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Your Separated Father's Rights

By: Chris Nickson - Updated: 11 Nov 2018 | comments*Discuss
 
Rights Parental Responsibility Civil

When you've split up with your ex it's important to know what your rights and responsibilities are regarding your children. The most important thing is to determine whether or not you have parental responsibility for your children. In the case of married couples, you're responsible for any children born in wedlock.

Unmarried Couples

In general terms, an unmarried mother is deemed to have "parental responsibility" for her children. For births registered in England or Wales; as a father you have parental responsibility if:
  • The child's birth was registered after December 1st, 2003 and your name is on the certificate as the father.
  • If the child was born before that time with no father listed on the birth certificate, but the birth was later re-registered with you named as the father.
  • If you and the child's mother sign a Parental Responsibility Agreement.
  • If you're given a parental responsibility order by the court, or a Residence Order for the child to live with you.
  • If you marry the child's mother.

If the parents are not married, parental responsibility does not automatically pass to the natural father if the mother dies.

Same Sex Couples

With same sex couples, after a civil partnership, you have parental responsibility if you have a parental responsibility agreement or a parental responsibility order from the court.

What Parental Responsibility Means for your Rights as a Dad

If you have parental responsibility, you have a say in the upbringing of your children, even if they don't live with you any more.

However, this doesn't apply to the general, day-to-day life of your children; that will lie with the mother if they live with her. But in other questions, such as religion, upbringing, medical treatment and so on, you have the same rights in making decisions as the mother.

So what rights does parental responsibility give you?

Important Decisions - we've already mentioned that decisions on everyday matters lie with the parent who has residency. But if you have parental responsibility, even as the non-resident parent - you have the right to be consulted over important issues such as:
  • Changing schools
  • Going on holidays with others/other organisations etc
  • Serious medical issues
  • Changing surname
  • Emigration
  • Their marriage
  • Adoption

Once your child gets older, he or she may express their opinions and you may feel that your parental responsibility rights are reduced. At this stage, it is therefore important to consider the wishes of the child in major decisions too.

For more details on parental responsibility, take a look at our guide and letter templates.

If you feel your rights are being ignored and you have parental responsibility, you can apply for a specific steps order or a specific issue order. More information about those can be found here:
Specific Issue Orders.

Applying to the Courts

As a father you can apply to the court for parental responsibility. The court will consider:
  • How committed you are as a father
  • The attachment between you and your child
  • Your reasons for applying for the order

Based on what the judge believes to be in the child's best interests they will either accept or grant your application for parental responsibility.

If you've been part of a couple where the children are yours and you don't have parental responsibility, you can still apply to court for certain types of orders, mostly Contact Orders to see the children, but even for a Residence Order to have the children live with you (if granted, you'll then have parental responsibility).

Note that if your former partner has a Residence Order, she can take your children abroad for up to a month without your consent. However, if the trip is longer, or she plans on moving abroad with the children, she will need the consent of both you and anyone else who has parental responsibility for the children. However, if you wish to take your children abroad for a holiday, it's a tougher issue, and legally you're advised to have her agreement first. (Taking a child abroad without the mother's consent can be deemed as abduction in the eyes of the law. Read our article What is Abduction? for more information).

Child Maintenance

Parental responsibility also means you have the duty to support your children financially. If you already have a case ongoing this will probably be done either through the Child Support Agency (CSA) or by an arranged agreement between you and the child's mother. In general terms, you'll pay 15% of your net income for one child, 20% for two and 25% for three children. However, there are adjustments, depending on how much time the children spend with you. If you move abroad, support will be done through the court rather than the CSA. Note that from 25 November 2013, the Child Support Agency (CSA) no longer takes on new cases but will continue to deal with existing cases. The new body handling maintenance issues is the Child Maintenance Service.

When Does Parental Responsibility End?

Your parental responsibility to your children ends when they turn 18 and become legal adults. However, if they're over 16 and marry, it ends with the marriage. If you've obtained parental responsibility through a Residence Order, though, and that Residence Order changes, you don't lose parental responsibility.

You should be aware that if you weren't married to the mother of your children, you're on slightly trickier ground, even if you have your name on the birth certificate or a parental responsibility agreement or order. In that case, any other person with parental responsibility can apply to court to have your parental responsibility ended. Even your children can do that, if they acquire permission from the court.

Court

To help prepare you for going to court for residency or contact, we have a free, comprehensive guide to the whole process here.

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

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I'm a 22 year old who has been set up by a girl, she has literally rinsed my bank and my parents too. She told us she hated her mum, had no relationship with her, had nowhere to live. She pretty much moved in, said she was infertile. She fell pregnant and the baby was due at the end of August. My parents helped us set up a home and everything was provided,you name it we bought it. She had no contact with her mum. A month before the baby was due she changed the locks while I was out. I had to get the police to get my personal belongings. We had no contact, she told me to drop dead. She called when she was in labour and I went to the birth. She said she wanted me to be his dad. I saw the baby for the first week then she had a headfit and told me she was doing everything by herself. She told me I would be named as the dad but she then said she'd cancelled the registration appointment because she was busy. She lied and registered him without me on the certificate.She's now sent a csa demand and I'm going to do a DNA test. If he's mine I want to reregister his birth and seek contact. Any advice when I'm dealing with a hardfaced, uncaring and unreasonable ex?
JC - 11-Nov-18 @ 12:20 PM
Click this link to sign the petition: https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/232513/sponsors/new?token=z4m7VkXwcarBuI73cJ1z Please could you sign and share this, I will be starting a Facebook and Instagram page soon but let's get the ball rolling now
Shazza - 10-Nov-18 @ 12:14 PM
Hi all, I'm really hoping somebody can help me with advice, as I can't seem to create an account. So, 6 years ago, I had a 1 month relationship with a colleague. We remained friends and within a week of us splitting she was with another colleague, and that relationship lasted about a year, give or take. I found out that I could be a father 3 months before our daughter was born, and due to circumstances I had an independent DNA test, proving I was the father. Since then, I've paid money to the mother and seen my girl either every other weekend, or every weekend. The mother has mental health issues and at times, our daughter lived with her grandma without my knowledge. She was then in another relationship that was very abusive and there was a lot of drugs and cheating. Throughout the years, I have remained as my girls rock, and she has always called me daddy, and I've never refused to see her or pay money. I've bailed out her mother on several occasions, where she has spent her money on either alcohol or drugs, and it inevitably meant she couldn't pay her bills. Now I'm in a completely new situation, one that has even dumbfounded myself. She started a new relationship with an ex-police officer, who has been on long term sickness, roughly 6 months ago. Within a month, she moved into his house. They were engaged within 2 months, and now, from several sources I have heard that they plan on moving to Germany to get away from the debts that they are both in. My name is on her birth certificate, and I remain in frequent contact with my daughter, however, her mother has become increasingly problematic since denying she take our daughters passport. I plan to take her on holiday abroad next year, and this has never been an issue. For example, last year I took her to Florida to swim with dolphins. In the last 6 month's she now tells me how to parent my child, when she has spent 5 years doing nothing. I lost my previous job due to her unreliability, she would forget to pick her up from school, and I would have to leave work. How do stop her from emigrating with my child? And how can I be sure that she isn't going to try and manipulate people to do this without my knowledge? Any advice would be fantastic, and appreciated. Many thanks in advance, J
JJP-S - 4-Nov-18 @ 7:46 PM
It distresses me to read some terrible experiences in these shared experiences and I have had considerable experience of dealing life experiences of others. In my case I left a verbally abusive partner after about 7 years. During this time she constantly told me I was no good, was an idiot and had failed her, most weeks involved being shouted at almost daily. I tended to bite back which always made things worse. Although disagreements did not get violent our daughter, then aged 7, became increasingly aware. I could not bare for her to grow up seeing this behaviour as acceptable or to be an innocent witness to abuse regardless of the cause. I chose to leave and for a time continued to see my daughter more or less daily. Then my ex found out that I had later met someone else and daily access vanished. My daughter participates in many out of school activities which I have fully encouraged but find myself being left with increasingly less time with my daughter. Overnight access is limited to once some weekends which can be cancelled or changed without notice. When I do have my daughter I often find that my ex has determined what happens during the time my daughter is with me. There is no consistent arrangement and so far I have avoided mediation or legal action and thereby risk provoking my ex. So far I have sent many emails written carefully to request consistent and reasonable access. The nearest I have come to a threat is to say that I will have to look at other options once half term is over and that time is now up. My ex says she finds my emails tiring and tedious but does not address my concerns. I don't want my daughter to miss out on the many activities but feel these should not be 7 days a week and should not take precedence over a quality relationship with both parents. I am looking to request my ex agrees to mediation early next year. Do I have any chance in getting a court to agree some sort of arrangement that allows me quality time each week with my daughter if mediation fails? My request has been one school night and one weekend day and night each week plus half of all holidays subject both parents being reasonable and flexible. When I read some of these experiences I am left thinking CAFCASS and/or the court won't protect my interest.
Allon - 31-Oct-18 @ 6:19 PM
@A.thats pretty sound advice.i myself have to watch myself because I can easily get in a fight with my x and I will send abusive messages and challenge them to a fight it’s a defect I have working on it .but in my situation I can guarantee I will never send messages or speak to my x ever again .as for my daughter I (disown her gods truth as if I would ever be associated again with people like my x ).she think I am narcissist or have learning disabilities and on the spectrum for mild to severe autism have adhd drug and alcohol issues that I am abusive a rapist that I am gay that’s why I am angry because I want break free you name it it’s quite funny to me .truth is I have just moved on and couldn’t care less about what she thinks about me .go see Gordy instead of making fun of me and My Aunty just come out and tell everybody you are a couple .and leave me alone I don’t want your daughter I think she worked that out with my silence and lack of action and the time frame .goodbye .
Jackie - 27-Oct-18 @ 10:05 PM
Hi all My partner and I have been together a while, known each other years as friends. He has a 6yr old son with his ex wife, and recently she has stopped my partner seeing his son (usually 3/4 evenings a week plus every other weekend) and she's based this on the fact that she doesn't want her son to be around me.. They are currently going through a divorce, and he has the same rights and responsibility as her. Can she do this? I think she is punishing my partner for moving on and being with a new partner, but really she's just punishing the child. Any advice? The only advice I've given him is to sit tight, not get into any arguments with her, ignore any abusive messages she sends and just to go through the solicitor, rather than have any unpleasant scenes on the doorstep or petty arguments via sms etc
A - 24-Oct-18 @ 10:27 AM
Hello My partner has an 8year old daughter who he pays Maintenance for monthly and has done every since his ex and he split up. Over the past year his daughters mother has been reducing the time we are allowed to spend with the child, always giving some excuse or another, however when she is here she has a lovely time and doesn't want to go home. We are just wondering how we can set a firm routine for visits without going to court,what are our access rights and what can we legally do in demanding time with child. Many thanks
Misc - 23-Oct-18 @ 9:46 AM
My partner has been divorced for 6 year. He has 2 children and the arrangement for access works well between him and his ex wife.She is now saying that she wants him to have the children for more periods of time over the school holidays. He is unable to do this as doesn't have the holiday or time off from work. We always take the kids away for a week in the holidays as extra but can do more. She said if not she will take him to court to make him have them more. Is this possible? He has stuck to his access arrangement religiously for the last 6 years and now it doesn't suit her she wants to change it? Please help
Lucky - 6-Oct-18 @ 5:35 PM
Hi. If my daughters father has legally changed his surname and it’s different to the one on my daughters birth certificate does he still hold the same rights. My daughter has my surname as we were never married. I just need to know for future reference as believe our case may end up in court. Thankyou.
Lizzie - 3-Oct-18 @ 10:48 AM
@boffy.yeah it’s crossed my mind a few times about taking law onto my hands I even planned to kidnap my own daughter .because I had proof she was been neglected my ex own family beg me to come take the kids off her that’s gods truth because my ex was a junkie and the same with her deadbeat boyfriend couldn’t even look after there selfs let alone children .my ex is disgusting to me she does make me sick .she is one lucky women I never .now she has the (audacity to stalk me she must of fried her head on drugs the clown ).if this women was be getting mugged and raped then murdered on the street if I come across it I would keep lookout for the villains doing it .do you feel my love ?.
Chris laurie - 29-Sep-18 @ 11:38 PM
Well there is no justice in my case ! ex partner lied in court and got away with it ! no more contact child brainwashed deliberately against me ! cafcass all on sided no wonder people take law into there own hands ! its disgusting makes me sick ..
boffy - 29-Sep-18 @ 3:16 PM
I I am separated from my wife that is pregnant and due in a week she is refusing me to be at the birth Do I have the right to be there because I want to
Billy - 27-Sep-18 @ 12:11 AM
Hi. Is it the responsibility of both parents to drop off and collect children? I live 140 miles away from my children. For the past year I have been expected to travel to collect and drop off my children. Is this a fair expectation or should it be shared - for instance; meeting half way? Many thanks.
Lear86 - 25-Sep-18 @ 8:44 AM
when my son was born my name was not put on the birth certificate. Ive asked my ex for my name to be put on and she is outright refusing, I see my son and i pay her money for him mutually. Is there anyway of getting my name on the birth certificate.
B - 20-Sep-18 @ 10:05 PM
Hi, I have parental responsibility for son who is 2.5, but the original court order (over 2 years ago) says that he lives with her mother and I see him one over night a week 'rising by agreement'. For 21 months he has lived with me 3/4 nights every week until mother got new boyfriend and decided she no longer needed me to have my son. Contact now reduced to 1 night a week. I also have holiday booked abroad with mother's verbal and text consent. She is now refusing to allow son to go for booked time although she is saying will let him go for less time. (5 days not 10 booked) Applied for Emergency order re holiday and amended order for contact and mother has delayed process at every stage. Refusing mediation then demanding it 3 weeks later for example. Mediator told her that her demands were unreasonable when we attended and recorded that mediation had failed. Finally got it in front of magistrate 2 weeks ago who said he was too busy to hear it and also that it was above his remit so adjourned it to this week. Went before Circuit Judge. Mother lied and said she had submitted statement to court (That cannot be located) outlining safeguarding concerns from Nursery and that son is unhappy to see me. When pushed by judge to agree to 10/provide evidence, she was 'taken ill' and rushed off in ambulance. Case was adjourned until less than a week til we fly and put back to magistrate. CAFCASS have been asked to file a report but I have still to hear from them. Nursery have put in writing that they have no concerns. Mother was fit to pick son up from Nursery same day as hospitalization. I've paid thousands in sols/barristers fees so far and 10 days before we go I still have no clue if I'll be allowed to take him., and very little hope. Any advice? What happens if magistrate refuses to hear it again? Also, what if it goes in my favour and suddenly passport is 'lost'? I would have 2 working days to replace if that happened....
Timsbrother - 15-Sep-18 @ 5:01 AM
my son and his girlfriend split up over 6 months ago, the girlfriend wants everything her way. he cannot afford to go to court is there anything he can do without costing the earth he want to see his son on some of his term but she keeps changing the rules
rach - 14-Sep-18 @ 7:04 PM
DJ - Your Question:
Hi,Myself and my sons Mum split up when he was around 2/3 years old, ever since I have had him a number of days a week in various set ups. I have recently asked to see my son more and to have him extra days, both myself and my new partner feel this would benefit him greatly due to where we live, his schooling and him wanting too.His mum has rebuffed the idea, giving the reasons ‘I will miss him and I’m off work now (pregnant)’ personalyl I feel these are selfish reasons and are not centred around our sons welbeing.I have asked my son on numerous occasions if he wants to stay more, his answer being yes but my mum won’t let me.My question is, what steps can I take / do I have to try to get extra days with my son? I have PR.Any advice would be welcomed :)Thanks

Our Response:
The link here should help answer your question in full.
SeparatedDads - 13-Sep-18 @ 3:01 PM
Belle - Your Question:
Hi, my partner was granted a contact order which essentially gave him 6 hours contact, twice a week with a view to that increasing over a 6 month period to a point where it was pretty much 50/50 so he could have his son overnight, take him on holiday etc. This never really happened, the mother allowed 6 hours in total twice a week, would not even discuss the option of extending the time, flat out refused that her son could ever stay over and never a holiday. My partner took his son out once over a year ago and his son fell over as kids do, no issues, he told her straight away. The child wasn't hurt and in fact thought it was funny but she said her son had been put at risk and she was removing access. Since then she has agreed supervised visits once a month for maybe an hour just to go for dinner or something similar. She has told my partner he doesn't have to worry about his son not having a father in his life as he has her new partner as a father figure. She has now said that she is safeguarding her son and removing the risk of danger his father puts him in and that she is not prepared to change anything until her son is considerably older (he's almost 6) and that he won't ever be allowed to stay over. My partner tried to start proceedings by going to mediation but she flat out refused to go and says the original order is worth the paper it's written on as she is the one who makes decisions affecting her son. Yes he has PR but what can he do? He's absolutely distraught and just wants to spend time with his son.

Our Response:
Your partner's ex has clearly breached the order. As soon as she began to make a habit of this, your partner should have referred the matter back to court for an enforcement. There is no other route, please see the link here .
SeparatedDads - 13-Sep-18 @ 2:27 PM
Hi, Myself and my sons Mum split up when he was around 2/3 years old, ever since I have had him a number of days a week in various set ups. I have recently asked to see my son more and to have him extra days, both myself and my new partner feel this would benefit him greatly due to where we live, his schooling and him wanting too. His mum has rebuffed the idea, giving the reasons ‘I will miss him and I’m off work now (pregnant)’ personalyl I feel these are selfish reasons and are not centred around our sons welbeing. I have asked my son on numerous occasions if he wants to stay more, his answer being yes but my mum won’t let me.... My question is, what steps can I take / do I have to try to get extra days with my son? I have PR. Any advice would be welcomed :) Thanks
DJ - 13-Sep-18 @ 8:41 AM
Hi, my partner was granted a contact order which essentially gave him 6 hours contact, twice a week with a view to that increasing over a 6 month period to a point where it was pretty much 50/50 so he could have his son overnight, take him on holiday etc. This never really happened, the mother allowed 6 hours in total twice a week, would not even discuss the option of extending the time, flat out refused that her son could ever stay over and never a holiday. My partner took his son out once over a year ago and his son fell over as kids do, no issues, he told her straight away. The child wasn't hurt and in fact thought it was funny but she said her son had been put at risk and she was removing access. Since then she has agreed supervised visits once a month for maybe an hour just to go for dinner or something similar. She has told my partner he doesn't have to worry about his son not having a father in his life as he has her new partner as a father figure. She has now said that she is safeguarding her son and removing the risk of danger his father puts him in and that she is not prepared to change anything until her son is considerably older (he's almost 6) and that he won't ever be allowed to stay over. My partner tried to start proceedings by going to mediation but she flat out refused to go and says the original order is worth the paper it's written on as she is the one who makes decisions affecting her son. Yes he has PR but what can he do? He's absolutely distraught and just wants to spend time with his son.
Belle - 11-Sep-18 @ 5:57 PM
Hi, my partner was granted a contact order which essentially gave him 6 hours contact, twice a week with a view to that increasing over a 6 month period to a point where it was pretty much 50/50 so he could have his son overnight, take him on holiday etc. This never really happened, the mother allowed 6 hours in total twice a week, would not even discuss the option of extending the time, flat out refused that her son could ever stay over and never a holiday. My partner took his son out once over a year ago and his son fell over as kids do, no issues, he told her straight away. The child wasn't hurt and in fact thought it was funny but she said her son had been put at risk and she was removing access. Since then she has agreed supervised visits once a month for maybe an hour just to go for dinner or something similar. She has told my partner he doesn't have to worry about his son not having a father in his life as he has her new partner as a father figure. She has now said that she is safeguarding her son and removing the risk of danger his father puts him in and that she is not prepared to change anything until her son is considerably older (he's almost 6) and that he won't ever be allowed to stay over. My partner tried to start proceedings by going to mediation but she flat out refused to go and says the original order is worth the paper it's written on as she is the one who makes decisions affecting her son. Yes he has PR but what can he do? He's absolutely distraught and just wants to spend time with his son.
Belle - 11-Sep-18 @ 5:00 PM
Dee - Your Question:
I am seperated from my partner. My son is 5 and I have booked a holiday abroad next may half term my ex is now telling me that I cannot use the passport my son has as she signed the application last year he has my surname. Is she just being difficult snd can I get my son another passport I have never heard of anyone having 2 passport. Could someone pls shed sone light on this. We have not gone through the court as we normally get on well.

Our Response:
Your son can only have one passport. Unfortunately, you need to have permission frm the other parent with PR to take your child from the country, please see the link here. If you cannot, then you would have to apply for a Specific Issue Order through the courts, please see the link here . However, you would need to leave a good amount of time to have your case heard. You may wish to seek legal advice.
SeparatedDads - 6-Sep-18 @ 3:20 PM
Stocksy - Your Question:
My wife and I have separated and now she is only willing to let me see my 2 children 2 weekends a month as she knows full well I cannot have them over night. I was supposed to be seeing them every Saturday. But this hasn't gone through court or anything. What can I do about this. It seems the step daughter is calling the shots on when I can and can't see the kids

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. The link here and here , should help you further. Our Separated Dads forum can also help, as we have many dads who have been through similar experiences previously who can offer support.
SeparatedDads - 6-Sep-18 @ 11:17 AM
I am seperated from my partner. My son is 5 and i have booked a holiday abroad next may half term my ex is now telling me that i cannot use the passport my son has as she signed the application last year he has my surname. Is she just being difficult snd can i get my son another passport i have never heard of anyone having 2 passport. Could someone pls shed sone light on this. We have not gone through the court as we normally get on well.
Dee - 5-Sep-18 @ 2:22 PM
My wife and I have separated and now she is only willing to let me see my 2 children 2 weekends a month as she knows full well I cannot have them over night. I was supposed to be seeing them every Saturday.But this hasn't gone through court or anything. What can I do about this. It seems the step daughter is calling the shots on when I can and can't see the kids
Stocksy - 5-Sep-18 @ 1:31 AM
TopDoc - Your Question:
My son and his ex-gf are having a baby. She is cutting him out of all appts etc and saying she won't put him on the birth certificate. She is also threatening to put her new bf as the father and then move away. What rights does my son have And what legal routes does he have to unravel this mess? And what rights do we have as grandparents?

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. A solicitors' letter to your son's ex telling her it is fraudulent to consciously name a non-biological parent of his child on the birth certificate may help in the first instance. Also, your son can apply for a Prohibited Steps Order through the courts, please see the link here . A PSO, is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children. Unfortunately, where parents cannot agree on contact, access then it is the remit of the courts to decide. As grandparents you currently have no rights, it would be up to your son to pursue.
SeparatedDads - 3-Sep-18 @ 12:01 PM
My son and his ex-gf are having a baby. She is cutting him out of all appts etc and saying she won't put him on the birth certificate.. She is also threatening to put her new bf as the father and then move away. What rights does my son have And what legal routes does he have to unravel this mess? And what rights do we have as grandparents?
TopDoc - 2-Sep-18 @ 2:02 PM
I am a stay at home parent my other half owns the house and all our bank accounts we have one joint account which enough money goes in to pay bills and for food, every time we get into an argument I'm told to get out of her house and She will take the children away from me is she able to do this, it's causing me to have anxiety and depression cause I'm to scared to stand up for myself In case I lose the kids.
Greens - 24-Aug-18 @ 9:43 AM
Hi, I have a pretty decent realtionship with y childrens mums, however what are my rights if I take a job abroad? In terms of having them come to me for summer holidays etc? thanks in advance for any advice.
dadlife - 21-Aug-18 @ 4:41 PM
@pablo1.i am not the same man i was when with my x she[ repeatedly cheated] and i did nothing about it[ weak controlled little boy back then] .now i haven't seen my daughter years her mother plays games well this little black duck don't want to play anymore i don't care about [my rights] .i have a peaceful easy life every time with my x there is police and fights f that i can't live that way any more i am proud to live like a zombie as my x would say .i am sorry daughter but i am butting me first have a good life .i am done .ps they talk it up you no what would happen i would snap and bust them up and be sitting in the dock again why they walk free .i have grown up .hey its just a child not worth the stress easy fixed i walk away or even better run away .have as many man as you want x GO HARD you will get no trouble from me .i like the current situation gods truth i am sorry i called it will never happen again .ps i wish them well in life just leave me alone .
c.laurie - 20-Aug-18 @ 7:37 PM
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