under the ‘Legal Help’ scheme
You receive Working Tax Credit, if you are either receiving child tax credit, or there is a disability of severe disability element, and the gross annual income for calculation purposes is £15,450 or less
You have a funding certificate in place from the Legal Services Commission, in which case you should complete form EX160 for a fee exemption.

For more information about what happens when you get to court, see the article elsewhere on this website entitled What Happens at the Family Court?

The Next Step

Now that you have read through the advice above, you might want to put it into practice. Our Court Statement Writer lets you draft a court statement for your hearing. Takes 5 minutes. Try it now →

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84 questions

Ask Separated Dads a Question

AJ 05/05/2021 at 10:22 pm

Any advice is welcome!
I’m seeking advice on behalf of my brother.
His son is now 5 years old, and has not been with her since before he was born. She did not put him on the birth certificate, and last been completely cohesively controlling my brother throughout. She allows him from 10.30 until 3.30 every 2 weeks on a Sunday, the travel to where he lives is best part of 2 hours each way. She is refusing to allow him to stay overnight for no reason. It’s really getting to us and we don’t know where to start with getting a court order or anything in place that she cannot override without consequence. Please help!

Col 17/03/2021 at 8:57 pm

About 12 years ago I ended up leaving my ex-husband as he was too controlling. I said that I would leave our son with him as I have epilepsy. For the first two years I still got to see my son and it was great. Then my ex told me that I had done my job and given him a son so now he wanted a normal woman instead. Obviously that was horrid and shortly after Court proceedings started. I wouldn't give up my boy, it was terrible. I was in and out of court loads of times, and several times he has had me arrested when he's lied and the police never checked - like that I was at the family home to speak to him he told the police that I was trespassing yet now we've been to another hearing and I was given 50% of the house as my name was on the deeds. It's over eight years now since I have seen my son. God only knows what my ex has told him. I might be dead, in prison or living in Australia.

Kitkat 31/01/2021 at 4:17 am

Hi I need some help just over 3 years ago my gf had me arrested and charged she led me to be leave she still loved her ex husband it did upset me I stormed out the house kicked the bin shouted loud when I left I kicked the wheelie bin then not long I text her asking why we had a 4 month old daughter I text her few times she not Reply so I got done for it held 5 days at police station went to court got fined 600 pound and 12 month order put on me I will stress no violence I don't hit women then few months into order she went to court ask them to revoke it they said no we got back together last year we had another baby daughter born 31 12 19 sods law she done it again kicked me out in lock down 1 she let me see my children on her terms I travel 60 mile round trip up until October 20 she see me in same town with my other children its a seaside town my older daughter love it there I treated her to a day out my ex c us there sent me a message saying f.... Of I'm not cing my daughter I tried writing a few times no reply I sent money by post food parcel Xmas presents by taxi I not been to house now she reported me to police because I sent a little gift from my girls to there mummy I'm jusy trying to be a daddy do nice things I'm so scared I lost my daughters 1 is only 13 months other is 4 I need help sorry very long message

Steve 10/10/2020 at 11:29 am

@rick you should go ahead and file c100 to see child. You should get free consultation with solicitor about your property issue. That will probably be another court application

Rick 21/09/2020 at 5:40 pm

Hi,

I have been separated from my wife for over 2 years now. We have a daughter together who is 16months old - I have only seen my daughter a handful of times. My wife is very undermining of me and always wants me to see our daughter supervised by her own family, these people have assaulted me and made false allegations against me in the past. Social services have been involved due to domestic violence from me and my wife. I have written up the c100 form and now extremely worried that my wife might try to frame and get an order against me. She badmouthed me to my family, extended family and her family - they have called and harassed me.
Please advice shall I go ahead with c100 to see my daughter - concerned that wife will put NMO.
My wife has also changed the locks and keys to own jointly owned property. She. Has not given me keys and has not told me or notified me, I have not agreed/consented to this tenancy agreement and the tenants have moved in. Where do I stand as joint landlord, what are my rights?

Sevin 08/07/2020 at 10:05 am

My husband's ex doesn't let my husband see the child
Solicitor asking for too much money
Can we start all the procedure by ourselves,

Cwlaurie 16/12/2019 at 5:09 pm

@gaz.i just heard the mother has blood cancer I hope she dies slow painful death and she dyed her child’s hair blonde so she can have a mini me .in my personal opinion the child will turn out like her mother anyway .apparently the child what to no my heritage all she got to do is watch 60 minutes she will learn about me and my family then just type in my surname and my home town .yeah all my family are a little bit crazy we have a splash mental health issues but hey she wants to learn about my heritage and who daddy is .

Cwlaurie 15/12/2019 at 7:08 pm

@gaz.They can (resent) me as much as they want i am (never coming back) or ever living the same( lifestyle )I once lived with a (cheating women ).i have self respect now and one thing I have (learnt) in my life there are so many (younger prettier women out there )I was selling myself short when I was younger gods truth I settled for a older women with a child for god sake when I was 20 years old foolish little boy I was back then .yeah I have come along way sence then .seen I photo off this women Jesus she must off had a (hard life) because damn she looks old and beat down .as for child (stay with your mother I think she is going to need you) if I am honest.

Cwlaurie 15/12/2019 at 5:44 pm

@gaz.i don’t want to get better because there is nothing wrong with me I see clearer then I have in my whole life .everything I do is for a (reason) I could have went and got a solicitor years ago i had a good (inheritance) so money wasn’t a issues and you could say I was on the (street) but I put myself there I was experiencing something different i was (reinventing myself )plus I was (working )just didn’t have a house I had a (Ute )and meet some off the best people in my life in fact it was the best time in my life (gods truth )I free from the boring normal existence I once lived having a women and kids doing old family thing .it might have looked (crazy) to my family but it was something I needed to do I was single I had money didn’t have children I wanted to see my country and I did just that .the child is a teenager now so I need to go to court .

Gaz 15/12/2019 at 1:10 am

After reading some of these forums I would like to add some things and hope it helps.
I went through a separation that led me to be on the streets, I almost lost my life to starvation and completely lost my way.
After finally receiving help, I was told to take 12 months recovery, this was away from my children.
I fully focussed on getting better and I approached for re-contact, my ex had moved and shut down all ways of contact.
When we finally found them and got to court, this had taken a further 2 years, she had managed to prolong contact all that time, she had another man and had my children calling him ‘Dad’.
I represented myself in court with all the facts,
I seen off two different solicitors and after a long fight I won my case.
Now I’m seeing them my ex is breaching the order and also alienating the children to the point that they are again refusing to come to me, therefore, after the first case of CAFCASS considering me for full custody, I will now be going back into court for that reason!
There are many free advice centres out there that will attend in court with you as a majestic friend, they can not speak on your behalf, but can take notes and prompt you at times throughout the hearing. Look up local community law services in your area.
Hope this info can help any parent out there.

Rob\ Editor 10/11/2017 at 10:55 am

@Anfield1892 - if your cousin's ex doesn't show - the court can decide in her absence.

Anfield1892 08/11/2017 at 7:09 pm

Hi, Mu cousin is currently in the stage of trying to gain visitation of his child. The mother decided to up and move overnight. She has moved to Yeovil from Leeds (200 miles away).

The child has expressed his desire to see his father and there are no safeguarding concerns and he has been ever present in his child’s life. (issue seems to stem from father beginning a relationship with a new woman although they have been separated nearly 7 yrs).

The mother has not engaged with the courts so far and failed to attend the first hearing (later found out she had not been served the papers) and mediation. The next hearing has been set for next week 14/11 but we do feast that she won’t show at court. This will mean a third hearing but will drag out beyond Xmas. Is my cousin able to get a special visitation order so that he can see his son over the holidays even though the case will be ongoing? Any advice is appreciated.

Gttm 01/11/2017 at 10:15 pm

Hi I relieved a letter and Dates for courts .one will be ugent court second one first hearing .was lookinh for solicitors but end up like I need to change my statement (previous solicitors did wrong ) and I need barrister (£1250) can’t afford than course is next week .
Can I present my self ?
Court is to put In place arrangement child and prevent removed my kid from uk .
(But on my statement says I am ok if she moves with arrangement)
Can I just go my self to court ?

Chilli 13/10/2017 at 12:19 pm

Hello, sorry I am not a separated father but a divorced mother, and I am at my wits end with my ex. He left me and my two kids, now 14 and 11, for another woman 6 years ago, and ever since Contact has been fraut because his priority has been his girlfriend, something he admitted in mediation! After leaving us, he quickly became a father again, this put extra pressure on this new relationship and as a result when arguing with his girlfriend he tried to hit her over the head with a baking tray, missed her and hit their new baby on the head, then as his girlfriend was trying to get out the house he smashed her head against the front door, he was convicted of assault and battery. Luckily my children were not with him. He only told me of this incident when social services where about to contact me. I have always wanted my kids to have Contact with their father, my only proviso was to know where they would be overnighting and I could contact them! This became an issue when they moved house, his girlfriend then threatened him she would move back up north if I ever found out the address. He then chose in front of a court to only see his children 4hrs every 2 weeks because he wouldn’t disclose there address. There was no reason for them not to disclose the address other than their guilt and paranoia. He took me to court over access but stopped proceedings when he realised he wouldn’t like what the court would make him do. I have offered him 2 weekends a month and half the holidays, this does not fit into his new life and wants to pick and choose when he wants them! We have come up with several Contact plans, always what he wants, but when he breaks arrangements I stop Contact and we are back to square one. Last weekend he picked my children up from school, it was his weekend, told them he was getting married the next day, then confiscated their phones, and took them to a unknown location. I couldn’t contact my kids and didn’t know where they were! I can’t trust him, he doesn’t put the kids first and just put them in an impossible situation!! My daughter who is 14 now, told me they bad mouth me all the time and it makes them feel really uncomfortable! My sons behaviour at home is shocking, I have had to sign him up to anger management classes at school! I have taken them both to councilling, they said there dad and girlfriend argue all the time, and I am afraid there will be another incident like before! I would rather not involve a solicitor as our divorce cost a fortune just to sort the finances. I believe I need some sort of court order so he stops messing us about!! He says he has joint custody which is just a joke! I am the resident parent, he lives 1.5 hrs away from his kids! I want to know where I stand, if a court order is something I can get, he is a convicted criminal and last weekend he as good as kidnapped my kids! Any advice would be great thanks!

Richard 03/03/2017 at 5:33 am

Hi, I have been separated from my youngest daughters mum for almost 3 years, there were overnight stays on and off for my daughter up until November 2016. She still let's me see her when it suits her but everything on her terms, there was never an issue until I started seeing someone in April last year (even though she moved someone in after 5 weeks of our split) I have also received a letter from cma saying I need to pay more than the 150 she already gets as there are no overnight stays, both myself and my daughter who is 7 are desperate for things to get back to normal yet my ex insists on being awkward and has obviously partly done this to get more money out of me. I have spent almost 2000 in solicitors fees yet the outcome has been appalling as she will not respond or get a solicitor until I take her to court! This would cost me another 8000 my solicitor has stated, money I would rather spend on my daughter is might add. I have tried to work things out also but to no avail and court is the only option. Advice please??
Thank you in advance

misty 07/12/2016 at 7:44 pm

Hi, I sent in C100 court papers 8 days ago and today I have received a text from my ex saying thankyou for putting the court papers in. This seem extremely quick for a court to cash my cheque and start proceedings by writing to my ex. I'm a little suspicious as she filed for divorce about 8 weeks ago and I refused, am I right in assuming that the family court papers wouldn't of arrived to her so soon ?

Hearney 27/10/2016 at 9:08 am

Hi guys I separated from my wife and she has stopped me from seeing the kids by getting them to tell me they no longer want to see me
Can I represent my case to a court by myself as she has gone through the csa for child support and I can't afford to get a solicitor and not eligible for legal aid I need help what can I do

Dan 13/10/2016 at 8:54 am

Hi guys, myself and my ex broke up a couple of months ago. I am not on my daughter's birth certificate however I have paperwork from CSA stating my ex has informed them I am the father and need to pay. (Which I am).

My ex is adiment i am neve4 alo7d to See my daughter again and has even gone as far as to tell people I'm not safe to be around kids. (She has no evidence of this) and there is no truth in it. Ive also informed the police of what she's been saying.

I know she won't willingly attend mediation so i was wondering what my other options are? I cant afford a solicitor.

Thanks in advance

SeparatedDads Editor 21/09/2016 at 3:03 pm

You may find our Separated Dads forum useful here. I'll also put this question to our Separated Dads Facebook page, please refer to the page for answers. Good luck.

Tom10 21/09/2016 at 9:55 am

Hi my ex wife and I broke up nearly 4 years ago and got divorced last year. I've been with my current partner for 3 years in that time she's made it difficult to see my daughter but since my partner got pregnant she has stopped me seeing my daughter for the last 8 months. I've been to mediation which she refused to attended so I've now applied for c100 application to the court. I've representing myself at court as I have parental rights and there's no child protection act or domestic violence so was advised it would be straight forward at court. Would anyone be able to help me about what the court will be like representing myself and how long the process will be so I have some advise please! Thank you

SeparatedDads Editor 01/09/2016 at 1:47 pm

I am sorry to hear this. You would have to apply through court for a c100 contact order and a C4 form which is an application for an order for disclosure of a child's whereabouts. This will allow the court to trace your son in order to allow you to apply for contact. If you have parental responsibility you ex should have asked your permission to move out of the area with your son.

Arron 28/08/2016 at 9:06 pm

Hey I need some advice I am 21 years old and I have a 3 year son .I split up with my ex about a year ago .I tried to have my son every other weekend as I work away and whenever she wanted to go out which was most weekends.She has currently met someone else and has moved somewhere else but I do not know where I have tried to contact her to see my son but she has blocked my calls blocked me on social media .tried to contact her
Mum
But she has done the same as well .It has been 2 months of trying to see him but has no success .I need some advice on what to do as I'm stuck .

Boo82 10/07/2016 at 11:13 am

I have recived my court date and my ex as had here say

Sbe put the court application

So what about to my defence how do I go about that a speedy reply woulf be handy if anybody knows.

Sreya 20/06/2016 at 9:05 am

Me and my husbands have a domestic violence case. he is imprisoned for 6 months and make a restraining order .
now his 4 month imprisoning is over.
now my kids are blaming me too much.
how i cancel the restraining order?
i need to rejoin him with us?
Please help me.

Sreya

SeparatedDads Editor 25/05/2016 at 11:25 am

Please see article; When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, hereand if your ex does not agree to trying to solve the matter by mediation, then you would have to take the matter to court. Unfortunately, there are no other options if you wish to have access of your child re-instated, especially if there is already a court order in place. If you have an illness that prevents you from seeing your child, then you would have to specify this to Cafcass who will relay this to the judge and court.

SeparatedDads Editor 27/04/2016 at 12:44 pm

As laid out in the article you can self-litigate. The Bar Council also has a guidance leaflet here which may help, See also: Using a McKenzie Friend in Court, here . I hope this helps.

dee 26/04/2016 at 5:07 pm

So due to ill health i consented to my ex having my son and we have parental responsibility.
I cannot afford a solicitor but intend to move closer as my contact is a fewcalls and friday to sunday fortnightly due to 120 difference and part time work commitements.
How do i get more access without a solicitor as i cannot afford one and my ex is unreasonable.
sending constant threats to "suspend" access so i know already he wont agree willingly to an increase in access?
I need a guide on how to obtain more access free or minimal cost ie just court fee and or free legal guidence please.

Charmaine g 22/04/2016 at 10:23 am

My son left his ex girlfriend time and time again but went back because of emotional blackmail, they have a two year old son and she has two other children from previous relationships.
The relationship was very up and down, she thought she had a personality disorder but had now told him its depression!
8 days ago, while both parents attended brains first day at play group, he was friendly( for his sons sake) she went home, with grandson and rang respective fathers, myself and told us she was going to commit suicide ( she has said this before) she proceeded to take oramorph, codeine and alcohol ( she says ) paramedics rang my son to go get his son, she's sitting there saying it was OK, her son was fine!! Gs has been staying with us since then, as my son is living with myself, my husband and my two youngest children.
Social services have spoken to my son and advised him to keep gs, she's supposedly sorted herself out, behind for her son back, also her other two kids, then yesterday my son agreed his son could go back,but with conditions, she's them said she's not ready!! Unbelievable, she's ready to get a new tattoo, buy bags and new clothes and put up half naked pics of herself on a popular internet site! My son wants full parental responsibility, but she's on benefits and is saying she'll be going through things with her solicitor, I'm worried what she has planned, my son has just gone into business and has next to no income, we're splitting him and his son, and we can't afford a solicitor, please, can anyone offer some advise on what we as a family can do next? We have so many concerns would take all day to write them!

SeparatedDads Editor 18/04/2016 at 10:54 am

I am sorry to hear this and it is all very scary when an issue like this occurs. You don't say how far away she is, or whether your son has Parental Responsibility, as if so his ex should have asked his consent before she left the area. The courts do wish for fathers to have access to their children, so he should not be fearful here if he has done nothing wrong, please see link: Being Falsely Accused of Domestic Violence, here . I suggest in the first instance taking some legal advice regarding his options, he may be entitled to some free advice via the Citizens Advice Bureau of a solicitor who may offer the first half hour free. If he cannot locate his child your son would have to apply through the courts for access C100 form and a C4 form which is an application for an order for disclosure of a child's whereabouts. Please also see: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, here. Also I advise reading as many of the Separated Dads pages in order to become informed and educated on the subject. Also, our forum may help as our dads can offer good advice having been through the process before. I hope he gains access to his son soon.

Helen 17/04/2016 at 8:30 am

My son ex partner up and took his son back to her home town with no warning say it was because of domestic violence he never laid a finger on her and she was frightened he take their son of her like he said he would never do that in the three week that she been gone he lost his home and is back here with me now he seen a solicitor who gave him some form to fill in and take to the courts I don't know which ones but he is scared because he no help in the courts what research help can I find out about to support him thank you

Loulou 02/04/2016 at 12:40 pm

My partner and I have made an application to the court for a child arrangements order to see his son. We have been sent documents (C7) that ask for information from us as though we are the respondent. We just don't know what to do and when we contact the court they don't seem to know either. It also says "Date of Directions Appointment" at the top of the page and gives a date that's already passed and no time. We can't afford solicitors and are feeling so confused by the whole process. Can anyone help?

Tanya 24/03/2016 at 5:43 pm

Hi, I'm 21 I been brought up by my stepfather from age 9,my stepfather passed away last year and he left me an his daughter out of will his daughter put her clam .Do you think I have right to ask something from estate too? Could I represent myself on mediation day? What form I need ? or I just sent my letter I like to put my claim ?Kind regards.Vicky

SeparatedDads Editor 01/03/2016 at 2:31 pm

I'm afraid it is impossible to predict what a court may decide. However, it usually takes on board the suggestions of the Cafcass report.

Hornedog 29/02/2016 at 7:30 pm

Hi my ex is taking me to court regards putting a prohibited order on me so my children can not leave thier home town he currently has a restraining order against him wich states he is only allowed contact with them through third party whom is which is mother.I am due to marry in a few weeks to my husband to be who is in the armed forces we have a house ready and waiting for us to move into also in a few weeks what are the chances of this prohibited order being put in place?

SeparatedDads Editor 19/02/2016 at 2:25 pm

Your ex can only bring this to court and have a chance of winning if she has evidence to back these accusations up. I suggest you try and take some legal advice from a solicitor (free hour) or the Citizens Advice Bureau, who may give you free advice. You can also self-litigate, as discussed in the article. Please also see: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, here, which will tell you you may be able to apply for an interim order prior to the case coming to court. You may also find our Separated Dads Facebook page useful for advice. I have recently posted a comment from someone who has had sucess self-litigating.

SeparatedDads Editor 19/02/2016 at 11:15 am

Many thanks for your comments here, they are very useful and I shall put this on our Separated Dads Facebook page to help others. Wishing you the best of luck seeing and building a continued relationship with your son.

Will 18/02/2016 at 7:43 pm

My ex wife has been to see a solicitor & I have received a letter today stating that she is alleging that I have been harassing her & sending threatening text messages to her & my children & my children are upset & don't want to see me anymore. None of this is true & for the last 9 yrs I have had regular contact with my children & have transported them to & from school daily. I have them to stay over on nights during the week & alternate weekends. The letter states I cannot have any kind of contact with my children until the case is heard in court. This is the first letter I have received in regards to any of this. My only income is my state pension & I have no way of affording legal representation. What can I do ?

Burts 18/02/2016 at 1:19 pm

Hi everyone, I self litigated from the beginning my my son is 5 months old and I meet him for the first time Saturday week,I have my final hearing Tuesday and cafcass have deemed everything my ex said as a lie, aslong as you stay calm and honest and most importantly reasonable you will be fine, as for the cost I only paid £215 pound for the courts, I went to a few diffrent solictors and used a free hour wisely, they do help but there's still alot of researching to be done, *remember the Internet has good and bad reviews on cases, everyone is diffrent so don't be dis heartened by what you read sometimes, everyone has rights to be a parent.

SeparatedDads Editor 19/01/2016 at 2:37 pm

Please see article: What is Abduction? here which should point you in the right direction.

Bobbie 19/01/2016 at 6:15 am

Hi, I am fortunate to have across this website. My ex took my British children out of the UK during the summer holidays and has since not returned. Travelled to Uganda. I have tried to ask her back to look into mediation, but she sounds quite vindictive. I am looking to represent myself in family court. Please advice

MB 18/01/2016 at 1:31 pm

I am going to court as ex lied and I went through mediation and it failed as she thought it was a big joke so my only other step is court action. I was willing to speak to her face to face to find out all facts and be a proper father like I mentioned she ignored the mediation. I have applied to courts to see if child is mine and go for joint or full custody. It is normal to be given a form about violence? As I felt shocked when it was with the courts application form.

SeparatedDads Editor 13/01/2016 at 2:14 pm

Have you thougfht about attending mediation instead? Please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. I hope this helps.

JamesC 13/01/2016 at 8:52 am

I was successful in my application to the court to improve my access and to formalise the agreement as my ex-partner enjoys playing games and having control over my life.

Although I have extra nights agreed per holiday break, I am having real difficulties getting my ex to look at dates in advance meaning I am stuck not being able to make plans or book holidays and the earliest I can start being more forceful is 10weeks in advance due to the current court order, but 10weeks is to short when you’re looking to book a summer holiday.

If I want to return to court to request changing to our agreement to get set dates within the holidays so I can make plans in advance and not be reliant on her, which form do I need to complete? Is it a new C100 or a C79? I have looked at the C79 but cant see an option that relates to my situation.

SeparatedDads Editor 08/01/2016 at 10:14 am

It's never a good idea to 'keep' the children against the wishes of the non-resident parent. First of all it could backfire if his ex has a residence order then the police would be able to return the children to her. If she doesn't, while she would have to get an emergency court order to try and have the children returned, the courts would not look favourably on your partner for taking the issue in to his own hands, especially if this caused stress on the children, or prevented schooling etc. If your partner is unhappy with the situation, I would advise he acted by the rule book, which in the first instance is to try mediation, please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here and then if his ex refuses, then he can apply through the courts for regulated access. The court will always rule for what is in the best interests of the children and one parent keeping them against the other parent's wishes, isn't.

Good Cop 07/01/2016 at 10:09 am

My partner's ex moved a couple of hours away with the children 9 months ago. She consistently changes travel arrangements on contact weekends (every fortnight) last minute which means its difficult for him to juggle work some Fridays and Intermittently she threatens to keep the children with no reasonable grounds (she doesn't like it that they enjoy living with us and tries to control what we do and how we do it) so he doesn't know if he'll see them. He wants to insist on collecting them every other Friday from school (gets to manage work better, see their teachers occasionally, but mostly he knows definitely that he will see the children). She's saying if he does this she won't collect them on a Sunday and he'll have to do both journeys. It was her decision to move away and he feels he has no choice but to collect them because of her behaviour and threats. If he doesn't take them back is he liable? With such short contact periods a minimum of a 3 hour journey both ends of the weekend is tiring. Would it be better for him to represent himself in court and get a contact order? (Mediation didn't help them before - she's an emotional bully) Thank you!

SeparatedDads Editor 17/11/2015 at 11:25 am

It depends whether he is in a family-based agreement where maintenance is agreed between both parents and does not involve an agency. There is also agency-based child maintenance payments which will assess the payments on the amount of nights the non-resident parent has the child. Please see gov.uk leaflet here. However, there are cases whereby a father will still pay the maintenance based upon him having the child less nights, when he in fact has the child more. This can be due to the threat from some resident-parents restricting the non-resident parent's overnight access in order to bump up their child support. It's a sad fact, but true.

Wifey 33 16/11/2015 at 2:34 pm

Can someone help
My husband is paying his wife maintenance even when he has his son half of all school holidays and 2 nights to stay in the week. It's putting a strain on our marriage. Should he be paying when he has him to stay?

SeparatedDads Editor 13/11/2015 at 10:50 am

Many thanks for your comments and I'm glad that you managed to represent yourself succesfully, as it will encourage other readers to self-litigate.

Grumpygranny 12/11/2015 at 8:08 am

The law is a nightmare. Tried Mackenzie Friend - not for me - didn't know the law. Solicitors too expensive. Only got to see my grandchildren after reading up on the Children Act. You need to know the law. It's key to rights to see grandchildren or indeed children. Bought How to Represent Yourself in the Family Court - excellent, but I am sure other good books. Need to know the law or get torn apart.

Siggy 12/10/2015 at 11:03 pm

I tried a McKenzie Friend in the first round but thought I was just throwing away money. Not respected by the judge even with a cv. There are some good books on Amazon on How to represent yourself in the family court which help - you shouldn't just turn up

bond 09/07/2015 at 1:58 pm

hi I'm looking for some where that can help me fill in my court for so I can get acces to my son can any one help me on the where about I can go as the advice centre can not help

JD 20/05/2015 at 5:37 am

Hi there,

My wife and I have recently split and she is refusing to tell me where she is staying with my 2yr old daughter and won't let me see her. Does she have to inform me of this??

Thanks
JD

SeparatedDads Editor 11/05/2015 at 2:02 pm

@Nic - I have included a link: Using a McKenzie Friend in Court here which should give you more information. I hope this helps.

Nic 09/05/2015 at 3:24 pm

Hi there,

Can I represent my partner in court? The case has been going on for months now and our solicitor isn't fighting hard enough or giving us the right advice. I've been told I'm not a party to the case as Cafcass and Family Courts won't talk to me. I'm his live - in partner, though, and have had background checks on me which have come out fine.

Am I too involved to represent him? Can I be his "McKenzie friend" or his general representative? Nobody knows this case better than me ...

Thanks,

N

Fatboy 29/04/2015 at 9:44 pm

Hi I have a daughter what is nearly 2 me and her mum separated are year ago she made an allegation up against me I got locked up for it I was on bail for nine months two weeks After being on bail she had the kids removed out of her care by social services then the grandmother got care of the kids Then she dropped the one charge And I just got done for that one Offince now The grandmother has legal guardianship And she has took me to CSA but I am refusing to pay it because the grandmother won't let me see my daughter what can I do about it

SeparatedDads Editor 10/04/2015 at 2:25 pm

@Dad0118 - first of all you are on the site for representing yourself in court, which a lot of fathers are having success doing especially if they have the right preparation, can do enough research to be fully aware of their legal rights and present a good case for themselves. You may also be able to have the help of a McKenzie friend, see link Using a McKenzie Friend in Court, here. These will both help save you money on the legal side of things. Regarding the emotional side; if you feel you want more access, you have every right to take it to court in order to request more contact. The first thing I suggest you do, is simply ask. If she refuses then you can go through the process laid out in the article; When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, whichYou may also find our Separated Dads Facebook page useful as there are a lot of fathers on there who have been through the same or similar issues (look back through the postings) and they can offer some very constructive advice. I hope this helps and I wish you luck.

Dad0118 08/04/2015 at 11:00 pm

Hi there, i have been spererated from my two children for the past year im married to the kids mum and only lets me have access for a few hours every saturday, where im very greatful for this time and love and cherish the time i have with them a fe hours is never enough to see them, i have recently moved into a lovely new house with a new partner who i hae been with for a year and the childrfen have met and have a lovely releationship with. in my new house the kids ( a 5 and 3.5 year old )have ther own room and everything a loving home has but i feel my ex is very bitter and will refuse to let me have them over night even though i have made a lovely home for them. mediation hasnt worked and i need to know the next steps ,over the past year i have paid her over £8k in child support which works out to over £600 a month. would i have a case at family court? this looks like a great site and would really appericate som advice. thanks. T

SeparatedDads Editor 11/03/2015 at 9:43 am

@Sam - "If you do your preparation and provide honest evidence to the court, you are more likely to succeed". In addition to the advice in this article, this is one of the pieces of advice given in The Bar Council - A Guide to Representing yourself in Court, whichI hope this helps.

Ed Editor 10/03/2015 at 2:44 pm

@Sam - there is no real advice apart from making sure the courts know that you are a good father, want to be there is support of your child in every way and put her best interests first. You need to keep a level head and show that you are a fully responsible parent - you should be fine!

Sam 09/03/2015 at 1:02 am

Hi,

I am looking to represent myself in order to have a joint resident order.

I have not seen my baby for 2 months, and her mother has already said I will never see her again. I should be getting my MIAM certificate soon.

Is there anyone who can give me free advice on the case that I have built. Filled the court forms?

Thanks

Poppy Editor 20/02/2015 at 2:01 pm

@Sim Sim - you can only really take it to court and let the court decide whether it is in the best interest of the children that they live abroad with you and your new husband.

Sim Sim 19/02/2015 at 5:36 pm

Sorry I know it's a dad's site, but I am DAD and mum to my kids

Sim Sim 19/02/2015 at 5:33 pm

Hi, I was married to a very abusive man for 10 years. We have 2 kids together. I recently got married and my husband lives in the US. My ex agreed that I could leave the country with the kids and he wanted to see them for 2 weeks during the summer. I thought that was really sad as I was willing for them to see him for 6 weeks summer holiday. He basically told me if he get the Housing Association property I live in with the kids he will be ok with us leaving. I explained that that wasn't down to me as I don't own the property. Due to this he has now decided we can't leave and has taken out a Prohibited Steps Order. This is purely done out of spite as he has no interest in his kids. He forgets their birthdays, doesn't give them presents or even a card at Christmas. He doesn't even ask about his kids school, never been to their plays, never ask about their school report. Nothing. When we divorce he told the court he only wanted to see them 2 Sundays per month from 10 am to 6 pm. He sticks to it as that's what he requested, but he never pick the phone up to ask how they doing and the kids cries each time they have to go see him as he does not try to bond with them.
What can I do????

rp 30/12/2014 at 1:10 pm

I have 3 children with 1 women who is an ex my question is ive got to a stage were im so angry at her dictating were n when can see my kids tbh ive snapped ive tried to be amacable with her n new partner not caused any trouble where do i start about representing myself so i can see them please

Bunny 27/11/2014 at 5:38 pm

Hello am a immigrant but a father of a british child who I provide for.am in the process of seeking for a court order as I ve been stopped by the mother. From seeing Him please advise

Gizmo 23/11/2014 at 8:28 pm

My ex girlfriend and I have had a baby girl she got pregnant when we was together. Got our own place and within a week we was split up I still wanted to be friends with her but she didn't want any of that. So after me trying a few times. I got a threat with an harassment order so I didn't get in touch so then the due date come and I got told off my mate that she'd had my girl so I tried then to get involved and then I wasn't allowed. I'm not on the birth certificate and I'm going through court at the moment but not bin to actual court right yet what's the best advice you can give me I'm representing myself and another thing is my ex makes up accusations about me lies lies lies. What's the best thing todo

Gez 20/07/2014 at 10:15 am

I have a restraining order due to domestic violence against the mother of my 2 children and it says I cannot contact her unless via a solicitor - can I still represent myself in court for a contact order? Does the restraining order still apply in a court room?

d 28/05/2014 at 4:06 pm

hello i what to no if anyone could help me how do i go around taking my ex girlfriend to court to get access to see my little girl but can not afford to pay is there any help i can get thank you

SeparatedDads Editor 25/03/2014 at 11:16 am

@waynosnufc - a guest post by an expert about being a 'litigant in person' will be featured here in the next week or so. Hope that will be soon enough for you. If not, we hope this site provides you with plenty of help.

waynosnufc 24/03/2014 at 7:29 pm

im a dad and im taking my ex partner to court in the next few weeks, any help offered or advice will be most helpful, and ill post my experiances and any helpful things i pick up.

dave 03/12/2013 at 11:44 pm

I have been fighting to see my son for years now and his mother keeps going back on her word and not letting me see him I now think it is time to take it back into court I have already been in court once before and got a order on accsess I want to no how to start the proceedings for court via representing myself please could someone let me no where to start

Pm 26/09/2013 at 3:18 pm

Hi I hav already got a court order to c my 2 boys but my ex still does not let me c them iv phones the solicitor an they've said I have to go back to court to get an enforcement on the order but I can't afford to go back to court. Is there anything else I could do or maybe represent myself n if so how would I go about doing this?any help much appreciated.

Carl 04/07/2013 at 1:47 pm

Hi I have been having access issues with my ex partner for the last 2 years and could not afford solicitors why I was working now iam out of work legal aid has stopped my ex is blackmailing me with my daughter and if I do anything in my life that she does not agree to or does not like she stops access to my daughter like recently I have 2 rescue dogs and she has 1 rescue dog which have had for years now I was on about fostering a certain dog at a time with a rescue center my ex does not agree with this and has said if I do this I cant have my daughter over night but can still have her during the day which she would be around the dog as at night they are securely locked up with me in my bedroom when we goto bed which my ex has been told this but she will not back down I want to know where I stand and what I can do because she is ruling my life this is why I lost my job because of the stress and strain she has put me through can you help please as I want a contact order that she can't break

adam 04/04/2013 at 11:41 pm

I have just been given both my children by social services after my ex had them taken off her for neglect. social services strongly advised me to seek legal advice with regards to an injunction and a residence order. I have found out today that I can no longer get legal aid for these matters without there being proof that my ex is violent. Is it possible for me to represent myself for these so I don't have to fork out for legal fees as I am on jsa. If anyone could give me some Sound information on this it would be greatly appreciated. thanks

osi 07/02/2013 at 2:58 pm

I have a thirteen year old son whom I have had little contact since he was three for various reasons. I have seen him on and off and even then he never knew me as his dad until about 5 months ago but then the mother decided to stop any contact.What are my legal chances of re contacting my son. I have never had any parental responsibilities and I do not appaear in the birth certificate.

danny 24/09/2012 at 7:13 pm

Hi my ex partner has my child who is 3 1/2, but im ment to have her every other weekend but it changes all the time depending on her mood, she takes her away to cyprus every school summer holiday for a min of 6 weeks, but does not let me take her away, can I stop her taking my daughter away for that amount of time, thanks

D 22/07/2012 at 1:08 am

Can anyone help me !!!I am a father of a 5 year old little boy, and I have parental responceability for him. Me and his mum were never married. I split with his mother when he was only 6 months old. I have had no end of problems with the mother, usually around contact with my son. I have been back to court several times now, and used the assistance of a solicitor. Think I must of spent in excess of £10,000. My ex partner constantly breaks the contact order, I have sent in an enforcement order to the courts before but it went down a totally different line with social services. Social services is all sorted now but she is still breaking the contact order, so I have just sent in an enforcement application to the courts once again. Because of the costs etc, and I would like to point out here that my expartner gets legal aid, I have decided to represent myself. Even though the case will not be heard until another 5 weeks, I am already really worried about this. Can anyone help me with how I should handle this and what I need to do from here? All I want is in the best interest of my son, and that is the father to see his dad.Any help will be greatly appreciated.Thanks D

Laj 09/07/2012 at 8:09 pm

I am seeking to amend an existing Court Order. Having been in the hands of the Court for 9 years, finally had a Court Order to protect my daughters from their Father who had abused them. They were under 5 at the time, they are now 12 and 14. My youngest daughter has for the last 18 months been having seizures. Following extensive tests it is concluded that she is suffering from non-epileptic seizures which seem to be caused from extreme anxiety of her biological Father. The Court Order allows him to attend her school twice a year for parents evening. The Court Order was agreed in 2009. My daughters have always expressed anxiety and feeling unsafe around the weeks leading up-to and after the day he visits. He no longer lives locally. This anxiety for my youngest daughter has made her really poorly and for the last year she has been unable to manage main-stream school and is currently only having 2 hours schooling per day at a hospital school. I am happy to represent myself as have already spent over £70k. I would however be grateful for some direction, i.e which forms can I download to apply.Kind regards and I look forward to your reply.

superkev Editor 28/08/2014 at 6:19 am

@ Luke89
did you manage to represent yourself and was it a positive outcome? I'm preparing to represent myself in court because of court costs and i'ma little worried that it may harm my defense but, i simply have no choice.

luke89 01/06/2012 at 12:28 pm

hi, i am representing myself in family court next month, i had a court order which was modified after a mediation agreement but to be honest 3 hours a week is too little. My ex is in a new relationship and has a child with her new partner and i am in the same boat as my partner is nearly ready to have our first baby together. She stopped the court order on the grounds it was upsetting my daughter but after contact with my daughters school i found ouit she is withdrawn from school for illness when infact she is on holiday. may i also add that for some reason beyond me my ex has videoed our daughter crying for over 5 mins saying i caused it!!! i love my daughter and i have even told my partner that i want to spend alone time with my daughter even though we have been together nearly 2 years. I feel my last solicitor was useless never fought my corner like i would have and think that i can get my side across easier than with representation. if there are any tips you can provide me please let me know thanks

Nat Editor 24/05/2012 at 10:05 am

@L, Are you claiming any benefits, or on a low wage? If you are you may be entitled to legal aid, in which case you can hire a solicitor. If he takes you to court don't worry, the judge will be interested in what is best for your daughter which will be time with her father and not his girlfriend. You can represent yourself, are there is lots of information to help you if you do. You can always ring citizens advice for some free help or get some legal advice if your worried. Try to explain to your ex how you feel, and how you feel it is confusing for your daughter, explain that when she is a bit older (your daughter, not the girlfriend) that you would be more comfortable with the situation as would your daughter. Good Luck!

L 24/05/2012 at 12:37 am

I recently split up with my ex partner after 8 years together and we have a 2 year old daughter together. I have since moved on with a new partner who is the same age as myself (29). Since the separation with my ex partner I have since found out he is in a new relationship with his step sister. My ex partner is 28 and his step sister is 19. Although they are not blood related they have been bought up by the same father from the age of 6 but have different mothers.

My ex partner has been getting regular access to our daughter at the weekends and one evening during the week. We have attended 2 mediation sessions during the last 6 months. The outcome was that my ex partners girlfriend/step sister cannot be present during any time my ex partner is with our daughter.

I decided I did not want her present because I feel the relationship between her and my ex partner is immoral, confusing (as my daughter knew her previously as an Aunty) and I feel she is still a child herself and is not mature enough to care for my 2 year old daughter. She has also lied to the police on two occasions claiming I have been harassing her which was a total lie.

Myself and my ex partner are due to attend a third mediation meeting in the next few weeks where he is pushing me to allow his girlfriend/step sister to be present at the weekends. He says if I do not allow her to be present then he is taking me to court or even applying for joint custody ( bearing in mind he works almost 60 hours per week).

He is financially better off than myself and has said he has got a good solicitor. I work part time but don't qualify for legal aid.

Can someone please advise me if he is likely to win in court? Do I have a strong enough argument? And also will I need a solicitor or can I represent myself in court?.

Also would I have any court fees to pay (either upfront or monthly?)

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,

L.

wagtap 17/11/2011 at 6:52 am

Hi. I hope you managed to sort out something - your ex is clearly working in her own interests and is failing to put the children first.

A Prohibited Steps Order may help - if you can prove or suggest that the move will harm the kids, the courts will prohibit it.

Good luck.

Aussiedad 17/06/2011 at 12:44 am

Hi, My ex is moving the children to another school in the UK without consulting me (our relationship is extremely sour). I have parental responsibility but I live in Australia and an exceptionally good relationship with the children. I do not believe it is in the childrens best interest to move as they have only just settled in their school after being moved to the UK. The boys are starting to do well and accepting their new lives after 2 years in the UK. Her reason for moving is because she wants to move in with her partner who lives 50 miles away. My view is the partner can move in with her instead. Can anyone offer any advice on how to start an injunction considering I live on the other side of the world and time is not on my side. Any help really would be really appreciated.

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