Support for Separated Dads

Author: Chris Nickson

As anyone experiencing it can tell you, being a separated dad is far from easy. There are issues to deal with, whether they’re emotional, legal or Financial. You can do it alone, and many have, but it’s much easier if you can find support, whether it’s just someone to talk to about the way you feel or aid through the labyrinth of bureaucracy. Thankfully, there are a growing number of organisations that can help you.

The Main Organisations

Families Need Fathers (www.fnf.org.uk) – this organisation works with lone parents of both sexes. It has booklets and pamphlets that can help you as a separated father, as well as a parenting plan and workshops with trained facilitators. Although a political organisation in part (it has a presence at all three party conferences), its focus is on individuals. It’s £35 a year to join (FNF is a registered charity), but that offers access to many more options. There is also a helpline open to anyone.

The Centre for Separated Families (www.separatedfamilies.info) – The Centre for Separated Families is a national charity. They work with everyone affected by family separation in order to bring about better outcomes for children. Their services are available to parents who are sharing care, those who are caring for their children alone, those who are not able to spend time with their children, grandparents, carers or anyone else with concerns about family separation. You can visit their website or contact them directly via email: [email protected]

Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB) – this is one of the most useful resources, with local branches throughout the country. The CAB offers educated advice on many topics of concern to separated fathers, from housing and council tax to legal and emotional issues, as well as helping you find support groups in your area.

National Association of Child Contact Centres (www.naccc.org.uk) – if for some reason you have nowhere to realistically spend time with your children, it’s worth contacting the National Association of Child Contact Centres. They support over 300 of these centres in England, Wales and Northern Ireland which all offer a safe place for you to spend time with your children. It’s not quite the same as being at home or other activities, but they strive to make a warm, comfortable atmosphere for everyone with plenty of activities.

The Shared Parenting Information Group (www.spig.clara.net) – this is an excellent resource, especially when the world of shared parenting is new to you. There are plans and advice to help you find your way.

Gingerbread (www.gingerbread.org.uk) – offers a variety of free services, from pamphlets of information that you might find useful to a phone advice line. It can also put you in touch with others in similar situations or help you form a group in your area.

Parental Alienation Checker

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Try our Parental Alienation Checker free, here on this site →

Emotional Support

Inevitably, there will be times you feel down, especially after a visit with your children, and you’ll need to talk to someone. Sometimes friends simply aren’t enough and you need to talk to someone who can be objective, who can offer useful insights and advice.

The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (www.bacp.co.uk) – can help you find a strongly accredited therapist local to you. Going for counselling can seem like a big step, but many have found regular sessions very helpful in adjusting to new lives and situations, and working through anger, grief and frustration.

The Samaritans (www.samaritans.org.uk) – if you feel particularly desperate, get in touch with the Samaritans (tel 08457 90 90 90). This is a volunteer group who’ve helped many over the years, especially those with suicidal urges. The advisors are non-judgemental and willing to listen 24 hours a day.

The Next Step

Now that you have read through the advice above, you might want to put it into practice. Our Parental Alienation Checker lets you check for signs of parental alienation and get guidance on next steps. Takes 2 minutes. Try it now →

64 Comments

Ask a Question or Comment

Mr K 23 Feb 2023

I separated from my wife in 2016 in California , after moving to the states selling everything i had in 2010. We had a daughter in 2014 and therefore i stayed as long as i could in US spending literally all my savings just to see my daughter grow up and have that bond. I moved back to Sheffield in January 2023 , back to my parents , my old room , and literally feel deflated , depressed , overwhelmed. My old friends have all moved on , I did manage to get a job within 2 weeks , but all I do is go to work , come home and sit in my room, I'm 49. My daughter has come over already from US for a week , and all though I'm overjoyed to see her , she goes home Saturday and all that separation anxiety will come back and basically I'm having to start again. Just feel lost....

Noname 3 Jul 2022

How do you cope when you only see your kids every two weeks at weekends ? I've only in the last 5 months had this time, before that it was for 2 hours in a contact centre once every 2 weeks. I am really happy to be spending more time with my children but it breaks my heart everytime I have to say goodbye to them. How do others cope with this part ?

Rabih 13 Mar 2022

Good morning, The judge in RCJ and family central court have not allowed to see neither to speak with my 2 daughters from 7 and half months. I was representing myself in the court. I badly need your assistance and advice. Thank you. Kind Regards,

robbie 24 Jan 2021

me and my partner have been seperated for nearly a year. i was out of work at the time after being made redudant, so i was taking my 5 year old girl, my 2 year old boy and my 13 year old stepdaughter, who was my exes first child but i have raised as my own, for 3 days out of the week while also giving my ex money to support the kids every week. i recently got back in to work where i work 5 backshifts a week (5pm to 1.30am) with my 2 days off being different each week. i take my kids and keep them overnight on my 2 nights off each week while giving my ex money to support the kids. But now my ex has started accusing me of not doing enough for the kids and slating me because i only have them 2 days/nights a week, claiming that shes not got a social life and cannot make other relationships with me only taking the kids them 2 days/nights. This just makes me feel deflated and has my head doing overtime as i feel i am doing everything i can. Has anyone got any advice for a solution i can come up with to move things forward between the 2 of us?

L 7 Jan 2021

Me and my partner have been here umpteen times and now i cant love like this!! She is kicking me out, she has deep rooted issues that I have looked past a thousand times. We have an argument, i get kicked out then a few days later she is sorry, we make up and go again. I used to go to my nans every time but last time it happened she said that I will never change and that if this happens again then she cant have me, which is fair enough! The position this now leaves me in is frightening. I am unskilled and have no qualifications so have always had a low paid job, it is what it is. We have always made it work with the low income to get by. When i go home today, my belongings will be at the front door. I do not have enough money to rent myself (live in SE England and this area is VERY expensive to live) and have no family that would take me in. I have friends but in the current climate with Covid, I cant put that on them to take me in as work in a place where i constantly come in to contact with people. I literally don't know what i can do and if there is anyone or any place i can get help with? Otherwise I will be living on the street - that will then mean I wont have anywhere to take my children and that for me is life over!! Dont know if i can cope again without seeing and being with them as well as being homeless and with no pot of money what so ever. This is really getting me worried and anxious. ANY help or advise would be very appreciated. Thanks

Brad07 15 Aug 2020

Hi, il try and keep this short I seperated from my ex in October, it was a toxic relationship. She was lazy and ordered me about costantly and I did all I could to keep the family together in the hope we would get stronger. After all the exhaustion I became depressed and mentally ill due to being so tired and all the arguing. My ex met someone after a month and he lived 2hr 30min away. In February she told me she wants to go live with him. I didn't agree with my daughter moving away. I seeked mediation and she moved straight away. All the handovers were horrific and my daughter screamed when returning back to her mum to a point where she hit her mum. This is not my daughter and this really upset me. My ex said this is normal for seperation and if she's happy then my daughter will be happy. I took her to court and the judge didn't like what she had done and ordered my daughter to be returned to me. My mum moved in with me to help with morning drop offs to nursery. My ex then made a counter appeal and we have a hearing on 20th aug to decide where my daughter starts school and lives. My ex, her partner and her sister have all made allegations against me, some true and some false. I'm so worried for my daughter if they favour my ex and know my ex will make things hard and deprive me from things. My daughter is spending 2 weeks with my ex at the moment as we are sharing summer holidays. My daughter facetimed me the other day and straight away said me and mummy live in Northampton. When my daughter facetimed yesterday she didn't really want to speak and said I gotta go now. I'm worried that my ex is twisting her mind and now really worried for our future together if she is to stay there. I love my daughter so much and she means everything to me. Coping is hard at the moment

Chips 5 Aug 2020

Hi, i recently seperated from my wife last year and i need some advice regarding access to my two girls please. we did have mutual arrangements and i was seeing the girls regularly before lockdown. we did have some disagreements just before as she asked me to take the girls on another day instead of our usual day without prior arrangements. Now im being told i have to go through the authorities to see them and i know they are missing me. I am not working since lockdown and i dont have funds to engage a lawyer as i was told legal aid is not available to me.It seems i am at the whim of my ex wife and she can use the children to get at me by not allowing regular access. it has been very difficult and i really need some help please. thanks David

Nath 12 Jun 2020

Hi, I need some housing advice. I'm trying to leave a relationship but I can't find any help with somewhere to live. Me and my children are stuck in an unhealthy situation and I don't know what to do. If I left I'd make myself intentionally homeless so won't get any help and I don't think I can get help renting. I won't leave without my 2 children as the situation in the house with my stepdaughter is too unhealthy for them.

DjinnieUK 28 Dec 2019

Unable to sign up but am looking for some advise regarding my custody agreement. Me and my ex have a custody agreement that we outlined without any external help. 2 years later I want to adjust it as I have my 2 on Saturdays but I work in retail and have to work. My ex is at Uni and has every Saturday off. I have been through mediation and I currently talk to her through a solicitor. It's been 9 months since I asked her to look at this. I recently sent an email saying that I would be changing the agreement and that she has 4 weeks notice to make any changes she needs to make. Will this negatively effect me or as there is no court order is there anything she can do?

Smithy 2 Oct 2019

Hi I am not sure what to do, I split with my ex over around 18 months ago, we have a 3 year old and things were fine to start with, however recently since being with my new partner (around 6 months) my ex has changed. I work full time Monday to Friday and every other Saturday, I have my little one every Wednesday after work I pick her up from 6pm-6:30pm and I drop her home at 9pm (she also has school every day) When I am not working on the weekend I pick my little one up from work again around 6pm-6:30pm and I drop her home on a Sunday at 4pm, when I am working I pick her up from work around 1:30pm-2pm and again drop her home on a Sunday at 4pm. However when my ex has needed my little one to be picked up earlier I have always tried and organised this to help my ex (my mum would pick her up when my ex needed to have her) however recently my ex has gotten worse, when I am stuck in traffic (but still make it for 6:30) I have had her screaming down the phone and demanding I have my little one on a week day until 10pm even though she has school, she had even gone to the extent of leaving my daughter at my place or work while I am working which has fork lifts vans etc and very dangerous and walked away when it was not my time to have her. My ex always wants an argument with me and it is just getting worse. I want to see my little one as much as I can/as possible but I work full time and as it is have her more than I can. Who can I contact to help stop this, to put things into place where do I go from here? Please help. Thank you

GaryN 13 Sep 2019

I had to seek a contact order after my ex wife would not stick to the separation agreement and due to her erratic behaviour (she has mental health issues) it was necessary to ensure handovers took place in a public place. My two boys are getting older (oldest is 8 in a couple if weeks and youngest 4) and they are starting to get frustrated with their mother. My oldest is particularly frustrated with the mess at home and that he is always late for school and he was kepting of almost 1 day a week last year for no reason. While I don't expect the court system to consider what is in the best of interest of my children (due to the unwritten rule they have that mums should have the children unless they are homeless are they a caught having an overdose.) My question is when their frustrations with their mum gets to much and they ask to stay with me. Am I now in a worse position to let them stay just because I got a court order to ensure I see them and for my safety?

Azz 15 Apr 2019

Hello everyone I'm just wondering how other people would see this and if I'm in the wrong I have split with my ex the first year went great I was seeing my kids then once she had a new baby she tried cutting me out my kids lives but I've taken her to court and won my access back but the problem is over this time she as put my kids in activities so it mess with my weekend My ex now lives a hour and half away and I have to do all the driving to get my kids but when I pick them up on a Friday I have to stay in the area till 8pm so my little girl can do one of these activities but my ex as now changed the date of another activity to the Saturday so she now saying I have to drive there and back Friday then there and back Saturday then there and back Sunday to drop them off but I have refused to do this and said I won't take her to the Saturday one as it's not fair on me having to do that drive and also I have my son to think of aswel as I'd have to drag him all over with me so when do I get to spend any proper time with then both as all my time with them would just be driving and not being able to take them anywhere nice for the weekend Am I in the wrong refusing to take her

Devoted papa 18 Feb 2019

@mack.i have seen my beautiful little angel in 3652.43 days and I am still fighting to this day I will never give up because I just love love my little angel sooooooooo much I pain has never left me I will fight to my last breath wink wink .so good doesn’t it well written because it comes from my soul .

Mack 17 Feb 2019

Evening folks. I seperated from my ex partner before our daughter was born nearly 2 years ago. While the seperation and distance made things awkward and emotionally difficult, she did come back into my life with the promise of me being an involved father. We met again when our daughter was just 2 weeks old and I was present for the reg of birth. We had 6 testing but equally wonderful months, where I became as involved as I could, and my daughter had built a wonderful bond with me. As time moved on and I entered a new relationship, the visits went from her stopping overnight with our daughter to me having her alone for our first weekend, and a working parental agreement was in place. This all then ceased to work for the mother, and she backed out of everything before the agreement could be made legally binding. I have since taken her to court and am now in the proccess of getting a child arrangements order. However since being summoned to court, the mother sought legal advice and made some very serious false allegations of domestic abuse, which has led the case down the criminal route. The court has granted me access via supervised contact centre, though she made this awkward by delaying and cancelling a previsit. Finding of fact is in March, got a very very long way to go. 109days since I last saw my daughter, the bond has unfortunately gone and the proccess is painfully slow. Feeling increasingly alone and despairing of the situation and what may lie ahead.

desperatedad 9 Feb 2019

hi, just after a little bit of advice. I have been to court and won contact with my daughter for one day a week, progressing to two days and currently it is on tow days, one overnight stay. My ex has recently had a baby so hasn't been working. I however, works shift work and my ex is aware of my shift pattern being 4 days in 4 days off. She has been happy for me to see my daughter on every second day and third day of my days off. Now she is telling me I might need to change my days when she goes back to work as it might stop her from seeing our daughter all the time, depending on her work pattern. Her work rota changes on a monthly basis whereas mine is the same all year around. She has explained that days might need to change so she can get to see our daughter too, but our daughter lives with her. She has also told me that she is moving, and after recently agreeing that if both of our partners cant drop off/pick up our daughter, then we are to meet at a public place. This has been fine until she has decided to move, to which I have asked to meet at a public place which is in the middle for us both, at the designated time we have previously agreed. She has now told me that due to her other childs sleeping times, I will either have to drop my daughter off at her home, even though there have been allegations of domestic abuse, hence why I am more confortable with a public place. Or I need to meet at a public place earlier, which then reduces my time with my daughter. She also stated that if im not happy with that then I am to change my days, which is practically impossible due to work commitments. I feel really lost as I have requested that we go to mediation to resolve this matter, to which she declined as she stated she isn't paying for mediation so I might as well take her back to court. I feel like if I don't agree to her way then my contact with my daughter will be affected. As she has stated I wont be getting my daughter if she cant get back home to hers, but wont agree on anything suitable for both parts, just for the simple fact she has another child.

Cj 6 Jan 2019

My ex an I split before we even knew she was pregnant, it's been a battle for me ever since. I've had to fight to stay involved with my little lady. My little lady and I have mostly always had a good relationship bu5 not being there always takes it's toll. I have been to see her every week ,untill recently she's always been excited to see me, over the last month or so her attitude towards me has changed and it's been really hard for us to get along. She's 3 years old now and her mum insists on always being around I accept this just so I can see my little lady, but it's getting way through now. What should I do any ideas?

Scotty 25 Oct 2018

.me and my girlfriend have a baby boy of 3 months old, we were getting on so well but then all of a sudden we ended up breaking up. . As a father i want to have my son half the week because me my son and my girlfriend and her other son have been living in my house.....I am worried everyday going to work leaving my child at home as my girlfriend's son use to kick our dogs and trap them with his trike bike .We had to get rid of the dogs and then we tried have a little kitten but court him cutting the kittens fur off with scissors..(my girlfriend's son is 9 he should know better) when my girlfriend let her son hold our baby boy he got bored and kind of dropped him into her arms it was quite scary....the last one is the mother and her son and our baby boy went out in the car on a hot day and my girlfriend's son put a blanket on our baby boy and didnt say anything to the mother and by time she pulled over my baby boy was dripping with sweat..as she didnt know her son had done that so I'm scared of going to work.everyday not knowing whats going to happen.....my girlfriend and her son live in my house dont pay any money towards bills i pay for the whole house and I tried treating her son as my own....I even had to start banning her son from the xbox as he doesnt brush his teeth so I said if you dont brush your teeth you dont get treated.....where do i stand and what can i do because my girlfriend is saying she's leaving me and taking my baby boy and I'm scared because I dont trust her son ....thanks

scotty 28 Jun 2018

I split from my wife of 18 years 5 years ago. Since then I've seen my 2 daughters every weekend (Fri/Sat). We've recently sold the family home so we can all move on. Since then my ex wife as told me that my oldest daughter of 13 doesn't want to come to mine at weekends anymore. I spoke to my daughter about this but with her immaturity and her reluctance to upset anyone she was unable to talk openly about it. I've now not seen her for 6 weeks even though my other daughter comes every week and the only communication I have is through the ex wife who take delight in telling me that she doesn't want to see me and she isn't going to force her. I've tried texting my daughter but she doesn't reply and now I've been told that there's a problem with her phone and it is unable to ring or text. This all seams strange as its also on the back of a weeks holiday with just me and my daughters which ran smoothly and we all had a good time. I can't help thinking that this as all come from my ex in-laws suggesting that she stopped seeing me as they are still unhappy with me and there daughter splitting and as you imagine they aren't my biggest fan. Now I've been patient expecting that she'll want to come eventually but I'm unsure how to handle it. I've suggested that she comes for a talk, I've then suggested that me and my daughter see a mediator but the thing in the back of my head keeps saying that she's given in to peer pressure and its her way of keeping a lid on it. Any advise on what I should do will be grateful as I don't want this to go on to long etc.

SeparatedDads Editor 21 Jun 2018

I am sorry to hear this. There is a list of support groups in the article and our Separated Dads Forum can offer helpful advice both practical and emotional. However, if your ex will not agree to your seeing the children, which explains more about mediation and court as options.

dixie 20 Jun 2018

I split from my wife who is 25 yrs younger than me 2 years ago after which I have had my twin 4 year old girls. I made it legal in court 3 months ago. I have no help or support in the world and this is made even harder by her seeming reticence to see the girls citing migraines. this in itself doesnt worry me but it impacts strongly on my children and frankly I havent had a moments respite in 2 years, i just need support. its getting hard to cope with their behaviour and i mdeeply resent my ex now - it doesnt matter if her excuse is mental, physical, financial, geographic or plain cant be bothered - the girls still suffer,

Ali 4 Mar 2018

Hi! I came to the UK on a spouse visa in 2013 and I have a 2.5 years old son who was born in the UK. During this time we had an argument and I got arrested and later on got a sentence of 40 hours unpaid work due to common assault. I am separated from my wife now but we are on talking terms. Now my visa is about to expire in April 2018 and my wife will apply for indefinite visa for herself, my son and me. I need to ask following things: 1) Am I eligible to get indefinite visa now as I was ordered to do 40 hours unpaid work in January 2017? 2) If I am not eligible for indefinite then in that case is there any way that I can stay in the UK based on the facts that I have lived in the UK for around 4 years and 5 months, I have a son born in the UK and I am doing tax paid job since Jan 2015 till now.

SeparatedDads Editor 10 Nov 2017

The mother is allowed to do this informally i.e through school and/or GP. If she wanted to make the name formal i.e change it via Deed Poll, she would have to ask for your son's consent. If he refuses, she would have to take the matter to court. However, it is likely the court would agree to the name change as she has kept both your son's name, but added hers. This helps with identification and family uniformity which would be seen as in the child's best interests. As in all cases, the court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.

Victory 10 Nov 2017

Hello I am writing on behalf of my son, who has a 4 year old son and is divorced. From the moment they separated his ex has tried to do everything she could to try and stop my son from seeing his child (he was 18 months when they split up) Thanks to a very competent and equally expensive lawyer my son has contact every other weekend with his child. Everything has been finalised divorce, house, maintenance etc. He has now started school in her home town which (she did not even tell us about my grandson told his dad). She has now started telling him his surname has changed!!! She has added her surname making it a double barrelled surname. My question is this..... is she allowed to do this ? My son has PR and the birth certificate states is surname that of his dad. I would be grateful for any help or advice.

MT 26 Oct 2017

Just looking for some tips on controlling my emotions. Starting on the road of separation, wife is being over-pleasant which is really winding me up and results in me communicating with anger rather than productive conversation. We have two young kids so I know we need to work out a way forward but I already feel on a back foot with the system weighing against the man (despite my wife’s affair which I found out a few years ago and we tried to get past for the family sake). How can I calm my inner self and talk constrictively when i feel the odds are so against me and my future?

Bash 22 Sep 2017

Hi! I have a PR of the child who is 14 months old now. My wife left with my son in May 2017 and only thing I know is that she is still in UK. I fear that she might leave UK with my son. How can I stop her from leaving UK with my son? I will apply for court orders but is there any other way that I can inform relevant authorities by writing letter to them like border agency etc so that they can stop her from leaving the country.

SeparatedDads Editor 7 Sep 2017

I think in this case your ex should abide by the arrangements made for a good period of time given the agreement has just been made, without trying to push it further. Getting to know the boys again and spending quality time with them is the priority and so is keeping to the arrangement. After a period of time and if things go well, then he should request more time, or more mediation. If his ex refuses, or further mediation fails, then your partner can apply to court. If the court sees he has been consistent and has had established access for a good period of time, then he has a better chance of securing better access, especially as the boys will be older again and their opinions will be taken into consideration. Therefore, I suggest he doesn't push things too far at the moment, but makes small steps first.

Daisy 5 Sep 2017

Hi, i know this site is for separated dads but im trying to locate some information/Advice. My partner of 2 years has recently underwent mediation with his Ex wife 10 years divorced regarfing his twin boys who turn 13 next month.His job is very unpredictable in terms of schedule. The mediation concluded that he would see the boys for 3 hours every other sunday (theres not much you can do in 3 hours with 2 teenage boys). My partner has out sourced his activites wih the boys and as much as he agreed to see the boys as he was just wanting to see them after nearly a years absence he agreed to what was offered every other sunday for 3 hours. His ex wife tried to make up an excuse on fathers day which fell on his day to have the boys and said they had something planned so i suggested that he email her back (being the only way they are aloid to communicate to suggest a different time and that the boys would want to see there dad on father's day) luckily he saw at this new scheduled time. But now he emails her to ask for more time and to have the boys mobile numbers so that he can text or call them during the week which she emailed to say that he wont be having their number. I suggested as the boys are 12 goimg on 13 that he give tge boys his mobile number as they both have their phones on them when he is with them i cant see a problem if the boys want to contact their dad rather thab the other way around. Anyway more to the point we have hit a brick wall when it comes to suggesting more time with the boys. My partner asked his Ex wife if ge could take tge boys camping and she said no and reiterated the arrangements and said if you dont like take it back to mediation. I just think she's being unresonable when the boys are at an age where they should be able to say what they want but that doesnt seem to be happening I would have thought that they would be present at the mediation but tgey weren't my partner was in one room and his ex wife in another and the mediation lady went back and forth. Its frustrating to know that there are woman out there that get pleasure from upsetting other people when im actual fact the boys are missing out with quality time with their father. Is there anything that anyone suggests we do next to resolve this and for my partner to see his boys more he wants to take them to a theme park for their birthday but that means having them for at least 12 hours including travel time.

Samuel 10 Mar 2017

Hi My name is Samuel. I have been divorced now from my ex going 6 months and living apart for 3yrs 3mths before divorce proceedings was initiated by my ex. We have two sons 11 and 4 together. Our younger child was born after our separation and conceived whilst we were making falling apart as a family and had gotten intimate after 8yrs of trying for another child. There was a lot of frustration between both of us concerning finances, her recorded mental health issues and not finding the right type of employment but there was never any DV or prolonged quarrels or adultery. Since our separation however, my ex has been impossible to deal with. Firstly, she used my nationality in getting the courts to place a PSO order and had warned that I may take my son out of the EU jurisdiction area even though I am permanently resident in the UK and had been for over half of my life, just this year opting to naturalise. She chose this route as our son had often travelled alone with me in Europe since he turned 4 and she on the other hand was not that inclined and chose this as means of limiting our time together. Given the age of the younger child at the time the contact order was made (he was barely 5 months old), the court allowed 30mins visits at handover when I picked up my older son 3 of 4 weekends a month.. This has never happened. She claimed from day 1 that I did not have a relationship with him and has maintained this, a situation which is now seriously affecting my older son who cannot understand why his younger brother is unable to enjoy the same experiences we share every week. We did not own a home together so there was nothing to share at divorce as we privately rented but when I moved out, it took me 5 weeks to plead to remove one of 3 TV sets. I have asked for other property which I had bought previous to her moving into my home during courtship which she has violently refused to return and threatens to dispose of these instead. She continues to be hostile, and has repeatedly makes more demands for money through the CSA with the knowledge that my earnings increases per year and as such, she should get her share to 'pay off her bills' as she once said. I am now considering going back to court but not sure if I should apply for an amendment to the existing order via a c100 form or apply for a specific issues order to remove the PSO or both. I have remained single and would like to sort all of these out before actively seeking to get into a relationship as advertising a relationship to her now will further ramp up her hostilities and my children will be the ones bearing the brunt.

Welshguy85 16 Feb 2016

Hi. I filed for divorce 4 weeks ago citing both unreasonable behaviour and adultery as grounds. I was lucky enough to have a signed admission of guilt from my soon to be ex wife. My main issues are not with the divorce itself but with the aftermath, particularly in relation to the children and secondly the home/financial issues. My wife is happy to go 50/50 split across childcare and finances which originally I was advised was a good deal and we should look to put this forward in mediation and eventually a court order amicably. Unfortunately, in the last 4 weeks my wife has become a different person and is very difficult to deal with in terms of moving forward. For the first week after divorce, she left the property on 4 occasions(twice more to commit adultery) before the children were even in bed and spent the entire weekend away from them. Although I loved my alone time with the boys(4&5), I felt this was not the correct way a mother behaves. After going to the doctors and advising them that my wife had recently smacked our boys a referral to social services happened and my wife was referred to the doctors. Miraculously she came out of this advising me that both the doctors and social services were now under the impression it was my fault. Things calmed down for a few days until she started an online relationship with a man. She has been neglecting our children and their care whilst I have been in work and spends 16 hours a day on the internet and my children have now not really spent a day out with her in a month. She had self harmed(for attention) with them in the house and this was reported but again she managed to talk her way out of the situation. Things came to a head this week. On Tuesday, after speaking with a solicitor I broached the subject of mediation again. At 7pm, she said she needed space to think about it which I was happy with. She left the property and did not return until 3am having spent the night at another mans house. During this time we stupidly had an intimate encounter and she used this against me citing 'I'm sure I still have your DNA on me, I could tell the police you raped me'. That's the lowest I've ever felt, I never thought she would stoop that low. On Wednesday she came back from the pub at 11pm and tried to remove my kids from bed at 23:00hrs. They had decided to sleep in my bed for comfort and I asked her to stop it. Eventually the police were called, she falsely accused me of assault and was taken to her mothers by the police. The policeman remarked to me ' hopefully this will be the moment she realises what shes doing'. No such luck, she came home the next day and blamed the situation on me. She asked to go away in a few weeks to clear her head and I told her she could go to a friends now until Monday if she wished. I thought this was a good compromise. She used this time and went to see her internet boyfriend and spent the weekend with him, when she returned she was not on time for me to go to wo

SeparatedDads Editor 13 Nov 2015

I'm afraid if you can't agree between you, then you will need to seek some legal advice with the possibility of taking this matter either through mediation or to court. Please see link: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, here. I hope this helps.

cj88 12 Nov 2015

hi my name is chris i have 2 sons 1 is 5 yr and the other is 5months my eldest son lives with his mum and i see him every weekend and i am very happy with our relationship however heres my problem regarding my youngest. i have been living with my partner at her parents home since December due to finding out we were expecting a child so my first instinct was to move from Blackburn to potters bar (around 200 miles apart ) and find work and support her and our baby however now Lincoln is 5 months old and i have been kicked out of her parents house due to stress between us i have been back in Blackburn for 2 weeks and have bin told that i cannot go back to the house i am no longer welcome and i am being taken to court to deny me access to our child i had to leave with nothing iv lost my job and cannot stay at my parents but have the sofa a few nites a week i have found employement and i have a house as soon as i can find the 200 pound for the deposit i am being told that i will not see my son again and my family have not met him yet every time i tried to bring him up here she refused to let me bring him she is living on a sofa bed in there front room and i really am not happy with the conditions in which our son is being cared for in i have asked her on several occasions to move up here and have our own place however after talking to her parents we were told if we did we were on our own i really feel that my ex partner is only there to stop her family from arguing there is only her parents for support and i am being constantly told that she has no money for his food or needs and i am being told that no1 is supporting her she calls me everynite to say she doesnt want me and doest want my son to see me but she wants more and more money to support him and i feel i have a lot more support up here to offer him however i am told if i go and i take him even to the park without her consent she is going to call the police i just want to be a dad to my son how do i resolve this i would like him to live with me so that i can provide for him however i am told if i go to court she will refuse all access how do i find a way of showing he would be better in my care im just so confused her family do not help and did not help while i was there but she does not want to cum away from them how do i make sure my son is ok i no she is doing here best but she is constantly abusive to me and i am told i can not have Lincoln because she thinks i will just get the train back here with him when i no i cant jst go and take him neither could i do that after wanting to be a family with her and Lincoln for so long what do i do :(

SeparatedDads Editor 4 Nov 2015

By the comment you have given, it shows you are non-biased and this will stand you in good stead trying to both rationalise with your son and keep the situation in perspective. Firstly, you will obviously continue to support your son, as that is in our DNA, but hopefully you will be able to reason with him and highlight where you think he may be going wrong. Just because he is your son, does not mean you have to agree with his decision, but I am sure when you meet him he will attempt to rationalise his own reasons why and you will listen. Simultaneously, it is also important to be there for his partner and your grandchild, and be supportive of both of them. With you as an intermediary, you can at least be a bridge between the family. Keeping your feet in both camps and staying diplomatic will help you retain the family connections. Also, encouraging your son to be as supportive as he can to both his partner and his child, regardless of his decision to separate, and keeping his party life out of social media, will help all round. I hope this helps.

Ann 3 Nov 2015

My 27yr old son has just walked out on his partner and their 3-week old baby. I am meeting my son tonight to talk things through (although he is not keen) My question is what to say to my son? part of me wants to give him a big hug and the other part wants to knock him into next week (and I hate violence) His friends have posted pictures on a social network site, of nights out with girls and he has changed his status to 'Single'. My hope is that he has panicked, needs time away and hopefully with support go back to his partner, currently he is seeing his daughter daily after work. Any advice would be really really welcome.

SeparatedDads Editor 28 Oct 2015

I'm afraid this is quite a difficult question to advise on due to the fact there are no real rules, therefore it is really up to the parents to decide on what is best for their children and hopefully work together on this. However, there is a fine line between decisions made about the welfare of your children and your ex trying to control your life and make unfair demands upon you as a parent. In an ideal world the parenting role should be as equal as possible, with each parent making compromises to the other where needed. Please see article; Developing an Amicable Relationship With Your Ex, whichwhich may help. Also, you may wish to consider mediation if you can't agree on a matter, please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? whichI hope this helps.

Ace1999 26 Oct 2015

Following on from my first comment below I need advice please on the following I pay £42 a week to my ex for our two kids 3 & 4 which CSA told me I should pay She is demanding more money saying I don't pay her enough. I pay halves on everything ie clothes, swimming lessons, parties, days out. I live at my parents house while I pay them back the money they paid out to pay our debts off My parents don't want anything to do with her after she pulled the kids out of my brothers wedding and she refuses to accept her responsibilities towards our debts that they paid off! I go round her house(used to be ours) and see the kids after work at least 2-3 times a week I have the kids every other weekend at my parents house. I split up from my ex just before new year and I have met someone else and have been dating since September My ex says I should be staying round her house while she goes to work for a sleep in shift as its not fair on the kids moving them to another house and it shouldn't matter how I feel nor think about staying round her house. I feel she is still trying to control my life and decisions but at the same time she casts doubts in my head thinking is she right? Should I be staying round her house as I don't have a place of my own and my parents refuse to help her out meaning the kids won't stay round. If I had my own place it would be so much easier! Any advice?

Ace1999 26 Oct 2015

Hello everyone, I split from my wife just before new year and moved in with my parents and have been here since. My ex and I have two kids 4 & 3 Girl & Boy and it was a mutual seperation and we agreed we would always do what's best for the kids. After the split I continued to go round to the house which we owned to see the kids and spend time with them, I would stay over too. maintenance was mentioned and we agreed I would pay her £150 a week towards bills and stuff for the kids. The house was put up for sale and was eventually sold in May this year, during this time I had a failed business and closed it due to financial difficulties in February, I got another job working full time and once again maintenance was mentioned and I started paying £60 a week as my earnings had changed. My ex since the split was going out on the town a lot spending money on drink, cigarettes and take aways and was talking to other single mums saying x y z gives her a lot more than you do so you need to pay me more! I had my suspicions that most of what I was giving her was to fund her lifestyle and she started threatening me with CSA and I thought "you know what, I'm going to contact them myself and find out exactly what I should be paying". I paid the £20 and gave them all the info but 2 weeks went by and I called them and I was told that they hadn't been able to get in contact with my ex and she wasn't returning their calls and messages. I had spoken to my ex and we agreed on a figure between us and the case was closed from my permission. Weeks went by and we had a disagreement after I went round her house to drop off our son while I took my daughter to a party as he wasn't feeling well, as I was there I noticed a guys pair of shoes by the back door and I knew instantly that she had someone upstairs and I had told her away from the kids that I didn't feel comfortable being in the house we used to own and live in ( she rents it from the new owners ) she hit the roof saying it's nothing to do with me and it's none of my business and started playing with the access with me coming round to see the kids. I was no longer welcome in her house during the week, she didn't want me in her house but I simply said I just want to come round and see the kids but she wasn't having any of it! She also stopped my kids going to my brothers wedding because I refused to stop sleeping in at her house on a Thursday night while she went out in town and coming in in the early hours!!! I wasn't comfortable sleeping in the house but it didn't wash with her. I contacted CSA again and paid another £20 and this time I followed the case through. Again they couldn't get hold of her and 2 weeks later I was told based on my earnings and information provided I should pay her £42 a week, I would pay this direct into her account via standing order. She wasn't happy with this but she knew there was nothing she could do. I always pay towards buying them clothes, days out and birthday

SeparatedDads Editor 22 Sep 2015

I'm afraid we cannot possibly predict what access your son may get as it will be up to the courts to decide what is in the best interests of your grandchild. However, before it goes to court mediation will be suggested, which is the diplomatic way of sorting out the issues. If his ex refuses mediation then it will depend upon the Cafcass report, please see link: What Goes into the Cafcass Family Report? here and how Cafcass views the situation, as laid out by both parents. As you say, if there is a lot of immaturity in the relationship, then things may be a bit rocky at first as both parents adjust. But hopefully his ex will realise that your son is willing to take on his share of the responsibility and their relationship regarding shared care of your granchild will get back on track, either via mediation or by the situation resolving itself once the heat has died down. I hope this helps.

bear 21 Sep 2015

My son is 18 years old. He has 3 sisters 2 have children. He is a fantastic uncle and now a daddy too. He and his ex girlfriend lived in our family home until May this year. The relationship with her parents has been very difficult and she moved into our family home last year. Our granddaughter was born early January. Our son is an excellent hands on parent. The mum is 17 years old and wanted her little family to have their own home. Jack was very reluctant to leave because there were cracks in their relationship and the financial implications of running a household at their ages. They moved out in May. Jack worked 2 24 hour days so he could be with his daughter the rest of the time. His girlfriend has an active social life and spent much of her time with her friends. Going out to the pub at least 3 nights a week. The relationship ended mid July and Jack returned to the family home. They reached an informal access agreement between them Jack could have his daughter 3 times a week. 9 am Tues til 9 am Thurs and every Sunday from 9 am until Monday at 9 am. This arrangement works really well for Jack and his daughter. He has an established routine. Spends all his time with her. When she is with her mum she is frequently left with others.... her family and her friends...... This week there has been a breakdown. Mum uses his daughter to control Jack and communication between them is shocking. Mum has with held access to his daughter for 9 days until Jack yesterday got to spend 2 hours with his daughter. We have been to see a solicitor and she is writing to the mum to reinstate the previous contact Jack had and to use a local children's centre as a picking up/dropping off point as the relationship with one another is hostile... mainly due to immaturity...... yesterday mum indicated she was going to see a solicitor to tell jack he can have access to his daughter a day ir so in the week with no overnight stays...... this is devastating to Jack. What is the likelihood of Jack getting a joint residency order and 50/50 care of his daughter as he is really concerned about his relationship with his daughter.

SeparatedDads Editor 5 Aug 2015

@joey - In response to your question: "I have always been a confident bloke, always happy and enjoying life. However since my seperation I have become totally depressed, reclusive and at times almost suicidal. The reason for this, my kids. I pay a lot of maintenance, I live in a bedsit to ensure they don't go short and I can afford to travel up to see them (their mother moved them away) but they dont seem to want to know me. We get on great and have a good time when we are all together on a day out, yet when I am not there they don't want to know me. I want to be part of their lives but they just wont reply to any messages I send them or even tell me about anything big that happens in their lives. I get no birthday or fathers day cards or messages. I phone every week but it's almost a chore now. " I am sorry to hear this. You don't say how old your children are, however whatever their ages, it doesn't help when you can't get a response. You don't say either whether you get along with your ex and if she may in part be instrumental for their reactions. I have included a link to one of our partner articles, Ex Partners and Parental Alienation Syndrome, whichI'm certainly not advocating this could be the case, but it may be a possibility. Also, if you are feeling down and depressed and are visibly showing this, then your children may not know how to react. Our article; Dealing With Being Alone, link here may also help, as may our Separated Dads Facebook page, as there are many fathers going through the same or similar issues, and the most positive thing is, they do come out the other side. I hope this helps.

joey 4 Aug 2015

I have always been a confident bloke, always happy and enjoying life. However since my seperation I have become totally depressed, reclusive and at times almost suicidal. The reason for this, my kids. I pay a lot of maintenance, I live in a bedsit to ensure they don't go short and I can afford to travel up to see them (their mother moved them away) but they dont seem to want to know me. We get on great and have a good time when we are all together on a day out, yet when I am not there they don't want to know me. I want to be part of their lives but they just wont reply to any messages I send them or even tell me about anything big that happens in their lives. I get no birthday or fathers day cards or messages. I phone every week but it's almost a chore now.

SeparatedDads Editor 21 Apr 2015

@Tony - I am sorry to hear this. Many people leave relationships and move on to new partners, and while it may be a struggle, people do get past it. I'm trying to fathom what the problem is here and why you can't be with this new woman, is it the guilt you feel? Or is it that you still have feelings for your ex because she is the mother of your children? Perhaps by being with this new woman you still feel you are being unfaithful to your ex and kids, which is understandable. Twenty years of marriage is a long time and must be quite difficult to tear yourself away from, so it is not going to be easy. Sometimes, it is easier if an ex is not understanding, because at least you can 'hate' them and it gives you an excuse and a reason to pull away and get on with your own life. Curiously, the fact that your ex is understanding may make it all the more difficult for you to make that final cut. I think if you ask yourself deep down what it is you want, you will answer your own question. It might be that you really want to be on your own and span the best of both worlds - a good relationship with your ex and kids, and a lover who you don't have to commit to. That is also understandable, as we mature we don't need that all-consuming love that we once had when we were younger, our definitions of relationships and what we need from them can change. However, only you can answer your own question and I'd sit down, be truly honest with yourself and then act upon that.

Tony 19 Apr 2015

I've been separated for over 3 years now. I was the one who cheated. I've only ever cheated once and that was enough to destroy 20 years together. I still get on well with my ex despite what's happened and she has never stopped me seeing my 2 boys aged 6 and 10. My problem is that I can't seem to move on. I'm renting a flat and the boys come and stay with me ever fortnight, but as far as a relationship goes I can't seem to get past what affect me getting together with the woman I cheated with will have on my relation ship with my kids or even my ex. I love the woman in question but she's had enough and has also left because I would never commit to her fully. I'm at a loss about what to do or who to turn to for help. Its tearing me apart not being with her but I can't bear to upset my kids or ex any more than I have already... I'm 43 and have a fantastic job, I have money and cars and nice things, but I have no life. I'd give it all up to be happy, but how do I do that knowing that being with the woman I love will destroy my relationship with my kids and ex...

SeparatedDads Editor 17 Mar 2015

@bailiebobby2015 - should you not be happy with the service or feel you have been treated unfairly, you can complain via whichI hope this helps.

bailiebobby2015 14 Mar 2015

The unnecessary evil of child maintenance Being a victim of child maintenance myself I though I would explore the system and see if I could shed some light on why the system is completely biased against fathers. Unfortunately though I couldn't. There is not a single thing the state does to assist or support fathers who have separated from mothers, no matter how much they are involved in the child's life. I have done a lot of digging and a lot of studying and have found an infinite number of flaws in the system. I have found there to be a lot of corruption and unequal treatment towards fathers. I refuse to continue to be a victim of the child maintenance tyranny and I will do everything in my power to fight the oppression of this excuse for a supportive system. Victimisation of Father's After checking and dissecting eight random case studies of the maintenance system (there were an infinite amount, I was not stuck for choice by any means) I have came to this conclusion. The child maintenance system is poorly administered and biased completely towards mothers and against fathers. The case studies I have analysed show lists of repeated flaws in the system. If I was to write about them all I would still be typing one year on. Child maintenance appears to covertly bypass the law on most occasions. They dictate what is 'right' but this normally ends up with the father being delivered a decision that completely unjust and unfair. During one case child maintenance did not even disclose the legal documentations of the mothers application and reasoning to the father or his legal rep, which is a required step for the 'initiating process'. They then proceeded straight to the 'final proceedings' without allowing the father his 'objection hearing'. Which leads me to ask how is this in any way fair or equal treatment of the father? The answer is simple. Its not fair at all. The father was then ambushed during the final hearing in an unlawful manner. The dad applied and was granted an SSAT appeal hearing during which child maintenance were forced to disclose the legal documentation that the father was previously denied as failing to do so would nullify the child maintenance enforcement. However during this hearing, at the request of child maintenance, the fathers legal rep was not allowed to speak until the end of the hearing. He was made to watch and denied his legal right to interject. The child maintenance rep was extremely compassionate towards the mother and bullied the father throughout the hearing. The only thing that the judging panel were interested in was the fathers income. The mothers income (from work and benefits) greatly exceeded the fathers but this wasn't even acknowledged. Again I repeat myself, how is this in any way fair or equal treatment of the father? Easy, its not. Just under a year after this case the mother (who was so compassionately looked upon by child maintenance) was fined for be

Dan Editor 24 Feb 2015

@Dale - I'm not sure if it something you can make a career out of as many supporters get involved on a voluntary basis. But the more the better! You can search out support groups online and approach them to get involved.

Dale 21 Feb 2015

I'd like to change my life/career to learn about helping separated dads, I'd like to help my daughter and myself too, any advice on where to start. This heartbreak and bias shouldn't be allowed to happen.

Dale 21 Feb 2015

Thank you for your advice, I'll keep doing research, she's agreed to mediation but continues to state that my daughter will not be allowed to stay overnight with me, and has given me minimal access so far at some strange times, last visit was 9pm to 10pm, a little odd for a 9 month old, and doesn't leave me alone which just makes it uncomfortable, I hope mediation works, but I'll continue research, thank you for your help

SeparatedDads Editor 17 Feb 2015

@Dale - I'm sorry to hear this. If she is unwilling to go to mediation then it is best that you try and get a contact order in place asap. I suggest you read our article When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, whichIf she is wanting to be awkward about letting you have access then it will have to go through the court system. You may also find our Separated Dads Facebook page very helpful for advice from other fathers in the same or similar situation. I would do as much background research as you can in order to make sure you are ahead of the game. I hope this helps.

Dale 14 Feb 2015

Hi, me and my partner have split up, we have a 9 months old daughter, we are currently in a shared tenancy and I am unwilling to move out until we agree on access. I'm asking for 1 night in the week after work and return my daughter in the morning, plus Friday after work and return Saturday tea time, my ex is busy on Saturdays with her other kids. She won't agree to this, seems unwilling to do mediation and has now started holding our daughter when I get home from work and not letting me hold her. Any advice anyone please? It's breaking my heart.

SeparatedDads Editor 21 Jan 2015

@Nicky - perhaps things may be better when you move over to Ireland as things can get difficult when you are in a different country. It is difficult to know which way it might turn out if you send an email to his ex as it could easily go one way or another and make things worse. Maybe he could send a letter once there requesting more frequent access. If she says no then he may have to take it to court, or at least suggest mediation as the next step, if she refuses both then he needs to take the legal route in order to gain frequent and structured access. I hope this helps.

Nicky 21 Jan 2015

My partner's ex-wife are also keeping his girls away from him...age 5 & 8, having numerous excuses that they have busy schedules or already made plans. We are now moving into the 3rd year of their separation and she allowed him to see both girls ONCE last year at different occasions...it breaks my heart to see him missing them so much EVERY SINGLE DAY but he just doesn't want to make it a court issue. However I (as the girlfriend) was thinking of sending her a polite/respected email to see if I can convince her into some sort of arrangement - working out a parenting plan where he can at least see his girls once a month, take them to their sport activities, go for lunch, visit their nan etc. Unfortunately we live in the UK and they live in Ireland...and we moved here so that it would be closer for him to fly or drive down to see them,but we are now planning to move to the UAE by the end of March. So before I stick my nose into something that isn't really MY business I need to know what my rights are - I sure don't want her to take me to court. Any advise is welcome...

SeparatedDads Editor 16 Oct 2014

@penny I'm sorry to hear that your partners ex is not making life easy for him. Unfortunately, there are some people that will go to any lengths to make things difficult for an ex partner having contact with their children. However, it seems like he is taking all the appropriate routes, so hopefully it will work out in the long term.

blue 18 Jun 2014

Can anyone put me right on the passport situation regarding children from separated backgrounds

andy 15 Jun 2014

I have just gone to court after not seeing my 4yr old girl for 6 mths. The courts said i can only see her once a mth. Any way cafcass made me look really bad in there report every thing my ex said i did with no evidence was in it but they did not put in that i had witness statements that it was her that was abusive to me. The female judge refused to read the signed statements. I asked the judge wot i had to do to get more contact with my child she said get on with the mother she wont answer the phone to me or open the door. So how am i ment to get on with ny childs mum when she wont speak to me or even say thanks for sending her other 2 kids selection boxes for xmas.

spike 11 Jun 2013

Any support groups in stoke on Trent fathers can't see baby.friends girlfriend says he can't see tmhhe baby...he keeps crying he needs some support.thankyou

Godads! 6 Jun 2013

I am writing to all of you good fathers who are going through difficult times. My partner has been in your situation until a couple of months ago when we managed to get a Contact order in place. Some mums are so bitter and disgustingly unfair towards their baby's father, I am shocked that in this century we still consider the dads to be as less important in kid's life as the mums can be. I am now a mother to be (we decided to wait until my partner got his contact order in place before even thinking about having a child of our own, but as now sorted, here we are bringing a sibling to his little princess) and would like to give you some hopes. Long story short, partner in relationship with crazy ex for couple of years, she falls pregnant after 1 year, both are teenagers, he stays with her for the child's sake, she cheats on him while he works hard to provide for her and his daughter, he leaves, she stops him seeing his princess, he comes back living with her for his baby, they argue all the time and he finally decided to leave for good. Later on we met which got his ex even angrier and bitter... She stopped him seeing his princess whenever it suited her, I pushed him to go through court and said I would support in anyway needed, mediation failed, 200pounds to open the case, one hearing and the judge (male) saw straight in the ex's game, she had nothing against my partner who is a brilliant dad fighting for his girl, so she lost, in ONE HEARING he got access every other weekend to his girl and half of holiday. He didnt have a solicitor and decided to represent himself. I prepared him using law's extract found online, reading lots of similar stories and how to get ready for first hearing, being prepared that this would be the first of many... But no, one was enough! And the judge appreciated the fact that my partner was determined and represented himself as the best person to discuss the situation and his point of view was himself, not some solicitor you pay and just take your money without real understanding of the pain you are in. SO now we have everything we wished for, his little girl every other weekend, changed number so the ex cant call (bought a cheap phone switched on when we have princess so she can call and off the rest of the time and my partner calls everynight on the ex's mobile from blocked number to talk to princess), mum still bitter and trying to be a pain but we wont let her, princess is alright, we have to spend lots off time explaining her things as she only hears bad words about us from her mum and it makes her sad but we make sure she has what she needs, the support and love a child should have. Her mum is a poor mother (wont go in details) but at least she has a brilliant dad, she is doing great at school and loves her daddy more than anything! SO please, do not stop fighting, it is distressing, I have seen my partner at the lowest but get people around you to help, evil mothers will lose their useless bitter battles and

Jonny 2 Jun 2013

Hi, I haven't seen my daughter for three months & her mother, who I separated from about six five years ago, has filed a non-molestation order on me & got me involved in court hearings. The next step is a Cafcass report. I don't feel I've done anything wrong but my ex has exagerrated & distorted events from years ago when we were together in an attempt to make me sound reckless & threatening. I am a good dad & I thought I was on a reasonably amicable level when I saw her mum, though I don't have their address, nor phone numbers, nor any means of communication except through the mum's brother who lives abroad, & that has ceased since the first hearing. When they were ignoring my requests to see my daughter I sent an email saying I might meet her from school for a birthday hug. This they interpreted as me intending to kidnap her (my words suggested nothing of the sort). Then the mum claimed she saw me near their house, which she didn't. They've since moved to another part of the country & I'm awaiting a second hearing & a possible fact-finding hearing. I'm having to represent myself but have no experience or knowledge of this. I can't believe the mum has said the things she's said or that she could move away with my daughter without so much as a goodbye, let alone an address. I'm not sure what to do in these circumstances or what my options are or the best course of action.

ade 25 May 2013

Hi I wonder if anyone can help. I have recently gone through a very complex separation. To cut a very long story short I am currently bailed under suspicion of crimes that I did not commit, my bail terms are that I have no direct or indirect contact with my ex partner. We have a beautiful 2 yr old daughter together and 2 other children that she brought into our 4yr long relationship. I have been trying to contact my ex via a third party to try to arrange contact with at least my daughter, hopefully all of the children, and have suggested that she could arrange a third party mediatory to assist in this if she liked. She has so far totally ignored these advances, is there anything else that I can try?

oneyadon 8 Apr 2013

I have been seperated from my ex for three years, she kept failing to attend, cafcass, been to court they gave boys to her til full case hearing. I now only see boys friday night through to sunday 4pm, boys are used to me every day. ex has changed their school etc. yet I have to go along with it ? found what I consider porn of ex on boys ipad her excuse was "its only a bit of fun" boys only 4 and eight also my step son threatened to kill himself in front of boys with a kitchen knife, child services said I was right to take boys out of that situation but court gave boys back to ex (?) I am on income support and thanks to rule changes I have to represent myself whilst ex has lawyer.

Russellmcnll 24 Jan 2013

Hello there. Thank you for the great information on the site. I would like to know of any resources in northern Ireland? I am currently going through the legal process of contact, attempting mediation etc. I was wondering if there are any groups I can talk with about success stories, guidance for contact, best support for my wee boy. I am a genuine father prepared to go all the distance for my wee boy.

Pipes 8 Jul 2012

Hi. I've been separated since December 2011. I have two kids. Not sure amicable is ever the word to use but the separation has been fairly business like and efficient rather than an episode of the Jeremy Kyle show. My absolute bottom line is support for the kids, financially and emotionally. I have been seeing somebody, the separated wife is aware and things are ok on that front. I haven't said anything to the kids. My new partner is great and it seems a long term thing. (we've known each other as friends for about three years). This is no flash in the pan. Yesterday whilst talking to my son, I asked him how he would feel if I got myself a girlfriend? He responded by bursting into tears and now doesn't talk to me. I'm fairly distraught over this. I'm torn between guilt of upsetting him balanced against me trying to rebuild my life. Does anybody have any help/advice/similar experience to share?Thanks.

zet 27 Jun 2012

Hi, I would like to ask if you know of any similar organisation in Greece?

Benji 11 Apr 2012

To Rich. I am in the same boat with my daughter. If you want to get in touch I am going through a court process right now overseas - some support and sharing is always helpful.Ask the adminstrators for my email address.

rich 9 Apr 2012

Im a father of a 17 month boy who I have not seen since he was 3 months. his mother will not let me see him and also my parents who have cancer my dad becoming very ill. my boy is my sperm and an spanish egg donater as my ex couldnt produce eggs. I found out she was sleeping around and decided I could not be with her anymore since then she has made a whole lot of lies about me and wont let me see him. I realy need some help im missing my son so much words cant explain.

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