The divorce system in England and Wales changed completely on 6 April 2022. If you went through a divorce before that date, or if you are just starting the process now, the rules are very different to what they used to be.
Under the old system you had to prove that your marriage had broken down, and that meant blaming somebody. Adultery, unreasonable behaviour, desertion, or years of living apart. In practice, most people went with unreasonable behaviour because it was quickest, even if the "unreasonable behaviour" was fairly mild. The problem was that this forced both sides into a confrontational position right at the start, which poisoned everything that followed, especially when there were children involved.
How It Works Now
Under the Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Act 2020, blame has been removed from the process entirely. You or your spouse (or both of you together) simply state that the marriage has irretrievably broken down. Nobody has to prove anything. Nobody has to accept fault.
You apply online through GOV.UK or by post using form D8. If you apply jointly it tends to set a better tone for sorting out everything else, though that is obviously not always possible. After you apply, there is a 20-week reflection period before you can get a conditional order (what used to be called decree nisi). Then another six weeks and one day before the final order (decree absolute) comes through and the marriage is formally over.
Why This Matters If You Are a Father
The big win for fathers is that your ex can no longer fill the divorce petition with a list of allegations about your behaviour. Those allegations used to follow you into the children proceedings and colour how judges and Cafcass officers saw you before they had even met you. That does not happen any more.
The catch is that you cannot stop it. If your wife applies for a divorce, it is going through. There is no defending it, no arguing that the marriage can be saved. That feels harsh, but it does at least mean the process is quicker and there is less opportunity for it to be used as a weapon.
The divorce itself does not decide anything about the children. Where they live, how much time they spend with you, who pays what, all of that is dealt with separately through child arrangements orders and the Child Maintenance Service. So while the divorce process has become much simpler, the bits that actually matter to most fathers, the children and the finances, are still handled in the same way they always were. Those are the things to focus your energy on.
You will probably need to attend a MIAM (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting) before you can make any court applications about children or money. It is worth taking mediation seriously. An agreement you both had a hand in is almost always better than one imposed by a judge who spent twenty minutes reading your case file.
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