I booked a holiday to Egypt when my partner and I were together. We have split up and now she is saying I can't take my son on this holiday. He was born after 2003 and I am on the birth certificate, he bears my name, and there are no residental orders or any other legal orders in place.
Where do I stand? I have only been gone two weeks and her boyfriend is already sleeping in my bed. Our son is only 4
(K.C, 15 May 2009)
It sounds as though the split between you and your ex is still fairly recent so it must be very difficult trying to deal with this situation. Not only are you angry, upset and confused about the end of your relationship but are now being stopped from spending time with your son. When you are used to seeing him every day this is obviously going to feel very unfair.
As you are named on the birth certificate you automatically have Parental Responsibility which means you have the right to be involved in the upbringing of your son. You are entitled to a say in all major life decisions that affect him and his wellbeing. However, if he continues to live with your ex, then she have the right to make decisions about his everyday life. As you have split so recently and have no legal settlements in place there is nothing concrete to refer to about who has residence or custody of your son.
Technically, as long as your son has his own passport, you are able to take him out of the country without your ex’s consent. However, legally it is encouraged for you to seek her written consent. At this early stage of your split it would be inadvisable to take him out of the country without her consent as it could work against you in the courts. Your ex is being unreasonable about the situation, especially as you booked the holiday before you split, but if she wanted to cause a fuss then she could apply for a Specific Issue Order to stop you taking him away.
The most important issue here is that you two find a mature way to communicate and concentrate on what is best for your son. He is probably also confused about the split and it would be good for you to spend some time with him. Try to talk rationally and calmly to your ex about the situation. Don’t make accusations or bring her new boyfriend into the conversation, just stick to talking about your son. It would be a good idea to Consider Mediation so that you can find a way to work together amicably.
Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.
Can my ex demand I show a marriage certificate
He’s refusing to let me take our boys on holiday
Saying he had unanswered questions about my partner saying I must show him a marriage certificate
I’ve been with my partner for over a year and my ex has previously allowed me to take the boys on holiday
How would this stand in court
Bookworm79 - 3-Jun-22 @ 9:06 PM
I split from my ex partner's August 2019 after living together for more than 9 years. I was there when our child was born and I raised him and live with his mother until we split. My son has his is own passport he's 8 8i want to take him on holidays in August in 2021 but my ex says absolutely not I can't take him anywhere now according to the loft and 2016 if you had lived with the mother and child for over a year after child is born the unmarried father is an automatic guardian after this time when we split she moved to England I am in Ireland and my solicitors seems to be not doing much and now brexit is here. Can anyone tell me do I need to go to English court where she lives and apply for some sort of Grant where I can take my child on holiday and she won't be able to stop me
Need help - 2-Feb-21 @ 1:31 PM
I stopped my ex husband holiday this August due to covid by not giving him passports for my daughters. He booked everything without asking me first. I have never stopped him from taking them anywhere before. He's trying to take me to court to grant him on paper permission for passports and holidays abroad. He clearly doesn't understand it was only because of covid this year. Does it mean he'll be granted permission without my consent for the future holidays?
Fairy - 3-Sep-20 @ 5:00 PM
Me and my x partner split up in November I have 2 children to her 2 and 1 year old I’ve been informed she’s took t he children on holiday with her parents to Tenerife one off the children has a passport the other doesn’t I’m on the birth certificates and haven’t been asked if she can take them out the country there is no court order or what ever in place between us is there anything I can legally do
Kyle - 29-Jul-20 @ 3:27 PM
My 14-year-old daughter asked me to take her on holiday to Spain. My ex gave me the dates and the holiday was booked. The holiday was booked in August 2019 and we are due to go in May 2020. Now my daughter says she doesn't want to go and her mum simply says it is her choice and although I can't prove it, I think there is more to it than simply changed her mind. The Holiday cost £1,300 and is paid in full and non-refundable. Is there anything I can do ?
stephen - 4-Feb-20 @ 6:30 PM
My partner and I are getting married this year in this country and want to take his child with us. There is a court order which states extended holidays need to be agreed with his ex but she is refusing (she has booked a holiday abroad with their daughter without his permission) to let the child be away from her for more than 4 days (we’d like a week as we have 3 other children and it’s a long drive to the destination. What’s the easiest way to deal with this?
Wildaw - 26-Jan-20 @ 8:48 AM
@scruffybub.my name is ruthless toothless I am unemployed been spit up for 10 years the mother off my daughter was a prostitute ,heroine junkie .i have not had contact sense my daughter was 5 . I am very upset over this worried my daughter will follow in her mothers footsteps .
R t - 10-Nov-19 @ 8:07 PM
my son has 2 daughters with his ex partner not married but he is named on the birth certificates they split 8 years ago, he has worked full time, sees his girls every weekend, has they sleep over every other weekend, ex will not let him take them on a weeks holiday abroad and has noe decided that he can only see his girls every sunday ?? help where does he stand, he is VERY upset at this
scruffybub - 10-Nov-19 @ 6:20 PM
My ex and I have split recently and she has arranged to take our 2 boys away for 2 weeks during school term time. Where do I stand in the way of being fined as I obviously do not want to pay a fine because it is she that has decided to take them out of school and not me?
Marrow - 26-Aug-19 @ 7:10 PM
My ex-partner just re-married. I have just discovered they took my child on their honeymoon abroad. I gave no consent for them to take my child abroad and I do have parental responsibility. Is there anything I can do?
Marcus - 22-Aug-19 @ 7:29 PM
My partners ex has said we can’t take her away on a booked holiday to Tenerife in which we booked last year! She says she want £72for uniform and £92 for school trip in which he’s already paid £120 for . He hasn’t said he would contribute for school uniform she dose this every time before we have her . Demanding money and that we buy clothes . He didn’t see his daughter for years , but has always paid for her and for the last four years has built a relationship with her even though she doesn’t call him dad and he let her surname change ? What about our holiday ?
Alexandra Yates - 2-Aug-19 @ 10:33 PM
My ex fiancé who I split with approx 2years ago has my daughter full time as she doesn’t let me see her !
I have to go to the extent of hearing from friends every so often of her whereabouts and turning up out the blue which doesn’t go down well 8/10 times as you can imagine !
However I’ve just been made aware she is in Greece with my ex fiancé and her new partner without my permission where do I stand with this ! Is this illegal is she in the wrong
Fountain - 8-Jul-19 @ 6:21 PM
Hi my partner is having loads off problems with his ex wife. She keeps kicking off saying my partner does she his daughter. So we added days so she was happy. He normally have her Wednesday day till work then all day Thursday into Friday and drops her off a nursery Friday. He has her every other Sunday/Monday. He ex has now kicked off saying she wants the daughter Wednesday's. Which isn't what was agreed too. We've booked to go away in the UK for 10 days and now is she says she's not letting us take her away unless we come up with better days. Ie cutting our holiday short but she still wants her money and for us to pay for nursery. She thinks 10 days is too long for the daughter to be away from her. Any help on how we can solve this problem.
Porkpie2k4 - 30-Apr-19 @ 2:38 AM
While it is true that your ex COULD apply for a prohibited steps order they would have to first arrange a mediation appointment and in that appointment there would be a discussion around the reasons why they want to stop you taking the child abroad. If these reasons are not in the child's best interests your ex would be strongly discouraged taking the matter further as the court will take the childs best interests as the most important factor and essentially it must be shown to be better for the child to make the order than not making and order. What I am saying is if there are no real reasons to stop you taking the child on holiday then your ex will need to lie in court (not advisable) or they will find it nearly impossible to actually get a prohibited steps order. I would call their bluff unless they have something on you.
Jleavett - 30-Mar-19 @ 5:44 PM
I’ve been seeing my girlfriend for 2 years now she has 3 kids 1 is very disabled and I love all of them my ex won’t let my girlfriend or her kids meet my kids they all met a couple of times and loved meeting each other but my ex put a stop to it what can I do if I let them meet my ex gets very very nasty in ways I can’t describe...
Offy - 14-Feb-19 @ 2:59 AM
Hi, I have a 4 yr old with my ex who I want to take away on holiday in UK for 7 nights with my new girlfriend. Ex has said no as it’s too far and too long. I’ve compromised to 5 nights and the journey would be a 5 hours car journey with breaks. I’ve tried speaking with parents who agree with me but it’s still no. She is taking him abroad for 7 nights the month before. I’m on his birth certificate and see him every weekend.
Eaglefin - 11-Feb-19 @ 1:00 AM
I have been seperated with the mother of my daughter for over 5 years, i see my daughter twice a month and it can be hard some times, now im keen on increasing the amount of time i see her including taking her abroad, she has completely disagreed on me taking her abroad and has said at least when she is a teenager my daughters almost 8 and she says its because of girl hygiene reasons, how do i go about this any advice, 5 years to wait to take her abroad seems pretty unfair to me.
andres - 5-Aug-18 @ 11:30 AM
T - Your Question:
HiIm looking at trying to talk my kids mum around to letting me take my children away for a week abroad. Now I've never had any issues with seeing my kids she is good in that way. But during our whole relationship we never went on holiday outside of the uk because she has mental health issues and with that a fear of most things flying being one of them. We had many an argument over her fear ruling what our kids do an don't do. I feel this is unfair because its blocking there chance to make memories. I am desperate to take them away for a week, where would I stand on this? Is there any legal way I can get to do it?
You would have to request permission from the other parent with parental responsibility, please see link here.
SeparatedDads - 17-Jul-18 @ 2:43 PM
Im looking at trying to talk my kids mum around to letting me take my children away for a week abroad. Now I've never had any issues with seeing my kids she is good in that way. But during our whole relationship we never went on holiday outside of the uk because she has mental health issues and with that a fear of most things flying being one of them. We had many an argument over her fear ruling what our kids do an don't do. I feel this is unfair because its blocking there chance to make memories. I am desperate to take them away for a week, where would i stand on this? Is there any legal way i can get to do it?
T - 17-Jul-18 @ 12:06 AM
I have two kids with my , broke up two years ago. I have always have the older daughter every Saturday and Sunday, she however changed this to Sunday only which I am not happy about but I accepted regardless.
I am planning to take my big daughter to Disney just for a weekend, she is refusing to let without no reason.
Tried everything I could including talking to her parent she still saying no and threatening to reduce the hours I spend with my kids .
I really want to spend more time with my kids . What option have I got ?
Fther - 9-Jul-18 @ 10:29 PM
Don’t give up or cave in! One day kids see hear and make their own minds up .
Saz - 5-Jul-18 @ 11:31 PM
Loving daddy - Your Question:
Hey I split with my ex gfriend 5 years ago offered everything from mediation to minute. Of agreement 8 weeks ago I asked my ex to take the kids abroad she says yeh I book a great family holiday from dolphins to snorkling she then told me no after I booked what's my stand it's in 5n halfweeks awayb
In cases of disagreement and where mediation fails, then your only recourse is to apply to court. However, court can take time and it is unlikely if you are going in five weeks that your case will be heard in time. I can only advise that you seek legal advice. A solicitor's letter outlining your previous agreement and the repercussions of what your actions will be if your ex doesn't allow the holiday to take place, may help.
SeparatedDads - 4-Jun-18 @ 9:56 AM
Hey I split with my ex gfriend 5 years ago offered everything from mediation to minute. Of agreement 8 weeks ago I asked my ex to take the kids abroad she saysyeh I book a great family holiday from dolphins to snorkling she then told me no after I booked what's my stand it's in 5n halfweeks awayb
Loving daddy - 3-Jun-18 @ 12:44 PM
pjt3863 - Your Question:
Thank you for your response. and my son has his daughter sleeping at ours 2 nights a week. (Tuesday and Saturday) my wife looks after her on a Wednesday to save nursery costs and he spends sunday with her
If your son pushes the matter to mediation and/or as a last resort court, then he stands a better chance if access and contact is frequent and overnight. However, it is impossible to predict what a court may decide. Also, any application to court must be well in advance of the holiday yoru son wishes to book, as it takes time to come to court.
SeparatedDads - 24-Apr-18 @ 10:55 AM
thank you for your response. and my son has his daughter sleeping at ours 2 nights a week. (Tuesday and Saturday) my wife looks after her on a Wednesday to save nursery costs and he spends sunday with her
pjt3863 - 23-Apr-18 @ 5:30 PM
my son has a 2 yr old daughter (3 in oct) and split from her mum last year, they had a family holiday with her parents organised for this sept. their family are still going on this holiday. my son asked if he could take his daughter away for a holiday (abroad) in sept, but was told she would rather he didn't as it would mean she was going away more or less as soon as she came home from their holiday and she thought his daughter was too young for this, my son accepted this although not really happy. he has just asked today if he can take his daughter away (again abroad) next june. his mum replied she doesn't know because it will mean she will be without her for a while and she doesn't want this. it seems to us she has not got her daughter, or my sons feelings at heart but is only thinking of her own selfish reasons. where does he stand on this and can he do anything?
pjt3863 - 22-Apr-18 @ 5:29 PM
Hi I am a mum of a 1 year old boy and his dad walked out on us at 6 months old for another woman, he is on the birth certificate.
He sees his son on a Monday and Tuesday
Does he have a right to take our son away for 4 days or can I say no to that?
K - 7-Mar-18 @ 9:50 AM
I'm a mother and primary carer of my 16 yr old.
His absent father wants to arrange a trip to his new holiday home abroad to which I've no objection. However upon further discussion with my 16 yr old he accidentally dropped in the fact that he will fly there and back alone. I don't think he is responsible or mature enough to do this yet. it's worrying me, can I legally insist he is with him on the trip and journey to and from his holiday home.
RealMrsB - 2-Mar-18 @ 11:36 PM
HI my name is Anna and i split from my ex partner when i was 7 weeks pregnant with his child. However being who I am I did not want my child raised not knowing his Father and arranged for him to have rights to see him. He is now 9 years old and spends every Wednesday and one to two nights on a weekend which has always been agreed between ourselves. He is now married with another child and I have just recieved a phone call from him to say he is going for joint custody as he wants access to his school and medical records I have told him he can have access but he will not comply and wants to take me to mediation and apply for extra nightsto have my child. I am really worried the child is my life and brought him up on my own the Father denied the child was even his when I was pregnant I dont know what I can do as I have complied with every time he wanted access I have even let him take him on family holidays I am broken hearted can you help me please
annad - 26-Jan-18 @ 8:34 PM
@TheNewWife - it would be very difficult to claw back the money even if she did sign. Even if your husband applied for something such as a Specific Issue Order through the Bristish courts, if his ex gave a valid reason why the kids couldn't go such as illness etc, then there really would be little he could do to get the money returned.