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SeparatedDads Editor 29 Mar 2026

@The dogg Your proposal seems reasonable and shows you're thinking about your son's long term needs. At 16 months, children can certainly adapt to overnights with both parents, especially when there's been a gradual buildup as you've described. The fact that you've already had successful overnights since January is a positive sign. It's concerning that the mother's claims about struggles and crying don't match your experience. Courts typically favour arrangements that allow meaningful relationships with both parents, and your proposal provides regular, consistent contact. Given the disagreement between you both, documenting everything carefully is wise. Consider getting a family law solicitor's view on your proposal before the final hearing. They can advise whether your suggested schedule aligns with what courts typically order for toddlers and help present your case effectively. Stay focused on what's best for your son, which you're clearly doing.

The dogg 26 Feb 2024

Hi all, I have attached my proposal for a final order on arrangements regarding my 16 month old son below. Is this suitable and reasonable for him? 1. Week 1 (i) Wednesday from 3pm overnight to Thursday 8.30am return to Mother or childcare/nursery/school. (ii) Friday from 3pm to Sunday 5pm collect from Mother or childcare/nursery/school and return to Mother. 2. Week 2 (i) Wednesday from 3pm overnight to Thursday 8.30am return to Mother or childcare/nursery/school. (ii) Every other Friday 3pm – 7pm collect from Mother or childcare/nursery/school and return to Mother. Every other Saturday 10am – 4pm collect from the Mother. I currently see him every Wednesday 4hrs Every other Friday 4 hrs, Saturday 5pm - Sunday 5pm Every other Friday 3pm - Saturday 5pm So, we are close to finalising the order. Only the mother and I are in disagreement about our views on arrangements. My proposal has a long term view as I think it is best not to have to return to court, if I agreed with the mother's current proposal to keep arrangements as is I feel down the line I would have to go back to court to change arrangements. I simply do not want to return to court. Since April 23 I have had slowly but progressively built up consistent time with my 16 month old so. From early January (6 nights so far) the mother agreed that he could stay once weekly overnight rotating Fridays and Saturdays. This has been really great for the heart. There has been absolutely no issues, he is more than happy and routine is absolutely spot on every week. I don't see any signs of separation anxiety either which is great. In the mother's position she states that our son is 'struggling' with over nights, he is 'unstable' when returning from an overnight and he cries regularly at handovers. I have proof that he does not cry at handovers and I believe the other points are untrue. An attempt to build her argument that he should not stay full weekends 'yet'. The mother had not once notified me about any of the above after handovers or the following days. The position was set through legal representative. The mother also worries that he may be overwhelmed by spending 48hours away from her at one time, I do consider this could be possible but we won't know until we try and it is upto us to manage this. Of course I want more time and to be involved as much as possible the care of my son (I also work over 40 hours per week). More importantly, i want what is best for my son. I'm writing this post because I want honest opinions on my proposal from fellow fathers that may have experienced something similar or even if you haven't. Is the proposal suitable for a 16month old boy? Will it have a positive or negative impact on him? Would a judge consider it if the decision had to be made by them? Hope to get some feedback and hopefully this post can help some of you other fellas on here. Ch

KD79 24 Jul 2023

I have a court order but I'm looking to buy a house and move my job to an hour away from the children meaning I won't be able to have the children for the midweek Wednesday night care. I've asked the mother for extra time in holidays but she's unwilling. The court declared that the children 'spend time with me' not that they 'live with me'. With mother as the primary carer, can I move house and drop the Wednesday regardless or does this need to be agreed by mother/court?

Tom 17 Feb 2023

I’m looking for advice Iv got my first court date about my son. Iv already tryed Mediation And had a four hour zoom call about separated parents. Done by cafcass. Now I’m wanting to know what information I need for court ?? Thank you

grahamg 11 Sep 2022

My involvement with the UK family court system was many years ago though having read comments on this website recently matters do not seem to have improved. I have a different view to most as to thee changes necessary though cant kid you my views have found many supporters to date, (here in the UK or across the western world)

Hannah 22 Feb 2021

Hi I am unable to log in the the forum so I am posting this here instead! I am looking to interview separated fathers about their lockdown experience Hi, I am a final year Social Sciences student at UCL studying the lockdown experiences of separated fathers as part of my dissertation. This research aims to explore the effects of the COVID-19 lockdown measures on fathers who have been separated and living apart from their children. Separated fathers come in all shapes and sizes. Many are non-resident, living either part-time or full-time in a different home to their children, whereas others have more flexible arrangements which may have been impacted by lockdown and social distancing measures. This study focuses on fathers who were separated and living apart from their children before the first UK lockdown (March 23rd) so as to compare your experiences from before and during lockdown. Participants should be living in the UK and have at least one child aged 16 or under who does not permanently reside with them. I am looking to speak to separated fathers specifically as most family research in the Social Science discipline focuses on mothers and I wish to fill this gap in knowledge, especially in relation to separated father wellbeing. Due to this its super important to expand the global understanding of fatherhood in all its forms and hear your experiences and opinions, specifically in the context of the unprecedented COVID-19 pandemic. The study will involve a one hour interview using phone or zoom depending on your preference. The interview can be arranged for whatever time suits you best over the next few weeks. All your data will be kept confidential and anonymous throughout the study in accordance with UCL Data Protection Policy. If you would be interested in participating or would like more information about the study please email me at: [email protected]. If you fit this description and would be willing to participate or know someone who does please let me know. I looking forward to hearing from you! Hannah Hasler

Oxy 1 Nov 2020

Hi, obviously now lockdown is happening from Thursday, I see my kids on a Saturday for a few hours with a friend present as I There are a few awkward circumstances Where I don’t want to be around the mother on my own. Now that I can’t have anyone there I’m unsure 1- if I can still go round to see my kids. 2- I’d rather be able to take them out. 3- she’s stating she doesn’t want me taking them to mine (no reason given) it’s in her house or not at all..... I don’t know what I’m to do as I’m not sure if I’m allowed to go in her house and personally I don’t want to on my own.

C.laurie 19 Jun 2020

@mr Sampson.in reality no one is going (help you) .you don’t need sum forum with a bunch of sissy men who bow down to there ex over the children .me I am old school it’s the mothers job not mine .instead off crying over your hurt little feelings get a solicitor .for me mate if any off people that did me wrong turn up at my funeral or hit me child support they will be bashed on the stop .i will name them gordon watson ,sam bournes ,bree bournes ,big Tyson ,all the johnsons .will be bashed if they ever come near me or my funeral.the hatred I have for them I can taste it .and would love to bash them why I am still alive.

ell 28 Feb 2020

i left the order in place to run its 12 months course unfortunetly due to the order i had to issue my own proceedings for refular access to my kids with was being obstructed and often changed how ever on the day of our court hearing my lovely ex wife who resembled noone i knew for 10 yrs went to the police station stating i had breached the injunction by.........phone contact which wasnt the breach to my 4 yr old daughter but infact when she asked me "daddy when can i see you next " my reply i dont know sweet heart its upto your mum after we ended the call in tears the allegation was my 4 year old daughter missing her dad and suffering from a very difficult divorce asked her mum when can i see daddy but this was 3 months prior to the court hearing for specified child access . to my amazement the police attended and informed me i was under arrest for a breach of the injunction another wasted court hearing and money as again the system was manipulated again i didnt get charged and no offences were found to have been committed . however what it started was my ex wifes belief she could maniuplate the system , she was supported by the legal aid system and that my postion was that of a rock and a hard place. ill skip forward 12 years.... she has constantly tried to restrict access refuse access on father day every year .2 hours on xmas day and a day before for their birthday needless to say the kids have gobe through so much its been horrendous watching us loose more and more contact whilst she attempted and to a certain extent acheived parental alienation there was no reason why their mum who did very financially well from the divorce and after that time would had resolved the bitterness and the only goal should have been to do everything we could ensuring our kids happiness. last year i discovered every time i bought my daughter and son clothes etc she would make it clear to them she wasn't happy resulting in a sudden stop of contact i had to find 2500 pound to go to court to get access .this took 5 months to which i had 1000s of mesaages all loving and showed the best relationship which i was told i couldnt use in court my daughter at 14 was now saying she only wanted contact in a letter which had to be delivered at the request of their mum by the post man disgusted let down and we were failed as it was too hard to do by asking indepth question as to why suddenly from a excellent relationship which would have been a complaint by the mum do you think i got a reply from the letters . nothing in 12 months whereupon my daughters birthday card was delivered late by a friend not a postman this was reported as harrasment by my kids mum regarding the civil order previously granted (to be posted by a post man) as the school couldnt give my daughter the card and money inside i delivered it to school as their mum had not given them the xmas presents i had dropped off the xmas before i was warned for harrassment despit

ell 28 Feb 2020

ill try and make this brief and if my situation helps one parent then it was worth the time writing. i divorced my kids mum 12 yrs ago whilst married for 10 yrs she was a good mother and partner however after 10 yrs i wanted a divorce we discussed it and whilst my wife didnt choose this path her upset soon turned to bitterness i left the family home just taking 3 suitcases .the heart ache leaving your kids making that decision still hurts today . i continued to pay the morgage and bills and told the solicitor to sign the house over to my wife as i couldnt bare the kids loosing the house . despite his best efforts to talk me out of my request i told the solicitor it was what i wanted . at his suprise she refused stating she wanted martial maintance along with csa payments my pension and the house . since meeting and the 10 marriage she didnt work and i fully accept her job was a full time mother which she loved and the money wasnt a issue but a 6 figure equity amount large csa payments a low morgage fully renovated house and a second hand car and a dad that wanted equal access and met all her controlling demands would have been enough how wrong could i have been several months later i need a break from work ....i informed my soon to be ex wife i was going on holiday in a few months, i didnt expect a problem as she had been away and occasionally answered the door with a smile but on the daybefore flying i reminded her to which the smile turned into rage and a door in my face despite speaking to my kids and my ex wife whilst abroad arranging to collect the kids on my first day back i was stunned upon turning up at nursery my daughter had been. removed early it goes down alot from here whilst abroad she obtained a injunction with a power of arrest with no police incidents and just a one sided statement i was fuming and contacted my solicitor £1500 later a barrister and a half day at court the judge who issued the injunction stated he was lead to believe it was a one sided case i have lots of respect for the courts as will become clear later but for the love of god surely evidence would be necessary considering the impact causin my childrens lack of contact with their dad due to the order and my ex wifes manipulation of that order to control and manipulate the system irrespective of the pain it caused our children spanning from my son running away several times and my daughter in floods of tears... the judge stated if my wife declined to drop the injunction it would need a full days hearing and anotjer 2500 pound i didnt have to return . i left the order in place to run its 12 months course unfortunetly due to the order i had to issue my own proceedings for refular access to my kids with was being obstructed and often changed how ever on the day of our court hearing my lovely ex wife who resembled noone i knew for 10 yrs went to the police station stating i had breached the injunction by.........phone contact which wasnt

Harry 20 Jan 2020

@dadabear.my daughter is grown up now haven’t had any contact in 11 years .(so I have given up now )it’s to late for me in reality.

Harry 20 Jan 2020

@dadabear.your daughter is only( 3 so take her court it will be worth it ).her mother might (think )she owns the child the (courts will sort her out).

DadaBear 20 Jan 2020

Hi team, firstly I wish all the other dads on here well, ultimately we are all here for the same reason and don't give up. Don't lose faith and keep fighting for what you believe in! Some of your stories are a lot tougher than mine - good luck! I'm in a situation where I'm seeking information, my ex is massively overprotective and has a continued over inflated opinion of her need to be with my 3 year old daughter, saying is she is not capable of spending two days away from her. I have her every Wednesday and Saturday overnight and have done since our split 18 months ago. I live near Leeds and have family in Scotland and South of England so in order for my daughter to have a relationship with my extended family I would like to travel for two consecutive 2 nights with her. Something that is being refused on the basis 'she cannot be away from her mum' no practical reasons given and she admits i am capable of looking after her. Does anyone have any information that may help me? I feel she is unfairly denying me time with my daughter and preventing her having a relationship with my family. The ex thinks she owns our daughter and has said lets review it 12 months but think the same thing will happen again. She is now refusing to go to mediation so may need to take her to court but would like to gauge if its worth going. Any information would be appreciated, or any examples of case law may help but cant find anything. Thanks.

Joe 3 Dec 2019

@edwin.i am in the same boat I been posting here for years and I am from oz didn’t realise it was (English law )myself and i only have a primary school education .might find a different blog with my country’s law on fathers rights .they never respond here anyway just take down my posts and offer no help what so ever so they are not that advanced in my opinion .

Edwin Valero 2 Dec 2019

@melv.yeah well I am dad in distress and just( worked out) this a (English law) web site (damn) I am from (Venezuela )and don’t have must( education )but if I find myself a nice English bird one day have our self a baby and she run off with another men with my baby .i will know what to do .so it wasn’t all a waste off time .the English are why more advanced then us (Venezuelans ).

Seanw 22 Oct 2019

Looking for some advice me and my ex split up two years ago she’s a recovering alcoholic but she relapsed two weeks ago and last week my son was took in to care for 3 days cause emergency social worker went out and found her steaming with my son in her care the social work never let me know there treating me like my opinion doesn’t matter but now she’s got my son back I’m stuck on what to do thanks Sean

Soldier95 11 Aug 2019

Hi all I'm new to this as I'm a first time of a nearly 3yr old I recently split up with my partner just after 5yrs as we was recently moved in with her family member and partner in a 2 bed house with 7 of us in there things got a bit heated between myself and the other guy then I was kicked out and making me homeless but thanks to a charity for helping me with a place I'm now being told by my ex I'm not allowed to see my son until a contact centre is sorted I'm really missing my little man which I was there at the birth and my name is on the birth certificate and I had to save he's life after he stopped breathing after he was born what can I do

Tiktok132 10 Jul 2019

We have had a mutual agreement in place for over 18 weeks now completely 50/50. Pick ups from school and drop offs, all had been going well without a hitch. Now entering the summer break, I took my child on holiday and thought the best course would be to take week about as it is quite an acrimonious separation. I have been threatened with police presence when I didn’t return my child on my day so the only course was to seek legal advice. I have tried to get a minutes of agreement in place with my child’s interest at heart as he sees both parents equally, but I have been hit that his mother feels it is appropriate to let me see my child for one more week block, which would begin in 6 weeks and that I only get my child every alternate weekend. The letter has also stated that she did not agree to the last 18 week routine and that the child is far better with her at this traumatic time. I’m struggling to see how this brings any boundaries or routine into my child’s life and am really at a loss about what to do or what action to take moving forward to ensure I get to be a stable part of my child’s life

Sideb0310 28 Jun 2019

Can I cease making further child maintenance (formerly CSA) payments as soon as my daughter completes her A Level exams?

AlexN 20 Jun 2019

Recently broke up from my partner, we have social services involved in our case and between them and my ex partner even though there are no court orders or anything in place epo's etc they are making it increasingly difficult to get access to my children even though I have equal parental responsibilities, I tried to sign up and received the same message a lot of people get about spamming. I really need help and advice as my situation is worsening by the day and I'm worried they are going to try stop me completely with no real evidence against me to say I am going to harm my children.

Smarty 15 Apr 2019

Gday guys, going through the early stages at the moment and lm finding myself in no mans land. Have two kids one 3.6 and another just gone one. Still love my wife so much. The reason she has wanted to seperate was because l was choosing the beer over her and the kids. She said she asked, warned me but l was to oblivious to what she was saying. Cut a long story short we are amicable and not nasty to one and other. I am about to move out. I just think lm good then l just break dwn and my little fella goes it will be ok daddy, l love you. She asked me to change things and l did and have. I’m just lost

Chris 18 Mar 2019

Might had I never went to court for visitation but had (my reasons) .from the research it was the (mothers job )to apply for it and she didn’t she most off had her (reasons )but to wait 10 years then hit me is a low blow .

Chris 18 Mar 2019

@cannotbelievethel.i am single father or I don’t no if i can say that but there is a child running around with my surname I never payed child support .her( mother had flash holidays got big flash cars designer cloths most likely owns house )thinks she a high roller I heard she is struggling for money .i am worried she will hit me (child support) I have never been allowed to even (talk to this child or even meet her) .i don’t think it’s fair I am just construction worker that’s been out off work and finally found job working (out off town )with the expensive off living in a (pub) plus paying for my home in town is hard enough let alone( start paying )for a child I haven’t seen in a decade .is that even legal ?

cannot believe the l 17 Mar 2019

Hope you can help My partners ex wife left the family home nearly 4 years ago left him with the kids 12 and 16, he just got on never asked for a penny paid for everything even though she was claiming family allowance! she went on lavish holidays and got herself into lots of debt! now all of a sudden she is feeling skint!! she has gone to the child maintenance and lied saying the child lives with her and hardly sees dad! he has been told he has to start paying next month, how can he pay for a child that is living with him and pay her for child that is clearly not living with mum. The child has said she will speak to them but they have said they cannot talk to children. It has got that ridiculous even the child is having nothing to do with the mum as they know dad cant afford to pay it and keep her at his. surely they can't just take her word for it, and surely she is committing a crime by telling these lies? what evidence does he need to prove the child lives with him that the child maintenance people will believe? it has gone to appeal but you read so many bad things about them I'm worried that they will just go with what the mother tells them.

chels 15 Mar 2019

We currently have a court order for our son. He lives with me and his dad has him every other week and the court order states that he can have him for an additional four weeks for extended contact or holidays with two of these weeks being taken during the summer school holidays. My ex has now provided the dates and is not taking two weeks during the summer and has changed the 4 weeks for 28 days and not counting his weekend as part of the holiday ie. if he has him from friday to friday hes saying he has him for 5 days not 7 and is taking him out of nursery for odd days 2-3). I realise that once he starts school then we will only be able to have holidays during school holidays but is he breaking the court order?

BEEJ 19 Nov 2018

I signed with the registrar at the birth of my daughter in 2014. does this automatically give me parental responsibility? my ex (we never married) seems to be calling all the shots and im getting frustrated without much contact.

Frustrateddad 29 Oct 2018

Looking for input. Originally when my ex and I split I had contact with my daughter every Wednesday night as Well as every second weekend from the Friday till the Sunday. She moved away to an area which I roughly a 40 minute drive away but I do not drive so is even longer on public transport. Once she moved there I lost the Wednesday due to the distance issue but the every second weekend continued on the basis she brought my daughter through to me on the Friday and I took her home on the Sunday. This worked out fine as my new partner was available to give me a lift on Sundays. My ex is now saying she cannot bring her on a Friday as it is too much for her as she wants a social life and also has her other 3 kids to think about. If I was to pick up my 6 year old daughter it would mean 2 trains and a bus to where she stays and the same journey back on the Friday after I finish work I would also have to take my other 11 year old daughter on that journey and would not be home till after 9pm at night so effectively losing another night with my six year old as well as my 11 year old. My ex says if I want to keep seeing my daughter I have to go and get her and is not changing her mind at all. I feel I have the better case in the interest of the child but because she is the mother I feel if I take her to court it will go in her favour and I will end up losing another night of contact with my daughter and be left with only every second Saturday and Sunday. Any opinions appreciated.

Peggatypawz 21 Sep 2018

My new partner has been a victim of DV for years - He is currently trying to get custody of his two girls from his ex ( who has a 15yo son who is a known to police for having child porn on his phone - he is also a known drug user & trouble maker ) whom lied to get a ex mol against my partner. My Partners Ex has taken out so many injunctions against him so he is unable to return home and collect his belongings, he literally has the clothes he left the house with when he was falsely arrested for DV - He tried to tell the policeman that it was in fact him that was the victim - but - in the police's actual words - " Sorry mate - she got in first " Statements have been written against my partner who has actual evidence proving that everything she is saying is a lie - Hard evidence available but no-body - inc the police - will look at it ! ... There are so many incident reports, and even complaints about the complaints lady - this stuff couldn't be written about, its ridiculous. The woman is a textbook narcissist whom controls with the threat of withdrawal or rage ... My partner is loving and attentive and without a doubt not the violent man she has persuaded everyone he is ... But - Being of stocky muscly build and tattooed - he is the stereotypical 'Thug' !!!! His ex has managed to alienate his entire village & friends and he now has actually had to flee 100 miles away for his own safety ( as she was intimidating and harassing him at every turn - he has a non mol on her stating that she ( or any third parties ) is not allowed to contact him - which she is still doing ) Anyway - he has a court order affirming contact every other weekend until court hears the evidence he has as to why he wants and in fact needs, the girls in his care - ( Social workers are at present carrying out a section 37 report ) The girls have been with us twice now and have loved every minute - yet on their return to the mother they scream and shake and PLEAD with their father not to return them - This is heart breaking. When in the mothers care the girls forced to listen to foul language, threats, physical and mental abuse and are often left to their own devices - they have even been bribed with a 'kitten' if they say they want to 'stay with mummy' to the social worker .... Video evidence taken..... They have also had all devices taken away so they are now no longer able to contact " daddy " at all - which they were doing every night - often till very late - He would often Face time for a few hours and then eventually put them to bed - from 100 miles away - via face time - while his ex was on the phone to her new bf - she had no idea what the girls were doing all this time. This is a very short history !!! ......... Now - His ex has made up crime numbers and basically lied to everyone again to keep the girls off school - to stop my partner from having them on his weekend - BUT - we have overturned this and shown it to be total fabrication - Social workers

8706griff 5 Sep 2018

I will kepp this short as possible. 1. Court order set up in 2012, my daughter stayed with me and my dad Friday to Monday every week. 2. I used to have a night out on a Saturday 2-3 times a month, which my daughter did not mind but my ex (bpd) would not like this, so every time I had a night out on the weekend she would drop my daughter off for an extra day during midweek.(which i did not mind) She would tell my daughter im not allowed to leave her with my dad to go out. 3. In January 2017 I Introduced my girlfriend (who I met 3 months previous)to my daughter, they got on fine. The following week my daughter was off to my girlfriend. When I asked her what was wrong my daughter said that my ex had said my girlfriend broke mammy and daddys marriage up. 4. A week later, My ex bought my daughter a puppy, and spoilt her with toys ect (just after xmas) 5. My ex then did the following things which are not true – Sent a Facebook message to my girlfriends ex telling him I was a child abuser and to watch his son with me. Took all my daughters savings money out of her account which my parents give to my daughter since she was born and told her I did it, also posted it all over Facebook so everyone was slandering me. 6. Told my daughter that I prefered my girlfriends son than my daughter. Also took him on holiday. 7. Contact stopped in May 2017, my daughter told me that mam has changed her job to have my daughter on weekends and my ex would not be happy if she came with me on weekends now. 7. My daughter does not want contact because I go out and leave her on a Saturday night sometimes, my ex has steered my daughter to a view of mother. I cant prove it but I am 99% sure the ex has told my daughter that because she has a dog now, if she had contact with me the dog would have to be sold. 8 On my previous weekend contact with my daughter, on her ipad there are whattsapp messages between my ex and my daughter on a number of occasions, where my ex is telling my daughter to come home as I should not have left her with my dad, also emotional blackmailing her at times. I have been in the court process since August 2017 Cafcas involved A very long psychologist report (she states mother has steered daughter views to that of mother, and ceasing contact with father would be emotionally dentrimantal to my daughter Therapy sessions for me and ex I have wrote a letter of appology to my daughter for leaving her occasionally to go out. My ex was told to promote contact by therapist and Cafcass, but is doing the opposite by posting things on Facebook which my daughter can see. My ex is posting things like – so proud of my daughter she is one tough cookie, the day she seen Cafcass – Deadbeat Dads / I can say sorry a million times but it wont make a difference ect (my daughter is seeing this as she is on Facebook) and is ailienating her from me. I was supposed to see my daughter today at the Cafcass offices but Cafcass just phoned me to say she is not

SeparatedDads Editor 13 Aug 2018

If you have parental responsibility of your child, then you would have the power to request your child lives with you, should anything happen to your ex. It only becomes a potential court battle if your ex has left a clause in her will requesting that your child is looked after by another member of the family or a step-parent (if your child has siblings who are the biological children of the step-parent and your ex).

Charlie 12 Aug 2018

Many thks for response another ? If she was remarried and died god forbib Do I need something in place so son automatically comes to me or does my son remain with stranger?or is it that another battle in court? Thanks charlie

SeparatedDads Editor 10 Aug 2018

You will still have parental responsibility of your child if another man moves in. This means you are the registered father of your child and can make certain decisions. However, many people live in step-families where another parent plays a role and there is little you can do to prevent this.

Charlie 8 Aug 2018

Hi all am very confused.need advice support. Couple questions. Recently separated. If ex were to marry ,move in new partner, does he gain automatic responsibility?. Me as biological father with already strong bond and shared parental responsibility, birth certified not by marriage. Legally wat can I do to remain chief decision maker if anything were to happen to ex.As far as iam concerned fathering of our son is my role mine alone and not some jobseeker!.I believe joint custody would give me this ???. Many thks Charlie

SeparatedDads Editor 15 Jun 2018

It is deemed fraudulent to register another man on the birth certificate as the father, if the man is not the biological father. However, if this lady wishes to continue to do this, you should not challenge the lady directly but challenge the matter through court (once the child is born). If you challenge the lady directly and the police get involved it could hamper future access to your child. You may wish to seek legal advice regarding what your best options are under the current circumstances.

MD 15 Jun 2018

Hi I need some advice please, I was in a relationship with a married lady who is still with her husband and they have two child together, she recently became pregnant with me while with her husband, I told her that she should leave her husband and I will marry her, she refused and she is telling me that she will raise my child with her husband, she will also tell him that that's his child, but she will allow me to see the child but she will never tell the child that I am the father. But I don't want to do that, If it's my child I want to be there with him when he is born also I want him to know that I am the father of him, i don't her husband to know or think it his child. I told her to come to an agreement, she refused and said if I interfere she will call the police on me. Please can someone one tell me what can I do and what rights do I have over this child as I don't want my child to call someone else dad. Thanks MD

Si 6 Jun 2018

Hi fellas! I'm new to this CSA and separated dad stuff and have a few things to ask so please bare with me, it's all come at once and I'm overwhelmed...I just received a 'nice' letter from the CSA this morning. First of all, my wife and I separated last September, I have since offered to provide her with money for our 4 children, (one who is 18 this August) but she refused saying she don't need anything from me. Now I get this?! Second, it says I have to pay £1908.95 per year, yet I'm on a minimum wage job only working 20 hours per week...My monthly income before tax and NI is very low, around £626, if I'm right, then the CSA expect me to pay about £160ish per month on top of my living outgoings. Is this correct or do I need the amount adjusted? Do the CSA take into account fathers living expenses. Surely the CSA can't make a fair and accurate sum for dads to pay without assessing our living costs? Plus, very unexpected but it's happened, I am in a new relationship and my current partner and I are having a baby due this October. How does this affect the rate I pay? Also, my ex is a difficult woman, she is very spiteful and has been causing trouble over last few months with the agenda of splitting me and my partner up. She did at one point suddenly up and left the area with our kids with the intention of living there but without informing me, she has since returned because I got child services involved (long story) but the main thing is I would like to have my children sleep over at least one night per week but she won't allow it. I know the CSA reduce the rate dads pay if kids stay over, but what if it's the mother who doesn't allow this? It's very very unfair that any father pays full amount because they don't have their kids over because of their ex's decision to not allow this...does this seem fair? Also, can my ex stop me from introducing my children to my current partner? Please help..

SeparatedDads Editor 5 Jun 2018

If you have a child, decisions will always be made regarding what is in the best interests of your child regardless of what you put into the house financially prior to marriage. If the money you put into the house was a loan and you can prove it was a loan, then your parents may be reimbursed their money. However, if your wife is the primary carer of your child, then a court can allow her to remain in the house until your child leaves full-time education. If you can agree via mediation, putting the welfare of your child first, then this will serve you better. You are not financially responsible for your wife's child. You have two options if you cannot agree between yourselves, mediation and court. If the matter goes to court, then this will cost and the court will base the financial split on the basis of each other's (and your child's) financial needs. In this case, you may wish to seek legal advice.

AK 4 Jun 2018

Hi. I need some advise. My wife ( still legal) she is treating me with divorce. It's already 6month when we are not talking , she sleeps in separate room in our house that we own together under shared ownership. I offers her to go and discuss our options via mediation, but today she went to see a solicitor. I need an advise on below before I agree or get solicitor involved. * If we sell house before we split money can my deposit returned to me? ( it's a gift from my parents) *Money from the sale of house is used to cover the debts that we had during our marriage before we split profit. *She is treating me ( I am biological father of one child, other child is from her second marriage he is 13yrold) what she will claim child support for non biological child untill he will reach 18year old. ( I will support him anyway but without a treat). *She wants 70% of income from the sale of the house! Is it possible? I do agree 50/50 after our joint debts are covered. * My biological son (7years old) surname is under mother's name. She is treating not to give my surname until she will get what's she want.(everything as per above) *She said I may be evicted from house what we both have mortgage for until my son will reach 18year old. And will need to pay for my mortgage. Please advise before I have legal help. Thank you

SeparatedDads Editor 4 Jun 2018

Once eligibility by the resident parent to claim child benefit stops, then so do child maintenance payments. You can see more via whichwhich should tell you all you need to know.

Bruce 2 Jun 2018

Hi, my son is just finishing his A levels, he turned 19 in Feb 2018 and I have heard that he will be going to some sort of music college to further his education. I have always consistently paid maintenance and am continuing to do so but I am unclear on when I am ok to stop payments. Can someone help with this please? I have read guidelines on several websites but am not absolutely sure of the right thing to do and as the initial break up was extremely acrimonious (so much so that I have not been able to see my son for 6 years) I would not like to do anything that wasn't correct. Many thanks

SeparatedDads Editor 1 Jun 2018

If your ex has moved out of the area without your consent (if you have PR, then your ex has to request your consent), then you can apply directly for a court order, If you wish to pursue the matter, then court is your only recourse. The court can force a parent to move back with the child, if they think the resident parent has moved deliberately. Or they can organise a court order, so that your ex would have to keep to the access arrangements decided on by a judge.

algeth 1 Jun 2018

hi, me & my ex-partner split up a few years ago, (we werent married & my name is on his birth certificate) & we got a 4 year old son together, i use to have him every tuesday & thursday nights as well as every other w-end, my ex told me she made an appointment for mediation but without knowing what mediation was at 1st (i thought it was a 3rd party telling us about when i can & cant see my son, until i read up about it) she cancelled mediation by then, i took my son to school on the friday after having him on the thur night ,& without warning she turned up at the school about 10-10.30 & told school its compasionate leave, but the truth was that she got the train to her boyfriends in scotland, (im in wales) i kept on asking her when they are back & her reply was she on holiday & then kept saying "dont know yet" & now i have discovered she has moved him into a school in scotland.(i heard they got different laws up there!!?) she told me there nothing i can do & i can have him school holidays & the odd w-end - when its teacher training day. also she has been known as a compulsive liar (her family said that to which i know is true) & say things for her own benefit, social services been involved about 2-3 times but every time she say that s services are happy & no further action taken, any help wold be very much appreciated, thanks in advance :)

SeparatedDads Editor 19 Apr 2018

Hopefully, once the child's mother has recovered from her ordeal your son's access will get back on track. The best option your son has is to try to support his ex and his kids in this situation and be on hand for any meetings with social services. This will help to see where he can best help out. It's not as though access is being refused to him, it's purely that his children's mother has found herself in a difficult situation. Your son will have a recourse to apply to court for a child arrangement order if his ex refuses access, It seems in this case a bit of patience and support may work better in this particular case, unless of course he wishes to apply for residency through the courts. If so, then he may wish to seek some legal advice.

concerned nan 17 Apr 2018

hi im in desperate need of help my son has 2 children and has been having his children every weekend for last couple of years the mum had another relationship there has been issues with her not taking kids to school not providing enough food her son molesting on of the other children plus other issues over last 2 years children have been on high risk level 4 with no changes anyway we had a meeting with social services last tuesday for updates as my son rang to pick his kids friday as usual had no answer all weekend so contacted social services to express concerns only to be told they have moved her and her 6 children to refuge due to domestic violence issues with her ex partner my son is absolutly devastated whats his rights on protecting his children and seeing them we have another emergency meeting monday with social services we dont know were we stand can any one please help we are very desperate for a life line here

Jupiter111 16 Apr 2018

Hi, My son no longer wants to be with his wife but is in despair as to where he will stand with the children and finances. He is worried that he will not be allowed to see his children and that his wife will make any visits under her terms. They have a mortgage, would he have to pay all of the monthly payment, and the council tax, bills etc, she does not work as the children are young, would she have to claim benefit to live. We just don't know where he will stand on any of this and don't know where else to look for advice. Thank you

SeparatedDads Editor 5 Apr 2018

Before an application to court will be permitted, you and your ex may have to consider mediation first. We cannot recommend solicitors directly. You may wish to get more advise via the Separated Dads Forum.

NSC 1 Apr 2018

Hello, Just recently divorced after 5 years separation. My ex now wishes to take me to court. Can anyone recommend a lawyer in the Guildford area that specialises in Single Dads representation?

Ren 21 Mar 2018

hi. just would like to know if its unreasonable of me to ask my ex to have the children for 1 weekend of the year. I have the boys every weekend from Friday after school til they go back to school on a Monday however one weekend I will not be able to have them and have given my ex 4 months notice of when I can't have them and it seems to be a big issue . i'd like your comments please.

SeparatedDads Editor 19 Mar 2018

Unfortunately, if you have a court order for access you have to keep to the terms of the court order.

Jamalsjos 17 Mar 2018

Hi, I have been separated for a year and I am going through a really tough divorce, I have two boys age 8 & 5 who I miss terribly, I have a court arrangement to see my boys Tuesday over night and every other weekend but I would like to see the more, my wife never lets me look after them when she needs a sitter and uses her elderly unwell parents both in there 80s. I have had to block my wife from all electrical divices as she bombards me with abusive messages. I am worn out and missing my boys like crazy. Any advice or tips would be appreciated

SeparatedDads Editor 5 Mar 2018

If your ex refuses to negotiate, then you would have to suggest mediation. If your ex still refuses, then you would have to apply to court. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the children in question. The court will always put the children’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. The courts do wish non-resident parents to have relationships their children and will do all it can to make this happen. You may wish to mention to your ex that you are OK for a time with this arrangement, but you wish to see it moving in a direction where you can have a proper relationship with your children and if she will not consider mediation you will apply to court. You do not have to do this with any malice. If you do not currently have parental responsibility (ie registered on the birth certificate) you can also apply for this via the courts.

DC82 4 Mar 2018

Hi, I am wondering what my rights are with regards to access to my two children. Currently I see my 2 year old and 6 month year old on a fortnightly basis for three hours on a Sunday. I have requested to see them more to their mother as I feel three hours a fortnight is too little an amount of time to see them. I spend the three hours at the home of my ex with the children. Ideally I would like to see them at least once an evening every week, and more time on the alternate weekends. I pay more maintenance than I currently need to. I would like help with what I can expect is a reasonable enough time to be able to spend with the children. And also whether I can actually have rights to take the children out on my own.

Weekesy89 31 Dec 2017

Me and my ex separate almost 5 years ago and we have a daughter (7) and a son(6). Its been a hard 5years with alot of issues mainly jealousy from her side. We both have new partners. Ive been with my now girlfriend 4years. She on the otherhand has been with many new guys, all moving in and out constantly and has been with her new bloke around 2months, hes moved in with her, engaged and i now find out they are trying for a baby. I have no problem with her having another child if thats what she wants but the timing is totally wrong. She lives in a very small 2bed flat. Shes always complaining that they have been bad etc and now the thought of a baby on the scene i feel my two will not be priority and they will be effected. I work full time but see them at least 2 evenings a week for several hours after work and 1 night/day every weekend plus paying her a fair amount of money. She doesn't work at all. So she takes them to school and picks them up and thats all she has to do. But their flat is always a mess, there dirty (according to my children, 'mummy' forgets to bath us, teeth don't get cleaned) i heard my daughter telling her nanny (my mother) when asked by her nanny, mummy always forgets to bath us, wash us, clean teeth. We only do this at daddy's when we stay. Its heartbreaking. When i mention any concerns to her i get shouted at and made to feel its all my fault and tend to walk away to avoid argument. Keeping your children clean is surely no1 priority for any parent. I basically don't trust her. So i am looking for anyone who is going through or has been through a similar situation and what the best course of action is. Im willing to change my job in order to take and pick them up from school if I need to. I also get alot of help from my parents so there is alot of support from my side of the family. Thanks.

SeparatedDads Editor 18 Dec 2017

If you have moved out of the family home and you are wishing to try and force your ex to sell, then I would advise not to push ahead with this as it is highly unlikely a court would force your ex to sell while your children are in full-time education. A court will always decide what it thinks is in the best interests of your children, and stability and consistency are always considered most important. Much also depends upon how much equity is in the house. If there is little equity, then there is no point pushing ahead as you will end up spending more in court and legal costs to take the matter to court. As long as you can prove you are not using money from your joint marital account to fund your new property, then you shouldn't have a problem in the future. Your only problem may be applying for a mortgage if your name is currently on the existing mortgage. You may wish to seek legal advice, the Citizens Advice Bureau may be able to help with this if you can't afford to speak to a solicitor. I would say to avoid court though where you can, as it can soak up any spare cash you have. Instead, consider mediation as an alternative.

frankiesard 17 Dec 2017

Hi there, I wonder if you can suggest something. my ex forced me out after moving in new home, changed the locks the next day and let in her new boyfriend soon after to live with her and my kids. Everything was under her name. That year I was really down thinking my kids (5) and (1) living with another man especially as I was the main carer staying at home and working part time, everything was so odd coming back at home from work. One year after she asked for divorce, now that we are divorced she is not completing the form E, she is taking her time and suggesting to take her to court. I don't want to pay the solicitor to go to court as I'm saving to buy myself a small place to have the kids as I'm renting room at the moment. my questions if someone can help: shall I go to mediation for settlement? is she entitled to something if I buy a place if the financial settlement is not done even if we are divorced without decree nice? Any advise is welcome.

SamJax Editor 5 Dec 2017

@Dan - you are absolutely right. Mothers should not have the level of control they do. There are two parents in every relationship and this should be recognised through the courts. The courts are a lot better than they were and much more open to ordering shared-care arrangements. But still, it's unfair to put your child through this torment for nothing. Your ex should remember; it's what's in the best interests of the child - not the parents.

Dan 4 Dec 2017

Hi there, why is it that the women get automatic rights when it comes to children?? My ex wife wanted to end the relationship with no reason but she thought I’d changed after I had a mental illness which I’m now fully recovered from. Immediately she took our 5 year old son and dictates the days and times I’m allowed to see him, I’ve paid for mediation which she then asked for me to pay for the joint sessions also which I couldn’t afford so I’ve now taken the matter to court. I only made a simple request of 3 nights access and accesss on birthdays, xmas and school holidays. She point blank refused and offered me 2 nights and 2 weeks during the 6 weeks holidays which I feel is unfair so it’s now progressed to the final hearing. She’s changed her phone number and won’t let my son contact me at all, which is causing huge upset to my little boy. I also asked if I could have my son and she can see him 2 nights a week but apparently this is not acceptable as she is his MOTHER! What’s happened to equal rights?? I’ve got into debt to get legal support I’ve paid mine and her mediation fees, court fees and even had to pay to find out her address as she has moved and will not tell me where my son is living. She has stated that I am a great father so why can it not be split 50/50 I love my son he is my world it’s heartbreaking something has to change surely!!!

john1644 17 Nov 2017

hi everyone....seeking some feed back my ex wife has brought alleged conviction of rape against me (totally untrue ) i was bailed with conditions,1 being no contact with my 2 kiddies i honoured this condition,my bail was then dropped as the conditions but now child services are blocking me seeing the kids have they the power to inflict this condition im desperate to see my kids

Seba 15 Nov 2017

I have recieved a solicitors letter from my ex sayin my contact us ceased as my son doesnt want to see me due to my. Behaviour .I'm in shock as my son and I have great relationship . She seemed to do this everytime she is having another child .can someone help or advise what to do

SeparatedDads Editor 29 Sep 2017

Have you spoken to your ex regarding this? You could take the matter to mediation, if your ex is in agreement, as any agreement made in mediation has to be verified by the courts. If you stop payment, then you risk being in arrears. It is a grey area and one that should be approached cautiously. Once the child benefit is registered in your name, then you will be able to stop payment. But, until then it is always beneficial to have the agreement rubber-stamped by the court to save any future repercussions i.e if your child went back to live with your ex.

PoorDAD 28 Sep 2017

Hi all, Having been to court to arrange financial relief, I obtained a court order that settled, amongst everything else, the child maintenance payments that I had to be making to my ex-wife for my 14-year-old daughter and with which I’ve been compliant. However, since July 2017 my daughter has chosen to come and live with me and has been spending 5 to 6 nights (and days) at mine consistently since then. I have called CMS and they have confirmed that that now makes me the main carer for my daughter and have advised me to apply for child benefit, which I have done and I’m now waiting for a reply. My question is: Can I stop paying child maintenance to my ex-wife? The problem is that the court order has been valid since March 2017 and CMS cannot step in until March 2018. To go back to court will take at least four months and considerable costs, let alone the stress. In the meantime, I’m paying money that clearly is not used for my daughter’s maintenance and needs, while at the same time I could be making use of it and cover for her needs now that she lives with me. I appreciate that not complying with a court order is not advisable, but I would like to know what would be the consequences if I stopped paying?

Elliot&0 Editor 14 Sep 2017

@jdad - that's pretty tough. Unless you go through the UK courts and spend a tonne of money, there's not much you can do. The courts would probably allow you access, but you may have to go through a time of not seeing your son before it got to court, if the mother is that sort of woman. I advise carrying on doing what you are doing and mark down all the times you have had access to your son, then when the contact is fully established and your son is a bit older take the matter to court. I really feel for you - the mother sounds like a nightmare.

jdad 13 Sep 2017

I am an American citizen and my son (now 3 years old) was born in Costa Rica to a British Citizen (a result of a very casual affair, we barely knew each other at the time). When he was born, she refused to allowed me to be on the birth certificate due to fears of me controlling her travel plans. She now lives back in England with her mother and only allows me to Skype twice a month and visit every few months - on her very stringent terms. She does not allow me to know or come to her home and only agrees to meet me for supervised visits at a hotel, play place or restaurant always in the company of her mother. She will not discuss mediation or give me any real or solo visitation rights or put me on the birth certificate, even though I do paypal her money for my son every month. I have been very patient and am afraid to rock the boat because anytime I ask for anything she cuts me off and takes more away. I just want to be in my son's life and make sure he knows I love him. I am not looking for joint custody and understand that our geographic locations will probably never allow for that. I live in the US and took a job as a flight attendant just to have flight benefits. I don't know what I should or could do to insure my rights without making things worse. If you have any advice I would appreciate it.

lostDad 24 Aug 2017

My ex wife has taken my.kids to live somewhere else in the country. I don't know their whereabouts she won't tell me. I have been in their lives since they were born. She soon went to csa to get money which I not mind paying for my.kids but yet okay for her to not have me in their lives but wants my money. I have a young child to my wife and she took them just before he was due. So never met. I believe she has changed their surname but how do I find out if this is true. I want my.kids to have my name. I love them and wanted to be their Dad. She had taken them.from me and hurts so much. If given them a new man's surname I will be heartbroken. She is sly and would say can't contact.me as she told csa I no parental right so have to pay more. She says I'm a bad dad. I'm not I have been there for them. I had them at weekends or longer like Xmas new year if could and when she went out needing me to watch them. I spend money on them. Too them places. What can I do? I've not much money as paying csa. My mortgage. Bills and little one in house I'm struggling as it is. Please help

really had enough 24 Aug 2017

Hi all. I'm really struggling with hearing about the fun times my son is having with my ex wife and her fiancé. She started seeing him 2 weeks after she asked for a separation, introduced my son to him 3 weeks after I was forced out of my home and announced they were getting married a week after divorce was finalised. I really want my son to be happy but it feels like bit by bit this other man is taking over my son. My ex has gone all out to get my son playing the same sports that the other man likes and has stopped the activities my son used to do stating she can't afford them anymore. The new sports he does costs far more!!!! I pay my fair share for my son each month and am a co-parent (3 nights per week)

SeparatedDads Editor 10 Aug 2017

Much depends upon your circumstances and the reasons why you have not seen your children. As a rule, the system is geared towards trying to help non-resident parents maintain a good relationship with their children. However, there can be many reasons why a relationship cannot not maintained. Therefore, more information on the 'whys' would be needed in order to give any advice. Alternatively, the dads on our forum are great at giving helpful advice as they generally know how the 'system' works having been through its trials and tribulations previously.

Ian 8 Aug 2017

Hello all After quite some time I've finally managed to get online to the forum. I've not been able to see my kids for two years because of the system and would welcome any advice.

BenT Editor 17 Jul 2017

@S7eve - not really, I don't think the doctors will divulge confidential information about another patient. You will just have to take her word for it. You're going to know soon enough whether she is lying or not as it will be pretty visible.

S7eve 14 Jul 2017

Hi I'm looking for some advise, I have recently separated from my wife but she is now telling me she is pregnant, I have asked for confirmation but she is telling me I have no legal rights to confirmation from the doctors, is this true? Can anybody help?

Gill Editor 10 Jul 2017

@Mr 50s - you are in one of the best places in the country to explore. There is so much to do on your doorstep. Why don't you ask each of your offsprings to suggest something new they would like to do in turn. If you want to chill out take a picnic somewhere by the river or in a park. It costs much less outdoors and no one is moving you on!

Phr 6 Jul 2017

Could somebody help please. I'm looking to move in with my partner who claims tax credits. What I am trying to work out is it pay £400 a month child mainenance will this be deducted when working out new tax credit joint award

SeparatedDads Editor 27 Jun 2017

You can contact/email admin via the forum and they will help you to register.

SeparatedDads Editor 19 Jun 2017

You can join the forum via this page. You don't say whether access was granted through the courts, or via mediation. If you have a mutual agreement, then you need to suggest mediation to your ex if she will not agree to your suggestions. However, court is always seen as the last resort as it can be a fraught and stressful experience. You may wish to seek professional legal advice in order to explore your options.

Paula 9 Jun 2017

Can a mother refuse to let the father see his child even if he has been to court and the case went to Cathcase was granted assess saw his daughter twice now mother blatantly refusing more access my grandson has paid out over £2000 to see his daughter when he saw her she was asking to see her nannys grandad and baby brother who she has never seen I think this is emotional abuse as this little girl loves her dad please advise

ManInABlueSuit 28 May 2017

Hi, im looking for some advice if anyone can offer any. Me and my ex partner have been separated for over 4 years, we have a 4 year old daughter and a 5 year old son who are not aloud to see my father or sister or meet my new partner who is pregnant with their half sibling. I tried mediation but after the MIAM it came to light that my ex had no intention of coming to any sort of compromise, it was her way and that was it, now I have submitted c100 paperwork in the hope a court can do something to help us. Has anyone got any advice who has been through a similar situation?

SeparatedDads Editor 22 May 2017

If the court has ordered your partner not to accompany you on hand over, then you are in breach of the order and which has seemingly given your ex the ammunition she needs to stop contact. I can only advise you suggest mediation in order to try to resolve the issue out of court (it will be overseen by the court). If your ex refuses, then you will have to apply back to court and state the reason why you have breached the order.

fergie 22 May 2017

Hi please can somebody help me ? I cant afford legal help and I am hitting brick walls. Since meeting my current partner my ex partner has made it so difficult for me to see my children. She has dragged me to court on several different charges which where lies. On the last court appearance she told the judge that my ex was intimidating her on pick up (again more lies) to which the court ordered my partner not to join me on pick up, but since then I have had to answer to police and she accused me of hitting my son (age 3) in the back of the car ! I lost my contact until social services had investigated me and the police. Nothing was proven as it didn't happen so contact resumed. Problem is I have been taking my partner as a witness for the car journey home as I am afraid she will make more lies up and it is really hard to prove yourself without proof! She is in the opposite car park and does not entre the building with me but she has now stopped contact again ?? This is so frustrating. I feel this is a form of harassment through her jealously of my partner. Please can somebody tell me there is something I can do to stop her ending my time with my children, I really need help

SeparatedDads Editor 16 May 2017

Once his child benefit stops and when he has finished his studies up to A-Level equivalent.

Stressedout 15 May 2017

I am still married but spreated we have been for year and half. Ok here goes im wife/ex is an alcoholic my child doesn't like staying with mom can stays with me most days now she has starting beonging random men to the house for drinking sessions my child refuses to stay there but she will come and drag him back. The child wants to live with me i want full custody how do i go about doing this? No outside service have ever been involved ie social services or the police please i need help

Shel 13 May 2017

HI there folks, My son is in 6th form. At what age can i stop paying child maintenance please? Thank you.

Clancy12 8 May 2017

Hi, not sure if anyone can give me some advice? I have a 3 week old little boy he's my first child, it's also my ex partners first. She will only let me see my son for one hour on a sunday evening,that's also the only time any of my family can see him. I don't think that's acceptable her whole family sit watching me for that hour which is very uncomfortable. I pay her money every Sunday without fail far more than she's entitled to..she also kept my name of the birth certificate. Don't get me wrong prior to my son arriving i did send her some horrible text messages as she would just totally ignore me leading up to his birth and I lost it a bit. It's never gone any further than that.. I just don't know what i can do. Any advice would be much appreciated.

Manoman 3 May 2017

Hi, wondering if you can help, my partners daughter has moved 2 and half hours away, we had access twice A week whilst they were in our area and since they have left we have asked for an address or the school she is at and have been refused details we have asked when we are seeing her and they're not responding, we were promised access everyother weekend to stay over and they would bring her half way and now we are now being told she doesn't want to stay! (The child has told us previously her mom won't let her stay with us) we haven't been able to speak to her and ask if we can Skype on a daily basis and no response, just keep getting informed she doesn't like to speak on phone and Skype.we have a meeting with a family sols (cab) Wednesday but are being advised by friends as it's so far away we won't get access as it's not fair on her in a car for that amount of time she is 6, the mother stopped contact previously for 3 months and has promissed us time with her and then not answered her phone, when we get married we would like her to be bridesmaid but I know she will stop that too, any ideas from anyone would be great???

Toe 28 Apr 2017

I have recently separated from my girlfriend and we have a 6 month old baby boy. She had moved out of the house 15 miles down the road. Because I work full time I obviously don t see him as often as I would like. I have him for 3 nights a week. On Wednesday night until Thursday morning and then Friday to Sunday one week and then Saturday to Monday the next week. Throughout the relationship she was very erratic and aggressive towards me to a point where it ended our relationship after an altercation. This happened on the 5th March and we have been separated since. I am currently paying her 70 in running costs for the car because I don't drive. This is towards petrol etc for her to bring the baby to me. I also pay her 50 towards the baby for food etc. She is still on mat leave and receives child benefits and God k ow's what's else but now behind my back she has contacted the child maintenance service to get more money out of me. I want to apply for joint custody but I really don't know where to start. They are saying I need to pay £41 a week because of my earnings. Can anyone offer any help and advice on where I stand or what I can do. I am completely New and lost.

LittleJD 20 Apr 2017

Hi everyone, Currently still living with my partner and we have not been getting on for several Months. We have a 4 month old daughter that I feel is the main reason I am staying. I have wrote her a letter that I plan on handing to her tomorrow as I am the worlds worst talker in person, Even though I know I will sit down with Her after reading the letter. I Fell terrible for doing this behind her back and going there knowing I want to leave. I have spoke with many friends but would just like to know the most common things she is going to say to me in regards to access or finances. I currently live in her property and we don't really have any finances together so it is basically access to my daughter that I am really concerned about. Many Thanks in Advance

Luke1991 16 Apr 2017

Hi me and my ex split up a number of years ago my ex took my child away from me for over a year and refused contact for no given reason I fought for him the whole Time ,she then asked me to care for our son as she couldn't cope I have now had him for a year and she is wanting him back but still wanting me to have him everyday I wrote a letter when I agreed to have him that I would Let her have him back not knowing that when he did come live in my care he confided in me to tell me her now partner had been violent towards him , I am needing advice as to where I stand and what my legal rights are I am currently applying to the courts but any advice would be grateful thank you

Meikle 12 Apr 2017

Hello, I have two children from two different ex partners. I have an 8 year old daughter I have shared custody of 50/50 since 2015. The Child maintenance service state that no payments need paying to my ex partner of that child as I have shared care. I also have a 1 year old son. I do not see this child currently and therefore have to make payments to his mother. However, the child maintenance service do not take into account my daughter I have shared care for when calculating maintenance payments to my sons mother. I must pay her fully as if I do not have another child living with me. This is because I do not pay my daughters mother maintenance although it is them saying I do not need to pay her? Does this sound right?

SeparatedDads Editor 5 Apr 2017

As the father of your children, by law you are responsible for paying towards their financial upkeep, regardless of your ex's lifestyle or what she chooses to spend her money on. This means if you refuse to pay via a family-based child maintenance arrangement, then she will be eligible to apply via the CMS ( you can see how much you should be paying via the CMS calculator linkhere). You can order birth certificates via the gov.uk link here if you wish to set up a building society account. However, please also be aware that this would have to be in addition to any child maintenance you would have to pay (should your ex wish to take the CMS route), as the CMS will not accept this method as an alternative.

dave75 4 Apr 2017

HI all i have recently split with my partner of ten yrs. She is demanding money from me to pay for the children. I am more than happy to pay for my 2 kids but as she smokes cannabis and spends her child benefit and her working tax credit to fund this i am not happy to give any money into her bank account as i will not know where that money is been spent, I have requested there birth certificates so i can set up a savings account for them if they need anything. She has refused me to have them. so my question is can i get copies of each one without her been there when i get them. Would love some advive thanks

gavboy 1 Apr 2017

I have joint custordy of my boys , do i need to register tyem as living with me ?

SeparatedDads Editor 29 Mar 2017

I'm afraid we cannot advise you on this as this is a decision only you can make. You can see more about what it involves which

Dilemma! 29 Mar 2017

The situation: I have two children, 6yo boy and a 9yo girl who live with mum. We were never married. My name is on the birth certificate for both children. There is a contact order already in place and I pay regular child maintenance The problem: I am unsure if one (or both) of the children is mine and I am unsure of the consequences to the contact order and to the child maintenance payments. The dilemma: To test or not to test DNA?

SeparatedDads Editor 27 Mar 2017

If you feel your ex may move without your consent (which she requires if you have parental responsibility), then you can apply for a Prohibited Steps Order through the courts. A PSO is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.

alan 25 Mar 2017

My wife and I have recently seperated. She plans to move over 400 miles away and take our 10 year old boy with her. Any adcive on how I can stop this happening please.

Just want to be a da 25 Mar 2017

Hello I had a one night stand and recently found out I was a father though doing a dna test. The women I slept with has registered our child without informing me, she knew I was keen to be there so I could have PR and for our child to have my surname. Am now being told that the surname cant be changed without her consent and I will have to go court to get PR, is this true due to me paying CMS? and what can I do about the change of name as this is important to me. I f anyone can help I would be grateful

Paul 20 Mar 2017

I have 2 daughter's aged 12 and 17 and my ex is making it near impossible to see my children. My eldest i feel has been turned against me and i hardly see anymore, i only get the random message usually asking for stuff. My youngest wants to stay with me as much as possible and due to me being with a woman my ex does not like she makes it impossible for me to so. I live with my new partner and also live 60 miles away so i have no other option but have her stay with me. My ex keeps making excuses after excuse and i have to bend over backwards to accommodate but this is now no longer an option. My ex has a new bloke and she has introduced him to my daughter's without asking my opinion so it seems all one way. I have looked at the options available and it seems like unless you have loads of money to constantly take the mum to court to get an order (which keeps being broken) What can i do??????

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