Author:
Chris Nickson
As anyone experiencing it can tell you, being a separated dad is far from easy. There are issues to deal with, whether they’re emotional, legal or Financial. You can do it alone, and many have, but it’s much easier if you can find support, whether it’s just someone to talk to about the way you feel or aid through the labyrinth of bureaucracy. Thankfully, there are a growing number of organisations that can help you.
If you're feeling overwhelmed by the legal aspects of separation, a good starting point is our free Rights Checker.
The Main Organisations
Families Need Fathers (www.fnf.org.uk) – this organisation works with lone parents of both sexes. It has booklets and pamphlets that can help you as a separated father, as well as a parenting plan and workshops with trained facilitators. Although a political organisation in part (it has a presence at all three party conferences), its focus is on individuals. It’s £35 a year to join (FNF is a registered charity), but that offers access to many more options. There is also a helpline open to anyone.
The Centre for Separated Families (www.separatedfamilies.info) – The Centre for Separated Families is a national charity. They work with everyone affected by family separation in order to bring about better outcomes for children. Their services are available to parents who are sharing care, those who are caring for their children alone, those who are not able to spend time with their children, grandparents, carers or anyone else with concerns about family separation. You can visit their website or contact them directly via email: advice@separatedfamilies.org.uk
Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB) – this is one of the most useful resources, with local branches throughout the country. The CAB offers educated advice on many topics of concern to separated fathers, from housing and council tax to legal and emotional issues, as well as helping you find support groups in your area.
National Association of Child Contact Centres (www.naccc.org.uk) – if for some reason you have nowhere to realistically spend time with your children, it’s worth contacting the National Association of Child Contact Centres. They support over 300 of these centres in England, Wales and Northern Ireland which all offer a safe place for you to spend time with your children. It’s not quite the same as being at home or other activities, but they strive to make a warm, comfortable atmosphere for everyone with plenty of activities.
The Shared Parenting Information Group (www.spig.clara.net) – this is an excellent resource, especially when the world of shared parenting is new to you. There are plans and advice to help you find your way.
Gingerbread (www.gingerbread.org.uk) – offers a variety of free services, from pamphlets of information that you might find useful to a phone advice line. It can also put you in touch with others in similar situations or help you form a group in your area.
Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.
Emotional Support
Inevitably, there will be times you feel down, especially after a visit with your children, and you’ll need to talk to someone. Sometimes friends simply aren’t enough and you need to talk to someone who can be objective, who can offer useful insights and advice.
The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (www.bacp.co.uk) – can help you find a strongly accredited therapist local to you. Going for counselling can seem like a big step, but many have found regular sessions very helpful in adjusting to new lives and situations, and working through anger, grief and frustration.
The Samaritans (www.samaritans.org.uk) – if you feel particularly desperate, get in touch with the Samaritans (tel 08457 90 90 90). This is a volunteer group who’ve helped many over the years, especially those with suicidal urges. The advisors are non-judgemental and willing to listen 24 hours a day.
Now that you have read through the advice above, you might want to put it into practice. Our Parental Alienation Checker lets you check for signs of parental alienation and get guidance on next steps. Takes 2 minutes. Try it now →
I moved back to Sheffield in January 2023 , back to my parents , my old room , and literally feel deflated , depressed , overwhelmed. My old friends have all moved on , I did manage to get a job within 2 weeks , but all I do is go to work , come home and sit in my room, I'm 49. My daughter has come over already from US for a week , and all though I'm overjoyed to see her , she goes home Saturday and all that separation anxiety will come back and basically I'm having to start again. Just feel lost....
I've only in the last 5 months had this time, before that it was for 2 hours in a contact centre once every 2 weeks.
I am really happy to be spending more time with my children but it breaks my heart everytime I have to say goodbye to them.
How do others cope with this part ?
The judge in RCJ and family central court have not allowed to see neither to speak with my 2 daughters from 7 and half months.
I was representing myself in the court.
I badly need your assistance and advice.
Thank you.
Kind Regards,
I literally don't know what i can do and if there is anyone or any place i can get help with? Otherwise I will be living on the street - that will then mean I wont have anywhere to take my children and that for me is life over!! Dont know if i can cope again without seeing and being with them as well as being homeless and with no pot of money what so ever.
This is really getting me worried and anxious. ANY help or advise would be very appreciated.
Thanks
I seperated from my ex in October, it was a toxic relationship. She was lazy and ordered me about costantly and I did all I could to keep the family together in the hope we would get stronger. After all the exhaustion I became depressed and mentally ill due to being so tired and all the arguing. My ex met someone after a month and he lived 2hr 30min away. In February she told me she wants to go live with him. I didn't agree with my daughter moving away. I seeked mediation and she moved straight away. All the handovers were horrific and my daughter screamed when returning back to her mum to a point where she hit her mum. This is not my daughter and this really upset me. My ex said this is normal for seperation and if she's happy then my daughter will be happy. I took her to court and the judge didn't like what she had done and ordered my daughter to be returned to me. My mum moved in with me to help with morning drop offs to nursery. My ex then made a counter appeal and we have a hearing on 20th aug to decide where my daughter starts school and lives. My ex, her partner and her sister have all made allegations against me, some true and some false. I'm so worried for my daughter if they favour my ex and know my ex will make things hard and deprive me from things. My daughter is spending 2 weeks with my ex at the moment as we are sharing summer holidays. My daughter facetimed me the other day and straight away said me and mummy live in Northampton. When my daughter facetimed yesterday she didn't really want to speak and said I gotta go now. I'm worried that my ex is twisting her mind and now really worried for our future together if she is to stay there. I love my daughter so much and she means everything to me. Coping is hard at the moment
Me and my ex have a custody agreement that we outlined without any external help. 2 years later I want to adjust it as I have my 2 on Saturdays but I work in retail and have to work. My ex is at Uni and has every Saturday off. I have been through mediation and I currently talk to her through a solicitor. It's been 9 months since I asked her to look at this.
I recently sent an email saying that I would be changing the agreement and that she has 4 weeks notice to make any changes she needs to make.
Will this negatively effect me or as there is no court order is there anything she can do?
I am not sure what to do, I split with my ex over around 18 months ago, we have a 3 year old and things were fine to start with, however recently since being with my new partner (around 6 months) my ex has changed. I work full time Monday to Friday and every other Saturday, I have my little one every Wednesday after work I pick her up from 6pm-6:30pm and I drop her home at 9pm (she also has school every day) When I am not working on the weekend I pick my little one up from work again around 6pm-6:30pm and I drop her home on a Sunday at 4pm, when I am working I pick her up from work around 1:30pm-2pm and again drop her home on a Sunday at 4pm. However when my ex has needed my little one to be picked up earlier I have always tried and organised this to help my ex (my mum would pick her up when my ex needed to have her) however recently my ex has gotten worse, when I am stuck in traffic (but still make it for 6:30) I have had her screaming down the phone and demanding I have my little one on a week day until 10pm even though she has school, she had even gone to the extent of leaving my daughter at my place or work while I am working which has fork lifts vans etc and very dangerous and walked away when it was not my time to have her. My ex always wants an argument with me and it is just getting worse. I want to see my little one as much as I can/as possible but I work full time and as it is have her more than I can. Who can I contact to help stop this, to put things into place where do I go from here? Please help. Thank you
My two boys are getting older (oldest is 8 in a couple if weeks and youngest 4) and they are starting to get frustrated with their mother. My oldest is particularly frustrated with the mess at home and that he is always late for school and he was kepting of almost 1 day a week last year for no reason.
While I don't expect the court system to consider what is in the best of interest of my children (due to the unwritten rule they have that mums should have the children unless they are homeless are they a caught having an overdose.)
My question is when their frustrations with their mum gets to much and they ask to stay with me. Am I now in a worse position to let them stay just because I got a court order to ensure I see them and for my safety?
I have split with my ex the first year went great I was seeing my kids then once she had a new baby she tried cutting me out my kids lives but I've taken her to court and won my access back but the problem is over this time she as put my kids in activities so it mess with my weekend
My ex now lives a hour and half away and I have to do all the driving to get my kids but when I pick them up on a Friday I have to stay in the area till 8pm so my little girl can do one of these activities but my ex as now changed the date of another activity to the Saturday so she now saying I have to drive there and back Friday then there and back Saturday then there and back Sunday to drop them off but I have refused to do this and said I won't take her to the Saturday one as it's not fair on me having to do that drive and also I have my son to think of aswel as I'd have to drag him all over with me so when do I get to spend any proper time with then both as all my time with them would just be driving and not being able to take them anywhere nice for the weekend
Am I in the wrong refusing to take her
I seperated from my ex partner before our daughter was born nearly 2 years ago. While the seperation and distance made things awkward and emotionally difficult, she did come back into my life with the promise of me being an involved father. We met again when our daughter was just 2 weeks old and I was present for the reg of birth. We had 6 testing but equally wonderful months, where I became as involved as I could, and my daughter had built a wonderful bond with me. As time moved on and I entered a new relationship, the visits went from her stopping overnight with our daughter to me having her alone for our first weekend, and a working parental agreement was in place. This all then ceased to work for the mother, and she backed out of everything before the agreement could be made legally binding. I have since taken her to court and am now in the proccess of getting a child arrangements order. However since being summoned to court, the mother sought legal advice and made some very serious false allegations of domestic abuse, which has led the case down the criminal route. The court has granted me access via supervised contact centre, though she made this awkward by delaying and cancelling a previsit. Finding of fact is in March, got a very very long way to go. 109days since I last saw my daughter, the bond has unfortunately gone and the proccess is painfully slow. Feeling increasingly alone and despairing of the situation and what may lie ahead.
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