Separated Dads
Help, Advice & Support for Separated Fathers...
Home  /  Financial

How Many Fathers Don't Pay Child Support?

Originally written by Chris Nickson, updated by the editorial team on 2nd April 2026
Ask a Question
How Many Fathers Don't Pay Child Support?

In 2007, the Liberal Democrats revealed that the Child Support Agency (CSA) had failed to collect maintenance in 34% of cases where one parent owed money. That figure was 4% higher than it had been in 2006, meaning more parents (and figures aren’t separated for men and women) weren’t paying their child support.

If you're unsure whether you're paying or receiving the correct amount, you can check the figures using our free Child Maintenance Calculator.

In fact, in 2006, the Agency had a backlog of some 330,000 cases and over £3 billion in unrecovered debt. That’s a lot of unpaid maintenance, and a lot of people walking away scot free. By late 2008, the CSA calculated the figure of those not paying to be 31% – that’s still over 172,000 cases.

How Did It Happen?

Much of the problem actually lies not with the parents – most of whom are men – but with the CSA itself. Since its establishment it had undergone problems, which were worsened by the installation of a new computer system that was supposed to speed up the process, but ended up causing chaos.

That’s not to say the CSA has been completely ineffective. In 2006/7, it prosecuted 485 people for non-payment of maintenance, and took the controversial step of naming and shaming on their website another 40 whom they’d taken to court for providing false information or no information at all. They added details of the proceedings in court and the sentences received by the guilty, all of whom were men.

Child Maintenance Calculator

Child Maintenance Calculator

Find out how much child maintenance you should pay or receive. Takes less than a minute.

Try our Child Maintenance Calculator free, here on this site →

Who Owes Money?

Among that large backlog of cases – which has been reduced, and the CSA estimates it can recover almost £2 billion of the money owed – are all kinds of people. There are professionals, labourers, those who earn a lot of money and those scraping by on benefits. There are some, like prisoners, who simply can’t pay, some who won’t pay because of disputes with their ex or over paternity, and those who are waiting to have their cases adjudicated. In Northern Ireland, the figure owed by absent parents is £3.6 million, and a stunning £41 million in South Yorkshire.

In other words, there’s no set demographic to those who owe, and they’re actually not all the deadbeat dads the tabloids claim. Many will pay, but there are also those who will have to be taken to court.

Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.

What Happens to Those Who Don’t Pay?

If a non-resident parent doesn’t Pay Child Maintenance, and the resident parent uses the CSA’s collection service, the Agency will contact the debtor to try to arrange payment, including arrears. It can access information from HM Revenue & Customs to try to track people down.

Where they can’t reach an agreement with the person who owes money, they can impose late payment penalties (up to 25% of the amount owing) and arrange to have the money garnished from wages as a deduction from earnings.

In some instances, they will take the person to court, although this is generally a last resort. The first thing they’ll do is obtain a liability order, and even then payment arrangements can still be made. In 2007/8, over 19,000 liability orders were obtained in England and Wales.

Where the CSA does obtain a judgement, there are a number of possibilities open to them, including the seizure of goods and disqualification from driving, which could affect employment. The guilty would also owe court costs. In total, 35 people were imprisoned in 2007/8 and another 400 got suspended sentences.

How the CSA is Changing

Although it won’t have any effect on penalties, the CSA was taken over by the Child Maintenance and Enforcement Commission in November 2008. It’s worth noting that the collection of child support is becoming more effective. The CSA collected £1.1 billion in the year ending September 2008, benefiting over 750,000 children.

The Next Step

Child Maintenance Calculator

Now that you have read through the advice above, you might want to put it into practice. Our Child Maintenance Calculator lets you find out how much child maintenance you should pay or receive. Takes less than a minute. Try it now →

172 questions
Ask Separated Dads a Question
Vegan ninja 01/07/2022 at 2:03 pm
Hello, I’ve always paid overpayments for my 3 children & last September my eldest (16) was taken off the child maintenance.
I didn’t think this was right so I continued to pay for him so was paying way more then the csa had instructed.
Then 2 months ago I was sent another letter from the csa adding my eldest now 17 back on the csa & saying I am in arrears for all the previous months.
I’ve sent them every bank statement showing that I never changed my payments & continued to pay for all 3 kids.
Despite having all the proof they are refusing to remove the arrears that I don’t owe……….what can I do as they don’t appear to want to do what’s right ??
I just can’t afford to keep paying what they are asking
I have my kids every weekend & get no over night discounts as there mum refuses to admit I have them at all……..they have never missed & weekend & even stay in the holidays
A man 19/01/2021 at 10:14 am
I was forced into fatherhood. Blackmailed into signing the birth certificate. Proved it to the police, but to no avail. I walked away from an engineering degree. Have been working cash in hand that was 14 years ago. I have never seen my son and have no plans too. I am super sad that my son will have no reproductive rights and that his mother has no doubt lied to him about his identity to reinforce hers just like my mother. Everybody needs an identity everybody needs reproductive rights.
Neily1 23/11/2020 at 2:16 am
I think people will find it is not just some Father's who don't pay, but Mother's as well. My children's Mum, has paid nothing in 12 years and even had the milk and fruit tokens sent to her as all she had to say was she had the children and no one even questioned it-she was also housed on her say so and she received the benefits for them. I have had to prove that the children live with me as she walked when they were 4 years and the other 9 months over and over and still to this day Schools etc fall over themselves to take her say so as gospel. When i went down to 8 stone and waking with my teeth on my pillow as my gums could not hold them in due to having no money for food ( what little i had i fed the children with ) i was merely told when seeking help that she is the Mother, did i love her, and her maternal instincts etc. Finally being told" i need a good slap around the face " My Son is 17 now and my Daughter 13 and i will never seek help again.
Nightclubs 18/06/2020 at 7:34 pm
Hi all I have triplets and she moved them up Liverpool and this was 6 years ago now,and now she wants money when I don't even see my children it's too far to go I live in the Ipswich Suffolk.
Homeless joe 05/04/2020 at 11:11 pm
I can’t pay child support because I’m (“technically homeless “)what this women who (incarcerated me )wants my 7 pound out off my benefits wtf ?.is she really going kick a men why down in the dumpster literally?.what more does this women want she is a wealthy women who was raised with a (gold spoon) and was left a massive inheritance and her partner is a wealthy men loaded and could afford to pay for 1000 children .where with me I struggle to (fed myself )and I can tell you there is more dinner times then feeds in my world my world is literally falling apart from the seems .
C.laurie 05/04/2020 at 9:10 pm
@smithliving.i can (guarantee )men don’t get away with abuse or control in fact 75 percent off men incarcerated in the prison system are in there over dv .and they said all We wanted was to see our (children) and every time they turned up there ex called the police .(oh yeah I can relate) .never will I ever get a( court order for visitation or ever speak to her mother again). because I like my (freedom) she can have the child I want no proper court order I just want to be left alone .she can raise the child with her husband or wifey or whoever she is with and play happy families.hey I would even surrender my (parental responsibility) and sign it over to her partner .now that for generosity?
Smithliving 05/04/2020 at 5:16 pm
I find the UK system absolutely appalling. There is no proper protection, and men get away with abuse and control. My ex has completely taken advantage of the system by refusing to pay his child maintenance according to our previous CMS & court agreement/arrangement now the children and I were granted leave from the country. The CMS don’t care anymore as they have no jurisdiction and it was not put in our court order as the stupid UK system does not order maintenance because they rely in the CMS in full. My ex refuses to pay child maintenance claiming “there is no court order”. I have three kids, my 19 yr old son has recently been diagnosed with a disability, has no health insurance as an adult and my ex doesn’t care to know. Yet he demands contact which he still gets unlimited indirect contact with us living abroad and there is court order for visitation which is due to take place and I cannot afford flights without my maintenances. a vicious circle of broken court orders soon taking place all because of refusal to pay maintenance and no proper court arrangement to begin with.
Lozza 04/03/2020 at 8:05 pm
I've never had one payment from my sons father, my son is now 17. He's gone on to have three more children and lives with the mother, the system is a complete joke.
J 03/12/2019 at 7:18 pm
I after a little info if possible thanks in advance ??

Cut a long story short recently found out I wasn't that father to a child after paying maintenance for 14 years I have proved to csm through csm originally I thought I would only receive a years payments back (time I contested the parentage) it has taking since July to sort (still not ) I have just received a call from csm asking for bank statements from a period of 2016-2016 we it was set up through them but paid through are banks to each other they need to add this amount then can finalise and release the money my question is would they be refunding me my payments going back 4 years ??
Worried 21/10/2019 at 6:42 am
Help. I have no income a joint mortgage with 2 young children to support. Partner has walked out and said will no be responsible for any costs and is leaving the UK. What can I do.
Hedgey 02/10/2019 at 1:50 pm
Can I also add that the drop in paying from £42 a week to £5 was not a change of circumstances but because he had a birthday and I guess beer to some is more important than saving a child from hate crime attacks. As he refuses to contact cm despite them phoning and letters, I fear my 11 year old with downs syndrome will have to give up school and be socially isolated at home. I cannot own a car or drive as I was attacked saving a neighbours life giving refuge, ironically his father has cars.
I pay cm for my 18 Yr old daughter out my carers allowance (she harmed my disabled son hence doesn't live with me) which is more than my sons father now has decided that's all he is paying (ironically my ex hubby - daughters cm I pay - earns more in a month than I get in a year. So it's not just men who get screwed by the system, and I am seriously ill and 24 hr carer
Hedgey 02/10/2019 at 1:41 pm
I have a disabled son aged 11, and he needs 24 hr care. There were safety issues in neonate that his dad could harm him after threatening me. Only when my son was 8 did I try for child support, he paid only for 5 months. There was £50debt which got transferred to child maintenance who found my sons father was working, so for 7 months he paid each week, suddenly dropping it to just £5 a week which means despite my son been severely disabled and me seriously ill we are struggling to get to my sons school due to health an mobility. My sons father was offered again access to my son but said a disabled child would be too much for him, and at birth he said it was an embaressment, and he would never pay any money towards him as it would take away his beer money. So while many father's think their child never gets the money, my costs are higher than average child as I have to replace his clothes monthly, we get no support due to council cuts including disabled transport to school, and we get targeted by hate crime struggling to walk to school, last week someone tried to run over us. We have never had a holiday anywhere, and my clothes and shoes are in holes. This is why some of us finally put in for child maintenance despite death threats, as child poverty is real
Ck 07/08/2019 at 11:49 pm
I am a parent to a 6 year old.. I work 40-50 hours a week and earn an exceptional income and have money at my disposal. I do not need money from my child’s father ever and I thankfully have been able to provide him with an amazing lifestyle and he is given opportunities that I never had as a child.
As for my child’s Father he has a good income and comes from a wealthy background. He has made payments to his Son which I have put into his savings. However his Father misses payments and he has avoided the CSA claiming he in on benefits when he owns a gym and has recently bought his partner a new car. I find as a human being and as a parent I would be deeply ashamed and also deeply embarrassed if I could not provide for my child nor give them what they are entitled too. It is disgusting for any parent to with hold payments, their child should be their main priority and focus in life. Putting them first is paramount and buying new cars or going on holidays isn’t important. It is awful that some people do not see what is important in life. Children should come first. I hope someday the laws that are in America come in to law here. The percentage of non payments would soon drop!
Gary 30/07/2019 at 12:16 pm
What is so wrong with each parent being solely responsible for the cost of supporting the children when in their care? Two households, two finances.

We are in modern times gone are the days when one parent is the provider and the other the child care. Both parents can equally provide and care for the children and this is the position that all divorces and separation should commence from.

If you can’t afford to support the children during your time with them then the other parent should get the chance to increase their time with the children.

This stops CMS financially rewarding one parent for limiting the others access and help to ensure the best arrangements can be made for the children.

It’s also should not be called child maintenance, no one is making sure the children see any of the payments it is ex-spousal/partner maintenance payment. No other aspect of life are you forced to handover your money with no say on how it is spent... at least with tax you get to vote and have some say.
Brigham 26/06/2019 at 1:31 pm
Glad that I am now coming to the end of making child maintenance payments and I can give the money directly to my 2 children as I wish. Never had an issue with supporting my kids but paying £250 to £300 a month on my own has meant that I've had to live a frugal existence living on my own. Meanwhile my ex has remarried to a copper and is very well off buying 2 brand new cars last year and she has had money to spend on 'cosmetic' improvements. The calculations for maintenance are seriously flawed in not taking into account the receiving persons household income.
Ola81 12/06/2019 at 9:00 am
i would just like to say i think the system is flawed for both sides. My husband has 2 children to a previous relationship. he fought his ex in court to have them and to be able to take them abroad etc. he pays CSA and he spends more on the kids when he has them, he pays to clothe them etc as nothing goes between the houses. the kids have the best of both worlds and get spoilt rotten at birthdays, christmas. We also end up having them extra nights throughout the year due to weekends away, holidays etc but his ex is a nightmare. she is constantly phoning the csa saying he is earning more than he is etc. he has never lied to them and i have an extremely good job so i subsidise and treat us a lot. It is so annoying when you have someone who will do anything for his kids and arranges his access time so she can work and then is constantly being hassled by csa. surely once you pay and have it sorted this should just be it.
Pilki 09/06/2019 at 10:15 pm
Please realise..that as a paying parent..
Especially of children your X' may not allow you to have contact with,
Is extremely against your Human Rights.
When the CMS Paperwork falls on your doorstep..DONT PANIC!
You DO NOT ...DO NOT..
UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES...
Have to give them your NATIONAL INSURANCE NUMBER...(SO DONT)
They will try their best over the phone to intimidate you to do so.
Tell them your a PART TIME Cleaner..etc
They will take an assumptive 'GUESS' Rate based on YOUR INFORMATION.
DO NOT GIVE YOUR N.INSURANCE NMB
THEY WILL NEVER HAVE ACCESS TO THIS UNLESS 'YOU' TELL THEM..ITS CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION.
THEN ..Never contact them again/write/call them...lie LOW.
OR IF THEY HAVE THIS N.INS NUMBER ALREADY....YOU HAVE TO GO
SELF EMPLOYED..& MAKE THEM 'Guess'
Your income again.
DO NOT TAKE YOUR OWN LIFE ...
THEY ARE WORSE THAN THE MAFIA
BUT REMEMBER.....
THEY CANT GET ONE OVER IF YOU TAKE THIS ADVICE.
Bronwyn 04/06/2019 at 12:08 am
The CSA system is a joke. My daughter was born in November 2018 and my exes first child maintenence payment was due in February through the collect and pay service... he failed to pay and this was quickly change to a deductions of earnings order which i was informed by CSA would result in a payment in March... still nothing... this then changed to April and then june Nd now i’m being told the first payment is expected in August! They have assured me everytime that i’d get the payment and then it gets delayed again. They are fully aware that i am struggling on my income alone but they have no sense of urgency. How is it fair for my ex to keep getting away with non payment... his work received the DOE order in April! I can’t see any reason for the constant delays. It’s beyond unfair and the system really isn’t working.
Dbeats 23/01/2019 at 12:21 pm
Rick, You are 75yrs old, pay the arrears for your children, what you have willingly had so late in life, and you are still refusing to pay at £5 per week.

Your disability benefits will be more than £25,000 pa tax free.

As Bob Marley says:

‘Once a man and twice a child,
and everything is just for a while’...

I hope you get well to meet your sons’.
Mickey 23/01/2019 at 10:36 am
Hi I had a drunken one night stand with girl that has slept with half the town and not to mention my family... It was agreed that she would get the morning after pill, as time went on I found out she didn't so I contacted her and she said I have nothing to worry about as the child isnt mine JOB DONE!! I'm a father of 4 children that I have FULL custody of and my new partner has just given birth to our beautiful little girl... Boom out the blue this one night stand chick starts contacting my partner saying Ive been cheating on her and that she has a baby that is mine... I'm worried that she's going to try and clean me out as she has threatened already... Surely she can't get away with this ???
ALI 19/01/2019 at 12:58 pm
I am asking if I get job will they fine out or my x wife has to tell them help plz
Lj 13/01/2019 at 12:03 am
My child is now 14 years old and I have been separated from her father since she was 6 weeks old. I was set up in the old child maintenance system and received nothing from her father who tells me he is a self employed millionaire. I was informed that the new csa was in place a couple of years ago and to forget previous costs owed (12years worth of payments) and that they would start the process again. I’m told that he can not be traced on HMRC but they continue to make attempts. I do receive regular communication now from the CSA team - which basically tells me that he has not paid therefore I will not receive payment. I’m a single working parent, I work full time and overtime. The part that I resent is having to work the extra hours which means i have less time with my child and not alway able to be home for her after school. I have always promoted contact however he chooses not to see her. He has told me on numerous occasions that he does not give me money because I will spend it on myself - what a joke !! Neither does he buy her anything or send gifts for birthday or Christmas. He had the cheek to tell my daughter that I was tight that I only give her £10 a week pocket money. Nonetheless, I have my beautiful girl who I see grow everyday. Peace out to you non paying parents.
Solesupporter 05/11/2018 at 9:18 am
Name and Shame these faceless parents who shirk responsibly to contribute to feed, clothe, educate and provide a home to their children.
Start a movement & shame them all.
Avoid Avoid at all costs getting into a relationship with anyone who doesn’t support their children - they’ll do the same to you .
Eventually Karma will visit them. Their children will despise them on reaching adulthood & realizing the deprevation they inflicted on them & their struggling parent.
Will they feel guilty & live the rest of their lives with regret - they deserve the same neglect and hardship they’ve inflicted.
Too late then - the irreversible damage & cruelty is done.
Rick 15/10/2018 at 11:54 am
I am a 76 year old man my children are now 22&19.
I owe (according to the csa) several thousand pounds in child support payments.
I have a terminal illness and only have a small private pension £180 per month,from this I pay £20 a month to the csa. I have received a letter informing me that I have to increase my payments to £35 per month.
I have no savings, and my state pension and pension credit are both paid into my wife's account for her to manage our outgoings my wife is my carer and has my power of attorney, as I cannot manage my own affairs. I cannot afford to pay the extra money that the csa want from me. Any help please.
Dee 11/10/2018 at 3:14 am
Ive been dealing with csa since august 2018. What a complete joke the system is. I got advised to try a family based arrangement. This dad wouldnt even pay £50 a month since april. He owes me £5000 already for paying for his mums medical bills. Never paid a single penny for any of his children. In arrears on the court order with his ex wife for her two children and i get told i have to agree to him voluntarily making payments. Finally in august call again and this time csa get involved but first payment wont be till 24th october!!! Plus the arrears have been miscalculated and the letter sent out to him with the mistake. Its a complete joke. Its also against the law to state misinformation in the letters sent out stating both parents agree to direct pay when in my case i specifically asked for collect and pay as this father is so dishonest. I dont really understand the point of this. Two parents make a baby so why does one get away with not contributing 50%?
Row 06/10/2018 at 8:03 pm
I think it’s discussing how my partner has to pay the CSA money for his ex who denies him to see his children made loads of lies up and allegations which aren’t true and the court went ahead with the hearing while he had to have an emergency operation. How are we supposed to survive and bring our own child up who is younger then his other two. The system is so wrong.
Pullinorama 03/10/2018 at 3:47 pm
At the end of the day the system is broken. I fought long and hard too get a court order too see my children 3.5 days a week, which means we have equal time with the children. I buy them new clothes there school things and such. However somehow I'm still expected too pay CSA I have never missed a payment but I already buy all there things so she uses the money on her self now how is that fair. I would stop buying there stuff n let there mother use the money but she wouldn't n they would be walking round in rags. So broken.
SeparatedDads Editor 09/08/2018 at 2:26 pm
Child maintenance is based upon and calculated from taxable earnings only.
john 08/08/2018 at 7:33 pm
Please our granddaughters father has never paid to his childrens support. He has recently inherited a large amount of money. We as grand parents have supported our granddaughter and helped her to university using money we could not really afford, but we did it out of love for our granddaughter. Can her father be required to repay his daug daughters upkeep for all those years people have done for his daughter what he should have done.
Yours Sincerely Peter
Lou 01/07/2018 at 8:30 pm
The thing that frustrates me is with CMS is you (recieving parent) have to pay an upfront cost of £20 to open a claim, for that claim to take ages. The backpay is allowed in dribs and drabs, if they were forced to pay a lump sum from the date payments started to the date they actually paid then it would be less likely that they ( paying parent) would take months to pay knowing they can pay the bare min when they do! My sons dad was contacted via letter and phone days after me calling to open claim ( they located him whilst i was on the phone with them!), as he messaged me moaning about it! He has missed 6 payments so far, plus arrears with CSA from nov 2016 which i still havent recieved! Even though he works full time plus overtime he only has to pay 30p back a week on top of weekly payments. In other countries like america paying parents are jailed for not paying. CMS seems to be so laid back and not fussed about doing anything other than giving paying parents chance after chance to pay which suprise suprise the majority dont, so they (CMS) should use common sense that obviously they wont be setting up payments anytime soon. A part of the law should be made easier so they have more power & leeway to chase parents who dont pay and give them a hefty fine each time! Maybe then they will comply instead of living their lives and forgetting their children. For the record i have never stopped him seeing his child, that was his choice!
Coffeeisfuel 24/06/2018 at 1:23 pm
I paid £20 for CSA services. I had a letter saying he was in the 0 catagory and didn't have to pay a penny. I never really wanted to claim CS in the past as I thought it was unfair as he was on Jobseekers. Unfortunately, when he did start work he was earning far more than myself as I was working for the same company. This ended up being a DWP error and hadn't closed his claim when he started work almost 3 years ago. I was advised to contact the dwp fraud department to kick-start closing the claim immediately as he saw it as a way out of paying maintenence if he didn't do it himself. The dwp informed me that as soon as it closed the systems at CSA would trigger an alert. CSA also said they couldn't get inland revenue information regarding his income? Really? I was in the same company and he is definitely a tax payer. Now he doesn't seem to realise that because I had to quit work due to a serious attack on our daughter, we are struggling to high heaven with UC. I've almost had to bite the bullet and visit a food bank. Still NO word from CSA. His income is more than mine by 1/3. He keeps saying he can't afford to pay as he has a lot of bills. I've ended up with 5 ccjs and about £17000 debt because I can only afford basic food gas electric and rent. I have informed him we need help. I've recently found out he applied for 2 houses in my street which cost £300 more rent than where he is now. I have battled and I'm still battling narcissism. He has money, it makes him feel superior that he's doing better than his ex wife, whether children are affected or not. And now, this weekend I needed up collecting my daughter from his house due to her being in tears on the phone and describing what is clearly known as emotional abuse that he was doing to her in front of his friends and showing them messages from me asking for money for food and explaining that I have to stretch UC amongst 4 people while he gets way more and spend it on all sorts to keep up with the jones' to show off to friends. We have a total of 3 children in my house. One is already stated that she never wants to go to her dad's again. That's one, when do I get blamed, when does this end? And when the hell are CSA going to move off their backsides and do something about this?
SeparatedDads Editor 01/06/2018 at 9:59 am
Child maintenance and child access have no bearing on each other. All non-resident parents (men and women alike) are deemed financially responsible for their children (if they are earning) whether they see them or not (through choice or otherwise). There is separate recourse for non-resident parents to see their children if the resident parent refuses. This has to be done via mediation or court. The court will always decide what is in the best interests of the children (as you can imagine every case is different and has to be looked at individually). It is not based on whether the non-resident parent pays child maintenance or not.
Harrod 31/05/2018 at 11:34 am
All these women on here complaining about men not paying but truth reality of it is women are no better there's a lot of men who can't see the children cos the woman likes to play god, which is so wrong in so many ways as men refusing to pay yeh? So why is there not no further help in this country for men in that position? Men can soon be thrown in jail for not paying for there child, so why can't women for refusing to stop being spifeful towards a child, ive not seen mine for 9 years cos of this law yet she's soon willing to take money if csa for that child
Hayley 23/05/2018 at 9:47 pm
Nice to see how many dads pay for their kids. Meanwhile over here is the mother that pays the father who never sees his kids. He owes me so much and that isn't even including the CSA payments he hasn't paid. I'm in the process of getting divorced, he hasn't seen the kids for 5 years (his choice we've always had an open door policy). We've been separated for 7. I'm paying the courts, I'm paying the solicitor and he's said the only way he will sign the papers was if I paid him. It was either pay him £50 or pay the courts hundreds because he wouldn't sign. I haven't received maintenance since I left and £7 a week just isn't worth the stress to be honest. I've helped him out financially in the past and at the debt he's in with me at £7 a week it'd be 4 years until we even broke even. Luckily I have a good job and an awesome family that pays for holidays for us and clothes my kids. They also help a great deal with caring for them too!TBH I find it shocking when any single father speaks about wanting to see his kids and genuinely means it.I'm just not used to that! I personally would be happy with a father who didn't pay a penny but was a good dad and would contribute to expenses such as trips, clothes etc when needed. I can see why fathers have their back up about this issue though but you have to understand it costs X amount to raise a child so long as your child is not going without your money is going on the child regardless of what the other parent is doing!
Kayl 23/05/2018 at 12:24 pm
It's really ridiculous I'm also battling the same situation as one lady on here no payment for 6 months of my daughters dad he's a waste of space law enforcement are on the case but is apparently a lengthy process unfortunately for my child the reason they can't track him is because he's self employed and that's were the problem is I await the calls
MarkyH 24/04/2018 at 9:18 am
Hi Guys,
Just after some advice before I contact the CSA..
I lost touch with my two kids for a number of years, when I finally found them, their mother started a case with the CSA. All good, I had a visit from a guy who took copies of two payslips and a payment scheme was set up.
The problem back then was that the payslips were taken over a time when I had the chance to work overtime (probably the one time I had earned a decent wage). They set up a deduction from my wages because of what they said I owed in back payments, again taken from two current wage slips, this was too much and I ended up loosing my job and moving out my flat..
Fast forward to present day and over the last four years I have managed to get myself trained and am now in a resonally well payed job.

The kids are both now in their 20’s and I’m still paying an agreed amount with their mother to cover the arrears.

Sorry about the long back story, my issue is the original backdated amount was wrong, I don’t mind paying back what I’m due but I’d like it to be fair...
Once this is payed I can give the kids the money directly each month so the sooner I can pay this debt the better.

My question is if I contact the CSA now and ask for a re-assessment will this be done on my current wage or can this be done on the actual time period when the kids were away.

During this time I’d put myself through university and worked mostly part time, so obviously the debt would be minimal, also I had another child who hasn’t been taken into consideration, also if they re-assessed me on now on my current wages it would probably work out I’ll owe more!

What do you think my options are?
SeparatedDads Editor 13/03/2018 at 2:15 pm
This is nothing to do with CMS, it is more to do with the fact your children's father has left the forces and is not traceable. CMS relies upon HMRC to give information on tax paid, so it can collect payment. As child maintenance is based upon earnings/income, if your ex is no longer registered to pay tax and is not earning or paying tax via HMRC, then money cannot be collected. CMS can attempt to collect the arrears once your ex has been traced. However, is someone doesn't want to be found, there are many routes they can take i.e leaving the country. CMS will attempt to trace the father, but it's not necessarily easy if the father is doing his best not to be found.
Pinkkay26 12/03/2018 at 12:59 pm
Hi
I need advice at the end of my tether with the CMS. My ex was in the forces has not seen my child since he was 3 (he is now 16) and his choice not mine. I made the switch from CSA in November as we were told was a better service. We have not received a single payment since the switch CSA battled for a long time to get the deductions of earnings order and this was never reviewed I didn't want to rock the boat and was happy with the £300 per month for my child. Since we went to CMS they upped the payments and told me that they had to give my ex a chance to pay which surprise, surprise he didn't just ignored all letters etc.

Now the CMS have said nothing they can do because my ex has now left the forces and they can't trace him through HMRC. So now have to go to the enforcement team its been with them over 2 months now still no further forward. I feel I am banging my head against a brick wall and to make matters worse they send me letters constantly about missed payments and that they are looking into it. (its like rubbing my nose in it, that this is what you should have had)Just don't seem in a rush me and my child are struggling just does not seem fair. Has anyone been through the enforcement process and been successful? The arrears are in the 2k area now I just want some light at the end of the tunnel I am sick of battling or do I just try with my wages and doing all the overtime and cutting back to get us through each month and just forget about it. I'm exhausted mentally and physically the stress is it really worth it after 14years since the relationship breakdown still controlling how we live is crazy.
Honey 01/03/2018 at 12:06 am
I have been a single parent to my child for 12 years I left my ex when she was one years old due to domestic violence him being the perpetrator. There is a contact order in place so that he can see my child monthly but he has seen her approximately once or twice a year. I always make my child available for contact but he continually lets our child down. I know it’s a separate issue from maintenance but some men use contact as an excuse for not paying so I’m just making the point that I promote contact despite not being given maintenance. I am educated, I have a degree and masters i work full time and overtime - approximately 45 hours a week just to cover basic living costs. I am forced to spend longer hours working to make up for unpaid maintenance which means that I am less available for my child. I have reported to csa but not had a penny and they have asked me for a fee to reinvestigate circumstances - which although is a small fee it’s ridiculous. I no longer contact ex to ask for maintenance firstly as it clearly makes no difference as he does not pay and secondly I actually think he enjoyed the control of me asking him for something. When I did ask him he would say that I would spend this on myself. Csa have calculated that I would get 40 per week if he paid - how could this not be spent on the child? this would cover school bus pass, dinner money and weekly pocket money only. The ex has a job so why do so many get away with not paying. Csa have not progressed with any action for the last 12 years. What I resent the most is having to work more than full time, being away from my child for longer hours, not being home for my child after school. Parents that don’t pay ought to be ashamed of themselves. Despite all this I feel blessed as I watch my child grow everyday.
HS2 24/02/2018 at 11:19 am
Hi, isn't it deplorable that so many men think it's their right not to pay for their child and leave the women with the burden of earning their living whilst single handedly raising the kids. Whilst they still have "rights" to play dad once or twice a week, meanwhile slagging off the mum if they dare to make plans.
Something needs to be done about this.
Why won't anyone act on our behalf? This is sickening.
I know there are great guys out there who provide etc and if you are one of them, good on you ! real men are hard to find.
The others, hang your heads in shame
Worried Mum 19/02/2018 at 10:54 am
My son’s father has completely disappeared and I have no idea where in the world he is. Surely there has to be some better way of tracking these men, such as by their passport (if they have one) and then REMO can contact the country they are in to try and get the money back that way??
SeparatedDads Editor 16/02/2018 at 10:48 am
Your ex is under no obligation to supply clothes for your children when they come to stay with you. Most non-resident parents have a separate clothes and belongings that cross both houses. Child maintenance is paid to help support your child's day-to-day needs.
Herby2017 15/02/2018 at 12:55 pm
Hi,

I pay the full amount of child support that is suggested by the CMA, my darling ex wife has recently stopped sending clothes with them when I have them on a fortnightly basis.

Should she not be supplying these

I had to battle through court for 18 months because of false allegations she made which all had to be debunked so this seems really petty.

I am trying to got through mediation to have more time with the children as I believe making contact as more of a normality will be best for them.

Thanks
SeparatedDads Editor 02/02/2018 at 2:48 pm
Child maintenance is based upon earnings and tax paid via HMRC. If your ex is not earning, then he will not be deemed to be responsible for paying child maintenance.
Suzi 31/01/2018 at 11:45 am
Do I have any chance of getting a child support from ex-husband who is basically homeless? He lives in a caravan and has no regular job. No big assets. At the time of working he paid only £80/month for a few months. Can he be in trouble for that in future?
Pineapple 30/01/2018 at 10:54 pm
My ex hasn’t paid a penny in child maintenance since 2011. Our child is 9 years old - so the majority of the child’s life. We went to Court in 2010 and agreed an order of £500/month. But he has defaulted since 2011. He then took the matter to the CSA who wrote to me to say they were reducing the court agreed sum to Nil. I left the matter alone for some years because I knew they battle was going to be extremely difficult. I then returned to the CSA around 2015 and never got anything. Now the case is transferred to the CMS and they have ordered £1/day maintenance and have not been able to collect anything. The ex opens
companies regularly and then shuts them down soon after. 10 companies in the last 5 years. His self assessments are 3 years late so the CSA and HMRC have no figures to work with. His assets, I believe, even the tenancy to his home, are all put through his companies. Is this a complete dead end? The level of sacrifice I make
(Willingly) is still unfair and hurts. He is happy to see the child anytime but never to
put his hand in his pocket. I never received anything through our divorce settlement and turned down the judges offer of his pension and spousal maintenance. I say this so that no one cynical feels I’m not giving the bigger picture or taking facts out of context.
Any advice would be greatfully received.
Kez 18/12/2017 at 7:32 pm
Hi looking for advice my partner has a 19 year old son who has autism and is at college learning life skills, his ex went to the csa at the start of this year of course my partner refused to pay. The consequences was he had his savings account frozen and the csa took what was owed, he received a letter from the Sheriff court today I’m worried about what happens next. I have tried to tell him that our belongings can get took he could lose his van or worse case prison. He’s listened to others who told him not to have any contact with the csa, then there won’t be a case to answer. His son is receiving adult disability money from the social so why do he have to pay maintenance
OllieVG Editor 12/12/2017 at 12:11 pm
@Mud - I can't quite see your logic here. I'm not sure why your ex's threat to quit work is an issue if you are not receiving anything from him anyway. This is effectively bribery, which you should ignore. If he is earning and paying tax through HMRC, then you are entitled to make a claim through CMS. If your ex gives up work, then you have lost nothing (as you had nothing in the first place). If your ex gives up work, he will not receive benefits, so unless he has plenty of capital to live on he too has to manage somehow. It sounds more of an idle threat. I would be tempted to call his bluff.
Mud 11/12/2017 at 4:36 am
It's a fab system isn't it? One where it does nothing but make make parents aware it takes 2 to make kids. I'm actually facing a battle. My income working and tax credits are around £1,300 per month. I pay everything for 3 children and that's after £650 rent so we have £650 to get by on. However, my ex has £1600 coming in, after £450 rent is £1150. Refuses to pay any maintenence and says he can't afford £200 per month. He says he has bills to pay. He invites friends to his home showing off fancy items, ornaments, household goods. We can barely afford wallpaper because the financial responsibility is thrown at myself. He has now threatened to quit work if he has to pay maintenence. I go without to feed and clothe my children and have done so for 9 years. What can be done about this threat? Nothing! I just hope to god one day my children will see who their father really is. Another one who avoids the living costs of the children he helped make.
SeparatedDads Editor 21/11/2017 at 11:03 am
Much depends upon your ex's circumstances, whether she working or whether she is self-employed (which is always tricky as much depends upon how much your ex declares to HMRC). If you feel you are being treated unfairly, then you can complain
Working dad 20/11/2017 at 4:06 pm
Agreed. I paid £500 per month for my child and was constantly told it was insufficient whilst she went out drinking every night.

Then my ex loses custody and access to child and I take my child in and look after them properly. Now she hasn’t made a single payment in 11 months and csa are doing nothing other than sending me letters saying that they cannot collect and will keep me updated.
Ms Con Artist 10/11/2017 at 9:46 pm
Hahha amazing reading all these women squirming over payments, clearly in need of extra cash for there own benefits while the child gets a small proportion of it.... if the situation was on the other foot and they were the NONE payer they would do exactly the same!!! We are human and that’s how we work, it’s not a fair system for men, and women always get the good end of the stick, crap system and should be scrapped
Bethy 08/11/2017 at 7:27 pm
I suggest we start a name and shame showing the names of fathers who don't pay (or are lying about income) ......and show what they pay/how many children they dot pay for/their personal lifestyle
SeparatedDads Editor 07/11/2017 at 10:00 am
Child maintenance is for the day-to-day care of your child/children, as you say to help towards the likes of; utility bills and everyday living costs. If you are involved in a family-based child maintenance arrangement and your ex is not complying with the rules, then CMS can arrange your child maintenance on your behalf
Char91 06/11/2017 at 4:34 pm
I have a 6 year old son, but am no longer with the father. He is obviously supposed to be paying me maintenance. Only today he has decided he isnt going to pay me the money anymore but start sending £200's worth of clothes to my house every month!!! This quite clearly isnt practical nor sensible, seen as its to cover things like gas, electric, everyday living costs. He thinks that he should have a say in how i spend the maintenance, although he knows that i spend it solely on him and anything left over in a month goes into an account for him. My question is can he do this? I thought the maintenance was to be paid in money?
Jack 13/09/2017 at 12:38 pm
Going back twenty plus years I paid child support for two children for five years and never missed a payment, this was arranged through the courts . A couple of years later I had another child and the mother left with the child when he was two , now the CSA got involved and demanded payments for the child that I could not make , the CSA also refused to acknowledge my payments for my other children because that was made through the courts . To cut a long story short I went to the USA and drifted for two years before I settled down , I never heard from the court or CSA again . The youngest child is now 22 and I have regular contact with my two oldest children and I want to come to the U.K to see them while I still can because my health is going downhill fast . Will I be in any trouble when I get to the U.K. or will I be arrested?
Phil81 Editor 05/09/2017 at 3:06 pm
@Jessica - but every parent is different. Do you think if a father has no job and cannot earn a living (for whatever reason), that he should have to pay to see his child? What about someone who is homeless or disabled, or can't get a job after redundancy? The reason child maintenance payments are not linked to child access is for various reasons, one of the reasons being that some mothers (and fathers) use the child then as a bartering tool. 'Unless you pay for you can't see the child'. Do you think this is good for the child? The child then becomes a tool for blackmail. There are two sides to every story. Yes, there are NRPs that try to avoid paying child maintenance and they should be made to pay where the CMS can make them, this is their job. But there are also people who can't pay to support their child and the child should not be punished if and where the father can't pay.
Jessica 05/09/2017 at 10:52 am
The problem lies with the non resident parent (usually the man). They don't believe they should have to pay but still think they are entitled to having as much contact as the court gave them.
Contact and maintenance is not linked but it should be. The courts need to support each case differently rather than a blanket over all child welfare cases, which in my experience supports the non contributing man. He is able to get away with not paying where if I stop contact I will be the one who gets in trouble.
CSA have no power as there is a court order. Social has no power as there is a court order. I have no power as there is a court order. He has all the power and I am left in a controlling abusive situation and I can't do anything about it.
Fathers who don't contribute to their children's lives should not be allowed to be part of it. Taking them on holiday and buying them what ever they like does not count as maintenance.
Websites like this only add fuel to their already deluded minds.
mo 03/07/2017 at 11:45 am
Called 5 weeks ago and had to call back today to find out whats happening, haven't received a welcome pack or any correspondence whatsoever. I as the parent looking after my child feel your organisation isn't on my side but is on the side of my ex partner who is clearly avoiding his responsibility. You should be keeping the resident parent up to date on whats going on. Im currently struggling to get by meanwhile he is just getting away with it! I asked what the next step was only to be spoken to like its none of my business. Im sure this is about my childs welfare so therefore its very much my business. Absolutely furious and have lost all faith in this system.
SeparatedDads Editor 10/05/2017 at 12:28 pm
You may wish to seek legal advice about taking the matter to court, as the courts will look into his accounts and earnings in much more depth. However, this will cost and there is no guarantee you would still get the money you are owed and there is the gamble. The CMS can enforce payment, but only where it can
Helen 09/05/2017 at 10:37 pm
My ex partner owes me over £10,000 in arrears he owns his own business but refuses to pay I'm struggling and working as many hours as possible to pay my way. He gets investigated then he will pay for a while then stop again he rents a large property and he has put everything in his girlfriends name so bailiffs can't take anything he is soon to get married will this make a difference? I can't understand how he has been able to get away with I ?? Will the new system be better than the Csa?
Boomerrat 07/03/2017 at 12:17 pm
Hi there are no arrears currently, I am more thinking of using what would be my April payment to buy the things our daughter needs before continuing with payments?
SeparatedDads Editor 07/03/2017 at 11:24 am
If arrears have built up whilst your case was with the CSA, and your ex chooses to use the Child Maintenance Service, the arrears will still stand and can be enforced. This is also the case if you decide to come to a family-based arrangement, However, as we have no direct knowledge of the administrative procedures regarding the transfer, I can only suggest you contact either/both organisations directly in order to fully clarify your situation.
Boomerrat 06/03/2017 at 2:49 pm
I have posted recently in relation to deducting money from my payments as my ex does not supply reasonable school clothing for our child or even have her hair cut, I was advised by the CMS today that I can if I wanted to and it was between us to arrange, however my ex and I are not on talking terms by any stretch and all she seems interested in is taking the maintenance and then forcing me to buy what it is meant for as she knows I will not allow our daughter to suffer.
I no longer have a case in place as the CSA finalised with me in December, I have made the same payments now every month but the ex is demanding more, I intend to buy our daughter all the necessary bits she needs for school and then carry on with payments as normal the following month, my question is;
As there is nothing other than my paying as I have done, no order in place and no CSA / CMS involvement at this stage, if I do as I intend will I be liable for arrears? or would that only be the case if there was an order/ CMS case in place?
I desperately want my daughter to have what she needs but fear that this is going to bleed me dry if I cannot do this.
SeparatedDads Editor 23/01/2017 at 10:47 am
Yes, if you know who the father is then you can make a claim to Child Maintenance Services (CMS). You may wish to speak to one of its advisers regarding how you can make a claim against a person you do not have full knowedge of, If the father denies he is the father, he will have to request a paternity test through the courts.
Jo Flo 22/01/2017 at 4:49 am
Hi I need advice. I had a one night stand last year and am pregnant. I only know the first name of the father. I do not have his address. We are not on speaking terms. I have his phone number. Will I be able to make a claim for child maintaince?
SeparatedDads Editor 16/01/2017 at 2:29 pm
Child maintenance is based upon your earnings (incomings) not outgoings and regardless of whether you see your child or not. You can see how much you should be paying via whichIf you feel you are being treated unfairly
Graham 13/01/2017 at 8:17 pm
My daughter has recently turned 16. I have court order for every other weekend (2 nights) for my younger son and her. However she occasionally texts me to say that she won't be coming at the weekend because of sleepovers parties etc. Which I am happy to allow as I want her to enjoy growing up and having responsibility. However Ive just been contacted by the CSA stating that my ex has evidence from 2014 till present that I've not had contact with my daughter over all the weekends that she hasn't come to my house. And therefore the CSA are looking at charging me back payments for all the weekends she's not been staying with me. The issue I have as that I've always wanted my daughter to visit but felt obliged when she's contacted me to say she wasn't coming to accept this. Why should I be punished twice? Not seeing her AND paying CSA for the privilege??
ric 13/01/2017 at 3:44 pm
hi i have been child support for 6 years now, and on the new scheme they know want me to pay an extra £140 a month recently i have bought a house so paying a mortgage, i do not know where the child or mother lives and have never had contact, how can i be expected to pay more when i am struggling as it is
SeparatedDads Editor 09/12/2016 at 12:15 pm
The Reciprocal Enforcement of Maintenance Order (REMO) Unit helps to register and enforce child maintenance orders internationally, whichYou would have to check whether you country is a REMO member here which means a maintenance order can be enforced. Otherwise, you would have to seek legal advice in your own country in order to bring your husband to court.
Cath 09/12/2016 at 2:24 am
I just wanted to ask qhat will be the process as im currently living in the phil.i got prego to my husband but he ran away like nothing happened went back to uk after his visit here and didnt know he was having an affair to other woman there and now he doesnt want to take his responsibility i tried to adjust for him and for our baby but really he refuses to take his responsibility he says he cant plan etc etc which i got drained from talking to him what ahould i do?
altrek83 20/11/2016 at 12:33 pm
i've been in a relationship with my partner for 3 years and recently we managed to get my step daughters father to start seeing her again with help from his mother and he agreed that he should be paying towards her care as she is getting older and needs more things we all agreed £200 a month but that has never happened he paid £100 twice and this weekend he didn't have her overnight as agreed and now he wants to keep it £100 pounds or to completly scrap that and just pay when she needs things and if not he has threatened to quit his job and go cash in hand i pay for my kids from a prev marriage and not once have i refused to have them and now my partner and i are the ones that have to comfort her and bare the brunt of her acting out when this waste of space disapoints her constantly
SeparatedDads Editor 17/11/2016 at 11:54 am
If you refuse to have your children overnight there isn't much your ex can do about this, i.e neither she or a court can force you.
Daddy O 16/11/2016 at 5:51 pm
Hi I've been paying maintenance to my ex ,I have two children aged 15 & 11 ,just had a letter in the post saying I need to pay £4,000 a year ,I've been paying £2680 a year ,I'm thinking of selling my two bedroom house and moving in with my fiancé who lives couple of streets away from my ex ,can I tell I'm not having the children overnight any more and just have them visit whenever.but not stay overnight..is there anything my ex can do about this ..??.and just pay her the full £4000 a year ,She's a Mobile hair dresser so it's all cash ,she earns a lot more than me but does not declare it ...
Gazza 13/08/2016 at 9:13 pm
Hi,my ex and I have a shared care child arrangements order for our 2 children.i am on esa,I have the children 45% of the time,more than 50% of the time in school holiday's.my ex recieves all the child benefit and child tax credits and refuses to discuss finances even through mediation.is there anything I can do about this as I can't sustain this for much longer,need help about this ,thanks in advance.
SeparatedDads Editor 10/08/2016 at 2:34 pm
If you feel you have been unfairly treated you can complain, please see gov.uk which
jholden 10/08/2016 at 3:10 am
Had my hours cut at work looseing around £280 a month rent gone up was paying ex £100 a month over last 7years now cms want £440 a month I only come out with £1130 month this will kill me would i be better not working
Get 01/08/2016 at 11:48 am
My ex doesn't allow me to visit my son I want support my son
Ray 11/06/2016 at 12:41 pm
I've currently gone into direct pay but they have still not received my ex partners details so I can pay. Is there not a time limit for when she needs to supply her details otherwise loses out on the money. It's ridiculous I have to hold the money whilst she makes no contact with them. She already does not allow me to see my son which we are currently going through court.
rob 21/05/2016 at 11:15 pm
I have my kids every weekend and all week on holidays and now my x has started to ask me for money when I only live on 65 pound aweek. plus I've raised her two older daughters as my own contributed to birthdays and Xmas there real dad hasn't payed or bothered with them for over twelve years but she's never asked him for a penny
Sicktodeathofhim 17/05/2016 at 12:53 pm
Child Maintainance Service has managed to get £7 per week from my son's deadbeat 'father' over the past several months.....taking it directly from his benefits. CSA, got nothing from him, zilch, null, niet, then, big fat zero. My son will soon be 16. Over the years I have reported him as working, but still never got a penny through CSA. this is all despite him splattering all over fb how much his fishing boats were making. He was even interviewed by BBC Wales several years ago about one of his boats....and still not a penny. He now owns a fairground ride (since last June) and I am sick of reporting him to benefits office. He has worked the system so well. Not to mention working me well 16 years ago....he disappeared with all of my savings, which he used to set himself up with his fishing boats. I lied to my son over the years, telling him that his 'father' lived too far away to visit him, yes his 'father' loved him, yes of course he'd see him if he lived closer etc. Now ofcourse , my son knows most of the story (listening at the door when he heard me upset on the phone etc) and he's angry with me for the years of lying to him.
Little star 13/05/2016 at 7:56 am
I have been trying to receive child maintenance for 6 yrs for my two children. Although the CSA constantly write to me stating my children's father should pay child maintenance the CSA have never once in 6 yrs enforced or ensuredo my children have received any money. I do not understand what this organisation do other than annoy mothers with no money to state their children's dad's should pay but do nothing to make this happen. I think its a complete joke to mothers and children and it should be totally illegal for any parent to ignore any payments that should be made for a child. Not once in 6 yrs have the CSA done anything. I have complained so many times it has been soul destroying. How is this even legal I do not know! Keep up the completely crap work CSA!
Ginger66 30/04/2016 at 9:15 am
I have continuous problem obtaining maintenance from my ex now for six years. Her is a man than does not try to better his situation but worsens his situation purely so he can get out of paying as little as possible for his two sons. Been with both the CSA and CMS and they both a load of rubbish. My ex is also self employed which makes it so easy for them to hide their earnings and CSA/CMS won't do a thing. Everything an absent parent tells them is believed. But if I tell them something I have to prove it. Took my ex to a Tribunal as I disputed the CSA's calculations. I won as the judge ruled that the calculations that he had given the CSA and they had used where inaccurate. I was awarded £57.00 per week from my ex plus arrears. He paid that for approx 4/5 months and then my money was stopped as he went to the CSA and told them his circumstances had changed. A judge ruled that I should have that money and if that money was to be taken off me then that should have been done by that judge again and not the CSA just taking his word. Appalling to say the least. CSA and CMS only help absent parents to commit fraud and should be brought to right to justify why they do that.
SeparatedDads Editor 04/04/2016 at 11:06 am
I have included a link to the REMO document contains a list of countries with Reciprocal Enforcement of Maintenance Orders (REMO) for decisions made by courts in the UKhere. Please also see gov.uk link here which will give you more information.
Georgia 03/04/2016 at 7:44 am
My sons dad who he has ok contact with pays me 55 a week through the csa he's just dropped the bombshell he's moving to Qatar for work training for three years and won't be paying me what can I do
bert 20/03/2016 at 9:58 am
Well what about these woman who want pay csa iv had no money for 14 years as she want work what do you all think of that full time single dad
SeparatedDads Editor 18/03/2016 at 10:52 am
You can apply through the CMS
Kay 17/03/2016 at 9:48 am
My childs father hasnt paid me a penny in 8 months now! She is 1 years old and stays there every other weekend. He works seasonal work which is 4 months a year earning roughly 400+ a week (self employed) and gave me 30 a week. He hasnt paid since he finished last year. And is currently working again but wont give me a penny. What shall i do? I struggle to pay all bills and everything as a single parent with no money from my childs father as extra support for bits she needs...
SeparatedDads Editor 14/03/2016 at 10:30 am
Child maintenance and child access have no bearing on each other and are two separate issues. Every parent with PR is deemed financially responsible for their child/children up until the age of 16, at minimum. However, you also have a right to access to your child and if your ex is messing you about and using your son as a pawn, then you can take the matter to court and apply for a court order, which would make the access to your child official. If you cannot afford the legal fees, you can self-litigate, please see link: Legal Aid Withdrawal: How to Represent Yourself, here. Many fathers are taking this route and having success in this area.
Mt 13/03/2016 at 3:22 am
Hi , my ex wife is slowly removing any parental descisions from me and using my son as a pawn basically for the money. I have no say in his life but when he's with me I live under a massive list of rules to the extent of not allowing him to be a page boy at my brothers wedding , where I can or can't take him , etc etc
.
My divorce isn't completely finalised as need to sign the financial agreement as I've been paying what the CSA calculated ( no actual case raised ) for some time

My question is, is it purely financial or are there grounds other than that which can adjust payment for eg if it goes to court

Basically I'm sick of just being a source of income for my ex wife when I get no
Say in descisions made in my sons life

Especially as I have A step son with her that she has made no effort to collect CSA as he either dosent work or is on benefits and has no contact with him so as I have a ok job and see them regularly I'm being punished for trying to do things correctly
SeparatedDads Editor 29/02/2016 at 12:46 pm
While we understand your frustration, if he is out of work and on benefits, then there is little the CSA/CMS can do. Child maintenance is based solely upon a person's earnings and if your ex is not 'earning', then they are deemed not to be able to afford to pay. Likewise, if your ex had residency of the children and you did not work, then you too would be exempt.
Hevs 29/02/2016 at 10:18 am
Hi my ex does not pay his csa he has no known address and is self employed but works for a construction company, he pays national insurance throu the company n tax I think as he don't pay that seperste himself and he gets a rebate every year. What can they do to get the money if he has no fixed address ?
sugar82 28/02/2016 at 6:15 pm
i have 3 sons my ex hasnt paid a penny in 6 yrs he quit work when we divorced went on sick for a yr then self employed for a yr paid nothing and then the past 4 alledgedly been out of work on benefits he owed 2000 in csa arrears moved over to the new system and they wont do anything to retrieve it as hes out of work ...... if i went out of work would I have the same right to simply say to my debts i simply dont have to pay you as im not working for money i owe ..... NO so why is he allowed hes purposely dodged paying and has never even paid the bare minimum of £5 a week for all 3 as he claims shared care of 1 son who wants to visit as the older 2 havent wanted to persue a relationship due to differences with their dad and i will add it hasnt been for lack of effort on my part trying to get him to make the effort there ! soo please tell me what this new system actually does ?! nothing how is this fair to our children ? the government needs to stop passports and driving licences for those who choose to evade !! myself and partner cant afford a passport let alone a family holiday yet my ex goes a few times a year turns up in new cars and has no responsibility im not at all bitter because he will have to answer for his actions one day and I know ive done the best I could by them including my partner who actually pays for csa for his child as they live overseas and they preferred that method how is this new system justified ? good dads typically get the rotten end of the stick and the deadbeats as thts all he is does everything they can to avoid being financially supportive and responsible along side their ex for their children I would actually like to know how the new system benefits the children when nothing can be achieved like I said next time I have a debt and out of work I will see how far that excuse gets me this system should be supporting both parents paying and all it does is take money of the parent with care and sit on the case when the father is out of work nothing is persued and the debt is left what ever happened to equal responsibility and kids first ?
222tlrc14 23/02/2016 at 8:44 pm
Over a year now and child maintenance have done nothing my ex owes me over £1500 they say they would take straight from his earnings but they have all the details and send me letters telling me how much I should get each month but still nothing they don't actually take it from him ???
SeparatedDads Editor 23/02/2016 at 2:58 pm
Does the letter say this is for back-dated arrears or for current child maintenance? He may be liable to pay back arrears if his ex made a previous claim to the CSA and it could not collect the money from your partner. However, if this is a new current claim, then he may be liable to pay if his child in in full-time further education and until his child finishes this education. Not having the full details/dates and what the CSA has attributed the claim to makes it difficult to answer.
SeparatedDads Editor 23/02/2016 at 11:59 am
I am sorry to hear this. It can be very difficult to prove that your ex is earning if he does not have a bank account and/or declares no tax and does not claim benefits. Unfortunately for you and your child there are still people that slip through the net in this way.
Debbieh 23/02/2016 at 3:59 am
Hi, my oh got a letter from the csa last week claiming he is the father of a child who must be 19/20 years old. It's the first time we've heard anything of a child but he's been asked to pay £140 per month. Can they backdate payments due for nearly 20 years? If they can how long do we have to pay back what will be a massive bill and can we still request a dna to prove whether he is the father? We have 2 children will this be taken into consideration too? He also didn't work for a couple of years before we met (16 years ago) will he get a reduction for that period too? Are we better off ringing the csa or writing to them? Thanks in advance.
Fed up 22/02/2016 at 3:42 pm
My sons dad has avoided all contact with CMS. Never paid a penny towards my son. He works, as self employed. Tho never paid tax. He has no bank account and gets paid cash. He is laughing in my sons face and the face of every tax payer in the country. I have told CMS and reported him to HMRC but nothing is done. It's the children that are missing out. Every audit CSA/CMS are saying things are getting better. So surely that means there are more employees to deal with difficult cases. The government needs to put as much effort into getting this money as they do getting TV licence fines and Council tax fines paid. These are innocent children being financially abused.
SeparatedDads Editor 15/02/2016 at 12:57 pm
Thank you for your comments, I'm sure they will help our readers.
plainbobnat 14/02/2016 at 10:27 pm
My ex became a full time student in order to avoid child maintenance but he also wrote me e-mails bragging about he was working and that I could do nothing about it. I went back to the CSA to say it seemed unfair. They weren't quick to tell me but eventually said I could raise a Variation Form as a form of appeal. Their investigation identified that he was earning a decent full time salary and payments have been reinstated.
SeparatedDads Editor 08/02/2016 at 10:55 am
I am sorry to hear this. If you are out of work, then you are not liable to pay. Your only option would be to tell your ex's that you cannot afford child maintenence until you find work. If they are not happy about this, then they may decide to contact the CMS. However, if you are out of work the CMS will not expect you to pay these amounts per week while in receipt of such a low wage. Based on your wage, you can see how much you should be paying by the CMS calculator here. You could also give the CMS a call and see what it suggests as it can give you free advice. If you can't pay your ex's are going to have to come to terms with this, until you get back on your feet.
Ada676 07/02/2016 at 10:48 am
Hi, I really need help as I have always paid money directly to my daughters mother without fail. But 5months ago I got layed off work and have only been working part time which is (115£) a week. I have offered her 50£ a month which she declined. I have two other children that I pay for aswell they all get the same amount. I can barely feed myself and can't afford rent and bills as my pay is so small!. I really don't know what to do! Why has it come down to money and not love! I'd say I'm boarder line suicidal over the matter! Then my kids will grow up without a father!!!
SeparatedDads Editor 28/01/2016 at 2:53 pm
If your ex moves abroad, depending what country he moves to he may be subject to a Reciprocal Enforcement of Maintenance Order (REMO), here .
minniemouse 28/01/2016 at 12:41 pm
My ex has payed £1 towards child support this month instead of the usual amount, this amount being what he will most probably be contributing from now onwards. CSA have tried to contact him but his phone is switched off. He had previously threatened to move abroad and says if he does he will pay the minimum amount and no one can stop him because he'll be in another country. What can I do?
Jimbob 20/01/2016 at 9:37 pm
Hello, I was wondering, if the csa are unreasonable and they put you in prison because of the arrears, if you can't afford to pay because of minimum wage can they put you back in prison for a second, third time etc.
Kind regards
Jimbob
SeparatedDads Editor 18/01/2016 at 10:42 am
If you cannot agree between you then you have two options, either to attend Mediation in order to sort it out, please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. If you still cannot agree via Mediation, then you may have to apply to the courts to decide upon the division of assets. You don't say whether you have been married or not, or if not, who owns the properties. However, if you are not married and the properties are owned by your ex, you will have some claim dependent upon the length of time you have been in the relationship and the fact you have children between you.
Clarebell 17/01/2016 at 9:03 am
Hello, I have recently split with my ex, he has turned nasty over money. We have two small children and he is self employed earning excess of 1500 a week. .. I am working what I can but obviously can't full time. I have offered him both cars and no equity for me off one house but half off our other property he still thinks I'm getting too much.. even tho I have to set up from scratch now.
SeparatedDads Editor 13/01/2016 at 1:58 pm
I cannot speculate, but the CSA/CMS will be able to look into his earnings via the HMRC, and if he is declaring income then they will folow this up and request payment.
none 13/01/2016 at 2:05 am
My ex says I will get nothing if I go to csa he is a roofer and he is contracted he earns around 2000 per week before tax although I don't know if he pays tax he either gets cash in hand then puts in in the bank then hides some in an Internet account will it be possible to get him to pay what he rightfully owes?
SeparatedDads Editor 01/12/2015 at 11:40 am
Have you thought of self-litigating? Please see link: How to Represent Yourself, here and the Bar Council - Guide to Representing Yourself, here. Many fathers who can't afford the hefty legal fees now represent themselves, and with good success, if they do their research and prepare their case well. Please also see link: Breach of Contact or Residence Order: What to Do, here. I hope this helps.
Fulham Steve 30/11/2015 at 11:30 am
I have 2 children (12 & 15) who live in Norwich and i live in Epsom.
It was agreed between the 2 of us that we would share the driving every other week which we had been doing for 5 years.
3 years ago she decided she did not want to drive down anymore so i had to go to court and try to make her help with the driving.
I won the case which cost me £20,000 plus a lot of time off work.
I have always paid my csa on time and the correct amount but 2 weeks ago she decided again that she did not want to drive again so phoned the court to explain the situation but they said to enforce the court order i would have to take her back to court at great cost to me again.
I have since received from the cms nearly double the amount to pay as i will only see the children once a month as i can not take the time off plus have the expense of going back to court.
I am at my wits end as there seems to be no one out there to help.
If anyone has had the same experience i would love to know how this has been resolved.
Bantam 28/11/2015 at 12:35 pm
My partner is employed on a casual basis, has no work for the next 6 months. He can't claim job seekers as I earn pennies over the threshold amount. How can he pay CSA? Someone give me advice. Every penny he earns goes on transporting his child for the times she is here and feeding/clothing her as her mother won't send her with any suitable clothing. Ideas?
225533 11/11/2015 at 10:08 pm
My ex has tryed everything to try get out of paying cm , denied he was the parent then changed number so they couldn't contact him and then he left his job now works cash in hand he has seen our daughter once and she is nearly a year he can't be bothered with her so he says why should he pay what can I do ?
Fuming 26/10/2015 at 8:20 pm
My ex is due me £7000 in arrears, he's now gone self employed and csa have amended his monthly payments to zero. Why why ??
Surely if he isn't claiming benefits, managing to pay morgage and council tax, thats proof that hes earning.
Oh to be a bloke, its a blokes world.
They get to keep all their earnings and us woman go without so our kids eat.
vic 22/10/2015 at 10:54 pm
Please show support for single parents by not rewarding any musician who fails to give parental support to their child.
George Say also known as George DeSay is a drummer with Happy Hour Music Band Essex.
This DeadBeat Dad refuses to provide any financial support for his 10 month old son after deserting his wife at 8 months pregnant.
A letter with over 298 signatures on it has been sent to UK Child Care Minister Steve Webb alerting him of this DeadBeat Dad George Say Drummer with Happy Hour Music Band, who continues to work at Weddings and Special Events but refuses to financially support his child.
Any association with this DeadBeat Dad is not in the best interest with The Wedding Awards or the Public.
He should not be rewarded for child neglect.
Thank you
SeparatedDads Editor 20/10/2015 at 12:02 pm
You don't say what country he has moved to. If you know his whereabouts etc, then you may be able to set up a Reciprocal Enforcement of Maintenance Order (REMO). If the country is a member country, then it helps to enforce child maintenance orders internationally - please which
ani 19/10/2015 at 6:00 pm
Hi i have à son 2 years old that live with,,and my ex partner stat to pah CM à month ago £50every week..but unfortunaly His run away to other country what should i do please...
Biggles 14/10/2015 at 8:40 pm
I live and work in the UK but I work for an non UK company. Do I need to pay child maintenance or a lesser amount.????
Stace 03/10/2015 at 12:13 pm
My partner and I have been living together for under a year I have 3 children from a previous relationship and we've had a child of our own , the three children's dad pays £400 a month for them already but if I was to split with my current partner would he have to pay for them as well or just his own biological child ?
Rant 02/10/2015 at 8:56 am
Hello. I have two sons from a previous relationship and currently pay £550 per month....20% net income. My current partner and I are expecting in January. Correct me if I'm wrong but now my csa payment will be calculated by paying 20% of 85% of my net income around £470? Now if I split with my current partner 25% would be split 3 ways. Ie the parent with my two children would receive £400 and my other parent would receive £200. Basically staying with my current partner we only save £80 per month, we are better saying we had split so it is shared more evenly. Do you think this is why in the current state there is so many benefit cheats. The system is all wrong. The csa system is poor, unorganised, do not communicate with one another. This all brings on stress to both parents because of there sheer incompetence.
SeparatedDads Editor 09/09/2015 at 11:58 am
Regardless whether he is on Facebook seemingly having a good time, if he is not working or has no income, then it is difficult for the CSA/CMS to extract money for child support. However, if he is working and still not paying, then your friend could approach the CMS via the link here for more advice regarding her options.
pinz 08/09/2015 at 10:01 am
a friend of mine had her then partner leve her to bring up her six children he the pleaded poverty and did not pay she has got in financial difficulties but he is on facebook living the good live this cant be right how can we help her ? she is a very proud person who dose not want anything to do with her ex but she deserves the money she is entitled to help
SeparatedDads Editor 02/09/2015 at 12:04 pm
The UK has Reciprocal Enforcement of Maintenance Orders (REMO) with a number of other countries. It means that courts in ‘REMO countries’ can enforce child maintenance decisions made by UK courts against people living there, I hope this helps.
Sally 01/09/2015 at 12:39 pm
Hello I am a Dutch woman who has a child with a British resident. Since my pregnancy he left me whole alone.My child is now 8 years old and he is still hiding for his responsibility. He does not even wanna take a parenty test. He has a good life financially and my daughter and I already struggle for about nine years now. Can you please advise me what I can do to let him take responsibility? I got his uk address.

Regards,
SeparatedDads Editor 06/08/2015 at 10:31 am
@Baron - Your Question was:Hi; My wife left me very recently to live with another man. She hasn't asked for any maintenence, and is paying her share of the mortgage to keep me in our old house. We have shared custody of our daughter who will be living almost 50/50 between us - but will actually be with me for 4 nights a week minimum though spend most of the daytimes with my ex. Am I expected to pay maintenence when I have such a large share of the childcare responsibility, pay for my daughters needs when she's with me and am recieving financial support from my ex who is living in a home she has no mortgage or rent worries for. If I had to pay 15% I couldn't afford to live."Our Answer is: If you want to see how much maintenance you may be expected to pay, you can do so whichHowever, if is it shared care, it is unlikely you would be expected to pay. Plus, if it is a family-based arrangement, then any financial contributions will be worked out amicably between you, as they are currently. I suppose the only issue to keep in mind is that regardless of her current situation, your ex may not want to pay half of the mortgage forever, especially if she is not living at the property.
Baron 05/08/2015 at 3:48 pm
Hi;

My wife left me very recently to live with another man. She hasn't asked for any maintenence, and is paying her share of the mortgage to keep me in our old house. We have shared custody of our daughter who will be living almost 50/50 between us - but will actually be with me for 4 nights a week minimum though spend most of the daytimes with my ex.

Am I expected to pay maintenence when I have such a large share of the childcare responsibility, pay for my daughters needs when she's with me and am recieving financial support from my ex who is living in a home she has no mortgage or rent worries for.

If I had to pay 15% I couldn't afford to live.
Louisey12 19/07/2015 at 3:17 pm
Hi all can absent father be traced? He keeps changing his name. He has a daughter of 3 years old, whom he has seen 3 times has made no attempt to pay for anything or even ask does she need anything I was on benefits when he left for someone else, I had help from family and friends for baby items he never put is hand in pocket once. I'm working now and finding it a struggle with rent, council tax, nursery fees etc I want him to pay towards the upbringing of his child, but I don't know nothing about him anymore can he be found?
responsible dad 19/07/2015 at 1:35 pm
"Much of the problem actually lies not with the parents – most of whom are men – but with the CSA itself. Since its establishment it had undergone problems, which were worsened by the installation of a new computer system that was supposed to speed up the process, but ended up causing chaos."
"That’s not to say the CSA has been completely ineffective. In 2006/7, it prosecuted 485 people for non-payment of maintenance,"

So, surely the problem actually lies with the parents, most of whom are men, who don't pay.

What is actually preventing non-resident parents from volunteering to pay maintenance to their children?
Tttttttt 03/07/2015 at 7:55 pm
Why should fathers knowingly move abroad to get out of paying csa COWARDS we are part of the eu it should be automatically deducted the same as tax and NI . This would stop irresponsible selfish men ( fathers )
Gazza 01/06/2015 at 12:25 pm
Well this has made an interesting read. Here's my story....

Me and my ex split in 2008 due to her being violent and controlling etc. I was in the forces at the time and have paid £250 per month (not through csa) ever since regardless of my earnings.

She remarried a man in 2012 who has a daughter but he doesn't pay a penny for her. He avoids paying maintenance to his ex by claiming job seekers allowance when the csa get in touch with him even though he's earning from a business that isn't in his name. He then stops signing on and as soon as they get in touch again, he's signs back on. This pattern of behaviour is repeated over and over again and the csa don't challenge it or pass it on to a partner agency in the government to deal with it.

They have a large house, two new cars, nice holidays etc but the straw that broke the camels back was when i asked my lad what he's been doing with his week off and he replied, "i've been relaxing in our new garden hot tub all week".

I've been in touch with Child Maintenance Options (who were fantastic) and im going to start paying what they say is suitable, which as it turns out is half what i've been paying for the past six years.

I'm sick of paying into a household that houses a father that won't pay a penny for his own daughter but will happily spend it on a lavish lifestyle. BIG UP to all the good dads out there!
SeparatedDads Editor 03/06/2015 at 12:19 pm
@Sophie 89 - I am sorry to hear this. You can double check how much you should be paying via the Child Maintenance Options calculator here. If you think you are being treated unfairly, you can complain or appeal via whichI hope this helps.
Sophie 89 31/05/2015 at 6:27 pm
I'm a woman...in a position that a lot of dads find themselves in..its complicated. I left my ex because he was/is a bully, emotionally which is a hard thing to prove. when I was with him I worked approx 50 hours per week and he used to put all my money in to his account bar my petrol money, he was very controlling....I left him on the family home with everything and moved in with my mom while I found somewhere else, we were sharing custody of our son and it going ok for about 6 months then I got a court order sent to me through the post over custody of our son?! It was very out of the blue, things were amicable we'd sorted things out through mediation,I was extremely flexible because I believe that the bond between father and son is just as important as mother and son, anyway I'd just moved in to rented accommodation and cut my hours at work to spend quality time with my son (I was working flat out shifts at a local hospital) I couldn't afford a solicitor and basically he used all he could mostly my post natal depression I got and ended up with full custody,I see my son 24 hours in a month :( since then I have had another son who Is with me permanently, I'm on smp at the moment and struggling with basic bills but I'm expected to pay 192 pcm to my ex, I an now earning 600pcm CSS won't listen and my debt is building!! They've threatened me with prison and I don't know what to do! Its not that I dint want to pay as such I just think if you have no means to its really unfair!! So yeah I know I'm a mom but I think i've been pretty shafted too like many dads and I can totally sympathise.
SeparatedDads Editor 02/06/2015 at 11:35 am
@Janey1 - I am sorry to hear this. However, if the paying parent is in Her Majesty's Armed Forces and they have failed to make payments, CMS will send a request to the Ministry of Defence to take the amount of child maintenance they owe from their wages. So I don't understand why you have not been paid. Even if the non-resident parent is working for the UK civil service abroad, and is in the armed forces, the CMS will still be able to collect money from them. There are procedures in place that are designed to assist parents with care in the UK collect money from non-resident parents abroad, in particular REMO (Reciprocal Enforcement of Maintenance Orders). REMO will assist UK residents by enforcing maintenance orders abroad to collect money from non-resident parents. I hope this helps.
Janey1 29/05/2015 at 1:49 pm
I've only received 2 payments from my ex husband in the last 11 months even though the CMS is deducting it from source. The issue is my ex is HM forces so any deductions from earnings become a REQUEST not an order , oh and he gets to pay less because he's a soldier! He never ever sees them and now I receive nothing. My MP has been useless and now I'm considering going to the media. I work 50 hours a week and have to pay for everything and raising my two children truly single handedly, meeting all child care costs myself due to reductions in tax credits
SeparatedDads Editor 21/05/2015 at 10:38 am
@becks - I am sorry to hear this. The only course of action you can take is via REMO which is Reciprocal Enforcement of Maintenance Orders filed on a parent that lives abroad. I have included a link to the gov.uk site 'child maintenance if one parent lives abroad', here. You can also get in touch with the Child Maintenance Service in order to see if there is any process in place when you have no idea where your ex lives. I hope this helps.
becks 17/05/2015 at 4:01 pm
Hello,

My ex has been paying for my son maintenance since he was born ( we separated during my pregnancy)

Now suddenly after 2 years, he has resigned from his job and moved abroad..I dont know where has he gone. probably in Qatar or Bahrain. I am not in touch with him or know about his whereabouts.

Can i know what can i do now in regards to the expenses of my son. Can the CSA do anything about it?

Thanks
SeparatedDads Editor 20/05/2015 at 11:21 am
@Molinsky - this site is for everyone, men and women. You have to appreciate that some women get a raw deal from men, as likewise some men get a raw deal from women, while on the other hand some people manage to separate amicably and arrange both finances and childcare between them with little disruption. It sounds like you have had a bad experience, however the courts will take your experiences into account and they are well aware of some parents (both men and women) who are trying to make life difficult for their ex, they see it all the time and are generally quite wise to it.
Molinsky 16/05/2015 at 2:25 pm
Gotta laugh at the advice and stories on here, largely by women on a separated dads forum, shouldn`t you be on netmums or something ? Forget the advice on here about parental responsibilites/agreements, they don`t mean a damn thing when push comes to shove. CMS are by their own admission designed to be on the side of women, they actually said to me my ex was very difficult to deal with, morally I was right but legally I had no chance, so their advice was to just pay up (yeah thanks for that). All these women banging on about deadbeat dads blah blah and yeah I`m sure there are loads of them, but the decent dads like me get treated appallingly. I had a PR in place, but let me tell you, when your x decides she wants to break all the agreements you try getting anything done about it, you get laughed at I promise you ! The laws in this country need to change to give fathers equal rights, equal being just that, until then pay your money and shut the hell up is the message ! And to find women on a separated dads website slagging off men just about says it all....
Molinsky 16/05/2015 at 2:15 pm
This website I thought was for separated dads, most of the pathetic comments on here are from women, shouldn`t you be on netmums or something, have to have your say on everything eh ? story after story of "deadbeat" dads blah blah, well my experience is a joke, tried to do the right thing and stay in my kid`s life, pay maintenance and buy clothes\school meals\trips out etc, you know just normal everyday dad stuff. Sadly the law is geared in the favour of women and you`ll find that you can have all the parental agreements you want, doesn`t mean a thing if the woman wants to cause you no end of dramas. CMS actually told me morally I was right but legally I don`t have a leg to stand on, so essentially I just pay up and have no say in anything to do with my kid`s life, x can do whatever she wants including changing her name and there is nothing you can do about it as a father. Until the laws of this country are addressed and we have equal parental rights this is the status quo, forget all the advice and nonsense, you`ll get nowhere, take it from someone who knows.....
SeparatedDads Editor 08/05/2015 at 10:31 am
@Maccer - I am sorry to hear this. If you have parental responsibility your ex should have asked for your consent to remove your child to London. If you were aware she was planning the move without your consent, you could have taken this to court and attempted to get a Prohibited Steps Order. A Prohibited Steps Order (PSO) is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. There would have been no guarantee that the court would have ruled in your favour, but the fact you suffer from epilepsy would have been taken into consideration, if it made it difficult for you to travel to see your daughter. However, you can still take it to court and apply for a contact order and the court may take into account your disability and the restrictions caused by it. If you can't decide the arrangements, between you, or through mediation, I therefore suggest that you take it to court and let the court decide on your contact arrangements. If you are afraid of the hefty legal fees involved, you can self-litigate, see our partner article on How to Represent Yourself, whichI hope this helps.
Justme30 Editor 18/04/2015 at 5:31 pm
@Gem30
I know how you feel! The same case here. I got two and receive nothing for them.
gem30 10/04/2015 at 1:03 pm
My ex has not paid a penny for our daughter for five years !! But has managed to lose his driving licence twice in those five years. Is still out every weekend drinking and smoking and doing his favoured drug of choice. I work 45+ hours a week to make sure she has everything she needs and allow daily phone contact and two days a week contact. For the benefit of his family members more than him. But inside I'm fuming and hope one day she'll see him for what he is ! takes all my moral fibre not to knock him the **** out when I ever have the misfortune to see him. Rant over feel better now. Hope everyone gets their closure one day .
SeparatedDads Editor 09/04/2015 at 12:31 pm
@Mags - has it been taken by a genuine mistake or through a deduction order because of the arrears? If he is unhappy with the way he has been treated, and it has been taken by accident, but they are refusing to re-imburse the money, then he can complain via whichHowever, it will take a bit of time to process, which doesn't help him with the rent arrears he has in the short term.
Mags 07/04/2015 at 1:39 pm
My son just started paying CSA this week was his first payment when he looked at is bank account they have taken it twice he called them they said one was done by mistake but will not refund it as he as arrears now he can't pay his rent can they do this please help
Gemma Editor 30/03/2015 at 3:06 pm
@bex - Don't give up on men just yet, there are a lot of nice guys out there that want to love and support their children.
bex 28/03/2015 at 10:49 am
I were born profoundly deaf I bought up baby on my own she now 15month old really hard work but I love her no matter what father not want nothing do with my pregnancy which I won't get rid off she is baby grow inside my womb as is no accident he has got me pregnant on purpose but refuses paying to baby's needs he has owned me a money that I feeding and clothing much more for baby myself to his baby his own fresh blooD men out there should always have wear comdoms they should know better not get girl pregnant if unwanted baby. Now I refuse having other relationship coz I feel not trusted them for using me get pregnant and walk away
SeparatedDads Editor 25/03/2015 at 12:40 pm
@taffy - if you are not working and if you were claiming benefits then you would be eligible to pay only the flat rate. You don't say how much the CSA are after you for, but it will want you to support your child. You could have a family-based arrangement with your ex where you could offer your services by return. However, if she would rather you support your son financially then you will be liable. I have included a link here which tells you what can happen if you don't pay. I hope this helps.
taffy 22/03/2015 at 7:25 pm
Hi I'm living off the grid, I don't work or claim benefits. I just live in the woods and been told I have a 7 year old, had DNA test and he is mine yet the CSA are telling me to pay however I'm living free. Is there other ways I vcan help out other than money?
SeparatedDads Editor 23/02/2015 at 2:35 pm
@Bev - I have included a link to Child Maintenance Options here. You can either ring up and ask for advice, or if you know how much he earns, you can work it out via the online calculator which will tell you how much child support you might be entitled to. I hope this helps.
Bev 21/02/2015 at 2:03 am
I've never calmed csa of my son dads before he has bin in and out of jail and not had much to do with his son only when he feels like it,he dosent give me no money never has apart from a few times on his birthday and Christmas. He dose not pay or help me in our sons life. I work part time and I'm a single mom, I wud like help with getting my son dad helping me pay for my child's up bringing my son his almost 13 turning into a young adult, I've brought him up on my own and payed for anything and I won't the best for my son and I can't do that without his dad help to surport him Financial ways.
Suck for words 17/02/2015 at 7:09 pm
I'm looking for any advice please.I separated from my exhusband and divorced him on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour because of his violence towards me . I gave had my 17 years old daughter living with me since then (2010). He has never paid any money towards her upkeep and stupidlyI didn't go to the CSA because I lived under constant threats of violence and that he would cut her out of his will if I did and leave everything to his daughter he had whilst having an affair whilst we were married .
Recently me and my daughter went through a rough patch and she had been at her dads for a couple of months , I have paid money directly to her each week . Now I have had a letter from child maintainaance saying I need to pay him .Is there anything I can do I don't know why I'm so surprised but feel I really need some help and advice on this , I know I was a fool but when you live in fear you do foolish things
Loose 13/02/2015 at 5:44 pm
Mothers also refuse to pay.
The mother of my son has ignored all correspondence from the CMS.
A deductions from earnings order has been granted. The mother left her employment and is now self employed to avoid these payments. The next step will be court. The CMS will be looking for payments from her assets.
none 09/02/2015 at 1:03 pm
the CSA have chased my ex partner for money for two years. my ex partner has arrears of £6000. they finally got two payments off his mother who was his boss after the second payment he no longer works for her he now works cash in the hand for a roofing company I have told the csa this but I have received a letter from them saying his payments are now nil per month as he earns no money. How can someone who earns no money at all drive around in a car and frequents public houses at weekends. The csa have now told me to go to the tax office and inform them that he is working surely the csa should follow up on his reply that he neither signs on or earns money. I feel let down as I work for a living and have upped my hours to support my son. the csa have failed me completely.
booboofancypants 28/01/2015 at 5:09 pm
Five times the CSA has found my ex working, and five times he's quit his job within 1-2 months to avoid paying. How can they not prosecute this??? The coincidental pattern is just slightly obvious (isn't it?) lol. He also had a son from a previous marriage whom also does not get a penny either :o(

He has not seen his severely disabled son for 5 years and has literally left me with all the responsibility whilst he moves on to his 5th partner (since I broke up with him when I found him cheating), yeah you read it right 5 in 5 years! lol. Wonder why?!?!
Estranged Father 11/01/2015 at 5:33 am
I am refusing to pay. I am no cash cow. I want to pay, but on the condition that I can be a responsible father too.
I did pay initially but my x prevented me from having any form of contact with my children. I warned her that I would halt payments. I never received a response. I have not seen my daughters for 3 years now,
I can either take the route via the courts or leave as is. It hurts me and I know my daughters will be asking questions too. I reached a decision that the as is situation, is the least bad of the two.
Idiot 29/11/2014 at 10:56 pm
I feel really, really sorry for the mothers of dead beat dads but.(cut a long story short) I contacted my ex crazy wife of 5 years, to explain that I wanted to pay MORE than the CSA where advising me to pay, which was £196 per month. I had been paying this amount for the past 3 years since going self employed and declaring my income every year. Prior to that 25% of my salary was deducted (£480) per month! I always felt like I should be helping her more but I couldn't give her the money directly as it could come back on me if the CSA where to increase my payments blah blah blah. So I phoned and asked my ex to 'call off' the CSA and we would have our own arrangement and I would pay her £400 into her bank account. She texted back 1 week later and told me she was happy to stay with the CSA. What person in the right mind would do that????Actually except to take LESS money for their children!Anyway, I called the CSA and they said I COULD'NT pay more than they calculate, but they did confirm that I had actually OVERPAID my current CSA to the tune of nearly £500. They asked me how I wanted the money recouped, and I told them I did'nt want to recoup the money. And that I was probably the ONLY FATHER in the UK who wanted to pay MORE CSA and wasnt allowed too.In the end I opened 3 debit card accounts (1 for each child) and gave them their own card and pin. I put 2x their age in money into the account per month (e.g son is 16 = £32 per month), plus an additional 1x age (£16) away each month to pay for any clothes. Plus the normal birthday and christmas as normal.Before anyone says anything - My ex wife was/is the crazy, adulterous, one (I divorced her)! She got the 5 bedroom house!, Shes got a pension (I don't because I was a house husband raising the kids for the first 7 years of their lives).I also have the children every fortnight and occasional holidays although I can't afford to take them anywhere or do anything that involves money.
Alisha Editor 28/10/2014 at 2:31 pm
@Srp If he is self-employed, the statutory maintenance service is usually worked out from average weekly earnings for the most recent tax year. The CSA should use details of the gross income of the business (this means all the money it has earned) since you made the claim and any reasonable expenses paid to run the business (not including capital spending or business entertainment expenses) and VAT. I think it is something you need to follow up again with the CSA and see if you can get historical back payments then they can take the amount he owes from the amount he has earned previously, which there will be records for.
Srp 27/10/2014 at 4:20 pm
Does anybody know the how the CSA can obtain payments from a self employed father? I've been fighting for 3 years to receive any form of payment for my 3 daughters . The ex quits his job just in time before the CSA can get hold of him and claims he has a change of circumstance so my case then takes months to get reaccessed. He is now in a job which I believe he will stay in however still refuses to make any payments. My children don't see him on a regular bases as two of them are teenagers and are old enough to make their own plans with him and my youngest refuses to see him at all ... He believes he shouldn't have to pay for them if he doesn't see them , his own family believe this is also acceptable and have nothing to do with my children's lives, I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I do know he and his girlfriend both own cars and the CSA agency said they can send enforcement to remove them but he keeps cheating the system and playing games... The loop hole needs sorting out as his circumstances may be changing every month but he will always have 3 children he should be providing for.
why? 25/10/2014 at 10:31 am
Strange thing for you all to demand paying cm from your ex s. I have left everything to my ex and she left me for someone else. I've paid for my stepdaughter too. She tricked me out of the house and when I wanted halve of my money she called the police and obtained non molestation Court order. I could not see my daughter for 2 years. i have left home with nothing 1 set of clothing on myself that was it.even though i left home she continue to use our credit cards there was a timewhen i slept on the bench in the park. i somehow managed to start my life over again and i met a wonderful person.even though we long time apart i still have to pay debts from my past and now my ex partner apply for child maintenance.i don't earn much and i don't have much left but now i have to pay whatever is left to my ex partner i don't mind paying my child which the only thing i have in this word which means the most to me.but is it is unfair to be forced to pay ex partnernot to your child because the money goes to the partner and she does not have to produce any evidence what she spent the money onso i'm sorry i do not pity you do all women has been left by partners who left partners and demand x amount of money all expensesyou are thiefs and you well know that.you don't deserve anything for men unless he was turbo to you but what about those who are good fathers and been tricked by you. at the end if it was your choice...own to it and pay for you mistakes
Phoenix01 30/04/2013 at 2:41 pm
I have experience of this from both 'sides'. My ex husband left his 'official' job as soon as I remarried. He walked off with £40,000 profit from the sale of my house despite my having funded all improvements and maintenance. He then proceeded to perform as a cabaret singer several times a week earning upwards of £250 a time- as advertised on his website. When the children were younger and wanted to stay with him, he would leave the house he owns early in a suit saying that he couldn't be bothered ironing his jeans. He frequently updates the children with his headshots for various shows but pays £5 per week via the CSA. His wife works and his mother cares for his child with her at no cost. This man is working but not declaring accurately, his wife is claiming tax credits, they carry out home improvements, have the latest gadgets and holiday abroad. I have furnished the CSA with all the posters, website details etc, contacted MPs, reported to the Inland Revenue (were his close friend works) and Benefits Agency. I work full time and have always done so. The other 'side' of this is my husband's situation- he paid his wife a substantial amount per month (£700) while they were separated even though she too earned a massive amount. The children would visit in shabby, ill fitting clothes while she would be driving the latest car in designer outfits. Once his ex was aware we were to marry, she went to the CSA who calculated a lesser payment so her malice temporarily shot her in the foot. There was no consideration made of several years of overpayment. My husband has been redundant 3 times in 4 years but has had to continue paying at the same rate as when employed for at least a dozen 'reasons' as provided by the CS. His ex earns over £100k and has remarried someone on a high salary. Attempting to keep up these payments has resulted in my husband accruing massive debt he has no chance of repaying and is therefore facing bankruptcy which will obviously impact upon me. Each time he has been made redundant, twice with minimal basic severance, the CSA have issued contradictory advice and demands. So we have one man who pretends he doesn't work who doesn't pay and another who doesn't work who pays over the odds from loan sharks. and in neither 'family' do the children benefit.
Lois 25/04/2013 at 2:36 pm
I understand everybody has different circumstances, some worse than others but what I fail to understand is why men avoid so passionately about paying for the upbringing of their children. I left my partner as he did nothing but cause pain and heartache for me and my children, dead end promises, drug habit's, I had had enough, even NOW when we have both moved on he still tries to have an element of control by not paying for the kids or not sticking to arrangements he makes to see them, for some strange reason he swindles a pile of lies to the kids and they still want to spend time with him, he turns everything on me and causes problems in my home life. This person is a total nightmare he earns large sums of money and him and his new girlfriend have no worries or responsibilities they just float about spending and laughing in my face. I have tried so hard to be amicable for the sake of the children and asked him to pay just 50 pound a week but he just laughs then turns up every 4 weeks with a pair of shoes for them or a Mcdonalds, he is the winner, treats come from Dad where Mammy is a moaner who has no money and does not give them anything. I wish they would open their eyes and see, they get everything and more from me. I wish this man would disappear and leave us all alone.. waste of time and effort for everybody. CSA have been working on this man for over 5 years and nothing. NO SENSE he claims 20 grand tax back every year why cant they get him????????
sinclaire464 08/02/2013 at 2:18 pm
My mum and dad got divorced when I was seven years of age. since then up until now (i am now 20) my dad has gotten out of having to pay csa, my questions whether there is anything that can be done or is it now too late? my mum has struggled all of these years, with 3 other daughters, we have been abroad once mum and i, my dad and his wife, go abroad, to america, japan mostly, 4 times per year for maybe 2 - 3 weeks at a time. I am trying to find something anything, any information something that we can arrange these long over due csa payments that my dad owes my mum. I hope someone has some information or has been in a situation like this thanks
Sadie 02/02/2013 at 9:02 am
Me and my daughters father split when she was 1 I have had not 1 penny off of him I have contacted the CSA 5 times 2 try and get some form of support 2 be told he dose not earn enought he owns 2 business so I don't no how?? 2 add insult 2 this he 2 me 2 court 2 c my daughter so he gets 2 c he 2 times a week but dose not have 2 pay 1 penny!!! This country system is a joke
bb 22/11/2012 at 10:24 pm
I had to move 6 times by the time my son was 2, to stop his father breaking in our house or smashing up my car, I had to change jobs avoid placeing my child in a school that he would be near by. I went for csa when he was 6 months he is now 8 and I have not had a penny, his name is on the birth cif which I can not remove. i think is you are a good dad and you really want to be apart of your childs life, yes you should have that chance, but not a lot of men are like this!! my sons father finally stoped threating us when he found someone new, he has never wanted to see his son or bother, yes I think evey man should pay for there child! I can only work part time so I am able to take my son to and from school so my income is limited! until he is older which affects my son as we are not able to do holidays abroad etc. Men they dont pay should feel very ashamed of them selfs!! as the child is the one who is affected!!!! not your pocket, dont everyone want the best for there child, why try and stop that?
marco 21/11/2012 at 8:57 pm
My question is this. My son's ex partner has not let him see his daughter for two years. Should he still have to pay maintenance through the CSA. He now has a new partner and a young son and is finding it increasingly difficult to make the payments.
skimpy 26/10/2012 at 10:44 am
My children are 4 and almost two. We left after another broken promise to stop the alcohol abuse and domestic abuse. But before this I tried one last time to make it workwork. Relocated with him and the kids for his new jjob. I had a good job. Tue relocation was another way of controlling me and distancing me from my family and friends. I moved back to them when he fell off the wagon again.

Surprisingly he held a good job despite hisdifficulties. Paid support through a private agreement. Every time it wwas due there was a threat of cancellation. It was too stressful. I consulted the csa. He defaced the direct debit mandate. The put a deduction from earninfs order in place. He quit hit jjob. Now he turns up to collect the kkids in a new audi. Always wearing new designer label clothing. And my kids live off benefits. Which do not stretch far enough.

You fathers who slate this system should have stepped up to the plate and paid your dues from tthe syart. It would've saved the eextra financial penalties for the implementation of deduction from earnings orders. And know one thing. Karma always comes
Destroying the lives of others to spite the mother or because you feel cheated by a system is one surefire way of ensuring tthose kids grow up with a heavy heart at the realisation their fathers were more concerned wwith hurting thwir mother than putting clothea on their backs. That sounds like a lot of p***ed of kids who will be thw grown ups of the future. Well done. I salute you all.
wkd_girl 11/10/2012 at 1:44 pm
My exhusband owes nearly £13,000 now and the csa aren't doing much about it. Everytime I phone asking for an update NO-one knows what's going on, I get passed from pillar to post. When an assessment is made and payment due my ex always phones up with an excuse to not pay and the excuse is always the same- change of circumstance. The csa then take up to 90 days to collect the info and make another assessment and then it starts again. The csa accept all excuses from deadbeat dads and sod the poor kids. These new rules and regulations they have at their disposal ie prison, confiscation of driving licence/passport etc is very rarely used- I have asked them about it on my case and they refused. I've decided to take my ex to court myself and going to seek advice from a solicitor about what steps I can take with the csa- if any!
Tasha 19/09/2012 at 9:28 pm
Well my ex hubby is likes ur website, thanks a bunch coz now I'm getting no payments. Does this website condone fathers not paying their way??? Looks like it. Is it ok that my ex tried to kill me and my son??? Is it ok that his parents tried to kidnap my son???? Is it ok to have domestic violence??? Does this website condone this behaviour?????? My son hates his father and wants nothing to do with him. This gives my ex a reason not to pay Csa???
jbark652 12/08/2012 at 10:20 pm
My ex is definitely the biggest waste of space alive. Him and his ghastly girlfriend sent me abuse after I contacted the CSA. It got so bad that I had to go to the police to try and file charges of harrassment because he just wants to spend every penny on himself! He still pretends he is daddy of the year and pays Zero money. He quit his job rather than pay any money, now has a new one and no doubt the abuse will start again , this time I'm getting a restraining order. Guys, just pay your 12 or 15 per cent, it's nothing compared to what we pay. If you are paying child support and she is not letting you see your kid then she has issues with you and the poor kid is suffering and in tht's wrong. It's a nightmare!
pierre 25/05/2012 at 8:24 am
I decide to file divorce when my son was 6 months, i didnt know buy i was married to a evil person. i always pay support even though i never had court order, she does not let me see my son , he is 2 1/2 now. spend a lot of money in lawyers, court order visitations, she refuse to let me see my son. just let me skype with him thats all..
she refuse to take my son to doctors, she hates doctors, crazy uh? guess what? court cant do anything, all they say is give the advice that all parents should take their son to the doctors and bla bla bla. they dont give orders, they only advice.
what the hell can i do? if i stop paying child support, law will go agains me. i dont see my son anyways. i cant spend more money in lawyers, is just too expensive. i used to have good money, now i only have debts. any suggestions?

thank you.
bob79 20/05/2012 at 8:21 pm
Not all absent fathers deserve to be treated like this though. I have 4 children with my ex and have always supported them when we split we sold our house which I had bought before we met, made £10000 profit and gave it to her I then moved back to my parents. My kids stay with me 2nights a week and longer during summer. The CSA contacted me 2 years later and claimed I owed £3500. I have recently moved in with my new partner and we're struggling. I have a wages arrestment of 40% of my wages. My ex spends £130 pm on her sky tv package, has a top of the range phone and always has nice clothes. My kids are wearing clothes that are ripped and well worn. I understand the CSA are a great help to women who have useless exes but they are also punishing good hardworking dads!
kathyo 16/04/2012 at 5:06 pm
The government are talking about penalising parents of children who play truant and in some cases they will deduct money from their benefits?! Why don't the government do more when it comes to parents wo don't pay maintenance? My ex is self employed so the inland revenue know how much he earns etc. so why don't they take the money straight from his earnings? This country's a joke! The government is like a bully! Picking on single parents & trying to reduce their already measly benefits when they could do a lot more to force these useless fathers to pay up! Shame on you David Cameron!

Ask Separated Dads a question

Ask our editorial team a question and we will reply with our advice. Tell us as much about your situation as you can: the more detail you give, the more useful our answer can be.

You do not need to use your real name. Please do not include your full address, phone number, email address, or the names of other people. We may edit or remove identifying details for privacy and legal reasons.

Comments are moderated before publication.

Related
Father's Rights Checker Father's Rights Checker Tool Parental Alienation Checker Parental Alienation Checker Tool How Child Maintenance Is Actually Calculated How Child Maintenance Is Actually Calculated Child maintenance: What Am I Paying for? Child maintenance: What Am I Paying for? A Guide to Child Maintenance Payments A Guide to Child Maintenance Payments Buying Presents for Your Kids Buying Presents for Your Kids Misuse of Maintenance Payments Misuse of Maintenance Payments Working with the CSA on Support Payments Working with the CSA on Support Payments
Most Popular
1 Fathers Rights Charities and Groups That Help Separated Dads 2 At What Age Do Child Maintenance Payments Stop? 3 Child maintenance: What Am I Paying for? 4 Can I Get a Background Check on Ex's New Partner? 5 Your Right to Be Kept Informed About Your Child: A Guide 6 What Rights Do I Have if I'm Not on the Birth Certificate
Try our free Child Maintenance Calculator Calculate Now for Free