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Support for Separated Dads

By: Chris Nickson - Updated: 23 Feb 2023 | comments*Discuss
 
Separated Dads Support Samaritans

As anyone experiencing it can tell you, being a separated dad is far from easy. There are issues to deal with, whether they’re emotional, legal or Financial. You can do it alone, and many have, but it’s much easier if you can find support, whether it’s just someone to talk to about the way you feel or aid through the labyrinth of bureaucracy. Thankfully, there are a growing number of organisations that can help you.

The Main Organisations

Families Need Fathers (www.fnf.org.uk) – this organisation works with lone parents of both sexes. It has booklets and pamphlets that can help you as a separated father, as well as a parenting plan and workshops with trained facilitators. Although a political organisation in part (it has a presence at all three party conferences), its focus is on individuals. It’s £35 a year to join (FNF is a registered charity), but that offers access to many more options. There is also a helpline open to anyone.

The Centre for Separated Families (www.separatedfamilies.info) – The Centre for Separated Families is a national charity. They work with everyone affected by family separation in order to bring about better outcomes for children. Their services are available to parents who are sharing care, those who are caring for their children alone, those who are not able to spend time with their children, grandparents, carers or anyone else with concerns about family separation. You can visit their website or contact them directly via email: advice@separatedfamilies.org.uk

Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB) – this is one of the most useful resources, with local branches throughout the country. The CAB offers educated advice on many topics of concern to separated fathers, from housing and council tax to legal and emotional issues, as well as helping you find support groups in your area.

National Association of Child Contact Centres (www.naccc.org.uk) – if for some reason you have nowhere to realistically spend time with your children, it’s worth contacting the National Association of Child Contact Centres. They support over 300 of these centres in England, Wales and Northern Ireland which all offer a safe place for you to spend time with your children. It’s not quite the same as being at home or other activities, but they strive to make a warm, comfortable atmosphere for everyone with plenty of activities.

The Shared Parenting Information Group (www.spig.clara.net) – this is an excellent resource, especially when the world of shared parenting is new to you. There are plans and advice to help you find your way.

Gingerbread (www.gingerbread.org.uk) – offers a variety of free services, from pamphlets of information that you might find useful to a phone advice line. It can also put you in touch with others in similar situations or help you form a group in your area.

Emotional Support

Inevitably, there will be times you feel down, especially after a visit with your children, and you’ll need to talk to someone. Sometimes friends simply aren’t enough and you need to talk to someone who can be objective, who can offer useful insights and advice.

The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (www.bacp.co.uk) – can help you find a strongly accredited therapist local to you. Going for counselling can seem like a big step, but many have found regular sessions very helpful in adjusting to new lives and situations, and working through anger, grief and frustration.

The Samaritans (www.samaritans.org.uk) – if you feel particularly desperate, get in touch with the Samaritans (tel 08457 90 90 90). This is a volunteer group who’ve helped many over the years, especially those with suicidal urges. The advisors are non-judgemental and willing to listen 24 hours a day.

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

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I separated from my wife in 2016 in California , after moving to the states selling everything i had in 2010.We had a daughter in 2014 and therefore i stayed as long as i could in US spending literally all my savings just to see my daughter grow up and have that bond. I moved back to Sheffield in January 2023 , back to my parents , my old room , and literally feel deflated , depressed , overwhelmed.My old friends have all moved on , I did manage to get a job within 2 weeks , but all I do is go to work , come home and sit in my room, I'm 49.My daughter has come over already from US for a week , and all though I'm overjoyed to see her , she goes home Saturday and all that separation anxiety will come back and basically I'm having to start again.Just feel lost....
Mr K - 23-Feb-23 @ 12:13 PM
@ANDY..YEAH MATE SORRY .my professional advice eat sum cement and Harden the f up .the world is tuff and if a men Isgoing to make it he's got to adapt to the times .let megive you a virtual hug darling
Hamish - 29-Aug-22 @ 12:47 PM
Has the forum disappeared?
Andy - 29-Aug-22 @ 10:39 AM
How do you cope when you only see your kids every two weeks at weekends ? I've only in the last 5 months had this time, before that it was for 2 hours in a contact centre once every 2 weeks. I am really happy to be spending more time with my children but it breaks my heart everytime I have to say goodbye to them. How do others cope with this part ?
Noname - 3-Jul-22 @ 8:03 PM
Good morning, The judge in RCJ and family central court have not allowed to see neither to speak with my 2 daughters from 7 and half months. I was representing myself in the court. I badly need your assistance and advice. Thank you. Kind Regards,
Rabih - 13-Mar-22 @ 6:50 AM
me and my partner have been seperated for nearly a year. i was out of work at the time after being made redudant, so i was taking my 5 year old girl, my 2 year old boy and my 13 year old stepdaughter, who was my exes first child but i have raised as my own, for 3 days out of the week while also giving my ex money to support the kids every week. i recently got back in to work where i work 5 backshifts a week (5pm to 1.30am) with my 2 days off being different each week. i take my kids and keep them overnight on my 2 nights off each week while giving my ex money to support the kids. But now my ex has started accusing me of not doing enough for the kids and slating me because i only have them 2 days/nights a week, claiming that shes not got a social life and cannot make other relationships with me only taking the kids them 2 days/nights. This just makes me feel deflated and has my head doing overtime as i feel i am doing everything i can. Has anyone got any advice for a solution i can come up with to move things forward between the 2 of us?
robbie - 24-Jan-21 @ 2:55 AM
Me and my partner have been here umpteen times and now i cant love like this!! She is kicking me out, she has deep rooted issues that I have looked past a thousand times. We have an argument, i get kicked out then a few days later she is sorry, we make up and go again. I used to go to my nans every time but last time it happened she said that I will never change and that if this happens again then she cant have me, which is fair enough! The position this now leaves me in is frightening. I am unskilled and have no qualifications so have always had a low paid job, it is what it is. We have always made it work with the low income to get by. When i go home today, my belongings will be at the front door. I do not have enough money to rent myself (live in SE England and this area is VERY expensive to live) and have no family that would take me in. I have friends but in the current climate with Covid, I cant put that on them to take me in as work in a place where i constantly come in to contact with people. I literally don't know what i can do and if there is anyone or any place i can get help with? Otherwise I will be living on the street - that will then mean I wont have anywhere to take my children and that for me is life over!! Dont know if i can cope again without seeing and being with them as well as being homeless and with no pot of money what so ever. This is really getting me worried and anxious. ANY help or advise would be very appreciated. Thanks
L - 7-Jan-21 @ 4:17 PM
Me and my partner have been here umpteen times and now i cant love like this!! She is kicking me out, she has deep rooted issues that I have looked past a thousand times. We have an argument, i get kicked out then a few days later she is sorry, we make up and go again. I used to go to my nans every time but last time it happened she said that I will never change and that if this happens again then she cant have me, which is fair enough! The position this now leaves me in is frightening. I am unskilled and have no qualifications so have always had a low paid job, it is what it is. We have always made it work with the low income to get by. When i go home today, my belongings will be at the front door. I do not have enough money to rent myself (live in SE England and this area is VERY expensive to live) and have no family that would take me in. I have friends but in the current climate with Covid, I cant put that on them to take me in as work in a place where i constantly come in to contact with people. I literally don't know what i can do and if there is anyone or any place i can get help with? Otherwise I will be living on the street - that will then mean I wont have anywhere to take my children and that for me is life over!! Dont know if i can cope again without seeing and being with them as well as being homeless and with no pot of money what so ever. This is really getting me worried and anxious. ANY help or advise would be very appreciated. Thanks
L - 7-Jan-21 @ 1:37 PM
Hi, il try and keep this short I seperated from my ex in October, it was a toxic relationship. She was lazy and ordered me about costantly and I did all I could to keep the family together in the hope we would get stronger. After all the exhaustion I became depressed and mentally ill due to being so tired and all the arguing. My ex met someone after a month and he lived 2hr 30min away. In February she told me she wants to go live with him. I didn't agree with my daughter moving away. I seeked mediation and she moved straight away. All the handovers were horrific and my daughter screamed when returning back to her mum to a point where she hit her mum. This is not my daughter and this really upset me. My ex said this is normal for seperation and if she's happy then my daughter will be happy. I took her to court and the judge didn't like what she had done and ordered my daughter to be returned to me. My mum moved in with me to help with morning drop offs to nursery. My ex then made a counter appeal and we have a hearing on 20th aug to decide where my daughter starts school and lives. My ex, her partner and her sister have all made allegations against me, some true and some false. I'm so worried for my daughter if they favour my ex and know my ex will make things hard and deprive me from things. My daughter is spending 2 weeks with my ex at the moment as we are sharing summer holidays. My daughter facetimed me the other day and straight away said me and mummy live in Northampton. When my daughter facetimed yesterday she didn't really want to speak and said I gotta go now. I'm worried that my ex is twisting her mind and now really worried for our future together if she is to stay there. I love my daughter so much and she means everything to me. Coping is hard at the moment
Brad07 - 15-Aug-20 @ 11:16 AM
Hi, i recently seperated from my wife last year and i need some advice regarding access to my two girls please. we did have mutual arrangements and i was seeing the girls regularly before lockdown. we did have some disagreements just before as she asked me to take the girls on another day instead of our usual day without prior arrangements. Now im being told i have to go through the authorities to see them and i know they are missing me. I am not working since lockdown and i dont have funds to engage a lawyer as i was told legal aid is not available to me.It seems i am at the whim of my ex wife and she can use the children to get at me by not allowing regular access. it has been very difficult and i really need some help please. thanks David
Chips - 5-Aug-20 @ 5:37 PM
Hi, I need some housing advice. I'm trying to leave a relationship but I can't find any help with somewhere to live. Me and my children are stuck in an unhealthy situation and I don't know what to do. If I left I'd make myself intentionally homeless so won't get any help and I don't think I can get help renting. I won't leave without my 2 children as the situation in the house with my stepdaughter is too unhealthy for them.
Nath - 12-Jun-20 @ 5:45 PM
Unable to sign up but am looking for some advise regarding my custody agreement. Me and my ex have a custody agreement that we outlined without any external help.2 years later I want to adjust it as I have my 2 on Saturdays but I work in retail and have to work.My ex is at Uni and has every Saturday off.I have been through mediation and I currently talk to her through a solicitor.It's been 9 months since I asked her to look at this. I recently sent an email saying that I would be changing the agreement and that she has 4 weeks notice to make any changes she needs to make. Will this negatively effect me or as there is no court order is there anything she can do?
DjinnieUK - 28-Dec-19 @ 2:46 PM
Hi I am not sure what to do, I split with my ex over around 18 months ago, we have a 3 year old and things were fine to start with, however recently since being with my new partner (around 6 months) my ex has changed. I work full time Monday to Friday and every other Saturday, I have my little one every Wednesday after work I pick her up from 6pm-6:30pm and I drop her home at 9pm (she also has school every day) When I am not working on the weekend I pick my little one up from work again around 6pm-6:30pm and I drop her home on a Sunday at 4pm, when I am working I pick her up from work around 1:30pm-2pm and again drop her home on a Sunday at 4pm. However when my ex has needed my little one to be picked up earlier I have always tried and organised this to help my ex (my mum would pick her up when my ex needed to have her) however recently my ex has gotten worse, when I am stuck in traffic (but still make it for 6:30) I have had her screaming down the phone and demanding I have my little one on a week day until 10pm even though she has school, she had even gone to the extent of leaving my daughter at my place or work while I am working which has fork lifts vans etc and very dangerous and walked away when it was not my time to have her. My ex always wants an argument with me and it is just getting worse. I want to see my little one as much as I can/as possible but I work full time and as it is have her more than I can. Who can I contact to help stop this, to put things into place where do I go from here? Please help. Thank you
Smithy - 2-Oct-19 @ 7:19 PM
I had to seek a contact order after my ex wife would not stick to the separation agreement and due to her erratic behaviour (she has mental health issues) it was necessary to ensure handovers took place in a public place. My two boys are getting older (oldest is 8 in a couple if weeks and youngest 4) and they are starting to get frustrated with their mother.My oldest is particularly frustrated with the mess at home and that he is always late for school and he was kepting of almost 1 day a week last year for no reason. While I don't expect the court system to consider what is in the best of interest of my children (due to the unwritten rule they have that mums should have the children unless they are homeless are they a caught having an overdose.) My question is when their frustrations with their mum gets to much and they ask to stay with me. Am I now in a worse position to let them stay just because I got a court order to ensure I see them and for my safety?
GaryN - 13-Sep-19 @ 11:52 AM
Been unsuccessfully trying to access the site for a while now. I’m apparently a ‘spammer’ so cant register Wanting to share positive dad story and to offer support to other dads
Butler 86 - 16-Jun-19 @ 12:48 AM
Hello everyone I'm just wondering how other people would see this and if I'm in the wrong I have split with my ex the first year went great I was seeing my kids then once she had a new baby she tried cutting me out my kids lives but I've taken her to court and won my access back but the problem is over this time she as put my kids in activities so it mess with my weekend My ex now lives a hour and half away and I have to do all the driving to get my kids but when I pick them up on a Friday I have to stay in the area till 8pm so my little girl can do one of these activities but my ex as now changed the date of another activity to the Saturday so she now saying I have to drive there and back Friday then there and back Saturday then there and back Sunday to drop them off but I have refused to do this and said I won't take her to the Saturday one as it's not fair on me having to do that drive and also I have my son to think of aswel as I'd have to drag him all over with me so when do I get to spend any proper time with then both as all my time with them would just be driving and not being able to take them anywhere nice for the weekend Am I in the wrong refusing to take her
Azz - 15-Apr-19 @ 1:00 PM
In the same boat here, tried several email addresses and even created a new one to register but no such luck... Anyone able to help?
Scotsdad - 28-Mar-19 @ 3:22 PM
Hi, can someone please explain why the separated dads forum is so locked down?? Tried many times to register, used personal email, work email. Sites just says i am a spammer lol. Please help Thanks
Bill226 - 24-Mar-19 @ 9:30 PM
Trying desperately to get my account activated again but password reset never comes. Have sent contact help and no response? Anyone help me?
Sad al - 24-Mar-19 @ 11:47 AM
@mack.i have seen my beautiful little angel in 3652.43 days and I am still fighting to thisday I will never give up because I just love love my little angel sooooooooo much I pain has never left me I will fight to my last breath wink wink .so good doesn’t it well written because it comes from my soul .
Devoted papa - 18-Feb-19 @ 1:38 AM
Evening folks. I seperated from my ex partner before our daughter was born nearly 2 years ago. While the seperation and distance made things awkward and emotionally difficult, she did come back into my life with the promise of me being an involved father. We met again when our daughter was just 2 weeks old and I was present for the reg of birth. We had 6 testing but equally wonderful months, where I became as involved as I could, and my daughter had built a wonderful bond with me. As time moved on and I entered a new relationship, the visits went from her stopping overnight with our daughter to me having her alone for our first weekend, and a working parental agreement was in place. This all then ceased to work for the mother, and she backed out of everything before the agreement could be made legally binding. I have since taken her to court and am now in the proccess of getting a child arrangements order. However since being summoned to court, the mother sought legal advice and made some very serious false allegations of domestic abuse, which has led the case down the criminal route. The court has granted me access via supervised contact centre, though she made this awkward by delaying and cancelling a previsit. Finding of fact is in March, got a very very long way to go. 109days since I last saw my daughter, the bond has unfortunately gone and the proccess is painfully slow. Feeling increasingly alone and despairing of the situation and what may lie ahead.
Mack - 17-Feb-19 @ 4:30 PM
hi, just after a little bit of advice. I have been to court and won contact with my daughter for one day a week, progressing to two days and currently it is on tow days, one overnight stay. My ex has recently had a baby so hasn't been working. I however, works shift work and my ex is aware of my shift pattern being 4 days in 4 days off. She has been happy for me to see my daughter on every second day and third day of my days off. Now she is telling me I might need to change my days when she goes back to work as it might stop her from seeing our daughter all the time, depending on her work pattern. Her work rota changes on a monthly basis whereas mine is the same all year around. She has explained that days might need to change so she can get to see our daughter too, but our daughter lives with her. She has also told me that she is moving, and after recently agreeing that if both of our partners cant drop off/pick up our daughter, then we are to meet at a public place. This has been fine until she has decided to move, to which I have asked to meet at a public place which is in the middle for us both, at the designated time we have previously agreed. She has now told me that due to her other childs sleeping times, I will either have to drop my daughter off at her home, even though there have been allegations of domestic abuse, hence why I am more confortable with a public place. Or I need to meet at a public place earlier, which then reduces my time with my daughter. She also stated that if im not happy with that then I am to change my days, which is practically impossible due to work commitments. I feel really lost as I have requested that we go to mediation to resolve this matter, to which she declined as she stated she isn't paying for mediation so I might as well take her back to court. I feel like if I don't agree to her way then my contact with my daughter will be affected. As she has stated I wont be getting my daughter if she cant get back home to hers, but wont agree on anything suitable for both parts, just for the simple fact she has another child.
desperatedad - 9-Feb-19 @ 6:31 PM
My ex an I split before we even knew she was pregnant, it's been a battle for me ever since. I've had to fight to stay involved with my little lady. My little lady and I have mostly always had a good relationship bu5 not being there always takes it's toll. I have been to see her every week ,untill recently she's always been excited to see me, over the last month or so her attitude towards me has changed and it's been really hard for us to get along. She's 3 years old now and her mum insists on always being around I accept this just so I can see my little lady, but it's getting way through now. What should I do any ideas?
Cj - 6-Jan-19 @ 8:45 PM
.me and my girlfriend have a baby boy of 3 months old, we were getting on so well but then all of a sudden we ended up breaking up. . As a father i want to have my son half the week because me my son and my girlfriend and her other son have been living in my house.....I am worried everyday going to work leaving my child at home as my girlfriend's son use to kick our dogs and trap them with his trike bike .We had to get rid of the dogs and then we tried have a little kitten but court him cutting the kittens fur off with scissors..(my girlfriend's son is 9 he should know better) when my girlfriend let her son hold our baby boy he got bored and kind of dropped him into her arms it was quite scary....the last one is the mother and her son and our baby boy went out in the car on a hot day and my girlfriend's son put a blanket on our baby boy and didnt say anything to the mother and by time she pulled over my baby boy was dripping with sweat..as she didnt know her son had done that so I'm scared of going to work.everyday not knowing whats going to happen.....my girlfriend and her son live in my house dont pay any money towards bills i pay for the whole house and I tried treating her son as my own....I even had to start banning her son from the xbox as he doesnt brush his teeth so I said if you dont brush your teeth you dont get treated.....where do i stand and what can i do because my girlfriend is saying she's leaving me and taking my baby boy and I'm scared because I dont trust her son ....thanks
Scotty - 25-Oct-18 @ 12:10 PM
I split from my wife of 18 years 5 years ago. Since then I've seen my 2 daughters every weekend (Fri/Sat). We've recently sold the family home so we can all move on. Since then my ex wife as told me that my oldest daughter of 13 doesn't want to come to mine at weekends anymore. I spoke to my daughter about this but with her immaturity and her reluctance to upset anyone she was unable to talk openly about it. I've now not seen her for 6 weeks even though my other daughter comes every week and the only communication I have is through the ex wife who take delight in telling me that she doesn't want to see me and she isn't going to force her. I've tried texting my daughter but she doesn't reply and now I've been told that there's a problem with her phone and it is unable to ring or text. This all seams strange as its also on the back of a weeks holiday with just me and my daughters which ran smoothly and we all had a good time. I can't help thinking that this as all come from my ex in-laws suggesting that she stopped seeing me as they are still unhappy with me and there daughter splitting and as you imagine they aren't my biggest fan. Now I've been patient expecting that she'll want to come eventually but I'm unsure how to handle it. I've suggested that she comes for a talk, I've then suggested that me and my daughter see a mediator but the thing in the back of my head keeps saying that she's given in to peer pressure and its her way of keeping a lid on it. Any advise on what I should do will be grateful as I don't want this to go on to long etc.
scotty - 28-Jun-18 @ 9:59 AM
dixie - Your Question:
I split from my wife who is 25 yrs younger than me 2 years ago after which I have had my twin 4 year old girls. I made it legal in court 3 months ago. I have no help or support in the world and this is made even harder by her seeming reticence to see the girls citing migraines. this in itself doesnt worry me but it impacts strongly on my children and frankly I havent had a moments respite in 2 years, I just need support. its getting hard to cope with their behaviour and I mdeeply resent my ex now - it doesnt matter if her excuse is mental, physical, financial, geographic or plain cant be bothered - the girls still suffer,
Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. There is a list of support groups in the article and our Separated Dads Forum can offer helpful advice both practical and emotional. However, if your ex will not agree to your seeing the children, please see the link here which explains more about mediation and court as options.
SeparatedDads - 21-Jun-18 @ 10:32 AM
I split from my wife who is 25 yrs younger than me 2 years ago after which I have had my twin 4 year old girls. I made it legal in court 3 months ago. I have no help or support in the world and this is made even harder by her seeming reticence to see the girls citing migraines. this in itself doesnt worry me but it impacts strongly on my children and frankly I havent had a moments respite in 2 years, i just need support. its getting hard to cope with their behaviour and i mdeeply resent my ex now - it doesnt matter if her excuse is mental, physical, financial, geographic or plain cant be bothered - the girls still suffer,
dixie - 20-Jun-18 @ 6:22 PM
Hi! I came to the UK on a spouse visa in 2013 and I have a 2.5 years old son who was born in the UK. During this time we had an argument and I got arrested and later on got a sentence of 40 hours unpaid work due to common assault. I am separated from my wife now but we are on talking terms. Now my visa is about to expire in April 2018 and my wife will apply for indefinite visa for herself, my son and me. I need to ask following things: 1) Am I eligible to get indefinite visa now as I was ordered to do 40 hours unpaid work in January 2017? 2) If I am not eligible for indefinite then in that case is there any way that I can stay in the UK based on the facts that I have lived in the UK for around 4 years and 5 months, I have a son born in the UK and I am doing tax paid job since Jan 2015 till now.
Ali - 4-Mar-18 @ 10:23 PM
Victory- Your Question:
Hello I am writing on behalf of my son, who has a 4 year old son and is divorced. From the moment they separated his ex has tried to do everything she could to try and stop my son from seeing his child (he was 18 months when they split up) Thanks to a very competent and equally expensive lawyer my son has contact every other weekend with his child. Everything has been finalised divorce, house, maintenance etc. He has now started school in her home town which (she did not even tell us about my grandson told his dad). She has now started telling him his surname has changed!!! She has added her surname making it a double barrelled surname. My question is this. is she allowed to do this ? My son has PR and the birth certificate states is surname that of his dad. I would be grateful for any help or advice.
Our Response:
The mother is allowed to do this informally i.e through school and/or GP. If she wanted to make the name formal i.e change it via Deed Poll, she would have to ask for your son's consent. If he refuses, she would have to take the matter to court. However, it is likely the court would agree to the name change as she has kept both your son's name, but added hers. This helps with identification and family uniformity which would be seen as in the child's best interests. As in all cases, the court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
SeparatedDads - 10-Nov-17 @ 3:11 PM
Hello I am writing on behalf of my son, who has a 4 year old son and is divorced.From the moment they separated his ex has tried to do everything she could to try and stop my son from seeing his child (he was 18 months when they split up) Thanks to a very competent and equally expensive lawyer my son has contact every other weekend with his child.Everything has been finalised divorce, house, maintenance etc.He has now started school in her home town which (she did not even tell us about my grandson told his dad). She has now started telling him his surname has changed!!!She has added her surname making it a double barrelled surname. My question is this..... is she allowed to do this ?My son has PR and the birth certificate states is surname that of his dad.I would be grateful for any help or advice.
Victory - 10-Nov-17 @ 1:20 PM
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