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Ex Partners and Parental Alienation Syndrome

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Ex Partners and Parental Alienation Syndrome

At its heart, Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is where one parents attempts to turn the children against the other parent. Where divorces are less than amicable, it’s sadly not uncommon, and generally used by mothers in an attempt to ensure little or no contact between their exes and children.

If you're experiencing these manipulative behaviours and want to understand whether what you're facing constitutes parental alienation, you can use our free Parental Alienation Checker.

Done subtly, it can be hard to prove, and at its worst it can produce Allegations Of Child Abuse Against The Fathers. Even when not pressed to those extremes, it causes anguish for thousands of men (which isn’t to say fathers haven’t used it against mothers, but in general it’s mothers who are the perpetrators). In court the result can be devastating, resulting in minimal or no contact for fathers.

How it Works

PAS is a kind of brainwashing. If the parent with custody can convince the child that he or she doesn’t want anything to do with the father, that carries weight in court, since one of the factors taken into account regarding contact is the wishes of the child. For obvious reasons, it works better with younger children, who are more easily swayed and subject to emotional pressures. In difficult situations, they naturally want to please the parent they’re with.

It can happen for any number of reasons, from fear of losing the children to the other parent to revenge. Sometimes trying to establish the root cause can be impossible.

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Parental Alienation Checker

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Is it Legal?

If it could be proven that a parent had used PAS, there could be legal repercussions. In practice, however, establishing that can very difficult. Using it on a child is a form of abuse in medical terms, and legally it becomes a type of coaching, both of which are illegal.

What would tend to happen, though, is that the custodial parent’s assertions of the child’s wishes would end up being ignored when it came to contact. A few courts might order family therapy, but would be unlikely to prosecute beyond that. That said, authorities do recognise it happens.

Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.

What Can the Victim do?

For the victim, generally the father, to prove PAS is very difficult. You’ll need a good solicitor, a Child Welfare Officer who’s willing to go beyond the surface to investigate your side of the story, and the willingness to pursue this, probably at County Court level, which means expense.

You’ll need extensive notes on conversations with the other parent, a diary of time spent with the children, and their excuses for not spending time with you. Note instances where the other parent has gone to schools or clubs to say you should have no contact with your children there (if that has happened), or if the other parent has stopped the child communicating with other members of your family.

The stronger the body of evidence you can build, the greater your chances of proving PAS and re-establishing contact. The problem, though, is that eventually the children can believe it really is their wish not to see you.

Where there is a contact order, try to make sure you see your kids. It keeps a line open, and acts as assurance that they don’t really hate you. It also opens the door for more contact. If it’s possible to Keep Communication With The Mother – which in many cases it won’t be – then do so; minds can change, and it all becomes more ammunition if you have to go to court.

Divorce Resource

This article is taken from our sister site: www.DivorceResource.co.uk. For more information on access rights, child support and looking after your dependants following a split, take a look at this section on divorce resource.

The Next Step

Parental Alienation Checker

Now that you have read through the advice above, you might want to put it into practice. Our Parental Alienation Checker lets you check for signs of parental alienation and get guidance on next steps. Takes 2 minutes. Try it now →

Would you like a family law solicitor or mediator to contact you? Get help →

Tell us a little about your situation and we will try to match you with someone who can help. It is free to ask and you are under no obligation.

If anyone is in danger, call 999 now. This form is not for emergencies.

134 questions
Ask Separated Dads a Question
Russ102 07/03/2021 at 12:07 am
Heard there is a back log of refferals due to covid???

How long has people been waiting to first hear from social services recently?

I went to hospital and they referred to child protection because of my mental health.

It's been 10 days and not heard a word.. Not has my ex.

I don't live with my daughter as she lives with my ex (mother of our daughter)

Last time I seen her was 23rd December
And ment to be seeing her on the 29 march.
Supivised with her parents.
Marty 19/09/2020 at 7:32 pm
I have been dealing with the same thing but my ex had me chased from her state would not talk to me or my parents for our son makes sure to call me on my birthday to only tell me i cannot talk to my son no i have not abused him never has and never have been investigated now she contacting my mom just to say its up to my son but she will allow my dad to talk to him. How it got to no contact was my fault trying to protect my son because he father was imprisoned for murder but she left me for a meth dealer addict and now the man went to prison for murder not her dad her husband her family does do drugs even with kids around i have tried court cousoling but in my lawyers words i was a emotional play at me because washington state has always favored women my ex has admitted to the judge she wished i would die it would be easier for her to be free and the courts still rule in her favor i tried to stay in shelters go beat up almost stabbed by her husband but the judge told me that it was not pertaining to my son i had to leave state for my safety i did try to call every single day for 3 years and she kept changing her number blocking me on facebook the courts dont care and lawyers dont care i have hardly a dime to my name i pay 2 states for one child and will never see him ever again i dont understand why some one can have a child with a person and then tells them their done with them and they dont want them but takes the child from them after my son being told i left because of him but i could never tell him otherwise my 14 year old wants nothing to do with me and i am half mexican and everyone in her family called me racial names constantly even when i would be in tears i would tell her and she told me if i dont like it move but if i leave i will never see my son im sorry of this is jumpy but its hard for me to even talk about. Im not asking for im sorry that happened to you or anything i just dont know what to do my son hate me and my ex makes bad choices even if it involves children i tried to keep her happy but it didnt work. I dont understand why she did all that and she kept telling me she grew out of me we were young yes but i was for sure and still dont regret being with her now i will say and am proud to say she is a great mother but not good as a friend or such i have talked before on other sites so please dont attack me or her her mother took her and her brother from her dad because he is a very bad person drug dealer and murderer so is her husband and i never had even done drugs i did drink for like 2 years to make friends but when she got pregnant when i was 19 i quit drinking and still to this day im 34 i dont drink and have never drank.
Chris 15/04/2020 at 9:42 pm
@ali.this the truth the relationship I had with her mother should (NEVER HAD HAPPENED GODS TRUTH WE ARE TO (DIFFERENT) AND ITS TERRIBLE TO SAY BUT THE CHILD SHOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN BORN)I am glad things turned out the way they have with no contact and no child support .i had a moment off weakness low point in my life and called this women (BIG MISTAKE )she lucky I sighed the( passport papers).and all got was a trip to the (magistrate) put on orders lost my gun license and never got to see (my daughter) .well f her she better not show her face anywhere near me that goes for little boyfriend two ringing me up (playing games ).he can have the (mother and the child) You get no argument from me .
Chris 15/04/2020 at 9:20 pm
@ali.well I think every (guy is money motivated person ).and I myself have a gun license just got it (back ).because I was put on (DV orders) and once that happens the police and government will( automatically take it ).this women is nothing but (trouble) lucky I have mate with (gun licence) and signed my guns over to him because they would have (crashed my guns).and for record I have (daughter) and would never encourage her to shoot this (my hobby or was to this virus turned up ).and I think you are lucky to get the (minimal) child support .i don’t pay (stuff her )and if my daughter turned into a horrible natured rude and disrespectful teenager (good )I hope she drives her mother crazy .i just want to be (left alone )to live my country lifestyle.her daughter would be use to (big city lifestyle) and would never cope living my way .she best with mother and her partner.
Ali 15/04/2020 at 11:46 am
Hi , I’ve been divorced over 8 years and have 2 sons 16 and 13 . When we were together my ex was abusive , violent and controlling . He did nothing with the children ii was left to me to work and bring up the boys . He paid me the minimal money a month and lied continuously. Now the boys are older they are useful to him . He is a money motivated person that his his life and now he’s putting these ideas in the boys heads . He has a gun licence and encourages them to shoot but cruelly . Both boys have become horrible natured , rude and disrespectful . I try and follow the right route and encourage the right ways but am constantly being over ridden by my ex . Any suggestions ?
Andy 13/04/2020 at 11:17 pm
I separated from my wife 19 months ago following our regular domestic arguments which she would often get pyshical, very abuse verbally but pack my bag and force me out of my home. On the last time, my oldest son 11 at the time, had a melt down (autism) and she hit him in the face and he retaliated by hitting her back. I interviened when she attacked me. I ended being forced to leave having her threatened police and her brother who lived next door. Since then I have suffered terrible parental alianation. I had got child services involved and they investigated domestic abuse and child abuse but I did not have enough evidence. We had meetings and worked together and with schools but at soon as social were happy we could co-parent and signed us off, she stopped me from seeing my boys. I was homeless at start and have had to rebuild my life entirely and but I have suffered constant abusive psychological abuse from my ex and my oldest is terrified of me. Even though I havent seen him in 7 months. I have been accused of so many things and set up for failure as a father. My whole side of family also, my mom dad etc have been regularly cut off and punished today again as example I phoned my youngest son, during his usual suppervised conversation when his mom shouted to tell me to stop texting her brother nasty messages. Which is not true. I said sorry Harrison, I don't know what ur mom is talking about, I'm just phoning to speak to u. She then blocked my folks etc as a way of punishing me.
I cannot afford anymore legal fees. I have paid divorce, child maintenance monthly, new home, was left with marriage debts in my name and I tried caftcas and they advised against legal as my boys are 11 and 13 now but my oldest has special needs and he is most vulnerable. I was seeing my youngest son regularly until the virus outbreak as he stands up to his mom despite how guilty she makes him feel for seeing me. I have lots of evidence, video footage, emails and dates witnesses etc but my kids are to scared to stand against their mom. I don't know what else to do as I am heartbroken with all this and especially not being able to see or speak to my oldest son who is brain washed into hating me for untrue reasons.
Andy Steele
C.laurie 06/04/2020 at 8:48 pm
Now I have told a few (yarns )on this site .but what I am about to say here is (gods truth) .i honestly don’t believe I am the bio father to Suzi Jane Barnes child that’s why I never went to court for visitation long story short .the relationship with her was open when I was 30 years old I got tested and truth is I was born (sterile ).and it was hard to take at the time because I thought I was the (father I was even put on the birth certificate).i don’t no why she did that I guess I will never no .it does explain to me why she never went to child support maybe lesson the guilt on her behalf who knows with that women .i did have do go to counselling and talk to someone about how I was feeling when I found out I was born sterile I was with the mother to the child was 5 I was 28 then so for 7 years I honestly thought I had a daughter so it did effect my (mental health and I am not ashamed to say it ).it was a (big blow) and the lights come on and I felt like a (fool I was sad mad mixed emotions).but I can honestly say now I have found peace and can (laugh at the situation) now and put it down as a learning curve and (stay away from women like her ).
Adam 06/04/2020 at 3:17 pm
My ex and I have been apart for 10 years and have an 11 year old son. Ever since we split I have known that she has lied about me saying that I used to beat her up. I knew this was nonsense and as we moved in different circles it has never really bothered me or had an impact on my life. However in the last year my son has told me that his mum has told him that not only did I used to beat her but I also hospitalised her on two occasions. Again this is just not true. She has also told him that I was not at his birth because I was high on drugs at the time. Again just plain fiction. I think I handled it well with my son and simply explained things. The lie regarding his birth, I was able to explain easily as although it's true that I initially wasnt at the hospital during the labour, I was in fact at home caring for my then 5 year old son, who was in bed fast asleep. I was also getting regular phone calls, every half hour or so from my exs mother who was at the hospital. And that at around midnight she called again to tell me that the baby would have to be C section at which time I woke my son up,got him dressed and headed straight to the hospital. I have tried to get mediation in the past but again after hearing the lies from my ex they refused to take it on..my next way forward is to apply for a court order to have more time with my son but I'm concerned her lies will stop.this from happening. I dont know if it's worth contacting social services as she is deliberately trying to alienate my son from me with her lies and therefore is committing a form of child abuse.
Senor1droop 20/03/2020 at 2:22 pm
My ex has recently cut all my contact with my children because I refuse to pay money directly to her, it’s not that I don’t pay , I just pay a 3rd party who then pay her because she can’t be trusted. Because of this I’ve lost all contact to my kids! Something both them and me are not used to! The signs are there that she is starting to employ PAS. I thank god for the game Fortnite which has allowed me a secret back passage form of contact to my kids that she doesn’t know about. This whole process is heartbreaking and at times has tested my will to live, I’m not suicidal but my kids are everything and don’t know how to have a life without them
Gusklemp 18/03/2020 at 3:51 pm
I have a court order in place. A month ago I went to pick up the kids, but the younger one had broken her finger.
The mother did not let me take them to the hospital. She said she would go to st George's hospital, so I drove to the hospital.
One hour later she did not arrive. I try calling several times, but her phone was switched off.
She told the child that I did not care about her. When i finally managed to ask the child how she was, she said: "you don't care about me. Mum told she removed the trash from home 2 years ago and she just realised that i am the trash. I hate you dad and mum hates you to"
Ahhhh. Haven't seen her since then. I am applying for variation so i can pick up the kids straight from school. However the solicitor said it will be very difficult to prove parental alienation and if my daughter refuses to see me..... I probably won't be able to see her. Damn the queens courts
Tan2311 07/03/2020 at 10:51 am
Hi, my partner's ex who he's been separated from for 10 years and who he has 4 children with is causing problems for us all. He pays and never misses his CSA maintenance monies. He then helps towards uniforms, clothes, school trips, takes them on holiday, gives them pocket money, does everything over and above. The problem is the munn keeps asking for more. She spends the money in herself, tells the children dad doesn't pay her enough and they are constantly asking for more, messaging him telling him he is letting them down, their school shoes are an embarrassment etc then he feels bad as a father and gives in! They live with her and she manipulates them and tells them negative things about him. I've had messages from her telling me things about him trying to split us up and similar stories with very different facts being passed in from his daughter to my daughter that almost split us up, this obviously came from his ex too, it's slander! No one is on the man's side it seams. My ex pays next to nothing but I've worked my butt off to be self sufficient and independent and always out my kids first and I'm proud of the fact. If anyone has had a similar experience or has any advice we'd love to hear from you.
Tan2311 05/03/2020 at 6:16 pm
My partner's ex ruling his life. They've been separated 10 years! Have 4 children but she constantly asks for more.money on top of his CSA payments, spends it on herself then the children call saying they need money for lunches, trips, uniforms etc and he pays it as he feels guilty. He's just had a text off his daughter saying her mum has said that he doesn't pay enough and that he's 'letting them down'. I've had text messages from his ex telling lies about him trying to split us up and the same lies with obvious floors being told to my daughter and I'm worried about him as he is so down about it as he just want to be a good dad. I wish my ex was somewhere near as good! We can't afford solicitors it's just all for the woman and that's coming from a woman who's ex pays hardly anything and isn't interested, my partner bends over backwards and more yet seams to get punished, any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Herbs 05/03/2020 at 12:46 pm
You gotta have rocks in your head to have kids in today’s world. 1st the courts refuse to change their outdated laws because it’s a huge business. In the USA the family courts make more money than all other courts combined 2nd the iPhone ear will crush future generations as its crushing people now 3rd a women or a man have rocks in there head if the waste there life on one person 4th there so many bad things to destroy a child’s life growing up in regards to all the different drugs on market it’s not just weed anymore is super duper weed that feels like coke. Get it through your head folks the courts don’t care the cops don’t care all they care about is draining you for every nickel they can.
Davep 21/02/2020 at 5:28 pm
Recently I got contacted by the local councils family protection department. I have to provide accommodation and security for my daughter who is a victim of emotional and mental abuse from her mother (who has previously done this to my step daughter too). Thing is I live at my parents and there is no room for my daughter, I cant afford to rent privately (even with benefit help) I dont earn enough to do shred ownership and the council are saying there is no housing for our needs. She needs out of the house asap. I was wondering if the council could help me financially in any other way or if there is a charity I can turn to help for housing?
Jedward 25/01/2020 at 3:16 pm
My ex wife is making me ill over access to my children. I am so grateful I get to see them briefly every other weekend which I appreciate is more than some others get. The hoops she makes me jump through and the control she has over it it's worn me down so much that I just feel I've lost all the fight I had in me and I just can't go on like it. She uses the children to control and manipulate me where she can't get at me herself and I've had as much as I can take. I feel totally broken and at the end of the line with it all
Wes 05/12/2019 at 2:57 pm
Like many men I have read they split and there exs have done everything to stop it.my ex has lied in court to social to probation.
Charlie's angels 13/10/2019 at 4:14 pm
Me a ex were having an amicable agreement ,I'd have my son every weekend so she could go to work.on last weekend visit 4 weeks ago .I found out she was with another ignoring calls from me to speak to her 3 yr old son as he was I'll.it all blew up I chased other guy. Kept my son for extra day.now she's refusing me access not telling me anything about him totally shut.i know I kept him without permission but I sent pics texts every couple hrs.so she didn't wory.i feel I've played right into her hands and I'll lose him forever.i honesty believed keeping him was right if she's willing to something else before our son!?!..were about to start mediation But think she's only interested in ticking box on c100 form.have no idea wat to do!? Do know if iam being alienated, pushed out son's life.cant prove any of it.hes only 3 the little fella will forget me. Just some advice please .
Ju 28/08/2019 at 8:17 pm
I note you don’t accept comments from women, however my attempts to communicate on this forum regarding parental alienation & spousal abuse have been ignored. This is discrimination. Why are men given so much support but there is no obvious support for women. This is discrimination & unlawful. As you are refusing to support me due to my gender & all the websites relating to this abuse are aimed at supporting men, perhaps you can provide details of an organisation who supports WOMEN.
Ju 27/08/2019 at 11:33 am
In 2 occasions my comment has been removed. No surprise, my view is not valid or believed. 48 years no one has helped me, why should I expect you to be any different. It’s ok for people to abuse me. I deserve it. Continue your good work to support everyone else.
glawrence 14/08/2019 at 2:25 am
So years ago I was married to a girl when I was 19 we end up getting it annulled because she cheated and then I moved away and she was pregnant is she got pregnant around the time she began to cheat so she wasn't aware or she wasn't sure who the father was her and the gentleman she cheated on me with ended up being together for many years she tells me she has miscarriage so I'm under the impression I don't have a daughter then I've been told that I do have a daughter and I go out there to see her when she was a baby her mother only allow me to see her for one day when I was out there for 5 days in Colorado after that visit her mother ended all communication with me again and I was paying child support but I couldn't find or check the mother down need to establish custody or to try to gain some visitation at that time I was still young and financially it didn't have the means to be able to provide for myself and my new young family and also fight a court battle in a state across the country throughout the years I would try to reach out to her mother via social media try to get some type of connection or establish connection with my daughter and her mother would constantly deny each one of my requests 2 years back my daughter's mother reached out to me and tells me that she has told my daughter that the man she believes is her father is not her father it was kind of a important at that time because my daughter is like me very fair-skinned and her siblings are very dark skin cuz their father was African American and she was wondering why her complexion didn't match theirs so fast forward until now what's my daughter and I had re-established connection her mother again cut out communication I didn't know where they live they changed the numbers I didn't know how to get ahold of them or even what city to look them up in so yeah and I just been waiting hopefully hoping that one day I would hear from my daughter again recently last year to be exact my daughter's mother reached out to me telling me that they want me to sign over my parental rights so that the man that has been raising her could adopt her. my daughter wants his name on the birth certificate since he was the one that's been raising her and then all the sudden I didn't hear from him for a year until today when they once again asked me my daughter asked me if I would sign over my rights. No I totally feel like this is parent alienation syndrome I've been denied the right to be a parent to my daughter her entire life. I feel very torn about this decision that I must make soon part of me Chase give her what she want if this is your daughter's wish give her what she wants. But then I see it as me saying to her yeah sure whatever you're not that important to me anyway so y'all just signed you away and that's not how I feel at all. the other part of me saying that if I don't sign my rights away and I say no I don't want to I want to have relationship with you I don't want t
Desperate mum 06/08/2019 at 12:10 am
So bit of a long story really, my ex and i separated in April because of his disgusting behaviours, anyhoo we had a disagreement and police were called the following day he went and made other alligations, police came arrested myself and left my child with him, Social Services were called and then placed my child on a Child Protection Plan. Now im fighting to get my child back. Has anyone ever been through this that can help. Thank you x
Helly 30/07/2019 at 11:22 am
My ex and his family try to do this to me all the time. Luckily my kids are getting older and see it for what it is. My problem is a little different in that they started to get upset having been around there and not wanting to go. I would never and will never stop him from seeing them as the relationship is important. I was fed up of forcing them to go so I sat down and asked them what the problem was. I then called ex husband and told him. I merely suggested a few changes he could make to make it better or I could see a point where they wouldn't want to go there at all. He shouted and screamed at me to mind my own business, it's nothing to do with me and even suggested I was trying to ruin his relationship with his new partner. He told me the kids had to accept he has a new family and they have to lump it. (This was not the issue). Then he cut me off altogether. He now makes arrangements without my knowledge and the first I hear is when his car is outside and they go off.

He basically treats me like I don't exist. He only ever takes them for fun days out. Never does the mum dad taxi thing, listens to their emotional issues.

He is now stopping maintenance because he is taking them on holiday for a week.

I feel he is still controlling everything even though we are not together.

Am I wrong?
Fay 12/06/2019 at 6:44 pm
I am feeling the effects and understand your pain Ally. I attempted suicide three weeks ago after a sudden alienation of my 12 year old son. I was married to his father for 17 years he was controlling and emotionally abusive. I tried to leave him on multiple occasions. He convinced me that I ‘ pushed his buttons!’ I divorced him 7 years ago and am not happy with a loving new partner. I road has been tough and my ex has dragged me back and forth to court over finances. I settled on the minimum in the hope that he would leave me alone however this hasn’t happened. I have two older children age 21 and 17 , both boys. They all get on well with my new partner who they consider as there step dad. We had a religious blessing ceremony two years ago ( after my new partner had a diagnosed long term serious health condition. It was a beautiful day that my boys and family and friends loved. My ex has repeatedly told my youngest son not to take any notice of my partner and that he will never be his step dad. While my older boys where around during there weekend visits we just about kept on top of this emotional manipulation however my sons behaviour dramatically deteriorated two months ago when his brother left to go to college. He has now said he hates my partner and wants to live with his father. My ex ( his father has limited phone contact and totally brainwashed him. I have texts and emails to say he is cross and angry with me. My son came out as gay before Christmas last year and his father is homophobic . My son is aware of this and has been subject the negative comments. My ex husband told my son that if he ‘ had evidence of him poncing ‘about then he would take me to court to stop being able to take him to Musical Theatre classes. My partner and I have always support my son and his creativity and preferences and encouraged him to be himself. My son has expressed to both my partner and I that he wanted his father to accept him for who he is. We have encouraged him to maintain contact a keep up visits dispite some difficult times. I know wish I hadn’t as the situation has been turned on us and I have lost my son. I am so concerned for his mental and emotional wellbeing as I know he will have to mask his true personality. My ex husband is so controlling. I have evidence that this is financially motivated . My ex told me he would ruin my life and me financially when I told him I wanted a divorce. On the last contact I had with him when attempting to talk to my son he told me I should wake up and take responsibility for my actions and reminded me that I was still living in the marital home. ( I worked really hard in a job I hated to remortgage the house to pay him half of what I owe him . The court agreement was until youngest child was 18. He has done this to stop child maintenance and force me out of our home . He has no care for me only hatred. He has shown no thought at all for my extreme upset. My sons school and social servic
Ally 12/06/2019 at 3:36 pm
I lived with domestic violence, mental abuse and coercive control for 40 years at the hands of my husband, the situation became serious that I had to leave, I left July 2018 my 15yr old son and 13yr old Daughter had already being brainwashed by their narcissistic, abusive father in preparation for a split knowing I couldn't. exist like this for much longer. He has since controlled, isolated them from me, their 2 older brothers 2 nieces and 2 nephews, this is serious abuse but the system has let my kids down, they say because of the ages of the kids and they are saying they dont want contact with me or their brothers, that the court has to listen to them. The judge did say that this WAS parental alienation and said it was extremely distressing but failed to do anyting about it..........THIS SYSTEM IS FAILING OUR KIDS!!!!!
heartbroken mother.........Ally
Hi 29/04/2019 at 6:37 pm
I think my son's dad is trying to alienate my son, my son's not allowed to speak about me y he's in his care and my son doesn't dare he says it makes daddy mad, he's got a folder of everything that has happened and all conversations that he's told my son when he's old enuf he will see how stupid I am, he's now saying my son wants to live with him and that there must be something going on at home for my son not to want to come bk to me, yet we have no problems at home and my son is perfectly happy iv got to the point I don't no what to do Can anyone help at all please
Chris 05/03/2019 at 12:27 am
My said something to me once she said I feel sorry and now I just pity you because she kicked me out off my (own place bye police )and I had to say at her boyfriends place there was a (brawl that night )my father and best mate was right about her I should have (listened).the thing is I feel sorry for her and pity her that’s gods truth she is a messed up person the whole family can’t stand her .now remove my surname she won’t (what a loser )and her (big bad men )won’t come and sort me out (come on big fella I heard you want to rip my jaw off )ha ha you have my address twinkle toes (how does it feel paying for my leftovers my scraps ha ha ).i bet he is not that bright ?
Happy life 04/03/2019 at 9:18 pm
Hi just reading this now my partner suffered terrible with his ex partner who is sorry to say it a complete horrible nutter who has used 2 children and wrecked thier lives, she cheated on my partner and then when he left told the young children he left to be with me which is untrue, she stopped him seeing the children and would phone and say give me more money and i will let you see the kids, we ended up going to court but she had a solicitor which we couldnt afford at the time she then later done a runner without paying him but thats another story, the courts and cafcass are against dads they from the start made massive mistakes in reports and had to be replaced by other workers whilst all the time the mother was alienating the kids, the lies that where told where beyond belief eventually my partner got contact for one day an night but was hard as kids came with an attitude from the mother took hours to get them to be normal then we would have a great day an leave on a high note then have to repeat the week later my partner would drop them at school she would send them with dirty uniforms an shoes an without homework etc she eventually wore my partner down to a mental breakdown he ended up on anti depressants, 9 years on we have our own family together but she is still using the kids who are now in 20s and late teens messaging treatening etc its pathetic really shes done her damage shes got what she wants wish she would jst move on with her life an same goes for the grown up
Kids now they need to grow up they have made their decisions now although always bought things up until last christmas still the vile comments come how badly done to they are still coming from the mother through the kids. People please think before mentally abusing your children and using them as weapons
Bev 31/12/2018 at 12:40 pm
Our family has gone through one of the worst parental alienation. We are now 6years down the road. My son’s daughter is nearly 13. We see her every fortnight although this involves a 60 mile round trip, we have retired near our son, and share the driving as this is exhausting for all on a time limit. Our son is married now with a one year old son. His daughter is desperate to spend more time with us all and cries asking when she is old enough to make decisions. She realises if she chooses to see us there is a price to pay with her Mother. So her usual phrase is she doesn’t know when asked anything to do with contact. Not to put pressure on her obviously but contact is all on her mum’s terms and dates are changed frivolous appointments are made and plans, activities decided on contact days. I would appreciate advice we are fortunate in that no matter what is said our granddaughter still wishes to see us all. She has had her friends add us on social media to keep contact.
Bellabee 13/12/2018 at 5:57 pm
Hi Thinks, I hope you have managed to make progress with your girls. I am sorry you had to go through so much it is an extremely painful for any parent to be alienated against your child or children. I strongly believe in 50/50 parenting should always be a priority and everything else should just be background noise to the child.
It is a painful grieving process that a lot of Mums and Dads both go through due most of the time the other parent being twisted narcissist they also make great pathological liars too.
Whilst they are headset on destroying you they forget the damage they are planting long term into the child. I'd you have any communication at all with your kids then keep showing them love and happiness. Love will eventually conquer all even if bit takes years. I have not seen my Child in three years, I just can't mentally be on the same level as my ex. It is a internal killer for all parents in the same position, so I would recommend when you can try to love yourself too and remember you are stronger than you think as you are still standing and surviving. It is okay too carry on and make happy memories and stories ready to share with the child in adulthood when they are ready to understand.
Tinks 25/10/2018 at 7:30 am
@rooster, yes she does but how do you explain that she messaged the day before my birthday to say neither of them wanted to see me didn't hear a word on my birthday then got a message day after my birthday she a said she forgot not sure I believe that.
@hen parlour, I have a new partner and have never been treated so good it's hard to get used to. Thing is we all grow up and change doesn't make anything that happened in your past a bad person it's a learning curve x
Tinks 25/10/2018 at 7:27 am
@rooster , thank you, friends say oh get on with it etc, I would like to see how they coped if they were in my situation. Thing is he's a great manipulator and led me to rely on him for years because he said I couldn't cope with my kids which is rubbish. Thanks for letting me share x
Tinks 25/10/2018 at 6:55 am
Sorry last thing I want to add, I was beaten by my first husband I have 2 children with him 18, 20 who are also brainwashed by my ex and no matter how much I hated the man and believe me I did I told him when I moved, parents evening, productions because he is their parent my feelings don't count it's the kids I don't understand why anyone would do this what we're all going through to anyone x
Tinks 25/10/2018 at 6:52 am
@rooster. Thank you for accepting me I won't but you all too much if I do tell me to get lost. It's so common for dad's and that's all I found on Google was dad's my situation is rare
Tinks 25/10/2018 at 6:50 am
Ok, I ended my marriage last August should of been over years ago but I finally got the guts to end it and keep it so! We had split twice before 1st in 2013 2nd 2016, the 2nd time in think although he denies that he was having an affair mum's at the school and his family can't all be wrong?! Anyway at that point I lived a single parent life we had to live under the same roof it's council joint tenancy. That wasn't too bad it was always ne and girls with my friends and their kids. Anyway my ex is literally the laziest person you could meet suddenly he was buying my girls affection getting off his backside and doing stuff it was that behaviour change that caused my nervous breakdown i was in a really bad way I presented to my gp shaking and crying she advised me to move out as it was making me so ill so I did. Hands up I messed up I had a mass ball of emotion in my gut it stopped me seeing my girls I didn't want to be a mum so I'm sure that's played a part. Cutting loads out cos I could go on forever! I came home from holiday 6 weeks ago to find he had moved himself and the girls out the family home and in with his girlfriend without saying a word I rang the police and child services neither were interested he can do what he wants cos of being on birth certificate. I message my 13 year old every day she reads on what's app and never replies, my ex said they are scared of me no idea why my friends all think he's turned them against me but it's so hard to prove I don't know what to do I'm still really ill and spend a lot of time crying. He told me he doesn't get notifications on his phone cos it's broken and can only email me from work which I don't believe, he's lied about me to the council and he won't admit that. He works at the school my 9 year old goes to he moved her there and he sold it to me by saying "well look at it this way it's good for you because you won't have to do school run" 1st time I saw it myself, he said that because one as starting to get ill at that time. Ask any questions I'm not ashamed I'm happy to talk or type about it.
@rooster thank you ??
Rooster 25/10/2018 at 6:48 am
@tinks.we are waiting you are the first women to ever come to us for advise .by the the way I respect a women with manners .
Tinks 25/10/2018 at 6:36 am
@rooster thank you it's appreciated ?? it's long so I'll get started
Rooster 25/10/2018 at 6:35 am
@tinks.no not the wrong territory we are equal opportunity site We are all ears please tell us your story ?
Tinks 25/10/2018 at 6:30 am
Wasn't until I commented that I thought maybe I'm in the wrong territory don't want to butt in if not wanted ??
Rooster 25/10/2018 at 6:23 am
@tinks.share away darling open your little heart up to us .we are here to help I no this site is designed for men but we will make an expection for you .tell us your story ?.
Tinks 25/10/2018 at 5:14 am
Hi, I'm an alienated mum who misses her girls terribly. No disrespect to you dad's but in Google nothing for mum's I know it's rare and I don't know what to do anymore I've tried everything the police, child services and nothing it's killing me literally any advice would be great. If you want to know my story I'm happy to share.
Thanks for reading
Burtnick 22/10/2018 at 5:32 pm
I split with my ex partner when my son was four. Since the break up my ex and her parents have led a systematic campaign to turn my son against me and to discredit it to all and sundry within the locality even going so far as to say that I committed fraud and because of it was sacked from my teaching job even though it was from depression this situation and a head teacher using it to his advantage that caused the depression and I decided to leave and was never sacked.
My ex parents told my son awful things that weren't true sbout me and told him I didn't want him as did his Mother. I spent what meagre savi he I had to gain contact through court but even though I have won and been back to court subsequently the alienation has continued. It has got to a point now where my son (now 15) treats me awfully despite doing as much as I can for him and with him. If I give him boundaries and demands to go home and tells me his Grandfather is a far better father than me!
Stingrayslammer 20/10/2018 at 12:49 pm
Had the PSO removed at first attempt I was meant to add
Stingrayslammer 20/10/2018 at 12:47 pm
My ex is strongly engaging in PA as I keep winning my case against her and successfully had a false PSO put on me, now accusing me of emotionally abusing my son and saying in court he doesn't want to go, I've started keeping a record and copies of when she stops contact claiming he's I'll and continues to demand reduced contact and supervised contact, I've done a lil bit of research and pointers I found literally all apply and tries to stop me from speaking to medical and educational authorities about him n makes false allegations in court to get contact stopped, twice now n both she lost
Karlos 10/10/2018 at 9:00 pm
My ex is in Middlesbrough I'm in colne she has had me locked up for going to see my daughter and I didn't do anything I have been to see my daughter since but now she doing what uver people are telling her to do and she is listening to them and her new partner rings me giving me abuse now I cannot see my daughter at all dont know what to do it kills me knowing my daughter is calling someone else dad its not right can someone give me some advice
stevesgirl2016 09/09/2018 at 9:54 pm
Hi people

I need some advice. I am certain that my fiances ex wife has this syndrome as she has manipulated my partners children aged 12 and 15 to the point were they no longer want to have any contact physically or even through social media they have cut him off completely and believe me when I say that he has literally done nothing wrong. Other than try and instil morals and advise them on life issues that they have. His ex wife through their 15 year old out twice and my fella took his son in and encouraged him to maintain contact with his mother as she was bombarding my fella with text messages and emails everyday to ask their son to message her. And now his son has gone home he has blocked his dad on everything and he is absolutely distraught as he has no idea what is going on with the kids and his ex will not help him and is encouraging the kids to stay away from their dad.
Please please help me is there any advice or system in place for help for dads in this situation.
9sodapops 05/09/2018 at 10:55 pm
I get that many men feel that this happens to them...maybe it’s been “proven”, but I feel that’s debatable. I’m going through this with my ex husband and his entire family! He has shut out my daughter since she was 12, because he was abusive, and she refused to see him any longer after we first split up. That’s when the alienation first started. He told his family they weren’t allowed to see my daughter any longer; that the lawyers said no (what lawyer would ever say no to grandparents and uncles and aunts seeing a child?). I tried to help them see and make visits but they refused. They took away her post secondary education money, and cared nothing about her after that. How anyone could do that to a child they loved is beyond me.

My ex was abusive, so I did have a restraining order in place. Every once in a while he’d ramp up, like hurricane season. One day he came into my work and tried to get me fired, then he tried to get my manager fired. He finally got arrested. You guessed it: this was MY fault. He told my kids this, showed them the police reports, his parents even brought them to the court house to see daddy in handcuffs...to see what mommy is doing to daddy. Then the judge got angry about that (I wasn’t even there or even aware), and the judge told grandpa to take them to me. Guess what?! Grandpa told them that was MY fault too!

Fast forward to today: my daughter lives with me, my eldest daughter STILL doesn’t speak to him, and my son, well, he’s brainwashed to think I’m a bad person even though I’m continuously trying to make things right, trying to encourage visitation, trying to do activities with my ex. I feel like he’s at his house, sabotaging everything I am doing. Just yesterday, he told my daughter that she sounds like me, and if he wanted to talk to me, he would call me, so stop talking like me or she can go home. She’s 12!!! Anyway, I’m tired of hearing how it’s ALWAYS the woman. My ex goes to TOWN with that. I wish all you good dads lots of luck. I know you’re not all like that.
SeparatedDads Editor 19/07/2018 at 10:18 am
I am sorry to hear this. Hopefully, the matter will be resolved through the court process. In your case, the Separated Dads Forum may work better for you as many of our dads have been through a similar situation before and can advise from personal experience.
Tony 18/07/2018 at 10:47 am
Me and my partner split up in in october and from day 1 my ex has made it difficult for me to see my 11 year old son.
She even hide him from me for the first week while i had no idea where he was (and all she would say to me was i dont need to know where he is) i reported this to the police which was no good at all just not interested.
Xmas i contacted her beginning of Dec to tell her that i had got all the items to my son had asked for and was agreed i would see him on the 27th as she was away for xmas come my day and shes 4 hours late then she texted me to say i cant see him and all those thing i got him for xmas hw wont want as she had got them all for him knowing that i had got them ie xbox one then she wouldnt let he see him untill mid February.
I have turnt up to pick my son up and she has said if you dont pay these 3 bills average one was for £1500 then i couldnt see gim as his ill i piad the bill then she would bring him out and he was fine blackmail.
Now i dropped my son off to morrisions carpark as she has moved and this is where i have to pick up and drop off.
Dropped him off on the 31 may and we were as usual fine with each other then on the 10 june i got a text from my son's phone saying that because i had lied to him he doesn't want to see me anymore and he needs time to think ok isent a text bsck saying ok fine thats what you want i am here waiting for you when ever you want me and that i loved him and that i had not lied to him.
I have texted him each day since but have got no reply .
I have got a solicitor and going to court which iam just waiting for a date now.
And the worst thing is that we had all got visas to move to Australia which she has said she is going to take my son there to live.
Really am at my whits end now dont know what to do the best.
I fear she has worked her magic on him and he really does now hate me all due to her vile mouth and poisoning him against me.
If anyone has any good advise would be greatly appreciated.
VV Editor 29/06/2018 at 1:44 pm
@OMG - how can you cope with that? Have you taken it to court? Have you tried to get your daughter back? How old is she? How awful :(((((
Claireboo 29/06/2018 at 12:25 am
This is happening to me right now I’m lost without my children I never did this to him it’s was him who ended the marriage out the blue we been separated about 6 years and my boy turned 13 and then my daughter went one weekend and never came home
Steevee Editor 03/04/2018 at 11:10 am
@StayPositive - it's hard when you are in the middle of loving and missing your child and it is all very real to have such an objective view. Yes you are right. But you have to think of the long game and if your kids are three and five as mine are then it seems like a very long game and when each day is a long wait then 10-15 years seems incomprehensible.
StayPositive 02/04/2018 at 12:15 pm
If ur a good dad with no criminal record the alienation will 99.9% of the time back fire on the women and she will drive her kids away from her in time. My case is I married a Russian women i spent 24/7 with my daughter 7 days a wk for 3.5 year in New York City once my wife’s papers came che made significant threats of destroying me then it was like gone baby gone and vanished on me after 5 years of complete silence my daughter finds me and says daddy I’m being forced to call someone else daddy that was 2 years ago and still not a word. So I decided to stay focused in life I brought my daughter a gorgeous hoise for when she becomes a young lady so if she does decide to relocate her transition will be so much easier not worrying about rent or living arrangement so she could focus on college and daddy. In the end everything always works out all we can do as humans is try to stay sane and stay focused. In the end unconditional love will alway concurre hatred.
ann 29/03/2018 at 1:06 pm
Well, just to balance out these stories, I am a 24 year old woman who is estranged from her father, because of my choice. He beat my mother and then stalked her (us) for years. In and out of prison, he breached every court order and abused subsequent partners. After all these years and all the damage he has done, he claims now to have been alienated from me (ha) and continues to blame my mother. He is dangerous and in denial. Maybe some cases are true 'alienation' but in my case, this has given him an excuse to continue to harass my poor mum - who did everything to love and protect me. I have a step dad who is more of a father than my biological one will ever be. Keep in mind that some situations like mine involve real danger and potentially mentally imbalanced individuals (like my biological father) who will use 'alienation' to blame others for their own failings.
MaxN Editor 26/03/2018 at 3:54 pm
@Cooldad - never knew you could hire a private social worker. But surely a private social worker is biased to the client. Whereas a social worker aims to get to the truth, just sayin', and is supposed to be non-biased and this is where Cafcass is (supposed) to come in.
Dedicated_dad 11/02/2018 at 8:31 pm
Hi, I am hoping someone can help me to go about proving Parent Alienation by my ex partner. I represent myself in court and do not know which reports I should request (is a schedule 37 the right one?) and also how can I request that my ex goes to therapy to help her put her needs to a side and do what’s in our son’s best interests. I have an 8 year old son with my ex partner. We were not together when our son was conceived, but had been in a turbulent relationship for a few years before. My ex was incensed that I had moved on and met my to-be wife, who I now have two other sons with. Because of this she has tried to stop me seeing my son since his birth and I have had 15 court hearing and made 5 applications due to her breaking contact orders at will. I am seeing my son probably about one day/night a month at the moment but I (and Cafcass also detailed this in their last report) am concerned that my ex has been alienating my son for a long time and our relationship is struggling as a result. Any advice/guidance would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
T 05/01/2018 at 2:37 am
My ex’s behaviour is maliciously manipulative.He has spoken untruths including under oath. His behaviour is also vindictive and controlling. Sadly, he had been working on our child for years to the extent that he took me to court saying our daughter (at 10yrs old) wanted to spend more time with him - wanting 50/50 shared care. Cafcass took into account her ‘wishes and feelings’ ( I’m sad to say they were not hers), and believed his untruths. My ex had been brainwashing our child for years. Of course he’s not stopping at this and has since threatened further court action for our child many times.
50/50 shared care in a psychologically/emotionally/financially abusive relationship is not only disastrous for the child, it is a prison sentence for the one being abused. Perhaps if PAS had been better understood at the time we would not be in this position.
Tez 20/08/2017 at 10:34 am
My partners daughter left her child with her while seeking help for her own issues. The child's dad who had a contact order decided not to bring her back from a visit to his home. We are in the process of a child custody case how to decide where the child eventually lives and contact etc. During this 2 year process the dad's partner has been constantly posting on social media our issue with court, pictures of the child and hurtful untrue stories about the child's past. She even describes the child as her child now. The court granted a temporary court order to allow the child to visit us and her mother but the child is showing signs of confusion about the partner being her mum and that this person tells her she will become upset if the child's real mum attend events with the child. Social workers keep telling us that the social media posts are wrong and have informed the person of this but it's still continues. I have read up on parental alienation syndrome and she many of the same patterns here, what can we do? As I feel social workers don't recognize this as abuse and only concentrate on the fact that the child has a place to live and clothes on her back.
Mel robinson 05/08/2017 at 11:53 am
My son has separated from his fiancee they have a three month old baby girl. His ex has litigated not held up and denied access her and her family are making the rules it's malicious and very traumatic for my son. She has registered the birth certificate in her name and is refusing access for our family.I am a psychologist and feel unsure of where to turn. We have a family law solicitor and follow her instructions. Please advise
Mads Editor 17/07/2017 at 3:10 pm
@Lost1stTimeDad - you're on the right track and you are being the 'bigger' person. He's obviously found himself in a tricky position and probably doesn't quite know how to take your approaches. Wouldn't it be so easier if you did the macho thing and grunt at each other? By you not taking this approach it's quite possibly thrown him off kilter and he doesn't know how to react. Keep on trying to negotiate for the sake of your son - you don't have to shout or be rude to get things done and you don't have to play his game. Just keep concentrating on continuing to try to develop a relationship with your son and keep being the bigger person. Well done to you.
Lost1stTimeDad 16/07/2017 at 1:35 pm
I'm a first time dad and yeah. Well my son's 6th months old as of right now. Well on April 1st I found out that my son's mom was cheating on me. This wasn't the first it was the 8th time. We'd been together for almost 2 years. Well I ended it that day I just couldn't take it anymore. But that wasn't the worst time. She cheated on me a week before giving birth to our son. That hurt me the most and it just continued to pile on from there. It had gotten to the point to were I was finding her talking to a new guy the very next day. I did live with her and her family but I worked 30 minutes away in my home town so if I had work back to back I'd stay with my parents. The time I was away working was when she'd cheat. Well the last time I was done like I got all my stuff out that day and went back to my hometown. Not even 3 days later the guy she cheated on me with moved in with her and my son. When I found out I was beyond mad but I had to stay level headed and I tried talking tomy son's mom but to no prevail. I've been trying to get to know her new boyfriend but it's like everytime I try to talk to him I get nothing in return. He won't look me in my eyes and if I'm at my son's mom's parents house and I'm there for awhile then he can't even be in the same house as me. He's a very sketchy guy with how hes acting. But the worse part is that her own mom is trying to get custody of our son away from my sons mom saying that she's a unfit mother and all that. Anyways I'm trying to be nice and work with my son's mom and her BF to make everything easier on all of us especially my son. But nothing I'm doing is working. I'm literally lost and I have no idea what to do and no one to talk to or to get advise. My son is my world and her BF gets to wake up and see my son every morning and I don't know what to do or how to handle any of what's going on.
Dadwithabrokenheart 01/06/2017 at 12:47 pm
My ex and me seperated about ten years ago now at the time I was getting to see my daughters whom are now 12 and 10 until about 8 years ago when during an argument on return of the kids after a visit I said something to her which sent her mental and she decided that I wasn't allowed to see the kids but my parents were so a couple of months passed and she discovered that my parents were allowing me to see my kids ( after all I ain't done them no harm they loved me when me and the ex were together my oldest would shout for her dad every morning when she awoke at one point when she was about 3 she even told my ex she was moving out to go live with me and her sisters which are her dogs which my ex said I brainwashed her to say that but I swear I said absolutely nothing she may only be 3 but she is well more than capable of thinking for herself ) on discovery of this she then cut my parents off from contact and started telling some pretty nasty lies about us to people and now she has brainwashed my oldest and convinced her that I am this pure "monster" as she calls me she even tells people in the pub where she works all these stories that she's made up many of who come back and tell me .. I really don't know what to do my heart is broken I'm too scared to even speak to my own children they seem like strangers to me even yesterday they passed me whilst I was waiting for the bus and didn't even look my direction am totally devestated
littles 15/04/2017 at 5:16 pm
hi can any one help with advise my brother has spilt with his partner he has a 3 an 1 yr old , his ex his getting the 3 yr old to call his dad horrible names when he has kids on a saturday the 1 yr old is self harming him self my brother called social serives but they didnt seem to take him seriuosly as he reported her to them coz she has drug users in yer house an around kids, she has threatend to put 1 yr old in washing machine to shut him up crying , she never cleans her house nor washes kids clothes, she has threatend that if my brother calls social again she'll stop him seeing kids , she says she has videos on her phone of my brother drunk which wasnt a every day thing but when they was together she was gettin drunk everynight and smoking weed and would kick off if she didnt get her own way, now she has moved her new fella into kids home and he also takes drugs , they both are getting kids to call their dad horrible things my brother wants to keep kids with him permantly for their own saftey as their mother is not menally right in the head an has self harmed an made threats to kill her self when she dont her her own way so could my brother keep kids with him permantly an have her take him to court for suppervised access?
Takethehighroad 10/04/2017 at 12:10 pm
Very sad reading all these posts. My ex has managed to brainwash our children, now 15 &12 to live with him and have zero contact with me despite a shared care order (which he took me to court for) only 15 months ago. I would describe him as having high conflict personality with a need to control. He doesn't listen to anyone, rules don't apply to him. We live within 2 miles each other. I had children living with me majority of time since we separated 3 years ago & they spent good quality time with their dad, overnight during week and every other weekend and half hols as well as activities. This went well until family home was sold last summer and I got my own place and I introduced my partner. Funnily enough my ex left me for another woman and has set up home for them and her 2 children so I don't see problem. He is controlling, manipulative and passive aggressive subtly encouraging both children to wander off to his house during my parent time encouraging them to lie and not tell me where they were. He was just as bad and wouldn't call to say where they were so I would worry, all phones switched off etc and when I did go collect them he would just stand there and say 'they don't want to come'. He would bystand because he wanted them there rather than us show united front or co-parent both explain to them that it was not ok to do that as mum/dad would be worried etc. I always offered adhoc time but stressed that the 'adults' needed to make plans/arrangements however my ex is no adult when it comes to being a parent and has let the children decide everything which undermines the other parent authority and general lack of respect for adults. No boundaries or parenting. Constantly messaging via social media. Grass is greener at my house scenario plus lots of questioning about what they're doing whilst with mum. Apparently mum is boring as all she does is homework is one example. Lots of gifts too, latest mobile phones and changed nos, cinema/theme park passes, big 5 bed house so lots of sleepovers, go on two hols a year, latest electronic gadgets and games consoles. It's all fun so why would they not want to live there? His partner started calling herself mum almost immediately. On top of that our eldest has additional needs with very challenging behaviour so of course his dad wants one child and not the other. Eldest is conflicted, he'd like to live with both of us but realises dad loves his younger brother more because he's good so won't come to me in case he misses out. I've tried enforcing order but Judge wasn't interested. My ex played the game and his barrister explained he was 'more than happy' for me to have contact despite reality doing exact opposite - lip service, not encouraging any relationship at all or claiming children too scared to see me and be in my house and yet in next breath wanting me to share all holidays with them? Make your mind up either they're too scared or want to have a relationship with their m
Jase 27/02/2017 at 10:51 pm
Well first off I have been in the family courts for over 4 years,had an amazing solicitors in judith young and Rachel and a mint barrister in Chris mckeen in the north east, even the judge was all for me,I have been threw the mill jumped threw every hoop I was asked went threw a psychologicals medicals ect,but all came to a end last year, with my solicitor and barrister being held up in another case case along with the judge I have always had,for some criminal judge to seal my fate, did not even bother reading our final report, instead after my stand in barrister pulled a casscaff officer apart that was retiring,even she agreed that my daughters mother is taking her hate out for me by brainwashing our daughter,even impact said in a report that mckenzie mother got our daughter so up set,that I had to stop as it was breaking my heart to see our daughter so upset, it is in the report that my ex partner was over heard calling me the nasty man the hurt mommy, which is a disgrace, yet nothing was done.and when asked why she did not tell anyone where she was going a reply from a then 4 year old who was born at 25 weeks was my mommys friend don't like him,and a 4 years comes out with that with out being told, her mother has lied a number of times accessed me of things that her ex has done,wrote a story to a cheap magazine then lied saying they rang her out of the blue and it got out of control, faked every time in court with tears ect when she has been caught giving me the fingers with her friend that owes me money, was told to leave the courts as she was over heard trying to set me up,and to top it off indirect contact, a insult to say the least, the proof is there in black and white from the so called experts that my daughter has been brainwashed which = child alienation, and all because of the costs I am now a broken man in bits because UK family law with all the proof there to prove my daughters mother has lied her way threw the court, what next, yet drunks drug abuses can see there kids with help but a normal day to day farther that dose not drink or take drugs has been put threw the mill for what a judge that could not be bothered as it was a Friday afternoon, where is the justice in family law, and it is child abuse brainwashing a child to hate her farther /mother and laws have to change as it costs lives and no price can be put on a person's life threw a evil mother!!
Tired dad 20/02/2017 at 10:57 pm
I have an 8 year daughter for who I have fought in Court for the lady 5 or 6 years eventually I had a contact order given which was fair for both parents. Now all of a sudden my daughter has a mobile phone that she has to fetch with her every time she is here her mum txt or phones every night but when I try to ring my daughter at her mums home nothing and if I don't let my daughter txt back or answer phone I have hell with her at bed time. My ex keeps my daughter like a baby sleeping with her, bathing with her among other things. I am 90% sure that my ex and her mum and poisoning my daughter against me and my new wife.. please help what can I do to try and stop this. Nearly 6 years of Court and Solicitirs bills have worn me wright down .. PLEASE HELP !!!
goldman 31/01/2017 at 9:31 pm
severe PAS my daughter now 21 suffering from psychological abuse & she doesnt know it.the file is 18" thick,l was victim of domestic violence & suffered Depression Anxiety for 15 years my Ex broke 23 court orders,l had to walk away for health reasons.now lve seen my daughter,she even tried to manipulate me.horrific story could well be going back to court for horrific accusations even from my Ex after all this time.police Lawyers friends neighbours,willing to give evidence against this Evil women Bitter sick twisted Hatred, one of the worst cases out there her extreme violent behavior coupled with her affairs& the cafcass report is overwhelming.is their a Lawyer out there experienced to cope with this manipulative Evil women.she could well be going to prison for malicious Abuse rape allegation molesting allegations lve had the lot.now after 15 years shes started again.this will make fatal attraction look like a comedy show.
Adamfish 01/01/2017 at 4:17 pm
I now have custody of out 8 year old son.
I was awarded custody following emotional harm to my son.

My ex is supervised professionally and is still victim of her tactics.

In short, can I now tske the matter out of the civil courts and give extensive reports and evidence to criminal courts or police? I.e under Cinderellas law
Adamfish 01/01/2017 at 4:15 pm
I now have custody of out 8 year old son.
I was awarded custody following emotional harm to my son.

My ex is supervised professionally and is still victim of her tactics.

In short, can I now tske the matter out of the civil courts and give extensive reports and evidence to criminal courts or police?
Ed Editor 17/11/2016 at 1:00 pm
@Mum-not-dad - No it isn't just for dads, parental alienation can happen via any parent, you just happen to be on the Separated Dads website, which 'is' aimed at dads.
s.dot 11/11/2016 at 10:25 pm
my husband and i have been stopped from seeing our grandchildren by our daughter and her partner and we have just started legal proceedings for contact. our daughter has a 10 year old son with her ex who then left her when their son was a baby. 18 months ago our daughter decided to get back with he ex and had another son. we previously saw our eldest grandson every day, took him on holidays with us and he stayed over at our house at least once a week. since his 'dad' came back into his life our daughter has turned against us. her partner never liked us and was resentful of the contact and close relationship we had with our grandson and he slowly but surely turned our daughter against us to the point she has stopped all contact. she is now claiming our eldest grandson does not want anything to do with us and does not want to see us, we need help to prove our daughter and her partner have been using alienation techniques to turn our grandson against us and if anyone has any advice we would be so grateful. are cafcass trained in spotting the signs of parental poisoning/alienation?! please help
Dillon 08/11/2016 at 4:37 pm
hi can anyone advice me on what I should do next I am the father to a 7 year old boy who lives with his mum and I have been stopped access with my son since the end of January 2016. my ex-partner refuses to engage in any contact with me and she also refuses to engage with Cafcass or the court process basically just ignoring everything and I am unsure what I should do next???
I have written letters to my ex-partner trying to be civil and arrange access for my son and I have also tried mediation twice which she has also refused.
I was granted a court order to see my son every Sunday in 2014 and I was seeing him for a year and a half until she stopped it in January 2016 so I then took the matter back to court but I am having no joy as she just does not attend and the courts seem to just do nothing and she is basically getting away with whatever she wants. I am on the birth certificate please someone offer me some hope??
DAV 30/09/2016 at 3:07 pm
My advice to all alienated parents (which I am one) is to pray to God for justice because the civil courts are biased towards Mothers and if enough people pray to the just judge he will hear us because he cares about children and justice.
see Luke18 v1-8
All we can do is what our children do keep going and carry on.
In hope and peace we trust
Jason 27/09/2016 at 1:48 pm
My exwife has been turning my 3 children against me with lies about me being horrible to her, they now don't want to have any contact with me even though I've always been a good dad. Please can someone give me some advice because I'm heartbroken and don't know what to do.
Jenny 14/09/2016 at 9:23 am
Ron2016 writes about concern over his daughter being home educated. This is something I deal with every day, as it is my expertise. Quite often the concerns can be allayed if the worried parent understands the home education process better. If Ron would like to look further into it, I am happy to help (pro bono naturally).
Sha 29/06/2016 at 10:23 pm
Hi, I just need advice on what to do when your partner undermines you and belittle's you, name calling all in front of our 7 year old son all the time and never support's me.
SeparatedDads Editor 20/05/2016 at 3:05 pm
Thank you for your comments. We hope it works out for you.
dav 20/05/2016 at 2:41 pm
Hi,
my ex wife should know that money,power and control are not the most important things in life.That truth,honesty and right and wrong,generosity of spirit and sharing are more important motherly attributes.
The court system is biased towards Mothers but I will maintain my standards and not stoop down to hers and one day the truth will out.
Inny1807 04/03/2016 at 8:31 pm
Hi guys, some advice please. My ex and I split 6.5 years ago and we have 7yr old son together. Through this whole time I have always had him alternate weekends, taken him abroad, and shared special days. During this time my ex has always called the shots threatening and carrying out stopping contact if she didn't get what she wants.

In May last year I had a ruff time and ended up admitting myself to hospital with severe anxiety & depression. After my discharge we resumed alternate weekends. This lasted until just before New Year when she stopped contact again. I haven't had my son this year at all.

I do speak to my son on the phone however she always without fail puts the conversation on loud speaker so everybody in the room can hear what is meant to be a private conversation, I can hear her and her new partner coaching my son what to say. My son doesn't like the whole loud speaker thing and keeps asking when can he come and stay with me. Which is shortly followed by him saying "mum is shaking her head"

I have started legal proceedings in order to establish contact again and I am going for 50/50. I have written to her asking to establish contact again but she goads me to take her to court. I have written to her asking her to stop with the loud speaker thing advising that it is not in our sons interests but she ignores it.

Is the PA? And what can I do please
SeparatedDads Editor 03/03/2016 at 10:48 am
The first option would be for your partner to put in writing (text, email, letter, solicitor's letter to his ex that the three months is up and he would like to introduce his children to you, as specified in the court order). Then wait for her response; if she is in agreement fine. If she is not, then you would need to keep any correspondence from her as evidence should you need to take it further. If she starts being awkward with regards to the children meeting you, then you would need to log each way she has attempted to avoid the issue, or make things difficult. If she refuses, then your partner would have to take the order back to court to have the order enforced as she will then be in breach, please see link: Breach of Contact or Residence Order: What to Do, here. You will then have the evidence you need to ensure the order is enforced. I hope this helps.
Laceman 02/03/2016 at 11:51 am
Hi all,

Don't know if anyone could point me in the right direction with this but here goes...

My partner is in the middle of his divorce to his ex, who he has two children with, ages 2 and 7. His ex has done everything in her power to split us up, stopped my partner seeing his children and being extremely difficult over the divorce.
My partner had to wait 3 months for a court date, and now he has access to the children (1 overnight stay per week and a couple of evenings), they have an agreement when it comes to school holidays, Christmas and taking the children on holidays. Now the last thing to discuss at court was me, she has never let the children be around me, and the agreement they came to was after 3 months (from the court date) if we were still together then the children were allowed to start being introduced to me.
The reason I am posting under PAS is that she has told us that she will say and do anything in her power so the children will not want anything to do with either of us. She has always said things to the children, things children shouldn't have to hear, about me, about their dad, about our relationship. I think she emotionally blackmails them and I just do not know what to do.
I am wanting some information on anything I can do, anyone we could speak to? Is there anything my partner should be saying to the children?
We have been looking forward to the day we can all do things together but this last week she has been stepped up a gear, so I want to try and sort this out before the end of the 3 month period so we can all move forward.
Any information, suggestions, help would be much appreciated.

Thanks
SeparatedDads Editor 05/02/2016 at 11:03 am
I am sorry to hear this. Children will always try to push boundaries, especially if they feel you are perhaps feeling a bit vulnerable or sensitive. They too may be suffering from the separation and do not know how to direct their energies, especially if you think their mother may be trying to turn your children against you. While the article gives advice on how to deal with the practical aspects of PA, you may wish to investigate what psychological reponses you should be giving to your children. Obviously, your ex will get pleasure from your negative repsonses, and by responding in a negative way you are playing straight into her hands. The best advice I can give is to ignore these statements and promote a simple change of attitude and focus, choosing to spotlight their kids' positive moments and minimise the attention given to the negative comments. It is very difficult not to go under when faced with such heart-wrenching comments, but if you are strong you can override them, by making sure your kids enjoy their stay with you and you don't rise to these comments. Please also see link: Using Reverse Psychology Effectively, here which may give you some additional pointers. Remember your kids are just kids and they may be finding their way around a very difficult time. Patience, understanding and communicating effectively with them, should overcome any strategies your ex may have.
ae1968 04/02/2016 at 2:50 pm
Hi

So as a father of a 9 and 7 year old I have been through PA for the last 6 months, and things are getting worse....my question is this, when faced with PA based comments from the children such as - "we only want to go abroad with Mummy on holiday not you", or "you are not our dad anymore" "we don't want to call you daddy anymore - we have made up a nickname" how wrong is it to get frustrated with the children with responses like "why wont you just treat me like your father" this just seems to fuel their distance from me, I regret it but faced with no willingness to talk about their statements frustration sometimes wins....I am beating myself up over it and it always gets reported back to the ex...
SeparatedDads Editor 27/01/2016 at 2:42 pm
I am very sorry to hear this. I have put your post on our Separated Dads Facebook page as I think it may be one our readers will be able to give some good advice on - as many of them have possibly been through the same issues themselves previously. Please refer to the Facebook page for your answers. I hope this helps.
Desperate Dad 1970 27/01/2016 at 9:08 am
Hi. Would appreciate some advice please? My ex and me divorced in 2011. Have had the boys (17,15 and 10) at weekends ever since. The 17 year old doesn't always want to come because he wants to see his friends and that's fair enough. However, the 10 year old has now started to not want to come as well and she wont let me speak to him to find out why. It is his birthday tomorrow and I have to send all his cards through the post rather than give them him as I haven't seen him (we don't live close to each other) and I haven't bought him anything yet because I haven't been able to ask what he wants. I cant send money to the house because she will open the cards and take the money (I am expecting her to throw the cards away and not tell him they have arrived). She really is a horrible person and is happy to hurt me without thought of what it is doing for the boys - she doesn't get that all 3 need to see both parents. She spends all of her time telling them what a bad father I am. Is there anything I can do here? Thank you
Daddy000 23/01/2016 at 8:39 pm
I have been separated from my ex 4 years and divorced for 2 years. To start with I wasn't allowed to see my daughter 2 and half at the time without my ex being around. Then she allowed me to see her regularly until 1 day my daughter asked me to stay the night so I asked. My ex but she accused me of all sorts of things... In the end I had to take her home where she was snatched out of my arms and was told I wouldn't be able to see her again unless I went to court. So that is what I done and was given every other weekend and one night over night in the week which as worked well till now.. Bring it forward to present and my daughters needs have changed so I have been asking the ex for more time with my daughter but have been told no. When I wa sticking my daughter up this morning she told me that she didn't want to spend any more time than she does with me I believe that she is cohursing my daughter into saying this as my daughter tells me she would like to live here.. I believe that my ex knows that I am taking her back to court for 50/50 shared parenting and she is now cohursing my daughter into saying this in case cafcas interview her.. Does anyone know of a way to prove this or do I peak to cafcas and explain what I feel to them and hope for the best....
Steph88 14/12/2015 at 6:01 pm
Many thanks for your message and taking the time to reply to me. My partner has tried mediation. She point blank refused. He can't afford the costs of court. He is continuing to go along to the kids house to see the kids for all of two mins while he continues to get abuse from his ex. The woman is unbelievable. She hasn't been paying the mortgage on the kids home so she's being taken to court two days before Xmas! Police have been involved as she's assaulted him several times and caused trouble. Any other suggestions?? Please help.
SeparatedDads Editor 14/12/2015 at 2:42 pm
I'm afraid while we try to answer questions, we can't get to them all. The most difficult issue with 'parental alienation syndrome', is proving this in court. If your partner and his ex can't agree between themselves about childcare arrangements, then your partner could suggest mediation which would help draw up an agreeement that might benefit both parents. However, mediation is not official and his ex can refuse to attend. To obtain official access to his children, your partner would have to take it to court. Please see link: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, whichYour partner would have to go through the process laid out in the article from which Cafcass would get involved. Cafcass would hopefully be able to get to the bottom of why his children do not wish contact and attempt to resolve these issues before it goes to court. Please see link: What Goes into the Cafcass Family Report? whichI hope this helps.
Steph88 13/12/2015 at 9:44 am
I thought the point of these threads was to get advice from one another???? No one has given me any advice.
Steph88 28/11/2015 at 3:12 pm
My partner split from his ex about a year and a half ago. At first he was allowed to see his three girls, 11, 6 and 3. Then after months of them spending time with him at our home they decide they don't want anything to do with their dad no more. They come out with things that no child should be aware of. She's caused nothing but trouble for us in the last 18 months where police have been called leading in her getting social services visits. It's killing my partner. We're getting married next summer and all he wants is to see his children. She won't allow him to take the kids from her house yet when it suits she has a go at him for not taking them to school when back in September he told her he could take them to school every morning and she refused. We really need some help and advice please...
SeparatedDads Editor 16/11/2015 at 1:55 pm
I am sorry to hear this. Have you tried to get in touch with your oldest son? There are various methods available, see article How Do I Find My Children's New Address? here which should give you some suggestions. I hope this helps.
PM 16/11/2015 at 12:59 am
I have two sons one twenty and the other 11 I haven't seen them for 3 years despite getting a court order to see my youngest this was not enforced and my ex-wife would say he didn't want to come or at Christmas wouldn't bring him on the arranged days.

Both have been told lies about me by their mother so its a battle to have any chance of building a relationship, as soon as she had a new partner, the attitude changed again and being manipulative and lying was the norm

My oldest has is graduating from Unversity soon, I won't see that and they have changed their surname.My life has been hell with out them and trying to find some happiness and meaning is so hard, life is a daily challenge,

As for the courts and cafcas they are hopeless, men are just stereotyped as at fault .The sad thing is I don't think I will see my sons again, life is cruel and very unforgiving its not like a Hollywood film where it all turns out good in the end
Gavron 13/11/2015 at 1:00 pm
I have 2 children. 8 & 10. I fought for 18 months for a child arrangements order. I got all the cafcas and mat reports in my favour. My son has been programmed to the extent that he just won't come. Court orders are worth nothing as my ex just says its him that doesn't want to come. The trouble is after nearly a year of great times with my daughter she is starting to do the same. This is because my ex has realised she can now get away with it. My legal cost are now at 15k. I'm at a loss as to what to do. Any advice welcome
chlojns 10/10/2015 at 9:57 pm
my heart has literally been breaking the last year, I handed my children to their father over a year ago, I had an addiction to alcohol and felt the children needed protecting. I didnt see them for a year and recently went to court where I got access and fought for my right to be a mum. My ex and his girlfriend cant have children together and she wants to be mum. she has turned my children against me, or is trying to. The children are so happy when they see me for our four hours every fortnight but the rest of the time they are with her and it makes me sick. She wont stop until she has destroyed me and succeeded in taking my children for good. It is agonizing. I have never felt pain like it. their dad didnt see them for 5 years and only came in their life when I begged him. there is so much injustice and its the children who are suffering. I cant believe that this woman has done so much evil to get her own needs met and she even works with children, she shouldnt be allowed anywhere near children, its so wrong on so many levels. There is nothing I can do, they are vile and ruining my children's lives.
SeparatedDads Editor 25/08/2015 at 10:12 am
I am sorry to hear this. However, if you can't afford legal fees and you wish to take this back to court, you can self-litigate, please see our partner article: Legal Aid Withdrawal: How to Represent Yourself, whichThe Bar Council also has a comprehensive guide on representing yourself in court, If you need extra help, please also see the page: Using a McKenzie Friend in Court, whichI hope this helps.
BrokenMum 24/08/2015 at 7:52 am
My Son is 11. When I have contact with him, he gets very emotional but won't open up to anyone but me about how he feels.
He has been effectively stolen by his Dad & is powerless (as any 11 year old would be) to stand up for himself.

My son & I have always had a close relationship, we are loving & caring with each other.

His father is very restrictive when it comes to our son having a relationship with me.

We have a variable contact order, which his dad refuses be flexible on, making it very difficult for me to strictly adhere to what he's asking. He has told our son that he is no longer allowed to see his step father & no matter how much I report this emotional harm to our social worker, it's found to be unsubstantiated! Until someone goes the extra mile to see the psychological harm that my son is experiencing and stops taking him at face value then he's going to end up with serious mental health issues in the future

I'm heartbroken, and I don't have the money for legal representation. (When I had my free 30 mins when I first applied to court, the solicitor said it was very unlikely that a judge would rule in his dad's favour, but he's a very clever manipulator).
SeparatedDads Editor 21/08/2015 at 10:36 am
I am sorry to hear that your relationship with your son has broken down. You don't say how old he is, which would help. If he is a teenager it may be that he's having teenage issues that may resolve themsleves given patience and time. The only this I can suggest is to keep the lines of communication open. Please see article, Developing the Relationship With Your Child, here which may help you to assess the situation and approach it objectively. I hope this helps.
BrokenMum 20/08/2015 at 8:08 am
I am a mother, I am also an alienated parent.

I raised my son alone with no support from my ex (he has always been hostile towards me & used every opportunity to berate me to our child).

Recently I smacked our son, no injuries etc, it was a minor thing. It shouldn't have happened, but my son & I had resolved it.

I disclosed the incident to social care to prevent it happening again.

His father refused to return him home after weekend contact...and here we go with the court applications.

Long story short, my child has been in the clutches of his father for a few months.My loving, caring son (who has siblings), now refuses to spend time with us.
He doesn't reply to messages or answer calls.
He has stated as fact that I'm a liar, a bad parent, and basically parroted everything his father has made me out to be over the years.

There is no happy ending here, a district judge ruled that my son is to permanently reside with his father & I can have contact once a fortnight.

I knew my son more than anyone else, but after a very short stay with his Dad he started to disappear.

I won't give up on him, it's not his fault, but it's very difficult to grieve for a child & read the things he is saying to professionals.
Any advice would be great.
Tig 03/08/2015 at 5:34 pm
Are there any support groups for Dad's in this situation? I am asking this on behalf of my partner who is currently fighting through the courts to see his children (from who's lives he has now been absent for 6 months).
His ex has done exactly what is described above and now I think the children have started to believe that they don't want to see him.
I do believe that eventually the Courts will order contact but he knows his ex will do everything possible to frustrate contact.
My partner has done everything asked of him - but the stress, frustration and depression is getting to the point where he needs help now. He puts on a brave face but tells me he feels sick constantly and is finding it harder and harder to function. He won't go to the doctors as doesn't want to take anti depressants.
Any suggestions where we can get help to cope would be appreciated.
Bar 22/06/2015 at 9:15 pm
Advice needed!!

My son is 9 and i have had access every other weekend since we split up when he was only 1.

I see him extra on holidays and never ever not see him when i should.

I pay my x cash direct every month for him but not through the CSA.

My X has recently married had another child which is 2 and has another on the way and has recently said his behaviour is getting worse and i should see him more, saying hes this and that,this is not asked in a civil way its done very aggressively in front of my son which i wont do.

I have told her that i cant see him more as i work full time and can only keep doing the every other weekend and every Thursday as i have been doing for years.

She has now stopped me seeing him on Thursdays, stops me seeing him on weekends and will not let me take him on a holiday that i have booked for us in august.

I cant reason with her at all and have to do any contact through her husband who is slightly more civil then her....

What can i do??
Patti 19/06/2015 at 11:19 am
My son is always surrounded by people. Never alone, has a live in girlfriend , does drugs and alcohol in his father house. All allowed by his father.
medi power 07/06/2015 at 9:40 pm
All this happens when don't men up since the feminist won over men has being undermined today my ex says your son dons not feel like seeing me oh yeah but after contact he came running to me and hold me tight my ex is trying to break the bond beetween us the only thing I know if it is back home the story is she will pay the price since it is in the uk you know the score
grampy 04/06/2015 at 11:58 am
my daughter told her husband to leave after 13 years together they have 2 children together , the last words he said to her was, I am going to destroy you , and he knows the only way he can do this is via the children , he has alienated their son against her and her family , it is like he is brainwashed , the child knows it is wrong as he cannot even look her and her family in the eyes , now my daughter cannot see him as her son sets demands before he comes like I want to stay in or I will not see your family or friends , her ex openly slags her off in front of the 2 children calling her all kinds of names , even tho she has done nothing wrong except spurn him . take in to account when they were together he never bothered with the children , and my daughter brought the children up very well , and loves them dearly , once they split up , he lived in someone's house for nothing , and spent all his wages on buying the children's attention , my daughter tried to keep the children level headed and as normal as possible , basically he has bought the son with presents and promises . it is has torn our family apart , my grandson lies about things and is now in line with his father ,over everyone whom has ever cared and loved him , I am finding it very hard to handle my self as his grand father as he is saying that I am abusive to him , even tho we have very little contact , when we do I am afraid to talk to him as he is tells his father lies about what I have said to him ,( I never talk about his father or mother ) or this is something him and his father do to make my daughter and us look bad to everyone else , parent alienation is hard to prove , even tho it is happening here .I my self am divorced and fought for my own 2 children in court and won and brought my 2 daughters up , BUT I DID IT WITHOUT ALIENATING MY EX WIFE , children should be able to make their own minds up without a vengeful parent destroying everything that the children have ever loved or cared for
ginge 21/05/2015 at 3:32 pm
A very interesting view point of PAS I had never heard of this before yet it explains a lot. My 12 year old daughter and 9 year old son asked to live with me last year. My daughter now no longer wishes to speak to me without a valid reason. My son is in turmoil about talking about her recent new partner and trying to please him and my ex. My ex wife is guilty of PAS showing my daughter texts from me and discussing our marriage in depth. However I may be guilty a little as well? without realising it...
If my children cannot talk to me about their life concerning the new partner then I must be guilty? My ex wife is pushing my children away from me and I now believe that it may be for the best if I left the children be. After reading the posts I have a lost cause anyway! A very sad state but one I knew was coming..
DAV 08/05/2015 at 12:21 pm
Im sure my ex wife must feel guilty she got the children to tell lies and told lies herself and just kept going .The judge knows she is lying and does nothing.
She left me with over 30,000 pound debt the family home was repossessed because she would not agree to it going repayment only after I moved out due to her affair, even her family were on my side and I stiil got nowhere in Court.
The police should look at false allegations made at the same time as divorce and warn the parent that if the allegations are proved false they will be in contept as this is when the alienation starts . I expect justice in the next life and only my faith keeps me going.
wingnugs 02/04/2015 at 12:12 pm
This sounds like what I'm dealing with. I used to have my two kids from sunday morning to Wednesday morning. I met a nice lady who they both like and her two get along well with mine. (Well after my wife left me). The ex met a (much) younger man and promptly moved him in, all was well. Then, after a time of brilliant behaviour from my two my daughter decided she doesn't want to sleep over anymore, even refuses to see me. She is 12. After a few weeks my son is doing the same. (10y/o). They don't respond to texts. My ex asks me to get them at 7am on sunday as she works but doesn't even get them up so eventually I give up and leave. It seems now her boyfriend is there I'm surplus to requirements. He even has more time with them than she does. Any advice to deal with this? Or has anyone experienced simular? Mark.
Honey Editor 11/03/2015 at 10:25 am
@Shea - I hope your son is aware that you are not the person who your ex is portraying. Your son is 14 and is at a very impressionable age, but I hope that he has the 14 years of you bringing him up that counts for more than a few bitter comments. The best thing you can do it to keep giving him love and that always wins through.
Shea 09/03/2015 at 7:27 am
Im having this issue with my son's dad, he & his wife are trying their best to turn my son against me. Im the resident parent , my son is 14, I discipline by taking away things that he liked eg no football for two weeks, his dad allows him to go.His dad is telling him all sorts of nasty things about me & tells him its best if he comes to live with him. His dad has been very disrespectful to me via social media on numerous occasions. Im now at the end of my tether. Shea
SeparatedDads Editor 04/03/2015 at 10:55 am
@bob - absolutely, it can be both parents men and women, as it specifies in the article it "isn’t to say fathers haven’t used it against mothers, but in general it’s mothers who are the perpetrators". This is because to date it is usually mothers who are the main carers of the children and the courts are full of cases where fathers are prevented from seeing their children for various reasons and where 'parental alienation' has been recognised as a problem.
bob 01/03/2015 at 7:34 pm
Why do you suggest it's mainly mums.

My stepson is 3 and has just returned from his weekend away.
His dad dragged us through court with his lies to obtain a contact order even though we were willing to grant access and dragged us back to court to obtain monthly overnight visits and persuaded us to forgoe his maintenence. He did not stick to the order and takes his son to devon infrequently. He has been returned today scared and Confused again. Telling us he doesn't want to live with us anymore and we're horible. Referred to me by name when he has called me daddy for the last to years and most hurtful of all when I asked him if he missed his baby brother he said not my brother. Not missed. :(
And to make maters worse my stepson has spent the whole weekend In pull ups even though he is fully potty trained and only wears them to bed. We have this problem every 6 weeks when he has to go away.
We always big up the weekend for him and make sure he looks forward to it. However his dad makes coming home the worst thing ever for him and acts smug when my stepson cries and won't get out of the vehicle. Don't ever suggest fathers aren't capable of brainwashing.
SeparatedDads Editor 26/02/2015 at 10:19 am
@Daviesfire - I'm very sorry to hear this. It is an issue that is being raised increasingly and taken more into consideration through the courts. You may be interested in our Separated Dads Facebook page, which gives support to fathers going through the same or similar issues. In fact there was a posting on the very subject yesterday. I hope this helps.
Daviesfire 24/02/2015 at 8:33 am
After reading most of these cases I feel I need to write . I am also a father who is being punished by my ex by using my 3 kids (15,11,10) my eldest doesn't bother with me any more I have not seen my son for 2 years and now my ex is working on my youngest who up till now has love to come , but all of a sudden I have been informed that she feels unsafe with me and her step mother . I feel at breaking point don't know what to do. My ex grew up not knowing her father because of her mothers doing so is this a trait passed on to her ? These women need to be exposed ! They are abusers in my eyes ! Over the last 8 years she has moved the children to another school, I didn't know until the old school told me , I have been to court over 25 times had numerous court orders but none mean a thing ! Had caf cas involved and social services none of these had any back bone to actually say what they thought about the mother. I have not had any of my children for xmas or their birthdays for 8 years . My son is so affected because of PAS he hates me and has no reason why ! There is no help out there for fathers some get lucky but as for fairness your on your own ! We are expected to sit back and deal with depression anxiety and everything els and hope that one day the children will decide to come . Something has to change !
SeparatedDads Editor 03/02/2015 at 2:15 pm
@Steven - sorry to hear this. Hopefully, as she matures she will at some point change her mind. At the very least she will know of the lengths you went in order to have contact and at some point she might realise.
Steven 02/02/2015 at 10:32 am
I have to say CAFCASS were good in my case, and even the female judge was fair, but after dealing with an obstructive mother I finally had to let my fourteen year old daughter choose if she wanted to see me any more - she doesn't. It nearly broke me financially and emotionally and even though it pains me I can't be dealing with any more of the crap - already it's been ten years.

I paid thousands to lawyers and in court fees, and I have nothing to show for it.
nicky 28/12/2014 at 12:47 pm
I sat here and broke my heart yet again when reading the story of 'belle'. This has happened to me with my teenage son. PAS should be made some sort of law. There also should be help for the alienated parent. I feel in constant grief as if my son has died. It shows it dosnt just happen to dads
colin almond 26/12/2014 at 2:06 pm
this is my second christmas without seeing my children.my ex has convinced my kids that its better for them not to see dad.recent court order granted giving me indirect contact.thanks for the great article on PAS, im covinced its happening to me but impossible to prove without upseting my kids who are 9&12.
many thanks for a wonderfull site separateddad.
Colin
Rick 04/11/2014 at 6:03 pm
I left my ex over two years ago. My then 14 and 18 year old girls said they don't want anything to do with me until they are ready. It's heartbreaking for me. Every day I think about them. I want the hurt to end but what can I do if I never know what they are thinking, and can't contact them? I wish they would simply get in touch with me. Is there anyone out there who has been in similar circumstances? What happened? Help please. Thank you.
Belle 23/09/2014 at 10:50 am
Why don't you get off the poisenous bandwagon? There's no mystery why women are usually left holding the baby, - it's mainly men who dump their families. There's not a long queue of men lining up to look after their kids 24/7, 365 after a break up or who would be happy on top of that to swop their career for a menial low paid, part time work just to fit in with child care. Ever wondered why more men go on to new relationships than woman ? because they can ! and then what happens ? - some new girlfriend/partner/2nd wife decides they can call the tune as well, that they actually have more rights than the kids affected - that they should be able to step in and be 'liked' Uh? Why ? Do you think kids don't see them as part of the 'breakup' - part of the problem and a stumbling block to their parents getting back together - which is what most children WANT, if you weren't being so damn selfish thinking of yourselves and only seeing it from your point of view. IF you don't like being on the fringes then you should have stepped up and gone for full custody and if you didn't even try ? - well there's a reason - and it's YOU.
PersistentDad 11/09/2014 at 10:06 am
I was accused by my ex wife who believe it or not was a Health Visitor! I went though the courts and missed out on 9mths of my sons life. Bearing in mind he was less than three months before she ran away.

CAFCASS are a waste of time and as soon as the matter is out of court, all those people that "supported you" dont want to help.

I'm 12-mths on since my last visit to court and my ex-wife thinks its okay to: take him out of country without my permission (despite a court order), not tell me where he lives or what he does when not with me and worse of all - she's neglecting him.

My advice would be to take a step back and look at what you want. Cut the emotion and think of the child. In my case, within 6 weeks of her leaving I was divorced, fighting for access to my child and had to sell our family home - which she had all the money from.

It isn't fair on Dads and my god, not a day goes by when I dont get upset about what I went through and how one woman suffering PND and her family - destroyed my life.
Lolo 20/06/2014 at 8:04 pm
I divorced my ex-husband while pregnant with my youngest daughter and my eldest daughter was just two. He dragged things to court and I was awarded custody. For the next ten years he went out of his way to make my life miserable which I tried to shield my daughters from. Three years ago he took me to court making all kinds of allegations about me which I then had to set out to disprove. In the meanwhile, he has refused me access to my girls for two years next month. The OCL was involved and recommended they move home. However, every time I was preparing to go to court to get the girls, he would throw some sort of road block up. Eventually the OCL said the process has taken too long and so they should remain with him. I am heartbroken. This has been like dealing with the death of two children. I'm in London, Ontario and need a really good lawyer.
edda 16/06/2014 at 11:29 pm
My son now has been told by social services that his 11 year never wants to see him again, the mother moved her boyfriend in and things went downhill as him and the mother brainwashed my granddaughter, she loved us all so much loved her Dad and me her nanny. PAS has caused so much of this hatred that she now feels for us all, coming out with all sorts of lies against her Father and she adored him everyone family and friends were so shocked at how she had changed.He went to court to make sure he had a contact order to see his children ( 3 girls) and all this money and time and depression has been a waste of time. Cafcass were not interested in what he had to say at all and only gave him an hour to talk with this officer at the center another day lost at work, to travel there but the officer went to the mother's home and gave her time and attention.Now he has to see his other 2 children for a few hours supervised. He split from the mother over 4 years ago and before she moved the boyfriend in he could see them whenever he liked weeks sometimes when the mother went on holiday. But all of this and writing accounts of events that have happened since have fallen on deaf ears. The mother of these children want their daddy out of the way as she wants a happy family with her new boyfriend ( he doesn't see his own children??) and we feel its a been a downhill slope all the way and there doesn't seem an end. No mediation?? no help??? his downfall is that many like many Fathers he is a good loving Dad. The damage done to children by evil parents to brainwash their children to hate are the ones that need locking up. This is all taking its toll on my son and not eating well, panic attacks, crying and there is nothing I can do to help him. The daughter that has betrayed him at 11 will she one day realise the hurt he has felt over losing her, never to see her again, how do you get on with life.
iffy 13/06/2013 at 5:15 pm
Is it the case that as a parent you can some how arrange for all or part of child maintenance payments to be paid into an account for your child whilst awaiting a return to court for access to be revisited. (Due denial of original court access order). Also separate point : At one point I was unfortunate enough to be before a judge who set child maintenance at 300 per week whilst unemployed and receiving 188 a week. I was unaware at the time that my wife was represented by a firm of solicitors for which the judge was proprietor. Throughout I have been the victim of PAS syndrome. My ex wife eventually got my home alone 14 year old daughter to call the police to persuade me away from her rented home on my access time. When questioned by psychologist my two daughters (other girl was 12 years then) claimed a feeble rreason for not seeing me, namelythat I pester them with letters and phone calls since they left with the mothera year before. When my children did leave with the mother, they taken into hiding for three months. Something denied in court by my wife at a later date. In the intervening 3 months. Adjourments prevented my seeing the girls.
Stressed Eric 12/06/2013 at 7:42 am
PAS can be beaten! I was falsely accused of child abuse and for a while my ex was winning- thanks mostly to lazy and incompetent social workers and lazy judges.The turning point for me was getting CAFFCASS involved. The support worker was very objective and soon saw through the malicious lies my ex had told.Never give up. Justice does exist in family out- you just have to look real hard at times.
J 29/04/2013 at 11:51 am
My husband last saw his daughter when she was 3 also because of PAS and not being able to afford any more court fees, she should be 14 soon and he was wondering at what age he will be able to write her a letter without her mum having to read it first as he is worried she will not get it.
Kingy 22/11/2012 at 7:29 pm
I am a mother of two. My son is at UNI, my daughter is living with her father after a contact order was made Last year. ( He took her from family members one night, escorted by the police) I haven't seen or heard from her in this time. I am concerned @ pos, as I recently received a letter from her, stating she wants no contact with me at the moment.I have just received legal aid to take my case back to court. Having read other comments I'm now fearful of being able to have contact with my, now 11 yr old child. If it comes down to her wishes and feelings, and her dad has manipulated her. What chance do I have of just contact?Any advice be helpful.
Belle 07/11/2012 at 10:22 pm
Has anyone ever managed to successfully prove PAS in court?I split from my ex when my children were one and five. I then had custody of both and allowed my ex unrestricted access for the next seven years. He saw them 2 weekends out of 3 and for holidays. I began to struggle with my daughter's behaviour at home when she became a teenager and started at Grammar school. We had one terrible row when she refused to go to school that left me absolutely reeling. I made the mistake at that point of phoning my ex and telling him that he would have to have my daughter to live with him.I never imagined in a million years, when I asked him to have her at that point, how things would develop and that unwittingly I had played into his hands. My son still lives with me and continues to see his father each week. My daughter, now almost 14, lives with my ex, and I have now not seen her at all for the best part of 18 months.I have some evidence of PAS that would stand up in court. My daughter became very depressed at one point after moving in with her father, following friendship difficulties at school and the level of acrimony between her father and myself. She was assessed by professionals, after seeing her GP, who wrote in their report that they "were concerned" she was "being influenced to dislike and reject her mother". Another wrote that he felt my daughter had been "coached or primed" by her father.So, although I have some proof of PAS, without any access to my daughter it is impossible to explain to my daughter or persuade her of what my ex has been doing. I believe my ex husband's motive is bitterness and revenge. This is a way to make me miserable and punish me, and my daughter is the tool he uses to achieve this. Also, if he can gain custody of both children then he is no longer liable to pay me any maintenance at all. He has made no secret of how much he resents his responsibility to pay me child support, and has ignored the court order to pay maintenance for over 2 years. Obviously, my daughter loves her father and no longer questions the negative view my ex holds of me that he has spent the last year brainwashing her into adopting too, he is very articulate and persuasive. The estrangement has been a gradual process engineered by my ex, who has gone out of his way to create a rift between myself and my daughter that did not exist when she first moved out. Unfortunately the estrangement now seems to be absolute. She does not seem to remember or place any value on the loving care that she received from me for the first 12 years of her life. I think that my ex has also succeeded in influencing her early childhood memories such that she no longer remembers that time positively.I do not know what to do next to try to obtain some access, given my daughter is a teenager and refusing to see me. I love her dearly and want to re-establish our bond and relationship. I am worried that a court will give weight to her wishes and feelin
Somerset Nick 25/10/2012 at 10:55 am
1 of the problems it seems to me is that whilst the "authorities" recognise this syndrome thay are rather powerless to do anything about it and, to a large extent, turn a blind eye given they are powerless to do much about it. Way, way back in 1993 I was told by a Court Welfare officer in a (possibly well meaning) attempt to influence me to drop my application for regular contacvt with my 2 children that ".one day your childen will be strong enough to cope with their mother and they will return to you". I did indeed walk away knowing that any court order for contact was likely to be unenforceable anyway.That was 19 years ago. I have a little email contact with my daughter Vicky (now aged 28!) but have never met her son (my Grandson ) who is now nearly 2 years old. She still feels unable to see me - I suspect out of a sense of misguided loyalty to her mother - my ex wife. I suspect only my ex wife's death will see my relationship with my 2 children re-established. All too tragic.
Jez 28/09/2012 at 5:30 am
Lost-believe me a solicitor is not always the answer.I am trying to secure overnight contact with me two children.I currently see them 29 hours per month plus 2 telephone calls.My ex wife has lied in her statements,lied to cafcass and lied in court and yet no one takes a blind bit of notice.
Yesterday saw me sat before 3 ladies on the bench all aged 55 or above.They spent the entire time looking "wistfully" over at my ex,the pity just oozing from them.My ex has dispensed with a solicitor for court,she's worked out that courts generally are not interested in fathers rights nor children's rights.It is concerned about the rights of a mother.
Pinky08 22/09/2012 at 1:14 pm
RED

Simply had to say, you are absolutely right, my son is going through hell, I too was only 5, my mam did the same, my dad was a good dad and did fight hard, the uk courts are biased and women know it, even more these gym slip mothers, who don't know how to be a mother, so women out there, crack on with your hate, there is thousands of us who you who call yourselves mothers, feel good! But not forever.
Jewson 20/09/2012 at 7:14 pm
Glad I found this article whilst browsing this site.

My ex is doing everything stated in the article. I looked after my daughter nearly every evening and weekend whilst she was working, and I used to have a very close relationship with her. Since the split my ex has made contact very difficult, she tell me that she has never stopped me or never will stop me seeing her and that I am to arrange things with my daughter as she want nothing to do with me anymore. I arrange days out which my daughter really enjoys the usually 12 hours before I am to pick her up I get a text message saying sorry she cant make it as she has to go out with someone else. A few days later I will get a message from my ex telling me that if I organise something I should let her know then she wont arrange other people to take my daughter out on the same day. You've guessed it . . next time I arrange a day out with my daughter I ask my ex if it is ok only to get told that I have to ask my daughter and the whole scenario gets repeated . . .
I have explain that because my daughter is only 12 she is classed as a minor and she should not be put in this position, but it falls on deaf ears as my ex only want things done her way
Red 09/09/2012 at 6:32 pm
I'm 99% sure my mother did this. I was only 7 and had no reason not to want to be around my dad but he left it up to me. I wish he had fought harder to see me. My mother always tells me that she suspects he "did" something to me which he never did and I will never give her the satisfaction of telling her it was even a possibility. Now I maybe see him once every couple of years. So any dads reading this, please do not give up on your child, at least some day they will know you fought for them. And any moms reading this, know that if you do this, some day it will strain your relationship and maybe even make your child hate you.
fee 30/06/2012 at 2:37 pm
my son split from his wife six months ago he had his little girl who is eleven months old one night in the week and on weekends .where does he stand because now his wife has decided he can only have her every other weekend he is devistated .they are not divorced he left she still lives in the house they were buying he pays everything expected of him.his wife works full time so does he all the family hav the little girl all week so there are no child care costs.
BarbaraW 28/06/2012 at 10:38 am
Why is it that all these nasty things go on, all potentially harmful to the children, yet children's social services, caffcass, the courts etc all seem to be in favour of leaving children with abusive manipulating mothers, rather than give residence to a good and loving father. My partner's ex has already been accused by children's social services of abuse and neglect of their children. There are meetings, case conferences, about six different agencies going in there, the 13yr old son who is autistic, has not been to school for nearly two years, the youngest daughter dotes on her dad, but has been made to tell him she doesn't want to see him. Social Workers say this is emotional abuse of the children. The boy lives in a tiny bedroom, he rarely goes out, smells because she has allowed his personal hygiene to lapse, he is not included in family holidays, he has no friends now and no education. My partner told social workers two years ago he would have his son and give him the love and care he deserves and needs, but they just ignore him. Why? They tell him to get a solicitor if he wants contact etc, Why? he can't afford solicitors. He paid over £6000 legal costs for his divorce, his wife got everything because my partner could not afford to pay his solicitor to fight for anymore. The ex just kept changing her demands, they went to court three times, she had a barrister etc, all on legal aid. My partner agreed to everything she proposed but because he did, she changed the proposals again for more and more. He ended up penniless, homeless, and lost all contact with his children. How is this right? it all comes down to money all the time. Everytime he has an extra day's work (he works part time) the CSA want it, he cannot get legal aid on his part time salary because of me!! We are told because my pension takes him over the limit, even though I have to pay for his clothes and all the household bills, that I should re-mortgage my house to pay his legal costs! What if our relationship breaks down and I am left with a huge bill for a case which is nothing to do with me? I also have a son, in almost the same situation, who now lives with us. His wife has relocated 300 miles away despite assurances to mediators, solicitors social services etc that she would not. She is mentally unstable and we are very worried about my grandson's welfare in her hands, but social services have allowed this to happen. My son and I have brought up my grandson for nearly 18 months of his two years life, but she has been allowed to take him where we have no address or any knowledge of how he is. Social services have done this to us. Why? It is all about job preservation on their part. Dysfunctional families mean work to them. If children are placed with good decent loving parents their jobs are obsolete! It is a disgrace and total waste of public money.
Shelly 15/05/2012 at 5:47 pm
I am in the same position as many of the men on here, difference, I am a woman, I left an abusive husband in the heat of the moment, leaving my youngest 2 children behind, he refused me access back into the house. 14 months later, no contact with the children, PAS is definitely the reason, I pay CSA he tells them I don't. He lied in court, he's been given residency and it breaks my heart. How do you continue fighting, I am mentally exhausted.
Kip 07/12/2011 at 2:20 pm
Many think that parental alienation is a medical condition and should be treated in the same way as, for example, a broken leg. But if you break a leg there is usually a single identifiable reason representing a cause and effect eg I broke my leg in a tackle playing soccer. The trouble with parental alienation is that there is no easily apparent cause and effect. The impact is gradual usually over an extended period therefore it is very difficult to argue. Children normally love both parents and in reality any sign of animosity should be treated by the courts as parental alienation. More often than not these days it is regarded as a potential sign of abuse by innocent parent!

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