Can I Leave the CSA and Come to a Private Arrangement?

Originally written by Lorna Elliott, updated by the editorial team on 2nd June 2026

If you're currently going through the Child Maintenance Service (CMS) and wondering whether you can leave and set up a private arrangement instead, the short answer is yes. Many parents choose to do this, and the CMS allows parents to close their case and make their own arrangements.

What is a private arrangement?

A family-based arrangement is a private agreement where both parents decide on child maintenance terms without involvement from the CMS or any other government body.

This can work well when both parents are able to communicate reasonably and trust each other to stick to what has been agreed. It also avoids the fees that the CMS charges to both parties when they collect and manage payments.

Private arrangements are flexible, accommodating various contributions like cash, school uniforms, clubs, or holiday costs. As long as both parents are satisfied with the arrangement, it can take whatever form suits your circumstances. Keeping records such as bank statements, receipts, or written confirmations of what has been agreed can help if questions arise later.

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How the rules have changed

When the Child Support Agency (CSA) was still running, parents with care who received certain benefits faced significant pressure to use the statutory system. That is no longer the case. The CMS replaced the CSA, and the rules were updated to give parents more choice.

If you or the other parent receives benefits, you can still opt for a private arrangement. However, the practicality of this depends on how maintenance payments interact with your specific benefits. The parent with care is allowed to keep a portion of any maintenance received before it affects their benefit payments. For current figures on how maintenance interacts with benefits, check the GOV.UK website, as thresholds can change.

This change made private arrangements more accessible to more parents, though individual benefit circumstances may vary. Parents with international maintenance cases should also be aware that the CMS has specific arrangements for these situations, which may affect your options.

Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.

What to think about before leaving the CMS

Before closing your CMS case, consider these factors.

Do both parents genuinely agree to the arrangement? A private setup only works if both sides are willing to honour it.
Is the amount fair? You can use a child maintenance calculator to get a sense of what the CMS would have worked out. This gives you a reasonable starting point for discussions.
What happens if payments stop? With the CMS, there are enforcement options if a paying parent fails to keep up. With a private arrangement, you would need to return to the CMS or take other steps if things break down. Be aware that there may be a fee to reapply for CMS services.
How might this affect the children? If arrangements fail, children may be left without adequate support while a new case is established.

There is no legal requirement to have a formal written agreement before leaving the CMS. However, writing down what you have both agreed to can help avoid misunderstandings later. Some parents keep things informal, while others feel more comfortable with something documented, whether that is an email exchange, a letter, or a more detailed written agreement.

If there is any disagreement or complexity, mediation or legal advice can help establish terms that work for both parties.

Notifying the CMS

If you decide to move to a private arrangement, you will need to notify the CMS. This is straightforward and can usually be done by phone or through your online account.

Until your case is officially closed, the CMS will continue to treat it as active. This means they may still attempt to collect payments from the non-resident parent, which can cause confusion if you have already started paying or receiving money privately.

Once the case is closed, the CMS will no longer be involved. If at any point the private arrangement stops working, either parent can ask the CMS to open a new case.

For many families, a private arrangement offers a simpler and more flexible way to handle child maintenance. It removes the fees, allows for tailored agreements, and can reduce conflict when both parents are willing to cooperate. Whether it is right for you will depend on your own situation and the relationship you have with the other parent.

The Next Step

Now that you have read through the advice above, you might want to put it into practice. Our Child Maintenance Calculator lets you find out how much child maintenance you should pay or receive. Takes less than a minute. Try it now →

102 questions

Ask Separated Dads a Question

SeparatedDads Editor 19/05/2026 at 9:19 am

@Zoey Hi Zoey, we're not the CSA or Child Maintenance Service, just a support site for separated parents, so you'll need to contact them directly to close your claim. Their number is 0800 171 2345. Worth thinking carefully before cancelling though, as maintenance is for your child's benefit, not yours, and it's separate from contact. You can always set up a family based arrangement later if things change.

Zoey 08/08/2023 at 10:19 pm

Please cancel my claim, the dad has chose to have no involvement so I don’t want his help
Thanks

BIGGGYYY 09/07/2021 at 3:50 pm

They are a disgrace, how they get away with what the do is beyond me,

Mud 27/04/2021 at 8:18 am

I need help, I’ve never been married or in a relationship with this person, she got pregnant and kept a child and told me she was pregnant at 7 months, she applied for csa years ago and cancelled it back in 2014-15, I got
Told she wouldn’t be eligible to apply again, please can someone help? As this ain’t nice what she is doing, what has she been doing for the last 10 years providing? Why want me to pay all of a sudden when I’m not even around! I was never married, just got trapped!

Woodheadchris 01/04/2021 at 3:04 pm

I’ve payed child maintenance but got made redundant. I found new job straight away and didn’t stop paying. But now my new is substantially less than before so can I now change my payment to what I think I should be paying?

Tris 07/12/2020 at 11:02 am

Hi can I restart csa if your child goes back to college

Paddy 29/11/2020 at 6:06 pm

Can anyone help ? I was paying my ex for my children every week what we agreed on. But then had a letter from CMS saying she had opened a case ? I was confused as I was paying every week. CMS did help me out and after my ex stopping me seeing my children for some time ,she said “I will close the case as long as you pay me ex amount “. I agreed to this and started paying the agreed amount, I’m just concerned , can she keep opening up a CMS case again and again or not ??

C w laurie 03/06/2020 at 10:45 pm

@sarah.the only (private arrangement) I would only do is pay for the solicitor bill to have (my surname removed legally )and for her (mother and her daughter) to never come near me even in (my death )they are not (welcome at my funeral In my eyes I never had a child this is gods truth ).this is the only deal I will do .if she wants to hit me child support now we’ll like I said before it’s (war )and they will (lose) .because I will bet her mother at (any game) because in (reality )I am a bad bad men with a long memory and short fuse .this is the only deal on the table it’s up to her if she wants to take it ?.

Sarah 03/06/2020 at 6:35 pm

Please cancel my application for child payments myself and my ex partner have come to an agreement.

Sarah 03/06/2020 at 6:33 pm

I would like to cancel my application myself and my ex partner have come to a private arrangement.

C.laurie 25/05/2020 at 4:02 am

@neillo.in my situation her mother didn’t want child support which is (good) .(i wouldn’t have payed her anyway ).all I want is my (surname removed legally) she can go under her( mothers or fathers name I don’t care gods truth) .if she goes to cms after all these years just to (spite me )well it’s (war) then I never wanted this child why should I have to pay for something I never wanted that’s just not fair .but i am a fair men and I am willing to pay for solicitors bill and cover all costs to have surname removed legally??.do we have a deal ??

Neillo 24/05/2020 at 11:39 pm

My sons mother signed an agreement (Not via a solicitor) that I would pay her 100.00 a month, and I’ve even recently offered to raise it to 180.00 a month. I don’t want to tell her what I earn as I feel its an invasion of my privacy, but if she goes through the CMS, i’ll be paying substantially more. Is there anything I can do?

Em 27/02/2020 at 1:42 pm

Hi.
My partners ex wife had a contact to pay on from csa put on him over a year ago. They are taking so much money from us to use this system but his ex wont have it removed and come to a mutual arrangement because she knows there taking so much and she is enjoying that fact.
Is there anything he can do to have to contact to pay removed? Surely he deserves the chance to prove himself that he can pay without it

Karen 30/01/2020 at 7:07 am

My ex set up a written agreement to pay £150.00 a month into my bank my son is 13 and my ex hasn't paid me anything since 1st july 2019 where or what can I do?

Tony 23/12/2019 at 8:09 pm

Hi

Where do I stand regarding the following

I’m involved in an open case, have been for several years, I’ve had no contact with the mother apart from the odd text message or phone call and have never seen my daughter, she is now 22

Several months ago our case worker contacted me and made me an offer on behalf of the mother to pay £10k and the case would be closed, I refrained this offer as I did not have sufficient funds available then, 2 weeks ago I did, so I contacted the mother, asked if the offer was still available, she said yes, but wanted £11k now, which she would pay any arrears etc and close the case, she sent her bank details and I paid, she’s now claiming to not wanting to close the case, I have been in contact with the CSM and they have not been very helpful however they have tried contacting the mother but she is ignoring all calls

I’m not sure where I stand with this matter

EdgarDavidsGeps 19/11/2019 at 6:47 pm

I received a SMS message this morning from the good child maintenance people advising me I need to £1013.26p per week starting from the 25th November 2019. It would that they inept at recording information correctly which has been given to them by myself in the form of a wage slip, and also information provided by HMRC. 2 weeks before this I had a letter advising that my payments would be only £76.72 per week which is the correct amount based on my salary. They must be on drugs.

Shell 27/10/2019 at 8:50 pm

Can the respondent close the CMS case ? I have been told that only the applicant can do this .

Sian 22/09/2019 at 3:14 pm

My boyfriend’s ex wife had a letter from the csa sent to my boyfriend’s house declaring he needed to pay £600/month in case. Neither of us have any idea where they’ve got these figures from. He earns nowhere near enough to justify this.

After a day from Hell yesterday, my boyfriend and his ex wife finally reached an arrangement they are both happy with.

My only concern is that once she’s started the csa procedure, can it be stopped?

ConfusedForSure 17/09/2019 at 11:46 am

Hello,
We had a private agreement to pay maintenance which we reviewed after a couple of years and I was paying £500 per month into ex's mums bank account. Now we reviewed and we used the payment calculator so my payments have gone up - not a problem so far at all ..

But now she is demanding that I pay over 36k in arrears as she has used some form of calculation when not knowing my salary at all ..
This is really putting a strain on me as I do not know how this figure was got and as we had a family agreement in place where is this figure come from ?
Do i have to pay arrears if we agreed on a monthly sum ?

I am at my wits end and feel very stressed ..

Anyone help me ??

Shane 15/09/2019 at 7:52 pm

Hi I pay Csa for my son when I go on the calculator it’s works out £22.27 a week or £96.45 a month but I got a letter for £220 a month which is what happened before the ex had me down for paying for her other child which isn’t mine what do I do I got a court order and enforcement order of the judge to have my son over the weekends I provide clothing and everything as the money through Csa does not go on mys sons welfare

Desperate Dad 06/08/2019 at 11:02 am

Why do the CMS go after Dads that pay?

Why do they go after Dads that work for the forces, NHS, police, low earners etc?

Why do they illegally use the wrong tax year?

No wonder Dads that don’t pay will do anything to not pay a FAIR amount!

The CMS is worse than the CSA it is a private money making business under the guise of the government

Why haven’t the CSA and CMS been taking to the high court for murdering parents that pay.

Taking driving license, passport, imprisonment that’s against human rights, draconian law.

It is perfectly set up for the bitter angry ex. It is not a system set up for the child’s interests.

Desperate dad 20/07/2019 at 9:08 am

Hi
My ex opened a case with the cms saying I’m earning a certain amount and they have used this figure from 2017 tax year. I have now changed jobs which means I earn less but they still use my tax year from 2017. We are now in July 2019.
I am giving more than they advise and also paying for food etc towards my ex and my child all of this I can prove as it’s direct pay.
My ex then agreed to cancel the cms via the online portal to come to a family based/private arrangement.
I have tried calling the cms and they have put the phone down on me three times,
Now several months down the line a letter from the cms turns up still saying they are using the tax year 2017! Clearly stating that if I don’t pay every week/month that it’ll switch to collect and pay.
My question is, what do I do?.....

Angelina Ollie 29/04/2019 at 9:35 pm

My ex partner is self employed. He never put through the books all what he been earning. Now when we separated, refused to help me provide for our son. I put into place CSA and they calculated £17 per week. I know he earns much more than he declares. Anyone knows how to deal with my case? Thanks

Cutie 06/03/2019 at 6:39 pm

My ex partner is trying to blackmail me to close the case. He says hes phoned and CSA told him I hadn't closed the case. Can he really find this out?

Ronnie 02/12/2018 at 10:21 am

Hi. My ex partner and I have a 6yr old boy. She left abruptly 3yrs ago without warning whilst I was at work taking our child with her. I had no idea where they were for 3yrs. I have recently found them and things seemed to be going great. We getting on better than previously in the relationship. I have recently started work but only for an agency so my job is not guaranteed. Also my hours fluctuate from day to day. Now I receive a letter from csa stating they are going to take 49% of my earning to give to my son. Whilst I agree I should contribute, I, however disagree with the amount. Paying 4o% would leave me short on other bills...rent and living expenses. Question...Now that car are involved, can I still ask for a 'family based arrangements where we sort it out ourselves? Thanks for listening. Desperate

Outcast 24/10/2018 at 11:04 am

So yesterday I received a letter from Child maintenance service saying they are doing a deduction of earnings at 95 a week from what I have been paying witch is 20 a week straight into her bank I really don't know what I'm going to do as if I stay at my job and pay this I'm not going to be able to live I did call them and all I got from them was will we ant CSA and you'll pay more

Jon 29/09/2018 at 8:20 am

I have 2 kids to my ex I pay £189 each month. It is due to go up to £279 next tax year as I will be earning more. I am also saving £2000 for each child's 16th to help them with their next steps in life. I am saving because I know my ex only throws the money I pay on herself.
Is there anything. Anything I can do to stop making payments. I need control of most of what money I pay so I can help our children.
Nails hair holidays (without the kids) (her partners car MOT)
I'm not thick I know that's my money.
I believe my kids get fed but it doesn't cost over £100 each month to feed them and her.

Mr Men 27/08/2018 at 7:29 pm

I have two children from a previous relationship , my daughter who is 17 left full time education an started to work after her GCSE , she has now decided 18 mths later that she wishes to attend college , am i eligible to restart my CSA payments ? I am curious as if this is the case and she drops out and starts again i am in a position of stop start with payments.

secondly have the laws changed where by if a parent is with holding contact to a child then CSA payments are non- eligible ? I have been told this but am unsure of the truth in it.

KR

Stargirl 27/08/2018 at 12:38 pm

My ex overpaid £5 per week then demanding it all back at christmas (even though I asked him not to over pay) and now he has switched to monthly without telling CMS... He has also lied about how many nights per year he has her

Stargirl 27/08/2018 at 12:35 pm

My ex who financially abused me for years has been continuing this through CMS.. I asked for direct pay he refused.. He overpaid £5 per week (I asked time and time again for him not to do this) and then demanded that overpayment back at Xmas.. Now he has withheld payments saying he is going to pay monthly with no warning. Also lied about having child 52 nights per year

Tez 01/05/2018 at 6:56 pm

Hi,

My partner has a 13 year old daughter. He had always made regular maintenance payments to his ex partner via direct debit until April 2016. In March 2016 he received a letter from CSA to say that his arrangement for maintenance payments was coming to an end and he needed to make contact to make new arrangements. He did this and was in communication with CMS once it changed over requesting certain details. Since the last correspondence in August 2016 he hasn't heard anything further and no further payments have been taken. We can only assume this is because his ex partner no longer wants to pursue a claim as she no longer wanted him to have contact with his daughter and has decided she no longer wants his money either. Is this even an option as I am concerned that this could result in debt and arrears. Can the receiving parent simply opt out? Please advise as I can't find any information out there in relation to this. Thanks

tmeetee 13/03/2018 at 7:54 am

Hi
My partner and I separated 9 years ago and I’m the main career of our two daughters. We originally had a legal agreement that he left the majority of equity in house and I wouldn’t chase maintenance payments. He has made the decision he no longer wants to see his daughters eldest being 17 now. Can she make a personal claim against him ?

carnut1980 27/02/2018 at 8:33 pm

HIya, i pay CSA payments taken directly from my wage, for 2 children, aged 17 and 12.
I have separated fro the mother 9 years ago.
The 17 year old finished education over a year ago and does not work. I understand i should not be paying maintenance for her, yet Child beneift won't speak to me as i am not the claimant, and CSA will continue to take from my wages, as long as CB is being paid to the mother. Can anyone help here?
Obviously its not in the mothers interest to tell CB to stop paying her for the 17 year old.
What happens in april when CSA no longer exists?
Cheers all!

SeparatedDads Editor 26/02/2018 at 4:00 pm

You should contact CMS directly via the link here to find out.

Ndsmith 23/02/2018 at 5:28 pm

Hi, I have an 8 year old who I have never seen and have no idea where he even is or what he looks like. Since he was born I have always paid directly through the csa. Now this is closing I do not have any idea what to do as I can't afford the additional collection fee on top of the £280 I already pay but also have no idea how to contact the ex partner privately- no address or phone number. Do you have any suggestions on what I should do? Thank you

SeparatedDads Editor 30/11/2017 at 12:00 pm

You would need to let CMS know. If you have instructed CMS to stop collecting payments and you cannot resolve the issue directly, you can complain

Taffy 29/11/2017 at 5:45 pm

Me and ex have made arrangements for me to pay her directly, but csa still taking money off me?? How's this possible???

Ants 26/10/2017 at 1:31 am

Hi,

I’ve been paying a financial agreement with my x partner for 7/8 years now and due to my job was a large amount of money though due to changes in work and not working now at all where do I stand now with payments as ive always said if and when I started work again on same pay it would go back to that agreement.

SeparatedDads Editor 18/09/2017 at 11:25 am

Hopefully, if there are any overpayments you will get them re-imbursed if your partner's ex refuses to co-operate. The ending of the child benefit will mean this is the official cut-off point.

Jayne 15/09/2017 at 3:29 pm

CMS confirmed child benefit has ceased for partners son, but haven't been able to contact the ex, she isn't responding to them. They say for this reason they cannot close the case. My partners son is doing a paid apprenticeship so they need the details of the apprenticeship in order to close the case. Surely they can't keep it open indefinitely though? Where do we stand with this? We've placed a complaint, but understood payments stopped when child benefit ceased.

Pmaca 31/08/2017 at 12:55 am

Hi me and my ex have come to an agreement .we have both told the Cms over and over again for over 2 months we want them gone so we can have a private arrangement so my son gets a weekly amount off me into his bank account.i am the paying parent,I have always paid via D E O for 12 years I have always paid until I was made redundant a couple of years ago.i signed on the dole straight away and was paying £5 a week out my benefits,I was unemployed for about a year.i eventually found myself a job and after a couple of months the D E O started again.the csa transferred my case to the cms near the end of last year.about 4 months ago I get a letter from the cms saying I owe £2000 in areas and they sent a D E O to my employer for £70 a week,they can't/won't tell me where the areas are from,I've rang them almost daily they are the most clueless stuckup people I've ever spoken to.and ex tells me she has only been receiving £20 a week from them.all they keep saying to both of us is the D E O will stop next week.i found out today that my ex hasn't had any money off them for a few weeks?

SeparatedDads Editor 10/08/2017 at 3:00 pm

You cannot stop paying child maintenance if your ex does not agree. Child maintenance and child access are not connected, meaning you still have to help support your child financially regardless of whether you see her or not. However, you can apply to court to see your child if your ex will not allow you to see her. The court will then decide on what it thinks is in your daughter's best interests. If a court order is put in place for you to see your child, then your ex will have to adhere to it.

Adan 10/08/2017 at 6:44 am

I haven't seen my daughter for nearly 7 months now. The ex has reason but womt let me see her... very cinfused and heart breaking... im still paying csa each week though... do i stop paying????

shaz 05/08/2017 at 8:36 am

I think divorce rate r very highe in uk reason.law support women more than man and i think its encourage women to leave hasband for littel reason because they will get more money from csa and government.other hand poor husbands partners.became financial difficulties.and ruin kids life without father its very sad

martysmarty 21/07/2017 at 9:30 pm

Hi, I have paid CMS through arrangement following transfer from CSA (with associated debts from arbitrary calculations made over self employed earnings which are minimal). It seems, following a series of circumstances my ex (parent with care) has closed our case prompting a repayment to me from the CMS? An arbitrary £150, no letter no advice, all within 3 days of said circumstances? Can this possibly be the case? Can she be forced to accept payments?

SeparatedDads Editor 03/05/2017 at 2:00 pm

Your payments should stop when child benefit stops and at the end of the school year (Aug 31) when your daughter finishes full-time education.

Damien 29/04/2017 at 3:15 pm

Hi I am paying maintainance through the old CSA scheme, I have no contact with my daughter for complicated reasons so not sure of what she is doing education wise. As she will be turning 18 in August and should be at the end of her A levels would that mean I am no longer obligated to pay? My schedule shows payments going beyond this period?

Chloe 29/03/2017 at 3:15 pm

My husband has been paying his ex £280 per month straight into her bank account. Csa called this an amicable agreement, my husband still made payments to csa seperate each month for arrears so has kept in contact with them.
However out of the blue the ex has now started a new case with effect from 27th of this month, because she says she wants to "keep an eye on his earnings, and make sure she gets what shes entitled too"..
Therefore all payments need to be paid to the csa every friday, but.... the ex still expects my husband to pay the 280 direct into her account on the 1st april. This would mean my husband would be paying nearly £600 in child maintenance for april!!!
There is no way we can afford this.
My husband understands that hes legally obliged to pay the csa the new weekly anount, but is refusing to pay the 280 directly into her bank account additional to that.
Csa are sitting on the fence and not giving a definitive answer on whether he needs to pay her, all they keep saying is the case opened 26th march and he has to pay them every week.
As long as my husband pays the csa weekly is there any legal repercussions if he does not pay her the amicable agreement amount on the 1st???

Tommo 14/03/2017 at 11:39 pm

I have my son on a 50/50 basis 1 week on 1week off, but still have to pay my ex money through the cms! How is this deamed fair they that the only reason is because she gets the child benefit! Seems highly unfair to me and can't seem to grasp the way this system works, any advice or help on this will be much appreciated.

SeparatedDads Editor 10/03/2017 at 2:02 pm

The fact you threatened to withhold child maintenance has obviously prompted your ex to approach the CMS in order to ensure that any future threats to withhold child maintenance cannot be upheld. She is well within her rights to do this, if and where a family-based arrangement falls apart. This means if you attempt to restrict payment in future you will be liable for arrears. You can see how much you will be paying via the CMS calculator here. I don't understand when you ask about 'deductions'. If you travel long distances to see your daughter, then you may be able to claim a variation in the amount, if this is not factored into the original assessment

Andy 09/03/2017 at 3:08 pm

Hi,

We left the CSA a couple of years ago.m and have a signed private agreement following mediation. I have always always paid everything. Recently she threatened to refuse for me to go on a holiday with my daughter that I had thought was agreed and had paid for. I said I would take her to court or withohold maintenance, this prompted a change of heat and it was then all resolved.

Anyway she has gone to the Child Maintenance now and made an application and they say I have to pay by them even though I have an agreement as it is not from a court and is over a year old. Can I be forced back through the CSA? Also what deduction am I entitled to as they didn't seem to know. Mileage and food? Thanks for any help.

Andy

SeparatedDads Editor 08/03/2017 at 2:11 pm

Unfortunately, family-based arrangements are made between parents. If your ex found your payments unreliable, then she has every right to approach the CMS who will help regulate payments More importantly for your ex, you will be liable to pay accrued arrears if you fall behind in the payments. You can see how much you will be paying via the child maintenance calculator here. You may actually end up paying less than you are now. Believe it or not, it does happen sometimes.

Aaza 07/03/2017 at 8:41 pm

Hi I have recently been contacted by csa for payments I had a agreement with my ex and csa to pay £200 for my 2 kids and and the ly coz I missed a few payments at the beginning they are now wanting more money off me when I can't afford it at all I even struggle to pay for my 1 year old that lives with me. I would like to have a family agreement with my ex in regards to this but with csa involved it looks like this won't happen I do want to pay my way but I can't afford more money than the £200 any advice would be much appreciated

DJ17 03/02/2017 at 6:51 pm

Hi my ex and I have had a family based agreement in place since we have split. I have had to take her to court recently for contact as she has made things very difficult, this worked in my favour and I was awarded more over night stays.. Which inevitably now reduces the payments. I have payed her on the 1St of this month for February albeit it was at the correct reduced amount she was not happy so She rang the Cms on the 1St February knowing I had payed her for this month already. She has requested to get the payments legalised from the 7th which means the cma are taking February into account as owing although I have payed it and can proove it. Surely they should legalise it from the 1St when she made initial contact and due to payment being made that day to her this should be taking into consideration??. If not I'm paying her double this month, again not a very fair system .. Need some advice?? :(

bill 02/02/2017 at 3:24 pm

I'm in a situation. I left my wife over irreconcilable differences about 5 months ago. i currently live with my dad, and since then i have been privately paying £250 to my Ex, for our 2 yr old. I am now in the process of moving into my own flat. Which means that my arrangement with my Ex has to change by reducing my monthly payments to an amount that suits us all. I have been on the CMS calculator and it estimated that my payments should be within the region of about £175 p/m. I have spoken about this to my Ex and as you can imagine she was not happy about this. She doesn't believe that my payments should be "Bare minimum". If that was the case then i wouldn't be paying anything at all really would I? HAHA! anyway I've explained to her that we need to come up with another agreement between us both, so we wont have to go down the CMS route. Unfortunately she refuses to accept these numbers and she wants me to continue to pay the original amount, so she can pay for our little ones nursery fees. Now i'm not trying to be a selfish father here and saying that she doesn't need the extra amount. But surely she needs to understand that i need to live as well as pay for my child's needs. There's nothing worse than the idea of when its my turn to spend time with her, i cant spend any money to spoil her.

SeparatedDads Editor 02/02/2017 at 2:34 pm

If the agreement is family-based i.e agreed between both parents with the CSA/CMS not involved, then his ex cannot apply for back payments.

Piglet 02/02/2017 at 9:09 am

My husband has an agreement with his ex wife to pay the sum of £250 a month for his two children. This has been paid every month on time for years, but she's now threatening to go to the csa for more money and back payments. How is this possible when they have an agreed sum which has always been paid in full.
We have a baby ourselves, and my partner is self employed so this is causing us a lot of stress. Please help!
Thank you

SeparatedDads Editor 25/01/2017 at 2:31 pm

Every non-resident parent is by law responsible for helping with the financial upkeep of their child until their child finishes full-time education, regardless of whether they see their child or not. Child maintenance and contact are two completely separate issues. If you wish to apply for contact to your child, you can do this through the courts. You will not be allowed to 'hand over' your rights (by which I presume you mean parental responsibility) to your child - only in very rare circumstances would a court allow this.

Gibz 25/01/2017 at 6:24 am

My ex is trying to claim csa from me when she moved away with my daughter Iv had no contact or been allowed any contact and im being told I have to pay? I don't think this is fair and being threatened to hand over all my rights and I have looked into the law and I would still have to pay if I gave up my rights?

SeparatedDads Editor 16/01/2017 at 1:49 pm

Please see gov.uk site here. If you cannot get an answer from the CSA directly, then you would have to take the matter further.

george 13/01/2017 at 11:09 am

I have come to a personal arrangement with my ex partner and she signed a document to leave the CSA but they are still trying to take £400 from work i have started paying my Ex back in december when she cancelled so why are they still trying to take money from work?

SeparatedDads Editor 27/09/2016 at 3:03 pm

Unfortunately, if the arrangement is family-based then there is nothing you can do to claim the money back. I can only suggest you tell your ex you will take the matter to the CMS if he refuses to pay. If you make the arrangement more official via the CMS (who will arrange the payments on your behalf), then you would be entitled to back pay if your ex falls into arrears.

Tammy 27/09/2016 at 12:48 pm

I have a family based arrangement with my daughters dad to pay 30 a week but he not give it to me for over 6 weeks then he pays for two then not again he owes me round 500 in back money
What can I do

PA 01/09/2016 at 4:58 pm

I have paid a court order since the very beginning of a claim the mother submitted to the CSA. She has never worked for the 18yrs this has been in place. This resulted in the CSA being able to obtain amounts money of which I have always been able and willing to face the consequences. Astonishingly, the figures are no where near to monies that the mother has received as a result of parenting the child.
I understand the Law has been changed since 1998; however, if the original court agreement was set, then are they actually allowed to change any arrangements?
Furthermore, rather than check via government departments to see if the child/adult has paid National Insurance, they actually rely on the mother to tell the truth when asked about any circumstantial changes that have occurred to finish the CSA payment at this point.
Where does this leave honest and hard working individuals who would like to finish arrangement? I mean is it worth going to a solicitor?

SeparatedDads Editor 28/07/2016 at 12:32 pm

You would have to contact the CSA/CMS directly to ask this.

SeparatedDads Editor 28/07/2016 at 11:56 am

You will have to be careful if you miss payments as you will find yourself in arrears. If you are experiencing financial difficulties, and fear you will have problems keeping up with maintenance and child support payments, it is important to notify the CMS as soon as possible. If you think you have been treated unfairly, you can complain via whichSome parents prefer to organise a family based arrangement and the CMS will encourage, rather than discourage this. But if either parent feels for whatever reason they would rather the CMS take control, then fees will be charged accordingly.

MaMa 27/07/2016 at 6:42 pm

I have a case with CSA, my twin girls should be receiving money from their dad but we havent had any since 7 months ago. He is non existent in their lifes and havent been since they were 5 months old (they are nearly 4) it would be much preferred if we just cancel the case altogether. Can i do this as there is no point to it what so ever?! We have no contact with him at all and it will stay that way.

Jam man 67 27/07/2016 at 3:09 pm

Since the cms took over my case thay want £777 per month for one child due to there rules fees added . There is no way this is right . I have missed 3 payments and now thay want £777 per month I am now remarried and have to sons .. Any help please

SeparatedDads Editor 26/05/2016 at 2:50 pm

You would have to speak to CMS directly in order to have this question answered. If the paying parent is not working then they will pay a flat rate until they are working again and once working the payments would rise accordingly. Therefore, it may be wise to stay with the CMS, so you can claim immediately your ex gets another job.

hazel 26/05/2016 at 10:47 am

Hi, I've applied for CMS a month ago and that's when my ex had a job, now he quit his job and he told me he can only pay £8 a week which he claims from somewhere to pay me. Now I'm not bothered with him at all as it looks like he's not trying hard at all to support our daughter. I, myself can get that £8 a week so why would I go through CMS just to get that amount.Is there a possibility to cancel my claim at CMS? Thanks

SeparatedDads Editor 03/05/2016 at 10:12 am

Yes, you can apply via the CMS which have taken over from the CSA. You can find out more about what they do via the link here and what your options are. I hope this helps.

Anibur 02/05/2016 at 12:33 am

Hi
I agreed to receive child maintenance mutually in 2013. Since then we've been through a lot of hardship being redundant and homelessness and ex didn't come forward to help with kids even knowing his kids suffering due to homeless situation, is it possible to go to CSA to make him realise the amount he pays for 2 kids just unfair as he doesn't even visit them regularly let alone keeping them overnight.
I don't have funds to go to court and fight for it.
Any suggestions and advice would be appreciated.

ste 24/03/2016 at 8:32 am

A few month back me and my ex cleared the arrears and came to an agreement. Which I have never ever missed a payment. She is now saying I have to pay more because she's not working. Also does it affect my payments if my ex is no longer living alone

SeparatedDads Editor 26/01/2016 at 11:49 am

If his ex would prefer the reliability of taking the issue through the CMS, then she has the perogative to apply. The CMS would always rather parents sorted the issue out between them, but sometimes one parent may wish the payments were made official and have recourse should one party fail to pay for any reason or rack up arrears.

Charlene 25/01/2016 at 4:30 pm

Before I start I have an ex partner who pays me child maintenance direct to my bank (without intervention of CMS) and I have a fiancé who pays child maintenence in the same way to his ex. So I am on either ends of this. But....my fiancé's ex is now all of a sudden wanting to go through the CMS, he really doesn't want to get involved with them as there is no problems as it is by paying directly to her. Does he have a say in whether he has to go through the CMS? It just seems a bit unfair if he doesn't. He's basically being told how and in what way he should distribute his money by a company, when there really isn't any need for them to get involved!

Concerned 14/01/2016 at 5:38 pm

Hi, my partner has received a notification that he owes around 5k in CSA arreas between 2003-2007. Having spoken to the CSA they have said that the case was originally opened in 2003 and also closed in 2003. My partners ex did I fact open and close this case and all payments were made cash in hand (stupid mistake) but she is now denying it . The CSA confirmed the opening and closing of the account but have said that this was closed in error on there part with no explanation/ reason behind it and now are saying that they have noticed there mistake some 8 years later ( 12 if you count from 03) demanding money. No correspondence about this 'debt' has ever been sent out or telephone calls, in fact my partner receives regular statements and on the odd occasion a payment has been delayed has received letters chasing it, never once has been informed of this other debt. Is this legal? Is he still inclined to pay this debt even though he has paid his ex directly (other than cash withdrawals no other proof). Thanks

Danny 14/12/2015 at 9:49 am

My ex and I agreed on an exact 50/50 childcare routine (182/183 nights a year). As my ex receives child benefit I have to pay maintenance. There is no relationship with my ex at all.

A month ago my daughter decided she didn't want to go back to her mum's house and has been living full time with me. Is there anything I can do to stop CSA payments even briefly? I could do with the extra money for my increased food bills.

Concerndkel 27/11/2015 at 5:09 am

Hi my partners ex stopped her csa money over a year ago when he told her I was expecting my child. She denies him access over the last 5years. And told her not to contact her once he told her said information. Over a year later and not seeing the child she has contacted him asking for money which he was happy to oblige if he had contact with his child. She is now saying he needs to pay more or she will contact csa. If she does this will the money be backdated from when she cancelled this ? Or will it just start afresh from when she makes a new claim?

SeparatedDads Editor 20/11/2015 at 11:58 am

Looking at in another way, perhaps the CSA or CMS may be a better arrangement, if he is already giving her a generous amount of money. At least it would be regulated and she couldn't make demands from him, as the payments would be arranged officially. Regarding a family-based arrangement; it has to be by mutual agreement.

harry 19/11/2015 at 5:39 pm

if my x partner has cancelled the csa arangement as we have cam to a private arabgement what happens to the money i have allready yet she has not received?

sc 19/11/2015 at 4:30 pm

Hi my partners ex is being a right cow and im not to be mean but shes using the csa to black mail him into doing what she wants and have everything on her terms and its not right cause she has said" she would change it to mutal agreement if he keeps his way" which he goes and sees him of all his days off gives her loads of money I was wandering does both parents have to agree to a mutual agreement or does it juat have to be one

SeparatedDads Editor 12/11/2015 at 2:09 pm

I am sorry to hear this. You could take this to court and the court will decide on your access rights, which your ex will have to abide by. Please see article: When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access, which

Pricey39 11/11/2015 at 10:42 am

I split with my ex over 8 weeks ago, we agreed that I would pay her £200 month, I would put 20 month on my daughters osper card plus I would help with buying clothing etc..
Now she has put a application fo child maintenance and they have written to me saying they have calculated £4312 per year as I have no visitation/overnight.I was having my daughter two nights a week but she stopped that so she could claim the highest amount, if I still had my daughter 2nights that figure would of come down to 3170. This legislation just encourages the one parent to denies access so she can get more, it's absolutely disgusting!!!

SeparatedDads Editor 19/10/2015 at 2:01 pm

This is always a difficult question to answer when a parent understandably does not wish to cause waves, and yet on the other hand is subject to the whims of the ex who uses the children as a weapon. He has a couple of choices; either to continue on the same path, suggest mediation (which his ex may not subscribe to) or bite the bullet and apply through the courts for regular access (although this is still not guaranteed). If he takes it to court, it is stressful, and Cafcass would have to get involved, please see article: What Goes into the Cafcass Family Report? whichHowever, if a court order is issued, it is official, and should his ex not comply to it, then she would be in breach. Although it is not an easy decision to make, your partner needs to assess whether to focus on short term gains or take a gamble towards long term ones.

Anneka 19/10/2015 at 5:50 am

My partner has a particularly vengeful ex who has made up lies about their children being 'rushed to hospital' when they haven't ( when she couldn't contact him once as he'd left his phone at home)
She regularly stops his weekly access on a whim ...children are 'tired' or they are away or innumerable other things.
I can't bear to see it as he's a loving caring daddy and his kids clearly adore him
He has equal rights but doesn't want to cause waves
Any suggestions?

jb 13/10/2015 at 12:35 pm

Me n my x went through CSA as we wasn't talking however after 6 or so months of them not taking anything out of my bennifits obviously I've accumulated a debt now iv got a job and we are now talking we've arranged between ourselves a figure however after ringing CSA both of us they are saying we cannot close the account because of arrears? Is this true?

Kev74 15/06/2015 at 8:11 am

Hi. My ex and I had a discussion about a maintenance agreement. She was all for it until she called the csa who told her there is no legal precedent to enforce it if I decided not to pay it, and that she would lose the back pay I owe if she had to re-apply. I applied due to the fact as I don't live with my new partner I am unable to get a reduction of payment for my 2 new children apparently they don't count the children as mine! Any help

SeparatedDads Editor 05/03/2015 at 2:10 pm

@Caroline - Perhaps this is because the CSA is being phased out and has been replaced by the CMS, so your new application will be treated as a new case. You can get Child Maintenance Service to collect payments if you can’t agree between you, I hope this helps.

Caroline 04/03/2015 at 4:16 pm

If you are already in a CSA agreement and you want to go to a private arrangement but then the partner stops paying me can I then re-set the agreement up with the CSA? I've been advised that you can't re-set up a CSA agreement once you have cancelled one, is that true?

SeparatedDads Editor 17/02/2015 at 12:12 pm

@Rusty - I'm sorry to hear that your son does not wish to see you. However, I'm afraid child support is compulsory and has to be paid regardless of whether or not you have access to him. As specified in the article you can come to a private arrangement between you and your ex, but it is up to her whether she agrees to any re-negotiation.

Rusty 15/02/2015 at 9:04 am

Being paying mentainimce for ten yrs of my sons life.. I haven't seen him in four yours because his mother stopped me seeing him because I have moved on and had an other family.. His mother constantly tried to play him off me for the first six yrs of his life.. I have recently went to court but can't see him now because he doesn't want to see me? He has wrote to me and said he sees his step father as his dad now, and wants me to leave him alone. His mother dosnt work and drives a new min cooper, and I feel that's were my maintenance payments are going.. I don't want to to pay maintenance anymore I have two more kids that could be doing with the money I pay each month.. Please advise

Jezz 01/11/2014 at 3:23 pm

The new CSA system is designed not to help anyone. Is it fair? Well actually, yes! Having children is a responsibility of BOTH parents. As a parent to that child, You are responsible. NOT the taxpayer. This new system will try to stop those having children from acting irresponsibly. All over the UK there are parents with children who do not live together because it will affect the benefits that one parent receives. This must stop and attitudes must now change.

You are responsible as a parent for the safety and welfare of your child, don't point the finger or put that responsibility onto others.
This new system weeds out those women who kicks the father out of their child's life and moves on whilst putting him in the gutter.
It also weeds out those men who think having children is going to be good only for receiving benefits!

You had children, That's a life long commitment. Resolve all issues with your partner. If you have no idea where your partner has gone, then why? If he or she is supposed to be the parent to your child, why?

Irresponsible selfishness is the problem at play here. And the government, taxpayer, and benefits system constantly gets accused of doing wrong and getting the blame for decisions that parents solely made!

Greedy... Ex 04/07/2014 at 5:39 am

I pay £430 a month to the ex.. She's taken full advantage of the system as I work nights, live in a one bedroom flat, have no room for the kids to stay over, I can't afford anything else, I earn 1600 a month 430 to csa.. 500 rent, utility bills 120 a month. Concol tax petrol in car etc .. She works 16 hours a week gets e everything under the sun totalling £2400 a month going into her bank account she took 70 % of the sale of the house aswell... 90 grand.. I got 23 grand.. She has totally ruined me emotionally mentally .. She get all the help in the world but yet I get nothing .. I have the kids 3 times a day but as I work nights they don't stay over.. All this is doing is stopping
E seeing my kids

Alan 03/06/2014 at 1:23 pm

Hi, my ex wife stopped me seeing my 2 children nearly a year ago when she found out I was re-marrying. I did go to a lawyer but the cost was getting too much considering I was paying for my upcoming wedding. I have no means of contact with her as she has changed her mobile telephone number. I have just found out that she is planning to re-marry next June. I pay CSA for my children but cannot see them. Can you advise me on what I can do.

Travelchick 12/12/2013 at 10:54 am

Hello
I am at my witts end with the CSA and really need advice.
My ex husband has told the CSA that his wifes children currently live full time with them so he receives a large reduction, the CSA have also said that I have to pay back thqat reduction amount from the date that he remarried ( £1800)
However he has lied, the children do not live with him and his wife they reside with their father some 140 miles away, I have provided proof from the courts and cafcass ( from my residence order) that they dont live with my ex, ( in the form of his own court statements)
However the CSA say that because the wife is claiming child benefit the reduction and debt will stand? I have spoken to the child benefit people who where shocked by this ruling as there rules state very clearly that child benefit can be paid to a no residential parent.
So where do I go from here? I have been through the complaint procedure and have been advised to speak to my MP??????
The CSA said that I cant cancel them dealing with my case however everywhere I have read I can?
ANY HELP PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEE LOL

Thank you for listening

Ant 09/12/2013 at 2:15 pm

Hi, iv been sepearted from my ex for a few years now,we came to an aragment that I wouldnt pay csa untill I sold the house, which I managed to sell 3 years later, as I was paying mortgage council tax , and other bills, as well as paying for thr place where I live. Iv tried to explain this to the csa, but they wont have any of it, they started taking £100 a week from my wages which I carnt afford to pay , what can I do !!!

Happy dad 07/08/2013 at 3:39 pm

CSA messed up 2 years running at at Christmas for both years I ended up being billed for huge amounts on both times, this ruined Christmas as I had no other money and had to put it on credit cards. (Thanks CSA). I am urging my ex partner who is the resident parent to come to a private arrangement but she is dragging her heels over it. I am now cornering her in to this by gentle persuasion as I do not want to be billed for errors on their part. If she does not cooperate I will no longer cooperate with her over all of the extra things I do and the extra over nights. Sadly it is only our child that misses out because of her mums stubborness. I have a court order and I am sticking to it!

Jeffrey 01/07/2013 at 8:23 am

Can you arrange with a ex partner to cancel csa payments and start to pay private? Also I've heard now that I have a child with my current partner ill be entitled to a reduction in csa payments?

Matty 27/06/2013 at 12:21 pm

My partner is trying to stop me seeing my baby i pay £120 per month but she is not happy, she works and claims can she stop me.

Steven 04/05/2013 at 8:56 am

Tony, I ended up in a legal fight with the CSA a while back and had a very similar experience to you. My situation was that my older son was living in Spain at the time but the CSA wouldn't account for the maintenance I was paying to his mother there. The argument put forward was the same - 'out of our jurisdiction'.My eldest has since come back to the UK, but after my experience last time I'm loathe to try and take on the CSA again. The organisation is a disgrace and utterly biased against fathers wanting to do the right thing.

Jim 03/05/2013 at 9:29 am

I need advice please.
Where can I get a template legal letter of agreement. . Relating to an agreement with my ex.. and the amount I shall pay for child maintenance.
We have both verbally agreed but I would like to have it in writing. Where can I find such a template that is binding.
Any advie would be great. . But I am thinking I will need to writw my own.. as money is tight.
I just want..
I... agree to pay so much per month via a standing order into her... account. .for the maintenance payment for our daughter. ... and to also agree on seein my daughter every other weekend and when convenient during any other time.. after school... and so on.
Any advice please
Thank you
Jim

Tony 02/03/2013 at 8:31 pm

Hi, I have been paying the CSA for 13 years and it has been a nightmare, If I work overtime to better myself and they increase my payments which I have to pay. I have recently had another child in the Netherlands. Despite being able to provide a birth certificate and British passport for my child the CSA will not take this child into consideration as they claim that the child is out of duristiction. I really find this unjust as we are in the EU and the EU is taken into consideration for everything else.

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