Benefits System and Shared Parenting

Benji1666 13/07/2021 at 10:18 pm

Hello,

My daughter has a media condition and my ex partner is using this to shield my daughter and has the backing of her consultant.

She has breached the order twice using her medical condition always around the time of our weeks holiday.

This time she's using covid as the excuse for me not having her.

I've stated all the government guidelines and also reassured her all the steps to protect my daughter but now she's blocking Weekend contact unless me and my partner provide pictures of a negative covid test.

If I take her to court for a breach would the Judge (who has requested any cases be allocated to her) be on my side or am I being silly not providing them.

con 29/05/2021 at 6:26 pm

i moved my ex and baby in mine jan 2019 then amicable ended our relationship in sept 2020 and she moved out 14 feb 2021 we saw isla the first 2 week then my mum and bro tested positive for covid19 so ive not seen my daughter for 85 days im not sure if im elegabe for l for legal aid and not sure how to go about itlega

SteveK 28/02/2020 at 9:41 pm

The mother of my unborn child (two months to go) lives separately to me. We are not dating but have been excellent friends for years. Since we are into our late 40s with no luck in having kids so far, we made a pact to have a child. She has a good job that she likes and I hate mine, so we have agreed that I will quit mine to look after the kid and be the main parent for a couple of years. Since I will effectively be a single parent, this means I will be entitled to Universal Credit, yes (she is on £20K a year)? I'm assuming I will have to prove I'm the main parent and the child mainly stays at mine to get the Universal Credit, so does that mean she has to sign something to this affect?

Chaz 23/11/2019 at 7:07 pm

My partner has a 5 year old with an ex partner, we have 2 sons under 2 years old I have had to leave work coz I had a bad pregnancy and couldn't walk just found out our son has a head condition and needs surgery on his skull. My partners had to drop his hours to 16 hours a week from new year week when he goes back to work after our son's operation which is being done in liverpool. I claim a joint universal credit for us both that tops up our income as a house hold will CSA take universal credits and his wage together to work out what he has to pay her or does it just go off his wage from work.

TR 18/10/2019 at 1:16 am

Hi really need advice I live with my boyfriend and we are going to be the main carers for my step son that has specail needs he is 22 living in a care home at the moment been having best interest meetings because he wants to live with his dad. It has been decided that a care plan will be put in place and will be done under the court of protection which is great because he gets to live with use I will be giving my full time job up and my boyfriend will still be working . The concern I have is that they have said that my step son mum can still be his a pointy which means she will still have full responsibility of his benufits and will give us board money and also have his mobility car is this legal he visits his mum every week other weekend on a sat for 3 hrs is this legal can this is be allowed if he is going to be living with his dad and me full time hope you can help

Tony 22/03/2019 at 12:46 am

Hi me and my children's mum separated 25/12/17,at the beginning of that year i had admitted a gambling addiction but got support and not gambled since, my father who was the closest family member I had committed suicide, and i was also diagnosed after been admitted to a mental health ward with social anxiety disorder and borderline personality disorder so the relationship between me and their mum was difficult, i have two biological children y her boh with additional needs and also had taken on her son as my own from 9 month old hes 11 now , his father wasn't involved at all and his own choice, we was honest with him when he was old enough to understand the situation, i found out at 14 my dad wasn't biologically my dad and felt like id been lied to but he didn't stop been my dad or treat me any different, well in January 18 my ex accused me of assaulting her and my little boy which i was completely cleared but found out 2days after she had done this so she would be classed as a victim of domestic abuse to qualify for legal aid and get a non molestation order and a prohibited steps order against me, it led to involvement of social services and family courts, it took 3months of assessments meetings and what not and at the end was told there was no issues or concerns what so ever and could have kids from school Wednesday over night then Saturday morning till Sunday evening, i was paying 60 a week towards them , but then about may time she started playing games again, threatened if i didn't do as she says il be stopped from seeing kids , and i was scared she would if i didn't, over the year its got to be a weekly thing, now its come to her contacting social services again so because there dutie bound to look into the allegations av again been stopped seeing kids luckily every single message between me and her was saved on what's app and have been able to get the transcript sent tp me which the social worker has , no av seen this as a opportunity to be able to voice all the difficulties av had without worrying about her stopping me seeing kids, now over the past 2dqys her messages regarding my mental health have been vile, she has said shes not going to complying with social services, and if i dont do what she wants i will only see my kids in a contact centre, not knowing i have been in contact with the social worker who was disgusted with what she was reading, would I have a good chance to go for full custody, as this is the 2nd time social services av been involved, i was discharged last September from the metal health team, av satisfied social services and court, the kids arr happy when with me, there has Never been a time av cancelled seeing them and for the past year their mum has not had their best interests when doing all this to me , with stopping access when she dosnt get her way, shes been proven to use the courts and social services to her own gain by threatening me with it all, and with the kid

C.laurie 22/02/2019 at 8:06 pm

My ex is pushing (50 )I am still in my 30s now I have (maybe) with the emphasis on (maybe )a teenage daughter to her she is (14 )now .my relationship with her was open on her side .she never wanted child support which is a (big indicator plus a guy does claim to be her father .I have never taken her to (court for visitation or more importantly for a DNA test ).she would have claimed child benefits from the government for this child in question which is (fine) .i haven’t seen this child sence she was (5 )I have a lot off questions surrounding who the (bio father is ).i know it’s ancient history now I have been told bye family members and friends to write it off because I have been in a lot of trouble from her in the past .my family told me to leave her out off my will because off uncertainty off the fact the child may not be mine .now this child doesn’t carry my surname and was christened in my church .my question is would the mother be up for fraud if in fact the child wasn’t mine ?

RichW 22/02/2019 at 1:17 pm

Hi, I split with my ex approximately 10years ago now and since then although being unemployed 6months after splitting up, I have had a family based agreement whereby I have never defaulted in any monthly payments to their mother.
It started from £80 per month. I was then threatened to her that I had to give her £130 per month approximately 3 years after and have been paying this! It was back in July 2018, that again upon being threatened by her telling me to give her £240 per month or she’ll be ‘going to the CSA’
Unbeknownst to me doesn’t exist anymore, it’s the CMS.
I called the CMS in November whereby they were shocked with what she was demanding, despite her knowing I have been on my ESA benefit (mental issue) 2years after splitting up!
I get £267 from the benefits which leaves me with £27 left! I have a mortgage of £220 per month along with all other mandatory bills. If it wasn’t for my very kind hearted mother (who even fronted my ex with the deposit and insurance for my ex for her 1st car when we were together) she is keeping me alfloat and stopping the bayliffs knocking my door!
My ultimate question...is there any way whereby I can be reimbursed for the serious overpayments I have been paying for years and years! The legal minimum due to my benefits situation says £7 per month per child but I am happy to pay £80 as they are my kids too obviously!
She will not talk about it and am sure the kids don’t see any of it...instead it is keeping her and her new husbands mortgage and other major debts they have got theirselves into.
Sorry if this is an essay but as you can imagine....I’m absolutely irate about this.
1000’s of pounds been, in effect, stolen from me for HER benefit...not my/our kids ??

Georgina123 29/01/2019 at 7:29 am

Hi I understand this if for dad's but I'm trying to help my bf. He's going to represent himself in court to have access to his 3 children with his ex partner. What sort of notes does he need to take with him what questions are common to be asked. Also I live in a 2 bed flat with my son when he gets the order from court that they can stay over night what's the most normal way of sleeping arrangements as he will be moving in soon. Thanks

Lawrence 26/10/2018 at 12:37 pm

Hi
I’m new to this forum, so here I go.

I am a working parent trying to save for a mortgage but that’s a long way off and need some advice

I separated from my x 8 years ago and my sons was 3 and 6 at the time.i would pick them up on Fridays and drop them off on sundays. Over the years they have been staying more and more like the whole summer holidays,weekends,weekdays, basically when ever they want. So me and the x agreed that I could have them 50/50 so they can stay as much as they want. Now my sons are with me more than with her and I only have a one bed room apartment. Which has their bunk bed in it they stay with me a hell of a lot and I asked the council if I can join the register and explained that they stay with me 3-4 days a week now and they have no room. I was told they ain’t entitled to a room because I don’t get child benefits which prove they live with me!!! which I don’t want anyway. I don’t want benifits I want a extra room for my sons that I will pay for.

Can anyone help me out on here please.

The x gets child benefits which I don’t want but my sons do live with me 3-4 days a week if not more.

Dan 07/10/2018 at 9:02 pm

I have a 3 year old son with my ex. We seperated around 18months ago, we agreed to co parent and the arrangement was I would have him Sunday to Wednesday afternoon and she have him the rest of the time. I have quite a low paid job earning at best around £1300 a month. She recieves all his benefits and i also give her £100 a month. My question is, am I entitled to any sort of help with money? It seems so unfair that I have him almost half the time and pay her alot of money every month and am not entitled to anything. Please help, I'm starting to struggle financially quite alot.

Jim 19/09/2018 at 9:24 pm

So. This is a complicated one. I have my fourth daughter on the way with my current partner of 6 years. My other 3 daughters (to two different exes) I have at least one a week overnight. Basically I'm worrying about everything. We are currently living in a two bedroom house which isn't sufficient. I can't apply for a council house because they won't include my other daughters in the application process. I'm on minimum wage, my partner works in a school and we both work full time. Our total earnings work out to about 28000 a year which may sound like a lot but we always struggle with money. I checked the benefits calculator and we earn to much to receive any benefits. We're struggling to move because we have bad credit (the struggling with money part) and our landlords have blamed us for damage done to this property that was actually caused by damp so any reference we do get never gets accepted when applying for a new home. I need help! Any advice would be much appreciated.

SeparatedDads Editor 13/09/2018 at 10:46 am

It is rare the courts will hand children over to the non-resident parent without a good and provable reason (i.e. such as social services being involved for the likes of neglect etc). As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the children in question. The court will always put the children’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. The court's general objective is towards continuity and stability. If you do not have 50/50 shared care already, it is unlikely the courts would remove the children from the resident parent on the basis of you saying they do not wish to return home. Many children find separation difficult and many children do not wish to be parted from the parent they see the least. However, it doesn't mean they wish to be separated full-time from the parent they see the most.

Jayden 12/09/2018 at 1:13 pm

I have to kids I see 2 days a week for 3 hours and every other weekend which I pay food etc I buy clothes constantly and help ex when she moans the kids need something.
Since the kids have requested to live with me and they cry every time I take back to ex shouting at the mum saying they don’t want to live with.

Filed for custody of kids. What is best way to help them live as I think cafcass will side with her.
She been horrible made threats and breaking the court order constantly.

What can I do to help get kids and make them happier

Karen 27/07/2018 at 11:10 pm

Hi i havd 5050 with my children and a 1 yeae old and my hobby have 2 kids my daughter got adhd how do i get help wirh housing ple help

Pounell 19/07/2018 at 12:44 pm

My 13yr old granddaughter lives in a one bedroom flat with her dad and they are living on his jobseekers allowance £75 per week. Mom works full time, is getting child tax and child benefit and lives alone in a 3 bedroom house. She has her daughter one night a week. Benefits office have been "looking into it" since Dec 2017. He is at his wits end and does not know where to go for further help. He is now unable to pay his TV licence so he is really worried. They have had no car, phone or internet since October 2017. Any advice please as to where he can get help

Luke 14/07/2018 at 10:10 pm

Hi, my son is 10 months old and I have him at mine Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday night's and all day Monday, my sisters or mum have him Wednesday, Friday and Saturday during the day while I'm working. I have him a lot more than my ex as she got herself into loads of money troubles and had to work more. What I was wondering is why I still have to pay her maintenance when I have him every day and night except 2

SeparatedDads Editor 10/07/2018 at 11:11 am

Much depends upon your mutual agreement. If the other parent is claiming these benefits, it's up to her if she wishes to share them. You can see more via whichfor additional information.

Dwhitts 09/07/2018 at 1:43 pm

We are going to be getting 50/50 custody of my step son. Mum claims child benefit & wtc. She also gets csa. When we have 50/50 access will the csa money be stopped as we will have totally equally custody
We are happy for her to continue with child Benefit & WTC. are we then entitled to any of this to put towards his upkeep in our home??

JBB Editor 03/07/2018 at 10:52 am

@Stepmum - I think the difficulty is how to prove it? Plus, it doesn't matter how much she earns or what she does with her life, the other parent still has to pay. So, she could be a millionaire several times over and still be able to claim child maintenance from the other parent.

Stepmum 02/07/2018 at 2:38 am

Can the press not be involved in this?
It’s clearly a biased system and as it’s mostly men who suffer surely discriminatory too?
We hear a lot in the press about how fathers won’t pay but nothing about this.
My husbands ex pretends she works for her husbands ‘company’ for x hours a week to claim tax credits. She also gets CB and maintenance. She has the 2 eldest boys in school and the youngest in full time daycare while she spends her days as a lady of leisure! No need to work with all that coming in and a husband who works full time (but pretends he doesn’t!). I won’t even go into how many nights we have the kids and how much we spend on them.
There are so many stories like this and somebody needs to provide a vocal platform to gain the attention of those with the power to make changes.
It would be something that sells papers surely???

Add 26/06/2018 at 7:17 pm

Hi my partner and I split up 4 1/2 years ago due to financial infidelity on her part we have 3 children together and I now have a 2 bedroom rented home which the children sleep at every Wednesday and alternative weekends i pay full maintenance every month and am working full time could you please tell me am I entitled to any help in any way? Many thanks.

BR 04/06/2018 at 2:32 pm

having recently split from the mother of my kids im interested to know what benefits im entitled to? we both work full time and earn the same amount though she has a lot of debts on her side.we have agreed for now to have the kids 2 days each. this has gone on for several weeks but she has begun claiming for benefits as though she has them full time! should I also enter a claim for benefits as its 50/50 split custody at the min? anytime I bring it up she makes threats about not seeing kids, supervised visits and all sorts of rubbish. I just want it all to be split 50/50 with regards to time with the kids and any financial help we may be entitled to.

Jojo1805 26/05/2018 at 9:04 pm

I wonder if someone can help me ... I am asking on behalf off my bro he has 4 children with a ex parent who claim tax credit child tax child benefit etc etc but he has them over half a year at his can he claim half the benefits the mother gets ( his ex ) plus he also give her mauntanece ..

William 06/05/2018 at 6:09 pm

Hello I just need some advice on on how child benefits work me and my ex split some time ago but ever since that, we did agree on splitting the days so I have her every over day 3 days a week but I seem to have my child 4 days and 4 night a week, I work 4 days a week with no help from the ex financially Finding it hard to run a house work and pay for child care what help is out there from the state as we still get all the benefits

SeparatedDads Editor 09/04/2018 at 11:32 am

Unfortunately, in order to challenge this your only recourse would be to apply to court for a Specific Issue Order

alfie 08/04/2018 at 6:14 pm

Hi, hope I can get some advice here. My daughter stays with me the equivalent of 2.5 nights per week. This had to be court ordered as her mother wanted me to have no contact at all. My daughter is severely disabled and receives the higher rate of DLA . I provide everything for my daughter when she is in my care, clothes, toys, nappies ect. Her mother sends her with nothing but the clothes on her back. I've had to buy a hospital bed for my daughter's room, and had to buy my own wheelchair accessible car as her mother will not let me use the one provided by DLA when my daughter is in my care. Her mother receives the all of the benefits - child tax credits, DLA, mobility car, also she is able to claim cares allowance, reduced council tax and heating allowance. I am not able to claim anything and she will not split anything with me. This equates to hundreds of pounds a month. To top it off I am still legally require to pay child maintenance, which I must do every week. Myself and my partner are both self employed and have a low income and we are really struggling financially to provide everything that my daughter needs when she stays with us. Is there anything that I can do about the unfair benefits-can't-be-split system? Surely this is not right. P.S. discussing my concerns with her mother is out of the question she is psychotic.

Jay jay 02/04/2018 at 12:50 am

My son stays with me every weekend and I recive CB as mother is illegal immigrant and has no recourse to public funds . I recived tax credits and CB but HB is saying that I can not claim . How many nights or days does it state for to be allowed to claim HB Thanks

Db 22/02/2018 at 2:14 pm

Im 29 yo and im on esa because of past and i really need to step up and be a fulltime dad so the mother of my child can make her self strong enough again because im on esa will this effect me when i have full custoday please if you can answer this question for me i would be really grateful many thanks

SeparatedDads Editor 12/02/2018 at 9:46 am

This is a tricky situation, as by claiming child benefit your ex is seen as being the primary carer. However, if you have your children four nights per week, in theory you are the primary carer (if you undertake most of the day-to-day care of your children). In cases such as this, your only recourse would be to try via mediation to resolve the situation, or if your ex refuses and stops you seeing the children, you would have to apply to court. However, court is always seen as the last resort and you would have to apply for a child arrangement order to determine where your children should live and which parent should be the official primary carer, As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the children in question. The court will always put the children’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.

Paul 11/02/2018 at 8:24 am

Hi. I split from my ex 7 months ago. I have my 2 children 4 nights a week yet my ex claims all the benefits. She said if I try to claim benefits she will stop me seing the kids full stop. I can prove I have them 4 nights a week can I claim? I’ve just lost my job and have no way to pay my bills. Thanks

SeparatedDads Editor 05/02/2018 at 2:57 pm

It is unlikely you would be awarded a property with more than one bedroom. Unfortunately, the council only takes on the primary carer's status. You can see more which

Jay 03/02/2018 at 11:47 pm

I have reasontley separated from my wife and had to move back in with my parents me and my wife want me to have shared custody of our 2 children would I be entitled for a council house I work but couldn’t afford private rented for me and my 2 children

DAD1 01/02/2018 at 5:57 pm

The information I am seeking is on behalf of my partner:

After 2 years of court proceedings my partner (mother) has been able to agree with her ex (father) terms for a shared residency. The order has been approved by the courts. The problem is he is homeless. He has went to housing executive thinking because he has a court order he should receive housing benefit and a 2 bedroom flat/house for when he has the kids. He has responded to my partner saying the housing executive will only give him a house if he is in receipt of benefits for one of his kids. Is there any other way around this?

Thanks

Up and away 27/01/2018 at 5:01 pm

She’s offering me 3 days with our child, our paid nanny (her mum) has looked after her every week day for the past 16months. When I have our child do I have to keep taking our child there or am I able to put her in a nursery. Is there anything she can do to stop this?

Jay 26/01/2018 at 11:44 pm

My son stays with me every weekend and I recive CB as mother is illegal immigrant and has no recourse to public funds . I recived tax credits and CB but HB is saying that I can not claim . How many nights or days does it state for to be allowed to claim HB
Thanks

SeparatedDads Editor 26/01/2018 at 2:11 pm

You would have to negotiate this between you. Currently, no one is classed as the primary carer if you both have full-time jobs and share the day-to-day care of your child. Only if the matter gets to court, would a court decide on what it thinks is in the best interests of your child. Court is always seen as the last resort when mutual negotiation and mediation have failed. Hopefully, if you do separate, you can decide fairly between you both what you think works best.

Up and away 23/01/2018 at 12:03 pm

Hi I have a 2yo and my partner cheated we are now separating. We both work full time and pay her mother to be our nanny. Who is classed as a primary carer? Also what is the likely hood of a 50/50 split?

Blob 28/12/2017 at 10:41 am

If my child lives with me 50 % of the time 3nights 4 days should I let housing people know that he doesn’t live with me full time and would this effect my claim ?

Dickoson 27/11/2017 at 8:48 am

Hi there
I'm sure this has been covered but I have my 3yr old daughter 3 days/nights a week, I work full time 40hr but low wage Im I entitled to any help at all? Thanks in advance for any help

SeparatedDads Editor 17/10/2017 at 11:26 am

I don't quite understand what you mean when you say you are not allowed a penny. Child maintenance is based on how much you earn and how many times per week you have your children overnight. By law, every non-resident parent is eligible to help support their children financially. If you are finding things difficult, you may wish to join our Separated Dads forum, where other dads who have been through similar experiences can offer some helpful advice.

Dad 16/10/2017 at 2:46 pm

My ex claims everything an taken me to csa I work 18 hrs a week with a take home from 500-600 I pick the kids up from school must days an have them till 7pm an every other weekend an I'm not allowed a penny sure this is wrong

SeparatedDads Editor 19/09/2017 at 10:48 am

If you are the primary carer of your children i.e you receive child benefit for your children etc, then your ex would not be allowed to claim housing benefit via your children. Only the primary carer/resident parent can do this.

Sabrina93 18/09/2017 at 6:23 pm

My ex wants to get a council house and claim housing benefit, he has the children two/three times a week if that, would him claiming housing benefit effect my housing benefit claim?

Si74 Editor 31/08/2017 at 2:14 pm

@Ben - only the primary carer (the person who recieves child benefit for your kids) is entitled to claim other benefits. I know as I've been trying to get the same myself!

Ben 30/08/2017 at 6:36 pm

Sup guys n girls! I'm a single dad working full time although not on a great income my question is at the moment I'm living in my parents house but soon to move out and privately rent I have my son 3 days a week am I entitled to any benefits like housing etc cheers

Gaz 20/08/2017 at 12:42 pm

Hi i have 2 sons who live with their monther..i have them weekends.1 work 30hrs a week and pat maintanance in line with goverment child tax calculator.
Plus other for school uniforms and trianers so forth wen needed.
I get council tax single person subsidy and workin tax.anything else i can claim.
Also if i got full custody of my boys and work parttime wot thing cpuld i claim.
Thanks.

kidsoo 01/08/2017 at 10:34 am

if you have kids for 4 days a week your entitled to the child tax legally.anybody who looks after them for half the week.4 days definitely is due the child tax.from there i would trick an admission somehow thats been the case,backdate the claim with legal help and then apply for full custody and do an extra daygiving mother weekends and then claim housing benefit and suitable housing

dave 22/06/2017 at 8:32 pm

Me and my partner share care of our daughter 50/50. Am I entitled to any benefit as I do not work?

Peck 29/03/2017 at 8:00 am

Hi I'm currently on ESA due to health problems,i currently have my boy about 3or4,times a week ,his mum and me are split upand she currently works partime,so what am entitled to if anything, because i feel i should get halve of the children benefit , after all the boy is at mine more than he is at hers .

Stonecastle 23/03/2017 at 10:06 am

A little advice/ direction would be much appreciated

My ex and I are amicable and have a shared care parenting agreement (self drafted, not a court order) nights are 50/50 and care is considered by both parties to be shared care.
We have 2 children and receive the child benefit for 1 each
My ex currently receives Housing Benefit but the local council have now reconsidered the Housing benefit claim and determined that the original payment was incorrect due to my ex only claiming Child Benefit for 1 child resulting in a reduction and a bill for overpaid Benefit.

The council have advised my ex to make a claim for the CB for the 2nd child to increase HB to previous levels

I would prefer not to release the CB for the 2nd child as this may present difficulties for myself in the future.

I understand that CB is a gateway benefit for HB but My question is, can the council use any other evidence when evaluating HB in such a case ? if so their any text to support this ?

dad-of-r 20/03/2017 at 11:08 am

Hi,

I have a number of questions to this forum (not sure if they belong into different sections?)

1) My Ex has 'declared' that she has taken 'full custody' of our son, after I have mentioned the possibility (which has not come to fruition) of me moving abroad. I will now only move 2 hours drive away from where my son lives.
Is that a legal statement she has made and how does it affect my rights as a Dad?

2) Based on the above she also has refused to work out when my son can spend time with me regularly (he previously spent Friday night to Sunday morning together at my place, 3 out of 4 weekends).

This had an effect on the amount of maintenance I am paying as I am now paying for him spending all his time at his mothers instead of 2-3 days at mine.

3) My ex is continuing to home educate our son, but refuses to give me any indication beyond a very basic outline, but from talking to my son I know he does not do much more than play computer games and have 2 musical instrument lessons a week. This does not in my view constitute age appropriate education/schooling for a 15 year old.

Who can determine if that is 'age appropriate' and can I threaten stopping paying child maintainance, if I believe this education is not taking place (and he therefore is NOT in full-time education).

Thank you for your thoughts.

Dad of r

SeparatedDads Editor 14/03/2017 at 12:55 pm

You would have to check via the Turn2Us site here for more information.

Dad 13/03/2017 at 9:10 pm

I have my 3 kids 3 nights a week I privately rent and give her maintenance money I work full time but it is a real struggle are there any benefits or any ways of easing the financial struggle

JGIO Editor 10/03/2017 at 2:29 pm

@Wayne - you are not entitled to any financial help from the government if you are not the primary carer. The NRPs are not awarded anything! Josh.

Wayne 09/03/2017 at 4:35 pm

Hi there I have my son for 3 days and nights every single week, me and his mum split in the summer of 2013 and since then that arrangement has been ongoing, up until July 2016 I was paying child maintenance and all the costs for the 3 days and nights he is with me and any clothes and stuff like that, I lost my job and am struggling on jobseekers allowance sometimes going without food myself so he is okay, am I entitled to any help or should my ex partner be sharing the benefits with me

Dunny 11/02/2017 at 7:25 pm

My ex gf says I have to have my kids 4days a week can I claim her money then stop hers because I work 4 nights 12 shift so I am jw what I can do

SeparatedDads Editor 09/02/2017 at 2:13 pm

I'm afraid when the bedroom tax came in, it meant that non-resident parents could not apply for an extra room for their non-resident child. Unfortunately, the only option is to rent privately.

Bobby86 08/02/2017 at 9:56 pm

I have my daughter 3 nights a week, however as I live in a bedsit, I have to take her to my mums which means I have to sleep on the couch, while Little'un is on a fold out bed, as you can imagine it's not ideal. Is there any help i can get to better my situation?

Dava 03/02/2017 at 8:22 pm

Hi i have no formal care order but pay shared care child maintainance to my ex and have my son 3 days a week. She gets all his benefits including dLA as my son had autism. Can the DLA be split as ut should be for him (she thinks its for southern comfort)

Si 24/10/2016 at 9:40 pm

My daughter lives 7 nights with me and then 7 nights with her mum, therefore everything is 50/50.
Her mum claims child benefit, but she does not claim child tax credits. Does this mean that I can claim the child tax credits instead ?

SeparatedDads Editor 14/10/2016 at 11:14 am

I'm afraid not because of the bedroom tax it means you cannot get help for children who live with you part-time and you don't claim child benefit for them. It is a very tricky process which is deeply unfair and biased against non-resident parents who may need the extra space for when their children come to stay - and yet the government still have not addressed the issue or made a move to scrap it.

Andy 13/10/2016 at 4:01 pm

After years of problems with my ex wife, my youngest daughter(13) has now come to live with me for one week then with her mother the next, repeating, as she wanted more time with me. My ex has agreed to this (there are no court orders in place) and has allowed me to claim the Child Tax Credits for my daughter. She has kept the child benefit for her. My problem is my local council. I'm on JSA and claiming Housing Benefit at the moment and as my ex wife has the Child Benefit the council are charging me for my daughters bedroom. Is there any way out of this as I cannot afford £30 a week from my JSA and will lose my home and access to my daughter.

SeparatedDads Editor 13/10/2016 at 11:48 am

If you are on benefits, you have the problem with the bedroom tax which means you would only be offered a one-bedroomed house as you do not have full residency of your daughter.

Meat 12/10/2016 at 2:09 pm

Hey :) I have a court order for my daughter and myself to see one another every weekend {Saturday until Sunday}. I have been living with my mother since the mother of my child and myself separated. My daughter has always slept in my bedroom every time I have access, but now she's getting a little bit older and would obviously like her own space kind of thing. At the moment i'm back on JSA, been back on JSA for about 6-7 months so i'm not trying to use The Housing Association because i've always been in and out of work. But now as i'm worried that contact may possibly be effected because of this situation. So my question is "what kind of a chance do I have regarding having a house/place off The Housing Association considering that this is a situation where contact between myself and my child may collapse. Thanks in advance.

Marcus 09/10/2016 at 4:42 am

I have had my children for 3 nights a week over the past 9 years and my wife has now reduced it to the original agreement of 2. My children are 16 and 12, there is no custody order in place although my children reside with my ex due to me working a 4 on 4 off shift pattern. My 4 off is when I have my children. Can she just change this pattern after 9 years of it being in place?

Ben 07/10/2016 at 8:26 pm

Have been in a relationship with a lady ( partners )for two years , her behaviour changed as soon as she got pregnant ? Two month before her due date she told me she's no longer interested in the relationship . Now I feel I've been used and dump and all she needed way a child . My problem is she've delivered but don't want me to put my name on our daughter birth certificate and even chosen babies name without asking me for my opinion . What do I don't to gain my parental responsible .?

Mr mc 02/10/2016 at 9:38 am

I have 2 children with a ex. She gets all benefits. I am on esa & have my children 3 nights a week. I only recive 73 a week on esa. Am I entitled to any benefits as I have my children 3 nights a week. ? Any help

SeparatedDads Editor 27/09/2016 at 1:53 pm

You would benefit from seeking legal advice here in order to explore your options.

Dad 26/09/2016 at 10:13 pm

Hi

I'm after some help around a house situation from a break up with my ex partner, I'll explain In more detail if anyone can help.

In short we separated some time ago, I've been to family court to have an access agreement put in place as things have been made a little difficult. Maintenance payments are through the maintenance options and are being paid regular the issue I have is I still pay half the mortgage even though I no longer live there.

I don't want to force them out but Im struggling to make maintenance payments, pay half the mortgage and move on with my home and living costs. I've offered her to buy me out but she suggests she can not afford it, she won't let me buy her out as she understands her rent would increase. Can anyone help is there anything I have overlooked or should be considering.

SeparatedDads Editor 12/09/2016 at 11:40 am

I'm afraid this law has yet to be changed, as specified in the article. If you are now unemployed then is stands to reason that you will not be able to afford to provide for your children on the level you previously have, which means your ex will have to take on more of the financial burden. Therefore, regardless of her unwillingness to share any child benefits with you, then now she will effectively have to provide more for your children out of the benefit than she would have had to previously. Much depends upon earnings also, if you were earning more than your ex when you were earning, then it stands to reason that your ex is the person that would receive the benefits in order to make up the shortfall.

Jon 11/09/2016 at 10:07 am

I need some help understanding something. I am 48 and was recently made unemployed for the first time in my working life. I have been forced to claim benefits. I have three children and am divorced and share the custody and costs of the children 50/50. I have never received any child benefit as my ex wife keeps this and I am told I have no entitlement against it. The benefits office have awarded me £73 a week despite the fact that I have three children on a 50/50 basis. The advice they gave me was to talk to my MP. This strikes me as discrimination - not only do I never see the child benefit, I have now been punished again as I am do not receive it. Has anyone else out there had a similar experience? My children would be better provided for if I was hit by a bus and the life insurance kicked in. In my divorce, I limped away with round 25% of the family assets and had to endure the humiliation of my ex-wife and her new man to boot. I feel very betrayed by this country - I am expected to be a contributor on every front but when push comes to shove men like me just don't matter. I would be very interested to hear anyone's comments on this.

SeparatedDads Editor 04/08/2016 at 11:21 am

I'm afraid child maintenence payments are not as straightforward as you think. A 'named' father (regardless of whether he is on the birth certificate) is by law responsible for paying child maintenance until a DNA test proves otherwise.

libbsm 03/08/2016 at 3:22 pm

Your advice to Twitchy regarding ex partner not telling him about a child she had. Wanting backdated payments.
He wasn't married therefore not on birth certificate unless she took someone in pretending to be sad.

This means he does not have to pay as there is no proof the child is his without a DNA test first which he would have to pay for.

Therefore
Metaphoracally speaking

She can whistle

geezer 11/07/2016 at 5:47 pm

I have my daughter 3 or sometimes 4 nights a week am I entitled to a council or houseing agency place as I work

SeparatedDads Editor 10/06/2016 at 10:15 am

You do not say what your ex's motivation is; has she chosen a new school for them? Is she planning to home school? Or has she removed your children to move away? You may have to expand on your question a little more in order for me to be able to answer it.

SeparatedDads Editor 09/06/2016 at 10:48 am

In this instance you would have to seek legal advice. You usually would not have to pay backdated payments unless your ex had made a previous claim and the claim was ignored and/or the CMS had been trying to chase you and were unable to locate you. If your ex has named you as the father, then you will be required to pay for your child. Your only option would be to attempt to take the matter to court in order to gain access to your child. Unfortunately, access and child maintenance payments do not have any relationship to each other, meaning access is not automatic because a father is deemed financially responsible for their child. However, there is an unusual and additional ethical and moral dilemma here that your legal representative should be able to advise on further.

Clappy 09/06/2016 at 10:14 am

What right has my ex got in removing my two children from their primary school where they are settled.
My daughter does her sats next year in her final year and my 8 year old son is very happy.

What can I do ?

Twitchy 08/06/2016 at 12:34 pm

I was in a 7 year relationship with my partner until she ended it abruptly & without reason 3 years ago. She moved to London as I live in Sheffield, I got on with my life without worrying of crossing paths. 3 months ago I got a letter saying I owe child maintenance & need to pay x & y. I disputed this saying I don't have any children. But later found out from a mutual friend after finding out about child maintenance demands that she fell pregnant & didn't want the child which is a girl to have a farther like me & she is now residing with someone else that is from what I'm told a wealthy businessman.

I got the mothers number & she refuses to allow me access or anything to the child & has child believes her partner is the farther.

So my question is. Why am I being asked for child maintenance, back dated 3 years for a child I wasn't told I had & refused any contact or dealings with when she clearly is not short of money & the child is calling someone else dad?

I think it's a disgrace & I would like to know what my rights are because I can't afford this backdated payments nor will I pay for maintenance for a child I had no knowledge of & have since been refused to make contact with or have any contact with in the future.

Thanks in advance.

D

upsetgran 06/06/2016 at 10:19 pm

My son & wife have separated due to her infidelity. He has had to move out and she has taken over the mortgage. They have shared 50/50 custody of 3 children. They have not been entitled to Child Benefit previously as she has a high salary, but his salary is below the entitlement point. Can he now claim Child Benefit even though he has them just half of the time?

SeparatedDads Editor 06/06/2016 at 1:55 pm

Much depends on whether the flat is a council, housing association or a private let. The first two may object to the arrangement and you would have to check the terms of your lease. The latter will be more flexible regarding your arrangements. However, if you are thinking of taking the matter to court to apply for shared parenting, then it is unlikely a court would agree to this in principle as it will always rule on what is in the bests interests of your child and this may be considered not to be an ideal arrangement.

Jps 05/06/2016 at 8:30 pm

I need some advise if possible, I need to know if I can live in a one bed flat with my 14year old daughter, the plan is my daughter has the bedroom and I have a sofa bed in the lounge, thank you.

SeparatedDads Editor 02/06/2016 at 12:58 pm

You are in a tricky situation as while you may be having your daughter over more nights than originally laid out in the order, it still does not mean a court will grant you official shared care. Shared care or joint custody is rarely awarded through the court unless both parents agree. The usual case is that one parent is classed as the primary carer (who receives benefits) and the other the non-resident parent, regardless of how many days access is awarded. The fact you only have a one-bedroomed place would also be considered by the courts and the court is unlikely to grant you more care on this basis. The courts will always decide on what is in the best interests of your child and would be reluctant to change a functioning order, or who is considered to be the resident and non-resident parent unless absolutely necessary.

llew 01/06/2016 at 8:49 pm

Hello.

If possible I'd like some updated advice. I've looked on the net and can't really find anything current. As we know, laws change constantly, so current advice would be most appreciated.

I split from my partner 3 years ago and we have one child together, a 5 year old daughter. From the offset I've had my daughter anything from 4 to sometimes 5 days a week, but now it's more 3 to 4 days a week. I live in a 1 bedroom flat and space is quite limited as you can imagine. My daughter sleeps on a single bed in my bedroom. I do not work at the moment due to ill health and in receipt of benefits, but always do the best I can, we make the most of any situation and my little girl is well balanced and very happy.

I went to court a long while ago and was granted 2 full days a week stay overs with my daughter. But this soon changed (infact the same week) to 3 days, then 4 days etc. I didn't see any point in going back to court as I have her as much as I want now, and also as much as my angel wants to come over, I never refuse her.

My questions are more housing and financial if anyone can advise.

I want to apply for joint custody, as I more or less (off paper) have that already.

1) Would I be entitled to any Child Tax Credits that my ex is now in receipt of?

2) Would I be entitled to any Child Benefit my ex is now in receipt of?

3) Would having joint custody help my housing application with my local authority? As here is very cramped, to 1 bedroom. We are currently in a private accommodation.

I will be going for joint custody regardless of any of the above, but it would be nice to know where I stand.

SeparatedDads Editor 16/05/2016 at 11:02 am

You would have to speak with the council directly regarding this. However, as you are a non-resident parent you may not be eligible for an extra bedroom.

Sooty 15/05/2016 at 12:45 pm

Hi I'm living in a 1 bed flat but I have 2 little girls that stay every other weekend 1 is 2 years and 1 is 7momth am I entitled to get a 2 bed ?

SeparatedDads Editor 04/05/2016 at 2:09 pm

Maintenance payments are intended to be used in the best interest of the children and to cover the children’s expenses. This may include shelter, food, clothing, childcare costs and any educational needs.
Maintenance can also be used to provide essential funds for a number of specific items like school fees, nursery care or any medical expenses that the child requires. While it means you are under no obligation to pay towards nursery fees, it really is up to you to decide whether you wish to pay any more.

Davey 03/05/2016 at 11:52 pm

I split with my wife over 3 years ago & we had 3 children all under 10. The separated ended on bad terms as she was the unfaithful one & basically she ended up remaining in the property with the 3 children & was I that had to vacate & find somewhere else to live.

Anyways, the children gave their mother no choice in the matter as they wanted to spend weekends with me. However she doesn't work & claims all the benefits for the children & I cover any costs of the boys sleeping, food, trips & so forth which is just what any decent farther would do regardless of his own circumstances for his kids. Anyways, this all stopped 7 months ago when I had to move out of my 3 bed house as the landlord was selling it off. So I had to find another place & they were no homes available within my budget in the area so I had to take a smaller place, a 1 bedroom flat because I too don't work because of a disability but not so to entitle me to PIP. Anyways I discovered that I cant get any support to get a bigger home to allow my children to sleep happily. Its very crowded & results in bed sharing which isn't acceptable as they are getting older, of course I'm on the sofa. But now the ex has stopped the boys sleeping because their isn't enough room & refuses to allow them to sleep until I find somewhere with more bedrooms for them to sleep in.

This whole system is extremely bias towards the men. My ex did the wrong & took my home & my kids away from me because she decided to sleep around & didn't like the fact I found out & I'm the one being punished by the system.

Equal rights for women they chant! Sod them... more rights for men!

Josh 03/05/2016 at 9:12 pm

I split with my ex 2 yrs ago and have overnight access to my 2 kids 4 and 3 years old 3 nights a week

I have always paid nursery fees but now she has involved the CSA. Thus I now pay her by direct debit to the amount he CSA specified but on top of this she is demanding I continue to pay for nursery fees also - I have refused as I buy all the kids clothes for my place and classes they attend - football, gymnastics etc plus the usual day to day costs involved with having kids

At this stage she has cancelled the kids nursery place on a Tuesday thus I have to look after them on a Tuesday now even though I have/should be in work

Thus my question is what are my options here, will the Csa allow me to stop paying her direct if substitute this with nursery fees instead (ex wants both) or do I have no options and must find a way to work through the situation?

The last thing I want to do or will do is upset the kids and or their routine over money or a mentally unstable ex but at the sametime I feel she is taking the piss

Any help/advice would be appreciated

Thanks in advance

Doug 15/04/2016 at 8:17 pm

Hi I have split with my ex years ago,were on good terms. And since then I've seen my 8yr old son every Wednesday and Thursday for t after school, and he stays at mine every weekend from Friday through to Monday morning for the last 3 years. Thing is i privately rent a 2 bedroom flat which is great, but I don't feel any security not being in a council property. I've applied to the council and I'm entitled to a 1 bedroom flat, which would mean my son would have to sleep on the sofa as theses property are tiny. Do I need joint custody to be entitled to a 2 bedroom place. Or should I be entitled anyway as he's always with me. Best regards

SeparatedDads Editor 05/04/2016 at 11:57 am

I'm afraid it depends on whether the father will consent for the children to live with her. I'm afraid she would have to contact Housing Benefit directly as we do not have this information.

ginnie 04/04/2016 at 12:33 pm

My daughter through no fault of her own became homeless in January 2016. (Her privately rented house was sold )Her children for obvious reasons went to stay with her estranged partner their Dad until she got house to live in, which she now has. There has never been any arrangements about their Father paying toward their upbringing (CSA) etc.
He has always kept in touch with them over the years and had them stay over at weekends and school holiday's etc. Now she has found another house ( 3 bedroom ) and she only works 16 hours a week she is afraid that if she applies for housing benefit for when and if the children do decide to come home to her, at the moment it is all up in the air as to what's going to happen I would like to know how she stands as to getting housing benefit so as to be able to keep the house. Otherwise she will not be able to afford to live there and not have a home to offer the children.

ash 24/02/2016 at 8:09 pm

If I applied for shared custody will the council house me if I become homeless?

SeparatedDads Editor 17/02/2016 at 11:27 am

I'm afraid I cannot really comment as it will be up to the Complaints Resolution Team to assess your situation. However, if you are not satisfied with the situation, you would always have the option to take the matter to court and apply for shared care. See link: What Are My Chances of 50/50 Residence?

Ste 16/02/2016 at 6:42 pm

The new cms has worked out I have my daughter 176 days per year. They say it's not shared care and still have to pay maintainance. Even though only 6.5 days from being half the year. I buy uniforms take doctors dentists etc surely this is wrong. I read it should be 'day to day care' not 50/50 time but the cms do not understand this. Is this information correct? I think I will appeal the case will I get anywhere?

SeparatedDads Editor 12/02/2016 at 11:38 am

Unfortunately, the bedroom tax does not favour the non-resident parent, only the resident parent. So, you would not be entitled to anything more than a one-bedroomed flat. This is something that has affected a great many fathers through the UK, and one which has seen many forced to move from their two-bedroomed flats or houses rather than lose benefits. Your only option would be to gain accommodation through a private landlord.

Mal 11/02/2016 at 4:13 pm

I am living in a touring caravan at the minute
And trying to get a council house so my son can have his own room and some. Privacy when he is with me at weekend and school holidays but have been told by Selby council that I am only entitle to a 1 bedroom flat .i don't claim any benefits and pay his mother maintance every week . I feel I am getting treated very unfairly all because I want to give my son a home when he's with me . Can anyone help or advise me on what I can do

SeparatedDads Editor 09/02/2016 at 11:06 am

Shared-care is not something that is taken into consideration by housing benefit. If you have shared care of your child or children, the children will be treated as living with the parent who is responsible for them. If your children spend equal amounts of time in different homes, or there’s a question as to who they normally live with, they will be treated as living with the person who receives child benefit for them. If you are struggling, you can contact Turn2You or Entitled To who can check if you’re entitled to any other benefits that you’re not currently claiming - and here . I hope this helps.

housingbenefitdad 08/02/2016 at 5:49 pm

I have 4 children an need advise am i atleast entitled to 2bed housing benefit rate . My girl is in an out of hospital so i need 2 bed for kids i have shared custody mutual agreement

SeparatedDads Editor 28/01/2016 at 12:15 pm

Since April 2013, families claiming housing benefits have been assessed for the number of bedrooms they actually need and separated fathers who may have shared care have been affected. It means that should you approach the council, and if you are entitled to a council home, then the liklihood is that you will be only offered a one-bedroomed property, unless you are the primary carer of your child, then you may be offered two.

Ron 27/01/2016 at 5:42 pm

I'm currently living with my sons mother but desperately want to leave can I get help with council housing for me and my son as a parent sharing custody and if so how

SeparatedDads Editor 22/01/2016 at 11:51 am

If your ex is in breach of the contact order, then you can take it back to court to have the order enforced. Please see link: Breach of Contact or Residence Order: What to Do

Azymuth 21/01/2016 at 2:16 pm

My ex moved into her parents with the children after renting out the former home. She has now left them with the grandparents, moved into a flat but still dictates access, receives child benefit, CSA and is regarded as the primary carer, although she only spends one or two nights a week with them at most. She makes application of the contact order very difficult and is doing everything she can to alienate me from the children. This is not a fresh case, we separated over 6 years ago. Any advice would be gratefully received.

Pippsy 15/01/2016 at 3:37 pm

My question is this, my ex now has a child arrangements order where he has my four children full time and I only get to have them every other weekend, needless to say my world are my children and this is not what I wanted but he won in court because of a biast social worker. Anyway I need to know whether I should still get tax credits for my children as I have them every other weekend and equally share school holidays with him. Ie week one I have them and week two he has them ect ect. Do tax credits have to cater for the time I have them here with me.

Thanks

SeparatedDads Editor 14/12/2015 at 10:21 am

They will both have to sign, if the property is in joint names.

Dorisday 11/12/2015 at 2:57 pm

My partner ex wife is finally selling the house they lived in before they parted 2 and half years ago - will they both have to sign the papers as in both there names or can his ex do this without him being there. Thank you. T

muffinman 13/11/2015 at 3:54 pm

Hi my ex wife and i separated and later divorced in 2006. I was a house husband for the last 2-3yrs we were together due to her wanting to go back to work she didnt like being at home with our children. My eldest is now 16yrs so she can now decided which house etc she wishes to stay at, but my son will be 13 in dec. When jade(16yrs) was born her mum couldnt take to her evening telling my now wife that jade made her skin crawl when she wanted cuddles and comfort from her, she waited until jade turned 9 before she sort out counseling and her constant bringing home different boyfriend was causing jade distress. after counseling they started to get on. My son is very much a mummy's boy and she has had no issues with him, but people could always tell that callum was treated differently. i over compensated with jade so shes always felt like daddy princess. Because of the ex's work schedule myself and my now wife have had the kids 4 days and nights a week, sometimes 4 1/2 days etc if she had work or courses to go to. she also had 2-3 holidays/breaks a year where we only has one wk, sometimes none. during theses holidays we would have the children for 2-3 weeks depending, as she tried to work out her holidays so she came bk and it would be her time without the kids.

Anyway 6 months ago after my daughter had a few rows with my wife, the usual teenage tantrums, my ex told both children they could live with her full time if they wanted, she would give up work. on top of this she has always claimed callums child benefit and tax credits, but now she wanted both of jades benefits plus she wanted us to pay maintenance for both of them. me and my wife were not happy, she should not in our opinion have told the children they could live with her without talking to me first. secondly we need to check if this is true, but as we have always had the kids the most we have been advised by a support grp that my ex shouldnt have had callums benefits, we should have as we have had them both the most. they also said we should try to get the money my ex has claimed to be repaid from her to us?. so six months ago we sat down and both my daughter and myself and my ex agreed to leave things the same, now 6mths later i have received a solicitor letter stating my ex wants the kids to live with her and if i dont agree we will go to court and i will have to pay her fee's (why?). secondly it is stated that i have been intimidating and aggressive and if i continue to be she will go to the courts and apply for a molestation order. Im gobsmacked i have always been fair, i havent been aggressive or threatened her, all ive said is i want things to remain the same until the kids have left education. over the last 9 1/2yrs we have asked her on several occasions to be fair and have the kids alternate weekends and everytime my ex refused stating she liked the way things were ( ie she liked going out clubbing getting drunk meeting blokes etc) she didnt want the extra time now shes threa

D 11/10/2015 at 6:07 pm

I split with my girlfriend of 11 years this May. We have a 4 year old boy togther who is my world.
One min she is OK the next she hates me and threatens when and how often I can see my boy and that I will need to pay alot more money if i get a better job etc. Most of the time she is OK. I see him every Wednesday which he stays over and he stays at mine every other Fri and Sat night. Which is fantastic.

I pay the amount that is worked out on the CSA Calculator every month without fail.

As she keeps using my boy as a tool to get me frustrated and making threats as she thinks she has all the power and control, would i be able to go to court and get 50/50 split and see him as much as she does legally as its killing me only seeing my boy once a week every other weekend...

I am happy to pay what ever is due, I just want to see m boy more, do I have the same rights as she has...

She works part time and gets help with working and child tax, I work full time earn £26,000 and have my own 2 bed apartment...

Any advice would be much appreciated.

SeparatedDads Editor 25/09/2015 at 2:26 pm

Please see link: Applying for Custody: Court Procedure, here.While you may be able to apply for residency, I'm afraid I cannot predict what the court will decide. If it goes to court, then CAFCASS will get involved, please see link: What Goes into the Cafcass Family Report? here . I hope this helps explain things further.

chris 24/09/2015 at 6:41 pm

Hi ive just split from my partner we have three children two girls and a boy. My son is disabled
and iam his main carer which i claim carers allowance. I want custody for my son at least as ive cared for him since he was born he is now four do i have legal rights and for my two girls as my ex partner smokes cannibis. Would be happy if you could answer my query thanks

Goughy 22/09/2015 at 7:54 pm

If I have my daughter from Saturday up until Tuesday evening and I pay child maintenance to my ex partner am I entitled to any kind of help? Working tax credits or anything? I pay for her clothes, food and toys aswel as paying the school fees. I don't earn a great lot of money but I scrape by. I'm just worried about the future. I know my ex claims the benefits of a single parent which is jobless but works a few jobs here and there aswel spending most of the time with her new partner who is very well off. I just could do with some more information on the matter. Thank you.

SeparatedDads Editor 22/09/2015 at 11:13 am

I am sorry to hear this. The difficulty is that benefits remain biased towards the resident-parent. I have included a link to a Contact a Family factsheet here which amongst other things, can offer information about benefits and tax credits and how to get specialist benefits advice. It also gives information regarding how to get help in other areas when struggling to care for a disabled child. I hope this helps.

Fire 21/09/2015 at 12:15 pm

My son has separated from his partner,they have a disabled son who needs constant care,my son does most of the caring,spending endless nights sleeping at the hospital every time his son is ill.his ex partner claims DLA for my grandson but does not care for him as much as my son.my son works and has to take time off work to tend to his son.he is in dispute with his employers about the amount of time that he has taken off.He feels that he is not getting any help or information for him to go forward and get on with his life with peace of mind.

SeparatedDads Editor 21/09/2015 at 11:05 am

You would have to approach the council directly regarding this. There is currently a shortage of homes, therefore they are scarce. However, if you applied to a housing association, or through a private landlord, then you would be considered. If you are not earning, then you may not have to pay child support. You can see how much you should be paying via which

kay 20/09/2015 at 9:36 am

Hi,

I have been seperated from my partner, and have been lodging about in different addresses, but have still provided for her and my daughter from my last savings, I was wondering, if I am consistently in my daughters life regardless if I am living with her, is there no way at the age of 28, on jsa, that I could be entitled to a 1 bedroom place rather then a shared room, her mother doesnt allow me to have her overnight because i have been sharing with people, is there no possible way that me and her mother can make an application for shared care of a dependent, in which I can have a normal environment for her as well.

James01 19/09/2015 at 2:05 pm

Hi

Me and my partner have split up I have left our council house to her and the children, I am just wondering would I be able eligible to get a council place myself? Also I work from Sunday to Wednesday so she will have both the girls and I will have them from Thursday to Saturday so would I be entitled to a council 2 bed place?

SeparatedDads Editor 17/09/2015 at 11:25 am

Unfortunately, the Government changes regarding the 'bedroom tax' affect anyone on housing benefit who shares residence but is not the main carer, and those who have their children for 50% of the time (but are not in receipt of child benefits which go to the holder of the child benefit book), plus non-resident parents who have overnight staying contact. On the plus-side, one tribunal recently decided that a child of parents living apart is entitled a bedroom in each of their homes for visits - meaning that many fathers will have the right to appeal this discrimination. However, I doubt whether this has yet to overlap into council allocations and applications.

gus 16/09/2015 at 11:16 pm

Hi, im recently seperated from my partner and living with parents , i take my 3 kids every other weekend and hoping to try and get a council house 2 bedrooms, i also work and pay maintence for the wee ones but wondering if i would get some sort of housing benefit towards the rent?

j 16/09/2015 at 10:49 am

I have split with my partner,an I'm lookin to get my own place.we have 4 children 3 girls an 1 boy,we have said we will have the children 3 and half days each but the council has said I'm only entitled to a two bedroom is this right

SeparatedDads Editor 11/09/2015 at 12:36 pm

It is unlikely he will get one via the council due to the bedroom tax restrictions.

vicky 10/09/2015 at 6:02 pm

My ex takes my son every second weekend and says he is going for a 2 bedroom house . Will he get one as he only take him 2 days a fortnight ?

SeparatedDads Editor 09/09/2015 at 11:48 am

Regardless of whether your son wishes to live with you, the courts will always decide what it thinks is in the best interests of your child. Therefore just because your son has requested this, it does not mean you/he will be successful. He is still a little young for his opinion to be considerd valid through the courts, 11 is usually the age when their opinions are taken more seriously. I have included a link: Applying for Custody: Court Procedure, here which outlines the process and the forms you would need. I hope this helps.

Jb 08/09/2015 at 10:12 pm

Hi, my partner and I have recently seperated. I'm left in our family home. Paying for all bills. We have joint care of our child 50 50 down the middle. For me to be able to afford childcare I need to claim housing and tax benefits. To do so I obv need to be the parent claiming child benefit. My ex is worried that by signing over child benefit to me she will be leaving herself open to me taking full custody easily.... something I would never want to do however she seems to have this opinion.

LuckyDad 08/09/2015 at 9:26 am

I have a 50/50 shared residency order for my sons (aged 8 and 9), my youngest son now wants to reside with me full-time, his mother is against this. I have expressed to him that he needs to maintain contact with his mother. Mediation has been tried before and failed. Is the court process my only means of addressing this issue for my son? What is the court process?

SeparatedDads Editor 04/09/2015 at 2:32 pm

I'm afraid not. Unfortunately, due to the bedroom tax, it is only the resident parent who is allowed the extra bedroom space to accommodate their children.

Le 03/09/2015 at 7:41 pm

My children stay with their dad every other weekend and some week days if needed as I work. He Is on disability allowance and hos a 1 bed housing association my girls are 10 and 6 is it possible for him to apply for a two bedroom.

SeparatedDads Editor 03/09/2015 at 12:16 pm

I am sorry to hear this. You would have to get in touch with the council directly in order to find this out.

Will 02/09/2015 at 7:23 pm

Hi my wife has announced that we are splitting up and we have 3 children together. i want to stay close by and wondered with both our names on the rent book would the council rehouse me?? basically a bond and fees would cripple me .

SeparatedDads Editor 02/09/2015 at 10:13 am

There has been no changes in governmental policy here, therefore I'm afraid it is the resident carer that still receives the benefits (Child Benefit and CTC), unless you come to a private arrangement with your ex. However, you don't say whether you are paying child support - you can check whether you are liable for child support

Kamz 01/09/2015 at 1:54 pm

Hi my son lives with me 3 nights a week and also see have him for an hour or two every other day. I work 33 hours a week. I pay towards rent bills food at home. Recently my ex has been asking me to buy things for my son not that I don't but I asked myself she gets all the benefits for him and she works do what's she spending his money on? Can I get any kind of benefits towards my sons needs.

SeparatedDads Editor 27/08/2015 at 12:15 pm

I'm afraid this is always a tricky question with rental property prices soaring. I'm afraid there is no real answer to this. I have included a link from Shelter here which gives a range of different options open to you. You also may be entitled to some benefits if you are on a low wage, please see Turn 2 Us, whichI hope this helps.

lukey 26/08/2015 at 3:08 pm

Hi me and my partner have split unfortunately mutual agreement im still living at the home but need to find me own place ill be having my son sunday day and overnight and 2 nights for tea in the week but i cnt afford rent in the open market but am going to need a place to see my son is there any help i can get so i canget a place for me and my son i work full time but will still struggle to pay for everything on my own any advice thanks

rob1773 05/07/2015 at 3:01 pm

I have two children from a failed marriage and now two children and a failed relationship I need to have a home to live in where I can take the children weeknights and the weekends when I have them. my question is can I apply for a council property so I have a property of my own to see my children from either ex partner, this is a horrible situation to be in but I really need help with this and fast. any avenues I can try would be very grateful.

Djbouncin 01/07/2015 at 3:00 am

myself and my partner split up In April this year and it was agreed that our son with live with me in our family home and she would move out and have our son Friday to Monday morning, this was down to my ex being a full time carer for her terminally ill mum and also working a part time job, apart from her trying to cause me grief the arrangement had gone ok, although a couple of times I asked her to sign a written agreement so we had something official but this was refused, then on her last visit after trying to enter my house (although her name is on tenancy she no longer lives here or has any property here) she assaulted me, ok it was just a push but still assault in the eyes of the law, this was in front of my Son, I then removed my Son to the house, I then went to get the rest of my sons things when my ex says she will now be going for full custody, to while I responded until I have an agreement in place she won't be seeing him.

Later that day her mum messaged me and I explained it to her and she said if I sent what I wanted signing over she would get my ex to sign it, I was hesitant at first but she gave me her word (I have proof) that no one would stop me collecting him or try and keep him from me so I agreed to the next visit, fast forward to when he is due to come home next and I awake to a message stating he won't be returning and I'm not seeing him, I have now been completely stopped from seeing my Son until I agree to her agreement she has had written up which in short gives her custody and me visiting rights. I have turned up at there home and managed to see my son however was told by police if I remove him I risk being arrested for breach of peace.

I'm so lost as what to do as police, social services ect don't want to know, I don't have the money for legal help either yet I feel strongly that my ex cannot care for my some and.give him the time he deserves while doing what she is doing.

Help please 30/06/2015 at 11:09 am

I have recently split with my partner and am back on the streets as have no family and few friends to home me. We have a 2 year old daughter who I'm aloud to have 3 nights a week but only if I can find myself a place of my own will the council house me

SeparatedDads Editor 02/07/2015 at 12:28 pm

@shane1978uk - I suggest using the benefits calculator or seeking some advice via Turn to Us, whichor calling your local benefits office directly to get this advice.

shane1978uk 29/06/2015 at 4:49 pm

Il keep my question as short as possible. I have shared residency/custody of my two children I have them 3 weekends out of four half of all holidays am I able to make a claim for either ctc or cb or hb for at least one child at the min im being classedas a single person so only entitled so housing benifit as that so means my 12yr old ggirl n her 14yr old brother have to share a room so very confused if im entitled to make a claim or eligible tbh its hard to get by as im on esa currently which is not much and essentially feeding 3 ppl every weekend and holidays.more or less so any help would be gratefully accepted or emails with possible links for info:-)

Chris Editor 17/06/2015 at 11:36 am

@Dan - this is a tricky situation, as there is little you can do if your ex refuses to help you out here.

Dan 14/06/2015 at 12:41 pm

I have shared custody with my six year old son. I am moving shortly and have been told I can only claim if my son stays three nights a week. He stays every fri and Sat night.What are the criteria sometimes I have him longer. My ex refuses to sign that he stays three days.

Any help would be appreciated, typical bitter ex making llife difficult for me even though my son will not have his own room.

Many thanks
Daniel

Joki 11/06/2015 at 3:46 pm

I will also Add that although she pays £60.00 per week through standing order into my account to rent the home she does not stay in, I pay £270.00 towards the mortgage when the child maintenance only works out for me to pay £105.00 per month.
I will also add I refuse to leave the home now if she decides to move back in if her relationship with her new partner breaks down.... Am I within my rights to do this as I've been living there for almost 6 months now

Joki 11/06/2015 at 3:42 pm

Thank you for the reply I have my children 7 days per week at the family home whilst she decided to stay at her new partners every night of the week,
I have tried to get her to stay with her children but she just slams up and if I do stay away thinking she is staying in she will still go out and leave them alone in the home so I know stay regardless

SeparatedDads Editor 08/06/2015 at 10:14 am

@Joki - I am sorry to hear this. You don't say how often you have your children, but your 16 year old can pretty much make her own decision to come and live with you, if she wanted. Your 10 year old will be allowed a say in where she wants to live, once she reaches the age of 11, should you decided to take it to court.

Joki 05/06/2015 at 11:37 am

My ex for the last six months has started a relationship with her new man, she has basically abandoned her two children of 16/10 to make a new life with her new man by staying in his home every night of the week, she comes back to her children only to picik up from school cook their dinner she has a shower then goes out again until the morning to do lunch and send to school, hardly communicating with her two children whilst there!
Is she allowed to be so dysfunctional with her children when I as their father would take good care of them daily where they would have love and the trust of a parent being there not allow a young 16 yr old girl to watch over her sister every night forcing her own social life to be effected?
I have asked her to let me care for the children but all I get is "Your not having my kids".
I feel she only has them so she can spend the £180 a week she gets.
On that note I am constantly buying food and other stuff for the two kids along with the overpaid maintenance I pay as she has residence in my home an I also pay the mortgage to keep her in there.

kez 04/06/2015 at 12:25 pm

hi my partner has 3 kids from 3 people and he has them on weekends but hes in a 2 bed flat/ maisonette, the oldest is 12 and then a girl 6 and another boy 5. will the council rehouse him?

NickS 01/06/2015 at 8:53 pm

I am 40, I have 3 children with my wife of 19 years, two girls aged 9 and 10, and a boy aged 18. My wife forced me to leave our marital home two years ago. Since then I have had no permanent abode but have been staying variously with my grandmother, parents and brother. Through my mother's intervention, I have just been given a housing association tenancy in a lovely flat in Crouch End, London. I am now in a position to have my darling girls, who have continued to be heartbreakingly upset from the day I was forced out to this, stay over weekends and so on. But my wife is very hostile, and she has turned my son against me. She has forbidden my girls to speak to their grandparents, my parents, a teacher and senior police officer, and the stress is making my mother ill. Her family are dysfunctional, and she is following suit. I am heartbroken for my parents as well as for myself, as they gave great financial assistance and moral support to my wife. Early in our relationship, she accused her mother's live-in boyfriend of sexual abuse while she was at home with them, and my father, a serving police officer, felt obliged to act. That was when she confessed that it was all lies. Her excuse was that she felt excluded from her mother's affection, that she felt had been turned towards the boyfriend. That was all twenty years ago, and moved in together because she was pregnant, and lived together until my parents paid for our wedding and a brilliant honeymoon. They furnished each of the three homes we have had over that time, and my father even set me up in business, which, because of my wife's demands on my time, failed. My wife as received nothing but great kindness from my parents, and they have always been content to stay in the background and help as and when they were needed. Now they are completely devastated by all of them and utterly bemused by her. She is rabidly foul-mouthed and confrontational, rather stupid and has surrounded her with a group of like-minded people. Now, she is saying that I cannot have any access to my girls. She is threatening to lie about me being drunk all the time and physically abusing her. I have suffered such severe depression that I have lost my job, and I am now on job seeker's allowance. Just as I try to claw my way back up, she kicks me down again. I desperately need to formalise custody arrangements and start divorce proceedings. My question is, am I entitled to legal aid in Egland to pursue shared custody of my children through the courts? Do my parents have any legal recourse to have some contact with the grandchildren they love so much? I am so low that I cannot make head nor tail of the legalese on the websites I have looked at. Anyone out there got some advice for me? Be so profoundly grateful. Thanks. Nick.

SeparatedDads Editor 28/05/2015 at 12:30 pm

@cc1969 - I'm afraid not. Extra bedrooms are only allocated for parents who have residency of their child/children.

cc1969 26/05/2015 at 12:35 am

My son has split with his girlfriend (never lived together) and he has his 6 months old baby 3 nights a week, they will both live with me and I'm in a council 2 bedroom flat, will I be entitled to an extra bedroom for when the baby stays?

sammy 30/04/2015 at 1:55 pm

i have split from my ex and moved from Portsmouth where she lives back to London . I have the children every weekend even thou I don't drive I work full time but at the moment can only afford to rent a room this is not ideal as its a single room and im not supposed to have my kids stay the landlord has said . I pay out over £200 a month on travel expenses alone to see my children so cant afford to move into a flat on my own . can I get help with housing from my council as I have shared rights to my 4 and 6 year old ? I would also like to know is in not reasonable that I can ask my ex to start making one of the journeys each weekend ? ie bring them to me or pick them up as she flat out refuses to do so stating it was me who moved home and so far away . many thanks in advance .

SeparatedDads Editor 14/04/2015 at 2:10 pm

@Advice needed - it may mean that the courts have rules that he needs to be personally responsible for the children and until he does then he cannot have unsupervised access, whereas it is your ex that has parental responsibility for your children. If you did not wish him to be around your own children, you would have to apply through the courts with good reason why.

Advice needed 11/04/2015 at 9:13 pm

My ex girlfriend who I have a 2 year old with has a new boyfriend who recently had his 4 kids taken away from childrens aid for a drinking problem. They do not reside together but if he can't be around his own kids until he attends rehab, why should he be allowed around mine?

SeparatedDads Editor 02/04/2015 at 2:44 pm

@av - he would have to approach the council or go to the Citizens Advice Bureau and ask for advice on this matter as I am unsure of the council's legislation on this.

Penny Editor 02/04/2015 at 1:01 pm

@Asta - it stands to reason that if he has the children over and they are over a specific age then he may have a chance of being re-housed. I think the council don't like male and female children sharing rooms over a certain age.

Asta 31/03/2015 at 7:20 pm

My husband and I are divorced and not really on speaking terms. He recently approached me and told me that the council will re house him to a larger place if I write a statement saying how often he has the children over. He currently has a 1 bedroom flat and has access to the children for 7 hours a week and every other weekend (Friday night until sunday afternoon). Could you tell me if this shared custody would entitle him to a larger flat/house? Thank you.

Mrs.Tremper 25/03/2015 at 10:06 am

My husband and I are trying to figure out how he can find out where his son is going to school. His ex is a demon and has purposely cut visitations. All we have is an address from them. We want to work visits around holidays or three day weekends. Can someone give up advice?
Thank you your help is appreciated,
signed Mrs.Tremper

SeparatedDads Editor 09/03/2015 at 11:00 am

@mal - I'm this is a Canadian-based issue I'm afraid I can't answer it as I can only advise on UK-based law.

mal 05/03/2015 at 9:08 pm

I have been seperated for 1.5 years, and my ex and I have honored a "shared custody" arrangement of 50/50 equal time, one week me, one week her mother. We presently have no written agreement or court orders in place. I have been paying her an amount of child support we agreed on, but when I asked for her to include my name for shared custody on the Canada Child Tax Benefits application so we could split the benefits she refused. Even though my benefit amount wouldn't be as high as hers, she ends up recieving an extra $1800.00 a year, by not including my name on the application. I offered to let her keep this amount in exchange for a reduction in my child support payments, but she still won't comply with me........ She also recieves daycare subsidy, and I pay my own daycare costs. She also has a new partner that lives with her and contributes to the household expenses....... We are in the process of going to Family Case Counselling to sort out finances,and if we can't agree, then we go to court............. Can the amount of Child Tax Benefits she recieves be considered along with her income when establishing the "offset" amount to determine child support payments under the Child Support Guidlines?

Will Editor 04/03/2015 at 2:57 pm

@betty - this doesn't seem like a legal situation by splitting the money which is legally his by rights. You don't say whether he has residency or whether this has been agreed between them (if it is the latter then this makes the waters a bit murkier if he is applying for the benefits solely in his name and doesn't have full residency). It makes your question difficult to answer.

betty 02/03/2015 at 7:09 pm

My new partner receives cb and child tax credit for both of his children,however his ex refuses to let their youngest child have his name registered at the doctors,school etc at his address.He pays his ex half of the child benefit and half of the child tax credits for their youngest as their eldest child has no contact with his mother.He would like to know where he stands as she threatens him all the time about taking the benefits away.My partner does not work as he is on disability living allowance,she works full time as does her partner.Any help as to where he stands would be appreciated.

Ollie Editor 04/03/2015 at 12:31 pm

@Rich - you should not have to pay her any maintenance if it is joint custody. Unfortunately, benefits can only officially be paid to one person, but at least she should give you a break and not ask for any maintenance. On the plus side, you do have the house. It's always swings and roundabouts where finances are concerned.

Rich 02/03/2015 at 10:53 am

I have 50-50 custody agreed to in a court order. So we have the children an exact equal amount of time. I am left as a true single parent whilst she lives with her new partner in his home cost free. She also wants me to have the children more during school holidays as I am a teacher and I agreed.

However, she has made a CMA claim, refused to share the CB when we agreed verbally in court that we would have one child each as this is a fair split. She has also refused to split the DLA on my daughter yet I have an equal amount of time as her and it is needed to provide better care for my daughter whereas she sees this money as additional income for herself.

I do not agree that I should pay her any maintenance as I am the one left in the marital home paying all the bills, and I have equal custody and she does not give me a penny towards their care when they are with me.

In addition I resent having to pay her a penny after she made my life hell for six months with one false allegation after another to the Police, which eventually meant I had to pay out over £3000 to a solicitor and barrister to get the stupid Police Officer who kept turning up over my wife's lies in court and present some evidence low and behold the day of the court case they had nothing and withdrew all of the allegations. An absolute farce and disgrace and a total waste of Police time and resources. I am still seeking justice in a sexist world of divorce where anything and everything the woman says is treated as true until proven otherwise. When in reality they do these things for financial gain as it is the only way for them to get legal aid since the rules changed.

SeparatedDads Editor 26/02/2015 at 2:24 pm

@Ashockedhusband - I'm sorry to hear. As specified in the article, it's a little one-sided as only one parent can apply for child benefit and it will be in the name of the resident parent. Unfortunately, also the number of bedrooms you can claim for is based on the number of people living in your home, but not as part-time residents. Regarding joint custody and maintenance if the split is amicable it can be arranged between yourselves. The article 'relationships with your ex-partner' may help you further here. You may also find our Separated Dads website useful for support and further advice. I hope this helps.

Ashockedhusband 24/02/2015 at 6:30 pm

My marriage has recently broken down as my wife apparently no longer is in love with me. We have 2 boys together and we have agreed on shared custody. I was just wondering what this would mean for my rights in housing and money. I will be the one moving out as the tenancy agreement is in her name at our current place. If I go to the council will I be entitled to a 2 bedroom place? Also what happens with the child benefit and child tax credit being as though they'll be with me half the time. Any help would be appreciated

SeparatedDads Editor 16/02/2015 at 2:41 pm

@Cully - I'm afraid only the designated main carer will be allowed the extra bedroom/s, and this has affected around 150,000 single parents across the UK and with no suggestions of how you should accommodate your child.

Cully 14/02/2015 at 9:06 am

Hi I have split from many partner in nov2012 we have a 2 year old son . My ex is now got a new partner and moved out of the council flat that we are joint tenants . I want to. Move back into the flat be the council are refusing me as I only have my son 3 nights a week I am only entitled to a 1 bedroom flat is this a law my. Son should share the same bedroom as me ?many thanks

Dsymbo Editor 09/02/2015 at 8:40 pm

@jonny- I would contact csa and firstly let them know it's shared care as they have to take that into consideration. Unfortunately There are mothers out there who just contact the csa out of spite, I agree all parents should pay for ther children but if you both share the care your both providing for the child. Thers a lot of factors csa will take into consideration which reduces the amount you have to pay -ie: your travel costs, the amount of nights you have your child. Check the website or maybe call and get the decision checked again as you can always appeal if your still not happy. Only one parent can claim benefit for a child so not sure about that but yes I disagree on why the mother should only get help because I know how hard it can be bringing up a child with a disability and its unfair that only the mother gets help in this situation. Check the csa website or now maybe child maintenance options website.

Jonny 09/02/2015 at 8:09 pm

Hi just want some advice as I have the csa saying I have to pay money for my daughter which I disagree. I have my daughter 3 nights a week every half term and when ever I can and also holidays when I get the time off work. The mother has her 4 nights so it's shared care. My daughter has cerybal paulsy so her mother claims disability allowance why is it she gets help with my daughter and I don't receive no help. Yes I work as I have other children to provide for aswel. I also have to provide everything for my daughter when she's in my care and I also have to travel by coach or train from Bristol to Birmingham every week to collect and drop off. I earn £6.50 a hour which is hard nothing on pay day when all the bills are the paid. I don't agree with having to pay when I have to provide for my child aswel as the mother does.

Carrie Editor 05/02/2015 at 12:44 pm

@Shorty - as you are the main carer then it is you that is entitled to apply for the benefits and only one parent can. I would follow up with the CSA and see why they are not able to get payments from him, especially as he has now has a job.

Shorty 03/02/2015 at 5:16 pm

I split with my partner in 2011 and basically there is a court order in place that says he has her every other weekend and half the holidays! He works but Csa are still trying to get payments from him! The new thing is he reckons that he is entitled to get tax credits for the time he has her could anyone help is it true?

Martin Editor 04/02/2015 at 2:31 pm

@Raffy - unfortunately you would have to get a residence order, as the mother is still the main carer therefore she'll get all the benefits.

Raffy 03/02/2015 at 5:54 am

I'm a single parent of 5 children's aged 13 to 6 ,,my ex wife has alcohol problems ,,she has residence of the kids ,,but I should have them Sunday to Tuesday ,,,,but ,,, many time when she has a lot of alcohol I'm forced to go to her house to look after the kids ....she was taken to hospital last week cause of drinking to much ,,,she came out the hospital and she said she was going to stay with her mom for a bit .....so here I'm try to provide for my 5 kids alone wile she is away enjoying her self ,,,,,this isn't the first time ,,,two years ago she went away to Australia for 5 weeks living me with the kids ....now my dilemma is this : the 5 kids need support ,to be with them I'm not working at the moment ,,so I don't get paid ,,and she takes all of the children's benefit ,and tax family credit ,,but she lives me with nothing ,,,she goes and live on those poor children's benefit ,,spending money on cigarettes and booze ,,,,,what can I do to get some financial help for the kids now ?

SeparatedDads Editor 27/01/2015 at 2:03 pm

@Kris - if you need a home you could contact your local council and explain the situation. You also need to carry on trying to contact the benefits agency in order to sort out benefits which are entitled to you given that you are now a full-time parent.

Kris Editor 27/01/2015 at 10:00 am

@Jadey1989, it's not that they are saying that there is a issue giving me CB just that as she hasn't contacted them they will have to send her a letter and then investigate the situation, all of which takes time. i'm just struggling at the minute and need to give the children some stability with letting them know that there is anything wrong,just don't know where to turn......

Jadey1989 Editor 26/01/2015 at 4:39 pm

@ Kris. If you have your children full time you are entitled to CB and CTC and HB. What exactly have they told you the problem is about switching the benefits to you? If you're ex is claiming when she shouldn't you need to send evidence to the DWP that you have main parental responsibility and from when. Ask what evidence you need. HB can only be sorted once you are claiming CTC and CB.

Kris 26/01/2015 at 12:56 pm

my ex had full custody of our 3 children, to cut a long story short i now have them and need to know how i can get some support i had to quit my job and am trying to find a suitable property for me and my 3 children, i don't know how to do this as I've always worked, but she get CB, CTC but i will need CB CTC and housing Benefit i have been on the phone all morning but don't seem to be getting anywhere fast any help would be appreciated

Rosie Editor 21/01/2015 at 12:41 pm

@GastroschisisDad - I really feel for your situation, it must be very difficult for you on a day-to-day basis to juggle this. I can only suggest visiting your Citizens Advice to see if there is any extra help you can get. It seems such a shame when one parent is getting all the help and the other is having also to do much of the work, and it really is something which should be revised as I'm sure there may be many parents suffering the same issues, but with nowhere to turn.

GastroschisisDad 20/01/2015 at 10:14 pm

I have a son that has a medical condition know as gastroschisis as well as short bowl syndrome due to operations on his bowl. Due to my sons unique situation having his care comes with medical requirements. One of these is called Total Parental Nutrition (TPN). This involves connecting my son to nurishment on the evening when he goes to bed. He has a central line which this is connected to and the who proceedure need to be sterile and involves help from outpatient nurses. I am lucky in that I get to have my sons care every other weekend overnight and see him every sunday. I also have him for an hour on tuesdays and thursdays after work. The reason I am able to have him over night is due to him having a night off TPN on saturday night meaning less medical risk. On the weekends because he is having his night off TPN he has milk pumped into his tummy through a gastrostomy. This happens over 12hr continuously through the night on saturday and in the day he has 3 one hour milk feeds into his tummy on both saturday and sunday. His normal routine in the week involves the TPN over the night and he gets to spend the day like a normal boy. Due to his high dependancy on the weekends it is very difficult to do alot with him. I currently live at home with my mother and there is not the space for my sons medical setup requirements. This prevents me from sharing this time with my son due to work. I can only afford £351 towards rent and I am paying Child maintenance of £130 a month. Is there any where I can get any help from? I believe his mom is on a multitude of benefits to help her in this situation. All I want to do is be able to provide a home for my son where he can spend time with me when ever as normal children would. I seems that without affording a place where I can provide him a room to himself this will not be possible.

Any who knows of anything that can help I would appreciate it.

Mark 17/12/2014 at 3:11 pm

After we split we have agreed a 50/50 custody for our 2 kids. She currently receives cb but is well above the threshold for child tax credits with her new partner she left me for. I have the kids 4nights a week and then 3 nights a week on a rotating basis. Am I entitled to claim tax credits? Also she says that she has no intention of claiming csa from me, but she can not be trusted. I have read that it depends who puts the csa claim In first, how can this be true and have I a case to claim against her? I currently work full time on flexible hours so I can have the kids and receive my wages that is it with no other money from elsewhere with rent and other bills etc. I have very little money left each month to treat the kids etc or days out even though I have them every 7 out of 14 nights. Someone please help me out and make my situation clear I love my kids and would have them every night at there home. I just wish I had more for them as she keeps all the cb too

equalrightsdad 27/11/2014 at 1:41 pm

#Deb She might have them more overnights because she wont let me have them more. but as for feeding the children I feed them exactly the same as her apart from she gives them a few more bowls of cornflakes a week. as for clothing I have my own set of school uniform and clothes for them when they stay with me as they come straight from school in their uniforms. on the Saturday evening when I return them to their mum they now have to change back into their uniform (I know its petty) because all of the clothes they have gone back in never come back to me so in essence I am supplying the clothes
when she receives CB. so out of £72.00 a week I have to pay all my bills and feed myself and two children 4 times a week and buy them clothes. HMRC class me as a single person with no children and CSA class me as an absent parent. this can not be right

justicefordads 24/11/2014 at 7:52 pm

If I can perhaps tell you my own scenario ( which I feel is not an uncommon scenario) - in short I split from my ex wife and whilst it was initially agreed we both equally raise the children this subsequently proved not to be the case . This resulted in a long fraught Court battle which resulted in me obtaining what was then known as a Joint Residence Order albeit not with an equal split of time nevertheless was a Joint Residence Order.

I thus enjoy some time with my children who stay overnight with me a couple of times a week together with other time .

Sadly since the split I have been unable to gain regular employment and am currently in receipt of JSA,. my means being somewhat limited and whilst I spend almost all of my money on my children effectively I am in poverty as are my children to a degree as I have to rely on help handouts from family and friends.

I took the step of asking if my wife would allow me one of the Child Benefit books to assist me this was point blank refused.
Here`s the rub and is probably a little known fact ( I certainly never knew it and several lawyers I have spoken to did not either ) that the Child Benefit ( CB ) automatically lies with the mother whatever the circumstances and can only be split with her agreement or a ruling from HMRC. The only way HMRC will rule on this is if the father appeals against the mothers decision to refuse to split the CB and if over a 3 week period they consider the time is split between the parties .
This is the situation I find myself in and am currently awaiting a tribunal hearing to adjudicate on this - though I`m 99% certain this will fail on the current law and precedents.

Now you may say well the mother has the children the majority of time but as a loving dad I have requested more time with my children which has met with refusal after refusal and I fear that such refusal is driven by financial motives .

Again here`s the rub - at present the Court Order I have is such that it is almost impossible for me to get a job that would accommodate the hours I have the kids ( picking up dropping off at school etc ) so ideally I would like as is my ex wife`s position to work part time and perhaps top up with Tax Credits / Working Family Tax Credits ( TC / WFTC ) . However unless you have the CB you cannot so apply for these benefits , neither can you apply for CSA .
Yet the reverse is true with my ex wife wherein she can work part time , receive CB , receive WFTC / TC and wait for it if I do get a job apply for CSA from me !!!!!!.

The point of my email is that the law is clearly discriminatory towards women in this scenario ie CB automatically stays with the woman unless there is a true 50/50 split and even then it is up to the HMRC to award the same.
My further point is that CB should be capable of being split and sadly there is no provision whatsoever to allow this .

Basically the situation for “ absent “ dads is dire and i

Debs Editor 25/11/2014 at 2:56 pm

@equalrightsdad - Although you have shared residency, your ex still has them for five out of seven nights a week, and surely/hopefully she must feed them more over five nights than you do over two. I don't think you have much to go on here really, you have to take into consideration who clothes the children and who pays for most of their general upkeep. Does the child benefit go on that? Debs.

equalrightsdad 24/11/2014 at 7:44 pm

I am a father of 2 children ages 8 &11, In April 2014 I gained a shared Residence order (bitterly contested). Where I have my children 2 nights a week and a equal split in school holidays.
I am looking for advice/help in gaining one of the child benefit books.
My Ex has the CB for both kids and will not give me one of the books despite that in real terms I feed the children more than her.
I am currently on JSA (single person allowance) but because of the times I pick up the children from school it is unlikely I will ever be offered a job.
I cannot apply for part time work and WTC as I do not have the CB book, I cannot apply for CSA from my Ex as I don’t have the CB book, I cannot apply for Income support because I am not deemed a sole carer and again I do not have the CB.
I have applied to IR but they have refused twice hence I am now appealing to be heard at a tribunal.
Does anyone have any information on case law, , focus groups or anything that may assist me.
Many Thanks

CW Editor 25/11/2014 at 12:01 pm

@Chuckashmore - good question! The easiest way to find out is to ring up the benefits office and ask directly, as there doesn't seem to be any information anywhere that I've ever seen about how long a person can stay over. I think the fact that you can prove you have your own accommodation will help to show that you are not cohabiting.

chuckashmore 24/11/2014 at 9:13 am

My wife and I are separated and I am finally able to move out of the house into a houseshare. As I won't be able to have all my kids over during the weekend, we have three, I thought it would be OK, if I went around the house, owned, and babysat the kids while she went out for the night. She seems to think that this would interfere with the benefits of the counsel found out. But I can't see it being a problem if it's only for 1/2 nights every fortnight and she isn't in the house anyway.

Has anyone had a similar arrangement or know if this would interfere with the benefits??

Rob 13/10/2014 at 7:05 pm

Just had another letter from Rt Hon Esther McVey in answer to my question of what can single dads with shared care do about support if they are un employed. Well once again it is blatantly clear that those in power do not listen carefully. I wanted her opinion but it appears she doesn't have one. She just related the fact that I could come to an agreement to look for jobs with suitable hours with the jobcentre. Again she reiterated that benefits relating to children can only be paid to one person. I KNOW THIS. Also in reply to @Tasha I cannot claim additional support if I work at least 16hrs. That would be for someone who gets the child benefit. That's how they decide whether you can claim working tax credits. The minimum for me is 30hrs. Whoever gets the child benefit can claim working tax credits after working 16hrs.
I read with sympathy the comments from both men and women and would only say that despite money problems the children are the most important. I would only say that it is not an even playing field and many children are suffering because of the disadvantages that this unfair situation puts on shared care parents.
I know the law and it is unfair. That's what I am writing to Parliament for through my local MP. I will continue to write, ask questions and campaign for a fairer system.

nibbr 12/10/2014 at 8:50 am

I wanted to share my experience as a separated father. My daughters mother has always been a pain in the arse; narcissistic! She only thinks of herself and lies constantly to make her look good. I usually have my daughter most of the week and most school holidays. As I am clearly the main carer I gathered records of dates and times for 6 months as well as witness letters. Sent all this to tax credits and they awarded me all of it! She now cannot get it back. Made her worse as a mother and clearly shows all she wants it the money; so I am now aiming for residency... She does a lot more like ditching my daughter on other people all the time. Listing everything would take too long. I have taken the power off her and she now isn't interested in the child at all!

Single mum of 1 Editor 25/09/2014 at 11:38 am

@tasha, if you work 16 hours a week then you will be entitled to child tax credit, working tax credits and also housing benefit and child benefit, so you clearly have more than £40 a week to live on. If you feel this is not enough then you should think about getting a full time job and continuing college either as a night time course or in the future when you are more financially stable, simple as that.

tasha 25/09/2014 at 11:01 am

I think this matter is important not just to fathers but mothers that too do not receive the benefits for their child or children. At just 17 i had my don who is soon to turn 6, i suffered with post natal depression fir 18 months without tellin anyone; at this point i let my son go and live with his father as i knew he was more than capable and it was the right thing to do. Fast forward 5 years, with a residency order in place in dads favour, acoording to the court order i have overnight access with my son 3 nights a week. The current court order has never been stuck to and more often than not i have my son 4-5 nights a week. I am currently a student studying access course to go to uni next year, i work 16 hours and have 40 pound a week to survive off, this includes providing health meals for my son, getting him to school at the other end of town by public transport and taking myself off to college. I do not feel i am in a position to argue over money with my child's father as the court order states i should have him much less and feel he would want to adhere to this if i was to ask for a little financial support off of him. I currently provide new clothing and uniforms for my child on such low income and receive no help whatsoever, i more often than not have to go twelve hour days at college without food as i choose to sacrifice this to make sure my child has what he needs whilst in my care. I think this issue needs looking into properly and seriously needs adjusting. To add to insult my sons father is still trying to claim child maintenance from me which i point blank refuse to pay. WHERE DO I STAND

Rob 24/09/2014 at 12:02 pm

I have commented before Rob 4th August and have been investigating this whole matter further. A family lawyer gave me this advice;
"What I do suggest is that a court can make an order in regard to financial assistance should one parent with shared care be financially disadvantaged. A court can make a financial order under Schedule 1 of the Children’s Act 1989. "
What this means is another question?
Housing Authorities and benefits office are under no obligation to adhere to any order by the court. Apart from giving more credit to an application for further housing benefit (maximum £25 per week for 26 weeks). This is not much help at all. Have you noticed also that not one Conservative MP has signed 'early motion' 34. I expect this has all been swept under the carpet now. My local conservative MP had never heard of this motion.
Also this week I found out that if I had taken my pension as a lump sum it would not have been deducted from my housing benefit as it would have been regarded as savings. However as I decided to spread this out monthly it has now become 'Income' and as such is deducted from Housing Benefit.
I had a written reply from Priti Patel, who is the Housing Minister this week. She didn't have a clue what single Dad's situation was and after reading 2 pages of rhetoric I gave up. The power of Child benefit is ridiculous and doesn't take into account each person circumstances.
I am about to take job 16 hours a week( so I can still take my daughter to school and pick her up) and I will be £10 per week worse off. If I was the one claiming child benefit I would be £220 per week better off because of working tax credits.
Someone needs to do something about tis but no-one in government has the balls to chance their arm.
Someone needs to get a grip. For all those struggling Dad's out there I sympathise with you and I for one wont give up badgering local MP's till something sensible is done.
I also appreciate the letter from a single mother who says the benefits should be split. Dani 31st August

Dani 31/08/2014 at 8:16 am

Me and my partner have split we have 2 children under 6 together i am the mother so i have the child tax credits child benefit and income support plus housing benefit even tho we split i still want to make sure my ex gets all hes entitled to as we have shared custody he gets nothing he is currentlt looking for a landlord house in the local area to be close enough to rhe kids does anyone no what he is entitled to and if he can claim housing benefit he doesnt sork and claims ESA due to poor health
AND MAY I ADD THIS IS DISGUSTING I KNOW I GET ALL THE MONEY BECAUSE IM THE MOTHER BUT I COMPLETELY DISAGREE WITH THE SYSTEM IS IT JUST ME OR AM I BEING STUPID BUT ANY BENEFIT THAT IS BEING SENT TO 1 PARENT FOR THR CHILD WHY IS IT NOT HALVED AND SENT TO BOTH PARENTS INSTEAD THAT WAY THE GOVERNMENT ARE STILL ONLY PAYING FOR THE SAME CHILD THE SAME AMOUNT OF MONEY BUT TO BOTH PARENTS HOW THE HELL DO THEY EXPECT SOM1 TO PROPERLY CARE FOR THEIR KIDS WITH NO MONEY IM GUESSING IF THESE SNOBBY PEOPLE OF PARLAMENT HAD NO MONEY TO LOOK AFTER THEIR KIDS THE LAW WOULD BE QUICKLY CHANGED TO SUIT THEIR NEEDSBUT SURE THERE ROLLING IN CASH AND CAN AFFORD TO PAY SOMEONE ELSE TO LOOK AFTER THEIR KIDS
If anyone knows what benefits me ex is entitled to or what we should do next please olease please get in touch
Thanks in advance and i cant believe so many people are going through this

dadscanwin0909 28/08/2014 at 11:28 pm

I have a 2yo son with my ex, we seperated last year after 5 years together. I found her to be commiting benefit fraud, claiming to be a single parent without my knowledge. I ended the relationship as I was working 16-17 hour shifts to provide for my family. She then told me she was relocating with my son. I went to the courts to obtain a prohibited steps order. I conceeded that I could not stop the move but I surprised her legal team by doing this ( 1 solicitor and 1 barrister ) not bad for a single mum on benefits lol. I then reverted to obtain a contact order which she opposed overnight contact because she was intent on discreditting me as a dad citing child neglect (cleared by CAFFCASS),alcoholism,and that I had a sleep disorder called sleep apneoa which were dissmissed by the court by way of a letter from my GP. I won overnight contact with travel costs shared. She breached the order twice. I then decided to relocate as the 70 miles each way to see my child was too much quality time missed during our contact. My son is more important than my career,family,friends(these reasons were her defence in the pso hearing despite being born and living all her life there). Contact is better now. I have informed the benefit fraud people and was cleared of any wrongdoing myself as her claim was made as a single person into an account in only her name. The fraud was denied in court but I recently got an e-mail from her admitting the fraud over an 8 month period but I believe that she was doing it before his birth. Is this not Perjury? All the lies cant be in the best interests of the child if they are meant to discredit the other parent into having contact revoked. She also is witholding the details of my sons address (to prevent a social housing application) and even more worryingly the details of his GP (my son is sent for contact with an inhaler and mask with the instruction if wheezy administer). I know these are a breach of my parental responsibility but I have tried to reason with her to no avail. Is this not putting our child in danger? I am tired of all the lies. I was going to apply for a shared parenting agreement but feel that I ought to apply for full time residency given all the evidence I have and I can prove the fraud and perjury. I cannot afford a solicitor as I am on ESA at present. Any help/advice would be very appreciated as fathers like us need to share our experiences to right the wrongs of the system.

Baz 27/08/2014 at 7:05 pm

Well.... Isn't this just wonderful... So.. I'm thinking, how about I go get a fanny! Will I then be able to get the same as my partner? Seeing as I will be having them one week and her the next... Who decides who has the money?

It says 1 parent can get it, who decides that? What is the process? I just feel sick reading these comments... I can't read anymore or I will throw up all over my keyboard! Fuming is not the word!

You know, when we were together we were "entitled" to "benefits" but I don't agree with taking stolen money! But hell if SHE is gonna take it I want HALF! What is unfair about that? I am in a blind rage right now and I am surprised that every other word is not see you next tuesday!

I'm sorry, but this has to be a joke... It can not be real!

Jack 20/08/2014 at 12:56 pm

I have a 6 month old daughter n me n the mother are not together anymore. I had my daughter when she was first born for 3 weeks cause the mother didn't want her and she said she couldn't but after a meeting with social services they said she was fit to have her. After a few weeks having her she decided she couldn't cope again and begged me twice to take my daughter back, so I did take her back n I informed social services that she was back with me. We came to agreement where the mother would have her for 2 nights but on the first night she had her she took a over dose and from there I have had my daughter for 8 weeks but when I took her to see her mum she said I'm keeping her now. I rang social services to tell what has happened but they said they is nothing they can do....
If they is any advice which you could give me I would be great full.

Skipper83 07/08/2014 at 12:24 pm

Hi,

I have had a similar situation recently, claimed tax credits on behalf of my two step children. 50/50 custody, Mum not eligible for tax credits due to higher income. Ill health experienced by my husband meant we were eligible for tax credits. Claim was processed but then two years later retracted and have had a demand to repay over payment as even though Their mum doesn't claim, she has a 0 claim registered against them. The impact is massive, we lost our home, it's as though we don't have two other children. They are invisible for every aspect of benefit claims we have done. We have never claimed before and in our time of need - we have been penalised for having split custody. I wrote to my MP - I got a copy paste couldn't care less response. I don't believe both parents should receive 100% of a claim and I can't think of a fair way to resolve it. How can society expect parents to equally share financial responsibility when one party is always at risk of poverty in the effect of unforseen circumstances. Rubbish.

trig Editor 04/08/2014 at 2:15 pm

@Rob, benefits and tax credits can only be paid to one parent, usually the parent with care. This won't change as if they allowed both parents to claim then the government would be paying for the same child twice.

Rob 04/08/2014 at 1:23 pm

I have a 6 year old daughter and have shared residency yet I cannot claim any benefits. I have my daughter live with me 3/4 nights a week and virtually every night during holidays. Surely I am entitled to some help as currently get only £44 per week jobseekers. I do have a small teachers pension which is roughly £30 per week and this has been deducted from my jobseekers allowance. I get no other help. My ex claims child tax credits, child benefit and only has to work 16 hrs per week to claim working tax credits. I on the other hand would have to work 30 hrs a week working tax credits. I have been offered several jobs which involve 16hrs but I would be worse off, not the case if I were to claim with my daughter. I know at present the law stipulates benefits can only be paid to one parent but this is entirely wrong. I am a volunteer with SureStart and help run a Dad's club and after much investigation have found single dads who have shared residency have NO help. This is clearly wrong and must be addressed.

Flip 18/05/2014 at 5:43 pm

I agree my ex has been a nightmare, started coming around after months and months, of no contact with me, I was in the blind, but now I get to see him but I can't have him over with me as I can't afford a place of my own tried asking the council for help as I want to start bonding with my child more the 4hrs a week so he can stay weekends but got refused any help from the goverment I have never claimed a penny in my life now that I need help I get refused we pay tax an NI all our lives so if we ever need help it there that why the deductions on our salaries are so high and yet no help, father rights in the UK are none existent and as a father I think us fathers are treated incorrectly and at the end of the day we pay for our children but yet she doesn't work and gets it all, I'll say the least atleast they not starving and have clothes but I support my child as well but can't spend weekends with him as I can't afford my own place and have to share this is a total unfair system towards the fathers, good fathers that are their for their children should have more rights and help

b 01/05/2014 at 10:17 am

back in november 2013 i was taken to court by my ex whom we have a daughter together. i had plenty of paper work to produce to the court whom ssen me as a good farther. i was granted joint custody / residence order. i pick my daughter up from school on a wednesday , obviously in her uniform. i then take her to and from school thursday, friday. and return her at 3 pm saturday . her mother recieves all the benefits but i am the one whom has to provied clothing , pact lunches and everything else that a farther should provied for there children. i do not recieve any soport from her and due to sercumstances , i am finding it very dificult to cope. is there any justice in the way i have been treated? i fined it shocking to say the least

stewatson 04/12/2013 at 6:08 am

I have my daughter living with me 7 days a week and my youngest on average about 5 nights a week. Which is great but I am struggling financially to support them. Their mother receives all the working tax and child tax credits. Am I entitled to claim for them, as their mother does not support them financially.

benn g 25/06/2013 at 1:11 pm

I have shared custody of my daughter and after awhile of this going semi ok her mother moved 50 miles away and sent her to a new school. I excepted this and have even changed days to make school easier for my daughter so now instead of having her sun 6pm til wed 6pm I now take her to school on mon mornings & pick her up from school Fridays. my daughter is only five so this has been her first year at school. she misses not seeing as much of me and her family she now wants to swap and see her mum at weekends she does love her mum obviously but she would be happier with this arrangement should I go back to soliciter social worker who..up until now although she moved I have done 99% of the pick ups & drop offs..help

Andy 23/05/2013 at 10:40 pm

Social Services have took my son off my mother and given him to me for the next 3 months to see if she can sort herself out. I am partialy sighted and on benifits and struggle to support myself and his mother is refusing to give me any of his child benifit (her dealer gets most of it). Social Services told me that if I can't have him he'll have to go into care. Have I got any rights to his money and how do I go about claiming it for the time I have him?

rab 05/05/2013 at 12:52 pm

A have went three times to welfare hearings to get time with my son. it was very hard trying to get a judge to go in you faver even thaw my ex would give my son to other poeple to look after him before his father but now a got him in good access now over the past year from April 2012 - March 2013 a had 203 days contact with my son and 127 of thaws days my son stayed over night with me. would a get shared custady with my son would the judge grant me this this should help with this new bedroom tax which a have to pay now for my son bedroom becaues the goverment class it as a spare room which a cant aford to pay a strugle everyday in life now?Everywhere a go for help a get told they are no help out there for fathers you dont have the benefit book so your not a father your a singal person that must be agenst humam rights act 1998 some where along the line a would think what do you think.

rab 05/05/2013 at 12:42 pm

A have went three times to welfare hearings to get time with my son and got him in good access now over the past year from April 2012 - March 2013 a had 203 days contact with my son and 127 of thaws days my son stayed over night with me. can a get shared custady with my so would the judge grant me this?
everywhere a go for help a get told they are no help out there for fathers you dont have the benefit book so your not a father your a singal person that must be agenst humam rights a would think.

Tanzy 10/04/2013 at 1:53 am

Some1 I know has his son and always claimed child benefit. He gets working and child tax credits for him yet 2 years ago his ex took him to court and they got shared residency order. He is still claiming full working and child tax credits even though he only gets him half the time. Is this allowed ? He is also trying to get a council house on the bidding system yet he only has him half the time.

Katie 13/02/2013 at 10:38 pm

My son split with his partner just over a year ago, he suffers with bipolar disorder and he vacated the family home and was sofa surfing for quite some time. His ex partner claims all the benefits possible and has never worked even before she was pregnant. She insisted that it was only fair that he should have their daughter for half the week which has been interpreted into at least four nights a week. He is renting a house so he can do this and is more than happy to have his daughter, but he cannot pay his rent or any bills at the moment he is only receiving sickness benefit, he was working but she insisted he had his daughter on a number of working days, and even then didn't pick her daughter up when she was supposed too, the pressure became too much and now his mental health is suffering, he adores his daughter and will do anything for her. She on the other hand goes partying, of to raves in Croatia and has numerous drongos & deadbeats at her home sniffing coke up their nose. She frequently doesn't turn up to pick her daughter up. Basically she really doesn't want to be a parent but wants all the benefits

Glen 05/02/2013 at 8:03 am

I am in the process of going through court to determine which days I have my kids, one week down one week to go before I see them again, their 2 and 8 months,does anyone think that the court will give me shared custody of my kids but I am assuming the mother will keep all their benefits, if custody is shared then why isn't the benefits ???? any help would be greatly appreciated, by the way I live in the uk

fedup 30/01/2013 at 5:13 pm

I agree that some people are left at a disadvantage, but I also know that not all 'hard done by' fathers are the same. I have been separated from my daughters father for six years. He does not pay any child support or help towards school uniforms or trips. I have residence but she stays with him two nights a week. During this time she does not often receive his attention as he now has three other children living with him and his new partner. He is always after trying to get her to spend more time with him and has even lied to achieve this by telling my daughter that if she said she wanted to go to his more often he would spend time with her!! (we are back to two nights a week now!). He works but still claims benefits for himself, partner and their children. He constantly tells my daughter that I should be paying money to him and he even recently put in a claim for child benefit and has told me that I should be paying him child support. I know not all fathers are like this, but I hope that if they do bring in the option to split benefits it is done on a case by case basis and not as an automatic right. Some people don't deserve the right!

Angel 27/01/2013 at 9:32 pm

I would like to ask a question as a Mother. My daughter spends the week with me so I have all her schooling, after school clubs, homework etc to deal with. Her father (whom I split with before I even found out I was pregnant) only chooses to have her at weekends.
My question is as follows... Does he have a right to bully me into signing the child benefit over to him so he can get a better place from the council to live. He want's me to state that she is residing with him so he gets the points he needs. He resided in his bedsit for 5 years before we met and has not done anything himself to get a better place. He does not work but has an income (somehow).
To me this smells of fraud... Please advise as to my legal position.
Regards

domino 23/08/2012 at 9:42 pm

I have read most of the comments from the victims of these callous women! Now my son is a statistic. If you have already lobbied government with no apparent satisfaction, and it's a waste of time contacting local MPs if they don't get listened to anyway, and I'm not the sort of person to just sit back and let things happen! I say we should get all the POOR dads and their parents together and organise a protest march outside Parliament!!! I eagerly await your reply.

sbolly 16/08/2012 at 11:03 am

I recently split from my partner of 3 years when she walked out with our son with no explanation. We recieves DLA on behalf of our sone and Carers allowance for him. When we were together it was ok but now she has thinks she should get all this. I transferred it over and didnt pay child mantinance for a few weeks but now she is also demanding £40 a week mantinance. I look after my son 3 days a week which she changes each week depending on what she is doing so I sometimes then have to get my parents to look after him while I work. I have been told to go to a solicitor to sort it but she is now moaning about this. I wanted to avoid this and keep everything amicable but she is not being fair. Can she really get all his benefits and maintanace if I look after our son half the week too?

Surprised 25/07/2012 at 6:39 pm

Hi Littledreamer

I am sorry you are going through a rough time and agree that your ex has betrayed you... however, have you thought of getting a job instead of looking for a way to claim benefits as this would probably afford you to go and see your daughter..

I hope things improve for you soon.

littledreamer 25/07/2012 at 10:25 am

I have one daughter and me and ex decided to go for joint custody. We both lived in northern Ireland. That was a year ago and since then everything has fallen apart. Me and ex had numerous fights and we lived so close to each other that problems continued to crop up and fights left me physically drained and my child upset. I started suffering from depression and felt like I had no energy. Even though I had her half the week I felt unable to do school runs and the likes so I thought it only fair to place child benefit in his name by his request to cover the costs. I didn't realize just how biased the system was. They quickly stopped my income support, my housing benefit and all other financial support. I confronted my ex and told him that I will need the child benefit back in my name but it resulted in more endless fights and me crumbling even further into depression after he refused. I wasn't able to pay my rent, buy electric or food. Eventually my landlord told me I had to leave. I had nowhere to go and was refused any benefits which meant I had to sell everything and move to mothers in England. Now I never get to see my daughter and any communication with her is on his terms and when he sees fit. I feel betrayed and completely at a loss. I don't even have the money to go see a solicitor and get things sorted through the courts so I can get benefits for a house and an opportunity to be with my child.

yo 31/05/2012 at 9:17 pm

i have 2 kids 7 and 4 my wife left me for another guy. she claims she lives alone now and gets her rent paid loads of tax and working tax credits. after all her bills rents etc has been paid she has more money each month than me before iv paid anything out. i cant afford rent by myself so back livin with my mum. i have my boys 3 nights a week. and she sill wants me to pay maintenance to help fund her new social life. .she has a brand new car i have a cheap run around as its all i can afford. i work full time she works twice a .how is this fair? iv got no help at all.
i think that if im having them nearly half the time i should have nearly half the benefits as i still have to pay and feed them and take them for days out when i have them the 3 nights.
the way i see it dads get nowt.

Dadof2 25/05/2012 at 10:56 pm

I am a dad of 2 boys one nearly 5 and one just gone 3 my ex partner stopped me seeing them in nov 11 and have and started seeing them again backend of april before that I was getting them 3 to 5 day/nyt times a week duren this I rang child benifit but they refuse to talk to me as I am not the mother I think this is wrong I am due in court in few weeks but we are agreeing on shered custody however she will still get maintance and child benifit again I dnt think this is right it shud be epuial the mams get all the say in just about everything if the dad cares and wants to be there for the children let him the goverment need to take a long hard lookat the rights dad get because a dad can be just as good as a mother and shud get same rights as a mother

fisherman 04/05/2012 at 3:29 pm

I won shared resadency of my 4 sons in september last year it took over 2 months to get a penny in any kind of benifits even income support the woman at the job center told me the day after I won shared resadency I have to ignore the order and return to work I then got family tax credits for 2 of my sons and carers allowance for my disabled son but child benifit refused to allow me a penny they sent me a letter saying they wont to keep paying it all to there mum there mum decided she wonted the carers allowance so she broke the order and refused to allow my children to see me that was on the 19th of febuary I havent seen them since im still waiting for a cort date for a enforcement order but carers allowance have took it off me and gave it there mum even though they know shes breaking the law ignoring the order there fiananchally rewarding people for ignoring cort orders ive lost my income support and have to look for work because the dwp wont reconise shared resadency so why dose it exsist at all?

annoyed 15/04/2012 at 3:11 am

I hope one day both parents of shared custody receive equal rights to benefits. My partner has a son and he has a 50/50 joint custody order of his child. Yet does not get a penny of help. Then to top it off mum can still receive maintenance for the days he is with her. THIS IS HIGHLY UNFAIR! It is about time the government moved in to this century as regarding equal benefits for joint custody parents. I have children from a previous relationship, I try to be fair when it comes to child benefit. Recently my ex has been made redundant, and because I have the child benefit he isn't entitled to get any help. It's funny how the government can recognise you as the separate parent have an obligation to pay maintenance but won't help with extra child costs when you have the child also. It is a joke. To all the parents out their who have joint custody and receive nothing , keep fighting for what is fair. Equal right to all benefits.

myman 02/03/2012 at 1:18 pm

Its about time parents were treated equal. All should have the right to apply for child benefit and have access to the information despite which parent is claiming. Especially when maintenance payments for children are based on the fact the child benefit is being paid. The system is open to abuse in particular when the child reaches school leaving age and the absent parent cannot find out whether they are working or still in education. A parent could claim they are still in reciept when in fact they are not. Forget the csa ther're only interested in getting thier money.

fatherof2 25/01/2012 at 11:45 pm

I am a father of 2, I have the children living with me as my wife has moved out of our council property,yet still I am told I can't claim the child benefit, how is this fair, as her name is still on the tenancy she is being offered far bigger places than I would be

goughy 18/10/2011 at 5:13 pm

I am separated from the father of my four children. I am on state benefits as I have bipolar. I have my children on a shared care arrangement both parents have equal time spent with the children yet my ex partner receives all the benefits for our children. I receive no benefits for my children because the benefit department will only pay one parent. Why can't the benefits be that I receive benefit for two children and my ex for the other two???

al 10/07/2011 at 8:04 pm

I sent an email to 'nadhim.zahawi.mp@parliament.uk' who is my local MP. great site well done!