We all know that lives change. In a society that’s become more and more mobile, moving homes, moving cities and even countries, has become fairly commonplace. But if your kids live with your former partner and she has to move away, how do you deal with that?
Before you agree to any arrangements or take further action, it's important to understand your legal position using our free Moving Away Rights Checker.
The move could be work related, or perhaps because her new partner has a job somewhere else, at the other end of the country. What are the ramifications?
Within The UK
An awful lot is going to depend on the type of relationship you have with your ex. If it’s good, then when she moves you’ll be able to re-negotiate contact with your children. It might be that you don’t see them as often, but when you do it’s for a longer period.
If they’ve been spending a few nights a week with you, it can be especially bad, since you won’t have their presence regularly, which you’re used to. But your ex isn’t legally obliged to live near you.
If the relationship is bad, you might need to apply for a change in your Contact Order. This can be a gruelling procedure, not to mention expensive, since you’ll want to have a solicitor to represent you, although you may be able to come to an Agreement Through Mediation. You will still be expected to Pay Child Support as before.
Understand your rights if your ex wants to relocate with the children. Takes 1 minute.
Try our Moving Away Rights Checker free, here on this site →Emotional Impact
Perhaps the biggest factor to deal with is the emotional impact. You should arrange plenty of phone contact with your children, daily if at all possible, so they still feel that you’re involved in their lives (and so you feel that way, too) and try to see them as often as possible. If you can arrange a trip to see them once a month, that’s good, but not economically viable for many people.
School holidays would be the best time to see them, when you might be able to have them for a week – or even several weeks in the summer, if you can negotiate this. Of course, wonderful as it sounds, the practicalities can be real obstacles; after all, you still have to work, and there’s only so much holiday time you can take each year. You need to try to find a balance that works for you.
Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.
Going Abroad
But what happens if your ex wants to Move Abroad with your kids? She might be a foreign national, for example, and want to move home, or she might have married someone from another country and be moving. What can you do in the situation where your kids are taken even farther away from you?
Essentially, you have two choices. You can either accept the fact and come to some agreement about when the children can spend time with you or you can fight the move in the courts. If you follow the first route and come to an agreement, have it in writing and legally validated. It should include the number of visits per year and their length. Also, make sure to include who is responsible for airfares, which can avoid tumultuous arguments later. If you’re paying child support, you should try to have a provision saying you don’t have to pay for the period the kids are living with you.
Should you choose to fight the move in court, you will be battling for custody of your kids. This is only going to work if you have parental responsibility for the children (that is, if you’re named as the father on the birth certificate or have a parental responsibility agreement). If not, it’s not worth the effort, because you won’t win.
Rather than the distress this will cause you, what you’ll need to show is how it will adversely affect the kids. If the proposed move is to a non English-speaking country, for example, and your children are in school and have grown up speaking English, you’ll want to cite that – especially if they are in their early teens. You’ll need to develop a valid argument, preferably several, and be well represented in court.
If your ex does move the kids overseas, you’ll feel the loss even more than if they’re just elsewhere in the UK. Use as many different methods of contact as you can to keep in touch with them, daily if possible. It’s not an ideal substitute, but it really is better than nothing at all.
I wrote a post on here a couple of years ago now and it’s heartbreaking to read some of the situations a lot of people are in.
Unfortunately as a father, help from any services you are reluctant and empathy is a rarity!
Nobody should have to put up with any form of abuse whatsoever - especially when children are in the mix (or sometimes used to hurt the other party).
I had to take to mediation to sort issues out, fortunately things have calmed down and my ex and I get on together, however sometimes I do get patronised or borderline insulted if she doesn’t agree with my parenting!
I do feel dads have to put up and bear the brunt of bad press, abuse and are frequently demonised as I myself have been for doing the best for my kids.
I have been very polite and kept things cordial even through the abuse my ex has directed at me.
Always always keep calm, don’t let your emotions get the better of you, chin up and be the most upstanding person you can-set a good example!
You can only do your best for your kids.
Never give up on them!
His ex has always been a depressed and Avis I’ve partner whilst they were together. He stayed for the benefit of the children (now 8&3) until they were old enough to know who their dad was.
That was 2 years ago now, since then she had been on and off with allowing contact, sometime not being home after he has driven to collect them.
Over lockdown he did not see them all year and their mother blocked all communication to their dad. He ended up going to their school once they reopened to try and catch a glimpse of them their and speak to their mother.
After a few times of not seeing them leave school he went to the office and was told that school was also concerned and that they’d do checks. In the meantime, my brother accessed an old social media account of his to find a tirade of abusive and worrying message from her threatening to move away and take the kids if he didn’t break up with his new girlfriend, calling him names, saying she was pregnant to another man whom she is scared of it anted my brother to collect her from his house and that she wasn’t supposed to be on the phone and had locked herself in his bathroom to send the message and saying that she has been telling the kids their dad has a new girlfriend and doesn’t care about them. ??
Her family and friends said they didn’t know where they were either and so we reported them missing. Since then they have been shown to the police safe and well and know that her parents are in full contact all along.
My brother on the off chance went by the house days after getting nowhere with school or her parents and being blocked and saw her car outside, he tried to speak to the kids through the letter box which came off its hinges. Her mother called to say she’d rang the police so he left. All the while not knowing why she is withholding the children. He was arrested on suspicion of harassment (he had to visit the house because she had blocked his number and no one would tell him where the kids were) and criminal damage for breaking the letter box (even though the police said they saw in cctv he tried to fix it!) He explained her messages, abuse and everything to the police who have said they will investigate.
This is where it gets nasty - she has made FALSE allegations of domestic assault and had herself and the children moved to a refuge to get a house move and relocate with the children. We believe she is has mental health issues (which she admits herself in one of the messages and is on medication) and that she is bitter that my brother has moved on! One of her vicious messages saying “you can see your kids when you get a new girlfriend” - We have had no contact or support from any services ie social care or cafcas, school had said they won’t comment and the police are saying the same. His parental rights are being infringed and it seem none is the slight bit phased.
He had parental responsibility for the kids and is being treated li
With current custody order in place were have my kids every weekend and i do every other Monday school drop off at current moment but with ex wife impending relocation 2 hours away my kids cant be expected to be up at 5am for 2 hour drive to school..
She doesn’t want to change arrangements as it would mean giving up weekends and social life up
Geeps 25 May 20. What did you advise best in this situation?
Can a county court judge really impose this much authority over my free will and if so what rights do I have to appeal?
My ex as stopped me seeing them for no reason and I’ve gotta wright a letter to the judge by next week also gotta give my ex a copy buts she’s moved and left no contact number.
I’m due back in court soon
Kind regards
I’m now married and we are moving to Northern Ireland this December. My mum is now worried I’d have to tell him I’m moving, but we’ve had 0 contact since 2011 and I have no clue how to let him know anyway. Do I still need to try somehow??
The child lives with me the child is 12 and the other parent doesn’t drive what’s my legal stance on ex partner lifting child.
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