How Visitation Rights Work For Fathers

How Visitation Rights Work For Fathers
As a father you want to stay in close touch with your children, even after you and your partner have separated. Obviously, the best and simplest way to do this is an agreement between you and your ex, which can be made legally binding by solicitors. This means it doesn’t have to go through the courts, and will work when relations between the pair of you are amicable.

If you have Parental Responsibility, either by being married to the mother when the child was born, being present when the birth was registered and having your name on the birth certificate as the father, or through a Parental Responsibility Agreement or Parental Responsibility Order, you have rights and responsibilities to your children.

Obviously, part of that is support in financial terms, but also in emotional and legal terms, too. In return, you have contact with your children. Family Courts have a principle called “presumption of contact”, under which they have to do everything possible for fathers to see their children.

Contact Orders

Very often, Court-issued Contact Orders prove unnecessary, since arrangements will have been worked out privately or in mediation between the two parents. However, even where a Contact Order is issued, often the parents are allowed to work out the details for themselves. Before any Contact Order is issued, however, the court must take several things into consideration:

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  • What the child wishes, if he or she is old enough to make any kind of decision
  • The educational and emotional needs of the child
  • Whether there’s any risk of harm to the child
  • Whether you’re capable of meeting the child’s needs during contact

These might seem possibly weighted against you, but the sole intent is for the welfare of the child. In the vast majority of cases – well over 90% – Contact Orders are granted. If it’s come to a hearing, one important factor will be the report by the Cafcass (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) officer. Both parents, as well as other carers and teachers, will have been interviewed, and in most cases the court accepts the report as it stands (although you can challenge part of it or even ask for a new report from a different officer if you disagree).

Residence Order

A Residence Order determines who the children should live with. If none has been issued, then the children will stay with their mother. You can apply for a Residence Order to have full custody of your children, but realistically speaking, unless there are pressing reasons they should not stay with their mother, it’s unlikely your request will be granted custody.

Things Not To Do

When you have contact with the children, you should not attempt to take them out of the country without written permission from their mother. Even if it’s for a holiday, this needs to be discussed and permission in writing given. While you have the children, don’t say negative things about your ex-partner. It creates confusion and a bad atmosphere for the children. You have more positive things to concentrate on during your time with them, anyway.

Take at look at our article Making the Most of Your Time With Your Child for some ideas about what you can do together.

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Ask a Question or Comment
Supporttoseperatedda 29 Mar 2024
Hello everyone, Looking for some advice if anyone can help! My partner is currently going through the divorce proceedings, and he has asked to have the child more in the holidays. His ex has said he cannot take his son in the holidays unless he is off work and if his parents are helping he has to return to her. Does anyone know if this is a valid reason and the courts would agree? At the moment they are back and forth with solicitors, and his solicitor is taking his sweet time to respond. Thank you in advance!
M 15 Aug 2022
Hi all Me and my ex split up about 5 year's ago when our daughter was 2 year's old it's was an amicable split and we agreed on child maintenance costs and that I would hace my daughter every weekend from Friday evening then take her home Sunday evening also school hoildays ect work permitting. And this has worked fine bit the last few month's I've just been getting lots of abusive text's saying how bad a father I am and last weekend as there were on hoilday together I made plans to do something over the weekend but she message me saying I needed to take my daughter out on the Saturday I said I'd made plans and the abuse just got worse. I met with her and my daughter on the Sunday to take them home after there hoilday I was constantly told I was a let down and a waste man ect I ended up just leaving after that and had to block her number ect so I've seen mediation but really don't think this will work and want to carry on seeing my daughter so was just after some advice as this has just happened and I don't know what to do. I will add that she is a great mum but with have become toxic and I don't want that around our daughter Thanks
Hippo 22 Aug 2021
Me and my children’s father separated on good terms in 2019. He moved back with his mother and we shared custody of the children , he had them 3 nights a week. When the pandemic hit, his mother decided they were no longer allowed to stay and he could only then see them at my house. Of course I don’t mind this he’s a good father and his children adore him. Almost a year and a half on she is still saying the same thing. My mother had to shoulder the responsibility of helping with the children, but due to poor health she can no longer do this and she is STILL saying they can’t stay. What rights do I or their father have in this instance of any? Can I take her or him to court? The children want to stay with their father but she’s making it impossible
Dave 25 Jul 2021
Sorry the 14 days on my previous message I ment during the school holiday.
Dave 25 Jul 2021
Hi all,my wife recently when to court to get on paper when his kids can see him as he chooses when he wants.sometimes it's twice a month sometimes once a month it varies on how he fills each week.on the court paper is states he can take both boys up to 14 days but to let my wife know 3 months in advance there's other stuff but I won't go into that just this situation,he's contacted my wife saying he's allowed maximum 14 days but can choose if he wants 7 or 10 days along as its not over the amount court states.am I right in thinking if it states 14 days then can't choose less ?.thanks for anyone's advance
Joe 11 Jun 2021
Thank you for providing a greatly helpful and clearly laid out website.
Carri 3 Apr 2021
We were not married . we are separated. Are they legally allowed them overnight as I don't want my child too as still young doesn't sleep through etc I only think when older
Tani 13 Feb 2021
My 9 year old has said he doesn't want to sleep over at his dads when him and his partner gets a new 2 bedroom flat soon. I said I'm not gonna force him but his dad said he's staying over and that's that. He hasn't slept over with dad since December 2018 because when his dad was with his ex all they did was drink and argue. Just need some advice please
Alex jade 20 Dec 2020
May - hi I’m in the same situation as you now, he hasn’t admitted seeing anyone but my 7 year old is refusing to go anywhere with him as he doesn’t feel safe ( we also have a 1 year old - 10 months when he left) and he never looked after them in anyway, I am allowing him to come to our home to see them but mother in law is playing mind games on oldest, keep mentioning going to hers with his dad as she can’t play with him at his home (which I am gonna put a stop too next time I see her) any advice would be great x
Josie 21 Oct 2020
I have been split up with my ex for nearly 5 years. I have never stopped him from seeing his son, talking to him on the phone every night, staying at his place once a night at the weekend. He met someone quiet quickly after we finished I was ok with this all I wanted was to meet his partner for a coffee and a quick chat this is the women who would be in my sons last. I was single for 2 years my ex would have his son one day at the weekend he sometimes caused problems if family members were coming to see my son. When I met my current partner who I am getting married to 2 1/2 years ago my ex started playing silky games like complaining that he can’t see our son that weekend and little things like that. My partner has custody of his boy who is the same age as my son well we all live together now me and my partner and his boy and my son live a hectic life kids come first, football training playing football school work it’s hectic. But my son still talks to his dad every night and he can see him after he finishes work in the week day when he wants. He also stayed at his home mostly one a weekend not all the time as my ex partner has a life which I am constantly having thrown in my face. He has now decided he wants to see out son every other weekend for the whole weekend, my son is not keen on the idea sometimes maybe but not all the time he would prefer once a week. My ex had heard this from my sons mouth my ex asked him why and I said because that’s what he wants. As he hadn’t seen our son for about 4 weeks due to my ex not able to doing once a weekend as his has a social life!!!! My son stayed with his dad for 3 nights they had lots of fun. He dropped my son off today saying I’ll see you in 2 weeks I said but he doesn’t want to see you every other weekend and stay both nights you know this he said but we can have more fun together but my son said no my ex actually said well he has a life and wants to do social things at weekends and relax!! Anyway my ex stormed out blaming me for brain washing him and stopping him from seeing his son. As soon as he went my son went straight to the toilet as he will not poo at his dads so my poor son hadn’t been a poo since Friday evening when I try to explain things like this to me ex all I get is verbal abuse and accusations that I’m stopping from seeing his son??? Which is not true! My son as football matches on Saturdays and football training for 2 hours on the Sunday plus homework. I have never stopped him from see our son it’s all because he wants to go out every other weekend and trying to use emotional blackmail and and false accusations about me. He even messaged me and told me to write in my calendar that our son will be staying at his every other weekend. I have tried to explain our son doesn’t want this and he want to stay every weekend just one night but he is just not listening to either of us and making it out to look like I’m the problem I told him that I gave my life up for my son and still will
c laurie 30 Jun 2020
@leo.hey if the mother off this child reads this .hey i don't want [visitation] and don't want no trouble the child is all yours [100 percent you raise her the way you won't] .i want to call a [truce] i don't want any trouble .i love my life now .truth is we should have never been[ together] in reality [you and gordon make great couple] and would make great parents together .hey sam you should hit him up he[ loves you so much in reality] blind freddy can see that .truth is i[ never wanted to be with you] i only stayed because off old ways you no do the right thing .but that means nothing these days .if i am honest you where only a bit off fun in my twenties [ no offence ]but thats the gods truth .anyway this is my last post do want you want with your daughter .
C laurie 29 Jun 2020
@leo.i love my single life (living with my bro and wouldn’t change a thing I was born for this lifestyle gods truth people may judge but at the end off the day it’s my life and I will live it my way) .how ultimately the chid in question is way better off with the mother and partner in a (family environment) you know with mum and dad .and I wish them the best in life .now I only have one request (LEAVE ME ALONE) and I will do the same I give my word .because if they don’t the fire in my belly will most likely fire up again it’s the laurie curse or mental issues .(so it’s best to leave me alone and let me live my life in peace) .because it’s taking me nearly (40 years) to control the beast inside And sometimes he wants to explode. and have sum ex partner from a million years ago came annoying me will push me over (edge) and I will (100 percent will be jail) .and would have hurt them (permanently) .so if you read this (sam )take what I say (serous) .and let me grow (old peacefully).and I promise I will never bother you again .(you will never understand why messaged so much) .it made sense to me that’s all that matters but it’s over now .(have a good life with your children and partners) .
C laurie 29 Jun 2020
@leo.after I read all these posts wow it’s quiet remarkable to me .i had the best set up with child’s mother years ago she didn’t want child support and she didn’t want me to have contact because I would get in her way with her little fantasy off playing happy family’s with hubby she thought she would hurt me doing that ha ha .little did she know that was exactly want I wanted .now I use to get ask a lot about going to court for visitation because my family wanted to see the child they are (weird )like that good people but .(they stopped asking now which is great) .i am calm these days the fire in my belly for( fight has gone out) .i am a (old men now) I like to relax and get fat grey or in my case bald And fat .(i am totally happy to step aside and let her mother partner play happy family’s And totally content with the idea )I am to old fighting with sum some (old hag and partner) good lord I couldn’t think off anything worse to be honest( they can have the child now go play mummy and daddy and leave me alone this is what I think anyway) .i am to old to care these days I got my own life to worry about and they should worry about there family .
Leo 29 Jun 2020
I am full time working dad and my ex is part time working. Informal Parenting plan was working fine between us for while till she got married and my daughter don’t like staying with her that much. She took me to court yet cafcas asked her to Allow me to see my daughter for our daughter wellbeing. Now my ex want to formalise a parenting plan which both we don’t agree. What court will decide in this case? I have given her 2 chooses but each time she put them down and she suggest a complicated plan for me . Please advise
Malificent 30 May 2020
Hi,i have some questions regarding my daughter who is already 26 y/o and since then i got pregnant we never meet again with her father because of some reason behind..since then before i give birth to her i met another guy who happened to help me and he`s nice..before i give birth he wasnt able to go home because i dont know that may be before we met he has already a girl which i dont know..he Said the girl wait outside his work place and bring him home and Said that he was pikot a shotgun wedding .. he come home and go after me in a clinic were i supposed to give birth. After i give birth i stayed in my friends house because he need to go back to the Girls province to celebrate their wedding. He left us again. And during that time i decided to leave him.. But instead of Continue working he choose to go with us .. and the father of my daughter got married..Eventhough he didnt see me and we have No communication but everything that happened to him i know because of a reliable person. He has No child with his wife . his wife treat him as a slave keep on shouting at him everytime he cant understand what she mean and even around so many people she Said that she wasnt afraid to loose a husband..it come to a point that he want my number . For 27 years that we have No communication i feel Pity for his situation he told me that he is so upset that i didnt give him a child.. and because of the treatment of his wife to him i told him that yes he had a child , first he cant believed and when i told him he was so glad.. my reason of telling him the truth is to have him someone to care for him and depend him of his wife .He accepted the child he already acknowledge it as his child.The problem now is his wife Will not accept the child and she said if my daughter is there my daughter can only visit her father once a week and cannot sleep in her father house..because its the law and thats the advice of the attorney..how true is that..they dont have a child but all of his wife niece are living with them and theyre the one spending them to school.. what is the right of my daughter .. Before they got married we have already our Daughter..now because the father recognize the child she want to go to DSWD so they can Signed a paper legal separation so she want that the house Will go to her alone and the parcel of land which was the husband herited from his parents be divided.. is the wife has the right to demand of 50% to a non conjugal property of a husband..please help..Thank you in advance.
May 28 May 2020
My Husband is in a affair for 2 months. I never denied him access to the children and that he can come see them anytime he want. I even gave him the key to the house so that he can come anytime. The only thing i asked him is that, he cannot introduce the other woman to my children yet, and when the right time comes and on my terms. My eldest has ASD he is 7 but his understanding is 4 years old and his emotional development is not really how it should be for his age. When he is sad, he doesnt express this, and he cannot explain himself if something is happening. My 2nd child is only 10months old. Now my Husband is pursuing that he wants to take the children to his house where they live together with the other woman. And i am fighting him with this. As i cannot allow him to confuse my children most specially the eldest one. I have suggested him many times that we can do activities with the kids together like taking them out, or take them for a drive but he refuse all the time. All he wants is he wants to do activities with my children with his other woman. My husband was never a hands on father, he couldnt manage our eldest before on his own, he always want me to be with them most of the time when we go out. I never seen him being hands on with our little one as he broke up with me 2 days i went back to work after maternity leave. I basically do everything. Guys, do i have a stand to stop him from doing this if we go to court? I am really worried for my childrens emotional safety.
Giggs 10 May 2020
My daughter mum does not talk to me and have to talk throw my 7old... That not right. So wht I do. I phone her ever day I wht a set times for her to c me.. This was before OK But now it a joke. She does wht she want and I fill that wrong At mo ment we are on Lock down but she went old to c her mum today with daughter wrong again.... Chop and changed. I need a plan with both us agree and stick to...
Dan 8 May 2020
Hi I recently splitt with my partner she has took out a non molestation order against me were she lied about me I havent saw my daughter in 3 weeks I messaged her asking about my daughter and to check that's shes ok and that I love her the next thing I new i was arrested because she stated i was harassing her when I wasent I'm a good dad and its breaking my heart not seeing my little girl shes 2 please someone help me what can i do
Daisy 5 Apr 2020
Can a father still see his 4 year old son during this virus lock down if he usually lives with the mum?
ADD 20 Dec 2019
I split from my ex a few motnhs ago my lil boy has just gone 1, for months she would make me jump threw hoops to see him , my msg to you all is if you have a ex who starts like that they will always be like that go mediation then court you may or may not get the result what you want but at least its set in stone and you know where you stand some things better then nothing , but something to the ex will fell like a total loss to her you will win in the long run remember your kid will grow up and know there own mind good luck all stay strong its mad how vile and evil people can be try not let it drag you down go the correct route asap GOOD LUCK ALL
Tez 7 Dec 2019
Split with my partner 3months ago, and the first 3 weeks she would not let me see my kids. Then all was good for a while until she got her new place, got everything from mine leaving me with nothing, now she want let me see them again now she has everything. I just want to see my kids do I have any legal rights?
Saraj 5 Dec 2019
I need some advice regarding my child and his father. Myself and my partner dont live together but we have s little boy together who's just turned 2 yrs old...I claim benefits at the moment and have been told that my childs father cannot visit our home to see his child. He can come to the door and pick our son up but cannot visit and stay in our home to spend time with his son?who as the rights to tell me my sons daddy cant come into my home n visit his child?I'm a young first time mummy so i dont know what rights being on benefits I'm allowed to do or not to do?please help...
Concerned 25 Nov 2019
I have just been made aware of a 60 day rule for fathers I am furious I need advice on what I can do to prevent it been 55days I never knew until now please help
DJ 22 Oct 2019
I separated from my daughters mother a week after my daughter was born, which was 3 months ago now, for many reasons I dont want to explain on here. I have moved on with someone else but my daughters mother will not let me have my daughter on my own due to moving on with someone else, which is unfair but I can see her point in why she wouldnt... but I still cant see my daughter unless I'm with the mother, but the mother has tried so hard to get me back which wont be happening. I dont know what to do, and need some advice please. Thank you.
C.laurie 25 Sep 2019
@wan.this is (gods truth) .i don’t want( visitation ).the only reason I contacted her mother was to (cause trouble pick a fight )gods truth .i found it very funny she is feeling awkward because she was in a relationship with my old uncle ha ha .he even changed his job to match mine .poor old bastard ha ha .i had (my fun )and had the last laugh .now everyone can get on with there life’s .
Wan 25 Sep 2019
I have spilt from ex and i was seeing my child on every other weekends and school holidays but she has a daughter befote i met her so i take her as well but if i say no she dont want to sent my baby then , she use it against me and now she as move away miles from me I don't really see my child don't even where they or which school she go now , I want to be in my child same way ,need advice to how to approach this
Bishy 19 Sep 2019
My partner had a court order where he could see his son every Wednesday and every other weekend, his ex constantly broke this order and in the end much to my partners heartbreak he gave up trying to fight her as she caused so much trouble and the police did nothing... Today out of the blue and after about 6-7 years of seeing him she has emailed saying you are having your son this weekend or I'm going to drag you through court. Is the first court order valid?
Kezza 18 Aug 2019
A friend of mine recently got back in touch, after 8 years; after splitting up with his now ex. They split for whatever reason, and he thought he had walked away from a controlling relationship with her. They do have a near 6 year old daughter. What bothers him as well as me; is the fact that his ex is still controlling him. She does this in the sense of, he is not allowed to take his daughter out, on his own. They have never been to court, for it to be passed as supervised contact. My friend doest know if he is coming or going. Does anyone have any advice?
Spursno1 17 Aug 2019
Hi I currently don't have a set routine seeing my son. My ex wants me to see my son every other weekend and collect him from school twice a week on the weeks when I don't have him on the weekend. I live in Kent and my son lives in london. Am I being unreasonable only being prepared to have him every other weekend? Would a judge say I have to collect him from school twice a week every other week even though each day it's £27 pounds?
Miles33 27 Jul 2019
My ex and I seperated when she was pregnant so she decided not to put me on the birth certificate so I took her to court and I was granted PR through the courts and awarded unsupervised visits of 3 hrs every saturday and sunday. From the time my daughter was 3 months I have seen her every saturday & Sunday since and Increased my visitation to full days over the last 3 months. In addition to this I collect my daughter from nursery ever wednesday and have her for 1hr 30mins before I drop her off. My daughter is now 1yr old and I have asked to start having overnight stay but my ex refuses and says she isn't ready even though I know that she allows my daughter to stay with her mother at least once a week. Do I stand a good chance of getting overnight stays at this age if I approach the courts?
Edilews 27 Jun 2019
My nephew has seperated from partner and is due supervised access in a centre to his child. Thanks . He was told he has to pay £60 for each visit?. Is this standard procedure , anyone know??
Single daddy 16 Jun 2019
I feel I was in a abusive relationship and I had to step away daughter now two son three. It's been one year and I seen them 28 times I missed birthdays and almost everything. I try to make it work but had to go to court I never married but sign birth cirtificate. Today was the first day I was to see them court told me 12-5 she left before I arrived. Now I have to keep going there every weekend to get my heart broke because she doesn't care for me to be I there life. Court again July 12 she been trying to change the children names and leave the country I'm fear full I will not see them again. Honestly I excepted that I have no control over then situation and she can careless what court says because she leaving country. Tells me I do nothing for them and she lets me do nothing for them.
Kenny 4 Jun 2019
I split up with my partner 10months ago we got a 3 yr old son that she’s totally refused me to be in contact with,she’s blocked me in all possible ways so that i cannot find where they live,before we went separate ways she had agreed for me to be seeing him,little did I know it was all a lie,my heart is completely shattered,i cry everyday thinking of my boy.i have givenher time thinking she’s going to get back but all in vain.Im here requesting for the best contact or a mediation team or who can help me and guide so i can be able to be visiting my son.Thanks alot ??
Mummey16 16 May 2019
If a father wants to see his child should he be arranging to pick them up and drop them back?
Mummy85 5 May 2019
My issue is slightly different, the father of my children only comes and sees them when he feels to. He can go weeks without seeing them and when he decides to come see them he has attitude like he doesn’t want to be here! I would rather he stayed away personally but my children ask for him and I look like the bad guy all the time, I try and protect my children from heartache by not telling them the truth ‘that there dad really don’t care’ and I feel I’m forcing him to come see them to save them from pain! What is the best thing for me to do?
StrongDadz 15 Apr 2019
I see so much hurt and pain on these posts. Though you all give me strength as I am not alone in this. I am also going through the pain of not seeing my son 3yrs old. The pain is the worst in the world. It's like living with bereavement. Be strong Dads and don't give up. It's a hard rocky road but it's worth it in the end.
Chris 8 Mar 2019
It’s to (late for me )but you younger men with (young children )have more off a fighting chance with blogs like this .i can put this behind me now .and officially let go once and for all .
Chris 7 Mar 2019
I wish I went to (court for visitation )and was more (daughter focused)years ago .but (I wasn’t) it is want is now there is (no bond) I must (let this go now) for my sanity .i grieved for my child it is the (worst experience off any parents life) .but life goes on and what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger .my ex is difficult they all are but .
Mr1974 7 Mar 2019
Hi My daughter is staying with me (dad) from September 2018, mum left us. Mum sees her 2 night per week 19:00 to 8:00, plus maybe 1 or 2 time per week during the day as well. So far I have tried to be accommodating with times, being flexible in letting my daughter sees her mum whenever the mum puts the times "available" for the week. However the mum has been abusing the arrangement, treating us as a spare wheel, modifying time at the last second, or just plainly coming at different times. Often with reasons like "my friend is coming to visit". I am not happy about this. It's offensive and inconvenient. I can't plan my own life because whatever time she says can change at the last second, and my daughter suffers from it when these changes happen. I am also not happy with her coming to my place to pick her up, as in the past she has come here and after having understood that my new girlfriend was inside she has written me a message insulting her. I would like times to be fixed every week, something like she picks her up from school on friday, and she takes her back to school on monday. Or something like that. Without the possibility for her to (a) change time at will, and me having to put up with it, and (b) her coming to my place to pick her up, so that I can live my life in private without worrying about her reactions. What are the steps I can take to make this happen? Money is not a concern. Regards MR1974
Desperate Dad 4 Mar 2019
Ok! so since splitting with my ex two years ago she has done pretty much everything she could to have me arrested and is desperately trying to get me incarcerated. Luckily as I have video of all our interactions I've been able to disprove her allegations. So a couple of weeks ago, after months of not seeing my daughter I spend a great weekend with her, we have a lot of fun and my daughter was in tears saying goodbye for the next two weeks. Two days later I get a call from my daughter making allegations of me grabbing her and causing a bruise on her arm, my daughter and her mother actually called the police again, luckily I had witness who confirmed that I hadn't grabbed by little girl. Now my daughter is wanting to see me again and I'm scared to spend time with her alone incase any other allegations are made but she is refusing to have supervised visits, I'm at wits end I desperately want to see her but I'm scared her mother will manage to convince her to make another complaint to the police. Any advice or thoughts I really need help!
Wozza 24 Jan 2019
I've had my daughter 2 weekends out the month since she was 2. She is know nearly 11. We have had no problems and always have a good time going swimming bowling etc. As from two weeks ago my ex has said she does not want to come and visit me or her step sister. Her mum has thrown accusations along the lines she says you have adult time and she isn't aloud in the front room she has to baby sit her sister who by the way is 8yrs old? And body shaming no idea where that one comes from. However most weekends we take the dogs out go to soft play /swimming etc then pjs and popcorn for a movie on the sofa. I've spoken to my daughter and she cannot answer why she doesnt want to come down. Ive asked what we can change to make it more comfortable for her and she just says "i dont know". I am beginning to think she is unaware what's going on and possible believes I am the one saying she cant come. So confused as what to do next.
Gizzi 23 Jan 2019
Hi. I have recently separated from my wife of 10 years. I am moving into a 2 bed flat where a friend will be renting the small room to help with the finances. Because someone else will be living with me. My ex wife is now saying my children cannot sleep over even though they will be in my room! What can I do?
Edana 16 Nov 2018
We have a contact order in place o have children live with me when my partner takes them over night he doesn't always have them he leaves them with other people i don't know or know where they are or live he wont let me talk to them i his time either. Do i have a right to know where my children are sleeping if not at his address and if he is not there with them. Uk.
Soph 8 Nov 2018
My daughters mother has cut down the times I see my daughter and I hardly see her. We have a good relationship but her mother controls when I see her. Mediation didn’t work and I have now put a court application in to sort out access. My question is if my child’s mother brings up that I have been to jail (nothing child related AND been seen by Social services to confirm I’m ok with having my daughter by myself) will this affect my access? My daughter has stayed with me 1000s of times over night and gone away with me out of town. I’m just wondering what things could go against me if any. I also pay maintenance. My ex is trying to say I don’t call my daughter enough and that’s why I can’t see her... however my ex blocks my number on purpose. I want my daughter every other wkend Friday to Sunday but she is saying sat to Sunday every other wk.. I would also like to share birthdays and Christmas what are my chances? Thanks in advance.
Danwj7 6 Oct 2018
I need some advise, I have been having regular contact with my boys, I have them extra during the holidays and have never missed a CMS payment, their mother has now insisted that things change, that I must have them for her honeymoon etc etc! I have paid for mediation 3 times already! Has she got grounds to take me to court? Any help will be gratefully recieved Dan
Luciano 1 Oct 2018
@zic.yes I think it is suitable for the (14 year old ).the rest can stay with you .and my ex said I couldn’t compromise .as for your daughter meeting the fathers women well just let them meet after a few stays overs they will be like mother and daughter to peas in a pod .she might even like step mummy more then you there is food for thought .ps are you judging the father because he lives in a flat ?.do you live in a mansion on snop hill looking down on the little people living in flats pondering weather it is suitable a father to see his own flesh and blood because of where he lives ?
Zlc 1 Oct 2018
Does anyone know if it is considered acceptable for 4 children aged 6, 10, 12 and 14 to stay regularly for weekend overnight visits in a 2 bed flat with their father and a partner they never met.
JonB Editor 10 Sep 2018
@vincent- @alexis - many mothers have issues about handing over their child to a parent the child is not familiar with, especially when the child is very young. Alexis doesn't have to justify any reasons why she doesn't drive. If she doesn't drive it is up to both the parents to try and work this out between them. You shouldn't jump to such knee-jerk conclusions Vincent.
Alexis 9 Sep 2018
@vincent Firstly I never learned to drive, I have provisional and am planning to learn soon (finances allowing). Secondly, try keeping your own emotions about situations to yourself, to imply that the only reason I have trust issues or can’t drive is due to a medical issue or disability is incredibly insulting to those who suffer such things and is a stupidly ignorant statement. I am not using control as a weapon, my child’s father is welcome to see our child any time he likes. I’ve offered to allow him to stay in my house with our child (as I feel this would be better for our child) for a couple of nights whilst I stay somewhere else if necessary. My issue is with my child being taken out of his preferred environment and routine at such a young age.
vincent 9 Sep 2018
@alexis.you [don't drive] do you have a medical issue or disabled ?is that why you have trust issues about handing your baby over ?or is it a control thing a weapon ?
Andsoitcontinues 22 Aug 2018
I have a 10 year old daughter with my ex and we split when she was 2 he goes months without seeing her sometimes promises her he will come then cancels at the last minute very upsetting and detrimental to her well being, while I want her to continue to have a relationship with her father I refuse to carry on with this last minute let downs as unfair on my child I have heard I can file for a residency order would this be suitable for the current situation or is it another order I need?, thanks, p.s he is not abusive or anything of that nature thanks
betty boo 20 Aug 2018
@shezza .its wonderful hun that your child has a great step daddy .you best keep him away from the bio father drugs are no no and raided oh my god what a out law .i would keep my child away from that i would tell police and get social involved .there is no way i would allow my child around that .get step daddy to protect your family like man .
Shezza 20 Aug 2018
Hi i have a 10yr old son with autism who hasnt seen his dad in over 6years.he has a step dad now who is fantastic with him.i am just wondering what will happen if he trys to go to court to see him again as its been so long and my son doesnt like to go anywhere and has a stricted routine.when he used to see him 6years ago he was always late for him sometimes he never came i also have police reports of violence with him and also he was raided for drugs.please help thank you
Emz1 18 Aug 2018
Hello I have been suffering from depression for the last year. As I had a procedure on my eye which went wrong. I’m currently waiting for it to recover. I’m now doing a lot better on medication and doing general house work etc. The father My child and got a temp residence while the courts get evidence reports etc doctor records. I was under mental health for a brief time but discharged. At the moment I can’t go out as my eye is recovering and I feel self conscious but can look after my child at home. I do go shops etc but not places with people I know as yet. I’ve never suffered from depression in my life before and I had my child live with me 4 years before while me and partner split. I have people to help with school runs and taking my child out. What’s the likely hood I get full custody as the father is fighting me in court. I’m now getting better but suffered a injury and in recovery thank you
laurie 17 Aug 2018
@leo.people think i am autistic you no why because i never went legal or to court for my daughter and i rejected my x with good reason .i didn't[ want to be with her ].the reason i didn't go legal was because i was in that much[ trouble ]and made the choice to live the life i want and if that bothers people or they think i am autistic well good for them not everyone will like you .i just made the choice to change and will not have any part in the life i use to live or associate with people who i think bring nothing but drama into life wanting me to snap and carrie on like a pork chop . easy fixed in my view just wipe the lot start again .
Leo 17 Aug 2018
I'm only 2 months pregnant and my relationship has ended badly. I'm planning on keeping the baby but I'm worried about how access will work with a new born baby. I understand the baby seeing its father is very important but i will be breastfeeding and long times apart in the first few months from the mother is not good for the babys routine and bonding. My ex partner lives 1 hour away and has access 3 days a week to his serverly autistic son 14 years old. His son can be unpredictable and I'd worry if my baby was around him. In addition his son needs constant supervision so I wonder how he could care for the baby. Also I'd worry if he could care for a new born as his ex partner cared mostly for their son when he was a baby. Any advise would be appreciated.
Kev 13 Aug 2018
I have recently found out that i’m A father of a 9 year old that I never met and was told wasn’t mine at birth. I did the honourable thing and did a paternity test with no objections through CMS. I’m the father of a child I never met and the mother claims i’m Still not and if I ever do he will not know i’m The father. I’m seeking legal advise this week but please help and advise on CMS payments and my rights. Do I have any? Do I have to pay if the mother as said above and says he’s already got a father. She said before the test she wanted the truth and me and the wife agreed i’d get it done as the mother did not tell the truth on due dates etc.
SeparatedDads Editor 27 Jul 2018
You may be able to apply for a special expenses variation via CMS
Salvatore 27 Jul 2018
I have a son who’s turned five recently. My x partner moved away two hours away. I see him every other weekend then one Sunday the next. She’s using every excuse for me not to see him on that Sunday also won’t meet me halfway only meets me halfway when I drop him home as I refuse to drive two hours. What can I do financially and the time it takes is just stressful
SeparatedDads Editor 17 Jul 2018
You would have to refer the matter back to court. If you do not have the address, then you can apply for a C4 form. This is an application for an order for disclosure of a child's whereabouts, If you fill in this for along with the C79 enforcement order form it means the courts can put a trace on your child in order to allow you to bring the matter to court.
Johnnyc 16 Jul 2018
Hi everyone. Just wondered if anyone could have any information that may help me. I have a 10 yr old daughter I split up with her mum in 2013 and it was a bitter break up. She denied me access so it went through the courts where I was given contact every other weekend for 2 nights and mid week contact for her to come over for dinner. My ex then moved to Scotland without my consent I had phone contact with my daughter for a short while and was in contact with her school. At the end of 2014 she stopped all contact blocked my number and moved my daughters school. I have been looking for her ever since. I pay maintenance monthly and just really want to find her. So my question is legally where do I go from here?!? P.s I have full parental responsibility. Thanks in advance john
SeparatedDads Editor 18 Jun 2018
In a case such as this, you may wish to join our Separated Dads forum in order to speak to our dads who have been through similar before. The main thing in your favour here is that you are getting help to overcome your gambling addiction. The forum advisers, may suggest that you apply for more and be willing to accept less, rather than apply for supervised and wish you would have applied for unsupervised. It may be the court would grant you supervised access for a time, leading to unsupervised when various conditions have been met.
Stu88 16 Jun 2018
Split up with my ex in May of 2016 while she was in early stages of pregnancy, she cut ALL contact with my family members too, fast forward 16 months & we were back in contact, I was travelling 2 & a half hours by train each week to see my son, however I felt strangely like she didn’t want me near the house. We were constantly walking around going for lunch/coffee which wasn’t sustainable financially. I found out in March that I wasn’t allowed near the house because her 11 year old daughter had decided she no longer wanted to see me. Admittedly I have had a gambling problem which I am trying to cut out (signed up to gamstop) she is using this against me & has said no to overnight access 1 night a week. I don’t know wether to bypass 1 day a week with no overnight & apply for supervised. Post is a bit rushed, my mind is all over the place & im scared as this is my first child & therefore the first time I’ve had to deal with anything like this.
Stepmum 15 Jun 2018
I have been married to my husband for eight years and have a step daughter aged 11. He has had regular (from three months of age due to not knowing she was born) contact Tuesday Thursdays 16:30hrs-2030hrs until the age of 5 and was reduced 16:30-19:30hrs due to schooling and EVERY weekend from Friday at 16:30hrs until Sunday 18:00hrs for three years! Until it was scheduled to alternate weekends. I have been in her life since the age of 2 and have two other children with her father and have built a great relationship including her in everything that we do. Even the the length of changing scheduled and pre arranged flights from turkey as “mother forgot she had a wedding that my step daughter was part of”. Both of my children attended the local pre school in which my step daughters mother taught and I have had a brilliant relationship with her also even taking a selfie with her and my step daughter and posted on social media. My children both left her pre school September last year and she was having marriage issues. My step daughter spent a lot of time with us and amongst other life’s stresses there was a lot of pressure on me and my husband. He had a rough evening and resulted in us having a violent argument where I called the police and he was removed. I had my step daughter in my care and contacted her mother in which she did not answer then was happy for me to keep her child regardless of the situation as she was safer in my care at that time. Me and my husband have since resolved this issue with help and support and are back on track of a happy marriage. However on January 27th my step daughter was collected and removed from my home due to her reasons being “we smoke in our kitchen” which we have done forever and she has even stood in my kitchen with me whilst her other daughter (nothing to do with us) spent the afternoon playing in my garden. My step daughter got to spend her first mother’s day in eleven years with her mother this year though!! In March out of the blue after several messages my step daughter is suddenly allowed to start coming back around to our as scheduled. Then may half term, we planned a boat trip due to my step daughter not being allowed to Turkey this year (another issue) arranged Tuesday to Friday booked time off work to be told she must be back by Wednesday my step daughter did not come, untillllll Saturday I got a text she would like to stay on the boat ?!! So I went to collect her brought her in my car to the boat. I tried to contact Emmy step daughter whom was at the park with her mobile phone not far but said I would call wen I wanted her back.. I could not get connected.. it become apparent I had been blocked from her phone.. I tried to contact the mother re this matter as was dangerous when she was in my care and in my opinion unacceptable and I wanted to know why .. to realise she too had blocked me from any contact.. so I text my step daughters grandmother to pass the message to her daughter that I had tried t
SeparatedDads Editor 14 Jun 2018
Much depends upon what the court order states going into the future. If you want unsupervised access you would have to show, prove to the courts that you are a different person. In your case, some initial legal advice may be worthwhile in order to assess whether you have a case to refer the matter back to court.
loving dad whos ex i 14 Jun 2018
After splitting up with my fiance of 5 years i suffered a emotional break down and was hospitalised for6 days due to the shock trauma and stress of tbe break up The result of this being i caused alot of hurt and de stress to my family and friends and my ex I was refused no contact with my own son for nearly 13 weeks not aloud phone calls and even now 3years later im not aloud to be alone with my son because of my behaviour directly after the break up Ive paid maintenance for 90 percent of the time and when i didnt was when my ex refud to accept it I want to find out what right i have regarding non supervised visitation i have parental responsibility and theres no history of violence or any restrictions applyed by courts Can i have time alone with my son and enjoy creating a bond with him
Ian 13 Jun 2018
I have no t seen my daughter since September 17 didn't see her last Birthday nor this one missed Christmas .because my ex has lied and the court will not go to proof hearing .the contact we did have threw. A contact centre broke down after my daughter was diagnosed with diabetes type one in may 17 I couldn't get proper training as I didn't have access. Any Help .
Jibbo 7 Jun 2018
I had an affair and it caused the split in my relationship with the mother of my kids. Everything has been very amicable considering and I have access to them etc. and I pay more then the necessary child support etc so they can stay in the (wjhat was) family home. The issue is she is against the idea of me introducing them to my now partner (the person I had the affair with) even for now just as a friend of mine and I'm not sure where I go from here. The now partner is not a safeguarding risk and poses no threat whatsoever, its purely the ex sees her as the reason for the break up and doesn't want our children to see her. Any advice??
SeparatedDads Editor 4 Jun 2018
Many non-residents have their children overnight every other weekend and once or twice in the week (not overnight). This is usually the standard court agreement. In a case such as this, where you cannot agree between you, then mediation may be the way forward again.
Justlittleoldme 3 Jun 2018
We have been separated since I was 3 month pregnant. Since our daughter has been born I have gotten over all the horrible things that were said and agree my daughter needs her dad. We started slowly, at her home, progressed to going out to play areas (I also have a 2yr old from a previous relationship) then her dad took her on his own to visit relatives or to his home. We tried mediation but he wouldn’t talk and just agreed with anything that I said. He now sees her every Sunday from 9.00-13.00 and fortnightly on Wednesday 15.30-19.00. Our daughter is now 15 months old and he wants to have her for a full day on a Sunday. I want to be fair I don’t think he should have her every weekend as he should still be able to go out and stuff but feel I can’t spend time making us a family if she is away every weekend. Am I being unreasonable if I suggest changing his visits to every Wednesday 10.00-17.00 (he already has changed his shifts at work as he wanted to take her every Wednesday) and fortnightly on Sundays 9.00-13.00. Also he is always late bringing her back how do I approach this without it causing an argument
mannny 26 May 2018
Hello me and my ex partner split up 3 months ago and we have a son of 9 months, she telling me she’s going to take me to court cos she wants to have the weekends for herself and one evening in the week so therefore i have to have him which i don’t mind but i don’t see why she should dictate my life like that, i work weekends aswell so it is going to mess me up financily aswell because i struggle how it is.
Papa579 22 May 2018
My ex and I have split for over a year and my contact had been an issue at several times basically when shes in a bad mood. She has had mental health problems in the past and there is no negotiating with her shes constantly using visitations as a weapon. We tried the solicitor option but one day a week proposal by her is a joke. I have a court order in for over 2months but still no sign off when it will get served. I have not seen or heard a thing about my child in 3weeks now and im very concerned as I do believe my ex is mentally unstable at times. I seem to have no rights here and want to know what to do in these circumstances.
Kyky 5 May 2018
I have been seeing my daughter every fortnight for towns and a half years at her mothers house which is 100 miles away. I now have a lovely home and want my daughter to have some weekends here with me. My ex is saying that her and her mother will discuss it with me. They should don't want me to have this contact I can tell as they are both control freaks. I am a good man with a good job and a nice home plus have a fantastic relationship with my daughter. What are my rights?
Woody723 30 Apr 2018
I’ve recently split with my partner and I have a daughter who is 10 months old. She says I can only have her 2 nights a week but I feel that is unfair as I’d much prefer 3 days. Am I within my right to argue this or do I need to go through courts etc? And if so would I lose??
Ez 10 Apr 2018
This is a question: I have recently entered into a relationship with someone I have known for 15 years. I did not inform my ex about this but now she knows she doesn’t want our child to have any contact with my new partner and has threatened to remove my access if her ‘demands’ are not adhered to. She claims that our child’s anxiety is caused by my new relationship which conflicts with the behaviour of my child. My access to my child consists of Thursday to Sunday for 3 weeks out of 4 (month). This access is non court ordered and non family mediation but verbally agreed between me and my child’s mother. What are my rights as the father? Can my ex stop me from seeing my child? Please help as this is stressing me out.
Ch 7 Apr 2018
I have a 15 month old child my ex lives 2 and a half hours drive away and is insisting on having her for weekends. I have never met most of his family or anyone that he socialises with I don't agree that she should be taken so far and out of her routine or until she can at least talk and tell me if there is any issues but I do obviously want her to have a good relationship with her dad it's so hard as I know if it was the other way around I would want the same thing but don't feel it's in her best interest at the moment?
SeparatedDads Editor 6 Apr 2018
If the other mother has stopped overnight contact, then you can apply to court to have the contact reinstated. The court will also take on your the logistics you have to jump through. You can ask CMS to take into account certain expenses you pay. These are called ‘special expenses’ and can reduce the gross income figure that is used when child maintenance is worked out
Jmac82 5 Apr 2018
I have two kids from different mums and live approx 120miles from each of my kids. The mums moved away over the course of time and it’s now up to me to travel/get hotels etc in order to see how kids. I do take them back to my house as often as I can but sometimes the 6hr round trip is just too much. I now work a job doing 2weeks on 2weeks off and that kind of helps as it isn’t such a rush to squeeze everything into my weekends with them, particularly on the holidays from school. Recently however one of my children’s mum has stopped overnight contact which now means I have no choice but to visit on the Saturday and Sunday only, we go out and spend the day together and I return my child in the evening. This has put massive emotional strain on myself and my other child who now has to stay with me in guest houses and hotels in order for us to spend time together. Also this has put a massive financial Strain on myself with added costs to entertain, eat, sleep etc not to mention travel costs. all I can hope for now is to get overnight contact back and get back to normality otherwise I may have to give up my rent to buy home and move to areas I would rather not be in. Why is it so hard when it could be so easy?
chriso 30 Mar 2018
I left you a message on your pubic photo about the donation.. have a read before they take it down .it sums up how I feel about you Gordon and big Tyson.
chriso 30 Mar 2018
I get no access to my daughter from the mother .and I refuse to go to court .but I am lucky I don't pay thank goodness .her affairs guilt her so I dodged a bullet .I am not sad over it I see my daughter one day .I seen a photo off my x wow she got ugly with age big age gap I guess.anyway I scored a new bird so my attention will be on her for awhile to I lose interest. Thanks
Matty 29 Mar 2018
I’m not getting access to my children at all. Even after an order from the court. The ex won’t answer calls she lets the kids talk to me vary rarely. She lets them talk to me like dirt. Basically I’m prevented from seeing them. I’m desperate to see them. I pay for them and have done since I left and now she has got the CSA involved. I’m falling to pieces with sadness
SeparatedDads Editor 27 Mar 2018
A court will not force an unwilling non-resident parent to have the children. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the children in question. The court will always put the children’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. As a standard rule, the courts usually award every other weekend with one night in the week, which is deemed fair. There is no guarantee the court will opt in your favour, regardless of the argument you put forward.
Dezzzzzz 20 Mar 2018
For the past 5years my kids dad has had them every weekend after we split, we went to mediation last year as he only wanted to have them every other weekend and this is something I didn’t agree with. With guidance from the mediator we came to an arrangement that he has them 3 weekends of the month with a weekend to himself that he can choose by notify me before 4pm on a Wednesday. This was working out until October 2017 when he decided to have them as and when he wanted i recently had taken him back to mediation where we couldn’t come to an agreement on what’s best for the children so I’ve decided I’m going to take it to court. After giving you a rough idea I’m wanting to know where I stand in asking for him to have the children every weekend as I believe he need to be as present as possible in the boys lives as they need a positive male role model to look up to. Do you think the court will go in his favour as I don’t think 48 days out of 365 will benefit the boys. Could you give me some pointers on how to make sure the boys see there dad every weekend as this is what they want as they love there dad
Cloud1 20 Mar 2018
My sons father hasn't wanted to know Jim for 5 years and has recently got into contact I've alowed him to see my son under my supervision he's now wanting him on his own. Where do I stand? What rights does he have? He's not paid a single penny towards him. We werent married and hes not on the birth certificate.
Vero 20 Mar 2018
Chris because he did not give a damn about the baby for a year and I don't trust him. He never gave him a bath, never fed him never put to sleep. Did not see each other for a month now. I want my baby to be safe and happy.
Chris 19 Mar 2018
@vero.out of curiosity I would like to ask you why would want to be present when your ex wants to see the child ?.you to are (broken up )why would you want to be present?.is it because he doesn’t want to see you?.
Vero 19 Mar 2018
I have a 1 year old child. We split up with his dad about a month ago. Now he wants to see him but does not want to see me. He wants to ask his friend to take our child to his place. Can I refuse it? Can I make conditions like he cannot see the child without my presence? Thanks!
Cjmc7 16 Mar 2018
I devorced my ex wife over three years ago And she decided to move back to our home town 74miles away. I was at the beginning picking both of my children up every two weeks. (They are now 12 and 16) Over a period of time my ex has turned my eldest against me and is trying once again to turn my youngest. She now is trying to stop me collecting my youngest for weekends with her dad. She has even made her block me on her phone. I pay maintainance and I also travel the 280 mile round trip. The mother is trying her best to turn another one of my children against me. Has anyone got any help. ?
SeparatedDads Editor 16 Mar 2018
Unfortunately, as we are a UK-based site we cannot answer your question, as South Africa family law differs to the UK's.
AidenT Editor 16 Mar 2018
@NG - If your ex is not interested in seeing your child, then you do not have to make the effort to take your child to see him. I'd just step back and see what happens. There's not much you can do to force the issue. If he wants to see him. He'll make the effort. As you say, if he's taking drugs, you might not want to try to force the issue anyway.
Concern Mother 16 Mar 2018
I have I 16 month old baby girl. I left the dad due to constant cheating (he cheated on me). I have given him the right to visit his child with me being present at all times. Due to the fact that I wont allow anybody else but myself to change her diapers since se is a girl. Now he wants to see my child without me being present. What rights do I have? I wont allow this. We weren't married but did live together. He only wants to pay a R1500 per month which is ridiculous since it costs way more than just a R1500.
NG 16 Mar 2018
I am having an issue with my ex partner refusing to make an effort to see our child (aged 1). We split up due to his lack of interest in our child. He lives 15 minutes away and I started off taking him round and picking him up. Very quickly he started cancelling his visits and if I did take him round, he would text after 2 hours for me to pick him up as he 'wanted to watch football, go to the shop to get beer, having a house party'. I told my ex partner he would start making an effort if he wanted to see our child. His mother got involved and I gave him another chance with set days we agreed on. Less than 2 weeks later the cancellations and early pick up requests started again. I told him again he would need to come and make the effort. He doesn't think he should have to come and see him and says I am stopping his relationship by not taking him round. There are plenty of public transport links but he says he never uses public transport and won't start now. I'm not stopping him seeing our child but I'm also not taking him round anymore. My ex partner is also taking drugs, and I am not sure if the house is safe for my child to visit anyway. Can you please advise? Thankyou
Bubbles 14 Mar 2018
My ex is threatening to take me to court for access to our daughter, even tho he see’s her every week he was homeless and then sleeping in his mates car and then moved in with friends who used to fight with each other in front of there baby so obviously with all that I said he couldn’t take her but could by all means come and see her he has moaned and coursed problems for the whole year but turns it on me he is verbally abusive every time we speak even to the point of calling me all kinds to my daughter in her pram, he is now saying he wants her every weekend Friday till Monday I have told him no as I have an older daughter (different dad) Who wouldn’t get to spend any time with her as she at school all week and he saying he don’t care about my daughter and that he won’t stop till he has full custody of our daughter (no reason for him to get full custody) and cuts me out of her life for good we’re do I stand if this dose go to court?
Winston 9 Mar 2018
Slightly different scenario. My sisters new partner has had parental visitation rights denied by a court for 2 kids from a previous marriage and is unwilling to tell the family why. Can I as a concerned brother, uncle and parent myself find out why, and if I should let him anywhere near my own 3 yr old?
SeparatedDads Editor 5 Mar 2018
Your son's biological father has the right to apply to see his child. If you do not agree, you have the right to refuse. However, if you refuse mediation in order to try to resolve the issues, then your son's father will have the right to apply to court. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
sj 2 Mar 2018
ok, so i have a three year old son. i met my partner when i was 12weeks pregnant with someone elses baby from then he was there and has brought my son up as his own which only happened after my sons real dad wanted nothing to do with my child three years later me and my partner are engaged and have another little boy today i got a message to say my sons dad wanted to see him what rights does my partner have since he has done all the work for three years and what rights does my sons real dad have (not named on borth certificate)
Amit 25 Feb 2018
Hi, I have a 6 week old daughter, I was living with my in laws when they decided to kick me out due to an argument with my wife, my wife is not replying to my messages asking for an agreement to see my daughter or general welfare of my daughter. My daughter is due to have her first immunisation jabs and I was wondering do I have the right to attend this appointment and can the mother refuse me being in the surgery??
Fryy321 19 Feb 2018
Hi. My partner has two children with his ex, she has recently found out that he is in a new relationship and is now refusing to let him see the girls. Obviously, he is heartbroken, I spend most evenings comforting my crying partner. He pays £150 a week child maintenance, also owns and pays the mortgage on the home she and the kids live in. What steps can he take to secure his visiting rights? Going to court is the very last option.
Wrenn 18 Feb 2018
Hi I have a 5 month old baby ,my ex partner gives me verbal abuse even in front of the baby,I have called the police as I'm scared of his temper,they said it be better to go to court ,I don't stop him visiting our daughter I just don't want verbal abuse he says he's going to take her one weekend and threatens me , will court allow this? as I prefer to be around when he sees her I don't want him taking the baby
Sunny 6 Feb 2018
My ex wants to see our kids all the time whenever he want to. I told him about cutting down to a few days a week and Saturday or Sunday . Can I do that by law . He keeps saying I can't by law .
SeparatedDads Editor 6 Feb 2018
Yes, your son does have rights to apply to be registered on the birth certificate. Likewise, it is fraudulent to knowingly put a person on the birth certificate who is not the biological father of the child. Therefore, in the first instance your son may wish to send a letter to his ex requesting he is added to the birth certificate and/or awarded parental responsibility of his child, If his ex ignores the letter (which can be written by himself or through a solicitor), then he should consider mediation. If his ex refuses to discuss the matter, then his only option would be to apply to court, He can apply for both PR and access to his child at the same time.
Purl 5 Feb 2018
Hi my son has recently be told he has a child the child is now 8mnths old he his not on the birth certificate because the mother also has another child by her ex partner and so put him on the birt certificate. Does my son have any legal rights because he wants to be part of the child's life but at the moment although he buys her clothing and nappies milk etc the mother only lets him see her on her terms I.e if and when it suits her and often lets him down at last minute after promising he can see the child.
Larry 28 Jan 2018
I became a father a month ago now after having a fling with the mother of the child. We were never properly together and we decided at the time that we wouldn't be together however I would be fully supportive from a financial and an emotional level. She is breastfeeding and whilst I fully understand that my role is to work around her feeding schedule to see her I am frustrated. For the first four weeks I had to get permission to come and see her and now I am back to work full time I asked her mother to give me certain times to come and see her. She is "not ready" to bring the baby down to my house just yet, which is only a 5minute walk away. Therefore I have been told to come up three days a week. It's a total of 3 and a half hours a week that I've been told. It's frustrating because all I want to do is see my baby girl. Should I just ride the storm for now? Or should I seek legal advice? Am I entitled to more time with her?
SeparatedDads Editor 25 Jan 2018
As the father of your child, he has the right to request access to see his child. If you do not agree, then mediation is the next option, if you cannot agree via mediation, then your child's father will have the option to apply to court. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. We cannot advise you about trying to stop access on the back of your own personal view of the father. The court would need to assess this matter if you do not personally think he should be allowed.
Bounty 24 Jan 2018
Hi, so my sons father left me when we found out I was pregnant, played no role through the pregnancy and birth, isn’t on the birth certificate but did see my son briefly for the first few months, after that it was if he asked, which was once, the last time he saw my now 4 year old was 2 year 8 month ago. He moved to London which is nearly 300 mile away, got married and had a child and hasn’t contacted me in over a year and a half until a couple weeks ago demanding visitation or he’s taking me to court. He’s very manipulative and a total narcissist. It’s important to add my child has special needs and struggles with new relationships and being out of routine etc. Since it’s been so long and we have completely separate lives I don’t understand why he’s asking to suddenly see my son and I feel like I have no legal backing at all in order to say no. Really need some help and advice!
Bsmith18 23 Jan 2018
I was with my daughters dad for 7 years and married for 18 months. Our marriage broke down 2 years ago and he got violent. He was charged with 2 section 39 assaults against myself and after his bail conditions ended he literally made my life a living hell, making threats to both me and my new partner. Due to the violence I endured I was and still am very scared of this man. My daughter witnessed some of the abuse and talks about it still near enough weekly. I grew up without my dad and really wanted my daughter to have a relationship with her father, regardless of his past with me so every other weekend she would go to her dads. Within 3 months he had introduced her to 3 different women and their kids which I didn't like but anyway he got with his current girlfriend and my daughter starts coming home upset, she said when she goes he never spends time with her as he is always with this new girlfriend, he left her overnight at his mums to be with this girlfriend (bearing in mind he sees her 2 days out of 14) my daughter says she doesn't feel important to him anymore so I took it up with him and he just said that's his life now and she'll have to get used to it. After a couple of months my daughter had changed, her behaviour on coming back from her dads was awful and she would be reserved. She told me she had shared a room with the girlfriends 12 year old son (she is 7) which I think is absolutely terrible. She would tell me things that he would say to her but then be in tears begging me not to take these issues up with her dad because she'll get in trouble. She admitted that she was scared of her dad and I stopped access. As well as this he is up to his eyeballs in n debt and has bailiffs knocking at the door which I don't feel is nice for a 7 year old child to see. I got a letter through for mediation but I don't want to be around him as I am so petrified of him and since the assault have struggled with anxiety. The other day my daughter broke down at school saying she can't get the bad things daddy has done out of her head and saying he had hit her. Which I knew nothing about but obviously I am absolutely devastated as my daughter has kept this to herself. I have now had a phone call from cafcass saying there is a court date in march and he wants access. My daughter has begged me to not go through her dads anymore. I don't want her to have to go there when she doesn't feel safe. Any advice please?
SeparatedDads Editor 18 Jan 2018
In the first instance, if your partner is travelling so far, he may be able to apply for a child maintenance variation, Unless there is a good reason why the mother will not allow your partner's daughter to stay with you, then your partner has a right to try to resolve this issue. He can attempt to do this either mutually with his ex, through suggesting mediation, or, in this instance because of the distance he should be able to apply straight to court. One way of trying to push the issue, would be to ask a solicitor outlining your partner's rights, requesting overnight access and specifying that if his ex refuses to negotiate, then he will pursue the matter through court. If your partner has had regular access for a while, then there is no reason why a court would not go to the next step i.e overnight access (unless the re is a court order in place already). Likewise, unless his ex can come up with a valid reason why access should not be overnight, then your partner stands a good chance. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. This would mean his ex would have to relinquish control and allow the courts to make a decision on her behalf, meaning the control and decision making would be taken away from her. Given this, your partner may find she may decide to negotiate. If she takes the stance and refuses access altogether, then your partner would have to leave it to the court to decide. But due to the fact he does have regular access, then this will work in his favour.
Wilso 18 Jan 2018
Advice please. My partner has a daughter who lives a 7hr drive away... he sees her once a month and pays to stay in a hotel in an expensive holiday area (this is where she lives) during the duration. A once night visit costs him £250 easy. On top of this he pays the mother £200 a month maintenance. In school holidays if the child is allowed to visit her paternal family (mother is often hard work about this) then my partner has to drive to pick his daughter up and drive back. (Mother will never meet half way). We’ve been together now a few years and are currently expecting a child of our own and the mother still won’t allow her child to stay in our home (even though myself and his daughter get on well) meaning my partner has to go stay with family for the duration of his time with his daughter. I really don’t think any of this seems fair. Can she do a this? What are his rights?
yawbolo 19 Dec 2017
my ex and I are separated for 3 months now . we have a 2 year old which we agreed upon separation that I will see him 2nights a week ( one night sleepover ) and sleepover over the weekend at her place, which I have no problem with and haven't failed to do so. I also pay her child support and I even give her £70 more than the agreed amount. she is currently pregnant by a guy she has only known for 3 weeks and already wants to introduce my son him . I am worried about the safety of my child because she barely knows this and wants him around my son and she refuses to see the potential dangers she could be putting our son in. i have tried to talk to her about having my son at my place for a couple days in the week when i have him, but she has totally refused and threatened to take me to court where i wouldnt be able see my son only through a contact centre and also threaten to have my visa revoked as well. ( i am currently on a spouse visa) . what are my rights here as a sparated dad and what can i do legally to protect my child and also be able to spend time with me.
Ash 8 Dec 2017
Hi. I married my ex wife from outside the eu.she came to the UK settled with me we had our first child a girl.the wife changed and constantly argued with me and my extended family.this went on for a couple of yrs.she wasn't neutralised as a UK citizen so I sent her back to her native country and she took our daughter too.i thought time apart would make her see sense but it didn't happen.i sent her divorce papers and we got divorced.she got in touch with a solicitor in UK and I ended up in high court to decide child support.the judge ruled I should pay her 350 pound a month.as for the right to see my Child judge ruled I would have to take it up with courts in her country.i went last year and she and her family refused to let me see the Child.i got a solicitor over there I attended court several times,baillifs were sent to her house with court orders and they basically tore them up and never attended once.upon my return to UK I stopped child support.now,somehow,shes managed to get back into this country and I have received a letter from her solicitor saying I need to backpay child support or find myself in court.i need advice please as I have no intention of paying unless I can see my child who I havnt seen for 4 years.if I have to I will pack my job in.i am not paying and not seeing my Child.please help.
SeparatedDads Editor 7 Dec 2017
It's a tricky question to answer and only one you can really answer yourself. Your son is only five, and therefore you would have to make a decision on his behalf and as always, keeping in mind what you think is in your child's best interests. It's good that the telephone conversation was amicable and that you keep an open and balanced opinion. I can only advise that the conversation continues until you can both try to come to a mutual resolution. If you speak to your ex again and relay your doubts and fears, it also puts the decision back to him to see the situation with reason. Honesty and diplomacy are the best ways forward here. It's sad that your son carries this opinion of his father being a 'bad man', as a child of five cannot see the muti-layered emotions/flaws/reasons we all have for making the decisions we do in life. None of us are perfect and some less than others. That doesn't mean those people who are less perfect don't have emotions too and obviously your child's father has been doing some serious thinking. It's a sweeping statement to say his reasons might be to 'satisfy his guilt' - you don't know that for sure. However, the final decision ultimately still rests with you. Best of luck - I'm sure you'll make the right decision as you are coming at it from the right place, which is from a point of being open-minded and open to further discussion.
mamam 6 Dec 2017
Hi, my son is 5 in 4 months. His dad left the country 3 years ago and chose to have no contact with our son. He never paid any child support, he never sent anything for birthdays or christmasses. He ignored all my attempts to contact him and emails over those years. He is a stranger to my son now. He contacted me today for the first time in years saying he wants to see him! All though he admits he wont be a stable or regular part of his life. We spoke very amicabally. My son says he does not want to see him. He thinks he is a “bad man” because his last memory of his dad is that my son broke his leg while on his lap going down a slide and then he dissapeared and never saw him again (this is true but my son dpesnt remember anything else about him or has memories of him. The accident happened when my son was 1 and a half and the day it happened his dad left and never saw him again). My son has a very stable happy life with me and my partner who my son chooses to see as his dad. (He is his stepdad). I am so scared if his real dad sees him and then dissapears again that this will affect my son badly where as right now he is just happy and doesnt even want to see him. I dont know what the right thing to do is regarding my son. his dad definitely has no plans to be a regular and stable part of his life and this is what scares me for my son, how it will affect him and shake things up when right now he is very happy and stable. My gut says not to allow it because it seems selfish of my ex to try and satisfy some kind of guilt he has while having no intention to actually be a parent to his son! But then the other part of me doesn’t want to deny anything. I dont want my son to be screwed up for me having allowed his father in and out of his life but i also don’t want him to feel i never allowed them contact (even though he doesnt want to see him) i need some help i honestly dont know what to do or what our rights are.
SeparatedDads Editor 4 Dec 2017
As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. The court will attempt to make arrangements 'fair', meaning it could order that you both meet halfway, or that one parent picks up and the other drops off. Much depends upon the logistics of your situation. If one parent is being unduly awkward regarding helping with transport arrangements, then the court will seek to redress the balance towards what it thinks is in the best interests of the child.
perrry 2 Dec 2017
I recently attended court with my child's father and a court order was put in place regarding contact he never kept to it once said that he couldn't make transport arrangement, now he is taking me back to court to make me, make transport arrangements where do I stand with this legally as I am self represented
EllioTfs Editor 30 Nov 2017
@Connor - if it's Christmas Eve, you might have to try and work around things. Perhaps, if you give your daughter back at 4pm, you could negotiate another four hours on another day. If the order says 104pm on Xmas eve, it should really stand at that, but because it falls on your day so the both of you are right, you might have to reach a compromise on this occasion.
Worried 28 Nov 2017
Hello. Me and my child’s dad broke up in July after him hitting me in a public place which was captured clearly on cctv. He then went to court and was given an injunction where he’s not allowed near me or the house, but is allowed to see our child through a third party, but since then he’s been in my house on multiple occasions and strangled me twice in front of our child! He’s been given plenty of opportunities to see our child but has let him down at last minute to go out with his mates on nights out and take drugs, or just living his normal everyday activities. Since I’ve now applied for Csa he’s now threatening to take me to court even though he sees our son once a week when he can be bothered. The other night I felt so low he called the police out as he thought I was going to do something stupid, which the next day followed by a call from social services. Where would I stand in court? I don’t feel safe him having my child over night. His dad has aspergus and needs to learn to control his temper. I’m just so worried our child would end up getting hurt whilst he not in my care, as he has slapped him across the face a few times . Please help
Connor 28 Nov 2017
My child arrangements order says that I am to spend Christmas Eve with my daughter from 10am to 4pm, however this year Christmas eve is on a Sunday which is the day I would ordinarily have my daughter which is until 8pm. I have made the Mother aware that this means I will have her from 10am until 8pm but she is arguing with me saying that I don't get that amount of time with her so I was just wondering if I am in the right by saying this to her?
Dolly 22 Nov 2017
My ex was abusive and I have a none Mal order on in at the moment which will only run out after the baby is born so he went be on the birth certificate can I be forced to put his name on after the none Mal runs out. Also I am very worried about contact with my baby as he is a drug user and very abusive to me. He broke the none Mal order and is now having drug counseling but I am still scared about leaving my baby with him if he gets granted access is there anything I can do i am scared for her safety whilst with him.
SeparatedDads Editor 21 Nov 2017
I am sorry to hear this. If you can see a solicitor to write her a letter reminding her of the terms of the court order, then this may work. Otherwise, you would have to refer the matter back to court for breach of the order. The order comes with a warning and the courts can enforce the order.
SeparatedDads Editor 20 Nov 2017
We cannot predict what the court may decide or how it will react. Since December 2008, the family courts became empowered to add warning notices to contact orders. While the court can issues fines and even (as a last resort imprisonment), the latter option is a rarity, for the simple reason the court will always decide first and foremost what it thinks is in the best interests of the child/children. Therefore, because imprisonment is likely to affect the child, it is not ordinarily used. As a rule, offending parties will often be given a second chance in relation to a first breach. However, family courts are now taking subsequent breaches of contact orders seriously, and should make use of the various levels of punishment available to administer.
BW 19 Nov 2017
Since my divorce I've had a contact order allowing me a few hours during week, 10hrs every Sun and 1 sleepover 1st Sat every month. This court order has continually been breached as my ex has accused me of child abduction, banging on door at her home, shouting abuse through letterbox, harrassment to police and court. It's only taken me 6 years to prove to police all have been lies in order to stop my children having contact with me. I proved my innocence using audio/video recordings, emails, phone call logs, text messages and witness testimonies. Before I managed to prove this, I was in court with an application to enforce the contact order. My ex dug her heels in and wrote all her lies on a court document. We are back in court in Dec as she refused me contact unless it is supervised. Now I have proof she lied so will court tell her off for lying?
Stressedrelative 18 Nov 2017
My daughters ex has contact every weekend and due to a non molestation order contact was to be done through me - there wa verbal agreement that I wud meet him halfway between 2 properties which I have been doing every weekend for over a year this is proving difficult as he refuses to give me times to drop her or collect her until last minute and now my granddaughter is at school full time her mom wants to see her also at weekends. Her ex knows know where they live and the DV has resolved apart from the verbal abuse but he refuses to collect her from near her home And as I challenged him he is now refusing to let me collect or drop her and to be honest I feel very intimidated by him. He says due to court order he does not have to collect her and it’s my daughters responsibility to deliver her to him - there is nothing determined in court papers only that contact through 3rd person - how do we stand in insisting he collects her and also if my daughters refuses to take her he will tell my granddaughter we are stopping her see him - which neither my daughter or myself want despite the emotional abuse he subjects us all to - where do we now stand please
BigDaddyBob 18 Nov 2017
My ex was ordered by courts yesterday to meet me today with my children and has failed to appear what do I do? Shall I ring 101? I haven't seen them for 2 weeks and this is hurting me so much!
Baby 16 Nov 2017
Hello, Me and my ex partner broke up before our child was born. I’ve also been very good when it comes to him having her on his own etc for a few hours every week, we had a massive falling out, for no other reason then he likes to think because I’m nice to him I want to be with him, when in fact all I ever done was let our child experience things and activities with us a family. It’s got to the point where I had to hide my private life from him so I can lead a stressful and normal life without him questioning everything I do and say. I’ve been with my new partner now for a while and he has known of this, because I didn’t talk about him or post things etc about him he assumed we weren’t together and then saw him and kicked off causing me to make a complaint against him and getting the police involved as he has starting harrasing me etc. He sees her one night a week and a full day every weekend, I’ve been told by a lot of people I am more than fair when it comes to contact and he has a lot more time then any other father does. He has her on the days that I work. I had really bad pre/post natal depression and he forced me to have the full day on the weekend and I got to the point where I didn’t want o argue so I agreed. He is now constantly asking my mum who is the agreed point of contact to have our child over night. She has never had a night without me. Even if I go on nights out I still wake up to her and do her night feed. I’m looking for some advice and people who have been to court to when the baby has to stay over at the fathers. Our child is 11 months, he dad has drug and alcohol issues, and has family matters going on with makes him very unstable. I’m just looking for some advice and someone to help me stop worrying so much. I am not ready for him to have her over night. We haven’t been together since I was 3 months pregnant, so it’s not like he has seen her over night etc yet
Shell 14 Nov 2017
My ex wants to see his daughter again he has missed contact befor and has been gone a few years and now wants to see her again. If he misses contact this time am I aloud to stop contact untill the child is 16.?
Leanne8 3 Nov 2017
Hi my son is 5 years old and i split from his dad just before my son first birthday, his dad has never took him for overnight nights his own choice and because of that hes never had him for xmas eve, he has only started paying for his son April this year so the rest of the years i haven't received a penny from him, my son has just started school in august and i stay 2mins away from the school, i have him in a routine during the week for school and now his dad is demanding for a monday night over night which he doesn't drive and stays 15minutes away from school, also demanding to change his football class which i signed him up for and has been going for a year but hes demanding he wants him going somewhere else, he only has him 2 days a week, he has now went to a lawyer, any advice is helpfull
Kelli 20 Oct 2017
My children dad has started a new relationship and he has now stated he only wants the 4 children 4 days a month now instead of the Saturday Sunday he has had them every week in the last 9 years! He recently dropped this and asked could we do 3 weekends and one weekend to himself! Which I agreed too... my problem is I have 4 children one with Autism who will not understand the change and looks forward to dads time, and worked for both myself and dad as I opted to work weekends as this is better for the children! What action can I take or what’s the right avenue to go down.
SeparatedDads Editor 19 Oct 2017
If the father of your child is not named on the birth certificate, then he currently has no rights. Neither would he have any rights to 50/50 shared care, a court would never hand a child over to a parent they do not know. However, he would be entitled to apply for parental responsibility through mediation or the courts and contact if he wishes (although if your child has never met his father, then contact would be limited/supervised at first). The emotional side of the decision, is really up to you regarding whether you should approach him or not, that we cannot advise you on. There are many reasons why the father might have decided not to pursue you through the courts (he could apply to the courts to find you, if he wished). Therefore, you may wish to take tentative steps if you wish to get back in touch. As you say, you want to make decisions based upon what you feel is in the best interests of your son and this should always come first.
Kit 18 Oct 2017
I had a fling several years ago and when I told my "partner" that I thought I was pregnant, he cut all contact with me. We unfortunately were young, stupid and didn't know each other very well. I now have an eight year old who I have raised singlehandedly but I keep wondering if I should write to the dad to let him know we are here, that I did not terminate etc. I was hurt and I did not pursue the dad in any shape or form. My fear is him being granted 50/50 custody hence me not chasing him. I wouldn't mind my child and the dad getting to know each other but this father of my child is effectively a stranger, I don't know if I can trust him. I don't know if he has grown to be "in the best interest" of our child and obviously if courts get involved, the whole thing is taken out of my hands. He has no idea of our child's name, age, gender or even where to find me since we have moved 9 times. I didn't mean to alienate but I sort of went into protective mode. My child is aware of who dad is and that some daddies just aren't ready to be daddies - I never talked bad and so my child has developed a natural curiosity. I really wish they could know each other (if they both want that) without so much fear on my part of what could go wrong in court. Where do I stand legally? Dad would never be able to find me. Only I can find him. Would this go against me? It is only my word against his that I told him I thought I was pregnant.
SeparatedDads Editor 17 Oct 2017
If the father wishes to try to trace you, he can do through the courts. Much depends upon how insistent he is with regards to attempting to find you. If you can prove your ex was violent, then the court will always decide upon what it thinks is in the best interests of your children. Therefore, contact or access will be more difficult for him to obtain. If you do decide to apply for child maintenance, the fact he is responsible for paying towards their day-to-day upkeep does not give him the automatic right to see the children. Only a court can decide that, where you refuse.
Ann 13 Oct 2017
Hi My ex-partner and I had a on and off relationship with violence and even the my son being in Child Protection Plan once, I fled the house and currently in a Women's refuge however I am pregnant and the father has PR for our son as he registered him. He hasn't seen our boy yet and I am worried if the courts forces me to facilitate visitations . Could you please advise me on my rights? I haven't applied for Child Maintenance to avoid him finding us or give him more reason to start looking for us.
Jajaja 29 Sep 2017
I have just split from my daughters mother, my daughter is 5 months, she is happy for me to see her but not let me bring her to my house, she thinks she is too young, I really want to be able to have her at mine, is she too young to come or even stay, what rights as a father do I have ??
Jajaja 27 Sep 2017
Me and my partner recently split we have a 5 month old child, what are my visiting rights is she old enough to be at mine or to stay ?
Cloudy 25 Sep 2017
My partner has a very combative relationship with his ex. In fact she's a trigger for his PTSD. She has been very vocal in the past re him not seeing them enough, even though with his condition he struggles. So myself or his mum are usually present to help him cope and alleviate stress. Due to her dislike of me, she has stopped him seeing the kids if I'm present. So seeing as I'm his support system and the only one who drives, i.e. For collection on overnight stays etc , he now has to go to his mums to see them. When she agrees he can see them that is. All visitations are on her terms and so since he is not on either birth certificate we asked for private DNA tests to be done so he has proof, can register to be added to their birth certs and have proper rights. In the beginning she agreed to private tests but now as something hadn't gone her way she has refused to let him spend time with them on the last 4 requests made for visits. Even denying him time to see his eldest on his birthday and he was told to bring the present to his front door but no visitation time allowed! She has now said no to private (I might add legal tests admissible in court) and said she won't do anything unless it's through family court?! So how do we go about this as my partner wants to see his kids but due to her past behaviour wants the tests done so he has absolute proof they are his kids. There is doubt there. Thanks
SeparatedDads Editor 5 Sep 2017
It's a shame that communication has broken down. The courts will not allow your child's father to apply until you have explored mediation as a way of resolving these issues. Standard/formulaic court access for non-resident consistent parents is overnight stays every other weekend and one or two nights in the week and can be built/negotiated around from there. Therefore, there is no guarantee a court would offer him every weekend. The court anyway will always decide what it thinks is in the best interests of your child, there are no set 'rights'. So, if you cannot agree between you, I suggest that you request to your ex you both attend mediation to attempt to resolve these issues. Mediation is a formal negotiation and courts can accept the agreement of the mediation instead of having to go through the court process, although it is subject to final court approval. The primary reason that mediation is obligatory before and application to court will be considered, is that mediation is an opportunity to come to a mutually agreed decision, one that both parents can take ownership of and want to ensure works. I hope this helps.
zoe 4 Sep 2017
my ex and I broke up while I was pregnant. he was present at the birth and when we registered our son. he has always paid maintenance and we get on very well. his time with our son started off for 3 hours 3 times a week (this was when he was very small and still breastfeeding.) once the boy was old enough we upped the time to 3 nights a week and every other weekend he would sleep Friday and Saturday being dropped off Sunday afternoon. when the child and I moved his dad decided to drop his time to once a week for 3 hours but still every other weekend. this time suited and we've never had a falling out over visitation. he is a very devoted father and my son loves spending time with him. I brought up the subject with his father about changing visitation times as 8 o'clock is too late to bring him home on a school night (my son is 4 and needs to be in bed by 8 or I can't wake him the next morning.) I was offering to move the time in the week to the weekend when the father tells me he has been to a solicitors who have told him his rights are to have our son all weekend every weekend. he said he didn't want to do that and so was proposing he has him two weekends in a row then I get one weekend and he's back to two. I am not happy with this offer. even though my son lives with me I don't think his father appreciates the fact that we don't spend any quality time together in the week as there is not enough time after school. our evenings consist of homework, dinner, bath and bed with no time for anything else. I appreciate that he wants as much time with our son as he can but considering I'm doing all the work raising our child and trying to counteract how spoilt he is at his dad's I don't think I should have to give my time up. any advice please?
Matty Editor 10 Aug 2017
@Brooke249 - if you have tried mediation and you cannot get a regular order in place, then court is the best option here. If a court order is awarded - your ex will have to keep to it or he will be in breach.
Brooke249 10 Aug 2017
Me and our little ones dad broke up a year ago it's been a constant struggle with him and his family! So last month we was meant to go to mediation (FOC because of the benefits I currently receive - start work again next month yay!) but a few days before withdraw consent. Iv had enough and with advice from my solicitor to stop contact and let him take me to court so something consistent can happen. So I messaged him the other day saying look I don't want to stop seeing our little one but we need something in place that is consistent for her. Well we went round and round in circles saying how the old agreement for him worked great which in fact it didn't because him and his family wouldn't see her because they would give me 'notice' so would only see her once a month instead if the agreement he put in place of every weekend. So I kept having to repeat myself saying it's not fulfilling for LO and that a new one had to be arranged. So I said every other week, once a month, once 3 monthly or once a year you tell me so we can work around you and your work. Got a message back saying once a month will do! Gob smacked so I sent a message saying ok last weekend of the month have him the dates for the next six months to then get a message back going nope Iv got pre made plans, I messaged back saying she shall see you end of sept then. His reply was in having her Christmas!! Again gob smacked! My reply was the next 6 month dates are there and unfortunately Christmas doesn't fall on any of them and your wish was to have her once a month. Little one is nearly 2 once a month really is not fulfilling for her and trying to get a decent conversation out of him is like getting blood out of a stone. He tells me I'm the bully and nasty one when really it's him and his family and only them lot can't see it. So shall I go with the advice from my family law solicitor and stop contact and get a court order or keep doing what I'm doing which is no good for my little one or me!
mark77 10 Aug 2017
I a separated from my ex wife, I moved out the house in February before i moved out we lived for a year in the same house but no longer in a relationship as she said it would effect the two children (father on birth certificate) if they knew that we had ended our relationship, I work full time with a rotating day off meaning in work 4 out of every 5 Saturdays, unfortunately I could only afford to move to a room in a shared house so I can not accommodate the children or take them to my accommodation, . But moving out everything has been on her terms. initially as I work full time I was seeing the two children three days during the week on one week and three days during the week with either a Saturday or Sunday as an extra day for the following week. But she changed this and said that I need to do three days during one week and two days during the next as well as Saturday and Sunday, if I didnt agree to her days then she would refuse to let me see our children altogether, I had not choice but to agree but with work and travel to my new pace this leaves me very drained, tired and little time to administrate myself not to mention petrol and food costs when I take them out, I'm sort of digging a bank balance hole, but my main issue is the fact she has refused to allow me to take them to see my family my sister or the grandparents she is happy taking them but will no allow me to , she has no problem with me taking them anywhere else. But my parents do not want to see her and they live 5 hrs away my mum is ill and may not last another year she knows this but still refuses on the basis she does not trust me to have them for a period that extends 12 hours? This make no sense whatsoever, but I compromised and said i would drive us all to see the grandparents so she would have joint care of the children also would have her own room, but she refused saying she would only visit on her own with the children. And does not allow permission to take the children to see either my sister or grandparents, legally I have every right to but if I did I'm sure she would stop me seeing the kids alltogether, or call the police saying I had abducted them or was worried about my state of mind, which would not bide well with any possible future custody orders she knows I can not afford mediation or a solicitor and I am not entitled to legal aid(also paying her agreed maintenance Weekley) and now she she introduced her new man to the kids (I'm not allowed to introduce anyone) she also wants me to find new accommodation that accommodates children for rainy days...i can not afford to, and is pushing for me to extend my visiting hours, I feel frustrated and at a loss at her becon call . And when Ido have the kids she regular changes pick up location within a hour of collecting the kids
SeparatedDads Editor 7 Aug 2017
Talking to the likes of Family Lives may help you further
Louielou13 5 Aug 2017
Me and my partner have a very very rocky relationship and things are quickly going down bank. We have a 5 month old baby together and to be honest I'm staying with him as I don't trust him at all with my baby. He is snappy, short tempered, when he is drunk he is violent. He also is addicted to prescription drugs which he is seeking help for. What do I do and who do I see for help?
niki 26 Jul 2017
hello, i broke up with my childrens father about a year and a half ago. Since then I have met somebody else and recently moved in with him. Before the move I lived in the same town as my ex but now i live 25 miles away. From the town he lives in there are regular busses every 20 minutes to the nearest larger town which is half way between where he lives and where I live. We agreed to him having the girls aged 3 and 4 friday after nursery until 4pm on a sunday. He was fine with this unyil I moved but now he is saying he wont come and meet me to get the children as it was my choice to move. I also said that on a sunday my partner and I will drive the full 25 miles to pick the girls up from him. therefore we would be doing 3 quaters of the journeys. the childrens father is unemployed and there is no reason why he cant collect them. My partner however works a 9 and a half hour shift on a friday so it would be unfair to ask him to drive 45 mins on a friday to drop the girls off and drive 45 mins back. This is the reason i asled the ex to meet me halfway on a friday. I also have family living in the same town as my ex so a sunday is an ideal time to spend the day visiting them and taking the girls to see them once i have them back. The kids dad says i am being unreasonable because he doesnt want to bring his other child he has acess to on the weekends, on the bus to meet me at 5pm to get the children. I just wanted to know if it would seem i am being unreasonable or if i am being as fair as i think i am. I just want him to make some effort to see his children, is that fair? Any help would be much appreciated. thankyou so much for reading. nicole
Donna Louise 10 Jul 2017
Hi my ex and I broke up before I found out I was pregnant. He has been seeing her once a week but has t seen her since fathers day as he don't get the same day off each week. He lets me know a day before and I already have plans so ca t commit to it. He has now said he has a letter to send to me and I'm worried what it is. He said this situation reds to move forward. I'm worried as she is inly 4mo this and has never been left without me and he has never fed her or changed her nappy. I have never once said he can't see her it's always been the opposite but I'm so anxious about this letter.
Emma 9 Jul 2017
My ex is going for supervised visits to see our children as myself and social services believe there are safeguarding issues my ex was told in front of me by a solicitor that he would not have to pay as he is in full receipt of benefit is this true if so how does he get it?
SeparatedDads Editor 6 Jul 2017
Your ex should only write a letter stating you have shared care of your children, if that is the arrangement you have agreed to. Your only recourse is to seek legal advice regarding this matter.
Kells 5 Jul 2017
HI I been separated from my partner for about a month and have 3 kids with her, I am currently homeless and sleeping at different friends houses. My partner is actually letting me see my kids but because I'm homeless I have no where for them to stay overnight, I am trying to get accommodation from my local council but they won't help me unless I get an official document saying we have shared custody. My ex can simply write a letter stating this but is refusing, I offered mediation and she refused that as well. She knows perfectly well I can't afford a three bedroom house as I have 2 boys and 1 girl and is doing this out of spite. I fear this situation will cause problems regarding my relationship with my kids in the future. Any advice on what I can do would be much appreciated
Ash 27 Jun 2017
Hi, my son has just split from his partner. She kicked him out of the house last week. Since then she has prevented my son from. Seeing his 3 month old baby. She says that she will never leave the babies side because she's a mum. When my son lived with her, he did all the night feeds, day time feeds, washed, dressed and played with him. He was being a good daddy. Now she's changed and doesn't want him to have access. She's turning up at his work place with the baby and asking for money. He got paid on Friday and has been saying he'll pay maintenance but could we agree on a days access. But she's still not slowing him. He's going to contact CSA and pay that way. But how can we get acces? Thank you.
Desperate 21 Jun 2017
My sons has recently split from his ex, he has had to move back home, he has two children with her and recently she has started to become nasty, making detrimental comments on social media about his lack of good parenting- he sees the children every other weekend and one day during the week, they are only 3&1. He is a good dad, he works hard all weekMy son and pays full maintenance for the children, her family especially the mother also make nasty comments, when he asks her to stop, she gets worse - I would like some advice where we can go to get things put in writing legally to stop this. It is making things very difficult and I'm worried she will stop letting his have kids, she has also starting introducing different "friends" to the children and when my son objected, she became very unreasonable and said she tough basically. Sorry for babbling some advice would be good, thank u
SeparatedDads Editor 19 Jun 2017
Unless there is a very good reason that visitation/ access should not be awarded, and if you have had a good, continuous relationship with your kids to date, then there is no reason why a court would not award you contact with your children. The courts will always decide upon what it thinks is in the best interests of your children and having a relationship with both parents is seen as important. If a court order is awarded, then your ex will be obliged by law to keep to it.
None 19 Jun 2017
Hi I am separated from my partner.I tried to resolve through mediation but she didn't come to mediation..nd at first hearing she said that I tried to kill my kids and her..which I never imagine in my life..she is got v bad depression nd on tablets is well. The next hearing is on 26 of July..nd court ask for police record my immigration which is in process..nd her nhs report...can you tell me plzz can I get visitation or no...your opinion plzzz...my solictor said hopefully you will get it.. What your answer..is . ?
bigdaddy 20 May 2017
my brotherinlaw is divorced but going through a messy legal problem to separate properly however he is adamant that he is going to ask for visitation rights which include every other weekend plus having the two children for up to five weeks when he is on vacation . I am assisting him but am really concerned that his expectation of annual holiday time with the children is far too ambitious . Is there any hard and fast rule about annual holiday time thanks
SeparatedDads Editor 12 May 2017
It is impossible to predict what a court may decide. However, a court will never force a non-resident parent to have a child where the NRP doesn't want to, as it would not be seen to be in the child's best interests.
Mitch 12 May 2017
Just wondering if a father goes to court due to not coming to an agreement with the mother,can the mother ask for a drug testing to be done, there is a police report and crime number due to unreasonable behaviour and the police said this was classed as domestic abuse nothing else came of it after that but the reason behind the breakup is due to alcoholism and drug use Imy all for father's seeing thier kids but I'd like to know of the mother can request proof that drugs aren't being used and is this something that would be done straight away or would there be warning enough time to clear the body of all traces.
Mummabear 12 May 2017
Hello I was wondering if my ex goes to court what are the chances of him being offered only 24 hours every 2 weeks with my son? It's a funny question but he has another son who he has Fridaythorpe Sunday night every other weekend but only wants my son who is younger sat evening to Sunday afternoon,it makes me angry that he doesn't have more time with his dad and it makes things hard for me with my work and other children so I've asked him to make arrangements to have my son the whole weekend or not to bother as I cannot arrange everything around his times.... I'd rather my son feel wanted and treated the same as his brother then feel like he's loosing out on time and the brother is getting more... Am I being unreasonable If he goes to court are they going to accept my son being second best or am I am correcting thinking they should have the same amount of time
Cris 8 May 2017
I am participating in supervised meetings with my Son hundreds of miles from my home. My ex moved away from my local area to make visits as difficult as possible. These supervised visits are a precursor to a court hearing for regular visits, hopefully spaced a reasonable amount of time apart for me to be able to afford to travel. Unfortunately, the visits currently arranged are either every week or every other week. I cannot afford to make these visits before we go to court. Can I get any assistance from anyone to help with the expense of travel? I am currently driving from Kent up to Burnley. I am currently on benefits. Any advice would be hugely appreciated.
Anonymous 3 May 2017
Hi, I have an almost three year old daughter who lives an hour and a half away and I see every weekend apart from one as we agreed I'd have a weekend off when we broke up. She goes to nursery school in September and her mom wants to cut my contact down to every other weekend and some times during school holidays I do not think this is fair as she will have my daughter before and after nursery and every other weekend and i will only get her every other weekend (friday night to sunday evening) but she is sticking to her guns. What can I do? she is saying mediation but I can't see it being resolved as she's not going to change her mind
SeparatedDads Editor 2 May 2017
You would have to suggest resolving the matter via mediation and if your ex refuses, you would then have to apply to court.
Chetty 1 May 2017
Im a amazing dad who loves my son so much. Been split up with his mum for 3.5 years. I have him of a Tuesday from school, keep him overnight then Friday from school and take him back at 18.00 on Saturday. I've started a new job of a weekend and won't be able to have him Friday night. I said I'll take him Tuesday from school keep him overnight, pick him from school on Wednesday and drop him school on Thursday morning plus pick him up 10-4 of a Saturday. She has said no I can only have him of a Tuesday and that's it. Any advice please.
saddad 27 Apr 2017
Hi, I split from the mother of my daughter a year ago. I get to see her once a week but only with her mother and we have to go for trips out. It has got to the stage I want to see my little girl without her mum. There was never any violence and it wasn't a bad break up but she just won't let me spend alone time with my daughter. I don't know how I should go about trying to fix this as her mum is so stubborn. I am on the birth certificate. Any advice would be great. Thank you
deejay 27 Apr 2017
Hi im currently goin through a hard breakup with my sons mum. Ive asked her to allow me permission to pick my son up from nursery even tho im goin through a depressed stage, plus to have my surname added to his birth certificate my question is what rights n qhat legal help am i entitled to.
SeparatedDads Editor 25 Apr 2017
You only have two options here; mediation and if you cannot resolve the matter through mediation, then you will have to take the matter to court. However, it is very difficult to anticipate what the court may decide and/or whether it thinks the contact you have already is adequate. Every other weekend and one night in the week is considered fair/standard. Therefore, it's a tricky position you are in as you do have contact and so it makes it impossible to anticipate what a court may decide. I know this is not really an answer to your question - but there isn't a straightforward one. You might wish to seek some legal advice regarding this to see whether you have a good case to argue.
Unknown 24 Apr 2017
I am a parent of two boys the youngest being 16 months, and am trying to have them stay with me over night in the week witch is what they used to do. I have them every other weekend but I now live 45/50 minutes away and the mother says it's to far for our children to travel there and stay over night and to travel back the next morning to school in the week put I can still take them out for tea but need them back at 6pm, she is not moving on this matter and we are going back to mediation to try and resolve it but this may go further if I don't back down, there has been no abuse in anyway to me/her and has been for the amicable but mostly on her terms we are both great parents can she stop me doing this and What is my legal right as a father? Is this unacceptable distance and not in the best interest of the children? I don't want our children being upset or stressed in any way and if it's to far then of course I'd do what's best for them.
Shaz 20 Apr 2017
My ex hubby walked out 5months ago to live with girl half his age(18) who is 5 months pregnant .no contact with kids for 3 months and has seen them once in last 2 months phones when it suits him but from pruvate number so kids can never contact him . He is now demanding kids and will not see them without her kids are not ready for that . So he is taking me to court what rights has he ? Kids are over 11 so will have their say but im worried they will get hurt all over again.
SeparatedDads Editor 19 Apr 2017
You don't give any reason why your ex is refusing to have his child overnight. If no resolution has been reached via mediation, in normal circumstances the next option would be to take the matter to court. However, a court will not force an unwilling or reluctant parent to take a child against their wishes. A court will always decide first and foremost what it thinks is in the child's best interests and would opt not to forceably place a child in this situation.
Frustrated 13 Apr 2017
Hi, I was wondering if I could get some advice if possible. I am divorced from my husband and I am the primary carer of our child aged 6 who he sees at weekends when he is able. There is no set arrangement in place because he works shifts and so his pattern is unpredictable so he will see him usually for the day at weekends and / or some nights straight from school. The problem I am having is that he is refusing overnight stays, which I feel are necessary to enable them to spend good quality time together, it also gives me an opportunity to have a break now and again. We have tried mediation but it did not resolve anything. Is there anything I can do through the court system to force him to take him overnight? I am not asking for every weekend or second weekend, just once a month or so.
...111 12 Apr 2017
My ex and I split in the summer of last year and he is in the armed forces, he is on my child's birth certificate, however, my child lives with me throughout the year as he is based in Ireland and gets called abroad to serve. He has her when he is on leave, and he pays maintenance as a mutual agreement settled by us. However, I am a full-time student and so our child is in a nursery which we both chose before we split. The course and childcare are funded however I start university in September and to keep our child's place we have to pay for the holidays, which we have done since our child started nursery last September. Now he is not happy about paying half the cost of the holidays with me. However, his maintenance does not cover hardly anything let alone childcare costs. I am unsure what to do, if I pay for the childcare through the holidays on my own and go through CSA for maintenance.. when he is on leave I usually let him have her for the whole of his leave, which could be anything from a weekend to 3-4 to maybe 8 weeks. I feel like this isn't fair as his leave is never set dates and changes constantly, he never knows when or for how long is leave will be. I send him photos and videos constantly and I accept his facetimes on my phone whenever he is free so that he can stay in contact and apparently this is not enough. I need advice and I would like to know what the contact should be when he is on leave.
SeparatedDads Editor 11 Apr 2017
I'm afraid a parent cannot force another parent to take their child. If the non-resident parent does not wish to have a relationship with his child, then a court will never attempt to force this. You should speak with your son's father directly about organising visitations. If he cannot keep to days and times, then mediation is the next course of action in order to try to resolve the issues between you.
Mom 11 Apr 2017
I would like to know, how i need to go about for fixed visitations as currently i am seperated from my child's dad and he does get to see him every other weekend when it suits him. I would like my son to go to his dad every second weekend atleast as he is starting to grow very fond of him and always crying about his dad and i feel the dad should take responsibility too, as seeing your child once over a weekend is not enough and does not make you a father.
Scottish76 31 Mar 2017
My partner has cancelled all contact I have with my son. I am waiting on legal aid decision to proceed with court. In the meantime do I have any rights too see my son of 6 .
SeparatedDads Editor 28 Mar 2017
You would be advised to seek legal advice regarding this matter as you would have to apply through court. Along with the C100 contact form, you would have to apply for a C4 form, which is an application for an order for disclosure of a child's whereabouts. This will allow the courts to put a trace on your child to allow you to apply to court. The address can remain confidential if your ex wishes it, but it means the court can serve papers.
Zed 27 Mar 2017
I would like to see my child. I have a restraining order (non-molestation order) against me from my ex-wife. I had a restraining order not to see my daughter but it expired in February 2017. How can I go about seeing my daughter. I do not have contact details for where she lives with the mother. Thank you for your help.
Lol123 20 Mar 2017
Hello, I'm writing this on behalf of my partner. He and his ex have been separated for almost 2 years now. His ex was always the one to call the shots on what weekends he seen the 2 kids they have. He is on both birth certificate (issued after May 2006) which as far as I am led to believe gave him parental responsibility. His ex partner now is refusing contact overnight and only having them every Sunday because for the first time in a year and a half I had dinner with him and the 2 kids. This was the first time I have ever really sat in the kids company. He pays weekly child support as agreed by them and until now agreed every second weekend and 1 day through the week every week. Can she always still call the shots on when he sees them and also can she have a say on what they do and if I am allowed to be there or not? Before going through the courts I am trying to get as much information as I can on what is the steps to go by for him to have regular access to his children.
Sam 8 Mar 2017
Im writing this for my boyfriend, him and the mother of his child have been split for a while. He was living at his mothers and his ex would not allow there child to sleep there overnight. We have since moved out and have a spare room for her to visit. This has been going on since october. She would come friday through to saturday one week and saturday through to sunday the next. He also had her one night during the week for 2hrs but his ex stopped this as their child was struggling to get up for school. As much as he didnt want to see his daughter less he knew it was what was best for her. 3 weeks ago she said she wanted to change it to just friday through to saturday every week. We said this was ok and so for the next few weeks this is what we did. A couple of days ago she wanted to change it back to how it was as his daughter preffered it before. So we said we could change it back. The day after she wanted to change it again so that it was every fortnight for the whole weekend. We only live round the corner from her as we chose to live close by so it was easier on his kid, he doesnt not want to change to fortnightly. Can she make him? Shes been the only one to mess up arrangements but goes mad saying she wants their kid in a routine, he agrees but we havent changed anything, she has a new boyfriend and i think this is why everything keeps changing. Shes picked her up over 4hrs early for the past 2 weeks because she was taking her to a party. What can we do?
SeparatedDads Editor 23 Feb 2017
You have a right to ask and your ex has a right to tell you what he wants to, just if the situation was the other way around. However, if your ex is refusing to tell you this information, you would have two options; request mediation in order to try to resolve the issues that are troubling you, or take the matter to court. If a parental relationship can be amicable, then it is better for all. However, many relationships aren't. If they aren't, we can only hope that our ex's will naturally attempt to ensure our children are looked after in a maternal/paternal way, which means responsibly. Therefore, if you have an amicable relationship with your ex then voicing your concerns to your ex and asking for reassurance will help.
Lovable 22 Feb 2017
Good evening Just a couple of questions I would like to ask please. I have two boys for are under 1 me & the father are not together anymore he has them once a week at the moment but soon it will change to every other weekend .......He will be taking them to stay with him & his new girlfriend about an hour away from where we live I have never met this new girl before & I would like to know about there living arrangements to I have a legal right to know this? Thank you
Viks 28 Jan 2017
Hi all dads in despair. Today I suffered another punch in my tummy when I wanted to see my little girl at the nursery at the end of her session. The manager didn't open the door for me because my ex had called the nursery to ask them not to let me pick up my daughter. Then I realised that my ex is telling everyone that we are not together anymore... And my question is, has the mother all the power to go speaking out our separation and defamation on my name? I guess she can. I think men who want to become dads might be interested in looking other countries where the law can be ruled out closer to equality
Edm 27 Jan 2017
Might sound a bit long winded....I broke up with my ex when I was pregnant and he never kept contact with me through the pregnany. When she was born she was ill and took him a while to see her in the hospital she is now nearly a year and he's seen her roughly 8 times for about 15/20 mins each time. When she was 6/7 he bought 2 packs nappies, 2 tubs milk, and a coat. Didn't buy her anything before and after. When he doesn't get his own way he uses court to scare me. He's only changed her nappy once and that's it nothing else. He has depression and tried to commit suicide when she was about 5/6 months so in my opinion hes not up for looking after her. What would the court say? Would they grant him access when they have no bond? Would they let him look after her by himself? And I never stopped him from seeing her. Once took 4 and half months with no contact and I had to contact him.
Rio 18 Jan 2017
Hi, Can I start by saying that I think the state of legal positions concerning children are ridiculous, the system is way more empowering of women whom in most cases are not any more providing of care than fathers! We have a legal framework whereby it's almost supportive of women weaponising children after a split and us fathers having to jump through hoops for basic rights all while being liable to pay maintenance! My Question; I separated with my partner 3-4 years ago who immediately got with another man and has not been consistent with my visitation sometimes outright just refusing, I do not know where they live, what school he goes to nor his medical health even though I pay an agreed amount to her every month! Of recent she has been taking the child abroad a lot without consulting me most recently to go and get married and I want to know where I stand legally in order to gain equal access to my child! I really think the law needs to come down tougher on mothers who do this because they are basically untouchable and obviously the child is going to be more familiar and desire to be with their mother more if that's what who they exposed to in the more consistent manner.
SeparatedDads Editor 11 Jan 2017
If you are not registered on the birth certificate you have no parental rights unless you apply to court for parental responsibility and/or contact. It means your ex can press ahead with the adoption. If you do not challenge the adoption and the adoption takes place, you will no longer be financially responsible for paying towards the upkeep of your child, this will transfer to the child's adoptive father. Please see Family Lives which
Leroy 10 Jan 2017
Good evening, I have come across this site and would like some advice please. My ex partner and I split up before the birth of our daughter approximately 3 1/2 years ago. I wasn't present at the birth as I wasn't told she was in labour. When my daughter was born she was very sick and taken to a specialist hospital who treated her for a number of ailments. I was present at the hospital for a week but never really give much information about how poorly she was. I was asked for a blood sample to see if I could offer her blood if needed. During this time a DNA test was conducted to confirm I was infact her father which proved I was. When she was registered at birth my name was not added to the birth certificate (we weren't married, I understand the mother has the right to omit this from the certificate). I had restricted access to my daughter during this time and never formed a bond with her. We agreed at the time to make an agreement for child maintenance which was paid cash, but then I received notification (12months later) from the CSA that I had been named as the father and needed to pay some arrears (£98 for 12 months). This has been paid. I am now paying a further amount per week to my ex for my daughter (not a problem as a standing order has been set up so all payments have been recorded, this includes any arrears owed). During the last two years I have had no visitation rights to my daughter, this has been for a number of reasons: 1. My ex has moved to a number of different addresses of which I wasn't made aware of. 2. A PIN notice was served on me by my ex as I wanted to drop some birthday presents off to my daughter and it got a little heated. I was told by the police that I couldn't contact my ex or daughter from the point on. My ex has now had another baby (3 months ago), and I have been made aware that her new partner is looking to adopt my daughter. Where do I stand? So in a nutshell: 1. I am not on the birth certificate but confirmed parentage by DNA 2. I do not know where my daughter lives. 3. The CSA have no contact details for my ex so I have no way of forwarding a solicitors letter to her. 4. I want to know where I stand if her new partner adopts my daughter. Your advice would be appreciated. Kind regards
boo 27 Dec 2016
hi, my partner has asked to be put on his daughters birth certificate, she is now 7 years old (he was not told of when she was getting registered) anyways he pays for his daughter and gets her every 2nd weekend when hes off from work and during holidays. but he has nothing written down on paper and i am scared she will one day stop his contact with her as she now has a new partner and he doesnt like her dad. she never answers the phone when my parnter phones to speak to his daughter. but will only get in contact when regarding money.
Step dad 22 Dec 2016
Hello, my main question is how many people can have parental responsibility of one child as the law when I read it say's more than 2 which suggests any amount of people can have it to the one child e.g. a silly number like 10 ... however the forms show only 3 spaces... Parent 1 or A, Parent 2 or B and Step parent... could you clarify this for me?? Also if there was only the mother with parental responsibility and the biological father is estranged by choice from the child does he need to be involved although not having parental responsibility? And finally if the Mother (only one with parental responsibility) and I (Step dad) are happy to go ahead with an application for 'Parental responsibility' and the estranged father (by choice) does not need to be involved, but a grandparent who was one of the main resident carers of the child for 6 years (child and mother lived under the mothers parents roof mainly from birth) also wanted to be on the application for parental responsibility would they be eligible as the 'other parent/Parent 2/Parent B'?? I eagerly await your reply.
cncrnmum 17 Dec 2016
I left my husband in July. He has had regular visitation with the children each month. We live a fair distance from one another so weekly visits are quite impossible. He speaks to them every day. Skype on weekends. The problem I am having is his insistence on sleeping with both children aged 5 and 6. Even in a hotel room with 2 double beds he will sleep with them. He is living at his mother's at moment and sleeps with them there as well. He and I were not allowed to sleep together as consenting adults before we were married. He had to sleep on her sofa so I see no reason why he can't sleep there when the children visit. On his last visit here he had a night terror scaring both children senseless. He doesn't just wake up screaming he punches and kicks too. I have demanded a letter of confirmation of the sleeping arrangements on the forthcoming visit. Can I refuse to take the children to see him if the letter is not produced? I have no interest in using my children ad weapons. I am genuinely concerned about them. I can appreciate he misses them but can we please move on in an appropriate manner? They are not securite blankets. I don't want them developing anxiety issues.
Aj 10 Dec 2016
Me and my fiance have split 2 weeks ago and she is saying I can't have our 2 year old daughter over night can she do this as I want to see her every chance I get
1markw 5 Dec 2016
Hi, My partner and I split up 4 years ago to which I got a court order for every other weekend as access. Over the 4 years she has continually breached the order if I have something planned. I felt hard done by by the first order and therefore have requested mediation to which she refused. I work shifts and therefore on some of my weekends I am on nights. I have left the kids in the the care of their step mum, my wife, who they have built a relationship with over the last 3 years. Since discovering that I am going back to court and the children are rarely left wth my wife, my ex has been making malicious allegations to social services about the kids and my wife to prevent them from coming. Social services investigated and it was logged as malicious. She has ceased all contact as she says that I should always be at home when I have the kids. I can't possibly juggle both and often need help from family. My children come first but I also need to keep a roof over their head. Is she allowed to do this and would the court frown upon me going to work on the odd occasion? Please help!
HWDT2LG 1 Dec 2016
Hi I have been separated from my wife for 15 months, after a lot of too and from regarding our two children there was a period of 7 weeks where i was not aloud to see our children ( Not for want of trying ). I sat mediation and my wife rejected her appointment, I filed for court proceedings and instructed legal representation to write to her with my intent so that my intentions for rights to our children was clear. Since then we made an agreement ( Verbal non legal, supposedly drawn up for me to sign and never materialized ) between the two of us where I am to take care of my children every weekend Fri 7-7:30pm to Sunday 7Pm, If i make any plans to have time away from our children i give her notice of this within plenty of time ( 1 month ) at this point i did not progress with the court application. Recently i was coaxed out of work for 2 days to provide care for our children ( out of schedule ) again on her behalf under the pretense that it was not her partners responsibility to look after our two children whilst she was unwell, Last Weekend, i was blocked from seeing my children even after agreements had been made to travel with our youngest child to see family in another area of the country whilst our eldest child remained at home with there mother. I have since experienced the same unreasonable behavior shown in the first instance which has also been relayed through her cohabiting partner in a threatening manner whilst having care of our respective children . I would like to know what my next steps are as i would like a schedule for our two children that is agreed in full and adhered to. There are circumstances beyond my control that are unfair on our children and myself ( the children being the focal point) and would appreciate any information or help. All i would like is regular and fair access to our children.
Mcc 24 Nov 2016
My daughter is 5 years old, her father has had contact with her most weekends but never overnight although he wants this and is emotionally blackmailing my daughter with new bedroom and toys, and saying that I'm crazy and nasty and that's why she can't stay, this isn't the case her father was abusive to me and doesn't pay maintance and most weekends picks her up late and brings her back early, if our daughter is playing up he brings her early because he can't cope, now he is threatening to take me to court for him to have her every week and two weeks a year a alternative Christmas's which I do not agree with, a few weeks ago he threatened to hurt me physically so I had to phone the police now we talk through third party's usually his sister, out daughter didn't have contact with her dad for 5 weeks recently and I saw a dramatic change in her behaviour she wasn't getting angry with me and her behaviour was good, last weekend he seen her and her behaviour had changed she is angry and blaming me for why she can't stay with her dad and she gets upset and angry because he left her and she's seen him loose his temper and shout, I'm in the process of taking her to see a doctor so she can talk to someone without any worries. My solicitor advised me to go for a child arrangement order but I'm scared in case a judge will say he can overnights I really don't feel this is right for her he livs 30-40 minutes away with his partner and a he has a child on the way with her and a son living with them who I don't think our daughter has met. I don't want to stop contact completely and I never had I just have to put mine and our daughters safety first, however I do feel he is emotionally abusing our child I just want some advice on what he could get if I did take him to court or if he took me to court we have tried mediation which is how we made arrangements for the amount of hours he sees her over the weekend. Thank you
MATT 4 Nov 2016
I have two girls that live with their mother but since June I haven't been allowed to see them. My ex made a case with child maintenance service which made little difference in terms of payments because I paid every month anyway, but since then I have not been allowed to see them. I have recently had a third child with my current partner and this seems to have added to the excuses that I cannot see my two girls. I get all sorts of excuses such as you are your not seeing them because you don't see them, you have another child now so you don't need to bother with the girls now. I used to have the girls once a month because the travel is so expensive we live over 30 miles apart and I do not drive, and have had problems with my ex from the start of my new relationship. my middle child's birthday was in July and I still have her presents at my home, its now November and I desperately need some advice.
Maximusaurelius 2 Nov 2016
Hi, My wife and I separated just under a year after marriage nearly 4 months ago due to too many arguments and her becoming violent towards me towards the end of her pregnancy. The Police got involved during our last argument and I didn't press charges for her violent conduct with her being 8 months pregnant at the time. We have 2 children together and our eldest is 21 months old who I have have every weekend on Friday night and Saturday night. This works well and he loves seeing me when I show up to collect him from my ex. I love spending time with him and I feel we have a very strong bond that couldn't ever be broken. our newborn is 8 weeks old and I take him after work every Wednesday for a couple of hours and I see him for an hour when I pick my eldest son up Friday evening and when I drop him off again on Sundays. I would just like to ask advice in regards to rights on visitation of our 8 week old little boy. I love both of my kids more than life itself, however I feel like I haven't bonded with my 8 week old or even know him very well. I agreed with my ex that when my 8 week old reaches 3 months old we would half bottle feed (at weekends) and half breastfeed when he is with her during the week. seeing as he is 3 months around Christmas we agreed this would be the perfect time for me to start taking him for the weekend. Just to be amicable and so my ex does not feel alone, I agreed to alternate weekends with the children until my youngest is a bit older and then every 3rd weekend I would take both of them. The problem is she is now saying she doesn't feel ready to have her newborn taken away for at least a few more months which would mean I wouldn't get to see my youngest over Christmas. our families don't really see eye to eye either which makes it harder for my family to see our newborn too. Any advice anyone can give me in regards to my rights would be appreciated. Thanks, Max
Lea 30 Oct 2016
Hi. I've been with my partner nearly 7 months now and during this time his ex is trying her best to make it impossible for him to be with me. I don't rise to her or message her back when she messages abuse to me as Im thinking of their kids in the long run. She's trying all sorts to split us up as she is bitter and jealous he's finally moved on after she treated him like dirt, not returning home from a night out, taking drugs and sleeping with all sorts. They've been separated for years. She constantly uses the kids as a weapon as she knows that's the only way to get at him as the kids are his life and nothing else is working to make him run back to her. Now the last resort is it's basically coming down to the kids or me with her. She is mentally killing these kids, who are 6 & 10. Father had his days with them without me around then that lastest is she flew in a fit of rage because he took them bowling so she turned up, reversed her car in to a wall, possibly under the influence of alcohol and was trying to punch father in front of the kids, who were hysterical but apparently this is fathers fault and now he can't see them again. Her outbursts are becoming a weekly thing and stops him seeing them. So now our relationship as a couple is in jepordy because the kids don't want to speak to him, because she's filling their heads with he doesn't want to know and has a new family now he wants to do what's best for them and that may involve us separating. Is it wrong of me to think that's unfair as this is what she wants and has aimed to do?! Any ideas on the best way to deal with her so we don't have to seperate? I'm not here to take her kids away from her, I'm here to love their dad and one day eventually get to know them. Any ideas welcome, thank you
Jaz2016 25 Oct 2016
Hello I am a mother to a 8month old daughter throughout the pregnancy and since my daughter was born i have tried endlessly to get my daughters farther to be in her life. He does not feed her clothe her be there for her see her on a regular basis. I made excuses for his behaviour as she is his first child but I have reached my limit now. He has time for everything else, the money to maintain himself but no regard for his child. Once now and again he will get in contact and insist he wants to be a farther only to let her down again The last time he hadn't seen her for 2 months and when he did see her it was because his vehicle was broken down and was just sitting at home. Only to have her 2hours and say he wants to return her as he has football to play. I have asked him to go to mediation for any future contact as verbal agreement is non existent. He insists when she grows up she can find him. I feel like this man is treating his baby with no regard. I just wanted to share my opinion as there are many decent mothers who try soo hard for their children to have farthers but their are many farthers who just care only for themselves.
John 15 Oct 2016
Last week my wife told me she doesn't love me anymore and doesn't want to be with me anymore. We've been together for 13 years(8 years married) she has been very clear it is over to the point where even though my head is in pieces I know that there is no hope of reconciliation. We have two children 4 and 5 and at the minute I'm living at my brother's, they are staying here on a Saturday, and she says I can put them to bed twice a week at her house. I know I need to focus on my kids but how am I meant to be making any decisions kids wise whilst I'm like this for the longer term when I get my own place 3-4 months I could probably do it sooner but don't want too. I love my kids but I don't want to get strong armed into something whilst I'm feeling like this.
No1dad 10 Oct 2016
Hi. My ex and I have a court order. She is saying that she is keeping my daughter from me again. No harm has been brought to my daughter or her wellbeing. It's just bitterness as I got her name I had tattooed on me covered up. Can she do this even though we have been through the courts?
socram2016 8 Oct 2016
hi, i have a 9 month old daughter with my ex and since splitting up about 6 months ago she has even moved so i dont know where she lives. she doesn't answer my calls all i want to do is be a dad to my daughter i see her once a week-10 days. i want to see her everyday if i can but i cant physically make her come to see me etc and i dont know what to do i feel lost. i really need help and unless im prepared to follow her to find out where she lives etc i cant see an end to this... i just want to be a father to my daughter and i cant....HELP ME PLEASE
Chris 27 Sep 2016
Hello, I hope someone can answer my query. I am a single Dad with a 3year old son, who resides with him mother and I have him for overnight stays every two weeks and I see him Tuesday evenings. I am looking at joining the Royal Marine Reserves, which if I pass out may include a 6 month deployment. Before I have the discussion with his mother, would this affect my visitation rights?
Arma 24 Sep 2016
My ex partner agreed I see my 14month old son 3 to 4 times a week and he stays over at mine every other Sunday till we go to mediation but when it comes to him staying over she cancels at the last minute with a excuse like I'm busy or I have plans so he can't stay over so I wondering what my father's rights are as it happening every other sunday
Stu 23 Sep 2016
Hello, I'm looking for a bit of advice. I've been having my children every weekend since my separation/divorce 2 and half years ago. I have them all weekend (fri/sat/Sun) one weekend then the next I have them fri and sat giving them back at 6pm on a sat. This has been in place since the split. My question is, my ex is trying to stop me having them on a Sunday altogether, for no other reasons than she wants quality time with them. I have said no as that means she would see them everyday and I wouldn't be able to. My daughter doesn't want this she wants to keep it the way it is and my son isn't old enough really to understand. They live 40 miles away so nipping to take them out for tea isn't an option during the week, as I work till 5. What do I need to do? Can she do this. I don't want to lose the time I have with my kids.
Fisherman 22 Sep 2016
Hope someone can give me an honest opinion on this matter... I have a 3 month old son which was a result of a casual encounter( it sounds bad but me and his mum have known each other for years). I have no other children so fatherhood is all new to me and slightly daunting. Im also in relationship and me and my partner live together( I was single at the time of conception ). I pay maintankce and see him twice a week, 8:30am to 12:30pm both days then the following week, 2 days 1:30pm until 8:30pm and then he stays Friday until Sunday afternoon every other weekend.. but his mum is trying to push me to have him more at weekends( as she wants a break at the weekend as she puts it ) my partner works full time too and with my shifts we only really get the weekends together.. I'm not saying I don't want him at weekends and my partner adores him but I'm struggling to figure out what would people's ideas be on acceptable amount Time I should have him, whilst still having time with my partner. The child's mother also tells me I shouldn't go away ' child free' because she can't do that. I'm really confused with it all and just looking for advice, feedback etc.
IZZY Editor 6 Sep 2016
@CBear - If the house is in your name you can change the locks. I'd force him out if he wont go when you ask!
CBear 5 Sep 2016
My current partner is my childs father and the relationship isnt working out for us. He wasnt there when i gave birth to his son and 2weeks after the child was born he wanted me to move in with my parents as he couldnt stand him crying and all. I got a house 2 streets away from my parents to get help as he is no help all he wants to do is smoke weed and fegs. He moved in with me and paid rent for 2months but now he wont pay the rent anymore and i told him to leave if he doesnt cause he just spends all the money. Like i get money on a monday £20.70 and it goes on his fegs and juice for 2days until he gets paid. Yes he has cut down on the weed and all but he owes money for weed and he keeps asking his family for money cause he hates being skint. Hes forcing me to get a job when the child is 6months cause he cant work. I dont want him living with me anymore.
Help 28 Aug 2016
My ex walked out on me not once not twice but three times, once when I was pregnant and the other time when I had post partum depression I agreed to take him back the third time for the sake of our child. My son is 4 months old and I do not want the father taking him on days out or keeping him overnight without aupervision etc as he hasn't been apart of his life for nearly three weeks!!! I have got my son in a routine but am too scared the father let's my son down and my son gets scarred by this! My ex is very unreliable as he has walked out on us three times. My son won't know who he is. Can anyone help on advice please
Smiler 21 Aug 2016
My partner has his children every weekend and they always get upset and never want to leave there is underlining issues with how the children are treated by her she has now got her partners children living her house full time and they are now over crowded with children sleeping on the floor in their room due to the new kids having the beds, my question is how would that stand in court? She is also receiving benefits for the house so by rights her partner and his children should not even be there
pasha 19 Aug 2016
My ex has my daughter every other weekend and has told me she sleeps in the floor in the same room as him and his girlfriend even tho they have a 2 bedroom flat when I questioned her father he said no she has a pull out bed when asked to send pictures it is in fact a cushion on the floor the type of ones you get for your garden chairs I have told him this is not accepted and I am stopping over night contact but not contact during the day he has told me his taking me back to courts am I being harsh I really don't think its acceptable for my daughter to be sleeping on a cushion or in the same bedroom as his girlfriend what can I do I have already told him untill he sorts out a sleeping arrangment where my daughter has a bed and her own space but he seems to think its all ok
SeparatedDads Editor 16 Aug 2016
As we are a UK-based organisation, we can only advise on UK-based family law. You would have to seek legal advice.
SeparatedDads Editor 16 Aug 2016
There are no laws that specify when a non-resident parent is allowed to see their children. If you want to apply for a structured arrangement you would have to either suggest mediation to your ex and if she refuses apply to take the matter to court. The court will then decide on what arrangement it feels is in the best interests of your children. There is no law that says your boss has to allow you time off to see your kids, this is up to your employer's discretion, please see flexible working which
Jamie 15 Aug 2016
My son and hopefully his child's mother is married but has been separated and trying to get a divorce for 3 yrs now ... well that's what she said until I found out she was a lier and a cheater! So that's why I said hopefully my son's daughter bc now they have to do a dna 1 bc she's still married and my sons name isn't on the birth certificate. But 2 bc she cheated the whole time they were together. ..she looks like him though. . Any way ... the question is. .. she's mad at me and does not want me to see the child or tells me I can not watch the child now she is 13 mths old OUR WHOLE FAMILY INCLUDING MY SON HAS NOT SEEN HER FOR HER 1ST BIRTHDAY, SHE HAS 2 TEETH, ECT... WE CAN'T GET THOSE MEMORIES BACK!!WHEN THE DNA COMES BACK THAT HE IS THE FATHER AND HE HAS HIS RIGHTS AND VISITATION ORDER CAN SHE DO THAT ?? WE LIVE IN TEXAS ... AS LONG AS MY SON GIVE ME PERMISSION EITHER NOTERIZED OR WRITTEN PERMISSION ..Do she have the right to tell him who his child can be around just bc she is mad at them ?? Please let me know Thanks yall, Jamie from Texas
JonnyK 15 Aug 2016
Is there a law that Allows me to have my kids at weekends?the mother of my kids has moved 60miles away and the weekends would be the only time I could see them,can my boss refuse me to have my days off changed so I would be off two weekends a month so I can see my kids?
Frustrated Aunt 15 Aug 2016
My brother recently split with his awful girlfriend who he has a 6 month old baby with he's now living with his mum (were living together as a family beforehand) she's horrendous she suffers from depression and doesn't always take medication she's abusive towards my brother mentally emotionally and physically plenty of witnesses against her he's adores his daughter but she's now only allowing him to see her at weekends when it suits her he's used to seeing her every single day since birth and you can clearly see how much she loves him!! He's at breaking point he's so down bot eating etc she got him charged with assault which was dropped because it was lies and has cheek to go too woman's aid for mental abuse (she has a cheek honestly) which has made him worse it's obvious he still loves her wouldn't abuse a woman as he seen what abuse done to me he doesn't know what he can do
Lill 14 Aug 2016
My ex and I split when our son was 8 weeks old he's now 15 months and ex sees him once a fortnight for 4 hrs a time but these visits aren't always regular. My ex now wants our son overnight however I'm concerned our little boy is too young and the relationship bond hasn't developed enough between them. Our son is never happy to go with him at the start of every visit. I don't want to be bullied into my ex having him overnight and i wondered where I stand as the main parent. I've always asked my ex to increase his visits however this has always been refused by my ex. My ex is on the birth certificate so has parental responsibility. Our little boy is a well adjusted confident little boy but is used to waking up and going to bed with his mummy and has a routine.I dont want this sudden adjustment to effect him negatively but i do agree he should eventually have overnight stays with his dad but can I refuse at this stage till he's older and more of a bond has developed?
SeparatedDads Editor 9 Aug 2016
A court cannot and will not force a non-resident parent to have a child overnight if the NRP doesn't want to.
rocky 9 Aug 2016
Hi me n kid's dad seperate at Xmas due to d.v. just wondering ive been attending court last few months arranging contact can he refuse over nights due to work...surely if there's sn order in place his employer would have to accept this and work with him...been looking online for laws and advice but no luck...thanks
Jo 6 Aug 2016
Hi.. my daughters father has contact but due to him encouraging my daughter to call his girlfriend mummy abd sending videos through of her saying she doesn't want to come home but is fine when she gets back home. What would it be an in court if I shortened the amount if day he has her?
hid 13 Jul 2016
baby dady and I broke up when I was 4 months pregnant he was never there for her. after a long struggle getting him to pay maintenance I took him to court. my daughter doesnt know him we agreed that he can visit the child whenever he wants to but he dont want to come to my house always has an excuse but now hes threatening to take me to court about visiting rights.
Heather 10 Jul 2016
My partner and I have recently split and we have a 6 month old daughter. I have been more than accommodating, he has her on his own 3 times a week and I have also made it clear that he can also visit her whenever he wants. However, he wants to reconcile the relationship but I would rather stay apart but civil if not friends for the sake of our baby. When he hears something he doesn't like he flips out and threatens to not pay his share for the baby and then to take me to court so he can have her overnight. I feel this is unfair as ever since she was born I have been the one to give her her bath and settle her and put her to bed and she's had that routine from 6 weeks old so I know he doesn't care about upsetting her routine he just wants to get at me. Also, he is living in his parents house which is a small 2 bed terrace and there are already 4 adults and a child living there so it is overcrowded to say the least. Will he be granted overnight stays if he takes me to court taking into account these circumstances? He also has a history of drug taking which is known to the police, will that also make a difference?
Lala7 10 Jul 2016
Hi I've recently separated and my ex is moving 120 miles away. Im quite happy for him to see the children but is it down to him to collect and drop them off? He doesn't contribute to his children either.
Ajm 30 Jun 2016
Me and my kids dad have split. He has been hiding things from me resulting in lots of damage that can not be fixed. He gets all sweet says wants to mean the relationship but can not accept I'm hurting and need answers. I've made it clear we are over. He then gets nasty. He flips from begging to being mean. Is there a way he can still have contact with the kids with out me seeing him or having contact with him?
Larry 22 Jun 2016
Hi I've recently split with my partner as she was seeing someone behind my back..we've tried being amicable but unfortunately things have gone sour again due to this my children are spending more time with them and I'm not seeing them or having overnight every other weekend to top that my eldest one of the last times he did stay claimed that they keep waking him playing in bed how can I seek visitation and overnight stays
Cilla 20 Jun 2016
My son's baby is 8 months old and is x girlfriend what let him see her
SeparatedDads Editor 10 Jun 2016
If your ex is trying to limit what you can or can't do with your child, then it is advisable that you negotiate the reasons for her requests and try to come to an understanding. If you have parental responsibility, while she doesn't have a right to dictate what you should and shouldn't do with your child it is always better to try and work through these issues than to go ahead and do the thing(s) she doesn't want you to do as this will cause resentment and anger and perhaps other repercussions. If you cannot agree between you on an issue then mediation may be a way for you to try and resolve your differences, please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me?
Daddyb 9 Jun 2016
I have my child once a month for a weekend. Can my ex stop me taking my child out anywhere. I mean as long as I don't leave the country can she stop me raking him to see family and stuff like that
SeparatedDads Editor 2 Jun 2016
I am sorry to hear this. Please see the link: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, here which will tell you the process you would need to go through if your ex refuses to let you see your child, or refuses to attend mediation.
Charlie 1 Jun 2016
Hi. My partner and I have not been together since I found out she had messed around when our baby was a couple of months old. As she had nowhere to live I said she could stay with me until she could find a new home. She has always been aggressive but things came to a head when she came back from painting her new house and had been drinking. She became very abusive and threw a kettle of boiling water over me, luckily our baby was in the other room and out of harms way. The police were called and wanted me to press charges I declined. However I needed to be treated in hospital and social services were notified. They have since contacted me and I explained the situation to them and said that although she had been violent to me I felt that she is a good mum and would not harm our baby. She has since asked me to have the baby while she went out for the evening I said that was fine but if she was later in then midnight I would take him to stay At my moms. While she was out she phoned to say if I did that she would come round and kick the doors in. She finally arrived back at 2.am drunk and trying to take my keys to prevent me from leaving. I have done my best bought carpets and put curtains in her new place and moved all hers and the babies stuff to make it as easy as possible. I have always helped with the baby and have had him on several occasions. Now since she's finally moved out she has made arrangements for me to see the baby and then said I can't. Now she says I can't see him at all. What should I do?
SeparatedDads Editor 31 May 2016
Yes, you can claim child maintenance for your child from your father. Access and child maintenance have no bearing on each other, meaning by claiming you do not automatically have to give access rights to your ex. However, at the same time, as your child's biological father, he also has rights to apply for access to his child regardless of whether you want him to have rights or not. I can't say whether a court would award him access, should he apply, that would be up to a court to decide whether it would be in your child's best interests.
*** 31 May 2016
I haven't been with my ex since he and his family tried to bully me into having an abortion when I was 5 weeks pregnant. He dumped me 2 days later. Initially I tried to persuade him to be a part of our unborn child's life but he treated me with nothing but contempt and verbally abused me, even at work. Then a few months before my due date he and his new partner began making demands about what they wanted in regards to my child. By that point I had already decided my child was better off having no father at all than a father who didn't want him around. I had been willing to meet to talk to the father but the demands kept growing and I knew that these were just games he and his partner were playing so I cut contact. He threatened to get a solicitor but my baby is now a year old and I've yet to hear anything from him. He lives in Scotland and I am moving to London in a few weeks. I have never claimed money from him because he threatened that if I did he would take me for visitation rights just out of spite, not because he actually cares about his child. Is there any way I can claim money without him getting access to our son who he cares nothing for? I don't want my child growing up being a pawn in his father's sick games but I feel angry that his father contributes nothing and has left me to do everything on my own.
SeparatedDads Editor 20 May 2016
If you have a court order and your ex has breached this or she did not ask for your consent to move away from the area (which she is legally obliged to if you have parental responsibility) then you can take this back to court to have the order enforced, I hope this helps.
Jono 19 May 2016
Please help went to court 2 years ago and was granted access to my 2 boys. Firstly supervised as ex accused me of all sorts then for the day then for a weekend progressing to them coming to my home. They came to my home 3 times and loved it. The last time they came myself and my partner had just had a miscarriage and had a minor row it really was nothing. She's blown it all out of proportion and now I only see my boys for 6 hours a month as they live 300 miles away. Is she allowed to just stop my overnight contact? The boys always ask to come to mine and they say she tells them I live to far away or I never do things with them when they are here? I'm missing my boys so much 6 hours a month is nothing! She is also in the process of trying to get a autism diagnosis for my youngest I personally don't think he does have any issues and think she is doing this so the court won't let me have over night contact. Although I have plenty of experience of autism as my daughter who lives with me now has it. I keep asking if I can have them at mine and she won't let me please help ??
SeparatedDads Editor 16 May 2016
I'm afraid we cannot answer this question as every case is individually treated so there is no standard protocol surruonding this. The courts will take into account current access, the role you play in your child's life and many other factors to come to a decision. The court will always act upon what it thinks is in your daughter's best interests.
Ak 15 May 2016
Hi..i just want to know that ..for how much hours does a court allow father to meet her daughter? And for how many days in a mnth?
SeparatedDads Editor 13 May 2016
If you do not wish your child to go to his parents then you do not have to consent. However, it does mean your ex would be able to either suggest mediation to you in order to sort the matter out and if you are not willing to attend mediation, take the matter to court in order to let a court decide what level of access he can have and whether his parents can have access too. A court will always decide what it thinks is in the best interests of your child, but it does want fathers to have a relationship with their children too.
Anon 12 May 2016
I've just gone through a breakup where the father hasn't been supportive the whole way through the pregnancy and the birth of our son. I had a life threatening birth with our child and for a long period of time after the birth I was an emotional wreck due to nearly losing my life and my sons life. There was no support what so ever from the father even though I had really tried to tell him how I was feeling. now we have split and I have NEVER denied access for him to see our son, however i have said that due to circumstances about 6 months ago I will now allow the father to take our son to his parents home as they physically pushed me and my son around the house and locked us in. He has now written a letter demanding me to allow him to take our son to his parents home (where he currently lives) but I just don't trust them and I fear for my child. Am I legally obliged to allow the father to take my 20 month old son out of our home and his routine? I don't know where i stand. I have told him time and time again that he can come to our home to see him 2 times a week as our son is safe here but he refuses to come in as he says it is awkward? Please give me advice as I have no idea where I stand and what rights I have. Thank you
SeparatedDads Editor 9 May 2016
It depends on whether a court order is in place that lays out your obligation to pick up or drop off. If there isn't, then this is something you should negotiate between you, and if this fails you have an option to suggest mediation instead, please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me?
Djr 8 May 2016
I'm just wondering if I'm wrong and if I'm "abusing my parental rights " My daughters dad is saying I'm abusing my rights because he resently desided to stop helpin with child care costs and says I have to allow him to have my daughter over night.. now I would agree with this if he was consistent with seeing our daughter he goes months with out seeing her and says it's my fault even though I have been pushing for him to visit our 8 month daughter (she doesn't recognize him when he visits) and when he has visited it's only been 30min maybe an hour each visit.. all I'm asking him to do is come see her more. then he could take her for a few hours. after a while he could take her 1 night a week for a month then 2 nights a week for a month 3 nights a week and last 4 nights (while i work grave yard) and that includes hours of visits during the week unsupervised.. but still our work schedule clashes for him to watch her over night right now my aunt (whom lives with me) watches her in our own house in my daughters Owen bed. In order for her dad to watch her hell have to wake her up from her sleep just to go to his house for 4 hours and then get waken up again to come back home. Because I go to work at 9pm baby falls asleep at 8pm dad gets off any time between 10pm to 2am and hes wanting a graveyard position at his work and his job is never consistent always changes his shifts last min.. am I wrong to keep my childcare going and should he still help with child care I only ask 50%of the cost and hes legally supposed to pay 63% (but he refuses to help pay)
Metalmamma 6 May 2016
Am I legally obligated to take my son to his dad's (my ex) I fhe physically cannot collect him due to lack of funds or work schedule? Since we split I have taken my son and collected him from my ex's house. I now have a new baby and it's harder on public transport. I want him to make the effort now an ivhe can't come for him and I won't take him is that seen as me blocking him?
Greenie 6 May 2016
I have a 3 yr old daughter who I'm having trouble getting access to (12 days in 6 months) my ex is happy to go to court together access set however I work shift work days and nights over an eight week rota.. How would the court consider this
Cr1991 15 Apr 2016
What can I do me and my daughters mum split up about 2 years ago and I have her every weekend but she is always saying she isn't going to let me have her anymore what can I do
SeparatedDads Editor 15 Apr 2016
I think in this case you may wish to get some legal advice. Firstly, if you have parental responsibility your ex should have asked your consent to move out of the area. Secondly, if she is registered as a joint tenant she will still be liable to pay towards the rent and bills until the tenancy ends. With regards to child maintenance and visitation rights, a solicitor would be able to advise you on your best course of action and whether mediation or court would be the best action here. If you cannot afford the legal fees which can rack up if your solicitor represents you in court, then you would have the option to self-litigate, please see link: Legal Aid Withdrawal: How to Represent Yourself, here. Many fathers have a good amount of success taking this route. You may also be interested in both our Separated Dads Facebook page and Forum for where you can get supportive advice from other dads who have been through a similar situation before. I hope this helps.
G 14 Apr 2016
I have a 6 month old son with my ex fiancee, about 1 month ago she broke up with me and walked out of our rental property to go live with her parents. Although she is not refusing me access she moved 250 miles down south making access for me excessively difficult and expensive. She has been demanding I pay maintenance since almost the day after she finished me, the relationship was not perfect and we did not always see eye to eye. However when she walked out she has failed to pay any money towards the rent and subsequently closed all utility accounts down as well. Even removing herself from the council so as to get a place down south quicker, obviously unaware when your a joint tenant you cant take yourself off the council until the tenancy runs out. I am trying to get some advice to find out what I am entitled too regarding visitation? As well as advice on what steps need to be taken.
SeparatedDads Editor 11 Apr 2016
Your brother can do two things firstly you can see article: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, here. If he is concerned about his ex taking his child out of the country he can also apply for a Prohibited Steps Order. A PSO is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent with Parental Responsibility from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. We have all heard the stories of a parent taking their child for the weekend and not returning them or going abroad with them and it becoming extremely difficult for the other parent to get their child back. Thankfully, this is one of the scenarios that a PSO seeks to prevent. Failure to comply with this order is a criminal offence (often charged as kidnapping) and could result in a custodial sentence. I hope this helps.
Tripper 10 Apr 2016
My brother has a 1 year old boy, him and his ex split up and now my brother is dating a different girl but his ex will not let him see his son, it is really getting too him and his ex has threatened to take his son out of the country and we are both trying to think what too do. What are your thoughts?
SeparatedDads Editor 5 Apr 2016
If your son wishes to take the matter to court and cannot afford it, he can self-litigate, please see link: Legal Aid Withdrawal: How to Represent Yourself, here. Many fathers are having success taking this route as the court does want fathers to have a relationship with their children. Rather than being held to ransom by his ex this may be your son's best course of action.
Dippyd 4 Apr 2016
Hi..my son and his partner separated a few months ago and arrangements where made for seeing his then 18 month old son..my sons ex and her mother make unreasonable demands on my son and demanding he nemeets them ...when my son cannot make the time or day they then refuse him access..and abuse him veverbally ..they decide when and where he collects and drops his son and he has to do it or they threaten Him with visits going through a contact centre..my son is at his wits end.. He loves his son and bends over babackwards to see him..any suggestions what he can do ? ..his ex refuses mediation he cannot afford court..
SeparatedDads Editor 1 Apr 2016
Unless there is a court order in place, you can stop access. However, this will give your ex the opportunity to take the matter to either mediation or court. As your elder child is 13, then his/her opinion will be take on board by the court and your younger child may be interviewed by Cafcass also, please see link: What Goes into the Cafcass Family Report? here. If there is a court order in place, then you may have to take the matter back to court and request a variation. The same principle of involving Cafcass will apply.
Hct 1 Apr 2016
I have been separated for over 2 years. My children 9 and 13 had been seeing my ex regularly. His drinking has got worse, he was drunk at 4.30 when my children once went there. The children are saying they don't want to go as they are scared. He shouts and drinks. Then feels too unwell to take them anywhere. They do not want to even talk to him. Where do I stand on this?
Linhle 27 Mar 2016
My ex took me to court because he say he want visitation for our 2 kids my son is 6 and my daughter is 4.im not againsting him seeing our kids but I don't think he is spending enough quality times with them,I've try to talk to him and explain and even the court agreed for him to only see them 2 Sunday in a month.Iam not happy with that because it's affecting their behaviour and routine,he say he busy working but iam also work and have them full time.he won't see them any extra days even on school holiday or and special occasions.What is my right and what I can do about this?? I rather for him not seeing them at all than just 2 days in a month,I can't afford a solicitor but my ex do,I didn't stand a chance against he solicitor.please help as I don't know what else to doz
Preston13 22 Mar 2016
I have supervised visitation through children's services to see my new born son. I start a new job next week and this clashes with the visitation times. The social worker is not being very helpful at all about this and is saying that I cannot see him after I finish work nor can I on a weekend. Is there something I can do about this as if SS are not willing to help or work with me to compromise ill not get to see my son.
SeparatedDads Editor 18 Mar 2016
Regardless of your feelings, the father still has a right to apply for access through the courts to his child if he wishes.
Kate 17 Mar 2016
I have an 11 year old daughter whos dads never been interested since told him i was pregnant. Now took me court for access daughter dont wana see him and not interested
chrissy 11 Mar 2016
My grandsons father is sending him messages saying now he is paying for him he wants to see him . My grandson is 10 this year and is scared he will have to see him ... He says when he was younger be took him for a ride in a fast car. His dad has been in prison for 5 years for drug dealing my grandson doesn't know him and is scared. How do we stand ?
farooq 7 Mar 2016
Hi I am a father of british son who is about 11 years old. Im in pakistan since his birth. I left uk before 2 months birth of my child due to personal issues. I achieved birth certificate of my child in 2011. I have applied in slough county court for contact order but embassy refused my visa application and asked me to provide DNA report. Please guide me wat would i do. Im really very ubset. Waiting for your response in this regards please. Best wishes, Omer
SeparatedDads Editor 4 Mar 2016
In a case such as this where it is a family-based arrangement and you can't agree between yourselves you may wish to think about Mediation as a way of resolving the issue, please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here which I hope helps. Also, if you want to see how much your ex should be paying, you can use the CMS calculator here or call them for advice. I hope this helps.
Mof 3 Mar 2016
My partner n I have had a break down in communication due to mental abuse received by him after he'd been cheating on myself n the children with what I thought was a friend! Clearly I am angry upset but want to do right by a our 2 son's aged 4 and 8. Contact was through my parents to cut out the abuse and to safe guard the hand over, due to my ex husband abuse now towards my parents it's now changed to hand overs every other weekend through his parents. What I would like to know is how much time should I give him through the year? Should he help with school holidays n kids clubs as extra maintanace becomes I'm working single mum? If he has them for a week is it ok that he doesn't make maintanace payments for the time he has them? And how much is fair that he pays for boys? He earns high but pays 80pw. I want my children to have good relationship with there dad but I'm trying to get some structured access so contact between us isn't necessary as things are so raw ??
SeparatedDads Editor 1 Mar 2016
Now she is aged-11, when Cafcass get involved she will be asked her opinion on whether she wishes to see her father.
Xxxx 29 Feb 2016
I have my kids twice a week overnight I pay more than I can afford each month and more than the csa guidelines and my ex tells me the days and nights I can see them. I want to see them more however my job takes me away from home at times I always do the two nights a week and we verbally agreed I can take them one other/extra night a week add hoc. However as she is not happy about petty things (nothing to do with the children) she has advised me the "extra" night is now cancelled for no other reason that she says so. Mediation is out as she is completely inflexible. What are my rights to seeing my children when I try and read up on it things are not clear.
caz 29 Feb 2016
hi.I have an 11 year old daughter and her dad wants to see her.she does sometimes go out with him.maybe once or twice a month.but she really dont ever want to go. her dad tells me he is seeking legal advice for an order to see her more. my questhion is, can a couqt order her to see him more,or at age 11 can she say what she wants?
shaun 26 Feb 2016
I am having a child to a with my ex who I only knew for a while before she became pregnant. At first I was taken back by the news but she wanted to have the baby so I agreed and now am happy about the news. The thing is we had an silly argument and she blocked my calls so I couldn't contact her and when I did try the police were called. I have been arrested and bailed for harassment but no charges have been made. Although now I have been advised that I cant contact her or the baby without a solicitor. The baby is due in May and I have had no contact with my ex since 3 months pregnant. All I want to do is be a part of the babies life and I would even want to patch things up with my ex but I cant even speak to her. I want to be named on the birth certificate and be notified of birth, be involved in naming my child and eventually get shared responsibility. What are my options and chances of obtaining shared responsibility?
Coey 20 Feb 2016
Me and my partner have been separated for 5 months now I do have them on a regular basis but I was wandering what the law is about me spending the night in my ex partners house in order to spend time with them I thought you were aloud to spend 3 nights a week there am I wrong?
yido86 12 Feb 2016
Hi I've recently split with my wife 2 months ago and we have agreed joint custody of our daughter through a verbal agreement. I want it in writing incase she ever tries to back track on the agreement in the future. Without going through the process of mediation, would a letter stating the agreement we have made between each other signed by us and witnesses stand up in court should she ever deny my access?
SeparatedDads Editor 8 Feb 2016
Have you thought of asking your ex to attend Mediation in order to resolve the matter? Please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. I hope this helps.
jonny 7 Feb 2016
I me and my girlfriend split whilst pregnant the baby is almost 3 months I see her at her house a few times a week but I want her on my own for 2 hours she says not ready
SeparatedDads Editor 22 Jan 2016
Please see link: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, here. The fact you have not paid child support does not mean you should be prevented from seeing your children. If your earnings have reduced then you should report the change in circumstances to the CSA/CMS as they may reduce your payments accordingly.
dunk 21 Jan 2016
everything seemed good between my ex partner and myself over cristmas but being self employed and not working over crimbo i fell short with child maintence . cma got in touch and i found out i was paying her not thro cma 6 quid a week more than cma might not sound much but thats 300 quid a yr i told my ex partner that i would rather pay the amount cma had agreed to which i got nasty texts then blocked ive not seen my children now for two week there only 8 and 7 yrs old and i dont want to fight my ex to see them cause i think my children will b mentally hurt im struggling to find out what i can do im on there birth certficates am i being treated wrong
cherry 29 Dec 2015
In august i have started dating a man who had recently split up with his wife. he has 3 kids age 10,6,3. he lives is a studio flat and has the kids 2 nights a week. he works shifts and is only free one weekend out of two. before discovering he is seeing me he had the kids from saturday at 2pm till sunday at 2pm. this allowed us to have some time together as she does not want any woman ever spending time with them. since she has discovered we are dating she has forced him to have them from saturday morning to monday morning, thus excluding any possibility for us to see each other besides a few hours in the evenings from 10pm till midnight but we both hit the road at 6am.....so ... i realy love him and im ok with the kids, I like them as I have met them in despite of her not wanting. but how can we make this work out?????? how can this develop???? Im kinda desperate. do not want to break up, but i live as a mistress not as a girlfriend.... Can she do this?
SeparatedDads Editor 21 Dec 2015
There are no fixed rules that gurantee access, unless you decide to take the matter to court when a fixed court order may be issued. If your ex is denying you access, please see link: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, here which tells you the procedure to go through if your ex will not let you see your children. I hope this helps.
inchy 19 Dec 2015
Hi I've been seperates from me sons mother for sometime he is seven. I beleive that when I have my son my ex should supply the clothes he needs whilst at my house as I pay my maintenance on time and sometimes early so shouldn't this account for clothes and the washing of said clothes I have my son 12 days a month so quite alot and finances are obviously strained. She believes I should have clothes for him at ours and wash then and keep them at my house.... in my eyes I'm paying for clothes amd washing twice. Please give me you views on this situation. My ex has always let me have 12 days a cess because she likes to do her own thing on those days.
roberts 19 Dec 2015
Hi my ex partner as stopped me seeing my three children we broke up over 6 months ago she let me have contact at first then she stopped all contact for over 4 months I had social services involved with the children as my ex partner has two teenagers to another relationship where her teenage son was smoking cannabis and legal heights around my children my ex was letting her oldest daughter sleep with her boyfriend in the same room as my 4 year old daughter and sex was going on my ex partner also smacked my daughter and marked her leg I took a picture of the mark on my daughters legand reported it to social services I shown the picture and told SS about the things that was going on in the house with the drugs and sex going on in front of my daughter and to my anger SS ignored everything I told them as my ex partner said her son is on experimenting with drugs and she didn't mind her daughter having her boyfriend sleeping over I feel so failed as a dad as my children aren't being protected by the mother I've done mediation my ex is playing games saying she received no letter from mediation I now have a solicitor involved but I would apriciate any more advice from anyone as I really feel social services have failed me.
JohnP 18 Dec 2015
How many days am I entitled to see my children for? I have an ex partner who has recently stopped me having my daughter for 2 nights every other weekend. Can she do this?
sofia dad 12 Dec 2015
Wrong that a dad has to go to court for his rights it takes two to make a child not a court !
SeparatedDads Editor 4 Dec 2015
I am sorry to hear this. If he is suffering from anxiety and depression, no matter how much he wants to help, he may currently be at the mercy of his illness. You don't say whether the contact was agreed via a court order or as a family-based arrangement. If it is via a court order, you will be in breach and therefore your ex could take it back to court to have the order enforced. However, you may by mutual agreement decide to change arrangements for a time while he is ill. If it is a family-based arrangement, then you should really sit down and discuss this between you. When someone is suffering from anxiety and depression, it can take over their lives and as well-meaning as they are, they often have to drop arrangements because of their illness which affects them in so many different ways. Perhaps, until he is properly back on his feet, you could discuss making alternative arrangements so your ex can see your son when you don't have to rely upon him so much.
Newlysm 3 Dec 2015
Im having trouble with my ex partner, we separated 6 months ago and he has had our son at my home 2 days a week, however recently is has become really unreliable, his excuses being sleeping through alarms and being unwell, and when he does have him a get a text message asking if I can finish work early because he has been sick. He is suffering from depression and anxiety and is taking a lot of men's including a controlled medication. I really would like some advice as to whether I can reduce the contact to one day a week so he still has contact but not so much that it effects our sons care. I get no financial support from him for our child.
SeparatedDads Editor 1 Dec 2015
Please see link: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, whichIf your ex continues to mess you about, then somewhere you may want to draw the line. When you have decided you can no longer tolerate her awkwardness, you must first suggest mediation and if she refuses, you will need to go through the process laid out in the article. Sometimes a solicitor's letter may help. However, if not you will need to go through the court process. If you can't afford the legal fees, you can self-litigate. Please see link: How to Represent Yourself, here. I hope this helps.
Ted 30 Nov 2015
I have a seven year old son who lives in England with his mother. He just came and stayed with me for three weeks and expressed to his mother and everyone that he wants to stay with me. His mother did not like it and now has dropped all contact. I went to court in England spent liars of money and got no where's actually they gave all rights to her even though he has dual passport etc. this was his 3rd trip over and except for the time I went over it is all that I have seen him. I have given money etc. She is living off the Government and has free solicitor etc. what can I do?
allan 30 Nov 2015
hi, my ex partner is an absolute nightmare when it comes to me seeing my son on my days and does everything in her power to make things awkward for me to see him e.g she took him out of school early so I couldn't pick him up on my day if I go down the court rout and they say this is your day and this is your time ect ect and she still stops me, what actually happens to her? is it worth doing this to shell out thousands of pounds and the end result is no different.
SeparatedDads Editor 13 Nov 2015
I am sorry to hear this. As with any split in a relationship, it really depends upon the parents involved and whether their split is amicable or not. Of course, if you moved away, you would see your children less, but again it would depend on how you agreed the division of care. If your ex is agreeable, then you can come to a family-based agreement with regards to finances and access. If you and your ex's relationship becomes hostile, then you may find yourself having to go through mediation or the courts if you can't agree. I have included the article: Developing an Amicable Relationship With Your Ex, here which I hope will help. If you choose this route, the best way is to really be seen to support your ex and your children as best you can, then in return you should hopefully be granted the access you require. However, if we had a crystal ball to see the future things would be a lot easier, but we don't and many relationship splits are not easy or as straightforward as we like. Therefore, if your girlfirend is in agreement, then perhaps a compromise and a trial run of you working in Ireland, yet keeping the relationship alive may help in the short term in order to see if this works for you both. Discussion is always better than argument, but this really is something only you both can decide.
Mike 12 Nov 2015
I currently live with my girlfriend and our 2 kids in Scotland (2 and 5 years old). My job in Scotland is on the rocks and it is only a matter of time before they announce further redundancies which I won’t escape + no jobs here when it happens. The family business back in Ireland is going extremely well and my father wants me to take it over which I’d be mad not to as there is security there and a great future (it’s also my profession). Girlfriend (housewife) has said she won’t come with me and will move and take the kids back to her mother’s in England. She lived in Ireland with me for 2 years and hated it (we lived in a small town which she says there was nothing to do and made her depressed) but this time I offered to live anywhere in Ireland Dublin etc. showed her the financial benefits but still didn’t even entertain it. She looks after the kids well but that’s where it ends our relationship is more or less non-existent now and the arguments and fighting are starting to affect our kids. I am so unhappy and angry all the time that staying with her just for kids is now I feel doing more harm than good. What kind of rights would I have if I left for Ireland myself? Is there anyone in a similar situation? Great website by the way it really helps.
drained 23 Oct 2015
Will I be forced by cafcass to take my baby for her weekends with her dad to hes sister which is quite far for me to travel
ND 11 Oct 2015
To NoRights : I sympathise with you on all that you have said and have the exact same situation and circumstances that you have been and are going through. I even fully agree with your nickname as it depicts the fairness given to Fathers, absolutely nothing. I fear that for both our situations to obtain at least some sort of justification on access, the legal court way is almost inevitable. Can't keep getting pushed around like this.
SeparatedDads Editor 7 Oct 2015
You can self-litigate, see link: Legal Aid Withdrawal: How to Represent Yourself, here. Also, the Bar Council has written a comprehensive guide on how to get the best from self-representation, here. With the withdrawal of Legal Aid, many parents are now self-representing through the family law courts and having some good success, if their cases are prepared well. You can undertake the step-by-step procedure laid out in the article: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, whichI hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 7 Oct 2015
If you feel uncomfortable about the situation, then you do not have to consent to a change in the access routine. If your ex wishes to take it to court, or mediation, then you will have a chance to give your reasons why you do not wish for your daughter to stay over. Please see links: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? link here and What Goes into the Cafcass Family Report? here. I hope these help.
NoRights 6 Oct 2015
Hi, I broke up with my ex nearly a year ago and since then she has consistently given and taken access away from me when it suits her. Now I have started in a new relationship she has fully taken access away from me and refuses to let me see my 2 boys (4 and 2). She has told me that unless I arrange details through a court she will always refuse me access. The legal costs involved with me taking this to family court are more than what I can afford. I have explored the possibility of legal aid however I am not entitled to this. I have always paid child maintenance costs through the CSA, and have even paid slightly more than what was set out in the arrangement. Even after the payments increased from her refusing me access. Is there any advice anybody could offer as to what I can do to gain access to see my children? I have not been a 'dead beat dad', I wan't to see my kids and have always provided for them, but my ex is using them as a weapon for financial and emotional gains!!
a.h 6 Oct 2015
Hello me and my ex split about a year ago and since then he only sees our daughter once a fortnight for an hour or so in his mothers (his choice) he has never made any attempt to do anything with our daughter and has never payed for her he gets very annoyed when she cries and they hace never been alone together our daughter is very attached to me as she had to go through an opperation and i was the only one there for her (he didnt come to the hospital) she is 2, he now has a new girlfriend who has her two children taken off her and placed into care and takes drugs and he wanta to introuduce her to our daughter and is demandin he take her friday to sunday even though he hasnt bothered to see her in a month and keeps saying to me he will take me to court and win and other silly things im just wondering how all this would stand up in court
Tony 25 Sep 2015
How often should a father see their 3year old daughter?? He comes over on a Monday night and Friday night and has her for one whole day of the weekend. She currently doesn't sleep their as we are trying to crack her bad sleeping habits of waking in the night constantly!! I have a new partner and due to get married in February. I think he gets annoyed that I let me ex into my house twice a week and we have to go out. Am I right to drop a Friday night?? Thank you
lily 19 Sep 2015
My brother have been divorced for a few years has been paying on and off Child support which to be it's wrong but it's been almost a year his ex wife doesn't let him see his only daughter. We recently got a hold of her and she stated she didn't want us to have any contact with her because of her new BF ( another one ) then we find out she got married and she doesn't let us see her cause of the new husband. What can he do to get rights back or my parents which are my niece grandparents.
SeparatedDads Editor 15 Sep 2015
I have included a link to our article, Breach of Contact or Residence Order: What to Do, whichIt means if his ex is in breach of the court order and his ex is refusing access, then your partner can take this back to court to get the order enforced.
sol 14 Sep 2015
the father of my child recently separated from his girlfriend that he has 3 childrens an also has a restraing order with him over domestic but court said his allow to see the kids threw a third party but his ex is refusing cause she does not want the kids around me or his family what is the best thing to do
SeparatedDads Editor 8 Sep 2015
I am very sorry to hear this, as it should be a very special time for you. However, I'm afraid if you can't get any response from your ex, then you would have to apply for a contact order through the courts. Please see article: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, whichI hope this helps.
scooby 7 Sep 2015
My ex partner has just given birth to our child. How do i go about seeking contact with my daughter as my ex will not reply to phone calls or messages at all . This is really frustrating me as i just want to see my daughter as we havent even met yet.
SeparatedDads Editor 7 Sep 2015
There are no written rules, and it all depends upon the relationship a child has with their father. If you feel uneasy about letting your young child go, then you have the parental rights to make decision you feel are right for you and your child/children. If you can't agree between yourselves, have you thought about suggesting mediation as a way of sorting your issues out? The court will suggest you try and resolve your problems this way before it goes to court. Please see article: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? whichI hope this helps.
Stressed out 5 Sep 2015
Hi a friend of mine having issues with her ex. Their children stay over one night mid week with their father, then alternate fri or sat plus all day Saturday to allow father to go out either a fri or sat. He now wants shared care I.e one/ two other overnights midweek. My friend wouldn't have a problem but he only gets home a 7:30pm on the midweek night now which is bedtime so not really beneficial to kids and it would be the same if granted more nights could even be as late as 9:30pm. He never worked Saturday's before but has started working them every other week now as extra to normal working hours. He also palms children off with relatives when he is there a lot of the time. He wants shared care but won't be here until they are in bed but his new partner will be. When he's working he now leaving them with new partner. He not making any extra effort to spend time with them himself yet he wants more time and shared care. He says he just wants them in his house and his partner is capable of looking after them. Effectively he is just trying to make his new partner their mum. Is my friend being unreasonable by saying this isn't acceptable, he can have extra time as long as he is physically there to spend the time with his children but they are not going for extra time to just be in his house to spend time with his girlfriend. Would a court think this is acceptable? One of the children has learning difficulties and requires routine. They are all very young.
Deb 4 Sep 2015
I have two sons aged 9 weeks & 1year 10 month me and there father split during my second pregnancy. He comes to visit twice a week for 2 hours at a time and when I've asked for more help or if he wants to see them more his reply was, is that not good enough, at least I bother! Where as I would be taking all opportunities I got to see my baby's! Anyways now were not on good terms and now he wants to either have my eldest over night every weekend (as be does with his other children, from a previous relationship) which I dnt see fair, he should not want to split our sons up and my son has never even been to his house before and there is nothing there for him so I don't think it's right. Also our son isn't talking yet so he can't be asked what he wants which I find unfair and hes only ever stayed out 3 times in his life and hes really clingy for me and his dad would NOT contact me if there was any issues. I've told him he can sleep when he tells me he wants to, im not wanting to cause my son any unnecessary stress just to please his father. So he either wants our eldest or both! A 9 week old baby is certainly not staying away from me. Baring in mind he sees his children 4 hours a week! I told him to build it up, see them more, buy what they need for his home and when there ready they can stay but his reply was. See you at court, they will be staying! Hes doing what he thinks makes him look to be a good dad and not what's best for our children. At what age do people think children should be able to sleep out? Thanks
SeparatedDads Editor 25 Aug 2015
It is understandable that your ex may not wish to let your newborn out of her site while she is breast-feeding and most courts would be understanding of this. I'm sure once your child is a bit older, then your ex will be more flexible, especially if you are supportive. You may find that if you have an amicable relationship that she may want to share more of your child's upbringing with you as it can be quite daunting coping alone. I think in this case you will have to play it by ear and this way I'm sure it will work out for the best. Hopefully, before you know it your own two boys will be spending time with their new sibling too.
Lukey 24 Aug 2015
Hi I am expecting my 3rd child with my ex after recently splitting. We lived together and my two other boys from a previous relationship stayed midweek and weekends with us I have moved out, and she has said I can come round anytime I want to see the new baby, but I don't want to take my boys round our old shared house as there are both under 8,she is refusing to let me take baby away because of breast feeding but would like my boys to spend time with there new brother or sister.
Boo 23 Aug 2015
What's the fathers rights for over night stay? My ex has my little girl over night. She doesnt have her own room yet but my parents are adiment she needs het own room. She happily stays over. He said he is moving to a 2 bedroom soon.
SeparatedDads Editor 17 Aug 2015
If it is organised between the parents, yes.
shaz 15 Aug 2015
this is not a comment but need advice about children's drop offs and pick ups please. My children go to there dads every 3rd weekend fri night till sun night . They expect me to take them. But i think if I care solely for them all that time it should be his responsibility to do it. What's my legal rights
Michael 15 Aug 2015
During a visitation, can a grand parent receive the child and delivers him/her back .
Bobcat 11 Aug 2015
Hi. New to all this. Separated after 20 years with partner with 12 and 14 year old children. On both birth certificates, but predates 2003 law on Parental Responsibility. Have been continuous parent in same house for all their lives. Agreement to share holidays expires end of the month; she saying that they will now live with her and can see me every other weekend through termtime, some 36 days for me, 232 days for her in termtime. DV an issue throughout relationship, but with her abuse and violence towards me. Can she just do this? Thanks.
SeparatedDads Editor 6 Aug 2015
I'm afraid this would be up to the courts to decide. They will take on board what the Cafcass officer says, however, they will also take on board your rationale, especially if this has been a consistent part of your child's life so far.
Nearly over 5 Aug 2015
Hi I've had contact ( extended 12 nights a month contact ) since me and my ex split when my child was 6 months old. He is now 3 and I have had the Cafcass officer do the sec 7 report . Still awaiting . After her visit we had a quick chat where she stressed that she really had no concerns about my parenting and I was a great dad . She then went on to say BUT I HAVE TO THIBK ABOUT THE MID WEEK over night contact as a top physcolist has wrote in her book no children under 4 should have mid week overnights away from mum . Can she base her conclusion on a book ? And reduce my time just because of this being I have had mid week over night for 3 years now . I live 1 min from the school so no issues about dropping or taking . Advice please :)
carol 4 Aug 2015
ex-husband ask me to cancel maintanance but is refusing to change my child his surname what must i do pls help
sb74 3 Aug 2015
my ex has said i can see my daughter but only at her parents house, i am on the birth certificate, can she dictate where i see her as its very hostile, i want to bring her to meet my family but my ex refuses to let me take her out, she is 2 months old and i have been involved with all the things required to look after her since she was born
SeparatedDads Editor 3 Aug 2015
@confused - of course you have your rights and your opinions regarding how much you want your ex to have your children. However, if you do not agree with his reasoning, he will be able to apply through the courts. While it doesn't guarantee he will be given the level of access he wants, as their father, it is understandable that he wants to see his children regardless of whether he has chosen to move away. Have you thought of requesting mediation? I have included a link to the article: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. Mediation is seen as a less stressful route than going though the courts, as its aim is to find a solution agreeable to you both. I hope this helps.
confused 1 Aug 2015
I've received a letter via my ex from a law firm asking to have our two boys every other weekend. I have no problems with him contacting his boys but I had said I was not in agreement of him having them in a car for 8 hours in travel time total per weekend! The reason being he has moved away from the area and this is his choice not the kids fault and I find it so unfair on them to put them through that every other weekend. Also puts their lives at risk on dangerous roads. Am I being unreasonable or putting my kids welfare first and should I seek legal advice?
Wittywoo 22 Jul 2015
Hey, so I've started a new job my shifts aren't yet set in stone as the shop has only just opened a few days ago. My ex is now saying I can't see my kids without giving 2 weeks notice. Also says the kids aren't allowed to see my girlfriend. Can she do this?
Stu 22 Jul 2015
i have drawn up a shared custody agreement with my wife after we separated and we have made it to be as flexible as possible for us both. We have both signed it, but friends are telling me its not worth the paper its written on as it needs to be witnessed by a solicitor at the possible tune of £100 - £150.00. Does a mutual private shared custody agreement signed by both if us stand up to what we have agreed, especially if for example she decided to move away etc. any advice appreciated.
Ryan 14 Jul 2015
Hello after several year's of agony i have finally sat down with my ex and had a chat about the possibility of seeing my daughter. While the thought excites me i also know this is the same woman who denied me access to my child for 4 year's. She has agreed to let me see my child on a basis that i organise it as a supervised visit but i do not know how appropriate it is for me to organise it by myself with a hired 'nanny' there and also to rent a meeting room itself is new to me too. I do know i want her mother to sign a legally binding agreement but its a milestone for me to just have sat down with her in the same room. I will probably contact a solicitor about all this regardless but surely if he can set it up so can i? Thank you for your time and hopefully it goes well for me!
SeparatedDads Editor 1 Jul 2015
@dobo - if you want some say in your child's upbringing, you would have to apply for parental responsibility through the courts which will give you some rights, (but not necessarily access/contact rights though) and which would also mean you would be responsible for supporting your daughter financially. In order for the courts to locate your child, you would have to apply for a C4 application, which is an order for disclosure of a child's whereabouts. You can lodge this at the same time as applying for parental responsibility and contact. Please see link: Parental Responsibility Guide and Letters, here. I hope this helps.
dobo 28 Jun 2015
i broke up with my ex girlfriend shortly after our daughter was born, she then moved out of london back up north where she was originally from, she stopped answering my phone calls i dont know where she lives and she ignores any contact i try to make through social media, i really want so see my child but i dont know where to start please can someone point me in the right direction i don't think i have parental responsibility.
Ralphy16 25 Jun 2015
Hello Me And Partner Recently Split (Not Married) We Have A Three Year Old. What Would Visitations Be? He Doesn't Work And Only Gives A Small Amount Of Money Every Fortnight, Lives With His Parents And In The Middle Of Nowhere (No Buses, Doesn't Drive So Has To Rely On Family Members) Would Really Appreciate Some Advice. Thank You
Barkath 15 Jun 2015
I am British Citizen My ex wife is Finnish citizen, my 2 kids are Bristish and Finnish citizens me and my ex wife got divorced, my ex wife lives in Joensuu at the moment with my kids i moved back to England August 2014 after living in Finland for 4 years, my ex wife is not allowing to meet kids or talk to them, she changed her phone and i can't contact my kids at all, i consulted a lawyer in Finland in my lawyer trying to negotiate visiting rights but my ex wife lawyer saying 3 times a year one hour each in presence of social worker i can meet my kids my Lawyer proposed 2 days every 3 months in a year 2 weeks kids can spend time with at otukumpu (some apartments) where fathers meet kids court advised for negotiations on 18th June my ex wife is saying she won't agree more than 3 times one hour each a year i love my kids, it's really difficult not seeing kids spend time with my kids i am ready to move to Finland if that helps
SeparatedDads Editor 7 May 2015
@jim - you will have to apply for parental responsibility along with an interim contact order. I understand it must be very difficult for you, especially as they are so young and you want to get to know them. However, if your ex is not letting you see them, it is likely it will have to go through Cafcass first who will write a report, and this can take time, as much of the court decision will be based upon that report. It is impossible to predict what the court may rule, as it is very much dependent on how the mother approaches it. As a rule, it is usually that the mother is given residency and the father contact rights. It is unlikely that you will be awarded joint residency at this early stage. I hope this helps.
Tyler 6 May 2015
Derick, I know your ex very well and she wouldn't stop you from seeing that 7 week old baby without good reason. 1. You lied to her throughout your entire relationship and continued to lie to her once you had both split up. 2. You left her son at home alone. 3. You were using drugs in her home and used her sons playing card to snort it. 4. You have a very colourful criminal record ranging from Bulgary to assult and armed robbery. Then there is all the verbally abusive messages you have sent her all though you have not threatend violence it's still considered domestic abuse. So no she doesn't and will never trust you with her baby. That's why your not on the birth certificate and you started the arguments again so she stopped you coming over. None of us blame her she was prepared to give you a chance and you threw it back in her face!!
jim 3 May 2015
Derick, my ex didnt name me on the birth certificate. I want joint custody of my girl so i can have her fri sat sun. The last time i went to her mums house with my new born my ex and her mum were both screaming and shouting at the top of there voices at me. I dont want to go there because there the kind of people who will push you to your breaking point scream and shout in your face to show you whos boss and if things got out of hand they lie soo much they might even go to the point of calling the police. I dont trust them at all theyll do anything to get what they want and if they had a police record against me surely thats not going to help me. I really would feel intimated.
Will Editor 1 May 2015
@Jerry - it depends on whether there is a court order in place, or what agreements you have. But they are getting to the age where they can make their own decisions, especially at age, 16 when he is entitled to.
Jerry 30 Apr 2015
My kids are 15 and 16. If one or both want to see me but the ex-wife is telling them no she is out of town and the boyfriend is watching them can my son tell him he's coming with me?
SeparatedDads Editor 30 Apr 2015
@derick - if you are the registered father and on the birth certificate then you could take it to court, see link When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, whichHowever, if your ex has not registered the birth yet, then you do not yet have parental responsibility, which means theoretically you don't yet have any parental rights. It sounds like your ex is willing to let you have contact, which is a good thing and you can understand that she might not want to let your child out of her sight just yet, being so young and especially if she is breastfeeding. It sounds like she may need a bit of time and whether it is uncomfortable or not, you might just have to be a bit patient and agree to bond with your child on her terms for the moment. I'm sure it will get better with time as she adjusts to being a new mother and realises that you too want to make a go at being a good father.
jim 28 Apr 2015
Sorry forgot to mention i want joint custody of my child.
jim 27 Apr 2015
My partner didnt name on the birth certificate although i was there through the whole pregnancy. I went every antenatal appointment with her. When my girl was born from day 1 i fed changed her nappy put her sleep. Basically all thats was needed whilst my partner rested. Will i be able to get my girl fri sat sunday because shes only a month old. I want to get joint custody. Whats she using against me is im breasf feeding every 2 hours. But at the hospital i was making my girl powder mix and she would still drink that because at the time my partner would say im tired.This is my partners second child after 12 years and she had done the exact same to him. Ive got a phone recording of her telling me watch what i do with your daughter.
derick 27 Apr 2015
My ex girlfriend had our baby 2 weeks ago. I can go there but i find it extremely uncomfortable as I was played by her. I have asked to have him for a couple of hours at the weekend as I am studying at University. Also this would enable my friends and family to meet the baby. I really want to bond with the baby. I have been out and bought various baby things to enable me to have him. My ex. Has said no and for me to go there. I felt that I am not being unreasonable asking to have him. What can I do?
SeparatedDads Editor 27 Apr 2015
@jim - you really need to read our article When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, whichYou don't say if your ex is going to name you as the father on the birth certificate, so you have parental responsibility. You can see what PR is via whichIf you don't have PR, you would have to apply for it along with a contact order. I hope this helps.
jim 23 Apr 2015
Need some help urgent guys plz.... My girl was born a month early on 2nd of april. At the hospital my partner started getting abit funny with me saying stuff like youve held her for 2 hours put her in the cot or ill call the midwife and get you chucked out from here. When we finally got the go ahead to go home the next day the midwife was coming to see her but she booked it at her mums house in preston when we live in blackburn. Basically she been lying about me to look as if was the bad person but im not at all bothered about that. She asked me to pack my stuff get out of her house and her life. Which i did without arguing. To the point i cleaned up after myself when i left. Ive asked to pick my child up for the weekend and she wont let me. Infact shes told me watch what i do with her. Ive got this recorded on my phone. All i want is to bring my child whos 4 weeks old to my house for the weekend. When she was born ive been feeding changing her nappy bascally everthing her mum would do i did it at the hospital. I written a letter asking to do this amicably but shes not responded. What should i do???
SeparatedDads Editor 17 Apr 2015
@Tom92 - I really feel for you in this position and it is one many parents find themselves. Firstly, you may find our Separated Dads Facebook page useful as there are many men going through or who have been through a similar position and have come out the other end, with a plethora of good advice (please see applicable former comments posted and replies). The main thing is not to let her hold you to ransom, as once she can get away with it, she will try all the more. Have you not thought of trying to make the relationship work and take her and your son to London with you? If that does not appeal and she tries to stop contact, the article: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, link here may help. You would have to go through the procedures listed in the article. I hope this helps.
Tom92 16 Apr 2015
Hello, my names Tom, I'm 23 & recently a father to the most beautiful little boy I have ever seen. I'm in a precarious situation & I really need some advice please. I went through many relationship problems with my partner over the past year, exasperated largely due to my absence as I was serving in an air assault unit in the army at the time. A job more than full time. She became pregnant during this. Things where so bad between us she was using the army welfare service and my colleagues partners living near the barracks with as a means to protay me as a bad person with some outrageous claims. one of the most difficult times of my life. I became very depressed due to this. I had to leave her as the situation was dire. I had no option as my own welbeing was being seriously harmed by her actions. Fast forward. I recently finished my service with the army & left to the explore other options. although initially opposed to having a child with this woman due to her totally unreasonable attitude & confrontational demeanour( doesebt take much to know how she wud strive to complicate it by any means) he's here now. I love him more than anything and can't bare the prospects of him not in my life. She knows this. With that in mind I naively repaired the relationship and once again subjugated myself to her abuse trying to make it work for my sons sake. I'm a fool. It's completely unsustainable. I'm currently unemployed I've searched hard for job prospects in northern Ireland but there's not much. Due to my military backround I have recently been offered a very good job with excellent prospects In London in the security sector. I'm in the situation now that she's using my son as a weapon against me. She blackmails me saying if I where to take this operunity and move to London( things are bad already after only two months) she's going to do everything in her power to prevent me seeing my little boy. She's an unreasonable person with a talent for twisting even the simplest things to work against me...for no aparent reason & who, for some reason seems determined to debilitate me having a productive successful life. She's demonstrated her ability to take even a simple grudge against someone above and beyond. To amazing extremes. I know she'll literally dedicate a tremendous amount of energy to following through with this blackmail. I'm terrified of my son perceiving me as a stranger. She's even said she'll poison him against me. I think I'd be a fool to let her bully me forvever but im not sure what my options are by using the court to grant me access and how effective they will be or how to eveb go about starting legal processings for access. I know conflict and combat well...but this is unlike anything before for me. If anyone has been through this before id really appreciate advice. I'm in a desperately unpredictable situation and I refuse to let her walk over me. If I'm gonna take this road. I need to do it right
SeparatedDads Editor 16 Apr 2015
@jo - if you have been awarded joint custody through the courts, then you really need to take it back to court to have the order enforced, or at least re-assessed, as it sounds like your ex is in breach of the court order. The article: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, link here may help. You also may find the article: Is My Ex-Wife in Breach of The Contact Order? here useful.
jo 15 Apr 2015
Hi,my ex wife is preventing me seeing my 4year old son since she found out that my fiancee was pregnant and I have not seen my son since September 2014. She twists things to make me look bad.She wants to change my little boys surname to his.She even went as far as to say I don't exist to my son as far as she is concerned.I love my little boy. She is jealous of my new family which I can't understand as she has a new partner too. She moans that I am.not contributing to his nursery fees but she gets vouchers and I do pay child maintenance every week to her.I also pay the dogs insurance. All she thinks and wants is money. Please help so I can see my son.She hasn't told my son that he has a brother.But I did as he deserves to know. She moved my son two and a half hours away and now expects me to travel back and forth to see him.At first I paid her diesel money to bring him down but she refuses to do this now.Also when it was my time to have my son she demands that I drop him to her grandparents two days of my time. Please tell me What I can do. I have parental responsibility and joint custody.
SeparatedDads Editor 26 Mar 2015
@daryl - I am sorry to hear this. The only thing you can do really is apply through the courts for an order of Parental Responsibility once your child is born. It will give you certain rights to your child and also financial responsibility until your child is 18. You would at the same time have to apply through the courts for a Prohibited Steps Order to try and stop your girlfriend taking your child abroad. However, the courts will decide what is in the best interests of your child and if your ex wants to go home, then they may consent to this if she presents a strong enough case. Unfortunately, as the borders between countries open up, this is becoming a more frequent occurence and fathers are finding that they do not have much power in stopping their ex's moving away.
SeparatedDads Editor 25 Mar 2015
@Richie - you can self-litigate, see our partner article Legal Aid Withdrawal: How to Represent Yourself, whichMany fathers are finding success by doing it this way, but you have to make sure you are properly prepared. You may also be able to get help by using a McKenzie Friend in court, The Separated Dads Facebook page may help also, as there are many men going through the same or similar things, so check back through a few of the postings. I hope this helps.
daryl 23 Mar 2015
Please help me, my girlfriend fell pregnant and unfortunately we had broke up after her falling pregnant. She is keeps telling me shes is never going to let me see my child, she is not going to put my name on any certificates. She is infact planning to move back to Hungary. I need to know if there is anything i can do to stop this. PLEASE HELP
Richie 22 Mar 2015
Have final court hearing in 31 March. I haven't seen my son in over 18 months . I don't understand why I cannot see him and I am afraid that the judge will tell me I cannot see him . I am out of work at the moment and have no. Ones to pay for legal help. I have written yo my local MP who said he cannot help . Any suggestions would be most helpful
SeparatedDads Editor 10 Mar 2015
@Joshua - you are an adult working man now so you can make your own decisions based upon the practical needs of your life. Does the court order specify an age that you have to continue visiting? If it is 18, then I would simply have a chat to your father and explain the situation to him and that you can't visit this year becuase you would risk losing your job. I am sure he will respect that it is not your fault and hopefully you may be able to arrange for a visit later in the year when perhaps you have some holidays owing, or as you say ask him to visit you in the UK. If, (and I'm sure it wont come to this) your father was to contest this, the courts would not insist that you had to visit because you have good reasons for not being able to and the judge would respect that you are essentially an adult. I think first and foremost it is just a matter of having a chat to your dad .
Joshua 7 Mar 2015
Hello, hopefully someone could please help me. I am 17 and living in the UK with my mother. My father lives in Texas, USA. For the last 15/16 years i have been travelling back and fourth every summer and easter under a Court Order. However now i am doing an apprenticeship which is 5 days a week, and working every weekend at the local shop. I have already asked if i could at least have some of the summer off, however i cannot do this for either of my jobs has i haven't worked there long enough... Do i still have to go and visit my dad in america with the risk of me loosing my job and apprenticeship? Also i have offered for him to come over to the UK in the summer. Any help would be really appreciated :) Joshua
SeparatedDads Editor 20 Feb 2015
@ice55 - I'm sorry to hear this. You can actually apply for access through the courts. You may want to read our partner article When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access here. Also if you are struggling financially tehre are ways around it, so please read our article: Legal Aid Withdrawal: How to Represent Yourself, whichOur Separated Dads Facebook page may help too as it has lots of advice from dads who have been through the same things. Sometimes children take it personally when the consistency is broken, so it might be time to start afresh and re-assure your daughters that you will do the best you can to keep them in your lives. I hope this helps.
ice55 18 Feb 2015
I got married in 2004 MY mother died shortly arfter, she allways wanted me to have daughters and after several years with my x having miscariges and a eptopic pregnancy our first was born, she ment the world to me obviously then after a while I was getting made redundant at work, things were getting to me and my x father got very sick indeed, I kept changing jobs to support us, but got made redundant again, cracks started showing and I was not happy my x was already pregnant with our second daughter, I told my x that I didn't feel the same way about us I had to be truthful to her and I started talking to another women, I moved out and stayed with my sister for a while I was still seing my girls, then arfter a couple of months I moved away the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, I eventually moved in with my partner she had 3kids two with special needs,it was so so hard but I still tryed to get to see my girls on the train, and paid maitinace for both from 2009 up to 20014 and brought clothes and presents, but she would not let me bring the girls down to where I lived, so it became a balancing act, and sometimes she just wanted me to put money in her bank and not bother to come and see the girls, never let me meet them out of school never seen them on their birthdays, and when she met someone who I kind of knew him. I went down to see my girls he was there, she said in front of the girls you are daddy and he is dad that's the way it is now, my heart sank and I knew from this day I had no chance of any say in my daughter's lifes.........my partner was so very supportive because of her kids with special needs she wanted me to be in my daughter's lifes, then it changed she wanted more money if I could not see them sometimes because of money she would use the girls against me made me feel so guilty, then one of my daughter's started saying on the phone I don't want to talk to daddy because she rang me,over Christmas but my phone was broken so obviously I didn't awnser but I had told her mother this aswell then she did not want to talk to me anymore on the phone, I came to see my other daughter,  but I've not seen them for a year it made me and my partner split up I became homeless and got very depressed my daughter's mother don't phone or text me anymore, when we were together for 10 years we never drank or drugs  never was violent to each  other and it's came to this she has been clever and never said your not seing my girls but said I am not forcing them to see you......i feel so helpless and do not know where to turn I love my daughter's so much and allways will........plz help 
Richard Editor 13 Feb 2015
@Kriffen - the travel is something you need to mutually agree between yourselves, as otherwise you may have to go to mediation and via the courts in order to sort this out if you can't agree. As far as having contact then if you have parental responsibility you have rights to access to see your children then what you do for a living should not affect your rights. However if she cruelly wishes to twist this to her advantage then it may have an impact if she decides to portray it in a very different way than you yourself perceive how you earn your money. But, then anyone can do this and make up lies to any partner if they wish.
Kriffen 12 Feb 2015
Hi first timer here. Recently split from my partner for second time after being begged to give another chance. Again a mutual split. She has gone back to where her parents live in Huntingdon and I've back in Norwich. The distance is approx 75miles from each other. Now we have agreed at the moment due to me not having a car that I can get a train to Thetford which is half way for both and she will meet me there to do pick ups and drop offs of our child. The problem comes when I get a car in future, she is saying at this point if I want to see my child then I can do the picking up and dropping off and if I don't like it then its tough and will take it as I don't want access. This will be a 300 mile round trip for myself in a 3day period and believe it is totally unacceptable as I did not even agree with her moving that far away. Her family are all very wealthy and mine are working class so if the solicitors get involved I feel I will get done over for no reason. Basically I don't have a said job and have since before I met her been earning an income from online poker. She said the courts will see me as a problem gambler and not grant me access if I want to go down this route. I said this has nothing to do with me seeing my child and having access to her and that she got with me knowing what I done for income, asked me for a child knowing this and got back with me after the split knowing this. Can you give me some advice on whether or not that she can infact deny me access and also shouldn't she be doing half the travelling along with myself?
DaveH Editor 21 Jan 2015
@11/04 - I think you need to take this to mediation if you are not happy with him not having unsupervised contact or maybe you could speculate that he can only see your child when you are there, especially if he is making threats. You would have to go through the mediation process anyway if you or he decided to take the court route.
11/04 21 Jan 2015
I'm looking for some advice please. My baby's father abandoned me when I was 2 weeks pregnant & threatened to have me kidnapped n my child cut out of me. When my child was born he got in contact for a few weeks but every time he made plans to come see my son he would cancel last minute and take his other kids out instead. When he left again he threatened to take my son from me. Just before Christmas he wanted to b involved in my child's life again so me feeling sorry for him gave him another chance to be there for his baby. Nothing changed, he still broke his agreement n plans with his child n out others 1st. Last week he was in my property when 2 pills fell out of his pocket and were right next to my son. He didn't realise they were on the floor and he didn't seem bothered that my child could have swallowed these. Instead he said accidents happen. Because I have now stopped his contact with my 9monh old baby he is threatening to take me to court so he can spend time with my baby on his own. For obvious reasons I will not allow this to happen. My child's fathers background is Bangladeshi and in the past he has told people he will have take my baby and raise him. He also calls my baby by Ibrahim which is not my baby's name. I need to know my child's safety will be thought of if it did go to court. I couldn't bare my child being alone with this man, I would have panic attacks all the time with worry. Please help
mthuthu 16 Jan 2015
hi m a father of 6 year old son been separated with his mother 4 5years nw bt hv no visitation rights after we separated she became abusive so I applied for a protection order lately we had agreement that I should help her with the school fees bt every 2mouth cos I have a partime job bt still I dnt see my son what rigths do I have
boby 5 Jan 2015
Im at a loss and really need help....im desperatley trying to find my daughter who is now 3 I havent seen her since she was 1 year old me and her mother split up and they dissapeared .....olease help
mandy 3 Jan 2015
Evening everyone I need some help my relationship with my boyfriend is over once again he has made it clear that he dosent want to have anything to do with our daughter we not married I know his going to walk out and disapear now I want to know how can I change our daughter surname to my maden name if I'm not going to know were he is ect I have thought about it. I have a son with another man and his on his dads surname we divorced I'm changing my marrage surname to my maden name and really want to my daughters as well I'm thinking my daughter is going to be in my life and without her dad I'm worried she's going to feel out myself her brother and herself has a diffrent surname
mazml 2 Jan 2015
Hi I have been a single mother sinces 2008 I moved abroad cos I was scared of my xhusband cos he was violent my father had to remove his hand from my throat and then my father toke me and my son abroad with him and he had to go through counseling cos of night mares he was having about his dad and while I was out their I had threats so I tried to keep him sweet till the threats got to much so in 2011-2012 we came back to live with my mother and I said to him he could see his but it had to be in a public place and with my mother around its been fine for 3-4 years and his only seen him 20 hours in the 3-4 years we been back and calles him when he can b bothered now its not good enough for him he demands me to let him take him where he lives thats over 3 hours away from me and he says if I don't do wat he says his taking me to court but im only doing whats best for my son so what can I do and can he demand what he wants to happened
Martin Editor 19 Dec 2014
@justiceforpops - really you should be splitting the commute between you. One parent dropping off and the other dropping back. If you are undergoing other disagreements also then perhaps mediation is the way forward if you can't work it out between yourselves. Sometimes it works out that the non-resident parent ends up doing more rather than risk not seeing their child (because the other parent can't be bothered doing the commute). You could always ask if you could split it and meet halfway, meaning an hours drive for each. Unfortunately its tough when parents live in different areas, and the only way you can get some sort of resolution is to take it through the court, but then it begins to get costly.
maewell 18 Dec 2014
My son and his girlfriend have just split up again and now says he cant see his 3 children aged 3 and under. What does he have to do or where does he go to makesure he is able to see them regularly. The reason he isn't allowed to see them is he works from 3am - 9am and she has a temporary christmas job which she has to start at 8am and as he is unable to finish early then he is abandoning his kids she also sent him a text earlier in the week saying he can keep the 2 younger ones any advise greatfully received
ADVOCATE 18 Dec 2014
Hi Gemma, Thank you for your comment. This is not my area of expertise and I am trying to be of use to the Daad. I am not aware of legislation that could be used in this way, but thought I would put the question out there and see what came back. Thank you :)
Lisa Editor 18 Dec 2014
@Nicnoc4 - that kind unreliability is horrible, as there really isn't much you can do. You don't say how old your son is, perhaps he can make the decision himself about whether he wants to continue see him or not given the situation. I went through years of a similar thing with my ex, in the end it was my children who decided for themselves. They just got wise to his games and they lost respect for him. But if I'd interfered and stop him seeing them, then they would have blamed it all on me.
Nicnoc4 17 Dec 2014
My son's father has been absent from my sons life for 10 months, he contacted me today saying he is back on drugs "cocaine", that's why he's not been in contact. I had this issue 10 years ago, which my son had to go through contact centres, which was awful. My son is having counselling through the school due to being so angry for his dad's absence. The school recommended this. I do not want. My son going through this again is not going to happen. I wondered how I stop and take his rights away. Thanks for advice in advance.
Gemma Editor 17 Dec 2014
@Advocate - why would it be illegal? He is only having his children to stay over, there is nothing wrong with that. Gemma.
Advocate 17 Dec 2014
Hello, may I ask ..... Scenario: Following the breakdown of relationship, father leaves family home some 2 years ago and moved in with his Dad and has remained there ever since. He provides care and support for his father in additional to working full-time and caring for his children. He has been told by another family member that it is illegal and he is breaking the law if he has his children to sleep over when it is his weekend for access. Any idea if this is factually correct and what legislation is being quoted? Thanks ever so,
SeparatedDads Editor 28 Nov 2014
@Pmhump667 - Yes, she can take it to court, but, it is generally as a last resort and mediation would be advised first via the CMS. Likewise, if it did go to court, it doesn't mean it will get resolved in her favour. You have your own side of the story to put forward and the contact is ordered depends very much upon that judge's discretion and what is practical for both parents and your child. Plus, going to court doesn't actually mean the situation is automatically resolved longterm because the judge can only make an order, but if a person does not or cannot comply with the order the matter will continue to be a problem if the parents cannot work together. I hope this helps.
Pmhump667 27 Nov 2014
Unfortunately my work isn't as flexible as that , I work away Monday to Friday so its hard to get back earlier , obviously if we lived closer this wouldn't be a problem , part of it is because she doesent want him travelling later on a Friday night , also it is because she wants to make plans Friday evening to do other things , I use all my work holiday during his school holidays to have him and do my absoloute best to have him every other weekend , she is bit willing to travel to me , I have to go the whole way , could a court actually enforce the fact I have to pick him up before 6 , and that it would be my problem To make it happen , and what would would happen if I was not able to do this due to the reasons I've stated ??
SeparatedDads Editor 27 Nov 2014
@Pmhump667 - reading between the lines here, is it because she doesn't want your son staying up late on the drive back from Oxford to Somerset? Looking at it from a couple of angles you could concede and apply for flexible working and ask your employer if you could work around it. Your ex seems rather determined that you pick him up at her given time, so if you can't agree would it be something for mediation? It would save being taken to court.
Pmhump667 27 Nov 2014
As a father who has his son Friday to Sunday every other weekend , I have good access , how ever my ex partner lives in Oxford with my son , and I live in somerset , so often I have to work long days Fridays and drive a 3 hour drive up to collect my son . My ex partner is angry as she feels I should have to pick my son up by 6 in Oxford every other Friday which isn't possible because of my job , she is claiming she will take it to court and they will make me pick hi up by 6.00 every other Friday , I'm sure this isn't possible would like any thoughts???
Josh 20 Nov 2014
Hey I wanted to find out how I can see my child as me and my girlfriend have broken up from a 2year relationship, I've been told that she's putting a residential order on him but I want to see him from visitational rights how can I go about doing this?
SeparatedDads Editor 20 Nov 2014
@Ser - have you tried suggesting to your ex that you try mediation? It is less expensive than him taking you to court, but aims to help you both to make your own informed decisions about the care of your children. It is a voluntary process, but where it may benefit the family is that it can be suggested by the parents, that their child be involved in the mediation process, so that the views, needs and desires of them are understood.
ser 19 Nov 2014
my ex never bothered with the boys when he was here, now he has left he wants them 3 out of 4 weekends. My oldest son 6 is so upset by it he never wants to go and often crys. I have asked him what he wants and he says to see daddy but not sleep there, his dad will not agree to this as it takes him 30 mins to get here. I have cut visitation to every other weekend with the offer of tea through the week (he refused this) he wants to take me to court saying im unreasonable please help.
Sal Editor 7 Nov 2014
@Sue - this is always a difficult situation because you do actually have access albeit limited. You don't say whether this is voluntary or through the courts and you don't say whether you have PR. However, even if you have PR, it does not guarantee better access to your child, but is does allow you more rights and better bargaining through the courts. Let's hope your ex partner might become more flexible the older your child gets.
sue 6 Nov 2014
my ex finished with me as soon as she got pregnant with our baby she d planned. After getting a bigger council flat also. I wasnt allowed to be with her during labour. I am now in the situation of only seeing my child only when she and her family say so. They are making it really difficult. I am suspicious also that I was just used for her to have a baby . we were together almost a year when she got pregnant but now she wont even speak to me. Can someone give me some advice please.
Sam Editor 3 Nov 2014
@Pammie - are you on good terms with his parents, can they help out? It might be worth having a word with them and ask them to take your children occasionally.. Your ex doesn't really sound like he's up to the task!
Pammie 2 Nov 2014
Hi, Myself and my husband separated almost 2yrs ago, he lives with his parents, who do everything for him, i drop our two children round to his mums and collect them, i work 6hrs on a Sunday and thats when he has his children. He doesn't do anything with them, just sits in his parents house, and his parents more or less look after them. He's never had boys to sleep overnight and im getting to the point where i feel, why should he have a life, come and go as he pleases, have no responsibilities, while i am bringing up his children, i cant go out or do anything because im either working or with my children. I have no family of my own so have no means of a babysitter unless i get a stranger which i couldnt afford and wouldn't feel comfortable doing. Im just trying to get another opinion on things really. Would it be unreasonable for me to compose a letter to him suggesting that he has his children to stay over night at least once a month? any suggestions or advice would be appreciate.
MIkeJ Editor 22 Oct 2014
@Yoni41 - you weren't really 'homeless' were you when your ex wife was told to sell the flat because you were living with your girlfriend? What do you want to do - keep the flat? Is your ex wife still living in it and would that mean asking them to leave so you can live in it? It sounds like selling the flat would be the best idea because at least you can start afresh again and will have some money to get another place and will allow your ex wife and child to move on too.
Alisha Editor 22 Oct 2014
@spurs40. I guess some mums just don't want their babies out of their sight when they are so young. I'm sure when your child is a bit older she'll let you have more contact - it can be difficult if you have to arrange these things between yourselves and don't want the pain of taking it to court which can cause more upset and hurt. It might be painful at the moment, but as the baby gets a bit older, she might become more relaxed.
Suze Editor 22 Oct 2014
@Patch - I feel for you. It's really hard to be in such a difficult situation. The only thing you can do it take it to court if she refuses mediation. But it must be hard if your son doesn't want contact, although that might blow over soon once he begins to properly miss you. Sometimes these things just need a bit of time to sort themselves out when all the anger and hurt has died down.
yoni41 21 Oct 2014
Hi there : my x wife and I went to court as we were going through divorce at the court in front of the judge she said she doesn't have any problems of me seeing my children and the court awarded my x wife 60% of my flat and made me homeless. At that time I was living with my girlfriend and our son and the court has asked for my flat to be sold. Three months after the court hearing my x wife has refused me from seeing my two children the reasoning was she claimed I hug my girlfriend in front of my daughter which I haven't done so, I think she did this because I have a son from my girlfriend and she is jealous. I am separated with my girlfriend now leaving me completely empty I am homeless and childless please help me If I am homeless do I still have to sell my flat even though the court has asked the flat to be sold
spurs40 21 Oct 2014
I split with my ex but have a 10 month old boy with her, i see my son for 4 hrs a week and recently i have asked her that i want more time with him as i cannot do anything with him or take him anywhere in such a short space of time, this time is split into 2 days. she has told me i can now have him for the 4 hrs one week then the next can have 6 hrs, she wants this until he is 18 months old and then will look at it again, she says i can not have him overnight until he is at least 3 years old, is this right or fair as she says its what some thing on line told her is more than enough time. id like some advice on this as i dont think this is enough time to be able to bond properly with my son can someone give me some advice on this and if it is worth going for a contact order as we have had mediation and she refused to go back.thank you in advance for any advice.
Patch 20 Oct 2014
I have a 12 nearly 13 year old son who (thanks to the court system and trying to do the right thing) doesnt want to see me any more. It all started when I had a phone call from CSA saying I had overpaid. Due to this my ex's payments dropped which in turn meant my contact stopped (my punishment from my ex) I sent a nice letter asking to reinstate our contact but she never replied. The only option was to go to court due to her breaking the court order. When in court instead of her being punished for stopping contact (which is what I was expecting) My ex brought up that my Son was coming home hungry! He goes home on Sunday at 5 and she always did him a meal.Even complaining if I overfed him. He always had a Sunday dinner with us around 1 oclock He ate well. The court went with this smoke screen and told me off!! I was told to apologize to my Son for taking his mother to court and for us both to attend mediation. Now after his mother went to the first mediation meeting, refusing to go again! I dont see my Son. I have no means to get to see him at all, his Mother laughed in my face as we came out of court. In what way is that Justice for all?
Lowflyby 8 Oct 2014
I so wish the law backed up its good intentions. As it stands its words are hollow. I was divorced 5 years ago and my ex turned the children against me at every opportunity. It got to the stage where my children were afraid to see me because they had been convinced that I would kidnap them. CAFCASS were useless just telling me that I wasn't child focused because I wanted to see my children and didn't understand that it was against their wishes. CAFCASS just basically believed every word my ex said and sided with my children who were saying they didn't want to see me and hated me, they were unwilling to investigate the reasons behind my children's statements. I have not spoken or seen my children in 4 years now due to the alienation. All these hollow laws and promising fathers rights, from a weak and useless Family court amount to nothing.
Kevin 7 Oct 2014
Nano. If your child is crying when he goes to your husband it's because he hasn't had opportunity enough to bond with him or because he has a stronger bond with you. I leave my crying daughter at day care everyday, I get told at night that she stopped crying within minutes of me leaving, isn't that what kids do? I don't believe that there is likely to be any "side effect". Kevin
Brettles1986 7 Oct 2014
Mjh92 - I had a similar situation to yours myself. Firstly I would like to reassure you that going to Court does not need to be an expensive course of action. I went to court and represented myself, it was me that instigated the action and in order to start the process it was as simple as filling out a form and attaching payment (around £300 at the time). You may well not be accepted for a court date immediately though unless you try mediation first. Once summoned to court she will feel compelled to attend no doubt. She is not technically within her rights to prevent you access to your child but unfortunately there is no one to prevent her doing so at present. The course of action I would follow would be to start mediation proceedings asap. If she does not turn up then you can pay a nominal fee for a form confirming that mediation was attempted which will then allow you seek out the option of court. Make sure when in court that you get your chance to discuss the terms you would like or I fear you may get less access than you would want.
MJH92 7 Oct 2014
Hi there guys, im new and 21 y/o. I split up with my ex early this year around february. Since the break up i have been having my son over every other weekend from Friday to Sunday evening (My ex has asked to get him home earlier). I have a new partner now and i dont think my ex has got over our relationship so the visits have been shortened to 'Supervised Visits' every saturday for a measly 3 hours. Dont get me wrong i love my son with all my heart, i dont smoke/drink/drugs or been abusive, never have never will. I am a PR and have consulted to a solicitor letter but had no response from my ex partner. Can she dictate when i can and can't see see him? The visits dont seem stable and she gets very defensive when i mention something in writing. Im very confused and it could get very expensive if i go court. From every other weekend to 2-3 hours on a saturday its heart breaking because my family rely seeing my son when i have him. Sorry for the essay and i look forward to hearing from any of you! matt
nano 6 Oct 2014
I need an advice my ex husband divorced me while i am 7 month pregnant for another woman...he uaed to take him since he is 2 weeks to see his mom...recently i heared that it's not right for the baby to be taken in this age he is 11 months now...knowing that they taking him irrigulary...so the boy cried a lot when taking him from me...do anyone know the side effects
nikky Editor 26 Sep 2014
@kelli, no he can't get in trouble with the courts if he decides to stop seeing his son, which is wrong because you would get in trouble for breaching the order but he wouldn't. However, I would be more concerned about how your son is going to cope with seeing his father after 5 years apart. He's going to be a total stranger and that will be hard to deal with for all concerned.
Kelli 26 Sep 2014
I have a six year old son and my son's father is about to start visits after 5 years and im worried That he will just stop one day. If he has his visit rights back and court ordered visits To where he gets our son every other weekend, can he get in trouble with court if he just stops taking him one day.
Jessebrigju 25 Sep 2014
Hi I need some advice! I have a 2 year old son and split with his son just 7 months ago. His dad stopped seeing our son for 7 weeks after the split and refused to speak to either of us or have any contact. When we eventually spoke he said the reason he stopped seeing him was because he couldn't face just having him 1 night a week and wanted 2, so we came to an agreement and arranged that he would have our son from Friday night to Sunday. This arrangement happened for 8 weeks then his dad started making exuses about having him on a Friday and we ended up just doing Saturday until Sunday. This was working for all of us. Anyway when my son came back from his dads on Sunday I was told by someone that his dad was out drinking on the night he had him and didn't get back until about 4 o'clock the next day. My sons dad lives with his m so I think he left him with him and decided to go out and get drunk on the only ONE night he has Him. When I confronted him about it and asked him where he was Saturday night his reply was "partying" I find it very hard to talk to him and matters never get resolved, it is very frustrating for me as I only have my sons best interests at heart I think it's not fair that he only sees him once a week and on that day he is going out getting drunk. What can I do about this?????
MrsL 20 Sep 2014
Hi, my son see's his Dad every other Saturday. He usually stays with his Nan overnight but has been telling me he's stayed with his Dad and his Girlfriend. I keep asking his dad for there address so I know where my son is when he stays there but he won't give it me. Can I refuse to let him take him? Has he got to legally tell me? Advice please? Thanks in advance.
Rae 17 Sep 2014
I'm in need of some advise. I am a girlfriend to a man who has a 3 year old. We have been together for 2 years and live together. He recently took the baby's mother to court because she was withholding the baby from him. In mediation she ordered for me to not see the baby in there temporary agreement. She doesn't want me around because she's jealous. I'm a well rounded person, work full time, don't do drugs etc... And to remind you my bf and I have a house together. I've tried to reach out to her in the beginning of our relationship to have her meet me to avoid this issue. Things are just getting worse. Is there a way that she can make this temporary arrangement of me not seeing the child permanent?
Jadey! 16 Sep 2014
Hi I need some advise, my ex left me about 6-7monrhs ago my little boy has recently turned 1 I've never once stopped his father seeing him on his days off which is generally 2days a week, but we also still have a mortgage which I've paid him off and now it's time to sign over he's blackmailing me saying he wants me to agree to have my little one over night and then he will sign over.. To which I'm clearly not happy about but I would like to know what he's actually entitle yet to as he's stating he's entitled to three days/nights a week and 1 weeks holiday a year.. To which I don't know... Can anybody help me please??
Jerry1 Editor 12 Sep 2014
@merky, I think what you are asking for is unreasonable. You're the one that has moved away and you're the one that wants to change things. Mum has given you options which you might not like but she isn't denying you access. The boys are 8 and 10 and have commitments of their own, like you say swimming and football, which you can't expect them to drop just because you don't want to drive further or wait with them. Yes you have to other kids but they will have to stay with their mum, or you all go together and make a day of it like 1,000's of other parents do every weekend!
Mart Editor 11 Sep 2014
@Ivette, If you have a case worker then yes you should definitely report this as you are right when you say what is the point of shared parenting if he is not even looking after her when it's his weekend. You can take this back to court if you have a contact order and make a suggestion that the overnight access should stop if he is not looking after her.
Ivette 10 Sep 2014
Hello. I need some advice here. I honestly don't know how this works. My ex has my daughter every other weekend and instead of spending quality time with her he decides to leave her overnight with his mother instead of having her with him. Everytime is his weekend I find out that she doesn't spend anytime whatsoever with her father. She is usually with his girlfriend or most of the time with his mother. Is this ok for the father of my child to spend his weekend with her like this or should I report this to my case worker? I ask this cause what's the point of sharing parenting if he doesn't take responsibilities taking care of her when he needs to?
Flick 8 Sep 2014
My partners ex has turned vile! She is not fit to be a mum, she dropped her off last week with no cardigan or shoes in the pouring rain and when the family wouldn't bow down to her demands of a change of hours everything has turned sour. Him and his family have seen/had her every day since she was 6 months old, she has no family support and relies on his family but has now said she will get her sister to have her, but prev said she wouldn't have her sister look after her due to fact she is a drug addict with a fierce dog, he is at his wits end what are his rights, can he apply for a residency order?
Dunc 6 Sep 2014
I have had my daughter from Friday until Monday ssince the separation three years ago. My ex is restricting me access and only allowing me to have her every other weekend. I don't feel this is fair as I'm missing out on my girls childhood. We are still officially married, so if I went to court, could I get more accessibility?. Thank you
Nori Editor 3 Sep 2014
@Slyvie, I don't think you are being unreasonable in what you're saying. If mum only works part time then there isn't a problem with leaving a 13 year old for that period. There aren't any rules that state how much of the school holidays you should cover and I take it there isn't a contact order in place. There isn't really much Mum could do if you just said 'these are the days we can have the children'. She could stop the 13 year old from seeing their dad but in reality the 13 year can say who they want to see and when they want to see them. Good Luck!
sylvie 3 Sep 2014
My husband have been divorced from his previous wife for 5 years and we have been married for a year. Traditionally we have always had his children every other weekend to stay, 2 evenings a week for dinner and used our work holiday to cover between 20 - 22 days of the school holiday care as the children were too young to be on there own. On average we have the kids stay around 80-85 nights of the year. The kids now are 13 & 18 and so we feel are able to spend time on their own during the day (mum works part time, so the longest she would be left is 4 hours) We are organising cover for 2015 currently and have proposed that we only cover 15 days school holidays this year so we can actually have a holiday together without the kids. No other arrangements have changed. The mum has gone ballistic saying we are totally unreasonable etc. My husband has 25 days holiday and he has used all of it looking after the kids since they seperated along with mine so we can spend time together. I can not find any reference to how many weeks we should have the children ? any idea's
4yrsofdrama 3 Sep 2014
the simple version is me and my baby daddys current never got along n she tried to fight me before i ever met her ( i think he was dealing with her while i was preggers). they split but are now back together living together. My only real problem is i dont trust her around my son without thr dad present cause his sister told me she is not to fund of the kids and gets jealous. so i told him she is not to keep him at all. I feel like whomever keeps him i should be able to checked on my sons well being and if i cant they dont need to keep him. I say that for anyone. I am wonder will that stand legally i even told him to buy him a cell so i can check on him from time to time but i feel like they wont compromise so y should i?
deano 2 Sep 2014
me and my partner have split, i work nights and for the last 18 months i have been lookin after him wen i finish work so my wife can go back to work,thus depriving myself of sleep, when i have challenged my partner about this an argument has happened, now we r split up and i am gettin my own place,she says i can only see my son at the family home when she is there, is this so or should i seek legal advice? i want it all sorted so i can see my son regular with the spare time i have after workin nights,
Ball 23 Aug 2014
Hi, this might sound selfish my ex gf is telling me that I have to have my little boy of 11months old every Friday an Saturday. thing is I want to av my son but I have a very demanding job witch takes me all over the courty every week an I need my time to rest just the one day at the weekend, but she saying I have to have him. I have said I can have him a few hours of a evening a couple of times in the week. then have him for the one night stay at the wknd. But sh is having none of it. I just want to no we're I stand because she's demanding court.
loneer 20 Aug 2014
Please help me I have slpit from my wife of 17years We have two kids 14yr old daughter and a 5yr old son. My wife will not Allow me to see my kids untill I have my own place and wants it in writing Off soloctors saying ill have them for tea on a wed and sleep everyother weekend Is she right in doing this I want them everyother day bit she says she not having them Unsettled thet need to know were they home is and untill I get my own place I cqnt see them as she refuses to let thrm come to my kums As previously when we split my daughter has over heard my parents bad mouthing her mum So now my wife says they not coming here. As it not their home is she in the right
loner 20 Aug 2014
Please help I have split with my wife of 17years I ahve a 14year old daughter and a 5year old son my wife has stopped me from seeing my kids untill I get my own place as I staying with my mum and dad at mo she wants it in writing before I see them to she offering me to see them on a wed and have them sleep everyother weekend is this right of her or should I be seeing ny kids everyothrr day
Bree Letrece 20 Aug 2014
Hey guys. My ex is 25, I'm 17. He leaft me and went to Kentucky without my approval and without telling me. I'm 20 weeks pregnant with our child. He has serious anger problems and it involves him being abusive in words and physical touch. I'm not sure what I should do. I want full custody or to put him on supervised visits..who should I call or get in contact with .. I need help.
AGE 18 Aug 2014
Im looking for professional advice as my partner says that our child has to be at least 2.5 - 3 years old before she will let me have him overnight?
Nicki 17 Aug 2014
Hi? Am I correct when I tell my ex husband that he needs to speak with me to organise visits and trips with my two boys (17 and 12) and not with the 17 year old!
gil 11 Aug 2014
I need some advice please.. anyone help? Me and the mother of my child went to court almost a year and half ago. We went to two different mediation hearings and both stated that I should have my daughter 50/50. Now out of left field cause of mediators recommendations mom wanted to move away... the judge allowed her to move away still giving some visitation. The mother still works were she did originally and never transferred like she told the judge. She also lied about not being able to afford to live in our area. Which now I can prove. Is there any real hope that the judge can make her move back or my daughter come live with me? As we can now prove she lied about all of her excuses. Any help would be helpful
baz Editor 7 Aug 2014
@Ram90, that's a difficult one really as although you're not denying him access you are restricting his time with his child be not allowing him to leave the house or see his child without you there, which isn't going to be good for anyone. He does need to spend quality time with his child without his new girlfriend there and I completely agree that he shouldn't be introducing your child to different women. However, your child is only two and won't remember these women and as long as your ex isn't saying 'this is daddy's girlfriend' then your child shouldn't be affected by this.
ram90 6 Aug 2014
Hi, me and my partner split up about 3 - 4 weeks ago. she has had me served with a non molestation order full of false accusations, had me arrested for assault after i restrained her to stop her from self harming (she has been a self harmer for the whole time we spent together (7 years)). the non molestation order has stopped me from being able to do anything to contact my kids. when i have spoke to social services they wont disclose things to me because of it. i cant appeal the non molestation order until September after i have been to caught because i stupidly admitted to restraining her from harming herself and i got charged with common assault. for the last 15 month i have been the kids main career while she has been working and coming home drunk every night, all of this has been disclosed to social services and when they have done checks on her they said everything appears fine and it all is until she has had a bring. i am stuck on what todo any advice is welcome. thanks.
Ajsmum2008 6 Aug 2014
My son is 5 and only sees his father 3 or 4 times a year I have allowed my sons father to have him for 2 weeks so he can have a proper holiday with him. My issue is that his father does not allow me to talk to my son on the phone while he was with him, the father says while my son is with him it's his time and doesn't want me to contact him. I have my son throughout the rest of the year and have never stopped his father calling his father just chooses not to I will get a text message a couple of days before he wants him, all I want is just a couple of minutes every couple of days can someone please help me to find out where I stand on a legal point of view
shiv 6 Aug 2014
hi. im wondering if someone can give me some advise please. me and my ex split up 3 weeks ago and he is now with the woman he cheated on me with. I am NOT denying him acces to see his 2 Year old son. he can see him whemever he wants but I am refusing him to take him out of my presence as last time this happened he lied and took him to see another girlfriend and lied also about where he had taken him. he has been with 2 different women now an di wont have my son confused about who his daddy is with. so I am wondering. do I have to right to be there when his dad visits provided I deny him access ??
M88 5 Aug 2014
Iv got a 3 year old son and have had to fight to see him ever since he was born. Iv always paid child support and fought through court for parental rights. It's been nothing but a nightmare from day 1 and I don't know how much more fight iv got in me, it's slowly ruining me as a person. I go and pick him up once a fortnight on a Sunday (if I'm lucky) which should be twice a week by order of the court but I accepted it for what it is for now as my new job has very irregular shifts. And get mother is the type of person that thinks she's above everyone else and constantly speaks down on me and it's always been insult after insult and questioning me about where iv been and what I'm doing as if to say it better be up to my standards. I always take him out and I never palm him off on anyone. I love him with every inch of me but this is all killing me off. His mum has another guy in her life and has my son calling him dad and I'm known as daddy mark. They're slowly poisoning his mind and and I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. I've had a big argument with my son's nana recently over something pathetic and now she's told me to go back to my solicitor and get someone else to be the go between (an arrangement I never wanted in the first place as I knew this would happen but I wanted what was mist comforting for my son) I just don't know what to do or where to turn next. I love my son and have done everything to be a part of his life but I keep getting beat back down as I'm the fly in that family's ointment. There this upper class family (or so they think) and I'm a council estate loser. I could do with some guidance. M88
Lin67 Editor 4 Aug 2014
@bennyj503, That is something you need to agree between yourself and your child's mother, unless there is a court order to say that he is solely with you during those two weeks. Where are you planning to stay with him?
trips 2 Aug 2014
I HAVE A SERIOUS QUESTION I NEED ANSWERD BADLY THANK YOU My ex and i had split up about three months ago and everytime i try to talk to her just about visiting my daughter she tells me that I can't because she can't handle seeing me I'm not being aggressive and I'm not being overzealous I'm just trying to see my daughter and she basically won't let me see her only because not together I was there when the baby was born and my name is on the certifacate as her father ive never been to jail and ive never put my hands on my daughters mother i just want to see my daughter what do i do?
Fed up 2 Aug 2014
The court case has been going on for nearly one and a half years When we first split up i took my child to see him fortnightly but he would constantly cause an argument So i decided i would ask him to collect and drop his daughter off so he didnt bother for 18 months then court started then he was un well so court sisted for six months supervised contact started end of jan this year for six visits which took ten weeks to fit in due to changing days to fit around him Then 8 weeks nothing then four more supervised child is finding it hard to bond and is confused as hes had another baby Then nothing for 8 weeks four more supervised as only two of last four attended now hes wanting to sist it again as saying unwell when will this just be about the child ??? How many times can he mess her about ??
Granty 1 Aug 2014
I have been divorced from my wife for 5 years and have been paying maintenance all the time. I am having my two boys for two weeks in August and whenever I have had them we have always met halfway but now the ex is saying legally she doesn't have to bring them halfway. Is this true?
bennyj0503 31 Jul 2014
Hi I hope someone can help me. Me and my ex have separated and I'm coming back to see my son for two weeks. I live in Germany she lives in England anyway. Do I in those two weeks that I have my son need to allow my ex to see him too or can I have him for the two weeks alone. Many thanks Benjamin joseph
oz Editor 22 Jul 2014
@bev, no he doesn't. You are they parent with care and the children live with you so it is your decision where they stay. Unless he has a court order stating that he can have the children overnight then he can't keep them without your consent.
bev Editor 21 Jul 2014
@oz has he got the right to keep her overnight without my consent?
oz Editor 21 Jul 2014
@bev, you should think about going to court and getting a court order stating what days he can see the children, where he can see them and if it should be supervised. He can not take the children out of the country without your consent and you should mention to the judge that he has threatened to take your youngest.
bev 21 Jul 2014
I am a mother and have been involved in an emotionaly abusive relationship which has effected me and my 2 older children, I have 3 younger children to the same man and he has PR to one but not all 3, I have stopped night time access due to issues that arose recently, however he has claimed and threatened that he will take her overnight and possibly out of the country with or without my permission. What rights do I have to stop him from doing this???
SeparatedDads Editor 25 Jun 2014
@Mc doogal, check out our facebook page there are lots of people on there in the same situation as you who will be able to offer some great advice!
Mc doogal 24 Jun 2014
Hi just some advice needed!!! My ex stopped contact with no given reason so applied to courts I one have a court date next month in which papers have been served. She has now changed her mind saying full contact can be restored but being my children are so young and I've been there since day 1 I want something legally binding to be sure she can never do this again. I'm just unsure how to do this)?? Do we still go to first hearing with the agreement and present it to the judge and if we do this will he make an order there and then as none of us are disputing the contact agreement?? Any help would be good
kevo88 24 Jun 2014
Some advice please, my daughter lives with me and my grandson who is 1 year old, when my daughter and her boyfriend split up, My daughter agreed that the dad could take him twice a week. there not married but his names on the birth cirtifcate. but hes took him and said that hes not bringing him back and saying his mams not a good mam when i know she is. so what dose she do to get him back, "IS IT A MATTER FOR THE POLICE" He said he could`nt bear the thought of some other lad holding is son if she got on with someone else....Any help would be great...thanks..
concernedstepmom 21 Jun 2014
While my husband and I have my stepdaughter for our weekends, the mother continuously texts my husband to check on the child. Im talking every hour. Its become a nuisance and is interrupting our time with the child. If it takes us more than 5 minutes to reply, she starts threatening to withhold visitation and come get her. I understand she wants to know how the child is, but I want to say, while we were in court, the judge told her she could contact us once per weekend. What should I do? My husband doesn't want to start drama with her but he is becoming very uneasy with the situation.
sid 19 Jun 2014
Hello, last night my wife, who I have been separated from for 18 month, told me she would control the times I see my 2 kids as she wasn't happy with them sleeping at my new partners on the nights I have them to cover her night shifts. I totally understand the fact that she would be unhappy and uncomfortable with this new arrangement as it cant be nice thinking of our kids staying with another woman, who has children of her own of similar ages, but can she control my time with them? I do averagely have them 3 days a week and most weekends at the moment as she works shifts. Many Thanks
janice lamont 15 Jun 2014
Hello please can i get some advice. My son has three children with his ex-girlfriend, and she is not allowing him any access to them. His name is on their birth certificates as they registered all three together. Three years ago my son had mental health issues due to cannabis, and social services where involved. The case has been closed for 3 years now, and my son has had know further incidences. However he has changed religions and did become a vegan, but has since changed from this. She is now saying that he is unstable and refusing to let him have any contact with the children. She is using the incident that happened three years ago to prevent contact. My question is does my son have any rights to contact with the children. He believes that she will take the children out of the country without his permission. Please can we have some advice on this.
upset in mind but no 12 Jun 2014
My ex Nd I separated 5 years ago while our son was 1 and is now 6. He's never been really involved in our sons life. He lives about 20 to 30 minutes away. We've always lived in the same location since me and him separated so there isn't and excuse. The only time he ever saw my son was when I would be in his town and I would call him to see if he at least wanted to spend timw with him. In the past 5 years he's only seen him a handful of times. His life is all about a party. He drinks all of the time and he works in a restaurant/nightclub. He only wants to see our son when its convienent for him and that's if I take him to him. When he calls he dnt ask about our son he always trys to talk to me and says how much he still loves me and wants me back. I'm in a new relationship and have been for the past 4 years. That still dnt hold him back. He said he married and was filing for papers so that he can be able to fight for custody. I've raised my son on my own without his involvment for 5 years and now he's had a change of heart. Mu son dnt even know him. He calls him once every few months. What ground does he have?
Vikki Bain 12 Jun 2014
Im in a bit of a situation. I know this site is for dads but I feel someone might be able to help me. My son who is 11 has stayed wity my mum full time since he was 3. I was finding it really hard to cope being a young single mum. I was seeing my son on the days we set together, he has been staying over every friday night for over a year and we have a great relationship now and I couldn't see my life without him. My mum has no said she is going for full custody and my over night visits are stopped. If I want to see my son I have to go to her house, she makes this unbearable for me and puts my son in thr middle. She seems to think im a junky because I havea joint now amd then. I was wondering Iif anyone had any advice. Can she stop me seeing him and get custody. Please help this is killing me
ad 11 Jun 2014
I have had the same parenting plan for the last 6 years and now all of a sudden the kid is mom wants to change weekends with me so she has not let me pick up my kids on my weekend what can I do is this legal can she do this??
SeparatedDads Editor 9 Jun 2014
@??? have a look on our Separated Dads facebook page, we'll post your question there as there are many dads on there that have been in your situation.
??? 9 Jun 2014
I am going through a custody battle for my children, the children were given to me by the courts until the last hearing which is tomorrow. I handed in my files on time as requested by the courts to both them and ex's solicitor. However they have only just given me their witness statements which states i have been violently abusive to both her and the children yet in the original statements to cafcass and courts she has stated i have never been. obviously i am upset by the lies that were handed to me just days before the hearing. Can i refuse these letters to be shown to the courts because of the lies they entail?
TYGA_## 8 Jun 2014
I Have a 4 year old son with my ex girlfriend, and we split up 3 years ago, and every year, she makes it more difficult for me to see my son. social services were ivolved at one point and things then got better, but since they aint involved anymore, my ex makes countless promises that i can see him every 2 weeks, but that is never concistant. im working part time and the price for solicitors will make it impossible for me to see one. My name is on the birth certificate and he has my last name, she currently has a boyfriend that makes it even more difficult as he controls what she does at all times
???? 30 May 2014
Hi I have a child of 10 months old and the father has been in and out of the child's life and now things are settling down and the father wants me to change my sons surname to his name, will this this give the father full rights to his child without the father's name on the birth certificate?
Phaff 27 May 2014
Hi . I am in the middle of a divorce ( I filed ). we are at the beginning stages and the father of my 13 year old boy and 8 year old boy chose to move out. I am waiting on interim maintenance, as well as final decision on financial assistance. I worked for him and he always controlled the purse strings very heavily and made finance a huge issue in all our lives. I have since just found out I am pregnant with his third child. But ... a baby does not save a marriage ( so they say ). I am continuing divorce proceedings. I have requested whether he will be getting involved in this baby's life and he pushes the topic over as he does every important topic - he only converses via email and has done for the 13 year marriage. He has never had time for the children "working" often a 14 hour day. He has since found another home and moved in ( not far from us ) and is insisting I agree to letting our two boys spend 7 nights with him and 7 nights with me. he continually uses the excuse " that I will soon not have time for the boys what with baby comming !" I have spent the past 13 years bringing both boys up on my own and seeing to their every need and now he is playing devoted dad with a flexi hour schedule. both boys keep asking me "why has daddy changed so much ?" now he showers them with gifts and free time. I allow every 2nd week end visitation as well as mid week visits when able, and now he is accusing me of parental alienation and not allowing him to see his children. Every time he has taken the children on visitation he ignores my requests to have them home at a certain time. this is confusing my boys and making them very anti. he ignores my requests and blatantly refuses me access or phonecalls when he does have the children. I am having to look at relocating as I am completely alone in this country and my ENTIRE family live abroad. with no financial assistance from my soon to be ex, I need to look at what is best for me and my children. My family are financially in a position to support me and help me get onto my feet which I do not see happening here. my exes family all live abroad too and only his mother lives 30 minutes from us but there has not been any support from her at all in the past 13 years - she is not maternal at all and does not babysit for any reason. I do not know what to do ? my lawyer says I need to wait and How do you wait when you are not getting the financial assistance needed to support your children ? Should my ex be able to bully me into the children staying with him 7 nights a week when this only distresses the boys terribly ? and what are my legal rights ?
at the end of my tea 22 May 2014
I split from my daughter father before she was born,I have only ever had one text to inquire about her, she now wants to meet him,she is only 4 I have messaged him through Facebook, is there anything else I can do? I have never said he can't see her
Mattyp 10 May 2014
Have arrangement with my ex which we came to ourselves for access to my now six year old daughter every other weekend Friday after school to a Sunday evening where I drop her home to her moms. The weeks where I'm due to have her for the weekend I also have her on a Tuesday after school and drop her to school the following morning, and the weeks where I'm not due a weekend I have her a Thursday night dropping her at school the following morning. This seems to work very well and I have been impressed that me and my ex seem to have our daughters requirements as a priority. My daughter has recently said she'd like to spend more time with me but I've been careful to understand that she is six and therefore believe she is at least implying that she enjoys her time with me rather than actually wanting to spend another evening with me for example but my ex and I have discussed this and will continue to do what's right for my daughter....it all sounds good doesn't it and we are model ex's however...I have some issues. My ex insists that when my daughter is with me that she has to call to say night....and heaven help me if I happen to be out somewhere and my phone has no reception for example and I find myself getting stressed to ensure my phone is always available "incase she calls" which she always does...I find it a bit controlling which she was in our relationship. She justifies it by implying I do the same and that maybe that's the extra time my daughter is looking for but I disagree and think it an unhealthy intrusion into my ex's time with our daughter and also extra stress on me to comply, it would become a bad habit which I would kick myself for if I happened to forget one night and knew my daughter was sitting there waiting for me to call....and the bottom line is, my daughter has never actually said that I should call her. My second issue is my ex informed me last night that she is going to take my daughter on holiday again... This will be the second time this year and was twice last year, now I appreciate the notice given but I don't appreciate the fact that yet again it'll fall over my access weekend and I am beginning to find myself becoming less tolerant about it in light of my daughter suggesting more time with me... I have asked my ex that when booking holidays to be more considerate but to now have heard nothing more on the matter but I know I'll end having to suck it and see and will lose out on my valuable time. I have tried to explain that at the moment with our daughter being six she is happy to spend time with me but that won't last forever so the time now is very valuable....I'd be interested to see what would happen if I dared do the same and booked a holiday during her weekend...I would never like my daughter to lose out on a trip abroad as I feel it very important to her upbringing but I'd be interested to hear other comments and advice....am I being selfish
Peg 14 Apr 2014
I have a three year old daughter witch I am no longer with her mother I was in prison when she was born and we was still together until she told be she was going to her sister for one week witch is in Ireland I didn't here from her for about six months then when I finally did she told me she is pregnant witch was a shook I have been out of prison for around ten months and have alway tyres to be there for my daughter but she keeps going back to Ireland telling me she's going for a week or two and lands up going for months at a time and not getting in contact what rights do I have if anyone knows my name is not on her birth certificate as I wasn't there at the time ?
QuietLion 10 Apr 2014
Hi, im 33 year old father. As I told the courts every time I am required to go to court, I have no problem being a responsible/paying support father. (THE MOTHER HAS ALL MY CONTACT INFORMATION) I have an 11 year old daughter that lives with her mom. I was granted visitation on the weekend friday 6pm to sunday 6pm every weekend, this was set and signed by judge back in 2007. Her mom moves place to place to place to place, all over in Missouri (moved without giving me or courts notice) and doesn't have resident/employment stability. I can't ever find her. The mom is being very irresponsible and hasn't been adhering to the judge order. Also, the mother isn't co-operating with child support services and relation to my modification due to today's economy. It's become clear, all the mom thinks about is money. Im very exhausted with this whole situation, I dont' know what to do. Obviously the answer is get an attorney. yet they want $1,500 the least up front. I work 2 jobs and can't afford that :(. I need suggestions or help. I saw my daughter once back in august 2010 for 5 hours and that's it. :( Also, it seems the mom has got married according to her facebook. it shows her maiden full name, then underneath that it says, her name as married in parenthesis. I think this is an issue why she will not cooperate because she's now married. idk, help :(
Mr bad guy wanting t 5 Apr 2014
Im a father of if im honest numerous children through a life style im not proud of but it is what it is. I have an arrangement with the mother of my other children wherby I see them regular and contribute. I have a son with someone in my own admission treated badly and cheated multiple time on. He is only a few months old and to date iv seen him regular and contributed over fairly as a father should. We now suddenly have reached logger heads and she refuses to stick to a set time and days which to me is advisable she prefers to do it as and when it suits her which to now iv been fine with but lately a few missed opportunities to see my son "as she is busy" iv requested set times and days. Along with my past to a degree is understandable but to me not relevant to me trying to be a good father is she legally required as im on his birth certificate to give me set times and days? What is the typical non resident schedule for seeing a child?
bland1104 4 Apr 2014
Hi, my daughter is just coming up to 3 months old. Me and dad separated before she was born. I was just wondering what I should do about visitation for my daughters father. He has a past of violence and smoking cannabis. When she was born he said he would stop smoking the stuff but a few weeks ago I had a phone call off his ex girlfriend and she said that she gave him money to buy it when they were together. At the moment he see's her once a week for a couple of hours and is supervised. He also hasn't paid a single penny for her since she has being born and is still continuing not to pay any maintence.
tony 2 Apr 2014
i have an 8 week old son and my partner has left me because i asked her about something which i remember happening last year that at the time she admitted but then later denied saying i imagined the whole thing, she says that because i smoke cannabis, she wont let me have him unsupervised. I don't smoke it while around him but do smoke most days so its usually in my system, i also have a history of depression but i'm not violent nor do i shout or get aggressive. would a judge give me an unsupervised visitation order. thankyou
driver 19 Mar 2014
I have seperated from.my wife for 19mth. She has moved out of our home and is living with her ex high school teacher. I left the area we lived and sought job elswhere from my old home town. I see my son every 2 weeks but my ex will not help me see my son of 4 yrs old unless I do all the travelling. Which means I have less time with him I asked her to drive the 22 miles as I drive the other 60 to meet me but she will not stating I left the home town not her . I have picked him up from her father's since we split as he was ill and she wanted our son to get as much time as possible. He has recently passed away and she was meant to start meeting me but has given backword. The amount of fuel I have to use there and back is around 320 miles round trips . I took a less paid job so tyat I could continue with seeing him every 2 weeks as tge bus driving job I do if I worked at a bigger company I would be working shifts and it would not allow this to happen . I have asked why but she maintains she never said that she would meet. I pay 44 pounds a week and have been told by csa that im paying too much and to allow them to take over but the point is not the money but the whole travel time . She has threatened several times she will make visiting difficult and change my visitation rights if I complain. Can I get a court order to make her meet me and stop her threatening that she will stop my visitation rights to my son.
kel 9 Feb 2014
Hi i need a little advice please my nephew took his ex to court to fight for custody of there 2yr old son & my nephew got custody of him the judge did'nt put any contact order in place as my nephew was able to put supervision in place for his ex to see there son once a month his ex come to her visits for the 1st two but did'nt realy spend anytime with her son as she was just intrested in trying to find out what my nephew had been up to since Shes not been around she moved over 500miles away from them witch made contact harder so my mum give her a room to stay in once a month so that contact could continue she then moved to a town nxt to us so my nephew changed contact to once a wk supervised by myself as he thought this would benefit there son she was alittle off at first cause my nephew wasent going to be there but he did'nt want to be there as she was'nt intrested in there son if he was around so after alot of txt back & forth she agreed but after 4wks in a row of her not turning up & getting silly excuses like there are no buses running at that time are i had money but she could afford to go out the same night she was ment to cone see her child by this point she had not seen there son in 4months so my nephew stop all contact as this was haveing a big inpact on there son after sitting around wk after wk waiting for her & as told her when she feels ready to show an intrest in there son she should go see a solister its now been over 9months & see is now telling my nephew hes gunna pay as karma is a b*****d & abusive calls there son is very settled and start pre school in a few months but my nephew ex is saying she want to move him to her home town that is over 500miles away from everyone & everything hes ever know should he be worried will a court re open the case an allow her to remove him from all hes ever know thanks for reading my post any advice would be great x
concerned friend 5 Jan 2014
Hi my very close friend has a 6 yr old son with his ex he is now with a new partner but the mother of his son does not like this so she stops him seeing his son all the time. I have told him to take her to court but he is worried as he has a criminal record. He is also in the navy so works away from home alot so will be unable to have a specific time and date weekly to see his son. Is their anything he can do
Crawfordsburn 5 Jan 2014
My ex is on the birth certificate. Our son is 4. My ex was abusive verbally and physically. He was cautioned once but let off by the police twice because he lied. He was never really around. And if he was. Played rough with our son. Never read him books r played with toys. It has cause problems at school with him playing rought. Hes beaten me up infront of him twice that been recored I hoppe as hes been let ff. 7 months later after it was enough after finding out stuff. He says hes taking me to court. He never askes about our son just demand its seems to get at me. I guess the controll hes still trykng to have over me. I really dont want him having him over night or been taken out of the town me and our son live in as his family are abusive too. And ive broken down and kicked back in emails.. What are my rights if any please?
worriedmomma 11 Dec 2013
Hi.im curious I have a 14month old son.his father has court orderd visitations but he does not comply to them because supposely he doesnt want no drama when he insisted in those specific days I had no problem wit.now its been almost 6 months n no word from him on to see how his son is doin.and if he decided he want to see him but wants to send someone else to pick him up. Do I have to say yes n send my child wit yhis 3rd person.wat can I do about him no complyin to the scheduled visitations.
Dazzi 9 Dec 2013
Me and my ex separated due that I found out she was cheating on me regardless we spit up we carried on sleeping together then it suddenly stopped with no reason a couple of months latter I came to find out she was pregnant and I asked her several times was I the father and she replied every time no I have got evidences off this some messages were sent via email. I eventually lost contact with her as I saw her as a lost course until she her son was 6 months old I recieved a phone call from CSA asking question about me and this child that I believed I had no responsibility off how ever I was in uni and had wait until that as csa did not offer me a dna test and I had to go threw the course to summon one. She was supposedly cooperative and threw this time we was kinda getting all most were I was trusting her. We found I was the father of the child and told the court that and came to a agreement that I will have visitation rights well it did not go to plan she is being difficult stopping me from seeing him and keep on being difficult now what would be advice court??? if so what am I meant to requesting After our relationship she did some thing similar to a guy after to me so it looks like she trapping guy for maintenance and she put some one else name on the birth certificate.. and now is stating she has told me from day one... please can some one help me with this mess
Delano 15 Nov 2013
Been split from my wife for one year now. I've seen my kids every other week now she saying that I can't what rights and were do I stand
gingey 11 Nov 2013
Me and my babys father broke up befor I knew I was pregnant and we came up with an agrement and just cause I don't want the baby to haave his secone name he is now saying her will take me to court to get 50-50 the agrement was that he will have it 3 weekend and I will have it one weekend and he said how bout we will have it every other weekend and I told him he can also see it when he wants due in the weed if I aint busy and I haven't got plains and now he is saying he will get 50-50 just to get at nme I try to be his mate for the babys sack but he not having it his not looking out for the kids best intrest he just wants to ruin my life cause I won't lket the kid have his second name I was just wondring that if he took me court what would he get
Shaz 8 Nov 2013
Hi. I have recently split up with my baby sons father. There was a ccouple of domestic violence incidents and questions around the father using drugs. He visits his son daily and spends quality time with him. I have never denied him access. He is now threatening me with the solicitors as he is on benefits as I wont let our son stay over nigh due to possible drugs and I feel our son is too young to he awayvfrom me over night. He has never provided any finacial support. Please could anyone advise. I didnt want to go down the legal route but I am quickly changing my mind
Concerned 21 Aug 2013
Sorry my comment is not about the site or the people I have a question and have no idea where to post this question. My concern is....where does the father stand in a situation where he is not married to his twin son's mother....the mother of his son's is a drug abuser who is at present in rehab. So while mother is in rehab her parents are keeping an eye on the boys but at the same time they are taking away the fathers access to his boys by putting chains and locks on the gates so the father can not get into the premises to see his boys do these grand parents have the right to deny the boys father access to his boys ....the father has been a very active parent from day one when the boys were born....some urgent input is needed here.(The mother of the boys has Bi-polar disorder) Thank you
Amy93 31 Jul 2013
Hi I have split up from my partner of 6 years a month ago. He was abusing me for years and I have just had the encourage to end it. We have a 7 month daughter I want him to see her but police and my councilor said he as to be supervised as he is a high risk so how does he go about this ? He hasn't been bothered to go to solictiors . X
Loulou 13 Jul 2013
I split with my boyfriend just under a year ago , we have a 3 year old child , which he pays for every week , what is his visiting rights ? Someone told me hes entitled to 2 weekwnds out the month would like to know if this is right
pablo 2 Jul 2013
Hi, sounds all abit sad,im just starting a residence order for my son, lets face it a contact order is weak.But it looks like every thing is agaisnt the dads,the whole system favours the mothers before even cafcass has started their process,Even on this website it states that unless the mother is a knife wheilding alcholic,you have no chance, so my point is, why is this,I went to Dinner hosted by FNF witch was attended by lords, ladies,judges,and barristers,so it is obvious that the whole system is biased,there are a few short films on youtube by bob geldoff,in these clips he tries to challange the uk family courts but even he cant them to admit their failings,All this leads me to think that men them selfs might be part to blame,because men tend to mind there own buisness,and as long as its not in my back yard then why should I help out some other poor bloke,Women are different they talk more and stick together more,if you look at net mums or other women related websites they will rally around much more than men,even if they have a happy maraige or relationship.When I do my research on the family court I spend more time seeing what the women do on their websites.Just as a footnote most of the rest of europe have a 50/50 shared residence when it comes to the kids,if then any one party cannot commit to this arrangement then they lose there percentage,boy! would I love that arrangement.
Jamie 15 Jun 2013
I have a 3 year old daughter with a woman who like myself, is a recovering drug addict. The months after our split I spiraled out of control and was arrested but not charged as of yet( 11 months ago) witha drug paraphernalia charge.My ex let me see my little girl again after 3 weeks.In september she eloped with a man who lives out of state and has yet to even meet her parents.About a month ago she told me I could not see my daughter because I got a bank statement at her house and she was angry I used her address.I realized she has alot of anger towards me and asked what I could do. She replied that I could make amends to her( for all the harm my drug use caused her financially) by helping her paint her house.I did this and when I called to make arrangements to pick up my daughter she said she found drugs in her garage. I offered to go take a drug test immediately and she said all drugs dont show up and I am a " liar period". I dont believe she really thinks I used my 3 hours there to sneak in her garage to do drugs. She had just returned from seeing her husband and I think may be misdirecting her anger. Reguardless of her motives I want to see my daughter and have no leg to stand on.She committed a major act of fraud on an insurance claim and I am afraid her fear of being caught may make her act impulsively.How can I see my daughter?
Dan86 12 Jun 2013
HiI have been separated from my ex partner a couple of months ,since then the last contact we had a month ago had she stated I would not be hearing from her again and I would not be on the birth certificate. I have sent a letter stating that I wanted to work out maintenance and visiting arrangements and also to be kept up to date with the pregnancy as I have no idea of the situation or his health.i have recived no reply and our son is due in about 7 weeks. Can anyone help with advise on my next steps. Thanks.
SarahT 27 May 2013
My Brothers ex wife and her mother are poisoning his children against him, my parents and me. Although I appreciate it is impossible to stop her behaviour and things that she is saying, is there any advice as to how we can maintain a good relationship with our grand children, god children and children. We and they are hugely missing out, it's such a shame.
Justin 6 Apr 2013
Hi, I have been separated from my ex 9 months now, we have a 3yr old daughter. Since we split up I have been having her Friday evening through until Sunday evening every other week and I was able to drop over to see my daughter after work some days in between providing it was previously arranged. Now I am not allowed to go over to see m daughter in between because my ex feels "uncomfortable" with me being there, and recently she has reduced the time I have her every other weekend by half.. I now have her from 12 on Saturday until 12 on Sunday (every other week) her reasoning being - our daughter is having a phase of consistent nightmares and she believes it is due to the duration of time she is with me "upsetting her routine". I have attempted to demand I see her for the same hours but every weekend as a compromise and no joy... Now she is starting to show up with her late and arriving to pick her up early.. How far can she go with this??
Lovinmummy 22 Mar 2013
I have a 6month old baby. his dad has him over night every fortnight.he is now asking to have him all weekend.his name is on the birth certificate and I get maintenance through the csa.i think he is far too young to be away from his home and His mum.Is there a age that I will have to allow him to stay for the whole weekend?
confused dad 21 Mar 2013
Hi can anybody help i haven't seen my daurter since she was 6months old just over 7 years ago how can i get to see her?? As her mum likes to play games and don't want me to know my daurter
Shazzoop 13 Mar 2013
Hi,My sister had my cousins little baby boy in her care for nearly 5yrs,he is now 7yrs old,He was picked up from his nana one Friday afternoon as usual as she kept him for one night,Dhe never returned him,and we've not seen him since,I kept him every second weekened,Im really devestated and hurting that I can't see him,I'm willing to see him under supervision,Can you help me in any way.Many thanks.
Bones 10 Mar 2013
My ex and I split after 16yrs together and we have 3 young boys. I am on a low wage due to change of circunstances but I pay child support every month on time to the amount agreed. I see my boys every other weekend and will soon be doing over night visit once a month which all parties looking forward to. As I said i am on low wage but pay what's agreed and have no problem doing so, but I would like to treat them to a day out maybe like a theme park but can't afford to. Do have a right to ask my ex to help pay towards it.
POPPLE 4 Mar 2013
I have been divorced for about 16yrs and I have always have had supervised visitations with my daughter. My supervisors have always been my parents. My parents make all the decisions about when where and how long I have to spend with my Daughter. 85% of the time I do not see my daughter for holidays or birthdays. I believe that the court order was every other weekend I get to see my daughter, but in this 16 years I have seen my daughter for about 2 to 4 hrs every other Saturday and that is only when it ok with them. When I do see my daughter it is always what they want to do and they never ask what my Daughter and I want to do together. Can I change any of this and how? My parents have taken any possible way for me to be a Father to my Daughter. Oh I am permanently disabled and there are many different road block I have to deal with.
Freddy 26 Feb 2013
My husband and I have been separated for 2 months now. Although it was not a pretty site when my daughter and I left, my ex and I are amicable. The things that happened the night we left had an impact on my daughter greatly by her father. We had found out after that his actions were caused by a very bad reaction to some medication for bronchitis. My daughter and her father have not been on good terms for over a year now, she is 13. My ex and I are amicable and we do talk, but she refuses to see him. I have tried to convince her but she says she won't go. So do I resort to taking things away from her example her phone to see if that makes her go? If she still does not agree and her phone gets taken away, then what do i do? I was hoping after two months that she would agree to go, but she is pretty adimant about not going. HELP, what do I do. Her father beleives that I should be taking things away like her phone or facebook or grounding her. I don't know what to do.....
jeruisha 5 Jan 2013
hi there i am a 29 year old lady,currently my husband and i are going though a divorce going on the 2nd year,and he is married religiously(islamically). i basically have problems with him picking her and droping her home at specific times,and after reminding him continuosly he doesnt give a damn bout it. What do i do? i need him to pick her up on time and drop her of by me on time? and i dont want him leaving her with his wife reason being i dont even know her?
Confuseddad 22 Dec 2012
Me and my ex split just over a month ago and now the situation is getting really tense in regards to seeing the children. Just before Christmas she was willing to let me stay at her house for a five days during the holidays. I was a little upset that I couldn't have Christmas day and made it known. She subsequently took any chance of me seeing them by staying at hers off the table. I made my apologies and hoped she would change her mind. Now it seems I will never be able to stay at hers (which is understandable). She says she will never stop me from seeing them, but I am in an unfortunate position. I am currently on the dole and have been struggling to find work for some time. I live in the North-East of England and her in the South. I am finding it really hard to work out a way I can afford to travel down, stay somewhere and afford to take my children out for the day. If anyone has any ideas on what my options are or is in a similar situation I would be grateful for any advice. My little boy is 4 btw and she won't let him travel to me as he is so young.
Drama 13 Dec 2012
Hi, I've recently seperated my daughters father, we split up when I first before I found out I was pregnant, I then told him I was keeping the baby and would do it on my own and I did the barely heard anything from him the whole 9 months didn't turn up to scans and had the excuse of my new girlfriend don't like the idea, so the day my daughter was born my mum called him so it would be down to him what he choose to do, he came to the hospital and then after used to come around regularly to see our daughter, we got back together and then now after 10 months he has decided he wants to break up again, cut a long story short I give him two days with our daughter a week, Wednesday & Sunday he always turns up late and 9 times out of 10 don't even have her on Sunday with the great excuse of so called 'work commitments' now Christmas is approaching he saying he wants her to start staying with him over night, I am not comfortable with this yet as my daughter has never been apart from me over night and I feel she is too young, I'm constantly getting threatened with the I'm the dad with equal rights line yet he only wants our daughter when it suits him he don't pay nothing towards her I've supported her on my own since I found out I was pregnant, if I'm already giving him two days is he still entitled to more and over night stays?? At my wits end with the same disagreement.
mickey 10 Nov 2012
Hi, i currently have a residency order going through the courts, my girls mother has failed a drug test, after 4 court orders for her to take it, & is stalling taking another test. As she cant get at me any other way she uses our daughter as a weapon, she is spiteful & vindictive towards her to spite me. I have been granted full parental rights & responsibilities by the court. Recently i have expressed i want to take my girl to euro disney for 5 days for her birthday. Her mother has told the cafcas woman that she thinks its a good idea that we go, yet she has instructed her solicitor that she will not allow her to go on this short holiday. Can she stop us going? My girl is very excited to go & we are supposed to go & pay for it after school on friday. Her mother has refused to provide information needed for passport application, although i found what was needed on the birth certificate, so her attempt to stop that has failed. Can i take my girl on holiday without mothers permission when i have court granted rights & responsibilities? Thank you.
desperate 6 Nov 2012
Hi My son is not with his girlfriend anymore and he pays child support,He does not earn alot and me being the granparent also contributes.As soon as she sees my son happy with his son she starts threatening him by saying shes taking him to court because she needs more money for the baby which is now 7months and he wont see the child again!I believe she has bipolar disorder and tried to commit suicide before she fell pregnant.All my son wants to do is see his son but wants to bring him to our place because he does not feel comfortable with her and her mother.Is it possible that he could fetch the child to spend time with him without her supervision?Please help!! Thank You Desperate
Amy 28 Oct 2012
My partners daughter has moved in with us, but now her mum is kicking off saying she will take her back, (its been over 3 months since she moved in and she a teenager - not sure of this makes a difference). He isn't on the birth certificate, and his daughter doesn't want to go back to her mums. How do we get this done properly so his daughter gets to stay where she is happy??? any help/advice would be welcome
Carol 22 Oct 2012
My son's ex partner who has custody of their baby (now 18 months) keeps changing parameters of days/times for him to have her, often at the last minute,telling him he is a bad parent if he does not agree to all her demands. He has as yet nowhere to live and no facilities to take her overnight but she insists. She is also threatening to move away next year so that he and none of our family can see her again. Is this possible within the uk or does she have to have his permission.
Confused.com 22 Oct 2012
Please if someone could help me as I am desperate and absolutely terrified... I found out I was pregnant at 3months and told my boyfriend of nearly 2years. Thinking he would be happy as I miscarried the previous year and he asked me for a child I was shocked at his reaction. He had been violent and abusive and I have ended up in hospital a few times due to stress and heart palpitations from anxiety. He has tried to blackmail me into abortion which I don't agree with ESPECIALLY at such a late stage and because I hadn't done it yet he left an broke up with me. I am now 5months pregnant and he is still trying to bribe me into the abortion. He keeps threatening that if I go through with having the baby he will make my life a misery and try and take the baby off me. I'm abit confused as OFCOURSE he does not want the baby and even offered to pay 2000 pound for my abortion to kill his child. Because of the stress I have been advised to move back home to ensure that I am healthy both mentally and physically on arrival for my baby however when I expressed this to him he threatened to hurt my family if I take my unborn child away to give it a better life out if this drama. Although I do not want the abortion I feel pressurized as I'm so scared to have the baby and deal with this man for the rest of my life my question to you is do I have to? What rights do I have against him in this situation and is it possible for him to take me to court even if he is not on the birth certificate? Please please help....
SADDENEDDAD 23 Sep 2012
I have to daughters (ages 9 and 12), I've been separated from their mother for 6 years now. I have PR and I see my girls every Sunday. My girls wish to stay over, I have a nice house with a spare room, problem is, mum won't allow this and I can't afford the legal bills nor am I entitled to legal aid. Any ideas appreciated, thanks so much.
dyork 22 Sep 2012
hi I am no longer with my daughters mum , I want to see my daughter and have been seeing her saturdays around 2 and taking her back to her mums sunday around 2 , this has become awkward as ive said things and so has my ex , I want to get official visiting times.how do I do this.?
Tonny 22 Sep 2012
When a couple with a child separated, how do arrangement of picking and dropping off the child looks like if the child is staying with one of the parent (the mum)? The separation is not official (i.e. not through court procedures). The father sees/picks the child (son) every Saturday for the past 3years sometimes with little difficulty. Up till now he is the one picking and dropping off his son because he was given ultimatum by ex-wife that if he wants to see his son he needs to pick and drop him.
Worried sick 13 Sep 2012
My wife and I have been seperated but living in the same house for six months !.My wife is in an on off relationship with the man she left me for , she spends six nights a week at his house and I look after our four children , ages are 5 , 4 , 3 , and 10 months , last week my wife took a massive prescription drug overdose and almost killed herself , I have applied for a residency order in light of the attempted suicide. Her partner is a heavy drinker and she binge drinks.I have an appointment with a mediation company next week so I can access the legal aid system to apply for the res order. do I have a chance in succeding with my application ?
Joanne00 12 Sep 2012
Hi,Me and my partner split up when I was pregnant. When baby was born he was seeing baby every week for 6 months then I said I want weekend for myself and he can come see him every two week at the weekend and anyday or anytime in a week. He hardly come see him I always cancel my plans so he can see the baby he comes once a month or twice, so baby does not recognise him and doesn't know who he is. He's such a mummy's boy. Me and my mum are his primary care we always have been for 11 months. Does he have rights to take baby home? even though baby doesn't feel comfortable without mummy being around ( he cries) and think his dad a strager to him. can someone please help me if he has rights to take him home for a day without me being there? I'm really worried it would completely break my heart because he never bothers coming see him anymore it's just his parents pushing him to do so. he doesn't know how to feed him how to change his nappy I never received any help with bonding our son.
Sally Editor 12 Sep 2012
@ Rob.... she can change the days as often as she likes and the only possible way around it would be to go to court to have fixed days agreed.
Rob 11 Sep 2012
I have my daughter every Tuesday and wens day night and every other weekend without fail I've never missed a maintanance payment. Can my partner just change when I see her or does she have to abide by what days I've seen her all this time
bri gal 8 Sep 2012
My wife and i have just separated and as i am in the army and live 500 hundred miles from home, is it possible for me to have rights where she has to travel to meet me for access to my daughter.
sharan 22 Aug 2012
We got our divorce from chennai in August 2005 and visitation rights are given in october2005, but i do not have any copy of the rights issued by court. But now my ex-wife is hiding around in Delhi and not replying for my mails. I am not really aware of her contacts. I am in abroad , i am trying to met my children after 6years once i met them in 2007. How to go about to see my children, i even tryed with her advocate but there is no reply from them also. thanks
upacreekwithoutapadd 16 Aug 2012
I broke up some years ago, and had been single up until 1.5yrs ago, I now live with my partner and her 2 children. Access to my son changed 5 months ago when I moved home (approx 45 mins away), from every friday and saturday to everyother weekend to ensure time spent together was quality and not always on the road. Having returned from holiday a few weeks ago with my partner, our children and my son I havent been able to see or speak to him. His mobile is constantly turned off and any requests to his mother to ask her to ask him to turn it off, is replied with, he will turn it on when he wants and stop calling me on my phone. text messages arent replied to either. When he was with is nan (my mum) she called me and handed him the phone so we could speak, this resulted in his mother texting her anger at my mum. He was born in nov 2003 and I am on the birth certificate but by the sounds of things I havent a leg to stand on. No PR inplace and we werent married. I just want to see my son so I can see him grow up and take him on "family holidays" please can someone share any advice or point me in a right direction.
JT 5 Aug 2012
Do I have the right to take my kids every second December holiday as I can not take them any other holiday due to work circumstances
joanne 24 Jul 2012
Hi my partner left me a year ago we are having problems with PR signing the new girlfriend turns up who split us up in first place. I refused to sign as felt this was rude.Mediation wont sit in the same room as me mission inpossible. I have said I will sign if I can bring a friend. Access is another problem although im not refusing him seeing his kids he just wants it all his own way all the time.No mediation. Now threating court action where do I stand on this ? as I say he sees his children mostly when he wants we just have a problem when things arnt going his way. Any help much appreciated
Fee fee 12 Jul 2012
My ex partner and I were together fir 8 years we had 2 children 6 and 4 we never married and he is involved in their life's as a every second weekend dad. He is a gd father however I have moved on and am living with my boyfriend who I intend to marry. We want to immigrate to Canada. I will bring kids home for all school holidays and every second Christmas to spend with their father the question is can he stop me from moving?
maryjane 30 Jun 2012
Need advice my son's ex who he had a 2 half yr old daughter with split befor the little one was born . He has paid active part in daughter's life having to stay regular . Mother contacted him this week ,saying she wanted sign full custody over to him . She given him sign letter dated with reason why . Once she told her parents they made her feel gulity she back tracked said he cannot have her . Cause her parents was giving her hard time .My son and my concern is that she admited in the letter she could not give daughter the better life as he could . I admire her for this as must be hard on her . What i want know where does my son stand in applying for full custody with regarding the written letter . My son is happily married with another daughter another one on the way . His wife exceptshis daughter as her's . Any advice would be grateful . They've booked see solictor next week .
BESOIR 29 Jun 2012
My boyfriend left his wife and son when he had an affair with a woman before me. He hasnt yet divorced the mum but he misses his son badly as they were very close and the mum did nothing for the boy. He is now paying csa as he has got a full time job and she is refusing contact. He has seen him and the mother gave the boy hell. So my boyfriend could not put him through that and so stayed away. The boys school work has suffered badly and is not often present at school. My boyfriend now has a flat and a well paid job and is desperate to see his son. He cannot afford to go through the courts. Can you advise other avenues to explore Thanks Mandy
ANDYCAP 27 Jun 2012
I have spilt with my partner off five years, we are still on good terms, I have moved out off the family home and got my own place now. i only see my baby girl one day a week she is three years old. I have been involved and paid my way for her from day one. i now want to have her stay with me on a weekend because I work nights, so one weekend is mine and the next is hers. I do not want to go to court but am I entitled to this access. please help thank you. Andy
tim Editor 18 Jun 2012
@cherz, The father's wife can't stop him from seeing your child, if you want him to see the child and he too wants to see the child then she can't do anything about this. She could however make his life difficult and make him choose between her and the child, which may have an effect on his relationship with your child.
cherz 15 Jun 2012
I had an affair with a married man and we have a 3 year old daughter he has build a relationship with his child for the past 3years behind his wife back now that she found out she his denying him to see the child.Will this effect my case if I take him to court for visitation rights does the wife have any say in this case?
holes 11 Jun 2012
Hi i have been in a relationship for other 15 years when me and my partner split, we split due to medical issues with my self and she was cheating. We have three kids together 11 year old and 10 year old twins they have been residing with me for around a year now and a one point there mother had hardly any contact with them for around 4 months as she was still claiming there benefits without giving me any of the money, since i started recieving the benefits she started seeing them again and now says she wants them back. the money doesnt mean nothing to be compared to the children but it does help. I have residency over one of the children but only have a parental order over the other two, i have just found out that after all this time none of the children are mine, these children are my world and mean everything to me. i have spoken to the eldest so called biological father who says he isnt going to get involved unless the child wants him to, which i agreed was fine, i do not have any idea who the twins father is. i have been advised not to push to court for residency as the longer i have them the better it is for me however my question is do i still have any chance of getting residency over the other 2 children as it now turns out im not biologically there father however i have brought them up for over 11 years and they are my world.
micheal 9 Jun 2012
Hi me and my partner split today , we agreed that I could have my son on the weekend , so I said im taking him as we just argued all day and wanted space with my son , she objected then said okay , then she started crying half hour later saying she missed her son and can she have him for a few hours before he stops at mine I said okay , then I got a text saying she dosnt want to see me again and I cant see my son , so now where off to court , I cant bear to think of like with out my son what can I do.
louise 9 Jun 2012
Hi I just have a question. I have a three year old son and me and his dad have been split for over a year. Over the last year his dad only sees him when he wants, he usually just texts a few hours before asking to pick him up for a few hours and I always say yes as I want my son to have a relationship with his dad. We finally came up with an agreement last week that he would have my son every other weekend overnight the Friday and Saturday. It was his first weekend to pick him up yesterday and surprise surprise he didn't come and pick him up. I am really lost with what to do. I want my son to have a relationship with his dad but I am fed up of him letting him down all the time, its not fair in my son.
worried 6 Jun 2012
Hi I split with my ex nearly two years ago, during that I didn't have regular contact up untill 6 months ago, as she refused I now have him twice a week and overnight every fort night. But I have recently found out that some of the her mates that she has around my son do drugs. I was wondering weather there is anything I can do to stop her having my son around this person as it is disgusting for a 3 year to see
Manda 2 Jun 2012
I offered the father of my child once a fortnight access on the weekend to Our daughter, the first 12 with me there and then say trips for 12pm till 4pm on a Sunday after 12 months then he could do overnights. I also offered every second birthday to be his, he would get Easter Friday and boxing day aswell. I seen that as fair but when I said child support aswell he went off his nut and is now dragging me through court. He has never met my daughter and has shown nothing but diss interest in her up until His now wife lost there baby. Will he get more than what I offered originally or does He have more rights?
elish 29 May 2012
Sir I need to know will a divorced dad will be able to take back a 16 year old daughter.A daughter's safety is imporatant and she ones to live with her dad.What are the proceedures that should be taken sir.Will she be able to live with him and does she has rights to go back to her dad when she is 18?sir does she has her own say in this?She doesn't want to be in her mum's custody is it possible sir?What if her mum stops her from going back to her dad,what should the daughter do sir?It will be good sir if you can mail me those details
SepDad Editor 4 May 2012
@gav. If you want visitation and you want to do it legally (rather than by negotiation which is far easier) then you will need to complete a C100 form and an FM1 form. These are downloadable and not horrendous to do. I think the filing fee when I did it was £200. The court should find in favour of you seeing your child (after cafcass safety checks). One thought might be to use a McKenzie friend for help. You could also post for some help on the Separated Dads facebook page as I have seen stuff like this on there. Good luck and don't be daunted!!
gav 3 May 2012
I got a girl pregnant on a "one night stand" .When she said she was pregnant, i was advised to do the honourable thing and although not in a relationship with her I supported her through the pregnancy and the birth (along with my family) the understanding was after the birth she had a DNA test and if it is mine continue the support.(We also said that if it wasn't mine we would not leave her alone) I spent 10 day seeing him along with friends and family but as soon as I mentioned getting a DNA test her and her family told me and my parents not to come back (using wonderful language) since then she has been taxting me daily facebooking my family and cursing us at every move. Last week the csa contacted me and finally they will be doing a DNA test. So I though I would contact her to ask for visitation , it is what she has been texting me to do for weeks ( ALso calling on male friend s to harrass me -hope you can see why I am confused) She told me that know way I can see him. If the DNA says I am the father and have to pay childcare costs (which I afforded to do in the beginning- she refused them as shje wanted nothing from me). Do I get to see my son? every thing point to getting a lawyer. I tried that and the 1st hour cost me £240 and I dont qualify for legal aid - I only earn £800 and I cannot afford legal help . Is there anyone else that can help me? Please
Kjcooper04 1 May 2012
I need some advise desperately. My partner started a bed job the other week which means he may not be picking his daughter up till about 8-8:30 at night. His ex has started being funny and on about getting legal back up as she says my partner is not putting his daughter first. However non of them works. I'm just wondering what she can do as he needs this job to afford to pick and take his daughter home.
Rachina 4 Apr 2012
I have a friend that has previously been in numerous amounts of trouble with the police and currently has problems with his previous girlfriend. Now that she has a new partner, she is reluctant for him to see the child and uses his previous background to manipulate the situation as a means for him to not see his child. He misses his child dearly and refuses to go through a court process because of his previous convictions. He has tried on a number occasions to reason with his previous partner and refuses to take things to the courts as I suggested at least for visitation rights. What are his rights in this situation and how does he go about them?
stu 25 Mar 2012
I have been separated from my wife for 3 years. she has always obstructed my rights to visit, now she has a new boyfriend she is threatening to move them 70 miles away to leicester. what are my rights. I have contact through the courts.
matto 8 Feb 2012
My wife & I are on the verge of splitting up,I don't want this to happen but she's saying that if ee do then she will let me see my three boys but not my three year old daughter as she wants to protect her from me??? Iv never hurt them physically & never will but that isn't the way she means but she says that I wouldn't have a leg to stand on to fight her over this,please help!! I don't want to leave the family home as I feel I'd lose everything but the atmosphere isn't fair on anybody
Mumamia 27 Jan 2012
Hi my partner left me for another woman recently. He would not have the kids over night at his own flat, but had to take them miles away to his new girlfriends house. this was particularly hard to stop as the kids were upset if they didnt see daddy, also she has a big house, and is really nice say the kids. But now the dust has settled with xmas over I want me and my kids to have a settled life and want to stop the overnight stays as she is not there mum and I have never met her and I feel my ex is to dependent on her and will fit the kids round her not the other way around. I feel it is far to early for the kids who have just lost there dad from the family home to have to face his new girlfriend and her family and be mothered by someone else. I would never stop kids from staying overnight and I have told them that and asked him nicely, but the final straw was when he took days of work, cancelled seeing them and went off on holiday with her. he says I am bitter and twisted but all I want is to keep my family mine, and get used to lliving without dad in the home, and in time say after a year of him still being with this woman then maybe introducing sleepovers if need be!!! do you think ive blown it by letting them stay already at her house. My ex swears, has done drugs in the past and is of a different upbringing, he has also had very bad debts and this makes me want to limit his seeing the kids to one night through the school week and all day sunday. Do you think this is reasonable and possible. Many thanks
shadrak1982 19 Dec 2011
Now off to court for a fourth time as the mother of my 2 children has failed to fulfill the contact order again. She stopped contact completely for four months causing my daughter to break down at school and a caf referal to be made. The first 3 times she has been the applicant to court as she has nothing better to do other than harass me and my wife even though she has a new baby of her own with her step brother. I am going for residence this time as I have alot of evidence to back up emotional abuse using safeguarding regualtions. I am fearful that I won't get the residence order and another non defined contact order will be made which she will breach again leaving me with no contact again. I am seriously considering not taking them back after 1 of my sunday contacts if the court does not find in my favour. My daughter is Gilleick competant now so old enough to say she wants to live here so here it goes. Wish me luck
bubbles 14 Dec 2011
Me and my ex have just split up, I need advise on the stuff in the house he never wanted me to work I have a child with him he ended it,told me he doesnt want me anymore what are my rights as a mother we were dating for 3 years what am I entitle to and what can I do about the child visting her father she is 23months old?
Carlos 13 Dec 2011
I am in the process of applying for Divorce as the relationship has broken down completely over for the last 2 years. We both have struggled hard to compromise for the sake of our 5 yrs old daughter but now it seems highly impossible to remedy the situation and very often we ended up having big argument. I have spoken to my wife about the divorce but she rather seems uninterested about our daughter's welfare and it appears I would need legal help to resolve many issues which are as follows:Spending time with my daughter including staying overnight and weekendsTaking my daughter on holiday and meet my family back in Mauritius. This is the biggest challenge I may face as my wife is not cooperative enough to let my daughter meet my family when we go to Mauritius. Would the court consider this?Since my dayghter was 3 months I have committed myself in the day to day care of my daughter. I took a night manager job in order to spend time and look after my daughter during the day and I am still doing it including daily school runs. What advice can you give me : My wish is that I have contact with my daughter and take parental res[ponsibilites after the seperation and also to go on holiday with my daughter to spend time with my family. Please advise
bagpuss73 4 Dec 2011
I could really do with some advice on the matter of my eldest daughter no longer wanting to visit her dads every other w/end. My eldest is 8 yrs old & has a stronge mind of her own. I have sat & chatted to her about the reasons why. These reasons make me angry & disgusted. My 2nd daughter aged 6 is showing increased signs of anxiety behaviours.due to not wanting to face thier dads girl friend. My youngest daughter is just approaching 3. I have worked very hard to wean her soothers & the other miles stones in her younge life. Only for her dads girl friend to reverse it.They will not explain this to him, as he will not listen. If I try to explain this problem, he denies it. What can I do to resolve this problem. The children hate visiting him & I try to tell them, they need to see thier dad.spend quality time with him.What should I do?
lady in hullo 30 Nov 2011
I have worked very hard to keep my son in contact with his farther. In the last year my son, 8yrs, has refused to see him. The last time it was over 90 days before he would see him. In this time his farther made no attempt to contact him. In this time i learned my son was being sworn at, left alone and scared, screamed at, dumped on anyone who would have him and the final straw. His farther punch a solid door of its hinges because our son spilt a drink. He has made a small attempt to see him but im really frightened because he is wanting him on the weekends again and i dont think its safe. I suggested a contact centre to fill in short term to build up trust and he flew of the handel, showing up at my home with someone else dog. What do i do. Please any advice would be welcome. This man has treated me badly but i never thought he would be so aggressive with our child who is now scared but missing his farther. Am i being unreasonable.
natty 28 Nov 2011
Hi, am a single mother to my 2 daughters (3yrs n 5 n half months) my ex the father of my 5 n half month old is wanting to take me to court for over night and alone visits, but I don't feel ready to leaVe her with him yet as I don't trust him for his mother not to be there with him (shes not allowed near us for demanding to take her n had to get police involved) is there any chance this can happen even without my permission?? Need advice on wot to do pls
Lou 13 Nov 2011
My boyfriend's ex wife won't allow his two boys over to my house or have anything to do with me if my boyfriend wants to have the boys at anytime or to stay with him say said he can't be with me and has to rent his own place or he has to stay at her place with them this is causing us great strain on relationship also the cost as he already pays maintenance childcare childminder and now looks like rent of a flat I have a house with plenty of room . Can his ex wife dictate where he lives and who he lives with to and use contact with his boys to enforce this at the moment he can only see them at her flat when she says so .
Davey 12 Nov 2011
I'm not asking for custody as my son would be better where his mother resides, but I do want permanent weekly access, but I'm being denied this. She keep making plans for him to be away and never consults me, despite knowing I'd want to see my son (5y/o). This includes not alowed to see him over the Christmas period until 2013! I only get Christmas day and boxing day off as it is where as her company closes over the whole period. Is this right? Is this fair? I offered to pay maintenance directly to her rather tha CSA as they proved difficult to deal with, in an attempt to make things less formal and more friendly etc... She's refused. Acusing me of being untrustworthy, when it was her behaviour that caused all this. She has now married someone else and I feel I'm being pushed out of my sons life. Is there any solutions? Ammecable doesn't seem to work with her so should I contact the courts? It's not what I want to do but I just want regular access to my son, I don't think I'm being unreasonable!
mr p 9 Nov 2011
my ex partener had our child 2 weeks ago and wont allow me any access or even the childs name and has now contacted the police as ive been asking if i can see my son and asking about him,police have contacted me to tell me ive done nothing wrong but am now feeling trapped and dont know what to do
bubbs 2 Nov 2011
My partner has started getting overnight contact with his children, it is stated in a coiurt order that we collect the children in the morning and then mother is to collect the children at home time. Mother is now saying we "HAVE" to drop the children back because its the fathers contact or we are not allowed the children at all............Does anybody know what the legalities are on sharing the responsability of dropping and collecting children are or any info that may help,?Thanks
storme 17 Oct 2011
My boyfriend pays his child maintenance every Saturday like clockwork, for which he has proof. His ex keeps asking for more and more cash for this, that and the other. When he does have the girls (ages 12 & 10), they never want to go home and always ask to stay longer (which they are never allowed to). However, the ex 's new boyfriend is now threatening us saying that they will decide "if" he is allowed to see his children, that it is their perogative as all decisions lie with the mother and as the girls live with them weekdays in future he will only be able to see the girls "under supervision" - IF they agree to it. They have also said that they are going to tell the girls that he doesn't want to see them anymore because he is not giving her money every time she asks for it. Please can you advise?
Squeals 28 Sep 2011
My husband is having problems with his ex. Last weekend he dropped the children off and faced provocation from his ex's new boyfriend (in front of the children). I was wondering if there is any way that the children could be dropped off/collected somewhere mediated by a 3rd person...grandparents have refused and we fear friends would be biased. He doesn't want to have any contact with his ex wife. Please help!!
millie 31 Aug 2011
Hi. My son will be starting with a childminder soon while I'll be working full-time. I'll be receiving some tax credits towards the childcare costs. My son's father wants to have him for the day once a week, on a weekday. However, it'd be a different day each week. This is inconvenient for myself and the childminder, and I'm afraid maybe illegal (??), as the childminder would be receiving fees for a 5days childcare knowing that my son would be attending only 4days every week. Is there a way I could get my son's father to stick to a specific day each week? Or any other advice?? Thank you.
SeparatedDads 5 Aug 2011
If you have shared contact of your son, you should both share the responsibility of making sure he can see each of you. But with your ex planning to move so far away, it may mean that your son has less contact with his father because of the distance. You will have to talk to your ex so you can negotiate how you are going to achieve this. If you cannot not agree without tempers flaring, then perhaps getting in a mediator would be beneficial.
Lindag 5 Aug 2011
My son stays with his father every other weekend from Friday night returning on Sunday. His father lives about 30 min away. He has now told me he might be moving, which will be around 200 miles away (over 3 hour drive). Who will be responsible for my son getting to and from his dad's? I drive but have a very old unreliable car and even if it was a decent car would not like that drive. Before the arguments start (which they will) I need some information please.
SIMON VINER 11 Jul 2011
My ex wife doesn't like my new girlfriend and is stopping me seeing my kids while I am with her even though she has done nothing wrong to the kids. It's because they don't like each other and I am suffering for it, what action can I take to get rights to see them?
Kr1s 21 Jun 2011
My ex is not allowing me to have the kids stay over at my new house as my girlfriend lives with me. She wants me to come and stay back at her house. Is there anything I can do to get her to let them stay at my new place? It's only every other weekend...
davexh 23 May 2011
Are there any legal rights to "telephone contact"? My ex wife has moved 250 miles away with my 2 boys, (8 & 10) making regular visits very dificult. Until now I have always phoned them every week. Since my last visit, when I visited with my new partner (I'm too old to have a girlfriend!) she has started making it very dificult for me to talk to them. She doesn't like the fact that I can take a partner along with me for a bit of a holiday, but it's ok for her and my kids to live with someone else...... anyway I digress....Can some sort of order force her to allow me to speak to my boys?

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