Home > Lies in Separation > Relationship Breakdown: 'Lies' About Behaviour

Relationship Breakdown: 'Lies' About Behaviour

By: Lorna Elliott LLB (hons), Barrister - Updated: 24 Mar 2024 |
Lies Divorce False Allegation Partner

When a divorce or separation gets ugly, either party or both parties can begin to fling mud at each other. They do this to undermine each other’s position, or simply because they are angry and hurt. Once two people who once felt extreme passion for one another are no longer together, the emotions can quickly turn to hate. The messiest divorces can become very destructive indeed, as both parties decide that it is all about who ‘wins’ and who ‘loses’. In fact, there are no winners in a divorce. Both parties are losing something that they thought was permanent, a relationship that they at some point thought was going to last forever.

The Truth About Lies

Statistically, more than 75% of the accusations that are made during a divorce are untrue. They arise for several reasons:
  • To cause trouble for the other person or an act of pure revenge
  • To discredit the other person, so that they are closer to ‘winning’
  • A combination of the two, to show how much they are ‘in charge’

Types of Lies

Lies about drug abuse are common when relationships break down. This doesn’t necessarily mean illegal drugs, but also alcohol abuse “she always drank too much, she was embarrassing in public” to “he was addicted to painkillers, without them he became a nightmare”. Another common type of lie is about illegal behaviour. Whether it’s tax fraud, animal cruelty, benefits fraud, or flouting planning permission requirements – you might find yourself faced with a whole load of awful allegations that are completely untrue.

A less common allegation is of satanic worship. It may sound far-fetched but in messy divorces it can happen. All of these allegations are usually a ploy to get you investigated by one or more public or legal authorities. It may be a real nuisance to have to deal with, but in the event that this does happen lies told by an ex-partner are usually very quickly exposed.

Perhaps the most common allegation is of promiscuous behaviour during the relationship. This could range from alleging internet pornography use, a string of affairs with unknown others, or an affair with someone you both knew. A high-profile example of this was when Katie Price accused Peter Andre of having an affair with his agent, and had to pay a substantial sum in damages after he brought a claim for libel in the High Court. Sometimes these allegations can be extreme, such as accusations that you took part in commercially available pornographic films or internet clips. With developments in technology, it’s very easy to see how cropped photographs and forged documents can end up being used to back up these types of lies.

If You Are Accused of a Crime

If you find yourself Falsely Accused Of A Criminal Offence, it’s very important that you know your rights. It is always illegal to falsely accuse someone of a crime, and you should not rest until you have cleared your name. Your accuser may be wasting police time, Perverting The Course Of Justice or Committing Perjury – if your case ends up in court. Hopefully, none of this will ever happen to you but if it does, tell your lawyer the truth and be calm but persistent about what you know to be the correct version of evens.

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

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I have been a victims of international marriage scam and my daughter and me has been insulted by my x wife and her son . But she accused me of domestic violence by breaking things in the house. Fortunately I had a video recorded when she attacked me and the police found out about her lie and arrested her for the crime of assaulting and beating me.but But to my disbelief, homeoffice has gave them a indefinite visa(herand herson )even though I have all the evidence to prove herlie.
Mk - 24-Mar-24 @ 11:48 PM
We was together 10 years one child through IVF after 7 years . She had an affair with a girl from her work i was devastated as time went on i was ok and met somebody else and then things turned very spiteful - Non Mol orders - Phoning social services with false allegations - Claiming to be a victim of domestic violence - Parental alienation and in the mean while i was doing 50/50 with everything - having fantastic holidays abroad i couldn't do anymore but nothing mattered she was out to try and destoy me . Im in court on the 5th feb to get a legal parental agreement signed by the court to stop her dictatorship . Dont stop being good dads In the end the kids will see for themselves x
Jay - 23-Jan-24 @ 11:36 PM
I have had another false allegation made about me by my ex partner this is the 8th/9th time she has done this,i have never been charged with anything, but each time I get locked in a cell for up to 22hrs and it's costing me £20 each time to get home, please help
Fedup - 15-Jul-23 @ 12:28 PM
Keep the head up fellas. My ex broke up with me. Took my house, my car and wouldn’t let me see the kids by way of making false allegations to get non molestation order in place. Took four months of family courts (useless and corrupt) and fighting every false allegation under the sun. Now have shared custody of the kids. The more allegations they make the less credible it all becomes… if you know you’re innocent then keep fighting. Will be worth all the stress and £s in the end.
A - 19-Jun-23 @ 2:22 PM
My ex and I split up last year and I left house as ex 'needed time to think'. Then after few weeks it became clear she didn't want to get back together so I asked if we can get something in writing for children. No response, asked again, no response, finally response and she wanted to go via courts. Contacted solicitor who contacted ex. Few days later police phoned me and allegations against me coming in left right and centre. CPS charged me based on her words....no evidence. I have literally 100's of pieces of evidence toprove she is lying through her teeth as I kept all correspondence between her and me which proves I am loving decent and caring partner and literally every thing she has accused me off I have dozens of pieces of evidence to disprove her. Family court postponed today, as justice system here is absolutely useless, totally not looking after what is best for children but what is best for mum. I have to be patient and I know my time will come but it is very hard though. Haven't seen my children in more than a year after seeing them every day of their little lives. Sometimes I am seriously struggling thinking is it easier to let go, then angry and full of fighting spirit because I am innocent and I owe it to my children. I will not let my ex get away with this. I can honestly and with hand on my heart say that I have always been a faithful, caring, loving father and partner and then to be falsely accused of so many things.....whoa...that landed hard. Looking forward however to wipe that smirk off her face and be able to hold my children in my arms again. Need to keep my cool though....it is tough.
Raoul - 9-Mar-23 @ 9:40 PM
Partner was having an affair. I asked her to leave (my house before we met) she took our 5 year old. Then refused access and made up a lot of false allegations to include gbh etc. Been interviewed by police and no action being taken (as no evidence as it never happened) am literally paying 1000,s in legal fees to try an getshared custody of our child and even get access. Has anyone ever successfully sued their ex for slander, libel or defamation in this respect?
Mart - 17-Dec-22 @ 11:42 AM
I’m worried for my son it has taken 15 months for him to see his kids after every accusation his ex could think of. Court order of visitation/contact overnights ect is making him walk on egg shells as she would be checking the kids questioning them the moment they got back, making more false accusations. He’s got body maps and a log book for photographs when they are there surely she can’t keep doing this now court has seen through and sorted everything
Claire - 28-Oct-22 @ 7:57 PM
Hi my ex was arrested for battery in September 2020 against me then had him out now he’s accused me of sexual assault but I have loads of proof after my ex’s caution that these are false accusations and did it out of revenge now I been charged even though I sent all texts after his caution that he tried taking me back and misses me touching him I do have a solicitor and have a hearing on the 26th of august to hopefully say my side. Any advice will be appreciated thanks
Katie - 6-Aug-22 @ 10:26 AM
Ex has made many false accusations over the last year but finally last week I was called in for voluntary interview with the Police. Went for the interview on Friday, I think it went okay but all very stressful and upsetting, feel numb. Solicitor said he thought it would get thrown out but it is still a huge worry. From what I gather I doubt she will suffer any consequences.
rf - 25-Jul-22 @ 2:39 PM
I'm currently going through hell with my ex, iv been with my partner for 10 years and have 3 kids. she decided she was going to have an affair so I told her to leave. She came back and asked for my forgiveness I excepted and she had taken the kids while I was at work and rang the police and said I had assaulted her. She later dropped the charges because she wanted to worm her way back in I later found out. Caught her recently mixed messaging me so I told her to leave, she fell down the stairs because she was drunk now I have GBH allegation against me ! I'm exhausted
Christos - 18-Jul-22 @ 4:39 PM
My wife wanted to kick me out of the property and made some unreal accusations. She said last year he threatened to kill me so Police arrested me and released me on bail for 28 days . I don’t know what do next ?I have never caused her a harm, as now want to kick me out of the property as on both names she did this to me. Please help
As - 14-May-22 @ 8:28 AM
@ cps stands for Crown prosecution service… mouth ache
Jill - 15-Sep-21 @ 11:41 AM
That’s a real big shame to hear that….do you know who to talk to get it all Retacted?? Cps
Jill - 15-Sep-21 @ 10:54 AM
@jack what did your girlfriend retract??
Jill - 15-Sep-21 @ 8:30 AM
Iv lied and now my boyfriend in jail… trial is in December I have retract my statement but I’ve been trying to get hold of the officer since and I can’t get hold of him and I’ve not heard nothing who and what else can I do….help
Jill - 15-Sep-21 @ 5:15 AM
My ex husband tested my knickers for semon after an office day out and claims that they are had positive results which is untrue. We have divorced since then and he has destroyed my entire life and has convinced the children that I have destroyed theirs. How can I prove my innocence and win back my children?
Nelly - 30-Oct-20 @ 9:20 AM
I've just been found innocent of some very serious false allegations from my ex and want yo know how I can protect myself from this ever happening again
Wozza - 23-Oct-20 @ 1:09 PM
hi, people, my ex has taken out a non molestation order, I am fine with that but it states I can't have no contact with my 5 kids for 6 months, never ever hit them once,now I find out after the injunction my ex wants me to be a Co parent, but for 6 months she has sabotage my relationship with my kids telling them not to contact me, but been reading do n don'ts of Co parent and it says don't sabotage the kids relationship with the dad but doing an injunction does exactly that ????
Keith - 22-Sep-20 @ 9:32 AM
I'm coming to an end of a bitter divorce. I've managed to get a court order against my ex to prevent her from relocating. The judge and cafcas 100% agreed with me. Even stipulated that she is not permitted to be in the while I have the kids. She showed up unannounced the other night during bed time and decided to spend the night as well as the following day until hand over. I was angry, but asked her to leave. I warned her that I would call the police, but notice her recording the conversation on the phone. She now claim emotional abuse because I told her I will call the police and if she did it again I will get a order against her
Rc - 15-Aug-20 @ 5:58 AM
My wife left our home 3 month ago without taking the children with her. She made very serious allegations against me. Rape domestic violence and a lot more. I would be a danger for my children and a monster. Fact is the children are with me and they are happy. She is constantly trying to damage my image on social media and by calling my relatives. She made a ABE now and I am waiting for the interview by the police. My wife is now trying to force me to give her the children by insulting me and by emotionally abuse me via social media and false statements. As a man you always need to prove your innocence. But she as a woman can destroy my live with her lies. She studied that the uk is not using lie detector test. She wants me to go to jail to get now full custody. Please tell me how can I get help or what can I do. This problem is making me nearly suicide
Help - 16-Jul-20 @ 11:24 AM
@mark .f me I am no mark ha ha or gordon ha ha .
Chris - 25-Jun-20 @ 10:43 AM
I left my ex 2 years ago, we have 2 children, and when she found out about me and my best friend being together who is now my wife, she began twisting everything in our relationship and made me out to be an aggressive abusive partner, which while our relationship was toxic it was her who had problems with aggression and project onto me, and for the most part we co parent well, but at the beginning she turned my whole family against me and continues to this day despite me trying to rebuild. Now whenever we argue she twists everything i say and manipulates me into traps for example saying i refused to leave when she followed me out the door still arguing and then texts me saying i cant see the kids this week because shes upset then when i reply tells me i refused to leave and that im harassing her, im scared of ths potential legal consequences she could use as a weapon to entrap me
Mark - 25-Jun-20 @ 8:12 AM
Hello me and my wife separated 3 years ago we have 2 kids between us from that time she keep make false allegation and i dont know what should i do every few months i find police knock my door and every time nothing happened just keep stressed me out and turn the kids against me is there anything i should do to be able to stop her from doing this kind of allegations it is really affect me emotionally and mentally and dont know what is the end of this story if anyone can help me on that matter please
peter - 14-Jun-20 @ 12:39 AM
@worriedmother.if your ex has (my condition) even restraining orders or even icu orders will not stop him he will think it’s just a (peace of paper and find it funny or like a badge of honour )and time is not important you could be happily married with other children and then one day you could find yourself looking down a (barrel of a gun and see hes face again it could be 20 years from now) .this is how serous my condition is .so be every careful don’t get complacent or your husband could stop him and get sloppy and think it’s just talk people with my condition are the real deal .i just have a understanding of my condition so take my advice very serous.and have yourself a wonderful day it could be your last .
C.laurie - 22-May-20 @ 3:52 AM
@worriedmother.if your ex has my condition.there will be no stopping them if they feel wronged and if you have children together they will have zero feelings towards the children even there own flesh and blood they will see them as (pawns) .be very careful we are (master liars And very convincing )but we have( no morals)we will swear black and blue that we do have .butwe stand for (number one ).i am glad the mother got my daughter and I hope my daughter doesn’t( date or marry someone like me ).and her mother made the right decision to keep the children from me gods truth and I do hope her step father adopted her and was a very influential father figure to her .in saying that it doesn’t mean that me and her mother are ok and she best keep her( distance forever ).all I am saying is they can (adopt the child I have zero issues with that) .but I still want to kill her mother gods truth I want to look in her eyes why she takes her last breath and say call me (f wit now slapper and my ugly face is the last thing you will see leaving this earth ).
C.laurie - 21-May-20 @ 11:11 PM
@worriedmother.if your ex has my condition.there will be no stopping them if they feel wronged and if you have children together they will have zero feelings towards the children even there own flesh and blood they will see them as (pawns) .be very careful we are (master liars And very convincing )but we have( no morals)we will swear black and blue that we do have .butwe stand for (number one ).i am glad the mother got my daughter and I hope my daughter doesn’t( date or marry someone like me ).and her mother made the right decision to keep the children from me gods truth and I do hope her step father adopted her and was a very influential father figure to her .in saying that it doesn’t mean that me and her mother are ok and she best keep her( distance forever ).all I am saying is they can (adopt the child I have zero issues with that) .but I still want to kill her mother gods truth I want to look in her eyes why she takes her last breath and say call me (f wit now slapper and my ugly face is the last thing you will see leaving this earth ).
C.laurie - 21-May-20 @ 11:04 PM
@worriedmother.if your ex has my condition they are (not capable of love) it’s only a facade .we are only for( ourself )and see people as (pawns) we calculating manipulating And very dangerous and very capable of killing our own mother and even shed a tear at the funeral and play victim.i am not saying they will do it what I am saying is we have the right ingredients to do it and pushed the right way will do it .i am no psychiatrist this is what they explained to me about my condition.
C.laurie - 21-May-20 @ 10:01 PM
@worriedmother.with my condition it can be very dangerous if I feel someone has wronged me I will manipulate twist things around and very capable of murder .because of my lower heart rate and the wiring in my brain my doctor explained this to me and showed me on the X-ray where my brain is different.so if your ex has my (condition).BE VERY CAREFUL BECAUSE WE ARE (WIRED DIFFERENTLY AND TO BE TAKING VERY SEROUS AND TIME MEANS NOTHING TO PEOPLE LIKE ME ) .What I have just explained is the (gods truth ).i give you this advice because I have been diagnosed and Thoroughly explained my condition bye professional psychologist.you ex may not even no there is something wrong it took me nearly 40 years to be diagnosed .just a heads up .
C.laurie - 21-May-20 @ 9:42 PM
@worriedmother.after reading your post I myself have a psychotic disorder sociopath been (diagnosed) apparently it’s from my upbringing and genetics.i have a lower heartbeat then normal people that’s why I indulge in drugs And alcohol for stimulation and very antisocial and prone it fits of uncontrollable rage .i feel better now that I (understand my condition and have a name for it .for years I didn’t understand why I was like this ).its not easy having a (mental disorder) but I tools now to control it .there is no prescription drug or a cure it’s life sentence .
C.laurie - 21-May-20 @ 8:57 PM
Hi, I am so worried about my son and my Grandchildren. He split with his ex more than a year ago and she has stalked and harassed him and our family ever since. I believe she has some kind of psychotic disorder and believe that there will be no limits to how far she will go. A restraining order was placed on my son purely after her continued lies and false allegations against my son. She has abused in person and through telephone calls and social media my son and his immediate family. My Father died of cancer last year and she gained access to his property by deceit as he was vulnerable and stole money (My son was staying with him at the time nursing him and was out) She took some of my son's clothes and cut them up, sending him pictures.She has twice tried to run my son over with their children in the car! She stalks his social media by creating false accounts and then slanders him and his business. I am aware that she smokes cannabis and is extremely volatile and is disliked by many people as she has such an aggressive personality. I just do not understand how he continues to manipulate the system and make false allegations and they are followed through by the police-having my son arrested and interviewed but ending in NFA. I worry about the safety of my Grandchildren. who we are all unable to see. I dread to think what sort of life they have with her (age 6 and 4) She has a poor family background, her brother being convicted of murder at the age of 18. I live in constant fear of what she will do next to my family. She tries continually to get my son to respond to her(restraining order in place from her lies) Some of the excuses being. She has cancer, the children have corona virus, the youngest child has fallen down the stairs, needs an MRI scan... This is all very garbled and for that I apologise, There is just too much to right. I am so panicked and anxious. My son is now being treated for anxiety and depression following the loss of his Grandfather, not being able to see his children and this constant abuse and stalking.What can we do, and suggestions would be so gratefully received.
Worried Mother - 21-May-20 @ 7:09 PM
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