It is not uncommon for separated dads to be concerned at what their ex is doing with the money that is supposed to benefit their child or children. Of course, as responsible and caring dads you want to make sure that the money you pay towards your child's everyday needs is actually being spent on your child. It can be very frustrating and cause considerable anger if you perceive your ex to be splashing out on luxuries, such as holidays and home improvements, with money that you consider to be for your child.
If you're uncertain whether the amount being paid is correct in the first place, you can check the figures using our free Child Maintenance Calculator.
For the Benefit of the Family
Unfortunately, there is very little that can be done about this. The Child Maintenance Service (CMS) has no control over what happens to the money once payments have been made to the resident parent. It is generally accepted that Child Support Payments can be made to benefit the household, such as on heating bills or other family needs, but often separated dads can suspect that the money is benefiting one person alone: your ex.
Of course, the vast majority of mothers think the world of their children and wouldn't put their own needs before that of their dependants. Your ex may say that she has sources of income that you don't know about, or may say that she is trying to do things that benefit the whole family. Arguably, home improvements or a holiday for all the family may, albeit only on a partial basis, benefit the child, but expensive handbags and shoes won't!
Find out how much child maintenance you should pay or receive. Takes less than a minute.
Try our Child Maintenance Calculator free, here on this site →Proving Misuse
On a practical level, it would be very hard to prove that your maintenance payments are being misused. Your ex, as the resident parent, is the decision maker as to household financial expenditure and it is her sole responsibility to ensure that the money is spent appropriately. When confronted, she may simply say that she is using other money to pay for things for herself and using your money for your child's benefit. If there has been a period of time when child support has not been paid, she may 'justify' her expenditure on having to meet the sole financial responsibility during that period.
Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.
When You Can Intervene
It is a wholly different scenario if your child's needs are not being met and you are worried about their welfare. For example, it is totally unacceptable for your child to be neglected, abused or poorly treated. If you are seriously worried about the way in which your child is being treated, you need to seek legal advice without delay. Any decision to do so should not be taken lightly and is bound to be met with considerable hostility by your ex. In extreme cases, you could apply for a child arrangements order but bear in mind that the court would always look at the welfare and best interests of the child first.
CMS Reassessment
Of course, there are other options. You could Enter Into Mediation with your ex to try to air your concerns and to reach a mutually satisfactory agreement. If you are paying money through the CMS, you could also ask for a reassessment if the money you are paying is causing Financial Difficulties in comparison to your ex's life of luxury.
When making agreements about maintenance payments (and this is where mediation can help), you could offer to be responsible specifics, such as school dinner money, school trips, nursery/holiday club fees, sports clubs, subscriptions etc. This might help you in knowing just where your money is going.
Men if your kids are getting fed, clothed, doing nice activities and getting to school and all school expenses covered...... guess what?! Cm is covering it.
The only irresponsible parent is the one who thinks the parent and child should suffer, and tries to find loopholes not to pay.
£80 transport pm school
£40 extra curricular activities pm
£190 pm before and after school care so I can get to work
£12 pw school dinners
£250 for the year school uniform
Excluding normal clothes. Food. Additional school costs. Additional costs of gas electric etc etc.
£157 pm child maintenance.
£250
Pay for your kids.
I am incredibly thankful for that, because it is bias….
It is bias towards fathers who pay for their children, as they should, yet their former partners are able to suggest otherwise….
The CMS is 100% bias towards men….
Not all men are bad fathers.
Some women are bad mothers.
The CMS does not take into account any issue pertaining to fathers because it is absolutely focussed on mothers….
I stand with fathers.
I am greatfull for this extra support coz our daughter has more and she doesnt struggle
Her father is now saying he want to spend it
How is that even right we are not in the same house hold and our money is different
I show evidence of everything she has bought
And thats out my choice to show him not at his request
Why dont he trust that i spend more than that on her, i dont understand.
Instead of thinking im money grabbing i mean i brought him up for years with out him paying a penny im not a gold digger
Now she’s misleading the CMS and lying that I don’t have my daughter as much so she can gain extra finances via DEO from my wages.
CMS don’t care. They wouldn’t even acknowledge my son born 2yrs ago. Instead telling me to claim child benefit (which would be benefit fraud on me as I earn too much). I have equal care for my 16yr old especially during Schools Lockdown where the CMS have no right to take money as it’s equal share care however they believe the mother who is constantly lying telling CMS she has my daughter so she can get money.
I’m at a point where I will have to sell our family home just so this abusive person keeps abusing me and the police won’t do anything! What’s the point of existence....14yrs of suffering mental and emotional abuse by this woman.
The Child maintenance Services should be scrapped and one of the many reasons for this is that they can't ensure the payments that they are enforcing are being used to maintain children.
All the payments are doing in reality is financially rewarding one parent for stopping/limiting the access of the other to their own children.
It is a barbaric outdated system and is harming children and parents.
Children deserve parental equality. 50:50 custody should be the norm, no good parent should suffer the heartbreaking pain of having their child removed from their day to day life and then be forced to make payments to the person who has inflicted that pain. No child should be torn away from a good parent.
We need to stand up for parental equality. Both parents should be treated equally. Studies show 50:50 custody is best for the children in the vast majority of cases. CMS should only be involved in abandonment cases. Current system is barbaric.
I moved out and am living with my brother, but ultimately want to get my own place, when I can afford to.
We are still both paying the mortgage jointly and both names are still on the mortgage. However, I have been paying my half to her to pay the mortgage every month, but have recently found out that she has not been paying the mortgage since January, so we are in arrears. With this in mind, I have told her we cannot carry on this way, so we need to sell the house, pay of the mortgage, then we can go an live seperately in out own aboads.
When the house is sold and the mortgage paid off and we both look to buy/rent new places, do I have to continue to pay towards her rent/mortgage for her new place?
PS - I have no problem about continuing to pay the Child Maintenance, I have been paying since I left.
Thanks in advance.
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