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How Can I Obtain a Contact Order?

Author: Chris Nickson
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How Can I Obtain a Contact Order?
D.T asks

How can I obtain a Contact Order when I don't have an address for my wife and children? I only know the town they live in which is 100 miles plus away.

First of all, in order to be eligible for a Contact Order, you must have what’s known as Parental Responsibility, which means either that you’re listed on the birth certificates of the children as the father, or you’ve obtained a Parental Responsibility Order (see our article on Your Separated Father's Rights).

When you're ready to apply for a Contact Order, you'll need to complete the correct court paperwork, so use our free Court Form Finder.

Part of Parental Responsibility is the responsibility part, which means you’re almost certainly Paying Child Support of some kind. If you don’t have your ex’s address, it will likely be via the CSA (Child Support Agency).

However, don’t despair if you don’t have an address for your ex. You can go through the courts to obtain a contact order that will allow you time with your children.

You can apply to the court yourself, you will have to pay to submit your form but it is cheaper than the cost of a solicitor. You can use our article Which Court Form Do I Need? to find out which form to use and how to apply. From then on in you can represent yourself in court and with a little research you will be able to present to the court your expectations for contact and why you should be granted it. Read our article Representing Yourself in Court to get yourself started.

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Of course, you can use family law solicitor to handle your case for you although you should be aware that the cost will be high.

Courts tend to work on a principle called “presumption of contact”, under which they do everything possible for a father to have contact with his children.

They will want a report on whether you can meet the needs of the child during a contact period, whether there’s any chance of harm coming to the child during contact, what the child desires, as well as their emotional and educational needs.

Although that sounds like a lot, it’s reassuring to know that some 90% of all Contact Orders are granted. If there’s a hearing then there will need to be a report from the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service officer, and interview with you, your ex, and others.

It sounds involved, and it does take some time, but bear in mind that it’s really all in the interests of the children.

So the first real step is for you or your solicitor, if you choose to hire one, to petition the court to grant you a Contact Order for your children. It’s helpful if you can supply their address, but it’s not mandatory, and you’re not the only one who’s not in possession of his ex’s address.

From there the court will contact your ex, and in the best of all possible worlds, they’ll work out an amicable arrangement.

Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.

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200 questions
Ask Separated Dads a Question
I win 03/01/2023 at 10:50 pm
I don’t want to ever see any off your (children ).because your there (mother )and they would be (no good anyway) having your genetics and personality traits .so do yourself a favour stop these blogs .
I win 03/01/2023 at 10:03 am
F you rel you (betrayed me ),your lucky I changed .I see you for who you are .busted ass yellow tooth fat ass harlot with a loose mick kiss my ass slapper .have on struggle street .
Sammy 03/01/2023 at 12:22 am
Good Evening Everyone, Ive recently had a Non Molestation Order placed against Me which is currently stopping Me having any Contact with My Children and would Like to ask wether Anyone can Provide Me with Any Advice?

Thank You
Sam
Jimbo 06/10/2020 at 9:20 pm
Hi Everyone I have a Contact order to see my son which has been on going for the last 7 years with my Ex- moving around with my son. Contact is every 2weeks. For the last 4 years they have lived in Truro Cornwall I live in LONDON. BUT now in 2020 I am in high debt and in financial trouble. I gave my ex notice of this at the end of 2019 to change contact to once a month. BUT after agreeing now threatening if I dont come every 2 weeks again. I need Advice.
clarity 24/09/2020 at 9:48 pm
grandparent needs a contact ordeer. how to appply
Broken 18/05/2020 at 4:59 am
Hi.a month ago my ex took herself and our daughter out of my home where we were all in lockdown together.shes refusing me access and refused to try mediation.and I am in process of filling a c100.however this is going to take a long time and I need contact with my daughter in the meantime.is there any way to enforce this in the period between filling the c100 and it actually reaching court which can be months and if so how.any help would be greatly recieved
Chris 10/01/2020 at 11:41 am
Helo my ex girlfriend has just stopped contact with me an my family ive not seen my little girl since may 2019 i just dont no were to start to get the ball rolling if any one can help that would be great thanks
Jamo 11/09/2019 at 12:29 pm
Im trying toget back in contact with my kids in care. I sufferd with a mental breakdown after the death of my baby girl followed by a 2 year battle with Wiltshire social services. Resulting in them being taken. This was followed by my marriage ending and becoming homeless, was broken and couldnt cope no more. Ive not seen my boys for free year and dont no how to find them
Sal 01/07/2019 at 7:45 pm
My son does not to see his father bec he is verbally mentally and physically abusive.he does not pay maintenance but still thinks he can take me to court
Carl 21/06/2019 at 12:10 pm
How do I get a contact order when my wife is refusing mediation and will only communiate via a solicitor? She has the kids suddenly saying that I am not safe to be with even though they've never been at risk with me.
Nick 18/06/2019 at 1:58 pm
I've been separated from my wife for a year and I was seeing my daughter Imogen upto boxing day last year then my ex cut all points of contact and I haven't seen my daughter in 6 months and I've tried everything what can I do please I'm paying child maintenance

Nick
Lucylou 16/03/2019 at 8:29 am
My ex moved out nearly a year ago to move back in with his ex girlfriend, he stopped paying the rent on the house that myself and his two sons 7 & 2 were living in which made us homeless, he occasionally contacted the boys and after me begging him to see them and talk to them he did occasionally come see them, he always stayed over so the boys could see him before he left, he did pay child support but now things have got so bad between us that we don’t talk (which suits me fine if I’m honest) but now he is refusing to pay child support (which doesn’t really surprise me he did this to his daughter didn’t see her or pay for her for 16years) but also now when our eldest phones him he refuses to pick up the phone! He hasn’t spoken or seen the youngest in over a month, can I arrange contact at a contact centre for him to attend because he smokes drugs like cigarettes and I don’t want the boys around that as he’s so unstable,
I am a believer that all children need both parents in there lives even though we don’t get along this isn’t about us this is about the boys welfare
Billy 25/01/2019 at 7:04 am
Hi all,
I recently commented here a few weeks ago about applying to the court for a fair arrangement to be made and how the legal system and solicitors are slightly bias against fathers...even when you are doing your best!
I had second thoughts and decided to try mediation again, my ex would only go on the basis that I had to pay for the both of us! All I will say is pick your mediator carefully and have a couple of plans for what you feel is best for the kids and what also works for you before you go. The mediator can help, but I found I had to fight my corner and had to explain myself and how I can look after my children whereas my ex didn't. We are tying a new arrangement but I do still feel the system is bias as I had to work harder to come to an agreement and felt outnumbered in our session. Mediation works as well as you want it to. It's best to try sort things out in 1 appointment so it's not costing you going back for more appointments.

I hope some of this info can help or give some insight to fathers who are just starting out in this process. If you are going to your first mediation, it is very difficult but, be ready to negotiate, do not give into submission or pressure, be confident, stay calm, be polite, stick to your guns and don't agree to something you think is not right for the children or yourself. Dads do matter.
Chris 20/01/2019 at 2:32 pm
@dave.my x use to make a (gig out me )with my (own family )we will see who is (laughing in the long run it’s not about her daughter) it about( my honour) .she is going be taught a (life lesson )she( burnt the wrong men with me )yeah it’s immoral what she done and I am not a (Christian or a Muslim ).its a (laurie thing) and I don’t hold the men responsible I hold (her responsible )again it’s a (laurie thing .)its just time they will( slip up )and when they do she will get a (shock off her life) and be (begging for forgiveness )I (swear) that on the (laurie bible ).
Dave 20/01/2019 at 5:46 am
I have recently split up with my wife of 17 years , we have 4 children who i have not seen since we broke up over 8 weeks ago , i have tried contacting the oldest children girls 16 & 13 who have said they are not ready to talk with me and i have been told by my ex my boys who are 10 & 6 dont want to see mee either. My ex discussed all the details of the break up with the girls and i feel gave
the girls a negative opinion on me which i dont think she should have.What rights do i have for access to my kids as i feel they are missing out by not having contact with me and i would do anything to be able to speak with them.
GC 13/01/2019 at 11:57 am
my ex partner has stopped me from seeing my daughter for the past year. I've tried going to her house, contact over the phone, but she has blocked my numbers an I just get turned away when I go to her house. what can I do about this as I cant even contact her for mediation as I have no contact with her?
Slav 19/11/2018 at 3:15 am
Hi, I'm separated with my wife for over 3 years now. Contact with my two sons (9 and 12) was always a bit of an issue. At the start she agreed to boys staying with me every other weekend plus half of all holidays (Halloween, midterm break, Christmas, etc-note she forced it to be below 104 nights a year), this was however really based on her plans, I was getting refused contact ona number of occasions. Last year I had to file for Specific Issue Order as my ex would not allow my older son to apply to a school closer to my home. Court ordered that my son will go the the school he wanted (the one I filed for) and at the same time we met with child welfare officer to discuss contact pattern moving forward. It was agreed that both boys will stay with me every weekend for one night (Friday/Saturday) and older son will also stay one night during the week - Wednesday. I have recently received a letter form my ex's solicitor saying that this contact pattern "didnt not work for his client" and she wanted to go back to the previous, biweekly rota. My solicitor responded to this saying that we dont see any need for a change however my ex still forcing this change and wont let me see my sons every weekend. After 3 years of struggle I still dont know when is the next time I will see my kids. Is Child Contact Order my only option? What are my options to force solicitors agreement? How likely it is to get shared residence if all criteria from a child wellbeing point of view are meet?
doctordolittle 15/10/2018 at 8:12 pm
My son is working outside the EU but is having difficulty with his exwife keeping to the agreement that he telephone the mobile he supplied once a week. Unfortunately his exwife is having difficulty in turning the mobile on at the agreed time so that my son can get through to his eight year old daughter. In the last eight weeks the phone has only been on for three of those weeks. What forms would we need to complete bearing in mind that he will not be returning to the UK for two years and I will be acting on his behalf. Can someone please let me know how we can proceed to get a contact order.
Dave 17/09/2018 at 5:52 pm
My ex wants to move my son schools when she moves house which will impact my access with him and he is becoming very distressed at the thought of moving schools. I have asked that she consider taking him to school as she works in the town in the mornings and I will pick him up afterwards and take him home to her when she finishes work but she is reluctant to agree.Is there anything I can do to stop her moving my son schools or gain a court order to prevent this. We are in Scotland
SeparatedDads Editor 30/07/2018 at 11:45 am
whichwhich should tell you all you need to know.
love123 29/07/2018 at 4:27 pm
My friend had 7/7 (one week off, one week on) agreement with the mother of his children. They had previously agreed that he would pick the kids from her then she will pick the kids from him so it can be fair. Recently, the mother decided to change her mind and used the argument that because the kids are under her care, he should be picking them and dropping them. He does not agree with this and she is withholding the kids unless he agrees to the new change. What are his options and is she allowed to do this despite agreeing to equal picking earlier?
Sue 29/07/2018 at 2:14 pm
I want to apply for a contact order.to see my grandchildren.how much will it cost me ?
SeparatedDads Editor 20/07/2018 at 10:18 am
I am sorry to hear this. whichwill tell you all you need to know.
jj 19/07/2018 at 10:38 am
my ex is really bugging me with contact to my child, she send me abusive messages saying im.off with other girls when im not and she is telling me i can have contact then changes it all the time she never sticks to the agreed days and i feel my life is on hold waiting for her to agree my next lot off contact. i have concerns as when i do see her she is very upset as she jasnt seen me in a while and is crying she as missed me what can i do its breaking my heart
Gaz 26/06/2018 at 11:52 am
Hi,

My friend is currently being denied contact with his child. His partner has saved a raft of messages sent from his saying aggressive and violent things, he suffers from mental health issues and has regularly uses cannabis.

She has refused the idea of a contact centre and/or MIAM meeting and has insisted things should go through the courts. He can't afford legal representation.

Is this legal? And can I represent him as a McKenzie Friend. Would her solicitor only engage exclusively with my friend and not myself?

Any help is appreciated.
SeparatedDads Editor 21/06/2018 at 3:28 pm
You would have to apply to court, if your ex will not consider mediation.
Lew 21/06/2018 at 5:37 am
My ex left me for her previous ex ive got a 2yr old son with her shes refusing to let me see him im not registered on the certificate but i was there for him till i found out and she got rid and wouldn't let me see
Tell 11/06/2018 at 5:21 pm
My ex and I are separated and she constantly uses the kids against me as a wepon she previous has 2 kids from previous relationships removed from her care how can I get to see my kids without her stopping me and a contact order can I apply for one without a solicitor
SeparatedDads Editor 14/05/2018 at 12:52 pm
I am sorry to hear this. If you feel suicidal, then please try to get help, as this situation will pass. You can see more via the link here and here.
laurie 12/05/2018 at 11:06 pm
And I know this is in the wrong section. But I have finished with my in depth thinking of the past I have healed .now I focus on my business it needs all my attention its my wife my baby and my dog .thanks.
Shiney 12/05/2018 at 5:45 pm
My ex pushed me out while I worked myself into the ground. Very little help from her. We split at the time I was having problems with my business and at the same time as my parents both getting ill and then died. I was robbed of my business by my landlords and have fallen into extreme depression. I cant take any more. Solicitors just tend to drag their heels. Mediators are useless. My ex wont even reply even to tell me how the children are. Im suicidal and honestly feel that's my only way out of this.
Admm 25/04/2018 at 3:41 pm
Hi my ex wants to move away up north but weve already been to court and arranged the days we have the kids so can she still just mive away if we already agreed days of the week with the children?
Amy 24/04/2018 at 10:16 pm
Hi, me and my partner have split, he is looking for his own place at the moment. The council have asked if I can provide a letter stating our daughter and currently unborn son will be staying at his 2-3 nights a week he is named on birth certificates. Do you have any information on how I would go about writing this letter or anywhere I can find a template or form to complete as proof?
SeparatedDads Editor 19/04/2018 at 10:37 am
One option is to fill in a C4 form which is an application for an order for disclosure of a child's whereabouts. You fill in this form alongside your C100. It means the court can put a trace on your children to find out where they are. The address may still remain confidential - but at least it allows you to be able to bring the matter to court.
Ro 18/04/2018 at 5:24 pm
I am trying to make a child contact order for my daughter but I do not know the address they now live at, they were moved when I was in prison last year. I sent the application off and it was returned to me because I don't know the address my daughter lives at so the courts can send documents after the application gets submitted. The social worker isn't seeming to be much help I cannot get hold of the solicitor that my ex partner is a client to, can someone please help me ?
SeparatedDads Editor 16/04/2018 at 3:17 pm
It is highly unlikely a court would force your daughter at aged-16 to see you if she does not wish to. At 16 her opinion would be taken into consideration by the courts. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
Newshoes 16/04/2018 at 1:03 pm
I am seeking contact with our daughter who is 16, however our daughter does not want any contact with me directly or indirectly. She has messaged me and said she wants no contact and to leave her alone. She lives with her mum. Can I still get a child arrangements order in place to see her?
Sue 23/10/2017 at 3:34 pm
I'm a mum of a 9yr old girl. 8 and a half years ago I ended up with postnatal depression and really bad anxiety, my partner of then told me he couldn't be with me until I got myself sorted so I moved in with my parents and he kept my daughter while I got better, when my medication started to work I went back to him. Although he had changed his mind completely so devastated me broke down and stayed with my parents. I had to look after my other daughter from a relationship 3years before hand.anyway long story short I saw her regularly but he met someone else and has now moved away I saw her less and less, then my nasty anxiety appeared again,I have phoned him messaged him but nothing. I haven't seen her in nearly a year it hurts so much. HOW CAN I SEE HER AGAIN? before she starts thinking I don't care or love her. If only I wasn't ill years ago my baby's would be together with me.
Kleigh46 05/10/2017 at 3:58 pm
Hi I splitt up with my youngest daughters father a year ago.... he used to hAve my daughter every Saturday night.... until i got with my new partner he started demanding that he has her all weekend everyweekend which I don't think is fair as she's at school now and my family work and want to see her on a weekend too.... I've told him he can have her every other weekend pick her up on a Friday and drop her off sunday dinner time so i have time to get her settled and ready for school mon but this is not good enough for him.... when he has her it's always on his terms when I get her back.... and this isn't fair.... he hasnt seen my daughter for 2 weeks now as i want legal advice on what i can do... he also sends me and my new partnet threats and abuse via text he qont attend meditation can I represent myself in court to get him access that is good for us both
Gra1974 01/10/2017 at 10:12 am
Hi. I have a 5yr old daughter who I see on a very regular basis. The trouble is my ex. She loves her social life which means I have my daughter more than her which to me is a great thing. She has recently found a new partner and now she is starting to take my daughter off me for the days that I have her. As soon as I raise my concern she tells me I can’t see my daughter anymore. Seems she uses my daughter as her weapon towards me as she knows I love my daughter being with me. Recently I booked to go away and when I told my ex I couldn’t have my daughter on that particular weekend she once again said I can’t see her anymore. I cancelled my weekend (again) and within 30 mins of doing it she told me that I can see my daughter again. I can’t go on with all this and wondered what I can do? Thanks.
O 27/09/2017 at 9:24 am
My wife filed for divorce 4 weeks after returning to the UK with our children in April 2016 , after living in Asia for 12 years. We have two children (Daughter 9 years of age born in Hong Kong and Son 4 years of age born in Singapore)

I’ve had to remain in Singapore in my to meet my financial responsibilities as set out in the FDR. We have an informal contact agreement which means I see the children in every school holiday total of 5 weeks a year with every alternate Christmas, I’m currently flying back to the UK. My ex-wife is becoming increasingly more difficult to deal with, demanding I take my children to specific locations within the UK and undertake specific activities with them. They reside in Leeds and I’ve informed her I want to spend a week in Surrey , and she claims it’s too far away and she will not allow it. I was in the UK for summer holidays (August), and we spent that time in the Cotswold’s approx. the same distance away from Leeds. I want to be able to spend time with my children where and how I please, they have immediate family (grandmother , Aunty & Uncle) in Australia that they’ve not seen in over 18mth do to her refusal to allow the kids to travel, which she claims is in the children’s best interest.

I’ve gone through the C100 document and it appears under Section13e – Other exemptions – As the prospective applicant or all of the prospective respondents are not habitually resident in England and Wales . I do not have to go through MIAM

Can I get a contact order that states I can take the children wherever I choose and do things that we enjoy as a family?
No I need to be physically present in court at the direction hearing and subsequent hearings? As I reside in Singapore in a highly demanding job.
I also need the children to fly unaccompanied to Singapore when they both reach the legal age to do so as its not practical from a financial standpoint for me to travel to Leeds to pick them up and take them to Australia.
Tez93 21/09/2017 at 12:57 am
Hello, my partner has a 3 year old son, his ex is now denying him contact because she doesn't like my partners mum and doesn't want her son to see her, my partner collects his ex and son from nursery everyday to take them home which is out of his way just so he can see his son for 5 minutes before he falls asleep in the car. She is still happy for him to do this because she gets a lift home. But will not let my partner see his son or have him overnight when he had him once /twice a night in the week and then every Saturday, Saturday night and Sunday morning... He buys his son anything he needs and pays off a loan in his name that she needed him to get out to pay her debts so he pays £200 a month towards that aswell as anything for his son. Where does he stand he is so scared.. What can he do. His ex has also lied to authorities for the past 3 years claiming he has nothing to do with his son when he was living with her on and off and always everyday there for his son. I've honestly never known such an amazing dad.
SeparatedDads Editor 07/09/2017 at 11:14 am
Yes, your son can apply for a Prohibited Steps Order if he thinks his ex is doing this deliberately and may take the child without his consent. A Prohibited Steps Order (PSO) is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children and not request permission from the other parent with parental responsibility. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. If your son has PR, his ex has to request his permission to move away, if he refuses, then she has to apply to court for the court to grant permission. However, not all resident parents do this and of course, once the move has been made, it is very difficult to get the resident parent to move back.
vic 06/09/2017 at 10:03 am
My son has a 1 year old who he has parental responsibility for and has him every other weekend, his ex has done everything she possibly can to stop the little boy from seeing his dad, she tried to get a non molistation order against him, it was thrown out of court, they are in court in two weeks for access and now today ive been told she's considering moving south and we live in the midlands, is there anything my son can do to stop her, hes paid maintenance since day one and even that isn't good enough , we're at out wits end.
SeparatedDads Editor 31/08/2017 at 9:40 am
Unfortunately, as we are a UK-based site I cannot advise, not knowing the US protocol. You would have to seek guidance from a local family-law adviser. Best of luck.
Mattyb 29/08/2017 at 7:56 am
Hi, I'm trying to arrange alternate Christmas with my sons mom and she's point blank said no as she has two children and dont like that fact that our son won't be there Christmas Day but I also have 2 sons and a daughter on the way, for the past 8 years she's had him every Christmas and birthday Iv asked about Christmas a few times and it always no! I don't want it to get heated or nasty but it should be 50/50! What's my next step?
Gparke5 01/08/2017 at 3:13 pm
Hi ,

I broke up with my EX a year ago now. It didn't end on the best of terms. I started seeing a new women around the same time of the break up and my ex demanded she was not allowed around my children while I had them. I have agreed to this for a year. I pay for my children every month. Me and my partner have now moved into my new property together and I am not kicking her out of our home just because my ex says so. Because of this she is now going to stop me seeing them unless my partner doesn't see them which I am not willing to do anymore as I do not want her dictating what she can and cant do with my life with our children. She has told me to take her to court as she feels that the children wouldn't be safe with me. EVEN though I have them every weekend !! I don't know where to go or what to do because of this. I don't want it to drag out as I just want a normal life with my children. Where do I start and what procedure do I have to follow ???
Joe 27/07/2017 at 2:35 am
Hi I live in Australia and have not seen my son since 2011 when I moved there from the uk. We are both British but I am becoming an Australian citizen soon. I didn't tell me ex and she's gotten in contact with me.
I now what contact but I am a stranger. I want me son to write me letters, Skype and send pictures. I don't know how to go about getting access so it's legal and I don't have to rely on my ex and so I get something in contact terms.
I need to know if I have to pay back dated maintenance. I agreed to my son attending a private school but I hear that court orders include fees and my ex gets a big discount because she's military. I have said I don't want to to go now so I don't have to pay extra if she gets a court order, as the fees are classed as reasonable. I want him to go to a state school instead now. Can I force her to put him in one?
lmg110 24/07/2017 at 2:58 pm
Hi I split with my wife in March we have 2 young children a boy of 3 and a girl of 7 months. I'd like access to my children without her having to be present. Now I appreciate that due to feeding I cannot take my daughter away but she is refusing to give me access to my boy. I want to be able to take him to the park for a couple of hours but she flatly refused to let me take him. Im under the impression that legally she has no right to do that but what are my options ?

Thanks
SeparatedDads Editor 14/07/2017 at 2:17 pm
If you cancelled mediation, regardless of whether you thought the decision had been resolved, then this will have given your ex the option to apply to court. Your only option is to try to reason with your ex or go through the court procedure. If your ex is awarded a contact order, you would have to stick to this or risk being in contempt of court.
Bobby 14/07/2017 at 12:54 am
Hi

Me and my ex partner have been separated for several years now. He has always had fortnightly access of our two boys. A couple of months ago my eldest son did not want to see his dad and both me and my current partner did all we could to persuade him to resume contact and he did after missing two lots of contact. During that time his father had already chose to go down the legal route of getting a solicitor. I had a letter about mediation which I booked an appointment for but then seen as my son had resumed contact and everything was fine I no longer felt the need for it so rang up and cancelled. Recently I've even allowed more access time for their father allowing him to both pick them up from school and drop them back on his access weekends. Today I received court papers saying he's taking me to court for a contact order!? I'm confused as to where I stand with this as he has access and in the last 7 years it's only been affected once as explained above. Where do I go from here

Many thanks
SeparatedDads Editor 04/07/2017 at 2:56 pm
Unfortunately, mediation is the only option when parents cannot agree. The positive note is that your partners ex at least does want to try to make some kind of arrangement. It may not be a bad approach, as then at least an agreement will be put in place and if your ex does not agree then it will be open for him to apply to court.
thereallady 20/06/2017 at 2:37 pm
My partner and I have been together for several months, and his ex-wife and him have been divorced since December 2016. She has unofficial residency of their two daughters. He pays monthly maintenance for the girls using the CSA calculator, and has never missed a payment. His ex-wife has a new boyfriend ,who has an aggressive temperament, and they both live together in the home with the children. After father's day and us telling her that me and my partner (her ex-husband) are getting married, she has cut off access until we can see mediation. All sorts of lies have been spinning around like my partners behavior is causing the girls to be upset, so she is using this as a leverage against us. The reality is that we have done nothing wrong and her and her new boyfriend are really hostile and offensive to us. We now have to go down the mediation route as this is her request but we just feel like we are pandering to everything she wants. My partner has rights, but aside from mediation costing £800 for one hour for all of us..... is there nothing else we can do??
SoloDad 27/05/2017 at 12:21 pm
Thanks for your reply. I never mentioned that I am in Scotland. If the children point blank refuse to see their mother can the courts actually force them to do so? That would be contravening their rights surely?
SeparatedDads Editor 23/05/2017 at 12:50 pm
Much depends upon how old they are. Their mother has a right to apply for access to the children regardless of the situation and the reasons why she left - a court will not judge her on this. The children will be allowed to voice their preference regarding seeing their mother if they are over age-11. However, this does not mean the court will agree. It will always make a decision based upon what it thinks is in the children's best interests.
SoloDad 22/05/2017 at 5:28 pm
My wife left me and our three kids for another man. We are separated but not yet divorced. She lives in another town but her boyfriend lives directly across the street from us! As a result my kids (two of whom are under 16) do not want any contact at all with their mother.
My wife seems to believe that courts can force our kids to see her but I believe that they have the right to refuse. Who is correct? Surely they have a right not to be forced to see her if they don't want to?
aid 25/04/2017 at 2:01 pm
Hello I have a little boy who now is 2 and he mum cheat on me with all my friends and now she stop me for see my little boy she only let me see him with one of my family member there and it kill me I can not take no more I want father time with my little boy I have never done anything wrong and all I want to do is be a dad to my son and I want to be able to take away and give a life I didn't have there alot of things that not let me go to court over this ever morning and night I am broke down and feel like I am no good because all I want to do is see my little boy ever day and it hurt me when I do see him and he go home because i never no when he is come back to see me
sazb 05/04/2017 at 3:56 pm
My partner has two children aged 15 (16 this year) and 17 both as far we know in full time education.

Can we apply for a contact order for the children (I know it is a long shot for the 17 year old) but my partner has not seen his children in a year and has contacted the mother but to no avail. His has text the children etc but again no response and birthday cards are now being returned.

We have sent a letter to the mother requesting access maintenance is paid on time every month, and up to a year ago contact was not regular but at least allowed once every 3 months if lucky.

What can we now do?
What2do 31/03/2017 at 11:39 pm
My daughter (14) has lived with her mum since we broke up when she was 2. The mother has always made it hard for me to spend anything but small amounts of time with her, and has told me she does not have to tell me about their plans because she is the primary carer. This drives me crazy because I have to work sooo hard just to arrange a short holiday.

Lately she says our daughter has mental health issues she attributes to 'trauma' (!?) and is taking her to see a counsellor who agrees (!) but won't tell me who or when. She did not want to take her to see a doctor, which I suggested at the outset.
She is now using the mental health issue as a reason for me to spend less time with her 'because she needs to be at home'.

I have NEVER seen my daughter behave in the ways she describes. She appears happy, bright, confident, stable, secure, present...my friends say the same things of her. My relationship with her has been great in the short times we have - until, at the end of my tether one day (being told what I was allowed to say to my daughter) I told her mother I would be contacting a solicitor to see that I get to spend meaningful time with my daughter and can be involved in her 'assessment/treatment'.

My daughter is now cold towards me, recites things her mother has told her, and sees me as a threat who she does not want to see because I upset her mum.

I have been trying to get her mother to agree to mediation but she says I need to get mediation to communicate with my daughter and understand 'her' needs and not be selfish. From experience it is pointless trying to discuss things with her mother myself- it is clear to me she would rather I did not exist.

I have so much to offer my daughter- with school work, fun times, holidays, we have had some terrific (though usually short) times, although her mother won't leave her alone and keeps texting/calling which is very annoying. Even in my current 3 hrs per week!

It feels like I am losing my daughter and it makes me really sad to see her look at me how she does now.

I know the mother is making out that I am doing something bad by persisting with the mediation route, and I think she is scared of losing absolute control. I suspect she is emotionally dependent on our daughter and I fear that the harder I try the worse she will make it for me.
Ziggy 25/03/2017 at 10:14 am
I've got two year old son and I haven't seen him for two months know. Since the relationship between myself and the mom has broken down. She's been coming up with excuses whenever I suppose to see my son. This very frustrating , because still helping out financial towards is up keep, but overall I would love to see him more. Has it is my first child. Any advice and help please. Damion
Manj 21/03/2017 at 8:50 pm
I have been paying tbe wife's mortgage and also was a drunk but had rehab been sober and have not been back to the home due to her outbreaks of anger I left her twice over the last 18 months and now have a girlfriend who I share a room with in london can't afford to keep paying her mortgage and not have access I have had him for 12 days in total since Dec then she knew about my new girlfriend who is not a drinker but a yoga teacher and does not use anything and I can't see him my older boys are abusing to me and one time I did not talk or see him for 10 months. I made her a offer that she can keep the house and I will give £400 for my son every month but she said no and I still can't see him or have him if I get back with her I told her that I'm. Not going to go back as I kept on getting depressed being in a relationship that was harming her and me and I just want a divorce but she is Indian and want s to not have shame but I can't lie and live in a relationship that is not based on love and she does not want to give me my son saying I use drugs and drink which I don't . Her whole family mentally abused me and my family last week and my Dee son articles me and my other older son threatened to kill me and he also gave verbal abuse to my parents.
They said they would get wittiness that I hit them and make up things so I can't have my son. I saw my son st his school I sneaked there and he is 12 and he asked me to get help and see lawyers so he can spend time with me as he misses me he hates it that his older brothers control him through religion and force and he just wants to see me. I don't have much money as I'm working to pay for her lifestyle and she is in a house with 250k equity in it and I said it's yours I want to move on and start again but want access to my son but no joy
Matt 16/03/2017 at 5:56 pm
Hi there I'm in court for the 1st time next week to try and obtain a child arrangement order or a contact order. My ex partner refused to agree to mediation so I applied to the court and that's where I'm going now.
I haven't seen my 11 year old since last June when she went heme to ask her mother if she could attend my wedding. I just want to no what's best for me to do as I don't just want to attended to be sent back to try mediation. I want a consent order that says as and when I can see my daughter every week alternate weekends. Is this reasonable or is there a better approach?
Lol 26/02/2017 at 10:49 pm
So my little girl was born 6 weeks ago and her father is on the birth certificate , he has made no effort with her what so ever since she turned 3 days old. I ask him near enough every day or every other day if he wants to see her and he makes out that his going to work , then I later on find out he has been going to the pub. He smokes drugs as well , it took me every bit of strength I had in me to let him have my little girl for a few hours on his own today as he wanted time alone just the 2 of them to bond. We agreed a time to drop her of and to be collected . I took her over their when I arrived he told me he was taking her out with a friend to a job & to paint a door for work. I wasn't happy about as she breathes heavy so paint wouldn't be good especially at 6 weeks old. I said I would wait with my daughter at his house until he got back and he could see her later. He had been messaging throughout the day to say she was ok ,ect. Later on this evening I found out he took her to the pub so lied to me when he new this was the first time I've ever left her so was nervous as hell anyway and very emotional .... He too her to the pub and got a lift home off a friend who I'm positive and believe he was drink driving with her in the car and I found all this out from someone else. He smokes a lot of drugs and is now claiming to take me to court , I've never stopped him from seeing her but after my trust has been broken and he won't tell me where his taking her , I don't want him seeing her alone as I can't trust him anymore , can he do this? Would he get anywhere?
Joey 20/02/2017 at 4:40 pm
Can someone give me some please . I have my child evey Other Friday . Till the Saturday evening but his mum don't stick to her times and. And don't take him back . And I'm having to ring up work as I can't attend as I have my child to look after . Can I contact a court to arrange set times . Or any think like that thanks
sariezz 10/02/2017 at 1:31 am
my wife deprive me from my own daughter that i never ever met
SeparatedDads Editor 06/02/2017 at 12:24 pm
If a court order is put in place, it comes with a warning notice, which is there to enforce contact orders that are not being complied with. Since 2008, the breach proved against the non-compliant party may result in the offending parent having to undertake up to 200 hours unpaid work, or pay compensation to reimburse any financial loss suffered as a result of the breach. It means the court can hold the persistent offender in contempt of court. If your son is not being granted access to his child, then sometimes the only option is court to make sure a strict agreement is put in place. But if your son is seen as unreliable, or inconsistent the court will take this in to consideration as much as it takes the mother's reasoning on board. Plus, he too will have to keep to the order, not just his ex. At the end of the day, the paramount consideration of the court will not be the parent's -but the welfare of the child. If your son does not wish to take the matter to court, then his only other option is to suggest mediation again in order to try to overcome their differences mutually.
LittleH 05/02/2017 at 8:16 pm
My son has done everything his ex has asked for and yet she still refuses access
When my grandson was barely a year she handed him over to my son as she couldn't cope but when he applied for the financial help (of which she was getting) she picked him up for her regular weekly visit and refused to bring him back. After this she stopped him from seeing him and since then contact has been irregular or non existent due to her changing the goal posts

He went through a contact centre at her request and she then refused access after 4 visits. Next he went mediation at her request she refused saying take me to court

Just before Xmas she decided he could see his child which went great all through December and beginning of Jan and then one weekend she said no more visits as you're a useless father and have your priorities wrong
I know my son is no angel but this poor boy just wants to see his father

Where do we go from here as I truly believe bat even if we go to court she will still refuse him access
keish 04/02/2017 at 3:14 pm
Hi I've got a court order stating I should have my daughter every other weekend to stay over went great for a while then she stopped it and all I get now is that my daughter doesn't want to see me anymore just need some advice on what to do now
Kenneth 10/01/2017 at 7:16 pm
Hi there iam very lucky to have access to my little boy however my Ex now wishes to take one of the days away that we had already agreed from my schedule. This has been refer to her solictors, however i am not sure what to do or who to contact so to stop her from changing the agreed arrangements? Please help thanks
Michael g 29/12/2016 at 10:51 am
I separated from my ex when my little daughter wasn't even born as we just hated each other since she has been born she has stopped me seeing her numerous amounts of time for several months a time been to court for an agreement yet she broke it after 1 week courts did nothing police did nothing now currently refusing me to see her what can I do
Allan 22/12/2016 at 11:33 am
Can anyone give me a number so I can fill out the C100 form out correctly and also ask questions regarding the contact order. Thanks.
edugarrido80 13/12/2016 at 6:06 am
i already try mediation and when mediation try to contact my ex she say its not point to go there because my kids dont want see me.The question is im raise my kids until i divorce and after divorce im start be bad father how is possible is i dont see them,and another think i try in school to now anything about them and headteacher don t give information,its possible me not allowed to see kids or now anything about they without court order?
Frankguy 12/12/2016 at 4:56 am
Hi,it nearly 2 yrs from now that my x partner evicted me from the house that I was the one paying the rent ,she denied me access to see my two lovely boys 4 1/2 and 2 1/2 years boys,I try to resolve the issue that arise ...but she did not want to answer my call when I called her,I don't know what to to do now
SeparatedDads Editor 09/11/2016 at 11:12 am
As we are a UK-based site and it seems you may be US based, then I'm afraid we cannot comment upon your question as the family law rules will be different. However, what is not different is every father's right to have a relationship with their children when and where possible. Your brother would have to apply through the courts if he ex is denying his right to see his children. Much also depends upon the age of the children and whether they are old enough for their opinion to be taken into consideration.
D 08/11/2016 at 3:11 pm
I have been affected by this for years, and its just taking a really bad toll on my brother. His and his wife(ex) first mistake was growing so bitter towards each other and not communicating, that it did end in divorce, but now the kids are so brain washed, and the church people are her side, that the kids do not even talk to him. Us (his family) aren't allowed to see them, and don't know anything about them, or what their hobbies/interests are, etc., We see them, and they look the other way. He pays for the house they live in, and gives support and alimony, etc., I see my brother getting depressed every day, and the hardest is birthdays and Fathers Day, to where he says I have NO kids. If I can get a "contact order" and start the ball rolling, I will. The kids are almost of legal age, and could not have a chance the longer we wait. I heard one of the children sleeps with her... and I can get Child services on her, which I will if I have to. Is there any recourse???
Jim 27/10/2016 at 1:10 am
Hi please help I split with my es three years ago I'v had my daughter every weekend since the split and I pay money to her every week but one week ago unbeknown to me my brother who I hardly ever see wrote some nasty comments on Facebook for my ex to see and she came to my house took my daughter and told me I wasn't going to see her until I move into my own place . I am living at my mothers home as I can't get my own place due to the fact that with the split she left me with so much debt cans you let me know where I stand with this situation
caz 25/10/2016 at 7:24 pm
My partners ex is refusing to sign forms for a contact centre for him to see his kids he wants to see is kids but not her what can he do
Bill 24/10/2016 at 2:09 pm
Help guys
I need advice.
My wife has walked out saying she can't do it any more.
We have very rarely had cross words, had two amazing kids and she got anything that she wanted.
I have offered her the the family home, she didn't want it. Just wants ours sold.
Now its the kids. They are my world and I was under the impression that it would be half with her and half with me and she agreed to that but not on paper. Now it's yes still half with me and half with her "FOR NOW" I'd have them with me 24/7 full time dad and all that. For you guys that have been there, what would the chances of me getting custody of my kids. I want nothing from her in financial terms.
Pip 08/09/2016 at 5:37 pm
I have discovered that my wife is having an affair with another married man and she wants to end our marriage. The whole episode has been a great shock to me as we have been together 16 years and I have never contemplated splitting up. We have one child aged 8 and the thought of not having her around 24/7 is devastating. If my wife moves out of the marital home before any formal financial/custody arrangements are made, what rights do I have to see my daughter? Surely I am not at my wife's mercy as to when I can and cannot see her if this happens? In terms of a formal custody settlement, she has mentioned giving me custody of one day per week plus every other weekend, which I find insulting. I consider myself to be a 'hands-on' father and I have a good support network in place and I would want to fight for equal custody. However, I know that the law favours the mother in these instances, even if she is one who wants to break up the family. Are there any solicitors who actually specialize in defending fathers rights or do all solicitors have to remain 'neutral' in their approach? I appreciate that my child's needs must always come first but I believe that restricting my access to just 4 days a fortnight would not serve best serve this.Thanking you in anticipation.
Niki 06/09/2016 at 2:40 pm
Hello, I really need help and or advice. My ex partner recently moved to a new address in a city which is different from mind and have stopped me from seeing my son. Now I want to obtain a contact order have spoken with a family solicitor but he is telling me we can't make an application until we have the address of my ex partner where the court will contact her through. It is difficult to trace her and she told I will never see my son and will never know where she live. Am I don't know what to do at the moment.
SeparatedDads Editor 24/08/2016 at 12:20 pm
You would have to seek professional legal advice to see whether you have a case for direct contact.
M 23/08/2016 at 5:52 pm
I have a contact order made 3 years ago, the order allowed me contact via a letter through school. I have adhered to the order and sent regular letters via the school. I now want to have direct contact.
How do I go about this?

M
SeparatedDads Editor 17/08/2016 at 11:33 am
I am sorry to hear this. There is no 'norm' regarding access and if you have been a hands-on father to date, then this level of access seems rather mercenary, especially if your split is amicable and your daughter is accustomed to the familiarity of having you in her life. If your wife doesn't agree to you having your child more, then in the first instance you may wish to suggest mediation as a way of trying to resolve the issue. It may also be worth paying for some legal advice in the first instance, especially if you wish to push the matter. Court is always seen as a last resort, but if you feel that you are being treated unfairly then sometimes it is the only way. Shared custody is a tricky one, but if you deal with the matter efficiently, in an attempt to minimise the disruption to your child's life, unless there are other mitigating circumstances you have a good chance of getting a better access agreement than your ex is offering. You may wish to also seek advice from our Separated Dads forum, from dads who have overcome previous similar issues.
Pip 16/08/2016 at 4:22 pm
My wife is seeking separation after 9 years marriage. No other parties involved. I want to stay together. We have one daughter aged 7. I intend to retain family home (buy wife out). We both work. She wants to settle amicably but suggested my access to daughter would be the "norm" of one day midweek and every other weekend. I want equal access or at least 3 days a week. What are my chances of this or of shared custody? I live close to the school, I have a retired mother on hand who currently cares for my daughter on a regular basis and I will retain the family home.
SeparatedDads Editor 08/08/2016 at 2:04 pm
If you wish to have a family-based arrangement, then it has to be agreed via both parents, please see CMS whichSome parents would rather organise the arrnegements through the CSA (especially if they fear the non-resident parent may stop paying or because they wish to have as little contact with the NRP as possible). However, if your husband's ex will not respond then it is impossible to enforce. The family-based arrangement has to be agreed by both parents.
Fairy 05/08/2016 at 1:13 pm
Hi, my husband separated from his ex wife 8 years ago leaving a 7 month old who under no circumstances was he allowed to see or contact, they havent spoke for 8 years, he has a military background and has battled PTSD for last 6 years, he is back on track now and working again, we have an old CSA in place from time of divorce but this has fees and it all adds up and we really dont want to pay this way as is no reason why we cant just pay direct, our case is closing in december and is a new system which suits much better, but she wont respond to messages, are we been unreasonable wanting to pay maintenance but not be charged lots of fees? ideally we want her to cancel the old csa and let us set up the new agreement asap, what should we do
Samantha harrison 22/07/2016 at 7:55 pm
My son has been separated from his ex for 3 weeks he is currently seeing his daughter whenever he can as she lives quite a while away he is currently looking for a new job As he had to leave his last one due to injury but she is not willing to travel to us so the rest of the family Do not get contact with her She is not willing to come To Our home and it costs quite a bit to get to her Is there anything he can do to sort this without getting into a dispute as we don't want to lose the baby altogether As she is a one we know that will stop contact or start to make it quite difficult
Kittie 02/07/2016 at 12:37 am
My partner as been split with his ex around 9-10month. He is a brilliant dad, Pays every month agreed by her, has baby as much as he can but works full time and long hours. But it's her way or no way. She stops contact for a few days then tells him he has to have Baby all weekend. Then he can't see her throw week. She messages him abuse, every other day! Plays games with him. I don't think she likes the fact we're together. I stay out of it but it's really effecting him! What can be do to have something in place?
Tiggz 26/06/2016 at 2:03 pm
Hello

Wondering if you could offer some advice my partners ex is refusing him access to his daughter and will only allow him 6 hours with her. She won't let him pick her up and she insists that she is dropped off at his mams house for him to collect. My partners Mother doesn't want to the intermediary anymore as it's causing stress and friction. His ex has initiated mediation and is threatening to take him to court however he's not sure of the reason when she has all the power. He only sees her for these 6 hours a week and it is entirely on her terms and if she decides to show up or not. Where does he go from here?
bjohn45 19/06/2016 at 9:28 am
Hi, just wondering if anybody can give me some advice.
My 2 year old lives with me(dad) for last 19 months, due serious concerns, from local authority and a long court process, this was finish jan2015.
The mother took me back to court in dec2015 for custody but didn't get anywhere. The courts issued weekend contact on condition that an undertaking was signed by the mother, as her partner as an serious allegation on him under a different name, which this person is not allowed to have any contact or stay at the home while my son in his mums care.
She has breach this 4 times since the order was granted, aswell as not turning up for contact.
I have contacted local authority and the police who cant do anything as the order does not state what powers they have, but they have told me to go back to court.
I wonder if anybody can give some advice what to do, or how to ask the courts.
I cant afford solicitor and the previous court hearings I represented myself, with advice from all agencies involved with my son.
adam 12/06/2016 at 4:20 pm
Hello my name is adam and I have two beautiful boys who are nearly four and one.
My ex does not let me see my boys very much and only if it's round her house or if she is there. I haven't seen them for two weeks now and have two wait another two weeks. She will not let me have them over night and I believe I have been nice about the situation but I can't do it anymore and want to see my boys.
Can you please inform me or give advice on what I can do so I can see them.
many thanks
Kitty 11/06/2016 at 6:06 pm
My son has just moved back in with his ex and the mother of his 3 children. He has another child who is 3 and who he also idolises. That child's (A) mother (A) is extremely jealous and is doing everything she can to break them up. She made him sign a letter saying he would only see Child A at our house away from his now partner. He signed. Now, she's saying he broke the agreement because the Mum of the 3 came to my house to collect her 3 and so to leave child A with her Daddy. My son has some history of police reports and domestic violence. He has addressed this through attending the idap programme. Mum A has recently reported the reunited family to Children's Services. They're now being monitored for a short while to ensure the DV has stopped and they're both fine with this and they are 'allowed' to be together but now Mum A says he cannot see Child A except through Court. She is of course on benefits. can you advise us how to move forward on this please?
SeparatedDads Editor 07/06/2016 at 11:23 am
Unfortunately, your partner's ex can. However, your partner can also counter this by applying through the court for a Contact Order and a Specific Issue Order, This means that if your partner's ex stops his child from seeing you and his sister, then he can apply to the court to have her decision overturned. The court will make a decision based then upon what it thinks is in the best interests of his child and his ex will have to abide by this if it rules in his favour. I hope this helps.
BB 06/06/2016 at 10:50 am
My partner has been separated from his ex wife since their son was 6 months old he is now nearly 7 my partner and I got together 3 years ago and have a little girl together. We use to have his son every weekend and that was from he was 6 months old until he was nearly 6 he is very close to his little sister they adore each other when he was nearly 6 things went a bit sour and she put visitation down to every other weekend this went through mediation and dates were set. Now she has decided she doesn't like me She says disgusting things about me and my little girl to her son and my partner. Always sending abusive texts to him and so on she is now saying that the weekends have changed to convenience her but it's doesn't fit in to our lives at all and that my partner can only see his son on his own without me or his sister as we are not family and never will be my poor partner just doesn't know what to do surely she can't do this?
Nazz 03/06/2016 at 11:21 am
I split with my ex hubby over 16 months ago it was a case of domestic violence I had to do court orders against him as he was a drinker n violent. Now he came with his sis wanted to see the kids he said he stopped drinking it's been a year kids wanted to for half hour outside my flat. After that I did one supervise contact my social worker are saying theirs no evidence he has given up drinking or got help for anger management do a court order or contact centre I am happy with that but he's saying with contact t centre or court order I Hv to pay for the fee too is that true. He's been brainwashing my daughter via texts too. I'm single mum with 4 kids not working too
SeparatedDads Editor 01/06/2016 at 12:37 pm
You would have to take the matter to court if your ex refuses access to see your child because of her objections. Please see article: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, here.
Jase8843 31/05/2016 at 6:15 pm
I have a fighter who is 6 and for the first year I was in the army but still with the mother (not married) but got home as much as I could we broke up on my daughters 1st birthday and I left the army to be closer to my daughter since then I have had 2 jobs and each time on my days off I would look after my daughter and I would pay maintenance into her mother's bank. For the past 3 years I have been working for a company where I have the weekends off so have my daughter every weekend I still pay maintenance into her bank (not through CSA but an agreement with the mother) I have recently settled down with someone else but still continue to have my daughter at weekends, my new partner however lives 200 miles away so on the weekends I have my daughter she likes to come with me as she is friends with my new partners daughter of similar age this for my ex is not acceptable and has threatened to stop me from having my daughter at weekends of I continue to take her with me. My daughter is looked after and treated exactly the same there as she has been at home, she also enjoys spending time with my partners daughter as they have became really close friends and has asked that we can go there when she is with me. Is there anything that I can do to stop her mother from stopping this
SeparatedDads Editor 12/05/2016 at 12:01 pm
You don't say whether you are on the birth certificate or not, if not you would have to apply for both Parental Responsibility and/or a contact order (C100). Please see article: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, here . Some legal advice will help you, but if you can't afford the hefty solicitor's fees when taking it to court you can self-litigate, However, I do advise that if you contact her now it is through a solicitor as any restraining or harassment order may not help your case if you decide to take the matter to court. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 12/05/2016 at 10:14 am
It's a situation that many non-resident parents find themselves when ex's use children as weapons to bribe and or blackmail. The only option your friend has is to either continue letting his ex dictate or to take the matter to court, if his ex at any point stops access. Please see link: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, here. If your friend can afford some initial solicitor's advice then this would help him explore his options. Should the matter go to court, he can self-litigate, Many parents are doing this and having good success if they prepare their cases well. His ex has no right to dictate who he sees and who his child is allowed to see, unless she has a court order to specify this. However, the point is where and when your friend decides to draw the line. The process of going to court may be a stressful one and one where his ex may deny access until the court procudure is over, which can take months and the access applied for can never be guaranteed. But many fathers feel that a court order is the best way forward as at least if access is granted his ex would be legally bound to keep to the order.
Jay 11/05/2016 at 6:13 pm
My ex girlfriend was 4 months pregnant when we broke up. A month later she was back with her ex. She didn't talk to me throughout the rest of the pregnancy. After my daughter was born for the first 4 months everything seemed ok and then I couldn't get to her to see her one day and she told me that she was gonna stop me from seeing her if I went near her house she would call the police. I haven't seen her for 3 months now I have written her numerous letters and she hasn't responded and now I don't no what to do!!!
Widdow 11/05/2016 at 9:27 am
A male friend of mine has been seperated from is wife for 5 years. He cant afford to go through divorce. Hes at his wits end. His wife is on a daily basis sending threatening texts. She threatens to stop access. He is afraid to confront her in case she does. Ge has had his girls aged 12 and 6 every weekend from school friday afternoon. He takes them home Sunday late afternoon. He also has them tues 6 till 8.30pm. Hes started dating and his x again is threatening him. Hes not allowed to take the girls anywhere without her permission. Which she never gives. Shes told him in texts that his female friend will never meet his children. How can he move on with his life. Solicitors are out of the question. To costly.
tico 09/04/2016 at 7:57 pm
My wife left the apartment 2 months ago with our 4 years old daugther. I made the report to the police and they call me like 10 days later to tell me they found them and they were ok but it was up to her to talk to me. All I know is they are in a shelter for family violence and she is not answering any e-mails or any other way. I have not seen my daughter since then and I am to worry because last January she had a surgery for urinary reflux and the specialist said she to check on her by march to be sure she was ok. I have not received any letter from court and there is not any case against me so far.I do not know where they are. What can I do to see my daughter?
Azza2000 08/04/2016 at 10:19 pm
Hi

I swapped my weekend visit with my son to help out my ex as she asked and at the time I said it was a massive pain for me to do but I did it to help her as it was for her college course. It was only on a Saturday day. Now I have him all weekend but need to swap it back for work and she is refusing. What can I do?
SeparatedDads Editor 16/03/2016 at 2:56 pm
In this case I can only suggest you seek legal advice with a view of applying for access through the courts. From what you say it is highly unlikely your ex would consent to mediation, therefore your only option would be to take the legal route.
SeparatedDads Editor 16/03/2016 at 11:42 am
I'm afraid it is impossible to predict whether your ex will wish to apply for contact again. You don't say why his contact was denied and whether the reasons were serious enough to have that contact denied again. The court will always act for what it thinks is in the best interests of your child. However, as he is her father, he does have a right to a say in the matter.
Mik 16/03/2016 at 9:35 am
About 2 years ago (while I was abroad working) my then partner decided to stop answering the phone and took our 3 kids into a hostle for abused women, the reason being she wanted to move to a new area and found out this was the easiest way of getting resettled ! I had to cut work short and fly back to Britain the next day, I was never interviewed or questioned by the police, they took her word as gospel and they all moved to another area. I got a text about a week later saying she wanted to talk, she had the idea we could start a new life away from the area we both grew up in, told me what she had done and expected me to be fine with it ! I did try for a while, splitting my time between work, her house and mine, so I could see the kids. When it became obvious it was my healthy salary and the fact I was away allot, that was the big draw I called it a day and stopped visiting. I still had contact with the kids and and payed every week, plus extra for clothes, trainers etc. but then as in so many cases it seems, I met someone else and it all changed, she was demanding more and more money, and getting handy at ignoring the phone when she saw my number come up, then my new partner and I decided to get married so I gave up my job away, and took a local one, I dropped the money I was paying to suit my new salary and it all kicked off ! She told the kids about the marriage, which she knew I wanted to do, she then informed me my kids didn't want anything to do with me and abruptly stopped all contact. I tried ringing my daughters phone and got a text, (not from a 10 year old in my book ) saying leave them all alone. The number hasn't worked since. I've tried texting, phoning, even talking to her family with nothing doing, I'm sorry if this goes on but I'm out of ideas, the only option left is to turn up at the school, but with the way they got up there I think social services are involved, I have no problem with being interviewed or investigated as I've done nothing wrong but I don't want to put the kids trough it all, could I go direct to social services myself ? I don't want it all dragged through court !
Tamala 15/03/2016 at 2:08 pm
My daughter is 3 and half years old. Her biological father has been absent in her life since she was 6 months old. He had contact denied in court. He's made no attempts at contact since.
He is named on birth certificate and she does have his surname, I have applied to court to change this to mine recently and they have notified father who is attending the hearing.
I obviously feel like he doesn't deserve a day in the matter. I'm just worried he might now apply for contact again.
Leo1987 Editor 11/03/2016 at 12:45 pm
@louiser1215 Can you not let it come to an organic end? If your ex does not wish to have access and you do not wish to give access, it seems like a win win situation to me. Leo.
louiser1215 10/03/2016 at 8:45 pm
I have been split from my partner for about 7 months now . I am always the one trying to get him to have contact with his sons. Near enough on every occasion he has an excuse that he can't have them . They never stay at his and haven't done since we split . He refuses to help me out any way financial and has the cheek to offer me 20 every month or two . He doesn't live far from me either ! He has said on one occasion he didn't feel up to having his sons and has admitted he is mentally unstable .also has verbally abused me on several occasions and said once when he had my youngest he feels like throwing him at a wall . Can I stop give having access and how ? He doesn't provide or step up to be a dad?
SeparatedDads Editor 04/03/2016 at 2:30 pm
You certainly should not allow him to blackmail you, especially as you have concerns over him taking your child. However, if he is not on the birth certificate, he has no parental rights (he would have to apply through court for these). Regardless of whether or not he is on the birth certificate, you are still eligible to claim child maintenance through the CMS, I hope this helps.
Cloclob 03/03/2016 at 9:23 pm
My daughter is 10 months old. When I was carrying her her biological dad was abusive towards me. He also has an harassment order. When I gave birth for the sake of my daughter I choose to let him no and meet her. Since then he has regularly seen her and paid towards her up keep. He also has another child 3 weeks older which he used to threaten to abduct from his mother when he was born. (His ex). This makes me nervous and because of past I can't put him on the birth certificate. Now he is saying he will not pay suddenly and his reason is black mail. I put him on the birth certificate and he will pay me. I can't. So now contact has stopped. What grounds do I have please help
SeparatedDads Editor 29/02/2016 at 10:39 am
I am sorry to hear this and it is a situation that happens to many parents. I know you must feel frustrated and angry, but regardless of whether she is slating you, you must STOP slating your her on Facebook, as the written word can always be used as evidence, this goes for texts, emails etc. It can easily be seen to be harassment, and this may hamper any future case for access. If you want access to your child, then you need to go through the correct procedure as laid out in the article. The court will always decide what is in the best interests of the child, it is not interested in the one upmanship of the relationship between you and your ex, so you need to avoid retaliation to her. If your ex has refused Mediation, then you now have the option to take the matter to court. The courts do wish father's to have contact with their children and the courts and Cafcass are wise to unfounded lies. Our Separated Dads Facebook page may help you further and it is advisable to read some of the previous questions and comments from dads who have been through this before. Also if you cannot afford the legal fees, you can self-litigate
jaybest 28/02/2016 at 6:11 am
Hi I've not seen my 4 month old son now for 2 months. I've tried arrange contact centre but she's refused and also refused the mediation. Now we have both been slating each other on facebook childish I know but it happens. I'm desperate to see my son as 3 years ago I had a baby who I lost due to a stillborn. This son means the world to me and I have to much love for him that it's killing me not seeing him.. I've tried to explain to the mother that we don't have to get on but we can be good parents which is something she doesn't seem to understand. She's also accused me of domestic abuse but I've never had a visit from the police. She is one of these ladies that'll say anything to stop me being involved.. this all come about because I asked if we could discuss more accuse to him as I was only seeing him for one hour every Saturday. She flipped and changed all her contact details. I really want to be apart of my boys life. It's really hit me hard. I'm kinda happy to go to court but I'm scared her lies etc will deny me that accuse..
SeparatedDads Editor 23/02/2016 at 11:35 am
She has breached the contact order, please see link: Breach of Contact or Residence Order: What to Do herewhich will tell you how you can take the matter back to court to have the order enforced.
Scar71 22/02/2016 at 2:07 pm
Hello i just need some advice please i got a contact order to speak to my boys 2 times a week i had 1 call and now she says they dont want to talk to me have not spoke to them since december 2015 i send letters twice month and never reciver any back since jan i still send them now i taken it bk to court i just wanted to know has she breach the order thanks
Parr 20/02/2016 at 11:31 pm
Need help haven't seen my son for 9 weeks now I've tried mediation but my sons mam said she wouldn't attend she stopped me saying I'm a bad dad show him in appropriate things and a bad example but really I'm a good dad who takes him every where I had last Xmas from Boxing Day till the 4 th Jan and since we split up I've had him practically every weekend and 2 weeks through summer holidays I have all messages she's sent me and I sent her I think it all boiled down to me dating a woman from his school which I ain't but she said if I did I'd pay for it and I am it's killing not seeing him we do everything together o even got us a caravan I've tried a solicator but was gonna cost to much ! He has a little brothe which he should be bonding with but he's missing out and on his swimming and other things please help
Gilkesy 18/02/2016 at 8:29 pm
I have had my son every weekend since Me and his mother split 3 years ago 9-7 on a sat and 9-7 on a sunday i have him twice a month overnight from 9-7 sat-sun i always buy my son clothes and trainers wich i give to his mother as he is not at mine ling enough for me to dress him i always ask for more time and offer money watever he needs wich she denys and now she has a new boyfreind she is trying to push me out of my sons life i love my son and have never been late and never missed a day she has stopped me from taking a job because she wont change days i have never been violent in anyway towards her she is rude and obnoxious and is now threatening me with court for no reason i am on the birth certificate wich i believe gives me somewat parental rights can i get a contact order so she cannot push me out ive always been there for him and refuse to let her push me out of my sons life
SeparatedDads Editor 11/02/2016 at 1:42 pm
As specified in the article, you would have to apply for a Contact Order. However, if you are currently in prison, please see the Coram Children's Legal Centre link here which will give you more information regarding the application/contact procedure.
saatchi 10/02/2016 at 10:51 pm
how do i see my son. i have not seen him in 2 years. as his mother had me put inside prison too get me out of my sons life
SeparatedDads Editor 05/02/2016 at 2:36 pm
You can still apply through the courts to see your son, regardless of whether you are earning or paying child support.
omario 05/02/2016 at 7:26 am
I have not see my son in three months get a call this at 5.50am asking from ex for me to come to her house to look after my so so she can go work. Im currently ill with Benzo withdrawal through stress. I have not paid matience to my ex partner but put money in a bank for my son. Anyway I declinded but said she could drop him off at my parents where I live. I want access to see my son but currently are not work through illness my ex disregards this and wont let me see him unless I do through her terms. Any ideas ?
Roo 03/02/2016 at 12:50 pm
My partner has two children aged 5 and 7 with his ex. They seperated over three years ago after she decided to end the relationship and began to seek alternative housing. Two months later she was still living in the same house. When it became apparent to her that getting housed with no income and two children wasnt that easy she left the property. My ex received a text the next day making unfounded allegations of domestic abuse. He received a letter from a solicitor alleging he had threatened to kill her and had been duly charged with threatening to kill. He did in fact get a call from the local police, voluntarily attended an interview and was released without charge the CPS finding No Case to Answer. He subsequently received a slightly amended 2nd letter which completely contradicted the first in terms of dates and quotes. She was housed off the back of it.
Notrub45 24/01/2016 at 9:15 pm
Hi im reading all this stories and think to my self why do guys like me get ruined by so called girls women who are supposed tobe mothers and think life owes them a faver.my story is slightly different in that i got a non molesation order in which apparently i beat her every day and in the past 12 months been arrested and convicted of a very miner crime name calling on fb.i never touched her and not a violent guy because i loved her so much she was sleeping with guys behind my back for 16 years and playing the so called mother so i kepted paying the mortgage.im so mad at the courts for giving these so called orders out like penny sweets without getting prof that there has been violence.some of us guys are the good guys in this court madness and i think they need to address this and listern to guys that are stressed and feeling emotional in some cases taking there own life for something that is out of control via the courts.yes some women do need protecting but get the prof first before putting us guys in the dock so to speeck.i am now divorced and have one 16 yr old son living with me and the other son hes 12 but not sure hes mine with there mother.i think society today has a lot of problems with relationships and schools need to address this to make our children learn from there parents mistakes.
Willow 23/01/2016 at 4:32 am
My brother split with his partner and tried to give her money for his daughter tried to get in contact to see her but the ex won't have it she can't get over him walking out on her which he did for his own sanity after trying to take his own life because of her he wants to be a part of his daughters life but the vindictive girl will have none of it
bev 16/01/2016 at 6:55 pm
my boyfriend split with his ex wife two years ago now, they have a grown son of 21 and two younger children of 9 and 5. regular contact was allowed at first but as time went on and my partner was seeing other people then contact would stop altogether then start again when he was single. he has now not seen his children for 8 months and it is destroying him. he has not got the money to pay solicitors fees and is paying child maintenance weekly. he texts to ask how they are and gets ignored. this has gone on long enough! as far as i can tell he should put in for a contact order? the school also lets him come to any performances that the children do as she cannot stop that but it ends up making him more upset. at the moment hed settle for ten minutes a week sat in a cafe. whats the best way to go about things? hes devastated and i need to ask for him id like to help him with his options as i have three kids myself and am very good friends with their dad
m 15/01/2016 at 11:03 pm
Hi , I am seeking advice on behalf of my son.
He and his ex Partner have a child which is just 4 years of age , they have separated in May last Year , and its going downhill fast. Whilst the the Child has severe Health Issues and will have for the Rest of her life , she is a sweet little thing . Whilst my son is a serving Soldier in Germany , which he has been since they were going out together , she now holds this against him at any given Time. When he is on leave he can only visit on her terms , which is okay most of the Time , but sometimes he only comes home on the Weekend and time spend with his Daughter is precious.Whilst the child has to have a carer at all times , it takes time to arrange everything to get her to our House which is not always granted.Now she wont contact him at all regarding the child , he will tex her every Day and ask about the child , but she wont get back to him , we as grand Parents are allowed to see her all the time , and we supply anything she needs . Our son pays Maintenance every Month , we just need to know is there anything he can do , they never going to be best Friends , but he should be able to see his daughter and be told what Hospital appointments are due and when . And no he is not on the Birth Document. Any advice would be appreciated.
SeparatedDads Editor 14/01/2016 at 2:17 pm
If your ex refuses to attend court, the court can act in her absence, and the decision may well go against her. If there is a declaration of parentage to be sorted out then the court can order your ex to have a DNA test to establish paternity. It may feel frustrating currently. However, hopefully if you are patient it will pay off.
Mr whipper 13/01/2016 at 10:12 pm
I am now applying for a declaration of parentage so I have rights to my daughter
The thing is there is another mans name on the birth certificate
Her mother will not attend court to sort this out can a judge make the assumption if someone else is named the father or will they force her to take a Dna test
SeparatedDads Editor 13/01/2016 at 2:38 pm
I am sorry to hear this. The CSA will not be able to reveal this information. However, your partner can apply through the courts via a C4 form which in an application for an order for disclosure of a child's whereabouts. I hope he will find it in him to keep fighting. If your partner is on the birth certificate, his ex should have requested permission to move away.
ky 13/01/2016 at 10:31 am
Hi there, I am trying to seek advice on behalf of my partner.

He separated from his partner 8years ago in which they have a 10year old son. He was in contact with the boy and paying child maintenance (on their own terms) up until 4 years ago when the woman became increasingly difficult. She was always demanding for more money and only allowing my partner to see the son as to her own discretion, whenever and wherever she wanted. His name is actually recorded on the birth certificate of the child.

Eventually, she cut off all forms of communication with my partner and move to another city without informing him. At the same time, she applied for CSA without my partner's knowledge and he has been paying child support through CSA for the last 4years. Yet he's not seen his son throughout the past 4 years. We only gathered that she moved to another city through her relatives but no one is telling us where exactly she lives. My partner in despair, has contacted a lawyer to apply for a court order in order to do everything in a legal manner. On the day of the hearing, her ex actually informed the judge she has move to another city and no longer lives in the address stated (which is another lie to delay the father seeing the child). This happened in October.

So a new application has to be made to where her ex currently resides. As of the latest, we heard she has move up to Scotland but we are not too sure. Is there any way in which we could obtain any information about her latest address? Would CSA be able to disclose this information? All the time they remain everything is Private and Confidential yet my partner has been paying child support every month yet not being able to see his son. This is so unfair! Please advice.

Thank you for your replies and advice guys, much appreciated.
SeparatedDads Editor 12/01/2016 at 2:25 pm
I'm afraid there is no rule book or legislation which says what access you should and shouldn't have. If you are applying for PR through the courts - you may wish to apply for an access arrangement to be drawn up too. Cafcass and the courts will take into consideration that your job prevents you from giving more notice and while there are no guarantees, hopefully it will award you the access you wish for. Should your ex then decide to revoke access, your ex will be in breach of the court order.
tonythetaff 12/01/2016 at 8:25 am
I separated from my ex just over 7yrs ago (we were never married) and we have two boys aged 14 & 12. I pay an agreed sum every month into her bank account, and have never missed a payment. She is becoming more and more difficult in every aspect, she has asked for a months notice as to when I am having the boys, I usually have them at least once a week overnight, and sometimes two or even three nights. She has sole parental responsibility and is using this fact more and more to control things. She even tried to stop me attending an awards evening my children had asked me to attend. I have explained many times to her that due to my work hours varying and no one week the same as another that I can't give her the required notice, she is now saying she wants at least 2 weeks notice, or she wont let me see them.But I sometimes only know a week at a time. Can she stop me seeing them? As she is becoming more and more difficult I am about to apply for parental responsibility, but how much notice is required by law in regards to access and how do I get a say in the contact I have with my kids. Thanks.
SeparatedDads Editor 10/12/2015 at 11:28 am
I am sorry to hear this. I hope he has still got a copy of this text as it would stand up in court, should your partner wish to take this route. Financial child support and access have no bearing on each other and his ex has no rights to blackmail him in this way. Therefore, if his ex refuses mediation, then I suggest your ex makes moves to take this to court. Please see link: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, here.If he can't afford the heftly legal bills, he can self-litigate, Our Separated Dads Facebook page may also help - some of the previous questions listed offer some great advice from fathers who have had or are having similar issues. I hope this helps.
kate 09/12/2015 at 10:29 am
My partner and his ex have been separated for nearly 2 years. He was having the children part of the week and then she would have them the other half. This was all going fine until she found out he was in a relationship with myself. The reasons behind this are because I had my 3 daughters taken into care 7 years ago due to domestic abuse towards myself from their father. I then went on illegal drugs. That was nearly 5 years ago and now I have a son nearly 9 months old in my care. She stopped contact altogether eventhhough I asked her did she want to meet and I assured her I would not be around the children until she thought the time was right. About 2 months ago she let my partner and his family see the 2 children 3 times then all of a sudden stopped again. My partner then received a tx of her stating if he payed her a £100 minimum pw instead of the £60 he is paying that he could see the children that weekend. My partner never done this as it is a form of blackmail. She will not go to mediation and my partner is now stuck as to what action he should take as he cannot afford a solicitor. There are no reasons why he should be stopped seeing them. This is tearing him apart he is not sleeping or eating and I fear he may loose his job as he is being pushed to the edge. Do you have any advice or ideas on what he can do? Thank you kate
SophieS1996 20/11/2015 at 4:55 pm
My partner would like access to his daughter. When he and his previous partner split up, she took the child with her. He is not on the birth certificate, therefore, he isn't classed as having 'parental rights'. What can he do, because this is causing him so much stress and upset. We have got to a point where we have tried everything and this is our last resort? We are both very young and do not know how the 'family system' works and really need some help. Thanks.
SeparatedDads Editor 20/11/2015 at 2:16 pm
It depends how old she is and your relationship with her i.e whether it is regular and consistent or not. If she is over the age of 11, then her opinion will be taken into consideration by Cafcass and subsequently the courts, please see link: What Goes into the Cafcass Family Report? whichI hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 20/11/2015 at 11:36 am
Please see article: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, whichwhich will explain what to do if his ex-partner says she’s not going to let him have any contact with his children. If he hasn't quite got to this point yet, where his ex is refusing him completely, then he could suggest mediation in the first instance in order to try and agree to more regulated access. Please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. If his ex refuses this, they he would have the option to take it to court. I hope this helps.
Mrwipper 20/11/2015 at 9:31 am
I have a daughter who is supervised by social services and is on the at risk register. allegations that her step father has abused her have been made she still lives with her mother and the step father as she has retracted this allegations however there is medical prove I want to apply for residency but she is now refusing to see me I believe that this is what her mother and step father have told her to say do I have any rights if she refuses as her biological father
wan39 19/11/2015 at 2:52 pm
Hi my partner is at a loss and needs help although he sees is son who is 10 his ex is now playing games he is allowed to see him when it is covenient for her he always pays towards his kids but with nothing inreturn what should he do thanks x
SeparatedDads Editor 17/11/2015 at 10:37 am
I am sorry to hear this. Mediation is the first port of call and the judge will have wanted you to have tried to resolve the matter this way prior to taking it to court (court should only be seen as a last resort). Please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me?here . However, mediation is a voluntary process and if your ex refuses to attend at your suggestion, then you would be able to apply to the courts for a contact order. With regards to taking it to court you have three options; a barrister, solicitior, Legal Aid and self-litigation (you do not need a solicitor to set up mediation, this will cost, you can do this yourself). A barrister will give you the top legal advice and representation, but is very costly. A solicitor can also cost thousands (dependent uopn the length of the case). Legal Aid help is very scarce now and many fathers are finding they have to self-litigate, see article: Legal Aid Withdrawal: How to Represent Yourself, here. You may also be able to get some initial free legal advice via your local Citizens Advice Bureau to point you in the right direction. I hope this helps.
Emerson 16/11/2015 at 12:36 pm
Hi,

My wife and I have recently seperated partly because she would not allow me to spend unsupervied time with our 3yr old son. Whilst I see him most days, this in only when she is present and she will not allow me to be with him outside of the home without supervision. The only reason she gives is that I have not had enough experiance with children. I am a responsible adult and am not a risk in anyway. I believe she has attachment issues as she will not allow anyone to be with our son unsupervised except her parents (where she and my son now live) and the play school teachers.

I want to be able to have an independant relationship with my son and have been given lots of conflicting advise about how to achieve this. Some have said mediation then court order and others have advised me to go straight to a barrister who will then set up mediation and not a solicitor. I don't understand the legal process and really need advise on the right way to get shared custody. Can anyone help?
SeparatedDads Editor 06/11/2015 at 2:37 pm
The court will take your work into consideration, it would not force you to relinquish your career/job as this would not be cost-effective. It will attempt to come to a ruling via Cafcass, which suits both parents and what is in the best interests of your children.
Nashwan 06/11/2015 at 10:47 am
Hello, I'm wondering if anyone can give a view on this...we have just separated with a view to divorcing. She is now insisting (all communication is by text / email on her insistence) that we have 50/50 custody (7 nights out of each 14) or I do not have custody at all. But I'm genuinely unable to have the children 50% of the time. She does not work and my work involves long hours about 100 miles from where we live and travel overseas. My wife wanted me to make a proposal regarding custody of the children. I suggested a scenario where we have the children on alternate weekends (2 nights) and then some contact during the working week (hopefully at least one night during the week if I could work from home 2 days in a row, for example), the contact during the week to be agreed a month in advance.
Is it likely that a court would order me to have the children 50% of the time and effectively force me to give up the work that I do (which, I suspect, is what my wife is trying to achieve)?
SeparatedDads Editor 30/10/2015 at 12:59 pm
Please see gov.uk link here which gives you direct access to apply for one. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads Editor 29/10/2015 at 1:59 pm
Yes, you would need to apply for a c100. Please see article: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, whichIf you cannot afford the legal bills, you can self-litigate, see link: Legal Aid Withdrawal: How to Represent Yourself, here. If your case is prepared well, then many fathers are seeing success this way. Please also see our Separated Dads Facebook page. The most recent posting may apply to you and our followers have contributed with some very constructive comments regarding how best to deal with such an issue.
Craigy19 28/10/2015 at 6:56 pm
I was allowed access to my child until she was a year old and have bren allowed to see her since. I have gone through a lawyer and sent letters back and forth but am excuse is always made and now cannot afford to keep up the games. Is a contact order my best way forward, i was paying csa but she has now stopped that.
SeparatedDads Editor 28/10/2015 at 10:55 am
If it is a family-based agreement, then you do not need permission from anyone else, except the consent of the resident-parent (your ex). However, for peace of mind, if you do wish for some kind of official agreement, then you could either draw up an agreement via yourselves. You can do this via companies such as NetLawman, whichwhich supplies legal document templates, or you could agree the terms through mediation. Please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? whichHowever, while you may have a semi-official piece of paper, this agreement could still always be changed through the courts should a future disagreement ensue. I hope this helps.
J.K 26/10/2015 at 9:55 pm
Hi, if both me and my daughters mum have agreed for her to reside with me but for her to see her mother as and when on weekends and during holidays, how do i go about doing this and whonfo i need to speak to if needed?

Regards
JohnJ 16/10/2015 at 12:23 am
For Jess,
I had a similar problem years ago. I tackled the situation by going through the school. The Father can go to the school or Nursery to see his children. If the school interfere's then just let your solicitor kn ow or complain to the courts yourself, that's what I did. In my case the court sited the school as a contact point for me to see my children and that way if anybody interfere's they would be in breach of the court order and would have to answer to a Judge, obviously the school had to back down and allow access. Good Luck.!
distraut dad 01/09/2015 at 5:45 am
My daughter is now five years old. She was born in koh samui , thailand .Her mother broke up with me when she was one month old . She would no longer let me hold her , she took over our house and me and my older daughter were cast out while she brought home new men to the house i built for my family . I wonder if there is anyone else out there who has haf to experience this kind of pain. I had to leave . I was totally broken . I went to Malaysia to get myself together , my older daughtef needed me to be strong . I returned after 2 months and was treat like a guest in my own house . I would arrivd and therr would be other men in thd housd and my new born daughter would be screaming uncontrollably , her mother would not let me hold her but our daughter would scream and scream untill her mother would finally hand her over to me , she would immediately calm down and would be asleep in my arms in a matter of minutes . Aftef about 2 weeks of this i could take no more and i moved back into the house . The mother hit the roof screaming and yelling at me but she knes thers was nothing she could do since the owner of the land was a goof friend and was disgusted by her behaviour . She then took our daughter to Bangkok , i knew therd was no way forward for us but i wanted to maintain my relationship with my daughter and her mother saw that relationship as a threat . What could i do , we were in Thailand , her mothef is Spanish and i havd dual citzenship UK and another . I knew she wad going to go back to Spain but i believed it was better than where we were since her mother was using local mafia to mess with me , she really wanted the house and to be rid of me . The local police even came to me later and told me her mothers friend wanted to kill me but they denied him permission , her friend who was thai tried to take over thd land . Thai land laws are not very clear , a lot has to do with possesion of land . I always wanted to forgive the mother and put it down to crazy hormones and post natal depression. I hoped that if she returned to Spain eventually her better nature would take over and i would be able to send presents and speak on skype . I did nothing wrong exept fall in love with the wrong woman . Never violent , never cheated just blindly in love (my older daughter can vouch for me on this - she saw everything and is now almost 12 years old ). I signed the papers in Bangkok for our daughter to get a passport and return to Spain with her mother . I tried to establish contact constantly . I had no address to send presents and no way to communicate . E-mails went unanswered and i suffered immensly. I used to write letters to my daughter that i asked the mother to read to her. She never did and when our daughter was 3 her mother told me she never read any letters to her and she does not know she even has a father . I did not know what to do , i was looking after my older daughter with not much money , i could not fly to Spain and put my older daughter
SeparatedDads Editor 31/07/2015 at 12:28 pm
@Jess - if she personally doesn't want to be contacted, then she has that right. If your father wants to find out where his children are for access reasons he would need to apply through the courts for a form C4, which is an application for an order for disclosure of a child's whereabouts. If he can't afford the legal fees, he can self-litigate, please see article: Legal Aid Withdrawal: How to Represent Yourself, whichHowever, while the courts may gain access to his ex's address, your father's ex still has the right to keep her address anonymous from him, as this will not affect his access rights.
Jess 30/07/2015 at 3:28 pm
HI looking for advice for my dad - his current wife walked out 3 weeks ago with their children (2&8) and hasn't been in contact since we have no idea where she is. The Friday she went he kept sending messages and ringing trying to find out where she is - she rang police and he's now bein done for harrasment and 2 other charges. She has also made some serious allegations against him (completely untrue) but he has no idea how to get contact with the children as he can't contact her directly or indirectly. He has also had his money stopped so we can't afford a solicitor. How do we go about getting contact?
Max 23/07/2015 at 8:36 pm
Hi all.
My ex wants to move back to Canada and take our daughter with her! How on earth can I maintain my relationship with my little girl(6)?!
Ex's solicitor talks about FaceTime, Skype etc but there's a 7-hour time difference. I'm going to be reduced to 3-weeks a year, if lucky. Ex has so far refused to discuss her plan. Awaiting her application, but how can I guarantee regular contact? Already had one brutal experience of very partisan pro-mother judge (male). Any advice appreciated
tryeditall 05/04/2015 at 10:35 pm
hi im waiting for court date to get child arrangements order..my ex stopped contact due to her finding out i wasnt taking little one where i said i was therefore no trust n e more. she arranged a contact centre as the place i was taking little one she personally thinks is unsuitable however i refused this and have now not seen my son for five months. also i havent payed her any child maintanance will this go against me in court
d 25/03/2015 at 10:41 am
Please can you help... My wife left me and took my 2 children under 5 at the time. I have had to move away from the area due to my job and also it was breaking my heart as she was with another man straight away, and also had my children around him. Which they now call daddy as well !!!!!!!!!
The main issue is, she will not meet me half way between, so I have for the last 2 years had to travel 6 hrs to see them and another 6 hrs to get home. I have also had to pay for hotels to stay in as i have now where else to go with them. If she meet me half way I could take them back to my home and be comfortable with them, not in a hotel room. I have offered to pay her petrol money, but all i get is i am to busy and my time is precious. Where do I stand legally,
1 to see my children on a regular basis, as when I do try and even go and see them, i can not, as she is busy (I do pay her maintenance every month also)
2 With a court order, can that make her travel half way.
SeparatedDads Editor 24/03/2015 at 12:43 pm
@dad - I think as this was four years ago you need to take this back to court. The courts are working a lot to make sure that fathers have rights and they have improved even over the last four years. It is certainly worth a try, and if you don't fancy the heftly solicitor's bills, you can self-litigate, see link: How to Represent Yourself here. You don't say how old your daughter is, but if she is over 11, then she will be able to voice her own opinion too. I hope this helps.
dad 21/03/2015 at 9:41 am
Hi there me and my ex have been split up over 4 years now we are both married with other children. A year after we split up I went to court for a contract order as the contact was all over the place she kept stopping me seeing them and she wouldn't let me have my children around my partner with no valid reason who I'm now married to. At court she proposed that I don't have my children sleep at my house where I live with my child and wife and with no no reason the court granted it so for the last 4 years I have to sleep at my mums every weekend it's now getting to much and my child that lives with me has been crying that I have to stay out. It's really getting to me now I would really appreciate help and advice can anyone recommend what I could do. Thanks
SeparatedDads Editor 03/03/2015 at 10:49 am
@muz - you may find our Separated Dads Facebook page useful too as there are a lot of fathers who are going through the same thing and can give some great advice on self-litigation etc. Good luck with getting your access.
muz 27/02/2015 at 5:44 pm
Ive taken it to court. Its worrying.especially if spouse refuses contact with your children. I got order .filled it in. Didnt pay because i was on low income when I applied .and self represent.keep a diary of events. Letters. Etc anything you feel will help you get to see the children. Also referances from work.doctor.etc and long term friends. Im still going through this but
Be strong .resolute and it slowly works out. Im finding judges. Amiable and understanding.this is about childrens rights to see you.
SeparatedDads Editor 23/02/2015 at 12:30 pm
@Worried grandma - then it may be more beneficial if he makes it more official through the court system. It means there may be less flexibility when it comes to him not having his daughter on certain days, because unless agreed, it would mean he may be in breach of the court order. In principle, it is always better to have an informal agreement and the courts prefer that parents sort issues out between themselves. But if his ex is being unfair and stating that he is not having access when in fact he is, in order to get more money, then if he can't make a stand through the CSA/CMS then it may be his best option. I hope this helps.
Worried grandma 20/02/2015 at 7:42 pm
My son has his daughter to stay over Friday to Sunday each fortnight. He misses the odd turn when unavoidable but makes up for this with extra nights as favours when his ex asks. She now wants more maintenance and has told the authorities that he never has his daughter overnight. There is no court contact order - one has never been needed. She doesn't want to stop him actually having his daughter, she just wants more money by saying that he doesn't . How does my son proove he has his child to stay ? She texts or emails him his "instructions" for collecting and dropping off my granddaughter.
Josh 25/01/2015 at 5:18 pm
Hello. My daughter MIa-rose. Is 2 in March,
Me and my ex split up over a year and a half ago, we tried to make a agreement between us again and again, so I can see my daughter on a regular basis. It's never worked as she can always say no to me. I provided for my daughter every week as I could not trust her With the cash I was giving her. So I made a savings account for my daughter. I have currently moved away from where my daughter lives because I needed a fresh start and to change my life around witch is goin very well. All I want is to see my daughter on a regular basis. What way shall I go round this situation ?
Rupert Bear 23/11/2014 at 11:25 am
We are grandparents to a little boy who is 1 year old today. Our son was in a controlling, abusive and violent marriage to a functioning alcoholic for two years. She has since been charged by the police and was fined and given a 12-month discharge for assault and battery.
How is it that he has received a letter from a family law firm allowing him just a couple of hours contact at a contact centre once a fortnight, when he is not the agressor?
She has also smashed up his previous children's toys, won't allow him to see them and if he ever does, spends all the time texting to get him back home again.
My son now has no home, he is sleeping on friends sofas, he has no job because he gave up his job, to become a full time father so that his wife could go to work which was what she wanted. He sold his house and put everything he had into her house so now has nothing. He is a wreck, physically, mentally and financially.
He can't see his little boy today and I have never seen anyone in such a state - it is like watching someone bereaved. There is nothing that my husband and I can do or say to help him and I am terrified what he might do to himself. He is not sleeping and the doctor wasn't helpful at all.
He has been attacked with a broken bottle against his throat , locked out all night in the garden with no access to clothing, car keys, phone etc. He had to barrack himself in the living room to stop her from attacking him and she starts drinking at lunchtime and continues until bedtime. He wouldn't leave her because he was afraid to because she would be left in that state with the baby.
His wife looks to all intents and purposes like an extremely well dressed, caring, perfectly normal wife, she is not a down and out or anything remotely like that.
Would someone please, please tell me how social services can be conned, and still support someone who behaves in this sub-human way.
We dread every day in case of what we might hear has happened, and yet when he does come to see us we don't know what to say to help him.
Our whole family is supportive of him but that is of no help to him because he feels he has failed everyone.
He is trying for legal aid but can't provide all the paperwork he needs as it is in the marital home and she has told police she can't find it.

Please, someone help us to help him.
Rupert Bear
Ellie Editor 23/10/2014 at 12:51 pm
@OldGrizzly - theoretically it sounds like the mother is right if the school holiday is five days and doesn't coincide with the weekend that your nephew is due to have the child then she doesn't have to grant access into what would be her weekend and while that might be unfortunate, that is the way the court has decided. For future reference the
only way around it that I could see is combine holidays when it is his weekend which coincides with a school hol, lengthening the time. But keeping him until the Sunday in half term, will just make things a hundred times worse.
OldGrizzly 21/10/2014 at 11:41 am
My Nephew has a court order for contact with his son allowing him 'every third weekend' and 'half of each school holiday'.
There have already been several counts of denial of contact which are currently being dealt by the Court. At very short notice, the Mother has decided that 'school Holiday' is strictly Monday to Friday and does not include the weekend adjacent unless it happened to be my Nephew's weekend, she reasoning that the child does not attend school at weekends. So , for example, The Child would have to be returned each weekend during my nephews half of the school summer holiday.
Having already arranged a trip away for the half term next week (Oct 2014), he has now been told by the mother that he must return him by the Friday night rather than the Sunday as was always the case in the past. As usual there is simply no help or advice to be got from the Court - they are so slow in responding in any way and even slower to act.

Could you point us towards any custom and practice, Guidance Notes or Case Law legal ruling on this or similar matters please?

What legal ramifications might there be if he ignored the Mothers decision and did not return him till the Sunday .... something I am currently advising against


Thank you
angelcake 01/09/2014 at 10:39 am
Hi,my son has split form his gf but has been suportive all through the birth,is on the birth . My granddaughter is 1 month old and after all the support emotionally and financially the mother has now done the unthinkable and decided my son can see his daughter at a contact centre for 2 hours a week at the most. She thinks too she is being generous and saying we can see her there too at the same time. previously he saw her at her(what was their)house but is now saying he has been agressive in the way he speaks to her and has made up all sorts of lies. He had the offer of seeing his daughter at the other grndparents house but she causes nothing but trouble for him and provokes the situation. What should we do,accept the contact centre fro 2 hours while we sort out court. My son idealy wants all day saturday to start as he works 2 jobs now to support his daughter after haivng to give up uni a house and everything. Any advice appreciated please. Thank you
adzboi1 26/08/2014 at 11:09 pm
hi i need some advice please ive just split from my ex and we have a 5 month old son.. shes not letting me see him and it looks as thou shes now going to throw my drug addiction into it all if i take it to court.. im unemployed and do drugs but my partner who i was with two years has had no issues with it up untill now .. i dont know what to do i need to know if i get a court order and pay the 200pounds am i likely get access or will judge think diffrent of me because of addiction?
Chris 19/07/2014 at 6:23 pm
Hello, I am a father of a four year old daughter who live in Bradford West Yorks, I moved there at the time and left my job where I was living in the Midlands so that I could be there for the birth. To cut a long story short, the relationship ended not in in early 2011 when she was 6 or 7 months old. and because of not having any friends in Bradford, I moved back to the Midlands. I have seen her very infrequently since, only on birthdays because of my financial position and difficulty in getting there but visits since seemed positive when I could visit and have been able to send her clothes when financially possible. Recently I have lost contact with my former partner completely and she does not respond to text messages and had not responded to calls so I tried sending both her and my daughter cards on mothers day and I know these were received since I have had confirmation from the Post Office using the “signed for” service, but still no response. Another card I send my daughter wast sent back undelivered from my home with my new partner further south. I applied for mediation through a local solicitor firm in the coastal town I now live in and both letters they sent have not been responded to. In other recent news I know my ex partner had become engaged to her new partner and had a new child. Because I have not heard anything since Christmas 2013, I am having to find another method of pressing for contact. The mediation service have advised a contact order. Its sad I have to go down this route but I can’t see any other way at the moment.
Father in need 08/07/2014 at 11:02 am
Hi I'm a father of 3 and me and my partner have split up I'm paying child maintenance but where Ican not read or write (my sister is helping me here) she always took my wage slips and said I'll put it away in my files but it's come to my aware that's she's been claiming child maintenance since our first child when I was living there and plus she didn't declare I was living there either now I find out too that my name isn't even on any of my 3 child's birth certificates and she won't let me see my kids it's breaking my heart I can't see them please can anyone help or advice me on what route to take my kids ages are 6, 3 and 2months.
Mike 02/07/2014 at 6:47 pm
This is sickening. Women have too many rights and protection under the law in this country. I just had a daughter and 6 days after her birth her mother took her away from me and moved out. First she moved to her parents house in a different state, then moved to another state 2 weeks after. She refused to give me the address or city she is in. She does not answer my calls or messages. She blocked my number so my calls go straight to voicemail. My daughter is two months old now and I havent known anything about her since she was a week old. This should be considered kidnapping. If the father is not a threat to the child or mother as in domestic abuse cases, it should be illegal for a mother to do such a thing. My life has been a living hell not knowing the whereabouts of my daughter and not being able to see her grow these last two months. This is time I will NEVER be able to able to get back and memories I will NEVER have of her. I wish fathers were able to sue the mother for emotional distress in cases such as mine. At least this would make mothers think twice when doing such an evil thing for selfish reasons. By the way, ever since my daughter was conceived I have been there for her mother. She did not work or have to worry about anything. She lived with me. I paid all the bills. I bought the mother all the things she wanted (for her) and all the thing for my baby (crib, clothes, rocking chair, etc. you name it.) We didnt even have a baby shower, I bought her EVERY single thing. As you can see it is hard for me not be bitter in this situation; and even then all I want is to be able to know where my daughter is and to see her, not take her away from her mother to repay her with the same coin.
really 27/06/2014 at 4:57 pm
i was married when we had our child but by the time he was 3 she left me. at first i had contact at weekends but i became unwell and she stopped the contact she met someone else insisted i get a court order to see my son and is now married and living her life. i have never been able to afford to take her to court for access and i am still paying CSA to this day its been 7 years. can she stop access and still claim support i heard they are trying to change this law now that Legal aid has stopped
Lukey090 26/06/2014 at 4:06 pm
My daughters mother does not let me see my daughter I haven't seen her for two years , I pay csa every month and don't mind paying it just want to see my daughter, I'm not on her birth certificate and have been to see a solicitor twice which did cost a bit , I'm wondering how to go about apply for applications to court? We once had an argument and she got the police involved so wondering if that would go against my case
Thanks
Donnie 31/05/2014 at 12:25 pm
Do I have a legal entitlement to have my children stay with me on the weekends? My ex ha never had a problem with me seeing them but she says they can't stop with me because she wouldn't be able to sleep knowing they weren't in their rooms. Someone please help me
Hollie 14/02/2014 at 5:00 pm
My granddaughters mother has just stopped contact as my son, her father is unemployed and cannot make csa payments until this last year we were having her to stay. Most school holidays and she has her own room at my house, now the mother is telling me all contact is stopped as her father is not contributing to her upkeep and to take it to court. My granddaughter is eleven years old and is really missing us and all the family.
clare 01/11/2013 at 1:03 pm
i need a court order to get my children out of care because they are at risk and i have evidence of this and more i have been to walsall council and donavan campbell is forwarding this request we need one asap please
monkey man 25/10/2013 at 8:00 pm
I have had my son every thurs (until 8pm as his mum works) then fri after school until sunday at 6pm. We have done this for 4years non stop, but know my ex has decided she now wants him back every other sat night just because, I said she could have him once a mnth on the sat night once she finish work at 8pm, but this is now not good enough for her. my son like being with me and its what hes uses to, now just because she now wants to take my son to her boyfriends mums house on a Sunday im meant to just be ok with that??? I need some help/advice please, I don't want to lose my son as the time we have together we make the most of it, he stays with me and my gf and he will soon have a baby sis or brother too. so I don't want him to think im picking the new baby over him. His mum says things like "well he doesn't want to come and stay at your house anyways" so I asked him if that was true while both me and his mum was both there, he said no it was not true and he didn't say that, to which my ex then told him he did say it. :( please help me asap, my son his my life. thank you for reading.
woody 19/07/2013 at 6:10 am
Ive got a daughter. Who was born April this year and ive not seen her yet after me and my expartner split i tried to sort out financial and visiting for me to see and support my daughter but my ex partner and her mom and step dad wont allow to see my child for some reason ive tried solicitors and im no further toward at moment i want to be part of my daughters life so much do i contact social services or the courts
irina 15/06/2013 at 10:12 pm
Hi, me and my husband arrived to England 11 years ego, after 5 years my husband came back to Lithuania. He wanted to finish his studies and we decided, that children will stay with him, I was traveling every second moth to Lithuania and stayed with my children full months( one month UK one months Lithuania), after 5 years off this traveling my son told me that father having affair. When I arrived I found that flat is empty and children was left alone in flat. So I contacted my husband and he told me that he is not going look after children (14 and 7) anymore. We was renting flat there and husband told me that I must to move out, he knew that I don’t have any place to go with my children. In London we had a house (mortgage on husbands name) and I have a job London, so I knew that the only way to survive I must take children back to UK, my husband was informed by me that we going to live in UK. We arrive in November. I found schools, sport clubs and we pretty much settled in UK. Divorce I planned to do in summer time in Lithuania. On Christmas time he visited us and spent with us 2 weeks. But week ago I received abduction court notice and in week we had a court hearing. Second court hearing will be next month. What I should do? How I can prove that I am not abducting my children? Who can help me? Thank you
paul fay 29/04/2013 at 10:11 pm
I split with my daughter's mother and since she has been backwards and forwards with access but has stopped access all together now. What can I do?
Parky 31/03/2013 at 12:49 pm
I've got a daughter who is 2 in may I haven't seen her since jan 2012 as my ex won't allow me contact none at all she won't answer the phone text messages emails or even the front door she won't except and money for my daughter the last time I seen my daughter my ex told me she didn't want or need me she could do it on her own I have been in and out of work since my daughter was born but always tried to pay for her best I could its been far to long without seeing my daughter I don't even know her and I'm worried because I have seen my ex walking the streets and 1030 /1100 pm is my ex taking my baby to the pub with her ? What can I do to stop this and get back into my daughters life ?
MissingE 27/02/2013 at 1:26 pm
I was never married to my daughter's mother. I'm not on the Birth Certificate, as my ex wasn't actually sure who the father was at first, but I am 100% sure now that she is mine. My daughter is now 7 and we have always had a good relationship. We had her every weekend and a lot of time during holiday periods. She adores her Grandmother and Aunt and was a big part of our family. Last year her mother met someone else and moved up North, taking my daughter with her. I didn't disapprove, as I was assured that her mother would be visiting this area constantly to visit family and I would always have access. This was true for the first 6 months, but my ex now has a baby with her new partner and he's laying down the law. I have been told that I can only visit one weekend every other month and that I must collect and return my daughter. It's a 10 hour round trip, so most of the weekend would be spent driving, not to mention I would have to hire a car, as I don't have one, or stay in a hotel whilst up there, which isn't a good environment for my daughter. I've been corresponding with her solicitor trying to find a happy medium by suggesting perhaps they drop my daughter to me and I return her, easing the travel time, but my ex refuses to budge and make any kind of compromise. I've also been advised that I can't take her on holiday at all. Where do I stand?
p 25/02/2013 at 4:36 pm
Hi please can you help, my wife forced me out of our family home 2 years ago, and moved her new partner in shortly afterward's. We agreed to shared custody but it works out that I have them just under 30 hours a month more than her agreed in writing.She agreed when I got my self set up in a new home, that she would keep the child benefit and I would get the tax credits,and no maintance payments were required. I have all this in writing, but stupidly did'nt check how that stood me. I make sure they are well provided for, buying shoes, clothes, paying for school trips etc.She has now hit me with the CSA demanding maintaince, the lady that called was very helpfull and said I should contact the child benfit people as this was why she could claim. Can I claim child benefit? She works full time as does her partner.I have had many issues with my children being unhappy returning to her and her partners son bullying mine on top of this. I am tempted to go for full custody but not sure this is the right thing either.Any advice would be gratefully recieved
doddz 24/02/2013 at 10:46 am
My ex is sticking to what has been said 3 hours on a Saturday its not anough I ask for 5 hours she said go court and ask but last time at court her solicitor said its down to us to try and sort whats best for are son, my ex had brought 1 of her mates with a big gob that did not help PLEASE HELP as I dont really what to go through the courts
Sharna 02/02/2013 at 12:10 am
Sorry WITHOUT MY CONSENT. DENYING ME ANY CONTACT
fed up 03/11/2012 at 1:27 pm
I seperated from my ex 8 yrs ago and there was never any problem with seeing my son,i had him 24/7 and there was no problems,i met my wife 5 years ago and since then my ex has played god with our sons life,last night I was to have my son for the weekend,and I was told I couldnt have him and that I was to choose between having my son in my life or my wife,she told me that I couldnt have both,i dont know where to turn to,the courts always seem to side with my ex,even though theres a court order in place for access she keeps breaking it,i pay maintence on a weekly basis but it seems im going around in circles
Pedro321 01/10/2012 at 1:47 pm
If the CSA insist that payments are made for a child it is possible to open a bank account in the child's name. Any payments made are solely for the use of the child. If an ex needs money for the child they have to ask for it. As long as the correct amount is being paid into the account there is little that can be done about it.Anyone considering it may need to look into the full legal side, but I have met someone who has done this and as his ex did not want him to have access, he insisted he would only give the child's money to the child.I do not know all the ins and outs of it, but as long as the correct amount is going into the account, maybe with the child's name on with you in control, nobody can really say anything.I am fortunate at the moment. My ex does not like me personally, but that is not such a big deal because the feeling is mutual. She has no grounds for keeping our son away from me, and wants us to be in touch. I also want that very much. I am giving child support in line with CSA percentages but they are not part of our situation.No point letting rip about my ex on here, but this is just talking about contact.
Mister-p 13/09/2012 at 11:44 am
I've been fighting contact for 3 years, due to not being able to attend a court date the judge has dismissed the case, I have been treated badly by the courts and want to move to another court, can I get my case re-issued at another court without starting again, eg having to pay court fee's again?
Braveheart 23/07/2012 at 3:41 pm
Why does the CSA do nothing to help the Dads out during these situations? I am currently paying £500 pm due to the CSA losing my details, I havent seen my boys for such a long time due to my ex moving house and denying me access. The CSA have hounded me into paying which I have never said no to but the CSA will not give out her address to me so I can try and get some kind of dialogue going with my boys. I have thought about going to court many times but with the CSA taking almost half my wages each month I really cannot afford to do this, Any body got any ideas where to go from here? I am desperate to see my boys whom I love dearly but my ex just will not let me have any contact with them at all. I have tried to contact them both via social networking sites but they have blocked my profile or rather their mother has. HELP me see my sons please.
Swingfog 10/07/2012 at 9:15 am
Hi, I am being denied ALL access/contact with my children. There have been cautions by police to both of us in respect of domestic violence. What forms do I need to complete to arrange access to my kids please?
Webbja 04/07/2012 at 9:06 am
Hi, I am a father of 3 boys. My 2 eldest with my wife and I have a fantastic relationship with them and see them about 5 times a week.My youngest is with my ex girlfriend who walked out on me when he was 8 months old, she issued me with a injunction so I couldn't contact her, which has no mention of violence as I'm not a violent man but just talks about arguments we had. I firmly believe this was to stop me talking to her about access to my son, I have had a diction but still she refuses access and I have run out of money. The order expires in August and it's nearly a year since I last see him.I make monthly payments for him through the CSA.Everyone who knows me will vouch that I love all my children and my life is for them and I'm a great dad, it has killed me that I have not seen him for a year and his brothers are also wanting to see him.What is my next step? I need help and feel lost.
aj 24/06/2012 at 1:14 am
I moved to another city 3hours away from my birth place, friends and family. to live with my girlfriend because we had a baby coming. so I live with her and my son but now I have moved back home to live 3 hours away from my son after the mother and I have split up. how can I get to see and spend time with because I can not afford to travel 6 hours every week. what help is there for me. many thanks
justadad Editor 08/06/2012 at 9:07 pm
@jonny.. Are you the father? If not then I don't believe you can
jonny 08/06/2012 at 8:31 pm
I was with my partner for eight years and brought up her son we have now split and she will not let me see her son can I get a contact order?
Aarty 12/03/2012 at 9:18 pm
I am living in Slovakia, and my ex is not giving me adequate access to our daughter. I see her around 6 hours a week, if I am lucky, and she's been allowed to stay over once in 7 months. I would like to take this to court, as to be graced with looking after my little girl just every other weekend would be a vast improvement. However, I have no finances to pay legal fees (Slovak wages are abysmal), and I was wondering if it's poss to obtain some kind of funding from the UK (Where I'm from) in order to cover the costs. I know for sure that I'm going to need a bilingual solicitor, as I can hardly speak a word of their language. To be frank, I'm only in this country to be close to the little girl I hardly see. Any help will be gratefully received.
bigdaddy 02/03/2012 at 4:23 pm
Hi I have a son who I havent seen in over 2 years I have a bank account for him and paid full maitenants I cant afford to go to court is there any way I can do it myself I was told about a contact oder but dont understand it any help would do thank you
Kim 21/02/2012 at 8:01 am
My son's dad and I never married. We did live together from approx 4 months pregnant until he was age 3. He is now age 8. Who has primary say so or custoday in this situation. He seems to think he has some sort of ownership. I work in the medical field as a therapist and work 2 nights a week. Before he married recently he kept him the nights I worked and he stayed with me the nights I was off. His wife has decided that this is an unstructured schedule and they will keep him all week one week and the nights I work the next week. It cuts down my time in half. Although I agree with the structure I don't think I should sacrifice my time with him on all the days I am off
Hairbear 22/01/2012 at 4:03 pm
My x wife and he husband are considering selling their home and moving away with my 12 year old son. I've had the same contact with my son since we split when he was 2. I have a 4 year old daughter with my current partner and this move would also affect her. If they do move away contact will be very limited can I stop her from taking my son away?
peter090 16/01/2012 at 10:49 am
When my ex girlfriend found out she was pregnant I was over the moon my ex wife took my other 2 kids to live in staffard and remarried I dont see them but I thought I had a 2nd chance with my little girl she is 6 months now and I was seeing her on a regular basis but the mother didnt want a relationship with me anymore so I said can I just take my little girl out evry sat 1pm till 5pm so we could bond and she has refused I amd taking action and sorted out mediation but she hast sent in some doccuments for us both to go if I just take her to court and she wont even turn up is she braking the law and could she be prosicuted
ready 15/09/2011 at 6:58 pm
Hi can someone help thinking about taking out a contact order, only for the reason to meet half way or take it in turns to drop my kid off - is it worth it ?
Air 02/07/2011 at 8:43 pm
It all sounds to good to be true and in fact it is. I was told by a lawyer that I would be waisting my time on pursuing a contact order - I would just get denied. I have been denied access by my ex. My 4 year old son doesn't have a clue what's going on and thinks I don't want to see him (thats basically what he asked me the last time I talked to him). There is no hope when it comes being a man and wanting to be father

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