Applying for a Residence Order (Custody): Court Procedure

Applying for a Residence Order (Custody): Court Procedure

If you are seeking a child arrangements order (formerly referred to as custody) of your children, you will need to use Children Act form C100 which is readily available from the HM Courts and Tribunal Service website. The order that you will be seeking from the court is a 'child arrangements order'. It is possible to share custody with your ex-partner, although the courts are sometimes unwilling to grant these types of orders on the basis that they generally mean upheaval for the child, in that the child has to live in two homes.

A child arrangements order also gives the person with the order 'parental responsibility' for the lifetime of the order, which usually lasts until the child turns 16. If you are in any doubt as to the type of order you should be applying for, seek the advice of a solicitor.

What a Child Arrangements Order Means

A child arrangements order enables a parent to take their child out of the country for a maximum period of one month without having to seek the other parent's consent. If you are seeking to emigrate on a permanent basis with your child, you can only do this with your ex-partner's consent, or by order of the court. Similarly, a child arrangements order does not allow you to change the child's surname without the written consent of your ex-partner. For more details on this, see Specific Issue Orders on this website.

It is worth noting that, if you get a child arrangements order, this does not give you carte blanche to make unilateral decisions in respect of your child's upbringing. Both parents still have Joint Responsibility in determining how your child should be brought up.

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Who Can Apply For a Child Arrangements Order?

The parent or guardian of a child can apply for a child arrangements order, as can the married step-parent of a child, as long as that child lived with the step-parent as 'a child of the family'. It is also possible for someone who has lived with the child for at least three years to apply.

In making a child arrangements order, the court will consider a number of issues:

  • What the child wants, although the court does not have to act on the child's wishes, they must take it into account
  • The child's emotional, educational and physical needs
  • The likely effect on any change in the child's life
  • The child's sex, age and background, as well as anything else that the court deems relevant in respect of the child
  • Any harm that the child has suffered or any risk of harm
  • The capability of each parent or other person of meeting the child's needs. This includes work commitments of the person applying for the child arrangements order, and whether their routine is conductive to caring for the child.
  • The domestic routine of the child up until the present time

Other Considerations

If the child's parents are unmarried, the mother has sole parental responsibility until the father gains parental responsibility. This can be done either by agreement or through a court order. If a child is very young, the court generally assumes that the child will be better off with his or her mother unless the contrary can be proven. You should not let this dissuade you, however, all cases in the family court are decided on their own merits and just because you are the father does not mean that you won't get a child arrangements order.

Help Filling Out the Forms

There are numerous resources online that can assist you with filling out the forms to apply for child arrangements orders. The HM Courts and Tribunal Service website publishes guides to assist with The Family Rights Group, which has a step-by-step procedure to help you through the application. There is a lot more information on the Cafcass website and Dad Info, among others.

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Ask a Question or Comment
C w laurie 23 Apr 2023
As a men who has never been allowed to see my own daughter though the( mother and the courts )I can tell all fathers it gets (better )the last time I seen the girl was 13 years ago a very long time and know I will die and never see her again but I have come to( terms with it made peace with it)my advice just move on with your own life and never look back .
C w laurie 18 Apr 2023
I think For a( men its best to give up let the mother and her new partner rasie your child and leave them in peace) .for one you will just get yourself in( trouble) second in my case my daughter so never close with me she was only close with her mother .so even if I did go though the courts years ago for visitation it would off been a( terrible experience) there's nothing good ( forcing a child) to visit you .they should want to freely visit you .like I have seen with all the other parents I know .this is what I think anyway .
Help 17 Apr 2023
My horrible ex baby mom has for last 8months stopped me seeing my 5yr old daughter, finally I've got a Court date but I have had to jump through hoops ie Dr's letter Cafcas Zoom meeting, to prove myself,yet she can see someone else that she allows to babysit take babbi school etc without going through all the nonsense I have to, can somebody anybody tell me how that's fair because I think it's a absolute joke
J03anderson 28 Jan 2023
My Daughter is 12 years old, I split with her mother when she was 2 since then I have had her every weekend through her younger years to now where she tends to spend most of her time with us during school holidays etc, the mother met someone who she now has a child with and has married, he has very little to do with my daughter hardly talks to her , the mothers just had an operation and he never picked my daughter up from school or anything, he has another daughter who is around 14ish she picks on my daughter she has threatened her with a bb gun etc to the point where my daughter took a knife upstairs to defend herself (this was a while ago) my daughter is now saying she doesn't want to live there anymore she doesn't want to return there, she said its a waste of time living there as her mother is hardly home anyway, where do I stand as a father ?
Grey7910 29 Mar 2021
Hi all, my kids were living with their mother and toxic partner. We are separated and now divorced. My kids have made several accusations against her and her partner, in turn I have approached the pair of them, they've both accused the kids of being liars and have thrown the kids out of the house, I have taken custody of the kids but now have a social worker in place. The kids will be interviewed by SS when they go back to school. The mother is now trying to take them back, despite the massive emotional damage she's caused them, all of the kids have refused to go with her, won't even speak to her on the phone. They're terrified of being forced to go back if she applies for a court order. What's my legal stance on this?
ineedadvice 19 Aug 2020
long story short, my 2 kids live between their mother and myself roughly 50/50, their mother is in a toxic relationship to the point they are constantly arguing and her partner is telling her they have to leave his house on a pretty much monthly basis. ive been extremely lenient untill now. a couple of days ago her partner got into an argument with my 11 year old son about being on his phone so my son shouted at him as he was trying to message me to see how i was. at this point the boyfriend has lost his temper and told my kids they are no longer welcome there. ive then told the mother that they are not going back to that house as my kids decided they didnt want to and didnt feel safe there. however today after allowing their mother to take them out she has taken them to see her partner who has apologised and now my kids have decided they want to go back to the house later this week and carry on as normal. i need advice on how to handle this. would social services or court be the best approach.
dan 6 Jul 2020
Hi I have an 8 year old son who currently lives with his mother in wales UK. Over the recent coronavirus outbreak/ lockdown, my family and I suggested to have my son here with us in Manchester give respite to his mother and also allow her to return to work as I was on furlough. soon after his arrival I was looking through his mobile phone and found a string of messages dating back over a month which were cries for help from my son to a family friend on his mothers side as he had been left vulnerable without food, supervision for entire days at a time while his mother lay in bed unable to wake up. We initially decided to have my son remain with us for an undecided amount of time until his mother could prove she had sought help for what we found was alcohol and prescription drug abuse. Sadly the mother denied having any such issue and very short after filed for a court order requesting the immediate return of my son back in to her care. my son had decided over the few weeks he was with us that he wanted to live with us permanently.Since then I have been told by an ex-partner of hers that he has photo/ video evidence of the extent of the neglect which he will be willing to share if called upon as a witness in court. I don't have very much money at all so am going to be representing myself as my ex has filed a court order to stop me ever having contact with my son as I refused to let her physically see him for 6 weeks prior to the court order. I also submitted a C100 form during this time which has now been added to the court files which was asking for custody and the reasons behind my request. I do feel as though I have prepared a good amount of quality-presentable work for the court, however I am in need of recent case studies......and any other advice around going to court, such as what happens in each session, what forms, statements etc i should be preparing. Any advice at all would be greatly received. cheers guys Dan
Concerned relative 13 Jun 2020
Hey does anyone know if Social Services take a residence order for someone who is voluntarily looking after a child, what is the minimum term (if any) they can be taken out for?
Si52 24 Apr 2020
I need some help or advice has today I received a non molestation order up to this point I had no idea this was going to happen the information that has been presented against me is all untrue lou-ann do not know so what I need to do about it and how to go round it I'm not in the financial position to get a solicitor that really do need some legal advice if anyone knows where to go and to get help if you can get back to me
C.laurie 16 Mar 2020
@daveyjones4563.after reading all these posts wow you lot are a different breed .im old school .work with the mum wtf mate I would (never) work with any ex .ha ha go to a parenting group .mate for me I haven’t seen my child in 13 years and have never been to a solicitor for rights and never will .i might be the biofather (maybe ).but I have zero interest in the child after 13 years off zero contact mate there is no emotional attachment truth is if she was raped or mistreated I don’t care it’s been to long for me to care .i went though a( weak moment low point )and called the mother about 5 years ago now and she said do you no nearly lost your rights because she was going to change name or something (stuffs me) anyway I sighed the child passport papers now I( regret it )because I am never going to see the( child again) and realised it was a( mistake calling) because I was once again in off the( courts) been but on orders again .never will I( ever speak or send a message to that women ever again I swear that on the bible ).if her new partner wants to adopt the child you have my blessing go for it because I want nothing to do with the child I have zero feelings for the child to be honest I don’t care if she is (dead or alive) .sounds bad but . I’m honest .
Daviejones4563 15 Mar 2020
John Smith. A child age 2 believe it or not hardly can say any words at that age. Also at 2 years old they are in the terrible twos. Instead of slating your baby mums parenting probably go on a parenting group yourself which explains a child’s development and what ages they do certain things at etc. Why don’t you work with the mhm instead of hoping the internet would do something!!
JohnSmith 2 Mar 2020
Hi I had a one night stand with a lady some time ago, she had a child which we have done a DNA test and the child is mine. I am not on the birth certificate. The mother is a known prostitute who advertises her services online (proof provided) also with a history of mental health. The child is showing signs of neglect as at 2 years old they are unable to talk or string any sentences together, along with being unable to control their temper or rage with not getting their own way. What would my stances be on obtaining full custody?
Philp 7 Feb 2020
Hi, 14 months ago, my wife took our children 8 and 9 year old boys, and left the house accusing me of Coercive Control. As she refused to allow me any contact, I had to take this issue through the courts. We have just concluded the Final Hearing, The judge said that there was no proof or evidence of Coercive control, CafCass stated that I was a suitable parent and they had no issues with the boys being with me (an order was made to share school holiday access including 2 weekly stay with me over summer holidays). My wife home schools the boys and they are falling behind in their education, I want them to live with me to return to the local schools. Despite the judge stating that I am an acceptable parent, He awarded residence to my wife, due to the rules of 'maintaining Status Quo'. What is this rule and is there anything more I can do now ? Thank you, Philp
Jason Riley 3 Jan 2020
Hi there the mother of our child has become sick with a degenerative illness she and I want me (father) to have custody of our child how would we go about this thanks in advance.
Dude1986 21 Jun 2019
Hi so I've just been to collect my 5yo daughter from here grandmothers house together there and find out neither of my daughters mother or grandmother had a clue where she was......as far as I care that's neglect in the worst way.now thinking I want sole custody so this can never happen again.
mum 29 Mar 2019
I have a 5 year old girl who currently have share care 50/50 with her dad. I have a restraining order against the dad which was put into place in December for 5 years which states he can only communicate to my mum regarding access for our daughter. It is becoming quite difficult with the 50/50 care without being able to discuss things and him wanting every decision to be made equally. Our daughter has suffered with medical issues which seem to have resolved itself when she is with me but not with dad which again I cannot find out why as we cant communicate. I would like for my daughter to spend more time with me so I can try and get to the bottom of the issues plus I am pregnant so will be off work and able to spend more time with her rather than her being with Dads family members etc This I know he will not allow as he wants it 50/50 and says I am not allowed to change this without his consent (even though this agreement is only verbal between ourselves, no court has actioned this). Am I able to apply for residence so access can be arranged? by no means do I want to stop my daughter seeing her Dad, I just want to understand what the issues are with her?
Sian 25 Mar 2019
Hi I'm a mother of two young boys aged 4 and 1. My ex is the father of my youngest and we separated after living together for 3 months due to domestic violence. I was temporarily living with his family because of the house not being suitable and safe for myself and my children and my eldest son was abused by them emotionally and mentally as he is autistic. Since my youngest was born he hadn't spent much time with him and preferred to work. He is self employed as a private hire taxi driver. He would work from lunch (when he gets up) till early hours in morning. 2 or 3am. He didn't show much interest in his son and would take him to his mother's who I don't get along with and leave him there. I didn't get much choice in that matter because if I refused a arguement would happen and he would take him anyways. My eldest would be left out in the situation as he isn't biologically his. Due to the abuse my eldest and myself received I have to safe guard my kids. I let him have supervised contact with his son every Monday 10 till 3 as my eldest is at nursery and I need to get back for him. I had to stop this contact by my health visitor and social services because I was still being abused by him and he was being unreasonable and always threatening me with court if he doesn't get his own way. He now wants contact with his son unsupervised in which he would take him to his mother's where I will not get him back. His mother and sister will be looking after him as my ex would be going off to work or won't know how to look after my son. When my son starts crying he would take off because he can't handle it. He wants more contact and overnight stay. He hasn't a clue how to look after him and it would be his mother or sister taking care of him. What should I do?
KV 21 Mar 2019
My ex partner use to live with me in England. We where together for three years and we had a child and split up. I am on the birth certificate. She moved to Northern Ireland about 6 months ago and I allowed it. I see my child often but sometimes the ferry or flight gets cancelled so she makes me wait to the next week to see him. I see him about a week a month. I want to put this in a court order to make sure I keep seeing him. Will I have to go to court where they reside in Northern Ireland or will they have to come to court in England as I live here and I am putting the court order in. I am aware they work separately.
Hunny 5 Feb 2019
My wife took my child without my consent and in my absence from home n moved from London to Telford which is 180miles far frm me. She start work there in factory and her shifts are rolling some times morning, day and night shifts as well she declared that she found new partner and start relationships. I have 9 years old son, how can I get my child full custody from her. Co my child social behaviour became very poor as well I have not any contacts with my child . My ex from Lithuania and in 2012 she diagnosed frm Lithuanian hospital that she is Schizotypal disorder F12. Coz of my ex health I’m worry for my son that he can be same situation how she is. I have my ex medical report which is issued frm Lithuania and translated and notarised. Can I provide this to court for child custody
Mum of 8 31 Jan 2019
Hi. Ive recently came out of a abusive relationship my ex got a caution for stalking me and for abusive texts one which was a threat to my 11 year old son saying he would break his arms and legs. He was getting contact with our 5 year old daughter through his dad collecting her from me and taking her to my ex. It went well for 2 weeks until my ex decided he didn't want to return her at the agreed time I had no phone call from him about keeping her longer and he didn't answer my calls I was frantic with worry that he wasn't gonna return daughter. I eventually got her back home at 9:20pm and the excuse was he didn't want to leave the party he was at so he thought it was right to keep a 5 year old out that late. To top it off iv been receiving more nasty texts to myself my 18 year old daughter and he's also messaging my 5 year old saying he's going to get custody of our to girls. Inam putting in for a injunction order on him and was wintering I'd I could apply for full custody of our 5 year old
S j b 30 Dec 2018
@max .her daughters (coming age )so they could work together mummy show her the ropes .and we all (prosper )great business (easy work) with (great awards) and I know they would love to travel to (America again )very expensive but working for me your dreams will become a reality (money ).2019 money making year .
S j b 30 Dec 2018
@max.i want my x to come back and (work for me )and I only take (60 percent profit )I am (really fair )with my girls and (treat them good) .my x has a (set off skills) that is (madness not to make a profit from )with my (help and guidance and protection ) we all prosper (strictly business relationship ).but a (welcomed team member) off the business .?
Max 30 Dec 2018
My wife and I recently separated. We have a nine year old son. She is refusing to let me have custody. My question is: my wife has been an escort for a number of years as well as working a “normal” job. Would being an escort give me more leveraged in a custody battle? She refused to give up escorting saying it pays the bills. We are getting divorced on the grounds of her adultery.
Ady 7 Dec 2018
Hi my ex partner left me and moved away we my son i had brought her daughter up and my son 4 the 5 years together my son his now 3 and I wasent put on birth citificate when it was done and trting 2 get on now has she won't corapte but I still see my son on a regular basis she just doing this 4 evil and selfish reasons can I still get on if she keeps refusing x
anonnoymus 3 Dec 2018
Hi, My partner has been separated from his wife for almost 18 months. she met someone very soon and my partner stayed at home for a long while to make sure his little boy was ok there and to look after him whilst the wife went out as she ended up going out almost every day. My partner then left the property earlier this year when it got too much and she asked him to not come home and wanted him out ASAP. she moved her boyfriend in almost straight away, whilst the house is still in his name alongside herself, she moved him in without asking or telling my partner. this boyfriend has since gone missing various times and causes a lot of stress on his wife (currently go through a divorce) she then asks us to have the little boy when he has gone missing, which is all ok with us but this is happening to often with the boyfriend going missing, now where do we stand in trying to get custody of the little boy? will this go against her that she has a boyfriend that is always going awol and giving over the little boy to us knowing he is going to be out of preschool because we live 1 hour away from school and both work so we struggle to get him to school? he also plays up before her goes home, he is always good with us, of course as any normal child he does play up at times but he constantly says all weekend out of the blue 'no back to mummy's' and 'no see marky' which is the boyfriend, when they was together my partner done everything she hardly done anything for the little boy, he done all school runs, he got him ready, done school lunches, breakfast,dinner etc etc. we just want to know where we stand with all this as he gets very very distressed about going back with her and he always has done since my partner has moved out of the property which is almost a year now and he seems to be getting worse each week.
Mum of 2 15 Nov 2018
My husband refused to give back my 2 children after a arranged visit . We were seperated due to his behaviour towards me and he had been given an ' affidavit ' at a previous court case. He then got court papers served at my home two days after dissapearing with the children for his bid at court for custody. I was then inundated with abusive texts to not attend court as i would be punished. I didnt attend court but had a solicitor who told them of the affidavit and the abuse. My husband got custody . I have no criminal record never had a alcohol or drug problem and never had social services involvement. I want a re trial is this possible?
Doz 11 Nov 2018
Hi I'm a father of 9 year old boy who was handed over to me when his mum lost her house due to not paying rent she will not out me on birth certificate keeps saying Ys you can then don't turn up. Now he has been living with me for 4 years and now she turns up to take him what can I do.
SeparatedDads Editor 19 Jul 2018
In answer to your questions, if your partner's ex is not keeping to the order, then if she will not attend mediation then your partner will have to refer the matter back to court for an enforcement of the order. With regards to filing for residency of the child, it is highly unlikely a court would remove a child from their parents unless absolutely necessary. Plus, it would choose not to spilt siblings. Social services would have had to have been involved and it be deemed the mother cannot care for the children properly before such action would be taken to take the children from the primary carer.
Azzicle 17 Jul 2018
Hello, I am an (unmarried) step mum to a beautiful boy (7) and girl (2.5). Since my partner and his ex split 3 years ago there has been non stop issues. The ex (J) files for a no notice order in April 2016 for domestic violence and worry of child abduction .. there was no evidence proving this but it still managed to get through to court. The daughter (B) wasn't born at point of the court order so it was hard for the judge to rule any definite contact between B and her dad.. in the court order it states 'to be increased to the same hours as son (A) but at a child led pace' we have B every Sunday 10-6 currently but J is reluctant to increase time/have overnight stays.. will it have to go back to court to get progress on this? J has used the excuse that we can't increase contact to weekdays with A because B's bedtime is 7pm.. despite B being in the car when J is picking up A and we are told often be J that the kids have had a very late night so they will be tired. B is often filfthy on contact with us and is more often than not, not strapped into her car seat properly.. when she is dropped at the meeting point she is halfway out of the car window without anyone unstrappi g her. Also J is now living with a new man who A really dislikes. J has got B to call the new man 'daddy' despite their break ups often for months at a time. We are looking at filing for residence of A But wondering what the judge will seem necessary (A has a very bad attendance at school, is often very upset and isn't told to bathe often.. when he comes to us he stinks has dirt embedded in the cracks of his feet and hands and is generally unhappy.. he has stated on multiple occasions that he wants to come and live with us but as he is only seven is his opinion going to stand for anything? He's starting presenting with anxiety (picking the skin from his fingerprints and has been diagnosed with a tick in which he is constantly smelling his hands) it upsets both me and my partner very much to see him so unhappy and we just want the best for him. I hope that wasn't to complicated to read.. there is a lot more to it but I have tried to ask as concisely as possible. Thank you
Barney 24 Jun 2018
I split from my sons mother in 2015 and have had my now 8 year old son stay with me every weekend. In the last 3 years she has moved him from school to school without my consent. He is at school number 4 and is very unsettled, to the point of being disruptive every day in his class. I have done my best at giving him support to get him stable but he tells me that his Mother is telling him his teachers are bad and stupid... She has had an heated conversation already with the head teacher and I fear she may move my son again. Am I right in thinking that my only hope of stopping her succeed would be to go to the courts to apply for a residence order? I do have a meeting with the headteacher to discuss my concerns and to request my sons edgucation records. I was told that records are passed from one school to the next, my intentions are to use this in court to illustrate that his Mother is not thinking of our sons education and well being. What else could I obtain that would strengthen my case?
PaulB Editor 21 Jun 2018
@Stupidunicorn - can't you just organise a supervised visit? Social Services should be able to make sure it goes through court and not mediation, as mediation is non-binding.
Stupidunicorn 20 Jun 2018
My stepdaughter is currently living with us and has been since 18 May 18 following domestic violence at her mothers and her being placed on the child protection register for emotional abuse. We have got her enrolled in a school local to us and she is starting to be settled. Mum hasn’t seen her for 5 weeks,let her down three times in the last week re contact... the arrangement is supposed to be following a meeting on 8th June that she has her every fortnight. Our concern is we have found out she is moving out of the City and everyday since Saturday she’s asked to have her and we and her school believe she intends to take her and not bring her back. Monday we reiterated we must stick to the arrangement agreed in a social services meeting, she agreed but a day later was asking to have her. We therefore have completed a c100 form and wish to put in an emergency arrangement order but it says we have to have a mediator sign it first. Due to the urgency is there any way around this because she won’t agree to a mediator and time is of the essence and my husband needs me to sort this as he’s at work
Anxious parent 6 Jun 2018
Hello please can i have help!? My ex and i broke up 6 years ago the relationship was full of domestic abuse of all counts. We have two children together. Hes never been regular with contact or payments but in april this year my daughter broke her arm in his care, he refused to seek medical treatment ir administer pain relief, 3 days later she returned home to me and the instant i saw her we went to hospital. The social services have been involved and classed it as child negligence on fathers behalf then a couple if days after my daughter had a panick attacj saying she cant tell me stuff or he will hurt her and kill me and if she moves from her bed he will throw water over her. The police were involved and they and social told me to cease contact til our next court hearing. My daughter told cafcass all about it and revealed that he mentally and emotionally bullies her too (which shes never disclosed to me) anyway my ex applied for emergency court to get contact and the judge never read any authority reports or the email cafcass sent them and granted him reinstated access til we are back in our normal court case in june. They went to his this weekend and he left them with his partner all weekend and they tried bribing them with new toys to change their stories. Im so scared that he is going to be given more access and iv heard he is applying for residency too. Neither of my children want to see him they have told cafcass and authorities this but in the emergency hearing i was told it wil affect their residency if i dont send them. Im so scared and upset for them especially now my oldest is starting to go through what i did by her father. I feel like the courts are just ignoring everything Please help
Lester 13 Mar 2018
I am coming for what’s mine (b ).dont worry about legal smigle stuff.
happydad 12 Mar 2018
I am a 29 year old single father of two and I am seeking advice. I have recently separated with the mother of my children which was a decision created by herself in August 2017. Mid September 2017 the mother, whom I will refer to as ‘T', had decided that she wanted to give me full custody of our children ‘R' 1 years old and 'M' 5 years old. This decision was made due to T's current situation accompanied by her mental state and attitude toward being a stay-at-home mother. I had asked ‘T’ to complete a written document and to sign this document confirming her endeavour to provide me with full custody to our children commencing January 2018. T happily provided me with the written and signed statement in Sept 2017. Within this time frame T had found a new partner and had planned to move in to a new home with this person around November 2017. I accepted T’s proposition, gave up my career and moved into the family Home where our children reside. This move was made as per to her written and signed document and I took custody and moved into the home around Jan/Feb 2018. Within this time frame I have maintained the welfare and needs in a healthy manner and maintained M schooling and also made arrangements with an excellent registered childcare for R which will allow me to move into a new flexible and rewarding career and maintain being the father to my children and more than sufficiently providing and meeting all needs. Recently it has become an increasing concern and based on T’s words, actions and behaviour I now have strong reason to believe that T plans to come and take M and R away indefinitely, to her new home where she lives with her now partner, which is 1 hour 20 drive away, without any consent from myself and acting against the statement of custody which she wrote and signed. I have not yet pursued the legal route for this as it has been my intention to keep the peace and remain amicable for the very best interest of the children as I believe and understand the importance of having both parents available for their upbringing. My question now is what protection can my children and I expect based on this situation and what can I have put in place to ensure their safety and welfare physically, emotionally and mentally during this unsettled and somewhat careless situation/potential situations? Thank you for taking the time to read my story.
Robert81 7 Feb 2018
I have many questions but just wanted to ask, I was used by a woman as a sperm donor she lived with mother and sister on bunk bed and as soon as we met she started asking for the baby when she got pregnant she simply left me saying she got what she wanted so I should go.i decided to stay in my child's life from the birth I see him 5 times a week sometimes 7 also 1-2 overnight stays, I'm not allowed around her place she brings him outside her block so I can pick him up I also don't know the address as she never told me for the past 3 yrs as my son is 3now I made all the journeys to pick him up she never agreed to meet half way ( 5 miles from her home to mine) I also picked him up from childminder for 2 yrs twice a week she did once as he was there 3 times a week, from this year January she took him to different childminder refusing to tell me where if I wanted to see him then she picks him up and hand him over to me then goes home so basically I have to wait outside for her to bring him from childminder ( 200 metres away) not sure wich building I only know the spot where to wait, I also wanted to mention she is malignant narcississt she doesn't validate noones feelings including my son she uses him as a bargain chip always manipulating plus threatening me to stop seeing my son also she is very nasty as soon as I ask something or point a mistake she gets tantrums flipping middle finger at me on the road screaming names and my son is watching this. I was always scared of courts as I know judges have no balls even though they see alot of hurt going on and descent people fighting for their kids the court system still doesn't really help. I wanted to ask if something like status quo matters because I'm tired of her being disrespectful and at the same time I'm afraid if I go court for shared,full custody I ll be only granted 1 visit a week when now when I take abuse and disrespect Im allowed to see him 5 times a week. Please advise me what to do. I have evidence from her family members that she was always depressed locking herself in not speaking to anyone and once they were done with her she was trying to get pregnant by anyone basically to get out of the house and then unfortunately I came along and fell into trap.
SeparatedDads Editor 4 Dec 2017
Mediation is the first port of call when you cannot agree on an issue. Court is always seen as the last resort. If you take the matter of residency to court. The court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. However, it is unlikely the court will remove your daughter from her mother's care unless absolutely necessary. Much depends upon whether your daughter is being badly treated or neglected, only then if proof can be given would the courts rule to change your daughter's place of residence.
Mark B 4 Dec 2017
Hi I wonder if anyone could help. I separated from my daughters birth mother 8 years ago, since then we have both met other partners and both had another child with said partners. I left the family home due to the constant arguing infront of our daughter and many other reasons non violent etc. In the 8 years we have been separated I have religiously maintained contact with my daughter having her every weekend, I've paid my maintenance on time every month, increased it when I have had pay rises and in general never caused any real issues for my ex. Her on the other hand has constantly changed arrangements, slagged me off to my daughter and generally been an absolute pain in the a**e for 8 years. I have had too many to count messages from her saying "don't bother picking her up" if she didn't like what I was saying and just generally being difficult. My daughter is now 11 and last weekend i sat outside her mum's house for 35min whilst she cried saying she didn't want to go in, she wants to live with me and my partner (soon to be wife). She has said this for a long time and I have said to her mum many of times I would happily have her live with me it's all I have ever wanted but because I'm a cash cow for her she won't have it. My daughter is upset every weekend about her home life though the week and it breaks my heart taking her home every weekend. I know all cases are different but I'm at my wit's end and think court is now the only option.
SeparatedDads Editor 6 Oct 2017
I can only suggest you continue to keep in contact with Women's Aid for help and advice. If you leave with your child (there are shelters). You can find out about women's refuges if you've experienced domestic violence - how to get a place and what they're like, please see Shelter whichIf you take your child with you if/when you leave, it is highly unlikely a court will take your child from you. However, if your leave you child with your partner, then you will find it more difficult to get your child back.
Hayz10o8 5 Oct 2017
Hi me and my partner have been together 7 years and are not married i have been in contact with womens aid and gdas as he is mentally abusive and i am looking to leave but he always says that if i leave he will take custody of our 19month old daughter and i would never see her i want out but i am scared he will do this. He is the main earner yet he don't provide for her at all he has never bought clothes food or toiletries for her i have, he never takes her out its always me and my mum she cant play with toys as she has to sit infront of tv and not move he has even started taking toys off her when she is playing if they make noise its getting awful i have been told by him not to buy her clothes toys shoes as she has enough and its taking over our space..... she has one small corner in living room for her toys and 3 draws of clothes thats it.... i fear if i leave and he takes me to court he will win... i dont think he will but i am scared any advise would be great Thanks x
SeparatedDads Editor 19 Sep 2017
Your friend would have to seek legal advice regarding whether he can take the matter to court in the UK. This is beyond our remit to advise, as we can only advise on non-specific UK-based questions.
Doesn't Matter 18 Sep 2017
My friend had a daughter with a girl back in Portugal. The mother abandoned the child and he became the sole parent. He then moved to the UK and put his daughter into school she is currently in year 4 in the UK. The mother then came to the UK and 3 weeks later she left again without a word. The mother is a known drug user and prostitute and has had her second child from a client (child protective services has taken her son into care). The mother in Portugal has no means to care for neither her son nor her daughter however she refuses to sign custody over to the father of the daughter. (His name is also on the birth certificate.) The father does not want to take his daughter to Portugal and sue for custody as he is afraid the authorities will not let him return with his daughter to the UK without the mothers consent. She has made it clear that all she "wants is to make his life hell by not facilitating custody." As neither the father or daughter are British can the father of the child apply for full custody in the UK or can the UK court do anything about this matter?
loguey1976 16 Sep 2017
I have been split from my ex now for the last 8 years and have had regular access to our two children. She has recently started asking for more money, even though i pay more than the recommended amount through the CSA. I have missed the last weekend to have them due to an injury which has prevented me to drive and i live a fair distance from them. I have asked her to drop them off but she has refused. She has now told me that i can't have them and if i want to i need to go to court. As i know her too well i believe she is doing this to gain more money as the payments would increase if i don't have them as often. Please can you give me some advice??
SeparatedDads Editor 15 Sep 2017
If you are the main primary carer of your child, then there is little your ex can do to gain residency if she has never had contact with your child previously. A court would not rule to take your child from you and hand him over to a parent he does not know. The most she would be allowed through a court would be access and if she applied, then it would be time to apply for a child arrangement order which would officially determine where your child should live. However, you are eligible to claim child maintenance from her. You may wish to seek some legal advice in order to explore your options fully. The Citizens Advice Bureau can help if you cannot afford paid legal advice.
jake 18 15 Sep 2017
I have been looking after my child full time since the age of 7 months after his mother turned her back on him, there has been no contact from her what so ever ,no presents gifts etc there has been no payments from his mother for our son as was promised, I am wondering whether to make an application for a residency order or just to leave it well alone just incase his mother starts being awkward ,my son is a month or so short of his 3rd birthday now, any advise would be gratefully appreciated ,she still works full time and I am not working
Sad Dad 18 Aug 2017
Can anyone advise? I separated from my ex Feb-16 and have a new partner now (who is expecting). I have 2 boys with my ex (2 & 7) and she is controlling to say the least, she has been a drinker for over 3 years and daily smokes (pot, weed or whatever other slang), she has also been arrested for diving through my car window and staling my phone, it was on CCTV but I never pressed charges. Since splitting I stayed with my boys a few times and one night her eldest son (19) and he were drunk and decided to take things out on me (whilst i was sat holding my 2 boys) since then my visits have all been pick-up and drop off. She has now decided that I am no longer allowed to see them at weekends and only after I finish work at 6:30pm till their bedtime at 8pm, Monday to Friday. they are not allowed near my home, my partner or her daughters or my family (the boys grandparents, aunties, uncles) they aren't even allowed out of the town they live in. I can only take them for tea (usually McDonald's) and if the weather is OK, we can play in the park for 40 mins. She believes this to be enough so that, if I take her to court, she can tell them she lets me see them and its tough luck on them and me. Also, i have paid her CSA every 4 weeks on time everytime at the maximum the CSA website says. Now she wants more and is trying to "squeeze me" for every penny I have. Please can someone just tell me what rights I have, and where you think I will get. Not seeing them is awful for me and the boys. I can't have a proper relationship with them.
SeparatedDads Editor 6 Jul 2017
I am sorry to hear this. However, we cannot speculate what may happen when and if you return to the UK. Much depends upon what the relationship with your child's mother is like and whether the courts would have to be involved in trying to determine access/contact. If you cannot come to a mutual arrangement with the mother, then it will cost to take the matter to court, especially if it is an international case. If you left the UK with your partner and child willingly (regardless of whether your partner issued an ultimatum) then you have little legal recourse. If you leave Norway and return to the UK, that is your prerogative and you would have to either negotiate access with your child's mother, or if you can't agree take the matter to court. It is unlikely you would be granted custody of your child, if your child is deemed to be settled in another country. If you bring your child to the UK without the mother's consent, you could be charged with abduction.
Sean 5 Jul 2017
Hi, I decided to share my story in brief so I could get some guidance from what looks like a great community. I am a British Father in a toxic relationship with a woman from Poland. We are unmarried and have a baby boy who is 11months now. Throughout the pregnancy my partner stayed with me and my parents in the UK at our house but not long after the birth she travelled to Norway with our son. I did not give consent to go for over a month which she did. I mean is that allowed? My son is British and had commitments with the gp for regular checks as for every baby after being born. In this time she made it hard for me to have any form of relation with my son by constantly arguing or complaining about something. She practically treats my family as strangers now and I had a lot of stress and she gave me an ultimatum that I would have to be in Norway to be with my son. Again is this allowed? I leftt a really good job because of her, I left my family, friends and everything I know for the sake of being with my son. I'm now in Norway and have been trying to make the relationship work and fix things fot tge sake of our sons futytr but it's just not the same and on top of that I do not speak the language and at home i cannot speak Polish. Her parents are lovely but I just don't feel like a father here anymore in terms of decision making or financially etc, I'm struggling to find work because of language and I just can't do this anymore. I cant count the number of problems in our relationship. It needs to end. What would happen when I return to the UK? What are my rights because she uses our son as a weapon against me or anyone that loves him. Any help or guidance would be really appreciated. Thanks
Mimmins 15 Jun 2017
Hi I am a grandmother and my son who still lives with me has a son who is 18 months old. He had a very brief fling with the mother (saw her 5/6 times) in early 2015 and didn't carry on the relationship. He hears via text some 28 weeks later that she is pregnant and that the child is his. Shocked to say the least, I wanted to meet the mother and see what was going on. She told my son that she was divorced and had two children who were 4 and 12 - no mention that they lived with their father. Anyway to cut a long story short, the mother didn't inform my son that she had her children taken away from her due to her alcoholism or the fact that she was still drinking at 28 weeks 2 bottles of wine a day, she had been a long term drinker for over 12 years. I ultimately met with the MGM who informed me of this and the fact that SS were involved and wanted to see my son about this. She mentioned that adoption proceedings were underway. When I told my son about this he was taken aback, said he knew nothing of this, the mother had not told him any of this and so he contacted SS the next day to see what was going on. Since his son was born, he has been in his life every single day, SS have downgraded and bowed out and there is no adoption going ahead, but have said that mother is to attend TAF - what ever that is. SS have been terrible in all of this, not doing reports, missing appointments and generally messing about the whole time. When my son had approached SS regarding the mother's negligence of his son (she has stopped drinking and has been dry for 20 months now) but everything the health visitor and social worker put into brief reports were that they attributed all of her bad behaviour, neglect, filthy living conditions to her drinking. She still has these qualities but is not drinking and when he has brought up concerns with ss about her they immediately have gone to her telling her what he has said, which has made for a very difficult time as she keeps holding him to ransom that she is the parent who has residence and not him and kept threatening to stop his contact. Anyway, the upshot is that things came to a head last month and my son took my grandson because the mother was in bed and had left my grandson in the lounge to dismantle the sky tv (again) and when my son went into the lounge having let himself into the property, go to the bathroom and wash up and change his clothes (10-15 minutes) his son was in a filthy state and about to place the sky power cable into his mouth. He made application to the court for residence and was granted it temporarily as the Judge said that the SS needed to do a report as she could not say one way or the other whom the child should reside with. Upshot is adjourned hearing and the second Judge said status quo to be reinstated and CAFCASS to do a report. They have spoken on the telephone to my son and the mother this week and have now said that she will do report to the Court (section 37
SeparatedDads Editor 22 May 2017
Please see gov.uk link here which should help answer your question.
Bruce 22 May 2017
What agency or court do I have to contact in order to gain joint custody of my children. I am unsure how to go about it
SeparatedDads Editor 9 May 2017
Much depends upon how old your daughters are. If they are over the age of 11, then will be able to state their preferences of where they wish to live. However, this does not mean the court will act upon their wishes as it will always opt for what it thinks is in your children's best interests.
Derby dad 8 May 2017
Hi could you give me advice please. I have two daughters with my ex partner one 11 and the other 10 the oldest start secondary school this year where I live and that was a battle with the mum as she tried everything to ruin my daughter chance of getting in to the school. My daughter choice the school as she wanted to get into a good as she wants to be a vet. Her mum told her she can work in a pet shop and she tells my daughter that she don't want her to go to the school and now my youngest daughter as stated she wants to go to the same school as her sister next year and now her mum having ago at her and also my youngest going to start volunteering at a horse riding school when she twelve as she wants to be riding instructor when she leaves school and her mum said no to her as she wants her to be carer and because the horse riding school is where I live. I already have shared contact with my ex. But now for the past few years the oldest as stated she wants to live with me full time as she can't cope with the way her mum treats her and the younger daughter also stated she would live with me full. I have already spoken to their mum about them coming to live with me full time and she said she don't care what the girls want. I stated to her they can live with me from Sunday night to Friday so they can go to school and she can have every other weekend and half the holidays and split Christmas and birthday but got that thrown in my face. With my oldest keep going on about moving in full time and not wanting to go back and asking to go back to court. I want to do my best them both. I don't know what to do as already done mediation and nothing ever comes from it. I can't to go to court for full custody. But dont think court will hand me the full custody as I'm the dad. Any advice please
SeparatedDads Editor 6 Apr 2017
Applying for custody is always a tricky procedure, as a court will try to maintain a consistent home routine for your child when and where possible. Meaning it is rare that a court will take a child from one parent and hand them over to another unless absolutely necessary. If you think your child is being neglected, then please see NSPCC link hereand you can also talk to its helpline if you need further advice. Otherwise, I suggest you seek legal advice as going for increased contact or shared-care is one thing, but applying for sole custody is a different matter altogether and you will need a strong case to back it up.
Joe 6 Apr 2017
I am looking to apply for residence for my daughter and I know this sounds wrong but I eventually intend to take her with me to another country since I face deportation to that country. Her mother and I get on well but I can't bare the thought of never seeing my daughter if deported. Any advice?
lac 6 Apr 2017
hello im stuck not sure where to turn to i basically seprated with my ex about 10month now i been paying child support and she receives all benefits as she doesnt work. but lately she forced me.to pay though csa which doesnt bother me but what bothers me is i set up my child to go preschool because she didnt wanna take her because she kept moving from hostel to hostels now i take her school 1 day week at set days i have her and she takes her the rest but now she has pulled her out of preschool because its to far for her to travel (abour hour travel on bus )and when she does take her she only provides 2 items of food for her backlunch the preschool.not happy about it she has no intention of helping our child for her future she just looks after her when she has her doesnt take her to dentists or moans when she has to tske her doctors shes the main carer but i feel she doesnt deserve this and i have a stable house income where do i start if i wanna try for main carer and she has visitations?
ross 16 Feb 2017
Hi my name is jordan im 19 am a dad and my ex has stopped me seeing my son i am a great dad and im missing my son too she stoped me one because i had work and i couldnt watch him then, she text me saying she wants me to stay away, so i did for 2 to 3 weeks, then i still had message or call of her witch i was upset and yes i been to her door the day knocking and being nice to her i said can i see harry please or have him for couple hours she said no get away from my door, then i said what days can i have him she said i dont want you to have him so bye so i left then she rang the police then they said i was harrassing her witch it wasnt because i was talking and being nice and talking like a man about things and she was shouting and screaming at me if you could get back to me that will be great all of this is really hurting me i am a good dad
Bower 10 Feb 2017
Unfortunatly myself and my wife are considering divorce and separation. However during some of our talks whilst the kids are at school she made her intentions very clear that she wanted our flat and kids to herself. And me out of the picture. Since then i have confirmed with the housing authority that as i am a sole tenant she cannot evict me. But.....she has done some work with social workers....(whom are now friends of hers). And i really would not put it past her to try something underhanded.( visa vie). False aligations and the like.....can anyone give me some advise as to how to protect myself from this. I dont think i could bare losing them.....!!!
Kelg 21 Jan 2017
My partner want to apply for custody but said to me if he gets denied he can only apply every 4 years. Is this true ? Does the circumstances change at all if the child was taken from the mother by docs
SeparatedDads Editor 13 Jan 2017
You would have to apply for a child arrangement order through the courts, which will determine who your child will live with on a full-time basis. If you have had full-time care, then your daughter will remain in your care.
Lcarve 11 Jan 2017
Hello there, I was hoping that I could get some advice on the following: I have been a single dad to my daughter since she was 3 months of age, she is now 9 years old. She was born in Portugal but has lived here in England all of her life. Her mother practically abandoned her at 3 months of age, and since that time has had almost absolutely no contact whatsoever with my daughter. She does not endeavour to get in contact with my daughter even for her birthday or Christmas; and for a very long time I do not even know of her whereabouts. I want therefore to seek full child custody of my daughter, as I have been the sole carer for her practically all of her life and her mother has had no involvement in her upbringing whatsoever. Please could you advise me on this matter, and give advice as to how I would go about attaining full child custody of my daughter? Thank you greatly in advance - any advice is greatly welcome. Kind regards, Luther.
Bob4321 11 Jan 2017
Hi. I am currently in a bit of a dilemma and would welcome any advice. Me and my wife split two years ago and since then we shared custody of our daughter on an informal agreement between us. It was a pretty equal share, I had her Wed til Sat lunch time. Everything seemed to be going well until in October 2016 out of nowhere she phoned social services and accused me of abusing our daughter as she had noticed some odd behaviours. I was only allowed supervised contact while the issue was resolved. Eventually, after 4 weeks I had a meeting with social services who said that everything could return to normal and they were extremely annoyed with my ex for making false claims and even suggested that I should apply for residency. I didn't as I didn't want to put my daughter through a big change(she is only 5). Recently my ex has decided that the agreement should change to a 5 and 2 day split in her favour and as we only work on an informal agreement there is nothing i can do to stop her. My dilemma is do I now apply for custody of our daughter? I genuinely believe she is better of with me. My worry is that in going through the official process it could be very upsetting for my daughter and could even result in my contact being reduced. Any advice would be very welcome.
father1987 3 Dec 2016
hi i am a full time father to 4 children(boys) eldest is 6, my 2nd eldest is 3 my youngest twin boys are 2. Me and their mum split last year we had social services involvement due to family breakdown different ways of parenting and emotional abuse on both parts. social services decided to move my ex to a refuge and was asked if she wanted to take all 4 children and never gave me a choice to which she said no and left me with my eldest 2 and she took our 2 youngest boys. After me finding out she was dating a pedophile and put him around our youngest boys I alerted social services who then confirmed the guy was not allowed contact with any children and told my ex to keep him away from our children she was then moved to a council property to which she then gave the pedophile her new address and he started following her and our boys round town shouting and swearing demanding money from her what she owed him I flipped and threatened the guy. a few months later I noticed our 2 youngest boys were been neglected clothes that were too tight cutting into their skin (3-6 clothes on 12 month old boys) very sore bums to the point where they were in agony could not sit down without screaming and constantly crying their bums were bleeding and weeping I told their mum to get medical attention 2 weeks later I noticed it got worse I told her i was reporting her to social services due to neglect and i wanted our boys in my care she did not hesitate and gave me our 2 boys and told me if i want them to come get them and pay for what they need... i did not hesitate I have had all 4 of our children in my care for 10 months now.... their mum keeps threatening me with court i have set mediation up to which she has phoned them and declined mediation and wants to take me straight to court for joint custody..... before this abrupt decision to not try mediation I had given her 1 night a week contact Saturday 12pm to sunday 1pm to which she agreed then started going down hill phoning me 2 hours before due to bring them home screaming she cannot cope and sick of eldest mouth and behaviour and wants them back home with me etc (even though I had asked her for a written proof of contact where when times etc and even asked her to sign and date everytime she had contact) saying she could not afford her bus fare to come and get our kids she has let our children down so so much.... so much so that our eldest sits and cries and asks me why his mum is not coming does my mummy love me etc to which I can only reply "mummy must be busy love and yes mummy loves you she loves you all" he has done drawings of a broken heart sayin I don't love you mummy..... when I softly asked him why he felt like that he said "my mummy does not read me a story when I stopped at hers she put me and my brother to bed and closed the door left us in the dark I shouted mummy to read me a story she said no because she had to sort her boyfriends little girls". the last time our boys had overnight contact 4 weeks
SeparatedDads Editor 2 Dec 2016
It is very rare a court will hand a child over to another parent, even if the non-resident parent does have parental responsibility. I can only suggest you apply for PR (as your ex says), this will give you a better chance if your ex agrees she can no longer look after your child.
Shez 1 Dec 2016
Me and my girlfriend split as she was pregnant but I'm always keen and see my daughter as much as possible between time off from the military and travelling me and my current partner love having I want her full time but understand that won't happen as my daughter ( Ella ) is only 2 at the moment and I understand little girls need to be with there moms but I %100 know she will have a better life with me I'm not on the birth certificate which seems to be an issue but my ex's mom approached me saying I need to apply for parental rights which knowing my ex and her current partner just tells me there on drugs. And if her moms telling me that I know it's gone too far and I really need to know where I stand plz
SeparatedDads Editor 15 Nov 2016
It is rare that a court will deny a father PR, but that does not mean your partner will be awarded contact or access. However, residency (custody) is a different matter again. Only if your partner has day-to-day hands-on contact with his children and there is a very good reason why the children 'can't' stay with the resident parent (mother) will the court rule the children should be handed over to the other parent. The court will always opt for consistency and stability of one particular parent, over a change in location. If your partner is concerned his ex may move prior to the court case, then he may be able to apply for a Prohibited Steps order through the court (but you would have to seek legal advice regarding this if your partner does not have PR). A Prohibited Steps Order (PSO) is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. However, there is no guarantee the court will award this, much depends upon the situation and the circumstances involved. If mediation has failed, court is the next step. However, at least any contact/access order made through court is not subject to change and your partner's ex will have to keep to it.
pearpops 14 Nov 2016
My partner is having a tough time trying to see his children. His ex wife is refusing any contact with the children. He attempted mediation with her which has failed, which I know in the long run will go in his favour but now she is stating that they are moving and that we would have to find her before even being able to take her to court. She tells the children that "Daddy no longer loves you and is making a new family" which is surely emotional abuse. I find her very unstable and a liar at best. I know that they very rarely move children from one home to another, but if she's already doing that to spite him and moving them from their school why would this make a difference if they lived with us. It'd be exactly the same situation. Do you think there's no chance of the father winning PR?Thanks for you advice
Fara 2 Nov 2016
What happens if court order supervised visits onley from one parent . And both parents brake that order by letting the child stay overnight unsupervised ?
djnewton66 15 Oct 2016
Hi, I have 3 children with my ex partner and my 15yr old wants to live with me, there is a Residency Order in place from 2009. How do I go about resolving this, I believe my daughter to be emotionally mature enough to make her own decision and she turns 16 in 8 months time.
SeparatedDads Editor 14 Oct 2016
In this case I would seek legal advice, especially if this is a promise he could quite easily break and once done you would have little recourse. There is no guarantee your ex would be allowed into the country either if he is not a British citizen. Therefore, before you agree to anything seek professional advice.
sa 13 Oct 2016
I am a divorced mother of 4 children my children live with my ex husband in Jordan not in UK and he is a Jordanian. and he has agreed to move to the UK and bring the children only if he gets full custody of the children which I am happy to do so as it is the only way I can have my children back in UK, and by doing that will I still be able to see my kids when i grant him full custody
GranmaM 5 Oct 2016
Can anyone help. My son has been trying to get access to his daughter since she was born. Mother announced she was splitting up when 6 wks pregnant. Mother has refused with no valid reason(per our solicitor and hers).Son had to arrange DNA to prove he was the Dad beforehe could see a solicitor about contact. Son attended Contact Centre (at her request). She stopped these visits just before the "in my son's favour" report was produced. She then made any access almost impossible. Said it had to take place at 6.30pm-7.30pm one night a week - the wee girl was under 1yrs and wanted her bed at that time. She then announced no contact whatsoever but has finally agreed to mediation (on her solicitors very strong advice). If she pulls out of this again - which I strongly suspect will happen - when can son go to Court for access. Does anyone know?His ex has an 18month older child with an ex, then my son's daughter and is now pregnant to her first ex again. My son pays full CSA and always has done. He just wants to be a Dad an help with her upbringing - can this woman cut him out with no valid reason (she has been proven as a liar - by her own solicitor no less). Any advice would be appreciated - Scottish jurisdiction.
Tom 28 Sep 2016
I have a agreement in place with my ex on when my 5year old son sees and stays with me , it's been differecult because my ex tells my stuff her boyfriend does to her violently and the have a baby together aswell now , ATM there not together but he's around the house most the time still as far as I no he's ok around my son but he makes it differecult when it comes to me and my ex talking as he wont allow her to talk to me, and I would like more time with my son .... As of lately my son is acting out of personality and when my ex asks he ses I've told him this but I don't , and he's as good as gold with me ... My ex ses if it carries on she will stop the agreement done by solicitors and stop me seeing him , I havnt done a thing wrong should I take this to court for more access as my son always ses he want to live with me but I no she's a good mum to him and I would never want to take him away from her please a little advice would help so much right now ... Tom
SeparatedDads Editor 27 Sep 2016
It is highly unlikely the court would rule to upset the arrangement that currently stands and award the children back to the mother unless necessary. There is nothing to stop the mother from applying, but the court will always decide upon what it thinks is in the best interests of the children and stability and consistency are of the upmost importance. Your partner could also apply for a child arrangement order which would determine where the children should live on a permanent basis
Concerned parent 27 Sep 2016
We have a residency order in place, as the children's mother is an addict. That we are aware of the order lasts until the children are 18, however we have been made aware that the mother may be able to apply for a residency if she cleans up her act!! Is that correct? The children have been living with us for 4 years (half their life), would she have to prove she is clean? She has never stuck to her visits and comes and goes as she pleases, but I'm concerned that if she was to get clean she could get them back.
Adz 16 Sep 2016
Hi I have a four year old daughter and her mother is "seeing", going out with a guy, this guy is very insucure and paranoid, and became violent towards her mother and my daughter seen this and he also done few other things as well. Recently they split up but I've heard they getting bk together, when they spilt I had loads of texts of her mother saying what he done and what he said and what he would do. Would all these texts help me to gain full custody of her she is at mine 4-5 night a week most weeks. So this means she will be living in the house with him and her mother I need help quick thank u
Nics 9 Sep 2016
I would just like to say this website has been most helpful at just a glance in a really urgent situation where my partners children were in a very bad situation at there mums it has given us a direction to turn when we thought there was nowhere to go to seek help. My partner has now been shown your website and has somewhere to turn for advice and help . Thank you all so much . Ps not all mothers are bad but I have had my eyes opened to the worst type of them
Timeout 25 Aug 2016
We've been having lots of problems with my partners ex, and he is really concerned with his daughter staying living with the mother. We spent a long 6 year battle for access, which was awarded last year along with PR. We found out his child was involved with social services and was put into a child protection plan while we were at court due to neglect and concerns with the mothers abilities to care for the daughter. The contact arrangements were broken a number of times, and only recently got sorted after he applied for a enforcement order when the mother finally decided to allow contact. She is diagnosed with anxiety and depression and has taken herself off her medication. At the end of last year his daughter was moved to a child in need as the mother had made improvements- these have now significantly deteriorated- in particular her school attendance and the fact she is always apparently ill. Mum doesn't recognise my partners ability to parent although he lives with me and his step daughter and we have a daughter together as well. The school, this term just gone, has put in a complaint to socials saying that they believe she was removed from the CP plan too quick and that they believe her to be at harm (neglect) and that the positive changes are no longer sustained. He daughter also has eating and appetite difficulties which the mum refuses to address, despite being told to by the socials, and my partner is now waiting for the dr to confirm an appointment with him to discuss this as the mother won't. He found out today that there is a new social worker allocated as the mum didn't like the last one as she believed he was biased into liking my partner more- he was not informed of this change and is trying to get in contact with the new one. The concerns are so ongoing he doesn't feel his daughter is safe from neglect and wants to look into a residency order- is there any advice on this especially as social services are already involved with the mum?
Concerned parent 10 Aug 2016
recently I have watched my partner go through the worst time of his life because his ex partner is refusing access to see his 5 year old daughter, from the minute she was born he done everything for her. when they split up the mother was enabling access but only on her terms, she introduced her new partner after a couple of weeks however stated I was not aloud to meet her until a 6 month period, once meeting the daughter everything changed, she has completed stopped access, claiming her daughter wants a new daddy and wont even allow phone calls or text messages to be passed on. she is a very volatile individual with a violent passed, which included punching my partner in the face while he was holding his daughter (we have evidence of this). we have contacted several mediation services and they have been pretty useless, he doesn't feel his daughter is safe with her mother as she likes to go out drinking and when they used to be together she would be violent once drink was involved. he really needs to know whether he will have a chance of full custody? I need to know what is the next step as its been nearly 2 months and its killing him. thank you in advance.
chunni 29 Jul 2016
My question is that i have a child of age four year. i meet him in a month one time in my ex-wife house. I want to know of what age i can take my child out for having fun alos my parents want to meet him how can i stay him at my home.
SeparatedDads Editor 25 Jul 2016
I think the first issue you need to find out is whether you are the father or not. I assume you slept with her at the time she conceived for you to think you may be the possible father. But if there are other men involved, then she may need to do a DNA test once the child is born in order to establish this (if she chooses). However, even if you are named as the father, it is highly unlikely a court would award you care of the child. As a rule, the mother is considered the primary carer of the child and your rights to your child are dependent upon whether you are named as the father on the birth certificate and therefore have Parental Responsibility. Also, if you are named as the father, but are unsure whether the child is yours, then you may in turn have to request a DNA test (through the court if your ex refuses), as if named you will be financially responsible for the child from the time of birth, to the time the child finishes school. Therefore, I would research as much as you can regarding your position and establish in the first instance whether the child is yours.
Simo 24 Jul 2016
I'm in the army and I've just found out that my ex is most likely 4 months pregnant, apparently I'm one of four possible fathers, she has no job/income, likes to gamble, her home is excessively open to alcohol and various drugs...so what could I do with legal action? How far could I take things, such as full custody of the child. I could provide for the child, give it a home and I have easy access to nurseries etc. I'm only 21 so I've got no Idea what actions I could really take and no idea what I can do but all I know is that If this child is mine I need to do what ever I can do in the best interest of the child.
SeparatedDads Editor 5 Jul 2016
I'm afraid there is no cut and dry answer to this question. You don't say whether the property you are in is yours/hers/rented or owned/co-owned, all which may make a difference. Therefore, I suggest you take professional legal advice regarding this matter. There is no predicting what a court may decide should it get this far. An agreed decision regarding who will be the resident-parent or whether you will share the care is always best reached between you if you can, rather than getting solicitors involved.
Bobby 4 Jul 2016
Hi, I'm currently living with my partner and 2 year old son I have recently found out she has been cheating on me and before I end the relationship she thinks were giving it another go I want to know my legal rights with my son, basically I've been bringing him up since he was born and do everything for him and she basically does nothing, she has depression and has had dark thoughts and says she wished she didn't have my son and that she didn't have the bond with him when he was born, now if we separate I don't want her to try and take him just to get back at me, I'm on his birth certificate as the father. Do you think I would get a residency order for me and my son to live in our current home as she will probably leave the city when she is kicked out.
SeparatedDads Editor 27 Jun 2016
Before you apply for custody of your son, please be aware a court is unlikely to move a child from one parent to another, unless absolutely necessary. A court will always make a decision about what it feels is in the best interests of the child and stability and consistency are valued as highly important, even though a parental situation may not be ideal. Therefore, before you make any moves I suggest you seek legal advice from a solicitor who will be able to advise whether you have a case.
Londondad77 26 Jun 2016
I am a separate dad with a residancy order in place . (C100 I think) Granting me access To see my son. I have parental rights as well. His 9 years old I am in a new marriage and my wife is supportive and motherly to my son. My issue is that overtime his life at home with mum as an influence has been negative on him as a child . I do not wish to go into details. But I want to go for full custody as I feel the life he would have here will be better with the life I can provide him. My worry is should I pursue this my ex stops me totally seeing my son and damages my relationship with him or that despite all evidence my ex will convince him it is best to stay with her. I am looking for legal help or advice or just guidance of where to go .
SeparatedDads Editor 20 Jun 2016
I am sorry to hear this. It's always a difficult question to answer, as it really does depend upon the parents and how amicable the separation is. If the separation can't be amicable, then court is used as the last resort. However, at least any arrangement made through court is official with little or no deviation permitted unless agreed mutually. I can only suggest you do all the research you can and speak to fathers who have been through similar issues, as there is nothing better than direct advice and also get as much free legal advice as possible. Our Separated Dads forum may help you here.
Mavis123 19 Jun 2016
Hi there, been reading through the site and find some useful advice and also so comfort due to not be the only one going through something similar. I am a separated Scottish dad living in Scotland, my ex left with our child at the beginning of the year and only allows me to have our son who is now one and a half 4 nights overnight every two weeks. I'm hoping that I can see him more often as in 50/50 but the ex doesn't want this. We are currently at lawyers and for every proposal she just disagrees, also I have tried texting/speaking to her and her parents to see if we can get together to sort matters out and if not then go the legal route. Still she refuses, I am now going to ask my lawyer to send an official letter in regards to going to mediation but I think this will again be refused. I am at the stage where lawyers are too expensive and thinking of representing myself even though I have no idea what to do.... I've tried legal aid and was refused advice and assistance even though all my wages are spent on bills/petrol and also a house that's in joint names but I'm left to pay 3/4 of the bills/mortgage that comes with it. I'm living at my parents and they are keeping me going as the travelling/petrol would double from our matrimonial home and it also keeps bills down by not living there helping as much as it can. We are in the process of selling the house but she wants to take all the profit as her parents provided us with the deposit I travel every week to see my son, pick him up etc and drop him off, my ex is from abroad and expects to take him home for a month in the summer and the school holidays which means I see even less of him than the already little time I have with him, I am looking for any advice at all or help to be pointed in the right direction, I don't know what to do and feel helpless to all this happening. what will be my chances taking this to court if any, also should there be other steps I take to reinforce how much I want my son in both parents lives as much as possible?
SeparatedDads Editor 3 Jun 2016
I am very sorry to hear this as it is heart-wrenching for a person to be separated from their children. However, the court will not usually uproot children from their current domestic situation for no good reason. The courts will always decide what it thinks is in the best interests of your children, not the parents. Stability and consistency is of upmost importance as is keeping the siblings together where possible. Your eldest child is 14 and will be able to have an opinion on where he/she would like to live, should the matter go to court. At the same time, it does not mean the court will act upon that preference as it will always do what it thinks is right for the child. My only advice to you is to try and continue the support of both your children and your ex. If you have an amicable split and can make things work between you, you have a better chance of being more involved in your children's lives. Once this rocky period is over then hopefully things will settle down and you will be able to relax more into your new situation and life and hopefully be able to see your children more. Please see link: Developing an Amicable Relationship With Your Ex, here . Try not to let emotions and knee-jerk reactions get in the way of thinking rationally about this. This is about you giving the best you can for your children and sometimes we have to think outside the box in order to obtain the best outcome also for ourselves.
HeartbrokenDad 3 Jun 2016
I am posting this hoping that someone can help. I have been with my children's mother living as a married couple for over 5 years and actually married for 5years. I am named on all 3 birth certificates and my children are 14 11 and 6. The mother has recently separated from me and is refusing to let me enter the family home and only letting me see the children on set days and times, being apart from my family is excruciating and all I would like to is be there every day to look after them like I was. I don't drink nor do drugs nor do I go out and leave the older two at home on there own for hours on end but I do work unlike the mother. Can I apply for a court order to get the children especially the older two to live with me and see the mother at weekends or 3 days a week, the youngest is so close to the mother that I would not like to change that nor rip her from her but I do need help and advice, Regards HeartbrokenDad
Tinkerbell 15 May 2016
Hi my daughter has a son she gave him to her father after having a drug problem .he is always messing her around what pecific days she has with him and overnight stays and he cancels there is no social services involved and it hasn't been put in court for custody .he has had 3 relationships in his life and is only 5 .he gets told to call them mammy which is wrong as he has only one biological mother he has no stability in his life so what can she do
SeparatedDads Editor 11 May 2016
You can represent yourself in court, please see link: Legal Aid Withdrawal: How to Represent Yourself, here with the help of a McKenzie Friend, If you decide to self-litigate I advise you to make sure you do your research properly (our pages can give good advice). You can also use our forum for any other questions you need answering and free services such as Citizens Advice may help. Non-resident parents are having good success in court if they present their cases well.
Mr M 11 May 2016
I'm going for full custody of my children.They already live with me.Are there any solicitors that would represent me for free or that would set a payment plan as I can not afford this but I also need to get this sorted.The mother is not on scene but wants custody but has a bad drugs habit that's y children live with me.I also do everything while she does nothing
SeparatedDads Editor 9 May 2016
I suggest you seek legal advice. If you are on the birth certificate and have parental repsonsibility then you do have rights. However, much depends upon how often you see your daughter and whether you are consistent and present in her day-to-day in her life i.e a hands-on father. If you are then you would have a good case. If you only see your daughter occasionally, then the court would have to decide upon what it thinks is in your daughter's best interests. But it is definitely worth seeking legal advice regarding your options.
Adam 7 May 2016
Hi what my problem is my daughters mother has left my daughter with my daughters nana and she's left her for her boy friend I'm on my daughters birth certificate I have all right to got to my daughters nana and tell her that I want my daughter and seec for full custody I have all right to do that as her farther don't I
Scruff 6 May 2016
My son has a 4 week old child that hes been allowed to see, but the mother is saying she won't let him put his name on the birth certificate. Is it right that he has no rights whatsoever? What if he asked to give dna?it's so unfair that he wants to help bring him up,but she's calling all the shots
SeparatedDads Editor 5 May 2016
We are glad you find the forum useful. If you wish to apply for a child arrangement order this (if awarded) would mean your ex could not take the children, please see link: What Happens If My Ex Keeps the Children Without My Consent? here which should answer your question regarding what to do. Please also see gov.uk whichI hope this helps.
Jbob 4 May 2016
Hello all! Firstly I'd like to congratulate everyone on making this such a useful asset, I think the forum is a great idea and in disposable when it comes to a little extra knowledge in such matters. I'm in a position at the moment where I require some advice and would be grateful to anyone that could give it. My situation is this, I currently have my two girls with me and my two boys are with their aunt and uncle due to a family conference agreement under a social worker and a "child in need" clause. The children were only supposed to be moved in with us if their mother failed to find a new home in the local area (due to the children staying in the same school) we had to make an exception because the children were put in danger by way of a police chase whereby the 4 of them and 3 adults were in a 5 seater vehicle with 2 in the footwell and a disqualified driver at the wheel. As it's only gone to the stage of children in need with social services I only have parental responsibility on my side and nothing solid or concrete as the mother still has the right to just take them if she wishes, her current partner is a drunk and constantly in trouble with the police and I feel he is a danger to my children as he's completely irresponsible. What should/can i do? Sorry for the long winded approach and believe me there is an awful lot more I could add but really I'm just looking for some advice. Thanks in advance
Jc 4 May 2016
Hi , I have had joint custody of my three children 1 boy and 2 girls , since 2005 . My x gets them every other week , when the shared parenting hearing they had said the children had to stay in same school district, since then mom moved to many different school districts , my new wife has had the girls since they was 5/7 now they are grown 13/15 . We still live in same school district, in the last 3 years my girls has had some bad things happen to them while at moms , never her .when I say bad I mean unspeakable things ,, well now because I teach my girls they have to work (clean their bedrooms , do laundry etc ) I am the bad guy , both my girls have learning disabilities and my wife takes them to dr , counseling etc. Mom is just now pitching in ..but we disagreed on the age my oldest daughters boyfriend should be ..he is 18 and is a foster child due to trouble he got into at home .so mom went and got finger printed so they could see each other at her home ..since then my daughter lied to me and I told her they was not to see each other so now my girls say they are moving in with mom and mom filled for full custody what can I do to stop it where they are not leaving my home ? They get on the bus here everyday and get off the bus here everyday ..if they move with her thry will have to leave their school all because I make them clean and disagree with boyfriend ..help any advice
SeparatedDads Editor 27 Apr 2016
The courts are accustomed to this sort of imbalance in proceedings and will make concessions. However, it is still important for your partner to ensure he is up to speed with what is required. The Bar Council has a very good guidance leaflet via the link here and he also may be able to get some free help and advice via a McKenzie Friend, see article: Using a McKenzie Friend in Court, here. Your partner may also wish to access our Separated Dads forum as many dads have been through this procedure and can give excellent advice on how to approach and/or get the best from family court proceedings. I hope this helps.
Bec 26 Apr 2016
Hi , my partner has his daughter due to a child protection plan under child neglect & abuse , he is going for a residency order of her & representing his self due to financially not been able to afford a solicitor , but his ex has one due to her not working so she gets one free . He is worried of the outcome due to representing his self any help would be great thanks!
SeparatedDads Editor 8 Apr 2016
I am very sorry to hear this and that you are going through such a tough time. If you are married then you are naturally entitled to a split in the assets, but for this you would need to seek legal advice. With regards to your daughter, the court will always rule for what it thinks is in the best interests of a child. Before it goes to court Cafcass will get involved, please see link: What Goes into the Cafcass Family Report? here and My Positive Experience of Cafcass, here. It is very difficult to predict what a court may decide as there are so many factors to be considered. But my advice is to read and research as much as you can on the subject so you are armed and educated with all the correct facts in order to make sure the system works for you. I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Gto 7 Apr 2016
Hi 6 weeks ago my wife txted me saying we aren't together any more ? IM a injured war veteran I'm 34 yrs old and I've cared for our daughter Poppy since day 1 min 1 I held her first so the bond we have is enormous. My soon to be ex wife works full time so I'm a stay at home dad ! I'm having to move out of our family home where I payed 13 grand for the deposit and 6 grand so my wife could spend 6 months off work after the C section. She's now threatened me with quote 'it's my house I am on the mortgage your not' and 'if you carry on ill fight you in court for our daughter'. I've been heartbroken, emotional blackmailed, basically left to breaking point and suicide because she's broken my heart she abandoned me whilst going through rough treatment on my spine basically 6 weeks of torture! The only reason I'm still here is because of my girl that's it! I'm ok sort of now I'm seeing somebody about it and on the way up but she's still sticking her 50p in whenever it suits. Now my baby girl is normal 20m old child she's funny everything you would expect of a toddler and more, now my question is this! Because I suffer from PTSD and I'm disabled from serving my country would the court look down on me as unsuitable because of the PTSD etc ? Even though the council has found me a bungalow to live in by a ocupational therapist which she said I'm ok to have her with me ? Because she works full time ? Will they reject me because I'm going through a pretty rough time ? Even though it doesn't effect Poppy ? Thanks ? God help me
ALICE 22 Mar 2016
I meet a guy in London we dated for 3 mouth and I got pregnant for him I went to tell him that am pregnant his door was looked, I asked his neighbours about him they don't no his where about, I called his number is switched off, since them I never know is where about, when I went to register the baby birth certificate after giving birth I didn't put any name on fathers name I left it blank becos the father did not even no that someone has a baby for him, so i gave the a name and i choose a name for the surname the birth register-er said we cant leave the surname area blank, Now I want to travel with the baby which is now 9yrs old the requirement to travel with a child without second parent is to hold a child custody document, this is where I need help how do I go about this. Thank you.
SeparatedDads Editor 22 Mar 2016
Your brother would have to apply to see your nephew. For those who cannot afford legal fees, the alternative is to self-litigate, please see link: Legal Aid Withdrawal: How to Represent Yourself, here. Many parents are having a good amount of success taking this route, if they prepare their cases well. I suggest you speak with your brother and see whether you can help him research into what he needs to do to apply for access. All the Separated Dads pages are designed to help as much as possible. I hope this helps.
Anonymous101 22 Mar 2016
I know I have no 'legal' say in whether I get to see the child or not as he is my nephew, so I'll share from my perspective, then my brothers. My brother and son would stay at my house every other weekend sometimes more, at this time the mother didn't want this but knew it was right... But, they had an argument, and obviously, she said that he wasn't allowed to see HIS child however I continued to do so... About seven months ago myself and my nephews mum had an argument and now I'm no longer allowed to see my nephew and let's be clear that her words were 'stay away from me and my son'. I have asked and asked to see him but she has blocked my number and things like Facebook, I allowed her to calm down from the argument we had and then I managed to contact her and asked to see him, her words were and I quote "You know where I live, you could have come round." To me I was pretty shocked, at first I'm supposed to stay away but her words have contradicted themselves. 'Stay away' 'you could have come round', a lot of mixed messages. Anyway more to the point, she has said people like me should stay away from her son even though I used to live with her, pay for nappies, baby wipes, and EVERYTHING my nephew needed even if I didn't have the spare money to do so, I would spoil him in every way when I was with him, I don't understand why I have earned the title 'people like you' as if I'm a danger to him or anything of the sort. This child means the world to me, and all I want is to be able to have a relationship with him as he is very young and all I will be is a distant memory to be forgotten. My brother on the other hand isn't so 'efficient' he wants to see his child but we can not force the child's mum to allow us to see him, and unfortunately for us, money for court isn't something that we can easily come by. He has come to the point of acceptance, a dad accepting that because the word of the mother being he can't see his son accepting that no really does have to mean no. There's no financial support for this anymore (legal aid) we both know that her word WOULD NOT stand in court, don't get me wrong, she's a good mum after all of the crappy things she has said about us I can not say she is a bad parent. She didn't put my brother on the child's birth certificate so she believes that he does not have any perental rights, but my nephew is like looking back a number of years ago at my brother and is 100% without a doubt his child, birth certificate or not he is the child's dad, all it would take is a DNA test to prove this. Does anyone know what we can do? Or at least what I can do?
Ghadeer 16 Mar 2016
Hi dear I separated with my parents after 10 years married what's happening when I married I had problems with my mother in Law and my parents but I didn't told to police because I didn't speak English and I don't understand the uk law I get three children when my son told me my dad heating me I told my parents we must separated I don't want any body to heating my children red lien for me I didn't understand so know I caring how to get custody my children under my name in low I skear if my parents take away from me
Preet 12 Mar 2016
Hi i have a step daughter she is living with me and my wife since last 7years but we are thinking to move from this country and we haven't got any child custody but from my daughter birth her father never met her now if we are applying for the custody of my daughter then is their any chance to get the custody of my step daughter goning to his father I don't want to lose my daughter can you give me better advice
dai 11 Mar 2016
Hi I would like some advice regarding how to deal with my son's alcholic mother I took custody of our son in June 2015 and still have him with me now March 2016 the problem I got is I haven't. Got custody through the court only parental responsibility due to the fact my ex partner turned up in a car she was driving and was drunk trying to pick my son up from school she has never admitted to anything but child protection believed my story thank god she has a history of alcholic issues including drinking whilst pregnancy which resulted in our son being born 7wks early in the house which I saved his life when delivering him on my own she continued to drink after giving birth until she was convicted of drink driving the following year but after giving up drink she became a dry drunk swooping an addiction after another as in spending over eating and extreme dieting I split from my son's mother in January 2014 and found out in febuary 2015 that she was back drinking again but couldn't prove it until she was caught br the school in June 2015 she denied drinking but I know for a fact she was and she only kept irregular phone contact with our son for the next six month but now she has seen him for the first time in 8mths she is playing games with his mind saying he can come home with her but she refuses to tell him the truth why the school stopped her taking him home 9mths ago she even recorded his voice on her mobile phone when he said he would like to go home with her after she used underarm tactics to get him to say it and now she says she will use that to get custody of him
Chris p 27 Feb 2016
HI their I currently split from my ex partner and our son has been in perfect contract but now I have a partner who loves our son and also she has a son of the same age and she is fantasic with her. Now she is letting me have him one weekend out of two but it's when suits her and also she has told me when we live together he is not staying and just making my life hard I pay the correct csa every month now she is asking for more money but I give.her the correct amount as csa say never missed a payment and I love my.son I want to have him more what can I do I just want to have him more and stay over with out controller what I do
SeparatedDads Editor 23 Feb 2016
I am sorry to hear this. You can certainly apply through the courts to see your son. If you can't afford the legal fees, you can self-litigate, please see link: Legal Aid Withdrawal: How to Represent Yourself here. Many fathers are having good results applying for access/contact this way. I hope this helps.
rich 15 Feb 2016
Most grateful for your quick response, Alex does live with me attends school is happy and settled and doing well I couldn't go through losing her again it almost cost me everything many thanks R .C
SeparatedDads Editor 15 Feb 2016
I assume your daughter is living with you currently. If you wish it to remain this way, then I can only suggest, as specified in the article, you apply through the courts for a residence order. As specified in the article, in making a residence order, the court will consider a number of issues, which are listed. The most important issue in the court's mind is the stability of your child. If she in school, well-adjusted and happy, then you stand a good chance of the courts ruling your daughter remains with you. If you are concerned your ex may take your daughter out of the country, then another option would be to apply for a Prohibited Steps Order. A Prohibited Steps Order (PSO) is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. We have all heard the stories of a parent taking their child for the weekend and not returning them or going abroad with them and it becoming extremely difficult for the other parent to get their child back. Thankfully, this is one of the scenarios that a PSO seeks to prevent. There is no guarantee you would be awarded it, but if you have concerns in this area, the courts will definitely consider it.
rich 15 Feb 2016
I'd like to tell my story my daughter was taken to Thailand by my ex and left there , my ex returned to England she had changed her phone number and moved so I had no contact with her or my daughter .I made my daughter a ward of court in nov 2014 and in Dec 2014 they held my ex's passport and give her a date in April that my daughter must be returned by there was issues with obtaining a visa for my ex sister to bring my daughter back ,so she had to pay for me to go ,when the plane landed we were both called to the front of the plane and escorted by police trough the airport were it had been arranged that I had to hand my daughter back to her mother who arrived a bit worst for ware 45 mins late my ex was supporting her self by working on the game and started taking drugs .within 6 days she had contacted me and asked if I would like Alex for a week I was glad to-do after the week was up she turned up hands shaking saying she has no money no where to live so I said your not taking Alex then .her reply was violent so I phoned the police by the time they came she had taking our daughter and gone I made a statement and showed the damaged she had done and I shared my concerns about my daughters welfare and asked if social services could be informed I'd phoned them the week before but as I had no address they could not do anything but know they could find her and within 2 days my ex phoned and said she will drop Alex off she didn't want them to go where was living that was the end middle May 2015 Alex was 4 then she turned 5 early Dec she has started school and is happy she see's her mum once every 3 weeks she has stayed with her mum for a couple of days but when asked now she don't want to stay all this has left its mark she is like my shadow she still thinks I wait outside the school after dropping her off when I get petrol she gets out the car she is afraid that she is going to be left anyway my ex visa is due for renewal am not sure it will be what happens or what should I do Alex was born in this country but we were not married
Paul 31 Jan 2016
Re the grandmother. I think it's fairly simple if everyone agrees to have the grandmother apply for parental responsibility too.
SingleDad84 29 Jan 2016
Hi, am just looking for a little advice...... For the past 7 years myself and my two children's grandmother have unofficially shared custody of my two children. My ex suffers with mental health and drug issues and has not played a role in the upbringing of the kids. The boys stay with their grandmother during the week as they go to school 5 minutes from hers and stay with me from Friday to Sunday every week. Social services has just got involved as my ex was recently sectioned and have now told us that we need to sort this out officially as their grandmother technically has no parental rights at the moment. How do we go about doing this? We both get on and the mother has agreed that she is happy for us to take over officially. Can we both share joint custody as we both get on and only want what's best for the kids but due to this being such an unusual scenario we have no idea how the courts will see things?
SeparatedDads Editor 22 Jan 2016
I am sorry to hear this. Even with shared-parenting, it is unlikely the courts would allow you to move the child to a different part of the country, if the other parent does not agree. While the courts will look at all the factors surrounding your input into your daughter's life, the courts will always act for what is in the best interests of your child and a high value is placed on stability and consistency. To take your daughter to live in another part of the country would mean uprooting her from family, friends and schooling and unless necessary the courts would always err away from this sort of change. Perhaps, this is something that may be better sorted out through Mediation, so you can come to a mutual agreement, rather than the courts.
matt 21 Jan 2016
Hi, I current share custody of my daughter (4) with my ex over a 2-week cycle. We each get a weekend and over the 2 weeks we have that same amount of days/nights with her. This is an arrangement we came to nearly a year after the separation, as when we split, she left me and our daughter and only saw her every other weekend for 10 months. The new arrangement has been this way now for around a year. I currently face redundancy and after finding work I will have to move to another part of Britain, but I want to take my daughter with me. I know the mother would not agree to the move so I am unsure what to do. I could not live without my daughter but after looking for work I will need to move. What can I do, and what would the outcomes of going to court be? As I side note we were never married but I do have parental responsibility. Thank you.
SeparatedDads Editor 21 Jan 2016
If you wish to take your child on holiday and your ex refuses to discuss this either between you or via mediation, then you may have to apply for a Specific Issue Order, please see link: here. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 21 Jan 2016
When making a residence order, the court will consider a number of issues, which are specified in the article. The fact your ex may have other men coming into the home, may not on its own be considered a strong enough reason to remove the children from your ex to live with you when they have an established home, friends, school etc. Cafcass will get involved and while they may listen to your children's opinions, their opinions are taken more seriously when they are over the age of 11. However, if you still feel your reasons are justified enough to take the matter to court, then you would have to go through the process laid out in the article. On another note, you could volunteer to have your children more often and/or suggest Mediation to your ex if you cannot agree between you. I hope this helps.
Louis 20 Jan 2016
Hi, I recently took my ex partner to court for access to my children. I got my access and was agreed in court that we would discuss any further access. She is still being really difficult with any more contact such as me taking them on holiday because it's not in the court order. How do I go about re-applying to the court to get this added in to the court order?
Mickyblue 20 Jan 2016
Hi I have 2 boys age 5&9 been split up from them mum now about 8-9month and she been with 4 blokes in the space off us splitting up the last one was the weekend gone my kids felt like a strange in there horn home then when I pick them up on Monday wots just gone there said ther won't to live with me wot do I do need some advice never been her before... Me and there mum was together for 12 years
Beth 15 Jan 2016
Hello I'm after some advice please. I have two children that live with me I had to leave the baby's dad due to domestic violence relationship. The youngest child has my last name but the oldest has the dads last name. Does he have half of the rights with my order or not ? Thank you in advance
emma 15 Jan 2016
Hi, My brother and his ex partner have a 14 month old daughter together. His ex partner and daughter used to live with him. His ex partner and daughter then gradually moved out and back in with his ex partners mum. Now my brother does not get to see his daughter as much as he would like. His ex partner will not let him have his daughter over night or even for a few hours through the day. If She goes on nights out with her friends she et's her mum or sister have his daughter however will not let him have her even though he does anything he can for his daughter and is a brilliant dad. She is not willing to let him have his daughter so mediation would not work as she will not be willing. What can he do to be able to see his daughter and have her over night sometimes. What are the first steps he needs to take as this is heartbreaking for him. Hope you can help
Toni 14 Jan 2016
My ex husband is applying for joint custody of our 7 year old and our 9 week old he works 6 days a week 11-6 and he has community service on a Sunday 9-4 he's in a violent relationship he has our oldest child 3 nites a week from half five Tue Thurs and Sunday till 8.50 when he drops him off at school if he manages to get him there on time anybody know what the chances are in him being award this
SeparatedDads Editor 12 Jan 2016
If your ex refuses to negotiate either with you directly, or through mediation, then the only way to proceed with this is through the courts. However, there is no guarantee the children would be removed from your ex and handed back to you. The courts like consistency and stability and as specified in the article have certain requirements that must be met when making a decision about where the children should live.
Dani 12 Jan 2016
Hi,I have two children from a relationship with a women from abroad who also have four children from a previous relationship,about 5 years ago I brought my children to UK for schooling with the consent of their mother.I also got a wife in UK and my children were looked after by my wife.two years ago mother of my children got UK visit visa and while she was here I let my children stay with her,she applied for asylum in UK on forged documents and got refused and get detained by immigration service.while she was in custody children were with me.when she was about to get deported she came clean and told immigration services that she got two British children and she got released from custody and then I let children to live with her again while she was waiting for case,meanwhile I was paying for all her expenses,her rent bills and all other expenses even sending money to her four children back home. Now suddenly she is refusing me to meet my children and I want to take official custody of my children.she got resident permit but she still don't have any job or house.please advice me what chance I have to get my children and how to proceed.
SeparatedDads Editor 11 Jan 2016
You don't say how the children have gone to live with their father, i.e was it because of Social Services intervention? If so, anything that points to his ex not being able to care for the children properly will help his case. If he applies to the courts for an Arrangement Order, then Cafcass will get involved and social workers etc will be consulted, see link: What Goes into the Cafcass Family Report? here. The children's opinions will also be taken into consideration by the courts, and the court will always base its decision on what it thinks is in their best interests. I hope this helps.
kelmc 10 Jan 2016
Hi I need some advice please, my brother has recently taken over full time care of his 4 children after the mother had been neglecting them..leaving home home alone, not taking them to school etc. She's had a few problems with the police in recent months and has turned to alcohol. What's his chances of applying for a residency order and it being granted?..he doesn't want to keep them from their mother but just wants her to get some help for herself. The oldest 2 children 11 and 8 want to stay with my brother but they're worried they'll be sent home..any info would be great. Thanks
SeparatedDads Editor 8 Jan 2016
There are no rules here, no one is 'wrong' and this is something that should be sorted out between you. If your ex is threatening legal advice, it means means nothing at this stage. The courts prefer family law situations to be sorted out via mediation before it will consider an application to the courts. Please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. I hope this helps.
rh86 7 Jan 2016
Hi could I have some advice please. Me and my daughters dad spilt up last March, me and my daughter moved 3 hrs away to be closer to my family. In the beginning we agreed on him coming to see her whenever he wanted and for him to pay me a certain amount a month. Then suddenly everything changed, he's been up to see her twice in nearly a whole year and expects me to take him to see her whenever he sees fit. His family on the other hand have not bothered to come and see her at all but he feels it's important for them to have a relationship with her. I have refused to take her down there, I don't drive and can not afford train/coach fees all the time. My daughter is 16 months and feel it's unfair on her to drag her back and forth when he can easily get on a train/coach to come and see her. Never have I once said that he can not see her, I just want him to make more of an effort and come to us. He now has a new girlfriend and because of this he didn't come and see our daughter over Christmas as he couldn't afford to pay for them all to come so he didn't come at all. He seems to feel it's ok for him to say he can't afford to come and see her but it's not ok for me to say that I can't afford to go down to him (if that makes sense) he keeps threatening me with getting legal advice but I don't feel as if I'm in the wrong seeing as he's the one who won't make the effort to come and see her. Am I in the wrong? Oh and also he had uncontrolled epilepsy so I will not let him have her on his own incase anything happens. Thanks hope you can help
SeparatedDads Editor 6 Jan 2016
I am sorry to hear this. Firstly, as you have parental responsibility your ex has to obtain permission from you to leave the country with your daughter. If she takes your daughter abroad to live without your consent, it will amount to abduction. If you refuse your permission, your ex would then have to apply through the courts and it would be up to the courts to decide what is in the best interests of your child. If you wish to pre-empt this action and are scared of her leaving the country without your permission, then you have the option of applying to the courts for a Prohibited Steps Order. A PSO, is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. We have all heard the stories of a parent taking their child for the weekend and not returning them or going abroad with them and it becoming extremely difficult for the other parent to get their child back. Thankfully, this is one of the scenarios that a PSO seeks to prevent. However, there is no guaranteeing you will be granted the order as again this would be up to the court to decide what is in the best interests of your child. Applying for a Child Arrangement Order (custody) would also be up to the courts to decide and CAFCASS would have to get involved, see What Goes into the Cafcass Family Report? here. If you wanted to avoid court, you also have the option of Mediation where you can try to come to a mutual agreement regarding the situation. I hope this helps.
peter 29 Dec 2015
I have a ner on Two year on son who was taken from me at start of the year from a zimbabwe women who play me for a fool put me jobless homeless and in debt over a two year period in a relationship this woman use me to get citizenship into the uk for a child she was working under someone else details I was the main carried of my son this woman has ever think well plan out what she going to do to me and my life her games was to take the child back to Zimbabwe I been acting in court on my own this pass year since she run off with the boy back in February I managed to get a step order in place and I have to go on a child course for a under due two this woman lairing two this woman stated under the home office application that she got into this country though sex hooker It very nasty what women done to me and my life and fine out after giving her a mix race child that she is racist towards white people too
Stewey 28 Dec 2015
Hi, I am going through a divorce at present and I would like to have joint residency for my two children one nine and the other thirteen. I understand that that it is difficult to get these orders agreed in England however I determined to proceed. I asked my ex to consider the following as a solution to the problems of disruption to the children's routine; The children stay in the family home and my ex and I share it on a weekly/monthly basis. All costs split equally and the children are not disrupted at all. The reaction of my ex was swift and she has refused to even consider it. She cannot afford to stay in the family home and wants to sell up and have the children with me having access. I can afford to stay in the family home but she will not consider this as she wants the money out of the property and I am not able to raise the money to buy her out. Would this proposition be considered by the court as realistic alternative to having dual residencies?
jason 21 Dec 2015
Hi I'm in a awkward one my child was born overseas and my ex partner has resided there with my daughter but I am a British citizen what steps could I take as I 2as supposed to see my child for Christmas through mutual agreement but that didn't fall through so I know I need to do it via the courts now
grannyJ 19 Dec 2015
My son has applied for pr and arrangements order but child is on child in need register and may escalate to child protection due to concerns over mums capacity to care and some of her family assessed as danger. If social agree can we change order to get custody or do we neednew application? We are reallyconcerned for my grandchild and just want to do best for him
SeparatedDads Editor 18 Dec 2015
If you wish to apply for residency, then you would have to take the steps laid out in the article. If you are concerned about a child, you may also wish to give the NCPCC helpline a call for further advice, link here before you pursue any court action.
Gillsgirl 17 Dec 2015
Hi I'm trying to find out information for my partner he has two boys with his ex who also has two other children and one on the way, the problem we have is that his ex isn't taking care of the children and we want to take her to court to have his boys live with us. Their school have reported her to social services twice now due to the state the children are in but social services seems to think everything is fine. The kids go to school with no breakfast and are always dirty and smelly, she doesn't keep up medical appointments for the youngest who has asthma. They are not doing well at school either and she never helps them to get homework etc done. What can we do? We feel helpless to help them.
Bonnieboo 14 Dec 2015
My son is wanting to take custody of his one year old daughter. The mother is bringing home different men and this impacts on my granddaughters safety. She leaves both my granddaughter and her elder daughter with whomever will take them. My son wants stability in his daughters life but is worried the cards are stacked against him as fathers rarely get to have their children. She has mental health issues. Is there any hope? Please help and advise us. Thankyou R
SeparatedDads Editor 11 Dec 2015
If you have proof that these issues are occuring, it may help your case if you took it to court. However, whether it is a strong enough reason for the court to remove the children from their mother's care can only be decided through the court. The court will always decide what is in the child's best interests and stability is crucial - meaning it is still rare for the courts to take children from one parent and give care to another, unless necessary.
jwcr1979 11 Dec 2015
Hi I have 3 children with my ex, I am on the birth certificate also. We have been split up for 4 years now and for the past 3 years my 8yr old daughter has had nits, I went to the drs and they gave me some medicated treatment which I used on all 3 children, Since then my little girl has had nits again pretty much constantly but I was told if I use treatment on their hair again their mum will punch me in the face, also my youngest got thrown out of the dentist because him mum missed 4 appointments so I have taken oven their dentistry, I also know that the family have a connection with drugs and gbh. I was wondering if this may be something I could put forward to the courts to try and get custody as I truely believe that the children would benefit from living with me.
SeparatedDads Editor 8 Dec 2015
Have you spoken to the mother directly about this? You can either agree to a family-based agreement where you take more care of your son. Or you could request that your ex attends mediation. If she refuses either of these, then you would have to take it to court, taking the advice in this article. Should you be concerned about your child's welfare, you may wish to talk to a trained counsellor at the NSPCC, for further advice. I hope this helps.
Jay 7 Dec 2015
I have a 6 year old son with special needs that needs 24/7 care. he lives with his mother (we was never married) but lately hes mother has been drinking and using drugs and is in no fit state to care for a child. I need to get my son out of there and living with me. where on earth do I start please help. thankyou.
SeparatedDads Editor 7 Dec 2015
As specified in the article, if you are seeking custody of your children, you will need to use Children Act form C1 which is readily available from the HM Courts and Tribunal Service website. However, if you do not wish to take this to court, you may be able to come to an agreement through mediation, please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. I hope this helps.
Shay 4 Dec 2015
I got married a year ago and took in two kids of my husband 8 yr old son and 13 yr old daughter. They have gone back to their. Mom but she said she cannot take care of them she will give me full Custody of both kids. What must be done for this to happen , kids are happy with their mom,s decision? Please explain.
SeparatedDads Editor 13 Nov 2015
Due to the complexity of the both the logistical and parental situation, you would need to seek legal advice regarding this. Your daughter's sister may be able to seek a kinship order if required which would allow her and her partner to look after your daughter, if your ex could not manage. The courts will always opt for what is in the best interests of the child and uprooting her and sending her to live in Australia may not be. However, at 13 your daughter would also be allowed to have an opinion on where she would like to live, should anything happen to her mother, and that would be up to the courts to decide.
SeparatedDads Editor 13 Nov 2015
You would really need to seek legal advice regarding this, as applying for full-residency isn't straighforward and is rather different/more complicated that applying for access, or joint-residency.
Robzster 12 Nov 2015
Hi there, looking for some advice. I have a 13 year old daughter from my first marriage. She came to stay with me when social services removed her from her mums home due to her violent partner at the time, she got out of that situation(he went to jail for assaulting her). There was no legal custody order in place either, everyone agreed it was best for my daughter to stay with me, anyway, she came back into my daughters life which is fair enough. About 18 months ago I was offered a job in Australia, so my daughter remained in Scotland with her mum. Recently I got a call from my daughter telling me her mum was taken to hospital and diagnosed with a brain tumour, she has had it removed. My question is can I apply to bring my daughter here to Australia to live with me on the basis that her mum won't be able to give her the care she needs? Can my ex's older daghter(not mine) 27 and her partner block this? What would be the likelihood of the court rejecting my claim? It would be Scottish courts
crooky 12 Nov 2015
pppi am also on the birth certificate aswell so this mean i have more rights as i want to know or ask about his medical records so i know were his drs an stuff is incase anything happensl
crooky 12 Nov 2015
i have got a 2 year old boy who is suppose to live with his mother on a fulltime basis shes in receipt of his benefits etc an i am constantly left with him he is due to start school soon an dont know what school what drs dentist he is under. I have asked my drs could i sign him up there but they said only the person who has custody can do this.i want fulltime custody as i think my child is autistic an have been asking her for over a year to speak to his health visitor but she constantly lies an says shes done stuff when she hasnt. I feel like he would be better off living with me as i feel all she wants is his benefits she has already had one child took off before we met and has been to jail for violence i want to do something before she loses my little boy to the state an its killing me watching her do this to him. i have tried to reason with her for over 2 years an just keeps doing same thing. I need help before its too late
SeparatedDads Editor 10 Nov 2015
Your partner would initially have to apply for Parental Responsibility through the courts because currently he has no rights if his name is not on the birth certificate. He would also have to apply for access alongside this. It would be a rare occasion that a court would rule in a parent's favour and grant them custody, if he does not have PR. Therefore, it may mean a lengthy court process for him, especially if his ex decides to fight and possibly deny him access. Also, if he is trying to prove his ex is unwell, it is unlikely his ex will lie down and accept this, especially if she is aware he is trying to fight for residency of his daughter. I can only suggest your partner seeks legal advice regarding his options, which of course, will cost.
Anon 9 Nov 2015
Hello, I was wondering if anyone was able to give any advice. My partner has an 8 year old daughter who lives with her mother, he gets to see her when his ex is working, there are no set days. The thing we are worried about is his ex is mentally unwell, she was diagnosed with bi-polar years ago when my partner said she needed to go to the doctor as something wasn't right. She has bad episodes, won't seek any more medical advice after they have told her its bipolar and I dont think she takes her medication. His daughter loves coming to stay and recently my partner has been getting horrible texts from his ex saying his daughter keeps being naughty with her and her new partner, she never is for us. My partner gave his daughter a mobile phone so he could contact her himself without having to go through his ex as she can be difficult when she is having a bad day mentally. Last night when he dropped his daughter back off at her mums, his ex went crazy because she said she wasn't allowed the phone anymore as punishment for being naughty, so her punishment was that she wasn't allowed to text her dad. She was pushing my partner, threatening to throw the phone at his car, his daughter was crying her eyes out, and when he drove away his ex was on the doorstep cackling like a witch. My partner was really upset about this because he's worried for his daughter. Her mum is mentally unwell but only seems to show it us, she manages to somehow put on a sane front at work and infront of others I think. What can my partner do? He would love for his daughter to live with him as his ex is unwell, one time when they were together she went missing for a day and came back and said she was stood on top of a bridge threatening to jump. But what can he do? Another thing I should mention, when his daughter was born, his ex wouldn't put him on the birth certificate. So I'm not sure of his rights. He's also worried if he reports her for being mentally unfit to look after his daughter, that she will play the sane card for the authorities and then she might stop my partner from seeing his daughter. Because there is nothing is legally bound, she can very easily say he's not seeing her anymore. Does anyone have any advice? We just want his daughter to be safe and happy. Thank you in advance.
James 3 Nov 2015
Hello. My situation is complicated and I'm not sure what my options are so I would be grateful for any advise. My daughter is 6 years old. I split up with my partner (the mother of my child) almost a year ago after she admitted cheating. We still live together but sleeping in different rooms. My ex has been trying to move out but has nowhere to go and cannot afford to rent. She has applied for housing benefit but none of the tenants seem to accept it. The house we are living in is owned by my parents as it is their second home. My ex does not formally pay rent but does pay me 50% of the household bills (electric, gas and water). My ex has a new partner who lives over 200 miles away. They phone each other every day for hours and my ex keeps asking my daughter how she might like to have a brother and sister in the future. My daughter has not met my ex's new partner yet. My ex has a part-time job but the hours she works mean that she is reliant on me to pick up my daughter from school every day. My ex also travels to see her partner for 2 weeks at a time, leaving me to look after my daughter. I'm unemployed and it is difficult for me to get a job because I have severe social anxiety which makes me appear extremely nervous in job interviews. I have had many different jobs but my bosses always complained that I was 'not confident' enough. I have only been diagnosed with 'anxiety with depression'. I hope this doesn't go against me, but it shouldn't because my ex also has been diagnosed with depression. What do you think about my situation? When I have told my friends they often say 'Why don't I kick my ex out?'. This seems like the most obvious solution but it completely disregards my daughters emotional well-being. Currently I get on amicably with my ex for my daughters sake and it kicking her out from the home would cause a massive backlash from her family who live locally. I don't want to make things worse!
SeparatedDads Editor 2 Nov 2015
He could apply through the courts for Parental Responsibility, which means he will have to be consulted over specific issues and he will be financially responsible for her also. It means he would have more rights to her future than he has now and it may allow him to apply for residency in order to prevent his daughter being taken into care. He would need to seek legal advice on this. If he cannot afford the hefty legal bills, he can also self-litigate. Please see article: Legal Aid Withdrawal: How to Represent Yourself, here. I hope this helps.
emma 30 Oct 2015
My partner has an 8 month old daughter, who he has just found out through a DNA test is definitely his. He has never met his daughter, as there has been ongoing issues with his ex, she harasses him, and also threatens me and our unborn son. His ex partner is known to be taking drugs and partying around this child, and she is on the verge of being taken into care. My partners very worried as he is not registered on the birth certificate despite many attempts at doing so, and he has no idea what he can do?
SeparatedDads Editor 29 Oct 2015
Your only option is to go through court as this sounds like a situation mediation may not be able to resolve, see link Mediation - what is it and is it for me? here. Should you take it to court Cafcass will get involved, please see link: What Goes into the Cafcass Family Report? whichI hope this helps.
0410 28 Oct 2015
1059 - I hear where you're coming from. Dear separate dad's, the mother of my son 2yr old) insults me, threatens me and is obsessed with my 5yr daughter from a previous relationship and her mother. Jealousy and insecurity are obvious from the abuse - there is no more talking to be done with this woman, I've told her to get counselling, but you can imagine how that went down - every week there is an insult about me or my daughters mum, a threat of violence against me with demands for more money. She banned me from seeing my son only to contact me a week later saying she can't cope and I need to get my son as she thinks she might hurt him. I'm scared for my son and fed up with him being used against me as a control tool. Please advise - as I have to block calls and texts from her just to get on with day - day life. I want custody of my son and a restraining order on his mother.
jojn 21 Oct 2015
Thanks that does help. The child living with me is in nursery ect and has friends here I just want to ensure that no issue would come that could effect her I am currently trying to sort out time for the children to see each other regular but have asked my health visitor to help sort this out instead of getting legal advice
SeparatedDads Editor 20 Oct 2015
Yes, this is applicable to both parents who have parental responsibility, as legally both have equal rights regarding caring for their children. So, in cases where one parent does not return the child to the other parent, it means the police cannot intervene. It also means the resident parent would have to take the non-resident parent to court in order to either appeal for the child to be returned, or for the court to decide which parent it was in the best interests of the child to live with. Therefore, your only option to ensure this does not happen, is to seek official residency through the courts. This would mean if residency was granted, then should your ex wish to keep your child/children, then this would be deemed to be in breach of the order and the police could then get involved and your child would be returned to you directly. Please be aware, there is no guarantee you would be granted residency. However, if you are currently the resident-parent and the children have a consistent home life, then it is unlikely the children would be taken from you and handed over to the non-resident parent. In general most parents can amicably agree who the resident-parent is between themselves, only on the odd occasion is there a tug-o-war between parents, when this sort of tenuous issue can occur. I hope this helps.
jojn 19 Oct 2015
Hi my child has been living with me for a year and three month I have two children to same mother but my other child is with her. My child is in nursery and up to date injections ect, over last few month there has been a melt down in communication resulting in the children not seeing each other I have spoke to my health visitor who is going to talk to the mothers and try and set this back up. After talking to a member of nursery staff they explained how I wouldn't have any right if for instance the wild who is living for me went to her mother's and was not returned this was quite worrying to hear. I don't want to stop contact just have control if the time comes she stays at her mother's. I have spoken to a solicitor and have a meeting, I think it would be parental rights I would need but would I stand a chance in getting this? With been the father not the mother both children are under five
SeparatedDads Editor 1 Oct 2015
If he is not on the birth certificate, then he should really take some legal advice with a view of cementing his parental responsibility through court. As the issue stands, he actually does not have parental responsibility or any legal rights over the care of his son whatsoever, meaning the mother could come back at any time and be within her rights to take her son.
Rfearn 30 Sep 2015
My partners girlfriend is a drug addict who had there son full time until he was seven and my partner partner then took him on full time due to the drugs. No police or court orders were in place for this the mum just rang him and had him take there son. He has been living with his dad for a year and the mum hasn't seen him for a few months now. No one knows where she is just that she's gone with her boyfriend. My partner wants to legally have full custody but isn't on the birth certificate and as o said can't find the mum. Any suggestions? Because now he has no legal rights at all
SeparatedDads Editor 29 Sep 2015
This is a tricky question to answer, because as far as the mother is concerned, she may think she is doing a wonderful job and resents the fact you are questioning her maternal abilities. Looking at it from the other side for a moment, children may often say things in order to grant favour with the other parent. That is not to say what you are saying isn't right, but what you have to weigh up when applying for custody, is whether the things you are thinking are genuine because the process will not be easy. Please see link: What Goes into the Cafcass Family Report? here. The fact that you have a lot of access to your children is great. However, please be aware that if you attempt to go for custody through the courts, it could create resentments and a large amount of conflict. While you may think your ex doesn't care for your children, she may love them very much. If your ex isn't really concerned about your children, then can you not offer to have them more? Or try mediation, if she will agree. Perhaps trying to create an amicable relationship with your ex, may be the best way forward. Trying to talk is always best first.
Ff1059 28 Sep 2015
Hi I split with from the mother of my children 6-7 years ago now nothing was wrote in stone about the custody/residency of the children I have them weekends and lots more during the holidays. I receive abusive texts from her saying if I don't lay her child support I won't see the children. Recently we have done a caf report to help my children in school as my eldest is having difficulties in school. The teacher asked her questions like does she kiss or cuddle the children does she show support for them she said she only cuddles them at bedtime and they cry when they leave me I have p.r they cry every weekend when they go back. She always tells them there going on holiday and they never go they get let down so much she never comes to the door when they go back even if I have them 2-3 7 nights she just sits in the living room. The youngest 6 days mummy never plays with us didn't do homework. I have asked her about this offered her advice and all she does is insult me. What can I do please help this is breaking my heart every day thank you x
kick 27 Sep 2015
Hi I'm fed up.my wife is from rawanda origanaly-but is now British citizen.every holiday she what's to visit her family now in Belgium,or they come over hear ,now its getting staying for over a month at the time.we have two girls,and we are getting fed up which it as we are only in 2 bedroom house,I have spoken to my wife but she does what she wants to.help'mr
daddiesgirl 25 Sep 2015
Hi me and my ex partner have agreed that i have my daughter who nearly turns 5 soon.. 3 nights a week , pick her up from school and take her on holiday . How much will it cost to get this drafted up ? This is classed as joint custody and will not need to go to court as its been agreed between our selves but i still want this official .. whats the process ? And how much would it cost ?
caz 22 Sep 2015
My ex after 18 years hates that I'm with someone els and we have 4 kids all 16 and under and he's trying his damed hardest to make me look like a bad mum even tho he's failing...I don't smoke do drugs and I only drink on a weekend when I'm with my bf. ..he's spreadingall sorts of nasty things about me and today iv found out I have sole parental responsibility but not for my 6 year old so I'm going for recedency for all 4 kids and was told I would get it but now he's saying he's also seen a solicitor and apparently I'm going to get a shock so god only knows what he's told his solicitor but sure they should have told him he wouldn't have a leg to stand on....alsothe last 4 years he cheated on me 4 times and turned his back on our kids I have never left them once I have a gorgeous house and always put my kids first my ex is also an alcoholic. .....Some advice please thank you.
danny 21 Sep 2015
hi ,me and my partner living together , she argues disrespcts me infront of her own friends and family , she is 6 months pregnant and she threatens me saying once the baby is born i wont allow you to see it , i go you doing this she gus cz i sed
Badala 13 Sep 2015
My son is 15, he lived with his dad from the age of 8/9 this never went to court, for the past two years iv been having him more than his dad as he doesn't want to be there. What do I do for him to stay with me permanent
SeparatedDads Editor 3 Sep 2015
You would have to apply through the courts for a Specific Issue Order, I hope this helps.
Bec 2 Sep 2015
Hi, I really need help. Me and my ex split up almost 5 years ago because of domestic violence on his part. He also went to prison. We have 2 children together and he has never had regular contact, it has no been 8 months since he had any contact with my children but we bumped into him today and he approached my children and they did not even know who he was at first they are 6 and 4, when they realised who it was they were hesitant and scared but he pressured them into a hug. Is there anything I can put in place to stop this from happening? Ie stop him from approaching them without my consent. He has a lot of issues, mixed up in drugs and jail, I am terrified of him and just don't know what to do.
SeparatedDads Editor 2 Sep 2015
Was there a court order that awarded a 50/50 share, or was it a family-based agreement? If a court order was issued then your ex will be in breach. Please see link: Breach of Contact or Residence Order: What to Do, whichIf it was a family-based arrangement you would have to take it to court in order to have a permanent order arranged. If you take it to court, it does not mean you will be granted residency as the court will decide what is in the best interests of your children. However, if you have had care of your children for this period of time and then you will stand a fair chance of being granted shared-residency. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 2 Sep 2015
I'm afraid I can't give any family law advice if you are not based in the UK, as we have no knowledge of the family law systems in place in other countries.
Baz 2 Sep 2015
I separated from girlfriend 2 yr ago when she was charged with domestic violence.when she got out jail we sorted 50/50 shared custody.now my son's 4 and starting school she is telling me she's in charge now n custody will be 70/30 in her favour.I don't understand how she becomes in charge n takes kids of me on days iv had them for 2yr
Ino 1 Sep 2015
Hi, I really need some advice. Ive been with my ex partner for more than 8 years until we split and my son stay living with me, even when we were still together but lived apart he lived with me all the time. 3 years ago his mom moved to UK for 10 months to join his partner after she met him online. 10 months after she return to our country just to take my son away after I told her, I would agree if we put it in writing. When she refuse to do so I ask for an emergency hearing to appeal for shared custody but she managed to get on the plane and get away. For a month of two I couldnt speak neither thru whatsapp or skype with my son cause my ex partner decided so and even later when we could again, they never let him speak unsupervised cause he told me once the guy beat him. I decided to this year after the husband of my ex (they married last year) contacted my on viber regarding my " help " on my sons education. I felt something was wrong after my ex told me I always has to trust my son. They never told me where they live and which school he attend so, the second day I surprise him, her mom told me how abusive he was but she still is being mean by blocking my phone and not letting me talk to my son. really a long story but I want to go for custody of my son or even shared custody. Im even afraid she's not mentally right Pls need some advice
tiddy 29 Aug 2015
Hi. My partner wants to separate. I have been looking after our 7 year old son part time for the first year and full time for the last 6 years with his mother only coming home late and leaving early. Essentially I have been a single dad with some exceptions on a few weekends. I am highly engaged in school life, with other friends and with learning cycling, swimming and many more projects. My partner suggests 50/50 custody. Given the last 7 years of involvement and relationship building I am in doubt this would reflect the child's best interest. Any chance of getting custody?
SeparatedDads Editor 14 Aug 2015
If you are concerned about your ex leaving the country with your child, you can apply for a Specific Issue Order, There is no guarantee this will stop her. However, if you feel strongly about the move then it is an option you can take. I'm afraid we can't advise on how you can stop your ex getting full custody, I can only suggest you seek legal advice over this matter.
Devastated Dad 13 Aug 2015
I thought i was alone until I read a lot of these comments. Was together with my wife 19.5 years she had an affair online and walked out on me and the kids. Recently shes managed to get off a FEMALE judge a Non Molestation Order issued against me which is all lies making me out to be a violent abusive rapist. It now makes sense as shes done this in order to get full custody of the kids and to probably emmigrate to Canada to be with her new husband to be even though we aint divorced. Am awaiting another court date to try and get this order quashed as its all lies. How DO I STOP HER GETTING FULL CUSTODY????
SeparatedDads Editor 10 Jul 2015
@matt - please see article: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, whichYou could try and take it through the court process in order to let a judge decide on what level of access you should have. You could also suggest mediation to your ex(which the courts will sugegst you do before any hearing anyway). Please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? whichYou may wish to keep your distance from your ex, especially if she is saying things to her social worker. You don't know what the repercussions of this may be and how it could affect you. You could request the information on why you should be kept away from her other child, from the Social Services directly. See Family Lives whichI hope this helps.
Drew 9 Jul 2015
Split with my partner of 5 years mid 2014, after I month of separation I felt I had to our 2 children into my care as they were not being kept clean and tidy, her house was also in a state, her response to this was to snatch the children a week later and disappear to a womans refuge with the children, followed by false allegations of abuse and sexual abuse from myself, following 9 months of having no contact with her or my children we go to court (by then her false allegations had been dismissed by the police) I get access to my children weekly in a contact centre for several months, followed by having them fortnightly for entire weekends, after I make complaint directly to her solicitor of being harassed by the childrens mother on my last weekend with the children (constant calls and texts, not following the court order on) I have my contact stopped and new allegations of sexual and physical abuse to my children made by the mother, since then I have attepmtped to have court order enfored resulting in me seeing the kids in contact centre again until social services finish writing a safe guarding report, I talked to the police about her allegations again they have been dismissed, (police were also not interested in taking my complaint or her constantly making fake allegations) I met with the childrens social worker 2 days ago thinking it was about her allegations, but I was informed by the childrens social worker that there had been a incident at there home, and (seems) that my children have been abused by there mothers new partner... social services were also concerned about the dirty state of the house and the well being of the children under there mothers care...(just like when I had my kids off her in the first place, I really want to pursue gaining custody of my children now but do not know where to start, any sugestions welcome..
matt 9 Jul 2015
My ex partner finished with myself a year ago. she first agreed that i could see my children who is 6 and 3. We then found out she was due another baby. now the baby is born she has stopped me seeing them all. i only get to see my daughter who is 6 (only because my daughter sulks if she does not get to see me). She keeps making faulse promises to myself and my son- i.e (saying she will go somewhere with my son if he stays at home with her) now i have been very patiant with all of this but it is getting on my nerves as i cant do anything with my daughter i have to ask my ex if i can take her to the park. there is no reason why i cant take her, as am not under any supervision agreement/ thought as a danger ect. what is the best thing to do here? She is now involed with a social worker because of other reasons, and she then told me she was advised to keep the new born baby away from me. she gave me no reason of to why. could i ask her social worker what was said about me?? thanks for any help given.
SeparatedDads Editor 3 Jul 2015
@verve - as difficult as it is going to court may be the best option for you. You will have previous mediation records, which will stand you in good stead. Also, whatever is agreed in mediation, is not legally binding, whereas a court order will be and if you are awarded access and your ex goes against this, she will be in breach. I suggest you also apply for parental responsibility as well as access, as it will give you more say in your child's future. If you can't afford the legal fees, you can self-litigate, see article Legal Aid Withdrawal: How to Represent Yourself, link here and here. Many fathers are taking this route and having success, especially if they do it by the rule book and prepare their cases well. Another link may interest you, is Which Court Form Do I Need? here. I hope this helps.
verve 2 Jul 2015
Hi all, im after some advice please, i split up with my ex girlfriend 10 months ago, and she is being so awkward with me seeing my children. we have twin girls ages 4 and all i want is to be part of there life but my ex has other ideas!! im on their birth certificate but she says i have no parental responsibility and that she is in charge,basically what ever she says goes! we've been to mediation, which i thought went well , obviously she didn't and nothing has changed, in fact its got worse. every week i worry as i don't know when im going to see them next. were also currently doing a new scheme called talking change, which is a scheme once mediation is finished but she says that's a waste of time too. im not allowed to have any info on their new school which they will be starting September , so i took things in to my own hands and phoned their new school, managed to go to their induction day last night but the school had to phone my ex to let her know. she was not happy! just for me showing an interest in my kids school she has now cut all contact an she wants to go to court... again! this is all ive had for 10 months, one minute i can see them then the next i cant and she wants court!! So the only thing for it is to actually go so they can lay down some ground rules and wipe that stupid grin off her face. ive got to sell my car to fund for court but would appreciate some advice on where to start next? ive printed a C100 form off the internet today and that's it so far. any help would be much appreciated, thanks!!!
sjc123 30 Jun 2015
Hi, my ex came to an agreement for me to have the children, every other weekend, I pay way over the amount in child maintenance than I am required to do so and have done so without fail. However, I have recently asked her to change a date that I am usually able to have them, a month in advance I might ad, and offered to have them either the day after or, the following weekend to make up for it. My ex is now saying that as I had broken the agreement, she is stopping me having them and saying that if I want to see them, I have to go through court to get access. Now this sounds very petty and I know you're thinking, there is something more to this but, it is that straight forward, simply she is saying that, if I do not have them that set day then, I can not see them. My question is, am I allowed flexibility, reasonable flexibility on dates to have the kids? I have no one else that can care for them if I am not able to have them, but then saying that very rarely will I need to, just on rare occasions like this. I've never missed or changed a date in the six months this arrangement has been in place.
SeparatedDads Editor 29 Jun 2015
@Supergurrl - I have included the link: Breach of Court Order: What Steps to Take Next? whichYou would have to put in a residence order, please see article Your Rights if You Win Custody of Your Children here which includes answers to the questions you were asking. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 26 Jun 2015
@ryanshields - yes, you can apply for the court form which is as application for an order for disclosure of a child's whereabouts. If you have parental responsibility, your ex should have asked you for permission to move. I hope this helps.
Supergurrl 26 Jun 2015
My partner's ex is stopping my partner seeing his son despite going to court and winning the case to get access. He is meant to see his son once a week but she is not replying to his emails anymore. The child is 3 years old and both parents have parental responsibility. What are the chances of my partner getting custody? His ex has been reported to social services numerous times and has a criminal record where as me and my partner are not known to the services and also have a son together and looking at buying a house together. What are the chances of court granting us custody?
Woodster 25 Jun 2015
Hi, My ex has gone for a non molestation order and residency order. He grounds are entirely fictitious. She has always been the violent one and has mental health issues, been on Incapacity benefit for 10 years. However this Monday she assaulted me, trying to bite the tip of my nose off and has been charged with assault and criminal damage. She is in the magistrates on July 27th and we are in Family court on August 5th. Her bail conditions are she cannot return to the house until court, so I am juggling work and looking after my 12 year old son. My solicitor suggests I carry on trying to move out. I have been harassed out of the home and even when she is being prosecuted for violence against me, it seems she can still deprive me of our home. I am more than willing to organise care for my son when I am working and care for him full time. Can I put in a counter claim for residency, I am worried to leave my son with her?
SeparatedDads Editor 24 Jun 2015
@Ako - if you get on with her amicably, then you could discuss it directly. You could also apply to go through mediation if you can sort out the problem between you, see: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. I hope this helps.
ryanshields 24 Jun 2015
Can anyone help me please my ex tricked me into believing we could have an amicable relationship and promised i would get to see my child on school holidays as she moved 3 hours away but hasnt let me speak to her since or given me an address.ive been told i need an address to send court papaers to etc does anyone know a way i can get around this any help would be apprieciated!
SeparatedDads Editor 23 Jun 2015
@Dave - I can't say what your chances will be, as a lot is dependent upon circumstance. I suggest you give Family Lives a call via whichYou will be able to talk to someone in confidence who will be able to give you some advice regarding the best route forward.
Ako 22 Jun 2015
My ex partner is always leaving my son with other people or with me while she goes out, she also brings men back to her house in front of my son. I feel my son would be better living with me full time as I worry for his safety. My ex partner did the same thing with her older child when he was just 13 she would leave him over nite on his own and he started taking drugs I don't want this for my son
Dave 20 Jun 2015
Ive got a 1 month old son and just found out hes mum, my ex partner is taking hard drugs behind my back like she did with her previous relationship 6 years ago, she gave up her daughter up to her mum coz she couldn't cope and the dad didn't want to know and wasn't around. I was jus wondering how i would go about getting full custody and what my chances will be?
SeparatedDads Editor 11 Jun 2015
@Sherry - as specified in the article you would need the Children Act form C1 which is readily available from the HM Courts and Tribunal Service website in order to apply. The rest of the article will give you more information on what you need to do. I hope this helps.
Sherry 11 Jun 2015
I want to claim full custody of my child and also get a residence order . How do I go about this ? My ex partner is named on the birth certificate but he is a bully and abusive and I've suffered with domestic violent from him in the relationship. What do I do ?
SeparatedDads Editor 9 Jun 2015
@Big scott - I am afraid we can't recommend solicitors personally. I have included a link to the Law Society list of solicitors here. I hope this helps.
Big scott 7 Jun 2015
I need some advice and details off a local solicitor (Essex)
Mummy09 3 Jun 2015
Hi All, I wondered if someone could shed some light in our situation. Husband has a 2 1/2 yr old daughter and we have been having her every weekend since she was 6 months old. She goes to nursery 3 days a week and spends the other 2 days with her mum. We now want to go to court and ask for co parenting and be able to have her 50% of the time meaning even during the week as we are able to take to nursery also. But her mum only wants us to have her weekends but our argument is she never has family time with daughter and her new partner and his kids. We have never missed child maintenance payments and we do all the picking up and dropping off which is 45 min there and back Friday to Sunday as mum says if he wants to see his child then he should be doing all the picking up and dropping off. We also pick up daughter with her on Fridays at 5.10 and we have to wait in the car for 50min before she allows us to take her home. She insists on taking her to her house which is 2 min from nursery. She does not want dad to go to nursery without her. Do you think a judge will give us co parenting/ joint custody?
SeparatedDads Editor 3 Jun 2015
@md - your question is a little confusing, as you don't say whether the mother is around. I'm assuming she isn't and your ex's partner is taking care of your children. In which case you would have to take the matter to court and go through the process, as suggested in the article.
SeparatedDads Editor 29 May 2015
@brad - I am very sorry to hear this. If you can't afford legal advice and representation you can self-litigate, see: Legal Aid Withdrawal: How to Represent Yourself, whichYou can also get the help of a McKenzie Friend, Many parents who are fighting for access/contact or residency who don't have funds are fighting their case this way with some good success, especially if they prepare their case well. Plus, it gives them a chance to have their say in court. It is likely that if it goes to court, you might be asked to try and sort the issue out through mediation first and for this you both would have to agree. Should it go to court, the fact that you have been a carer for many years will stand you in good stead. I can't say which way it will go, but the fact that your wife is ill, may mean the court will recognise that she will need extra help and will award that help with your children to you. I empathise that you currently feel lost, but hopefully these issues will resolve themselves soon.
brad 27 May 2015
Hi please can you help , my wife has had MS for 9 years and 1and a half years ago she suffered a very bad stroke . At first it took a lot of work just to get her rememberthe ppeople around her and she was making good progress then she realised that should could never work and she started drinking and abusing prescription pills and for tge lasy 6 months lost a lot of weight and started having MS attacks and a second minor stroke I started monitoring her and a month ago she walked out the house with my 8 year old son but left our daughter with me she gets legal aid and has now applying for full custody of both our children now for most of our marriage I have been the person who takes care of our children I feel lost as I can not afford a lawyer well she gets all the help in the world would you know of any lawyers that can help me ...... our children are my life and she is very lost
Tony 25 May 2015
Hi bit of advice I been separated from my ex for nearly 2 yrs and have a 6 yr old son. Until recently been asking to be put on birth certificate and been having contact if and when she agrees but my son also has 3 siblings from previous relationship that the ex has had. I understand he has to have a relationship with them and I do not wish to split them up. Me and my son have a very close relationship and my son prefers to stay with me but the siblings aint really the issue my ex makes excuses that her mum doesn't really get to see the children due to work commitments but literally lives 3 minutes walking distance from her home. I'm surely should come first as my son's dad and have always made changes in my hours in my full time job to see him (which I'm also lucky to have an understanding boss but his patients can only go so far) as I say I don't want to split him up from his siblings I would like to apply for shared custody as just to secure mine and my sons relationship advice please.
SeparatedDads Editor 21 May 2015
@Burnie - I am very pleased that you have found a daughter that you did not know you had. You would have to firstly apply for parental responsibility through the courts, which would legally acknowledge you as her father and give you some parental rights, plus you would also be financially responsible for her. Please see article Parental Responsibility Guide and Letters via whichAt the same time you should apply for a contact order through the courts. You can find out which court form you need here. I think in this case it may work doing it one step at a time rather than going straight for a residency order, given that you don't know your daughter. As legal fees are high, you would have to choose whether you would want to do this through a solicitor, or represent yourself which costs a lot less. which should help. Our Separated Dads Facebook page may also give you some further advice and support. Wishing you the best of luck.
Burnie 18 May 2015
Hiya, what it is I. need some advise as i have been put in a strange position. I was seeing a girl years ago but she was also seeing other men and she fell pregnant. She was in a relationship with a boy just after we had slept together. For 5 years she let everyone believe the child was the boyfriend but he passed away sadly a few years ago, a DNA test was done for me, her and our daughter and she sent me a photo graph of the DNA results just after the bell on new year then I recieved my letter, she is now telling me i cannot have contact with my daughter but my daughter is constantly in and out of care and i am her father and i would love to be involved in her life. I also want my name put on her birth certoficate.
mass 4 May 2015
Hi since me and my ex wife are going though financial separation, my ex partner has stopped shared care for our son. she is making him unavailable on weekends. she works 5-6 nights a week and has done for years. She leaves out after 6pm to get there on time and sleeps in the day in order to meet her work commitments. its just come to light her eldest daughter(21) has left home and my son goes to his aunts in the week as well as his aunty saying at my sons home to care for him. my problem is I believe this is unsettling for my son as I am here and want him. what do I do? ideally I want him or would accept her changing her work to days to care for my son. I have asked her numerous times throughout marriage and divorce and this is something she is not willing to do. I would be grateful for any advice
Coop 29 Apr 2015
Hello. I was wondering if anyone can help me or provide me with information. I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now and he has a daughter. His ex is threatening to take him to court because her aunty saw me getting off the bus with my boyfriend and his daughter. I then waited at the bus stop while he took his daughter back home. I don't know what house she lives at or anything. She knows about me and knows I see Her daughter. She made out to be angry with the fact my boyfriend didn't tell her I was going to be on a 10 minute bus journey with her daughter. I have never been left alone with her child, I have never took charge or played mother hen, never fed her, bathed her, changed her, pushed her pram. Nothing. She knows all this but wants to take her daughters father to court because of him keeping thinks from her. She also has another daughter who's father she has a restraining order against. I was just wondering how far this could go. I think about leaving the relationship for the child's sake but I haven't done anything wrong and I am no harm to the child. Thank you.
SeparatedDads Editor 20 Apr 2015
@Richard - while it may seem like the last thing you want to do, taking it through court will stop any repercussions i.e her claiming him back when she feels like it. However, it depends on whether you are a man that likes all the boxes ticked, or you are one that prefers to leave things to a casual arrangement. If it is the former, then at least your arrangement will be made 'official' through a court of law.
Richard 17 Apr 2015
Hi I was wondering if someone could help me, I have a 5yr old son who does not get on with his mum, after speaking with my ex partner she reckons it's best for my son to live with me on a permanent basis which I'm over the moon for, but will I have to go through court even though she is willing to hand my son over? Any help or advice would be great
SeparatedDads Editor 8 Apr 2015
@WozzaD - I can only suggest you make an application through the courts. If you do not wish to pay the hefty fees you can self-litigate see the link; Legal Aid Withdrawal: How to Represent Yourself, here. The court will make a decision based upon a Cafcass report, other evidence gathered and what it feels is in the best interests of the children. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 7 Apr 2015
@Amy - he can apply for residency should he wish through the courts. You will probably asked if you can sort out your differences via mediation, in other words come to a joint decision on who the children should reside with. If this is not successful or either one or both of you don't wish to use the mediation process (as it is voluntary), or you can't agree through the process, then it will be up to the court to decide. Cafcass would then get involved and compile a report, see link; What Goes into the Cafcass Family Report? here. I hope this helps.
WozzaD 4 Apr 2015
Hi i have 2 children and currently a third on the way. My now ex partner again has put not just me but my children also through a rollercoaster these past 8-12 months, she got me arrested for for accusing me of Assault by beating! Yet she didnt turn up to court 3 times and the case got dropped. We got back together not long after as we started talking. In the mean time while thus was happening i didnt see the kids for 4 months as i couldnt contact her as was on bail, we tried 3rd party but she wouldnt allow until she dropped them off 1 day. I want to try and take full responsibility for my children i dont no what shes like on her own with them. When i first had my children during this period my son who is being diagnosed with autism had several bruises which i took pictures of. I dont beleive she would hit them what so ever! I just dont beleive she gives them the attention what they need ! My son wiuld rather stay with me though he cannot talk but everytime he goes back to the mum he always cries and bangs his head . My daughter i beleive gets more attention of the mum as my daughter is VERY clingy and before any of this happened ahe wasnt!. Both my kids mean the world to me! Id do anything for them but i beleive they would be better of with me as i treat them all the same! I just dont want to pay money for this if i didnt have a case
Amy 3 Apr 2015
I just moved from my matrimonial home because of my domestic violent husband I have two children 6 and 7 now he applied c100 and c1a claiming that mother hits children neglect them and in future will not b able to look after them properly. Intinial investigation is positive regarding to children safeguarding but my concerns are is it possible that father can have the residency of children as I also want divorce as he is very abusive.
SeparatedDads Editor 27 Mar 2015
@Matt B - I am sorry to hear this. You can try by applying to the courts for prohibited steps order. However, if your ex can prove it is in the child's interests and her own if she moves, then it will be difficult to prevent this, especially as she is not denying access and having a new job would count in her favour. You in turn would have to prove why it is not in your daughter's best interests to move towns. You can see about Prohibited Steps Orders via the Law & Parents whichI hope this helps.
Matt B 26 Mar 2015
My ex partner (from 3 years ago) is moving 27 miles away to live in the city that she works in. She is also moving my daughter school to make it easier for them both. I have threatened her with legal action and she has subsequently got her lawyer to write a letter to me stating that she is moving to benefit them both and she doesnt want to stop me having access. I would just like to add here that I do not pay maintenance and I do not work. She says she is happy to go to mediation, and I want to go to try and stop her from moving and moving my daughters school. Can i do this?
SeparatedDads Editor 12 Mar 2015
@Netty - we couldn't possibly advise on whether he would be successful or not because so much needs to be taken into consideration. The courts will ultimately decide what is in the best interests of the child, but they will have to go through Cafcass first in order to build up background reports.
Netty 10 Mar 2015
My son has decided to go for a residency order! The mother of his son goes out partying a the time using drugs recreationally! She will drop off her son to his dad without any of his things and vanish for days! When she does collect him he is then usually given to her mum to look after! This woman uses heroine although from what I can gather actually does care for the boy! My son does smoke canibus on occasion but never when his son is around! What chance do you think he has?
SeparatedDads Editor 9 Mar 2015
@james - I think it would be cruel to one day just inform your ex that your child was staying with you. It will damage the relationship with your ex and may have further repercussions on you through the courts. If you want to apply for residency then you should instead apply through the courts and let a judge decide what is in your child's best interests so it is made official.
james 6 Mar 2015
I have a 14 month old boy, which to where I have him Wednesdays till Saturdays, his monther has him Saturdays till Wednesdays, I currently own a 3 bedroomed house with nice garden space, his mother lives in a cramped 1 bedroomed flat in another town, she is claiming both child benefit and child tax credit, I was told I was entitled to half, not sure if that's true? She is currently living with her mum and sister in the 1 bedroom flat and it is very cramped with lots of furniture and baggage from when they both moved out there current homes to go live back with there mum, I am just wondering what chances I have of my child living with me until she sorts herself out, I was going to pick him up one day and let her know if she wanted to see him she would have to apply to the courts due to her living conditions not being suitable for a growing boy. He's now walking and coming down with bruises too because of the cramped conditions he's usually falling into them, he did have his check ups and doctors down in my town but she has changed it all down to her town.. Just wondering what my options are, and also if I was entitled to half Thanks in advance
SeparatedDads Editor 27 Jan 2015
@RG - have you broached the subject with your ex and asked her whether you could take your son off her hands more and share the care? It might be worth trying it that way first before you apply for a custody request. If she denies this then you could say you want it to go to court as you are concerned for his welfare. Before it goes to court you will both have to attend mediation anyway prior to an appearance in order for you to try and sort the problem out between yourselves. Also, have you taken your son to the doctors, as it might be worth checking to see if his development is on course if you are concerned about it. I hope this helps.
RG 26 Jan 2015
I have a 2 year old boy with my previous partner who has 2 other kids, a boy and girl. She has had problem with depression through out her life. A year ago her oldest son ran away and was taking into care for 5 month as she could not control him. He is a great child, challenging but he responded well with me as I treated the both her other kids like my own while she was lazy and wouldn't spend time with them they needed. I am increasingly worried about my son though as his development is slow. He has a dummy in mouth spends a lot of time in his high chair tv on and when the other 2 kids are at school she sleeps a lot of the day away. She is smoking cannibis and is neglecting her kids and every time anyone speaks to her about it she falls back on her mum who tells her it's ok! End of the line with giving her chances to give my son anything close to a good upbringing.
Ben 24 Jan 2015
Hello, my daughter is 2 in april me and my partner are still together but I'm away for four nights a week due to work her mother is neglectful she's tried anti depressants and stopped taking them she has no true will to be a mother I love her and have tried to make this work for the past 2 years but I'm running out of options. I'm now thinking it's time to leave ive proposed this too her a few times in the past and she has no interest or care I act as the sole career for my daughter I want to leave but I can not under any circumstances leave my baby here it's not healthy it's not good I am willing to leave my job I'll do anything for my little girl, i want to know if I leave will I be able to take my baby with me and have her live with me? Also what actions should I take I'm running out of options.
ACoz2000 5 Jan 2015
Hi, I have been divorced for 18 months but separated for 4 years from my ex wife. I have two children ages 6 & 8. My ex wife is has the girls living with her and I am trying to set up a regular access schedule but my ex makes things very difficult, she does let me see them but only when it suits her or disrupt my arrangements with my new partner. Despite wanting to spend time with my daughters my ex goes the extra mile to allow access on her terms only and I have no say in the arrangements. I have written letters to her with suggested schedules but she will then disrupt that schedule to suit her. How can I formalise arrangements and have a say in when I see the children? Thanks..
SeparatedDads Editor 24 Nov 2014
@big frank - do you have parental responsibility? If so, you can apply for a ‘child arrangements order’ which is generally conducted between the parents and specifies, where your child lives, when your child spends time with each parent and when and what other types of contact takes place. ‘Child arrangements orders’ replace ‘residence orders’ and ‘contact orders’. If you get on well with your ex, then perhaps you could tentitively broach the subject with her and voice your concerns on the basis of her arrest. As this is something usually conducted through mediation, and it would make it a lot easier if you both agree. The Child Arrangements Programme sets out the process for dealing with applications for child arrangements orders and is designed to help you reach an agreement, where possible without going to court.
big frank 22 Nov 2014
We have a young son who lives with his mum and grandma,we are not married but we get on fine and access is not a problem,the problem is I suspected our boys mum has been smoking heroin for years (that's why we are not together).recently she was stopped by the police in here car on her own leaving a known drug addicts house and was found to have heroin on her person,my worry is if she can't get off it and this happens again there is nothing in place to put my son with me if this situation happens again(god forbid) my mum reckons social services if involved would take my son into care until I can get him,I'm not having that happen I need him to be put straight with me if she can't behave how can I do this???? Would a consensual joint custody order which we both agree to work,as I have no trust for his mum now that this won't happen again pls advise asap
J 5 Nov 2014
There are very little sites that actually answer people's issues...Bit there are many sites of Fathers stories such as this....Can anyone answer our queries? Unfortunately it appears not...Your best options as I have found are going onto You Tube and typing in your question and watch a few video's of similar cases, Unfortunately if you are low on funds, and are a litigant in person, only a handful of solicitors will answer your questions... Many of them require payment in order to just ask them a question with regards to an area of LAW..( Knowledge is Power ) Scenario... Try... coram.org. I have found them very good, and offer free legal and up to date advice on the phone or you can send them a question and actually get a reply. :) Also look up Karl Lentz on you tube... He's good at pointing you in the right direction to family law and other law area's. He can suggest various mean to apply the definition of "Rights to your Property" in your own family cases... As solicitors will not use these tactics due to Common Laws and would be out of business... At the end of the day... We ALL as Fathers have Rights to our Children... That is the Children's Rights also... Enshrined in law... The Children's Act 1989 1. states such.. All rights to your children and property... Your Children are your Property and co Owned with their Child's Mother... We all have a right to restoration of our property. No- where in Legislation does it state you have NO Rights... That's why people can't answer questions straight forward... Certainly not solicitors as they know you have Every Right... Solicitors and the Courts pray on your lack of knowledge and fob you off... Start Reading and familiarize your self ...thus arm yourself with the knowledge to Protect Your Rights and be prepared to fight to the end...Good luck and keep the faith. :)
Steve 6 Oct 2014
I have completed my forms to take my ex wife to court and been given a court date. I've spoke to CAFFCAS and they said there is no case against safe guarding issues against me, I've also spoke to court to ask if there is anymore paperwork to send to them and they have said no. I walked out of the martial home about 18 months ago due to order children (not mine) ignoring me also my ex wife not supporting me, forcing me on strong anti depressants also not paying bills. She had stopped me from seeing the girls for the first 6 weeks & then was aloud to see children for 3 hours, once a fortnight & supervised by a family member, which had no right to do. I followed these orders for 6 months and she had found it differcult to find someone to supervise, so she said she would do it but I didn't want to be in her company. She had stopped me to seeing the girls for nearly a year now. There is no domestic violence or physical abuse towards children and nothing towards her either. Just after advice to know what to court will say if to go back again or if they will make a desion on the first date ? Be good if I can speak to someone who has been through it. Thanks
modus 12 Sep 2014
Hello, I've got a question or may be a few?! At present I have submitted a court application over shared custody/parental responsibilities in Germany. Over 4 years I tried to find a peaceful solution but it did not work with my former partner. Our daughter was born in the North of Ireland 13 years ago. I am German, the mother is English. We were in a relationship for 11 years and now separated 4 years. We are both registered on the birth certificate of our daughter as parents. However we were never married. Did we have automatic shared custody then? Or was it always sole custody over the child by my former partner? We have since moved to Germany but separated over here. At the moment the local judge thinks, that we might have had shared custody all along and there is no need for a court case. I'm not sure. German judge locally . He argues/thinks that under British law, the mother has first sole custody over the child ( Sec. 2 Part 2 of the Children Act 1989) if the parents are not married. However the father gains shared custody (amongst other things) or parental responsibility (under regulations of Births and Deaths Registration Act 1953)if if he is registered on the birth certificate of the child and has signed. All 3 of us are living in Germany now, only 4 miles apart I have regular fortnightly weekends with my daughter and holidays as well. In the past there have been massive restrictions put in place by the mother at random or wholly unjustified for example only access for a few hours only with rd. person present. This was made up and decided by her not by a judge or social worker.!!! Now things are easier . However it still bothers me a lot, not being recognised as a equal parent and treated fairly, caring and well meaning, baring in mind the best interest and well being of our daughter. Yours sincerely Modus
modus 12 Sep 2014
Hello,I've got a question or may be a few?! At present I have submitted a court application over shared custody/parental responsibilities in Germany. Over 4 years I tried to find a peaceful solution but it did not work with my former partner. Our daughter was born in the North of Ireland 13 years ago. I am German, the mother is English. We were in a relationship for 11 years and now separated 4 years. We are both registered on the birth certificate of our daughter as parents. However we were never married. Did we have automatic shared custody then? Or was it always sole custody over the child by my former partner? We have since moved to Germany but separated over here. At the moment the local judge thinks, that we might have had shared custody all along and there is no need for a court case. I'm not sure.German judge locally. He argues/thinks that under British law, the mother has first sole custody over the child ( Sec. 2 Part 2 of the Children Act 1989) if the parents are not married. However the father gains shared custody (amongst other things) or parental responsibility (under regulations of Births and Deaths Registration Act 1953)if if he is registered on the birth certificate of the child and has signed. All 3 of us are living in Germany now, only 4 miles apart I have regular fortnightly weekends with my daughter and holidays as well. In the past there have been massive restrictions put in place by the mother at random or wholly unjustified for example only access for a few hours only with rd. person present. This was made up and decided by her not by a judge or social worker.!!! Now things are easier. However it still bothers me a lot, not being recognised as a equal parent and treated fairly, caring and well meaning, baring in mind the best interest and well being of our daughter. Yours sincerely Modus
suekessler Editor 10 Sep 2014
@Del As you are looking after a child that has suffered physical harm and that is the same person you would be seeking to have a child arrangement order 'against ' you MAY be entitled to legal aid. So contact a local family law legal aid lawyer and enquire. Also get confirmation from social services as to whether they have placed your children with you under any kind of written agreement with your ex. Also when you make your application, social services will do a report or your care of your children, so make sure you engage fully with them so they support any application you make. Good luck Sue K
suekessler 10 Sep 2014
Albert R - The old term use to be custody, then it changed to Residence, now it is called a Child arrangement order, such an order can just state what contact can occur or can state where a child should live and who should have contact. Sue K : )
Albert R. 5 Sep 2014
Is a child custody order the same as a child residence order?
del 27 Aug 2014
I'm in a situation which is bugging me like mad. Me and my ex partner have split up over a year now and have two young girls aged 4 and 7. In the last month the girls have been handed to me through the social services after my ex partner slapped my 4 year old daughter across the face leaving a hand pr8nt which ladted for about 4 days and now the ex partner is ask my 7 year old daughter everything she has been doing while in my care trying to pick out bad pointers against me so it makes me look like the bad one again. The girls have said they don't want to go back to live with ex partner so I have be to get the c1 form for the courts. I have been trying to help the girls to see there mother even tho she still hasn't handed over anything or tried to contacted the girls through anybody the past 8 weeks. I need help or advise on what the best actions to take, I have applied for the childrens benefits and waiting for my ex to kick off, once she has conformation from the benefits team cause its under the law of fraud. So please can someone give me advise.
better 23 Aug 2014
not married, father of my son has never acknowledged him. We are of different Nationalities and each of us resides in our own country of birth. l have passed interview for green card and they have requested me for his father's consent. l have emailed, sent sms and called no response at all. letter urgently needed before 2014 lottery program ends this September. He rejected his son and has never acknowledged him in any way. He is now five years and l have always taken care of in everything. lam now stuck , no letter and closing time for lottery is fast approaching. Please advise
hank Editor 22 Jul 2014
@mas, don't walk away form the situation. You are about to become a father and you have to take responsibility, you should remain in contact with the mother and make it known that you want to be a part of your child's life. If the child is subsequently taken into care you should contact social services immediately and state that you want custody of the child.
mas 21 Jul 2014
I am about to become a dad this wasn't pland I am not with the mother and do not want to be but don't know if I could just walk away I have found out as well that the mother has had 4 other children taken into Care and I am worried about the baby is there anything I can do or will she get to keep the baby and maybe destroy another life
misshelpneeded 2 Jul 2014
i have a 3 year old daughter (nearly 4), my partner assaulted me so we split up, my parents moved to new zealand and would like to join them, my ex takes drugs and also an alcoholic, he is not allowed 50 yards near me, is there any chance i would be reunited with my parents in new zealand, i have no family in england now, so no support really now we broke up
Mayor Meanswell 16 Jun 2014
I appreciate you must have a hectic schedule so I'm not expecting a reply, just the off chance you see this: Im looking to get full custody of my 2 year old son, him and his mother live in Wales and i live in England. She sufferes with Bi-polar disorder and has serious lapses in her mental health, sometimes cannot cope with my son and has historically refused to take her medication to the point she has been hositalized. She will often request the assistance of my mother and father and I often receive reports that her house is quite often below what one would consider "a hygenic living space" from family members and others concerned. This is due to, what she would describe, as her ability to cope with house work due to her mental health disorder. I also receive reports that my son is neglected and left to cry without her checking on his wellbeing and on one occasion giving him alcohol untill he became intoxicated and she was joking about it with friends at a local private party. Naturally i am extremely concerned of the welfare and safety of my little boy - as she has also commented via sms messaging that she wanted to "take a whole bottle of sleeping pills, go to sleep and never wake up" - and so want him to stay under my supervision, but my circumstanes mean that I would not be able to afford the legal fees needed to pursue such a case. My main concerns are the implications this will place on my son's situation. I.e can I request a family member look after my son whilst proceedings take place and not a "Local authority"? As well as the barriers and limitations of access to legal advice and other such entities due to my finiancial situation. I ,however, should make you aware that my situiation financially is stable. I hope that with the thousands you must receive everyday, my request reaches you in good time and you happen to come across it.
emily Reynolds 20 May 2014
Hi..I am wanting to move area to be close to my family. .it is 85 miles way..can my ex partner stop me moving with our 2 boys..age 2 and 3..we wasnt married nor ever lived together. .he doent has set days to see our boys just pops round when he feels like it..thankyou
big al 5 Mar 2014
hi there im new to this my life has changed from evrything to nothing anyway i just to be marryd with my sons mother we had him wile we were marryd im on the birth certificate how ever we have now split up and live apart shes moved out of area so dont know were they life what can i do to get to see my son what precidures are needed what can i do im going insane not been able to see my son please help me somebody please thanks
zuggy 20 Feb 2014
I have pr of my daughter and she is in my care at the moment .this is nor.al as it is school holidays. More and more frequently my daughter is turning up in clothes that are to small and moaning she does nothing with her mum. Her mum takes her to work after she finishes school and according to my daughter does not show her much attention. We had an arguement over maintenance money this week when I informed her I had spent it on new school clothes and other clothes that fit her. She then called the police to say I had kidnapped her and wouldn't return her although this was pre planned. After putting it on face book that I had kidnapped her some of the mother's friends posted comments such as they had some big bloke to come get her and did she want to borrow a shotgun .. with this and my other concerns I would like to take full residence control and 're school and home her. Any advice please
Jim 12 Feb 2014
I am unmarried with an 18 month old daughter. She currently attends full time nursery. I see her regularly wed evening and every other weekend. I would prefer to see her more. Both myself and my ex-partner are in the military and both have separate homes with bedrooms for our daughter. I would like more access. I would like to obtain access from wed evening to sunday evening every other week. This would be 4 nights out of fourteen. I would also like 3 weeks holiday with her per year. one week in the summer, easter and xmas. I am able to take my daughter to the same nursery she is currently attending. What are my chances of obtaining this type of access.
Lucy 12 Jan 2014
Hi, I would like some information on regaining joint residence of my children. At the moment though they do spend a lot of time with it is always when my ex husband "allows me" and this is often as he works away and his new girlfriend does not like children so they do not enjoy spending time with her. Two years ago I had a problem with alcohol but I have had treatment and have no intention of going back there at the time I thought it would be temporary custody. Now the easiest solution would be to get a solicitor but I do not have the funds this and my ex comes from a very wealthy family who would get the best solicitor money can buy. I believe his reason for not allowing me joint residency (on paper) is he retains the whole element of control and does not have to pay child matinance. How would I go about applying for this? Many Thanks Kind Regards Lucy Green
domcom 17 Dec 2013
Hi, I have a question.I am soon to be divorced and living apart from my boy who I three. Whilst I have an ok relationship with the mother I feel like the person on the outside that just has my boy a day and a bit a week. I am not part of his everyday life and although this is fine at the moment I don't want future decisions about my boys life taken without me and I want to feel like I am his Dad, not another babysitter. I have been thinking about applying for joint custody- not necessarily to have him stay with me a lot more as I feel it needs to be with his mum at the moment but a) to feel more like a Dad and b) t ensure I have a say in his future. What are your thoughts?
bazzerastine 14 May 2013
Been to court took advice from brief to make consent order to not visit my little girl as i was in prison as well as mother and new boyfriend saying how they where in fear of me. Did this until year after prison but wanted to change order new brief advised me wrong. Later i find boyfriend left relationship but still wanting contact with my daughter. I was having a relationship with my daughter until i found her drunk before five pm so i called police to do a home check they found her drunk and took my daughter however the mothers sister insisted that my daughter go to ex boyfriend where she has been since. I have done drug test it was clear and social service said i was never to see my daughter i got them thrown out of court and my mum then started to see my daughter i now see my daughter for five hours a fortnight which i feel is not enough however the ex wad supposed to encourage her meeting and knowing me. now no consent order in place how do i feel get the court to encourage her and him to change or do i give up as he has resident order and parental responsibilities .

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