Making Joint Decisions About Your Child's Future

Author: Emma Jones

You may have split up from your child’s mother but you are still both jointly responsible for your child’s upbringing and making choices that influence their life. It can be difficult if you have differing opinions, but you need to respect each other's viewpoints and discuss them maturely. You have a legal right, as your child’s father, to have a say in major decisions in their life.

If you're uncertain about your legal standing when it comes to making decisions about your child's upbringing, you can use our free Rights Checker.

Why Make Joint Decisions?

It doesn’t matter that you have split up from their mother, or how far away you live from them, you will always be your child’s father. This means that you will be always be responsible for their wellbeing and major decisions that affect them. You and your ex need to find a way to work together for the sake of your child and respect each other’s opinions. Your child will feel better knowing that you act as a united front and can set an example.

Mediation Prep Tool

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How to Work as a Team

Of course, you and your ex are not going to agree on everything – even if you were still together you wouldn’t. What is important is finding a way to listen to each other, consider and respect the other person’s opinion and come to a decision together. Stay calm and focused on the needs of your child. Never raise your voice, make any kind of threats or undermine your ex as this will only make future communication much harder. (Read our article How to Improve Relations With Your Child's Mother on this site.)

Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.

Legal Rights

As the father of your child, you have a legal right to be involved in any major decisions in their lives. If your ex has custody, they have the responsibility for your child’s everyday upbringing and have the final say over the decisions. However, for major things such as medical or financial matters, you have a right to be involved. If your ex tries to cut you out, consult your lawyer for advice.

The Benefits of Mediation

One of the best ways of finding ways to communicate and make decisions together is through Mediation. A mediator can help you to talk with each other calmly and teach you the tools to do so in the future. Whatever you think about your ex and her decisions, you need to find a way to work with her so that you can be involved in your child’s upbringing.

No two people are ever going to think exactly the same about everything. As parents, though, you need to work together to make important choices about your child’s upbringing. You have a legal right to be involved in major decisions and if mediation doesn’t help you communicate, you should contact your lawyer to make sure you can execute your right.

The Next Step

Now that you have read through the advice above, you might want to put it into practice. Our Mediation Prep Tool lets you prepare your key points and priorities before mediation. Takes 5 minutes. Try it now →

73 questions

Ask Separated Dads a Question

SeparatedDads Editor 26/03/2026 at 8:03 pm

I understand how heartbreaking it must be to face seeing your daughters less than you'd like. Your dedication to keeping their home stable shows how much you care.

The decision between accepting her offer now or going to court is deeply personal and depends on many factors. Court can be lengthy, expensive and emotionally draining for everyone, including the children. However, accepting now doesn't prevent you from seeking changes through mediation later as circumstances evolve.

Consider speaking with a family solicitor who can assess your specific situation and explain realistic outcomes. They can also advise whether your desired arrangement would likely succeed in court. Remember, arrangements can be reviewed as the girls grow and their needs change. Whatever you decide, maintaining a cooperative relationship with their mother will benefit your daughters most.

AP 24/11/2025 at 9:08 pm

Hello,

My and my partner are going through divorce. We have twin daughters aged nearly 4. We have agreed to the finances and she has allowed me
To pay her out to keep the house. My primary intention to keeping the marital/children’s home is for the kids.

I wanted wed, Thurs and Saturday nights or alternative weekends

But she is only agreeing to wed and Saturday nights or she’ll pursue arrangements through court. She’s primary carer

I’ve been involved on a daily basis in my children’s lives. The fact of only seeing them twice or three times a week is very painful.

Should I take this deal without going to court, or go to court
Or take it for now and try change it through mediation later?

Please advise
Thanks

Christopher 10/04/2024 at 7:33 am

Im willing to do a dna test any time .

Christopher 10/04/2024 at 7:30 am

One more thing( I want my name removed from her birth certificate because it’s fraudulent ).all you women are deceitful liars.

Christopher 10/04/2024 at 7:10 am

Hey loser stop posting,we both know I am not (bree”s biological father I never had kids and I was never in a relationship with you) .all we where at the time was( flat mates 16 years ago I might add ).you where seeing Jacob and Gordon at the time from my memory so hit those guys up if your looking for money or a babysitter or a daddy for your children .

Mark 09/04/2024 at 7:00 pm

Hi there, unfortunately mediation is not possible and not legally advisable if, for example, my wife was and is abusive to me. And now very unfortunately, the pattern is starting on my son.

Kelly 23/12/2020 at 2:11 pm

My partner has been separated from his wife for 2 years and are finalising divorce. He has a 5 year old and 8 year old with her and we have a baby together also. The mother is the primary carer. We would like to take all 3 children and us for a covid test to be safe as the mother has had quite a few people round the house and both theit children have been told to self isolate because a child in their class has been tested positive for COVID. The mother (for some reason) has asked that we not take them for a test because it might upset them. I think this is unreasonable and if we have no control over who she brings into her house/is in contact with we at least want to be aware of whether we are coming in to contact with the virus. We would also explain to the children we are just being cautious and if they are happy then we will get tested. Can my partner go against her wishes not to take them for a test?

Henry 22/12/2020 at 10:09 pm

My ex is refusing to tell me if my daughter is poorly and is also refusing to tell me who my daughters doctor is. What can I do so I can find out who my daughters doctor is and what can I do to be informed if my daughter does become poorly.

Bukowski 28/02/2019 at 3:06 am

My wife and i are divorcing after recently moving to a good schooling area and are having to sell them family home. My son is two. She wants to move around 10 miles away to a different schooling area, we have a 50/50 shared custody MOA. She is from another part of the UK and I believe wants to move to this area simply for the train line direct to her place of work. I have lots of friends in this town and close by, Grandmother is closer to here and my wife literally thinks she can chose the school and I will have to do all the running around as I cannot afford to live in that area. What can I do?

Nosam 25/02/2019 at 8:21 pm

My son and his ex split up when their child was 6months. The child us now over 2 and my has had him 3 nights a week since they split. The child's mother has now decided to register him in nursery 5days a week 9-3 without any discussion with my son. Does he have any say in this at all.

SeparatedDads Editor 19/06/2018 at 12:06 pm

Mediation should be the first approach for your partner if he thinks his child would benefit from shared-care. If his ex refuses, then he would be allowed to apply to court. However, a court will rarely change the current living arrangement of a child (if the resident parent disagrees) unless absolutely necessary.

emma 17/06/2018 at 8:37 pm

Due to new work shifts and a new baby my partner has decided to go for joint custody as currently his one child with his ex only see's her sister every weekend. He currently has her every other weekend and one night in the week, but due to me working away that day into night I take our baby to my mums for childcare.

I know when it comes to deciding about child residence its whats best for the child however me and my partner are now married and will hopefully be together forever and i only see my partners child a few hours a week as due to having my own baby i've changed working days to work around my baby and childcare. With joint custody I would be more involved in school drop off and pick as well as afternoon care after school meaning she see's her sister more.

What would the chances of 50/50 be ?

worritts 04/02/2018 at 3:42 pm

My friend and his long-term partner are splitting up. They have 2 children in a council property. They have agreed that he will leave the family home and he is trying to find somewhere appropriate that has space for his kids.
I am aware that if he goes his rights are reduced. What can he do now, before he leaves to secure him seeing his children regularly once he leaves?
Many thanks

topher8 25/10/2017 at 8:29 pm

My wife and I have been separated for 2 months since I found out about her year long affair with my sisters husband. I was made to leave the rented property we were sharing with our 3 children. I left with nothing but my clothes and I am currently living with my parents. I see the children for 1 hr monday and tuesday and then Friday from 4pm till Sunday at 9pm every week.I have been told that I cannot step foot into the kids home to see them and to wait outside. My wifes partner is allowed to go there and is about to be added to the tenancy. Even though I am against this and the children are not aware of their mothets affair. Any advice or comments would be welcome. We are still married and will look to divorce

Jay 16/10/2017 at 9:09 pm

I currently have my kids (2 boys 11 and 13) 2 then 3 days a week rota but with holidays with me and whilst their mother goes on holiday I've ended up having them 50% of the time over the last 6months. I have recently asked if I can now have them an 50/50 split on a 3 then 4 day week rota but she has said not it but maybe in the future. What can I do now to try and make this happen, as she will not discuss face to face?

K 29/09/2017 at 12:28 pm

My partner has shared custody of his 2 children with his ex wife. They live with us 50% of the time. However there have been a number of issues. The latest issue is that she has changed their GP and dentist to one that is close to her house (around 40 miles away from us). It is not practical to have to take the kids there if they have a health problem whilst they're with us but the GP at the practice they were registered with says they have to be registered at a practice near to their mother. Surely if he has shared custody this is nonsense? Does anyone know the legal basis for this though as we are intending to lodge a complaint with the practice manager.

Jim 25/09/2017 at 9:01 pm

Me and my ex split about 9 years ago and my boy is going to high school next year but he doesn't want to go tget the one she wants him to go to as it's not a sports science school although that's what he wants to do however there was s one about 4 miles away he could go to but she won't let him because that means she would have to take him to school and back what rights do I have to help him get what he wants or have I not got a leg to stand on ? Help pls ??

DShelp 29/08/2017 at 5:42 pm

My partner has two children with his ex wife. Since their divorce, they have had shared custody of the boys, as stated in the court order. There is no communication between the parents, which is the mother's choice. She chooses to relay all information via their now 13 year old son or his grandmother.

The eldest, who is now 17, was successfully alienated from his dad about 2 years ago. After a minor arguement with his dad, he stopped going to his dad's, having any contact with any family on that side, moved to a school much further away from his dad's house and stopped all contact with any friends from his old school. He has totally cut himself off from everyone and everything.

His youngest has just spent two weeks with his mum, as part of his summer holiday. He is due to return to his dad on Thursday. My partner has just received a text from him saying that he won't be returning to his old secondary school (which is very local to my partner) and is now going to the same school as his brother, miles away. As a result, he probably won't stay at his dad's so often.

There has been no consultation at all about this. Obviously my partner is very upset and extremely worried that he is now going to lose his youngest son too.

I would be very grateful of any suggestions of what he can do, not to stop it, but to stop her from alienating his youngest son too.

Thank you.

Jb001 17/08/2017 at 7:55 am

Hello my ex and I split up at end off feb this year, we at the moment share custady and have my 3 boys 50/50 we still have a shared Tennant's in are family home. Me being the fair one decided to start applying for a separate home. Now shs has told me she wants to move 11 miles away where she originaly came from re school the kids and take them with her In the future. I don't see the point in me moving out off are currant home to get another home when she already plans to do so anyway and also do not want her to change the kids life drastically by changing there school is there anything I can do ? No legal action has being taking yet so there no order in place or anything we just have them shared care 50/50 my name is on the Birth certificate's.

SeparatedDads Editor 04/07/2017 at 3:13 pm

It is highly unlikey a court would jump from your partner having access fortnightly to a shared-care arrangement. However, there is nothing to stop your partner suggesting mediation to his ex regarding more access and if she refuses to attend, taking the matter to court. A court will always decide upon what it thinks in in the child's best interests and it does want fathers to have meaningful relationships with their children where possible.

HTTTU 30/06/2017 at 3:41 pm

Hi, my partner has a 4 year old son. We have been together ever since his mum was 6 months pregnant and now have 2 children of our own.
We did not have any contact with his son for the first 14 months (apart from a couple of visits a week until he was around 2 months) as we were young and stupid (my partner was only 17 when his son was born and like a lot of young boys got scared, didn't know how to deal with the emotions and found it easier to walk away -something he will regret for the rest of his life).
He then realised how important it was to become a big part of his life and since then we have done everything we can to build a strong relationship with him.
My stepson now absolutely adores his father and his little brother and sister - their relationship is amazing.

However, we are currently only allowed to see him every other weekend and she will not negotiate this as "she doesn't see him enough either" (partly due to the fact that on the weekends where we do not have him, he stays with another member of her family which is entirely her choice).

We would like to have shared custody - 50% of the time - so that he feels like he is completely included in our family and has the chance to have the same level of relationship with his dad and siblings as he does with his mother and the brother that he will have there (due in the next couple of months). We live just a 5 minute drive from his mother and school and can provide with everything that he needs just as much as his mother and her partner can.
What kind of chance do you think that we would have given the circumstances?

Thanks,

SeparatedDads Editor 15/05/2017 at 11:50 am

Where your ex does not agree, your only recourse to negotiate further child access is through mediation or via court. If your ex refuses to negotiate via mediation, then court is the last resort. There is no guarantee the court will award 50/50 shared care though, as it will always decide upon what it thinks is in the best interests of your child with regards to the situation and circumstances. Therefore, you may wish to seek legal advice in order to explore your options further.

Adam 14/05/2017 at 11:50 am

I want sharedo custody of my daughter and my ex will only agree to a Wednesday night and all day Saturday and drop off Sunday morning which suits her perfectly. What can I do to gain 50 50 access so I see my daughter equally and I'm not just fitting in with my ex?

SeparatedDads Editor 21/03/2017 at 11:47 am

Yes, if there is already a court order in place and circumstances have changed, then you can apply for a variation. However, mediation should be considered/explored first in order to come to a mutual resolution outside court (but subject to court approval).

Concerned parents 20/03/2017 at 2:06 pm

Hi There,

I have 2 x stepchildren aged 10 and 15, my husband split from his ex 6 years ago, we have been together 5 years and married a year.

We have visitation/custody rights and have both boys Thursday, Friday post 4 pm through to saturday every week with the eldest son also on Tuesday overnight due to football practice.

Both of us work full time so once of us needs to start at 6 on the days we have the boys to ensure we are home to collect. The ex is not flexible on swapping dates/amending this schedule which we have accepted over the years. Although we regularly received demands for her to have quality time (which is our time) with our eldest. We do try to accommodate but it is becoming more frequent and is one sided to the eldest which in turns impacts the youngest as there is no request to have him.

The youngest is in mainstream school with a deaf unit attached and in the last 2 years has had an autism diagnosis resulting in him not being able to remain in mainstream due to increased bouts of angry, aggression and violence.

We have now had him accepted to a fabulous boarding school (great news for him as we believe it will bring out the best in him and give him the future he deserves).

We have been trying to negotiate new custody/access arrangements, which differs to what we have but no less i.e. alternate weekly where the boys come to us saturday to monday morning opposed to Thursday 4pm to Saturday noon or 5. She is showing no flexibility despite changes to the youngest schooling.

It is now causing immense stress and pressure between us all with only the kids suffering.

Can we go back to court and request a change to access/visitation with the changes to youngest/circumstances.

em 16/03/2017 at 7:42 pm

Me and my sons dad split 8 years ago iwe have a shared residence order.his school contacts his dad first then his wife instead of me as his mother i have told the school i should be contacted before his step mum but they are ignoring me

SeparatedDads Editor 03/03/2017 at 2:18 pm

Schools are required by law to have a wide range of dealings with pupils' parents and can find themselves caught up in disputes between parents regarding parental responsibility of a particular child. This gov.uk document shows the guidance given to schools regarding such matters, In a nutshell, if both parents have PR, they should be given equal rights to acquire information regarding their child. If the school refuses this, a solicitor's letter may be able to outline the school's obligations further. I hope this helps.

Colin 02/03/2017 at 5:16 pm

Hi, I have a shared residency order for my daughter who is due to start high school September. Ive been in touch on many occasions with the admin department trying to find out information on her schooling as they will not add my address to their system. Even though I have a court order stating that my daughter lives at 2 houses for the exactly the same amount of time. I applied for her secondary school place by email and received an email back saying I would be informed which school she has been accepted in to and once again I have had no contact from them. I am being victimised and discriminated against. No where on my court order does it state that my daughters mother has parental responsibility and I don't. It says we have SHARED! How can I make them understand how important it is that my details need to be on their computer system just like her mothers are and that I need the same information. It really frustrates me that I have to be chasing everyone up and pleading for information that I am entitled to. Why am I the one who has to inform my daughters school that I need copies of everything but her mother doesn't? It is so unfare! Can you help me by advising me what I can do and who is the most senior person I can contact and get things change.

SeparatedDads Editor 16/11/2016 at 12:15 pm

If you have parental responsibility for your children, then your ex has to request your consent to move away. If you fear your ex will move your children without your consent, then you can apply through the courts for a Prohibited Steps Order. A PSO, is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. There is no guarantee you will be awarded this through the courts, but it is worth you seeking legal advice in order to explore your options. The court will weigh up what it thinks is in your children's best interests. However, they will take into account your relationship with your children and how this would be affected if your ex was allowed to move. If your ex does not have a good and valid reason for the move, a court can move to prevent it.

sutty 15/11/2016 at 2:03 pm

Hi need advice separated from wife 3 years now with 3 kids which I see everyFri till sat work restricts any other time I recently found out through my youngest child that she is planning to move away with them next summer all this as been planned without my knowledge even down to them seeing new schools again all done without my knowledge it as been said to the children that if dad wants to see you he will have to come get you its hour and half drive but I don't drive she as a car but refuses to drop them is ther anything I can do she will refuse mediation or any compromise

Ricky 01/09/2016 at 10:22 am

Hi, My partner and I have separated recently, we have an almost 2 year old daughter and have lived in our current house (jointly owned with a joint mortgage) for just over 2 years.

My ex initiated the split saying she wasn't prepared to work through our issues and wanted a clean break.

Initially she was keen for completely joint custody and has arranged to buy my half of the property from me, which is fine, we've agreed a price.

Recently, since initiating the process of taking my name off the property deed (which is not yet complete) she has started saying that she wants an uneven split of my daughters time, in her words, "because she needs a base" She initially suggested a 5/9 fortnightly split but then when I refused changed this to an 8/6 split. My feeling is that I am her joint parent, I was her primary care giver for her first 2 weeks as mother was unwell, and also took shared parental leave (taking 3 months off work unpaid during which time I was the caregiver while ex-partner went back to work)

Questions:

1) Should I delay the transfer of the property into her name, and therefore me moving out, until custody of my daughter is settled and agreed. I am worried that she is now very keen to get the process sorted quickly. My suspicion is that she wants me out to strengthen her position should this end up in court (which is looking likely)

2) How likely is it that I will be granted 50/50 custody and shared responsibility if this ends up in court? (I am conscious of how much it costs to hire a lawyer and hopefully want to avoid an expensive legal bill)

3) If we go to mediation and come to an agreement, is this legally binding?

4) If my ex decides in 5 years time that she wants to move away with my daughter, would having a majority share of my daughters time strengthen her position in terms of getting this granted?

Many Thanks

rj15 17/07/2016 at 12:39 pm

I have split up from my girlfriend over a year a go and the first 6 months i was allowed to see my son but soon as i moved away she has point blanked stop me seeing him cant speak to him blocked me on everything i asked advisd from a solicitor and they were saying 150 pound an hour i really dont no what to do can any one help

SeparatedDads Editor 04/07/2016 at 2:04 pm

It's rare that a court will offer shared-care as an arrangement unless agreed between you and your ex. The court will generally not change an existing arrangement (i.e resident-parent and non-resident/paying parent) unless absolutely necessary, or unless it thinks it is in the best interests of your child/children to do so. If you think you still wish to take this route, then I suggest taking legal advice to see whether you have a case.

Where to turn? 03/07/2016 at 6:42 pm

Hi, been split with ex for a few years, always had an agreement for contact and financials, however relationship has become frayed and now I'm looking to get joint custody. Where should I go?

Wayne 29/06/2016 at 11:32 am

Is there any sort of letter that both parents can sign showing a legal agreement to when each parent has the children

SeparatedDads Editor 03/05/2016 at 11:01 am

If you have Parental Responsibility, your ex legally has to ask your consent to move out of the area. However, if you feel she may take the decision without doing this, then you can apply for a Prohibited Steps Order. A PSO is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. You would have to specify the reasons why you think the move is not in the best interests of your children, while your ex will attempt to justify why it is. It means there is no guarantee the court will prohibit your ex from making the move, but it is worth applying for as in some cases the move can be stopped.

Indie 02/05/2016 at 12:10 pm

Hi there. I have two children with my ex who has now decided to move from the Midlands where we live down to the south coast where her family live. I don't want my kids to move that far away. Can I stop her moving??

SeparatedDads Editor 26/01/2016 at 10:57 am

I'm afraid apart from attending Mediation as a family, see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here, the only recourse you have for an official agreement is to apply through the courts.

Kev 25/01/2016 at 9:57 am

Hi, recently separated, but due to financial implications, I have to continue to work abroad, so far verbally my ex wife has agreed that any time the kids can come and visit me and I will have access to see the children when I am able to return to the UK. Unfortunately this easy access will not be available to my side on the family ie grandparents. I would like to know how best to secure my rights to be able to visit my children in the UK and ensure they are able to visit me abroad if they so choose. As I know my mother will go down the legal route to ensure she is able to visit her grandchildren, and I'm sure when this happens any verbal agreement I have with my ex wife will go out of the window.

SeparatedDads Editor 08/12/2015 at 12:12 pm

The only kind of solution in these type of circumstances where neither party will agree either between themselves or through mediation is to take it to court, in order to let the courts decide what is in the best interests of your child.

BattlingDad 07/12/2015 at 3:11 pm

My wife recently moved out of our home into a rented house. She previously refused mediation and was actually moving our son with no child arrangement order etc in place and was constantly making little changes to how she wanted things to work. Eventually i got a Prohibited Steps Order to stop her taking our son. She is not restricted re contact and has seen him every day since she moved. Ive made an offer to split everything 50/50 but she has refused it as she only wants me to see him weekends and take him to scouts one evening and look after him a second evening while she is at college. She has also refused to split any of the child related benefits instead she wants it all. Surely this can not be right! I certainly do my fair share of looking after him. She has no contact with any of her family and does not want our son to have contact with my family. Im happy for 50/50 arrangement but not the one where my son has no family.

SeparatedDads Editor 30/11/2015 at 1:59 pm

If you cannot sort this problem out between you, then I can only suggest mediation. Please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. However, this is a tricky one to answer as if your ex is generally like this, then it may be very difficult to make her try and change. Now your daughter is 14, she is really old enough to take at least some responsibility for her own welfare such as dental appointments and showering and even sorting out her own clothes. Also, should your daughter prefer to live with you, her opinion would be taken on board if you decided to take it to court for a residence order.

MrDad 29/11/2015 at 9:00 pm

Hi, I split with the ex 12 years ago and have had joint custody of my 14yo daughter since. The issue I have is that she doesn't care properly for my daughter, and I'm often left to pick up the pieces. We have polar opposite views on how to parent, hers being generally not caring. She doesn't check clothes are washed, daughter showered, missing Dr and dentist appts if they land on her day. How can I sort this out?

SeparatedDads Editor 18/08/2015 at 11:00 am

Your ex doesn't have to declare where she lives. If you lose track of your child, then you can apply through through the courts for a C4 - application for an order for disclosure of a child's whereabouts. However, even though the address may be disclosed to the courts in order to find out where your child is, the courts still do not have to disclose the address to you. In other words, she is within her rights to keep the address private.

AdamL 17/08/2015 at 6:05 pm

Hi all separated with my ex 4 months ago and she now moving my son in to the house of her new boyfriends parents and I would like to no the address for peace of mind and for emergencys but is decling me this I do have regular contact with my son and am on the birth certificate HELP

robbie7399 Editor 09/06/2015 at 3:18 pm

@Father of 3 - hope you dont mind me jumping in? but noticed that you said a 2 bedroom house? dont know the sizes of them but think it might be a good idea to but one sex in the smallest room and the two other sex in the other and yourself sleep down stairs.... that way they would have they own rooms and your ex should not have a problem with that. other hand if she still had a problem with it, then it would only show she is picking at anything and would show that you are at least trying to compromise! just a thought and hope it helps in anyway!

SeparatedDads Editor 06/05/2015 at 10:56 am

@Father of 3 - you don't say what the issue your ex has regarding the sharing arrangements, which would help. However, here’s no law in existence which governs children of different sexes sharing rooms in privately owned homes. It’s up to the home owners/parents to sort out bedrooms and sleeping areas and make sure all children are well catered for. Many children share bedrooms with their siblings and step- brothers and sisters and don’t experience any problems. If there was a law in place, it could be very difficult for people who are unable to buy a bigger home due to lack of money. On the other hand, if the house is rented and owned by a housing association, sometimes they do have rules and regulations in place concerned with how many children, and which sex of children, can sleep in any one bedroom. For example, they may state that after the age of 10, different sexes of siblings shouldn’t share a room. If this applies in this instance, then it would be best to contact the relevant housing association for information and to discuss the circumstances. Be aware, however, that overcrowding may be allowed if the room is naturally big, or if it occurs simply because children get older, and reach that ten-year-old threshold.
If your ex has concerns, it is important for you and her to find a way to work around this amicably. If you have a house with two bedrooms, it may be that you do some re-arranging that might make your ex happier. I hope this helps,

Fartherof3 06/05/2015 at 7:42 am

I should add the 10 year old has the second bedroom upstairs and does not share with me

Fatherof3 06/05/2015 at 7:36 am

Hi
Me and my ex split 2 years ago although we are still married . I have recently moved to a small 2 bed house (rented ) as this is all I could afford . So I have 10year old girl who has a room upstairs with me , I then have a living room and desperate dining room downstairs . My 8 year old girl and 5 year old boy share the dining room . This has been converted to a bedroom with a sofa bed and their toys . The room is also superate . This was discussed in detail before we moved . They stay twice a week and a month in my ex is dictating sleeping arrangements and basically telling me I need to sort a bigger place ... I can not afford that . What can I do does she have legal rights to dictact this ?

Tin 12/04/2015 at 10:20 pm

How can I get a joint custody order so me and my childrens father donnot have to communicate anymore as he is abusive towards me and I don't want to be in his life anymore than I have to be

SeparatedDads Editor 15/04/2015 at 12:51 pm

@Mum - Have you thought of going through mediation in order to get an agreement signed that you are both happy with? This could include your wish for not having any contact with your ex. The mediator could help you organise how the hand-over of your children could be made with little or no effect to you. I have included the link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here, which I hope may help.

Mum 12/04/2015 at 10:18 pm

Hi me and my partner split and it's been hell he's not very negotiable and gets angry over little things I want to cut all contact with him as being around him is very bad, I would like him to have joint custody set by law so that I don't have to be in contact with him anymore and he can just see his children. How can I make this happen. I'm at my witts end and don't want to stop him seeing his children but I also don't want to be I. His life to take abuse from him.

SeparatedDads Editor 06/03/2015 at 11:47 am

@ric - you say that Social Services have told you not to attend the house. Do you already have access to your children, or have you been forbidden? The only thing you can do is take it through the legal system, so you may find the article When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access helpful here which outlines the process you will need to go through. However, if the Social Services are involved they will stay involved and will issue reports through the courts on its opinion of the situation and whether you should have access. I hope this helps.

ric 03/03/2015 at 12:16 am

Hi iv broke up with my ex she as 4 of my children and social services have told me not to attend mothers house so I don't now. She is with someone else andjust had twins and I know she want be able to cope it as all the children are under 6 yo I want to make agreement so I can help her so she can focus on the the new borns I would like to to find a site where I can use a guide line or template of a agreement

Martyn Editor 02/03/2015 at 12:12 pm

@owl83 - if you don't want the children to move schools then you can apply for a prohibited steps order through the courts. Your agreement, while not legally binding as such, may be taken into consideration via Cafcass or the courts, if it was to get that far. Regarding your ex introducing your children to her new partner, there isn't really anything you can do about that, as hard as it is, people do move on.

owl83 26/02/2015 at 8:44 pm

Hi me and my partner split up in December last year. We wrote down a plan of who has the children on what days we both signed it. Firstly is that plan even legally binding? There was no witnesses to it being made. She only moved out 3 weeks ago and she is already trying to introduce the children to her new partner. The kids don't want to be around him does there decision count for anything? And she has also decided to rent a flat quiet far away from my house and there school both kids don't want to move but she has said you won't see mummy anymore if you don't move. The kids are 5 and 8 .

SeparatedDads Editor 05/01/2015 at 11:23 am

@darnell - unfortunately as this is a UK based site, we can't advice you on USA law. The plus side is at least you know the address now. But I'd double check with the suitable child authorities to make sure of your legal rights, so you know where you stand if she does it again.

darnell hoffler 29/12/2014 at 3:17 pm

Ive been separated for about 2 yrs with divorce in process. During that time, my ex has gotten pregnant, had the baby, and moved to New Jersey. We have a 3 yr old boy together. While she has been taking him every other week, she has never told me where she resided. I had to keep pressing and keep pressing until 2 days ago, she finally told me. Im sure this violates something. I have every right to know the whereabouts of my kid.

rbh 29/12/2014 at 12:35 am

my ex believes I have turned my daughter against her as my daughter enjoys spending time with her dad and her mother has repeatly said to my daughter if you stay with your dad you will grow up to be fat and un healthy, and my ex family believe they have say over me and my daughters future which is crap is there any rights or injunction I can take out to award me custody of my daughter through the courts as to stop my ex abusing my daughter verbaly and stop her family coercising my daughter to lie for them so she gets custody.

Delboy 15/07/2014 at 1:44 am

Seperated 2yrs, have the two kids every other weekend fri to sun. Over for tea mid week to,also have them if some times needed during week ,I start work 6:30 am during week but ex wants me to have them stop over extra day mid week .being 11and 9 years old I can't leave them .has she the right to do this ,as I'll have to find job that allows as existing will not let me start later,but pays well which goes to ex and kids!

Alexd 09/07/2014 at 10:25 am

Hello
Please help, my x wife and i split up at the start of 2012, we have a now 4 year old girl. I have had here every weekend from friday after nursery to sunday night and there has never been a problem. Our daughter is enrolled to start at the local school in Derby in september. However, my ex has said she is planning on moving to leeds next year and intends to take our daughter out of school and put her in school in leeds. I haven't been consulted just told. I really dont think its in my daughter's best interests to be moved from school to a different city/school she doesn't know. Is there anything i can do to stop it happening? Do i have any rights? My x seems to think she can do whatever she wants. Im really worried...
Thank-you

Alex

Alexd 09/07/2014 at 9:05 am

HelloPlease help, my x wife and I split up at the start of 2012, we have a now 4 year old girl. I have had here every weekend from friday after nursery to sunday night and there has never been a problem. Our daughter is enrolled to start at the local school in Derby in september. However, my ex has said she is planning on moving to leeds next year and intends to take our daughter out of school and put her in school in leeds. I haven't been consulted just told. I really dont think its in my daughter's best interests to be moved from school to a different city/school she doesn't know. Is there anything I can do to stop it happening? Do I have any rights? My x seems to think she can do whatever she wants. Im really worried.Thank-youAlex

lost 26/01/2014 at 8:18 am

My partner has recently found out he's the father to a child with his ex wife. He has now decided to pursue her for joint custody. He stays with me and advised he will have the child at mine, I do not want anything to do with his ex or the child. How likely is he to get awarded joint custody when his home address is mine and I categorically do not want involved? I've suggested he gets his own place, perhaps my feelings will change in the future but this has came as a shock.

not happy granda 15/01/2014 at 7:03 pm

my daughter gives her ex child access but her ex goes to work before his son goes to school his 17 year old takes him to school is this ok or should his father take him to school.

Dalek 25/11/2013 at 2:36 pm

We live in Scotland. We separated 6 months ago. My ex won't go to a Solicitors. My son is 10 years old and is being left in my ex house alone. What is the law about joint custody. I think my son would be happier staying with me. My house is within easy reach of his school.

H 31/10/2013 at 9:44 am

Hello I work full time and have a 4 year old boy. I have him over night from Friday Saturday Sunday and soon on Monday nights too, every week. I'm on my son birth certificate and Also have child tax and child benefit in my name too, I know I'm lucky... But I now want joint custody for him so it's all legal, how much would this cost? We are also on good speaking terms and do every thing for our boy, but she's talking about putting a rival claim in to get her money back, can she do this and if so what evidence with the tax people be looking for, and how can I prove he's near enough living with me ?

GW. 23/06/2013 at 4:12 pm

I've been separate from my ex partner for two years now and we do get on well for the kids and I see them on a very regular basics. We have never had to go through the courts to sort anything out as for contact. My question is I would like to be able sometimes to pick me kids up from school and go to parents nights, school plays and sports days but my ex will not let me. I have asked her many times but she will not change her mind on this mater even though I have said that the kids would I'm sure love this to happen and feel like I'm am being shut out from many key moments in there school lives. Can she really stop me ? What should I do as really do not want to upset the ground between us and our children. Please can anyone help me as feel legal route is not a good one and with no legal aid or help available to many now. Just a note I do have parental rights as I'm on birth cetificates.

kez 12/01/2013 at 1:03 pm

my ex husband and i have joint custody through our divorce but i now want full custody and visitation for him as he is not responsible enough to look after the children who are 15 and 11

CAIRNEY 03/12/2012 at 10:35 pm

My wife and I have seperated and live in scotland.My wife wants to leave scotland to stay in Wales with her new partner & take my 2 year old daughter and 8 old step daughter with her.She has only known this guy for 6 weeks.Myself and my step daughters father would like to know what rights we have & can we stop her taking our daughters to WalesThanks

MICKY MOUSE 10/07/2012 at 9:08 pm

My x says my cannot boy stay overnight with me I have him every weekend and have done oft 2yrs and she said the courts cannot make do so

Jonnyglue 26/01/2012 at 4:59 pm

I have my children two nights a week and would like to have them more often she refuses mediation, what are my chances of getting the for 6 nights out of 14?

jeanny 17/09/2011 at 11:45 am

Cafcass odered for my ex husband to have a residence order , and I know the law said that a child under 11 years should remain with her mum if mum can take care of him , I would like to understand why that injustice commited by cafcass.thanks

dyer 22/07/2011 at 4:15 pm

My ex has residency of our daughter, I have just found out my daughter is having an operation today and her nan is taking her, what legal rights do I have?

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