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Being Falsely Accused of Domestic Violence

By: Lorna Elliott LLB (hons), Barrister - Updated: 24 Jun 2022 |
 
False Accusation Rape Sexual Offence

Every year, many people in the UK are falsely accused of domestic violence. The reasons for this are wide-ranging. Some partners or ex-partners make up allegations of domestic violence to get out of a relationship that they are otherwise unhappy with, others do it to spite their partners, while some still want to ensure that they stop (usually) the father from seeing the children.

In other circumstances, a stranger, someone you know, or perhaps your child’s teacher could become concerned about an injury to your child or something your child says – and refers Social Services to you. The tragic fact is that this does happen to people who are totally innocent of any crime. Sadly, although in this country you are ‘innocent until proven guilty’, the truth is that sometimes people can get charged and found guilty for domestic violence on very little evidence.

What Can Happen

You can be arrested while in your own home, in front of your partner and children, and in full view of the neighbours. Then you can be taken to the police station, your DNA taken and held on file, and interviewed while under caution. You could find yourself in court, charged with an offence for which you have done nothing wrong. Worst of all, you could end up with a criminal conviction and sent to prison. The problem is, when emotions are running high after a break up or divorce, one call to the police can have far-reaching consequences. If word gets around your local community, you could suffer verbal abuse, harassment or worse for being a ‘monster’.

Your Rights

If this happens to you, you need to be aware of your rights. You are entitled to legal advice at the police station. If you waive your right, you may end up saying something that could be misconstrued, especially if you are tired or are lulled into a false sense of security by the interviewing officers. There have been many cases that have been successfully brought by the Crown Prosecution Service purely on the basis of an admission in interview at the police station.

If you do speak to a lawyer, tell them the truth because if you are coy, or uncooperative, they are not going to be able to advise you properly. The police may bail you to return to the police station on another date. If they do this, you MUST ensure you go back on the day and at the time specified, or you will be charged with an offence of ‘failure to surrender’ and a warrant may be issued for your arrest. If you are innocent of any crime, be persistent, stick to the truth and try your best not to get angry at any stage. If you find yourself in court, it is vital that you come across as genuine and sincere about your innocence.

Implications For Your Accuser

If your partner or ex-partner accuses you of domestic violence, when you have in fact done nothing wrong, by the time the police are involved your ex has already committed a criminal offence for which they could receive a prison sentence of up to six months. If they then go on to falsify evidence to the authorities – the police, social services etc – they are then perverting the course of justice. If the case actually gets to court, and you find yourself in the dock on trial for something you haven’t done, your accuser would in most circumstances have to give evidence in court. If they are still lying at this stage, they are committing perjury. These are all serious criminal offences for which your ex-partner could serve a long prison sentence.

See our articles on Being Falsely Accused Of Child Abuse and Being Falsely Accused Of Rape on this site.

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

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Hi Alison.You'll get a lot of help with this over at Dads with Kids forum.
SB - 24-Jun-22 @ 7:52 PM
I need advice as my son’s been wrongly convicted of domestic abuse
Alison - 21-Jun-22 @ 8:08 PM
So if that makes me mentally ill so be it ,atleast I'm been honest and im totally content been a Bachelor its my life and I will live it my way .and in all honesty I dont even believe im the biological father .and I find her (manipulation) funny I view her as joke always did .sence we been all honest .I was ashamed to be with her it was in my opinion likedating a prostitute that might be cool for sum .but its just not my cup off tea .
Truth - 8-Jun-22 @ 12:10 AM
Well for myself the mother did excaltly what I wanted you see( I never wanted kids or marriage) when I was young (early twentys) I felt pressured bye her family to marry this women they would take me aside and talk to me say I think its time you married they even gave me thediamond .I was like ok only because I'm nice guy .in side I was like hell no sorry but your daughter is a two bit harlot with a yellow tooth and pigeon toed not to mention about 50 kilo over weight plus already had child .I was like wtf have I got myself into I wanted to run for hills. My only intention was to bang this women a couple off times not marry the c##t.
Truth - 7-Jun-22 @ 11:10 PM
Sadly I am a mental I’ll man with bipolar and had my fincial beahiours controlled by guilt feels especially as she learn to push all my buttons. Had no money and I have a nervous breakdown after isolating myself even more to get out of our homeliness. Took all financial burden b gifted her most assests as she asked. Got 4 kids under 8. She had a list of jobs. Been through 10 years of hell trying to provide etc and keeping all debt away from her. Let her have anything I could. Had no real money. Used my family for money n cut them off in Distance and other means due to my extreme exploitation. Wasn’t allowed to leave for medical stuff when collapsing threatening to leave to take all and poisonkids against me. Get me locked up. Full nervous breakdown. No help. Then bipolar when kicked out of home as couldn’t get medical . 600 miles away from a house I paid 100% for including furnishingsto stop her crying. Tried to help. Completely dulled me. Only just understanding it was deliberate cos I love her still. I have no defence as she reported first. Scotland. Merge defences I can’t prove all emotionally driven n financially but not provable as all on my card. Terrible not be forced into saying u havent done something you’ve endured to unlikely see the kids. Can’t work eat anything. Nothing is mine. Law is biased I was in a breakdown. Not commented
Badbeat - 7-Jun-22 @ 6:50 PM
@cojo,there are parents out there who have (buried there children) now I can't imagine how hard that would be .but us humans are a (resilient )and we pick up the broken pieces and carry on .so the way I see it my daughter is alive so I still have the chance to see her speak to her .(so I feel blessed) .imagine how those poor parents who had lost there children in that school shooting in America thats horrendous .(they need to change gun laws over there) .how deranged is the shooter to walk into Elementary School and open fire thats pure evil .
Freezing ?? - 1-Jun-22 @ 5:02 AM
@cojo,My advice (walk away )its not worth it in reality .I personally know how God damn hard it is not seeing your child my situation is (unique) like when I was going though the breakup years ago it didn't bother me I didn't want to be her the relationship had been dead for a couple off years . I was out partying in nightclubs like I was 18 again and injoying life it wasn't for (many years later )when I seen a photo off my daughter online instantly felt love.and it hit home like a son off a bitch( crazy ass emotional feelings )you name it I went though it .and couldn't understand why I'm I going though this now .I worked out I locked that part off my life away and seeing the photo was the key to unlockingsum emotional feelings I was angry at myself her mother I wanted to kill .I'm much better now .even though I still don't see my daughter I have come to terms with it and doesn't bother anymore .
Freezing ?? - 1-Jun-22 @ 4:25 AM
Can someone please please help or advise me? I am at my wits end, just been diagnosed with severe depression for first time in my life and have considered the only way out could be to end it all.My ex took out non-molestation order in 2019 then only 3 months later revoked it telling the court that her statement was not correct (false allegations).Then in October 2021 took out another non- molestation order and in December 2021 called the police claiming I'd breached the order by communicating about something other than the children.Two weeks later she called the police and retracted her statement officially.In February 2022, I successfully got an amendment to the non-mol order stating that I could enter the house and stay overnight in order to maintain my relationship with my two youngest children,this was on the basis that my ex and I agreed on the dates AND that she vacated the house when I returned (so stay with a friend or family etc)in court in front of the judge she agreed. There have been 3 visits to the home and not on any of them has she left and I know I left myself in a difficult situation but I was so desperate to spend time with my children. On the 3rd occasion on 15th May 2022, she claims I used threatening behaviour towards her - which I most certainly didn't.I was arrested by the police for breaching the order and held in custody for 18 hours (horrendous experience),I was released on conditional bail.I feel that she has constantly "used the legal system"when it has suited her and then changed her story or dropped her allegations.BTW,the only history of domestic violence in the relationship was her against me. I have never laid a finger on her, whereas she has smashed a broken vodka bottle across my back and punched me around the head.Does anyone have any advice and has anyone else experienced anything similar?Please help, I am desperate
Cojo - 31-May-22 @ 1:54 PM
Can someone please please help or advise me? I am at my wits end, just been diagnosed with severe depression for first time in my life and have considered the only way out could be to end it all.My ex took out non-molestation order in 2019 then only 3 months later revoked it telling the court that her statement was not correct (false allegations).Then in October 2021 took out another non- molestation order and in December 2021 called the police claiming I'd breached the order by communicating about something other than the children.Two weeks later she called the police and retracted her statement officially.In February 2022, I successfully got an amendment to the non-mol order stating that I could enter the house and stay overnight in order to maintain my relationship with my two youngest children,this was on the basis that my ex and I agreed on the dates AND that she vacated the house when I returned (so stay with a friend or family etc)in court in front of the judge she agreed. There have been 3 visits to the home and not on any of them has she left and I know I left myself in a difficult situation but I was so desperate to spend time with my children. On the 3rd occasion on 15th May 2022, she claims I used threatening behaviour towards her - which I most certainly didn't.I was arrested by the police for breaching the order and held in custody for 18 hours (horrendous experience),I was released on conditional bail.I feel that she has constantly "used the legal system"when it has suited her and then changed her story or dropped her allegations.BTW,the only history of domestic violence in the relationship was her against me. I have never laid a finger on her, whereas she has smashed a broken vodka bottle across my back and punched me around the head.Does anyone have any advice and has anyone else experienced anything similar?Please help, I am desperate
Cojo - 31-May-22 @ 1:27 PM
Mr j .for myself I was never married and guess what I didn't have to pay a cent in child support and guess what my daughter is 18 tomorrow so I guess I'm lucky son off bitch ha ha .it was the mothers guilt for her long affairs with my uncle and father and cousins .sharing is caring ha ha ha .I'm so glad the past is behind me .(ps happy birthday little bree welcome to adulthood love chriso) .to meet again .
C laurie - 16-May-22 @ 3:51 AM
My wife (I applied for divorce) so soon to be my wife she took off with the kids. wife accused me of violent. Controlling. All the things you can think of. I think she doing this to get housed due to our living condition is not great with family. But am bailed with further investigation. The caffcase lady interview me and bought that up while interviewing me because I apply a court order to see my kids. Will this effect what the court ruling is or they will see me as all the things my ex wife accused me of. Do I need a solicitor to try clear my name and sue her for making false allegation? My worry is will this effect how the judge see me and maybe a bad out rolling for me to see my kids or not
Mr.j - 15-May-22 @ 10:40 PM
Last post sence your daughter Samantha wants nothing to do with myself and her been 18 .I would like if she would not use my surname thank you .
C laurie - 5-May-22 @ 12:10 AM
@abi,and now my daughter is 18 I dont have to worry anymore. And I have been told she wants nothing to do with me anyway .(so yeah I want be posting anymore). In reality I class myself as a men who never had children .so yeah I will enjoy my remaining years as a Bachelor doing the things that make me happy .
C laurie - 5-May-22 @ 12:01 AM
@abi,from my own personal experience I had with a very horrible women when young ,I vowed to myself when sitting in the cells that I will remain a Bachelor for the rest off my life .and couldn't be happier I have turned down alot off women over the years .that's how bad my experience was with this women thats gods truth .
C laurie - 4-May-22 @ 11:46 PM
Message for All men's don't marry British Girl or European go around Asia or Africa side i.e. Philpine/Tailband/India//Algeria/ and list goes on there are women's out there looking for serious relationship i saw some of my friends who married women other side of the world living better and happy life then marrying some one here. yes you can argue but its true those women out there had very hard life once you give them better life they will stay with you until your last day.
Abi - 4-May-22 @ 10:10 PM
I dont care if you smoke weed with your kids I don't care if your kids are on sex sites or whatever .they are legal age to do anything they want .the legal system is not rigged it was my own personal choice to not go though the courts so respect my wishes.
Jake - 3-Apr-22 @ 6:53 AM
Is that you with menopause you suffer from hot flashes mate ha ha ha .(yeah in reality I can't stand women )you old busted ass whore you are washed up has been or never was been more like it .stop posting you senior citizen go join the nitting club because you would never make it in my world .
Jake - 2-Apr-22 @ 11:39 PM
I have been charged with domestic abuse and threats to kill the family cats. I have done nothing and I can show my entire message thread on messenger for years, the alleged financial control can be refuted in this as well as my bank details.I paid for everything and even paid her bills. She is struggling with menopause and depression and states in.messages all our marital problems are due to her. My family know the struggles I have had with my wife, she had a online sexual affair with an ex and I forgave, caught twice shoplifting and given lifetime bans but not charged, I forgave. Her withdrawal from me, intimacy and her responsibility in the home, I go out every day, work 10 hours, come home clean and cook and my daughter sits at home not working and my wife allows her to smoke weed. I complain about this and try to help my wife get a grip of her life and not sleep all day, doing nothing in the house and when I broached these issues, I want to leave you and she started packing her stuff and said I'll sleep in the lounge till I find a place. Next my estranged daughter comes over and our issues started when she started with a online sex site doing things for customers.Cause I disapproved when locals found her doing this on the site, it came out and I was fairly upset, she said it's her choice as she was an adult I couldn't do anything and I must stop controlling her life. Anyway back to my story, Nicoke comes around and here I surmise but my guess is suggest to her mother to go down domestic abuse and threats and she can stay and I will get charged and lose the house. So my nightmare begins. Help please, I'm now homeless, relinquished the house and everything in it and am homeless,I was nearly charged due to a family member asked if I could have my meds as I'm diabetic and for my work clothing.Apparently this was a breach of my bail conditions.The legal system is rigged and I have no idea what to do. Please help, I have even thought of suicide and I am having breakdowns nearly every day and it's affecting my work.
Ian - 2-Apr-22 @ 7:45 PM
I have the same issue my wife and I have 14 years old relationship and have 2 kids but few years back she start asking me that she need some money around 10,000£. which I was unable to give her she said she will return me. when I refused she start blaming me and start vocal abuse on my call me names. I try to calm myself but some time lose control and responded her with same calling names. 1 week ago when I was at home she start shouting on me and calling me very bad names and my family my parents etc.. then she said to me leave the house she don't want me to live with them... So I replied that this is my house I am renting it better you leave she stand up and pushed me try to throw out of the door but as I was not moving out and resisted she slipped on the floor and start crying I said it was all your fault you should not have pushed me. 30 min later 6 police officer stormed on my house and took me to the next room and said to me that your wife complained that you dragged her from the bed and punched her face 4-5 times and throw her on the floor.. Which was totally lie. So I replied to the police that its all about money she wanted from me and thats why she now don't want me to live with her. but police took me to 24 hours custody interviewed me and then left me on bail not to move closer to my own house and children on any cost. Now I have no idea what will happed as she is staying in my house and I have paid the rent.. Should I stop paying the rent ??? as I believe I will not be able to get back to my house for next 3 month even more... My wife maybe applying for refuge house but no idea if she is doing or not but at the moment she is in my House
TONY - 19-Jun-21 @ 7:29 PM
Hi - I was accused of domestic violence in Dec. I haven’t seen nor heard from my partner since then - in fact we are not allowed to contact. She was abusive to me , verbally and physically and I stupidly reacted - the whole thing lasted less than three minutes, and now my life is in bits. There is a court case and it has been postponed three times. All the while I am in limbo and can’t move on - the whole situation with one drunken call to the police about not a lot has spiralled way out of control. I have contemplated the unthinkable - I am heartbroken and finding it hard to get through every day. I’m not a criminal - and never have been.
Bubbles - 19-Jun-21 @ 8:09 AM
I have just spent over 20 hours in a police cell accessed of DV. I have taken legal advice. The accuser, my husband, is on record as being non-supportive (he was drunk). He has since withdrawn all allegations but I am still - potentially - going to have to go through a system that does seem to favour liars. What happens when an alleged 'victim' sobers up? What is the best thing to do to not be prosecuted falsely? I can't contact him, directly or indirectly. He has told the police he doesn't want to pursue this. I am really scared and will off myself before being found guilty of something I didn't do at all. All help very well received. Thank you.
Maz - 13-Jun-21 @ 7:13 PM
I have been with my wife for 35 years, during these 35 years when we had an argument, she always got violent she was and is totally incapable of controlling her temper. But because she never really hurt me I never did anything about it. After the argument if she felt she had not totally won. She would disappear with our children eventually after a few days she would contact me I would beg her for forgiveness and then she would come home, this however always left me in a weaker position and she would remind me of this time and time again. People ask way I Stayed with her I did because I loved her and my children its as simple as that. then 15 years ago I had a very sort lived affair I stopped it and confessed all to her I was put through hell it gave her the excuse she needed to get even more violent. about a year later things were OK and we were sat on the bench in our outhouse all of a sudden I felt this unbelievable pain in the left side of my head, then my right side I jumped up realizing that she had punched me in the head and with such force I hit the other side on the wall, I asked why she said its for having the affair. The end result was I had clicking noises in my head each time i sneezed coughed etc. Stupidly I didn't go to the doctor I was ashamed that a women was beating me up. Anyway a few months later I had an ear infection I have had it before so no problems, however a few hours later I started to get a violent head ache which a doctor misdiagnosed as normal for an ear infection the end result was 24 hours later I was in a coma in hospital with meningitis, this left me profoundly deaf and unable to walk in low light or darkness because my balance organs had been destroyed by it as well, and truthfully ruined my life,a year later I was summoned to hospital and they told me that they found the reason why I had meningitis it was because on both side of my skull the tegmen was missing and my brain was flopping onside me ear cavity. I new instantly how this happened, it was due to the punch in the head she gave me, yet again I kept my mouth shut about it, we were getting on really well again and i did not want to rock the boat, I had a 13 hour operation to repair the damage, and since having meningitis she had stopped the violence. Things upto about 3 and a half years ago have been OK but then the area manager of the company she worked for started accusing her of not doing her job properly, I have to say that he was benign unfair as she put her heart and sole into the shop she managed, This badly effected her and she left the job but a few weeks later she started to blame me for it saying I was always jealous of her success, this really upset me as I was always there for her supporting her, Over the next three years I fought hard to save the marriage but on a Friday evening on late this January she told me she wanted a divorce I was gutted we have been together for 35 years married for 34, but at the same time there was this great s
iamborg - 13-May-21 @ 1:10 PM
cont...A partner with whom, after the first date, I had to have a very uncomfortable conversation about what I'd previously been accused of, in case she wanted to run for the hills. Thankfully she didn't and we're now very happy.
Steve - 10-May-21 @ 12:37 PM
This is going to sound like a bad episode of Eastenders, but this is what happened: I was arrested in 2015 after my now ex wife got bored and decided she'd spice up her life by making up a load of nasty stuff about me so she could play the victim to her friends. One of these friends was a little more socially responsible than the others, and took what she said seriously and so quite reasonably went to social services as we have children. Social services then tried for a long time to contact me, but knowing this, my (ex)wife secretly disconnected the house phone so they couldn't. Then, realising the jig was up, andwe'd end up in the divorce court, she decided to go all in, go to the police and say I had been abusing her because that way she would get legal aid and perhaps browny points in the divorce. After I was arrested I thought it was all a big mistake; my initial theory was that someone online had gotten hold of my (ex)wife's details and had made allegations pretending to be her. When I was questioned I said I didn't need a solicitor as it was "all a big mistake". Only half way through the interview did it click that this was real and was happening, and that she was behind it. Still I gave evidence without a solicitor present, which in retrospect was an incredibly stupid thing to do; I was a mess, confused, had never been interviewed by the police before and could have said anything. I then spent a very scary night in the cells, was bailed and went to live with my brother. Only later did we find out that she had done this before to someone else. The worst part for me was the way I started to question myself, and my memory of events. I denied the allegations of course, they seemed absurd; that wasn't something I would ever do. But then I started questioning myself. Was I remembering things correctly? After all these allegations were coming from someone I should have trusted. And they supposedly happened a long time ago. Was I at fault? Then while I was on bail further allegations; and this time they were very recent (the previous week). She accused me of attacking her when I picked my son up for contact. And then I knew. It wasn't me, it was her. I hadn't misremembered anything. I wasn't at fault. I couldn't trust her. She was out to get me. And most definitely had a screw loose. Eventually, the police investigation ended with the very unsatisfying conclusion of 'No further action', which simply meant there wasn't enough evidence to prosecute. No exoneration, no suggestion that she lied. In most people's minds all that means is that 'he did it, but got away with it', not that he's innocent. I know because before all this happened I would have been one of the people who thought that. 'Believe the victim' they tell you and I would have done that. Why would someone make up something like that? Why indeed? Thankfully, not all women are crazy and I have a new partner now. A partner with whom, after the first date, I had to have
Steve - 10-May-21 @ 12:35 PM
My son is a police officer being falsely accused, his wife as been given judgement against him for sending an email to her for sale of property she won't respond to solicitors and keeps mo ING address, my son will be sacked from his job and lose his home in next few weeks
Dee - 26-Mar-21 @ 8:17 AM
My partner was accused of making threats to kill by his ex wife. I know he did nothing of the sort, I was there and witnessed everything. After years of coercive control he finally left her and very quickly moved in with me. We went to the flat they used to share in order to try and collect the last of his belongings. I went to record any incident on my phone as we expected trouble. We arrived to find the flat in darkness, my partner looked through the kitchen window and remarked that there was no fridge, perhaps she'd already moved out....he then looked through the letterbox and told me he saw her shoes, so she hadn't yet moved out.....she must be working away. We left. No recording....there was nothing to record! An hour later we receive a call from the police.....I can't hide my surprise and tell the officer we were there but we thought she was out! Turns out she'd made an accusation of criminal damage. Three days later she'd changed the complaint to threats to kill, citing a misunderstanding due to language difficulties and my partner was being carted off to the police station.....meaning I had to call work for him and explain that he'd been arrested doing his reputation at work no good at all. Since then we've had our first hearing and we discover that we've been put through he'll because she says he said 'I'll kill you' through the letterbox. Our statements are identical to hers apart from that one fact. Utterly ridiculous. The police refused to take my statement at the time. Our solicitor agrees this should never have got this far. We have every confidence that he'll be exonerated, but we don't get legal aid. This is costing £3k. If this wasn't so stressful and expensive, it would almost be funny.
Kerry - 21-Mar-21 @ 8:32 PM
Due to a neighbours dispute my nextdoor neighbour has reported me to the police fir domestic abuse when he overheard an argument I had with my partner and thought I had smashed his bike and broke his cycle pump when in fact I did nothing I accidentally closed into it was slightly annoyed with my partner for leaving it k. A silly place I'm very worried I know I have a temper but I'm not violent and my partner and I have a loving relationship
Sexy - 18-Mar-21 @ 10:35 PM
My son was arrested on Wednesday night because his gf absolutely gave false information to the police about domestic violence( he got remanded for 4 weeks )that was very much fabricated, she tried to withdraw her statement, please tell me what she can do next to get him out of prison, my son was on FaceTime with my 15 yr old when said events were supposed to have taken place , she told them he locked her n baby in house which is untrue as she ran out of the door shouting help help with baby in arms ( she got this idea as her neighbours had done this very act in November 2020 ) my son did run after her as the baby at 13 weeks old only had pjs on &?it was at midnight so very cold for hershe also texted me just 5 mins before said events saying he wasn’t given her the baby (Not a single word of violence mentioned.( as my son is worried about her mothering ( she’s been talking about baby going up for adoption etc as she can’t cope , so my sons main concern that night was for his baby .she in actual fact has beaten my son for almost 11 month , before , during & after her pregnancy I kept telling my son to document this but he said mum I can’t I am supposed to be a man and she’s the mother of my baby . Please help my son has done prison time before for silly things but never towards women , they were in my house until 11.30 on that very night when she assaulted my son infringe of my 2 girls who were hysterical witnessing this
Totti - 8-Mar-21 @ 1:27 PM
Hello i was falsely accused of domestic violence in 2014 i was arrested and locked in a cell overnight the case went on for 3months and then the case was droped because of no evidence and my son taken away from me to a refuge with my accuser i was seperated from my son for 3 months i was named and shamed throughout my naighbours and my reletives wispering behind my back, after begging and pleading with my wife after all i been through she seperated me from my parents and my family and moved far away since then my life has been hell until this date can i sue against damages to my health and my life my future being wasted etc
Afy - 2-Mar-21 @ 10:15 PM
I was accused off domestic violence against my ex partners mum in October 2020. I came home from work and just said to my ex tell your parents to butt out off things with that she lost the plot and started hitting me and in self defence I put my hand up and accidentally caught her mouth. When I was arrested I told the police this in the interview. My Ex refused to.make a statement. Then a month later she made a statement against me saying I had my hands round her throat. She never had any marks on her when the police looked that night and 48 hours after she had no marks. But where she hit me I had marks on my neck. I was in court on the 17/02/21 pleaded not guilty I now have a 6 hour trial in August.
Dick - 20-Feb-21 @ 2:30 AM
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