I am still paying my ex 15% of my income per month when she earns more than me. I look after my child overnight 2 to 3 nights per week and feel my ex nevers spends a penny on our child's upkeep. Our child is walking around with holes in shoes and secondhand clothing despite me handing over £300 per month.
She seems to be swanning about in designer clothes, shoes, handbags etc, and leaving my child with very sketchy (to say the least) childcare (with minors e.g 17 yr olds and so-called friends), while she goes off on weekends away with her new boyfriend and trips abroad.
She hardly ever seems to stay at home with our child but if I try to say anything to her about her behaviour she just laughs and says CSA allow her to get away with it. Surely this can't be right? What can be done about mothers abusing the system and using children as meal tickets? I am very worried about my child and would be interested to know if there are any positive steps I can take to improve this situation?
(A.S, 22 April 2009)
A.
When the parents of a child split up, both sides are still responsible for the upbringing of the child until they are 16 or leave full-time education. The role of the Child Support Agency (CSA) is to make sure that the non-resident parent contributes financially. Non-resident fathers are required to pay a percentage of their salary to the mother of their child to pay for their day-to-day expenses.
The fact that your wife earns more than you doesn’t make any difference, as you are still responsible to pay a percentage of your own wages in a Child Support. However, the CSA does take into account the amount of time that your child spends regularly with each parent. If this has increased or your circumstances have changed, then it is a good idea to get in touch and have your Contributions Re-assessed.
As for your ex spending your money on herself, this is less easy to address. The CSA system is in place for good reason but unfortunately, as many fathers have found out, it doesn’t come without its problems. Once the money is handed over, there are no rules or regulations in place about how it is spent. Generally, mothers will spend it sensibly towards the needs of their children but there will always be a few less responsible ones who use it for their own needs.
As the resident parent, your ex gets to choose how she spends the money and is in charge of making decisions about the everyday upbringing of your child. As difficult as it is to see your money wasted, there is not much you can do about it legally.
If, however, you have real concerns about the treatment of your child, then this is something that you should raise. Unfortunately, there is nothing to say that she cannot leave your child with babysitters under 17 or friends, as long as they are not endangering your child.
It may be a good idea for you and your ex to Consider Mediation so you can raise your concerns and try to work together more efficiently. However, if she will not agree, and will not listen to your concerns, then you should contact your lawyer or social services to protect your child’s welfare.
Who is the csa money suppost to get spent on? The mother or daughter?
cj - 23 November 2011 @ 9:26 PM
I am a mother in the position of most men.My stbx never paid a penny when our children lived with claiming he couldn't afford to.Stupid me believed him and never chased anything up and I was managing fine with my small wage and the few benefits I could claim.This all changed when the children moved in with him due to my circumstances changing and a lot of personal problems.He was on the phone to the CSA right away demanding money from me.He left me with massive debts that I am still paying and this has resulted in me having hardly any money at all at to feed myself. (soup is good).He has alienated my children from me so contact is extremely rare its very very hard.You try to explain all this to the CSA and all they want is your money they don't give a flying fig about anything.
zip - 26 October 2011 @ 1:09 PM
The CSA is an absolute joke and I agree that the payment should be made in either coupons for electricity and gas or clothing and food vouchers for the children. My very hard working partner pays a substantial amount per month for his 11 year old, and at the time his son who is now 21 but paid for a few years ago. This boy was having a cereal bar for lunch because my partners ex was not even giving him lunch money! His ex also has 3 year old to her now husband. She uses our money to pay for the 3 year olds' childcare provisions, whilst my step daughter lives on hand - me downs and cheap throw away shoes which don't fit right from primark, doesn't seem to have a shower from week to week and still seems to have no idea how to brush her teeth in the morning. It's a disgrace.
carlym81uk - 26 July 2011 @ 9:11 AM
I'm asking on behalf of my partner who's ex has now said that she will no longer send them with any clothes for the times that he has them over to stay - that he needs to buy them clothes and shoes for the period of their stay, and when he takes them back after the visit, she will get them to strip off and give their dad the clothes back.He already pays through the CSA, and has them three nights a week for their evening meals then takes them home (which obviously the CSA don't factor in at all), and they come to stay every other weekend from Friday to Sunday, where they are collected and returned each time so the ex never even has to leave the house.I was under the impression that the money paid through the CSA was for 'every day living costs' which includes basics such as clothing, so surely he has already paid for half of the clothes which are in their wardrobes at their mother's house?!
Pouts - 5 July 2011 @ 12:41 PM
I can sympathise with those who are quite understandibly annoyed about the lack of legal guidelines or rules in place to govern how CSA payments made to resident parents should be spent. My partner pays a substantial amount of money to the resident parent for two children which he has no issue with. the issue he does have however is that the ex wife will not agree to shared care (52-103 days)stating that he has the children less than 52 days which is not right he has them more but without her agreement the CSA will not consider this (depsite a 6 week block in the summer holidays where he has the children but still has to pay full CSA).The children are regularly sent in rags and ripped clothing and shoes that are falling apart which of course he replaces due to feeling guilty. He pays to take them on holiday every year, yet the ex wife makes no contribution to him for this. She has just managed to have a boob job and a holiday depsite being on benefits, so not only does he work hard and use his money for the children his taxes also pay her for sitting at home. She can afford nights out on the town and designer clothes and there is no thought for the children. I apprecitate that there are fathers who make no payment of effort, but why is it that the ones that are there and contribute and make every effort for their children are penalised! this is a very unfair system and perhaps instead of making cash paymetns they should consier vouchers instead such as fuel and light vouchers, clothing and food, this would then ensure that the CSA money is spent responsibly!!
EMLOU - 21 June 2011 @ 10:43 AM
Hi Normal, In answer to your question although slightly delayed from when you posted it.I was in contact with the CSA last week regarding additional payments and was told the payment I make through them is what my ex is entitled to by law and that if she demands any more then there is no legal obligation by myself to pay anything other than what the CSA pay her.Kind regards.
jonh72 - 18 May 2011 @ 8:01 PM
My wife is adamant that my CSA payments are for the children only and that she should get substantial additional maintenance to cover all the household general expenses. It is my understanding that the CSA payments are intended to cover a part of my wife's total household costs, including keeping a roof over their heads, services to the house (water, electricity & phone), their food, their clothing and things they may need for school; also a part of the transport costs (car costs).My CSA payments are substantial and there's no way I can afford to give my wife even more money on top. She has the Child Allowance, Family Tax Credits & Working Tax Credits. I can not however find anything written down to confirm what the CSA payments are supposed to cover. Can anyone point me to a recognised statement on this?
