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Your Separated Father's Rights

By: Chris Nickson - Updated: 29 Mar 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Rights Parental Responsibility Civil

When you've split up with your ex it's important to know what your rights and responsibilities are regarding your children. The most important thing is to determine whether or not you have parental responsibility for your children. In the case of married couples, you're responsible for any children born in wedlock.

Unmarried Couples

In general terms, an unmarried mother is deemed to have "parental responsibility" for her children. For births registered in England or Wales; as a father you have parental responsibility if:
  • The child's birth was registered after December 1st, 2003 and your name is on the certificate as the father.
  • If the child was born before that time with no father listed on the birth certificate, but the birth was later re-registered with you named as the father.
  • If you and the child's mother sign a Parental Responsibility Agreement.
  • If you're given a parental responsibility order by the court, or a Residence Order for the child to live with you.
  • If you marry the child's mother.

If the parents are not married, parental responsibility does not automatically pass to the natural father if the mother dies.

Same Sex Couples

With same sex couples, after a civil partnership, you have parental responsibility if you have a parental responsibility agreement or a parental responsibility order from the court.

What Parental Responsibility Means for your Rights as a Dad

If you have parental responsibility, you have a say in the upbringing of your children, even if they don't live with you any more.

However, this doesn't apply to the general, day-to-day life of your children; that will lie with the mother if they live with her. But in other questions, such as religion, upbringing, medical treatment and so on, you have the same rights in making decisions as the mother.

So what rights does parental responsibility give you?

Important Decisions - we've already mentioned that decisions on everyday matters lie with the parent who has residency. But if you have parental responsibility, even as the non-resident parent - you have the right to be consulted over important issues such as:
  • Changing schools
  • Going on holidays with others/other organisations etc
  • Serious medical issues
  • Changing surname
  • Emigration
  • Their marriage
  • Adoption

Once your child gets older, he or she may express their opinions and you may feel that your parental responsibility rights are reduced. At this stage, it is therefore important to consider the wishes of the child in major decisions too.

For more details on parental responsibility, take a look at our guide and letter templates.

If you feel your rights are being ignored and you have parental responsibility, you can apply for a specific steps order or a specific issue order. More information about those can be found here:
Specific Issue Orders.

Applying to the Courts

As a father you can apply to the court for parental responsibility. The court will consider:
  • How committed you are as a father
  • The attachment between you and your child
  • Your reasons for applying for the order

Based on what the judge believes to be in the child's best interests they will either accept or grant your application for parental responsibility.

If you've been part of a couple where the children are yours and you don't have parental responsibility, you can still apply to court for certain types of orders, mostly Contact Orders to see the children, but even for a Residence Order to have the children live with you (if granted, you'll then have parental responsibility).

Note that if your former partner has a Residence Order, she can take your children abroad for up to a month without your consent. However, if the trip is longer, or she plans on moving abroad with the children, she will need the consent of both you and anyone else who has parental responsibility for the children. However, if you wish to take your children abroad for a holiday, it's a tougher issue, and legally you're advised to have her agreement first. (Taking a child abroad without the mother's consent can be deemed as abduction in the eyes of the law. Read our article What is Abduction? for more information).

Child Maintenance

Parental responsibility also means you have the duty to support your children financially. If you already have a case ongoing this will probably be done either through the Child Support Agency (CSA) or by an arranged agreement between you and the child's mother. In general terms, you'll pay 15% of your net income for one child, 20% for two and 25% for three children. However, there are adjustments, depending on how much time the children spend with you. If you move abroad, support will be done through the court rather than the CSA. Note that from 25 November 2013, the Child Support Agency (CSA) no longer takes on new cases but will continue to deal with existing cases. The new body handling maintenance issues is the Child Maintenance Service.

When Does Parental Responsibility End?

Your parental responsibility to your children ends when they turn 18 and become legal adults. However, if they're over 16 and marry, it ends with the marriage. If you've obtained parental responsibility through a Residence Order, though, and that Residence Order changes, you don't lose parental responsibility.

You should be aware that if you weren't married to the mother of your children, you're on slightly trickier ground, even if you have your name on the birth certificate or a parental responsibility agreement or order. In that case, any other person with parental responsibility can apply to court to have your parental responsibility ended. Even your children can do that, if they acquire permission from the court.

Court

To help prepare you for going to court for residency or contact, we have a free, comprehensive guide to the whole process here.

** NEW** Separated Dads Chat Room & Forum

The Separated Dads Forum is a place where you can discuss relevant issues and concerns including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or just have a general chat with other dads.

Please help us launch it and make it a great resource for dads going through difficult times. We hope to see you on the Forum soon....

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Hi there I split from my partner of 12 years last May, due to him cheating and moving straight in with the lady he cheated with, we have two children I have never stopped contact and never changed contact arrangements it's been him that's changed them on a few occasions, after his last change I have said that enough for the children's sake and their stability and being able to get in a routine contact is staying at this untill the children are older and fully able to make their own mind up. My children are 11 & 6 my 11 year old boy is very vulnerable and has always been scared of his dad's temper due to domestic violence (unreported though) and due to his vulnerability is very easy to manipulate which his father is trying to do he's trying to turn my boy against me by sending message through him and just trying in general to make me look bad. I don't say anything about the children's father to them as I do truely believe they need to make their own mind up when they are old enough too, since splitting up there have been many issues he's smashed my car up and pinned me up by the throat (reported to the police but I didn't press charges) recently there has been Facebook status' shown to y 11 year old which involved violent content such as wording to the affect of "I'll slit your throat" my boy mentioned this to someone at school who made a referral to the nspcc who then informed social services and the police. I have spoke to social services about this and they advised me that as the parent they live with I have the right to organise supervised contact (obviously if this carried on and their father didn't listen to my concerns) I put the social workers advise to their father and that as their responsible adult I would do what's best for them this result in him coming to my home and making a scene in front of the children and him threatening me in front of the kids, I managed to get him to leave my house and recieved a letter from him saying he has full parental responsibility (I believe it's joint as there is no order in place to say he has full parental responsibiity) and that he will have his kids when ever he sees fit and will not ask y permission to take them on holiday (I don't want him to seek permission just to let me no before hand incase I already have something booked) and his recent letter which I recieved this morning says as he is their father and has full parental responsibility he would like their passports and he has put my daughter name on a waiting list for a club when she is with me on a day he doesn't have contact my question is I don't want to stop my children going on holiday with him but due to his controlling nature I no I will never receive the passports back so can I have him put in place something that says they will be returned to me as the children's primary carer and also just to clarify he cannot dictate to me what I do with the children when it is not his day of contact? Thanks in advance and sorry
Fairymum - 29-Mar-17 @ 12:16 PM
Woody - Your Question:
Hi, it looks like my wife and I are separating anytime soon after 12 years, we have 3 children, all biologically mine, 2 boys and 1 girl, aged 6,8 and 11, I want to know if the children are allowed a choice of who they want to live with, as I will be moving from Scotland back to South Wales. I have a feeling my two sons, the 8 and 11 year old will want to live with me, is this a possibility? As I think the wife won't want this to happen.Thanks In advance

Our Response:
As you have joint parental responsibility, this should be either negotiated directly with your ex, and if she does not agree you would then be able to approach the matter through mediation, or the last approach would be court. However, regardless of what your children's opinions are, a court will always decide what it thinks is in your children's best interests and moving their home/school location may be considered a big jump. The courts will always opt towards consitency and security. You may wish to take legal advice regarding this matter.
SeparatedDads - 28-Mar-17 @ 10:36 AM
Hi, it looks like my wife and I are separating anytime soon after 12 years, we have 3 children, all biologically mine, 2 boys and 1 girl,aged 6,8 and 11, I want to know if the children are allowed a choice of who they want to live with, as I will be moving from Scotland back to South Wales.... I have a feeling my two sons, the 8 and 11 year old will want to live with me, is this a possibility? As I think the wife won't want this to happen... Thanks In advance
Woody - 27-Mar-17 @ 11:14 AM
Please would you advise me regarding access, I've a daughter who is approaching 5 years old . Her mother and I unfortunately separated after a 10 year relationship. My ex makes seeing my daughter as hard as possible while also trying to control the little time I do see her. For no reason I see her 24 hrs a week stopping me collecting her from school ETC . My name is on the birth certificate and my daughter carries my surname, I've never missed the agreed maintenance money and provide clothes, holiday spends, swimming lessons and so on. Also last year I moved to property within walking distance from her school!! What would you suggest. Kind regards.
Jamo - 24-Mar-17 @ 6:03 PM
Please would you advise me regarding access, I've a daughter who is approaching 5 years old . Her mother and I unfortunately separated after a 10 year relationship. My ex makes seeing my daughter as hard as possible while also trying to control the little time I do see her. For no reason I see her 24 hrs a week stopping me collecting her from school ETC . My name is on the birth certificate and my daughter carries my surname, I've never missed the agreed maintenance money and provide clothes, holiday spends, swimming lessons and so on. Also last year I moved to property within walking distance from her school!! What would you suggest. Kind regards.
Jamo - 24-Mar-17 @ 5:35 PM
Shelma - Your Question:
Me and my ex were together for just under 3 years split just before our daughter turned 2yrs. Since the split 6 months ago he had her once which resulted in a number of concerns about him having her on his own such as her travelling in a personal car with out a car seat and feeding her things that she cant have due to dairy reactions. He is consistently arranging to see her and then cancelling the day before. I am not denying him access or insisting that it is me that supervises but for my daughters sake I feel that it needs to be someone who is aware of how many products contain milk or milk proteins and knows her and will relay any slip ups to me, which he didnt until after she had a reaction and I questioned him. He hasnt seen her for 3 months and this last visit he forgot and is now insisting as her dad he can just pick her up and take her and im breaking the law is this correct because me and others who know the situation dont feel it is.

Our Response:
As you have parental responsibility and are the primary carer, then you can make any decision you think is in your child's best interests. If your ex opposes this he can either try to negotiate a resolution directly, suggest mediation, please see link here, or if you refuse both, apply through the courts.
SeparatedDads - 23-Mar-17 @ 2:03 PM
Me and my ex were together for just under 3 years split just before our daughter turned 2yrs. Since the split 6 months ago he had her once which resulted in a number of concerns about him having her on his own such as her travelling in a personal car with out a car seat and feeding her things that she cant have due to dairy reactions.He is consistently arranging to see her and then cancelling the day before.I am not denying him access or insisting that it is me that supervises but for my daughters sake i feel that it needs to be someone who is aware of how many products contain milk or milk proteins and knows her and will relay any slip ups to me, which he didnt until after she had a reaction and i questioned him. He hasnt seen her for 3 months and this last visit he forgot and is now insisting as her dad he can just pick her up and take her and im breaking the law is this correct because me and others who know the situation dont feel it is.
Shelma - 22-Mar-17 @ 10:46 PM
seankayz- Your Question:
Hello there, I have a son who is 7 yrs old, me and the mother we split up 3 yrs ago.My situation is like this, my son wants to stay with me, the mother does not have a problem with me staying with him full-time. My question is, if the mother does not have a problem with me staying with him full-time, does it still mean that I have to go through the court process?

Our Response:
No, if you have parental responsibility you do not have to go through any court process. You may however, wish to draw an agreement up via mediation or through a solicitor in order to define the terms.
SeparatedDads - 22-Mar-17 @ 12:54 PM
Jake woods - Your Question:
Bascaly I have a son who lives in Wales my name is not on the birth certificate social are involved it has been ordered that me ex has 22 conditions that she has to stick to but social are still doing adoption paper work what as a father can I do please

Our Response:
I'm afraid your only recourse would be to take the matter to court and apply for Parental Responsibility of your child - please see link here. This may help halt any adoption process. Some professional legal advice would help you in the first instance which can be gained either via a solicitor, or if you cannot afford it, the Citizens Advice Bureau will be able to help. If you cannot afford legal representation regarding taking the matter to court, then you can self-litigate, please see link here. You may also be able to get a reduction in court fees or have them waived if you are on a low income or have no income at all. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads - 22-Mar-17 @ 12:24 PM
Dave - Your Question:
Recently split up sith my ex I still see kids as often as I can however ex wont let me take them to see my mum and has expressed im not welcone to their birthdays

Our Response:
If your ex is refusing your parents access and you wish to challenge this, then if your ex will not accept going to mediation as a way to try to resolve the issue, court is the next option. Please see Specific Issue Order link here.
SeparatedDads - 22-Mar-17 @ 11:41 AM
hello there, i have a son who is 7 yrs old, me and the mother we split up 3 yrs ago.My situation is like this, my son wants to stay with me, the mother does not have a problem with me staying with him full-time. My question is, if the mother does not have a problem with me staying with him full-time, does it still mean that i have to go through the court process?
seankayz - 22-Mar-17 @ 12:27 AM
Bascaly I have a son who lives in Wales my name is not on the birth certificate social are involved it has been ordered that me ex has 22 conditions that she has to stick to but social are still doing adoption paper work what as a father can I do please
Jake woods - 21-Mar-17 @ 10:01 PM
Recently split up sith my ex i still see kids as often as i can however ex wont let me take them to see my mum and has expressed im not welcone to their birthdays
Dave - 21-Mar-17 @ 4:22 PM
Teresa - Your Question:
My friend had a relationship with a woman nd she fell pregnant nd lost it after 8 weeks then she said I want to keep tryin for a baby she fell pregnant but split up with him nd didnt tell him till 8 weeks later via a text. He has no say in anything like going to the scans etc I think this is very unfair for a first time farther nd he has been used to create a life. she has the final say over everything even chasin him for money. Surely he has some rights or is he just a sperm donor now ?

Our Response:
If your friend did not wish to take the risk of having a child - he would have had the option to use protection. It is unfortunate that your friend has found himself in this situation if he did not want a child. However, the mother of his child will be able to claim child maintenance from him, if she names him as the father.
SeparatedDads - 21-Mar-17 @ 12:00 PM
My friend had a relationship with a woman nd she fell pregnant nd lost it after 8 weeks then she said i want to keep tryin for a baby she fell pregnant but split up with him nd didnt tell him till 8 weeks later via a text. He has no say in anything like going to the scans etc i think this is very unfair for a first time farther nd he has been used to create a life. she has the final say over everything even chasin him for money. Surely he has some rights or is he just a sperm donor now ?
Teresa - 20-Mar-17 @ 3:31 PM
JJ - Your Question:
Hi,My brother has been with his partner (unmarried) for 7 years. They co-own a house and have 2 children.He wants to separate but his partner is threatening moving the kids away if they do.Does he have any rights to stop that happening? He would let her stay in the house with the kids. He just can't cope with her moving them away. Any advice greatly appreciated Thanks

Our Response:
If your brother is named on the birth certificate, then by law his partner would have to ask his permission to move from the area, otherwise she could face being brought back if your brother took the matter to court. If your brother does not give consent and his partner still wishes to move from the area, then she would have to apply through the courts. However, if your brother fears she may move without his consent, then his only option is to apply through the courts for a Prohibited Steps Order. A PSO is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the children in question. The court will always put the children’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. Therefore, your brother may wish to seek legal advice in order to explore his options. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads - 20-Mar-17 @ 12:42 PM
Hi, My brother has been with his partner (unmarried) for 7 years. They co-own a house and have 2 children. He wants to separate but his partner is threatening moving the kids away if they do. Does he have any rights to stop that happening? He would let her stay in the house with the kids. He just can't cope with her moving them away. Any advice greatly appreciated Thanks
JJ - 19-Mar-17 @ 2:37 PM
Ozzy - Your Question:
Hi ! I had an affair with a lady for 2 weeks then went back to my life as I had family. The lady found me with child maintenance 2 year later saying I owe money to this women because I have baby as I'm shocked. She was sayin that she is on pill can't be pregnant. I'm not married to this women and my name is not on the birth certificate. Question is does that women have a right to sue me?

Our Response:
If the mother names you as the father of her child, then you are deemed responsible for paying child maintenance to help support your child, until you can prove otherwise. In order to prove you are not the father, you would have to ask the mother to supply a DNA sample, please see link here .
SeparatedDads - 17-Mar-17 @ 12:33 PM
Me - Your Question:
Hi, I need a bit of advice if possible. I found out earlier this week, that my three children have been taken off their mother who has bad alcohol issues (this was the main reason me & my ex split) & I am currently in the process of receiving legal help with regards to actually getting my children & residency with me etc.However, I need advice on the maintenance payments. I was paying maintenance every week,without fail, straight from my wages directly into her bank account, until I got told that my children had been taken off my ex (their mother) due to her drinking.I cancelled the payments due to this, as she does not have the children at the moment & also I am NOT funding her drinking. The money for the children will be saved by me for them. Am I correct to do this?Advice would be appreciated, Thanks.

Our Response:
You would have to speak with the CMS/CSA regarding this as you may be penalised. Really, you should wait until you are authorised so save any possible repercussions.
SeparatedDads - 17-Mar-17 @ 12:03 PM
mikey - Your Question:
My ex and I are separated and we have a 3 yr old son soon gonna be 4. recently she told me that she's gonna move to an other state with my son, and I can't stop her. we had good relationship because of the child, we agreed on doing things on our own so we never had a court order or anything. I'm on the child birth certificate as the father.so I was wondering if she has the right to just move with my son even if I don't agree.first I moved here so I could be with my son and now she wants to go somewhere else.

Our Response:
I'm afraid as we are a UK-based site, we can only answer UK-based family law questions. You would have to seek professional advice in your own country as laws will be different.
SeparatedDads - 17-Mar-17 @ 11:59 AM
Hi ! I had an affair with a lady for 2 weeks then went back to my life as I had family . The lady found me with child maintenance 2 year later saying I owe money to this women because I have baby as I'm shocked . She was sayin that she is on pill can't be pregnant . I'm not married to this women and my name is not on the birth certificate . Question is does that women have a right to sue me?
Ozzy - 16-Mar-17 @ 10:06 PM
Hi, i need a bit of advice if possible. I found out earlier this week, that my three children have been taken off their mother who has bad alcohol issues (this was the main reason me & my ex split) & I am currently in the process of receiving legal help with regards to actually getting my children & residency with me etc. However, I need advice on the maintenance payments. I was paying maintenance every week,without fail, straight from my wages directly into her bank account, until i got told that my children had been taken off my ex (their mother) due to her drinking. I cancelled the payments due to this, as she does not have the children at the moment & also i am NOT funding her drinking. The money for the children will be saved by me for them. Am i correct to do this? Advice would be appreciated, Thanks.
Me - 16-Mar-17 @ 7:05 PM
My ex and I are separated and we have a 3 yr old son soon gonna be 4. recently she told me that she's gonna move to an other state with my son, and i can't stop her. we had good relationship because of the child, we agreed on doing things on our own so we never had a court order or anything. I'm on the child birth certificate as the father. so i was wondering if she has the right to just move with my son even if i don't agree. first i moved here so i could be with my son and now she wants to go somewhere else.
mikey - 16-Mar-17 @ 6:50 PM
Nobby - Your Question:
I have just put a msg on here about my ex and I splitting and about a restraining order. Also to add, is that best part of last year my ex wife visited me at my house, she would walk in, have a brew and a chat whilst my kids were there even if she was dropping them off or picking them up. Christmas Day of 2016, my ex popped in with my children and she sat in my lounge and watched them open their Christmas presents, then she took some photos, then when she got back to her own house, she posts the pictures up on social media, now that just proves that she's been in my house and totally ignoring the order. I have txt messages, quite a few that are horrible and a few good ones. Advice needed please.

Our Response:
You don't say whether there is a court order in place to see your kids. If there is and your ex is breaching the court order, then you can apply to take the matter back to court to have the order enforced, please see link here . However, if your 15 year old does not wish to see you, her opinion will be taken into consideration. With regards to your ex spending time with you at Xmas, orders can be breached as long as the decision to breach the order is mutually agreed.
SeparatedDads - 16-Mar-17 @ 10:53 AM
Ia1 - Your Question:
Hi, I split from my ex just over two years ago, we have a 5 year old daughter together, I am on the birth certificate, and I have had her every weekend Friday when I finish work to Sunday afternoon, there have also been times when the mother has asked me to have her so she can go on weeks away with her new partner, which I am always happy to do as the more time I get with my daughter the better for me. Her mother now has a new baby with her new partner and since having it our daughter is wanting to spend more time here with me, I received a message tonight telling me that she was reducing the nights my daughter spends with me because she plays up on Mondays for school. She has also been keeping school parents evenings from me until the very last minute too and other important things. Can she stop me having her just like that, I disagree that she is playing up because she is with me and think it is more to do with the new baby. Any help in the right direction would be greatly appreciated.

Our Response:
If you have issues regarding access that you cannot resolve between yourselves, then mediation should be the first port of call, please see link here. If you still can't agree, then you would have to consider taking the matter to court. If you have had a consistent relationship with your child, the court will do its best to maintain this. If a court order is put into place, then your ex will have to adhere to it. However, you may wish to seek some legal advice in the first instance as sometimes a solicitor's letter outlining your rights and intentions may do the trick.
SeparatedDads - 15-Mar-17 @ 2:25 PM
tj - Your Question:
My ex has my daughter 2 a week and every other weekend, they have a honeymoon coming up in the summer holidays wich means I have to take time off to watch her, im wanting to go abroad aslong with out my child, but they are refusing, is there anything I can do about this?

Our Response:
If your ex is refusing, you can apply to court for a Specific Issue Order, please see link here.
SeparatedDads - 15-Mar-17 @ 11:28 AM
I have just put a msg on here about my ex and I splitting and about a restraining order. Also to add, is that best part of last year my ex wife visited me at my house, she would walk in, have a brew and a chat whilst my kids were there even if she was dropping them off or picking them up. Christmas Day of 2016, my ex popped in with my children and she sat in my lounge and watched them open their Christmas presents, then she took some photos, then when she got back to her own house, she posts the pictures up on social media, now that just proves that she's been in my house and totally ignoring the order. I have txt messages, quite a few that are horrible and a few good ones. Advice needed please.
Nobby - 15-Mar-17 @ 11:05 AM
Hi there, I've just recently got divorced and I have 5 children aged from 15 down to 3 years of age. My ex and I split after a row as I had slapped her face in August 2015 ( she was drunk too) and she had me arrested and charged, I must stress that I don't condone what I did. I got fined and a restraining order was handed out to me until further notice saying that she was scared of me and that no contact with her and was not allowed to go back to tje matrimonial home/street etc etc. I was told that I had to make contact with my 15 year old, hence, texting or phoning. 5 weeks after that order was given my wife at the time sat in the same room with me and my children in my new house celebrating my daughters birthday. I took photos of the birthday and my wife is in the pictures......Who's in the wrong. Now I'm having trouble getting to see my children, I saw them quite a bit in 2016 up until June/July then from there very rarely. Saw them at Christmas for 4 hrs and then again on my daughters birthday this February just gone, now not seen them since. I was in touch with my eldest but this has now gone quiet as of this week. What can I do as I don't want to lose my kids and no doubt my ex will be saying that I'm a bad father, a bully etc etc. I need help as I'm gonna fight to see my children. Please can someone help, just feel all on my own and don't know where to turn. Kind regards Nobby
Nobby - 15-Mar-17 @ 10:58 AM
Hi, i split from my ex just over two years ago, we have a 5 year old daughter together, I am on the birth certificate, and I have had her every weekend Friday when I finish work to Sunday afternoon, there have also been times when the mother has asked me to have her so she can go on weeks away with her new partner, which I am always happy to do as the more time I get with my daughter the better for me. Her mother now has a new baby with her new partner and since having it our daughter is wanting to spend more time here with me, I received a message tonight telling me that she was reducing the nights my daughter spends with me because she plays up on Mondays for school. She has also been keeping school parents evenings from me until the very last minute too and other important things. Can she stop me having her just like that, I disagree that she is playing up because she is with me and think it is more to do with the new baby. Any help in the right direction would be greatly appreciated.
Ia1 - 14-Mar-17 @ 11:06 PM
my ex has my daughter 2 a week and every other weekend, they have a honeymoon coming up in the summer holidays wich means I have to take time off to watch her, im wanting to go abroad aslong with out my child, but they are refusing, is there anything I can do about this?
tj - 14-Mar-17 @ 2:08 PM
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